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insipid-drivel · 8 days

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Horses: Since There Seems To Be A Knowledge Gap

I'm going to go ahead and preface this with: I comment pretty regularly on clips and photos featuring horses and horseback riding, often answering questions or providing explanations for how or why certain things are done. I was a stable hand and barrel racer growing up, and during my 11 year tenure on tumblr, Professional Horse Commentary is a very niche, yet very necessary, subject that needs filling. Here are some of the literary and creative gaps I've noticed in well meaning (and very good!) creators trying to portray horses and riding realistically that... well, most of you don't seem to even be aware of, because you wouldn't know unless you worked with horses directly!

Some Of The Most Common Horse + Riding Mistakes I See:

-Anybody can ride any horse if you hold on tight enough/have ridden once before.

Nope. No, no, no, no, aaaaaaaand, no. Horseback riding has, historically, been treated as a life skill taught from surprisingly young ages. It wasn't unusual in the pre-vehicular eras to start teaching children as young as 4 to begin to ride, because horses don't come with airbags, and every horse is different. For most adults, it can take months or years of regular lessons to learn to ride well in the saddle, and that's just riding; not working or practicing a sport.

Furthermore, horses often reject riders they don't know. Unless a horse has been trained like a teaching horse, which is taught to tolerate riders of all skill and experience levels, it will take extreme issue with having some random person try to climb on their back. Royalty, nobility, and the knighted classes are commonly associated with the "having a favorite special horse" trope, because it's true! Just like you can have a particularly special bond with a pet or service animal that verges on parental, the same can apply with horses. Happy horses love their owners/riders, and will straight-up do their best to murder anyone that tries to ride them without permission.

-Horses are stupid/have no personality.

There isn't a more dangerous assumption to make than assuming a horse is stupid. Every horse has a unique personality, with traits that can be consistent between breeds (again, like cat and dog breeds often have distinct behavior traits associated with them), but those traits manifest differently from animal to animal.

My mother had an Arabian horse, Zipper, that hated being kicked as a signal to gallop. One day, her mom and stepdad had a particularly unpleasant visitor; an older gentleman that insisted on riding Zipper, but refused to listen to my mother's warnings never to kick him. "Kicking" constitutes hitting the horse's side(s) with your heels, whether you have spurs on or not. Most horses only need a gentle squeeze to know what you want them to do.

Anyway, Zipper made eye-contact with my mom, asking for permission. He understood what she meant when she nodded at him. He proceeded to give this asshole of a rider road rash on the side of the paddock fence and sent him to the emergency room. He wouldn't have done it if he didn't have the permission from the rider he respected, and was intelligent enough to ask, "mind if I teach this guy a lesson?" with his eyes, and understand, "Go for it, buddy," from my mom in return.

-Riding bareback is possible to do if you hold onto the horse's mane really tight.

Riding a horse bareback (with no saddle, stirrups, or traditional harness around the horse's head) is unbelievably difficult to learn, particularly have testicles and value keeping them. Even professional riders and equestrians find ourselves relying on tack (the stuff you put on a horse to ride it) to stay stable on our horses, even if we've been riding that particular horse for years and have a very positive, trusting relationship.

Horses sweat like people do. The more they run, the more their hair saturates with sweat and makes staying seated on them slippery. Hell, an overworked horse can sweat so heavily that the saddle slips off its back. It's also essential to brush and bathe a horse before it's ridden in order to keep it healthier, so their hair is often quite slick from either being very clean or very damp. In order to ride like that, you have to develop the ability to synchronize your entire body's rhythm's with the rhythm of the horse's body beneath you, and quite literally move as one. Without stirrups, most people can't do it, and some people can never master bareback riding no matter how many years they spend trying to learn.

-You can be distracted and make casual conversation while a horse is standing untethered in the middle of a barn or field.

At every barn I've ever worked at, it's been standard practice with every single horse, regardless of age or temperament, to secure their heads while they're being tacked up or tacked down. The secures for doing this are simple ropes with clips that are designed to attach to the horse's halter (the headwear for a horse that isn't being ridden; they have no bit that goes in the horse's mouth, and no reins for a rider to hold) on metal O rings on either side of the horse's head. This is not distressing to the horse, because we give them plenty of slack to turn their heads and look around comfortably.

The problem with trying to tack up an unrestrained horse while chatting with fellow stable hands or riders is that horses know when you're distracted! And they often try to get away with stuff when they know you're not looking! In a barn, a horse often knows where the food is stored, and will often try to tiptoe off to sneak into the feed room.

Horses that get into the feed room are often at a high risk of dying. While extremely intelligent, they don't have the ability to throw up, and they don't have the ability to tell that their stomach is full and should stop eating. Allowing a horse into a feed/grain room WILL allow it to eat itself to death.

Other common woes stable hands and riders deal with when trying to handle a horse with an unrestrained head is getting bitten! Horses express affection between members of their own herd, and those they consider friends and family, through nibbling and surprisingly rough biting. It's not called "horseplay" for nothing, because during my years working with horses out in the pasture, it wasn't uncommon at all for me to find individuals with bloody bite marks on their withers (that high part on the middle of the back of their shoulders most people instinctively reach for when they try to get up), and on their backsides. I've been love-bitten by horses before, and while flattering, they hurt like hell on fleshy human skin.

So, for the safety of the horse, and everybody else, always make a show of somehow controlling the animal's head when hands-on and on the ground with them.

-Big Horse = War Horse

Startlingly, the opposite is usually the case! Draft and carriage horses, like Percherons and Friesians, were never meant to be used in warfare. Draft horses are usually bred to be extremely even-tempered, hard to spook, and trustworthy around small children and animals. Historically, they're the tractors of the farm if you could afford to upgrade from oxen, and were never built to be fast or agile in a battlefield situation.

More importantly, just because a horse is imposing and huge doesn't make it a good candidate for carrying heavy weights. A real thing that I had to be part of enforcing when I worked at a teaching ranch was a weight limit. Yeah, it felt shitty to tell people they couldn't ride because we didn't have any horses strong enough to carry them due to their weight, but it's a matter of the animal's safety. A big/tall/chonky horse is more likely to be built to pull heavy loads, but not carry them flat on their spines. Horses' muscular power is predominantly in their ability to run and pull things, and too heavy a rider can literally break a horse's spine and force us to euthanize it.

Some of the best war horses out there are from the "hot blood" family. Hot blooded horses are often from dry, hot, arid climates, are very small and slight (such as Arabian horses), and are notoriously fickle and flighty. They're also a lot more likely to paw/bite/kick when spooked, and have even sometimes been historically trained to fight alongside their rider if their rider is dismounted in combat; kicking and rearing to keep other soldiers at a distance.

-Any horse can be ridden if it likes you enough.

Just like it can take a lifetime to learn to ride easily, it can take a lifetime of training for a horse to comfortably take to being ridden or taking part in a job, like pulling a carriage. Much like service animals, horses are typically trained from extremely young ages to be reared into the job that's given to them, and an adult horse with no experience carrying a rider is going to be just as scared as a rider who's never actually ridden a horse.

Just as well, the process of tacking up a horse isn't always the most comfortable experience for the horse. To keep the saddle centered on the horse's back when moving at rough or fast paces, it's essential to tighten the belly strap (cinch) of the saddle as tightly as possible around the horse's belly. For the horse, it's like wearing a tight corset, chafes, and even leaves indents in their skin afterward that they love having rinsed with water and scratched. Some horses will learn to inflate their bellies while you're tightening the cinch so you can't get it as tight as it needs to be, and then exhale when they think you're done tightening it.

When you're working with a horse wearing a bridle, especially one with a bit, it can be a shocking sensory experience to a horse that's never used a bit before. While they lack a set of teeth naturally, so the bit doesn't actually hurt them, imagine having a metal rod shoved in your mouth horizontally! Unless you understand why it's important for the person you care about not dying, you'd be pretty pissed about having to keep it in there!

-Horseback riding isn't exercise.

If you're not using every muscle in your body to ride with, you're not doing it right.

Riding requires every ounce of muscle control you have in your entire body - although this doesn't mean it wasn't realistic for people with fat bodies to stay their weight while also being avid riders; it doesn't mean the muscles aren't there. To stay on the horse, you need to learn how it feels when it moves at different gaits (walk, trot, canter, gallop), how to instruct it to switch leads (dominant legs; essential for precise turning and ease of communication between you and the horse), and not falling off. While good riders look like they're barely moving at all, that's only because they're good riders. They know how to move so seamlessly with the horse, feeling their movements like their own, that they can compensate with their legs and waists to not bounce out of the saddle altogether or slide off to one side. I guarantee if you ride a horse longer than 30 minutes for the first time, your legs alone will barely work and feel like rubber.

-Horses aren't affectionate.

Horses are extraordinarily affectionate toward the right people. As prey animals, they're usually wary of people they don't know, or have only recently met. They also - again, like service animals - have a "work mode" and a "casual mode" depending upon what they're doing at the time. Horses will give kisses like puppies, wiggle their upper lips on your hair/arms to groom you, lean into neck-hugs, and even cuddle in their pasture or stall if it's time to nap and you join them by leaning against their sides. If they see you coming up from afar and are excited to see you, they'll whinny and squeal while galloping to meet you at the gate. They'll deliberately swat you with their tails to tease you, and will often follow you around the pasture if they're allowed to regardless of what you're up to.

-Riding crops are cruel.

Only cruel people use riding crops to hurt their horses. Spurs? I personally object to, because any horse that knows you well doesn't need something sharp jabbing them in the side for emphasis when you're trying to tell them where you want them to go. Crops? Are genuinely harmless tools used for signalling a horse.

I mean, think about it. Why would crops be inherently cruel instruments if you need to trust a horse not to be afraid of you and throw you off when you're riding it?

Crops are best used just to lightly tap on the left or right flank of the horse, and aren't universally used with all forms of riding. You'll mainly see crops used with English riding, and they're just tools for communicating with the horse without needing to speak.

-There's only one way to ride a horse.

Not. At. All. At most teaching ranches, you'll get two options: Western, or English, because they tend to be the most popular for shows and also the most common to find equipment for. English riding uses a thinner, smaller saddle, narrower stirrups, and much thinner bridles. I, personally, didn't like English style riding because I never felt very stable in such a thin saddle with such small stirrups, and didn't start learning until my mid teens. English style riding tends to focus more on your posture and deportment in the saddle, and your ability to show off your stability and apparent immovability on the horse. It was generally just a bit too stiff and formal for me.

Western style riding utilizes heavier bridles, bigger saddles (with the iconic horn on the front), and broader stirrups. Like its name may suggest, Western riding is more about figuring out how to be steady in the saddle while going fast and being mobile with your upper body. Western style riding is generally the style preferred for working-type shows, such as horseback archery, gunning, barrel racing, and even rodeo riding.

-Wealthy horse owners have no relationship with their horses.

This is loosely untrue, but I've seen cases where it is. Basically, horses need to feel like they're working for someone that matters to them in order to behave well with a rider and not get impatient or bored. While it's common for people to board horses at off-property ranches (boarding ranches) for cost and space purposes, it's been historically the truth that having help is usually necessary with horses at some point. What matters is who spends the most time with the animal treating it like a living being, rather than a mode of transport or a tool. There's no harm in stable hands handling the daily upkeep; hay bales and water buckets are heavy, and we're there to profit off the labor you don't want or have the time to do. You get up early to go to work; we get up early to look after your horses. Good owners/boarders visit often and spend as much of their spare time as they can with spending quality work and playtime with their horses. Otherwise, the horses look to the stable hands for emotional support and care.

So, maybe you're writing a knight that doesn't really care much for looking after his horse, but his squire is really dedicated to keeping up with it? There's a better chance of the horse having a more affectionate relationship with the squire thanks to the time the squire spends on looking after it, while the horse is more likely to tolerate the knight that owns it as being a source of discipline if it misbehaves. That doesn't mean the knight is its favorite person. When it comes to horses, their love must be earned, and you can only earn it by spending time with them hands-on.

-Horses can graze anywhere without concern.

This is a mistake that results in a lot of premature deaths! A big part of the cost of owning a horse - even before you buy one - is having the property that will be its pasture assessed for poisonous plants, and having those plants removed from being within the animal's reach. This is an essential part of farm upkeep every year, because horses really can't tell what's toxic and what isn't. One of the reasons it's essential to secure a horse when you aren't riding it is to ensure it only has a very limited range to graze on, and it's your responsibility as the owner/rider to know how to identify dangerous plants and keep your horses away from them.

There's probably more. AMA in my askbox if you have any questions, but that's all for now. Happy writing.

#horses #horseback riding #writing #writing tips #long post

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acewritesfics · 1 month

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Crossroads Deal | Dean Winchester

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Hunter Fem!Reader

Request: No. From my Wattpad account.

Synopsis: Dean reminisces about the woman he loved and lost.

Warnings: Death, demons, crossroads deal, burning a body. Pure angst. I love angst. Italics are flashbacks. E/C - eye colour.

Word Count: 2,850

Main Masterlist

As Dean looks at the body lying a few feet away from him covered in a hotel bedsheet that is stained in her blood, he thinks back to the day he met Y/N, the person who changed everything for him.

"Who are you?" Y/N growls at the two intruders while pointing her gun at them with the safety off and her finger ready to press the trigger if necessary.

The taller one responds, hands up in surrender and a hint of fear in his eyes, "Bobby called us and told us that you need some help."

"That doesn't answer my question!" She growls once more, this time visibly more agitated than before. "Who are you?"

"I'm Sam. This is my brother Dean. " The tall one speaks again, introducing them, while the shorter one remains silent.

"Winchester?" She asks, lowering her gun slightly and scanning each of the men while keeping her eyes narrowed and her guard up. The best hunters were always on high alert and didn't trust anyone unless they had proven to be trustworthy. It was a risky move if you weren't cautious of everyone you came across.

"Yeah," Dean says, dropping his arms as she appears to relax a little.

"Bobby sent you?" she asks making sure,

Both of the men nod their heads.

"Would you please lower that completely? I don't feel like being shot by some girl today," Dean sneers, annoyed.

Lowering her gun, she puts the safety back on and places it back on the table, glaring at him. She resumes what she had been doing before she was rudely interrupted by them while showing and explaining to them all the evidence and theories she's already come up with..

Dean looked and listened to her attentively. As she recounted everything and displayed all the evidence she had gathered, he observed her rigidity in posture, her icy tone of voice, and lack of eye contact. Although he understood that she didn't know them and that he never expected her to welcome them with open arms, this seemed different. Her being standoffish seemed to go a bit farther than workplace professionalism.

It didn't help that this case seems to be a particularly difficult one, with a werewolf and a vampire collaborating to create some kind of hybrid. Being the seasoned hunters that they are, Y/N and the Winchesters believed they had seen everything before this case. Vampires and werewolves were known enemies in every lore book ever written. It didn't make sense to them that they would suddenly start working together.

Of course, there was a lot of arguing between her and the oldest Winchester, someone being used as bait, and their scheme going sideways, which was nothing new for the Winchester brothers. The three hunters barely made it out alive after suffering various injuries.

Y/N was grateful for the help Bobby and the Winchester's provided no matter how hurt she got, knowing that if she continued to pursue the case alone, she'd be in hell much sooner than intended. Crossroads would be overjoyed by that.

After they returned to the hotel room, Dean, who had the least injuries, bandaged himself before assisting Sam and Y/N. He was wrapping Y/N's lower arm when he notices she has a distant look in her eyes.

"What are you thinking about?" He asks her, making sure the bandage wasn't too tight or loose.

"Just contemplating the fact that there are already enough monsters in the world and that we don't need any more. However, here we are, with monsters creating new monsters," She exhales. "How crazy is that?"

Dean finishes applying the bandage and remarks, "If this job has taught me anything, it's that there's far more out there than we realize."

"And that something will always surprise us even if we know to always prepare for the unexpected," she adds .

"Exactly," he says, agreeing with her. "Are you sure you're going to be okay on your own?"

"I gotten this far, haven't I?" She smiles at his sincere concern for her. Her ice-cold attitude toward them has somewhat thawed over the course of the five days they've worked together. She was able to say that she trusted the brothers to have her back, and she's proven to them that they could rely on her to have their backs as well.

"I now have your phone numbers, so if I need to, I'll contact you after I call Bobby."

He rolls his eyes, "So pleased to hear that I'm second on your list of people to call."

With a tiny smile lingering on her lips, she says, "Actually you're third."

He puts his hand over his heart while seeming to stare at her pretending to be offended. "You hurt me. Really, you'd call Sam before me?"

"He argues less," She chuckles.

"You wait till you're always around him," he says as he cleans up the leftover medical supplies. "But honestly, you'll call us if you need us, right?"

Y/N nods in agreement knowing that it's what he wants to hear. "It would be best if you never saw me again. I don't want you to become attached to me."

Dean first believed she was joking, but he was mistaken since exactly that is what happened. He became attached to her, falling in love with her hard and fast. Within a month of their initial encounter, they ran into one other twice more before agreeing to stick together. But it wasn't just Dean who got attached to the former solo hunter. Like his older brother, Sam had also fallen in love with her, but in a very different way. Y/N was the sister the younger Winchester never had. They bickered like siblings, got along like siblings, mocked one another, and stood up for one another exactly like brother and sister. When they discovered her big secret, both brothers struggled with it. Dean, of course, took it the hardest.

While working on the demon case they're currently working on, Bobby unintentionally revealed that her time was running out far too quickly for his liking.

In disbelief, Sam exited the room with Bobby, leaving Dean and Y/N to talk. Although Y/N's revelation had upset him, he was aware that Dean was hurting more. Sam had witnessed first hand how quickly Dean and Y/N had fallen in love with each other.

"Were you ever going to tell us?" Dean asks, leaning against the kitchen wall as she sits at Bobby's kitchen table. He's upset and angry. "Were you ever going to tell me?"

She nods despite knowing that nothing she says would help her. "Of course I was. I didn't know how."

To her, Sam was like a younger brother. Being an only child raised by a single mother, she never had siblings. She enjoys how it feels to have a younger brother.

But Dean is different. So, so, so very different. They constantly draw each other in. Neither of them felt the same way about anybody else. And despite her best efforts to stay away from him, she constantly found herself near him, whether they were sharing a drink at a bar, comforting each other after a nightmare, preparing for the next hunt, or helping him with Baby.

"'I made a deal with a demon and I have less than a year to live' would be a pretty good start," he glares at her, the anger and despair visible in his voice and green eyes. "What did you think will happen? That you'll be gone in 6 months and we'll… I'll forget about you? That's not going to happen!"

She repeats what she said when they first met, "I told you not to get attached."

"It's too late for that," he confesses. "I'm attached, Sweetheart."

It's silent for a few minutes as they both try to gather their thoughts while suppressing their tears and emotions.

"I'm going to get you out of this." Dean says as he breaks the heavy silence that had fallen over them. "We'll figure it out. It's what we do. If not, we'll figure out a way to pull you back out."

He walks up to the books that are scattered on the table and looks through them as though he's looking for information. But all he says is blurred lines and fuzzy pictures, his eyes unable to focus as the flood with tears.

Dean," she calls out in an effort to grab his attention as she stands up and approaches him. "Hey," she says as she removes the book he's clutching from his grasp and lays it back on the table. "There is no coming back from this, Dean. I am beyond redemption. The contract is unbreakable. They will not let me go, not for anyone."

"You're not even willing to try?" He asks, feeling defeated, though he is not about to give up as quickly as she is.

"All I want to do is make the most of the time I have left. Hunters do not have a lengthy life span. It's rare, and you know it," She informs him, a slight frown on her face.

"I'm not going to let you die," he says firmly, the defeat he was feeling replaced by determination.

"You have to," she replies regretfully. The day she met Dean Winchester was the day she knew she made a mistake making that deal.

Before anything further is spoken, he exits the room saying, "No, I don't."

After that, a lot of things changed between them. It had become tense, Dean and Y/N were distancing themselves from each other, they were both more short-tempered than usual and snapped at each other as if they were a couple going through a bad divorce . Before she met Dean, Y/N had accepted her fate, but the brothers and Bobby wouldn't listen to her, and they did everything in their power to free her from the terms of her crossroads deal. Dean went as far as summoning the demon at a crossroads.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Behind Dean, who is glaring at the demon in front of him, Y/N's angry voice can be heard.

Dean shouts back, "Unlike you, I'm trying to save your ass."

"Dean, listen to her; nothing can be done. Your little girlfriend will spend all of eternity in hell," The crossroads demon says taunting the hunter as she grins at him triumphantly.

"That's crap!," he yells, his gaze fixed on the demon as the crunch of gravel under Y/N's footsteps gets louder as she approaches them.

The demon quips, "Really, it's ironic. You finally meet the woman you would give it all up for and she-"

"Stop talking!" He growls at her, stopping whatever tirade she was about to deliver.

"You two could have had a beautiful future together. Marriage, normal jobs, a beautiful home with mini Winchesters roaming around the backyard oblivious to this life that you once lived," the demon continues to taunt the couple. "If only you had met her before she made the deal."

"Would you shut up?" Y/N yells at the demon this time. She turns to face Dean with a guilty look on her face as opposed to his eyes, which were full with rage and determination. "We have to leave."

"We're not leaving until she destroy's your contract," he frowns at her.

"Even if I really wanted to, I can't do it." The devil says, drawing both of their gazes to her. "Lucifer's orders."

"You can't save everyone, Dean, and that includes me." Y/N says, forcing him to look at her again.

"Why are you giving up so easily?"

"Believe me, I'm not. Bobby and I have both tried, as have you and Sam. I'm not getting out of this." She says as tears begin to form in her eyes.

"She's right," The demon agrees. "Just tell her you love her, and make the last four months of her life unforgettable. She'll need something to cling to while she's down there."

Before storming back to the impala, Dean glares first at Y/N, then at the demon, and then back at Y/N.

Y/N goes to chase after him, only to be stopped as the demon begins speaking again. "In your contract, I can make one adjustment. I used to be human, and I was in a situation extremely similar to yours right now. When the hounds come for you, once you're gone since there's no stopping them, I'll allow your soul five minutes to say your final goodbyes before personally dragging you back to hell myself."

Dean is scowling as she looks in his direction. He can hear everything that is being said.

"Why the sudden bleeding heart?" She inquires returning her attention to the demon.

"Like I said, I was once human," With that, the crossroads demon vanishes.

Y/N approaches Dean and, without wasting any time, pulls him into a kiss, reminding him of her love for him.

They didn't go back to Bobby's house that night, where Sam and Bobby were waiting for them. Instead, they traveled to a secluded meadow where she often went to spend some time alone when she was a teenager. They spent the night together in the impala talking, kissing, making love and eventually falling asleep.

After that evening, everything changed once again. The couple became inseparable once again. No one mentioned her crossroads deal and went about life as they normally did. Things seemed better, though their situation continued to weigh heavily on their minds and hearts. Dean promised to make the following four months the best of her life. And he did.

They got married while working on a case in Las Vegas, and during their downtime, he took her to the places she always wanted to see and always found ways to show and remind her how much he loves and appreciates her. He also never disclosed to her his ongoing efforts to find a way to save her.

He is brought back to reality as he feels fingers entwine with his own. She appears as a ghostly figure as he looks up from his shoes, her torso covered in blood, her complexion a ghastly shade of grey, and her usually vibrant eyes now a dull E/C. Her ghostly form still wears her wedding ring and the necklace he got her on her last birthday. He is tormented with guilt knowing he could have done more for her.

"It's going to be okay," she says, causing him to shake his head and avoid looking at her.

She lets go of his hand and cups his face. Standing on her tiptoes, she draws him into a kiss that spoke more than any words could in this moment. It spoke of the love they shared. An unexpected love. A love driven by passion, irreplaceable memories, and hope for the future. A once in a lifetime kind of love.

The kiss doesn't last long before Y/N breaks it, keeping their faces close and savoring their final moments together.

"It's time," she says softly. "You know what to do."

He wants to refuse, unable to let her go just yet. He couldn't drag her out of hell, and there was no angel who was willing to do it for him. Both demons and angels claim that this is her fate and that it was supposed to be this way.

Her cool lips make contact with his warm skin as she kisses his cheek, sending a chill through him. But that shiver paled in comparison to the chill he experienced as she began to fade away as he pulled the matchbook from his pocket and lit it.

"I love you," he whispers.

"I love you too," he hears her say before tossing the matchbook onto the body of the woman who abruptly and unexpectedly stole his heart.

As the body bursts into flames, he collapses to his knees in exhaustion and grief, his eyes never leaving her body as memories flash through her mind.

Y/N in the front passenger seat of the impala singing Bon Jovi's Livin' on a Prayer at the top of her voice while he drives them back to Bobby's after a case.

Her smearing ice cream all over his face when he started a food fight with her in Bobby's kitchen.

Them showering together after a hunt that had them covered in blood, mud and god knows what else.

Laying together naked in bed, her asleep curled against him as he watches her, soaking her all in and making sure he doesn't forget a single detail about her.

Them stargazing.

Her playful bantering with Sam.

Her getting excited about going to a beach.

Her smile.

Her eyes.

Her laugh.

Her tears.

Her voice.

Her heart.

After what feels like hours, he stands up when he hears footsteps behind him. He doesn't have to look to know it's Sam and Bobby as the two men stand on either side of him, none of them speaking a word as they grieved for the woman that had touched their lives in different ways.

#supernatural x reader #dean winchester x reader #supernatural fic #dean winchester

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inkskinned · 2 years

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i had not been taught love, so i couldn't apply it to myself.

i liked the idea of self-love, but it felt sanitized, opulent - white. it was always depicted by pretty people with lots of money; vaguely familiar but entirely at-odds with my lived reality. it was "treating" yourself, long vacations, taking time off of work, reminding yourself that grades cannot hurt you.

but i did get hurt if my grades were low. i could not take the time off from work. i couldn't stretch the budget to run-off-into-the-sunset.

my life is not full of peaceful morning coffee. my life is a string of ants, crawling over the abandoned mugs i've left out for weeks. it is stepping over broken glass over-and-over rather than just picking it up. it is spending a huge amount of money on food because i can't make myself just remember to cook. i have bought a pair of earrings pretty much every week for a month, i keep losing just-one. at the same time, i can never remember that i need to buy a new toothbrush.

self-love was presented to me as a sort of - end goal. a variant self. what the kids are calling "becoming that girl." she works out while drinking smoothies and running around her large apartment in the city. i understood why she would have self-love; she clearly had her shit together. if i also could get my shit together, maybe then i'd be worthy.

i always thought of it as important for others to strive towards, but not really meant for me. when i sit in a long bath, i feel weird and cheesy. i'm not particularly drawn to meditating. i drink water because it's just a necessity. i know my own personality - i am never going to be someone wholly-at-peace. a lot of self-love approaches aren't comforting for me. any time i engage with them, i hear my cuban father scoffing gently: this is greedy. latins don't waste time by sitting in idyllic locations reading poetry - that's a white-people thing.

i am almost 30. i have only just-now realized that i didn't believe i can find self-love because i simply didn't believe i was deserving. that i grew up without an image of what being-loved would even look like, much less how to apply it on a daily basis. that any form of self-love feels false, defiant - because it's foreign to me, and i have always been denied it. i thought it was "not for me" because nobody had ever provided it.

i learned almost a self-tolerance instead - a gritted-teeth approach. i will do the things i have to do in order to prevent my mental illness from dominating my life.

i am treating myself, more and more, like a scared animal. i don't force myself to keep everything perfect. i clean up the glass, but i let myself leave the pile of clothes until later. i let myself "half-ass" things. i treat self-love as the protection of my future self - as taking care of someone who will be here, later. it's okay if i mess up in the process. it is often ugly and unrefined and. absolutely glorious. i am training myself what it is like to have someone care about me. i am training myself to trust in safety.

i am training myself - there is no one image of finally being happy.

#this loses the plot halfway thru i don't like #it #yes i realize the irony of saying that in a post about self love shut up #just come over and kiss me idk #edit: word change bc otherwise it looked like a typo but it wasn't a typo i am just #very annoying

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klausysworld · 1 year

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can you write some headcanons on klaus being dominant in the relationship

Dominant Klaus Head Cannons:

Klaus is naturally dominant, he’s controlling and confident with what he does, when he does it.

In relationships he shows his dominance through proving he keeps you safe and secure.

He appreciates you willingness when it comes to submission, sexual and not. In basically all situations he has the control and he had you where he wants you.

Klaus keeps a hand on you at all times, often the small of your back or sometimes your hand if he feels he should keep a better hold on you. He especially enjoys when he finds you clinging onto his jacket or his sleeve, he’ll wrap his arm around you tightly keeping you pressed against him.

He makes sure you’re happy and well taken care of.

Often he’ll personally make your food, he can’t risk it being cooked wrong, heaven forbid you get sick he could never watch you suffer, besides he was better than some silly human, he is to care for you, not them.

Often he will even dress you himself, picking your outfit and helping you put it on. He enjoys the way you blush as he ties your shoelaces and places a soft kiss to your knee.

He often will feel the need to help you wash aswell, sponge or loofa in hand as he gently scrubs your body, hands lathering your hair in the best shampoo and conditioner going. He engulfs you with a warm fluffy towel thats been waiting patiently on the radiator and carries you over to the dresser.

Brushing gently through your hair, spritzing it with detangling spray as he applies a rich mousse to keep your hair healthy and soft.

His dominance also shines through when he’s jealous too.

He’ll have a tight grip on you, often keeping you firmly against his chest or in his lap if you’re sat. Eyes dark as he watched any other living thing have their eyes on you for a second too long.

Of course he understood how they could lust over you, he himself does so constantly but seeing another person looking at what was his as though they stood a chance?

He had to keep you nice and close, get his scent on you one way or another. Often one of his necklaces would be around your neck “i know diamonds are worth more but this holds sentimental value, will you wear it for me my heart?”

Little love bites are awarded to your neck making sure you know and everyone else knows who you belong to.

Not that you really need reminding.

He’s often making sure you know your place, he can’t have you straying away can he?

Often he has you held beneath him, hand round your delicate throat while the entire bed rocks, demanding you keep your legs still and spread for him. He makes sure you know how to behave for him, ask before doing things and most importantly learn to beg for him.

He very much appreciates when you’re all dressed up for him spreading you thighs and whimpering your please for him to touch you, telling him how much you want to make him happy, how good he makes you feel.

Often you’re on your hands and knees or simply with your ass raised for your love to have you. His wolf craves this position, the idea of ‘mounting’ you howling through his mind. You’ve made sure you’re never too quiet, he loves your sounds and has taught you not to shy away from how you feel.

He’s even managed to get you seeking him out, tugging at his shirt while he’s mid conversation “what is it my love?” He asked softly blocking you from anyone else’s view “i need” you would whisper almost too quiet for him to hear but he always did. His eyes storming over as he nodded and pulled you closer “of course, you hang on two seconds, I’ll wrap this up” and he does, he wouldn’t dare leave you unsatisfied.

War would be put on hold to care for your needs.

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dia-souls · 8 months

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DIABOLIK LOVERS DAYLIGHT Analyzes [ Vol. 3 Sakamaki Reiji ]

Original title: 遅い朝に

Source: Diabolik Lovers Daylight Vol. 3 Sakamaki Reiji

Seiyuu: Katsuyuki Konishi

Analyze by: Admin Afra

Admin's note: My God. This CD really moved me to tears. I can boldly say that Reiji has one of the most reasonable behavior in managing such a crisis. Among all the CDs I listened to, he was one of the few boys who was willing to find a solution to cure Yui without losing his cool or thinking about killing himself. This man is truly a gentleman.

What a beautiful flashback to describe Reiji's love. Sometimes I think about the words of these vampires who are so kind and I ask myself if this is really the same boy? Is this the same boy who tortured and humiliated Yui to the point of death at the beginning of their relationship? And now he wants to go to the death to save the same girl?

It's really hard to believe that these boys have changed so much, but I think it's really beautiful that they all got the concept of love. This also applies to Reiji. Reiji's own description of how he was changed by Yui is beautiful to me. Reiji believes that Yui has taught him humanity, something that was hard for Reiji to accept, but Reiji himself realizes over time that Yui is a treasure that he gained from this. Just like chinaware is a treasure for Reiji, Yui is another treasure for him that he wants to take care of with all his heart.

But what is important is that Reiji will never let go of the treasure he cares about, so he chooses to never let go of Yui's hand and stay by her side forever. Reiji's words are said while he decides to abandon the investigation and enjoy his last minutes with Yui. It can be understood from his words, does it mean forever that he will follow Yui even after death?

When Feshbak ends, I see a normal daily life of Yui and her partner again. This time Reiji tries to wake up Yui and complains about Yui being lazy and sleeping too much.

I don't know how others see their relationship but I always find it so cute how Rosji tries to teach Yui like a father and teach her good manners. Yui's playfulness and clumsiness is always endearing to me and I'm sure Reiji enjoys it too.

What really caught my attention was that Reiji noticed something strange about Yui's health condition just by looking at Yui's walk. Everyone knows someone else who was so quick to notice the abnormality in his behavior and health. Honestly, the rest of the boys needed at least two tracks to realize this. This shows that when it comes to Yui's health, Reiji is smarter than the others and realizes it sooner.

As usual, spending a beautiful day drinking tea with Reiji. This is very enjoyable.

Also, Reiji, who certainly cares more about his father's royal parties than anyone else and likes to train Yui for it, is very gentlemanly. I honestly feel that Reiji is really like a kind father to Yui. We can even say that Reiji has acted more like a father to Yui than Seiji.

The dance ceremony looked very interesting and Reiji's jealousy was very cute. The fact that he took Yui out because he didn't want other men to look at her simply shows how easily he can get jealous. Also, I have no doubts about Reiji's unique taste in clothing. I'm sure he made Yui so beautiful that he made all the men attracted to her.

Walking with Yui makes Reiji more aware of Yui's poor health. Of course, I'm pretty sure Reiji already knew about it, he just didn't want to worry Yui about it, or felt like it wasn't too important to worry about.

But when he carried her in his arms, he had undoubtedly noticed her low weight. And as he himself said, the irregular rhythm of her heart as well as the different smell of her blood had convinced him of this and started his research to find a solution to cure Yui.

As expected, Reiji is one of those boys who tries to act rationally in such situations and instead of thinking about suicide because he loses his love, he decides to look for a solution. What most boys did not do. Well, to be honest, I really like this feature of Reiji and I think he did better and more reasonable than all his brothers in this case.

The interaction between him and Yui in track 3 can be interpreted as a symbolic relationship of Reiji's love for Yui, who is precious to him like a treasure. When Yui accidentally breaks Reiji's china cup, Reiji likens it to something interesting. That something that is not eternal will disappear one day. Reiji may have once thought that because vampires were immortal, death was like a celebration for them, but he soon realized that it was different when it came to something you hold dear. You simply do not like to lose someone dear to you.

In this track, I would like to mention more details. For example, Reiji used to punish Yui with a whip for breaking his china cups, but in this departure, when he found out, he was more worried about Yui getting hurt than anything else. It's very interesting how one of Reiji's main obsessions has been changed by Yui and I find it very very valuable.

Maybe that was the reason for Yui's insistence on fixing it. I can boldly say that Yui never has high expectations from her partner. She never looks for expensive gifts and clothes. The only thing Yui wants from her partner is pure and simple love. When Yui does something bad, she feels guilty because she was hurt by that boy before and thinks she deserves to be punished. This can refer to their past relationship. Before, Reiji or even all the boys would punish Yui for the smallest mistake. It can be said that over time, Yui has made herself believe that she is nothing but a moving blood bag and that the only value is her blood, so when she does something bad, she deserves to be punished. And maybe the reason is Yui, who keeps trying to offer her blood to the boys because she believes that her value can only be summed up in her blood.

But what Yui doesn't realize is that the boys have changed over time because of Yui's golden heart and humanity. They have learned humanity from Yui and this is something that Reiji himself has admitted to.

Reiji can't imagine life without Yui just like all the boys. Although he wants Yui's blood, Reiji tries to control himself so as not to cause harm, and it can be said that this action seems completely fair and natural from someone like Reiji.

Reiji's thinking is all about Yui's bad health and the fact that he can't find a solution for it makes him conclude that he is the cause of it because he always sucked her blood.

When Reiji went from imagining a room without Yui and a house without Yui to a world without Yui, I realized something. Reiji thinks that Yui's existence is necessary not only for himself but also for the world. In his opinion, the world needs someone like Yui, that's why he doesn't want to let Yui disappear from this world.

Reiji's efforts to find a solution are futile and therefore he considers himself useless. When he realized that Yui knew about this, he accepted Yui's request to be together. But I doubt that Reiji, by accepting this request, was content to give up and stop trying. I mean, we're talking about Reiji. A person who never gives up to achieve his goal.

But he agrees to spend the remaining time with Yui to make Yui happy. I feel that Reiji feels remorse for the sins he committed against Yui in the past and wants to make it up to Yui in some way.

I realized this because Reiji tested the drugs he made on his own body. This was what he used to do with Yui in the past. He was experimenting on her body and forcing her to take her medicine. It can be said that Reiji now realizes how much he hurt Yui and somehow experiencing this karma made him blame himself for Yui's current state.

Reiji wants to give Yui her last wish. But I guess her last wish as a human being, not the last wish of her life. Because at the end of the track, Reiji said, "I will give you a kiss with the promise of eternal love." Well, here we can have different interpretations of this sentence. But my impression is that Reiji plans to turn Yui into a vampire to make this love eternal. As he said in the previous episodes, he cannot imagine a world without Yui and he will be by her side forever.

Forever can mean even after death but I know Reiji as someone who will never give up on what he wants and even if he has to turn her into a vampire to keep Yui he will do it.

In the end, Yui's life for Reiji was like the same flower that he intended to pick. Yui was a beautiful and fragrant flower that always shine next to him and tempted him to pick her, and with this, Reiji shortened her life and he can no longer be by her side forever. He can resurrect this flower as an immortal being, but this flower will forever have a different color and smell just like Yui.

#diabolik lovers #dialovers #reiji sakamaki #sakamaki reiji #yui komori #komori yui #reiji x yui #yui x reiji #reiyui #diabolik lovers drama cd #drama cd analyze #drama cd

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iheartfrogs1904 · 5 months

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MONSTERS IN MEDIA

I watched this video essay talking about the sympathy for monsters. I didn’t realize that when people were kids they never felt bad for the dragon that would be ‘slayed’ in those children books yk. I feel like especially with this generation people are being taught more empathy like with stories like shrek (ya I did use it as an example like don’t even) where the ‘monster’ is a character who deserves empathy, like shrek. Like he literally just vibes in his swamp and people hate on him, I see in a lot of monster stories it’s there’s always an element of the monsters being invaded, even when you supposed to root for the invader(humans) which is find really fascinating. Like in the back of our minds when creating stories like this there’s always an element of humans invading or the monster being a “living obstacle” (Curious Archive (n.d.) Sympathy for the Monster). Curious archive also brought up a point that I never noticed, that when the monsters are shown to be on the ‘good’ side or sympathetic too they go up against an alien, a different type of monster. He mentioned colonialism in the YouTube video as well and it made me wonder like why these monsters need to go up against something otherworldly to show that they are worthy of sympathy from the other side, I’m referring mostly to Kaiju(mainly Godzilla) at this moment. Even in these stories they emphasize that humans are somehow separate from the “natural” order and the monster is there to protect it or the other way around, there is never the message of both should exist together without the existence of another monster threat to both sides. It is that colonial mindset that we are separated from nature that I think these tropes stem from, which makes sense especially with Kaiju when looking at the origins of it. Why does there need to be a side of humans vs monsters/nature instead of humans learning to be with monsters/nature again? That’s also why shrek is good because he helps the other animals in the forest and helps Fiona be herself which I really love :). Another take on sympathy for the monster is how we looks at marginalized people, like in Guillermo del toros movie the shape of water. I love the portrayal of how the monster is as an actual being and not just a crazy fish guy, and ya the main girl does get with him but it’s the way he understands what it is like for her in a world that at the time (and still today honestly) didn’t accept or care about disabled people, you can see in the other two supporting characters they are also marginalized as well and it makes sense why they were the ones to help fish guy n the main girl escape, because they too understood what it was like to be perceived as an other in their society. This trope doesn’t even have to apply to monsters specifically and just the “bad” side in general in stories as you can see time and time again a lot of villains are made to be disabled or marginalized which again is why I love the shape of water, shrek and also megamind too because they subvert these tropes, humanizing these dehumanized characters and actually respecting them in their story as people and not just as a “living obstacle”.

I DEFINITELY RECOMMEND WATCHING CURIOUS ARCHIVES VIDEO SYMPATHY FOR THE MONSTERS because he voiced everything I thought and more in that video :).

#shrek #shrek 2 #shrek is love #shrek franchise #megamind #dreamworks #villain #monster #kaiju #godzilla #king kong #the shape of water #storytelling #random #thoughts #shrek is life #shrek the third #shrek memes #shrek 3

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phnmnt · 2 years

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Shen Yuan shixiong AU - Part 21 Letter to Ning Yingying - Night Hunting [Luo Binghe's letter]

“Dear Ning Shijie,

Thank you for your last letter, it was great to hear from you and our other martial siblings.

As you know, we took a night hunting job in the last village shixiong and I passed. According to the villagers there, the next town had trouble getting rid of an evil spirit so we immediately swapped horses and made haste after sending our last report. A few hundred li from there, we found the town. It was big, on the edge of a cliff and had very tall walls encircling it. But when we entered it, it was completely empty. It was as if everyone had just… vanished. Shixiong used his dusu snake to make sure that truly nobody lived in the town, then took us to camp on the edge of the forest outside the remparts.

As soon as he finally got the fire going, shixiong suddenly doused it. I couldn’t sense anything, but shixiong seemed to be on high alert and even sent his spiritual snake to scout the area. Together, we silently pushed the horses inside the town and came back to the campsite. You should’ve seen it, shijie. In the darkness of the night, amongst the trees, you could see small lights lazily moving right and left. It was almost magical… but odd. Eerie even. I’m ashamed of saying this, but I didn’t understand what was wrong until shixiong said “Don’t move, Binghe. Those are hungry corpses.” Those weren’t lights, they were eyes. There were so many of them. And they were attracted to our qi. But shixiong had previously taught me that those kind of low level ghosts were basically blind and used their sense of hearing and smell to navigate. It was easy to outsmart them, to trick them then leave. But shixiong didn’t seem to want to flee. After observing them, he took out his sword and declared that we had arrived too late. I finally understood. The hungry corpses that were slowly encircling us were the townspeople. They were all dead, reduced to violent husks that attacked travelers at night to feed.

We fought all night. (I was covered with filth and dust, but shixiong… shixiong was still impeccable. He looked like an ethereal being. I will never forget the sight.) When it finally stopped, we had eliminated around a thousand corpses. Men, women, elderly, children… it was a grim scene. We put them to rest with a few talismans that shixiong had brought and went back to the city to find the horses and a place to bathe and rest. But shixiong was acting weird. At that time, I couldn’t put my finger on it, but something was off. He brushed off my concern numerous times and when we finally found an inn, he disappeared into a room, telling me to go fetch hot water for him. I didn’t want to force him so I gave up and did what I was asked. I filled the bathtub and let him wash. After quite some time, I heard a splash and a cry of pain. I had no choice: I opened the door and entered. Shixiong was sitting on the floor with barely anything to cover himself after a bath, holding his ankle. Seeing me enter, he tried to hide one of his legs, but I had already seen what he didn’t want me to see. He had a bruised ankle. I’m telling you shijie, shixiong will never change. I carried him back to the bedroom, sat him on the bed, applied medicine and bandaged the wound. And I made him promise to tell me when he is hurt next time. I’m not sure if he was still angry that I had entered without permission when he was bathing and carried him in my arms instead of letting him walk or if he had a slight fever, but his complexion went red and he stopped talking. I was afraid I would make him more angry and I went downstairs to make some food. Fortunately, there were still a lot of ingredients that could be used and I was able to prepare something decent enough to consume.

When I entered the room… Oh shijie. I didn’t know how to react. He was sitting at the table, playing around with a go piece he got from who knows where, and he was humming a song. Something that sounded so pretty, but also… foreign? It was such a beautiful scene. He stopped when he noticed me and he smiled. Glad he didn’t seem angry anymore, I sat with him, serving the dishes and he suddenly thanked me. He said, “Shidi didn’t have to help shixiong, but he did. Thank you.” I felt like I was sitting on hot charcoal. I had a hard time staying seated.

We ate and played a game of go, then went to sleep. But… I can’t sleep. That is why I’m taking this opportunity to write shijie this letter. This shidi thanks shijie for always listening to him and his many adventures and worries. I hope shijie will send this one just as many stories to share with shixiong. He always delights hearing from you.

Traveling outside the sect has been an exciting experience so far, and I am very lucky to have Shen shixiong with me. This shidi advises shijie to train as much as she can if she wants to travel outside the sect soon to help people in need. This one… discovered that it isn’t as easy to do so as we imagined. “One is never overly prepared.” Right?

Your shidi,

Luo Binghe”

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 8.5 - Part 9 - Part 10 - Part 11 - Part 12 - Part 13 -Part 14 - Part 15 - Part 16 - Part 17 - Part 18 - Part 19 - Part 20

#svsss #scum villian self saving system #luo binghe #shen yuan #sy shixiong au #phansdraws #Next 2 updates will also be letters!#hope you guys will enjoy them before i make yall fall into despair hahahahahhHAHAHHAHAHAHAH #yall not ready

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richincolor · 1 year

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Book Review: Braiding Sweetgrass for Young Adults: Indigenous Wisdom, Scientific Knowledge, and the Teachings of Plants by Robin Wall Kimmerer, adapted by Monique Gray Smith and illustrated by Nicole Neidhardt

Publisher summary: Drawing from her experiences as an Indigenous scientist, botanist Robin Wall Kimmerer demonstrated how all living things—from strawberries and witch hazel to water lilies and lichen—provide us with gifts and lessons every day in her best-selling book Braiding Sweetgrass. Adapted for young adults by Monique Gray Smith, this new edition reinforces how wider ecological understanding stems from listening to the earth’s oldest teachers: the plants around us. With informative sidebars, reflection questions, and art from illustrator Nicole Neidhardt, Braiding Sweetgrass for Young Adults brings Indigenous wisdom, scientific knowledge, and the lessons of plant life to a new generation.

My thoughts: I don’t know who had the idea to make this adaptation, but this book is a gift and we’re fortunate that people worked together to make this happen. Monique Gray Smith and Nicole Neidhardt have shared Robin’s words in an extraordinary way. They managed to maintain the message of the book while also making it accessible and visually appealing to a younger audience or even adult readers who appreciate fewer words with a larger font, more blank space, and beautiful images that support the text. This book carries so much meaning and love and I’m thankful that it is in the world for young readers.

Braiding Sweetgrass is about connection and being in relationship with the earth, plants, animals, and humans. It’s an inspirational book that is part memoir, part science text, and part love letter. If you’re thinking that the text is doing a lot, you are not wrong, but it’s never chaotic. The text, colors, and images are peaceful and encourage pauses and contemplation.

Readers begin with an introduction to sweetgrass and an invitation to remember our connection to the world and the beings within it. Throughout the book, there are quotes pulled from the text that are featured within a circle of sweetgrass. The first one really sets the tone: “Imagine how less lonely the world would be if we knew and believed that we didn’t have to figure everything out by ourselves.” Another explains about that honorable harvest is “to take only what is given, to use it well, to be grateful for the gift, and to reciprocate the gift.” There are also small boxes that include definitions of key words like reciprocity or kin. Questions are also scattered around like, “What’s your first memory of being connected to all living beings? or “In what ways can stories be medicine?”

The reader is meant to think about the concepts in the book, but action is also strongly encouraged. When Kimmerer shares about trees that collectively fruit across the state, she explains that “all flourishing is mutual.” This is followed by questions about how to apply this to social justice and the current issues in our own neighborhoods. We have a responsibility to the earth and each other and are reminded many times through these pages.

One aspect of the text is about the contrasts between Indigenous ways of knowing and scientific (what is taught in typical US academic institutions) ways of knowing. Readers see how Kimmerer struggled with this in her college years and ultimately remembered how to learn from nature in a rich way. Native scholar Greg Cajete is referenced at one point. He wrote about Indigenous ways of knowing explaining that we understand something only when we have understood it with all four aspects of our being: mind, body, emotion, and spirit. The writings and stories in Braiding Sweetgrass show how to attend to all of the aspects and find the beauty in this world.

Speaking of beauty, the illustrations definitely help to express the wonders of our world and whether it be plants, animals, humans or anything else. They don’t just teach–many communicate healing and connection. Some are simple diagrams like when there is an eye and the parts are detailed, but others are art that illustrates a story or images that speak to the heart.

Recommendation: Get it now. I recommend this for any young person especially if you are interested in science and living beings. It’s also an excellent book for anyone who is feeling isolated or who is seeking connection. I think the words in this book can bring healing to readers and lead to healing in our world.

Publisher: Lerner Publishing Group

Pages: 304

Availability: On shelves now

Review copy: Purchased

Extras:

Visit the Lerner site where there is a download of the Thanksgiving Address illustration for download.

TeenLive Author Talk: Braiding Sweetgrass from The New York Public Library on Vimeo.

Watch a Kitchen Table Discussion with the authors and illustrator about the process of creating this book.

#book review #braiding sweetgrass

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yunalinwrites · 2 months

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jjk fics i'll never write (but maybe you will!)

i have a bunch of fic ideas i dont think i'll ever get to bc saved by the bell is taking rlly long and i don't have a lot of time (╥﹏╥)

i still wanna see them come to life tho so i think im just gonna throw them out there for anyone who wants to use lol

idk maybe ill write these eventually but even in that case im not gonna stop anyone else from using them as well

go ahead and alter however u like, but tag me if u use!! im letting u peek in my brain >:)

and even if ur not a writer these can just b like imagination prompts for when u go to bed LMAO

"love is work" - nanami kento x reader

summary: title is self-explanatory tbh--the idea that nanami kento views love as work could be applied to any scenario. but, i think it would be interesting for the reader to be the person he meets at the bakery. maybe the bakery is a family business, so the reader's work is literally driven by familial love. although, im not sure if that means they agree or disagree with nanami about love being work.

alternatively, the reader could be a co-worker of nanami's.

conflicts/themes:

serving oneself vs. serving others

what makes love/work worth it?

"meet cute" - fushiguro megumi x reader

there are so many canon strangers to lovers opportunities with megumi lol.

like, being the person "hitting on" (asking for directions from) fushiguro during that one juju stroll.

or the person getting robbed and saved by the 1st year crew, also from juju stroll. (also applicable for yuji and nobara x reader)

there's also the light novel chapter where megumi and yuji stalk gojo at a maid cafe, so maybe the reader works at the maid cafe, and the very stoic but handsome megumi catches their eye. this scenario could also be applicable to yuji x reader or gojo x reader.

there's also an original scenario i was thinking of cuz megumi likes reading (specifically non fiction) so what if the reader was a worker at a book store or a librarian. maybe they know about sorcery already because they read a non-fic book about it and recognize his uniform when he walks in.

also i haven't seen a megumi x tsumiki's friend!reader, esp considering that one girl when tsumiki is confronting megumi about bullying lol. this one could have an interesting conflict bc that girl urged tsumiki to do the test of courage that ended up getting her cursed! so then how would megumi deal with his love interest (the reader) also being the person somewhat at fault for his sister's demise?

not a meet-cute prompt but generally i think it would b interesting in any megumi fic for gojo to be a conflict. like, as megumi's father figure, he doesn't want megumi to end up like him and suguru, so he's very hesitant about letting megumi fall in love with someone since "love is the most twisted curse of them all." but i think in the end, he might realize that love/the reader is exactly what will stop megumi from turning into suguru, so gojo ends up giving the reader his blessing.

"sugar makes blood thicker" - geto suguru x reader

tw: spoilers for gojo's past/hidden inventory/star plasma vessel/premature death arc, angst, DARK CONTENT, self-destructive behaviors, self-harm, eating disorders

summary: reader is a student at jujutsu high in 2006, alongside geto and gojo. reader is from the kamo clan and uses blood manipulation. they've been taught to keep a very strict diet to optimize the viscosity of their blood. just like how geto hates the taste of cursed spirits, reader hates the taste of their diet. they fall in love with each other, because they've finally met someone that makes them feel understood.

if you want to go even darker, the reader's technique may involve cutting (kind of like marie from gen v)

conflicts/themes:

what's the point of fighting for a world that's done nothing for you in return? ("what has the world done for me lately?")

sugar makes blood thicker, which i can imagine is harder to control for a blood manipulation user

gojo satoru is the opposite of the reader: he eats however he pleases, which includes lots of sweets, so it's hard for the reader to be around him/doesn't like him. as a result, it's also hard for geto to have to pick sides between his best friend and the reader

ending: canon ending; geto chooses reader over gojo; they turn evil and run away together with nanako and mimiko. although it could also be interesting for geto to choose gojo over the reader, or if there's somehow a happy ending for everyone here.

I have no title for this one but gojo x megumi's older sister reader

self-explanatory. during the 2006 arc, after gojo kills toji. they raise megumi together <3

"if only i could go back" - any character x reader

summary: this is pretty self-indulgent lol this one's for everyone who wants to heal everyone's trauma and just have a happy ending lmao. i had this idea of the reader either being a sorcerer or a curse who has the power to grant one wish but in doing so sacrifices themselves (they die). so, obviously, they're in high demand by everyone:

megumi wants to heal his sister

gojo wants to bring suguru back

geto wants to rid the world of non-sorcerers

toji wants his wife back

shoko wants her friends back

etc

some situations the reader may find themselves in are being held at the school so that nobody can use their power unless absolutely necessary. or maybe they were captured by the curse users.

technicalities about the reader's power: they can't grant their own wish, but they have full autonomy over whose wish they can grant, meaning the only way that someone could get their wish granted is through befriending and persuading the reader.

conflicts/themes:

characters having to choose between their wish (which kills the reader) and their fondness of the reader (wanting the reader to stay)

will they truly be happy if their wishes are granted?

how does the reader feel about being the method of people's desires but not actually being the desire?

***

alr im done yapping

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stupidphototricks · 3 months

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What if Aziraphale is just kinda clueless?

I mean obviously very intelligent, just there's some gaping holes in his understanding that he doesn't even realize.

(This got too long, so here's a break. All of this is just my opinion of course.)

Aziraphale has learned to lie when he has to, but he doesn't like it and he doesn't do it well. Pretty much he's all surface, no hidden depths, no secret agenda, heart on his sleeve.

So his default is to take others at face value too, even a demon who repeatedly tells him that demons lie. And when Gabriel turns up with no memory, or the Metatron suddenly acts nice to him? Aziraphale is confused, but not suspicious. He'd believe that they changed (or that he'd misunderstood them before) before believing that they lied.

Aziraphale is at his best when there's an obvious problem and an obvious solution. Adam and Eve need warmth and protection? Maggie can't pay the the rent? Sorted! He even tries to do nice things for Crowley, when there's an (obvious) opportunity and he can clear it with his conscience.

But. Job? Elspeth and Wee Morag? Not so straightforward. Aziraphale ends up learning some hard lessons from these situations, but he pretty much needs to be hit over the head with them. It's not easy for him to see the gray areas.

Basically anytime Aziraphale breaks out of his comfortable, self-satisfied bubble and learns something new, it's because Crowley has dragged him there.

But there's a lot that Crowley doesn't teach Aziraphale, like how to show that you care about someone. Neurotypical people pick these things up automatically, but neurodivergent people need to be taught, and be reminded, and practice. Like learning French.

We know (or at least infer) that Crowley has repressed trauma. We know what Gabriel said to Crowley-as-Aziraphale. We know that Crowley is living in his car. But Aziraphale doesn't! Crowley never tells him any of this.

Aziraphale likes to tell Crowley what's happening in his life, but there's no evidence that he ever says, "And how was your day?" in return. And (apparently) Crowley never calls him out on it.

Shouldn't Aziraphale be curious? Shouldn't he try to get Crowley to open up? Shouldn't he ask why Crowley has such an over-the-top reaction to Gabriel? Shouldn't he at least wonder why he's carrying plants back and forth to the car? Sure. That would be very normal, empathetic, neurotypical, human behavior. But Aziraphale isn't any of those things. In Aziraphale's point of view, if Crowley wanted to talk about stuff, he would, right?

As for remarks like "You're the bad guys," well. To Aziraphale that's just factual, and Crowley has never objected to being called bad anyway.

Am I projecting? Maybe. Is being clueless worse than being deliberately self-centered and callous? I don't know. In any case I believe that Aziraphale would be horrified if he understood that he was being hurtful at all, but he genuinely doesn't know. Maybe Crowley thought it shouldn't need to be said, but Aziraphale did need to hear it.

I'm not sure that everyone understands what being neurodivergent looks like, which is fair since it looks a lot of different ways. And of course Aziraphale isn't human, so this terminology that assumes a human brain doesn't really apply.

And yet. To me, it looks a lot like this.

#good omens #good omens meta #aziraphale #crowley #aziracrow #they so need couples counseling

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irlarcadegannon · 1 year

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Vulpes headcanons!

I have plenty to offer! Thanks for the ask!

He's resourceful. Good at making use of what he has to get by, or get out of a problem. He's very clever in that regard, a bit of a Macgyver.

This, combined with being raised by the Legion, has caused him to form a resentment for the "profligates" who "have more luxuries afforded to them than I ever will, and yet they still complain."

He's good at reading everyone but himself. Which is a critical flaw, and he should really learn to do some introspection. But he has great attention to detail when it comes to observing others. He will often remember mundane details weeks, months, or even years later.

When not putting on a show to try to impress people, he's reserved, and I hesitate to say laid-back, because he's not, he's very high-strung, but he is surprisingly calm on the surface.

His usual speaking voice is soft, low, and monotonous. He will comment on things matter-of-factly, which others may find unusual or funny because of how blunt it is, yet said so casually. And apparently without thought, but this isn't usually true, because he tends to think deeply before speaking.

(I have this same headcanon for Arcade—he doesn't have an internal monologue or think in any particular language, so every time he speaks, he has to translate abstract thoughts and concepts and images and sentence fragments into coherent language. It's part of why he and Vulpes are so well-spoken, because they're particular about getting across the specific and abstract nature of their thoughts across. It's distressing to not be understood, or worse, misinterpreted. This is how I think and speak, so I passed this on to both of them.)

He's sardonic and sarcastic, often without meaning to be.

He is obsessed with numbers, dates, times.. he's highly superstitious too. He feels the need to strictly categorize things, ideas, places, names, and people themselves as "good" or "bad". You'll never guess which category he places himself in. (No, really, it's not intuitive.)

While Vulpes struggles greatly with understanding or analyzing himself, one thing he doesn't do is afford himself much self-pity once he realizes that's what he's doing. He hates feeling pathetic or helpless, so he takes action to "solve it". Which is good in theory, except the actions he takes are usually self-destructive and/or drastic grabs for power, instead of, y'know, self-improvement.

I think he genuinely sees this as self-improvement. He was taught that overworking yourself is the expected norm, violence is a tool to gain respect, and your purpose above all else is to serve the Legion, at whatever cost to yourself.

The attitude of persistent self-improvement and taking action when feeling helpless would be great, if he had a long overdue reality check and learned to, uh, change his definition of self-improvement..

I hesitantly disagree with the notion that he's asexual, if it comes from "he's cold and unfeeling and sadistic therefore he's asexual", but I definitely see it and largely agree if it's "he's asexual because he just doesn't have an interest in the typical idea of sexuality as we understand it"

He definitely has feelings and preferences, but he's never had the time to sit down and think about it, nor the language to describe it. It is just not on his list of priorities.

I have more headcanons I want to talk about, but those apply primarily in the fics I'm working on, so I'll reblog and add those thoughts separately.

#vulpes inculta

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gatheringbones · 2 years

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[“For those who’ve never had to appear in front of a parole board, imagine being called for a job interview without being told the job you’re applying for, no job description, no indication of the skills or qualifications they’re looking for. Just go in there and sell yourself. The process is so arbitrary that most people who make parole can’t even say for sure what swayed the interview in their favor. It was fumbling around in the darkness. But did it have to be that way?

It was this questioning that pushed me to rethink the lessons I learned from writing. Wading in legal battles, I had drifted away from what poetry had taught me: to own the words I choose. For decades until that point, I had been searching to express myself in terms that I thought the parole board would want to hear, without command of how I actually expressed myself. I began to reexamine key words that the board would use in their denial explanations—like lack of remorse or lack of insight. Throughout my bid, I had certainly wrestled with these words. They had a living, breathing presence, and so I was disappointed to learn that both words were nouns—a person, place, or static thing contained within a limited existence. In my heart, though, I understood these words to be verbs—in motion, actionable, evolving. I knew that remorse, for example, is far more than saying the words “I’m sorry.” Remorse showed up in who I surrounded myself with, the seemingly small choices I made, and the big goals I set. I also understood insight as illumination that expands over time. The connecting of dots between the root concepts of life lessons, and making conscious how they influence our daily decisions. Insight was understanding why I chose to involve myself in volunteer programs outside of what was mandated, or why I spoke up not just for myself but also for others locked up.

I began to write with a sharpened purpose. I took my ass to the law library. No longer would I put my life in the hands of some court-appointed attorneys, who saw me as no more than another number on their caseload, another generic cut-and-paste parole appeal brief to be submitted to the court in order to get paid. In some ways, it helped to push against an edge. If it wasn’t for my negative experiences, I might have never been so determined to cultivate my own self-advocacy. Even when I encountered a positive attorney experience, which I did, I wouldn’t just acquiesce to their defense strategies. Rather, I looked at it as a chance to build together. As far as I was concerned, I was the one best suited to talk about my experiences. Lo and behold, once I began writing my own appeals, and doing so in my own voice, I started to win some—and for others as well.”]

Alejo Rodriguez, from And Still I Write: Creative Expression for Self-Advocacy, from The Sentences That Create Us: Crafting A Writer’s Life In Prison, by PEN America and edited by Caits Meissner, 2022

#alejo rodriguez #caits meissner #currently reading

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nerdygaymormon · 1 year

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I'm feeling like I'm being prompted that it's okay to date girls, but like I worry if this is the devil. The spirit wouldn't prompt me to do something that is against God and yet I feel like I am. Can you help me makes sense of this?

In our church there are men we sustain as a prophet, an apostle, a Seventy, a stake president, and a bishop. It's very hierarchical and we are trained to defer to them on matters of morality and virtue and determining what is right and wrong.

Yet we are also taught that we have the light of Christ in us. We have our conscience to be our guide. We have an inner voice that can lead the way.

Our leaders are not perfect and they don't have all the answers, and sometimes they get it wrong. They are doing the best they can and may be inspired to say something useful for me, but maybe their background and experience and loyalty to the men above them will limit their ability to see me as I am and what is best for me.

The name of this church is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. You see “of Jesus Christ” and “of Latter-day Saints” are next to each other. There’s nothing that has to be in between you and Jesus. You are entitled to revelation for your life and you don’t have to rely on any one else for it, not even a prophet.

My experience is that messages of the Spirit are accompanied by feelings. For me, with the spiritual messages the feelings I experience are calm, peace, love, settled, feeling positive towards others, and joy. Sometimes we call the Spirit the “comforter,” so think how you feel wrapped up in a nice thick comforter on a cold day: warm, safe, protected, snug. Or sometimes it’s a feeling of unease or befuddlement or trouble remaining focused on the topic, in those cases it means this isn't it, try again.

We talk about the Spirit like this mighty thing that will make our heart burn or a voice speaking to us, and I’ve had that happen, but only rarely. For me, if ‘quiet’ could be a feeling, then that’s generally how I feel the Spirit.

Think of how you felt when you receive the prompting that it's okay to date girls, is it the same sorts of feelings you associate with things of the Spirit?

I’m reminded of a story from Acts 10:10–16 about the very first Gentile allowed to join the church of Christ. Cornelius was a centurion and an angel instructs him to go to the city of Joppa and find the apostle Peter.

Peter doesn’t believe non-Jews are allowed to be followers of Christ, but God gave him a vision. In the vision, animals are lowered from heaven and Peter is commanded to eat. But he refuses because these animals are considered unclean in Jewish law. The voice tells Peter not to call unclean that which God has cleansed.

Because of that vision, Peter understood that if God said it’s okay for Cornelius to join the church, then Peter should not block Cornelius from joining even though Cornelius was a gentile.

I think the same applies to you. If God has said “this is not unclean,” then you accept that the "law" as you had been taught may be too limiting, it may not be correct.

Let's say you decide to move forward with dating girls, and then decide it's not that great for you. You can stop dating girls. Sometimes experience is the best way to learn, and by dating girls perhaps you'll learn this isn't for you. Or maybe you'll learn it feels right in so many ways that you never understood was possible and which you never felt when you dated boys.

Often we don't know the path our life will take, but we can see far enough ahead to see a rock ahead of us and we can step onto that rock. Once there, we can see the next rock and then take that next step.

You now are seeing a rock ahead to date girls. You get to choose to step onto that rock, or to wait until later to take that step, or even to never take that step. Whether to step onto that rock is the choice you get to make, but the spirit is saying if you do take a step that it's okay, that this is a choice that's open to you.

The leaders can make the rules for what's acceptable in church, but you get to listen to your conscience, your inner voice, the promptings of the Holy Spirit, and determine what's right for your life and the next step forward for you.

#long post

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theloyaljackoftrades · 2 years

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Rosaria The Child of Moonlight

A Nun, she was, a tragic past she had. and that a cold woman. From the very first time she settled in Monstadt, she skipped classes and dodge hymnals, preferring to hunt than to be called a "sister".

She avoided every church activity she can, like a student bored with school works, she would vanish. Often she would frequent the taverns, drinking but not getting drunk. But, when the day is done and night has fallen, she works.

Be it cloudless or rainy nights, she would eliminate threats from humans, monsters, to ancient inventions that come to close for comfort, to the city she that gave her a new beginning. To her, this is her service to Monstadt. Never in her life she thought she would prioritize something else. But on a cloudless night when the moon was full, she witnessed Y/n. Illuminated by the moonlight, Y/n swiftly took care of the monsters getting close to city, a sight that piqued Rosaria's curiosity, "Interesting"

After arriving in Monstadt y/n quickly settled in, applying to be an adventurer at the Adventurer's Guild and getting a room in one of there dorms. Y/n was a unique person not just personality but in health condition as well. They inherited a rare disease that makes them extremely sensitive to sun, increasing the risk for their health, because of this y/n was rarely seen at day but, mostly at night and they only told Katheryne about their condition. So it was no surprise when they would only accept commissions that can be done when the sun has set. Though y/n does their commissions efficiently and well, due to their condition a lot of citizens of Monstadt was suspicious of y/n, including Rosaria.

On a night where the moon was less than half-illuminated and the winds were cold. Y/n accepted a commission involving a frequent number of sightings of Treasure Hoarders and a sealed Domain. Y/n arrived at the Domain at the dead of night, only to witness a spear wielding nun knocking out the last treasure hoarder standing. Surrounding her are scattered bodies, broken equipment, and pools of blood. Y/n was surprised to see a nun, especially at a situation like this. "Why are you dressed as a nun?" is the question only question that y/n could think off at the moment. "Because I am one" " And yet here you are in this line of work?" "There are hunters who don't eat pork, and fisherman who don't eat fish, aren't there?" "Uhh… I guess when you put it like that. But, isn't that suspicious?" "What about you? your never seen at day and only go out a night, isn't that suspicious?"

Y/n then proceeds to tell Rosaria about their condition.

"I see, forgive me for I judged you wrong. How 'bout we go back to city and I'll buy you a drink"

It was a start of friendship, a kind both Y/n and Rosaria never experienced before. The would partner up, taking care of both commissions and threats to Monstadt. For Y/n, Rosaria was easy to learn but, difficult to read. Surprisingly, Rosaria was skilled in a lot aspects. Rosaria had no trouble being friends with Y/n, seeing both them acted at night and would stop by the tavern before the sun has risen. But as their friendship progressed, she taught that y/n can understand her.

Though Rosaria would seemed apathetic and detached, like a cat who tolerates people's presence. Y/n noticed that Rosaria would spend more time with them, coming to their room through the window to skip church activities, bring them groceries, and most times just be in same room as them appreciating each other's presences. It went on like this for a long time, to the point y/n understood that they were the one who should be asking Rosaria if they want to be on a romantic relationship with them.

During a night when the moon was full, on top of Monstadt's walls, sat Rosaria and Y/n. Rosaria noticing Y/n's nervous body language "I can sense your fear, do you have something to say?" "Ahh… well… we've been friends for a long time now, spent countless nights together and uhh… I believe that… I love you… romantically?" "Are you not sure?" "I…" "Because I am, I've grown fond of you. Honestly, I never thought I would feel this for anyone, yet here we are together. You are a blessing which I highly appreciate. I love you and would spend the rest of my days with you" "I… wow, you confess better than me. So… does this mean were dating now?" "Yes"

Rosaria leans closer and gently grabs Y/n by the waist slowly pulling them closer kissing them, y/n being whiffed still manages to respond properly and kissing Rosaria back with equal passion.

#genshin girls x reader #genshin impact #genshin impact fluff #genshin impact girls #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #rosaria x reader

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mylandofdarkness · 28 days

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The Antagonist of My Life. My Mother.

My mother.. played a HUGE role in my life....

Now don't get me wrong.. things are better between me and her now but with my first 22 years of my life. she's given me hell. I never understood it till later that it was simply because Girls get it more rough than boys. Growing up I NEVER saw my mom lay a finger on him for anything. Instead every single thing I did.. where I was simply just a child THAT DOESNT KNOW ANYTHING... gets a bunch of beatings that she's gonna remember for the rest of her life. I remember crying so much, I remember hiding under a table, hovering in a corner while STILL getting slapped and beaten by my mother.. as I have a meltdown, I even locked myself in the bathroom for 20 minutes. My father had no role.. he wasn't able to do anything . So I'm just backed up in a corner getting hit as my father and brother sit on the side and watch. Like that's not traumatizing? for a Mother to stand there and beat and beat and beat her YOUNG child, daughter that is probably around 6-7 years old.. as she is screaming in pain from getting beaten. what kind of a mother does that. Does this child not have feelings?? Is this child suppose to not feel the pain? WHAT is this teaching the child? AS A CHILD... I was convinced she didn't want me to be happy, I was convinced she found pleasure in beating me every week, talking down on me, discouraging me, telling me all the things I liked was stupid.

So years go by.. all that abuse did something to me. it turned me into an easily agitated teenager, (Gee I wonder where I got that from). And I wasn't going to be those kids that commit suicide because of strict parents or being under pressure. So I got tired from my moms physical abuse one day when I was in mid-high school.

Her abusive hits didn't phase me anymore. Her 'discipline' wasn't going to do shit to me anymore. One Day when she raised her hand at me... I didn't cry, I looked at her dead in the eye... and just walked to my room so I didn't have to hear from her for the rest of the night. Another time where she wanted to give me a word (and a hand) I finally spoke up to her, she was hella surprised. My bro and Dad was surprised too . I said my piece, she told me I was making excuses. I told her it wasn't excuse. I wasn't going to easily back down. I wasn't going to give her that satisfaction of ME keeping quiet and crying, and having it end up being a meltdown. I wasn't going to let her be the only crazy one now. She created one... That's on her... And I want her to remember what she started and what she created.

So you see... Because of her I somehow always see the negative in most friendships I make. because I was treated so poorly when I was little, everytime I meet somebody I want to befriend, I would have higher expectations and always oversee a small negative . My mother never taught me how to treat others.. she taught me nothing but pain.

So fast forward to college.. I LIVED AWAY for college.. and it was the greatest 3 years ever. why? cause I was actually away from that toxic household and I was actually able to do what I want on my own. Met lots of cool people, partied, went out, talked to some boys, Figured myself out lots. College was done, I move back.. and yes everything was tense again. Keep in mind I went towards the Media Arts career path.. My mother thought that was a joke. So when it came to finding jobs.... she pestered me LOTS about it and it stressed me out a lot. pressured me into applying for jobs that I didn't find suited for myself. Now yes this is a different stage of my life.. They made me anxious on even finding a job. My mother made me feel like shit. This is where emotional and mental abuse comes in more. and when I finally landed a job at a well known company..

Things switched. I was suddenly the daughter they were proud of o.0 I'm the daughter that works at 'This place' WoW Im the daughter that's going to make a lot of money from this place. ...... That gave my phony vibes. Now that I'm making decent money.. your nice to me?? Now that other companies see my potential, you suddenly see it too?? Nah, you shattered my spirit for 22 years. You've emotionally and mentally brought me down almost everyday for 23 years. I'm not getting my years back.

Because of all this... a part of me resents her for how I ended up as a person. Every moment of hell she gave me, I remember it vividly.

#toxicmother #toxic parents #trauma #life lessons

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