#I hate that reading this doesn’t even fill like it describes it correctly

[lauryn-order]

trigger warning: emotional abuse

When I think of my ex the first thing that always comes to mind is hearing him say. “Fuck you, bitch.” in the coldest, cruelest voice I’ve ever heard for the crime of trying to wake him up 5 minutes before check out time after packing everything for him and letting him get as much sleep as possible.

Then there’s:

Him towering over me and screaming at me while I’m curled up in a ball, terrified and sobbing.

Him having full financial control over me for almost 8 years and talking me out of a job whenever I tried to make my own money, so, now that I’ve left, I have nothing to my name.

Him yelling at me or guilting me for buying groceries or spending money on other essentials and then minutes later buying a $100 bottle of alcohol to finish that same night, something expensive for himself or else ordering insanely expensive food like fancy steak dinners.

Throwing up from crying so hard after being yelled at for whatever set him off and him coming in minutes after yelling at me saying, “What’s wrong?” and love bombing me, throwing himself a pity party so I’d comfort him instead, and/or making me promise I love him and will stay forever.

Panicking and sobbing/puking after being yelled at and trying to get space and him following me around demanding I talk to him, pretending he wants a healthy conversation, getting mad if I say no and calling me an abuser, or, getting mad if I agree and start the whole thing from the beginning.

Him only treating me like a little whenever he’s broken me down into a sobbing, panicking mess.

Him flinching as if he were going to hit me and then repeatedly asking “what’s wrong” when I’d shut down afterwards.

Him throwing things across the room or punching objects when he’d get mad.

Him blatantly lying to me and getting pissed at me if I ever called him out. Once was on Easter when I stayed up all night setting up an Easter egg hunt for my partners and worked my ass off for over five hours cooking an Easter meal just for him, by his request, and he refused to speak to me for days, purposefully showed extra love to @baby-foxx and zero to me, tried to get her to only spend time with him and barely touched the food I made, all because I didn’t believe his lie of the day.

Having to walk on eggshells every single day as to not accidentally set him off. Something as simple as innocently saying, “She doesn’t like oranges.” could set him off in a full on rage.

On occasion, him weaponizing his financial control over me and threatening or temporarily taking away my access to his money (which I didn’t spend frivolously, my clothes are filled with holes and most don’t fit for gourd’s sake) if he was mad at me for something.

My car breaking down and him promising to get me a new one, but then didn’t for years so I was stuck in our apartment (there was no near public transportation) and I became fully dependent on him. He never wanted to leave the house, so I never left the house. I’d have to cancel plans with friends, back when I still had them, because he didn’t feel like driving after he had already agreed to it. He did buy himself a new car during this, though, that he knew I was unable to drive. Around my birthday, too.

Him making countless empty promises and being an expert at manipulating me and giving me false hope.

Being overly shady about his screens and what he was doing or who he was talking to.

Eventually he randomly got mad at me for opening his mail after years of being okay with it, even though he NEVER opens it. I was the only one to check the mail and I’m the one who’d find important mail and pay the bills that came in. There are now multiple piles and bags filled with his mail, some of which I know need to be opened. He’d get mad at me for mentioning that there’s something important in there, accusing me directly or indirectly of opening it when all I did was read the outside of the envelope to sort through whose mail it was.

Whenever I had tried to leave in the past, he’d suddenly change back into the dream man I fell in love with and say and do all the perfect things to wins me back only to change back into the other version of himself shortly afterwards.

Him talking me into giving him my ADD medications because he abuses his, so I would be stuck in withdrawal instead of him since he’s the one who needed to be able to work. (He does the same to his father for his anxiety meds.)

Him constantly telling me I’m an abuser, a gas lighter, a manipulator, etc. so I would stay up panicking and questioning my sense of reality. This would usually happen when I would call out something shitty he had done so he could turn it back on me.

Almost never bought me holiday presents or want to celebrate, which I didn’t complain about. He would throw himself a pity party because I would buy him things and set up celebrations, so that I would instead of celebrating I’d have to spend my time comforting him and telling him it was all okay, he’s not a bad person, he’s the best, etc.

We’d get into fights over my struggles with my fertility. I want kids more than anything else in the world. It’s my only real dream and goal in life. But he’d guilt me over the fact that he didn’t have kids yet. He talked about us having to end our relationship because of it. I tried multiple things in order to get my fertility up, but he would never try anything. He refused to get checked himself, even though he had valid reason to, so it would all fall down on me. Never mind the fact that getting pregnant would involve regularly having sex, which he also wouldn’t do, so I don’t know how he expected kids to happen. He’s still guilting me over this now that we’ve broken up saying he’s now too old to have children (he’s 37), but I’m not, as if this is all on me and all my fault and as if this is a valid reason for me to stay.

Eventually he started saying he couldn’t afford gifts and that’s why he didn’t get anything. (When he made a six-figure salary and it wasn’t remotely true. Even if he didn’t, I am below the poverty line, but still managed to make something happen with my own money whenever I made some. I could barely even get him to spend time with me on holidays and never asked for or wanted anything expensive. Just him and to spend time together.)

Him yelling at me for the house not being clean, but then getting mad at me when I would be cleaning for not doing whatever he wanted me to be doing with him at that moment. Yells at me for asking for help saying it’s not his job. Sometimes he else would offer help the second he sees I’m literally a minute away from being done.

Him acting like spending an hour with me/us every once in awhile was a saintly thing and a chore we should be praising him for.

Him maybe having sexual moments with me 1-2 times a year and at inopportune moments like when I was sick, but I would do it anyway since I knew it was one of my only opportunities for the rest of the year.

The list could go on and on. This seems like so much, but yet it barely scratches the surface. There’s so much I can’t even really put into words to describe. I can’t begin to describe how many times I was yelled at or how scared I was to set him off. I can’t count how many nights I spent shaking and crying.

I was with him for 8 years, my entire adult life, and, although it wasn’t always like this, this has been my life for so many years. My eyes are finally fully open to it and I’m finally free to talk about it.

He’s still been trying to manipulate me and had been rapidly switching between trying to get me back, guilting me, being angry with me for being done, turning the story around, not respecting boundaries, etc. He’s trying to hurt me for breaking it off. Not even a day after we broke up he decided he’s going on a month long trip to try and get one of three exes back.

I now only have a few hundred dollars to my name and I’ve lost all sense of security. Instead of sticking to the original deadline he gave me of the end of the year for me to be gone by, he kicked me out without notice and I’m only allowed back to pack my shit. I am having to live with my parents and Baby Berry’s parents. I had to leave my cat behind until we can get our own place.

Not going to lie, I’m scared. So fucking scared.

#I hate that reading this doesn’t even fill like it describes it correctly #I hate that I’m terrified to post this but I’m doing it because tumblr posting is like journaling for me and therapeutic #I hate that I feel guilty for posting this #I hate that I feel guilty for leaving #I hate that although I’m out I don’t feel free because I’m not settled #I just hate it all #trigger warning #tw: emotional abuse #mine #personal #breakup #abuse #toxic relationship

[nightowlfandom]

Yandere! Corrupt Angel! Keigo Takami X Demon! Reader- Episode 1/3: The Same Side Of A Coin

CHECKOUT MY MASTERLIST HERE!

Hey friends.....this is a ride Theres talkings of suicide, sinning, degredation, heaven vs hell and religious themes. You’ve been warned.

Leggo

...

You stood in the middle of the dancefloor, staring around the room. Once a year heaven and hell would come together and host the gala of the century. The Dark One and The Holy One would set aside their differences one day out of the year and host a party bringing both their children together for a huge affair.

Every demon and angel across the nine realms would show up. The beautiful, the ethereal, and the not so beautiful too. You watched as each leader sat respectfully on their thrones.

You watched as The Dark One looked over his people. It was times like this you admired the man. Your soul had mistakenly fallen to the pits of hell when an angel who wouldn’t do their job correctly denied your entry to heaven. You were given special treatment as a result.

The other demons knew you didn’t do anything wrong and they didn’t hold it against you. In fact, the other demons treated you like a kid sister. They never let you near any real demon business. 

“Ah, Young Y/N! Come!” The Dark One waved you over. “There’s someone you must meet my child.” 

“Yes, Sir!” you gave a thumbs up from the crowd. “Excuse me, Pardon me.” you shimmied through the crowd. You caught the eye of many angels. The other demons spoke highly of you, saying how the feather freaks would be lucky to have you...they were right.

You wore a black gown, with a pretty decorative necklace. Your wrists were decorated in beautiful lace cuffs that matched the rings on your right hand.

“Y/N, my word you look beautiful as ever.” The Dark One praised. “I want you to meet-”

“The Holy One, I know you...my family speaks...spoke-” you corrected yourself. “Highly of you.”

“Y/N, as I live and breathe. Old Goat Face wasn’t kidding.”

“Oh shut up and fix your bedsheet, Cloud Breath.”

You giggled as the two argued like siblings. 

“Y/N, I would like to personally apologize. I’m afraid some of my children can be quite...elite about who the let through the gates.”

You remember being thrown down the stairs, falling for a while, then landing next to a lake of lava. Of course that was a while ago.

“It’s okay...not like I was the purest soul in the world anyways.” you shrugged. 

“Sin does not define you my child, I’m sure your heart would have landed you here with me had a different angel been working that day.”

That didn’t change the fact that you were booted to hell. No one could change that even if they wanted to.

“Ah! Keigo My boy! Over here!” You watched as The Holy One waves someone over. You kept your eyes on the Dark One.

“How are you holding up, dear?”

“I’m well.” you bowed respectfully. “Sorry for not socializing enough.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about, my dear girl. As long as you are enjoying yourself.”

You smiled, about to reply when a new body came into the picture. A tall man, in a black tuxedo strode up to you, the dark, and the holy One. he was obviously an angel from his golden thin rimmed halo hanging above his head of sandy brown hair. Only instead of white wings, his were blood red. They were unlike any you’ve ever seen before. You had never seen a higher level angel before in the flesh.

“Y/N, Triple 6....this is Keigo.”

“Nice to meet you, man. Don’t let twinkle toes tell you anything about us. Demons aren’t so bad. Y/N here is proof of that.”

“Y/N huh?” you finally met his sharp eyes. His gaze held yours for what felt like an eternity. His smug expression slightly faltered as he stared at you. His lips parted slightly at the sight of you. Never in all his days had he seen such a low level demon hold such a high priestess appearance. “I’m...charmed to meet you.”

“Likewise.” you bowed your head respectfully. You had noticed a few select demons getting near you. All the upper levels seemed to glare at this Keigo person with intense hate and you were positive it wasn’t just because of the color differences. 

“You don’t have horns.”

“Excuse me?” you raised an eyebrow.

“You have no horns.” he said again, a smirk teasing his lips.

You moved your hair from in front of your forehead to reveal two little bone-ish stubs. They weren’t sharp, nor prominent like the higher-ups. You remembered the others saying you needed horns that fit you just right. They would grow...eventually. 

“Hm, Keigo, Y/N...why don’t you two go on the dancefloor?” The Holy One asked.

“With this asshole? No thanks.” you rolled your eyes. “You think just because your higher up than me, you can disrespect me?” you crossed your arms. (Read more below the break)

...

“Disrespect. Dear girl, it was merely an observation!” he looked amused at your anger.

“Don’t you smile at me.” you seethed. “I know a pompous ass when I see it.”

“Y/N, do try and calm yourself.” The Dark One put a hand on your shoulder. “I’m sure he didn’t mean it with malice.”

“Come on. What do you say.” he held out his hand. He winked.

“Only because I refuse to say no to a God twice.” you seethed.

Everyone watched as Keigo, wings spread crossed the dancefloor with you on his arm. You obviously weren’t too happy, given your first impression had already down down the drain. 

He’d better not touch Y/N if he knows what’d good for him,

Keigo of all people, dancing with a demon doesn’t surprise me.

You tried to ignore the gossip as a hand rested at the base of your spine. Keigo looked down at you, his smugness unwavering as he began move with you to the music. It was a low, slow jazzy tune with what could be described as a ‘sensual piano’ melody. 

“I really didn’t mean it the way you took it, doll.” he whispered in your ear. “But you’ve got fire, I respect that.”

“I..I’m sorry.” you sighed. “I’m just...used to people degrading me because-”

“This is so new to you.” he finished, his smile slightly faltering. “I was like that too, thousands of years ago.”

“Well I’m on year two so-” you scoffed. “It’s not that bad...I guess. Hell isn’t as bad as the books say it is.”

“Well heaven isn’t all clouds and rainbows either, doll. I’ve been banished so many times I’ve lost count.”

“Banished? I don’t understand.” you tilted your head to the side.

Keigo could see what was left of your innocent aura hanging around you. Most people who fell into the pits of hell were already long gone with no trace of human emotion or attachment. You...were different. It reminded him of...himself once upon a time.

“I’ve gone rogue. They tried to restrain me but they give keep giving me chances.” he shook his head. “That’s the think about the Cloud Kingdom, dear. They refuse to believe there are bad people in the world.” 

“Is that why...your wings are-”

‘No...that’s more of a stylistic choice...can’t let all those souls go to waste can I?” he winked. “Red suits me don’t you think.”

“Y-yes.” you replied honestly, finding it hard to lie. 

“So what about you?” he raised an eyebrow. Among the hum of the other patrons and the music, not to mention your demonic heart thumping loudly against your chest you felt Keigo’s breath on the shell of your ear. It was like he was telling you a secret. “What brings you to the pits...killing an ant by accident?”

“My application for the gates was apparently denied.”

“No why would that be.” you don’t look like the type to sin.

“Trust me.” you shook your head. “I’ve sinned more times than I can count...I guess putting a bullet in my head was the last straw.”

Keigo’s breath hitched in his throat as you told your story. You...you shot yourself? Such a small thing? You weren’t a murderer, or god forbid anything else. He felt himself silently fill with rage. You had the glow of an angel that was for sure.

“I’ve come to terms with it. Guess I wasn’t worthy.” you shrugged.

“You are always worthy.” he abruptly cut you off. “It’s these white wear wearing, cloud riding fuckers that aren’t worthy.” he seethed. ‘What other sins could you have possibly committed.”

“...The Dark One hasn’t told you?...I’m a lust demon in training.” you explained. “I used sex to fill voids when I was alive. When I couldn’t replace my pain with pleasure...kapow!” you put your fingers to your head and faked a gunshot.

“Lust demon?” Keigo raised an eyebrow. “That explains why you look so sexy tonight.” he flirted.

“Are you hitting on me?” your eyes widened.

“Depends. Do you like it?”

You hadn’t noticed that Keigo body was flush against yours. Skin to skin. You felt warm, scorching hot beneath him. That was the demon fire. 

“Y-yeah.” you nodded. “I do...wow-” you stepped back from him and fanned yourself. 

“Is everything alright?” Keigo stepped forward and laced his hands in yours. 

“What have you done to our sister?” a high priestess demoness waltzed up. She glared at Keigo who seemed unfazed, only raising an eyebrow. “Y/N, Dear are you alright?”

“I don’t know.” your chest heaved. “I feel- so...” you partially moaned.

“What has this angel scum done to our sister.” a male demon stormed up. He unfurled his dragon-esque wings. “Sister Y/N, say something.”

“I need air...I have to go outside.” you immediately walked away. Keigo, in a confused state watched you walk away.

“Sister Y/N is unwell! We must go after her.”

“She’ll be fine, we’ll know if she’s in trouble.”

Call it instinct, but he had to follow you.

#anime x reader #anime imagines #anime scenarios #anime headcanons #anime x reader imagines #anime x reader scenarios #bnha imagines #bnha x reader #bnha hawks #bnha keigo #mha au #bnha au #nightowlfandom #fan fic #smut imagines #hawks smut #hawks lemon #bnha lemon #keigo lemon #keigo takami lemon #keigo takami smut #keigo takami bnha #hawks x reader imagines #x reader #imagines #hawks x reader #keigo takami x reader #keigo takami au

[descendantofthesparrow]

Regained Passion -Harry Hook x reader - part 1 - The dance studio

=

-canon deviant, after D2; Ben invites more vks over, including Harry and Gil-

Harry huffed in frustration as he forced himself to walk to the dance studio building, FG had made the newest set of VKs go to counselors and his had decided he needed something to burn off his energy, but it couldn’t be sword fighting or tourney as it ‘amplified his violent tendencies’ and he needed ‘a calm environment that tempered him’

“Dumb counselor, dumb FG, dumb dance class” he muttered to himself, shrugging the duffel back on his shoulder to sit correctly as it slid from its spot slightly. The studio was just off campus, being connected to a huge auditorium that had a large stage for their dancers to…well dance.

He stopped in front of the building, grimacing up at the sign that hung off the front of the building “Esmerelda's dance hall” he read, sighing he looked back down at his clothes.

Evie had signed herself up to make some new clothes for him to dance in, and at the moment he was in a flowy white t-shirt, slightly baggy black sweatpants, and wearing his new converse. (he had a feeling he would have to change out of them though) “Let's get this over with” he muttered, walking up the steps and into the building.

He stepped through the doors and looked around, to the left was a reception desk, at least that’s what it looked like, and to the right was a café looking room, with vending machines and a mini kitchen. “Hello! Welcome to Esmerelda's dance hall! Are you a new student?” Harry turned back to look at the desk, now a middle-aged blonde woman sat in the chair behind it, a kind smile on her face.

“I guess” Harry muttered, walking up to the desk and handing her the paper the consular had given him to give to ‘Ms. Smith’ and the woman behind the desks nameplate read ‘Mira Smith’ so he guessed she was the person who he had to give the paper too. “I was told ta give this ta yeh” Mira nodded and took the paper, humming to herself and typing on her computer.

“Yep, got you right here, Harry Hook. You’ll be starting out in the beginners class for teens since we assumed you had no prior dance experience” Harry quirked his brow. He had dance experience just…not the type they did in this school probably. “The school is paying for your classes so you won't have to worry about any payments, follow me!” Mira stood and walked out from behind the desk, leading Harry down the long hallway of doors, each having a number and letter on the wood.

“Your classes, for now, will take place in D-A, with Mr. Bert. Hes our beginner teacher, all our students love him, they say he makes everything very fun and entertaining” Harry didn’t respond, looking at the walls and through the small windows to the rooms. “Well, here you are! Have fun Harry” Mira opened the door and gestured inside, where a good group of teens his age stood, all getting ready for the class. Some were stretching while others just talked to their friends.

Harry stepped through the door, pressing his lips together as some of the teens turned to look at him, brows raising bit. He could recognize some of them from Auradon prep. Harry held down a flinch as a hand clamped on his shoulder “You must be Harry, eh?!” Harry turned to look, seeing a kind-looking man with black hair and blue eyes, a smile on his face.

Harry wasn’t one to trust someone as soon as he saw them but this man just had odd energy that Harry felt like he could trust. Harry felt himself relax and nodded to the man, who held out his hand to Harry. “I’m Bert!” Bert had an odd Boston accent, which again, made Harry feel oddly safe. Harry shook his hand, yelping quietly as Burt pulled him into the group of teens “Now, grab a pair of those black ballet shoes, don’t worry they’re new and ya get ta keep ‘em, and get em all tied up on ya’, and the same ta’ the rest of ya’! get all ready and stretch!” Bert released Harry's hand and walked around the room, helping some of the younger teens stretch and put their shoes on.

Harry looked for his size in the shoes and found one pair left ‘how convenient’ he thought, grabbing the pair and moving over to the wall that had only one other teen sitting against it. He took off his bag and slid down the wall, taking off his converse and replacing it with the ballet shoes.

As Harry got his shoes changed, Bert announced to the new students that had also joined that day; that beginner classes were only an hour-long, and there was no lesson plan, for now, it was learning basics and just having fun with dance. He also said he would teach them to dance along to a song called ‘step in time’. But first, stretching.

Harry mindlessly followed along with the instruction; Harry didn’t want to be here in the first place so he didn’t really feel like trying. “uh, Harry?” Harry looked up, seeing Bert staring wide-eyed at him “have ya ever had any previous dance experience? Gymnastics even?” Harry shook his head, not knowing why Bert was asking “You’re about a half-foot away from a full side split” Harry looked down, raising his brows in slight shock.

It was true, Harry's legs were almost horizontal from his hips “well would yeh look at tha’” Harry muttered, leaning forward a bit, hearing some of the girls of the class gasp in slight jealously.

“How the heck is he doing that! I've been doing gymnastics since I was two and I can't even do that!” a black girl with Bantu knots whispered to her friend, who started starry-eyed at Harry.

“I know… it’s kinda hot” the friend whispered back, laughing slightly as the first girl gently tugged at her hair “I’m sorry it is!” the first girl smirked and smacked the second's thigh.

“You are such a simp” she chortled turning her attention back to Bert and Harry, to which Bert was testing Harry's flexibility, to Harry's slight embarrassment.

“Do you feel any pain like that?” Harry looked down at his almost full side spit and shook his head, he didn’t even realize he had done it. “Could you try to do a full one?” Harry stared at Bert for a moment then shrugged, spreading his legs further and now sitting in a full side split “Well butter my britches” Bert laughed, rubbing his head “and they told me ya were a full on beginner!”

Harry sniffed and moved his legs back into a normal position, now sitting cross-legged as Bert patted his head and went back to stand in the front of the group, clapping his hands to gain his attention “Alright! Now let's start with the basics!”

-

If Harry had been taking the class willingly? He would have enjoyed it wholeheartedly because Mira was right; Bert did make the class very fun. But due to Harry being forced to take the class, he had hated every second. Bert had seemed to realize Harry wasn’t into it and left harry alone most of the time, but he still checked on him during the hour of class.

“Remember to grab the schedule on your way out! Class is same time same place tomorrow! Have a good day!” Harry finished tying up his shoes and stood, shuffling his new dance shoes into his bag, and made his way out of the class, giving a halfhearted finger wave to Bert as he walked out.

He walked behind his class, not wanting to mingle with any of them. He stopped, looking to his right as he noticed an open door. He blinked in slight surprise, inside was a whole group, much more experienced than his class, practicing what seemed to be ballet, the girls wearing shoes that allowed them to stand on their toes.

His eyes locked onto a particular girl, wearing a light blue leotard and an even lighter blue sheer skirt that almost looked silver.  Her skirt flared as she performed a set of spins, her head almost sticking to one spot as she did.

Harry had never seen ballet before, at least in person, so he stood slightly mesmerized as she danced, she stopped her spin and moved gradually on her toes, moving about the room in a way that Harry could only describe as ‘flowing water’. The girl turned once more, bright (e/c) eyes locking with his.

Harry felt his breath hitch as a sudden rush of butterflies erupted in his gut, flying about his body and filling his mind. ‘wha-‘ Harry mentally stuttered, taking a step back from the class as he felt his face heat up. The girl still had her eyes on him, but they were filled with slight confusion and interest. ‘I-I I have to go’ Harry turned and ran for the exit, not noticing the girl's classmates walk over to the door and look after him, some of them giggling to themselves.

-

“Oh he’s pretty!” “Think he’s a new student?”

“Oh def, did you see his outfit!? Besides, I heard that Mr. Bert got a new student today from Auradon prep, I think that was him”

“(y/n), do you recognize him?” Anita Beaucop turned to you from the door, she wasn’t from Auradon prep so she couldn’t have known who Harry was.

“Yes,” you mumbled, resting against one of the beams against the wall. “Harry Hook, one of the new villain kids, Chad calls him a filthy pirate” Anita rolled her eyes and sauntered over to you, grabbing a water bottle from her bag and cracking it open.

“Well,” Anita huffed, her French accent strong as usual “your brother is an asshole, both of us know not to trust him, if Chad doesn’t like Harry, then you should make friends, piss him off and all that” you giggled at that, covering your mouth as Emma, another one of your class friends who didn’t go to Auradon prep, leaned into your space, her eyes drifting back toward the door.

“Do you know If Harry's single?” she purred, her smirk dropping as you shrugged.

“I don’t know, he hangs around Uma a lot, and from what I see he seems really into her” Emma pouted, and crossed her arms.

“I got no shot with that hunk then, Uma’s hot as fuck.” the entire room agreed, including Javis and Saki in the corner of the room, who were both very much into men. “See, even Javis agrees!”

“Just because I don’t like anything on the menu doesn’t mean I can’t apricate it” Javis snorted, downing a granola bar as he did a small stretch session. You snorted and rolled your eyes, fixing your skirt and getting back into the starting position as Esmerelda looked back up from her cd player.

“Okay! Let's run it from the top again! Last round ladies! Then we can all go home and relax” As the gentle music began to play and you started to dance, you couldn’t help but think about the striking ocean blue eyes that sent a spark through your soul.

-end of part 1-

Part one of a new series, not gonna be a long one, maybe 5 parts at least-most…dunno which it's gonna be but, yeah! If you couldn’t guess, (y/n) is Chad's sister (fraternal twin but since its x reader you look like you and not automatically a female version of Chad) and isn’t like him, takes more after her mom n stuff. And yeah we got some simps in (y/n)s class lol.

Hope you enjoyed and will enjoy the next parts (to which I have no clue where this fic is actually gonna go I had a beginning and ending part to it and that was all lol, so lets see how this turns out)

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@queer-cosette @sephiralorange @lunanight2012

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#Descendents #descendants #disney descendants #harry hook #harry hook descendants #harry hook x reader #harry hook imagine #dancer reader #chads sister reader

[mostlycompetentwriter]

Awaken

F/M Pairing: Y/N x Hwang Hyunjin (some mentions of Y/N x Seo Changbin)

Word Count: 7.5K

Warnings: Explicit smut and language, use of vibrators, Hyunjin is kinda obsessed in this one

Genre: College AU; Professor AU

Summary: When Y/N transferred into a prestigious all-girls university, she never expected to be on the receiving end of a very handsome professor’s near-constant attention.

It had been a difficult decision - transferring from my previous school into one of the most Elite universities in the world. I understand that it might seem contradictory, but there were several uncertainties that impeded my ability to make a decision. The first being an existential dread surrounding the idea of leaving behind my best friends, including my off-and-on again boyfriend, Changbin. The second reason involved my new university’s strict mandate that it would only accept female applicants.

Yes, the school only admitted women, and as someone who maintained a diligent sex life with previous boyfriends, I was not excited by the prospect of being forced into celibacy.

But the pressure from my parents and close academic advisors eventually forced my hand, and I found myself dragging most of my belongings out of my dorm room with a few friends helping me along. “What the hell is in this suitcase, Y/N?” Jisung asked, grunting with the effort of dragging my bag along the sidewalk.

“Probably just clothes,” I said, shrugging because I was trying to remain perfectly nonchalant about my transfer, even though I was having a total meltdown on the inside.

“I think that’s all of it,” Changbin said, and he was giving me that same somber look that I was starting to hate - the one that told me he wasn’t very happy about my transfer. “You know,” he continued, bracing himself against the side of my car. “If you ever need me, I’m only a phone call away.”

“Quit trying to get your dick wet, Changbin, and grab something!” Chan snapped. “Or, are those arms just for show?”

Changbin rolled his eyes, but he leaned down to grab my laundry basket before bringing it to the trunk. “Are you gonna miss us, Y/N?” Jisung asked. 

“Not as much as you’ll miss me,” I said. “Who else will edit your essays, Han?”

Jisung frowned as if he was actually thinking deeply about my question. “Maybe I could just email them-”

“Jisung,” Chan interrupted, knocking against his shoulder with an affectionate smile. “There’s still one more box inside.”

“I’m on it!” Jisung shouted, and I grinned at the sight of the younger boy pumping his arms as he jogged back up the staircase.

“He doesn’t really get the severity of the situation,” Chan said, leaning next to me to against my car.

“It’s okay,” I said, looking down at my shoes. “I’ll miss all of you.”

“Y/N,” Chan said, “I thought we weren’t gonna cry until after you left.”

I sniffled around the rising urge to do exactly that before tossing my arms around his neck for a long embrace. “You’ll come see me, right?”

“Of course,” Chan agreed, pulling back to meet my gaze. “Ya! Don’t cry over this, Y/N. It’s supposed to be your big opportunity.”

“Yeah,” I murmured, but it didn’t really feel like it anymore, and when my eyes connected with Changbin’s, I couldn’t help but feel a terrible weight pressing down on my chest.

Maybe this was the worst idea ever, but I was already enrolled for the upcoming academic semester. I would do my best, of course, but I desperately hoped that my parents might reconsider another transfer. Because these were my friends  (and my sometimes boyfriend), and I belonged with them.

“Don’t think too much about it,” Chan instructed me firmly. “Call us if you ever want to hangout.”

“I will,” I promised him, and he brushed a friendly kiss across my forehead. It was the ultimate sign that I had truly signed my life away on the enrollment papers for the school in the next town. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad once I made new friends, but at this moment, everything hurt and I was doing my best to hold myself together as I drove away with my old life waving goodbye from the rear-view mirror.

Upon the start of the Spring semester, I was officially moved into my new dorm room which I was sharing with an very enthusiastic young woman named Claire. Her optimism was unmatched, and she had spent most of the day dragging me around campus while pointing out anything that seemed remotely interesting. “You’ll love it here, Y/N!” she promised, and I feigned a smile mostly for her benefit.

“It seems nice,” I told her later on after we returned to our shared dorm room.

“Oh, yeah, the teachers are great!” she said. “What’s your schedule like?”

I shrugged with vacant dismissal, reaching into my bag to hand her the folded piece of paper I had received earlier that week. “You got in Mr. Hwang’s class!” Claire abruptly squealed. “You lucky bitch!”

“What’s the big deal?” I grumbled, snatching my schedule back out of her hands.

“The big deal!” Claire shrieked like I had just committed an unforgivable crime. “He’s only the hottest teacher on campus!”

I rolled my eyes because I should’ve anticipated something superficial. But I was beginning to understand that most of these poor girls were thirsty for anything remotely attractive, and I had even witnessed one girl lusting over a much-older professor just because he still had all of his hair. It was everything I feared about an all-girls institution, and I was beginning to experience the same mania as the rest of them.

But my thoughts usually went to Changbin, and there was no way I would ever fantasize about one of my teachers. “How old is he?” I asked.

“He’s only 27!” Claire giggled. “I’m not kidding, Y/N, it looks like he was literally sculpted by the gods!”

“That’s original,” I muttered. “Well, I hope he’s good at poetry.”

“Oh, he’s the best,” Claire assured me, but I didn’t think I could take her word for it because she was certainly biased when it concerned his looks. “He’s been published all around the world!”

“He must be decent,” I said because the school’s academic reputation wouldn’t allow anything less than acceptable.

“My friend had a class with him last semester,” Claire continued, and I regretted not changing the topic earlier. “Apparently, she could hardly concentrate on the lesson because she couldn’t stop staring at his ass.”

“Your friend sounds dedicated.”

“There’s also a rumor going around campus that he only got his position because he seduced our admissions advisor!”

I snorted at the idea. “I doubt I’ll be that interested in him.”

“Whatever you say, Y/N,” Claire sing-songed. “You’ll change your mind when you see him.”

“I highly doubt it,” I muttered, and I glanced over at the side table where my phone was waiting. “I’ll be back,” I said, and I left the dorm room and found myself in an isolated study room which I ensured was locked before dialing Changbin’s number.

Then, I settled down against the couch and closed my eyes, shoving my hand underneath the waistband of my sleeping shorts to gently graze my fingers against my clitoris. 

Graciously, Changbin picked up after the fourth ring: “Y/N?” he said. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” I said. “I just wanted to hear your voice.”

Changbin chuckled, and the static from the phone made it sound far more guttural. I bit my lower lip as I dipped one finger inside my tight heat. “How’s your new roommate?” he asked. “Chan told me that she was unbearable.”

“She’s chatty,” I said, taking a deep breath before asking him: “Changbin, I miss you.”

He was silent from the other end, and I could only pray that Changbin had read the situation correctly, especially when I offered a quiet moan into the receiver. “Are you touching yourself, Y/N?” he asked, and I nodded even though he couldn’t see me.

“I wish you were here,” I told him, and I smiled at the familiar sound of Changbin’s zipper as he tugged his pants down those thick thighs that I loved. 

“I’m here, babe,” he said, and there was a slight desperation to his tone. “What are you thinking about?”

“You,” I said, hissing around a stuttered exhale when I grazed a sensitive spot. “I’m thinking about your cock, Changbin.”

He moaned from the other end, and the slick sound of Changbin lubing up his erection was particularly raunchy. “I want you here with me, Y/N,” Changbin said, and I could easily imagine him jerking off his cock from behind my eyelids. “I’d have you on your hands and knees, fingering that little pussy of yours.”

I gasped at his words, arching my back against the couch as I shoved my fingers even further inside. Changbin had an uncanny gift for dirty talk that I attributed in large part to his irresistible baritone voice. “Tell me more,” I begged him.

“Are you wet?”

“Yeah.”

“Good,” Changbin growled. “I could just slide right in.”

“Oh, fuck,” I cursed, and I imagined everything as he continued to describe it to me - moving my fingers even faster at the phantom sensation of his cock filling me up so well like he always did whenever we had sex together. “I want to come so bad for you.”

“Then do it,” Changbin said, grunting from his end as he undoubtedly brought himself to completion.

And I eventually came with a loud moan - shameless despite the thin walls of the surrounding dorms. But I was on cloud nine, savoring the necessary heat of my well-deserved orgasm. “Call me tomorrow,” Changbin said after a while, and I had almost forgotten that we were still talking.

“Yeah,” I panted around a sigh. “I will.”

The bell-tower struck noon when I entered Hwang Hyunjin’s poetry class for the very first time. I had already anticipated a large class, but I was still surprised by the sheer number of students who were crowding the front rows of the classroom. I rolled my eyes because I was forced to sit at the back, and it certainly did no favors for my poor vision.

Regardless, I was also frustrated because there was a small part of myself which remained curious about this mysterious teacher. I could tell that all the other students were practically gushing with excitement, but I schooled my expression and slumped down in my seat as I pulled out a fresh notebook. What the hell were they expecting? A striptease in the middle of our lecture?

However, the most frustrating part of all was the grand entrance of the elusive teacher who had enraptured most of the population. And I couldn’t be any less impressed with him as I rolled my eyes over his tall, lean form. Yeah, he was pretty to look at, but he certainly wasn’t my type. I sighed as my mind instantly reminded me of an image of Changbin; specifically, a sweaty Changbin who had just finished up in the gym - wearing nothing around his waist except for a towel.

“Good morning, everyone,” Mr Hwang finally spoke, and there was a deeper aspect to his voice that I wasn’t expecting. “My name is Mr. Hwang, and this is our poetry 278 lecture.”

There was a collective sigh over his words, and I held back my laughter at the pathetic way everyone was swooning over him. “Let’s start with introductions,” Mr. Hwang suggested, and I groaned because I loathed ice-breakers. “When I call your name, you can give me your year and intended major.”

God, was this Elementary school?

Nevertheless, I waited for my turn, listening as the other students went above and beyond the call of duty to provide Mr. Hwang with as much unnecessary additional information as they could. “I study political science,” one girl said. “I was the leader of my high school’s debate club, and I won an award at the state convention.”

“Impressive,” Mr. Hwang said, and I briefly entertained the idea of the girl fainting on the spot. “Y/N?”

I glanced up to meet Mr. Hwang’s gaze. “Third year,” I replied. “I just transferred, and I’m studying English.”

“Oh, really?” Mr. Hwang inquired. “Do you have any interest in writing an honor’s thesis?”

I blinked twice at the question because he hadn’t bothered to push anyone else for something more. “I’d like to in the future,” I told him, and I squirmed around uncomfortably in my chair when his gaze lingered for several beats too long.

Thankfully, he quietly moved on, and I was able to relax in my seat once again. The lecture proceeded from there, and I sighed when I realized that we would be talking about Emily Dickinson who I had already studied numerous times in my other classes. But I guess that left me the rare opportunity to doodle nonsensical images on my notebook while thinking about my friends, wondering what Jisung, Chan, and Changbin might be doing at that moment.

In another universe, we could be sharing this class together, and I felt a pang of homesickness for my previous school as I listened to Mr. Hwang’s voice at the back of my head. But after another hour, our class concluded and I breathed a sigh of relief as I packed up my belongings. I wasn’t able to finish my picture of Munchlax, but maybe I could work out the details later on. In the meantime, I hoisted my bag over my shoulder as I tried to fight my way around the crowd of students who were all waiting around Mr. Hwang’s desk.

And I was almost at the exit when his voice suddenly stopped me. “Y/N,” Hyunjin said, and I paused mid-step because I wasn’t expecting to hear him call my name. “Can you stay behind for a moment?”

“Sure,” I said, even as I bristled at the thought of having to wait for those other girls to leave first.

They all insisted that they had so many questions to ask Mr. Hwang, and I was left to stew in the corner while crossing my arms over my chest. I had another class in half an hour, and I couldn’t afford to stand around all day while I waited at the behest of a teacher who had somehow won the affections of every student in this stupid school simply by being the prettiest in the room.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Mr. Hwang said with a bright smile to the last girl who scampered out of the room with a breathless giggle.

Finally, it was just me and Mr. Hwang, and I hesitantly walked over to his desk. “You needed to see me?”

“Yes,” Mr. Hwang said as he looked up at me from his grade-book. “Is there something wrong with the way I teach?” Mr. Hwang asked, and I was surprised to see him pouting at me with his lower lip sticking out.

“Uh, I don’t know what you mean, Mr. Hwang,” I said, adjusting the strap of my bag.

“Well, it didn’t seem like you were too invested in my lecture,” Hyunjin explained.

Oh, great, he caught me daydreaming about Changbin. 

“I’m sorry, sir,” I said, searching for an excuse. “I’ve been having a hard time adjusting.”

“Ah, that’s right!” Mr. Hwang nodded. “You transferred here for the new semester.”

“Yeah,” I agreed, and I chanced a step back towards the doorway. “I’ll do better in the future.”

“Well, hold on for just a minute, Y/N,” Mr. Hwang said. “I’m here to help my students when they’re struggling.”

“It’s not really a struggle,” I said, but I held my tongue when he pulled out a piece of paper and scribbled something at the top.

“Here,” he said, holding out the paper for me to take. “It’s my personal phone number,” Mr. Hwang added with a wink. 

Personal number? “Oh, thank you, sir,” I offered in return because I wasn’t sure what the appropriate response might be in that situation.

“Call me anytime,” Mr. Hwang insisted, and I couldn’t help but notice the mischievous gleam in his gaze like we were playing some kind of game and I was the one who was losing. “I’ll see you on Thursday.”

One Week Later

Despite my new school’s formidable reputation, I was doing exceedingly well in all of my classes. Most of my instructors were greatly impressed, and a few English teachers had already brought up the prospect of mentoring me for the honor’s thesis. Yet, there was one class that I couldn’t quite get a handle on, and I was shocked to see another giant C- written across the top of my latest essay. 

I swallowed hard when Mr. Hwang returned to the front of the room to conclude his lecture. What the hell was I doing wrong? I had even sent this paper to a former TA at my previous school who offered to look at it before I submitted the damn thing.

But instead of feeling disappointed about my failure, I sensed a rising anger directed at the man standing in front of the room. Everyone else around me celebrated their A’s while I was left with a nasty letter grade that would hardly reflect well on my GPA. What could the rest of my classmates be doing differently?

“That’s it for today!” Mr. Hwang announced. “We’ll pick up on this again next time!”

I frowned as I stuffed the essay at the bottom of my bag. It still wasn’t too late to switch out of this stupid class, and then I could finally re-orient my focus. “Y/N!” Mr. Hwang called out when I passed by his desk. “Can I have a moment of your time, dear?”

Dear?! “Sure,” I grumbled, once again waiting for the masses of Mr. Hwang’s admirers to leave the room before I confronted my teacher.

“Well,” Mr. Hwang began with an exaggerated sigh. “What will we do about these poor grades of yours?”

I bristled at the comment because it sounded strangely hostile - perhaps even threatening. “Don’t worry, sir,” I said. “I’m transferring out your class. You don’t have to concern yourself with me.”

I turned my back on Mr. Hwang as I started for the exit. “Don’t be silly, Y/N,” Mr. Hwang said. “I’ve spoken to your other teachers, and they tell me that this a requirement for your major. And I’m the only person who teaches the subject.”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” I hissed under my breath, but I did my best to retain a neutral expression as I returned to his desk. “What’s the problem, sir?” I asked. “I had the last essay peer-checked by a former instructor.”

“Our grading standards are much higher, Y/N,” Mr. Hwang informed me haughtily. “I think the real issue is your attitude.”

“My attitude?” I repeated - completely dumbfounded by the accusation.

“You don’t really show any engagement with the material,” Mr. Hwang elaborated. “You always come to class, but I can tell that your attention is elsewhere. And you don’t even bother to come to my office hours to talk about the topics we cover.”

“I didn’t realize, sir,” I said, and I was shocked that he considered me disinterested in my studies.

“It’s okay to ask for help, Y/N,” Mr. Hwang explained. “You’re the only student who never stays behind to talk to me.”

Because I have better things to compliment your face! “I have another lecture after this one,” I offered as a response.

“Then it seems to me like I should make an effort to meet you outside of designated hours,” Mr. Hwang said. “I have an apartment off-campus. Maybe you can come over this weekend?”

For a moment, I was completely stunned by his proposal. “I don’t think that’s appropriate, Mr. Hwang,” I said, taking a step back away from him.

“Why not?” Mr. Hwang asked. “It’ll just be me and you.”

“Uh, I don’t know...”

“Oh, Y/N, I have to insist,” Mr. Hwang said, and I watched him open his grade-book. “You won’t even muster a C in this class if you keep going at this rate.”

It seemed preposterous that I could make straight A’s in every other class but still fail this one at the same time. “I’ll think about it,” I said while doing my best to ignore his pleased smile.

It was late that night when my phone lit up with an incoming notification. I groaned in response because I wasn’t expecting anything from the boys, but then again, maybe Changbin needed fresh jerk-off material, and I could always send him a picture of my tits. But I was surprised to realize that I was wrong on all accounts, and my heart started beating faster when I read the message:

From Unknown:

Y/N, it’s Hyunjin from your poetry class.

Hyunjin? Oh, right, that was Mr. Hwang’s first name.

To Unknown:

Me: How did you get this number?

From Unknown:

H: The student profiles.

“It’s still an invasion of my privacy,” I grumbled.

H: We can be very casual with one another outside of class. Wouldn’t you agree?

I narrowed my eyes at the informal suggestion. 

To Unknown:

Me: If that’s okay with you, sir.

I waited for several moments, but it seemed like Mr. Hwang was finally done texting me. I shrugged at the unusual conversation, but before I could place my phone back on my nightstand, it vibrated with another incoming message. This one had a picture attached....

“Holy shit!” I gasped, dropping my phone onto the bed as my heart started to thud violently inside my chest.

From Unknown:

H: Do you like it, princess?

“Is he crazy?” I decried, and my hands were trembling when I brought my phone screen closer. Because the attachment contained a very obscene picture of a dick, and I didn’t need more than two guesses to assume that it was Mr. Hwang’s. 

My fingers were shaking as I stared at the image - zooming in closer to observe the delicate bead of precum glistening at the tip. There was also a hand wrapped around the base, and even though I didn’t have much experience with sex, I could still acknowledge that it was a very nice cock. But did I really just get a dick pic from my poetry teacher?

To Unknown:

Me: I’m not sure what you expect me to say.

I sent the message before attempting to fan my flushed skin - feeling overheated because this was not what I had been expecting when Mr. Hwang sent me the first message.

From Unknown:

H: It’s alright, princess. I’m not much for talking either. Why don’t you come over this weekend so you can show me your reaction instead?

Oh, god, I was definitely teetering on the precipice of very dangerous ground. I’m talking the same kind of inappropriate that could get him fired and me expelled. What the hell was he even thinking? Was Mr. Hwang trying to hit on me?!!

I shook my head because it was suddenly very difficult to concentrate, but I was also feeling the vestiges of panic creeping around the edges of my vision. My hands could barely hold the screen long enough for me to type out a quick response:

To Unknown:

Me: Maybe some other time.

The next morning, I was still shaken from my unexpected text conversation with Mr. Hwang. For most of the night, I simply stared at the ceiling while my phone continued to vibrate with incoming messages. Eventually, I was forced to mute his number, and I still couldn’t fall asleep.

I was barely functional the next morning, but I was also strangely horny, which is why I didn’t hesitate to encourage Changbin when he sent me a message asking if he could come visit. I waited and chose a time when my roommate would be gone - sighing in relief when I heard him knocking on the door. I threw it open quickly, and he was clearly caught off-guard by my eagerness. “I’m so glad to see you,” I said, and I didn’t hesitate to lock my lips with his, kissing Changbin with all the nervous energy that I had tried to keep to myself all weekend. 

“Wow,” Changbin managed when we both pulled apart for air. “The no dick policy at this shithole has fucked you up.”

“Yeah? I need you to fuck me, Changbin,” I said, and he must’ve saw something in my eyes that changed his mind. 

He pushed us both into my room, turning around to lock the door before reaching down for the hem of his t-shirt. “Bend over for me, baby,” he said, and his voice was husky as I took off my clothes and braced myself against the desk.

“I really need this,” I told him from over my shoulder - shameless as I explored every inch of his toned form.

“I got you, baby,” Changbin said, and he moved behind me to spread my legs, taking a few moments to finger me with his long digits, stretching out my opening while stimulating my clitoris with his thumb. “You definitely need to be fucked,” Changbin remarked. “Your pussy is so tight.”

“Please,” I whispered, and Changbin was quick to replace his fingers with the same cock that I often drooled over when I masturbated late at night. He set an urgent pace from the start, grabbing my hips between his hands to hold me in place as he filled me with his cock over and over again. “Changbin,” I whined, burying my face in my forearms and trying to ignore the pain in my stomach from where he knocked me into the wood on every thrust. 

It wasn’t equivocal to one of our more passionate rounds of lovemaking, but it was everything that I needed. Enough to wipe all consideration of Hwang Hyunjin clear out of my head as I enjoyed the delightful friction of Changbin’s cock rolling against the constricting walls of my cunt. “It feels so good,” I whispered, and I closed my eyes in pleasure.

“Tell me when you’re close,” Changbin said. “I wouldn’t want your roommate to come back.”

However, the inherent risk of being caught by my roommate was also a factor in my rapid ascent to orgasm. “Coming!” I shouted while feeling myself unravel around his cock as he rammed himself inside. 

Thereafter, I settled on top of my bed while Changbin tied off his condom and tossed it into the trash. I smiled when he crawled in next to me, reaching for his jeans hanging from the edge and pulling out a package of cigarettes. “Open the window,” I instructed him. “I can’t have you polluting my room.”

Changbin chuckled, but obeyed nonetheless. He also drug the ashtray on the windowsill closer before lighting the cigarette and bringing it to his swollen lips for a long inhale. “I really missed you, Y/N,” Changbin said, taking another drag from his cigarette before placing it in the ash tray next to the open window. 

“I missed you too,” I told him, closing my eyes for a moment as I relaxed against the pillows - savoring the warmth of Changbin from next to me.

“I had a nice time with you,” Changbin added. “Maybe we could...try dating again?”

I froze at the words I had been dreading to hear. You see, Changbin and I had been dating off-and-on for many years at this point, and we both knew that we didn’t work well as a couple. Yet, that never stopped him from encouraging us to try again, and as much as I loved the sex, I couldn’t tolerate the complicated feelings involved.

“I don’t think so, Changbin,” I said, wincing when I heard him sigh. “You know that never ends well for us.”

“Yeah,” Changbin agreed, although it hurt my heart to see him look so sad. “I can’t help it, Y/N.”

“We can still keep doing this,” I said, reaching over to place a tender kiss on his bicep. 

“Maybe,” Changbin agreed, but something in his tone told me that this might be the last time I ever enjoyed Changbin’s company in bed.

“Could I at least show you around campus?” I asked him. “I’ll even treat you to lunch?”

Thankfully, Changbin managed a smile at my offer. 

By the time Changbin had left campus, I was feeling strangely alone when I settled at a cafe in the student union to work on some homework. I couldn’t help but feel like I had disappointed Changbin, and I prayed to anyone who was listening that we might still be friends. Because we had been close well before the sexting and late-night phone conversations that always ended up with an orgasm or two.

Changbin was the epitome of the type of guy I usually lusted after: strong, handsome, and intimidating. But we always argued too much whenever we tried the whole couple thing, and that was enough to ruin any preconceived notions I held about a relationship with the object of my most intimate fantasies. “You always manage to ruin everything, Y/N,” I muttered to myself, and it was suddenly way too difficult to focus on homework.

But I was still distracted enough that I almost failed to recognize the man who had just walked into the cafe...until he was standing right next to my table. “I always enjoy seeing my students outside of our lectures,” Mr. Hwang said with a smirk. “Do you mind if I join you?”

It took me a while to respond to his simple inquiry because my mind instantly returned to the picture of his cock that still sat in my messages. “Sure,” I eventually mustered, willing my stomach to settle down while ignoring the harsh smell of his cologne. 

“Is that my assignment you’re working on?” Mr. Hwang inquired as he took another sip of his coffee.

Is he just going to pretend like everything is okay? “Yeah,” I said, sliding my laptop screen closer. “For the author essay.”

“Do you mind if I take a look?” Mr. Hwang asked, and I shivered at the dark look in his gaze.

“I guess so,” I said, and I passed off my computer screen, observing the way he read over the words before sighing.

“You just don’t seem to understand, Y/N,” Mr. Hwang said, and I could feel myself almost snapping.

“What don’t I understand, Mr. Hwang?” I asked with barely constrained frustration.

“Oh, please call me Hyunjin,” he replied. “Mr. Hwang makes me sound so old.”

“Fine,” I huffed. “But the essay?”

“It lacks passion,” Mr. Hwang explained. “Your writing is decent, but it’s very by the books, you know? I’m looking for my students to play around with their words and have fun! We read enough academia as it stands.”

“Passion?” I repeated. “And how do you suggest that I learn passion?”

Mr. Hwang smiled, and I felt like I had just walked right into a trap. “You’re a very young and attractive woman, Y/N,” he said. “Have you ever been in a relationship before?”

“Several,” I said, keeping my responses short and vague on purpose. Because i couldn’t figure out where he was going with this strange conversation.

“Several?” Mr. Hwang repeated. “Well, that’s a shame then.”

“What do you mean?”

“The sex must be very boring,” Mr. Hwang said. “If you’re still writing this way.”

I didn’t even bother trying to stop my mouth from falling open. “I really don’t think it’s any of your business!”

“I have to make it my business when your grades are this atrocious,” Mr. Hwang insisted, and his eyes rolled over my form. “I find myself quite attracted to you, Y/N. Perhaps I can help solve this little dilemma of yours.”

Fuck it! I thought to myself as I leaned in closer - ready to risk it all because I wouldn’t tolerate his attitude for another moment! “To tell you the truth, Mr. Hwang,” I said, feeling triumphant when his eyes flashed in annoyance at my blatant dismissal of his earlier request. “You’re just not my type.”

“And what is your type?” Mr. Hwang snapped. “Certainly not that little jock you were walking around with on campus?”

“Changbin?” I said without really thinking, but then I found myself wondering how he even knew about that in the first place. “How did you know?”

“I saw the two of you,” Mr. Hwang said like it wasn’t a big deal. “I couldn’t help but notice, Y/N, and that poor boy was following you around like a lost puppy.”

“This is crossing a line,” I said, slamming my laptop closed. “I can see anyone I want.” 

“You’re not interested in doing better?” Mr. Hwang asked. “Trust me, Y/N. I was there once, and most college boys like him are only interested in sticking their dicks into something warm. I think you need someone mature who isn’t only interested in their own satisfaction.”

“Changbin’s sweet to me,” I insisted, and Mr. Hwang scoffed.

“I bet he is, especially if you’re always willing to spread your legs for him.”

“Like you could do any better!” 

“Wouldn’t you like to find out?”

I fell back into my seat as I slowly processed his words. “Sir, I-”

“You can’t possibly know if I’m your type, Y/N,” Mr. Hwang continued. “I think I deserve a fair chance to prove you wrong.”

I could scarcely believe how casual he was acting - like this wasn’t completely against thousands of school rules. It was entirely scandalous, and there were so many inherent risks if we were to ever get caught....but, yet, somewhere deep down inside of me, I felt the familiar heat of arousal.

“You’re thinking about it.” Mr. Hwang smiled. “Come over this Friday, Y/N, and I’ll show you what a real man looks like.”

I had never been this nervous before in my entire life, wiping my sweaty palms against my jeans as I walked up to Hyunjin’s apartment. There was a far more rational part of myself that was screaming at me to run in the opposite direction, but the incessant desire to knock on the door far outweighed the consequences. And my breath hitched in my throat when I saw him standing in the doorway dressed to the nines in tight skinny jeans and a white, button-up shirt while I looked like I had just woken up,

“There you are,” Hyunjin said with a sultry tone, and he reached for my hand to pull me inside. “Sit down for a moment,” he encouraged me, smirking at the look on my face as I took in his lavishly decorated apartment. Still, I managed to obey him as I sat down on the leather futon in the center of the room.

“Your apartment is nice,” I commented, and I held my breath when Hyunjin sat down next to me - stretching out his long legs while he studied me with an impenetrable gaze.

“I have a few rules tonight, Y/N,” he said, and I forced myself to nod. “Are you aware of the color-light system?”

“Color-light system?” I repeated.

“How adorable,” Hyunjin said with a mocking tone. “You’ve made it seem like you know your way around a cock, but you’re clearly more innocent than I assumed.”

My eyes widened at his filthy language. “Sir?”

“That’s a good start,” Hyunjin said. “You will refer to me as sir tonight, do you understand?”

“Yes, sir,” I said, and Hyunjin smiled at my easy compliance.

“As for the color system,” Hyunjin said. “I want to make sure that you’re comfortable, Y/N. Green means that you can handle whatever we’re doing, yellow means that I need to slow down, and red implies that we’ll stop completely. Is that clear?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good,” Hyunjin purred. “Would you feel more at ease in the bedroom?”

I offered him a timid nod, and Hyunjin held out his hand which I accepted - hoping that he wouldn’t notice the evidence of my nerves. But I was half-way expecting something truly horrible, which meant that I was also genuinely surprised to discover a normal bedroom - sparsely furnished with a king-sized bed with a beautiful silk comforter. “Why don’t you take your clothes off for me, princess?” Hyunjin asked, and I shivered at the familiar pet name. “Lay down on the bed, and I’ll grab a few things before we start.”

I waited until Hyunjin turned his back to me before undressing and leaving my clothes in a neat pile on a nearby chair. Then, I hesitantly lowered my body onto the mattress while resisting the urge to cover myself. Especially when Hyunjin returned with a bundle of interesting items, placing them aside while he looked me over from head to toe. “Oh, princess,” he said. “What a beautiful body.”

I could feel myself flushing at his words and Hyunjin laughed. “Where’s that feisty attitude from before, princess? Or was it all for show?”

“Mr. Hwang-”

“Sir,” he quickly corrected me, and I stiffened when he presented a bright red blindfold. “We’ll put this on first,” Hyunjin said, and he ordered me to sit up long enough for him to secure the tie in the back - taking away my sight and leaving me anxious for his next move. “This will make everything feel so much better,” he said, and I jumped when his fingers started to trail down the smooth skin of my stomach. “Oh, you must be very sensitive,” Hyunjin remarked, and I didn't quite know what to do with my hands when he parted the delicate folds of my pussy. “Y/N, are you already wet?” he asked, and I tried to hold back a moan when he inserted one finger, moving it around before leaving me feeling empty once again. 

“Let’s try this,” Hyunjin said, and I gasped when I heard the familiar sounds of a vibrator. “You’ve probably used this plenty of times,” Hyunjin continued. “When you had to finish yourself off after those little boys tried to please you.”

He started with my nipples - moving in small circles around the hardened peaks. It wasn’t anything overwhelming, and I enjoyed the pleasant sensation. However, the soothing action didn’t last for long, and I gripped the silken sheets between my fingers, spreading my legs wider on instinct when Hyunjin trailed the vibrations down to my sensitive pussy lips. “Oh, shit,” I said, nearly exploding when the vibrator made contact with my clitoris. Especially when he increased the power - turning the damn thing up to its highest setting as he held it there in the same spot.

I was gone before it had even started, convulsing around nothing as I came hard against the sheets. And I fully expected him to stop since he had gotten his way, but Hyunjin only surprised me when he continued to move the vibrator against my throbbing clit, refusing to relinquish the stimulating vibrations as everything started to burn with the threat of yet another orgasm slowly building.

“Fuck, you’re leaking everywhere,” Hyunjin said, but there was only awe in his tone, and I could practically feel the weight of his gaze. “Such a good girl,” Hyunjin added, and he started moving the vibrator in faster circles while he refused to take it away from my poor, aching sex.

I moaned around my second orgasm - coming hard again, but there was also an undeniable sensitivity that had me trying to escape the cursed vibrator, but Hyunjin only used a firm grip on my hips to hold me in place.

“Please stop!” I cried.

“Color,” Hyunjin growled, and he continued to press down even harder.

“Y-yellow,” I stuttered, and the vibrations slowed down to a more acceptable level as Hyunjin circled the head around my clit.

“I want one more from you, Y/N,” he said. “Then, I think you might be ready for my cock.”

I almost fell apart at his words, and I found myself unable to deny that everything was so good with him. There was also a strange and foreign part of me that desperately wanted to please him, and I started rolling my hips in time with his circles, chasing another high as I nearly screamed from the intensity. “Look at you,” Hyunjin sneered when he turned off the vibrator, and I could feel the bed dip beneath his weight. He snatched away my blindfold, and I blinked rapidly at the returning light before focusing on the obscene image of Hyunjin jerking himself off in front of me. “You have to be honest with me, princess,” he growled. “Is my cock better than his?”

“S-sir?” I questioned, having trouble focusing because of the thick haze surrounding my frazzled brain. 

“That little prick you were with,” Hyunjin said. “Is his cock better than mine?”

I was smart enough to know the right answer, and I shook my head from side to side. “Your cock is better, sir,” I said, and Hyunjin brightened with a grin. 

“It’s big, isn’t it?” Hyunjin asked, and he was shuffling over me with a sardonic grin. “Why don’t you touch it?”

I swallowed hard, but quickly acquiesced, wrapping my hand around his impressive girth before allowing myself to give him several strokes - making sure to give some attention to the head. “Oh,” Hyunjin moaned, looking down at me with sultry eyes. “That feels good, princess, but would you rather have my cock somewhere else?”

I whimpered at his words. “Yes, sir.”

“Tell me where,” Hyunjin demanded. “I want to know exactly what you want me to do, princess.”

“I want your cock in my pussy,” I said. “I need you to fuck me, sir.”

“Shit,” Hyunjin snarled, and he moved my legs apart to expose my cunt. “How can I possibly say no when you asked me so nicely?”

But I was a complete mess at this point - debauched and overcome with pleasure. Yet, when I felt the tip of Hyunjin’s cock penetrate my weeping sex, I could already feel myself growing excited all over again. He wasn’t gentle either - spearing me with one harsh plunge of his erection against the resisting walls of my pussy. 

“Oh, fuck,” Hyunjin said. “Are you sure you’re not a virgin, princess?”

There were tears in my eyes when I reached out for his shoulders, holding on for dear life as he started moving himself around inside of me. Pulling back to leave just the tip of his cock at my entrance, before thrusting forward with unrelenting strength. In spite of his skinnier stature, Hyunjin wasn’t to be underestimated. He knew exactly how to use his hips, and he continued to breach my constricting cunt with everything that he had. 

“You’re taking me so well, princess,” he said, forcing my legs even further apart, and finding a better angle to attack the delicate g-spot that rapidly sent me hurtling for my fourth orgasm of the night.

I was completely spent, barely holding on to consciousness while Hyunjin finally came with a hoarse cry of my name - dragging his cock in and out of my pussy as he milked himself for every last bit of cum. Then, he pulled himself out with a far more gentle touch, leaning down for the first time that night to connect our lips in a surprisingly warm kiss.

“Is that what you were expecting, Y/N?” he asked with a playful smile. “Am I still not your type?”

I shook my head because words were the last thing on my mind. But Hyunjin simply chuckled at my speechless state, and I watched him move around the room completely naked as he cleaned up the mess we had made. Meanwhile, I held up my hands to make sure that my vision had returned to normal.

Eventually, Hyunjin settled back down behind me, and I was somewhat surprised that he hadn’t kicked me out of his apartment. Even more so when he started to run his fingers down my waist. “I think you finally learned passion, Y/N,” he said, and I couldn’t help but agree with him.

“Can I start writing acceptable essays?” I asked him with a more confident tone.

“Of course,” he agreed. “But Y/N,” Hyunjin added, and I groaned when he cupped the heat between my legs. “You better call me Hyunjin from now on.”

“Yes, sir,” I said, grinning when I heard him growl in warning.

“You’re asking for it, aren’t you?”

I gave him a coy smile in return, watching as he rolled over top of me to spread my thighs again.

The next day in class, I smiled when I saw an A+ written at the top of my latest essay assignment. One that I had stayed up late to complete while sitting at Hyunjin’s desk with his cock buried inside my wet heat. Apparently, my first lesson was complete, but I couldn’t help but think that there was still a lot more left to learn.

“Everyone did well,” Hyunjin said as he paced at the front of the room. “I’ll see you all again soon.”

The dismissal was met with the beginnings of several conversations throughout the lecture room, and I simply organized my things before tossing my bag over my shoulder. Yet, on the way out the door, I couldn’t help but smile when I heard Hyunjin’s voice from behind me. “Y/N?” Hyunjin called out, and I could already feel the arousal gathering between my legs. “Why don’t you stay after class?”

#stayverse #skzsmutnetwork #skzwriternet #stray kids fanfic #skz fanfic #stray kids imagines #skz imagines #stray kids oneshot #skz oneshots #stray kids scenarios #skz scenarios #skz hyunjin #skz hyunjin fanfic #stray kids hyunjin fanfic #hwang hyunjin fanfic #hyunjin fanfic #hyunjin smut #hyunjin x y/n #mostlycompetent

[hoplesslylovin]

I love the crows so much I could talk about them all day. Every character is well developed and so utterly human, they were not written to be perfect but dumbass teens trynna get money and not die. It’s a perfect mix of seriousness and humor

Every relationship is 1000/10. Kaz andJesper relationship, with Kaz calling Jesper Jordie and Jesper asking who’s that and Kaz saying “ someone i didn’t wanna lose” skfjkjfhkh. Jesper willingness to do anything for kaz bc he has a crush(before wylan) and admires Kaz so much.

Matthias and Inej subtle bonding over religion and making righteousness decisions.

Nina and Inej having a beautiful relationship and with the best girl talks. The scene where Inej holds Nina’s face and says “I owe you a life debt” shows the beauty of friendship and will never be topped by any other line. Also most novels fail to have this bc “the main character can be not like other girls🙄”

Kaz helping Wylan overcome his insecurities and realize his dad ain’t shit and basically changing the will so Wylan can get all the money.

Jesper and Inej calling each other family and yet Inej still being able to forgive automatically but also holding Jesper accountable when he fucks up.The bonding in the scene where they talk about they love kaz and also admitting it’s exhausting trying to keep up with him

This is just friendships like most series that are under 3 books never really develop friendship and mostly focus on relationship or the plot and this queen Leigh wrote the perfect plot the perfect friendships and the perfect relationships in two books?!?! I love it

Now let’s talk about relationships Kaz and Inej being absolute perfection with Leigh recognizing their combined trauma and not just ignoring it so they can kiss is beautiful. Knej knowing her self worth and not sticking around for Kaz even though they both loves each other bc he’s not ready for a relationship and she has her own life is amazing.Kaz also realizing that he can’t give her what she deserve and instead of being a grumpy/petty/shitty person like most male leads when realizing the female lead deserves better,!buys inej a boat to travel around the world, finds her parents for her and basically promising to work on himself while she is gone achieving her dreams is truly iconic. Also Inej knowing that Kaz will always be a “monster” and saying that Ketterdam needs a monster to clean away its filth and that while i’m away at sea fighting slavers you will help me by destroying companies that imploy slavers.-like they both don’t try to change the other person ideas/ambition but work together

Next Nina and Matthias relationship is enemies to lovers done right. Firstly the story of how they met is a slighly cliche shipwreck meeting, but is it the best one i’ve ever read?? Yes it is!! Like the slow development of Matthias at first always comparing her to fjerden women to realizing that Nina may not be “a traditional fjerdan women” but what he needed to see his discriminatory ways. Nina also taking zero bullshit and not babying him but just straight calling him out when he says something wrong.Matthias finally realizing that he was brainwashed without Nina really taking him step by step and more like Nina explaining it to him once and letting him figure out himself. Matthias not accepting only Nina but all grisha yet still not giving up his religion and pride of his country to be with Nina but recognizing that it wasn’t perfect and needs a lot of improvements. Nina also not changing any part of herself and making him have her as she is or leave

Lastly wesper (Wylan and Jesper) which is just amazing. Leigh not making the main focus of the relationship being tht their gay but just focusing on the development and chemistry between them. They in the middle of a dangerous life threatening mission and Jesper says sum shit like “I wish it was this easy to get girls” and Wylan goes” just girls? “and Jesper is “like no not just girls” and that’s it. Jesper and Wylan have a soft friends to lovers with a lot of witty one liners. They both talk to each other about their insecurities like Wylan knowing when Jesper is filled with too much energy and helping calm down, they had their first kiss like this :) and Jesper telling Wylan that he isn’t stupid and it’s fine he can’t read bc he so talented in other ways.

Also the character development!! firstly Jesper being black(darkskin)and bi. While being a main character with flaws. Jesper is extremely loyal and funny yet he also fucks up bc he human and make mistakes. Jesper has a gambling addiction and his gambling addiction wasn’t tried to be justified with an excuse or a reason but realistically described as some thing he just can’t bring himself to stop. He’s written so well, we get to see him struggle with his self esteem and his restlessness, but we get to see him grow and realize that he can’t be stuck in what he did in the past but make sure he won’t do it again and finding a positive outlet instead of gambling. Jesper also hating and hiding that he is grisha bc his dad had drilled into him tht his powers were dangerous and bc his mother had died from using her powers too much.Yet by the end of book he still hides his power but learns to accept it and saying maybe in the future he will learn how to use it bc Wylan helped him realize that he shouldn’t hate anything about himself and learn to embrace it, but also did not push Jesper very hard and let Jesper figure it out himself

Nina being a tall plus sized powerful asf women and still being repeatedly described as beautiful and charming in the book.This may seem like a simple thing but most books just write plus sized people as the “token fat friend” and make the character whole personality be about their weight. Nina doesn’t care for her weight. she is bold and confident. She knows that she is gorgeous and strong and flaunts it. Nina loves her country and struggle with trying to do what’s best for it bc at the end of the day she will put ravka first. Also Nina’s struggle with jurda parem is written really well in a way that shows clearly how much she struggles with the addiction and the shame she feels on how she acted yet how she can’t help herself. After she finally got over jurda parem withdrawals she has new powers that leave her feeling lost bc this wasn’t who she was before yet with Matthias help and her own sheer stubbornness she gets the hang of her powers and accepts that it still very miraculous evn if it connected to death

Inej is honestly a amazing character. She has very strong moral views and struggles with religion esp with the idea that she doesn’t know if she will be forgiven for all the lives she took as the wraith, yet she doesn’t regret what she’s done bc it allowed her to be free.Inej after getting free from Tante Heleen would rather die and then ever be hold in a cage again. We see this when she almost stabs herself in the heart after being cornered. Also we learn that after being freed she could barely even touch other people or even walk in front of Tante Heleen building to see her growing and overcoming her trauma in a realistic way that it’s still there but she doesn’t allow it to control her life. She voluntarily wears Tante Heleen silks again for a mission and stole her necklace which symbolizes her stealing her life back in a way. She finds a purpose for her life in the idea of freeing slaves after this mission instead of just waiting for Kaz. I could talk about Inej all day tbh

Honestly where should i begin with Kaz. Kaz is not a righteous man, he’s ruthless,and would do anything for money but keeps his promises yet Kaz sees himself as a villain and doesn’t see the good even if Inej tells him how he helps others in subtle ways. In the beginning Kaz is painted as a evil genius which he is but and then we learn that he was a happy and cheerful child till Jordie died, leaving him with severe trauma and unable to hand skin contact. Kaz also broke his leg in some robbery when he was younger and it never healed correctly yet it was never a problem for him, even tho he is disabled and with a cane everyone is scared of him. Anyway throughout the books Kaz goes from unable to even touch another persons hand and fainting in the wagon to slightly overcoming this with Inej. Kaz wants to be better for Inej and himself bc Inej says she will have him without armor or not at all and Kaz wants to be that person. While by the end of crooked kingdom he can only hold Inej’s hand and he still shook a little, We can still see how much he is trying to overcome his fear. I also love how Leigh did not write that Kaz overcame years and years of trauma for a girl within a few weeks but ends with him doing a only little better but still having a long way to go.

Wylsn being the genius nerd of the group and also having dyslexia. Wylan starts off as a shy runaway whose shitty dad severely impacted their self esteem, and grows to be very confident person who sees that nothing is wrong with being unable to read bc he can still do anything he wants.Wylan kept his dyslexia as his biggest secret bc he is taught that he is useless and worthless bc he can’t read, yet through subtle and amazing advice from Kaz about how you can’t let things hold you back, Jesper’s support and mainly seeing all the things he can do without the need for reading-Wylan slowly realizes his self worth. To the point where he can tell a few people that he can’t read. This causes Wylan to help Jesper with accepting his powers bc Wylan sees the how similarities between how Jesper acts about his power and how he use to act about his dyslexia.

Matthias had the biggest character arc. He went from wanting to kill all grisha to accepting Nina’s very unique death powers before she herself did. Matthias struggles with realizing his old mentors were wrong throughout book 1. The rest of the crew do not waste time explaining or trying to change his beliefs but instead only correcting his words when he says offensive things. Inej also subtly tells him to get his shit together, at first he believes how could everything he ever learn is a lie but after seeing the outcomes of his actions/ druskelle actions. Matthias realizes that it was all lie and finds reasoning and understanding through his experiences with the crows. He after a long process begins to thinks grisha powers are a miracle. Yet even as he slowly see his wrong ways- His first thought for a long time when seeing grisha powers was unnatural in his manipulative father figure Brum’s voice. After a little while he began to correct the voice in his head with own.Matthias finally reached a point where his first thought was miraculous. Leigh wrote this really well bc it shows a person cannot change a mindset drilled into him within a day but takes a process. Throughout all of this he still feels a strong sense of pride in his county but also seeing that his home has many faults and needs improvement and guidance.

i wrote this midnight y’all pls ignore shitty grammar and mistakes

#kanej #six of crows #matthias helvar #nina zenik #wylan van eck #jasper fahey #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #wesper #helnik #crooked kingdom #character analysis #soc #ck #relationship #friendship

[btsslowburnfic]

Chthonic Love Ch. 18

Series Summary: A Greek Mythology AU featuring Yoongi/Suga as Hades and reader as Persephone. Olympian ruler Namjoon has delivered you, Persephone, as a gift for his brother, lord of Death, Yoongi 

Chapter Summary: Reading that pesky contract

Previous Chapter here

Taehyung diplomatically turned to the two of you. “In order to make better sense of the addendum to this contract, which I will show both of you shortly. I need to know exactly what happened when Lord Namjoon brought Lady Persephone.”

Yoongi cleared his throat, “Sure...uhhh….Namjoon showed up uninvited. Like always. He said he thought I was lonely and declared he had a present for me. He brought Persephone in, imprisoned in a glass orb, and said she was mine.” He looked over at you, “I am so sorry we are talking about you like this.”

“It’s fine. It’s not your fault the laws are antiquated.” You reassured him.

“I told him you can’t just kidnap people. He said Hoseok had given him Persephone and he was giving her to me. I said I didn’t want her. No offense to you Persephone, just you know...not really into kidnapping.”

You smiled warmly at him and squeezed his hand under the table, “None taken.”

“Anyways. He said if I didn’t take her, ugh I hate this. He would and I know my brother is an unpredictable asshole and at least I’m a predictable asshole so I told him I accepted his gift. And then we shook on it.”

“Excellent. Excellent. Now,” Taehyung unrolled the scroll. “Let’s have a look at this.”

I, Hoseok, God of Spring, being of sound mind and body do hereby enter into this written contract with Namjoon, Lord of Olympus on this day, the 5th of September. Wherein I have entered into this contract freely and in consideration for a game of cards, wherein the rules have been described to me by Lord Namjoon, I offer my sister, Persephone, Goddess of the Spring. Should I lose the game, Persephone shall immediately be transferred to Namjoon as his property and I shall henceforth have no future claims on her. Should I win the card game, Lord Namjoon shall give unto me dominion over the Isles of Crete and Cyprus to add for my personal dominion.

This contract is legally binding. Any and all attempts at mediation shall be conducted in the realm of Olympus, by an arbiter agreed to by Lord Namjoon. Any attempts to modify, rescind, or otherwise change this contract may be punishable by (and not limited to) immolation, lashing, impalement, electrocution, stabbing, and/or death.

“Lovely.” You mused as you all looked over the signatures at the bottom of the document. There were definitely two there, belonging to Hoseok and Namjoon.

“In layman's terms?” Yoongi asked from his seat. 

“Forgive me for speaking about you in such terms milady,” Taehyung began. “Hoseok transferred his ownership of Lady Persephone in full to Namjoon. If we are to address that part of the contract to attempt to dispute it, we would need to argue that Hoseok was not of sound mind. His signature does not look particularly sloppy. Unless there is supporting evidence, that claim is likely to fail.” Taehyung took a deep breath and continued. “As you have told me, he then gifted Lady Persephone to you. In Olympian Law, once a gift is given, the right’s transfer as long as the gift was accepted.”

“So...now Yoongi “owns” me?” You asked, slightly disgusted by the way you were being spoken about, but at least these men were being sensitive to how absurd it all was. “Can’t he just “un-own me?” Sign a new contract or something?” You scoffed.

Taehyung ruffled his hair, “ Ah this is where we have a slight issue. If he does do that, there is a tiny little bit of print down heeeeerrrreeee……..” He gestured to the almost microscopc writing at the bottom and said something about “right of first refusal.”

“So...if Yoongi were to...un-own you...Namjoon would then have the first opportunity to re-own you.”

“What? What kind of laws are these?” You asked mildly horrified. Up until now you were certain there had been a misunderstanding. Yoongi could simply fix it by filling out some paperwork. You sure as hell weren’t going to go live with Namjoon. 

Taehyung rubbed his mouth, “These laws are ancient. The laws governing this are Olympic laws. Now. Of course there are ways to at least undo the ownership in the Underworld as Lord Yoongi has dominion over the laws here; so long as they do not conflict with the basics of Chthonic law.”

You put your head in your hands. “I don’t know what any of that means.” You were starting to lose your confidence.

“It means that I could “un-own you” but you would have to stay in the underworld. I can write new laws into creation down here with no problem. I just can’t mess with death. I can’t just say no one has to go to the Plane of Judgement anymore, or people don’t have to die anymore. That’s Chthonic Law.” 

You wanted to pull your hair out. You wanted to run out of the library. You wanted to go scream at the Stygian Sea about how you weren’t property. You wanted to curse at the sky to your brother and Namjoon. You felt Yoongi gently place his hand on your knee. 

“Taehyung, can you excuse us please for a moment?” Yoongi asked.

“Of course M’Lord.” He stood up and bowed slightly.

“Please take Taehyung to the Great Hall.” He commanded the servant at the door.  

Once the library doors had closed, you looked over at Yoongi. “I’m sorry this wasn’t the news we wanted.” He said quietly.

“I just don’t understand. Why am I property but my brother isn’t? Why does Namjoon even care about where I am or what I’m doing? Why does he love messing with people so much? I hate him.”

Yoongi placed a hand on your back and began to trace small circles on it, “I hate him too. He messes with other people to make himself feel powerful; he’s been like that since we were kids. Also. because he’s bored. It’s hard living forever. What do you want to happen? Do you want to go knock down the doors of Olympus? Because if you do, I have 200 golems I can send with you. I don’t know if they fly, but I’m sure Haphaestus can modify them.”

You smiled at his attempt to cheer you up. “I don’t know. I don’t hate it here. I just don’t want to be owned. I don’t want to never be able to visit the mortal realm again. Ughhhh I don’t know what I want. What do you want?” You turned and looked at him. He pulled his arm back and looked shocked.

He cleared his throat. “It doesn’t matter what I want.”

You took his hands in yours, “It matters to me.”

He took a deep breath. “I...I want you to stay here. I don’t want to own you. But I don’t want you to leave. Ever.” He stopped. “I don’t mean it like that. Like I wouldn’t make you stay here, you could visit the mortal realm. I just. I like having you here and I want you to stay.”

You felt your eyes grow slightly wet. “You want me to stay here forever?” You asked, making sure you had heard him correctly.

Yoongi rubbed the back of his neck. “Umm...I think I would like that but only if you wanted to be here. I know it’s not much and right now there are spiders living in the castle and maybe something trying to break in from the other side of the mountain and it’s full of dead people but I did see a palm tree on the beach this morning so who knows.” He was rambling at this point.

“Yoongi.” You cut him off. 

He bobbed his head up, looking at you and you leaned in, pressing your lips against his. He once again, tensed up at the initial contact, still surprised that it was happening, but he slowly relaxed into it as the kiss deepened. You pulled back. “I want to stay.”

Yoongi caught his breath, having forgotten to do it for several seconds. “I could always ask my brother to cancel the contract.” He said quietly through his now swollen lips.

You scrunched up your face. “You can’t go to Olympus.”

“Let’s invite him here.” Yoongi said, gently reaching up to cup your face. “We can always ask. The worst he can do, in this realm anyways, is say “no”.”

You paused for a minute, leaning in to Yoongi’s touch. “You hate your brother. You shouldn’t have to ask him for anything. Especially in your realm.”

“I do. But I’d do it for you.”

You thought about it for another few seconds, imagining how the conversations would go. Yoongi groveling before Namjoon wasn’t exactly the solution you were looking for. But, it would definitely be the easiest way for the contract to be cancelled.

“That’s very sweet Yoongi.” 

“Shall I send the invitation?” He asked.

“Yes. Let’s invite Hoseok as well.” 

Yoongi pursed his lips, “In that case, let’s just make it a party.”

You laughed in surprise. “Are you serious?”

Yoongi cleared his throat, working up the courage to say his next thought. “Well if you’re going to be Lady of the underworld, shouldn’t you be holding court, hosting events. You know, things like that?”

There was an underlying promise and question in his statement. “Yes. I suppose I should.” You leaned in and kissed him again. And again. And again.  NEXT CHAPTER

#bts writing #bts fic #BTS suga #bts suga x you #suga x you #suga x reader #yoongi scenarios #yoongi x reader #yoongi x you #bts yoongi x reader #yoongi x y/n #suga x y/n #bts suga x reader #bts scenarios

[rainbowbutterfrosting]

The Revived - Chapter 10: Far Away Memories

This is chapter 10 of the Dream SMP multichapter fic @dramaticsnakes​ and I wrote together! I hope you’ll enjoy! Discord link here.

AO3

Read in order (on Tumblr)

Characters in this chapter: Wilbur, Ghostbur, Tommy, Friend

Word count: 2,847

Content Warnings: mentions of food, yelling, begging, inflicting pain, not being able to breathe, guilt, violence, uhh manipulation in general

Fic summary: Wilbur was alive, and it was such a magnificent feeling, that made his mind spark with anticipation. It didn’t take long, however, for Wilbur to realize that this new breath of life, was not just his own. An echo-y voice hides in the back of his mind, and before he knows it, the transparent version of him he saw at the endless train station, is a lot more ingrained than he’d expected him to be.

And Wilbur really shouldn’t care. Because he’d be damned, if he spent the life he’d awaited for so long, babysitting a lost cause of a ghost, stuck in the very same limbo Wilbur spent so long in. It was an even exchange, and one Wilbur wasn’t going to mess with. Why exactly he ends up setting out to get the ghost out of his mind, in order to save the both of them, however, is beyond him. And perhaps Wilbur’s past isn’t as easy to leave behind, as he’d hoped it would be.

Wilbur and Niki had eggs and pancakes the next morning. Niki’s baking skills clearly connected to cooking as well. Although at times the tension between them rose, it stayed low through their small talk about the weather and cooking tips. Wilbur knew that Niki would have let him stay a few more hours, but he already felt that he was intruding. The quiet peace of what Niki built made Wilbur want to whisper through the halls instead of his voice filling the room. 

So he made his farewells with Niki through a warm hug. Wilbur pulled away before he was ready, but the warm lingering still stayed for a few more moments before it quickly vanished. Part of him wanted to go back into Niki’s arms and part of him knew he couldn’t stay at these moments. Life was moving and so was he.

He could tell Ghostbur wanted to be around Niki more, and in return, he promised he’d go back. Ghostbur said he trusted him, but there was something off in his voice. Something that was reserved. So Wilbur simply did what he did best, describing things. 

“We’re still in the oak forest right now. It’s a pretty nice day out. Oh- I don’t think I told you, Niki gave me my armor back.”

Wilbur imagined Ghostbur nodding, “Mhm, I can feel it.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot you do that.” Although Ghostbur probably didn’t mind the silence between them to be filled by the chirps of birds and the light crunch of leaves under his boots, he still felt obligated to tell him something.

“It’s pretty hot out, I’m not sure if you feel it much though. I’m trying to stay under the leaves a little bit.” Wilbur sighed, the scenery was quite beautiful. “There’s some flowers every now and then, just red poppies and those yellow flowers I can never remember the name of. There’s some patches of grass around, but most of the area looks well-maintained.”

Wilbur could’ve talked about the clouds in the sky or the rabbit he saw from not too far away, but part of him feared that Ghostbur didn’t care. What was he thinking? Ghostbur had to care. He was forced to care if anything. His personality made him not hate Wilbur, and limbo made him stuck in his mind.

Wilbur spoke hesitantly, “Is there anything you want to do in L’Manberg? Or other places as well, I just don’t know what you like to do.” Wilbur found an odd sense of discomfort when he talked to Ghostbur. Discomfort that wasn’t present before yet felt present in every step he took.

It seemed the feeling wasn’t mutual. “Hmm, I usually talk to my friends, but you’ve been doing that already.”

“It’s alright, Ghostbur. We can do that again. You uh- you wanna visit Tubbo and Ranboo?”

“Yeah! That sounds fun. I always loved seeing little Michael, he’s quite adorable.” Ghostbur’s voice turned dull quickly, “He never got to meet Friend.”

“Who’s… Friend, again?” Ranboo joined after Wilbur died. Perhaps ‘Friend’ did as well.

Ghostbur gasped, “You’ve never met Friend?”

Wilbur shrugged, “I don’t think so.” He came up to the edge of a worn-in path that faded into the grass and walked along with it. He didn’t exactly remember his way back, but he hoped muscle memory would guide him.

“I really want to see him again.” Ghostbur said, melancholically, “I miss him so much.”

“Maybe you will,” Wilbur said, a little softer than he usually did, as he watched the scenery carefully. As it changed, he couldn’t help but feel a bit of relief watching over him. “We’re near L’Manberg. Or well, the crater,” he said. He almost laughed near the end, but he didn’t want to upset the ghost.

They were indeed right by the crater of L’Manberg, a huge portion of it covered in glass. Buildings were half-broken, though some appeared to have been rebuilt, even if it wasn’t enough to create an entire community. It was funny really, how no one had attempted to rebuild it after it was gone. It left Wilbur’s legacy intact though, even if it probably wasn’t a particularly good look for him. 

It was time to look for clues to Wilbur’s revival. That had been their plan coming here, after all. Though Wilbur did take some time, admiring the sight of the blown-up nation. “We’re really here,” he said. He didn’t realize he would’ve missed it, after being gone for just a couple of days. Though being there filled his mind with recognition. A certain level of pride mixed with something that stung, but the pride made it sting in a way that made him want to smile.

As he wandered through, taking in the smells, sights, and sounds, he suddenly heard Ghostbur gasp. “I can hear his footsteps!” he said excitedly.

A grip of panic went through Wilbur. “Who’s footsteps?” He asked sharply.

“Friend’s! He is around here, I just know it!”

Frantically, Wilbur looked around to see if he could see anyone, but all he caught sight of was a lonely blue sheep tied to a fence with a lead, near the border to L’Manberg. He thought he’d seen the sheep before, but it was among the blurry thoughts in his mind. The memories of his revival, and of a life that wasn’t his. “I can’t see anyone,” Wilbur whispered. The sheep leaned down to eat a bit of grass. 

Wilbur heard Ghostbur excitedly clap. “He did the thing!” he said, in awe. “He’s so adorable.”

Wilbur looked around, dumbfounded. “Wait, can you physically describe Friend?”

“Cute, adorable, and very blue.”

The blue sheep continued chewing before looking up at Wilbur. It looked like a normal sheep. He stepped around it, looking for a nametag. The only one he could see seemed hazy, transparent almost. He tried to hold it and get a better look, but his fingers passed through. A shiver ran through him.

“Is he… a sheep?”

Ghostbur gasped, “How did you know? Wait- was he your sheep too?”

“No no, I guess it just makes sense now.” Of course, the ghost was friends with a sheep. Ghostbur probably viewed everyone as his friend. Wilbur slowly reached his hand out to Friend and gently ran his hand over Friend’s head.

The sheep bleated quietly and rubbed his head into Wilbur’s hand. Wilbur found a small smile coming across his face.

“What are you doing? It feels nice.” Ghostbur’s soft voice seemed complimentary to the scene.

“I’m petting Friend,” Wilbur answered automatically. An unfortunate realization came to Wilbur, “Oh, you’ve never felt his wool before.” Wilbur shouldn’t have cared about Ghostbur’s ability to feel things or what he’d done in the past. The ghost was his own person- well, in theory, he was at least. 

“Aww,” Ghostbur’s voice melted into a fondness that was distinct from his typical friendliness. “Is he happy?”

Friend let out a cheerful baa. Wilbur didn’t know how Friend correctly responded to the question, but he scratched behind the sheep’s ear- the only way Wilbur could really give praise to him. Ghostbur let out a breath which Wilbur took as the ghost relaxing. He could have spent seconds or minutes there and it all would have felt the same. He was abruptly brought out of it when footsteps came from not far behind him. He froze as he turned around. He visibly relaxed when he saw it was just Tommy, but the tension in his eyes stayed. The boy wasn’t quite fond of him. Wilbur could accept that. The slight distaste couldn’t be permanent either way, because that didn’t make sense. Tommy was still Tommy after all, and even with the glare Wilbur received, it was quite clear that there was something hesitant there as well. And certain questions lingered in his mind that Tommy could answer.

“Big man!” Wilbur pulled a fake grin, looking between Friend and Tommy. “This little guy is cute isn’t he?” His eyes stayed on Tommy as he waited for a response.

Tommy’s posture went rigid as he slightly shifted where he was. “I guess so.” Although Tommy met Wilbur’s eyes a few times, his gaze settled on Friend. A gaze of concern that Tommy didn’t wear often.

Wilbur knew the conversation wasn’t going to last long, so he figured he’d get it out of the way. “Tommy, how did I get revived?”

Tommy winced at the question. The grimace that came from the child didn’t surprise Wilbur in the slightest. “Fuck I…” Tommy’s voice trailed off.

“It doesn’t sound like Tommy wants to talk about it right now. Maybe you should change the topic?” Ghostbur said, sounding a little frightened.

Wilbur rolled his eyes at the words and noticed that Tommy was looking at him strangely. “I’m just curious!” he said, “I only saw Dream coming for me, but I don’t know about the details. I was hoping you could fill me in.”

Tommy looked at Wilbur, as if it was an attempt to make Wilbur feel stupid. Wilbur didn’t like that look at all. There was something else hidden underneath though. Perhaps it was fear, though it probably wasn’t that bad. “Listen, Wilbur I… I don’t wanna talk about this shit right now, okay?”

“See, it’s like I said! We should change the topic. How about we talk about Friend! Tommy seemed to like Friend!”

“Why does this sheep like me so much?” Wilbur asked.

Tommy hesitated. “He… He was Ghostbur’s.”

Wilbur nodded thoughtfully. “Hm. And could you tell me why he’s gone?”

“That’s not how you change topics!” Ghostbur said, sounding panicked, “Do you… Do you not know how to-? See, first of all you have to leave the original topic behind and-”

Tommy took a shaky breath before he spoke, “I don’t have time for this.” Tommy’s gaze was foggy and fixed onto nothing in particular. He walked over to Friend and began undoing the lead around the fence pole.

Wilbur took his hand off of Friend and gently held the lead. “I’m sure it’s not too long of a conversation.” A familiar smile came across Wilbur’s face, and there was a grim recognition in Tommy’s face too, that Wilbur didn’t want to consider for too long.

“I really can’t, Wilbur.” The name was sharp on his lips as he quickly undid the lead on the pole.

Wilbur’s gaze fixed onto only Tommy as he slightly frowned. “Just for a moment or two really.” His hold on the lead tightened slightly. Not to hurt Friend’s throat, but out of worry that Tommy would actually leave before Wilbur got what he wanted.

Tommy narrowed his eyes at Wilbur. While Wilbur knew the action was supposed to intimidate him, he could feel how scared Tommy was. The boy’s hands weren’t exactly noticeably shaking, but as the lead moved left and right, he knew he was much calmer than Tommy. “I don’t have a moment or two for you.”

“Tommy sounds uncomfortable, maybe you should just let him leave.” Wilbur could’ve sworn he heard Ghostbur’s voice hitch.

“Tommy, we’ve been through so much. I’ll be honest with you, you’re all I have left.” Wilbur took the hand that wasn’t holding the lead and gently placed it on Tommy’s arm. He barely realized he’d done so. Because Wilbur needed answers. Desperately. They were something he could cling onto, and of course, Tommy would give them to him eventually. His fingers wrapped around the boy’s arm. “I’m sure you can answer a few questions.”

“No.” Tommy’s voice wavered, but still stood strongly.

Wilbur’s voice was much stronger though. He used to be a commander after all. And Tommy wouldn't mind, because he was Tommy, and Tommy was reckless and resourceful. Perhaps a part of Wilbur felt as if this was a test. As if they were back in the war, and Tommy was being his usual defiant self. “Really?” Wilbur faked genuine confusion. “Because I feel like I have the right to know about my revival.” Wilbur sighed, “Tommy, don’t you know not to be selfish with knowledge? Honest communication is always a good thing.” Wilbur’s grip on Tommy’s arm tightened. It wasn’t enough to injure Tommy in any way. It was just a light pressure that made him remember his place. A simple soldier in war who needed to listen a little better.

And how wonderfully it worked. 

Tommy opened his mouth to speak but fell silent. He stared at the ground.

Wilbur smiled once again, “Good.” So much curiosity was jumbled inside his head, he barely even knew what to ask. “Why did Dream revive me?” A simple starting point. A good transition for the next questions.

Tommy’s gaze went to Wilbur’s eyes before it went to the bruises and burns on Wilbur’s face. “I- I don’t know.” Tommy tried to subtly pull away from Wilbur and as soon as he noticed, he tightened his grip, his fingers lightly digging into Tommy’s arm.

“I’ve fought too many wars with you to believe that bullshit.” He chuckled a little, in an attempt to lighten the strange tension that shouldn’t be there. He was so close. So close. “I’m asking you again, why did Dream revive me?” His face turned blank near the end. Tommy just needed to tell him one thing. Just one.

“Wilbur, let go of me.” Tommy's voice was shaky as he tried to pull his arm away- harder this time. Yet, Wilbur’s grip was stronger this time, causing the younger to wince.

“Tommy, Tommy, Tommy.” Wilbur didn’t dare to lessen his grip on the boy’s arm. Instead, he grabbed it tighter, his knuckles turning white as his hand slightly shook. A part of him felt, as if letting go now, would make Tommy disappear before his eyes, and for an absurd second, he felt as if he understood the way Niki had held onto himself. A strange level of comfort at the control filled Wilbur’s heart, because he hadn’t had control for so long, and this was good! This was good! Wilbur was learning, and Tommy was standing there as if nothing had changed at all. Wilbur could barely feel himself gripping it tighter. All he could notice was his injuries throbbing in pain again. He focused on that instead of the words spilling out of his mouth, “You know what I want. And you also have what I want. Tell me what happened.”

Tommy shoved Wilbur, but instead of letting go, they both fell down. Tommy tried to pull away, thinking Wilbur’s grip was lessened, but he groaned in pain when he felt his arm get pulled back. 

“F-Fucking let go.”

“Tell me.” 

Despite all the plans he’d made for today, he couldn’t plan Tommy punching him in the throat. All of a sudden he couldn’t breathe as he wrapped one of his hands around his throat, letting go of Tommy as well. He only caught glimpses of the boy as he ran away, the most noticeable thing being the dark red crescents in Tommy’s arm. And perhaps he noticed again, like when he first came back, that everything had changed. It might have been slow at first, but Tommy was now out of his sight with Ghostbur’s panicked murmurs in his mind.

After Wilbur managed to breathe again, he felt regret come out of his lungs. Regret that stung his mind more than the regret of asking his father to kill him. He closed his eyes tight, wishing it to go away. The feeling lingered in his chest as he let himself fall onto the glass behind him. Not hard enough that it would crack the glass in any way, but enough for him to exhale from the impact.

“Oh no no no no no, this isn’t good, this isn’t good. You weren’t supposed to do that.”

I know, He responded in his head. Ghostbur couldn’t hear it and he didn’t need him to. What happened to the phrase ‘me, myself, and I’? It seemed to work just fine before. 

“Wilbur- you’ve got to go and apologize and tell him you won’t do it again. Just make things happy again,” Ghostbur pleaded. 

Desperation wasn’t a good sound for Ghostbur’s voice. It was almost like a door that creaked on its hinges. “I can’t make things happy again,” Wilbur whispered. The words were quiet even to himself. “Life doesn’t work like that, Ghostie.” Wilbur almost chuckled at the nickname, but the guilt that sat in his chest stopped him.

“You could- you should try. He might stop being upset if you just tell him you’re sorry,” Ghostbur’s worry made Wilbur frown slightly. He didn’t need to make another person upset again. 

Ghostbur deserved a response yet when opened his mouth to give it, he closed it soon after. Maybe Tommy managed to punch out all of his witty responses stuck in his throat. Even then, it hurt to speak as his voice cracked every now and then. “I’m sorry.” The words didn’t help him feel better, but perhaps they would help Ghostbur.

Wilbur heard Ghostbur’s sniffles. Had Ghostbur started crying? “N-Now to him please.”

Wilbur sighed and sat up. Luckily, Tommy was nowhere in sight. “Can’t see him.” 

“Is he coming back?”

Wilbur’s chest tightened at that. Ghostbur didn’t need to know the truth. Ghostbur enjoyed being locked up in his ignorance. So he’d let him live in his own prison.

“Yeah. He’ll come back real soon.”

#dream smp #dream smp fic #dream smp fanfic #c!wilbur #ghostbur #c!tommy #alivebur #dsmp #dsmp fic

[mischiefandi]

the marauders in class at Hogwarts - headcanons (2)

A/N: here’s another headcanon because i just love these characters so much and im feeling very inspired recently. obviously this is just me describing what i picture when i think of the Marauders, but i honestly kind of love these headcanons and i feel like they fit quite well :)

if u would like to be added to my new Harry Potter taglists (either Harry Potter or the Marauders taglist, or both), please fill in this form !

headcanons below the cut <3

James

James’ favourite subject is Flying

nothing compares to the feeling he gets when he’s racing against the wind

flying above the grounds of his school

he tends to show off his skills

performing tricks for his fellow classmates

flying out of his teacher’s reach when she scolds him

he doesn’t really pay attention to her remarks, though he does work very hard

he trains a lot because he wants Gryffindor to win the Quidditch cup every year

he’s highly competitive and confident in his abilities

he’s not a bad student in other branches, but he often gets distracted by his mates

he’s always playing pranks on teachers and showing up late to class, tie not made correctly

he absolutely hates anything too mathematical, which automatically ruins Transfiguration, Ancient Ruins, and Astronomy for him

though he still gets rather good grades in those subjects

however he loves Charms and gets excellent grades in that class

he is very clever and he doesn’t mind shoving it in certain people’s *Snape’s- cough cough* faces

when he chooses to work hard, it usually turns out great for him

though he doesn’t often choose to

Sirius

he’s probably the worst student out of all 4 marauders

too busy making his classmates laugh or teachers fume with anger

he’s been to dumbledore’s office so many times, he couldn’t even count them if he tried

he often finds himself in detention with Mrs. McGonagall, who keeps a very sharp eye on him

they always end up chatting towards the end of detention though

he would never admit it, but she’s his favourite teacher

he finds her brilliant and he adores pushing her buttons

Sirius is smart, but he gets bored easily, and his love for adventure gets in the way of long hours of work

he only really enjoys one class which is Defence Against the Dark Arts, because it’s the only one in which he can actually do something

it’s also because it’s the only class he actually finds useful aside from Charms

he is however a gifted wizard and even though he isn’t a very devoted student, his magical prowess never ceases to amaze the staff members of Hogwarts

his favourite spell is Wingardium Leviosa, with the occasional Alohomora

they always come in quite handy

Remus

while Sirius is the worst student in the group, Remus is definitely the best

he loves learning about magic

he also loves reading, which explains why he enjoys History of Magic so much

he’s always sitting somewhere beside a fire or against a cool window, reading a book about mythical creatures or about unfamiliar hexes

he’s passionate about Defence Against the Dark Arts, and he’s oftentimes caught waving his wand at objects in the dormitory, practicing his spells

it’s no surprise he’s the one who’s always helping his friends out with their homework

he never complains about their lack of work or motivation

he’s always willing to help them, unless he’s in a very bad mood

when he has his off days, he pretends he’s got a lot of work to do

when really he just stares into the void, unable to concentrate on his books

aside from those days, Remus pays a lot of attention to his classes

he enjoys each and every one of them for different reasons, though some more than others

if he had to pick one class he really didn’t like, it’d have to be Divination

he doesn’t like its illogical and inconsistent characteristics  

Peter

Peter’s not good in school, but he isn’t bad either

he’s just average

in everything

he’s not particularly passionate about anything, though he really enjoys Potions

unlike most things in life, if you follow the instructions properly, you always get the result you were hoping for, and that’s why he likes it so much

Peter works a lot but his grades unfortunately don’t always match up to his efforts

he gets very annoyed when James or Sirius get better points than him, especially when they boast about barely studying for the test

he thought he’d enjoy Flying, but his first experience on a broom traumatised him so badly he got a special permission slip not to have to keep attending the class

James used to tease him about it but eventually offered to help him deal with his fear of heights, a proposition he gratefully declined

while he isn’t particularly talented or skilled, he’s a very good listener, and he enjoys listening to his teachers talk, especially when they’re passionate about their subject

he often asks Remus for extra help or explanations and Remus gladly helps him out

he might not be an exceptional wizard, but Peter always tries his best

tagging a few pals who might be interested and my forever tag <3

@duskholland @siriusly-harry @apatheticanvas67482 @teen–marvel@thegirlwhoimagined (u dont have to interact of course!)

forever tag:

@stixnstripesworld @masterofbluff @drakewalker04 @superapplepie @apatheticanvas67482​

if u would like to be added to my new Harry Potter taglists (either Harry Potter or the Marauders taglist, or both), please fill in this form :)

#the marauders #the marauders fanfiction #james potter #sirius black #peter pettigrew #remus lupin #hogwarts #harry potter #harry potter universe #the marauders headcanons #headcanon #v writes #<3

[kaidans-alenko]

Chocolate kisses

Just a little valentines one shot based in the universe of the long fic i’m working on “willow”  

Summery: Valentines day is coming up and Lily has the perfect plan to win Kaidan’s heart: homemade chocolate

AO3 Link

"Aughhh!" Lily yelled, resulting in a very alarmed  Aiden dashing into their kitchen.  

"What? What's wrong?" He asked, concerned.

Lily slammed the pan of what he assumed was chocolate down onto the counter, she had been holed up in their apartment all day and wouldn't tell him why "What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to bake." She said, glaring at the pan.

"Bake what?"

Lily tensed up "Nothing, none of your business!"

Aiden picked up her pink recipe book, looking at the page it was opened on "Heart shaped dark chocolate...I didn't know you had a boyfriend." It's not like he was privy to every aspect of her life but they told each other everything and after Nate she had practically ruled out relationships.

Lily blushed, yanking the book from him "I don't."

"Then who are you making it for?"

Lily crossed her arms looking away from him "Maybe it's for you and you ruined the surprise."

"Me?"

"Yeah, you always get me flowers so why can't I give you something?"

"You cook for me every year and besides I hate dark chocolate."

"Well then maybe it's for me!"

"You hate dark chocolate."

"Ugh! Listen, did you just come in to interrogate me?"

"No, I came in because I was worried, you're the one being difficult."

"Fine! I'm making it for someone happy?"

"Who?"

"Why does it matter?"

Aiden shrugged "I'm just curious."

"Well...don't be!" She turned him around, pushing him out of the kitchen. "Now why don’t you focus on your own love life and leave me alone." Lily huffed walking back into the kitchen, leaving Aiden standing in their living room confused.

As much as it aggravated her to admit Aiden was right, she was trying to make chocolate for someone and that someone was her fellow soldier and sentinel, Kaidan Alenko. It was stupid, they weren't dating and she wasn't even sure he liked her so why she was stressing herself like this she didn't know but she was bad with words and everyone liked getting chocolates on valentines day right?

Lily gasped, what if he had a girlfriend? He hadn't mentioned anything but he was also a private person so he probably wouldn't have anyway. Lily fixed her ponytail "Whatever, if he puts all my good work to waste I'll kill him, asshole." She grumbled as she went back to work. 

Kaidan shuddered "You okay LT?" Ashley asked.

"Yeah, just a sudden chill." He told her, a troubled look on his face.

"You know they often say that happens when someone is talking about you, maybe Lily is the reason?" She teased. Ashley knew about Lily and Kaidan's respective crushes on each other, her only problem was she couldn't tell either of them. Lily was her best friend and if she wanted her to keep it a secret she would and Ashley was no gossip but damn if it wasn't hard.

Kaidan rolled his eyes "Please, she doesn't even like me."

Oh if only he knew "Then why did you drag me, her best friend on to the Citadel just to pick out a gift for her huh?" Kaidan was silent "if you truly believed she didn't like you, any old box of chocolate would do, wouldn't it?"

"Just tell me what kind of flowers she likes."

"Aiden already gets her flowers."

Kaidan sighed "Of course…"

"She likes stuffed animals though.” Ashley informed him.

"You're kidding." Her? Miss shoot up a colony just because they don't have the time to throw a couple gas grenades. She collects stuffed animals? 

Ashley shook her head "Swear on my life, she has quite the collection."

"If you say so." If anyone were to know it’d either be Ashley or Aiden and he certainly wasn’t about to ask him how to win his sister’s heart. 

"Come on, I'll even help you pick one out." Ashley grabbed his wrist and pulled him over to shelves filled to the brim with pink, red and white stuffed toys.

"They're cute but they all have 'I love you' written on them." He said as he put one back on the shelf.

"Well are they wrong?" She pried.

"I'm not answering that." Kaidan picked up a white dog with red hearts all over it "aren't hearts a little...forward?"

"Kaidan."

He looked over at her "Yeah?"

"It's Valentine's Day, that's the whole point." Kaidan was definitely the endearingly awkward type and Lily was just awkward. They'd be a match made in heaven if they'd just knock it off and be honest with each other.

"Success!" Lily cried out collapsing to her knees on the kitchen floor, exhaustion finally washing over her. She had been trapped in her kitchen all morning and afternoon trying to get this chocolate to mold correctly and she finally did. "I'm never fucking making chocolate again." She said as she stood up "so he better enjoy it while he can."

Lily hummed happily as she set the heart shaped candy into a small pink box, wrapping a bow around it, trying to push the thought that Kaidan may not feel the same way to the back of her mind "It's fine, I'll just order a heart shaped pizza and cry alone while Aiden has a nice evening with Liara It's okay." She laughed to herself, aware of how crazy she probably sounded. She hoped that didn’t happen but she stopped being an optimist a long time ago.

-------------------------------

Kaidan sat at the table in the mass hall, the stuffed dog he had gotten for Lily laid in front of him, he felt silly as he waited for her to finish getting ready, the rest of the crew was either on dates or at Flux but he had stayed behind to wait for her. Kaidan might have sorta kinda forgot to ask her out on a date so he had to do it last minute when she probably already had one. He was an adult he could handle rejection, it would suck but he’d get over it, he just needed to get it out of the way so he could get over it. Kaidan gently flicked the dog's ear “Hopefully she’ll think you’re cute enough to forget that she hates me.” at least that’s what she liked to tell him, she was aloof one day but flirted with him the next it made no sense, Ashley liked to tease him by saying he didn’t understand women but maybe he just didn’t understand Lily. It’s not that she was all that easy to read.

Lily peaked over at Kaidan from behind the elevator, her hands behind her back holding the pink box containing the chocolate she made for him, he had a present in front of him too, they were the only two left on the ship was it for her? She didn’t want to assume things but she really hoped it was, she had fantasizing all day in between bouts of chocolate related anger. Taking a deep breath and steeling herself she slowly walked over to him “Kaidan?”

He looked up upon hearing his name, breath catching in his throat at the sight of her, he had never seen her in a skirt before and her gorgeous raven black hair was out of its usual tight ponytail and instead tied into a braid laid over her bare shoulders. At the age of thirty-two here he was blushing like a school boy on valentines day because of his CO’s younger sister. When was the last time he was on shore leave? “Lily you...uh...you look beautif-nice! You look very nice…” he said as he stood up to greet her, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. 

Any other time she would’ve teased him but not now, she didn’t feel like it now, it’s not that she wanted a relationship really, she hadn’t for a long time but she didn’t want to have a just sex relationship with him either, ignoring the fact Kaidan wasn’t the type, what she felt for him wasn’t just physical attraction it went deeper and that terrified her. “I uh...I made these for you.” she said, blushing as she handed him the box of candy. 

“You made it?” He asked, surprised as he opened the box.

“Yeah, it’s always a hit or miss with store bought chocolate so I thought i’d give it a try.” she told him as she started tugging on her skirt, the ship suddenly feeling very hot and the more she thought about it the more she realized homemade, heart shaped chocolate may have been too forward.

Kaidan smiled down at her “Thank you Lily, I can’t wait to try them,” he turned around, picking up the dog and holding it out to her “I got you something too, I had heard you liked stuffed animals so…” now it was his turn to blush.

Lily’s face lit up “For me?” she gently took the stuffed down in her hands, looking at it briefly before hugging it to her chest with a smile on her face “I love it, thank you!” Kaidan had never seen her smile, not at him anyway all he got was a smirk at most but not this time, this time she gave him a genuine smile and it was gorgeous. Kaidan didn’t know her history, he didn’t know why she rarely smiled but he wanted to. It’s not like he was big on smiling either but someone like Lily...someone like her deserved to always be happy, to always smile from the bottom of her heart, even if he wasn’t the reason behind it. 

“I know it’s very last minute but if you don’t have a date I would like to take you to dinner.” It had been a long time since he had asked someone on a date, probably before he even enlisted and he hadn’t anticipated doing it again for a long time yet here he was jittery with butterflies in stomach as he asked the woman he had a crush on out on a date. God crush...such a juvenile term for him to use but that was the best way to describe it and for as much as they bickered it was probably a long shot but something deep down told him he’d regret it if he didn’t. 

“I’d love to, I actually didn’t have any plans either.” She was hoping he’d give her some but she wasn’t going to say that out loud. 

Kaidan let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding “Great, that’s uh...great.” he hadn’t planned past this mainly because he hadn’t anticipated her saying yes but before he could trip over his words again Lily took his hand, pulling him along.

“There’s a restaurant I've been wanting to try but I haven’t had anyone to go with.” She said, it was an obvious lie, she could’ve dragged Aiden along but she didn’t because she was holding out hope that she’d be able to go with Kaidan, they weren’t dating, not even a little so to have such hope was silly but she was nothing if not a hopeless romantic, a side of herself she hadn’t seen in a long time. 

“What restaurant?” He asked as he was rather willingly led up the stairs.

“Apollo’s? I don’t remember but it’s named after one of those Greek gods, it’s on the presidium I know that much.”

Kaidan chuckled “I’m sure we’ll find it.”

“I hope so! I’m starving Kaidan, absolutely wasting away as we speak.” she said, her tone over dramatic and dragging her feet as if she was about to pass out on the stairs.

It was rare for her to joke with him like this but he liked it and as much as he was getting his hopes up it had him wanting more nites like this but for now he was going to savor this one. The sound of her giggling, something he didn’t expect to hear from her, the sight of her smile, the one she was only directing at him, the smell of her floral perfume, it was light but so very Lily and most of all, the feeling of his hand in hers. Lily’s hands, like the rest of her, were much smaller than his and they fit together like puzzle pieces. He wasn’t about to be sappy and say they were made for each other, he didn’t know that yet but it sure was a nice thought. 

#kaidan alenko #f!shenko #lilyshep #aidenshep #mass effect #ashley williams #mass effect fanfiction

[readingsbylibramc]

birth chart reading for @acmishere

hello! welcome to your reading. I’m gonna give you a quick overview of what I’m going to analyze about your natal chart. feel free to ask me anything if something isn’t clear, of course. you’ll find out your dominants’ influence on your persona, your physical appearance, impression on others and the way you approach the world; your ego, identity, the real you; your reactions, your desires, inner emotions; your way of expressing your feelings, your mind and ideas; your desires and approach to love; your energy tank, instincts and temperament; in-depth analysis of each house with their rulers and analysis of heavy aspects; love life + soulmates/karmic partners interpretation; your relationship with your friends; your family life; your approach to career and work in general + possible jobs suggestion; your style, fashion sense analysis; life purpose and past life description; basic transits’ analysis to describe your current mood and, last but not least, your secret skills, how to make the most out of your soul and manifest what you desire based on your birth chart.

🦋 chart shape, dominants

your chart is a seesaw shape. your life focuses on different ideals and interests, often constrasting between each other. from one side, this gives you the ability to be adaptable and find solutions easily. on the other hand, you may struggle with balance; for example, you might find yourself dedicating your life to your relationships, neglecting your ego or viceversa. you need to learn how to harmonize these energies.

your dominant planets are the moon, saturn and venus. you are a very emotional and empathetic person, it's easy for you to understand how others are feeling. you're also very mature and responsible, people look up to you for your leadership skills, even though you may be a bit moody and materialistic sometimes.

your dominant sign is scorpio. you may have trust issues and be quite of a loner, yet once you commit to someone, you'll be in for a long ride. you are very deep, both mentally and emotionally. you may struggle with power control, as you may have the perception that people are trying to take advantage of you due to your insecurities. because of that, you may also get quite possessive and bossy.

your dominant element is water. you're very intuitive and empathetic, you care a lot about others, and you may seem like a healer to people you know. in fact, you always try to help them if you can, almost in a therapeutic way. you're also very spiritual, and you're attracted to anything related to discovering your higher self and soul purpose.

🌎 ascendant in libra, 16° / 2nd decan ruled by venus and uranus

you're naturally likeable, you have a particular charm to you that makes everyone drool over you. you're very nice and outgoing, you always try to make others feel at ease. you're very considerate of others' feelings. you strive for fairness and justice, it's the way you approach others and the world. basically, you treat others like they treat you: if they're kind with you, you'll be very sweet. otherwise, you'll turn very sarcastic and harsh, almost cold at a certain point. this can make you seem extremely provocative, especially with your scorpio sun. you're very opinionated, you always feel the need to express your thoughts as you're very proud of them. in addition, since you always decide whether something is right or not, you may come off as a know-it-all. on the other hand, you're very sociable and you enjoy being in company, doesn't matter whether you're with your family, friends, lover etc. you may get to know many people throughout your life, but your friendships may not be much stable. you are surrounded by people, but you could feel lonely particularly often. I also need to point out that libra is ruled by venus, the planet of beauty. you're most likely very attractive and magnetic. even if not necessarily conventionally, people find themselves attracted to you. you may have sparkling doe eyes, with also full lips and a defined cupid's bow. your face is more on the longer side, perhaps you have an heart-shaped face, with high cheekbones and a pointy chin. you may also have naturally amazing, fluffy and flowing hair. your body is also very feminine, with a lot of curves and softness to it. it's very romantic, to sum up. also, your hair is probably naturally beautiful; it could be curly, or at least it's very thick and healthy-looking, even if you don't take much care of it.

libra ascendant square cancer moon: you may have troubles understanding others’ real feelings for you. you may feel as if everyone hates you, like everyone is talking behind your back when it’s the opposite. the ascendant being in libra doesn't help either, as this aspect enhances its trust issues even more. you’re particularly sensitive about others’ view and opinion of you, you may get deeply hurt when people criticize you. you could have the tendency to act differently than you usually do, in order to preserve your feelings. this is obviously a toxic behaviour, that fills you up with your own stress and doubles it. due to that, you may become very moody and nervous, ending up hurting others yourself. or maybe, it’s the other way around; your feelings are so overwhelming that you can’t hide them, and that could put you in embarrassing, unpleasant situations. you may show all of your emotions on your face, ready to be read. the way to cope with this placement is finding someone similiar to you; someone who’s trust-worthy, and very sensitive and empathetic too. someone who’d never judge you for you think or say, and that would always help you becoming the best version of yourself. someone that understands you, without having to explain all of your behaviours and habits.

libra ascendant square capricorn venus: this aspect makes you more sociable and prone to interact with people. you’re also most probably very attractive, people are naturally drawn to you. the downside of this placement is that you may suffer from self-esteem issues, as you really care about others’ impression of you. maybe you’re a little bit clumsy too. it’s easy for you to gain popularity, but be careful as it’s not always good. popularity brings scandals too, so people you see in your everyday life could possibly start gossips around you. the good thing about this aspect is that you emanate loyalty, so you usually attract and choose loyal and trust-worthy partners. this placement may also bring issues and problems in marriage with your future partner.

🌞 sun in scorpio, 28° / 3rd decan ruled by pluto and the moon

you're quite of a loner, you prefer spending time alone rather than with others. you're extremely intuitive, and you can read people like a book; they can't lie or keep secrets from you, you'll surely find out. you're pretty charismatic, and paired with your wise intellect it's hard not to agree with your ideas, especially considering that your moon is in cancer. you're basically a leader, a very demanding one. you have high standards regarding everything: clothes, food, goals, people... you're always striving for the best, you don't want to settle down. on the other hand, even though it may take you a while to find someone worth of your affection, once that someone shows up you'll stay with them forever. you're deeply loyal, and also caring in your own way. that's because you value feelings, you can easily smell when someone isn't trustworthy. you're probably very protective of your friends and loved ones in general, sometimes even too much. this could even escalate and become a more serious issue, as scorpio is also the sign of obsession, after all. it's common for you to feel your emotions x2, as they're too intense to handle. you know everything about others, but you don't show off and gossip about it. actually, you keep the info for yourself and use it when you need it.

scorpio sun conjunct sagittarius mercury: you express your ego and identity through your words and ideas. you’re very opinionated and you protect strongly your beliefs. after all, you probably came up with your ideals after thinking deeply about them, you were too precise to be wrong. you’re also probably an avid reader, and you could do well in writing yourself, as you’re able to properly convey your ideals with your words. also, your sagittarius and libra you are naturally good at writing poetry, or even philosophical quotes. your mind is very active, and you feel comfortable letting all your thoughts out. it’s actually a way to relieve stress. you also have a wide vocabulary, and you’re capable of making a formal speech if you have to. you have a memorable way of speaking, as your words are very sharp. it’s hard for you to be ignored for your intellect.

🌙 moon in cancer, 20° / 3rd decan ruled by the moon and neptune

with your moon in cancer, your privacy and security are the centre of your life. you need to be and feel emotionally stable to fully take advantage of all of your skills; for example, if you argue with a loved one of yours, especially if it's someone from your family, you could get very unmotivated to do anything. you need to feel complete to function correctly, and when you can't, you rely on material goods; e.g you may overeat, buy a lot of useless things out of stress, drink... anything that apparently helps you to cope. on the other hand, you're very affectionate, even clingy at times, but your feelings are very pure. because of that, you may also be extremely sensitive, you could be afriad of others' judgment for example. you have a very acute maternal istinct, you're most likely the mom friend of your group, especially since your sun is in scorpio, another protective sign. it comes natural to you to take care of others and nurture them, you'd definitely make an amazing mother. the problem with this trait is that you may sometimes take the blame for something just to protect others, you could often say white lies to help your loved ones. you just want to do something beneficial for others, you're extremely generous, but don't forget that you should take care of yourself first. also, since you feel the need to help others, you may often bottle up your emotions without anyone that is willing to help you work out your problems. make sure to always have some private space in your day-to-day life, it is extremely essential for you to develop your own ideas and also to understand what to do for your personal growth.

cancer moon opposite capricorn venus: there are contrasting feelings in your relationships with others; after all, your cancer moon wants to commit to someone and be loyal to them. on the other hand, your capricorn venus wants to be free and focus on career. you don't want to feel tied to someone, you still need your independency. those two desires of yours probably contrast each other, stressing you out. you want a calm, almost boring relationship, but with this placement you can't seem to have one. your feelings and self-esteem may depend a lot on your relationships, not only with your lovers, but also with your friends. if someone isn't loyal to you, you immediately start blaming yourself. in your life you may lack intimacy, and while it may make you feel better at first, based on the rest of your chart you actually need someone on your side. you can't do everything on your own. it's very challenging, especially since your capricorn venus makes you reluctant to intimacy, but you need to find someone that projects your ideals of love. if you need a free-spirit, go look for one. it may take you a while, but if you learn all the lessons you need to learn from your breakups, you'll be able to live a peaceful life with your spouse.

🗣 mercury in sagittarius, 7° / 1st decan ruled by jupiter

you say things impulsively, you're bluntly honest, and this could often hurt people around you. in addition, you like having the last word, despite being proven wrong sometimes. you have a knack for wisdom, you love being and looking smart. you're the type to spend the whole day reading and analyzing philosophical quotes and then make them your own, applying them to your life. you want to be and feel experienced, hence you may inform yourself about a variety of topics just for the sake of knowing them, perhaps you're not even that much interested in them. you could go from talking about politics to astrology, your mind is quite messy but still very full. you may possibly have a youthful voice, and sometimes you can speak in a loud volume without even realizing it. you may also exaggerate your words a lot, for example you might have got a single scratch on your cheek and call it a gash. you could possibly also be the type to joke over your own feelings, and then obviously get mad at others when they do the same with you. your mercury is also retrograde, hence you're not much talkative, you're more on the introspective side. you may have troubles communicating your thoughts clearly, or maybe you're the one who may misunderstand/mishear what others say to you.

❤️ venus in capricorn, 14° / 2nd decan ruled by saturn and venus

you seem like the type of person who's not totally into the idea of love and relationships, especially in your early years. you find your individuality way more important, and you feel the need to establish your status in the world. yet, there's still a place in your heart that desires love, but it's quite hidden. maybe, you're actually afraid of falling in love; or perhaps, it's the opposite: your risk-taker sagittarius energy made you jump into relationships, even if they weren't actually your priority. it may be hard for you to fall for someone, but once you do, you're totally invested in them. you're quite of a traditionalist when it comes to love; you may the type that prefers being courted, rather than court yourself. you're also quite into clichés, and you're looking for a polite and ambitious partner. someone who has a stable job, and is also wealthy. basically, someone that looks (and possibly is) rich and noble. you may also have the tendency to date people that are older than you, and possibly also soulmates from your past lives. in fact, you attract many karmic partners that are here to teach you lessons. your relationships may be quite painful, or at least they're so intense that they are hard to forget. with this placement, it's also recommended to get married after your saturn return, hence after your 28-29 years old, to avoid any kind of challenges.

☄️ mars in taurus, 10° / 2nd decan ruled by venus and mercury

with taurus mars, you may actually despise working too much. you love challenging your mind, but you're kind of lazy. you'd rather stimulate yourself through your hobbies and interests rather than using school / work, which are quite stressful for you. you need to find something material and concrete to motivate you and make you assertive. you could study just because you need a good grade, or maybe work just to get paid. you don't really do it with interest, as you care more about nurturing your passions than responsibilities. you're not really into conflicts; you'd rather be peaceful with everyone, as you find it a waste time to argue with someone. most taurus mars tend to be quite passive, yet I don't think it's your case. I imagine that with your heavy sagittarius and scorpio energy, and also mars opposing jupiter, you've got a hot temper. you may try to avoid conflicts, but once someone gets on your nerves it's over for them. you're very unpredictable from this point of view, it's hard to decipher you. you may be more verbally aggressive than physically, though.

taurus mars opposite scorpio jupiter: you easily come off as more assertive and arrogant than you actually are. you say things impulsively, and sometimes you’re too blunt and hurt people’s feelings. you don’t do it on purpose, though, there’s no malice behind your acts; it’s just your natural way to express your opinions. you’re also very competitive, and this may make you look selfish. on a positive side, you probably have a naturally nice body (or maybe you react fast to diet/workout). you’re a risk-taker, and if you’re not you should try breaking the rules sometimes (obviously not doing illegal stuff lol). in fact, it’s when you’re both physically and mentally active that you’re able to come up with even better ideas, as you’re full of creativity. to cope with this placement, you can try doing something fun to challenge your mind, basically get out of your comfort-zone. of course you don’t have to overdo it, but it would be beneficial.

taurus mars square leo saturn: this placement indicates that something or someone is trying to restrict you, they're trying to prevent you from following your dreams and taking your own choices for your life. that someone is most likely an individual that has a lot on impact on you, it's someone very authoritative. or perhaps, it may even be a bully or abuser of any sort or just your insecurity to hold you back. as a result, you either rebel and get extremely angry, or you hide all of your disappointment inside of you. but soon or after, all of your intense feelings are going to eat you alive if you keep going like this, it's a very unhealthy behaviour. you could find it extra hard to achieve your goals, as when you try you always come across some hardships. what matters the most, is that you try to be more positive, you could even try manifesting more patience or serenity. you can't hold onto anger so much, or it will just fill you with negativity that could damage you. let it all go, focus on your goals and try to understand how to be more patient. in fact, you may often feel like you need to do everything as soon as possible, when it's not like that. you can allow yourself to be more calm and live life as it comes, it will make you feel much better with yourself and you'll also get more mature, which is crucial to learn your saturnian lessons and increase your self-confidence.

🏡 houses

your 1st house is in libra. you have a peaceful approach to the world; you most likely don’t like conflicts, you prefer avoiding them, even though you may have some troubles with that due to your impulsive scorpio sun. you probably care a lot about your appearance, and because of that you could get insecure from time to time. usually, people with libra in their 1st house look for themselves in others, as their chart is basically upside down. yet, since you also have jupiter in your first house you don’t depend on others as much as other libra risings. you’re still a free-spirit, you’re able to stand up and you come off as more fierce than the typical libra ascendant. physically, you may also have stronger features: you could have a strong jawline, a wide forehead, a distinctive nose and plumper lips than other libras. you may also have a more voluptuous figure.

your 2nd house is in scorpio, with also the sun and mercury placed there. this placement can make you seem a bit selfish. in fact, you’re extremely possessive of your possessions, you don’t want to share them with others. there’s a lot of karma around your finances. in fact, if you’re too stingy, it may bite your butt. you need to give in order to receive, so I’d suggest you to share your things more with others. you could share a meal with a friend, for example. you’ll surely get something positive back from it. your finances may not be stable either; they are in constant change, and while this placement can make you earn quite a great amount of money, it can also make you lose everything you have. no inbetweens. the 2nd house is also about self-esteem, your relationship with your appearance. you have contrasting feelings about it; some days, you’re very confident. other days, you hate yourself. you may find flaws in every single picture you take or every pants you try on. it’s a very intense placement, as you may often feel as if you need to change your appearance in order to love yourself. based on other placements in your chart, it could manifest in spending money in a new wardrobe for example, as you feel like changing your style would help you boost your self-confidence. with the sun here you're quite peaceful, you try to avoid conflicts when you can. this placement makes you crave stability, whether it's financial, in love etc. you must be very stubborn, as the second house of taurus is a fixed sign. you're also very artsy, and you may fancy particular art styles. you have a good eye for aesthetics, and you care a lot about the looks of your house, body, clothes etc. you have excellent concentration, and that is another thing that helps you achieve your goals and make your ideas concrete. last but not least, you're amazingly patient, and that makes you a great friend. probably, they vent a lot of their worries to you, as you're also a great listener thanks to your mercury here.

your 3rd house is in sagittarius, with also your pluto and venus placed there. this is an amazing placement for a writer! you’re extremely open-minded and philosophical. you’d probably do great at poetry or just literature in general. you’re thirsty for knowledge, you aspire to learn everything you can, you enjoy being smart and educated. you most likely love comedy, and you have an amazing sense of humor yourself, you’re able to light up the room and make everyone burst into laughter even if you don’t mean to. you’re also very intelligent, you’re able to memorize things fast and you’re also a fast-learner. you may be less into gossips than other libras, as you’re very benevolent and considerate of others’ feelings. in addition, you’re able to see the good in everyone, there’s no reason for you to talk behind someone’s back. actually, it’s the opposite. you’re quite impulsive, you say things as they are. you probably love witty jokes and sarcasm. you’re extremely honest when you think and speak, and most of the times you have no problems expressing your opinions. you could possibly be very good with words and be good at convincing and manipulating others. your mind is very deep, you’re probably not really into small talks. you may also love anything that is considered taboo, like astrology, horror, nudity, death… you’re also quite secretive, you’re seen as an enigma. you don’t want to share much about you. last but not least, you value honesty above all. you only speak the truth, and hence you also want it back. you may as well be into conspiracy theories, science and anything that can expose what’s behind the universe, the government etc. with your venus here, your flirting style most probably includes jokes, teasing… things like that. even though you may seem flaky, as you like experiencing romance with different types of people, you’re actually quite picky. in fact, in order to fall for someone, you need to feel mentally attracted to them, not just physically. someone ignorant and stubborn that doesn’t care about learning something most definitely isn’t for you. you’re not the type to be super romantic and sweet with your partner or just people in general. you show your affection for example by sending them memes, making ironic jokes about them etc. also, when you’re into someone, you probably get very talkative! you start asking them simple questions about their life, even things like 'did you have lunch?’.

your 4th house is in capricorn, with also neptune placed there. I can tell that your childhood was quite complex. not necessarily bad, I don't see any kind of trauma, but you probably had to grow up way sooner than other kids. your parents could have been very hard-working and focused on their jobs, possibly wealthy too. they were very responsible and cared a lot about you, they always made sure you had everything you needed, even though they could have been slightly absent from time to time due to their jobs. people with a capricorn ic usually find something missing in their childhood, they had to deal with responsibilities from a young age. it could even be that you started working when you were still a teen, or maybe you had to take care of the house or of your siblings for them. you weren’t much extroverted, you preferred staying in, drawing, playing games etc. it could also be that one of your parents may be absent; they could be divorced, or in the worst case they might have died when you were pretty young.

your 5th house is in aquarius, with also uranus sitting there. you’re extremely creative, your ideas are very innovative, and you may have particular hobbies, interests or taste than others. when you’re able to fully express yourself, you gain full security and you start experimenting and inventing new things. you could be the type to start new fashion trends, music styles, art styles… basically, you’re a creative genius. your hobbies may also involve astrology, as well as human studies like psychology, or also anything that has to do with technology. you may be into videogames for example, tv series, social media… they’re your way to spend your free-time and relax. your relationships may also be very unconventional; you could usually date people online, or perhaps you may have the potential to meet someone through dating apps. they’re quite unstable, they may end out of the blue for example. yet, venus here makes it better; in fact, you’ll be able to achieve the best of your luck through creative outlets. again, if I were in you I’d definitely try writing something! you may also dedicate yourself to fashion, art, music, etc., anything that stimulates your creativity.

your 6th house is in pisces. in your daily life, you hardly ever have a structured schedule. you go with the flow, you take things as they come. you may often have your head in the clouds, you could get distracted easily and you may literally creative oscar-worthy movies in your head instead of doing what you need to do. your job may involve arts, images, possibly even fame. you should definitely use your creative talents for your possible career. also, you could benefit from helping others; you could be a psychologist or therapist of any kind, a nurse… any place where you’re able to help others. again, you could also help others through your art, hence with your lyrics, books, etc. when it comes to diets, workout routines, skincare routines etc. you could lack consistency, even though your libra energy makes you more motivated to take care of your appearance. you may sleep a lot, it’s easy for you to feel tired and stressed even when you’re not over-working yourself.

your 7th house is in aries, with also your mars placed there. love is most likely not your priority in life, even though you're very romantic. you need independence, and you’re able to stand up for yourself on your own. you don’t need someone else to help you. for you, love is a want, not a need. you tend to attract partners in your life that are hot-headed, stubborn, assertive and goal-oriented. they strive to be the best at everything they do, they’re extremely competitive and willing to do anything to achieve their goals. basically, you attract very dominant partners, but you don’t want to be dominated or controlled. you may often experience power struggles between you and your partner, which cause you issues in every relationship you get in. at the same time, you wouldn’t stand someone too submissive either, as you still need someone that would mentally stimulate you. they may actually be quite selfish and self-centered, they’ll care more about their own development rather than that of you two as a couple. an aries 7th house indicates that while you’ll have a very active, passionate spouse, you may also experience lots of arguments and discussions in your marriage life, perhaps even physical violence in the worst case.

your 8th house is in taurus. you have the most stable, stubborn sign in a house that requires constant change. you probably hate changing your routine and stepping out of your comfort zone. changes are hard for you to accept; you find it hard to change job all of a sudden for example, or even letting go of a toxic friend of yours can be stressful for you. also, you could be quite materialistic and fond of material possessions, causing you to be a bit too stingy, which isn’t good for your karma. another reason that this house contrasts with your 2nd house in scorpio is that you feel like you constantly need to change, but ironically slow taurus makes your changes way slower than usual. sometimes, when they happen, they’re so subtle that you probably can’t even see them or at least notice them at first. this placement may also indicate that you could get an inheritance, especially since your venus isn’t harshly aspected, and you’ll most likely have a peaceful death.

your 9th house is in gemini. gemini in the 9th house cusp usually makes people a bit close-minded, as they are very logical and careful in their approach to the world. you may change your ideas and opinions quite quickly, to the point that you could seem unconsistent. when learning new things, you like exploring different matters and subject, from maths to literature, but you may struggle to focus on only one. as a result, you may lack precision. you're probably a fast-learner and you're very witty and curious, you like learning about anything you can. you probably like studying, not necessarily at school but studying in general, and you may also be skilled at foreign languages. you could also be interested in foreign matters, such as cultures, music, etc.

your 10th house is in cancer, with also your leo saturn and your moon conjunct the midheaven. your career needs to be private. that doesn’t mean that you can’t become famous of course, but you prefer being more hidden at job, you may even work from home or from a young age. many celebrities with this placement, in fact, started working when they were still young. also, cancer indicates that your future job will give you the opportunity to express and / or deal with your / others’ feelings and emotions. you could become a writer, a singer, an actress, as well as a nurse, a therapist… anything that allows you to express your emotions while also communicating something is suitable for you. you could possibly also choose the same career as your parents, or you may handle the family’s business for example. you could also end up doing the job of your childhood dreams. you feel the need to pursue a meaningful career in your life, you want to feel emotionally connected to it. you don’t only want something that allows you to earn money, you also want to gain wisdom and maturity from a job, and hence you could even be a bit picky in choosing your future career. you also have saturn in this house: you may have to work hard to become financially stable and have a good reputation, perhaps you could be underestimated and / or discriminated throughout your first years of work, but after your 30s you're going to become a very respectable figure. you could become some sort of authority, like a boss, ceo, a president... this placement also indicates that you'd make a great teacher or professor.

your 11th house is in leo. with this placement, you’re probably very popular among your friends, you’re most likely the most talkative or funniest member of your group. you may also attract very popular people yourself in your friendships, perhaps even celebrities. possibly, you could even make friends that allow you to gain recognition and / or popularity, doesn’t matter whether it’s in school, job, etc. you could also have very big dreams for your future, probably regarding your career and finances. you most likely aspire to be wealthy and financially independent, you are very hard-working and possibly even a bit materialistic. you attract a lot of people in your life. whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, you’ll always be able to have someone by your side, even though you may struggle to create stable bonds. friends come and go, basically. you may attract very fierce, almost violent friends. they’re very energetic, and probably extroverted people who like socializing and enjoying life to the fullest. you're also very hard-working, and you aspire to achieve all of your dreams.

your 12th house is in virgo. this is another placement that indicates that you are an amazing writer! in fact, the 12th house is about secret skills too, and virgo is ruled by mercury, the planet of communication. you do the math. with this placement, though, I feel like you may feel restricted from pursuing your goals, or even a career in the public eye, as you’re quite sensitive to others’ criticism about you. you strive to be perfect all the time, and your libra rising wants to constantly have a nice reputation. a scandal, or even simple haters, would probably be the end of you. you also have venus placed here, meaning that deep down, you actually crave affection from someone else. yet, you may be afraid, or perhaps too shy to approach a possible partner. but remember, the 12th house is also the house of secret talents! in fact, especially with your libra rising, you’re extremely likeable. you shouldn’t be afraid of not being liked back, for example. remember that your love life will get better with time, as you become more mature in that field.

❤️ love life, soulmates

in love you attract aries, aquarius, capricorn and / or gemini traits or placements. your future spouse will most likely have capricorn and gemini traits or placements; they’ll be very smart, creative, bold and confident, but also with a hidden insecurity to them. it could be love at first sight, and they are most likely one of your soulmates or even your twinflame. your children will most likely have aquarius or capricorn placements in their chart: they'll be very intelligent and creative, but they'll also be quite rebellious at times during their childhood or teenage years.

👶🏻 family life

your mother is probably a very caring person that knows how to stand up for herself when she has to, but she may struggle to do that. she’s very smart, caring and empathetic, even though she may be a bit childish or strict at times. she could have taurus placements in her chart, possibly capricorn, libra and cancer too. your father, on the other hand, is a bit more serious and focused on work, but he always made sure you always had what you needed. he was probably the strict parent in the family, but he still has some sweetness and nice humor to him. also, he may have capricorn, scorpio, pisces or cancer placements in his chart. if you have siblings, they most likely have sagittarius, scorpio, taurus and / or libra placements in their chart. they could be foreign or skilled at foreign languages, and you may feel very at ease with them. you have an amazing bond with them, you’re able to both relax and have fun together, even though you may discuss often. you could have been very jealous of each other when you were kids, maybe.

📊 career

as I've already mentioned above, you're going to pursue a career that will allow you to interact with others. you would probably do amazing at a job that requires you to help people, you could make a great nurse, therapist or psychologist for instance, you're going to be a very nurturing figure for others. you may also work as a teacher of any kind, not necessarily a professor or school teacher. I definitely see you being successful in whatever you choose, you could become very independent and financially stable thanks to your job. possibly, you may also have a business with your future spouse or family. you could also work with children or for family, as a counselor for example. anything that allows you to interact with and help others would be great for you, as it would make you more empathetic and sensitive to the external world. last but not least, you may also have some creative talent that could make you successful, therefore anything artistic would be great for you. you may also work as a chef or in a field related to economy and finances.

👕 fashion sense, style analysis

your style may be quite androgynous, yet still very classy. even if you’re wearing a simple sweatshirt, you make sure that it’s all neat and high quality above all. you could fancy wearing basic, ageless pieces, such as blazers, jeans, shirts etc. you mostly wear monochrome shades, such as black, white, beige, grey etc., but you still make them look effortlessly trendy. you could also be into retro trends, especially 20s/60s fashion or even 70s or 80s.

👁 past life, life purpose

in your past life, you were a very spiritual individual. you were close to your higher self, and you probably were able to talk to ghosts, you used to interpret your dreams and you most likely were also interested in astrology and other occult matters. in this lifetime, you need to put your spirituality aside for a while, and focus on finding out your identity here on the earth. you can still use spirituality to find out, but your priority is learning your karmic lessons regarding your self-esteem and work. you’ll finally be able to reach happiness and fulfill your soul when you start having an organized schedule, which allows you to balance both your hobbies and work.

🤔 major transits analysis / july 4th

jupiter is currently transiting your 5th house, making a conjunction with your natal uranus. you may experience random luck in these days, for instance you may find money on the ground while working or you could casually meet a new friend or partner. with transit mars in the 10th house being conjunct your natal mars, you could be more impulsive than usual and you may end up arguing with others, most likely with your parents, so be careful with that. on the other hand, you feel very motivated lately, you are more hardworking than usual, it's the perfect time to start a diet or a routine of any kind, as you're most likely to get it done. transit venus is conjunct your natal saturn at the moment, therefore you may be feeling a bit insecure about your appearance. don't worry though, it will all go away in a few days.

🧿 manifest what you want, secret skills

with your water placements, you probably have a 6th sense. you’re able to manifest what you want if you subconsciously predict it, even though it may be hard. you’d have to get in touch with your higher self to do so, and hence I would suggest you to light up some candles and meditate for a bit before manifesting, in this way it will be way more effective. you may manifest something while daydreaming, for example. or perhaps, you can also try listening to your own affirmations while you sleep, as you won’t be consciously aware of that. it’s probably the most effective way.

and this is the end! thank you again for booking a reading, hope it resonated with you :)

- libramc xx

#astrology

[script-a-world]

Submitted via Google Form: When do you usually know that you're finished making your world? I feel like I've gone down all these different worldbuilding avenues but I'm not sure if there's such a thing as over-building, if that makes sense? I think using what you need for the story/plot itself is good but 🤔 not sure if that will give readers a very thorough understanding of what the world really looks like and how it operates. For example, I could write my story with minimal worldbuilding and it would work, but readers wouldn't be able to imagine my world the same way I have made it, would they? I would really appreciate your perspective on this if possible!

Constablewrites: The thing is, it doesn’t matter if your readers don’t imagine your world exactly the same in every detail as you have done. If you describe a big castle and they picture it with red flags while you pictured it with blue, does that really change anything? Make sure that the important details are there, but beyond that, letting readers fill in their own blanks is absolutely fine. The important thing is to ensure that the details you do include are consistent.

Also, beta readers can help with this. If they say they’re having trouble picturing things, you probably went too far the other way. After all, the ideal with worldbuilding is to make the reader feel like they’re there. It’s just that sometimes a few suggestive details can go a lot further than a laundry list of specifics.

Ebonwing: If you’re working on a project that’s primarily worldbuilding with storytelling coming in second, there really is no such thing as being done. There’s always another corner of the world you can flesh out, another few details to work out for this or that culture, more words to think of for conlangs… But your question indicates that you want to use your worldbuilding as a vehicle for a story rather than as an end of its own, which is a different situation.

A balance needs to be found between not detailing the world in your story enough (leading your readers to have an unclear picture of it or not understand everything correctly) and overloading your story with too much information. Where that balance lies is a matter of opinion, and you’re not going to be able to satisfy every single last reader no matter what you do. What one person thinks of as an unnecessary distraction from the story, the next might love for immersing them in the world more.

With that in mind, I usually ask myself the following questions when it comes to deciding what I need and want to include:

Is this information crucial to understanding the story? For example, if my wizards draw their magical energy from the sun, that should probably be communicated to explain why they never cast spells during the night.

How well does this detail help paint a picture of the setting? Can you use it to convey more than one thing? Some things don’t change the impression a reader will take away from your description (see the red flag/blue flag example above). On the other hand, the fact that there are flags might help establish several things. If your castle is in the sky, you can combine the presence of flags with conveying that the wind blows more fiercely up there.

Can I use this detail to convey characterisation or foreshadow plot? Maybe your character just really hates flags for some reason, or they remind them of something bad that happened. Or there’s something political going on that is foreshadowed by the colour and symbols on the flags (one scenario where the flag colour is actually relevant, even if it isn’t in most others).

If you leave this detail out, will readers take away the wrong impression? If your setting has, say, both electricity but also armored knights and castles and everything, mentioning one without the other can easily lead readers to expect something differently than what they’ll get.

As Constablewrites said above, beta readers are really helpful for this. Lastly, I would also go a step further and say that not only does it not matter much if your readers see the world exactly as you pictured it, it’s also more or less impossible for them to do that from a written story. The pictures words can paint are necessarily going to be different depending on who reads them. I would advise to stop seeing that as a goal and instead think about how to convey the salient details as well as the aesthetic or vibe of your world and its places.

delta: So in every story, there are three important things, right? Plot, character, and setting (or world). You could tell a story with just plot and character, but that would be vague and bland (kinda like Waiting for Gadot or something like that). A story with only plot and setting would be weird, and a story with only character and setting would most likely be boring (or an anthropology book parody, I guess). So the question is, not just how much worldbuilding is necessary for the plot, but how much worldbuilding is valuable to the aesthetic or style or “flavor,” if you will, of the story. This is kind of what Ebonwing is getting at when talking about setting or impression - it’s the metaphorical taste you want the story to leave in your readers’ mouths (or, you know, brains).

So you could get your characters from A to B with only minimal worldbuilding, but would that story, in that style, accurately represent the kind of story you were trying to write? Like Constablewrites said, it will never look the same in your reader’s head as it will in yours, and that’s fine, but you want to make sure there’s enough worldbuilding that you at least leave the right impression, if not an exact picture. By tailoring those details to the ones that are most plot-critical first, you can help keep lengthy exposition to a minimum, if that’s something you’re worried about.

When it comes to actually writing, my advice is write every detail that comes to mind, talk to the nth degree about the many uses of this particular fish in the kingdom, and by the time you’re working on the second/third/whatever draft, you’ll have a better idea of how much is enough or how much is too much to actually be in the story and you’ll be able to fine-tune the actual text.

Mod Note: Check out our new Masterpost - Enough is Enough: How to Know When It’s Time to Stop Worldbuilding and Start Writing: https://scriptaworld.wordpress.com/2020/10/13/enough-is-enough/

#pylons #google submitted #worldbuilding

[thepapergirlandthespiegelman]

Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality: Initial impressions

Titles can be deceiving.

CW: child abuse, childhood trauma, mental illness, depression, anxiety

I think I can recall hearing about Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality at some point in the fairly distant past, though I can’t be sure. What I can say with relative certainty is that if I did encounter it, I probably wasn’t very likely to read it. I probably assumed that HPMOR was one of those obnoxiously misguided and pedantic critiques of fiction by scientists who neither know how to utilize suspension of disbelief, nor understand the basic nature of symbolism. At best, I might have imagined it to be a piece attempting to discover or construct a coherent logic from the magic within the Harry Potter universe, just for the pure amusement value, the absurdity of attempting to apply logic to that which defies it. I could see the appeal of that, but probably not 122 chapters worth of it.

After actually reading the first ten chapters of HPMOR, however, I can say that my first guess was incorrect, and my second guess was insufficient. HPMOR does capitalize on that humorous absurdity, but that’s hardly the core of the story.

One major reason for my misperceptions was a lack of familiarity with the difference between science and rationality. In layspeak, we often use these terms near interchangeably, and while they do go hand-in-hand to some extent, they’re not the same. Science is a method of obtaining knowledge. Rationality is an approach to living life, which dictates utilizing philosophy and science to obtain desired outcomes. You can be a scientist and be completely irrational, which actually reflects back on my initial concern; there are some scientists who will attempt to use the theory and language of science to denigrate works of art, completely ignoring the point of art.

HPMOR itself deals with this problem, not only the conflation of science with rationality, but the conflation of science and rationality and aptitude and general intelligence. The very first chapter highlights how AU Harry’s (Harry James Potter-Evans-Verres, HJPEV for short) father is a professor, knowledgeable about science, presumably quite intelligent, and yet behaves incredibly irrationally. Rather than attempting to settle the dispute about the existence of magic objectively, he refuses to entertain the idea on principle, saying, “Magic is just about the most unscientific thing there is!”

And here’s where the real story begins to unfold. What makes HPMOR hit hard, at least for me, is not the discussion of science and rationality in the abstract, or even the very useful, illustrative scenarios, but the emotional struggle of trying to be a rational person in an irrational world, especially when you’re a child. In so many ways, HPMOR is a story about the trauma of growing up as a so-called “gifted” child. Almost every chapter that I read was painfully reminiscent of my own childhood:

Seeing my parents speculate and argue endlessly over things that could be proven;

Attempting to reason with them only to be shut down;

Having my value in their eyes dependent on their perception of my intelligence and academic performance, being praised for when I was perceived to have succeeded in these matters, while at the same time having my perspective completely ignored when it came to anything that mattered;

Being mocked relentlessly for things I did when I was younger, ignoring the incredibly rapid growth that defines childhood;

Constantly feeling as though, as HJPEV puts it, I was being treated as “subhuman,” my feelings, thoughts, and opinions all invalid because of my age;

Feeling so, so frustrated that the people who were supposed to protect me were so absurdly, ridiculously, unfairly, woefully, tragically ill-equipped to do so.

I became hopelessly isolated from my parents, and my self-esteem became self-degrading. Being told over and over again how what I felt or thought didn’t matter because I was only a child made me doubt and disrespect my own emotions and doubt my very sanity. I don’t think that my parents meant to gaslight me, but that’s exactly what they did. For years, and years, and years, and it hurts. so. much. It...I cannot express how much it hurts.

And I am left with all of this damage, these lines of irrationality programmed into my brain, this obsessive need to to be perceived as intelligent in order to believe that I could be loved, in order to merely function, this irrationality that I hate so much because it hurt me so much is now encoded into my very being and it fills me with existential horror to this day.

It was difficult for me to get through as much of HPMOR as I did, and I genuinely wonder if it would be detrimental to my mental health to go on. It triggers both the suffering that comes with remembering past trauma as well as the compulsions that have resulted from that trauma. Hearing HJPEV list all the books he’s read sends a bolt of anxiety down my spine, knowing that I will never measure up to people like him, I will never have read enough, I will never be smart enough, I will never...be...enough—

Enough. I know when to stop torturing myself.

I was shocked to see how quickly HPMOR itself comes to the conclusion that what HJPEV has endured is a form of child abuse. It took me years to become comfortable using the words “abuse” and “trauma” to describe my experiences, and HPMOR introduces the word “abuse” in Chapter 6! I give HPMOR’s McGonagall much less credit than HJPEV does, but even so, it’s kind of astonishing to me to see an adult pick up on the existence of abuse in a so-called gifted child, even in fiction. I find myself wondering how I might have turned out differently if I had had someone like McGonagall in my life, or someone better than McGonagall in my life, who had told me in no uncertain terms, “What is happening to you is abuse, it is not okay, it is not your fault, and while I’m unable to legally extricate you from your unfortunate circumstances, I will do everything in my power to protect you.”

Because that didn’t happen. No one told me that I was abused or damaged. They told me that I was “smart,” “gifted,” “advanced,” or “mature”; and if they noticed anything odd about my behavior, it was because I was just “quiet,” “shy,” “introverted,” or “diligent.”

I also find myself wondering if I might have been a little different if I had read HPMOR when I first had the chance. But then again, I don’t know if I would have understood it as I do now, after years of studying psychology and working to heal myself.

God, seeing it all laid out so starkly, things I worked years to understand, in a few short chapters of someone’s fucking fanfiction*...I sure do feel like an idiot.

But then, this whole conversation has primed me to feel those feelings.

I must not undervalue myself. I am not playing that game. That game is the problem.

One thing does irritate me, though. Putting aside my misconceptions about HMPOR specifically, there’s this huge barrier to entry to the rationalist community in general. I think people perceive (correctly, as far as I can tell) that it is a community of highly intelligent people, who are highly skilled in STEM disciplines, particularly math. The one friend who could have introduced me to all this was someone who I saw as hopelessly more intelligent than I, and that perceived disparity made it incredibly difficult to approach him even as I admired him, envied him, and desperately needed the things that he could teach me. (I don’t know what things were like on his end. I still don’t.)

We’ve already seen that someone can be highly intelligent and completely irrational. I wish we could take that logic a step further and really make clear that rationality is not something that requires high intelligence. As with learning anything, intelligence helps, but intelligence can’t be a prerequisite for this skillset, because literally everyone should have it. I guess this might be controversial, but so far as I can tell, rationality is just the best way to go through life. And of course, knowing the best way to move forward is especially critical for those of us leaving behind dark pasts.

For fuck’s sake, this doesn’t have anything to do with quarks or discrete math or machine learning. It has everything to do with reducing human suffering.

And I wish...I really wish that there was a way to share this world with my friends. The only reason that I made it here is that I’ve constantly existed on the borderline, wavering around the threshold of what is broadly considered intelligent, attempting mastery of both STEM and humanities, science and art. As much as I doubt and denigrate myself, I am able, if I really want to, under certain favorable circumstances, to convince myself that I belong here. Not all of my friends have the same privilege. I have friends who have lived their whole lives believing that they just aren’t that smart, or that they aren’t any good at math or science. Maybe they decided early on that that stuff wasn’t for them, or maybe they tried and felt like they failed. I know that, for many people, academic language is frustrating, triggering, or otherwise completely inaccessible. I know that many people will find HJPEV absolutely insufferable and most of what he says incomprehensible.

And I’m really not sure what to do about that. I’ve not sure how to convince people that striving for rationality is both possible and worthwhile for everyone, and if I do convince them, I’m not sure what to actually show them that will make any sense to them.

I don’t know. Maybe it does have a bit to do with math. Because a lot of what I get from rationality, I can get from other places, be that art or psychology or witchcraft, but the stuff that is unique does tend to be the mathematical and statistical thinking. And philosophical thinking, academic thinking. Talking about things with precision...That’s always been my problem with trying to translate the academic into ordinary speech, it feels like all the precision is being lost. To be precise, you need unique words, and unique words tend to be obscure, and people find obscure words upsetting.

Obviously, this isn’t a problem I’m going to solve in this blog post. But it’s something to think about.

So, I guess that’s my review of the first ten chapters of HPMOR, if you can call it that. If one of the purposes of fiction is to unlock a bizarrely intense cocktail of existential horror and unadulterated wrath deriving from the wrongs of one’s childhood—and I certainly believe it is—then HPMOR succeeds spectacularly.

*Edited to add: In my unfortunate compulsion to drag myself down, I often drag down other things or people too. I shouldn’t trivialize the value of fanfiction. And, quite honestly, I really shouldn’t be surprised that it could be a source of profound insight. After all, writing fanfiction has been one of my own ways to cope with and sort through my emotions and illnesses for a long, long time.

#text #review #response #fiction #fanfiction #alternate universe #Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality #HPMOR #Eliezer Yudkowsky #science #rationality #intelligence #tiger mom #gifted child #childhood #child abuse #childhood trauma #abuse #trauma #psychology #self-worth #self-esteem #existential horror #mental illness #depression #anxiety #rationalist #rationalist community #effective altruism #thinking

[eurazba]

spiral, fae, guardian, pearlcatcher, tundra, gaoler, snapper, ridgeback, coatl, bogsneak, nocturne, scribbles, pinkerton, baldwin, galore, tidelord, windsinger, lightweaver, shadowbinder, stormcatcher, gladekeeper, & arcanist (from the flight rising asks!!)

(HUN OMFG) 

Sorry about the long post, it won’t let me put a fucking read more.

Spiral

Fae: Do you collect anything?

A number of things yes

-Postcards from places I travel to, they sit in a box for now but I wanna put them in a booklet with scribblings about the places when I visited it

-Patches also from places I visit, I’m eventually going to sew them all to a jacket/vest

-Stickers, I have some from places I visit, artist/youtubers I like, and a bunch from like festivals and things, they also sit in a box as I lack the dedication to actually stick them to anything.

-Scarves lowkey, I’ve stopped as I have too many and don’t wear them as much as I should, but I have more than I need from a bunch of different places.

-Sketchbooks/notebooks, haha, barely enough of them have been filled in, and yet I keep getting more :,,,,,)

-Art books, specifically concept art books, I only have like 6 now since they’re on the expensive side, but I love them!

-Stuffed animals? This one also isn’t super active, but I manage to get a stuffed animal from every con I go to (it’s not a lot tbh)

-Tickets, every movie I see in theaters I keep the ticket to (the oldest being Ratatouille from 2007), as well as tickets to tours from traveling and even plane tickets, I’ve been slowly pasting them into a booklet and writing about the experience as I remember them.

-Squished pennies/coins, it started when I went to Disney World as a kid and I have a bunch of pennies from places I visit as well a couple of quarters and a few squished euros!

-Buttons! They mostly just sit in a box for now since I’ve had a bunch break when I had them on my bags and things :,). I’ve gotten buttons from all sorts of places, school, hot topic, cons, concerts, protests, pride, and even a couple from art museums.

Guardian: What are five things that you absolutely WILL NOT eat?

As much as I wanna say things I hate like brussel sprouts and beans, or things that are uncommon for me like bugs or something, but my parents drove into my head not to be a picky eater and to always eat what was on my plate, so I can’t honestly say I WILL NOT eat certain foods. We also loved watching Andrew Zimmern’s Bizarre Foods, so I like to try and be adventurous.

Maybe quinoa and diet sodas ‘cause those make me physically sick, but idk.

Pearlcatcher: What’s an object that means a lot to you?

My little boat

It’s cheap little model boat that I got from from a Barn Sale (Like a yard sale but a dude’s barn), and it doesn’t have any personal history to me, but it’s become a personal symbol for my desire to travel. It also used to be a symbol for when I wanted to live on a boat, now that’s morphed into being able to live somewhere that isn’t just a typical house/apartment.

Tundra: Do you prefer bundling up in chilly winters and keeping cozy? or do you prefer wearing freer clothes and enjoying warm weather?

Oh I’m far too sweaty to like warm weather. I am a very warm person so I love cold weather! Also warms drinks are my drink of choice typically.

Gaoler: What’s a silly fear that you have?

I have this bizarre reoccurring dream when my mentality’s fucked up (like a fever) where things are too big or too small. I’m not sure how to describe it, but like I’m in a room where I’m nothing but a tiny stick and easily able to break, and then I morph and have giant fingers that can’t really touch or feel anything correctly. I’m always viscerally afraid of the dreams when I’m having them, like this incorrect sizing of everything is the worst thing in the world. 

Snapper: What is your most favorite place that you have visited, whether it is near or far?

I have to choose just one place? Ha, um, probably Iceland? It was a wonderful after college trip I gave myself and my long time friend’s dream trip. We got to see the Aurora Borealis, a bunch of waterfalls, geysirs, hot springs, and eat some pretty good food tbh. My favorite place we went was probably reynisfjara, the black sand beach near Vík, it’s beautiful. My friend and I talk about wanting to go back to Iceland all the time.

Ridgeback: Do you like to go swimming?

Yeah! It’s gotten a bit harder in recent years as I can’t wear my prosthetic in the water and have to hobble around when planning on going in water, but I like how light and free I feel when swimming.

Coatl: What kind of arts and crafts are you interested in, whether or not you personally do them?

:3

Obviously I do digital artwork, I also draw traditionally and paint every once in a while. I have a bunch of fabric and yarn for sewing/loom weaving projects, and most recently made the friend who went to Iceland with me a blanket.

Bogsneak: What is your dream profession?

I don’t dream of work

Haha, no, if I really had to choose, I’d love to have the focus and ability to be a Graphic Novelist.

Nocturne: Do you know how to play any musical instruments?

Decently? Not really. I did cello for a year in 5th grade, piano lessons for a few years in middle school, and I currently have a harp but I’ve yet to sit down and really focus to teach myself how to play it well.

Scribbles: What’s one of your favorite vine videos?

Got this is so hard I have SO MANY but.... maybe this stupid Sexe skeleton one? Idk it’s always kills me

ALSO the Cabbatsu/Lattesu one

I’m sorry but I can’t choose one, some honorable mentions:

 -a snake appeared WHAT THE FUCK   -back at it again at krispy kreme -firstofallilookgoodinthisshirt -michael with a B -murr-durr judas no -whose there? Nobody Fuck off! -that's a chicken motherfucker -it's a hibiscus. Hellobiscus. No Hi, oh hi

Pinkerton: What was your most favorite gift that you have given someone?

The Blanket I made my friend? The dagger I got my partner? The figures I got my other friend? Tbh I don’t remember a lot of the gifts I give to others, as long as they like it and it make them happy, I’m happy.

Baldwin: What’s something that you have made that you are really proud of?

Tbh my art desk probably. I didn’t make it from scratch, but I built it from the set and it has an adjusting table that can angle up for ease of drawing and I’m super proud of myself for putting it together.

(It’s messy I KNOW)

What it’s supposed to look like underneath

Galore: What’s one of your most favorite gifts that you have received?

Also a hard one, I think it’s maybe a tie between my sword, it was my first sword and I wanted it for so long (it has a thistle on it!),

and the painting @thosetrollkids gave me for my birthday of my favorite flowers that made me cry.

Tidelord: Have you ever seen the ocean?

Plenty of times! I was born in Seattle so I saw it a bunch then (though I don’t remember it), but since I’ve traveled a bunch and seen the ocean from: California, Virginia, Florida, New York, Spain, Rock of Gibraltar, France, Ireland, and Iceland. Depending on how things go I may also see it from Hawaii next year or even the year after.

Windsinger: Do you wish you could fly or float? Or do you prefer staying on the ground?

Always, I’d love to have a pair of wings coming out of my back, my favorite scenes from the Httyd movies are the flying scenes, and I’d love to go hang gliding one day.

Floating is an interesting one and not something I’ve thought of much, I have fancied the idea of being a mermaid from time to time.

Lightweaver: Do you have a favorite book or other reading material?

Uhhh, this is a hard one, I’m never good at choosing favorites. Maybe Wild by Cheryl Strayed? I’ve mentioned it before, but it’s a book that I’ve easily read multiple times.

Shadowbinder: What is your favorite beverage?

THAI TEA BAYBEEEE!!!

Stormcatcher: What is your favorite kind of weather?

Irrational weather? Idk honestly, I love calm rainy weather, but not several days in a row, but I also love warm (not hot) sunny weather, just not several days in a row or I get cranky. Honestly if the weather just jumps from one thing to the other each day, I’m happy as a clam.

Hmmm, if I had to choose maybe bright sunshine after a snowstorm? I love the brightness of the sun shining off the snow and it’s always a wonderful temperature.

Gladekeeper: Do you have any favorite plants?

Maple trees maybe? I used to play with their helicopter seeds for hours on end as a kid, throwing them up and watching them spin as they fell.

Arcanist: Do you have a favorite constellation?

Cassiopeia, it’s one of the few constellations I can find without effort.

Flight rising themed asks 

(I promise this wasn’t all of them)

#ask #asks #about me #collections #ask meme #flight rising asks #long post

[kilyra]

Life’s Like That

Matt Murdock (Daredevil) One-Shot from prompts

A/N: I received a request from the lovely and incredibly patient  @givemeabite for a Daredevil  story with the prompt “I thought you were happy, I’m sorry”. Right off the bat, while I dig this little story, I may have missed the mark you were hoping for (I mean, I went with lawyer Matt vs Daredevil...) so please let me know if you want me to go for an actual Daredevil story with the same or different prompts!

You find yourself turning to Matt Murdock, and old friend from college when you realize that, not only are you getting a divorce but you might lose everything.

Warnings: This is a female reader pov. I try to keep things as neutral as possible, but it was too awkward. I left the husband and company nameless so you can at least fill in some blanks. Otherwise, it’s spoiler free.

If you want to be on my tag list for this or any character just let me know!

Nelson, Murdock, and Page.

You read the name a dozen times as you stood outside the door. This was it; it was definitely them. It was definitely him.

Taking a deep breath, you pushed the door open to see a blonde-haired woman behind the only desk in the room. Her eyebrows raised as you came in, but her smile was warm. “Mrs. McKay?”

Blinking, it took a moment to realize she was addressing you. “Oh, uh, no..”

The woman's eyebrows creased lightly as her smile grew smaller. Dropping her gaze down to her desk, she started rifling through an open file. "Oh, my apologies. You are...?"

“Ms L/n. I just...was hoping to see Mr. Murdock? If that's possible?”

Your nerves knotted violently as you watched her go through several stages of confusion. “Uh, do you have an appointment?”

Hesitantly, you looked around the empty waiting room area before turning back to her. “N-no?”

“Y/n?”

Following your name, you turned to see Matt Murdock poking his head out of one of the connecting rooms.

Relief rushed through your body, the knots immediately dissolving. “Matt!”

A wide grin spread over his face as he stepped out of his office, running his hand down his tie and smoothing it against his slightly wrinkled shirt. “Wow, I couldn't believe my ears when I heard your voice. How have you been?”

Tucking your hair behind your ear, you chewed your lip for a second before finally smiling. “Uh...good.”

Matt paused. “That bad, huh? Why don't you come in and tell me about it?”

Hesitating you glance back over at the woman behind the desk. Her smile was tight as her eyebrows creased together.

Before either of you could say anything, Matt nodded her direction. “Uh, Miss Page? Foggy can start with Mrs. McKay if she arrives for her appointment...actually, do you mind sitting in with him? That might be safer.”

Despite trying to pinch her lips together, a smile broke free and Miss Page looked towards the door labelled Nelson as though she expected him to pipe up at any second. “Yes, that's no problem.”

Waving you over, Matt's hand fell to the small of your back as he guided you into his office. As you took a seat in one of the chairs in front of his desk, you were surprised when he took the other After he turned it slightly, your knees were almost grazing when he leaned forward.

After setting your purse down, you glanced around the room. “You and Foggy have a nice setup here. You guys really did it.”

His dark glasses reflected the sunlight from the window behind you as he let out a soft chuckle. Shooting you a lopsided-grin, he shrugged. “Well, I'm told it's simple but professional enough to inspire a bit of confidence at least.”

Barren was a better way to describe it. Other than his license, the walls were only broken up by the cheap, plastic blinds over the windows.

“Or maybe confidence is too a strong word?”

“Oh no, it's good, it's nice and...clean,” you said in a rush as you tried to make up for your brief silence.

“Wow. So I guess I should probably agree to Karen's constant requests to spruce up the place.”

A nervous laugh was your only reply as you felt your cheeks grow warm. Your gaze briefly skimmed over him. He was still the same, warm Matt you remembered from college, but his button-up shirt did little to hide his muscular chest. Although you always thought of him as a good-looking man, you didn't remember him being in quite so good of shape.

It was surprising how flustered it made you, considering everything you were drowning in.

Slowly, his smile grew more sombre as he cleared his throat. “Well, if I recall correctly, you weren't any more into small talk than I am, so I hope you don't mind if I just get right to asking what brought you here? Is everything okay?”

Although it was the obvious question, a sudden wave of guilt rolled over you. You hadn't seen him since school. Sure, life carries on as it does and everyone has their own shit to focus on. But it didn't feel great that, after all these years, the first time you finally reach out is because you need help.

“I, uh, I'm going to need to hire a lawyer. I'm not sure it's your field of expertise, but I might end up losing everything and I thought, if nothing else, you could point me in the right direction.”

The last of his smile dropped and his voice gained a sharper edge. It was a noticeable shift from old friend to lawyer. “When you say lose everything, what do you mean exactly?”

Nervously running your finger under the edge of your thumbnail, you frowned. “Possibly everything – my home, my car, my money, but most importantly, my business.”

His head bobbed slightly as his eyebrows drew together. “And why is that?”

Pausing your fidgeting, you let out a soft sigh. “Divorce.”

The word hung in the air for what seemed like an eternity before Matt finally cleared his throat. Nodding, he sat forward and leaned over you to grab the box of tissues from the corner of his desk. As he moved, his fresh aftershave mixed with a warm, earthy scent seemed to float around you. It immediately brought you back to the time you spent together, back before everything started heading in the wrong direction. A longing gripped your chest, a desperate need to turn back the clock, and you had to resist the urge to inhale deeply.

“I'm sorry to hear that, Y/n,” he said as he set the tissue box near you.

Letting out a soft, bitter snort, you shook your head. “It's fine. We can't all be you and Elecktra.”

He only froze for a moment as he settled back in his chair, but it was enough to tell you everything.

Before he could talk, you already started apologizing. “I'm sorry, I didn't know. I mean...it's just back in the day you two were so...I thought you were happy, I'm sorry.”

Huffing a sigh through his nose, his tongue darted over his lips as he waved you into silence. “It's okay. I mean, you're right, we were happy once, but it was a long time ago.”

A faint smile ghosted your lips as you let your gaze trail across his desk and towards the small window. The cramped city view past the blinds didn't provide much of an escape.

“Yeah...I guess life's like that.”

From behind you, you heard the outer door opening followed by muffled voices. Probably Mrs. McKay, Matt's next appointment. You kept your focus on the window. Maybe you were going to need those tissues...

The feeling of Matt's fingers lightly resting on your knee brought your attention back. His head was tilted – a move you've seen so often after your friends find out you're getting a divorce. But, somehow, you didn't feel the same overwhelming pity from him. “I know it's been a long time, and I'm not a divorce lawyer, but I am here for you. I'll need some more details before I can offer any suggestions though...can you tell me why you think you're in danger of losing everything?”

“Because he's hired Desmond Tobey to represent him...”

Wordlessly, his lips parted for a moment before he tried to find his words. The small gesture made your heart drop. “Hogarth's guy? That's uh...that's...”

“Bad,” you finished.

Leaning back in his chair, he adjusted his glasses and lightly bit the edge of his bottom lip. “Uh...yeah. It's not great. I hate to ask this, but what, uh...what are the circumstances of the divorce?”

Crossing your legs, you hugged your arms over your chest and sighed. “He cheated on me.”

Slipping back into lawyer mode, you noticed a drop in his gravelly tone as he straightened in his chair. “Did he admit to that?”

Looking at your sleeve, you unfolded your arms to pick at a small piece of fluff on the fabric. “He did. After I confronted him with the evidence.”

“Evidence?”

His all-business demeanour made it easy for you to do the same. Besides, you hadn't had much time to process your feelings anyhow. "Yes. After seeing purchases and motel room costs show up on his credit card statements, I actually hired a private investigator. So now I have photos too."

“And you've kept copies?”

“Multiple. In various safe spots. Look, he's got money. Serious money. So I understand why he would want to get the best lawyer he could so he doesn't get cleaned out. And frankly, I don't care. He can have the clothes off my back if he wants...but he threatened my company. That's the only thing I want to fight for. It's mine. I built it from the ground up. Myself.”

Matt's lips pulled together in a tight line as his face pointed away from you slightly as though he were looking to the side. “And does he have any claim to this company?”

Staring at the fluff, you balled it up between your fingers before letting it drop in the small garbage can beside you. "No. Well...I mean he gave me the startup money. Which I paid back. With interest. We even did that all through contracts so it was all legal. I don't understand what ground he thinks he has but...I don't want to lose this. Matt, I'm scar-"

Your voice hitched.

Turning back to you, Matt's hand reached for yours and he tightly squeezed your fingers. Holding your breath, you refused to crack as you squeezed back.

“I'm going to help you. Foggy and I, we've got you. Karen too. She's the best investigator I've ever met so if anyone can uncover whatever ace he thinks he's hiding up his sleeve, it's her,” he said firmly, although his voice softened considerably.

Gritting your teeth, you looked upward as though it could force the moisture back into your eyes instead of falling onto your cheeks. Quickly, you brushed along your bottom eyelashes, whisking the potential tears away. Matt's grip on your hand tightened.

“Thank you.” It came out as a whisper.

“We'll set up an appointment for tomorrow and I'll need you to bring in everything. Everything you have against your husband and all of your financial statements, both personal and for the business. And, as soon as you leave here, you need to freeze everything to do with your company in terms of assets and expansion plans. If you were even looking at buying a new office chair – it's on hold, got it?”

“Yes,” your voice was still unsteady.

Hearing how shaken you were, his face fell slightly. “Y/n, he's not going to get your company. I promise. We'll look over everything to make sure your case is iron clad. And if there's even any doubt, there are some legal, if shady, options we can look into as well. It's going to be okay.”

The relief of having someone on your side cracked your hard shell. Swallowing heavily, you finally reached over to grab the tissues.

“Thank you.”

Taglist:  @foreverfaeries  @flower-two  @getlostinyourparadise   @selfishkiddo @angelicshinigami  @kingccbsblog   @natsukitakama  @jobean12-blog  @fiction-is-the-new-reality @mysteryoflovve

#matt murdock x reader #daredevil x reader #daredevil fanfic

[irarelypostanything]

Creative Writing Thoughts - The deep and unknowable sadness

“How odd that I can have all of this inside me, and to you it’s just words.”

That is by far the most famous quote in David Foster Wallace’s The Pale King, and what’s interesting is that in context, the quote hardly stands out at all.  It’s two people talking about time periods.  I don’t even recall who the two people are.  The really significant parts of the novel consist of the main character (a fictional person named “David Foster Wallace”), his backstory, and his narrative.  If I remember correctly, that quote is one of the various, intermediate parts that take place outside of the main story.

It’s practically a book without a plot.  It’s a monster of a read, a 500-page unfinished novel with no apparent climax, a bunch more characters than you realize, and a chapter that’s literally copied and pasted from a tax document.  It’s also a really compelling read and the only book I know of, to this day, that really feels like reality, with all the mundaneness, all the slow moments, all those little thoughts in stream of consciousness.  It’s an ironically fascinating book about boredom, but somehow I just can’t bring myself to read it a second time.

*****

My favorite short story is Sonny’s Blues.  I mean, that short story has everything.  Class struggle.  Race struggle.  Drug addiction.  Resentment between siblings...very relatable.  But on a very superficial level, it’s just a story about this Harlem musician who’s really good at what he does.  He starts to feel that you have to experience some level of pain in order to express yourself.

He listens to a woman sing beautifully, and he just thinks: What kind of pain did she have to go through, to sing like that?

J.K. Rowling was no orphan, and in fact she described her childhood as happy, but she still experienced enough pain in her life to express grief over family loss, and the thought of it.  George R. R. Martin made much of Game of Thrones on the basis of actual history, not personal experience or other fiction (well, he did take quite a bit from mythology...that’s a topic for another day).  Maybe that’s our problem.  We grow up, and we’re taught Baldwin and Fitzgerald...in our spare time growing up, we picked up Harry Potter and Game of Thrones.  Like them or hate them, these are bestselling novels that have proven the most successful at gaining an audience.  These writers are true professionals.  And of course, with social media, the two of 500+ Facebook friends I constantly see just so happen to be the two who are actual writers, with publications and works of journalism.  

Real pain is in everyone, and it’s everywhere.  Real pain doesn’t have to have an audience.  Real pain fills pages and pages, and even if the act of turning it into words doesn’t ease it, it makes it comprehensible.  We all write stories, constantly, attempting to turn our lives into something we can grapple with.  So why not put it into writing?

The only people I know who had the patience to write entire books didn’t talk about it a lot - I’m sure plenty of people who write books talk about it a ton, but they didn’t.  They just did, and then one of them won an award for something he wrote, and...who knows...maybe he tried to get that novel he wrote published, or maybe it was never designed for that and he never showed it to another soul.  Who cares?  For some, writing is a living.  For some, writing is a coping mechanism.

The two are not mutually exclusive.

#15-minute freewrite #personal #spilled ink #prose #creative writing #random thoughts

[mittensmorgul]

8.13, Everybody Hates Hitler.

So, we've finally reached the point in the season where the new plot arc has finally been established, the current mental state of each of the characters has been divulged, and yet there hasn't seemed to be a true Big Bad emerge yet...

Yes, we have Crowley hassling Kevin and the Winchesters over the Demon Tablet, *we* know that additionally there is an Angel Tablet out there lurking in the hazy future (but the Winchesters do not yet), and we have Naomi using Cas like a puppet to do murder before snatching him back off the playing field in 8.10. But who, really, is the Big Bad here? To this point, it SEEMS like a good idea to use the knowledge Kevin is prying out of the demon tablet to learn how to slam the gates of Hell, but honestly... WHAT GOOD HAS EVER COME FROM MESSING WITH THE NATURAL ORDER?!

(honestly if it were me faced with the tablets, I would've ground them into sand, mixed them into batches of concrete all over the world, and scattered them so thinly they'd never be found no matter how many prophets or angels or demons go hunting for them)

But let's backburner that for when it will become relevant again (like, in the next episode, but I just wanted that laid out for context here). Let's look at the pointed context we get for things made out of clay and given unimaginable power by WORDS they contain.

The Golem.

AARON When I was – when I was bar mitzvahed, my – my grandfather gave me this little old book. It was in Hebrew. It was like an owner's manual for a Golem. DEAN Okay. Great. Get that, then. AARON I – I can't, exactly. When I went to high school, I sort of... drifted. I started getting off the academic track, and, uh, I kind of, um... I kind of smoked it. GOLEM The boy smoked the pages. AARON They were these thin, vellum-y pages. I mean, it was perfect for rolling. Look, they were driving instructions for a clay man. Okay? It was nonsense. Right? I mean… I... Okay. All right. Look, I'm sorry, okay? Why can't you just tell me what I don't know?! GOLEM [slamming his hands onto the table and leaning over it] It's not my place to guide the rabbi, to teach the teacher! It's not my place! Yifalchunbee!

He smoked the "driving instructions for a clay man." And now he's got a clay man he's sort of intuitively "reading" and "operating," but no real idea what he's doing with it. Sam and Dean are not comforted by this fact, considering the obvious potential danger the golem potentially poses without the understanding and knowledge to implement his power, you know? Without that knowledge, Aaron's basically flying by the seat of his pants, hoping this magically powered hunk of clay is A Good Thing and not A Dangerous Thing...

Sorta like the Demon Tablet, right? Just a magical bit of clay, powered by word, with no instruction manual and just assumptions and hopes they're interpreting it correctly. There's no warning labels, no explanations, just the Word.

AARON So, that's your plan – taking out my Golem? SAM It's not a plan. DEAN We would just feel a lot better if we knew how. That's all. AARON What makes you think you have any right to make that decision? DEAN Believe me, if we need the right, we will take it. AARON Look, he may be a pain in the ass, but he's my responsibility. SAM Look, the Golem was built to go to war. You're not trained for that. How are you gonna take that on? AARON I don't know.

Lots of unanswered questions. Unanswered BIG questions. Questions that one should really know the answers to before deciding to "take that right" to make unilateral decisions over things, you know? Like they've taken the right to decide to shut the gates of Hell, because on the surface (pffft) it sounds like a really good thing to do. What could go wrong with locking away demons forever, right? Demons have been fucking over Winchesters as long as they've been alive, and what a perfect way to get a lifetime worth of revenge and ensure the safety of the world, right?

More on that as the rest of the season unfolds, but we need to talk about the other half of this episode. The Bunker. The legacy that now belongs to Sam and Dean, and handed to them in the form of a Key, described as not only a secure building warded against every evil, but also a storehouse of every bit of lore encompassing thousands of years. Safety, home, comfort, knowledge, strength... it's everything they could've wished for, you know? Hewn from earth and filled with words... possibly too many words to ever read and understand them all.

But this is a revelation of a legacy for them to have discovered. Sam is fascinated by what makes it work. He can't figure out how they have water pressure or electricity, and yet they do... He wants to understand this building for what it is, while Dean takes immediately to just experiencing it. He literally makes himself at home, exploring it for its resources and claiming them as his own (from wearing the dead guy robe and slippers to casually playing with a sword on display). Sam needs to understand the place before he can allow himself to feel comfortable there, but Dean just... feels comfortable there. (which we'll also see first-hand in the next episode only to have it all stood on its head... so keep this in mind).

So we have Dean just... casually accepting things and saying them out loud without shame:

Dean: The, uh, water pressure in the Letters' shower room is marvelous.

Dean: That's weird. I thought I was being followed earlier. Turned out to be a gay thing. Sam: What? Dean: Nothing. You need a hand?

Dean: Sammy, I think we found the Batcave.

But Sam sees it in a different way, and doesn't even understand that they're still effectively seeing the same thing, but from different perspectives:

SAM Yeah. I still can't figure out how we even have water... or electricity. [He walks to the shelves to get another book.] DEAN Yep, well, I am putting that under the "ain't broke" column.

SAM Look at this. Ham radio, telegraph, switchboard. This was their nerve center.

Sam: Dean, look, I think we might have something here – something that could help us, help humanity. Henry certainly thought so. I mean, you know damn well we could use a break. What if we finally got one? Are you gonna take off the dead-guy robe?

And by the end of the episode, they've both begun to settle in, despite their different approaches to what that means:

DEAN What're you doing? DEAN opens the refrigerator as SAM sits down. SAM Ordering – I'm making a, uh, card entry for our, uh, copies from the Thule's red ledger for our collection.

Yeah, Dean's already installed a small fridge for drinks in the library, already putting his own stamp on the place and making it his own, but in his different way, Sam is also doing the same by putting his mark on the place with an official entry card for the filing system. (Yeah, Dean puts the beer back and instead pours them each some whiskey from a fancy bottle into some fancy glasses, but while Sam studiously works at the table, Dean reclines with his feet up on the table... their two different approaches in one nice image).

That can't possibly last...

The final bit of the whole “legacy” theme-- that the bunker is now a concrete (pffft) part of her family history through the Winchester side-- is one of the first mentions of Mary in a long time:

AARON: Take a seat. So... your grandfather was into all this supernatural stuff, too? DEAN Yeah, grandparents, mom, dad, truckload of cousins – the whole family was lousy for it, but we... [he looks at the GOLEM, which is still pacing] never had a Golem. SAM : Right. Yeah. We, um, we grew up in it, but you... didn't?

as I go to post this, I remember what the final song playing as the episode ends, “Sunny side of the street,” and recalled a tweet I saw this morning regarding the horrific heat wave we’re experiencing rn: Who the HELL wants to walk on the sunny side of the street?! Stay in the shade...

#spn 8.13 #s14 hellatus rewatch #sam sympathizes and dean empathizes #it's spirals all the way down #hubris is bad #heh i knew i'd need that tag again sooner than later... #spiders georg of the tnt loop #ugh i hit post before I was done typing... this is what i get for trying to eat pudding and type at the same time :P