#yes i know i suck at ending things

[starry-bi-sky]

Stuck in the middle of a forest made of

Flesh and bones and they're all scared of

A lost little boy who has lost his heart

Fear's not enough, they have to

Tear him apart —-------

There are two things Daniel Fenton knows that his family knows as well: 

He’s adopted.

He can’t remember anything else before that.  

‘Adoption’ is a loose term, implying that they went through the official legal processes and troubles of adopting a child into their home willingly, and with the full intention of doing so going into it. That is not what happened. What happened is that Jasmine Fenton found a half-dead child, in strange clothing, in the middle of the woods at her Aunt Alicia’s cabin, and then she went and got her parents. 

What happened is that a twelve year old Danny woke up in the same cabin, wearing clothes much too big on him that didn’t belong to him, and with very little memory of before that moment. He wakes up like a spring being set loose, sitting up so fast he scares the daylights out of Jasmine Fenton sitting next to him. He wakes up, reaching for his sleeve for something that isn’t there, and when it isn’t his mind stutters, like he’s tripped at the top of a steep hill. 

When they ask him for his name, he tells them, clearing muddled thoughts from his mind; Danny. He’s twelve.

(He thinks that’s his name, at least. It sounds right; it feels right. If he thinks really hard about it, he thinks he can remember someone calling him that, utter adoration in their voice. So it must be his name.) 

The Jasmine girl convinces her parents to take him home with them, and they give him the spare guest room upstairs. He has nothing to fill it with.

It’s… a strange experience, to go to a ‘new’ home when he doesn’t even remember his old one. 

The official adoption process… happens. He can’t say it’s easy, or difficult. He’s oblivious for the most of it, Jasmine intends on helping him settle in and Danny can’t say he enjoys the smothering. He learns that he is stubbornly self-independent, that’s one new thing he knows about himself. 

His adoption papers say ‘Daniel J. Fenton’. Danny remembers staring at the name ‘Daniel’ for a long, long moment, something curdling sour in his sternum. His name is Danny, that he knows. But it’s not Daniel. But he doesn’t know any other way of saying it, so he keeps his complaints to himself.

(Jack Fenton boisterously claps his hand on Danny’s shoulder and jerks him around, grinning wide as he welcomes him into the Fenton Family. Danny’s mind blanches at the touch on his shoulder, an instinct snapping like the maw of a snake, telling him to cut off the man’s fingers for daring to touch him.) 

(He keeps the thought to himself, tension rising up his shoulders the longer Jack Fenton’s heavy hand stays on him.) 

They found Danny in the summer. It’s a perfect coincidence, Maddie Fenton says before she goes back into her lab with Jack Fenton. She says it’s enough time to allow Danny to adjust; that they’ll enroll him into the school year in the fall. Then she stuffs a canister of ectoplasm onto the top shelf, and disappears like the ghosts she studies back down the stairs.  

(There’s something eerily familiar about the ectoplasm sitting in the fridge, something unsettlingly so. Danny knows what that stuff is, but he doesn’t know where. When the house is empty, he takes a can from the fridge and inspects it.)

Jazz wants him to leave the house. Danny doesn’t want to step foot outside of the FentonWorks building until he has something that quells the feeling of vulnerability he gets whenever he does. He tried to once, and he felt exposed. Unsafe. 

He turned back around and went inside.

—-------

Where do we go

When the river's running slow

Where do we run

When the cats kill one by one

—------

One day, when the house is empty — or, as empty as it can be; the Fenton parents down in the lab, and jazz out with friends. Danny is making a sandwich, and he caves into the urge to flip the knife in his hands between his fingers. A childish impulse, but one he falls for nonetheless. It comes to him easily, like second nature, in fact. The slip of the blade between his fingers is seamless, flowing with an ease like water running down the wall.  

He’s almost startled by it; his body holds memories that his mind does not. Muscles that know which way to move and twist, limbs that know how to hold and how to throw. He continues twirling it, fascinated, as if he were a scientist discovering a new species of animal. 

It’s not for a handful of minutes when a new thought hits him; an impulsive thought that pops in the back of his mind like a firecracker; Danny moves without thinking. 

He turns, and throws the knife. The pull of his shoulder, the flick of his elbow, is familiar like a hug. He knows when to let go, and the blade flies through the air in impressive speed, embedding itself into the wall with a hearty, loud thunk. Sinking into the drywall like butter. 

Danny stares at it in shock, he feels relieved — about what? — before he feels the guilt. He scrambles across the kitchen to pull it out, heart racing in his chest at being caught, and prays no one notices the hole it left behind. 

(He runs up the stairs before anyone can find him, food forgotten, and hides the knife beneath his mattress like a guilty murder weapon.)

After that, he leaves the house more. It’s more out of fear of being caught than the desire to leave. But Danny is quickly learning that among all things, he is someone who was dangerous, before he lost his memory. Even with his mind in fractures, he is still dangerous. 

He’s not sure how to feel about that — he thinks he should be scared. He feels a little proud, instead.

—------

Hazel beneath our claws

While we wait for cerulean to cry

Unsettled ticks run through time

Enough for the hunt to go awry

—-----

There’s another thing he learns about himself. That he knows about since he woke up. He knows that he left someone behind. He doesn’t know who, but he knows they must have been close; he’s always looking down and finding himself surprised when the only shadow he sees is his own. 

He thinks that he must have sung to them a lot; he finds himself humming familiar melodies when he’s lost in thought. Lullabies lingering at the tip of his tongue, an instinct to turn and sing them to someone beside him. He can’t remember the lyrics, but his mouth does, it tries to get him to say them when he’s not thinking. He can’t. 

Danny’s found himself humming under his breath more times than he can count, trying to recall whatever it is his mind is trying to claw forward. 

(“That’s a pretty song, Danny.” Jazz tells him at breakfast one day, Danny screws his mouth shut. He hadn’t realized he was humming. “What is it?”) 

(Something mean and possessive rears its head on instinct, uncoiling like a snake from its ball. His shoulders hunch defensively, he bites his cheek to prevent himself from baring his teeth. He doesn’t know what song it is, but it’s not for her. “I don’t know.”)  

He misses his person. Dearly. He knows, the longer he is without them, that they must have been close. Otherwise, he wouldn’t feel like he’s missing a chunk from himself. He wouldn’t be turning to someone who's not there; reaching for a hand that’s missing, birdsong on his tongue, a story to tell. 

A dream haunts him one night. Warm and familiar, he’s holding onto someone smaller than him, they’re tucked into his side like a puzzle piece. He’s humming one of his songs that is always playing in the back of his mind, an unfinished tale of a harpy and a hare. Danny can’t remember their face, not all of it. He remembers green eyes, hair dark like his own, skin brown like his. 

He loves them more than anything else in the world, a fact he knows down to his soul. He loves them so much it fills his heart with sunlight. Danny squeezes them tight, nuzzling into their hair; he makes them laugh. Then, he proudly boasts something. That when he takes something of their father’s, that his person — a sibling? That feels right — will be… the word fades from Danny’s mind before he can make sense of it. 

His person hugs him tight, his… brother? And their mother — a woman whose face he can’t remember either, but who he loves like a limb nonetheless — appears, smiling. Her hands reach for them both, voice calling them, ‘her sons’. There’s ticking in the distance, it sounds like the fastening of chains.

Danny wakes up cold, tears streaming down his face. The details of the dream already fading from his mind like the cold pull of a corpse.   

—-------

Harpy hare

Where have you buried all your children?

Tell me so I say

—-------

When school starts that Fall, Danny joins the sixth grade class, and quickly learns more things about himself. One of those things being that he’s smarter than the rest of his grade, whatever education he had before, it was better than the one he’s getting now. 

Everyone knows he’s adopted right off the bat. He tells them when the teacher forces himself to introduce himself, but it’s not like they needed him to tell them for them to know; he never existed in their little world before now, and the Fentons are pale as they come. Danny is not.

He befriends Sam Manson and Tucker Foley; they ask him about the scars fading up and down his arms, they ask him about the scar carved diagonal across his face.

Danny, as politely as he can, tells them he doesn’t remember. He thought kindness would come second nature to him, his dream burned into his mind where he hugged his brother so sweetly. Apparently, his sweetness is only second nature to people he considers his own. 

(It becomes even more apparent when Dash Baxter tries to bully him later that day, and Danny ruffles like an eagle threatened. His mind whispers, hissy and agitated, sinking like a shadow at his shoulder, several different ways Danny could kill him for talking to him like that, and fifteen more ways he could cripple him.)

(Danny ignores those thoughts, up until Dash Baxter tries to grab him. Then he breaks his nose on the wood of his desk. It’s easy how quickly the rest of his grade sinks him down to the status of social pariah.)

(At least Sam and Tucker still talk to him after that. When Danny goes to the principal’s office later, he wisely doesn’t mention the worse things he could’ve done than break Dash Baxter’s nose.)  

—--------------

It clicks and it clatters in corners and borders

And they will never

Hear me here listen to croons and a calling

I'll tell them all the

Story, the sun, and the swallow, her sorrow

Singing me the tale of the Harpy and the Hare

—-------

More dreams come, of course they do. Each one halfway to forgotten whenever he wakes up, ticking faint in his ears. He is many different ages. He is young, shorter than a table. He is older, holding onto his little brother. He is singing in almost every single one. He is singing to his brother. 

Danny can barely remember the lyrics, he’s begun leaving a journal by his bedside so that it’s the first thing he can write down when he wakes up. He’s a storyteller, he learns. He feels like a historian, trying to piece together a culture long dead and forgotten. 

His most vivid dream-like memory is not a happy one, and for once he’s almost relieved he barely recalls it. He is somewhere that isn’t home, but his mother and brother are there. He is dressed in black, blades keen in his hands. 

They are atop a moving train. They are fleeing something. His brother is struggling to keep up, he is small, and young. It’s beautifully sunny, they are somewhere green and lovely. 

It is a fast dream. 

His brother stumbles on something, and Danny, fast as a whip, snatches him by the back of his shirt and hoists him up to his feet before he can fall. “Watch your feet, habibi.” He murmurs low, a hand on his back. It’s hard to hear, there is wind in their ears.

His brother, face obscured in all but his eyes, which are green as emeralds, nods. 

The dream blurs, but Danny falls behind. His foot catches on air — impossible, it should’ve been, at least. He never trips. — and he lands against the roof with a thud and a grunt. His mother and brother stop, and turn for him. 

The train hits a turn before Danny can get up, and he shouldn’t have, something pulls on him, he swears, but he slips. He can’t find the purchase to pull himself up, cold fear hits him as his nails scrape against the metal. 

His mother and brother’s horrified faces are the last thing he sees before he disappears off the side of the train. 

(The ticking is at its loudest when he wakes up, pounding against his inner skull. He only manages to write down ‘train fall’ in his journal, before he’s flipping over to press his head into his pillow to get the pain to stop.) 

—---  

She can't keep them all safe

They will die and be afraid

Mother, tell me so I say

(Mother, tell me so I say)

—-------

When Danny is fourteen he is still humming songs he can’t remember, his mind still in a broken puzzle. But his room is now decorated with stars and plants in every corner. He has a guitar he keeps in the corner of his room, and he plays the lullabies in his head on the strings over and over again. 

The ectoplasm in the fridge still unsettles him, still reminds him of a past he can’t recall. The knife beneath his mattress has returned to the kitchen — he doesn’t need it. He found a box in the attic last year, it had his name on it, and inside he found familiar, strange clothes, and more weapons than he thought was possible to carry on one person. 

(Even without knowing that the Fentons prefer guns to blades, Danny knows, instinctively, that they were his weapons. He was — was? Is — a dangerous person. He takes the box down to his room to sort through. The weapons all fit into his callused hands almost perfectly — the grooves worn to fit his palm. They’re just a little small.) 

(He tentatively takes a small blade with him to school one day, and feels much more comfortable with it sheathed beneath his shirt. He’s kept it on him ever since, like he’s reunited a lost limb to himself.)   

Danny doesn’t have a name for his person, his little brother, nor does he have a name for his beloved mother. He’s haunted by dreams every few weeks, many of them repeating. He’s ingrained the words he can remember to memory, and the ones he doesn’t, he writes down in his journal. His little brother; Danny calls him a bird, he can’t figure out what kind. His little bird of some kind; when Danny takes something from their father — what, he can’t remember what — then his little brother will be a little bird. 

(He doesn’t have a name for his brother, yet, but he’s calling his birdie in his head. It’s better than nothing.)

—------

Seeker, do you ever come to wonder

If what you're looking for is within where you hold

Will you leave a trail for them to follow a path

You'll soon forget

Home

—---------

When he’s fourteen, Danny dies. It does nothing to fix his fractured memories, much to his consternation. It just confirms something he already knows; that he was someone dangerous, and that he still is. 

When the shock of death has worn off, Danny inspects his ghost in the metal reflection of the closest table. It’s blurry, hard to see, but shock green eyes pierce back at him, green like the portal. Lazarus, Danny’s mind whispers, and he blinks rapidly.

‘Lazarus,’ he mouths to himself. It’s familiar. Sam shows him with her phone what he looks like, joking that he looks like an assassin. Danny doesn’t think she’s that too far off. 

He doesn’t tell her that. He tucks the thought away with the rest of his secrets, and fiddles with the hood gathering at his neck, attached to a cape with torn edges swinging down to his ankles. He pulls it over his shock white hair. It shadows over his face impossibly so, until all you can see are his green-green eyes peering out like a wolf hiding in the brush.

He ends up calling himself Phantom. 

(Maybe now he can start putting lyrics to his lullabies; his memories may not have returned, locked away with the sound of a clock, but the dead can talk. One of them may just have answers.) 

----------

Home is where we are

Home is where you are

Home is where I am

-----------------

Dedicated to @gascansposts for being the one who introduced me to the band Yaelokre, and thus being the whole reason I was inspired to write this in the first place >:] Those lyrics at the line breaks are all from their album Hayfields.

#dpxdc #dp x dc #danny fenton is not the ghost king #dp x dc crossover #dpxdc crossover #dpdc #danyal al ghul au #amnesiac danyal al ghul au #songs in order of the album: the hartebeest / harpy hare / and the hound / neath the grove is a heart #musician danny has my heart and soul #yes this danyal IS an alternative danny from the other au. an au where things were a little better :) but still sucks #implied good mom talia al ghul #danyal is a momma's boy send tweet #dpxdc ficlet #dpxdc prompts #dp x dc au #dp x dc fanfic #danyal is sTILL five years older than damian in this au #no beta no edits we die like danny fenton #poc danny fentons #i didnt know where to end this :(( i was gonna go on but i blanked. i thought about going into his relationships with his rogues and so on. #but that felt too much like trying to just increase the word count rather than actually writing?? if that makes sense #ugh im gonna have forgotten to include things and im gonna be kicking myself later #morally ambiguous danny whoo! we love to see it #since this was just for fun it doesnt really go into it all that much other than like. it happens. and that danny realizes he's dangerous #phantom in a hazmat suit? nah phantom looking like an assassin >:]. #danyal al ghul with damian and his mom: 🥰🌸✨ #danyal al ghul with everyone else: 👹🔪 #am i heavily implying that clockwork had smth to do with Danyal’s amnesia and appearance by the cabin? 👀 maybe #not enough danyal al ghul aus where him being an assassin actually. has some kind of affect on him

[tibli]

It feels voyeuristic to share videos/images of the brutal suffering the Palestinian people are going through every day, and I hate that it's come to that. I hate that these people are forced to display their loved one's mangled corpses for everyone to see, in the desperate hope that it will convince the governments of the world that they don't deserve to be treated like vermin to exterminate.

I want to be clear, they are not wrong for sharing these things, and it is paramount for us to show it to others. It is deeply upsetting and troubling to see these things, but that's exactly the point- that's the purpose. If they have to live through it, if they themselves cannot escape it, then it is our obligation AT THE VERY LEAST, to listen to them and look at whats happening, even if it disgusts us. ESPECIALLY if it disgusts us. We owe them that much. We owe them our anger and rage on their behalf. We owe them our full attention. Genocide is everyone's issue, and to look away is to help the perpetrator.

#palestine #gaza #i havent personally spoken abt it on here #as i prefer to share other peoples voices #but i keep seeing the take that like #its upsetting to see/its triggering/etc #and yes that sucks and i understand its hard to look at #but this is NOT THE SAME THING as an outsider sharing images of the dead against the wishes of the friends and family #this is the friends and family themselves sharing whats happening because thats all they can do #they are begging for help #and know that people rarely act without extreme emotional investment #no matter how bad the images make you feel #please remember that you are at the very least not the target of an active genocide #you can choose to ignore the brutality. they cant. they have to live it every fucking day #in a lot of cases im usually against sharing morbid images bc its typically disrespectful to the deceased #like in the cases of people that have been murdered by serial killers #and is usually used to sensationalize the story and often ends up dehumanizing the victim #but that is totally different from this #this is a group of people shouting to get the attention of others that can help them #and using any means necessary to do so #they are fighting for their lives. the least we can do is acknowledge that and amplify their voices #dont even bother arguing with me on this post. this is not something im changing my mind on #if this bothers you just unfollow or block or something

[todayisafridaynight]

would it be okay if u told me why u like aoki😭/gen😭😭😭😭BEEN TRYNA LIKE HIM FOR SO LONG I JUST CANTT but i love ur art so much so i still consume it otherwise lol

i liked tohru adachi in high school and tbh i think that alone is enough of an explanation for why i ended up liking aoki

#snap chats #haha see i told you last post's tags were relevant #anyway vLKVJEVLKAEJVLKJ IM CRYING ANON youre so funny. this is the funniest ask i coulda got thank you so much #i dont know why i like him either <- yes i do #fine lets get Real Talk about it #well first off all i thought he looked hot rolling out the elevator and i was playing the eng dub and i think his voice sounds hot there #and thats like. not athing that happens to me ever <- literally thought sawashiro was hot two frames into the game but anyway #i like politician characters. or characters that are in a position of power ESPECIALLY if they have to act like they dont suck balls #like i very much love the idea of the power of charisma and that type of thing not to mention the 'strategizing' as aoki puts it #that comes with politics. LIKE HE SUCKS DONT GET IT TWISTED HE SUCKS BUT //shrug emoji// #like its why i love the mine rggo stories i like seeing mine's thought process and how he uses his intelligence #smart's sexy to me idk what to tell you but moving on #its fun watching him lose his cool too ESP IN HIS FIGHT LMAO HE STOMPIN HIS FOOT LIKE A TODDLER SHUT UP #i also really love the arakawa family in general and thinking of aoki's relationship with each of them makes my brain explode #especially him and sawashiro that shit is painful to watch and i love it so much #i also thought him going from goth to republican was the funniest shit in the world like i howled at that AND i was distraught #aokis so interesting to me from the notion that he IS loved by his family but he has so much hatred for himself it eats him up #and as a result he cant be happy no matter what he does- how hes constantly seeking validation even if it's nothing meaningful #his lil. Dog-Eat-Dog world world belief to ichi also appealed to my edgy depressed high schooler brain. sorry. #his speech at the lockers also got to me. unfortunately. sorry everyone i empathized too hard it got too real it wasnt funny anymore #like as much as i complain bout the very end the ending is what solidified me liking aoki if not also cause of ichi's impact in those scene #plus... analyzing him and the environment around him is so much fun too.... #idk reasons for why i like aoki also boil down to personal reasons. he still sucks tho so i cant be upset when people hate him LOL #i probably have more reasons or could elaborate more i love rambling but i mean. who really wants to read all that 💀💀 #maybe for a character that WASNT the worst but. aoki is so LMAO #thank you for loving my art regardless :) im sorry i have to be attached to the worst guys ever

[captainshyguy]

i do wish that people hadnt been so rabidly critical and vicious towards steven universe back in the day, because now it feels like u cant discuss any parts of the show u didnt like without getting lumped in with those guys lol

#like idk man i liked the show a bunch #but i did also fall off becayse like. yeah i can see the tragjectory of the show now! #i can see that it was always gona be about this broken family of the diamonda and all that #but like. idk man. i tend to prefer when we focus on the little guys #and yeah we did do some of that. but that (planned) swerve near the end there really lost my interest #like i know rose being pink does make her infiitely more complex and its a fine choice to make but it still didnt do anythng for me #i still would have mich preferred to focus on the corrupted gems #on the people with no power in this struggle #its lik how i understand that the diamonds are basically a metaphor for someones like. bigoted aunt or something #but that still doent mean that i like that the people who razed dozens of planets to the ground were given time and priority #over the footsoldiers man!!! #like yes yes i get it its a metaphor its a escalation what else where they gonan do but like idk man i can still not like that turn!! #i can still wish they just....idk overthrew them or bubbled them or something. idk pull an anndrias from aphibia. community service lol #i can still wish that steven had healed the corrupted gems like it felt like it was foreshadowed #(since. yknw. rose can heal physical things- and stevne can a bit too but he can astral project into -peoples minds.) #and the corruption was an inury of the mind first and formost. #like. why would u set that up and not do that jgsnsgknkjdnjkgds #i can stil lthink the proportion inconsistenies were weird and too me out of the moment #eh idk its frustrating #like it feels like u say somehng like this and u have one guy going 'ikr the ahow SUCKED steven shoulda KLLED THEM' #and another going 'omg its a KIDS SHOW SHUT UP FORVER NO CRITICSM' #abd im sitting here in the middle like i tihnk theres some nuance here lads. i think we can habe a middle ground #luke rambles

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

14 tbh

#godwhat am i even sAYING #beige and bullyable got in my head its a great description #also i love the way my yaz re 13 is like this Looking Up #even when she knows she sucks the doctor is still like. larger than life a little. extremely untouchable #in a human way - 13 wont be touched - but that keeps the alien way sort of intact you know what i mean? #and then shes faced with 14 and shes like What a fucking loser #highly dunkable biscuit #yazs reaction to 14 is similar to like 9 or 10 re domesticity #'aw dont tell me i settle down. gross! boring! horrifying!' #anyway i just like the contrast #i like intertwining all the feelings yaz has abt being back on earth and seeing the doctor again and #it turning into this master-like sentiment of 'you used to be fun and now youre a little wimp' #yaz re 13: shes Special #yaz re 14: hes just some guy #bc like the thing is yazs doctor.........like..............travels. #i think is the thing #thats part of it. she loves the doctor for the doctor but she also loves the doctor for the life she leads #and lets yaz lead #i think #anyway yes im still writing this fic sorry i let myself get distracted but i will get it done in the end #also 14 woudl adore being thought of as just some guy #yaz: no i was insulting you #14: 🥰🥰🥰

[montanabohemian]

soooooo this afternoon i found out some devastating news about my current financial situation and am basically screwed. if ANYONE can help me out with rent and some recent medical and vehicle emergency bills, i would so greatly appreciate it. (or just sharing this helps i guess i don't know.)

paypal

#mutual aid #mutual aid request #donations #donation request #basically i've been receiving unemployment and was told one thing way back in july *BY UNEMPLOYMENT* #and when i called today because my benefits are almost up they told me THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE #so for six months i was operating on one set of instructions only to find out at the end of those six months that it was bogus so i'm fucke #like super fucked #so absolutely fucked #i know it's the end of the year / new year / holidays and nO ONE is financially able to help but i just need to put it out there #ALSO IF ANYONE HAS ANY LEADS ON ANY FUCKING JOBS #I WOULD GREATLY APPRECIATE THAT #cuz i've been applying for jobs like crazy and FUCKING NOTHING #happy new year TO ME #(like i knew this new year was gonna suck but WOW COULD IT SUCK EVEN WORSE SINCE IMMA BOUT TO BE HOMELESS WHEEEEEEEEEE) #(i'm literally still so mad after that phone call and gurl was AWFUL and like 'welp nothing i can do you're on your own') #(and i'm sitting there (after being on hold for well over an hour) going YEAH BUT THIS IS *YOUR* SCREW UP. NOT. MINE.) #(anyway i feel like walking into traffic for real cuz what's the point) #(YES I'M ALLOWED TO BE UPSET AND SCARED OKAY) #signal boost #aid #signal b00st #happy new year

[rainbowresurrection]

I ended up reading The Price of the Phoenix and while it didn't make me want to bleach my eyes like Killing Time, I still didn't like it as much as I hoped I would. Don't get me wrong, the homoeroticism was intriguing to me, but the actual writing and storyline itself left me with a headache. I think I get my hopes up with these books, given all of the possibilities that the written word has for Trek, and it inevitably sets me up for disappointment lol

#if u liked it thats fine I just kind of hated it #star trek #The only ones Ive genuinely liked so far is STTMP and the one about Garak written by Andrew Robinson #i wish Roddenberry had written more. STTMP was no literary masterpiece but his writing style had a lot of potential and I feel that #he actually captured the characters authentically and you could relate to their feelings #Price of the Phoenix had all of this corny alpha male shit going on that almost made me feel #like the author just didn't know how to write men or something #Like they relied a lot on stereotypes of the time which sucked considering that Kirk and co. are supposed to be living in the future #the dialogue was clunky and even confusing at times #and the characters were just #idk. vapid to me #Like Kirk and Spock's love for each other is portrayed which is nice but basically everything else about them just didnt feel #accurately characterized or otherwise explored #it was basically just muliple chapters of several different versions of Kirk getting his ass kicked & this big weird villain dude taking up #space on the page with his plan to take over the universe or whatever #the reincarnation concept was intriguing but the themes just weren't clear enough for me #the end haha #sttos #k/s #review #price of the phoenix #well Im glad I read it anyway I was curious #i get kind of leary of certain K/S content TBF since a lot of it- esp around that time- comes off as voyeuristic towards M/M relationships #a lot of those ppl didnt exactly care about queer movements as much as they cared about seeing their two fictional favs fuck #yes there were queer writers but we didnt always exactly get center stage in these things #you can tell what is written with respect and whats just kinda. written. you feel me #i love K/S and its history but Im not gonna pretend all or even half of it was written with the intention of uplifting queer men #i ended up having more to say than I realized uhhhhhh to be continued at another date

[the-hopeless-haze]

Ok but Wilson baby girl this isn’t why House told Stacy to leave.

I think it’s interesting how House didn’t tell Wilson that he talked to Mark. That scene is probably the best Mark is in and like the desperation like he’s at the end of his rope and he’s where House was five years ago. House’s face when Mark says “I don’t know how to stop yelling at her” he recognizes that…. I don’t know how to not transfer this pain I’m feeling and I don’t know how to not resent you. That scene where both of the men Stacy fucked over (the original girlboss fr) that scene where both of them are struggling to walk up the stairs and Mark has to lean on House like it’s so good.

But Mark will get better. House knows Stacy is running to him because it’s bad right now but Mark is going to get better. House is not. And… he knows the pain of being left behind by a partner when struggling with a disability.

#house Md #s2e11 #Stacy lowkey sucks so bad though #I think when he was on the roof with her and she was saying she didn’t know what to do he already was realizing #I mean I get it sucks both the men she loves ended up with disabilities but the fact she’s so quick to up and leave both of them? #idk I mean I can only imagine House must have made her life a living hell. #but still like. idk. she just sucks. #I think he was also realizing she can’t do this long term. she can’t be with someone with a chronic disability #she couldn’t do it for him when it first happened and his leg is never getting better #there was a lot of truth in what he told her when he told her not to stay but I think it’s a little deeper #I think he genuinely couldn’t stomach doing it to her or mark #house is more selfless than all the characters give him credit for even Wilson was like #‘oh so you just ended this so you can be miserable.’ #like no. #he kind of deflected it to himself too when the patient gave up her liver to lie to her husband #he said he can’t even put the toilet seat down. and yes he has disregard for a lot of things #but so does Stacy. Stacy wouldn’t sacrifice anymore either

[infizero]

also his drawings. make me insane. im pretty sure ive made a post about this before a while ago but i just love looking at his silly little drawings it adds so much to his character. even after everything he's been through he's still got some humor and lightheartedness in him. and he's really good at drawing too!! so it's likely something he's been doing since he was a kid

#will always believe in closeted art kid michael who became a bully so he wouldnt get bullied himself <- REAL TO ME! #anyways all his drawings are fun but i still cant get over the little hearts he scribbled in the margins of that one page #theyre just so simple and....... human. i dont know ToT #this guy is literally an undead purple zombie and he's doodling little hearts in a book #it just reminds you that michael IS a Real Guy. like canon fnaf kind of sucks ass when it comes to actually attaching any people or real #human emotion to the events of the games (very much focuses more on What Happened over actual character stuff) #(which is fine but not what i rlly look for in media usually lol.... which is why i love stuff like og fnaf vhs #which is much more character-driven) #but anyways. i think his comments and drawings in the logbook work wonders in making michael feel more real #and less like just unseen protagonist who we know about vaguely #thats why i cling so hard onto little things like his habit of chewing gum. or just him liking to draw in general #usually i dont like when fandoms make One Trait of a character super prominent/their whole personality #but with michael we know SO UNFATHOMABLY LITTLE about his character/personality that these little scraps of info are rlly all we have #in terms of his character beyond The Things That Happened To/Around Him #OH also. his love of that stupid fucking vampire show is SOOOO near and dear to my heart #another thing that makes him so painfully human. yes he is serious protagonist guy who goes thru the most unimaginable shit ever #but at the end of the day. he like many of us enjoys a stupid cartoon that he probably takes way too seriously for what it actually is #his comment about it in the logbook still makes me laugh THIS MF IS PROJECTING ONTO A FICTIONAL CHARACTER IN HIS LITTLE SHOW #HE JUST LIKE ME FR #ANYWAYS holy fucking shit i did NOT mean to go on this long of a rant #i just fucking love michael afton so much im sorry #serena.txt

[britneyshakespeare]

A Mr. Darcy-type romantic lead is hard to write well, and Pride and Prejudice doesn't just remain popular because it's an unlikely love story, but because Jane Austen with her characterizations and the sequence of events still managed to make it convincing. But when you find a piece of media where the man our heroine is supposed to pine for is just rude, cold, and standoffish to her, without the hinted complexity... it's like, oh, wow. A mean little man you've got there. I'm so impressed. If only men were like this in real life, right? Just say "insolent nerd," I swoon.

#jane austen #pride and prejudice #this post is about my rewatching of exo next door yes shut up #text post #chanyeol sucked!!!!!!! he and y/n should've never ended up together!!!!! i mean yeonhee i forget she did in fact have a name!!!!!!! #listen. everyone who has ever watched that show knows it's viewer-insert fanfiction. and it's beautiful for that. goddamn trash #it has everything. it's embarrassing. it's a 16-part advertisement for line #and to this day it remains the only kdrama i have ever watched. no i'm serious (i deserve shame for this) #it even has that little trope where somebody's looking around for something and they accidentally pull smth that opens up a secret door #yeonhee and chanyeol get trapped in a secret room together where they have to admit their feelings #and chanyeol reveals that he's in love w her because he's her forgotten childhood bestie!!!! like come on!!!! #a thing like that fills a void for cringe content in the world. never before had something been so highly produced #w so little artistic value. like it's genuinely admirable. #it's almost like the room but it was made to be a certain success as opposed to an experimental indie film #tommy wiseau reboot of exo next door happening when? #listen exo. do it for the memes. do it for the fans who were there in 2015...... do it for me #the most important person on the internet. me. do it for me

[bixiaoshi]

i have a feeling that one of my... friends? doesn't like me anymore and it fucking sucks

#idk if i can even call her friend anymore lol #but idk i've felt like our relationshio hasn't been the same for a long time now n i know i should ask but the answer terrifies me lmao #but also. if i she did consider me her friend and i did smth to bother her unknowingly then it's her job to tell me. not me to find out #i've noticed that lots of my relationships is full of ppl who simply don't tell me stuff. don't tell me when i fuck up and it sucks!!!! #bcs sure sometimes i realize i did smth but most of the time i don't so then i'm left wondering if i'm overthinking it or if this person #stopped considering me their friend long ago!!!!!!!! #idk man i'm tired of always feeling a shift in my relationships and wondering if i did smth wrong and what it was. bcs i start to overthink #every single thing. and it also sucks bcs i feel like smth changed in out relationship but it's either true or i'm doubting my relationship #with the person bcs i'm never 100% sure abt how ppl feel abt me and it sucks!!!!!!! is it real or is my head just making things up #but im always terrified to ask so im just gonna torture myself until it is undeniable that out relationship cannot be saved and i couldn't #do anything bcs i was never told a single thing #it sucks that lots of my friendships have ended with me wondering if smth happened to it and the answer always being yes #idk im just tired of that. it gets so tiring to having to guess if i did smth or not. of guessing what position i have in their lives #anyways peace and love rtc etc #jo.txt

[dandelioncore]

Does anyone else sometimes just remember space exists and become filled with joy and awe

Like. I woke up and it was still dark outside, went back to sleep and now half an hour later it's bright day

In that half hour where I slept, the gigantic orb we all live on traveled a gigantic distance around an unfathomably large ball of flame that's existed for longer than the entire planet and the orb just so happend to spin around and I get to feel it's warmth.

And that's not to mention the uncountable other stars that we tell our stories in, and have looked to for guidance for millennia.

#mine #space #-> they are filled with wonder at the magical set of coincidence and chance that led to their existence #even when it sucks #i know it makes some people feel small and i guess it kinda does to me to but in a comforting way #like. yes things fucking suck a lot of the time and im a pretty lucky human to be born where and when i was - but space is always out there #always just dark and big and unknowable #and that makes me feel not so bad - because it always will be! #makes my problems feel that much more manageable because no matter how bad i personally fuck up #it wont /actually/ be the end of the world. things go on!

[llilychen]

no one understands overhated female characters the way i do 💔💔💔

#alicent my beloved #yeah she sucks #is she a good person? no 💔 #is she gonna get worse? absolutely #but i understand why she is the way she is #if i was pretty much forced by my dad to marry a gross old man at the age of 15 and have a bunch of babies really young #i would want to make other people miserable too #she hasn’t done anything too horrible yet and she’s getting a lot of hate #these people really like daemon who is way worse #i didn’t even care that much about her at first but seeing people’s reactions to her made me get defensive #anyways i love female characters who are not good people and i look forward to her doing terrible things #also this is got and everyone does shitty things #alicent is the scum of the earth yes but so is everyone else #i also think that people love pitting women against each other and since rhaenyra is the fan favorite in people’s minds #everything alicent does against her is 100x worse no matter how minute an action it is #and yeah i know the conflict is one sided at the moment #and alicent is messy and petty and self centered and everything will kinda be her fault at the end #but people have been hating on her since episode 1 and by the time she actually did questionable things i was already annoyed #at the people hating on her #and seeing people use that audio seeing that they stop being feminists when alicent comes on screen #shut up!! it’s not cute it’s not funny #i rooted for cersei every once in a while and i thought that daenerys burning down king’s landing could have been a slay #if it hadn’t been for bad writing #this is all over the place lol #alicent hightower #house of the dragon

[nomaishuttle]

the two rules of sweeney todd cast recordjngs is 1. theyll never be better than 2012 london cast talk to the hand 2. theyll never be worse than 2005 broadway cast talk to the hand

#sry im literlly such a 2005 castrecording hater like im such a huge anti. i hate jt so baddd sounds like ass. they took the entire #orchestra out back and shot them dead leaving one piano player and.told him to judt make it work and then told sweeney that his entire #family died in a horrific fire immediately b4 he started rcording. #like im sorry ik sweeneys like a sad guys obvi i would be too yk sucks sucks Pooor thing better you should think she was dead yes i lied #cuz i looove you id be TWICE the wife she was i LOOOOOVE YOU HOW COULD THAT THING HAVE CARED FOR YOU LIKE ME !!! #anyways. but he just like. ik this sounds mena but his voice Sounds like a voice somebody would do to make fun of sweeney. #like it sounds like somebody mocking a mopey guy. but thats just the voice the guy uses 4 sweeney like.. #also sry. im pretty sure the final scene lyrics they use in 2005 r the same as the original script from the 80s however. those lyrics just #dont flow as well ss the slightly edited version for the 2012.. like. hold on let me compare.. #so the original Your Lucy!A crazy hag picking bones and rotten spuds out of alley ashcans! #Would you have wanted to know that she ended up like that? #whereas in 2012 its Your Lucy a mad hag. picking bones and rotten spuds out of dustbins #would you have wanted to know thats how she ended up ? and it just FLOWS BETTER SRYY. #ik its also partially bc most sweeney iterations r set. when sweeney is actually set where as 2012 sort of uses the framing devide of #disgruntled workers inn. i wanna say the 1920s? somewhere around there. which btw genius i love that devision.to draw parallels between the #working conditions of both time periods its quite genius babes. loveee to 2012 london cast recording. and it bangs far harder than those #other girls.. #but like basically..imelda staunton if i ever get the opportunity i will genuinely give you 5billion dollars i dont think Aybody could ever #top her eprformance as mrs lovett. lifechanging. showstopping incredible #and michael balls sweeney is sooo good as well likee. he does such a good job balancing between like. i understand this guy. like i get him #i know his kotivationa and also This guy is fucking scary as hell #like he plays sweeney as far more like. Enraged than depressed. and i think it works RLY well for his interpretation of the character.. #basically 🫰 <- thats for 2012 london cast. I wish that cast recording had all of the songs on its rly rather sickening.NO PIRELLIS MIRACLE #ELIXIR. LIKE IS IT A JOKEEEE DO YOU WANT ME DEAD ON THE STREETS? YOU SIR? ANYBIDY? GENTLEMEN NOW DONT BE SHY? #whatever. the one positive ill say for 2005 sweeney is that his performance. at times..is hysterical #i hate their version of final scene due to 2012 final scene being My favorite sweeney song. however. his like. Oh my god and also the judge #when he kills the judge and he says barker like hes powering up. he goes barkeeEEEEERRRRRR. whys that more acting than he did the entire #rest of the show. like its weird bc he was simultaneously over acting (as was the rest of the cast imo) and underacting ? like they were so #over dramatically sad that it looped back into them being completely flat and emotionless. its tly kind of impressive #but in fjnal scene when he goes OH NO !!!!! oh gOOOod. that was so funny

[yuribalisms]

Essentially what it is all boiling down to is I have fully realized I am bad at being a person, that will always be true, and I don’t know how to handle that

#I’m going to be depressing and self depreciating in the tags so. fair warning to anyone who reads them #I’ve known for a while now that I don’t know what to do with my life. I’ve thought of a few ideas but none of them seem to be working. and I #think a good chunk of what it’s boiling down to is that I am quite literally just stupid when it comes to an actual useful real life skills. #and it’s frustrating because I can’t even talk to ppl I know and confide in them that I feel dumb and stupid without them being like ‘nooooo #don’t say that! you’re not stupid! you were top of your class in hs!’ (that is their favorite thing to fall back on) but like. the thing is #I wasn’t even smart in hs. sure I did good but that’s because I cheated my way through and got lucky a lot. I never actually learned anythin #I never understood what I was being taught or how to apply it. I was good at English and art classes and that was it those were the only one #I truly felt I knew what I was doing in and grasped the subject matter well. I know I’m good at those two things and smart when it comes to #those subjects. but the thing is. in real life. both of those are useless skills. I can’t make money with them and it is highly unlikely #that will ever change. and yes I know not being able to make money with it doesn’t mean it’s useless but like it kinda does. capitalism #sucks. I know that. we all do. but that doesn’t change that we live in a capitalist society and it’s unlikely to actual change in my lifetim #so I’m stuck to try and figure out how to live in it. but I have no skills I can make money with so I will live my entire life poor and #miserable and working dead end jobs that make me want to kill myself. I’m not good at socialization I’m so fucking bad at it so I can’t work #any kind of job that hinges on networking or sales or human interaction which is MOST JOBS but I’m also too stupid for anything related to #STEM. I tried two different stem degrees and flunked out of both of them because I am a FUCKING IDIOT and I know there’s no point in trying #to go back to school for another one. but no degree in anything I naturally have a knack for will help me find a decent well paying job. ill #just be wasting my money to go to school for something like that. and then like. I don’t even think I’ll ever get married and I def won’t #ever have kids. so I can’t even put any hopeful stock in just being happy with a family one day. I know a lot of ppl who don’t like their #careers but they’re fine with that because they’re happy with their family but like I don’t even have that and I won’t ever have that. I #have NOTHING to strive for and NOTHING I am good at that’s meaningful I’m going to fail at having a career and a family and I know that #doesn’t mean I won’t be happy in theory but by societal standards I am and always will be a fucking failure of a person and since I do live #in this society yeah. it’s kinda fucking true. and I don’t know what to do about that. I’m just tired. I’m tired of being afraid and #struggling and going through patches of wanting to kill myself because of this because like what’s the point. I’ll never have anything #better so what in the actual hell is the point of me existing. and I know I’m being ridiculous and my brain is eating itself and none of #this is probably even true but that doesn’t change that it FEELS like it is a lot of times and esp right now and I don’t know what to do #to anyone who reads this I’ll be fine tbh prob as soon as tomorrow like dw about it I just need to get it out so I stop stewing in it. #I’m just. yeah. not having a great time rn but I left work so I’m gonna cry and then maybe sleep for a bit and hope that helps #kaz rambles

[cicadagaze]

feel free to explain why you struggle with them too.

#warriors #warrior cats #poll #i'm just curious! #for me it's tortoiseshells #mostly just because i tend to lean towards semi-unrealistic and like to have fun with my designs #and it feels like...... it's so hard to make a somewhat unrealistic tortoiseshell design #trying to figure out how to simplify the patches SUCKS #but also mackerel and broken mackerel tabbies #mackerels i just struggle with trying to make the design interesting (classic tabbies are my BEST friend) #and broken mackerel i am just.... so bad at drawing in a simplified manner ahgjnkflmd #i can draw it just fine if i go more realistic #but if i try to simplify it?? nope. #i've had so much trouble on pixel cat's end with my art shop lmfao #also yes i know tortoiseshells and calicos are the same thing just with more or less white #but how the white effects the patches is enough for me to feel that they should be separated into two options