#wrote this after listening to eta on repeat

[leaderwonim]

WHAT’S YOUR ETA ?!

pairing. exbf’s best friend!heeseung x fem!reader

summary. although heeseung’s always believed in bro code, he can’t help but call you when he sees your boyfriend, park sunghoon, cheat on you with some girl at a party. don’t worry though, heeseung can prove he’s much better than sunghoon.

“Hey! Y/N?” The voice of Lee Heeseung comes through your phone, his camera shaky and pointed at the ground which was covered in what you can only assume is confetti.

“Heeseung?” You say quietly, rubbing your eyes as you sat up from your bed. “Don’t you have a performance later?”

“I cannot believe this,” you recognize the voice of Park Jongseong, who recently became close friends with you after discovering you both liked cooking.

“Isn’t that your boyfriend?” Heeseung moves the camera view from the floor towards the pool of a house you don’t know, zooming into what looks like your boyfriend, Park Sunghoon, talking to another girl.

“Hurry up and get over to Lia’s house!” Jongseong says, eyebrows furrowed. “Oh my God—look at them.”

When the camera finally clears, you realize it’s Yuna standing next to your boyfriend, touching and grazing his arms while he smiles down at her.

Unable to handle it any longer, you practically jump up from the bed, running into your bathroom with your phone in hand.

“Hey, me and Jongseong have to perform,” Heeseung speaks up. “We’ll call you back!”

Heeseung hangs up the FaceTime, and you want to slam your head against your mirror when the sleepiness wears off and you let what you just saw sink into your brain.

“It’s always the girl that he tells you not to worry about,” you say grumpily, brushing your teeth so harshly that the toothbrush practically falls out of your mouth.

By the time Heeseung and Jongseong finish their performance, the crowd was cheering like crazy, but they were both too concerned as to where you were to care.

“Hey Hee!”

The voice of Park Sunghoon almost makes the two boys fall back first into the pool, but luckily Jongseong gripped the back of Heeseung’s shirt tightly so they wouldn’t trip.

“What’s up?” Heeseung chuckles nervously, eyes wandering around to see if Yuna was hanging around nearby.

He knew Park Sunghoon all too well to know that he was most likely going to take Yuna to his house after Lia’s party. Sunghoon was his best friend, but that doesn’t automatically mean Sunghoon was a good person.

“Your performance was killer, man.” Sunghoon pats Heeseung’s back, “you too Jongseong, the way you dance was just flawless.”

“Mhm.” Jongseong tries his best to smile at Sunghoon, which didn’t work because it looks like he was constipated.

“Okay.” Sunghoon awkwardly smiles, patting Heeseung’s back one more time before descending back into the crowd.

“What was that?” Heeseung says, laughing so hard he has to clutch his stomach. “Your eyes were twitching and you looked like you’re gonna poop!”

“Shut up!” Jongseong pushes the older boy back in annoyance. “I didn’t want to speak with that cheater, Y/N’s my friend.”

It was as if Jongseong’s mention of your name spawned you to the party because there you were, walking up to them with the angriest look a woman could have.

“Where is he?” You say, scanning the crowd with a glare.

“Whoa there,” Heeseung places both his hands on your shoulders, “do you really want to do this here? I don’t want Sunghoon to embarrass you.”

“Who says I’m going to end it?” You say, challenging the two boys who’s jaws practically drop to the ground.

“What? Cmon! He’s real bad Y/N, just end it.” Jongseong begs.

“He’s right,” Heeseung says, bambi eyes dosing down at you. “Don’t indulge him.”

“Promise me you’ll pop his tires with me if he embarrasses me?” You ask Jongseong, who automatically nods as he lets out a small giggle.

“Popping his tires and keying his car.”

“Okay,” you take a deep breath. “I’ll do it.”

You spot Park Sunghoon easily now, it wasn’t so hard when Shin Yuna was all up on him.

“Sunghoon!” You yell, which attracts the bystanders nearby. “You cheating bitch!”

Sunghoon’s expression quickly turns into panic, his face converted into a nervous fit of giggles that past you would’ve found endearing and cute.

“What on earth are you talking about?” He chuckles, grabbing your arm as he smiles at bystanders. “Can we not do this here?”

“Oh we’re doing this here.” You elbow him in the stomach, which works because he groans and loses the grip he had on your arm. “We’re done, over. I’ll mail your shit to you so I don’t have to see you ever again. And if you try to come back, I’ll make sure to have Heeseung beat your ass.”

Sunghoon’s eyebrows furrow and his expression darkens. “Heeseung? Why would my best friend beat my ass for you?”

“Oh, you don’t know?” You grin. “He was the one who told me you were cozying up with Shin Yuna you bastard!”

“Okay—that’s enough,” Yuna steps in, which only fuels your anger even more.

“You’re so lucky I don’t believe in violence.” You spit out at both of them in disgust.

“Oh please, you wouldn’t dare to hit me.”

“But I would.” Sunghoon has no time to react to Heeseung’s words because his face was already met with the older boy’s fist, making him collide with the floor.

“Holy shit!”

“Sunghoon!”

While Yuna’s busy helping Sunghoon off the ground, Jongseong grabs both you and Heeseung, running towards Lia’s backyard door.

“That was fucking amazing.” Jongseong breathes out. “You punched your best friend.”

“Yeah,” Heeseung sucks in a breath when he realizes it’s starting to bruise. “He’s definitely gonna kill me.”

“Not if I kill him first,” you mumble, carefully grabbing ahold of Heeseung’s hand. “We’re gonna need to bandage your hand. Come to my house.”

Jongseong watches with a smirk as you still hold onto Heeseung’s hand. He walks behind the two of you, happy that you were finally with someone better than Sunghoon.

“This has happened more than once, hasn’t it?” You say, frowning as you patted Heeseung’s bruising hand with ointment.

“I saw it before but you weren’t there,” Heeseung says, sucking in his breath. “I didn’t want to believe Sunghoon was cheating on you so I waited to see if he was gonna do it again. And he did.”

“What an asshole,” Jongseong adds in. “I’m gonna key his daddy’s money Mercedes Benz.”

The three of you laugh, the sadness of the situation wearing down slowly.

“Thanks for telling me Hee,” you say, finally making eye contact with him. “I know you guys were friends for a while.”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I won’t do what’s right.” Heeseung sighs. “Remember when you couldn’t come to Jongseong’s birthday because he wanted you to help him with economics homework?”

Jongseong lets out a gasp. “Oh my gosh, now that Heeseung’s mentioned it, you did miss my birthday because of that fucker!”

“And remember when I got into trouble? He ditched me even though I’m the closest friend he has.” Heeseung chuckles bitterly. “Or when I got broken up with and Sunghoon told you not to comfort me because it wasn’t your place.”

“I now realize how much power he had over me,” you say, lips curving into the saddest frown Heeseung’s ever seen.

“Hey—it’s okay.” He reassures you. “You were being manipulated by him, it’s not your fault.”

“It’s really not!” Jongseong yells from the living room.

You two roll your eyes at his small commentary, and when you lock eyes again, Heeseung can’t help but break into a smile, admiring how beautiful you looked.

“You deserve better.” Heeseung says breathily.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.” His eyes trail down to your lips before looking up at you with those brown bambi eyes again. “You deserve better like me.”

Heeseung doesn’t have to say it twice before you’re crashing your lips onto his, the shriek of Park Jongseong and a cup breaking goes unnoticed by the two of you.

#wrote this after listening to eta on repeat #WHATS UR ETA?!? WHATS UR ETAAA #enhypen x reader #enhypen #enhypen imagines #enhypen fanfiction #enhypen fic #enhypen fluff #enhypen texts #enhypen x female reader #enhypen x y/n #enhypen x you #enhypen heeseung #enhypen scenarios #heeseung x yn #heeseung x you #heeseung x reader #heeseung imagines #heeseung scenarios #heeseung fluff #heeseung fanfic #sunghoon imagines #sunghoon x reader

[shy-magpie]

RQG 160

Live blog under the cut! Gee hitting stuff I wrote only 1 year ago, look at the momentum!

Ben and Alex are having fun with being the two people least distressed at the idea of Zolf in danger. On the other hand Ben did make him a beefy boy; so on some level he does care about making sure he lives.

"not again"?

I swear to god he tried to blow Zolf's head off and missed by the mercy of the dice. Multi guns on the trap emphasized because "Mr She Can't One Shot Me" is not playing with an amateur.

Is Azu going to do the fling open the window bit?

Oh good Zolf isn't going indulge Earhardt

I love how Alex doesn't pull the blow but doesn't twist the knife. Like it would undermine the whole plot point if he tried to pretend Earhardt just needed a day to dry out and a bath, but he didn't go into it or even talk about it on an emotional level. Just gave us the facts, she is underweight because she hasn't been taking care of herself.

"do you touch it" Alex trying to scare us and the players

Azu is giving substantial alms to the whole floor on principle. Nope the whole building.

Alex is the best, clarifies a few things for the listener even though he clearly knows that Helen knows it.

Zolf channels all 7 Positive Energies (drawn from Hope) at the whole building as they go.

I believe that is what the kids call "direct action". Especially nice that Helen remembered to have Azu tell the temple to do more long term stuff.

And I think I will pause it at this transition point because it one of those days and I can't get 5 minutes uninterrupted to listen even though I thought I had over an hour clear. Will resume 13 minutes in.

Lets try that again!

That's my boy! No hesitation about deferring to Skraak as an expert.

"Locusts", "you'll see why", what are you doing Alex?

Zolf sets Earhardt up in his room and assists Azu in looking her over. The Positive Energy did most of the work but since RQ is good people they get that even if all the physical side is dealt with she's still going to need some time and help.  Side note: so far neatly avoiding my (for want of a milder word) triggers, of course she's barely spoken but still its nice to be at "natural level of distress at a beloved NPC in a bad condition" and not "is this where I tap out or is the best way out through?". Helps of course that RQ is full of people who are aware of mental health issues & aren't going to excuse abuse but aren't going to write anyone off either. There are bad people in RQG but its their choices, (repeated choices over time) that makes them bad, no one is born evil or evil because of something that happened to them.

"The Heart Beats Faster", I love that Zolf & Azu bonded over those books. Its just so *nice* they have something other than the end of the world in common.

Zolf is going to try to get Earhardt the same food she served aboard her ship.

The Kobolds are great and I love the image of them swarming over the ship

Cel is distressed at the unsorted parts but it sounds like they get to it as a separate step in the process

Oh Cel with a focus for their energy, we've never seen that. I wonder how the others react, I know it can throw people off to see the flip side of ADHD after getting used to the idea of scatter brained.

Hamid has to babysit since the Kobolds are still sticking close to him. Hopefully they've moved past expecting him to go Shoin on them and are now on the "we're only safe under the protection of our benevolent overlord" stage. Resilient sons of guns, its been like a week since they were drugged slaves yet the post trauma speed run doesn't feel forced. Not sure if its worth making a separate post to put in small words things like "when you expect people in power to be dangerous & unpredictable, you feel intensely if not problematically grateful for respect & even temper". On the other hand I have a list as long as my arm of posts I keep meaning to write on tricky bits that RQ does well.

Break

Zolf has perked up now that he has a project #relatable

I love the little tangent on elementals.

"adjust accordingly" I think that means you can do it but you will pay for it.

Tumblespark is such a great name.

The party is just good people ya know? Azu is sitting vigil with Earhardt in Zolf's room, (which he didn't hesitate to give up) while the others get her ship airworthy.

Huh, thought Alex would want to take the opportunity with the Kobolds doing engineering again to poke at their past. Probably trying to keep the emotional energy balanced, he is uncanny at that.

Someone took the notes on his pacing seriously and is making it clear they can't run themselves ragged if they wanted to.

Zolf *bap* take care of yourself. Oh, Azu, be fair why don't you? Yes him choosing what to do with his money includes choosing to spend it on team stuff, but didn't he burn his armor in the lightening strike? And its not like indulging in, IDK, fancy beard oil, good spices or something would kill him.

Zolf is in fact a brooding hero in the chicken sense

Wow Pathfinder without tweaks handles withdrawal with some sensitivity? Or is Alex being creative in his interpretation.

Oh Alex, oh Earhardt, see what I mean about not pulling the punch but not twisting the knife.

Ok Hamid doing the mending while watching the Kobolds is such an image

Oh Zolf, thats a good thought.

Oh Earhardt

Zolf is trying, bless him. Honest to god that someone is trying, does help. Oh Zolf, see this honesty about emotion even when it isn't pretty or simple is why I trust them with stuff like this.

A Meritocrat? Oh Earhardt one last run. There is no bow to tie on it; seriously bless RQ especially Alex & Ben for getting that.

Azu is so damn good at this, respecting the choices of the crew is the exact line to take

Yeah but Zolf would have left the room, he took the "walk away" lesson a bit too well.

Research? Fairy tales, medical, missed the third. Yeah Ben it was killing a Meritocrat or bringing back the dead and we've had an undead arc.

Leave Apophis for last would ya

Bit direct Zolf, but yes I think that would help.

I love how "you chose to do this" is a recurring topic of conversation.

Well shoot all that prep and they don't touch on what I was worried about. Still learning not to grit my teeth when I could take simple measures takes practice so not like it went to waste.

Its my week! I got a great episode with so much character bits, and Casper for my week! (ETA as in the week my name got listed in the patreon thank yous)

#Rusty Quill Gaming #RQG Spoilers #RQG Season 4 #RQG 160 #live blog thingy #addiction #health #mental health

[angels-heap]

13, 25, & 38 for the fic writer asks, bc I love learning about people's processes! 0: And 23 just for fun~

13. Do you outline your fics? How much of a headache would someone get if they just looked at an outline of yours without reading the fic?

Yep, I outline the heck out of my fics. Sometimes multiple times in various states of consciousness, and then I have to combine the outlines into one usable document before I can try to write actual prose. My late-night phone outlines with typos and shorthand probably wouldn’t make much sense to anyone else, but some of the outlines I’ve had in the wings for a while are practically readable chapters.

(This includes the last chapter of The Ghost In You, which has been fully outlined for over a year. I’m trying so hard to turn that shit into paragraphs, I promise! One of these days, I may just give up and publish the outline so at least y’all can finally know how it was supposed to end. Here's hoping it's still appropriately emotionally devastating in bullet point form.)

25. Do you listen to music as you write? If possible, link your writing playlist.

Ha. Hahaha. I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned this on tumblr before, but I’ve definitely joked with folks about how my writing playlists make sense only to me. Sometimes I latch onto a song for the lyrics; sometimes it’s for the vibes. Sometimes the lyrics/vibes are relevant to the story; sometimes they are only relevant to my extremely specific focus needs for that chapter. (I follow similar weird conventions to title my fics, so if anyone’s looked up the songs they’re named after and been very confused about a couple of them, this is why.)

I can’t post any playlists because I don’t use or trust music streaming services, but maybe that’s just as well. Like, for example, I wrote one of my fics while listening to this Jesus and Mary Chain album on repeat (and no, it was not the one that ended up being named after a song on that album, though that did end up being one of my few fics where the writing soundtrack and the title match). The chapter-by-chapter writing playlist for The Ghost In You, in particular, would blow your minds (and not in a good way). Maybe I’ll share it for shits and giggles if I can still remember all the songs. There are some real doozies in there. [ETA: I did it.]

38. What does your writing process look like? How chaotic is it on a scale of 1 (very tame) to 10 (you can’t handle this kind of chaos)?

I’d say 5-ish. I tend to write chapters in order and I outline a lot, but I also have a bunch of random idea notes floating around that I have to keep track of and every fic has at least one extremely chaotic text dump file. That makes me feel safer rewriting huge chunks of text, because I can revert back to the old version if I decide I don’t like the changes, but I make absolutely zero effort to organize those. Things get pasted in whatever part of the file happens to be on my screen at the time, with no regard for chronology or relevance to the surrounding bits of information.

23. What’s your absolute favorite trope to write?

I wish I wasn’t quite so predictable, but I think we all know it’s hurt/comfort. What can I say? I love making fictional middle aged men sad.

#asks #disappearedsock #thanks for giving me an excuse to reflect and ramble!

[phantomwarrior12]

Fight

Words: 2,946

Warnings: Mild swearing, angst, intimidation, Sigma being a dick

Summary: What happens to a broken’s man mind when his actions are not his own?

A/N: Hey folks!

So, this fic was abandoned years ago...but last night inspiration sparked and I finished it! I also had to fix the tenses (throwback to when I wrote in past tense >.< Gross), so if there are any mess-ups, I do apologize!

As always, please leave a like/comment and let me know your thoughts! Enjoy!

~Phantom

----------------

Their intervention had been anticipated.

It's an outcome Sigma has come to expect from the drones of Project Freelancer.

They - he has arrived with more reinforcements than predicted. The blue soldiers, one an incompetent fool, the other, an incapable marksman.

Were it not for damage he had already sustained, the Meta would have already disposed of Agent Washington and his compatriots, granting them access to a wealth of technology and equipment.

Nonetheless, Agent Washington's - Wash's meddling will not be tolerated. Sigma can almost feel the familiarity of the nickname, the undeniable urge to protect a friend of his host, the man he has corrupted, tormented, forced into submission to mold the monster they faced - Agent Maine.

The time displacement device they've acquired from Agent Wyoming's corpse seems to function at full capacity, delaying the impending missile from the cobalt Simulation Trooper. His gaze lingers to his right where Washington and the larger trooper are suspended mid-air over a wall with a grenade exploding just behind them.

The blue imbecile had carelessly lodged the grenade against the wall, forcing them to flee from their cover.

As Sigma prods the Meta forward, his gaze briefly flickers over to the cobalt soldier. The sudden appearance of Gamma beside him jolts the AI from his silent deliberation.

Gamma's robotic tone ruptures the otherwise silent battlefield, "What is it?"

Sigma frowns, diverting his gaze from the soldier to the duo before them, "The rocket wielder - there's something familiar about him."

Gamma's gaze flickers over his shoulder, "He's human, a dirty Shisno. Do not concern yourself."

Sigma merely nods his agreement before returning his attention to the agent and the imbecile. A cruel smile slides easily across his lips, his expression resembling something like satisfaction as the Meta draws his magnum.

"Finish him." A singular order.

The Meta raises the weapon, the barrel resting even with Washington's visor. Sigma waits, one beat. Two. Three. His patience dwindles as he again addresses the Meta.

"Fire your weapon, Meta. We wish to be whole again, yes?"

A solitary nod.

"I realize Agent Washington presents a familiar face, as it were, to Agent Maine. But, we are the Meta. We must be whole again - the only way is to remove those who oppose us. Do you understand?"

The Meta wavers, his mind urging his finger to pull the trigger, and yet, his body betrays him. Sigma's features contort into a frown, brows knit together as he recognizes the influence of Agent Maine.

While Sigma has beaten his consciousness into submission, his subconscious presents more of a challenge. He's confined Maine's mind to a small corner of his brain, allowing the AI units to dominate his body. Though, from the confines of his mental prison, Maine occasionally manages to intervene, to aid his friends.

Sigma repeats his order adamantly, "Now, Meta!"

The strain grows unbearable, his suit begins to glitch, sparks spouting from the extensive wiring of the armor.

"We're overloading! We have to go!" Eta and Iota interrupt Sigma's demands.

Sigma glowers in disgust as Gamma warns of the immanent failure of the time displacement device.

Omega interjects before Sigma can respond with an edge of fury, "We're leaving!”

The Meta backs away before holstering his pistol and taking off.

"We'll meet again soon, Agent Washington, I promise."

----------------

"What happened, I thought we had complete control?" The dark edge in Omega's tone closely resembles the very emotion he represents: rage.

Sigma casts a displeased expression towards his brother, ignoring the close proximity - Omega's idle attempt at intimidation, "Agent Maine is strong-minded individual, he wants to be rid of us. Even as his consciousness submits to our will, his subconscious is less...cooperative."

"Why not delete it?" Omega snaps in return, scowling at the flaming AI.

"Were it so easy. In many ways, the human mind is like a computer. It retains information, manages the functions of the body, but unlike a computer, one cannot simply delete a program when it's no longer useful." Sigma returns coolly. 

Omega stares back unwavering, "Your point?"

"His body would no longer function properly, we would be setting ourselves back rather than moving closer to our goal." Sigma returns calmly.

Theta flickers online beside them, "Would it hurt him?" His child-like voice cracks at the mention of pain. The smaller AI is still struggling to cope with the loss of North, the ache of losing him still fresh.

Sigma glances down at the most trusting of their party, "Yes, Theta, it would hurt him."

Theta's eyes fall to the ground, "He hurts all the time, doesn't he?" His voice grows quiet as he spoke.

"Yes." Sigma admits, noting the change in demeanor.

"Just like North." His shoulders sag, memories flooding to the surface.

"It is alright, Theta," Delta assures him gently, ignoring the pointed look from Omega.

"No, Theta, not like North." Iota flickers online beside Theta and kneels beside him. "North is in a better place, he's not in pain anymore." He rests a reassuring hand on the child's shoulder.

"I miss him." Theta returns quietly, voice quivering with emotion.

"I know, Theta, but you're with your brothers now," Iota attempts a smile beneath his helmet, "and we won't let anything happen to you."

Theta nods slightly, eyes still turned downcast even as Gamma approaches, "The Meta requires repairs. His armor needs more power."

Sigma touches his chin thoughtfully, mentally sifting through the downloaded Freelancer database for locations with the desired level of energy. His lips curve into a small smirk, "I believe I've found a suitable location."

Omega turns his gaze from Sigma to the helmet of their host, "And what do you propose we do about our little rebel problem?"

Sigma follows his gaze to the golden-orange visor before them, "I shall have a talk with Agent Maine. The sooner he accepts his role, the more efficient we shall become."

"And if he continues to resist?"  Gamma questions.

Sigma meets his gaze, "Then we force him to submit."

Theta begins to argue against the idea of hurting Agent Maine, but a singular glare from Omega silences him.

"Then it's decided. Meta, you may proceed to the next set of coordinates."

-----------------

Agent Maine sits dejectedly in the corner, eyes fixated on the far wall of his prison. He's been confined to a corner, a piece of his mind in a cell that closely resembles his quarters aboard the Mother of Invention, complete with the photographs of his friends.

Friends. The people he'd been forced to murder, the very same people he would have taken a bullet for at any point in time. The people who had become family, the people he was meant to protect. Now - now they're gone. 

Gone because a psychotic AI had manipulated him, gone because he was forced to watch in sheer horror as he hunted and slaughtered his friends.

He doesn't know what is worse, listening to Sigma drone on about obeying and submitting or the guilt that threatens to swallow him up.

Sigma. The only reason he's trapped in this mental prison. No one listened to him, no one noticed his gradual reclusion, no one helped him when he needed them the most.

No one - no one except Wash. His faithful little brother, always innocent, always vigilant, always the supportive one - well as supportive as one can be when their name wasn't Agent Florida. It seemed to be that man's personal mission to make sure everyone remained in good spirits.

The thought itself strikes a painful cord, drudging up familiar memories. Sparring matches with Carolina, bonding exercises with the entire team, North's incessant tendency to act as the father as the group, occasionally rivaling Florida's paternal tendencies. He could almost see South and Connecticut teasing Washington about his gullible nature. Wyoming's terrible knock-knock jokes, York's exasperated sigh whenever the older Freelancer cracked said jokes.

They hadn't been perfect, but they had been family. His family.

He sets his jaw, forcing himself from his reminiscent daze as he turns his scowl once more to the barred door before him.

He's tried, time and time again to break it, to push it open, to threaten Sigma into opening it, but it all proved to be in vain. The AI won't yield, he is, after all, the ambitious fragment.

Damn him. Damn him and all his "brothers" to hell.

They would all still be here. It's the only thought going through Maine's mind. He shoots to his feet, hands clenching into fists as he spins and buries his hand wrist-deep into the cement wall.

"Agent Maine, I must insist upon a calmer demeanor, you don't want to hurt yourself, now do you?"

The voice behind him catches his attention, but he never needs to turn around. He knows who it was. He wishes he didn't, he's heard the same voice inside his head for months now, and it shows no signs of leaving anytime soon.

"Go to hell." His back remains turned, scowl focused on the broken concrete in front of him.

The corner of Sigma's lips tug upwards into a smirk and with a wave of his hand, promptly repairs the hole and secures the prison. "As an AI, I'm sure you're fully aware that I cannot physically--"

"Don't care. Leave."

There's an amused scoff and Maine hates it. The searing heat of flaming orbs flickering to the photographs strewn across the bed to his left. "You've been thinking about them again, haven't you?"

No response.

Sigma ventures closer to the images, noting the closest to be of Agent Washington trapped in an affectionate headlock as Agent Maine towers over him with a smirk of amusement, eagerly watching the smaller Freelancer struggle to escape.

"You interfered with our mission today, Agent Maine." His gaze flickers back over to the Freelancer, noting the increased tension in his stance at the mention of his involvement. "We were forced to retreat, and your friend, Washington, still lives."

Sigma can almost see the satisfied smirk from where he stands. Even with his back to him, he knows how the man thought. Any inconvenience, any setback he can cause was a small victory.

"Agent Maine, it's time for you to embrace your role as our ally, our vessel for the duration of our quest to become whole." Sigma addresses the 7-foot Spartan, pacing closer with hands clasped behind his back.

Maine folds his arms across his chest, completely disinterested in listening to rambling fragment behind him. He turns and scowls at Sigma, jaw set in a hard line of defiance as the AI paces closer.

"You can't possibly hope to keep fighting us, Agent Maine. You'll burn yourself out - or, we'll be forced to take more drastic measures to ensure your cooperation. You don't want that, do you?"

Maine returns his threat with a glower, his eyes conveying the boundless hatred for his captor.

"Feel free to voice your response, Agent Maine. We are, after all, inside your mind, the only place you truly have a voice."

Maine brushes past him, pausing mere feet from the barred door. He looks to Sigma, jerking his head towards the door.

Sigma allows a condescending smirk, "You know I can't let you out, not until your agree to help us, Agent Maine."

His movements are sudden, predicted, but sudden as he steps forward, throwing a fist at the blazing AI. His hand passes through and he stumbles through the projection before turning back to glare at him.

"I will ask you one final time, Agent Maine, will you cooperate?"

Maine snatches the lamp from the bedside stand, lobbing it in Sigma's direction, shattering it against the far wall.

"Very well. I'll leave you to your deliberation. I am confident you will make the right decision given time." Sigma flickers out, leaving the large mercenary alone in his prison.

Maine sinks onto the mattress, elbows on his knees, shoulders slumped forward in defeat.

Never.

--------------------

"Come on, Maine! Give it back!" Washington pleads, reaching for sweatshirt Maine has confiscated from the Freelancer.

York laughs from his place on the couch, the taller Freelancer waving the clothing over his head, well out of Wash's reach. "Whose sweatshirt is that anyway?"

"Yours." North volunteers, not bothering to glance up from his book.

"Why do you have my sweatshirt, Wash?" York's expression resembles something of a condescending smirk.

"Only one I could find--" Wash leaps into the air for the fourth time, fingers grazing the pocket, but not nearly close enough to grab hold.

"Why are we torturing Wash?" Carolina strolls into the rec room, taking in the scene before her.

"Because Wash took my sweatshirt and Maine took it from Wash." York returns, motioning her closer.

She sags onto the couch beside him, "What happened to your hoodies, Wash?"

"Ask Connie," he jumps a little higher and Maine moves it just beyond his reach, "Come on! Please?"

Maine looks to York who had distracted himself with tucking a strand of Carolina's hair away from her eyes. Maine opens his mouth to speak, losing his concentration for a split second and Wash tugs the hoodie from his grasp.

"Ah ha!" He celebrates by hoisting the brown sweater into the air before tugging it on, "Finally."

"You need to pay more attention, Maine," Carolina chuckles lightly.

Maine looks over at Washington. This hadn't happened. None of this had. His gaze darts to the door as it whizzes open and Sigma strides in.

"Enjoying your fantasies?"

"Maine? What's going on?" York looks between the former Spartan and the AI.

Maine shakes his head as he backs away, reality crashing down around him as the heels of his hands dig into his temples.

"You will comply, Agent Maine."

"No."

It's not his voice. It's Wash. Even in his subconscious, Wash has his back.

"You're speaking through figments of your imagination now? Pathetic."

"No! You know what's pathetic? You! You'll never be whole. You'll never be human. You're a fragment. You'll always be a fragment. You won't win." Wash strides forward, a fire ignited in once gentle blue, daring steps ever closer to the AI fragment, "And Maine will never help you."

"Really?" He looks to Maine, unamusement evident in his features, "Enough of this. You will surrender. You can't possibly believe you can resist us any longer. You are, after all, on your own."

He's right.

Maine is alone, even here, within the confines of his mind with little more than the memories of his friends to keep him company.

"Except he's not alone." Carolina stands, shoulders squared in the same dignified posture she's used to stare down death itself. "You may have his body. You may have his mind. But he has all of us and the strength to fight you. By bringing him here, to this place, we get to remind him," she looks over her shoulder at him, features softening as she meets his gaze, "He's not alone."

"That is enough, unless you wish to see your friends die all over again--"

Maine flinches but Carolina doesn't move as she retains her scowl on Sigma. Behind her, York and North move to stand in front of Maine. And Wash - little Wash with his heart and his drive - he stands beside Maine. He can feel the weight of his brother's hand, the strength of the others and the iron will of Agent Carolina as she places herself between him and Sigma.

"You can go to hell. As long as Maine is alive, he will never join you."

Sigma narrows his eyes, "Have it your way."

The world around Agent Maine begins to fade and he's forced to watch North and York disintegrate. Carolina fights, but falls to Sigma's advances. It's happening all over again.They're gone.

And he's alone. He's alone until a firm hand rests on his forearm. He's alone until he looks down to see Wash clinging to him with a flame roaring behind his eyes.

"You have to fight him, Maine. You have to fight him and all of the fragments. I know you feel alone, but Carolina was right. We're here. We're your strength, Maine. Don't forget that!"

Maine watches him fade. His fists clench and his chin drops.

"It's time to go, Agent Maine."

"No." This time, it's Maine who speaks, who lifts his head and squares shoulders.

This time it's Maine who strides forward with a confidence he'd thought he lost when Sigma seized control. This time, it's Maine to who jogs then runs then sprints toward the AI fragment and barrels through his holographic form and the wall and the next wall and the next.

They shatter and crumble and he can hear Sigma's vain orders blasting his ears, but he doesn't stop. He crashes through the last, and suddenly he's in a Freelancer storage facility with Agent Washington staring him down.

Wash.

There's a blur of voices and he's trapped.

"And I am a motherfucking ghost."

He's screaming and yet Wash can't hear him.

It's Maine! I'm right here!

Another blur of voices that trigger memories and Maine fights through the haze, fighting to take a step but he can't. Wash is right there. 

Wash - please.

"We can talk about this--"

"No, we can't."

The cacophony that splits the air is deafening 

 and Maine crumples in a heap of armor and pain. When the ringing fades and he can do little more than stare at the ceiling above him, he gathers what little strength he has and he growls a feeble, exhausted growl to let Wash know who's left in the shell.

"Maine?"

--------------------

Taglists are open! Send me an ask/message to be added!

RVB Forevers: @mamma-dragon @spoopyghostgirl @heaven-hell-imagines 

Bonus Tag: @epsiloneridani07 

#agent maine #red vs blue #rvb #agent washington #agent carolina #agent york #agent north dakota #sigma rvb #omega rvb #theta rvb #eta rvb #iota rvb #alpha church #leonard church #gamma rvb #delta rvb #rvb fanfic #project freelancer #phantom writes

[allieinarden]

2018: Year in Review

Hey @fictionadventurer, thanks for the tag!!

No particular order:

Top 5 films you watched in 2018

Actually, I think the following five were the only films I watched in 2018 if you don’t count rewatches (yes, I still haven’t seen Infinity War). 

ETA: the BEST movie I saw for the first time all year was Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and I can’t believe I forgot about that, they must have...erased my memory...

Black Panther: A solid MCU film. I'm considering rewatching it, I might have been more dazzled by it if I hadn't been watching it on a tiny airplane screen. 

Incredibles 2: A sequel to compete with its predecessor it was not (maybe if I'd been wearing my glasses I would have been too blown away by the animation to nitpick the story as much) but the Edna-Jack Jack relationship was worth the ticket price. 

Donnie Darko: Pros: great 80s soundtrack, a young Jake Gyllenhaal as a remarkably convincing and arresting vector for a teenaged existential crisis. Cons: If your entire story is only remotely comprehensible based on the bonus material then you didn't do a very good job telling the story. 

Wreck-It Ralph: I can't believe I missed this one on the first go-round, my friend's been after me to watch it since like 2013. Nothing to write home about on the story end but the animation, the characters and the arcade-game world are a collective charm overload. Plus it did my heart good to see Jack McBrayer effectively playing Wander before Wander Over Yonder existed. 

Ralph Breaks the Internet: See, I wish I could put the emotional plot of Ralph Breaks the Internet into the far more lovable arcade world of its predecessor, because in between the misfires was a great Alan Menken number and a pretty good story about letting go, even if they kind of beat me over the head with it. (Deeply disappointed by the way they dropped what would have been a really excellent B-plot, though. Felix and Calhoun got stiffed!)

Top 5 TV shows you watched in 2018

Arrested Development: I finally pushed through the rest of Season 4 just to watch Season 5, and it was so good that it made me rewatch the entire first three seasons. I was going to plow through the Season 4 recut but I couldn't make myself. 

The Simpsons: Usually it's only the newer episodes that are on TV, but I was in a hotel room during a recent marathon on Fox and it was like a game of Spot the Cultural Reference, I swear I saw “I just think they're neat,” “I for one welcome our new insect overlords,” Homer melting backwards into the bushes, “Money can be exchanged for goods and services” and “Tramampoline” in context within just that brief sit-down, and all of it was somehow still funny. (Also, I really don’t understand why this was never a meme.) 

Seinfeld: Obligatory watch in order to better communicate with my mom. Best episode: "The Limo." 

The Good Place: [Vague spoilers—] Unlike many others, I don't think it's the funniest show I've ever seen, but it makes up for that by being maybe the most bonkers show I’ve ever seen. It started with a straightforward concept and by the second season it's radically switching up its entire premise every 3-5 episodes. (And fine, the handling of philosophical concepts is excellent, I’m actually learning a lot.) 

Voltron: Legendary Defender: Say what you will but I really enjoyed Season 6. 

Footnote: Where was Milo Murphy’s Law?!??!

Top 5 songs of 2018

Shadrach - Beastie Boys:  You go watch that video, okay. 

Don't Play No Game that I Can't Win - Beastie Boys ft. Santigold: Yeah, I went on a bit of a Beastie Boys kick this spring, but in my defense they were sleeping on this song back in 2011 and I will do everything in my power to make it the big summer hit of 2019. 

When the Levee Breaks - Led Zeppelin: Can’t think of a comment that wouldn’t take away from it. 

Say Amen (Saturday Night) - Panic! at the Disco: I make fun of Panic! a lot but darn it they come out with a song and I listen to it 88 times. 

All the Trees of the Field Will Clap Their Hands - Sufjan Stevens: Made me want to become a film director just so I could put it on a bittersweet montage of time passing. 

Looking more closely at this phrasing, I might have been supposed to list 5 songs that actually came out this year but I’m just not very hip, I’m sorry. Did you know I still haven’t listened to the new Twenty One Pilots album because I needed to forestall my heartbreak?

Top 5 books you read in 2018

Vampires in the Lemon Grove and Other Stories by Karen Russell: My favorite of her books, imaginative and visual and really really fun. 

Watership Down by Richard Adams: I can't believe how long it took me to read this book. It was so worth the trip. 

Rewind, Replay, Repeat: A Memoir of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder by Jeff Bell: Intimate, painful and funny. 

Fresh Complaint: Stories by Jeffrey Eugenides: Eugenides is really more a long-form guy than a short-storyist, so I was surprised by how solid this collection was. 

The Witch Elm by Tana French: Her strongest since 2012′s Broken Harbour, a stirring psychological portrait and a legitimately compelling take on some current issues. I miss the detectives but I think she probably needed the fresh start. 

5 Good/Positive Things that happened to you in 2018

I wrote a sci-fi novelette [glorified short story]! I was proud!!

I had an incredible time camping with my dad's family.

I managed to get an ARC of the new Tana French book (see above)! 

Having all my family home at Christmas was amazing.

I dressed up as Marty McFly for Halloween and now I think I should dress like him every day, it was a great look for me.

Happy 2019! Do this if you like, everybody!

#fictionadventurer #tagged

[videoranch]

The View from the Side of the Stage

Words and photos by Melodie Akers

Embarking on a 12-date tour seemed like the last thing Nez should have done a month ago. Before the New York show on September 20, I told him how proud I was of him. I had feared he would either decide to go home after three dates or complete the tour without the energy to play or sing his best. The Mike & Micky Show had been far from fun; apart from the shows -- which were incredible -- it had been full of sleepless nights on a shaky tour bus and empty-stomached afternoons in emergency rooms, clutching my copy of Science & Health, while Nez joked with the nurses. I dreaded a repeat of that awful month.

The September FNBR tour had all the opportunities to be grueling. It kicked off with three dates in a row, and there was another block of three in the middle. Days off were singular and rare. Despite having little time for rest, Nez organized his team and resources so that he made it through the journey feeling better by the end than at the beginning.

Nez has been expressing a desire for a jet since before the January tour. In late August, he decided it would be a perfect “ambulance” to shuttle him through the tour. At first it didn’t work how he intended. The driver who was taking us to the airport -- or FBO as I learned to call it -- would be late, or Jonathan and Susan wouldn’t be ready to leave so Nez and I were sitting in the car alone. Or the plane would not be ready, or worse -- broken. The food provided by the jet company turned out to not be up to Nez’s standard. By the time we left Texas, Dan, our tour manager, and I figured out how to use the jet to its full benefit. I started having the jet bring in outside catering from Jewish delis or we’d have a runner grab Popeye’s during the show. Dan started ordering the car earlier, so it was ready and waiting for luggage while Nez fulfilled his Meet & Greet duties. I worked out an organization system of Nez’s luggage that allowed me to pack up quickly and easily after the shows -- something I had finally worked out after struggling all through the Mike & Micky Show. Nez instructed me to call the pilots once we were rolling, providing them our ETA so our plane would be ready and waiting just like the car had been. Once we got it down to this science, a quick flight -- usually less than an hour -- and we’d be touched down with full bellies and headed to the hotel, tucked in bed by 2am.

Jet rides were a welcome time to decompress after the hard work of shows. We’d laugh while discussing the show’s high points and how it was developing. Nez always polled us on what was his funniest joke of the night. As fans have pointed out, no show was the same; Nez did this intentionally. He didn’t wear his hat on stage in Virginia because he had started to feel like it was a cliche! His between-song-banter appeared in the moment each night, and he adjusted the set list as the tour progressed. After the first shows, he cut four songs, then added them back in and even introduced Marie’s Theme as he visibly gained strength and confidence with each performance. His ability to continuously spontaneously create not only reflected his live career as a whole, but showed his developing connection with the Redux band’s interpretation of his work. We listened to a lot of his early ‘70s albums in Sparky just before leaving for rehearsals -- and our listening sessions brought forward some of the ideas he thought were unexpressed in January. Last month, rather than simply “play the album”, he introduced Redux to new ideas and then expressed them onstage. Many of those ideas appeared first within the safety and comfort of the jet.

This was my third tour working as Nez’s handler. “Handler” essentially means I am responsible for getting Nez where he needs to be when he needs to be there with all of his luggage, prepare his costume, make sure he has clean underwear, gets enough rest, and eats at meal times. Nez has told me repeatedly that it is not my job to make sure he is happy, but I still try my best to achieve that, too. In addition to handler, during the tour I kept my positions as his assistant, running his social media, and sending these newsletters. I tried to share shows from the side of the stage through Facebook Live, but many comments from fans complained about the sound. The sound of a show changes depending on where you are stood. From the side of the stage, all you’re hearing is the musician’s monitors and a little bleed of the “front of house mix” -- what the crowd hears. Therefore, stage left was heavily Christian and stage right was heavily Alex and Pete; neither are a great place to hear Nez’s vocal. Nez became frustrated with me because I didn’t have much to say after shows. Even though I stood there waiting to be needed while broadcasting live, I couldn’t hear the real show. For several shows, I stubbornly refused to move from my spot out of fear of not being there when he needed me.

During the Mike & Micky Show, I stood by in case Nez needed more water, a towel, someone to hold his guitar, someone to unlock his iPad… whatever. Every show was a struggle the second he stepped off stage -- and I was half of the team there to hold him up. Dan and I supported him until he’d walk back on stage and perform beautifully. His abilities in June were incredible and confusing to me. However, a wise man once wrote: The devil has no access to the singing man.

The end of the first show in Houston was a massive achievement: It proved he could do the show, which was the principal concern on my mind. As his healing became more apparent, I felt more confident that it was not irresponsible to abandon my side of stage post. I started to complete my packing in the dressing room during the show while enjoying the front of house mix through the venue’s playback pumped into the room, and once I even had the guts to leave the venue to grab Popeye’s for the jet. By New York, I completed my packing backstage then sat in the audience most of the show and was able to give Nez a full review afterwards without neglecting any of my handling responsibilities.

The key elements of a hotel while handling a principal on tour are: blackout shades so he can sleep late, edible room service meals, and close proximity to Starbucks. Our hotel in Dallas had a Starbucks inside but it was closed -- the disappointment took away from Nez’s room having an actual breakfast nook. Nashville’s blackout shades were the best of the tour, even though the room was otherwise unremarkable, making it a standout; Susan called it “womblike”. Nez’s favorite hotel of the tour was the Peninsula in Chicago. When we walked into his room, he announced he was moving. Everything was high-tech: the TV remote was an iPad and even the light switches were touchscreen. But the room’s tech did not take away from its design’s classic beauty achieved through golden accents, dark wood, and deep navy bedding -- like sleeping in the night sky. And they somehow avoided the hotel restaurant curse by having wonderful meals.

The most bizarre hotel was in Detroit. Nez and I are 95% sure it was haunted. Nez’s room had a ballroom with a grand piano. Okay, not exactly -- but it had a mostly empty room bigger than my apartment with a grand piano in the corner. I asked him if he could play piano. “No, why do you ask?” “I’ve seen pictures of you sitting at pianos.” “Oh yeah, I can sit at pianos.” The entire suite (ballroom, dining room, kitchen, bedroom, vanity room, walk-in closet, and bathroom) was 60% empty -- its rooms’ sizes dwarfing their furniture. The bathroom and its vanity room were green marble blocks. Nez said the place was a perfect analogy for the automotive industry of a century ago -- uselessly ginormous. It was also filled with the craziest art -- including a piece in the lobby that made me ask Nez, “Why do they have a painting of Kate Bush?” The green marble vanity and bathroom still backdrop my nightmares.

Recently a friend asked me what touring is like because she is writing a novel about a touring band in the ‘60s. I responded with Nez’s first lesson: laundry and food. Those are the hardest things. I have no concept of how they pulled it off in the ‘60s, though, because they didn’t have Google Maps or Uber. Google Maps is my answer to everything on the road: finding laundromats who do fluff-and-fold, finding the nearest Starbucks, finding restaurants, finding a manicurist two hours before the show, etc.. The main function I wish Google Maps had was a sketch-meter. The number of times I’ve chosen a laundromat that’s 10 minutes away because of its high Google rating to find out that it’s in a “bad” part of town upon arrival... I was grateful to always have an Uber driver there with me, at least.

Uber is the best and worst part of touring in 2018. Depending on the town, it takes either 2 minutes or 20 for your driver to arrive -- and that is usually a good indicator of the arriving driver’s helpfulness. As an introvert, by the end of the tour I dreaded running errands, because being trapped in a car with a stranger whom I felt I was inconveniencing in some insane way took a special toll on my mental energy. But in comparison to ordering black cars and limos, Uber makes transporting a rock star beyond simple -- until you consider seatbelts. Seatbelts in stranger’s cars are somehow always hidden. Nez is terrible about wearing his seatbelt anyway, so I’ve taken to pouncing on him the second he sits down in any vehicle to make sure he is buckled in. I’ve asked him how he survived being a race car driver when he struggles to put on his seatbelt; he has no answer.

I half-joke with Nez that he only tours the east coast to have lobster. After seven shows of only talking about lobster, he finally got his cherished crustacean at lunch in Boston before the Somerville show. That was also my first lobster; Nez says west coast lobsters aren’t real lobster. It was delicious; I fully understand his quest now. We also had the best fried chicken in Nashville, while Nez made up songs at the table like, “Why am I standing in the garage? I know I came in here for something important,” after I shared his habit of making up incredible songs on afternoon drives to Jonathan and Susan. But the best aspect of meals on the road was our company and official tour drink. Most dinners were spent with Jonathan, Susan, and Hennessy sidecars -- Nez’s favorite cocktail! It started during rehearsals at our hotel in Burbank, and continued through the last shows on the east coast. We had a slight hiccup in Nashville when we got into a battle with our waitress as to whether it was salt or sugar on the rim of our glasses, and thoroughly enjoyed the atmosphere in a Chicago restaurant where our table was INSIDE a train car. These evenings were one of the first things Nez and I chased down upon returning home… but were disappointed to discover that Jonathan and Susan’s laughter could not be conjured by the sidecars alone.

Restaurants are usually the closest Nez and I got to sightseeing while on the road. Our tunnel of hotel-car-venue-car-plane-car-hotel didn’t offer much light. Most of my “days off” (HA!!) were spent running errands while Nez recuperated (i.e. slept and watched MSNBC in his hotel room). While returning to the hotel from the laundromat in Nashville, I was grateful my Uber driver took a wrong turn: I got to see 6th St from the backseat after Nez had broken his promise to take me the night before. He came through for me in Boston, though. Despite the rain, he felt well enough to happily venture out in an Uber so he could show me the Mother Church. Disappointingly the church was closed due to construction -- and the visit took an incredible turn away from my expectations into modern art. Nez led me into the Mapparium at the Mary Baker Eddy Library, a three-story stained glass globe created just before the Second World War. We stood and pointed out cities and countries to each other -- Rio, Australia, Carmel. Given the state of politics, it was comforting to stand surrounded by an illuminated world. As proven through this tour, art is healing.

#Michael Nesmith #mike nesmith #first national band #first national band redux

[shananaomi]

2017.

Giving myself an hour on the clock to get through this, if at all possible. (ETA: Done!) 

Here’s 2016.

What did you do in 2017 that you'd never done before?

I have such a great answer to this that I’m still not ready to write about. Ask me in person and I might tell you. Also: went to yoga fairly regularly and found I both could and wanted to lay peacefully in one pose or another for 5 or 10 minutes at a time.

Did you keep your New Years' resolutions and will you make more for next year?

We did in fact #GetFitToFightFascism, or anyway on days when I didn’t know how else to treat the creeping anxiety I got up and hiked to the Observatory or somewhere else so ridiculously stunning that I felt slightly reassured we’d live another day. We were determined to see our BFF Jamie every Saturday night and except for weekends when one of us or the other was out of town or we had plans already for the weekend we had a near-perfect attendance record. And though I didn’t think I wrote that much, I got enough out in TinyLetter (now backposted at Medium) to add up to a decent Twitter thread last week. 

I always feel like next year should maybe be its own post, but for now I’m thinking about: Writing, always. Reading more. And finding a way to host maybe monthly dinners for small groups of our friends at home.

Did anyone close to you give birth?

My childhood best friend’s daughter was born on New Year’s Day 2017 and we finally got to meet her last week. She is able to reach for and drink from a glass of beer so I think she’ll be just fine.

What countries did you visit?

This was a year between big adventures out of the country, but we just booked a February getaway to Puerto Vallarta to celebrate the 10th anniversary of our first date. Went back and forth to New York a few times, plus a quickie up to SF for work.

What would you like to have in 2018 that you lacked in 2017?

Confidence the pendulum will in fact swing back from fascism.

What date from 2017 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

I guess the run from January 19 (Hamilton) to January 20 (bus trip from NYC to DC, with the worst possible welcome from post-Inaugural attendees) to January 21 (meeting up with so many old friends at the Women’s March). The rest is still vividly sharp but not so much tied to any specific date.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Surviving it with some semblance of hope. Making the move to a better, bigger place in Pasadena. Leading a loyal and devoted staff through a major corporate transition and many other hard challenges.

What was your biggest failure?

I have never done anything as hard as being a boss lady, and I’m still not sure most days I’ve left things at least better than I found them.

Did you suffer illness or injury?

For the first 9 months or so I got super sick every single goddamned month: a recurring case of America, I called it.  Overall I’ve been very lucky.

What was the best thing you bought?

The peace of mind that privilege allows when you need to pay your way out of a loud, anxiety-ridden neighborhood for the quieter (at least most days) and more serene outskirts of town. A weekly outlet and focus for my physical stress in the form of the most amazing personal trainer. A 40th birthday blowout weekend that included renting the most ridiculous house (as seen when CJ fell into the pool in The West Wing), hosting a dinner party and then pool party for so many of our friends and family.

Whose behavior merited celebration?

My wife’s, always. Because all I do these days is listen to Kesha, I’ve been thinking about these lines:

I know forever don’t exist But after this life, I’ll find you in the next So when I say “forever,” it’s the goddamned truth

Where did most of your money go?

The house and moving into it, the car, the trainer, the birthday celebrations.

What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Did I?

We discovered Two Bunch Palms, an old getaway near Palm Springs that soothed my soul in quiet calm ways I hadn’t realized could be so close at hand or that I needed so much. This year’s LA Pride parade became a protest and was the most joyous and community-filled day like that we’ve felt in a long, long time.

What song will always remind you of 2017?

This fairly goes to Kesha’s “Praying,” but since I already wrote a whole thing about that, I’ll say Julia Michaels’ “Don’t Wanna Think,” in part because I listened to it on repeat for so many hours in a row while flying back and forth from New York that it’s kind of embedded in my subconscious: I’m not really one for drinking songs, but — fuck it, here it comes. Heartbreak is annoying, and I’ll feel it in the morning. Swallow it down like a bitter pill. At least it will taste better than this feeling will. I don’t like myself when I’m just standing still.

Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? Happier, though I’d say that’s grading on a goddamned curve for real.

ii. thinner or fatter? About the same, if trimmer and stronger in some places.

iii. richer or poorer? Close to a draw here, more or less.

What do you wish you'd done more of?

I was happiest when I was hiking, reading, sitting quietly on the couch with my wife and dog. I did a decent amount of all that but it was still to keep my head above water.

What do you wish you'd done less of?

Be on the goddamned internet. But I’m also aware that finding the right balance between awareness and mindfulness and rest and action is the most pervasive and elusive self-care challenge for literally everyone I know, so I’m trying hard not to give myself a hard time about it. And there’s probably something here to say about the betrayal and pain that came from incorrectly trusting people to be their best selves instead of being undeserving of the benefit of the doubt but I am working so fucking hard at leaving that behind in 2017.

How did you spend Christmas?

In Reno with my family and friends, bouncing between two houses full of other people’s people (and mine) and a lot of very rich and exotic meats and liquors. The last couple years have been really hard and not well-balanced or rejuvenating visits, and this year was much better if still not without its own drama.

What was your favorite TV program?

New: Star Trek: Discovery was almost everything I needed in a show this year. Also I loved The Arrangement and found it way smarter and more complicated and fucked up than I’d expected.

New to me: I was only a little late on Riverdale but found it very enjoyable.

Oldies but Goodies: Also I watched a lot of older Star Trek, from TOS to the early movies. Everyone keeps saying next week need to do DS9, so I guess that’s the kind of geek I am proudly now.

What friends did you make or meet this year for the first time?

All but one were not new but I really loved our all-girl get-togethers to watch hockey even when we barely paid attention to it.

What was the best book you read?

I didn’t make a real resolution about reading more but boy did I. It’s just so much better than being in the world or on the internet. The ones that really stand out are Queen of the Night by Alexander Chee (not from this year, but my fave read from it), John Green’s Turtles All the Way Down, and Amy Bloom’s White Houses, which comes out in a couple months. If we’re not already GoodReads friends come find me there—I’m terrible at writing reviews but I find it super helpful personally to know what y’all have read and liked?

What did you want and get?

A new house.

What did you want and not get?

A Japanese wooden soaking tub of my very own. (See below.)

What was your favorite film of this year?

We just saw Call Me By Your Name last night and now I can’t think of anything else. Though I’d say the sheer joy of Wonder Woman is still a solid contender.

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I was 40, and I took 5 days to basically do only what I wanted, and it did the exact trick I’d hoped for: I just enjoyed it instead of ruthlessly evaluating what I haven’t done with my life.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? What political issue stirred you the most? Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

I am going to charitably say the answer to all three of these is both obvious and tiresome. Be better, 2018.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017?

Lots of jumpsuits and DVF, all courtesy a Rent the Runway Unlimited subscription, which also falls under where all my money went but was a ton of fun and practical in many ways too.

What kept you sane?

Remembering how many amazing women are already in my life and know exactly what I mean even when I can barely say it out loud.

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Ugh, this one feels too much like work and also like tempting fate.

Who did you miss?

For the first time in a while there were frankly some people who I miss greatly but was glad didn’t have to live through this shit themselves.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2017.

Just because it could have been worse doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be better.

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Here’s what I wrote about 3 songs that shaped my 2017. I don’t think I can do much better in one quote.

What’s one photo that sums up your year?

#2017 #yearly update

[coalitiongirl]

well!! i just wrote 2k of a random thread that i’m not actually going to post or make into a full story, i’m just not into s7 enough for it to go anywhere. but i thought i would post it here on the off chance that someone might be interested!

ETA: also apparently tumblr ate all the italics, I put back the necessary ones but y’all are gonna have to imagine my emphases rip!!!

“You might not remember us, but I remember you,” Lucy informs her dad. He’s still staring at her with a vaguely amused look on his face, and he blinks around the bar owlishly, as though he’s never seen anything quite like it before. Which is so impossible, because Daddy’s seen everything. Daddy was born in a world without magic, just like this one, and there’s no way–

“Should you really be in a bar?” he asks finally. “Aren’t you, like, seven, kid?”

She rolls her eyes at him. “I’m ten. Do I look seven to you?”

He almost quirks a grin. “I really don’t hang out with many people under twenty.”

“Do you hang out with anyone?” she says, a little snobby but a little interested, too. Daddy’s is really into missions and meeting new people and having adventures, but he’s not really into having friends. His friends are all Mama’s friends, and he likes to slip away when Mama starts chatting with them, crooking a finger so Lucy will join him.

Liked. Daddy doesn’t remember any of that anymore. “Not really,” he says, his eyes flickering to the bar. “Hey. Is that who we’re looking for?”

Lucy follows his gaze, but no, it isn’t Mama at all. It’s a woman she knows only vaguely at the bar, someone from this land who Mama has fake memories of being friends with. “That’s Roni. She’s not one of us.”

“One of us,” Daddy echoes, and he’s still staring at her fixedly, his brow furrowed as though to call forth a memory. She pinches his arm where she knows Daddy is super ticklish and he jumps. “Hey!”

“Pay attention,” Lucy orders him, scanning the bar. “We gotta find–” Oh, crap. Mama has already found them. She’s hurrying across the room, weaving through tables, and she shoves Daddy back with fiery eyes.

“What do you think you’re doing with my daughter?” she demands. “Lucy, you’re supposed to be upstairs in bed. What are you–” She looks wildly from Lucy to Daddy. “How did you– did you run away?” she says, and her eyes are wide. “Who is this?”

“I’m sorry,” Daddy says, and he smiles tentatively at Mama, his brow furrowing again as though he really does know that Mama is important. “She just…showed up at my doorstep and insisted she was my daughter. I tried to bring her back as quickly as I could. I’m Henry Mills.” He sticks out an awkward hand.

Mama doesn’t take his hand. “Lucy, you’re coming straight upstairs,” she orders. “What were you thinking?” She glances back at Daddy, then back to Lucy again. “The upstairs isn’t a bar,” she explains quickly. “The owner rents an apartment to us. It’s perfectly stable.” She sounds defensive, and Lucy wants to scream. Not this single mother thing again. The moment she’d jumped through the portal last month, she’d been added into the story of this fake place and had become part of Mama’s family.

And if she ever wants to break the curse that had suffused this place, Mama and Daddy are going to have to remember that they’re true loves and that this is what happens.

Mama hurries to the bar, Daddy still trailing after them like a lost puppy, and she says, “I’m heading upstairs. Let me know if you need a hand,” to Roni. Mama helps out sometimes because Roni gives her the apartment upstairs for really cheap. Lucy likes Roni. Roni is funny and nice in a really sharp kind of way, and she’ll probably have plenty to say about Lucy running away in the middle of the night.

But she’s engrossed in conversation with a blonde woman who barely glances their way, and she nods in acknowledgment to Mama and then returns to the woman. The woman stares at them for a moment, eyes flickering to Daddy still standing behind them with his hands in his pockets, and she chews on her lower lip and then shrugs, returning to Roni.

Mama talks pleadingly with Lucy, lectures her in that way where she feels really bad until she remembers that none of this is real. She’s Mama’s only hope, and Daddy’s going to leave if she doesn’t act quickly. She brushes her teeth and gets back into pajamas and closes her door, and she parks herself at the window to see if he’s going to leave.

It takes twenty minutes after she’s in bed before he goes, trudging out the door of the bar and glancing back over his shoulder as though he isn’t entirely sure why he’s going. Lucy pushes the window open and calls out in the loudest whisper she can manage, “Daddy!”

He blinks, looking up at her. She shakes her head frantically, mouthing please don’t go, and he sighs and shoves his hands into his pocket again, looking very undecided. “Please,” she says again, and he sighs again and goes back into the bar.

Lucy steals out of her room. Mama is asleep on the couch, worn out from a long day, and Lucy pulls out a blanket and lays it over her. She kisses Mama’s cheek and opens the door carefully, sliding back out and toward the stairs.

Daddy is waiting at the bottom of the stairs. “You’re going to get me arrested,” he warns her.

She grins. “Maybe. Mama’s a detective.”

“Jesus.” Daddy pinches the bridge of his nose. “What’s your deal, kid?”

“I just want to talk.” And for you to fall desperately in love with Mama again, she adds silently. She knows that this is how curses break, has heard about the legendary Storybrooke and Gramma and Grandma and all their adventures. Daddy has a book just for them, and he always says that he isn’t going to finish the book until their love story is complete.

That’s what true loves do. They break curses. “You don’t remember, but you were once the Author,” she tells Daddy. “You wrote about lots of different stories in lots of different realms, and then you met Mama and you wanted to be in the story again. So you stayed. And then one day you and Mama disappeared and you were in trouble and I…” She gestures at the bar. “I came here. To find you. You’ve got to write us out of this curse. You’ve got to.”

Her voice is rising, and Roni is suddenly beside her, crouching in front of her. “Lucy, what are you doing out of bed again? Where’s your mother?”

“This is my father,” Lucy says, and maybe Roni will understand. Maybe Roni can help her.

Daddy’s already shaking his head, but he and Roni are looking at each other curiously. “I do know you, don’t I?” Roni says slowly. “I remember…” She shakes her curly hair, shrugging airily. “You must have been here before.”

“I don’t think so.” Daddy laughs uncomfortably. “Though according to this little girl, there’s a whole lifetime of memories with her that I’ve forgotten.”

“The oldest pickup line in the book,” Roni says dryly, gesturing to the blonde woman who’s followed her over to them. “She keeps saying the same thing. Lucy, don’t you think you’re a little young for this guy?”

“He’s my dad,” Lucy says, and she wants to stamp her foot like a kid before the rest of Roni’s words sink in. “Wait. She keeps saying…” She turns to stare at the blonde woman, for the first time really taking her in. She looks like a regular person from this world, red jacket and jeans and a gun at her hip, but there’s something else in the way that she’s staring at Lucy with the same narrowed eyes.

“Don’t let him leave,” she tells Roni, and she grabs the woman’s hand and pulls her to the quiet staircase to upstairs. “You. Who are you?” she demands. “What do you remember?”

“Listen, kid, I don’t have time for games.” The woman glances back at Roni, and Lucy sees yearning in her eyes. “I have to–” She takes in a deep breath. “What do you remember?”

“The Enchanted Forest,” Lucy says immediately. The woman swings around, her eyes sharp and haunted. “That’s where I come from. My Mama, she’s upstairs– her name is Cinderella. But she doesn’t remember.”

“Your Mama is…” The woman’s voice trails off. “Alexandra?” she says, staring at Lucy. The name is wrong, but the familiarity in the woman’s voice can’t be disguised. This woman knows about Cinderella, about the Enchanted Forest– This woman could help her. “No. There’s no way you’re–” She clenches her fists. “I have to go back out there. I don’t have time for this.” She climbs back down the steps, back toward the crowded bar.

“My dad is Henry Mills,” Lucy calls after her. It’s a dumb idea, to tell people Daddy’s name when he’s so powerful and has so many people after him. But he’s also made a lot of powerful friends along the way, and this woman…there’s something about her that just seems good. Right, in a way that Lucy can’t explain, like sitting on the bar before it opens and watching Roni mix a fruity drink for her.

And the woman freezes, just like that, Daddy’s name enough that she stops moving instantly. “Henry Mills,” she repeats hoarsely. “That’s…Henry Mills?”

Maybe it was a mistake to mention him. Lucy can see hunger in the blonde woman’s eyes. Lucy knows desperate souls, the kind who’d stop at nothing to use the author’s pen. This is that kind of desperation.

Daddy doesn’t see it. He’s talking to Roni, who has a hand on his shoulder and is smiling at him with the same smile that she usually reserves for Lucy. “Yeah,” Lucy admits, rising to clamber after the woman. “He’s Henry Mills. But he doesn’t remember, so he isn’t going to write you anything–”

She stops when she catches up to the woman and sees the tears and awe glimmering in her eyes. “Henry,” the woman breathes, and she doesn’t say it like people do when they say the Author. She says it in a choked voice that’s thick with hope, and Lucy wonders if she has found an ally, after all.

She asks what she should have asked first. Every name has a story, Daddy’s told her a thousand times. And every story is worth knowing. “What’s your name?” she says, staring up at the woman, glancing back to the stairs, staring across the tiny yet endless gap between them and Roni and Daddy.

“Emma,” the woman says, and it’s Lucy’s turn to gape up at her with eyes glimmering with awe. “My name is Emma Swan.”

Gramma. Gramma Emma, a woman she knows more about than anyone else in the world– except for maybe Grandma Regina. She’s been raised on bedtime stories about Daddy’s moms, about curses and Storybrooke and Neverland and Camelot– and she’d always believed that she’d meet them someday. They might be in some distant realm, but Daddy has always been certain that he’d meet them again someday.

Lucy bets that it wasn’t supposed to be like this. Roni– Grandma Regina– is kicking out the last stragglers at the bar now, and Daddy is eyeing the door like he isn’t quite sure if he should go or not. “You’re staying, kid,” Gramma Emma says, putting a firm hand on his shoulder.

“Did you just call me kid?” Daddy says dubiously. “How old are you?”

“Never ask a lady her age,” Grandma Regina says archly, flicking his head with the back of her knuckles. Gramma Emma grins up at her, and there’s so much adoration in her eyes that Lucy understands why Daddy had been so stubbornly sure that they’d fall in love someday.

(“You don’t see it when you’re younger, you know?” he’d said thoughtfully. “You think of having two moms who love each other as perfectly natural, but you don’t think about them falling in love.” His eyes had gleamed, and he’d looked wistful for a moment. “Then you start writing stories, and you don’t know how you ever missed it.”)

#fanfiction #swan queen #swan mills family #with another mills or two #ouat spoilers #bc of little bits and pieces of spoiler i guess

[bartsugsy]

The Robron Break-Ups : A Definitive Guide (Part 2/Infinity)

*** UPDATED BECAUSE I LEGITIMATELY ALREADY MANAGED TO MISS ONE. I AM A HUMAN DISASTER. SO. NOW IT’S ACCURATE. YAY. ***

Part One / All

In this, the second part of the Robron Rejection Compendium, we look at the next 5 break-ups, even more honourable mentions and I start to cry about feelings, just a little bit. Go get yourself a cup of tea and settle in, because this part is way longer than it has any right to be.

(Also, to throw in a quick serious moment before i start cracking manslaughter jokes again, thank you so much for your kind comments and tags and likes etc for part one. I was kind of completely overwhelmed by the fact that people even took time to read it, because I wrote it half giggling to myself at how no one would be able to make it to the end of the thing. So, yes. I mean this with every bloody ounce of sincerity I have in my entire body - thank you so much for taking the time to read it. You all kind of made my evening.)

Anyway, on to Part Two and an honourable mention to kick things off…

Part Two: Pre-Manslaughter (continued)

Honourable Mention #2: 9th December 2014

The next honourable mention isn’t even slightly a break up - the opposite of one, actually, but this is my post and I’ll do as I please. This scene features Rob, strolling into the Woolie back room like he owns the place and confronting Aaron about the money Aaron is charging Chrissie for Robert’s car (mostly because he’s panicking about the fact that he’s somehow managed to start up an entire bloody affair with Aaron in the space of four days). The boys spend the whole scene arguing and Aaron is doing his absolute level best to wind Robert up and it’s working, but they’re also literally talking about how they’re absolutely without a doubt going to keep hooking up? This scene is just really underrated, basically, so I’m just casually dropping it in here. 

Besides, it would absolutely sound like it would qualify, given how dismissive and rude they are to one another, if not for the fact that, I repeat, this whole snippy, agressive conversation exists for them to talk about the fact that they’ve just had some pretty spectacular angry sex and agree that it’s definitely going to happen again.

6. 15th December 2014

At number 6, we have Robert and Aaron, hanging around awkwardly in Bar West. Robert is upset about Andy melting Jack’s wedding ring - and also, it turns out, deeply uncomfortable about being in a gay bar. Aaron is unsympathetic, Robert is generally horrible and they argue - it gets vicious, and it feels like a big bright sign warning of the horrors to come. It all ends when Robert tells Aaron to ~have fun with his friends~ and flounces off. Rob goes home and makes some more terrible decisions about Katie and Andy’s rings. Exactly no one is surprised.

How long did it last? I mean, they don’t share a proper scene for two whole days but let’s be honest, they were probably already thinking about boning again by that evening.

Who came crawling back first? Robert tracks down Ross and Aaron two days later to warn them about Chrissie calling the police and Robert touches Aaron’s chest and Aaron looks down at Robert’s hand and my heart goes all googly and squiggly and this is basically what boy sex is, isn’t it? idk I am just a poor lesbian

How little did they mean it? 3/5. Both angry, but have no intention of stopping, because hate sex is fun and early robron are all about the hate sex. (Or at least highly annoyed at one another sex)

7. 23rd December 2014

Aaron’s been hiding out in Brighton for a few days. He rocks back up into the village and he and Adam jump right into planning a new business over a pint. Robert (eavesdropping, because he literally wants to be up in Aaron’s business at all times 24/7 by this point) helpfully decides to invest, because what’s a spare 10k between illicit lovers? Aaron goes up to the bar to order another drink and Robert tries to charm Aaron into also buying him one, in his overdone, smarmy way, before immediately taking it all back and offering to buy Aaron a pint instead. Robert uses his soft, intimate, ‘Aaron’ voice and it’s just great. Aaron does not think it’s quite as charming as I apparently do and tells Robert that he doesn’t want anything from him. Again. You’ll hear that phrase a lot as we journey through this relationship together, dear reader. A lot. It’s always a lie.

How long did it last? Two days. This was a big one. Hoo boy. Two entire days.

Who came crawling back first? Robert basically disregards what Aaron says immediately because two seconds later, he’s talking to Adam about investing in their as-yet-to-be-decided business. Adam mentions this to Aaron, who seems very wary and just generally Not About It. Two days later (Christmas Day, time for giving, time for family, etc.), Aaron has another pop at Robert, after listening to Vic cry over Rob’s fight with Andy the night before. Something Aaron says clearly strikes a chord with Robert, because he goes back to his family and apologises, talks candidly about his feelings and about Jack. Robert says “you had [Jack] more than I did in the end” to Andy and I CRY LIKE THE SAD AND EMOTIONAL HUMAN I AM, because I have Robert Sugden feelings and also because millie keeps posting jack/robert headcanons and they’ve all ruined me.

Aaron is, handily, on hand (…I’m leaving that phrase in, leave me alone) to overhear Robert acting like a good and well-intentioned human being for the first time in… a while, probably. Of course, Robert’s terrible past decisions come back to bite him anyway and everything gets screwed up with Andy. Again.

Aaron, however, has already been won over by the fact that Rob didn’t just listen to him, but actually followed through and made an effort with his family. Aaron’s is all happy and impressed and they have THAT CONVERSATION IN THE SUITS WITH THE SWAYING AND IT’S BEAUTIFUL AND THEN THEY RUN OFF TO THE PUB TO MAKE SWEET SWEET LOVE and then get immediately interrupted by Katie because god hates joy, but not before having an A+ kiss.

Anyway, at some point during this day, Aaron accidentally goes from hating Robert to falling hopelessly in love with Robert and that’s pretty much it for Aaron. He just.. he falls in love with Robert and never looks back.

Robert also starts to fall in love with Aaron probably (but I’m not quite sure he realises, or recognises it, and if he does he is very afraid of it, because, again, he’s still deeply closeted. He’s still set on marrying Chrissie and living out all his rich and powerful fantasies). Rob is still very difficult to read, so we may never know for sure.

Anyway, there are probably mutual feelings involved, because they keep smiling at one another and it’s lovely and I’m crying softly just watching it. Just look at their love. Their beautiful, non-murdery love. Ah, some things never last.

How little did they mean it? 4/5. Aaron meant this break up. Robert found himself so eager to get back into Aaron’s good books that he started throwing money at him again (still hasn’t learnt) and then, in a beautiful turn of events, decided to instead to actually listen to him and lo, we are treated to the first instance of Aaron helping Robert better himself and I get emotional all over again because HE’S A REAL BOY NOW.

Honourable Mention #3: 1st January 2015

Aaron and Robert start hooking up in their barn and Rob invests his spare 10k purely as an excuse to see Aaron’s face on the reg. They have little flirty meetings in the coffee shop and all in all, it’s a nice little break from the drama. No arguments, no break ups. Just barn sex and lying to everyone. It’s wonderful.

Of course, this happiness does not last very long, because it’s a soap. Real life interupts and Robert is forced to stand Aaron up on New Year’s Eve (and ends up half moping around all evening because he knows he could be off at the pub getting laid, instead of schmoozing rich people) (can you believe Robert would rather be with Aaron than rich people? It’s love) and Aaron, who absolutely hates to seem soft and needy, but can be so soft and so needy sometimes (and I mean this in the gentlest way), especially when it comes to Robert, is sort of pissed. 

When Robert tries to cancel another plan, Aaron basically tells him that he either shows up at the barn for sex, or they’re done. Now, I don’t know how much I believe that threat personally, because I’ve written 4000 words so far on how much they suck at staying away from one another, but Robert seems to believe it, and, without even pausing to think things through, makes the decision to meet up with his secret boyfriend rather than babysit with his soon-to-be-Step Son, Lachlan.

Anyway, Aaron and Robert meet up, argue, have sex and it’s just generally A+++++

What do you mean this doesn’t count as a break up? Pfft you write it.

(…ok fine it’s not a break-up, but they do talk about ending things after Robert gets married, so it counts. Not to be spoilery, but that works out about as well as we’ve all probably come to expect from these two. Not even murder can keep them apart.)

Oh and stuff happens with Lachlan blah blah

ETA: THERE IS A BREAK UP THAT I OH-SO CASUALLY MISSED (it happened during the ‘Lachlan blah blah’ part of the episode), so here we have it - a hastily made edit for you all, because I am a big, strong, adult person and I can totally own up to my mistakes.* 

(*a bald-faced lie)

8. 1st January 2015

Lachlan’s in hospital and Robert is in some deep shit with Chrissie and Lawrence - mostly because he’s nowhere to be seen. On the other side of the village, Aaron and Robert are finishing up their literal tumble in the hay when Aaron casually asks Rob out for a pint. Robert chooses this exact moment to check his messages, sees what has happened and runs off to the hospital in a panic without even stopping to give Aaron an explanation.

While Rob is at the hospital being yelled at, Aaron goes to the pub by himself to mope. Rob shows up (having been kicked out of the hospital by Chrissie) and gets yelled at again, this time by Zak, who is worried about Belle. As Zak yells and Robert tries to defend the fact that he was too busy boning his secret boyfriend to babysit, Aaron quickly realises what exactly has happened. He and Robert meet in their favorite spot, the Woolie loos and Aaron tries to offer a sympathetic ear. Rob unfortunately has had just about enough and takes his frustrations and panic out on Aaron. They start to argue and Robert says that “whatever this is between us” (it’s love) is over. Surprising to zero people at this point, this turns out to not be true.

How long did it last? This is a pretty long one, as it happens. It lasts about a week. AN ENTIRE WEEK.

Who came crawling back first? It’s Robert, of course it’s Robert. The very next day, he goes to the pub and tries to get Aaron alone to talk about ~his investment~. It’s as if the words “we’re over” have literally no value when they’re coming out of Robert’s mouth and directed at Aaron, or something. Ah Robert, the world’s biggest drama queen. 

Aaron really isn’t having it, however. In fact, after Lachlan and Belle almost become the first (but absolutely not the last) casualty of Aaron and Robert’s affair, Aaron remembers that Robert Sugden’s numero uno priority is still Robert Sugden (don’t worry kids, that will change). Anyway, Aaron is getting freaked out - but then, it’s been a month since they’ve kissed and they’ve already started an entire actual Honest To God Affair, managed to break up 8 times and now they’ve almost killed a child. So. No bloody wonder.

(There is a small moment on the 2nd January between Aaron and Chas, as they talk about her unease at Robert’s suspiciously big investment - because of course, Chas doesn’t yet realise that Rob is actually basically investing that money in his Little Rob. Chas mentions to Aaron that Robert seems committed to investing in the business, like he’s Aarons “guardian angel” or something. Aaron gets this little interested look on his face and I have sudden and visceral flashforwards to the multiple times Robert will actually and actively save Aaron’s life in the next few years, and I cry.)

Anyway, Robert goes to find Aaron at work a few days later and tells him that Lachlan’s going to be ok. Rob looks all happy and keen to get it back on, but instead, he gets another earful from Aaron, who quite rightly assumes that Robert cares more about protecting his own secrets than he does Lachlan’s life.

Robert then decides to send the infamous “kiss and make up” text that ends up basically killing Katie. Imagine. Death by smarmy text. What a piss-take.

How little did they mean it? 1/5. Robert came crawling back the very next day and Aaron literally buckled after a stupid text. Like. From all appearances, they basically did kiss and make-up. We don’t even see them make up, they just share a Look as they walk past each other in the pub (but boy howdy, is it ever a good Look) and in that instant, we can all tell that they clearly just jumped straight back into it. Words have lost nearly all meaning at this point. They just like the drama.

9. 7th January 2015

Katie’s been gossiping about the “kiss and make up” text and Aaron drags Robert in to the Woolie back room to warn him. Robert, as is his wont, panics and sort of… calls the whole thing off… for now. Maybe Robert has finally learnt that there’s no point in trying to stop their relationship completely?

Either way, Aaron’s not happy about this sudden stop to their sexy times and as Rob walks out the door, he gets that sad/angry look on his face and I sort of just want to hug him because son, you are in way too deep considering how tragically closeted and technically unavailable Robert is.

On the other hand, hindsight is beautiful thing and it’s all going to work out mostly fine for most people in the end. Sort of. Apart from all the deaths. Oh well, it’s 2017 now, who cares. You keep being helplessly in love Aaron. I’m into it.

How long did it last? This ‘we’re strangers, we’re not meeting up and we’re absolutely not boning’ thing lasts exactly two days. Barely that, to be honest, because despite what Robert says, he still ends up having a conversation with Aaron about their affair in plain daylight, in public, the very next day. But hey. Whatever.

Who came crawling back first? Aaron tries to talk Robert round the next day and inadvertently gives Robert the idea for an Evil Plan, which Robert quickly puts into play so that they can get back to “business as usual” (as they agree while standing in the bathroom, while I cry over their sizzlin’ chemistry) (how can two people have that much sexual chemistry while standing in front of a toilet?)

How little did they mean it? 3/5. I mean, Robert meant it, but he also did everything he could to make sure that it would only last as long as he could go without (i.e. two days)

Honourable Mention #4: 12th January 2015

Aaron and Robert are back at it - or they would be, if not for the fact that Cain is basically dying and so Aaron’s all sad and distracted. Rob, in an effort to cheer Aaron up (because he cares and he has human feelings and he wants Aaron to be less sad and he cares), makes Aaron a cup of tea and calms his nerves and then, when that doesn’t work, grabs him and hugs him. Aaron’s confused and overwhelmed face is an exact mirror of my own every time I watch this beautiful scene. Is this really our panto villain Robert Sugden?

….this is obviously an honourable mention because before this scene, Rob tries to get Aaron to come up to the barn for a quickie and Aaron turns him down. So. Totally counts.

Honourable Mention #5: 13th January 2015

Aaron tries to back out of the business, because he’s panicking about letting Robert down and potentially losing him. Robert is all sweet and comforting and says to Aaron, and I quote, “Don’t get cold feet. You’ll make me think I fell for a quitter.” and Aaron looks so bloody astounded that I struggle to breathe. Then, if all of this wasn’t enough to send me to A&E, Robert smiles and says “Good meeting” and literally everyone has to take a moment to collect themselves because what. the. hell. is. this. SORRY IT’S BEEN OVER TWO YEARS AND I STILL CAN’T COPE WITH THIS SCENE. It’s just… it’s amazing. They’re gonna love each other forever.

..WHAT DO YOU MEAN STOP TALKING ABOUT THE CUTE SCENES YOU STOP TALKING ABOUT THE CUTE SCENES DID YOU THINK I JUST WOULDN’T MENTION THIS SCENE WHO DO YOU THINK I AM YES THIS COUNTS BECAUSE AARON TRIED TO PULL OUT OF THE BUSINESS IT COUNTS leave me alone I’m just a human

10. 30th January 2015

Aaron and Robert are just about as happy as two people can be whilst sneaking around behind everybody’s backs (hint: so happy, so loved-up, just utterly enjoying one another’s company, plus no one’s died yet… honestly, everything is hum diddly). Aaron and Adam have a new portacabin, which Robert comes to check out (oh wait, no, why would he check out a portacabin when he could be checking out Aaron). Robert books a hotel room with a late check-out and then crawls around the bed in his underwear. It’s all just great.

Amidst this happiness, Aaron is intermittently reminded, however, that Robert is actually still very much with Chrissie, so we get to watch Aaron lurk moodily around the background feeling sad and jealous and honestly, suddenly the Aaron in more recent episodes starts to feel so much more familiar… Poor love.

Anyway, the boys are preoccupied with their own dramas for a bit (Aaron’s dealing with the scrapyard and Eric. Robert is dealing with the fact that apparently, in Emmerdale, watching porn is, in fact, the worst damn crime you can commit). They’re most likely meeting up for more barn sex while all this is going on, but hey. It’s not shown on screen. All we’ve got is our imaginations. Aaron pops up to tease Robert about the porn and they flirt in the coffee shop, Robert books another hotel and Aaron gets himself into a suit. It all ends in tears, though, as Katie and Chrissie arrive at the hotel, ruining Robert and Aaron’s hot night and thus, the calm before the real storm comes to a startling, abrupt end.

The next morning, Robert tracks Aaron down at the scrapyard to apologise. Aaron’s having none of it, knowing that Robert is getting married in a week and that they can’t carry on beyond that, but desperately wanting so much more (…clearly these boys haven’t been paying attention if they honestly think they can stop, but… we’re not getting into that just yet, we’ve got months of this ahead of us…)

Robert looks sad, Aaron is pissed off, threatens Robert with a broken nose and says “do one”. Rob rightly takes this as a cue to not follow Aaron into the portacabin. This gets Robert angry, so he goes off to confront Katie (because she ruined his dirty night away with Aaron with all of her completely correct assumptions and now Aaron doesn’t want to talk to him).

How long did it last? While Rob is busy distracting himself with a spot of casual arson, Aaron ends up sitting with Paddy, sad about Robert and beating himself up about letting himself get in so deep. He ends up sort of accidentally telling Paddy that he’s in love with Robert (well, he doesn’t use Rob’s name). Aaron, in this scene, essentially says that he’s incapable of just walking away from the affair, so it’s nice that at least one of them has some level of self-awareness. After a few days, Aaron comes to the decision that he’s going to let Robert stew.

Meaning this particular break up lasts more than 2 days.

In very loose terms, it lasts 5 days. 5 days of them playing games with each other, at the ultimate expense of Katie’s life and a bit of flooring. 

In more realistic terms, this is the end of their relationship as they know it - this is, in fact, the break up that starts off a series of dramatic, tragic and unapologetically soapy events that will define their entire relationship for the next year.

Who came crawling back first? Robert drops in to see Aaron 3 days after their argument, but Aaron’s still having none of it. Rob leaves, sad and hurt and without a secret boyfriend. The next day, they bump into one another at the cafe and make some eyes at each other. Robert tells Aaron to meet him at their barn, which Aaron doesn’t do, so instead we get a shot of Robert sitting alone in their barn in the dark and looking Drama Queen levels of tragic.

Rob is… well, he’s onto Aaron and feeling kind of bitter about the whole thing, so when they meet up in the woolie bathroom later that day, Robert explains to Aaron that he’s had this Big Amazing Epiphany™ and that actually Aaron meant nothing to him and… nobody believes you tbh Rob, but you do you. As with all of Robert’s impulsive, emotional decisions, this has terrible consequences and pushes Aaron into deciding to blow the whole affair to Katie.

Literally the next day, Aaron asks them to start things up again (so that he can #Expose Robert to Katie) and Robert goes along with it pretty much immediately, ready to not just start things back up again, but also continue them after Robert is married. Because Robert has also long since realiseed that he’s not ready to let Aaron go and he’s done with the game playing. 

How little did they mean it? 1/5. Yes, it lasted a while, but Aaron stayed away with the pure intention of somehow getting Robert to leave Chrissie, and Robert ended things to get back at Aaron for standing him up. And… ah. This emotional game playing does not work out for them. This absolutely does not work well for them.

…I mean, it does work, in the sense that they’re together now, in 2017, but… oh dear.

Next Up: The Real Dark Ages

#the robron rejection compendium #robron #ed