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lunaafs · 2 years

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Promises Never Last

Synopsis: I always thought I knew you better than the back of my hand, but recently, I feel like I know nothing about you at all. He was with her because she helped him forget. She was with him because he made her happy. Yet he left when he was happy, and she was now spending her nights trying to forget.

Pairing: Lee Jeno x Koo Yoonjin [Fem! Reader]

Genre: AU, Angst, Slight Fluff

Warning/s: Drug Use, Mentions of death, Depression, Swearing, Toxic Dynamics

A/N: Hi everyone! I don’t know where this is going yet tbh but it will most likely be time stamps and one shots of the past and present of this pairing so I hope you enjoy it. This is just to set the theme or intro of their story - Luna

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5 months.

It’s been 5 months since she’s last talked to him. 5 months filled with tear and breakdowns just to move on from a 5-year friendship that had brought her as much heartbreak as it did joy.

What started out as a mere acquaintance, bloomed into an ambiguous bond where dependency was built, but boundaries began to blur and what was once labelled as a simple friendship became much more than what they both expected it to be. From the many days spent building memories and basking in the presence of one another, to the many nights seeking comfort and affection in each other’s arms as they shared secrets till they drifted off to sleep, the temporary happiness was bound to end and she knew that.

She knew this friendship will break her. She knew that this was all going to end in tears. She knew that she would end up being the one with a broken heart but she stayed. She stayed and kept running back to the one constant in her life that that made her feel like maybe life wasn’t so bad, that maybe there was something worth smiling, worth living for, her very own safe space in the form of her best friend.

Was she stupid for dragging on something that grew so toxic that it drained her mentally and emotionally? Yes.

Was she stupid for running back every time they had a fight, saying sorry even if it wasn’t her fault to keep him in her life? Definitely.

Was she stupid for letting herself be thrown to the side repetitively every time he found a new girlfriend but welcomed him back with open arms whenever shit hit the fan? Clearly.

But even with the endless nights she spent in her room crying herself to sleep, she believed he was worth it. The bond they had was worth fighting for, worth putting her pride away every time they had a falling out, worth losing sleep over.

The night they had their last conversation, she sat at her dimly lit desk, empty eyes staring out the window watching the Christmas snow fall as she silently listened to him defend his girlfriend voice eager when he started to ask her to be the bigger person. A bitter smile painted on her lips when he would subtly lay the blame on her as he reasoned with her. Things always became her fault whether it really was or not but maybe this time, taking the blame would be for the best.

“I know not everyone gets along and you’ve made it clear that you don’t like her but for me, can’t you just try to start on a clean slate with her? I won’t be able to ever die in peace until both of you guys get along.”

“I tried Jeno. Whether you believe me or not I tried and I have witnesses. On multiple accounts I tried to talk to her and she was the one that wasn’t reciprocating so can you blame me for not caring? You out of everyone know how much it takes for me to initiate conversation but I did it for you every single time but now that she’s randomly messaging me accusing me of talking shit, ignoring her and making her feel out of place in our group, I'm supposed to just take it, apologize to her be all buddy buddy with her? I’m sorry but I'm tired of apologizing for shit I didn’t do. Believe me or not you do you. Like I told her, I will apologize if I came off as hard to approach and I am willing to let go of everything that’s happened so far but I don’t see myself becoming good friends with her anytime soon so I don’t want my relationship with her to be anything more than acquaintances.”

“I understand that but she just really wants to be friends with you. I see why you’re upset with how she messaged you abruptly like that accusing you of things but you have to understand her side too. You don’t understand how similar you guys really are. Just give her a chance and trust me you guys will be best of friends, probably even more than I am to you. You’re my closest friend and she just wants to get to know the one friend I care so much about. If you stop being so stubborn and give new people a chance, it might let you be happier.”

Letting out a shallow breath, she leans back in her seat looking up at the ceiling as she starts pinching the skin on the back of her hand with her nails in attempts to push back her emotions.

“Just listen to-”

“Jeno, I'm tired.” hearing his frustrated sigh through the phone, she closes her eyes holding back the tears threatening to fall. “I have work in the morning, let’s stop.”

“I- fine.”

Waiting for him to end call, she turns towards her wall covered in polaroids eyeing each one slowly, stopping at the specific one in the middle of her hugging him in the elevator on their way back from a night out.

“... I love you and I always will you know that right?” he said with slight hesitance in his voice.

Feeling all her emotions surging up at his one sentence, she covers her eyes with one arm clenching the phone in the other doing her best to stabilize her voice as she mumbles out a soft “I know... me too.”

“Good night Rin.”

Letting out shaky hum, she hangs up.

#nct dream scenarios #nct dream angst #nct fic #jeno imagines #jeno angst #jeno nct #nct dream #nct dream smut #nct fanfic #nct drabbles #nct angst #nct scenarios #nct timestamps

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matan4il · 2 years

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Buddie 515 meta

“High price to pay for a fake life” just knocked me right out. Eddie pretending to May he doesn’t wonder about the life he would have had if he had made different choices along the way, this is his usual brand of repression (think of him in 301, pretending he was cool with his father’s advice to just bottle his emotions, or in 504 saying he was just fine with his new job, away from his family), but it specifically made me think of him in 502, trying to initially pretend in front of Buck and believing he could make an entire fake life together with a woman he didn’t love simply for the sake of his son. Eddie, baby, love yourself. You deserve happiness. ~~~

Which is actually a parallel to Buck, the obvious love-desiring little puppy that he is, watching this weddings-at-first-sight reality TV. But normally, that would be a sign that he’s secretly pining for his gf to catch up with his desire to settle down, right? Not if we remember his reaction to the idea of marrying Taylor in 510. So who is making Buck watch this show and who is he fantasizing of committing to? Hmmmm… ~~~

And really, the whole emergency with the groom was weirdly connected to both Buck and Eddie? Because their love lives have been paralleling for so long, they are both literally this man, making the wrong decisions, not following his heart, not seeing he’s with the wrong person and in a place where there’s no real love and partnership. Eddie has been so tightly connected to the theme of a heart since 413 that this call immediately brings him to mind, and we saw him explicitly say he will stay with the wrong person in 502. Right now, Buck is also with the wrong person, we’ve seen plenty of signs showing us that’s the case, and he was the one who ended up assisting Hen with the groom, even though the writers could have used Bobby, Ravi, Lucy or Chim for that. This is the universe screaming at these knuckleheads to get their shit together. ~~~

Buck’s conversation with Maddie was so wonderful, and it sort of confirmed something that has actually been shown in psychological research (I did a whole course on psychological resilience): even when a person has awful, neglectful, sometimes even abusive parents, sometimes just having one other person who cares and loves them can be more than enough to set off a lot of the harmful parenting effects. Maddie was clearly that person for Buck. And as Eddie’s talk with May and his mental work arc clearly set up things for him to confront his own toxic parents and the harm that they have caused them, might he end up discovering that simply having Buck, this amazing man who’s been weathering the storm with him throughout the seasons and especially after the breakdown in 513, can be enough to help Eddie heal and rebuild himself into the man he longs to be? ~~~

The mother dying in the last call was absolutely heartbreaking and a reminder how much emotional weight 911 is capable of introducing in even just 5 to 10 minutes (so let’s not talk about the intensity of developing Buddie over the course of 4 seasons now). But then, when she passes away, Chim stops Buck from telling her kids about what happened to her. “They don’t hear this news from strangers,” he insists, “they need their dad.” Just think about Buck in 414, being the one to go to Chris, telling him about the shooting, being the person that this kid needed when his dad might have died. It’s not like we didn’t know that Buck is in fact Christopher’s other dad, but 911 keeps affirming that the characters themselves must be aware of it on some level. ~~~

By the end of the ep, the conversation between May and Eddie once again reaffirms the parallel between what she’s trying to figure out for herself, and what he’s going through, too. For example, think of the way she brings up a near death experience being something that opens one’s eyes to what could have been. Eddie basically acknowledges the parallel when his response to her is “trauma always makes us turn inward,” and then he adds that he supposes therapy has been rubbing off on him. But this is Eddie internalizing and slowly moving from his normal denial and repression, which we still see at the start of the ep, to him showing more and more signs that he’s ready to look inwards and face the man he is versus the man he’d like to and could have been. I just wanna applaud this show, that even during an ep that’s not about Eddie at all, it manages through such scenes and parallels to point out the on-going process he’s going through and to set things up for the rest of his arc in the last 3 eps of season 5b. ~~~

My apologies for the lack of gifs! As I mentioned here, this week is my busiest of the whole year at work, I’m doing 4 shifts which is literally unheard of (I’m never telling any of my colleagues I agreed to this or they’ll have me committed), and then the next couple of days I have double shifts, too. So I am posting this without the usual amount of gifs, otherwise it would take me days to get this posted. Please help this meta and others who might not be aware it’s being posted so early by reblogging it. Thank you in advance! And thank you so much to the unbelievable @whosoldherout and @judsonryder for being so talented and making such gorgeous gifs, plus being so kind and understanding with me during this stressful time. Lots of love to you two ladies and to everyone reading this! xoxox

#buddie #911meta #buddie meta #911 meta #9-1-1 #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie gif #buddie gifs #buddieedit #911edit #911 gif #911gif #911gifs #911 gifs #wm #911onabc #911 on abc #911abc #911 abc

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ssplague · 2 years

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Chapter 5

Part 4

Rated M

The group had been to Bakugou’s house twice before, and they all agreed on two things; It was big and LOUD. Two things that still held true…Then there was a new addition; Which was you.

Warning (s)⚠️ Abandonment, manipulation, mind games, mental breakdown, “Blind eyed” Bakusquad, hallucinations, manic episodes, toxic relationship, SEX, sprinkles of ddlg (incorrectly portrayed), gas lighting, Yandere, Liquor consumption, mention of past child neglect, some physical/verbal abuse

Happy Valentine’s Day to all of my gorgeous and beloved readers! 💌

📬 Honorable mentions: @angie-1306 @wolfunderthetree @marifujioka @im1nobody @atmyhet@elaineplayz@girlwithnokatsuki@rainstorm22 @bi-polar-pandas @itadakimasu @ss-akii @po3ticb3auty @lizethecookie01 @maggiecc @lordmypantsaresocool @shoslutt @presidentmonica @winchescumberholland

Remember: Leaving only a simple ❤️‍🔥 or 💥 in a comment will get you put on the tag list.

👗 🎒 🍕 🍾 🫂

“You really think this is a good idea man? Bakugou really isn’t the type of guy that likes being around people in general….I can only imagine what he’ll do when we show up at his door unannounced” Kaminari says with a nervous grimace.

“Relax, he’ll probably just yell for a bit and then everything will turn out okay” Kirishima replies, always the optimist.

“I still dunno why I had to come…I hate being the only girl! Y/N’s phone was off when I tried calling her a few minutes ago” Mina whines.

“D’you really think she won’t be around? They are always together” Sero offers a vague attempt at comforting the pink haired girl.

The reason Kirishima organized this sporadic visit to the Bakugou residence was simple; He hasn’t seen his best friend since school let out for break almost a month ago.

Katsuki’s replies to texts are the normal insulting messages the red head has come to expect from his explosive buddy, but he feels like something is off? Or different? The few times the two boys have talked on the phone, the blonde always seemed distracted, as if something else had captured his attention.

Of course Kirishima shared all of his thoughts with their group of friends, and it was no surprise that all of them had no clue what could be happening with their self appointed leader. You were even harder to get ahold of, and if you would actually text anyone back it was either oddly cryptic or overly enthusiastic. Not sounding like the person they’d gotten used to, not anything like you at all.

“Do you think they may have split up again?” Mina asks as they turn onto Katsuki’s street.

Even with the warmth of summer surrounding them, a collective shiver ran through the group at the thought. That break up was all kinds of ugly, and none of them wanted to have to experience that kind of darkness again. The other three thought they saw how bad the situation was, the small glimpse they got was nothing compared to the front row seat Kirishima had to Bakugou’s absolute melt down.

“No No No Shitty hair you don’t get it! She’s just acting up right now…she needs my attention that’s all”

“I‘ll kill anyone that tries to get close to her, y/n’s my girl; She’s my princess, my prize I won fair and square”

“I marked her on the inside, she’s always going to belong to me”

A disgustingly lovesick expression accompanied that last one; Red eyes showed that Bakugou was somewhere far away, hidden inside his ill mind.

Kirishima considers himself to be the manliest of men, and it’s not easy to intimidate him, but the look on Bakugou’s face and the insanity shining through his eyes…

My prize, I won fair and square

He forced the memory into the deepest recesses of his brain, praying that one day he would forget it entirely.

“It’s this one right?”

Mina’s hand gestures directly infront of his face.

“Yeah this is it!” Kirishima put his happy go lucky smile back on as the group approaches the front door.

He leans forward to give the door a few loud wraps with his knuckles.

“Princess, would you go get my post workout shake ready?” Katsuki asks and immediately regretted doing so. You had went down into a full split to properly do your cool down stretch out, and the view of your ass in those spandex was top notch from his angle.

“Of course daddy”

“That’s my good girl”

You joined Katsuki on his morning runs now, and even did some weight lifting with him (what he would allow you to lift anyway). It wasn’t your favorite thing in the world, but he seemed to be in better spirits on those days. When he’s happy your day is better, unless him and Mitsuki get into it…then you try to stay out back with Masaru for as long as your angry lover will allow you too. Sometimes he’ll catch you beforehand and then with a gruff “S’bedtime princess” he drags you upstairs. You don’t usually get to sleep on those nights, and you can barely move around the following morning.

Exiting the bedroom you head up the hallway towards the staircase, only to pause when you hear your name shouted from the opposite side of it.

“Coming!”

You quickly head towards the room with its door slightly ajar and poke your head in to see Mitsuki standing in-front of her vanity mirror.

The lights surrounding the mirror were incredibly bright, so much so you’d had to shade your eyes slightly to get a good look at the older woman. Once you did, you couldn’t think to stop yourself from excitedly spewing out compliments.

“Wow mom! You look amazing! That dress is so pretty, I’ve never seen one like it before!”

Of course she’d taken each one in stride, saying “Well I’d certainly hope not since I was the one who created it!If you had, then someone would be up shit creek without a paddle” then giving you a wink through the mirror.

“I need you to help zip me up sweetheart, that way once Masaru gets back from the car wash, him and I can take off” she explains, gathering up as much of her unruly hair as possible, making sure to hold it up at the base of her skull.

You put the upmost care into your task, making sure to hold the undoubtably expensive fabric taught as you pull the zipper up, “Done!”. You catch a set of vermilion eyes staring you down in the mirror and then you remembered that you hadn’t put another shirt back on after casting your sweaty one aside when you and Katsuki returned from your morning run.

Standing there in your sports bra and spandex shorts; Any other mother would undoubtedly say something about the many hickies and bite marks littering your neck and chest. Luckily (?), for you that Mitsuki isn’t just “any mother”, she knows what you and her dumbass son get up to, and once said dumb ass son reassured her you were on birth control, she brushed it aside.

“Ah I…um-“ you nervously stutter.

“Thank you sweetheart” she says with a smile and you relax almost instantly.

Then a loud knocking sounds from downstairs, “Would you mind going to open the door? My idiot husband tends to forget his keys and somehow manages to lock himself out” she rolls her eyes before turning back towards her mirror. “No problem!” You scurry out of the room and down the staircase.

Already assuming you knew who was on the other side of the door, you opened it without a second thought.

Only to come face to face with Kirishima, Mina, Denki, and Sero.

The four of you stare at each other in surprise.

“H-Hey y/n” your boyfriend’s best friend stutters, face now as red as his hair.

“We aren’t interrupting anything are weeee?” Mina asks, giving you a knowing smile.

That’s when you once again remember your state of undress.

“Ah no it’s not like that! We just got done with our morning workout”

“Morning workout huh?” Of course Denki felt the need to chime in.

Finished with his last rep, Katsuki wonders what the hell is taking you so long? Sticking his head out the door with the intention of yelling down to you, he pauses when he hears…is that Kirishima’s voice? What the fuck!

He takes the stairs two at a time, getting downstairs to see you standing in front of the open door in only your sports bra and spandex shorts.

“The fuck is going on?!”

Katsuki’s hand falls on to your shoulder, gripping it tightly, his yelling in your ear startling you. Taking a step backwards you resemble a deer caught in head lights; You wrap your arms around yourself, nervously shuffling your feet as you stare down at them, refusing to make eye contact with the owner of the palm starting to simmer against the skin of your shoulder.

An awkward situation if ever there was one…

“Oh hey man!” Kirishima quickly interjects “We were nearby, so we just came by to see what was going on with you?”. With the burning stare transferred over towards Kirishima instead, you try to turn and leave.

Only to feel Katsuki’s grip tighten, it’s not visible to the others but he does pull you backwards to mumble; “Go put some fucking clothes on”.

You hurry off to do as he says, trying and failing at swallowing the lump in your throat. The heat the skin on your shoulder is emitting let’s you know it’s at least slightly burnt.

Another mark to cover up.

Katsuki doesn’t want to invite the group inside, but as usual the red head is able to slip through the cracks In his defensive walls, and weasels his way inside the house.

“So uh.. You-“ Kirishima starts, Denki butts in, “Certainly have been occupied, hah Kacchannn?”.

“Maybe we should come back another time?” Mina offers.

“Dunno what fuckin’ difference that would make” Katsuki snarls “Fuckers are gonna bother me no matter when you show up here”.

“She means if we interrupted you and y/n-“ Sero finally speaks up, only to get shut down.

“Interrupted us what? She fuckin’ lives here, she’s always going to be here now” Katsuki hears the blender start up In the kitchen and smiles.

His good girl remembered to do what he asked.

You had purposely pulled one of Katsuki’s hoodies out of the hamper and put it on. The hoodie was long enough to go past your butt, so along with some black boy shorts and thigh highs it could be counted as “lazy day in” attire. Plus he loves seeing you in his clothes, so maybe he won’t punish you for opening the door in just a bra.

Wishful thinking.

Maybe he wouldn’t punish you as bad.

That’s more realistic.

Finished making his post workout shake, you poured it in his cup and washed the blender.

You stopped before exiting the kitchen, drawing in a deep breath through your mouth, then blowing it out of your nostrils, you repeated the process twice more. Then put on your fake smile and entered the living room, as centered as you could be.

“Suki” you say quietly while holding out the cup “Sorry to make you wait”.

He looks you up and down once, twice, and then smirks “Thanks beautiful”.

“Awwww he just thanked her you guys, how sweet” Mina teases.

“Shuddup Racoon eyes or I’ll throw you out” Katsuki growls after taking a swig of his shake “sit down”. He roughly pulls you down beside him on the couch, almost onto his lap.

You hadn’t realized you were still standing.

“Alright I’ll be out in just a minute”

Hanging up her phone, Mitsuki snatches her clutch off the dresser and tosses the device inside. She doesn’t bother taking a last look in the mirror, she knows she looks incredible (even you had told her so). Starting down the steps voices drift up towards her ears, she didn’t remember either one of you mentioning guests were coming.

As soon as the older woman comes into view, a low whistle sounds and her son’s dunce of a friend stands up.

“Mrs.Bakugou it’s so nice to see you again” Kaminari says with a polite bow, following up with; “Might I add, that you look absolutely breath taking”.

“I know that already, and just like I told you last time; I’m years out of your league little boy” she quips, much to the other’s amusement. After they all finish greeting one another, she starts towards the door “Y/N you’re in charge while we’re away, don’t let Katsuki fuck the house up!”.

“I…I won’t mom, have fun!”

The door slams before Katsuki can finish insulting his mother.

“Tch good fuckin’ riddance” Katsuki huffs, wrapping his arm around you.

“So are we going to get an explanation about the bombshell you just dropped on us a few minutes ago or…?” Sero directs this at Bakugou.

“Yeah man, to be honest I’m kind of hurt that neither one of you two updated me on such a big step in your relationship” Kirishima adds, putting on his best hurt expression.

“The fuck are you on about-“

“You just told us that you two are living together! Y/n just called your mother “Mom”!” Mina exclaims “Both those things are a huge deal!”.

Katsuki feels you shift uncomfortably, pressing further into his side, lightly grabbing onto his shirt. The shouting and too personal line of questioning was amping up your anxiety. When your eyes meet his they are glassy enough with unshed tears to clearly display his reflection.

“Some things happened and now she’s staying here, it’s not your business until she decides to share it, and if she doesn’t than fuck off” his tone leaves no room for disagreement, that’s that. You are thankful for his intervention, your friends are great people but you still have yet to process everything that happened to you, it’s all still so fresh.

You barely have adjusted to your new surroundings.

Barely adjusted to your relationship.

“Oh that reminds me!” Denki picks his bag up off the floor, setting it on his lap, “I brought party favors”. A large bottle of liquor and a 2-liter of soda are placed on the coffee table.

“Ooooh it’s not the cheap stuff this time” Mina notes, studying the bottle.

“You fuckers really came over here and thought you were just gonna use my house as a place to get drunk and freeload? Nah fuck all that, GET OUT!”

Katsuki shouts, standing up so abruptly you end up getting knocked side ways on the couch.

“Now Now Bakubro just relax, we won’t break or mess up anything alright? We can order pizza and play video games or even watch that new movie about-“ Kirishima’s attempt to convince him gets interrupted by a loud squeal from Mina as a spark emitting hand swipes towards the bottle “Sero catch!”.

A game of keep away ensues and you watch your friends racing around, hopping over furniture to evade a furious Katsuki.

“Order us Pizza y/n-Chan” Kirishima says with a wink as he tosses you his phone. You do as you were told and continue to sit there awkwardly until Katsuki finally simmers down, “Fuckin’ knock it off before you assholes break something and I have to get my ass chewed out for it”. Celebratory whooping and cheers sounds around the room from the other four;

“So that means we win!”

“I’m thirsty from all that running!”

“Knew you’d give in eventually bro”

“When’s the pizza coming?”

You answered the last question immediately “Thirty minutes”.

“Boo that’s a long time” a collective sigh from the group can be heard as they all stare at the slouched over electric blonde. “Would you go get us some cups pretty girl?” Katsuki asks, bringing your attention back to him (where it should be).

“Y-yes of course” the stuttering came from the intensity of his stare, you were happy to briefly free the room.

This whole situation was uncomfortable and awkward, to you at least.

The group had been to Bakugou’s house twice before, and they all agreed on two things; It was big and LOUD.

Two things that still held true.

Then there was a new addition;

Which is you.

Something was different about you though….

For being four heroes in training it’s kind of pathetic that only Mina picked up on the vague signs that something had happened to you. What that was she was unsure, but it was definitely SOMETHING serious. Her eyes continually lingered on you after you’d come to join them now that you were dressed.

You met her gaze only once.

The small smile you gave her didn’t reach your eyes, and the pinkette did her best to wordlessly express her concerns.

“Later” you’d mouthed so quickly she almost missed it as you pressed yourself even further into Katsuki. Noticing the way he stared at you, Mina quickly feigned checking her phone before that white hot stare was redirected towards her.

You already anticipated the questions she would more than likely ask you, and you came up with both sensible, and blasé enough answers. Only one of the questions you couldn’t come up with an answer for, and it was undoubtedly the simplest one; Are you okay?

Are you okay?

Well are you?

By the average person’s standards you are right? There is breath in your lungs, blood moving through you veins and pushing through your heart.

You aren’t on the streets or alone in that big house anymore.

You could argue that this is the best you have ever been; You finally know you are wanted somewhere.

Every good thing in your life right now is all brought about by one person in particular….

Katsuki.

So what if he makes all your decisions for you? You get to sleep in his nice warm bed, cuddled up with him every night.

It wasn’t necessarily attention you wanted at first, but you’ve come to crave it.

Being alone in the dark, stalked by shadows, haunted by the past…It changed you.

Katsuki ended up making your drink for you once you’d returned with the glasses. It wasn’t a particular booze you enjoyed that was being served, but the continuous whispers of “C’mon baby drink up” followed by “There you go, that’s my good girl” encouraged you.

On your third and final you didn’t even seem to mind Katsuki’s wandering hands under your hoodie or creeping up the inside of your thigh. He had you partially laying across his lap once the movie started, the lights were dim enough that no one noticed what he was doing to you.

“You like them being right here don’t you? What if they knew where my fingers were right now haaaah? Fuckin’ slut…Bet you’d let me fuck you in front of them” he says whilst nibbling on your ear. You only clamp down on his fingers in response. It felt nice to get out of your head for a bit, the liquor stopped the swirling rip tides that were your feelings and in the normally chaotic sea of thoughts. You didn’t feel like you were treading water or drowning anymore, you just floated along.

You were aware the movie had stopped playing so it must have finished, and you knew everyone around you was talking but you couldn’t focus on what they were saying. All you could focus on was the sudden overwhelming feeling of emptiness as two thick fingers slid out of your drooling cunt.

“Suuu-“ you begin to whine and immediately shut up when a hot hand comes down on your mound. The heat was what delivered a sting since the slap wasn’t loud enough to be heard.

A ding came from someone’s phone, followed by a drunken slur sounding somewhat like “uberzere!” You now notice your friends were all packed up and ready to go.

“Wait…hugs!”

That sounded like your voice, wait it was your voice that shouted out.

“Awwwwww” cooed the drunken quartet as they redirected their drunken stumbling towards you, rather than the door.

“Oi get the fuck off of me, Shit faced Shitty hair!” Katsuki snarls, only halfheartedly shoving at the wall like man with an arm draped over his best bud’s shoulders.

“C’mon man this is a group hug! C’mere princess you too!” Kirishima wraps his other arm around you “Now the rest of you!”. Within seconds this group hug turned into a fuckin’ dog pile; The angry blonde was the first to emerge and after getting his lungs filled with fresh air, he realized you were still under there!

“Get off of her you fuckers! I’ll blow you all to hell if she’s hurt! Y/NNNNN!!!”

Everyone (minus you) ended up clumsily running out the door, barreling down the driveway toward their awaiting ride.

“Let’s do this again sometime!” Kirishima shouts, quickly yanking the car door shut to avoid his best friend’s wrath.

Somehow you’d ended up flat on your back on the living room floor, you let out a drunken giggle at the ridiculousness of it all.

Closing your eyes, you allow yourself to soak in this unhinged apathy, running your finger tips down your body to reignite the fire he started.

“What do you think you’re doing haaaah?”

Re-Opening your eyes to see Katsuki frowning down at you, “Why are you still on the floor?”. You aren’t given time to answer as he scoops you up in his arms “Yer sooo strong suuukiiii, sooo powerful and sexy too”.

“Tch you just now noticed all that? Dumbass” he scoffs, but puffs his chest out with pride anyway.

“No I knew it…I’m just happy that you made everything okay again…Yer bad but you keep the bad away….which means yer good…really goooood”

“The fuck you mean I’m bad?”

“You take things that don’t belong to you, touch things you’re told not toooo”

He tossed you on the bed with more force then necessary.

“If you are referring to yourself; You are mine and I’ll touch you whenever I want to, sure weren’t complaining a little bit ago when I was finger fucking you in front of the idiots”

He’s mad.

You aren’t in your right mind.

Ingredients for a disaster.

“Stop acting like a dumb bitch, it’s not cute” he snarls, heading back downstairs to get you both some water and shut the lights off.

“-The incident…couldn’t face myself in the mirror anymore” you finish mumbling as he re-enters the room, dismissing your words as drunken rambling. “Katsuki” you softly call out to him as he approached the bed. Getting a gruff “m’here” in response as he sits down on the bed “Get up princess, you need to drink this”. You squeal as the freezing cold water bottle hits your skin, quickly sitting up and shivering.

“When did you-“ he asks, staring at your bare chest.

“Got too hot” you interrupt, opening the water bottle and swigging it down.

You both sit in silence after finishing your water, it’s not awkward but the air around you seems…heavy?

“So what the fuck was that earlier when you were standing at the door?”

Here we go.

“I had been in your mom’s room helping zip up her dress when the doorbell rang; She thought it was your dad that locked himself out again, so she asked me to let him in, and I did, or thought that’s what I was doing…”

You lay back on the bed, feeling small and vunerable under the harsh stare of red eyes.

“When you saw who it was why didn’t you shut the door or call for me? Just prefer to let everyone see you? Bet they got a good look at all the marks I’ve left on you” such a prideful grin Katsuki has after mentioning that last part.

You didn’t have a response for that.

“Them and everyone else need to know who you belong to, but the question is…Do you know? Haah princess?”.

Of course you know, what kind of dumb question is that? It’s not like you could fucking forget it at this point.

“M’talkin’ to you pretty girl” he grabs your chin and forces you to look up at him.

“You”

“That’s right” he rewards you with a kiss “ I’m gonna take good care of you baby, you won’t ever be neglected like you were by your parents…Gonna give you all my attention and affection 24/7”. You can’t help it, you have to mess with him; “What if someone tries to steal me away? What will you do then?”.

“Oh princess why do you gotta ask stupid shit like that?” He grumbled, tracing the shell of your ear with his tounge “They wouldn’t because anyone who even tries to make a serious pass at you will get their brains spattered across the pavement”.

“Surely I’m not worth killing someone over?” you ask, rolling on your side to face him.

Somehow you were sweltering a few minutes ago, but now goosebumps are starting to cover your arms. Only a thin sheet covers your lower half, your torso exposed to the cool air blowing from the ceiling vents. Instinctively, you cuddle up to the warm mass laying beside you.

“No one takes what belongs to me, and you belong to me, so that means you are worth killing for dumbass” Katsuki corrects you, an immediate pinch to your nipple follows.

“Ow!” You push at his chest, attempting to move back towards your side of the bed.

“Oh what you big baby?” he sneers.

One of his muscular arms was draped across your waist, now he has a healthy handful of your ass. Effectively preventing your escape and groping you meanly.

“Oh and to answer your other dumb ass question” he pauses to pull you back towards him, until your breasts are squished against his pecs “If you ever think you’ll be “stolen” or runaway…”. Crimson eyes are alight with fire as they glare down at you, and you gasp as his grip on your ass becomes painfully tight.

“Just know that you won’t ever be able to hide from me for long princess” you feel his other hand in your hair before he tugs it backwards, exposing the length of your throat “I’ve got your scent burned into my nose and the taste of you seared across my tongue”.

His warm wet tongue licks a stripe up your throat and you gulp nervously as his mouth suctions over your pulse point. The satisfactory groan he lets out as his teeth sink into your flesh rattles your brain and you cry out in pain.

“No one else has ever caught my eye like you did, Nobody was worth putting in effort for me to get to know, except you; You weren’t afraid of me, always ready to give me a hard time, fuckin’ teasing me all the time and leaving my balls blue, I endured all of it though…” he kisses the newest mark he’s left on you “It was all worth it just to have you here with me like this; Living here with me in my parents house, sharing my childhood bed, working out with me every morning and fucking me every night…S’perfect, better than I ever dreamed”.

This is as close to heartfelt as you can get from Katsuki Bakugou, it’s crude and aggressive but his guard is lowered.

He wants to connect with you y/n…

Vulnerable isn’t something he’s used to being…Still, he’s trying hard for YOU.

You aren’t alone.

Someone wants you.

Someone needs you.

Someone LOVES you!

Don’t fuck this up for yourself.

Your hands slide purposefully up his chest and come to rest on both his cheeks. That dazzling smile he loves so much clicks into place, unshed tears shine in your eyes (that bite hurts like hell) it makes him feel especially proud to know that his words have moved you to tears.

“I love you so much Katsuki, please don’t ever leave me…you make my life worth living, even though it’s been such a short time I’d be lost without you”

Put the cherry on top of your bullshit sundae 🍒🍨

“I need you”

These lies just flow seamlessly from between your lips now. Only a few months ago you couldn’t get them out without a nervous stutter or twisted up gut.

Are they really lies anymore y/n?

“I know I’m shit with words so…can I just fuck my feelings into you now?”

“Thought I was in trouble?”

“That’s right you are! Such a good fuckin’ girl! Reminding daddy that he needs to put you over his knee still” his praise lacks condescension, it must be genuine. Sweaty palms paw at your breasts before giving each a soft squeeze, the kisses he places on both of them are feather light.

“My girl…My perfect fuckin’ princess”

It was as if he was stuck like an old record; continuously repeating himself over and over again. The gruff voice that used to make your heart skip a beat, had now become the sound track to your descent into this unfamiliar territory.

Have you fallen down the rabbit hole into insanity?

Or have you really just fallen in love with a beast?

Are you Belle or Alice?

Both scenarios are equally as treacherous, especially once you’ve lost yourself along the way….

“I’m all you have left and you can’t even see it!”

#katsuki bakugou #katsuki bakugo #bakugou x reader #katsuki bakugo x reader #bnha #bakugo x reader #yandere katsuki bakugou #bnha yandere #yandere bakugo #Yandere bakugou #bakugou smut #bakugo smut #bakusquad #prized

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aropride · 2 years

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‣ exile arc

↳ a breakdown of the songs on my c!tommy exile arc playlist! all the songs are in chronological order :] all /rp, of course

playlist link!

run boy run - woodkid

tomorrow is another day / and you don't have to hide away / you'll be a man, boy / but for now, it's time to run, it's time to run

↳ i see this as the very beginning of exile, when c!tommy is still fighting. he's still running, he's refusing to throw his items in the hole, he's still joking around. he's not beat down yet.

good kid - the lightning thief

i never try to do anything / i never mean to hurt anyone / i try, i try to be a good kid, a good kid / a good son / but no one ever will take my side / all i ever do is take the fall / i swear, i swear that I'm a good kid / guess i'm good for nothing at all

↳ he never meant to hurt anyone. he didnt even mean to burn george's house, just to put up signs and netherrack. and now he's taking the fall for something he never meant to do.

art is dead - bo burnham

i must be psychotic, i must be demented / to think that i'm worthy of all this attention

↳ this is his mental health beginning to fail. maybe after the first or second time dream makes him give up his armor/tools and maybe he's thinking he's not good for much at all anymore.

be nice to me - the front bottoms

there is very little left of me and it's never coming back & but you're a killer / and i'm your best friend

↳ tommy says he's going to feel "very very lonely" & knows things are going to get worse. and he's right, things do get worse. but he has dream. and dream might be an awful person. but he's his only friend at this point, right?

sweet hibiscus tea - penelope scott

and i'm not your protagonist, i'm not even my own / i don't know anything, i don't even know what i don't know / and if you look outside, you'll see disintegrating trees / the artificial way the sunlight bounces off the waxy leaves

↳ he's getting worse. things don't seem quite as real anymore, and he feels foggy. he feels like he's wandering in circles in the plains because, well, he is.

no children - the mountain goats

and i hope when you think of me years down the line / you can't find one good thing to say / and i'd hope that if i found the strength to walk out / you'd stay the hell out of my way / i am drowning / there is no sign of land

↳ although not all of the song fits (the marriage part specifically lol), it is essentially about a toxic relationship. tommy hopes that if he runs away dream won't chase him. every morning he wakes up in the ocean and has to swim back to shore.

i deserve to bleed - sushi soucy

i punish my body 'cause it's not good enough for me / the scary thoughts are spreading like a weed / the thoughts that say that i deserve to bleed & they say that it gets better, but i guess that was a lie / i guess we all just fake it 'til we die

↳ he's stopped taking care of himself. he's missing a shoe, his clothes are torn, he's missing or not even attempting easy mlg's. he's staring out at pits of lava.

pluto - sleeping at last

still i'm pinned under the weight / of what i believed would keep me safe / so show me where my armor ends / show me where my skin begins

↳ i like to take this lyric literally- i like to imagine him frantically making armor early in the morning so he can feel safe even for just a couple hours of his day. once exile ends, i imagine it'd be hard for him to take off his armor for quite a while.

hast thou considered the tetrapod - the mountain goats

and then i'm awake and I'm guarding my face / hoping you don't break my stereo / because it's the one thing that i couldn't live without / and so i think about that and then i sorta black out

↳ what's a tommy playlist without a music disc reference? he can't live without his discs & dream is constantly trying to take them.

look who's inside again - bo burnham

well, well, look who's inside again / went out to look for a reason to hide again / well, well, buddy, you found it

↳ this is when he really starts to collapse into himself. every time he tries to talk to people (like when he tries to go to l'manberg for christmas) he's shot down, he's forced to stay alone, isolated, under threat of being chased and hit with an axe until he loses his final life.

my r - lollia

for the very first time, there i see / someone with the same pains as me / having done this time and time again / she wore a yellow cardigan

↳ i see this as one of the final days before his attempt, when he's shooting himself with arrows. he's not going to do it yet. but he's going to think about it.

i cant handle change - roar

i can't help but repeat myself, "i know it's not your fault" / Still lately i begin to shake for no reason at all

↳ he's trying to convince himself it's not his fault. and as the viewer, we know it's not. but it's hard for him to remember that when he's shaking and terrified and dream is telling him it's all his fault.

hear me - imagine dragons

maybe if i fall asleep, i won't breathe right / maybe if i leave tonight, i won't come back & can nobody hear me? / i've got a lot that's on my mind / i cannot breathe / can you hear it too?

↳ this song reminds me of one of my other blorbos, in full honesty, and that's why i picked it originally. but the lyrics fit as well, portraying someone who's really, really struggling & believes no ne can hear them and nobody cares to try.

achilles come down - gang of youths

won’t you get up off, get up off the roof? / you’re scaring us and all of us, some of us love you & (ce, qu'on appelle une raison de vivre est en même temps une excellente raison de mourir) & how you will heal and you’ll rise above

↳ this is him on the tower. "some of us love you"- him looking at the photo of tubbo, remembering someone who cared about him. the french, which translates to "what one calls a reason to live is also often an excellent reason to die" - i relate that to how he feels about his "only friend dream." maybe some people would stay alive for their only friend. for him, it's more reason to jump. "how you will heal and you'll rise above" could easily be about how he feels at the end of the disc war finale, when he's flying above everyone with the trident and cheering.

& so self-indulgent and self-referential / no audience could ever want you / you crave the applause yet hate the attention / then miss it, your act is a ruse / it is empty, achilles, so end it all now / it's a pointless resistance for you & you will not be more than a rat in the gutter

↳ part 2 of this song. i see these lines as how dream talks to him and how tommy begins talking to himself. additionally, dream often dehumanizes tommy by comparing him to animals -- the "rat in the gutter" line resonates strongly with that piece of the story.

camisado - panic at the disco

the bruises and contusions will remind me what you did when you wake & can't take the kid from the fight, take the fight from the kid / sit back, relax, sit back, relapse again

↳ this is him falling into the water, him choosing to live. dream tried his best to take his will to live but it's still there, he's still alive, and he's covered in physical reminders of what dream did.

the foundations of decay - my chemical romance

you must fix your heart / and you must build an altar where it rests

↳ this is tommy on the tower deciding to live. this is him getting up & rising from the ruins of logstedshire & running.

since i saw vienna - wilbur soot

my boots are from airports, my backpacks from friends / i'm not a man of substance and so i'll pretend / to be a wanderer, wandering

↳ tommy realizes he can just leave and not tell anyone. he leaves with barely anything, because everything he owns has been blown up by dream. and he leaves.

class of 2013 - mitski

can i sleep in your house tonight? & i'll leave once i figure out how to pay for my own life too

↳ tommy asking techno if he can stay with him. or, to be fair, not asking, but just moving in. he asks techno to help him just this once.

rat - penelope scott

i loved you, i loved you, i loved you, it's true / and sometimes i feel like i still fuckin' do / i lived here, i loved here, i bought it, it's true / i'm so embarrassed, i feel abused / i feel so used

↳ dream made him feel like he was his friend, & now he's out of exile and he knows it was all to condition him to trust dream.

freaks - surf curse

i dream of you almost every night / hopefully i won't wake up this time

↳ tommy after exile. he's looking for friends, he's looking for a support system. & he's also struggling w ptsd from what dream did, and passive suicidality as well.

#exile arc #suicide tw #abuse tw #c!tommy #AND POST #text #bbhsmp

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gamebunny-color-sp · 6 years

Text

A Thought

Sometimes, all I want to do is sit here and complain about people.

But then I think, “what’s the point?” Because I try to be courteous of all people, I try to wiggle around making specific statements that would weed out their identity, but it kind of renders the complaining pointless. I feel like people complain about other people as a means of sending a warning to their friends + innocents to avoid associating with whoever they’re gossiping about, so obscuring their identity renders that point kinda moot.

Plus, most of the people I want to complain about aren’t really doing anything *harmful* per say, so I feel like it’s kinda rude to call them out just because they’re doing stuff that mildly concerns/annoys me.

But I’m gonna do it anyway in the tags to let off some steam.

#personal post #text #so i'll complain about them in the tags instead of the actual post #so remember by anime tiddy 'friend'?#i dunno man #and they're also super self pitying #to a point of annoyance #like i get that i'm also like that #but y'all usually have a month or two of relief between my mental breakdowns #it's everyday with them #and it's not like they don't have people trying to comfort them #they've got tons of web-buddies #who are always comforting them #i know it's not the same as having irl support #but it's a toxic form of attention seeking #no matter how hard you try #crying on the internet will never fully heal your heart #i only really do it when I'm really far gone and close to... well #fill in the blanks yourself #i really do feel bad for their situation #it's gotta be rough going through what they are #but at some point you're gonna have to help yourself #and internet blank faces just aren't effective

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hafanforever · 3 years

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It’s Good to Be Bad

I’ve described in previous analyses that I have a strong affinity for villains in fiction, including those by Disney. But like any fan of Disney, there are villains that I love and ones that I deeply detest with every bone in my body. So for my last analysis of the year, I will discuss my five most favorite and five least favorite Disney animated villains, though I also want to list a couple of other characters as honorable mentions to explain why I like or hate them.

The reasons I have for liking my favorite villains are simple, if not somewhat shallow, because I don’t exactly have deep reasons for liking them. Regardless of how evil, sadistic, cruel, and ruthless they are, I like them primarily because they are funny or charismatic. But it’s so much easier for me to list why I hate my least favorite villains, which is largely attributed the kinds of traits they display (most of which I cannot stand in people), their motives for being evil, and how they carry out their evil deeds while showing their evil natures.

This essay has turned into a longer one than I anticipated, so I am adding the “Keep reading” feature. Before I begin, I want to thank my dear buddy and soul sis @minervadeannabond for coming up with this title. Here is yet again another analysis of mine for you to enjoy, sis! 😁😄😉❤️

Most Favorites

Scar - Since The Lion King was the very first Disney film I ever saw in theaters as a child, and the first one I remember well from my childhood, many of my favorites Disney things come from it, including Scar being my #1 favorite Disney villain. Yes, he is a sadistic, tyrannical, narcissistic, cold-blooded murderer, but I think it is because of his cunning, smooth, elegant, charismatic nature and how pivotal he is to the story, particularly with how much he turns out to be a dark reflection of Simba, is why I love him so much. Furthermore, his song “Be Prepared” is my favorite villain song and among my favorite Disney songs of all, further showing how much The Lion King has given me Disney favorites since I was a child. 😁

Hades - Another one I remember well from my childhood, Hades is undoubtedly one of the funniest villains from the Disney animated canon. Although he is as cruel, evil, ruthless, and sadistic as any Disney villain, Hades is also so fast-talking, sleazy, sarcastic, cheeky, and hilarious that it makes it hard for me to take him seriously as a menacing villain. And while he constantly goes into fiery rages and blows his hot-headed top when furious, these help make Hades far more a comical, rather than scary, figure. Heck, when I was a kid, I always laughed, rather than got scared, whenever he unleashed one of his temper tantrums (except when he blows up at Meg with “I OWN YOU!!!”). And James Woods’s performance, especially since he ad-libbed many lines, helps make Hades such an unforgettable and memorable, if not lovable, character. So yeah, Hades’s wisecracking, talkative personality made him a memorable villain for me as a child, and I’ve loved him for it ever since. 😆😂

Ursula - Much like Hades, Ursula is sleazy, scheming, and cunning, yet wisecracking and comical at the same time. Besides her dry sense of humor, Ursula’s eccentricity, flamboyance, and elegance have always been the traits that drew me to her, and Pat Carrolll’s performance of the character is pure excellence. 😉

Maleficent - Despite being an incarnation of pure evil, including with her self-proclaimed title as The Mistress of All Evil, to me, Maleficent is by far the coolest, most badass Disney animated villain of all! 😆👍🏻 Yes, she curses Aurora with no true motive whatsoever, and she’s sadistic, ruthless, blasphemous, and murderous, but her display of her ill temper and dark magic just makes her totally awesome, most especially when she zaps her minions for their stupidity and incompetence upon learning they were only looking for a baby during their 16-year search for Aurora. 😁

Ratigan - Again, Disney has an evil, murderous, sadistic villain in Ratigan, but I love him because he is very collected, calculating, sophisticated, and charismatic, not to mention Vincent Price delivers such a great vocal performance as the character. 😉 What I also love about Ratigan is the moment when he undergoes what is known as a villainous breakdown, which is when a villain snaps and goes utterly crazy. During the film, Ratigan has some moments of losing his cool, but just as quickly manages to become calm and regain his composure. However, upon seeing Basil and Olivia escape from him inside Big Ben, along with Basil having having foiled his earlier scheme to kill the queen and take over England, Ratigan finally snaps, turning from a formal, sophisticated, composed rat to a highly feral, aggressive, savage one. It is the moment when Ratigan reveals the monster within and looks like a true rat, with an aggressive expression, hunched back, elongated claws, and running on all fours. The fact that Ratigan’s breakdown juxtaposes what kind of rat he was for the majority of the film is why his villainous breakdown is my favorite of any Disney villain.

Most Hated

Gaston - I have stated this before in “Bride and Prejudice”, but I pick Gaston as my #1 choice as my least favorite Disney animated villain. And it’s not just because of his extreme vanity, egotism, chauvinism, and arrogance, which are the very traits I hate in people, but because of his inferior, sexist, misogynistic views of women. Gaston is THE walking definition of toxic masculinity, the fictional example of the worst kind of man, the epitome of what men should NEVER be! ��😡😡 He thinks men are the superior gender and that women are inferior to men, with their only purposes being to serve men and be their sex objects. And since I am a feminist who believes in gender equality, I dislike men who have low, sexist opinions of women, and Gaston fits the profile of what I think is the worst example of such a man. I could go on and on explaining just why I loathe this monster of a man with all my heart, but you can just read the aforementioned analysis to find out more.

Lady Tremaine - If it weren’t for Gaston being my #1 pick because of his extreme sexism and misogyny, I would pick Lady Tremaine. She comes such a close second because her motivations for abusing, oppressing, and being so cruel to Cinderella are petty and stupid, ESPECIALLY because Cinderella never even did anything to deserve such treatment from her in the first place! 😠😡 Lady Tremaine hates Cinderella and is very jealous of her purely because Cinderella so much better-looking and kinder than her own daughters and herself. So they abuse her and make her their servant to make her miserable and unattractive so that they can look better than her instead. Additionally, Lady Tremaine has a deep-rooted obsession to be above Cinderella at all costs that she resorts to lying, manipulation, trickery, and cheating in order to stay above. I particularly loathe it when she manipulates her daughters into tearing up Cinderella’s dress just so that she can appear fair and keep her word regarding her side of the bargain (she says ”if you can find something suitable to wear”, and once it’s wrecked, it’s no longer suitable) while simultaneously making sure she doesn’t have to keep her promise since she never wants Cinderella to go in the first place. All that being said, do these sound like justifiable excuses for hating a completely innocent woman? I DON’T THINK SO!!! 😡😡😡

Claude Frollo - Now if weren’t for BOTH Gaston and Lady Tremaine coming first, Claude Frollo would come on top as well! 😡😡😡 Frollo is without a doubt in my mind the most evil villain in the Disney animated canon. Unlike most Disney villains, he is COMPLETELY devoid of any likable or redeemable traits, making me have nothing but feelings of pure hatred for him. Ruthless, cruel, blasphemous, racist, and evil to his core, Frollo holds a deep-seated hatred for the gypsies and seeks to eradicate them from Paris, making him not only murderous, but genocidal, especially since he seeks to kill them simply out of his own racism, supremacy, and superiority. Throughout the years in his quest to eliminate the gypsies, Frollo murders Quasimodo’s mother by violently kicking her, causing her to fall and hit her head on the stone steps of Notre Dame, then tries to burn Esmeralda at the stake, declaring that she must be killed because she has been practicing witchcraft. After killing the mother, Frollo even attempts to drown baby Quasimodo simply because of his deformity. What makes Frollo even more evil besides doing his deeds is that he is a judge with control over the city, yet he proves himself to be corrupt and hypocritical by violating the laws to accomplish his dark, sinister deeds. Perhaps what makes Frollo the most evil villain of all is that he is in complete denial about how evil he really is. He has a delusional belief that he is a good, religious man doing God’s work by trying to purge the world of evil, when all he really does is twist his “faith” and hypocritically use it for his own evil purposes. What’s worse is that Frollo never once takes an ounce of responsibility for his crimes; he makes excuses to justify his actions, painting himself as guiltless and his victims as the only ones at fault. So with Frollo being such a blasphemous, hypocritical, racist, genocidal, murderous, corrupt judge who never believes he is doing anything wrong and always lays blame on the victims of his misdeeds, I can’t say there is a single thing about him that I like, and I’m happy he met his death in a fiery blaze! 😡🔥

Mother Gothel - A character I see as being an amalgam of Gaston, Lady Tremaine, and Frollo, the reasons why I hate all three of these villains are also found in Gothel: vanity, narcissism, oppression, mental abuse, trickery, manipulation, dishonesty, hypocrisy, and flat-out cruelty. First of all, Gothel’s vanity, narcissism, and obsession with her own beauty makes her extremely insufferable and annoying, not to mention the fact that she hoarded the flower to herself for hundreds of years just to stay alive shows how incredibly selfish and possessive she is. And due to her selfishness, she kidnaps Rapunzel, hides her in a tower, lies to her about the outside world, and continually mentally abuses, manipulates, oppresses, mocks, and belittles her just to ensure that Rapunzel will never leave the tower and the flower’s magic in her hair will keep her (Gothel) alive and young forever. On par with her narcissism, Gothel is shown to be a very spoiled, childish, immature woman who seeks to always have things her way and throws tantrums or other emotional outbursts when she doesn’t get her way or what she wants, especially the very moment she wants it. Furthermore, Gothel possesses a martyr, or victim, complex, which is shown perfectly when victimizes herself and places all the blame on Rapunzel whenever any sort of conflict befalls their lives and relationship, especially when they argue. So with all these flaws in mind, like Gaston, Lady Tremaine, and Frollo, I can’t find any good reason to like Gothel at all. “Mother Knows Best”? More like “Gothel Knows Worst”! 😠😡

Governor Ratcliffe - I said above that I hate Gaston because of his bigoted, low views of women, and prejudice is the main reason why I hate Governor Ratcliffe. However, his prejudice is in the form of racism, the kind of bigotry that I hate the most. Ratcliffe displays this attitude towards the Native Americans, considering them savages and seeing himself as better than them all because of his race, which makes him a white supremacist. Besides his supremacy and superiority regarding his race, Ratcliffe is intensely greedy and selfish since he wants to keep any riches found for himself and believes that the Virginia land and anything he finds on it is his for the taking. In relation to his bigotry, he is also quite delusional and self-righteous, which makes him believe that any theory he has is right and he refuses to believe otherwise or listen to reason. For example, Ratcliffe dismisses Wiggins’ correct assumptions on why the Indians attacked the settlers and John’s claim that there is no gold in the lands after Pocahontas tells him this. The hatred I hold for Ratcliffe is significantly less than the other four listed here, but the reasons I gave are virtually like those I gave for Frollo, so I’m confident with Ratcliffe and his place on my list.

Bonus Mentions

Hans - Hans is a villain that I place in the middle between my most loved and most hated villains, because I love him for WHAT he is as a villain while I simultaneously hate him for WHO he is as a character. I have said it to friends and some of my other analyses before, but one of the reasons why I love Frozen is because it took many of the traditional fairy tale elements and tropes used in their preceding films, and turned them upside down. So rather than having another prince as the heroic male lead in this film, Frozen twisted that trope around by making him the villain instead. And when Hans finally reveals his true nature, you realize that he has fooled not only Anna and the other characters who interacted with him, but first-time viewers as well! So while I love Hans for being a villain who keeps his true nature under wraps for the majority of the film and almost gets away with his crimes because of it, I also hate him because of how cold, cruel, callous, ruthless, and sadistic he really is. When he reveals his true nature and explains his plan to Anna, he mocks her intelligence, naïveté, and desperation for love while explaining just how easy it was for him to deceive and manipulate her into being a pawn in his plan to take over Arendelle. Throughout the whole scene, Hans smiles wickedly and sadistically, clearly showing the delight he is getting from tormenting Anna and watching her suffer while he explains his scheme and extinguishes all light sources to accelerate her death. It’s also easy to see his sadism when he announces his plan to murder Elsa, and that he will get even greater joy out of carrying out the act itself (which we see when Hans smiles widely while swinging his sword over Elsa’s head as he tries to kill her on the fjord).

Chi-Fu - While he is not a true villain, and not even evil at all, Chi-Fu is a very detestable character, one whose guts I hate completely because he has the same traits that make me hate Gaston: arrogance, conceit, egotism, bigotry, superiority, and misogyny. Prejudice against women is a main theme in Mulan, and Chi-Fu is the one man whose prejudiced opinions never change. While Shang and Mulan’s fellow soldiers initially hold views that women are beneath men, they learn to change them after Mulan proves herself a capable warrior in the army (even after her disguise is revealed), most especially when she helps save China from Shan Yu’s reign of terror. Despite the majority of his bigotry being aimed at women, Chi-Fu is also detestable because he shows it towards nearly everyone else, except the Emperor. As the second-in-command to the Emperor, Chi-Fu sees himself superior to almost everyone else around him, which enhances his pompous, elitist, arrogant attitude. Because of all these antagonistic traits, I loathe Chi-Fu while I don’t hate Shan Yu at all, even though the latter is truly pure evil and genocidal! 😠😡 It just goes to show that some people who are neither necessarily good nor bad can be even more contemptible that the most malevolent, murderous people.

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bioodorange · 3 years

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||How I See The Pastas||

This was originally supposed to be how they looked but I decided to go for mental aspect and explain why as well PLEASE like, reblog and share your thoughts on this in the comments or inbox

Below the desciptions are images i’ve compiled and some art (if you know the creator please tell me so i can credit them) for a visual

dont forget to like reblog and share your thoughts with me, I spent a few days on this so i’d appreciate this

Jeff the Killer

So lets start with the obvious- jeffs pasty white toothpaste lookin skin

But realistically he wouldn’t be completely covered in scars

It would be blotchy, with pink fleshy patches among the burns

He most likely has contracture scars, third degree burns that turn the skin a pale white and tighten the skin

This explains his gaunt features and skin color

Now we have to take into account the vodka that was splashed on him, he’d probably have worse burns there with exposed flesh and damaged nerves

This would result in gnarly exposed skin, a damaged scalp and maybe damage to his teeth and eyes

Realistically, Jeff wouldnt have burned off his eyelids that alone would have resulted in blindness and death

Than his smile, his signatuure mark would probably be more of a gangly bloody scar mess

Pastas heal faster and aren’t really human, he’d have to recut his smile pretty frequently making it pretty jacket up because ltes be honest hes far from clean

ANd than his hait being chard black is very unlikely because as nasty as he is he s h o w e r s

not very frequnetly given his living situation and untreated burns but people can figure out how to wash hait and not much else

also i think its funny he’d shower with a plastic bag on his face to avoid getting soap in his nasty infected scars-

His hair would probably be dry and cut unevenly, more of a dark brown color with blonde undertones

Not to mention his burned scalp, hair probably wouldn’t grow there so he’d have a cool unintentional side shave

Jeff would also be a tall individual, he cant really eat, snacking on things from his victims homes giving him a more skeletal build

His personality and mindest is about as pretty as his face- but he most likely has a very screwed up headspace

Lacking in self care, maturity and sanity its fair to say he’d be a brash and violent person

Fun Fact: While researching this I learned that some versions of the joker had facial scars in the shape of a smile

Ticci Toby

So tobys age, unlike a lot of pastas, is pretty well agreed on, 19

So unlike when he was first a proxy toby most likely has stronger facial features and facial hair

Because shaving and hygiene isn’t first priority for pastas (gross-)

He stands around 5′7 and has grayish skin

Toby i feel is picky about foods, not only is it hard for him to eat its hard for him to keep food down

He’s malnourished explaining his thin figure and grayish skin

His hait is dark brown and a curlish mess, unkempt but short so it doesn’t get in his way

I’ve always seen him with a small gap in his teeth, because I can

And since toby can’t feel shit I wouldn’t be surprised if he tried to eat rocks simply because he fuckin could

So some chipped teeth that are a bit uneven

Along with his CIPA and not eating enough Toby would bruise easily and have lots of scars, from things like cutting his finger on accident or getting mauled by a racoon

I wouldn’t be surpised if some of his joints were a bit screwed up, because whenever theyd beak or fracture he wouldn’t notice, this would probably happen a lot causing them to not heal correctly

One of tobys habits is nailbiting but he cant te;; when too far is too far

His fingers may be abit odd looking, knobby and discolored nails because of how exetreme his habit is

Would most likely have bandages around his fingers frequently to prevent the habit

So theres a lot of debate about tobys cheek was it the CIPA or the car accident, I beileve the accident because his other cheek is completely fine, theres damage from the OUTSIDE to inside and considering his sister died in the accident its unlikely he survived unscathed

Fun Fact: only a small handful of people have ever been diagnosed with CIPA, less than 500 (documented) cases around the world

Bloody Painter

So Helen is often seen as quiet emo painter boy

but uh no <3

Personaly i beileve he suffers from narcisistic personality disorder, exetreme importance and that he is always victorious and gets what he wants

This sporuts from the constant heavy invalidation from classmates, toxic friends and neglect from his parents

He doesn’t hang out with people because he doesn’’t lie them its because they never let him in the past and he beileves he’s better than them

But this also links to deep rooted insecurity and social anxiety/being inept completely

Him being nice is basically so you like him, he wants validation amd admiration not love

Unlike the other pastas he’d be a more clean well kept one a helthy figure and some tattoos bevause he can

I beileve he lives in socity, finding hus victims in girls and men alike who fall for his charm

he uses hhis skill and ordinary appearance to blend in on the streets

From his behavior helen most likely keeps his hair a bit shorter and clean

He always looks his best

Has chapped, and picked at lips because of his anxieties

Aswell as his breakdowns- his identity is completely in his head, he is very unsure of who he is and takes the delusions in his mind as reality

Unrelated but paino fingers-

And finally in order for his art to be as perfect and amazing as him, he has to be apart of it

Thus using his own blood in his pieces and the body parts of those he admires

Covers his scars with clean bandgaes

But his paintings turn brown and dry out, he’s always in need of a new medium

Is most likely anemic from all the blood he looses and has a paler skintone

Clockwork

ahh yes finally someone who knows what self care is-

helen, i love you buddy but you need to stop

But anyway natalie has a stronger, athletic build

She often chases her victims and gets in altercations, relying on strength most of the time

on that same note, this would defintelty cause many scars on natalie

Wether it was a bite mark or scars from a kitchen knife, shes got lots of scars

A few even on her face

Now, for the clock in her eye that thing is like holding her skull together at this point, realistically

She is probably delicate and cares for it becaise 1) it hurts 2) if it gets screwed up that could cause a lot of problems

natalie would be a smart person, I wouldn’t be surprused if she had a few other stray stitches or bandgaes wrapped around a fresh wound

For more visual-ish things uh m u l l e t (credit: @cum-looking-sock-mf in a chat like 4 months ago)

She has one, fight me on it

but also thick and curlish hair so I also riase you

Undershave

just y e s

I can also see her getting tattoos over certain scars on her arm, just to make them look not so ugly

I feel like clockwork wishes things worked out better

Wishes for another chance but knows she’ll never get one

Thus her taking goof care of herself

Natalie throws herseld into her “work”, keeping her body in shape and killing people

Its a way to avoid her life and that it is- a huge, sad mess

Shes an outgoing impulsive individual, confident but questions her actions

She’s also unstable- protective and loyal but explosive and strong

Jane the Killer

Jane is the final one, im sorry I couldn’t do more theres a photo limit and I wanna bash my head into the wall

Now a main different between her and jeff is she had surgery and lie treatment

Janes skin is still greatly scarred but it is greatly healed

She takes care of it and had skin grafts

Her face is disfigured, a scarred smile and burns around

But unlike Jeff she doesn’t recarve the cut so its a cleaner line and a lot healthier

Janes hair took a rather long time to grow back, but it did!

She has a slightly long pixie cut a bit choppy but she doesn’t mind

Her wife definetely cuts it for her and you can fight me over that

I can see Jane having a lot of facial trauma, scars around her nose and cheeks

She was young when she started killing and went for the over the person, pin them down kill which didn’t work out

She switched to a silenced pistol after awhile, you know like a smart person

Janes arms and legs are in alright condition where most of the burn trauma is on her back

She has a leaner but healthy figure but like boobs-

Like clockwork and Helen she takes care of herself

She doesn’t kill as frequently, going after a few of jeffs victims before him and is of course, actively hunting him down

Her eyes are a pale green and she wears makeip to fill in her eyebrows because those bitches take a long time to grow back

fun fact: jeff has no eyebrows, fight me

#jeff the Killer #creepypasta #creepypasta headcanons #slenderverse #slenderverse headcanons #jeff the killer head canons #ticci toby headcanons #ticci toby #bloodypainter #bloodypainter headcanons #clockwork headcanons #clockwork #jane the everlasting head canons #jane the everlasting #jane the killer #jane the killer headcanons

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morsmoon · 3 years

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Everytime I talk about ✨toxic productivity ✨ people always try to defend themselves and they tell me that it's just in their nature to be super productive... Like buddy..... You're having a mental breakdown literally every single day. Reconsider.

#i should have a podcast episode about this cause it's driving me CRAZY #shut up kat #toxic productivity #toxic positivity

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aeonct · 3 years

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The one that got away

Prompt: I’m finally ready to be with you, but you’ve finally moved on from me, and I’m too late.

Genre: Angst

Warnings: Long af, slight mentions of sex, prob typos too

It was a slip up. Jaemin wasn’t supposed to hear any of it yet he had. It all started when you befriended his best friend and roommate Renjun. You two were majoring in the arts department so naturally Renjun started to invite you everywhere they went and in a short amount of time the guys had grown accustomed to your presence. Your friendship with Mark had built up through memes and inside jokes, Haechan and Chenle would constantly involve you in their shenanigans, Jisung would seek you out a lot for advice and tutoring claiming you were the only one with enough patience to handle him, Jeno was your workout buddy whom you would enjoy long walks with and Jaemin? Jaemin was your fuck buddy.

That is exactly how he fitted into your life. Despite the warnings he got from the rest of the guys he didn’t leave you out of his list of beauties he’d really like to mess with. It was easy to ignore him at first seeing as you had a boyfriend already but when out of nowhere Sicheng decided to break it up with you, it was as if something inside of you completely broke besides your heart that is. You decided that fuck it, life is too short to dwell on heartbreaks and you gave into the excitements that no-strings-attached would give you. Jaemin however was not someone you were willing to do. I mean yes, you thought he was really attractive and very capable according to rumors of his latest conquests but that would mean jeopardizing not only your friendship with said man but the rest of the group too. You fit in very well with those bunch of goofy misfits and one fuck (or several) wasn’t worth the risk. You told yourself this time and time again whenever Jaemin would come up to you and start his incessant flirting, thankful when one of the boys would drag him away from you because you knew one of these days you might give in.

And that you did. It had been months since you last had someone to call boyfriend. You were invited to a party at an upperclassman’s house that you got along with very well. Johnny was well known for the wild parties he threw and this was no exception. When you got there the house was already a mess but that was to be expected with the many friends and jocks Johnny had invited. When you dated Sicheng you got his friends as the whole pack and so even though you had broken up you still talked to a few of them. Yet sometimes it was awkward because you knew the majority of them excluded you the moment Sicheng left you. They didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable and therefor had no idea where you fit in after said break up. Though they still like you as a friend, they sided with Sicheng more and you understood that very well seeing as they had known the boy far longer.

The moment you walked in you felt an arm around you and you didn’t even have to turn to know it was Yuta, one of the few guys that still kept in contact with you that was friends with Sicheng.

“Yo, you made it.” He gave you one of his dazzling smiles, and you rolled your eyes because he was clearly drunk.

“Yeah and you need to sober up” You said hauling his taller form to the nearest couch. Doyoung didn’t waste a second, immediately coming over to tend to the drunk guy. He greeted you rather awkwardly and you smiled back rather stiffly. And this is why you wouldn’t fuck Jaemin. Once upon a time you were laughing along with “Sicheng’s squad” teasing a flustered Doyoung and now you can’t even be in the same room as some of them because of the awkward tension.

You did not want to suffer the same fate with your new group of friends despite knowing the break up wasn’t your fault and it wasn’t fair that Sicheng’s friends were being that way towards you.

You were surprised to see Mark and Jaemin outside when you ventured towards the pool area knowing your way around the house easily. What you were more surprised about however wasn’t how those two knew Johnny, but Sicheng sitting with his feet dipped inside the water with an earpod on, smiling as he played with a girl’s hand. She had his other earpod on splashing her feet around the water. The sting in your heart wasn’t because you still loved him. At least you’d like to believe that wasn’t the case but because that was your thing. That is exactly how you and Sicheng came to be and how you’d spend most of Johnny’s parties together because Sicheng never really liked the wild ambiance. Neither did you and that’s when you would drag him to the pool to listen to music while you talked about everything and nothing.

Now there he was, smiling like he didn’t leave you without answers. And oh god, he looked up just in time to catch you staring and wow those beautiful eyes of his still made your knees buckle. It didn’t take a genius to see you were having a mental breakdown. He approached you first with guilt written all over his handsome face and having him this close was making you malfunction. Before either of you spoke Jaemin had cut in and saved you.

“Babe I was looking for you” He said slipping an arm around your waist. He brought you back to reality and all you remember from that night was the bitter taste of alcohol and Jaemin’s intoxicating scent lulling you to sleep.

The next morning you woke up to a very naked Jaemin groaning about how his head was going to explode any second. And you knew you fucked up. Oh shit you wouldn’t hear the end of it from Renjun.

It wasn’t like Jaemin wanted this to happen either. Sure, he joked about it and flirted with you occasionally but he didn’t think he’d ever go through with it. You were so beautiful to him, so precious as a friend and when he wasn’t trying to flirt with you and you weren’t trying to strangle him over his player ways or nag him about his projects you were a delight to be around. You listened to him better than anyone else had, you had the best advice it was no wonder Jisung would always run to you when he needed it, and you cooked better than him too.

Jaemin thinks if he was capable of loving he’d love you. But that wasn’t the case. He very much enjoyed one night stands and dating was out of the equation. But you both really liked what had happened that night and an unbearable sexual tension formed itself between you both since that day. Jaemin tried to ignore it but the images of that night, how soft you felt, how good you took him in and how nice he felt inside you was too much to handle. Your voice once melodic to him would remind him of the many noises you’re capable of making in that state and it was driving him crazy.

Unbeknownst to him you felt the same way.

Jaemin tried to avoid you after it became too much. He continued to fuck around and you did the same until he couldn’t take it anymore and grabbed you by the arm at a party once before you left in the arm of some other guy. Something in him snapped and he couldn’t bare the thought of someone else seeing you in that state when he knew what it was like now.

Late night study sessions where the disguise you both formed in order to keep this friends with benefits thing a secret. And it worked until you were consumed with guilt and decided to come clean.

The guys didn’t like it at all. One of them in particular had his heart broken that same day.

To say you fell in love was an understatement. At first it was in the way he took care of you after sex. Then it came in the subtle ways he’d remind you that he was thinking of you even if it was in a dirty way. Lastly it was when Jaemin completely stopped fucking other girls much to your, and everyone else’s surprise. You had gotten into a fight with him over him refusing to drop the playboy attitude. He had stormed off after making it clear that you weren’t dating therefor had no control over who he fucked. A few days later Renjun had told you he hadn’t brought anyone back since your fight and that gave you hope.

Hope that Jaemin would change and maybe you would develop your relationship. But you didn’t.

Although he decided he would not do anyone else he was still against dating and you understood albeit disappointed, but you would never admit that. At least not to him.

“I never really had a good example of what love is like.” Jaemin had started one night after you had come over to study with Renjun. As always you ended up in Jaemin’s bed fully naked and cuddling. “My parents were toxic to each other up until their divorce.” He was afraid of commitment. Afraid of turning out like his parents and you wanted nothing more but to confess and hope he takes a chance on you but he didn’t let you speak. “You see I’m a very selfish person when I date.” He explains how he tends to put himself first and always ends up hurting the other person because he’s afraid of coming out harmed. His distrust in relationships is far more than you expected. He calls himself overbearing and manipulative. But it’s all he does to protect himself, his heart.

To Jaemin you were different but not enough to let down his walls for you. But there were changes. In the way you had memorized his coffee order, the way you would go out of your way to help him even though you were different majors, how you would remind him of his deadlines yet never pressure him like the others did. You’d leave random notes in his room that he’d pick up and smile at.

He had always thought you were beautiful but you looked ethereal when you were doing what you loved most and that was painting. Sometimes he’d go to the studio you and Renjun rented for your many art projects on the pretense of bothering the former. He’d watch you put your hair up in a messy bun. Those talented, soft hands would pick up a wooden palette with ease and he’d watch as you mix different colors and stroke beautiful images to life with delicate flicks of your wrist. His mind would no longer be in the gutter when looking at your hands.

“The theme is love.” Renjun pondered over it, having a hard time coming up with something worthy enough to submit. Your project was the reason Jaemin had opened up to you about his intake on love and he was curious to see what you came up with. Though Renjun ended up kicking him out before he could make sense of what you were painting.

Said project was also the reason you had been found out. Jaemin had an exhausting day and he couldn’t wait to get home and nap, but before that he had two more classes to attend to. Deciding it’d be best he doesn’t make a fool of himself in either class, he begins to walk towards his shared apartment only a few blocks away. You live 20 minutes away from campus so most of the time you’re seen hanging out at his and Renjun’s place so he hopes to find you there.

What he doesn’t expect to come home to is you venting to Renjun about how much you love him. It takes Jaemin some time to recover from his shock which turns into panic. You let out a gasp when you hear the sound of the door beeping, signaling an incomer.

Jaemin doesn’t spend the night at his apartment opting to stay over at Mark’s instead.

“Dude don’t you love her too?” Mark raises an eyebrow when Jaemin spills everything to him. And that feels like a slap of reality to Jaemin because the thought had crossed his mind once before he buried it. But he can’t deny it. He loves the way you look at him, the way you smile at him when you think he isn’t looking, the way you walk around campus with your paintings tucked neatly in tubes on your back, the way your glasses fit you perfectly when you decide you need them, the way your hair falls on his face and it tickles his nose when you’re on top of him simply kissing on his bed, the way your hand fits perfectly in his. He’s noticed you both initiate small gestures before he panics and pushes you away because that’s not what fuck buddies do. It scares him how some gestures you both do unconsciously closely resemble that of a couple.

He runs a hand through his dyed locks and a sigh escapes his pretty pink lips. “I can’t. You know I can’t Mark.” The brown haired male hands him a cup of tea rolling his eyes. “Yes you can you just have to overcome this irrational fear of yours.” And Jaemin snaps because it’s not irrational. You were the only one who understood this part of him and never judged him. You were precious. You weren’t someone he could hurt and discard the moment he thought his heart wasn’t safe anymore.

He loves you. He loves you so much it scares the living shit out of him because he’s never loved before. At least not as passionate as he loves you. Therefor he can’t lose you.

The next day he agrees to meet up with you. When he gets to the coffee shop you’ve already ordered his usual. He notes the smudged colors on your face and clothes, so a usual day for you except for the dark circles forming underneath your pretty eyes.

“I’m sorry.” Jaemin apologizes for running away and you chip at your nail polish as you wait for the rejection to come. Jaemin knows that’s not actual nail polish though. It’s a mixture of your painting that you either accidentally get on you or you do it yourself when you’re having trouble painting. Most commonly though its the result of your painter’s block when you’re struggling to come up with ideas and images to paint.

Jaemin thought artists had it easy. They just had to be creative enough and boom their talented hands did the work. At least that’s how he viewed Renjun. It wasn’t until you came along that he finally gain interest in what his roommate does and started to realize you guys too deal with a ton of stress and so much as well.

“I still don’t know where I stand with you.” He lies and for good reason because he doesn’t want to give you hope and start something when he knows he’s simply not ready.

And you believe him because you knew how much his heart ached at the thought of love.

And just like that you both call it quits. At least Jaemin is nice enough to not exclude you.

It hurts both of you whenever you’re in the same room yet you can’t touch each other. He yearns for your lips and your warmth and your soft breath against him. You were driving him crazy, this time simply by existing.

He goes to your art exhibition and feels the proudest out of everyone in your group of friends, yet he can’t hug you because he’s afraid he’ll crack and won’t have the guts to let go of you.

“Dude do something.” Jaemin hears Haechan whine to Renjun about his current state but Renjun hushes the boy because he thinks this is something you both should solve on your own.

Jaemin continues on barely living. He misses you and your sarcastic jabs, your nagging, your morning bickering, your odd way of viewing things that turn out to be eye opening and has him thinking deeply too. You were so artsy and creative therefor so random and you challenged him in so many ways. You continue to leave him in awe, out of breath.

So when he gets an offer to study abroad he accepts it. He thinks it’s a good opportunity to either get rid of his feelings for you or help him overcome this side of himself before he gives his all to you.

The boys are equally as shocked as you are yet still throw him a farewell party albeit rushed since Jaemin thought it’d be a good idea to give them a week’s notice.

Your heart aches more and more with each passing day because you can’t imagine a life without Jaemin. He looks stupidly handsome even in the shocked state he’s in over the surprise party he’s been thrown, and you can’t help but choke up because this is it, after tomorrow he’ll no longer be around until who knows when. Renjun thinks he’ll accept a job offer abroad after he graduates with the many offers he’s already been getting despite still having years to graduate and who wouldn’t want Jaemin at their firm anyways? He’ll be an excellent architect one day.

When he looks at you you notice his black roots haven’t been touched and that’s saying something because Jaemin is always in style. He gives you a soft smile and something flickers in his eyes before he’s giving you that same glint he always gave you when you both were still friends. So he doesn’t feel the same way and you think that’s okay. You’re not the one destined to be Jaemin’s happy ending.

You can’t help but be jealous of whoever will be.

Jaemin wants nothing more than to wipe that sad look off your face but he stands firm on what he has to do. There’s no backing out now.

To say getting Jaemin drunk was a bad idea is an understatement. He spends most of the time in the living room sipping out of his red solo cup while you spend yours in Renjun’s room or the kitchen trying to avoid Jaemin as much as possible because you fear you’ll break down and beg him not to leave you. So it comes as a surprise when Jaemin comes into the kitchen stumbling over nothing. You manage to catch him right on time with much struggle and that’s when he pushes you against the counter and suddenly his lips are on yours.

It’s a bitter kiss and you push him away lightly, mindful of his drunken state but then he snakes his arms around your waist and his warmth envelopes you like those nights you miss dearly and you’re pudding in his arms. You clutch onto his jacket, the same one he’d wrap around you when you’d get cold and you fail to notice it still has the stain you left the last time you wore it because Jaemin refused to wash it.

You fail to notice the longing looks he’s been giving you all night, the many times his hands twitched and played with his hair in frustration because he couldn’t go up to you and kiss you like he wanted to. Not roughly like this but slowly and sickeningly sweet, full of the passion and love he has for you.

You whimper against his lips and he pulls away to rest his forehead against yours. He looks you straight in the eyes “Don’t ignore me. At least not today.” Because today is all he’s got before he’s packing the last of his stuff tomorrow. He kisses you again, this time it’s sweet and full of so many emotions that give you hope because this is the Jaemin you fell in love with. The one that’s not afraid of being vulnerable and himself. At least around you. You run your fingers through his soft hair and he grunts against your lips because he missed this. He missed you.

He loves you.

He wants to become a better person for you. Maybe later on in life when he comes back he’ll be that person you can safely rely on and trust your heart with but now? He still sees himself becoming possessive over you, annoying you with texts of where you are and who you’re with, demanding attention and receiving more than giving, being a jealous mess over anyone who approaches you with or without ill intentions and he cant do that to you. Never you.

He has to learn how to tame that side of himself first. Has to learn to trust and get rid of this fear that’s eating him from the inside.

He can’t risk losing you over these irrational emotions.

He can’t give you toxic Jaemin because you deserve his best version of himself.

You don’t know how long it’s been but the party has long been over and both your lips are swollen when you pull away. He kisses your forehead and holds you for so long that your legs begin to give out. He notices though because of course this is you and Jaemin always notices every single detail of yours. He guides you to a chair and plops you down. He kneels on the floor in front of you and he brushes strands of hair out of your way tucking them behind your ear. He kisses your hands one last time. “Promise me you’ll be happy.”

You want to scream at Jaemin because obviously no you won’t be but he’s looking at you with such softness that you mistook it for love for a brief second and you can’t help but nod.

“That’s a good girl y/n.” And he gives you that one fucking beautiful smile you love so much and you hate him because he’d only say that in bed. You were his baby girl in the sheets and you don’t want to think of that right now. “You were always my favourite.” and that’s all he can say to make it non-romantic.

A line he’d tease you with during your fuck buddy days claiming you were the best he’d ever had.

And just like that he walks away leaving you to sob uncontrollably.

You don’t see him again after that. Jaemin thinks it’s better this way when you didn’t show up to see him off because he’d have a lot of trouble trying to explain the black eye and bruised lip.

The night of your goodbye Jeno had shoved Jaemin to the ground telling him he was an asshole for putting you through all of that and Jaemin didn’t even fight back. He felt like he deserved every punch and curse word thrown at him.

“You were right about one thing.” The dark haired male said as Mark and Renjun pull him off of him. “Y/n does deserve better.”

It isn’t until five years later when he comes back to Jeno being a mess about something that he understands the implication of that.

“He’s fretting over how to propose to y/n.” Jisung mindlessly provides. It’s as if someone pressed pause because everyone stopped moving except Jeno who was pacing back and forth trying to think up ideas. They all look at Jaemin who by now wears a facade with ease.

He shrugs it off telling them its been half a decade. But only Renjun catches onto the way his thumbs fidget and his hands ball up into fists.

When he finally sees you again you look more mature, still so breathtakingly beautiful that it pains him thinking of how much of you he missed out on. You have your hands intertwined with Jeno’s and Jaemin can clearly see how happy he makes you. How happy you make Jeno when his cute eye smile comes out at anything you do and Jaemin thinks that should’ve been him not Jeno. It’s clear as day that you both really really love each other.

Jeno can’t help but kiss your hand every two minutes. You’re so precious to him and there’s not a day that goes by that he doesn’t show it. He showers you with so much affection and he’s so whipped for you and you really love his smile that all you can see is him and all he can see is you.

You two are the reason your friends believe in true love (also the reason they feel like puking 24/7) and you think you wouldn’t have it any other way.

When you look at Jaemin its nostalgia that comes over you, no longer love or heartache. He was pain and heartbreak but in a way also your first love and that feeling is something you’ll hold dear. You don’t love him anymore and you think back to the day Jeno confessed, how he was always there for you after Jaemin left, how when you couldn’t think or eat he’d drag you to his soccer games and dedicate goals after goals for you,,,, to cheer you up he did so much just to see your smile again. When you couldn’t sleep he’d take you out on his bike to see a new world you hadn’t explored before. He had so many girls after him that you never expected him to fall for you, the one pining over the wrong guy.

He’s a professional soccer player and you’re a painter drawing what you love most.

Jaemin is a successful architect still drawing lines over his heart. He thinks this heartache too will pass. It hurts to see you both so in love yet he knows you’re in good hands because Jeno would never hurt you. He’s probably been in love with you for longer than he had.

Jaemin’s biggest mistake? Thinking he could do everything alone, thinking he could learn alone when he had you once. He knows you wouldn’t have hesitate to help him back then if only he would’ve asked and pleaded you to be patient and stayed by his side. The years without you were hard and he regrets ever leaving you behind.

Conclusion? Jaemin is the biggest idiot and he doesn’t think he’ll ever be over you.

His first and last love.

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