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sevensoulmates · 2 months

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i wonder if people would be okay with eddie being bisexual. shannon as the only woman he fell in love with and buck as the only man eddie fell in love with. bisexual people also suffer from catholic guilt (i'm bi, latina and my family is catholic), but i don't think 9-1-1 would give us bi4bi romance. i just hope that, if eddie is bi, fans don't get mad and say things like 'it doesn't make sense'

Oh goodness, now we're getting into some iffy territory here. So, WARNING, if you follow my blog, you may already know that I personally headcanon Eddie as a repressed gay man, and not bisexual. And I have very specific reasons for that. HOWEVER, if the show DID want to go with Eddie also being bisexual, I would 100% accept that, because you're right bisexual people 100% also experience catholic guilt and comphet as well. All of that could definitely fit into the bisexual experience too. It would also make sense to the story...to a certain degree. So here's my warning again, I'm going to dive into my headcanon here, so be warned this is just MY opinion and is not indicative of all queer experiences real, fictional or otherwise.

Here's my reasons why I feel the story aligns closer to repressed gay than bisexual for Eddie. I simply don't believe that Eddie really ever was in love with Shannon. Loved her as his best friend, yes. Deeply loved her as the mother of his child? Yes. Loved her as a person? Yes. In deep romantic love with her? No. Nothing I've seen from their relationship, not the sex, not their "sweet" moments, or the vulnerable moments, nothing has ever made me ever believe they were in love love. I totally realize that that's my personal opinion and other people see it differently, I understand that, and I respect other people's personal opinions on the matter. This is not a knock against Shannon as a character, but just my individual feelings on their relationship. This was my opinion back when season 3 was still airing and I saw the show for the first time, and it's still my opinion now.

However, back in season 3/4 I actually still believed Eddie could be bi, for sure. And I would've been absolutely THRILLED with a bi4bi story from Buddie.

After all, just because Eddie wasn't in love with Shannon didn't mean he couldn't fall in love with another woman (or man), right? But then came Ana Flores....and then Vanessa...and then came Marisol....and the pattern kept going and I simply COULD NOT justify any of his behavior as actually really being attracted to/wanting/loving ANY of these women.

I understand that plenty of heterosexual and bisexual men also have this kind of avoidant-attachment relationship style, and that it could also stem from trauma, the way he grew up, patriarchy, etc, but the way he FORCES himself to be in a relationship with these women. The way he NEVER allows a genuine bond with a woman to just grow naturally and always has to force it to start, and then desperately cut it off when he's finally reached his limit, truly feels like he's torturing himself. And I'm so sorry, but I feel like if you were a person who genuinely wanted to be with a woman or a man, or anyone, in any capacity, you would not be torturing yourself over being with them.

Especially when I look at him in comparison to Buck, a canon bisexual man. I never once doubted that Buck actually loved Abby. I never once doubted that Buck was actually trying in his relationships with Ali, Taylor, and Natalia. When he was interested in these women it didn't feel forced. Unhealthy? Sure. Not the right fit for him? Absolutely. But forced? Like he was only doing it because he thought he had to? Never. Sure, maybe Buck held on longer than he should've because he didn't want to lose them, but that's because he still wanted their love even if it wasn't healthy for him.

I don't see any of that with Eddie. Shannon, and Eddie's relationship with her, has always felt like a crutch for Eddie, like an excuse, before she came back, when she was present, and long LONG after she died. So the argument that "well Ana and Marisol just aren't Shannon" will never work for me.

I also think Eddie being demisexual would be a better fit narratively at this point than bisexual as well. But then again, there's overlap and it's all very subjective and yeah--just a lot of queer theory to get into that I'm not an expert on, so I'm just gonna reiterate again. This is just my opinion.

If the show really wanted Eddie to be bisexual, and stated it as such, I would be fine with it, and I would accept it graciously and happily. But I do honestly feel like it wouldn't really fit well into the story they've been telling. At this point in time, with everything that we know, and everything we've seen, the only thing that I believe truly fits with the narrative is that Eddie's a repressed gay man and/or demisexual.

But if real-life bisexual people see themselves in Eddie, that will ALWAYS be valid, regardless of what the show says in regards to his sexuality. Fuck, they'll probably just leave him unlabeled regardless, in which case, any and all headcanons are valid.

This is a nuanced topic, and I do admit that IN REAL LIFE (remember I'm just discussing FICTIONAL characters here based purely on what a NARRATIVE has shown us which is all we can truly take as fact) someone in Eddie's position could for sure be bisexual and have this exact same experience.

I just think in my personal subjective opinion that with all we've seen in canon thus far, it would feel most organic to the story (and doesn't make Eddie look like a fucking asshole who chooses not to care at all about the women he's dating) if he realized he was a repressed gay man.

#911 abc #eddie diaz #god I hope this doesn't start discourse #anon you're valid for wanting a character who aligns with your experience so I'll never admonish you or anyone else for that #again this is my opinion based on my own subjective life experience #please no one come for me #this is why I tend to use the term queer in relation to eddie #or even queer leaning towards men #or hell maybe even bisexual leaning towards men idk #sexuality is a spectrum for a reason so even what I'm saying could be disproven by someone else's experience and knowledge

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merthurians-prat-and-idiot · 1 year

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6x18 buddie coda

Warning: 6x18 spoilers

(I had lots of feelings about couches and wrote this! Just a lil post ep oneshot! Written very sleepily so be kind skss) Now on ao3!

🚒🌠

Buck's wandering along the aisle of Mr Mullins furniture emporium, trailing his hand over (soft, soft, scratchy, stripey?) fabrics when he just - freezes.

Natalia pulls up alongside him.

"Have you found one you like?" She asks but-

Its like the words are underwater, muffled, said through a crackling radio- because he's just - frozen.

Staring down at dark blue fabric.

Two navy back cushions, two seat- tall thin armrests.

A faint stain in the middle from knocking a bowl of salsa over in the middle of an intense Mario Kart battle- the echo of laughter and admonishments for using the coffee table as a foot-rest instead a snack one. The tiny tear across the side, courtesy of a 3am beer-fueled need to "try it over by the window!" and the slice of fabric against the wall. The easy change into a bed, sinking into its soft comfort.

Buck blinks and - it slides back into place, the tear knits back together, the laughter fades away and the stain vanishes.

Oh.

"Buck?"

He blinks again, his eyes wet.

Sleepy morning greetings, pancakes and syrup, reading horoscopes and answering scoffs, freshly washed uniforms, tangled shoelaces, car playlists.

Hands on ropes, tightening harnesses, stealing coffee, knocking shoulders, pressed head to toe.

Zoo trips and maths homework, video games and homemade dinners.

A life.

Lived together.

Buck does nothing to stop the tear that rolls off his cheek.

"I- uh- I have to go- I'm- I'm really s-sorry- this isn't going to work- I'm sorry I-" he stumbles, turning away and heading for the door.

And its like now the switch has been flipped- he wants to rush, to hurry towards where he's meant to be.

He makes it to his jeep in record time, long legs flying (like a frog stood up and tried to run, according to- oh - it was truly in every corner of his life)

And somehow, maybe the goddamn universe, he pulls up- unharmed despite his shaking hands.

He goes to knock and then gets hit once more and pulls out his own set of keys and turns them in the lock.

Buck breathes for a moment.

Warmth washing over him.

Home.

And follows the sounds of laughter.

He's sat on the couch. Of course he is.

Eddie.

And how did Buck miss this? The way his heart pulses in his chest, the way his eyes trace the pull of Eddie's mouth, the softening glance as he looks up and sees Buck standing there.

"Hey" Eddie speaks, soft & familiar.

Buck breaks into a grin.

"Hi"

"You're uh, you're not busy are you?"

Eddie huffs a laugh.

"You broke into my house to ask me if I was busy?"

"I have a key!"

"Pretty sure that was meant to be for emergencies" Eddie teases.

"Yeah, well, this is an emergency"

"Ohhh you mean like how you running out of doritos two weeks ago and "borrowing" some from here was also an emergency?" He tilts his head with a faux serious expression.

God, Buck loves him.

He sniffs, overcome suddenly- like in the aisle of the furniture shop.

"Uh, no I-" he ducks his head.

Eddie waits him out.

"I- needed to talk to you I - need - to talk to you- its- kind of- kind of important"

"Okay..."

"I- I was about to buy a new couch, I was standing infront of aisles and aisles of what was supposed to be the perfect couch for me and then I- I just froze"

Buck pauses for a moment and Eddie hums.

"Why did you freeze?"

"I saw a couch- it was blue- navy, actually and it looked soft and- and- familar and I looked at it and I saw things that weren't there"

"Do we need to get you checked for a concussion?" Eddie frowns, twitching forward.

Buck waves his hand.

"No- no- I just- it reminded me of something else, somewhere else- I saw a stain- right across the seat cushions- tomato salsa-"

Eddie's eyes flicker with something.

"I heard laughter and- and Mario Kart. I saw a tear, against the side- I felt the softness, the comfort of sinking into it- the warmth"

"What are you saying Buck?" Eddie croaks out.

"I- I'm saying that I realized I was in a store trying to find the right couch, only realize I was standing infront of it all along"

"As in now- I- I'm standing infront of it now-" Buck breathes.

"I've got a date tomorrow" Eddie replies.

"Oh"

"Right- I- I - I'm sorry I shouldn't have-"

"You should. You always should Buck"

"What?"

Eddie smiles, eyes shining.

"You should spill salsa all over this couch, you should fall asleep on it after dinner, you should play Mario Kart here with our son, you should sit down and you should stay"

Buck sniffs.

"You want me to stay?"

"I want you to never have to feel you need to ask that question again"

"And I want you to know you never needed to ask me"

"Eddie"

"Yeah?"

"I love you"

Eddie's smile is like coming home.

"I love you too"

Buck falls-

And burrows down into the couch.

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blackkwidowed · 4 years

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a plan of distraction

Requested:

this is so filthy I’m so sorry but imagine nat getting so hOrnY but you’re too busy with mission report so she started to say things like “my slutty little pussy is so wet” to get your attention (would you be down to write something like,e this?)

Summary: Reader is busy. Natasha doesn’t care.

Rating: E. Minor name-calling, a lil bit of light choking, masturbation i guess? Sub!Nat (shocker). Filth, to put it simply.

Word Count: 1,363

You definitely should have seen it coming.

Natasha’s hands were wandering the second you woke up, but you were already running on a late start and had to force yourself out of bed to start your work if you had any hope of finishing it on time.

Natasha rolls out of bed shortly after and brings you coffee, for which you’re grateful. There’s just that little glint in her eyes that tells you she’s up to something. You raise an eyebrow at her in curiosity and she just winks at you.

The next time Nat brings you coffee, it’s early afternoon. She’s showered, now. Freshly changed in nothing but one of your old t-shirts. You just hope she’s wearing panties, because Christ, one little movement to fling that t-shirt a centimetre higher and everything will be on show.

She greets you with a smile and a kiss to your forehead, running a hand along your shoulder as she refills your coffee cup.

You take a quick break, leaning back in your chair and leaning into the touch on your bicep. You sigh, craning your neck to kiss her wrist. You move a hand to her bare thigh where she stands next to you. You feel her shudder and you grin.

“Take a break with me?” She mutters, eyes barely leaving the hand on her thigh, only flickering to meet yours.

You shake your head. “I know what you’ve got in mind. No.”

She frowns, removing the hand from your bicep to play with the hem of the shirt she’s wearing. She lifts it and you breathe a long sigh, letting your head fall back against the chair.

Of course, she’s not wearing any panties.

“Natasha, you know I have to work, sweetheart.” You manage.

“I know, but,” she sighs. “I’m really wet right now.”

She takes the hand resting on her thigh in one of her own, bringing it higher between her legs to force your fingers to feel. You groan. She’s soaked. She definitely got up to something in the shower, you’re certain of it.

“Don’t.” You glare, a light smirk threatening to break.

You move your hand yourself this time, reaching up to circle her clit with your thumb. Her knees buckle at the sudden pressure.

“Christ, do that again.”

You drop your hand. “No.”

“Please just touch me,” she pleads. “I’m so desperate, baby. Please. Look how wet I am for you.”

You shake your head, pulling your fingers to your mouth and tasting her. She visibly shivers.

“Stop distracting me.” You tell her firmly. She pouts and you give a laugh. “Oh come on, the Nat I know does not pout.”

“She only pouts when her girlfriend refuses to fuck her.” She remarks.

The noise from your throat is unexpected, and it’s primal, so much so that Natasha is almost frightened for a second. You move quickly, Natasha pinned to the wall quicker than she’d ever expected. Your fingers curl around her throat, your thigh forcing its way between her legs.

Natasha whines at the pain, mixed with the fact that oh my god she’s so fucking wet right now, she can feel the slick soaking the tops of her inner thighs and she knows you’re going to tease her for it and she can’t stand the idea that you’re about to call her pathetic, because she might even come from that alone.

Natasha is soaked against your thigh, the denim of your jeans becoming impossibly tighter around your legs.

Your fingers tighten around her throat briefly, the moan ready to fall only growing deeper, raspier.

“I told you that I’m busy.” You growl. “Stop acting like such a needy slut and listen to me.”

You step back and she whimpers. “I need more.”

“No,” you shake your head with a dark chuckle. “You need to leave me to work.”

“Fine.” She shrugs, a teasing flicker across her eyes. “I’ll just have to go fuck myself then, if I’m such a needy slut.”

You sit back in your chair, ignoring her now and continuing your work. “Don’t you dare, Natalia.”

She throws you a wink.

“In that case,” you call, just as she’s leaving the room. “You can sit over there.”

You point to the couch in the corner of your home office, which Tony had so kindly insisted you needed now that you were in the Tower full time. It’s plush, leather and black. It’s quite comfortable actually, you’re thinking Natasha would quite happily sit there without complaining.

“Why?”

“Because I said so.” You raise an eyebrow, daring her to talk back. “And because I can watch your every move if you’re right in front of me.”

Excitement bubbles and Natasha is practically diving at the chance.

“Go and put some clothes on and get back down here. Five minutes.”

Truly enough, Natasha is quick to actually put some decent clothing on. She isn’t exposed to the world now, for which you’re grateful. Truthfully, having her in front of you all day when she’s worked you up a lot already is proving difficult, but you’re just glad she isn’t perched on the couch with her legs open, dressed in just your shirt from before. You’re certain that would eventually break you, and you know that Natasha is fully aware of that.

For the first hour, she behaves.

Natasha sits with one leg over the other, book in hand and clearly at least semi-interested in what she’s reading. That is, if her sudden lack in teasing you is any indication.

She puts her book down and pulls out her phone. You dare a glance at her and she immediately catches your gaze. You go back to work, refusing to let her distract you.

When Natasha sighs, you ignore her. You know she’s doing it just to get your attention, and you’re better than that.

“Baby?” She calls, voice actually sweet, for once today.

“Hm?” You look up and smile at her, expecting only innocence but you’re met with different.

She's taken her pants off and to your surprise she’s not wearing panties, again. Her own hand rests high on her inner thigh, you watch her fingers run over creamy skin and you sigh.

“What did I tell you?” You stand, moving around the other side of the desk to lean against it.

She says nothing, just spreads her legs wider. You frown at her.

“Fine, you want to come?”

She nods, moving to brush her own fingers over her clit. Her hips buck and she barely suppresses a whine. “Please.”

You grin. “Alright, but I’m only gonna watch.”

If anyone would be eager to put on a show for their lover, it would definitely be Natasha. You watch the excitement, the lust on her face. She’s so ready for you, she can’t possibly wait any longer.

“Touch yourself for me.” You watch intently as her fingers tease. She’s really wet, you know exactly how badly she needs it.

She’s gentle at first, but she gives in to her own needs far too quickly. You watch her groan, neck falling back as she presses a finger inside herself and curls. You squeeze your thighs together, burning up at the pressure building between them.

“Stop.” You order.

She removes her fingers, sucking them clean with a smirk and a lewd wink in your direction. “Jealous?”

Work is at the back of your mind from that moment.

You move quickly, her thighs wrapped around your waist and her mouth on yours before you can even think about your next move.

“You’re such a fucking brat,” you mutter. “Do you know that? Do you know how angry you make me?”

She chuckles, biting into the side of your neck. You hiss, removing a hand from under her ass to deliver a slap.

“That’s what makes it so much fun,” she whispers. “It makes my cunt so wet, watching you lose control.”

You think for a moment, before dropping her back to the couch on her back. You sit next to her, hands moving to spread her thighs. She certainly isn't lying about being tremendously wet.

“Show me how wet I can make you, darlin.”

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff imagine #black widow #black widow x reader #black widow imagine #natasha romanoff smut #tag: smut #marvel #marvel imagine #marvel x reader #mcu #filth #sorry

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savemefromanepicoftimewasted · 6 years

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Fairytales Don’t Exist

Bucky Barnes X Reader Y/N’s hands pulled me up from the water, cupping my shoulders as i coughed. When had i slipped beneath the water? Everything felt so numb, i couldn’t move my legs or my arms, almost as if i had become entirely paralyzed.

a/n:this is an angst fest through and through, you’ve been warned

Bucky always assumed that life would eventually get better for him, after everything with Hydra of course. Steve had managed to find him and break him of the curse that kept him locked away. It was going great for a while, he was doing better. Or he thought he was at least. The sudden halt came in the form of Destiny Thompson, the one person who managed to make Bucky Barnes flustered. She was stunning, no she was drop dead gorgeous. Bucky did what he always did, he tried to be as polite as his brainwashed mind would let him. It worked for a while, keeping him at ease until it wasn’t working anymore. After all, fairytales don’t exist in the real world.

Bucky’s P.O.V

She was looking his way again, her eyes never hid the way she absolutely adored him. And who was I to judge? They were perfect for one another, something I would never have, something i wanted. It was no surprise that Dot was friendly with everyone in the compound, she was practically a walking ray of sunshine. Natasha was one of the first people to notice her longing for the Captain. Watching how her eyes would brighten whenever Steve glanced over at where she sat. I couldn’t stand to be in the same room as the two of them for longer than five minutes, choosing to eat my dinner somewhere else. Steve noticed it right away, asking me to come down when everyone was at the table, how could i tell him the truth though? That the very woman i was so attached to didn’t want anything to do with me. She wanted the man that had a heart of gold, someone that wasn’t tainted like myself. Scars that would never truly go away, a mind that was corrupted from the moment they stepped foot in the world. God the nightmares that tore through my skull each and every night were more vivid, cascading me into a hell that no one should ever be put through. I wasn’t like a normal person though, i deserved to be put through the torture my mind could conjure up. Faces of my friends, enemies, calling out as my knife tore through their bodies. Their cries falling onto deaf ears, blood coating my fingers. “I’d rather be alone, if that’s alright” I didn’t bother to look at Steve to know that he was frowning, it had been a constant feature on his face as of late. “Buck, what’s going on?” Steve sat down across from me, eyebrows furrowed. “Steve, just leave it alone” How could i fight him on this? He was never one to give up without doing all he could. Dot stood in the doorway, a silent question in her eyes as Steve looked over at her. I didn’t stick around after that, choosing to head back to my room where i could be alone. No one would bother me, not even Sam who had made it his life mission to get under my skin. Tony had given me permission to cut myself off from everyone whenever it was needed. Nothing worse than letting the Soldier take over and becoming unable to control myself. Missions were my only true escape anymore, able to get away from everyone in the compound so i could just let loose. Gunning down agents that couldn’t even react before a bullet pierced their skull. Files were transferred before Tony could even blink, piling up and giving him more information than anyone could handle. Until i was back at the compound, sleeping in my room, the nightmares coming back full force. “Mr. Barnes, have you been sleeping well?” The voice sounded so familiar, where had i heard it before? “I haven’t” I grumbled lowly, afraid to speak any louder and break the comforting silence. “You’re needed on a mission, someone has stuck their nose where it doesn’t belong” His lips pulled up into a look of disgust. I nodded slowly, someone needed to be taken care of, and i was the man for the job. The file was placed into my lap, the names Staring back as i read them over and over again. Steve Rogers, Anthony Stark, Samuel Wilson, Natalia Romanov, and a name i didn’t recognize at all. Y/N Y/L/N. Why did that name matter? She seemed like a no name person, someone that would be easy to get rid of. The gun felt weightless in my hand, the sounds of their screams echoing in my mind as each and everyone of their lives were taken away. I was doing my job, what i was sent to do. “Bucky! You have to break out of this!” The man, Steve, was pleading with me. He stared over at the woman i had tied up, her lifeless body slumped over in the chair. “You shouldn’t of gone where they didn’t want you to be” My lips pulled into a smile, grip tightening on the gun as i pulled the trigger. My body lunged up from the bed, sweat dripping down my chest as i struggled to catch my breath. The nightmare felt so real, as if i had taken the gun and ended the lives of the people around me so easily, carelessly. How could i let myself be so blind to all of this? To assume that i had my life under control. So ignorant and stupid, utterly fucking stupid. I reached for the book on my bedside, grabbing the worn out cover that had slowly begun falling apart. Steve had given it to me as a present, it was one of the only things that really kept my grounded anymore. Before i could even begin the reading the book i could most likely recite word for word a noise caught my attention. Who else was up at this hour? It was nearing four in the morning, and the only other person who would usually be up was Nat, and her room was below my own. The only person that was close enough was...Steve. Of course, she was in the room with him. “Steve, he’s gonna hear us” Her giggle was muffled by the wall, but it tore at my heart nonetheless. “He fell asleep a couple hours ago, I’m sure he won’t” Steve’s voice sounded far away, almost as if he was talking through a tunnel. The room became silent for a few seconds, until the most dreaded noise i would ever hope to hear began to seep into my very bones. They were in bed together, their bodies clashing with one another as they chased their release. His name slipping through her lips, her name echoing in his moans. I wanted to cry, to scream, to do something besides sit and listen to the very thing that sealed my fate.

2 Weeks Later The mission was supposed to be simple, get inside the building, get the necessary information and get out before anyone notices what happened. Only, that isn’t how life always plans itself out. There are times where you hope for the best, and nothing but the worst happens as you struggle. Outnumbered, that was the proper word to describe exactly how this mission was going to end. The agents flooded in, and at first it had been easy to take them all out. Until i was bloody and bruised beyond recognition. The cuts that seemed unable to heal anymore, broken bones that were mending together horrifically. There were only two of us in the room, staring down the other until the silence was ultimately broken. I was confused at first, neither of us moving until the pain tore through my body. The blood seeped into the vest i wore, sliding down into the tactical pants until it could no longer be seen. I clenched my jaw, driving my knife deep into the throat of the agent that had successfully fired off two rounds into my body. He crumpled to the floor, gasping out his final breaths as he struggled to stay alive. There was nothing but death in the building, the room stunk of it. The blood of each man spilling out onto the concrete below. “I’m so sorry, i wish i said something sooner” My knees gave out, body slamming onto the ground as i struggled to breathe.

I covered the wounds with my hands, blood coating my palms as the pain tore through my body like a white hot heat. Memories of my mother, sister, father. Steve, Sam, even Natasha were flying by as i struggled to keep a grasp on reality. You can’t give up that easily Barnes, you need to try and hold on a little while longer. “You deserve so much better, I’m sorry Steve. I’m sorry i couldn’t be the friend you needed” A harsh cough tore through my chest, blood coating my tongue and throat. “I wanted to tell Dot i loved her, but it’s too late for that now” I pressed my palms against the ground, wincing as blood dripped down onto the ground. “I’m so sorry, i hope you can forgive me one day”

Everything felt light, my thoughts going to the people i had called family for so long, they wouldn’t know i was gone until it was too late. My legs had gone completely numb, this was my goodbye. Steve’s P.O.V The blood was pumping in my veins, heart pounding in my ears as we ran down to where Bucky had last been seen. The halls filled with bodies, no one’s life had been spared as the destruction around us said otherwise. “Bucky!” I threw my body down beside his, checking for a pulse. Though it was weak, Bucky was managing to keep his heart beating. “Sam! Help me get him back to the quinjet, i need to get him back to the compound immediately” Getting him off the ground wasn’t going to be easy, the injuries he had sustained would kill any normal man. Sam did his best to keep Bucky steady, to prevent causing anymore damage to Bucky’s torn body. Tony was preparing for the worst, for any case scenario when we arrived back at the compound. ~~~ “He was saying he was sorry, that he couldn’t be the friend he needed to be” Tears sprung up in my eyes as i watched Bucky’s near lifeless body on the bed. “He’s been closed off lately, is that why he took this mission alone?” Nat sat beside me, looking over at the man who had once been a bad memory for her. I didn’t want to believe her words were true, that Bucky would let himself be so reckless as to get himself killed because of my actions. He had left after the first night Dot and i spent together, had he managed to hear us? “He’s stable, for now” Dr. Cho glanced between Nat and I for a moment, her eyes landing on Bucky. “How bad?” My voice was a whisper, afraid if i spoke too loud it would disturb him. She took a slow deep breath, almost as if she was afraid to answer the question that now hung silently in the air. “The bullets were lodged in his spine, the serum isn’t healing him as it once did anymore. There might be a chance that James won’t be able to walk ever again” It felt as if i had been punched in the chest.

The man could possibly become paralyzed because i hadn’t bothered to notice the change in his demeanor. “Is there someone that can help him? Learn to walk if need be” Nat looked up in hope, afraid for everyone how Bucky would react to the news. “It’s possible, as long as he has some function still left in his legs” There was still hope that Bucky would be alright, all we had to do was hold onto that hope nice and tight. Bucky’s P.O.V My legs were all fucked up thanks to my own stupidity. Steve had said that i was lucky to even be alive, though i had wished i wasn’t. Only now i was under more supervision than before, Steve made sure that i was never to be left alone. That was more of a nightmare than being left alone entirely. “This is your personal nurse, she’s gonna make sure that you don’t end up hurting yourself during physical therapy” I glared over at the other man, more annoyed that he was treating me like such a child. “I don’t need anyone’s help, I’m perfectly fine doing this on my own” I pushed up from the wheelchair, wincing at the pain that shot through my body. The wounds had been healing, slower than i was used to as i tried to regain an old routine. Nothing would work though, not unless i wanted to have this nurse by my side every moment of the day. Everyone else got to leave for missions, giving a sad smile as they left each and every time. “How about a shower Buck?” My nurse, whose name i had just learned was Y/N, offered. “I don’t know if I’d be able to handle standing that long” While therapy was coming along alright, it wasn’t a miracle worker. She nodded, heading down to my bathroom and starting the water for the tub. That was one of the things that i despised, being forced to undress in front of a woman that i didn’t even know. “The tubs ready for you Bucky” She had a towel thrown over her arm, her smile was soft. I sighed, stepping into the bathroom at a snail’s pace. Y/N stepped away from the doorway, letting me get comfortable before helping me undress. Shirt came first, followed by my sweatpants, and lastly my boxers. Though Y/N never stared when it came down to me being completely naked in front of her. She would turn and wait until i was able to lower myself into the bath. The water was hotter than normal, though it helped calm down my nerves that were racing beyond my control. Why was i so nervous right now? It’s not like i hadn’t bared all to a stranger before, though that wasn’t my entire doing either. It’s never a good idea to try and wash yourself in a lake when there’s other people around, though i didn’t really have much of a choice. “You can come back in” I sighed, resting my head back against the edge of the tub. It wouldn’t be easy to wash myself up, not with the pain that shot through my spine constantly. Y/N placed down a couple of towels, slipping down so she was on her knees beside the tub. That looked so uncomfortable. “Get the chair, won’t be the first time someone’s seen me in the nude” I grunted, lifting a hand to run through my hair. “It’s not that I’m appalled at the thought of seeing you naked James, I’m trying to be a professional and do my job” Though her words painted one picture, her actions painted an entirely different one. “Doing your job means taking care of me, so get the chair and sit in that until i need to get back out” Y/N opened her mouth to protest, ultimately deciding it would do no good before heading back into my room. The silence that hung in the air wasn’t daunting, it was almost peaceful. Save for the loud cars that could be heard just outside, so impatient to get where they were going. Y/N brought the chair inside, placing it beside the tub before plopping down with a soft sigh. “They think i went on the mission because it was easy, that i let myself get shot multiple times because i needed to get away” I couldn’t stop the words anymore, letting my emotions get the better of me. “It’d be better if that was the case, did Steve tell you i never got the trigger words erased from my mind? I always knew it was a bad idea because of what happened” I chuckled softly, no humor lacing my words. “But what would Hydra want with a broken soldier? I’m such an idiot that i can’t even die properly” Y/N was quiet beside me, her eyes wide with shock. It made me wonder how much they told her, what information they had given her before i was put into her care. Did she know that i was once an assassin? Someone that spent their entire life murdering people because that’s what i was programmed for. Or had they lied to her and said that i was entirely stable? Someone that didn’t struggle with normal day to day life. “What’d they tell you about me?” I glanced over to look at her, watching as her eyes locked onto my own. “If I’m going to be honest, they were quite vague. All Captain Rogers told me was that you had been involved in a serious accident and it left you nearly paralyzed” Paralyzed, the one word that terrified me more than my own trigger words. “If only it had killed me, I can do a lot of things, but dying isn’t one of them” I tried to smile, though i wasn’t sure how convincing it was. “You’re worth more than a meaningless death James, there’s people here that love you more than you could know. I may not know much about you right now, but I’m sure that you’ll see how much you mean to everyone” Y/N wasted no time in helping wash me, cheeks bright pink as her hand slid across my arms and chest. I promised her that i could easily bathe myself, trying as i might to get the cloth from her hands, only to have her raise a brow at my insistence. While this wasn’t the first time i was naked in front of a stranger, it was just partially awkward when the stranger was beautiful. The scrubs she wore did little for her physically, but it didn’t matter. “I need you to lean forward James” My brain took a moment to catch up, not wanting nothing more than to fall asleep. “I’m comfy though, don’t make me move” Y/N giggled, pressing her hand against my shoulder to push me forward gently. Her hands were gentle against my skin, washing the skin that was still healing as softly as she could. I tried to keep the whimper from slipping through my slips, to hide how much my back was throbbing. “Shit! James try not to move please” I nodded, gripping onto the sides of the tub with all the strength i could muster. Everything in my body felt as if it were on fire, spreading from the very tips of my fingers, down to my toes that were submerged in the scalding water. I hadn’t even noticed Y/N leave the room until her voice floated into the bathroom, she had called someone. “He’s bleeding Tony! I don’t think moving him is a really smart idea right now” Y/N growled into the phone, pacing back and forth.

Taking a slow and deliberate breath i reached back to see what the damage was. What i wasn’t expecting to see was my hand, covered in blood. The wounds had ripped open entirely, the stitches unable to keep the skin closed any longer. I couldn’t keep my breathing under control anymore, my heart beating erratically as i tried to count my breaths. When that failed to work i tried to call out to Y/N who seemed as if she had disappeared. Why were my lungs burning? Why did it feel as if i was slowly drowning? “James!” The muffled voice barely broke through the barrier of my mind. Y/N’s hands pulled me up from the water, cupping my shoulders as i coughed. When had i slipped beneath the water? Everything felt so numb, i couldn’t move my legs or my arms, almost as if i had become entirely paralyzed. “James, can you look at me please?” I turned my head slowly, afraid to move too fast and cause anymore harm. “What happened?” My voice sounded rough, torn. “You slipped under the water while i was on the phone with Tony, they want to take you to see Dr. Cho immediately” She stood up to grab a towel, helping me from the bathtub carefully. My body screamed in protest, wanting nothing more than to be in the water once again. Y/N wrapped the towel around my waist, helping me into the comfort of my wheelchair. I was semi thankful that everyone else in the compound were gone. They didn’t need to see how broken i was, how i could no longer function. “Sorry he’s not dressed, i was trying to give him a bath when we noticed it” Y/N kept her eyes on Tony and Helen, afraid if she looked anywhere else she’d break. “Bring him on over, I’ll see what happened” Y/N kept her hands against my shoulders, waiting for Helen to ready whatever machine they were going to use.

They always reminded me of darker times, as much as i wanted to pretend that i was only here because i needed to be. Not because Steve wanted to make sure i was alright, or because i had gotten injured on the battlefield. No, it was because Y/N was worried about me. I slipped my fingers around her wrist, begging her not to leave while i was checked out. Her smile was as soft as her skin. Tony watched the screen as Helen did test after test. Brows furrowed as something they noticed wasn’t normal. “What do you mean the bullets still lodged in his spine!?” Tony was dumbfounded, hell i think everyone in the room was. Helen began to point out how they must have missed the bullet, and how dislodging it would give me more feeling back in my legs, as long as it was done right. Tony wasted no time in getting everything prepped, my nerves were on edge. “Y/N will be here when you wake up, just try and relax” I nodded as the needle pierced my skin. Let them do their job Barnes. Before i could utter another word my eyes rolled back, the darkness slipping over me like a warm blanket. Waking up was weird almost, as if i wasn’t supposed to be awake just yet. Though there were no doctors around me, no one medical equipment. There was nothing except for the sound of the heart monitor and Y/N’s arms draped over my legs as she slept. When had she gotten down here? And why hadn’t she gone to her own room if she was exhausted? “Y/N?” I pushed myself up, noticing for the first time in a while that my body wasn’t screaming in protest. “Bucky! You’re awake” Her arms wrapped around my chest, pulling our upper bodies flush together. “Just woke up, why didn’t you go to your bed if you were exhausted?” She opened her mouth to reply, to give excuse as to why she had stuck around. The realization hit me like a ton of bricks, Y/N hadn’t stayed because she felt obligated, she stayed because she wanted to. This woman who didn’t know me from the next man was in my room because she wanted to be. “I’m glad you stayed Y/N” I smiled softly, placing a hand overtop of hers. Her cheeks turned pink as she held my hand. “You needed some support after that surgery” Though her words painted one picture, the way her hand tightened around mine painted another. Steve and Nat came by to see how everything was going, having heard about the disastrous bath that brought me back into the med bay. The incision was smaller than before, and it gave me slight peace of mind. “I know this sounds out of the blue, and like I’m being the biggest creep in the world, but I’d like to take you on a date” I looked over at Y/N while i kept my weight off my legs, physical therapy was never fun. “You want to take me on a date?” She looked at me incredulously, shock clearly written on her face. “Yes i do, is that alright?” Each step was easier than the last, but Tony warned me not to push too hard. “I’d love to” Her smile was so bright, warming my heart. I smiled softly, taking the cane that i had been using to help alleviate some of the pain from my spine. It helped get me on my feet most days, which was nice. Now i could take Y/N on a proper date and show her i was more of a gentleman than i let on. 2 Years Later It was a lot harder to relearn how to walk properly without the cane once my spine was completely healed. While i was grateful everything was as good as new, it still worried me that something could always go wrong. Which is why Steve refused to ever let me go on missions anymore, saying that my life wasn’t worth dying because of my past stupidity. So i did whatever i could around the compound, filing paperwork whenever Steve was too tired. I had even gotten a little side job visiting kids at the local hospital. The nurses were grateful whenever i was able to visit, Y/N following close behind just in case my back had a spasm that required attention. Those were few and far between, which was a positive. “Why don’t we let Sarah pick the next book? She hasn’t gotten to pick one in a couple weeks” I held my hands out to let the little girl crawl into my lap. Her giggle echoed in the room before she lunged into my lap. “I wanna read that!” Her little hand was pointing at Dr. Seuss’s Cat in the Hat. “Then that’s what we’re gonna read today” I picked up the book, reading it to the kids who had spread themselves around me.

By the time it reached dinnertime Sarah had fallen asleep in my arms, the rest of the kids trying to find something else for me to read to them. “Miss Y/L/N, can you come read the next one with Bucky?” Hunter, a little boy who reminded me so much of Steve, glanced over at her as she stood in the doorway. Y/N blushed but ultimately decided to come over and sit with the rest of us, getting comfortable before pulling a book from the pile. The cover was blank. “Why don’t you go ahead and read that one?” I shifted Sarah, keeping an arm around her to prevent any awkward sleeping position for her. “Okay” She opened the book slowly, eyes narrowed in suspicion. Each page was filled with different quotes, whether they were from myself, Y/N, or any of the friends we had. Photos of us from different parties, laughing together as we danced the night away. “I don’t think i could spend my life without you by my side, and i have one last question to ask you” Y/N’s brows were furrowed as she looked over to where i was, hand covering her mouth as i held up the box. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, you helped me learn how to stand on my own two feet and i will always be grateful for that. I want to grow old and raise our own little children together. So what do you say?” I opened the box slowly, her eyes filling with tears as she nodded. I didn’t waste a single second to slide the ring onto her finger, smiling happily as she squealed and pressed her lips against my own. “I love you James Barnes” Y/N cupped my cheek gently, thumb grazing the stubble that i hadn’t bothered to shave. “I love you too Y/N, more than I’ll ever be able to truly tell you” The kids were clapping and cheering, their voices echoing in the room. Everyone else at the compound could wait to hear the news, right now was meant for Y/N and I. No one else.

taglist: @itstartswithhelloo, @hollandoatz, @mentalfictionleftmyassbehind, @sideeffectsofyou, @unlikelysamwinchesteronahunt

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bucky-is-a-hero-fightme · 5 years

Text

Daybreak

IN YOUR HEARTBEAT MASTERLIST

Pairing: Bucky/Reader, Natasha/Sister!Reader

Word Count: 2600 approx. May come back for a few fixes, but I wanna put it out today.

Warnings: … :) A shit ton of feels. The bad kind. The kind that made me cry while writing. And while editing. And reading. So yea.

For the proper trigger warning part, nothing that hasn’t been common to the story. Mentions and descriptions of emotional, mental, and physical torture; mentions of violence; mentions and descriptions of grief; my lackluster writing of catatonia as a response to trauma in PTSD victims; mentions of death, vague mentions of invasive medical procedures.

Also, this may not be everyone’s cup of tea. Just an FYI.

A/N: Saying sorry doesn’t work if I just continue to make characters suffer, does it? Jesus, okay. I kinda liked writing this chapter, even though it hurt like a bitch. But, like I said, I like testing the characters, and yeah, idk.

I had fun writing Bucky, even if it was to torture him. It let me explore (aside from his character, that I hope I did justice) the other side of soulmates in this universe. I feel like shit about making him suffer though, really.

Also, there’s like a tiny mention of the reader not being able to speak Romanian. If you are one of the 19million natives, I am so sorry, but also hi! I love your country, I am visiting soon and I’m HYPED! (Also, the mountain mentioned is Tampa, because I love it’s history and also it’s so fucking pretty I wanna cry)

Thank you so much for reading, please let me know what you think! Come talk to me on my dm’s or ask, I would love to hear from you guys! Thank you!

Taglist: @learisa @lixbean @quiessilva-meriff @miss-i-ship-it @221bbands @darkblueeyedperson @beansparker @fairislesheets @aunty-peggy @me-myself-and-i-4-the-win @checkintoreality @dontwintilligetthere @neuschwanstein

His eyes are closed, and some part of him vaguely registers that soft wind with a hint of pinewood ruffles around him, making him feel lighter than he has in years.

“Guess you were right, Brasov was worth the trouble.” You whisper suddenly, but strangely enough, your voice doesn’t startle him. Your arms wrap around his waist and he feels the soft press of your lips on the center of his back.

It is with a soft smile that he answers, eyes still closed, “And by trouble you mean…”

“That you are the only one that can speak Romanian, love.”

He hums in fake consideration of your words as he turns in your arms, Your face finding a home on the juncture of his neck and shoulder, his hands roaming over your back as you huddle close to protect yourself from the cold wind of the mountain.

“Talked to ‘Tasha already?” He murmurs, feeling you nod against his skin. After a few minutes that seem like small pockets of eternity, you pull away from his embrace a little, the ghost of your touch tracing over Bucky’s cheeks, right under his still closed eyes.

“Aren’t you gonna open those eyes for me, handsome?” You tease, but for some reason dread settles in Bucky’s stomach, like some sort of foreboding knowledge that this is somehow the beginning of the end. He thinks he shakes his head in response, but you don’t give any indication that you paid any attention to his answer, and there’s urgency in your voice when you try again, “Bucky?”

Something in him almost crumbles at the apparent pain and uncertainty in your voice, but he cannot bring himself to open his eyes.

“I-I can’t, doll, I…”

“Hey, hey,” You soothe quickly, letting him feel the warmth of your touch when you take a hold of his face between your small, gentle hands. “At ease, soldier,” You laugh, “I’m not going anywhere.”

And just like that, you press your lips to his. A simple, carefree move on your part that never fails to make his whole world brighter, if only for just an instant or two.

Since that first time he even saw you, he has marveled at the way you seem to move so sure of the fact that your next step will land on solid ground, even when you are amidst a world of crumbling fields.

You part from him, but your sweet and short breaths still graze his hungry lips, achingly close and far at the same time. He isn’t ready yet to let go, doesn’t think will ever be ready to if he is honest; but you don’t seem to want to step away just yet, so Bucky presses his forehead to yours and takes a deep breath.

He feels your skin give under his fingers, and it is as if some dormant, scared part of him finally snaps in place, reassured because you are here. With a deep breath, unsure of why he is so hesitant to do so, like some hidden, quietened part of him is screaming at him to keep this safe; he opens his eyes.

Your bright smile greets his uncertain gaze,

“There you are.”

You are here, and you are real, and God, you want him, and if he closes his eyes he can pretend you can love him too.

Bucky doesn’t even know why he feels the sudden urge to take you in, to hold you close and keep you safe from this unseen danger that lurks in the back of his mind.

His answering chuckle is watery and broken, but you don’t mention it and he is too busy embracing the relief that for some reason overwhelms him to ponder on it for too long.

Your E/C eyes meet his, as if you too refuse to let go of the faint and brief connection. Your smile turns a little sad when you press a soft kiss against his lips, and whisper against them,

“You have to wake up, soldier.”

Bucky frowns, even as dread settles in his stomach.

“What?”

“I’m not going anywhere.” You repeat, but he knows it’s a lie this time.

It dawns on him, and for some reason the unrelenting nightmare of his bullet piercing your heart on that desert comes back to haunt him.

It’s the way you hadn’t reacted at first, not feeling the pain just yet, not realizing you had been shot just then; like a numb denial settling over you. Bucky understands it better than anyone now, because in this moment there’s too something jagged and animal inside of him that holds on with all its might to peace, to life, while they both fall through his fingers like quicksand, even as a part of him longs to stop time, to stop it all: pain, reality, life, death.

He is shaking his head, but he feels himself pulling away, he feels this reality giving way to the nightmare, he feels you vanish.

“Please…” He croaks out, but his eyes are already open by that time.

The old and caving wooden ceiling of the cabin greets his tired gaze, forcing him to realize that almost seven months ago, when you two had visited the small mountain-side house in Brasov, the place had seemed pristine, with well-kept walls and light pouring in from the big windows, keeping the house warm even in the windy weather.

Now, though, he can’t seem to hide form the shadows with the voices of ghosts, he can’t shake off the cold that took over his bones so long ago.

He feels ashamed, but there’s still a part of him that would welcome the terrifying zap of his Handler’s machine, the agonizing way the memories were pried off his mind. There’s a part of him, however shameful, that bitterly and brokenly wants to ask destiny why was it that the Soldat is the one committing the sins while he lives with the guilt, but the Soldat can’t be the one with the awareness of your death without him having to live with the heartache, with the absence.

When he rolls to the side, his heart hopefully and yet wrongly hoping for the relief of you being there, of a proof that it actually was a nightmare; he feels the same crushing weight he feels every morning since you were truly gone set over his chest.

Because that’s the thing of living without what the universe deemed to be his other half, Bucky ponders, and it is something that goes beyond this squelching feeling, like someone just ripped off a part of him when he felt you go, the pain in his heart like it’s being forced to keep on beating against it’s on will, despite the loss of this essential part; it’s beyond that pain, and it is about the absence carved into him since you are gone. It’s about the everyday without you.

After the initial pain, after Bucky woke up in a hospital bed with a haggard looking Steve at his side, after the initial numbness wore off and he had to understand it wasn’t a nightmare; the sharp pain is gone, and was more like this dawning feeling, like he didn’t know this world anymore, like he couldn’t, and still can’t, understand how the world goes on with this pulsating absence somewhere deep inside of him, like a lost connection where he is still left waiting for you to speak, because that same part of him that feels the absence, refuses to live on a world without you in it.

He vaguely remembers a conversation with Steve, or rather hearing Steve talk to him.

He knows if he reaches out, if he stays in this present too long, of he puts his feet on the ground; that he is going to be bound here, that this is going to be real, that this is going to be agony.

So he doesn’t. He lets Steve speak, eats when he asks him too, sleeps when he asks him too, and goes on with the soft orders of his best friend, trying to ignore the dull pain in his chest at seeing Stevie so torn about not being able to help him.

But he can’t let himself feel that pain, because if he does, it will all come back.

And if it all comes back, if it all feels real, then he won’t wake up. And Bucky can’t wait to wake up.

“I’m going to have you hooked to an IV if you keep this up.”

Bucky realizes he should react, that Steve wants him to. He would react, he can’t stand doctors. He will probably wake up when he feels the needle though, so he says nothing.

His best friend sighs, “Buck, I…I don’t know what to do,” Steve runs a hand over his face, and Bucky thinks he wasn’t meant to hear his next words, “Maybe because nothing can make this better.”

It took him weeks to realize he wasn’t going to wake up, to come back and be forced to put his feet on the ground.

Natalia is sitting next to him, thinner than he ever saw her, a new darkness lurking behind her eyes.

She expects something from him, he knows. So, he gives the only answer he can. His explanation, his denial, his hopelessness.

“Y/N is gone.”

In a weak moment before he left the compound, maybe in what was the last drop that made him decide to leave, he asked Steve if it ever got better.

“I still expect to see my Peggy when I go see her, I know she still…I know she sometimes sees a life we did not have when she closes her eyes. I…”

Steve takes a deep breath, the broken soldier breaking past the shields, the masks, of Captain America.

“You’ll never stop hoping, when you roll over in the morning, that she’s there, telling you it is all a nightmare. You will never stop hoping, Buck. I am sorry.”

“But we survive despite it.” Bucky states, wondering distantly if he should worry how resigned he sounds.

Steve’s answering chuckle is as hopeless as he feels, “They never gave us a choice not to.”

He left for Brasov the next morning. It was probably one of the only, and definitely the last place he remembers being…feeling like maybe it was safe being happy, for once.

Your laugh seems to taunt him and have him chasing ghosts, your scent deluding his mind into believing you are there, your absence accompanying him like the most faithful companion.

And now, with the devastating and wonderful gift of hindsight, he curses all those times he hesitated before reaching out for you, all those times your lips curved up in a smile and he held back from tasting the smile on his own lips, all those times he decided to sit back and respond with only a chuckle of his own when all he wanted to do was wrap his arms around you and feel the calming beat of your heartbeat against his own.

___

A knock on his door takes him away from his poor attempt at fixing the malfunctioning heater in the main room.

He walks carefully to the door, the back of his mind telling him he should worry about his safety, considering this was supposed to be an undisclosed location, but by the time the thought has set the door is already open and he is face to face with Natalia for the first time in what feels like not long enough.

“Natalia.” The word leaves his lips on a scratchy gasp, making him wonder when was the last time he talked. Or drank water.

“I know you do not want to see me, but I need your help.” She states. Quickly, professionally. Even as her green eyes take him in with concern, even as the softness that she found when you were at their side still guides her steps.

“Is Steve…?”

“Steve is alright.”

“What is it, then?” He tries not to make it sound as harsh as it does, but something about having her in front of him makes him skittish.

“I…found Karpov,” She clenches her eyes shut, probably at what she sees written on his expression, “I know what you are going to say. Trust me, I do, but…”

He states simply, interrupting her, “You want him dead.”

“I want him suffering,” She corrects in a hiss, seeming to tower over him when she straightens her back with all her might, looking him dead in the eye and continuing, “I want his blood. And I need your help, Bucky.

Regarding the redhead for a second, he finally gives in and moves from the door, motioning silently for her to come in. She does, pacing a few feet away from him.

Bucky waits patiently until she speaks,

“He is holed up in Siberia. Has called for some Hydra officials -the few remaining, anyway- to meet him there. I don’t know what is going on, but…this is our only chance.” Her last words are whispered, almost manic.

“It will not bring her back, Natalia.”

“Neither will letting yourself die, Barnes,” She flinches at her own words, he almost wants to tell her it didn’t hurt, but she is speaking again, the girl with big eyes and a fire in her soul that Hydra tried to extinguish so long ago in that distant facility in Belarus, looking up at him, “Sorry. I need to do this. Please.”

___

She finishes laying her plan of attack and detailing the intel gathered on the facility and the movement of men within it.

“It’s dangerous.” He states simply, but she shrugs in response. It makes him want to remember the careless way you regarded your own safety too, the way you would have shrugged the same way, smiled his way and told him he was too old to worry that much.

“I know.”

“We may not come back.”

“I know.” I don’t’ care.

Bucky takes a deep breath, and finally gives his answer, “Even if we do, you are not going to see me again, Natalia,” She tries questioning his meaning, but he explains quickly, simply, “I am leaving.”

Natalia stands up, walking to him but stopping with a light grimace when he takes a few unconscious steps back, “Where? W-Why?”

“I don’t…I don’t know. I can’t stay still, I can’t…” A deep breath, and then, “Your soulmate is dead, aren’t they?”

“You know he is.” She answers, curt, stiff.

“Then you…you have to understand. It’s as if…as if an absence was carved into me, and it feels like…”

“Like you don’t know this world anymore,” She says, voice and eyes tearful, “Like losing a lit match in the midst of the darkness, like feeling the cold creeping over again.”

Bucky swallows, “I have to leave, Natalia.”

There’s a moment of silence, a quiet understanding in the heavy shoulders of the Black Widow. He moves to the back room where he kept the weapons and tactical gear he brought in, but Natalia calls out to him,

“For what is worth, I am sorry.”

He knows she is talking about her hunt for his blood, her attempts to keep her sister away from him. Maybe she believes she stole time from the two of you when trying to keep you safe, but he is certain it is what kept you alive for so long, being away from him, being unaware of his existence.

And a part of him wants to tell her she should have ended him when she had the chance, she should have let his blood stain her hands instead of his sins reaching you.

“You shouldn’t be,” Is all he answers. And after a beat, “And I am sorry too.”

Perhaps it is the greatest grief, after all, to be left on earth when another is gone. M.Miller

The Last Chapter is gonna be up real soon!

Thank you so much for reading, lovelies! I love all of you, and I would love hearing from you!!

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #natasha x reader #natasha romanov x reader #bucky soulmate au

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tilltheendwilliwrite · 6 years

Text

Qi Flows for Her

Chapter Five

Previous Chapter

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC x Bucky Barnes | Word Count: 5112 Warnings: Language, angst

Celine made sure she was last onto the jet where she took Bucky’s previous seat in the back, darkened corner, as far away from the others as she could get. She snapped the hair band wrapped around her wrist, using the physical pain to remind herself to breathe. Her hair hung forward, hiding her face. Back to the straight, dark brown of before, she listened as they murmured about the rest of what they found and looked after Peter who had been knocked out for his own good.

God… that had hurt like rejection hadn’t hurt in years.

Hunched over, she leaned her face against the wall, the metal cool against her skin. A tear worked its way down her cheek. She’d known this was going to happen, had been saying so since the beginning. Yet, she’d still chanced to hope this time would be different. This time someone would see her for who she truly was and not react with fear.

Why do I bother to hope? She snapped the elastic at her wrist again.

“Celine…” The whisper of Charles' voice only made her flinch.

“Go away, Charles…”

“Darling, I can feel your pain.”

“Pain you have a part in instigating. Go away, Charles!”

“Celine… please…”

She sighed. “What did you expect? That I’d come here, reveal myself, and everything would be tea and crumpets? Go… the fuck… away!” She gave a mighty push and slammed her shields closed.

Her inner demons were relentless after. The voices of hate and disgust hissed and wailed in her head. The self-loathing caused her to wrap her hands around her middle. She was an abomination. A freak. A thing to be feared and despised. No one wanted her. No one would care if she just walked away.

Disappeared.

Died.

The phone in her pocket vibrated.

She ignored it.

It continued to go off for the next fifteen minutes straight, becoming an annoying vibration against her thigh until she finally dug it free. “What?” she sighed, expecting Charles.

“Little girl, next time you pick the fuckin’ phone up on the first ring!” The snarling voice of Logan had her lip twitching.

“Yes, papa,” she sassed.

“What the fuck happened, Celine?” he demanded.

Sighing, she glanced through her hair at the others speaking quietly away from her. “Can’t, Logan. Not now.”

“You’re on the plane?”

“Yeah.”

“Did they hurt you?” he snarled.

“No.”

“Not physically, you mean. Dammit, Charles! I told you sending her was a bad idea!”

It almost made her smile. The Wolverine was highly protective of those he called family. “I’m a big girl, Logan,” she murmured. “I tie my own shoes and everything. I’ll be fine.”

He huffed a dismissive bark of sound. “You ain’t fine! I can tell you ain’t fine! Do I need to come kick around a few super soldiers again? Cause I fuckin’ will!”

“The way I heard it, it sounded like a draw, though Steve said you’re a heavy son of a gun.”

“He’s one to talk,” Logan grumbled.

Leaning her head back against the wall, Celine smiled slightly. “Put up a bit of a fight, did he?”

He snorted. “Decent enough.”

“Good. You were getting full of yourself again.”

“Tricky little witch,” he scoffed. Silence descended for a few seconds before he murmured, “Celine… you can come home. I can replace you if you want.”

She wiped the tear from her cheek. “Nope. Charles sent me. I’m staying until they kick me out.” No matter how much it hurt.

“Look, if you’re doing this to punish Charles cause you’re pissed, then don’t. He’s already hurt you shut him out.”

This time she snorted. “He deserved it.”

“Yeah, probably,” he chuckled. “Take care of yourself, darlin’. And if you need me?”

“I’ll let you know, Logan. Tell Rogue I miss her.”

He grunted just before the line going dead.

She stuffed the phone back in her pocket and returned to her silent reflection, feeling only slightly better.

When the jet landed what felt like hours later, she was down the ramp and into the tower as if the hounds of hell were nipping her heels. To her mind, it wasn't far from the truth.

***

Steve and Bucky watched her go, neither knowing how to fix what they’d wrought.

Peter was alright, the bullet nothing more than a flesh wound, but the way the boy had reacted to her… they’d quite literally watched her heart break.

She was far more powerful than they’d realized. So much so, she’d plucked a soldier off the mountain and ate him before throwing something, likely his soul, into... hell? The underworld? Somewhere else? They had no idea.

Were they a little disconcerted? Sure. Who wouldn’t the hell be? But were they scared of her? No. The shock had kept them mute though, something they now realized had done a lot of harm.

She’d sat, huddled and silent in the corner, gradually curling in on herself, getting smaller with each passing moment until her phone had rung.

Steve had been about to go over and force her to answer when she’d finally dug it free on her own.

The irate voice of Logan was one he’d never forget, and he’d exchanged an eye roll with Bucky. He was a gruff son of a gun, but intensely loyal and protective, especially of Charles. Clearly, that protection extended to Celine.

Logan’s accusation, the comment about hurting her, had caused both of them to stiffen in offence. Her denial and his rewording had jabbed them both firmly with guilt.

Logan was right. They hadn’t hurt her physically. Emotionally? In her heart?

Yes.

“Shit,” Steve hissed softly once the others had exited.

“More like fuck, punk. We screwed up.” Bucky sighed, making his way toward Celine’s seat where he crouched down and swiped his fingers through the dark droplets on the floor. “She’s been bleeding.”

“What?” Steve jolted, coming quickly to Buck’s side.

“Yeah. We should check on her.”

“Pretty sure she doesn’t want to see us, pal.”

“So? We fucked up. We should fix it before it gets worse.” Bucky got to his feet and headed for the doors.

They walked in silence, both feeling intensely guilty.

She'd done some incredible things tonight, but they hadn’t told her so. Had her force been a little excessive? Sure, but seeing Peter take a bullet had Steve longing to hit the asshole sniper with his shield, so he understood how upset Celine must have been.

When Natasha stepped into the corridor, blocking them from getting on the elevator, Steve heard Bucky sigh and tried not to echo it.

“Need something, Nat?” Steve asked.

“I hope you get it now. You'll send her on her way?”

Steve frowned and shook his head. “Why? Celine’s part of this team.”

“Really!” she snapped. “After seeing what she did? What she is?”

“What I saw was a powerful woman who was treated like a freak tonight by her own team. Me included. She's still a person. Still Celine. Her powers don't make her anything different.”

“Shit! You've got a hard-on for her too! I knew Barnes was balls deep, but I expected better of you, Cap.”

Bucky’s hand wrapped around her throat and slammed her into the wall. “You're pushing the line, Natalia,” he snarled softly. “Celine may be Styx, she may be ridiculously powerful, but she's bruised, broken, and your snide comments aren't doing anyone any good!”

“She’ll destroy this team!”

“You said the same thing of me when Steve brought me in. The ghost. The Winter Soldier. The HYDRA weapon. Fuck you, Nat! She's no different!”

She blinked at him, stunned. “She's completely different! Did you not watch her kill a man tonight by eating his life force? Was that simply my imagination?”

“And I kill people with a gun or a knife. So what?”

“You're not about to take us all out in our sleep!”

“But I could if I wanted to!” he roared. “So could you, goddamnit, but you don't see any of us trying to shove you out the door!”

Laying a hand on Bucky’s shoulder, Steve urged his friend to let Natasha go. Once he had, Steve rounded on her himself. “You've taken issue with Celine since the moment she arrived. What's the beef, Nat? What's the real problem here?”

“This is the real issue! You're both so blinded by the hot new piece of ass; you can't see the danger she presents.”

“And me, Natasha? Am I also blinded by a hot piece of ass?” Wanda asked, appearing behind them. She looked at him, and Steve felt a clutch around his heart. The red wash of power in her eyes showed how disconcerted she was feeling. “But then, I am also one to be feared, to be treated like a freak. To be caged and collared because of what I am. What Hydra made me.”

“Wanda, no… I…” Natasha shook her head. “You're different.”

“How?” she asked coming closer. “I use similar powers. I can kill nearly as easily. You also locked me up to keep me away from people because I was a danger to society. Because you didn't trust me. Celine has shown me nothing but kindness after I have proved myself untrustworthy three times,” her voice rasped with self-hatred. “I keep telling myself, I cannot control other people's fear, only my own. Tonight… I failed at both.”

She walked away, and Steve's heart cracked. It appeared many of them were regretting what happened tonight.

“Celine is part of this team. She stays part of this team,” Steve said with finality.

“Fine. But my working with her comes as a last resort. I don't trust her to have my back.” Nat spun and headed away from where Wanda had gone.

Bucky waited only until she was out of earshot before muttering, “I'm not sure I trust you'll have hers.”

“Buck,” Steve sighed.

“I ain't ever seen her like this, Steve. She's been confrontational and just…”

“Nasty,” Sam muttered, wandering down the hall. “I'll go talk to her.”

“You alright with what happened tonight?” Steve asked.

“Alright?” He took a deep breath, eyes widening as he shrugged. “Not sure I’d say alright. Am I gonna throw a hissy fit? Nah. I kinda think Scott’s got the right idea. Better with us than against us.” He patted Steve's shoulder. “Am I gonna think twice about pissing her off? Hell yeah!” Chuckling, Sam continued on after Natasha.

“That's four,” Bucky murmured, a smirk twitching his lip. “Let's go poke the bear, see if she'll forgive us.”

“I think you mean the dragon. Damn that was cool,” Steve grinned.

“Now you sound like Parker.” Bucky’s face fell as they got on the elevator. “You think the kid will come round?”

Steve sighed. “Hope so.”

She’d been so happy spending time with Peter. Having the kid look at her in fear had just killed her.

When they stepped off the elevator, they had the answer hit them full force.

“Celine! Please!” Peter was standing outside her room, one hand pressed to his ribs, the other banging on her door. “I'm sorry! Let me explain!”

“Peter? Shouldn't you be in the med wing?” Steve asked sternly.

The kid shook his head. “Not until I apologize. Not until I tell her how sorry…” Pain took his breath, not all of it physical.

“Okay, kid.” Taking Peter by the elbow, Steve held him up. “How long you been here?” he asked.

Seeing as how the kid was still in his suit, he doubted Parker had even been to see Bruce, or if he had, the kid had snuck out.

“A while,” Peter mumbled.

“And she hasn't answered?”

Peter shook his head.

“FRIDAY located Celine.”

“Celine is on the roof. Captain? It appears she's is quite distraught. She is standing on the roof ledge.”

“What?!” Three voices bellowed before all of them scrambled for the elevator. It took them to the glassed-in common room where they barreled out the door to hit the exterior stairs which would take them to the roof.

Steve grabbed Peter's shoulder. “Are you alright to go around? If something goes sideways…” He didn't need to say Peter was the only one capable of catching Celine.

“I'm good, Cap!” Peter turned to go.

Steve dragged him back. “You stay out of sight. Let us talk to her before you do anything; you get me?”

“Yes, sir!” Peter nodded.

“Go.” He gave the kid a small shove and sprinted up the stairs after Bucky. His heart stuttered when she came into view.

Hair blowing back in the wind, balanced on the balls of her feet, she stood, hands relaxed at her sides, staring out over the city.

“Celine?” Bucky called quietly.

“Doll, you want to come down from there?” Steve asked, both of them edging closer.

Her head turned only enough to show them her profile. The tear streaks were impossible to miss. “Not particularly, Captain. I like the view.”

“Sweetheart, we'd really like it if you came down from there,” Bucky muttered, moving slowly forward.

“I am not your sweetheart, Sergeant. I am not your doll, your baby, your darlin’. I am Celine. I am… a vampire. I am Styx. And I am always to be feared.” She turned to walk the narrow edge of the building.

“Celine, please come down.” Steve would beg if he had to.

She paused, looked at him, and sighed. “You believe I do this, walk this ledge because I wish to hurt myself?” A snort of derision escaped her. “I wish to clear my mind, nothing more.” She turned back to face the city, turning her back on them. “I have no wish for company, especially from those who see me as something to be despised.”

Striding forward, Bucky reached for her arm only to have her dance out of his reach. “Celine!”

“What, Sergeant? Are you here to look at me with fear again? Are you going to tell me to leave? Explain how I am too much a freak to be part of the Avengers?” Night seemed to flow into her, swirl around her. It darkened her hair and brightened her eyes. She stepped backward, crouched, and snarled like an angry animal. “Then you tell me now to go, and I will pack my things!”

“No, Celine,” Steve said, holding up his hands. He approached with caution like he would a wounded creature. “Yes, you surprised us with what you did, maybe even spooked us at first, but we're not afraid of you.”

“Yes, you were!” she almost howled. “And after you said…” She shook her head. “I knew you would fear me. Everyone fears me. I should never have hoped for anything different.”

The words were so soft they could barely hear them, but they hit harder than the Hulk.

Bucky walked toward her, hands raised. “Read me, my aura, my emotions. I’m not afraid of you, Celine. Steve’s not afraid. Sam’s not afraid. Peter isn’t afraid. Wanda isn’t afraid. Come down. Talk to us. Let us show you.” He held out his hand.

“No… no, you lie!” She gave a violent shake of her head. “I won't look! I won't! I can't take anymore! Why are you so cruel?”

Peter landed on the ledge a few feet away. “Celine, I am so sorry.”

She whipped to face him, and Bucky lunged.

His arms closed around her, dragged her from the edge and back to the center of the roof. Expecting a struggle, he held her tightly, but she only sagged, eyes wide and staring at Peter.

The curl smoothed from her hair, the colour lightened. Her eyes lost their glow, and her face fell. Instead of struggling, she turned into Bucky, turned away from Peter, as a distressed cry escaped her lips.

“No, no… you were afraid. I made you afraid. You wouldn’t… let me help…” she moaned, clinging to Bucky.

This time it was the devastation on Peter’s face which broke Steve’s heart. “Celine, doll face Peter’s sorry. He, like us, didn’t mean to hurt you. But you were pretty impressive tonight. More than we’d expected. Read us. See for yourself. It's not a joke.”

“Promise,” Bucky murmured and stroked her arm. “No one's gonna be cruel, darlin’. Give us a chance.”

She bit her lip and looked between the two of them. Such pain shadowed her eyes Steve's heart felt like it tore open for her and whatever trauma had forced her to this point, to where she felt the need to wall herself off from everyone.

A moment passed before her amber eyes filled with relief and she sagged against Bucky. “Oh…” the word flew free on a heavy exhale.

“Can you forgive us, baby?” Steve threaded his fingers through her hair, gently pulling her head back so he could see her eyes.

They were wet, as was her face, so he wiped her cheeks dry. A breath shuddered from her, and she gave a slow nod. She looked as shocked, possibly as stunned as he and Bucky had been when she’d thrown a dragon into the sky and plucked a man off the mountain.

“I thought your dragon was incredible, Celine,” Steve said softly.

“And the way you dealt with the guards on the gate, and the people at the warehouse… amazing,” Bucky smiled.

“You were really spectacular, Celine. I'm… sorry I hurt your feelings,” said Peter, coming closer. “You did… kinda startle me, what with you havin’ just, like, eaten a dude. I promise it won't make me spaz out on you next time.”

“Peter,” she whispered, hands tight to her chest.

“Hug?” he asked, holding out the one arm. The other remaining pressed to his wound.

Bucky let her go, but Celine was hesitant to reach out until Parker gave an exasperated sigh and simply dragged her in via a shot of webbing and hugged her.

“You wanna fix me now?” Peter asked. “That is if it's still okay?”

She nodded a small jerk of her head before placing her green glowing fingers on his side.

His eyes widened in surprise when the pain disappeared. “Wow. Celine, you're so awesome!” He laughed as he lifted her off her feet and swung her around.

“Peter!” she squealed in surprise.

Chuckling, he dropped her to her feet and hugged her tight with both arms. “Thanks, doll,” he drawled, bussing her a kiss to the cheek - bold little shit-eating grin on his face - and darted away. “I'll check-in with Bruce. See ya tomorrow!”

She pressed her fingers to her cheek, eyes full of tears, but a smile was twitching her lips. Turning to face them, her smile broke free. “You people are so messed up.”

Bucky grinned while Steve laughed.

“Maybe it's your previous fri-uh-colleagues who were messed up,” Steve said with a sheepish grin.

“Yeah, darlin’,” Bucky smirked, “You just needed a couple’a old guys and a kid to see you for who you really are.”

“Speak for yourself, pal. I ain't old,” Steve snorted.

“Maybe being in the ice that long just froze your self-preservation brain cells,” Celine quipped.

“Then what's Peter’s excuse?” Bucky asked.

“Young and foolish,” she scoffed. “He doesn't know any better.”

Steve shook his head and held out his hand. “C’mon. You were bleeding on the jet. Let’s see it.”

She arched a brow in wry condemnation. “After the last few days, do you honestly think I cannot fix myself?”

He arched one in return, shook his hand and said, “Just give!” It was a fair imitation of what she’d done the day they’d met, causing Bucky to burst out laughing.

Rolling her eyes, Celine stalked forward to hold her hand out palm up. “There, you see? Perfectly fine.”

Steve frowned as he traced his fingers over her palm. “What did you…” he started to ask when it dawned on him what she’d likely done to herself. “Celine…” Heart hurting, guilt filled him for what she’d gone through, those talons of hers digging into her flesh with her anguish. “I am sorry.”

Her eyes softened. “I know, Steve.”

Bucky collected her opposite hand, sighing quietly as he stared at her unmarked flesh. “I promised you I wouldn’t feel any differently and at the first opportunity to prove it, I fucked it up.”

She gave her own sigh, released their hands, and patted both chests. “You are good men, but you are only human. I am,” she shook her head and turned away, “not.”

Steve went after her, grabbing her by the elbow to drag her back against his chest. “You are as human as the two of us. Powerful you may be, but you’re still human, Celine.”

Her eyes brightened, and her hair curled. “I am not. Human’s do not feed off other humans.”

“Your mutation only makes you different, Celine. It doesn’t make you less human.” Bucky’s hand curled around the back of her neck.

Trapped between the two of them again, Steve couldn’t help but notice the heat she radiated like a furnace. People always commented on how hot he or Bucky ran, but Celine seemed to nearly double their temperature. Cupping her chin, he tilted her face up, so her diamond-bright eyes shone for him to see. ��You aren’t a freak. You’re an Avenger. We’re all a little… abnormal.” He couldn’t understand how she could’ve grown up in a place like Xavier’s school and view herself so differently from the other mutants. If anything, it should have been a place she fit into fairly well.

“I believe I’m a lot abnormal, Steve,” she chuckled, the curl of her hair growing more prominent as her eyes drifted down to his lips.

Bucky’s hand went from her nape to her throat, pressing up beneath Steve’s to tilt her head back onto his shoulder. “You ain’t the one with the vibranium arm,” he said, smirk growing.

Her eyes watched his lips as well before her tongue darted out, moistening hers.

Steve had never wanted to kiss a woman as badly as he did Celine in that instant. The desire he was trying to contain roared into life.

It sent her eyes darting back to his. They blazed bright, burned into him, filled with distress and sent her jerking away from them both. “Sorry! Sorry. That’s my bad… ha, I should go.” She darted away, down the stairs before either of them could move to stop her.

Groaning, Steve thrust his hand through his hair. “Fuck!”

“No shit,” Bucky muttered, trying to adjust his pants without being overly obvious.

“What the hell keeps happening here?” Steve grumbled.

Sighing, Bucky shook his head. “I don’t know, punk, but…” a wash of red filled his cheeks, “I… kind of like it.”

“What?” he gasped, jerking his head up to look at Bucky.

The metal-armed soldier shrugged. “Feels… good having her between us. I don’t know. She just… fits.”

“Bucky…” Steve shook his head.

“I know, I know. Can’t seduce a recruit,” he huffed. “But Steve, you can’t tell me you don’t feel it. We ain’t talked about it, keep pushin’ it to the side, but we can’t fight what we’re feeling.”

“She won’t even be a friend, Buck. Besides, you just watched her rabbit when she got a hint of something off me. I’m not going to put that pressure on Celine.” Steve stalked toward the stairs. “I don’t even know what the hell is happening! Every time it's just us, you, me, her, it’s….”

“Intense sexual heat?” Bucky chuckled.

“Laugh it up, jackass,” Steve grumbled.

“I’m serious!” he scoffed. Grabbing Steve’s arm, Bucky forced him to stop. “I’m asking this in all seriousness, if she chose me over you, would you be okay with it?”

“Bucky… I… Why are you even going there?”

“It’s a hypothetical, Steve. Just answer the fucking question.”

“I’d have to be, wouldn’t I?”

“But you’d hate it, right?”

Jerking his arm away, Steve snapped, “Yes, damn it! I’d hate it!” and stormed down the stairs.

Bucky simply jumped over the rail to land in front of him. “I’d be the same way!”

Coming to a stop, Steve’s eyes closed in pain. “I know, Buck. I can’t be your rival. I won’t be. I don’t have it in me to go against you, and you know it.”

“Stevie.” Bucky’s hands closed over his shoulders, gripped tight, shook him a little. “You think I could?”

When he looked up, Bucky’s eyes were bright with emotion. The smack which came to Steve’s cheek was anything but light, yet it was full of affection, even as it stung something fierce.

“You’re my brother, Steve. I wouldn’t ever do that to you. I love you, pal, and we’ve been through too much hell to fight over a girl, even a dame as amazing as Celine. Whatever comes, we’ll figure it out. Besides, she’s skittish as a baby deer,” he sighed. “Doubt it will go anywhere for either of us.”

Both sighed unhappily and continued inside.

***

A little panicked, Celine made her way back to her room, thankful she avoided seeing anyone else. Riding in the elevator, she allowed herself a small amount of hysterical laughter for, sure enough, she’d found herself sandwiched happily - and hornily - between the two soldiers again. Her nature had taken over thanks to her overactive libido, and she’d drawn them in.

And it had felt… good. Too good.

The spike in Steve’s chi had nearly made her moan and beg for a taste. The Captain was potent!

Bucky, too, though slightly more in control, his arousal had shivered through her. It was subtle, like the nip in the air which preceded a snowstorm but it was still delectable.

So intent was she on the near taste she’d had, something she really should be berating herself for, Celine did not notice the aura waiting in her room until her hand was on the doorknob. Steeling her spine, she slowly pushed her door inward.

The lights were on, the one sitting on her couch doing nothing to hide her presence. Natasha smirked smugly at her.

“I do not remember inviting you to my room,” Celine said cautiously, remaining in the doorway.

“You didn’t. Come in, shut the door, and sit down.”

Brow arching, Celine snorted. “I think I will stay where I am.”

Anger flared in her aura before Natasha smoothed it away. “I think… Adeline, you will want to do what I say.”

The use of her real name was so rare, Celine momentarily froze. Closing the door, she moved toward Natasha, growing angrier by the second. “So, you have found my birth name. What of it?”

Picking up a tablet, Nat read, “Born Adeline Evans to one Tammy Evans, drug addict junky, and alcoholic absentee father, Marcus Evans. Ran away from home at thirteen, wanted for questioning in the death of one Franklin Delacore after he was found dead on the floor of your bedroom.”

She refused to flinch, only sat in an armchair and crossed her legs. There was nothing there. Charles had seen to the reports, the heart attack the man had had was ruled as an accident. Her mother’s drugged up ravings were nothing more than the ramblings of a woman out of her mind.

“Lived on the street, it seems from the age of thirteen until fifteen.” Here Nat looked up. “Wouldn’t it be interesting if the police were informed of the mutant Styx whose MO perfectly fits the two cold cases they have from way back when Adeline was a teenage runaway.”

“What do you want, Natasha?” Celine asked, without a hint any of what she’d said had been true.

“Oh, I’m not done yet,” she fairly purred. “There’s also the information about poor Thomas and Jacob. Nasty business that. It really would be a travesty if the new team found out what you’d done to your old team. To your friends.”

“What do you want, Natasha?” Celine asked a second time.

“What I want is for you to leave and never come back, but we can’t always get what we want, so how about what I need?”

Tired of these games, Celine snapped, “Just spit it out, Widow!” Hair curling, nails lengthening, she dug her talons into the cushioned arms of her chair.

Natasha stiffened her entire countenance sharpening. “I’ve safeguards in place, Styx, so think twice about hurting me. Anything happens to me here, or on a mission, you're a part of… all this information goes public.” She smiled, a predatory baring of teeth. “It would be a pity if the Professor's involvement in all your messes came to light.”

The cold weight of fear wrapped around Celine’s heart. “Get to the point, Natasha.”

“I see how you look at them you know. Steve and Bucky. They’re too blinded by the pretty girl to see the monster you really are. You're going to stay away from them; you're going to stay away from all my friends. You'll limit your involvement with the team outside of missions.” She got slowly to her feet, triumph and bravado coating her innate fear of what Celine was. “Isolate yourself, Celine, or I'll do it for you. Permanently.” Striding toward the door, Natasha dropped the tablet in Celine’s lap, the faces of Jacob and Thomas staring up at her from the screen.

Celine spoke softly, “Be careful, Widow. What you try so hard to protect… may not take kindly to your methods.”

“You’ll never tell them. You try so hard to be human, fit in, but you're a monster. I know it. You know it. If they knew what you'd done….” Natasha let the words hang as she shut the door and walked away.

Celine stared down at her lap and lightly touched first one and then the other face.

Natasha may have found the information on the boys, she may know some of Charles involvement, she suspected the Widow had likely bugged her room, but Natasha didn't know everything. She couldn't for there were no records of what Celine was beyond the mental knowledge shared by four people.

But the two smiling faces on the tablet in her lap, the one lost and the one…. She couldn't bear to think about it. The pain it caused was simply too great.

She placed her hand flat on the screen and ignored the tears which fell down her face as she cried for things she could never make right, and for the life she might have possibly had here.

Next Chapter

#qi flows for her #Steve Rogers #captain america #steve rogers fanfiction #captain america fanfiction #Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes fanfic #the winter soldier #the winter soldier fanfiction #avengers au #avengers fanfiction #x-men au #x-men fanfiction

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diinofayce · 6 years

Text

Compound Interest - 2

READER REQUEST

@nowayitzaarya asked “Can u do a fanfic with Bucky and Reader meeting at the Tower and they start to hate each other but gradually fall in love? And Bucky proceeds to ask reader to go on a motorcycle ride with him in the city with lots of lights?” So I’m going to do this in two (maybe three) parts because I think that’s how much my brain needs for this.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader | Word Count: 2,155| Warnings: Languages (it’s a given in my fics), fighting |

“Good, Y/N! Watch your left ribs, you’re leaving them open, drop your elbow,” Steve coached from the sidelines as you sparred with Bucky. Natasha circled the perimeter of the boxing ring with an eagle eyed gaze as you and Bucky traded blows; watching for any slip in your footing or guard. She’d make a small body signal that Steve would pick up on and he’d relay the coaching. Steve was better than Natasha at positive affirmation, so it wasn’t uncommon to see the two of them running training together.

You puffed out a breath of air to try and remove the lock of hair that had fallen in front of your face, but it was sticking to the sweat on your forehead. You could feel Bucky’s pale eyes studying you, raking your form and taking in every movement you made to try and find a gap in your defenses or a sense of if you were gearing to attack. You tried not to think about what image he was seeing when he looked at you, drenched in sweat and your skin red from exertion. You figured you probably looked like a drowning cat. Which was intensely frustrating because Bucky was barely sweating and his hair was still neatly tied in it’s knot. Swiping the back of your hand quickly over your forehead to rid yourself of the hair that was impairing your vision you took a cross step to the left in effort to move your weaker side away from Bucky. You furrowed your brow as he smirked knowingly at you and shifted his body weight from his left foot to his right.

Bucky pushed off the mat and lunged at you, vibranium arm pulled back ready to strike. You threw your arms up, crossing your forearms in front of your face and focused quickly on cramming all of your molecules together to make you as dense as his arm. When his vibranium fist came down at the middle of the cross of your arms a resounding sound of impact bounced of the walls of the gym. You could feel the strong vibration from the impact rock through you and you dropped to your knees as his flesh hand landed on your shoulder in effort to keep himself standing, his face shadowed in pain.

“Jesus,” Bucky moaned, pushing himself off of you and tenderly rolling his left shoulder. “Fuck, I could feel that in my teeth.” Bucky ran his tongue along his front teeth in effort to sooth the nerves in his gums that were upset by the transference of energy.

“Well, what the fuck were you thinking coming at my head with that thing?” You snap angrily, standing slowly on shaking knees. You shook your arms out, a burgundy bruise already blooming on your forearms.

“I was thinking you’d dodge out of the way,” Bucky snapped back jumping out of the boxing ring to saunter over to the bench and grab a bottle of water. Steve hopped up into the ring after casting a glare to his best friend and tenderly put his finger tips on your elbows to raise your forearms. Bucky winced as he saw the bruises expand and darken before them, you were always so agile the last thing he expected you to do was try to take the blow from his vibranium fist.

“You should have brought the density to match Barnes’ skull,” Natasha quipped, her elbows resting up on the ring and her chin in her hands. “That would have really done a number on him.”

“Ha ha, Natalia,” Bucky mocked back, grabbing a towel to pat the sweat off the back of his neck, using it as an excuse to look away from you.

Steve clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth in disapproval. “Go ice up and get cleaned up. We have a mission briefing in two hours. Good work today, Y/L/N.”

“Thanks, Cap,” you wince as he brushes the pads of his thumbs over the darkening bruises. Hopping down from the ring, you stick your tongue out at Bucky and cross your eyes before running out of the gym. Bucky makes an immature face back, but it was half hearted. Now you probably really hated him, fuck.

Steve leaned against the ropes of the ring and glared down at Bucky. “Don’t you think that was a little excessive, jerk?” Steve asked, his Captain voice turned up.

Bucky rolled his eyes and flicked his towel under his arm. Of course he did. “I thought she would dodge! She’d been dodging everything I threw all afternoon.”

“You know, you’re supposed to stop letting girls know you like them by pulling their hair after grade school,” Natasha teased, walking around the ring and punching Bucky on the shoulder.

“Yeah? So what’s your excuse on always hitting me?” Bucky asked, ducking his head to hide his blush with his hair. He really wished Natasha wouldn’t be so vocal about her observations.

“I don’t like you, I think you’re an idiot.” With that Natasha took her leave from the gym, sarcastically saluting Steve with her departure.

Steve jumped down from the ropes and walked up to his friend, taking a bottle of water and cracking it open. “Listen, Buck, I don’t know if you’ve just got a bruised ego or whatever from back in Berlin or what is going on between the two of you but I need you to just be the bigger person. And I’m asking you to because I know you’re capable of doing it.”

“Says the guy who used to fight every Tom, Dick, and Harry back in the day no matter how out matched,” Bucky muttered taking a deep drink from his water bottle.

“When we were teenagers, Bucky. Don’t make me bench you,” Steve threatened, swinging his gear over his shoulder and walking out of the gym.

Bucky scoffed and followed after him. Like Steve would dare.

~*~

At the mission briefing, Bucky saved you a seat. He wanted to apologize for that final blow during training and make sure you were okay. He had truly thought you were going to dodge, the last thing he wanted to do was hurt any of his teammates - but especially not you. Bucky just got more and more suspicious as the meeting started and you didn’t show up and instead of anyone saying anything to stop the meeting a few of the team just glared at him. Then when the mission proved to be something in your wheelhouse and they assigned Sam and Parker instead of you his brows furrowed in confusion.

Since it was evident that his skills would not be necessary for the mission, he stood up without saying anything and walked out of the meeting. Steve’s eyes followed his friend out of the room, but said nothing to call him back. Just shook his head slightly before going back to the task at hand.

Bucky made the trek to the living quarters and strutted up on your door, knocking heavily a few times. He waited for a few minutes before knocking again, finally pressing his ear up against the door and hearing no movement inside he frowned and stepped back. “FRIDAY, where’s Y/N?” he asked the tower’s AI system.

“Agent Y/L/N is down in medical, Sergeant Barnes,” the Irish lilt of the AI answered back. If Bucky didn’t know any better he would swear she sounded accusatory.

Bucky swore to himself softly and thought back to training earlier, trying to picture the bruising on your forearms. Swearing again he made the journey down to the first floor gift shop that Tony had put in and purchased a small bouquet of red, white, and blue daisies. He got stuck taking pictures with a few fans before he was able to continue his journey to finding you.

Bucky walked up to the medical wing and was pointed to a room by one of Helen Cho’s assistants. The door was open so Bucky knocked on the frame and peeked his head in. You were still in your clothes from training as you sat on the side of the medical bed, Helen Cho was sitting on a stool between your legs as she fitted bracers on your forearms. You looked up at the knock and tensed, causing Helen to look back over her shoulder and frown.

“Ah, Sergeant Barnes. Good to see you come check in on the kids you beat up,” Helen said a little bitterly. Dr. Cho was always brutally honest, a quality Bucky usually admired in the woman, not so much now that it was directed at him.

“If you’re here to make fun of me for being weak, wanna wait like fifteen minutes?” You asked sounding exhausted, your words a little slurred. Bucky assumed Helen had given you some sort of oral painkiller.

“I, uh, I actually came to, uh,” Bucky stammered feeling the guilt at being the cause of your current predicament.

“Ohmigod, Barnes. What?” You barked, wincing as Helen tightened a velcro strap. She pushed backward on her wheeled stool, done strapping you into the hand to elbow length braces. You looked at your arms and pouted slightly, your head clouded from the vicodin that Dr. Cho had given you. You had almost forgotten Bucky was even there until he was suddenly sitting next to you. You startled and looked up at him with doe eyes as he held out the bouquet of coloured daisies.

“Sorry I broke you,” he muttered sheepishly and you took the daisies carefully. You brought them to your nose to smell them and immediately started crying uncontrollably.

Bucky jumped up and looked between you and Helen who was looking at him pointedly. “It’s the painkillers, but she’s your responsibility now, Barnes. She has hairline fractures up and down her forearms, no letting her lift anything heavy and only take the braces off for showers and sleeping for the next two weeks. And for the love of God don’t punch her in them again.” Helen turned and left the room, leaving Bucky to awkwardly pat you on the shoulder to try to calm you. The guilt chewing at the pit of his stomach as he looked at your braces.

“Hey. Hey, I’m sorry. Do you not like flowers or something?” Bucky asked, his voice half an octave higher in panic.

“They’re so pretty. They look like Steve,” you cried as you held them up as if showing him them for the first time.

Bucky chuckled, relaxing a little now that he knew you weren’t mad about them. “Hey, how about we get you to your room?”

“Can we watch a movie?” you ask as you take an over exaggerated hop off the hospital bed. Bucky carefully placed his hand at the small of your back so that he could guide you and make sure you didn’t stumble.

“Sure, doll, what do you want to watch?” Bucky asked leading you into the elevator.

“Doll? You only call girls you’re flirting with at the bar ‘doll’.” You accuse leaning into his side as the elevator moved. You were feeling wobbly and fuzzy and your mouth was dry.

Bucky frowned slightly as the elevator doors opened up to the common room. He didn’t know you watched him flirt with other girls when the team was out on their ‘team building activities’ as Tony called them. Clint and Wanda were already hanging out watching some weird reality show and playing a card game. Bucky set you down on the couch where you immediately hooked your fingers into his belt loops and tried to pull him down next to you, only to hiss in pain. Bucky winced and sat down next to you, raising an eyebrow at Clint and Wanda as you immediately burrowed under his arm and nestled into his side, resting your head on his chest.

You opened your eyes suddenly to look at Clint and Wanda who were sitting across from each other playing cards on the coffee table. “Guys, Bucky got me Steve flowers!”

NEXT CHAPTER

#bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky fanfic #diinorequests #avengers fanfiction #marvel fanfiction #marvel #marvel fandom #marvel fanfic #avengers #avengers fanfic #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky fandom

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buckybarnesappreciationsociety · 7 years

Text

“HappyNess Is Not A Myth”

Summary: Bucky and Patricia Barnes are preparing for the birth of their first baby. This story follows the joys and pitfalls of pregnancy.

Characters: Bucky Barnes x Patricia Barnes

OFC: Steve, Tony, Nat, Wanda, Sam, Dr. Azalea Mitchell, and Sarah Natalia Barnes

Word Count: 2,889

Warnings: Talk of labor pains.

A/N: Thank you @violentlybarnes for allowing me to participate in your writing challenge. My prompt: “I’m going to die” Congrats on 500+ followers.

A/N 2: I’m aware happiness is misspelled. :D

Childbirth is a blessed event. There’s no greater joy than pushing an 8 pound baby through a small canal. Hours upon hours of stabbing pain, sweating, cursing, and morphing into a crazed lunatic are worth it. The sweet sound of piercing cries of an infant (s) are music to parent’s ears. In the end, you’re rewarded by watching your little one grow up into their own person.

Also, the cherished teenage years; “Dad, can I borrow the car?,” “Mom, I’m having company over, will you make some snacks please?,” and “You’re embarrassing me!”

Bucky and Patricia Barnes, married 2 years, are expecting their first baby! Everyone at the compound are ecstatic. In 8 months, a new “Avenger” will join the team.

The mile-wide smile on Bucky’s face speaks volumes. No longer in the field, he trains new agents, while Patricia’s morning sickness keeps her bedridden sometimes. But never fear, Mr. “I’m here for you always” Barnes to the rescue.

Rubbing circles on her back when she’s kneeling before the porcelain god, keeping saltines, ginger ale, and a wastepaper basket handy. Dr. Azalea Mitchell, the couple’s OB/GYN physician, assured the nervous couple the nausea and vomiting should cease after the first trimester.

Nat and Wanda would stop by and sit with Patricia, when they weren’t on a mission. Bucky wasn’t far away. The training room was four floors down from their apartment, and he was a phone call away.

Tucking her legs on the bed, Wanda held Patricia’s hand. “How do you feel pumpkin?”

“Do you need anything?” Nat asked, fluffing her pillows.

“I love you guys so much. No, I’m fine. As you can see, Bucky took care of me before he left.”

Patricia pulled the covers down a bit.

The trio chatted well into the evening. Patricia only left the bed to use the bathroom, with Nat’s assistance.

Soon after, Wanda and Nat left for dinner. Patricia wished she could go also, but her husband would have a kanipshin.

The bedside clock read 4:30 p.m. Bucky would be home soon. “I’m going bananas. I’ve gotta break free.” Patricia plotted her getaway.

Just as she touched the doorknob, she heard footsteps...Bucky’s footsteps. Scrambling to the sofa, Patricia had a silly grin on her face.

The lock clicked signaling his arrival. “Doll, why are you out of bed?”

Taking a deep breath, Patricia pleaded her case. “James, I’ve been in bed for over a week and I’m going out of my mind! I would love to eat in the common room with everyone else.” Her eyes glossed with unshed tears.

If there’s one thing that ripped Bucky’s heart was his wife crying. Sitting on the sofa beside her, “I’ll make a deal with’ya. Use the wheelchair. If’ya get to feeling sick, you gotta go back to bed. Deal?”

Kissing his cheek, Patricia gushed, “Deal!”

Nat, Wanda, Sam, and Bruce were at the table feasting on spaghetti and tuna casserole, salad, yeast rolls, corn and for dessert blueberry and lemon pie.

Standing at the kitchen island, Tony and Steve were engaged in friendly banter.

Bucky wheeled Patricia around the corner, much to the delight of everyone in the room.

Tony was first to comment. “Well look who it is? Hot Wheels and Heavy Metal.”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “Shut up coke can.”

Steve greeted Patricia with a hug and kiss on the cheek. “Good to see you Patricia. How are you?”

“I’m feeling better. Just going stir crazy in that bed. Made a deal with Bucky, so here I am.”

Patricia greeted with hugs and kisses, engaged in festive conversation. Bucky prepared her plate with small portions, just in case baby Barnes didn’t approve of the menu.

Time moved swiftly. Patricia’s baby bump grew by leaps and bounds. 5 months along, she felt the baby flutter for the first time.

“Bucky!! Come quick!!” Falling over the chair and stubbing his toe, Bucky thought that something was wrong.

“D-doll what’s wrong? Is it the baby?” Panicking, Bucky stumbled in the room.

Giggling, Patricia apologized for scaring him. “Babe, I’m really sorry. Didn’t mean to upset you. The baby’s kicking and I wanted you to feel it.”

Laying his flesh hand on the side of her stomach, little peanut kicked Patricia hard.

Bucky’s eyes were big as dinner plates. “Wow! She’s gonna play soccer. Doll, you’ve made me the happiest man in the world. I dunno what I did to deserve you and our daughter, but Imma love and protect my best girls always.”

Overcome with pride, Bucky’s cerulean eyes filled with tears. “I love ya so much.”

Rubbing his back, Patricia turned his face to her. “Sweetheart, those better be happy tears. James Buchanan Barnes, you deserve all the happiness life has to offer. You’re not the Winter Soldier; you’re my husband and father to our daughter.”

Wiping his eyes, Bucky hiccuped. “M’sorry, This feels like a dream, ya know? Is this real?”

“Yes my love, it’s real and you’re here, with us.” Patricia kissed his eyes, one by one.

Bucky Barnes had been to hell and back more than once. It’s okay if he shed happy tears. After years of hell, time for heaven on earth.

Sonogram

Bucky paced back and forth in the waiting room. Patricia reached out, grabbing his hand. “James, sweetheart come sit down.”

“Can’t Trish, m’anxious. Why is it taking so long?”

“Dr. Mitchell has other patients. Our appointment is at eleven. It’s just 10:30. Buck, sit down.”

Clara, Dr. Mitchell’s nurse, called them to an exam room.

“Mrs. Barnes, please remove your shirt, put on this gown. Dr. Mitchell will be right in.” The congenial nurse left the room.

Bucky assisted Patricia with her clothes, then, she laid on the examination table. “Doll, are ya alright?”

“Yes, kinda nervous.” Patricia reached for her husband’s hand.

Entering the room, Dr. Mitchell smiled at the concerned parents. “Good morning. I’m sure you’re ready to find out if your baby’s a boy or girl. Let’s get started.”

Adjusting the screen, squeezing cold ultrasound gel on the probe, Dr. Mitchell lifted Patricia’s gown. “This is may be a little cold at first touch.”

Placing the probe on her stomach, the image of baby Barnes came into view. Bucky’s cerulean eyes pooled with unshed tears.

Moving the probe over Patricia’s stomach, Dr. Mitchell determined the baby is a girl. “Mr. and Mrs. Barnes, you’re having a girl. I’ll print a picture for you.

Patricia held Bucky’s hand. “James, it’s a girl.”

“Wow. There she is, Sarah Natalia Barnes.”

“Oh sweetie, Nat and Steve will be so pleased. I love her name.”

Dr. MItchell removed the remaining gel with a soft cloth. “You may get dressed, and Clara will show you to my office.”

Holding the black and white image of their daughter, Bucky rubbed his calloused fingers over the paper. “Hey peanut. It’s you daddy. Me and your momma loves ya so much.”

In her office, Dr. Mitchell called in a refill on Patricia’s prenatal vitamins, gave them instructions on having sex this far along in the pregnancy and her diet.

Bucky and his wife nodded, thanked the doctor, and left.

Eyes gleaming Bucky put a plan in motion. “ It’s okay to tell the team we’re having a girl, but keep the name a secret.”

“Gotcha Sarge. Besides, Steve can’t keep a secret for shit.”

Second Trimester Blues

At the 6 month period, Patricia’s hormones played dirty tricks on her; crying, an insatiable appetite for sex (Bucky didn’t complain), weird cravings, and horrific mood swings.

One evening while watching a movie, Y/N asked Bucky if she looked fat . Afraid to answer, he decided to keep quiet.

Well, his silence meant it was true in her eyes.. “I know you think I’m fat and ugly. You’re gonna leave me for a woman with firm breasts and ass.” Stomping from the room, Patricia slammed the bedroom door, locking it.

Dumbfounded, Bucky simply shook his head, talking through the door, “Dollface, open the door. I dunno why you’d say that. I love ya so much. No woman in the world can hold a candle to ya.”

Sniffling and hiccuping, the lock clicked. Bucky’s face fell. Patricia was sitting against the headboard with their wedding picture. “Do you ever regret marrying me?”

Taken aback, Bucky turned towards his distraught wife, taking her hand. “Trish, why would’ya ask me something like that?”

“I’m sorry James. I know you love me and our unborn daughter. My emotions are all over the place and I hate it.”

Wiping his eyes, Bucky explained to Patricia what she and their baby truly meant to him.

“When HYDRA controlled me, I did things that’s still hard to talk about; felt I wasn’t worth of a happy, normal life. Then, here comes this stubborn, feisty, dame. The moment we met, somehow I had to make ya mine. Yeah, we’ve had some rough patches, yet, our love withstands all the crazy shit.”

Rubbing her growing belly, Bucky continued. “Patricia, you loved me back to life and for some strange reason, ya wanted to marry me. Now, we’re ‘bout’ta have a baby girl. So, to answer your question, no I don’t regret marrying ya. Thanks to your undying love for me, I feel like a man and not a monster.”

Bucky calmly stood walking to the door. Turning around, “I’m gonna make us a cup of tea. I love ya so much.”

Reaching out for his hand, “James, please forgive for being a hormonal bitch.”

“S’okay doll, there’s nothing to forgive.” Gently closing the door, Y/N held her pillow, sobbing.

Steve, sitting at the kitchen island reading, noticed Bucky’s glum expression. ‘Hey pal. What’s the matter?

“Stevie, do’ya think I deserve t’be happy?” Bucky’s shoulders slumped.

“What brought this on? Pal, you’ve earned the right to be thrilled ‘bout your wife and baby. Don’t ever second guess that.”

“Guess you’re right. Trish asked me if I regret marrying her, saying I’ll leave her for another woman.”

Steve consoled his gloomy friend. “Trish’s frame of mind is all over the place. One minute she’s laughing, next time, she’s bawling and biting everyone’s head off. Go home and hold your wife, Buck.”

“Thanks a lot. I was gonna make tea, but I need to hold my best girls.” Bucky left the kitchen.

Patricia curled up on the bed, holding Bucky’s pillow.

Removing his clothes, Bucky pulled the geometric pattern comforter back, easing into bed. He scooted close to her body, draping a hand over her stomach.

Inhaling the scent of her shampoo, Bucky entered into peaceful sleep.

Over waffles, eggs, bacon, coffee and orange juice, Trish expressed deep regret about the night before. All’s forgiven. If anything negative plagued gripped her mind, she’d talk to Bucky before things got out of hand.

The Nursery Dilemma/Baby Shower

Anthony Edward Stark, billionaire smartass, hired contractors to build an incredible nursery. Bucky adamantly assured everyone he was capable of assembling baby furniture.

“Listen Father Russia, I’m sure your abilities to assemble and disassemble a weapon are impeccable. Why not let the professionals take over.” Tony quirked an eyebrow.

Unfazed by his comment, Bucky retorted, “I am a professional, damnit. Now, let me get to work.”

Sam snorted, “Shit, Frozen, your baby will be 3 before you’re finished.”

Wanda, Patricia, and Nat chuckled. “Husband dear, I have faith in you. We’ll be in the common room preparing for the baby shower.”

Nat joked, “He’s gonna mess up Trish” Wanda nodded in agreement.

“I know. Our baby girl’s probably going to sleep with us until she’s 5 years old.

Snapping his head around, Bucky narrowed his eyes. “I heard that. Just wait’n see. Daddy Barnes will have everything put together before ya know it.”

Steve groaned, “Tony, keep the contractors on speed dial.”

“Already on it Capsicle.”

After 2 hours and a lot of swearing, Bucky conceded, informing Tony to call the pros. Tony smirked.

Crossing his arms, Bucky inquired about this bet. “So, Rogers betted against me?”

Steve whistled, glancing at the ceiling.

The common room became a pink and white wonderland. Balloons, streamer, a 3 tier cake, and rounding everything out, Pepper hired caterers.

Patricia had a special request: chocolate ice cream, bananas, potato chips, and dark chocolate almond milk.

Clint, Laura and their 3 kids joined in the festivities. Food, games, gifts and laughter were the order of the day.

Bucky and Patricia revealed their daughter’s name.

“First, we wanna thank everyone for coming. Trish and I appreciate all you’ve done for us. We’ve chosen Sarah Natalia Barnes for our ‘peanut’.”

Nat gasped, “Barnes, are you serious?”

“Yeah Nattie. You and I have been through the ringer. It’s only right to bring some sunshine to ya.”

Normally stoic, Nat embraced Bucky and Patricia. “I’m honored.”

Steve couldn’t contain his enthusiasm. “My ma’s smiling in Heaven!”

A huge white box with a pink bow remained on the table. Trish removed the top and gasped. Inside were custom made pajamas and bibs; Iron Man, Captain America, Falcon, Scarlet Witch, Thor, and the Hulk.

Tony had one more surprise. “Guess we saved the best for last.”

Bucky couldn’t believe his eyes: a pink onesie complete with a metal arm and red star. The matching bib inscribed: Daddy’s Little Peanut. Everyone applauded the special gift for Sarah

Trish pulled Pepper into a hug, and Bucky enveloped Tony with his massive arms. “Okay Icicle. You’re welcome!

Bucky and Patricia thanked everyone again for coming. Sam, Steve, and Tony helped with the gifts.

“Sarah is loved, Buck. We’re fortunate to have our extended family. I love you.”

“Yeah she’s spoiled already. Doll, we’re in trouble.”

Sarah Makes Her Debut

Dr. Mitchell informed them, little Sarah had turned, head down. It wouldn’t be long before Bucky and Patricia meet their daughter.

Now that the nursery was completed, furniture built, room decorated, and clothes put away, only thing missing…...Sarah!

Patricia felt discomfort in her abdomen. Chalking it up to indigestion, she huffed and laid down.

Suddenly, a sharp, stabbing pain, accompanied by wetness coursed through her body. Not able to move, Patricia screamed for Bucky.

“BUUUCKY!!! COME QUICK!!!! MY WATER BROKE!!!.” Patricia doubled over in pain.

Scrambling to the bedroom, Bucky speed dialed Steve, who in turn alerted everyone else.

Bringing a stretcher from medical, Patricia was carefully wheeled to Tony’s SUV, along with Bucky, Pepper, Nat and Wanda. A police escort cleared the way to Mt Sinai Hospital.

“OH MY GOSH, I’M GOING TO DIE!!! BUCKY I HATE YOU. THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!! OWWWW!!!

Bucky smiled, trying to calm his wife. Her contractions were 10 minutes apart. “M’here sweetheart. Shhh, I got’cha.”

Arriving at the hospital, Dr. Mitchell met them at the door. Bucky followed the doctor and nurses to the birthing suite.

After 5 hours of misery, Trish gave birth to 8 lbs. 3 ounces., 19 inches, Sarah Natalia Barnes Bucky cut the umbilical cord amid teary eyes.

Peanut, as she was affectionately called, sported curly brown hair, beautiful blue eyes with long eyelashes, and her mother’s nose.

Beaming with pride, Bucky held his bundle of joy. “Hey, darlin’ m’glad you’re here. Gosh, ya got a heart already. I’ll protect you and your mommy always.”

He placed a gentle kiss to her forehead. Patricia weakly smiled at her husband and daughter. Labor took a lot out of her. “Hey Sarge, can I hold her?”

“Of course doll. She’s a heartbreaker.”

Knocking on the door, Nat stuck her head in. “Are you up for visitors?”

“Sure, come on in and meet your goddaughter.” Patricia cooed as she fed Sarah.

“Nat, would you like to hold her?” Sarah burped.

“Yeah, she’s definitely Bucky’s daughter.” Nat carefully held the little cherub.

Beaming with pride, Nat whispered, “Hey this is your godmother. I love you so much. When you’re older, I’ll teach you how to kill someone using only a spoon.”

Bucky and Patricia groaned. “I have a feeling Sarah will be a lethal weapon by her 5th birthday.”

Another soft knock at the door, Tony peeped from behind the door. “Is it okay if her uncles and aunt come in?”

Bucky sitting in the wood rocking chair, whispered for everyone to keep it down. Patricia and Sarah were asleep.

Tony had to make a wisecrack. “Little Creamsicle’s a cutie. She’s your twin, Frostbite. I hate to admit this. You look good holding your daughter. I’m happy for you and Patricia.”

Steve noted, “Jerk, look at’cha. You’re a daddy now. My goddaughter’s precious. Buck she’s your twin.”

Sam and Wanda took pictures of James Buchanan Barnes grinning from ear-to-ear.

At last, the happiness train pulled into his station, bringing Patricia and Sarah Natalia Barnes into his once shattered life. He was no longer a brainwashed killer. No, Bucky held the title of husband and father. About damn time!!!

Fin

@violentlybarnes @omalleysgirl22 @rebelslicious @pegasusdragontiger @suz-123 @electrica-xo @inumorph @3brosangel @arabellaaurorabarnes @the-shield-of-writing @kimistry27 @papi-chulo-bucky

#violentlybarnes 500 writing challenge #daddy!bucky #bucky x patricia #sarah natalia barnes #husband bucky #bucky imagine #bucky is not a villain

53 notes · View notes

e-namor-a · 7 years

Text

Masked pt. iii

It’s been a solid month. (crazy crazy ass month.) Sorry for the delay but I hope it’s worth it. Another solid 3k+ words.

Warning, theres a lot of cussing and a solid amount of angst.

Anyway, shall we get to it? pt.i/pt. ii/pt.iv

The door opened and the scene in the apartment froze Clint and Tony in place and made Natasha look back in fury at the familiar blonde woman in the elevator before turning and surging instinctively and grabbing Bucky’s hand before he punched the semi broken coffee table again.

 Natasha had loved him once, briefly, and over the years it had faded to a platonic love. She was one of the few who knew him in his entirety and she carried him in her heart, fiercely protective.    Her eyes anxiously scanned over him, seeing an empty look in his blue eyes, hair damp with sweat, chest heaving, muscles tensing. She let go of his hand, pushed him so he was sitting on the floor against the torn up couch and clambered onto his lap, tucking her chin into his shoulder, murmuring softly in his ear in Russian, wrapping her limbs around him tightly as she tried to use pressure to bring him out of the dark place in his head.    Tony and Clint surveyed the damage in the apartment, holes in the furniture, broken glass, torn up fabric; and already used to Bucky and Natasha’s friendship, moved around cautiously trying to determine what had happened. Tony caught Nat’s eye over the back of the couch and arched a brow, trying to see if she could get some information from the dazed super-soldier, but one quick shake of the redheads head made him realize he was on his own.

You were to Tony what Bucky was to Natasha, and upon not seeing the state of things and not finding you he could feel tendrils of panic trying to grab him. He took a deep breath and shook them off, pulling out his phone to call you.

He heard your distinct ringtone for him, him saying “I am Iron Man” from his press conference years ago, and started to feel the tendrils of panic grab him again as Clint went into your bedroom and brought out your broken phone. You always carried it with you, so much of your life was on that tiny device. Clint was standing in the doorway, fiddling with the phone as Tony made his way over.  He reached out to pluck the phone from his hands, he was after all the tech genius, but one look over Clint’s shoulder and he was distracted. He took in all the details, the broken door, the rumpled bed, with a missing sheet that was lying in shreds on the floor of the living room, the tossed drawers, the torn clothes, the destroyed closet, the empty walls and he felt his panic grow.

  He asked Friday to activate the tracking chip he had hidden in the charm on your necklace he had gifted you after one particular mission of his had left him more paranoid than usual, after all he needed his ‘little sister’ to be safe, and walked back into the living room to find Natasha and Barnes still a tangle of limbs and Russian words and Clint gone, the door slightly ajar. Friday reported back to him that the chip had been torn out and was located on the street outside the building.

His panic almost overwhelmed him, you had promised him to never remove the chip, if only for Tony’s sanity, under the condition that he never take advantage of its existence. You both had kept your promises for years, and you breaking it boded ill. He sent Friday on a city wide hunt to find you, but like Bucky he knew that if you didn’t want to be found, ultimately it would be nigh impossible. You were just that good. He fidgeted with his phone, mind whirring, thinking of everything he could do to find you.

  His head snapped up when Clint pushed open the door. Clint’s face was contorted in fury and his eyes narrowed at Nat and Buck on the floor. The pit that had been growing in Tony’s stomach deepened, Barnes had something to do with your abrupt disappearance, and Tony knew it truly had to be bad for you to leave everything in the state that it was. Nat felt eyes on her and looked up at Clint, reading his expression.

  Still squeezing Bucky tight she pulled her head back and the movement seemed to snap him out of the daze he was in. His blue eyes looked at the three Avengers before looking down at his hands. Nat stood up, extending her hand to help him. Bucky took it and stood, unable to look at any of his friends for longer than a couple of seconds; eyes darting around.   

“What did you do?” Tony asked bluntly, feeling jittery, needing to know.

 Bucky shook his head, looking at his sock clad feet and then looking back up, blue eyes a bit wet.

Tony grit his teeth, fists clenching and behind him he heard Clint exhale harshly.

  “Answer the goddamn question Barnes. What the fuck did you do? Your apartment is trashed, and you look like hell. More importantly today is Sunday dinner, and Y/N isn’t here. Y/N never misses a Sunday dinner. Not once in the 3 years you’ve been together. So I’m going to ask you one more time, What. Did. You. Do.” Tony had gotten closer to Bucky jabbing a finger in his chest, panic still coursing in him.   

When Barnes looked down at his feet and didn’t answer again, Clint let out an angry sigh and spoke up.   “He cheated on Y/N. I chased down the woman who we saw get into the elevator and she confirmed it. The doorman did too. Y/N left almost two hours ago. She’s gone.”  

Tony just blinked, frozen in shock.

Barnes had cheated? What?

But slowly fury took root in Tony and bloomed. That was his best friend, his sister, they had had each other’s back for years. He knew what it had taken for you to place your trust in Barnes, the struggles that you had had. After all, had he not been the first person to pass the rigorous test lasting years and earned your trust?

“Tony, that’s not all,” Clint said quietly placing his hand on the frozen man’s shoulder, “The woman was Mariah, Y/N’s therapist.”   

Tony saw red, he knew how long and what it had taken you to even consider opening up to someone. When you had finally agreed, a year after you had started dating Barnes and 3 months after you went on the mission that had changed you so much, he recommended several that had been vetted by Friday and himself but you had brushed him off insisting you had to find one that felt right to you.

And despite his reservations of your methods, he saw how excited you had been when you had chosen one. He also saw how much talking to a therapist had helped. How much happier and at peace you had been. How you steps seemed to be lighter and that haunted hunted look had lessened.

Fuck load of good it had done you. All your progress had been undone in an instant.

Before he had realized it he had reached out and grabbed Bucky’s shirt shoving him harshly against the wall, Bucky’s head smacking hard against it. Tony got into into his face and snarled, “You better fucking pray nothing happens to her. She’s the closest thing I have to a sister and I swear to God Barnes, I swear to God, if she’s not ok, you’ll goddamn wish you had never been unfrozen. I never should’ve trusted you with her. Never.”

  Tony let go in disgust and almost quivering in rage quickly the apartment, ready to head back to his place and run all the programs he could to find his family.  

Clint and Natasha had stood by, hand in hand, watching the interaction between Tony and Bucky, Nat looking pained, Clint looking stoic . Clint let go of Natasha’s hand, shaking his head and heading towards the door saying, “I’m not sticking around for this either. I’ve stood by you through some tough shit Barnes. We’re friends, brothers almost. But Y/N’s therapist? Really? That’s low. You’re on your fucking own dude.” 

Natasha stood alone, clasping her own hands, eyes soft, in front of Bucky, everyone else having left, and sighed, her face betraying the emotion she rarely showed. He was still leaning against the wall, chin to his chest, hair covering his face.

She got closer and reached out, tucking his hair behind his ear, lifting his chin up with a finger so she could see his eyes. He looked so lost, so childlike that Natasha enveloped him in her arms, and sank back to the floor, stroking the back of his head, comforting him. It was then, that for the first time, James Barnes broke down and sobbed. He sagged against her and sobbed for what felt like hours.

When he had no more tears to shed, he pulled away rom her, sitting cross-legged across from her and wiped his eyes, his face blotchy, eyes bloodshot and said deafetedly, “I not enough Natalia. I wasn’t enough. I don’t know what to do Natalia. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I love her. I love her with my entire heart. I ruined what we had and I don’t know what to do. Help me.”  

Natasha just smiled sadly, looking at him, and replied, “James there’s nothing you can do right now. You hurt her. She was already so fragile before she met you. We all helped build her up, you more than anyone and this had to be a crushing blow. Tony talked to you when he saw you two were getting serious. He warned you not to hurt her, not only because she’s like a sister to him, but because she’s so delicate. Y/N wears a mask that makes her seem tough as iron, utterly unbreakable, but she isn’t. She keeps you at an arms length but she didn’t hide who she is. Not around the people she cares for. I don’t think you ever really realized that.”

 Bucky shook his head and opened his mouth to protest but Nat raised her hand to his cheek and he stilled.

“James. Really? I know you like I know myself.” She raised his head again, to look into his eyes, and continued, “Don’t deny it. If you had known, you wouldn’t have let her get as bad as she did. She came back from every mission more haunted. You never seemed to notice it but we did. We saw it in her eyes, the torment that she was never able to fully hide. The way she both seemed to pull away from you and hug you closer. You didn’t notice. You didn’t and now look at what happened.”

Bucky’s eyes brimmed with tears again, and the words Mariah had said shot through his head again, as he let out a watery sigh.

  “I don’t understand what happened. How it got here. I don’t know how I didn’t see it Natalia. I thought she was just pulling away from me. Just going through the motions. I thought she had just lost interest in me. She didn’t want me to touch her, she didn’t want my affection, she was always a bit frosty with me. I thought Y/N didn’t want me. And Mariah was there, she was kind and warm and gentle. She talked to me and held my hand, she was present.”

Bucky ran a hand through his sweat dampened hair, mussing it up and tugging on it, “I just- I mean- I wanted-. I don’t- Mariah said I wasn't enough. She’s right. Im not. I should’ve been. I just- I just don’t understood.”

Natasha pursed her lips, shoving her fury Mariah deep down and marveled at his genuine confusion. The answer to how your’s and Bucky’s relationship resulted the way it had seemed so clear to Natasha. She steeled herself for his reaction and reached out to him, touching his arm, trying to soothe him in anticipation as best she could.

And gently she said, “You are. You are enough. Listen to me, James, you are enough. I promise that that’s not wrong.”

She swallowed thickly, this was going to hurt him more but it had to be said.

“It’s just… James, what you and Y/N had… that wasn’t a real relationship. It wasn’t.”

Immediately Bucky yanked his arm out of her reach, and shot to his feet, steel-blue eyes flashing dangerously.

  “Don’t Natasha. Fucking don’t. Don’t tell me that what we had wasn’t real or enough or whatever bullshit you’re about to stay. Fucking don’t. Jesus fucking Christ, how could you say that? You know me better than anyone, you know, dammit, you know I love Y/N with my entire heart.”

Natasha moved lithely to her feet, ready for the fight she felt brewing.

“It’s because I know you that I'm telling you that your relationship wasn’t real. You know as well as I do what I'm saying. Recognize it.”

Before she had even finished Bucky had lunged, eyes a little crazed. He grabbed her by the waist throwing her on the remnants of the coffee table. Fists and limbs went flying, grunts were heard and furniture broke but finally Natasha got him in her famous Widow hold and brought Bucky into submission.  

 “Did you get it all out?” She panted , “Are you ready to listen to me now? Because I can keep going but the result wont change James.”

Bucky tapped her legs and lay there beside his best friend in the wreckage of his apartment staring at the ceiling feeling the truth of what Natasha had said settle on him, heavy and thick, as he willed himself to ignore it.

“Don’t do that James. Don’t fight what I’m saying. You know I'm right.”

When Bucky stayed silent again, Natasha sighed and ignoring the broken wood that poked her, and determined to make him recognize what she saw.

“Your feelings for Y/N are true. But how did you plan on making a life with a woman who hid so much of herself from you? And when you hid so much of yourself from her? Your feelings and hers are intense and I don’t doubt that there’s love there but thats not all it takes to make a relationship work.”

She turned on her side, propped her head on her hand and stared at her best friends profile and continued, “You cheated on her James. You cheated on a fragile, caring, loving woman. You cheated on her. With. Her Therapist. With the woman who was charged with helping Y/N get better. A task she had decided to undertake because she loved you. Do you grasp the magnitude of that?”  

And for the first time, lying there amongst the broken furniture, Bucky let the reality of what he’d done hit him. He felt the truth of it sink in and grip him tightly in her painful claws and for a moment he thought he might truly be sick. He swallowed thickly and closed his eyes.

Natasha watched reality settle in, watching the pain etch itself on his features, deciding whether to keep going before quietly asking, “Did you also realize that she was the only one trying to get help and get better for her sake and that of your relationship?”

With that Bucky turned to face her, looking haggard and worn. Natasha gritted her teeth, she knew the pain he was feeling, having experienced it before when she was going through a similar situation with Clint. She remembered and it was because she knew what it felt like, that she knew she had to keep going.

“I don’t ever think you realized how much help you’ve needed. You made so much progress over the years, recovering from your Hydra conditioning and learning to adapt to the world but you’re still a man who suffered horrible abuse and bears considerable scarring.”

Bucky closed his eyes, he was defenseless to the onslaught of memories of his Hydra memories and having them play in his head, the decades of hurt, he felt his pain double and shoot through his heart, leaving him aching. Natasha reached out and intertwined her hand with his, squeezing, grounding him enough to push back on the memories and stuff them back into the box at the back of his head.

  “Oh James, you carry insecurities and demons in your head much like Y/N and you never bothered to try to fix it or heal from them. How did you expect your relationship to progress if you didn’t? How could you expect any of it to grow? It would have never worked.”

Bucky gripped Natasha’s hand tightly and felt like crying again but he knew if he did he wouldn’t stop. He had messed up. He would have to live with his mistakes. And more importantly, live with the knowledge that despite how badly he was hurting Y/N had to be hurting more.

Abruptly he was exhausted. It was all too much and he wanted to sleep for years. Go back under if it meant that all of this would stop. It was just too much.

Slowly he sat up, looked around at the remnants of his life and retreated into himself.

Natasha watched him and nodded when he asked in a hushed voice, “Can I stay with you and Clint at the Tower Talia. I don't want to be here anymore.”

  She stood up, tugging Bucky up with her and towards the front door, where she helped him put on his boots, before leaving him momentarily to go grab some of his stuff. She paused at the sight of broken bedroom door, hanging onto its hinges by a thread, and grabbed some stuff as she called for a car, texting Tony and Clint of the developments.

She came back to find Bucky standing where she had left him, looking down at his boot clad feet, and felt like throwing a certain blonde through a wall, when she came back and heard Bucky whispering to himself, “I am enough. I am enough,” over and over like a mantra.

She helped a dazed, almost catatonic Bucky bundle up and ushered him to the car outside, but not before she stopped in the lobby and tipped the doorman, giving him her number and telling him to call should Mariah show up again.

She let Bucky lean on her shoulder, doing her best to ignore the steady drip of tears on her shirt before she gently helped him settle his head on her lap for the remainder of the drive to the tower. She stroked his hair, trying to calm him, and murmured in his ear, “I’ve got you now. We’re going to figure this out together. You are enough James Barnes, don’t forget. And though you’ve made a thorough mess, you’re going to get some help and heal. I won't abandon you. I never will.”

She straightened up and watched the cars outside absentmindedly, and almost as an afterthought she softly let out, “And maybe there'll be something left to salvage with Y/N after.”

Tagged (strikethrough means I can’t get it to work): @photography-to-all @susmita121 @the-alpha-queen @awinterloveuniverse @im-a-motherfuckin-mermaid @risinghero @caaaaaaarrrrrlll @glittercoveredsouls @buckybabybaby @justreadingfics @flowerchildqueenlovely @westfields-maple @ly--canthrope @hollycornish

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elatedmarvel · 7 years

Text

Shadow: Chapter 2

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Natasha and Bucky rescue someone from their past. Being hunted down, they bring you to the Avengers. Will it be enough to keep you safe?

Warnings: none

A/N: Here’s part 2! Let me know if you would liked to be tagged and feedback is always welcome! Thanks so much for reading! ~J

Masterlist Chapter 1

He feels like the walls are closing in on him as he moves down the hallway. He does remember you, boy does he remember you. But that also means he remembers the last time you had been together, and he can’t bear the weight that sits on his heart.

His thoughts consume him as he makes his way back to his room. So loud that he doesn’t even notice Steve sitting on the edge of his bed and jumps.

“Steve” he glares at the blonde.

“Bucky” Steve wagers back.

Bucky stares at his best friend for a while before sighing in defeat and slouching next to Steve on the bed.

“I know her” Bucky says plainly.

“Yeah, I kind of got that part Buck.”

“I mean I guess I don’t know her. The soldier did. She was in the red room the same time as Natasha.”

“That makes sense. Natasha said she was like a sister to her. How does all this fit together though Buck?”

“I worked in the red room for a while. Natasha said that we worked together before right?”

Steve nodded. “Well, it was mostly me and Y/N working together. Wherever she went, Natasha went. That’s how she earned her nickname, shadow”

“How long were was the soldier there Bucky?”

Bucky stalls for a moment, trying to remember the exact timeline, but all he can think about when he looks back is you. He shakes his head, trying to see if he can shake out the sound of your laugh.

“I’m not sure. Maybe 6 months?”

“That’s enough time to catch feelings.”

“I don’t have feelings for Y/N” he says automatically. But even he doesn’t think that sounded convincing.

He catches Steve smiling at him from the corner of his eye and lets out a huff.

“I can’t have feelings for her.” Bucky whispers.

Steve’s smile falls to a frown as he looks over his best friend. Bucky looks so defeated it almost makes his heart ache.

“Why?”

The question was simple, but Bucky couldn’t answer. He didn’t know how to explain that he was the root of your problems, that he had only brought you pain and suffering when you had given him hope and compassion. His gut twisted just thinking about it.

“I hurt her Steve” is all Bucky can say before tears start to well up in his eyes.

Past

You finish braiding your hair when you see Natalia leaning against the door. You send a small smile at her through the mirror and she reciprocates with one of her own.

“You look beautiful тень”, you snort at her comment.

“I’ll never be as pretty as you Nat. Besides this isn’t about looks” you tease.

You both stand there for a moment in silence, knowing what was coming next.

“He’s here” Natalia says with little emotion in her voice. You turn and look at her and nod. Everyone had been gossiping about the soldat’s arrival for days now. Being the fist of hydra, everyone wanted to work with him. Everyone wanted to get picked for this mission, but you. You knew that being picked for this mission meant that you were the best of the Red Room, there would be no escaping if you were picked.

Natalia lead the way to the main training room where everyone was gathered. Today, Hydra and the soldat would choose their accomplice, whose life they would trap. There had been rumors that it would be between you or Natalia, like always, but you hoped that this wouldn’t be true. You were so caught up in your thoughts that you didn’t even notice Natalia come to a stop before you and you bumped into her. You felt the headmaster’s glare on you before you gave a weak smile and stepped in line.

With all the girls lined up, you could see now that the soldat had not arrived yet. The headmaster went on explaining that hydra would come and pick four girls they believed to be best, they would fight and then the soldat himself would choose. A tingle ran up your spine thinking about him. You had spent all last night awake, thinking of what he might look like.

Suddenly the door opened and in walks in a large, hulking man trailed by 3 others. You don’t notice anything but him. His eyes seemed bluer than the sky you remembered, his hair was long and dark and you wanted to run your fingers through it. You had heard of the metal arm, but you hadn’t thought that it would be this pretty, it didn’t look like a weapon of mass destruction. He didn’t look like a weapon.

Your breath caught in your throat as you made eye contact with him and your face flushed. One of the men with him spoke first “the blonde one second from the left, the brunette in the middle, the red head, and the one with the braid.” They all stepped forward and you realized that you were being called. Your stomach twisted as you took the step.

Before you knew it, you were being separated in pairs. You would be fighting Isobel, a girl you had loathed since you were forced in here.

You looked at her before taking a fighting stance, you had to make this look believable. You saw the determination in her eyes before she lunged you. You ducked half-heartly out of the way. She came at you again and again, landing some punches when you had been forcibly too slow. You calculated that she was getting tired now, and that for her to knock you out, you had to let her win now.

Isobel gave one last huff before she charged you, and you purposefully stayed your ground, letting her tackle you. You saw the gleam in her eye as she realized she had won. You could feel Natalia’s eyes on you. She knew what you were doing, you didn’t just lose to someone you had beat 100 times over in training out of the blue. But you didn’t care, it seemed your plan was working when Natalia had to fight Isobel, taking you out of the running.

In the end, Natalia stood victoriously over a whimpering Isobel and you had believed that to be the end. The four of you lined up again as the headmaster ran over your names to the guests. You had been barely paying attention, knowing that Natalia was slotted to be the one they chose. Until you heard your name fall from his lips.

Your head snapped up so fast you thought you had given yourself whiplash. Shock and sadness flooded your eyes as you made eye contact with him again. It seemed his choice was not sufficient for his handlers as they started to bark at him. They walked to a small corner to reprimand him but you could see he held his ground. He wanted you. Your stomach clenched again, in fear or something else you weren’t sure.

They returned and with reluctance said your name again, announcing however that Natalia was to also to be helping. You couldn’t focus on what came next. You had to pack your bags as you were leaving that night, you would go to a house with the soldat to live and train while on this mission. You feel Natalia guide you back to your room before you break down crying.

Instead of letting you cry on her shoulder, she packed for you, hugged you and murmured how it would be ok before she shoved you towards them. Seeing the sadness in her eyes made you want to be strong.

The car ride to your new prison was long. You were sat in the very back with the four men in front of you. You were done with being sad, and scared. In that moment you had decided that you would not be broken by them. You would stand strong and you would find a way out.

Present

“Good morning sleepy head” Natasha sang as she waltzed into your room. You groaned and threw a pillow at her. You could hear she caught the pillow and let out a small laugh.

“Come on Y/N, we’re moving you to your new room today!” and poked you on your side. You flinched and opened your eyes to see her bouncing next to your bed.

The day after Bucky had run out of your room, you had been placed in the cradle. Now healed and ready to get back into action, you were being moved into a private room in the tower.

“I have nothing to move” you tried to joke as you sat up and grabbed for the cardigan Natasha had brought for you.

“Well then we go shopping! Wanda has been dying to get out of here” and she continues blabbing about where to go and what to get, but you zone out. You had met everyone while in the hospital wing of the tower and you were shocked by how friendly they were with one another. They were truly like a family you did not have.

Natasha must have noticed you slip into your daydream because she poked you on the side again and laughed when you grumbled. Had she always been this care free you think, before you let her drag you out of the room and towards your new one.

You step out of the elevator and Natasha continues to ramble on about the perks of the tower. “Here is the largest common space, that’s the largest kitchen, every room has a small kitchenette and a bathroom…” but you’ve spaced out, you’ll explore later. You walk up a flight of stairs and take a left, to a branch that had only two doors on opposite sides of the wall.

“Here’s your room” she says as she grandly gestures to the right-sided door and opened it. You’re breath caught in your throat when you saw the room.

It was large, most of the walls were painted a cream color except for the wall of light blue where your bed was. The bed had a large padded headboard with white and blue bedding. Everything seemed so familiar, to the light wooden desk to the gold chandelier that you felt tears rising to your eyes and you looked over at Nat. She looked at you with a smirk on her face and you knew it was her doing. This was the dream room you had described to her when you were in the red room, right down to the gold paintings hanging on the wall.

“Thank you” you managed to get out and pulled her into a bone crushing hug.

“Your welcome. Wanda and I thought it was fun, plus it put the boys to work. Maybe this will convince you to stay longer” she smiled at you and lead you to a door on the right side. She turned on the light and you could see it was a large walk in closet.

“We put some basics in here, but we’ll still have to go shopping for more.” she stated and lead you back into the room. Your room.

You sat on the bed and noticed how comfortable it was.

“Feels like a cloud?” Nat raises an eyebrow, you nod with a heavenly sigh as you lay back.

Another 15 minutes of Nat showing you around the room and the luxury bathroom, she slipped out saying that she had to train, but you were to meet back down in the common area in 3 hours so you could go shopping.

Left with your own thoughts, you wander out in the hallway and try to decide what to do. The door across from you opens and you jump seeing the person walk out.

“Bucky” you breath, settling a hand over your racing heart.

He gives you a small smile and quickly walks away. You stumble back into your room, thoughts fleeting through your mind, but it always came back to Bucky. Bucky was here, he lived in the room next to yours. You were pretty sure he didn’t remember you, that you were a locked away memory from the soldat. This made your stomach sink and your heart ache as you thought about the time you had spent together.

“Y/N!” Wanda gasped as you emerged from your dressing room, “you look amazing!”. You gave her a small smile before stepping to the center of the three way mirror and examining yourself. All of your wounds had been healed by the cradle, but you swore you could see little scars. Your long hair and bright eyes were now duller, exhaustion and being hunted taking its toll on you. But otherwise you looked good. Your fit and svelte body looked goddess like as you spun around in your dress.

From the corner of your eye you see Nat smile at your old habit as she did a small twirl of her own.

“Tell me why we need these nice dresses again?” you ask.

“Tony throws so many grand parties for who knows what. You’ll definitely need it at some point, so why not buy them now?” she teases and walks back to her fitting room.

“Y/N, tell me about how you know Natasha?” Wanda asks from her dressing room.

“I was 5 and she was 8 when I was sent to the red room. I cried my first night there and Nat unfortunately was my roommate.” your eyes dropped a little at the memory. “But she slid into my bed, braided my hair and hummed me to sleep. She kept doing that every night. She was my best friend, my sister.” you smile as you eye Natasha’s dressing room door. You could hear the small sniffle she let out and knew that she was getting emotional at the memory as well.

“What about you and Bucky?” Wanda asks as Natasha lets out a warning sound, but it was too late.

“That’s… We… He and I…” you stumbled, trying to find the simplest words you could, but finding it hard when all you could think of were his blue eyes.

“The soldat and I worked together on a mission before…” you say. Separating the soldat and Bucky made it easier for you to explain.

“That’s not all, it can’t be” Wanda questions as she moves out of her dressing room, many new items in her hand.

You smile as you think of your time with him, “It was complicated.” And with that you walk back into your dressing room, shut the door, and try not to have a breakdown over the soldat that was not and never would be yours.

Part 3

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