Dear god. Okay so I’m very LGBT but have no clue what my ultimate sexuality is. I’ve been identifying as bisexual ever since I was 14, and I’m much older now and have had….many sexual experiences. I have listened to people in other sectors of our community, specifically trans.
My husband/spouse/wife is non binary obviously, and I love them dearly. I knew before they did, and have asked them to marry me before they came out to me. And trust me when I say, I have never been more sexually attracted to them in my life. Yeah yeah yeah, the honeymoon phase or whatever but honestly? That’s just a load of shit for people who don’t learn to communicate, and more importantly listen. I love them, and I want to have no other experiences besides with them. I want them, my body yearns for theirs, and I just feel so ungodly happy every time I get to hold them when they’re sleeping next to me.
GUYS I DID IT I MARRIED MY BEST FRIEND, MY SECOND HALF, and THE ABSOLUTE SWEETEST HUMAN BEING IN EXISTENCE!
There is nothing sexier than someone outwardly being the truest version of themselves, and fucking killing it. When someone is assertive, secure, and mature???? Holy fuck just take me away. And they have!! I love them so much
So here is my question, i have been identifying as bisexual, and before it was more towards women and men, however, me being absolutely star struck and caught off guard by my attraction to my lover who is non binary, i feel like identifying as pansexual isn’t enough. I am truly attracted to them 100%, but I feel like a sexuality where you’re only attracted to non-binary people fetishize them? However, one could argue that being non-binary is just another version of gender, however nb in it if itself is an umbrella term for everything under the sun, rightfully so may I add. I don’t want to fetishize my spouse, and I want them to feel as comfortable as I am with them and all that. They’re just really new i to their transition as themselves in this society and don’t know the answers themselves when i ask them these questions.
Is it really fetishizing when your partner, marital spouse, identifies as one way? And then all of a sudden it’s like, “holy shit you’re all I’ve ever wanted you’re all I’ve ever needed,” but being yelled at by people in this LGBTQA+ community about fetishizing trans individuals really scares me into either not having the right way of thinking about it. “I’m only attracted to trans females” or “I only like trans guys,” I’ve heard comes across as really gross towards those who identify that way and are being pursued. I love them, I just love my spouse so much and I’m trying so hard to get everything right so we don’t look back at this part of our relationship in 20 years thinking how gross my mindset was and how wrong it was.
Maybe I’m not bi or pan or whatever. Maybe I’m just completely attracted to my partner 100%? They’re all I ever want and all I feel like I will ever need to feel successful in life? But on the other hand, is this part of my sexuality i never got to explore before getting married? That thought is what I’m talking about above. And if it is, am I wrong for feeling that way? I just love my partner. Maybe I’m just attracted to their badassiry and them themselves. I don’t know.
I just know I married the exact right person for me, and for that, if I were to die tomorrow, I would die the happiest human in all of existence :)
Whumptober 2021 Day Four
“Do you trust me?” Freddie says, urgent.
No, Alexei wants to tell him. No, of course not. Why would I?
He doesn’t have a choice, though. Either he takes the hand Freddie is offering him or he falls, perhaps to his death. It’s hardly a choice at all, not after he’s fought so hard to survive.
“Alexei,” Freddie says, and reaches for him again. “Please.”
Alexei’s beginning to slip. He has a few seconds at most to make his decision. Trust someone he has no reason to trust, or fall.
He takes the hand. Freddie’s fingers wrap tight around his wrist and for a moment he’s safe.
But Freddie’s never done a day’s work in his life, and he wouldn’t know how to properly secure himself. Especially not laying on his belly and leaning out over the pit.
Alexei has never been heavy, but as Freddie tries to pull him up they both begin to slip down.
This is the point where Alexei should regret ever trusting him. This is the point where Freddie should let him fall, save himself at the cost of Alexei’s life.
But he doesn’t. His fingers only tighten around Alexei’s wrist as he scrabbles for purchase on the muddy bank of the pit.
Alexei doesn’t think he’d blame him for letting go. Saving himself. Alexei should be nothing to him.
Freddie never ceases to surprise him, though. He keeps his hold on Alexei’s wrist even as he slips closer to the edge of the pit, even as the dirt gives out beneath him, even as they both begin to fall.
They’re going to die. Alexei is going to be killed by his own stupidity, and Freddie is going to die because he would rather fall than betray Alexei’s trust.
Alexei doesn’t know what to do with that. He has a long, long moment to think about it, as they fall together, but he doesn’t come to any conclusion. Doesn’t understand why anyone would put trying to save him over their own life.
They don’t die. Not immediately. They’re stopped, abruptly, by a net over the bottom of the pit, a net that gives a little as they hit it.
It’s like no material Alexei’s ever seen before. Almost like rope, but thicker. Sticky.
Freddie still hasn’t let Alexei go. Doesn’t let him go, even as they both shift around, trying to sit up. Alexei wants to tell him to fuck off, wants to ask him never to let go. He says nothing.
“I’m sorry,” Freddie says. As though this is somehow his fault. “I should have…”
“No,” Alexei says. He doesn’t mean for it to be gentle, but it is. “It’s not your fault.”
Freddie exhales, loud in the darkness. It’s shaky, as though he’s crying. “I couldn’t save you.”
“We’re not dead. Not yet.”
Alexei doesn’t know why he’s trying to comfort him. Maybe because it’s all he can offer in return for Freddie even trying.
“Not yet,” Freddie whispers.
He’s scared. Alexei’s scared, too, but he’s so used to being scared. Freddie is not.
Alexei’s wrist is going to bruise, if they make it out of here. He doesn’t think he cares, not really. For once it’s the mark of someone who tried to save him.
There’s a sudden light, and Alexei looks over. Freddie’s remembered his own power, it seems. There’s a flickering ball of fire floating above his free hand, just enough to illuminate them and the net.
He is crying. The firelight glances off the tears on his cheeks, though he makes no attempt to wipe them away. Doesn’t even acknowledge them.
Alexei doesn’t mean to. Perhaps it would be kinder to ignore them completely, but he doesn’t. He reaches out and wipes the tears away, as gentle as he can manage with his rough hands.
Freddie’s breath hitches, and he leans into the touch, eyes fluttering closed. Alexei wonders how long it’s been since anyone’s been kind to him.
“We’ll be fine,” he says. He doesn’t know how to be comforting, not anymore.
His hand is still on Freddie’s face. Freddie’s fingers are still wrapped around his wrist. Maybe it means something.
The net shakes, and Alexei pulls back. Now isn’t the right time, if there ever will be a right time.
“Hello?” Freddie calls, timid.
Alexei touches the net again. Rope, sticky. It shakes under his hands and Freddie shifts a little closer, raising the fire in his hand.
Alexei doesn’t think anyone’s out there. No one human, at least.
The net shakes. They’re trapped here, like flies in a web.
Perhaps they are flies.
Freddie whimpers quietly as the net shakes again. Alexei can’t shake the thought that perhaps this isn’t a net at all. A web, weaved by some sort of huge spider.
He hates spiders. His hands are shaking.
He wants to be wrong. He doesn’t think he’s ever wanted to be wrong quite so badly.
But he’s not. Of course. The net shakes and the light glints of eyes, clustered close together on an enormous face.
He must make some sort of noise, because Freddie turns to him, eyes wide.
“We’ll be fine,” he says, echoing what Alexei had said earlier.
They won’t be fine. Not caught in a spider’s web like this.
The spider hisses and shifts more of its massive bulk into the puddle of light.
Alexei hasn’t cried in so long, but he can feel tears pooling in the corner of his eyes.
“Get rid of the light,” he murmurs. He doesn’t want to see.
Freddie listens, and the light goes out. The spider is once again hidden in darkness.
There’s a hand on Alexei’s face a moment later. He flinches, and Freddie pulls away.
“It’s only me,” he says, soft and sweet. As though they’re not going to die.
“I know,” Alexei murmurs, and the hand is back, wiping away the tears he hadn’t realise had spilled over.
At least if they die like this he won’t die alone. They can die together.
“Do you trust me?” he whispers, finding Freddie’s face in the darkness.
“Yes,” Freddie tells him, instantaneous.
He’s so stupid. They’re both so stupid, and they’re both going to die.
Alexei leans in and brushes their lips together. It’s nothing, barely a kiss at all, but he hears Freddie’s breath hitch.
He tries to say something and Alexei silences him with another kiss, more of a kiss this time. He doesn’t think he loves Freddie, barely even trusts him, but perhaps he could have. If they had more time.
They don’t have more time. The net shakes and Alexei can feel as the spider pounces. Freddie chokes on a scream and goes limp against him.
Alexei closes his eyes and waits.