#as today I'll go late to sleep due to a TV show | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

live-laugh-lenney · 3 months

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S I C K A R T H U R H E A D C A N N O N | A R T H U R T V |

** author note before you read; mentions of sickness, throwing up, and brief talks of drugs in the form of paracetamol **

-> yn knows. -> she just knows. -> arthur is very rarely ill, and yn envies that about him, so it knocks him for six when he comes down with any form of an illness and it's not difficult to see a change in his behaviour. -> and it goes both ways.

-> if a cold hits him hard, or the flu really knocks him down, he can barely stay awake. -> if he had any plans with his friends then she would send them a text to inform them that arthur probably wouldn't be able to attend whatever they had planned - whether it be filming for a new video, a podcast, or just meeting for lunch... -> 'georgey, arthur's pretty ill and i'm not waking him up to tell him he's gonna be late for you. just letting you know he probs won't be able to film with you today. sending apologies on his behalf. xx' -> 'Bless his cotton socks. hopefully this teaches him not to wear shorts and a t-shirt during a ChrisMD shoot in these current baltic conditions. But give him some smooches and cuddles from me. x' -> 'fancy coming over to look after him instead? i'm sure you fancy him more than i do... it's okay though. fess up and we can clear the air, clarkey. xx' -> when he does wake up, he doesn't even question the time. all he can think about is how rough he feels. -> he's alone in the bedroom. his phone is on his bedside table. and his alarm had clearly been turned off - which, really, he was thankful for because he definitely would have felt worse - and there's a glass of water with two tablets beside it. -> he knows that she knows he's ill. -> he wraps himself up warm; makes sure to put some warm socks on his feet, puts on a hoodie and pulls the hood over his head, he grabs the blanket from the bed to wrap around his shoulders and slowly walks into the living room. -> and she's decorated the living room for a cosy day spent inside; candles are lit and emitting smells he wish he could smell through his blocked nose, the tv has netflix launched up and ready for them to choose something to watch, the curtains are drawn closed and the sofa is turned into somewhere for them to lay on with everything (from chocolates and biscuits to bits of fruit to paracetamol and cold and flu tablets) on the coffee table and in arms reach. -> and they spend all day on the sofa. -> film after film after film, a nap in the mid-afternoon, watching tik-tok and showing each other silly videos they stumble upon and she enjoys having him to herself for the day and not sharing him with their friends and missing him due to his youtubing schedule. -> they order in take-away for a late dinner; a chinese because that's always their go-to meal when they can't be bothered to cook.

-> if its sickness that hits him then he really spends all day in their bed, closest to the bathroom, doing nothing but sleeping because his stomach is in knots. -> and she's there for everything that happens, even though he worries about her falling ill, instead of dealing with himself being so ill. -> "i don't want you to catch this-" -> "i'll be fine. if i catch it then you can look after me." -> "but it's horrible, lovie. i don't want you to have it." -> "i'm not going anywhere, arthur." -> "but-" -> "no buts, arthur. i'm choosing to look after you. i want to look after you. i'm staying out." -> she kneels behind him and she gives his hip or his knee a gentle rub every so often to let him know she's still there, sliding her hand round his middle and rubbing his belly in between retching and his skin is sweltering and he's sticky and warm. -> the only thing he can wear is boxer shorts because he feels hot and she's pretty thankful that the only thing she'd need to be washing is the bedsheets and dirty pants and no sick-covered pyjamas. -> she's rubbing his back as he throws up. -> she's wiping the sweat from his forehead with a damp flannel when he's done throwing up. -> she sits on the bathroom floor with him and lets him fall back against her once he tires himself out. ghostly white and covered in sweat. practically falling asleep from the moment his head his her shoulder and his face hid in her neck. -> he gets better through the day. drinking green tea and peppermint tea when he needed a drink, sipping on glasses of water, munching on dry toast and dry crackers and dry biscuits. -> she runs him a warm bath, sits with him to make sure he doesn't fall asleep and drop beneath the bath water, tells him silly stories that she has definitely told him before but he keeps asking for her to talk to him. -> and he sounds and looks drunk; slurring his words when he speaks, barely making sense to her, and his eyes are hooded and low and he has a tired smile on his lips. -> "jus' love listening to you talk, lovie. so soothing." -> "you're such a simp for me, huh?" -> "how can i not be? have you seen you?" -> "have you seen you? i should be the simp in this relationship." -> "m'so naked in front of you right now and you're not simping?" -> "i'm not looking, mister television." -> "i'd be looking at you, all the time, lovie." -> "you're just a little pervert, arthur. my little pervert."

-> she absolutely babies him when he finally comes to terms with the fact that he's sick. -> and he just lets her. -> usually, he doesn't like to be fussed over - he's always telling her that he's old enough to be able to do things himself and doesn't need other people doing things for him - but he doesn't have the energy to argue when he's ill. -> she's happy to look after him and he's happy that she's happy to look after him but, deep down, he just can't be bothered to argue with her. -> but he's appreciative of her. -> so appreciative. -> all the time, everything she does for him, he's so thankful.

#arthurtv #arthur frederick #arthurtv imagines #arthurtv headcannons #arthurtv fics #arthurtv x reader #arthur frederick imagines #arthur frederick headcannons #arthur frederick x reader #chaos crew #chaos crew imagines

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ros3ybabe · 4 months

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Day 31: 90 Day Challenge 🎀

I completely skipped Saturday due to how bad of a day Saturday was for me. I had a couple of mini anxiety attacks, cried a lot, and still have no idea what triggered it for me. Yesterday tho was a much better day. I made sure of it.

🏋‍♀️ Physical Health

ate semi intuitively, listened to my body's fullness and hunger ques a bit

chose a Dr pepper cream soda zero over a normal Dr pepper (healthy, tasty alternative)

ate high protien

bought some breakfast groceries

🧠 Mental Health

meditated

morning journal

❤️ Emotional Health

respected myself in a situation where I previously wouldn't have and felt good about it

📚 Intellectual Health

looked into different financial literacy podcasts and found one I liked (Martinis and you Money, on spotify)

🏘 Adulting

deep cleaned the entire kitchen

washed laundry + put it away right after

washed my comforter

cleaned my bathroom

cleaned my desk

filed my unemployment certification

zoom called my boyfriend

🥰 Self Love/Care

wrote my nightly health check in reflection

went to bed early as I've been having poor sleep lately

yesterday was an average but better day for me. today is going to be even better, I'll make sure of it. I'm going to the gym, going on a walk, making delicious healthy food, and gonna have a self care day! ohhh, if anyone can recommend some good girly movies or tv shows for a self care day?? anything not on Netflix as I won't have access to Netflix until later this week! I have Hulu, MAX, Prime, and I think Paramount as well? thanks girlies <3

til next time lovelies 🩷

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romanestuffsposts · 1 year

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I have a minor heart issue where I get episodes of a high heart rate and chest tightness. Can you possibly write one where their little has an episode like at home or maybe out with them running errands? 🥺💖

Hi there love! 💜

I really hope that you're fine! And I hope it's not too serious. You're so so strong let me tell you ❤️

I hope you like how i turned it, babe.

Enjoy <3

****

Warnings : episode of chest tighening, high heart rate, angst, comfort, pet names, working daddies, tiredness, daddies take care of you, cuddles, reassurance

Pairings : Daddies!Stucky ; Daddy!Bucky x Papa!Steve x Little!Reader

Summary : you're about to prepare you a good lunch when something from earlier is suddenly coming back. Fortunately for you, your Daddies heard you and are here to make sure you're fine, as always.

A/N : I'm so sorry for the late post. I got a bit overwelmed about some things and I didn't had the strengh to keep working on my writing.

I had started writing some request but didn't finished them. But today, I had free times after school and the most important things, I didn't had any homeworks and I have a big week end of four days, starting tomorrow. So i'll have plenty times to rest and get my shit together.

Thank you for your understanding my love, you're all the best! Love you so much

I hope you had a good start to the week and will have wonderful days!

Big kisses,

Romane

Second A/N : i don’t know if how I wrote it in exact same way you have it- probably not but I hope that’s okay!

****

You're comfortably laying on the couch watching your favorite show. You're laying in here since the moment you woke up, you went to say good morning to your Daddies in their office right after you opened an eye.

They have a lot of work and they told you yesterday that they'll be working almost all day so, before jumping on the couch to do nothing you went to them a little good morning.

You could say they were very busy with work so you didn't stay for too long in their office. They kissed you good mornings and asked you if you had a good sleep but nothing more. You didn’t want to be a burden so you quickly excused yourself and left.

Now you're laying on the couch laughing your ass off as your show plays on the screen. But unfortunately for you, its the end of the show so now you don't know what to watch.

You grab the remote and put something else. You don't know what it is, you never heard the name of this movie nor heard about it but that's the first thing you found so you decide to let it there.

As you lie back on the couch, a loud siren suddenly yell from outside making you flinch hard. You feel your heartbeat going faster for a moment as you look at the window where the sound came from. The jump caused you to be on a sitting position now.

You feel your breathing going back to normal and the pain you felt in your chest due to the fear is going away by it's own. You slowly lie back down on the couch, taking some breath to be sure you're fully calm now.

You put your attention back on the screen and the incident is now completly forget as you're mind focus on the tv.

The movie isn’t that bad but you’re still happy when the screen goes black, announcing the end. You get up from the couch and make your way toward the kitchen to grab something to eat since it’s now lunch time. You hesitate at going in your daddies’s office to give them their lunch, maybe they’re hungry too, but you decide to not disturbed them. The last thing you want is to make them grumpy. They’re grown men after all, they can go eat by themselves when they’re feeling hungry.

You grab the bread and start making a little meal while thinking about what you’re gonna do after. Maybe watching another movie ? Or probably not, you already watch a lot of tv and you usually get a headache if you overdo screen time. But drawing sounds good.

You grab the knife and start cutting your piece of bread in two pieces when you feel something weird in your chest. It feels like what happened earlier in the day. The same weird thing you felt earlier in the day

You let go of the knife you were holding causing it to fall on the ground. Your daddies’s attention turn toward the baby monitor in their office who is relied to the one in the living room and kitchen. Since this area of the house is relied to each other

You start panicking and take a hold of the island counter, your chest start to tighten and you feel your chest getting heavier and heavier as if all the weight of the world were sitting and punching your chest.

What is happening ? You were fine two seconds before that. You turn to look at the stairs and decide to go upstairs. Maybe laying in your bed is the best idea, right now.

It’s probably because of the screen, you thought, but when you start to walk, you immediately feel the need to sit down. You can’t bear all the pain and all the uncomfortable feelings you feel inside of you. You let yourself go and drop on your knees in the middle of the kitchen floor.

Bucky’s attention is still glued to the baby monitor while Steve is getting back to work. He keeps telling Bucky to calm down and that you probably just dropped a spoon or a knife you were using but something tells him to stay focus on it a little bit longer and Bucky’s instinct never failed him so this time, just like any others, he listen to it

When he hears you whining and your breath starting to get heavier and shorter, he stands up and walks toward the little things beside their desks. Steve almost rolls his eyes because he didn’t heard what his husband had. He just thinks he’s overreacting because you’re alone downstairs and it doesn’t happen every times.

He suddenly hears you falling and he almost drops the thing in his hand as he lets go of everything and decides to make a quick run to you. He opens the door in one quick movement and it’s like in almost two steps, he’s beside you.

You didn’t know you made that much noise until you see your Daddy running down the stairs and to you. He grabs your face with his hands and tilts it toward his, you sees his lips moving but the only thing you can understand is the panic and the concern in your Daddy’s face.

‘’Little one ?’´ he asks looking into your wide eyes ‘’can you hear me ? Where does it hurt ?’’ He asks but the look on your face tells him that you didn’t heard anything.

He stands up and easily lifts you up, he pulls you closer to him and you wrap your legs around his waist. With one hand, he assures your safety in his arms while with the other, he looks through the kitchen for your medication.

He exhales loudly when he finally find it and analyse it. He sighs a second time but a lot less happy than the first time as he puts the medication on the counter. He rubs your back slowly, he can almost feel your heart beating faster and faster more the seconds pass. ‘’It’s okay, babygirl. You’ll be fine, everything is okay’’ before reassures you, not knowing if your attention is on him again or still away.

‘’I’ll rest you on the counter island a little bit and then you’ll come back in my arms. Are you okay with that ?’’ He gently asks, hid lips against your ear as a small whisper comes out. You whine and shake your head, holding him tighter than before with the little strength left in you.

‘okay, beautiful. We’ll wait a little bit more’’ just as he said that, a blond figure appears from the stairs. Steve looks up and frowns when he sees the scenes before him ‘’what happened ?’’ He asks but gets a silence answer from Bucky.

Your Daddy turns his attention back to you ‘’how do you feel about sitting down for a bit ? I’ll be right in front of you, you can hold my hand the whole time so you can be sure I wonky go anywhere’’ he quietly asks and waits for you to answer.

You think about it and slowly nod your head. He smiles and kisses your temple. He walks toward the counter and wait until it touch your ass, letting you know that it’s the time to let go ‘’I’ll help you sit down. Firstly I’ll unwrap your legs and when I’m sure that you’re ready, I’ll unwrap your arms’’ he tells you so you’re ready and knows what will happen.

You whine but nod your head. He lifts your butt and rests it on the counter, he slides his hands along your legs who are around him and gently unlocks your feet. He brings your legs against the counter before letting go of your toes. He then slides his hands on your arms until it reach your hands behind his neck. He squeezes your hands before unlocking them too. He kisses each one of them and rests them against your laps. Just like he promised, he keeps a hand in yours and turns around to find Steve already walking to him with a glass of water.

Even if Steve weren’t here since the beginning of what happened, he still knows what to do for you and what to do for helping Bucky.

‘’Thank you, Stevie’’ Bucky says, grabbing the glass before turning around to look at you ‘’did you took these this morning ?’’ He asks showing you the medications. You look at it and shake your head. Every effort is hard to make, even one simple movement such as moving your head or your body away from your Daddy

Your Papa stands behind you and wraps his arms around your waist, he gently rests his chin on your shoulder, his hands gently stroking your belly just like you love it. It’s something who calm you and make you sleepy and your Daddies know that. They help you getting on a deep sleep at night by doing that when you can’t sleep. But this time, it’s to calm your little heart and to show you that he’s here with you and for you.

Your Daddies look at each other after you shook your head and sigh once again ‘’you know what is it for ?’’ Your Papa asks, turning his gaze to you and to the pills on front of you. You shake your head again. Why does they keep asking you question ? You just want to rest.

‘’Baby, look at me’’ your Daddy’s voice get your attention back to him ‘’those ugly things’’ he says showing you the pills with a grimace ‘’are for your own good, baby’’ he says tilting his head. ‘’it’s for your little heart, and we need you to take it because you are our heart and we need you to be okay because we love you. You need your heart to be in a good shape just as much as we need you to be inn a good shape. Do you understand us ?"

You nod your head telling him you understood even though you didn't really understood. Your Daddy looks at your Papa behind you and they both arch an eyebrow "are you sure you really understood, sweetie ?" your Papa asks, his breath lightly tickling your neck. You nod your head again. You're too tired to tell them you didn't understood and having to wait for them to expalin all over again. You don't have the strengh, right now.

Your Daddy chuckles, he knows what you're doing and decides to let it aside today because it's not the time. You're not focus enough to remember what they're saying even if it's important.

"Just take one now. You have to take it every morning after you woke up" he says giving you the pill and the glass of water. You cring and shake your head. It's bad enough that you have to take it every morning but he want to give one to you now ? In the early afternoon ? It's not morning.

"baby it's really important. Take it." he orders putting the pill in your mouth. You grimace and whine looking one last time at your Daddy for mercy, but the look on his face clearly say that every wars you're ready to take against him is a losing battle. Sighing you allow him to bring the cup of water to your mouth and to take a big sip.

You don't swallow it right away because it's not a small pill so you're scared but with the praises and the words of your Daddies are helping you a lot. It help so much that you finally swallow the pill causing your Daddies to yell their proudness at you. "You did it! we're so proud of you, beautiful" your Daddy says with stars in his eyes

"You're so strong! How did you do ? You'll have to teach me because i'm not as strong as you for taking pills" Your Papa says with a shocked face before winking at you.

You blush and look down at your laps, fidgeting with your fingers. They chuckle and you feel your Papa removing his arms from around you making you whine. It felt so good, his arms around you, the warm of his body against yours, the comfort and reassurance he can give you without actually speaking.

Those feelings are quickly replaced by your Papa's arms again as he lifts you up from the counter after he walked around it to stand in front of you. He leaves the kitchen with your Daddy on his heels and starts to walks up the stairs.

You look at your Daddy who shifts his gaze to you when he feels your eyes on him. He smiles brightly at you and brings his hand to your foot. He hold your toes all the way to their bedroom for a good nap time. You giggle at him because h can't stop making funny face to you to high up the mood.

Your Daddy lets go of you when you reach the bed and your Papa gently rests you down in it. Since you were still in your pyjama, you can immediately slide under the cover and wait for the warmth of your Daddies.

While one of your Daddies went to use the bathroom, the other went to turn off the light of the bedroom and light up the night light before crowling in bed beside you. You immediately snuggle closer to him and sigh in contentement when your favorites feelings come back with his arms around you. You close your eyes and wait for your Daddy to come back from the bathroom to snuggle with you too

You need it but you know that they need it too. They had a lot of work the last few days and really deserve to rest.

You smile when two others arms come around you and you don't need anything more to feel ready to fall asleep and rest.

Now that your heart isn't hurting anymore feel good, a whole lot better. It was scary, really scary but it helped you a lot that your Daddies were there for you, they didn't let you alone, they didn't let you down. They accompanied you to the end and always will.

That's something you're positive about. It took a long time to find someone who'll carry you up to the sky and above the cliuds in everything you want to do, even if it seems like a dumb thing, you needed someone like that. And you found it, you not only found someone, you found two people, two gorgious men who'll do anything to see you fly on your own.

"good nap, baby girl" your Daddy kisses the bak of your neck "you handled things so good, just like a big girl. Don't ever forget how proud we are"

"we love you, always and forever"

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imyourjettt · 1 year

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Next to Me

Pairing: Phillip Graves x f!Reader

Word Count: 727

Warnings: None!! Just a whole bunch of fluff.

Summary: After a long day at work for both you and Phillip Graves, you both decide to relax and get some sleep.

Authors Note: I love taking requests since I have such bad writer's block right now :))

You were exhausted by the time you got home. Your workload today was off the charts, so you were ready to relax and get a good night's rest. As you unlock the door, your phone rings, it's a message from your boyfriend, Phillip Graves.

It reads, "Sorry hun, I'll be home late again- tons of shit to work on. Don't stay up, I'll join you soon." he explains, then follows it up with, "I love you."

You couldn't help but smile at his message. You loved him so much, but some days you didn't get to see him often due to his work. You weren't upset because you knew he would always make it up to you. Replying quickly, "Don't worry about it, see you soon. Love you <3."

And with that, you got ready for bed- taking a quick yet relaxing shower, eating a late-night snack, and watching your TV show on the couch while waiting for Graves. He never liked you staying up, wasting your precious sleep just to wait for him. But you knew, deep down, he did enjoy the effort you put into waiting. Even though by the time he got home you were knocked out, with the TV still on.

That exact scenario happened yet once again. You promised yourself you would stay awake just for him. Your eyesight starts to go in and out of focus, not understanding what the TV show was talking about at this point. Then your eyes rested, and you got comfortable on the couch and drifted off to sleep.

Around 2 hours later the front door quietly jingles open and Graves walks in. He always tries his hardest to be very quiet when coming home, since he knew you would probably be sleeping somewhere in the living room. Since this was a common occurrence he takes a quick shower at his base before he came home. He walks over to the couch to find you sleeping peacefully with the TV still on. If he was being honest, he could watch you sleep forever. He found comfort in it- just knowing you are safe, comfortable, and near him. He quietly turns off the TV and looks back over to you with a smile. He kneels, watching you, and wonders what you're dreaming about. He gently raises his hand and pushes the hair out of your face, tucking it behind your ear.

“Phil?” you whisper- still half asleep.

He hums in response.

You open your eyes slightly and once they adjust you see him smiling down at you lovingly. “Sorry I couldn’t stay up… and wait for you”

“It’s alright Doll, I told you to sleep anyways.” he quietly says. He leans over and kisses you softly.

You reach over to him, entangling your arms around his neck and pulling him in while mumbling some nonsense.

He took this opportunity to lift you, bridal style, and carry you over to the bedroom. You snuggle up against him, holding onto him as if you never wanted to let go.

"I'm so tired," you said quietly into his ear.

He laughs. The low grumble of his laugh made you feel even warmer inside. If he keeps laughing like that, you could fall asleep right in his arms. "I know, I know. Don't worry we're going to sleep," he says.

The bedroom door opens and Graves walks over to your side of the bed gently putting you down. He tucks you in and promises he will be right back. He walks away to change out of his clothes and into just a pair of comfortable pants. He walks over to the other side of the bed and gets in. His arms wrap around you pulling you close- practically on top of his chest. Graves usually lays on his back, with one hand behind his head and the other holding you close to him. You enjoyed the way he always held you close when sleeping together. It gave you comfort and a sense of security. With your head on his chest, you could hear the rhythm of his heartbeat. It always lulls you to sleep. The hand that held you slowly moves back and forth across your back, it soothes you.

You let your mind drift off, "I love you Graves." you say softly.

He smiles tiredly, "I love you too sweetie."

#call of duty #call of duty mw2 #phillip graves #phillip graves x you #phillip graves x reader #i love phillip graves

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ecrivainsolitaire · 11 months

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Zoloft day 17

Today some drunk neighbours were smoking under my balcony and before I could tell them to gtfo I had a mini freakout about their potential reaction. Bad sign. Up until now I've been absolutely shameless since I started taking the pills. I even flirted with a friend's sister who was coming onto me at her graduation the other day, in front of their parents, which used to be a legendary mode challenge level for me. The incident this morning made me question if the effects are wearing out, though until I have more tangible proof I'll attribute it to missed sleep. I've also been getting a bit hungrier, which may have to do with the fact that I had a couple days where I absolutely broke my diet so my stomach may have expanded back to original size. I'll try to see if it's a reversible outcome.

My libido is slowly coming back. Very slowly. Glacially slowly. Tectonic plates level slowly. But it is coming back, which is a relief. In a couple weeks I should probably be able to finish again. Initially I thought it was happening at the times where the pill had already worn out for the day, since it's been happening in the middle of my sleep around 3am, but today I fell asleep in the afternoon and it happened again. That also could be the pills losing their effectiveness, but I choose to remain optimistic. I'm no longer worried I'm being targeted by some sort of dramatic irony based vendetta from a greek god who decided to take away from me the two things that helped with my panic attacks before the sertraline: that and weed. I may eventually go back to normal without having to quit the pill. I've never been one for patience, but time will tell.

I am so thirsty all the time. Not that kind of thirsty, actually dehydrated. I already live in an incredibly hot place so it's quite annoying having to always be seeking water especially in places it's not as available and I have to rely on sugary drinks. I may have to start carrying a water bottle around.

I'm considering piercing my ears. I mean, I was already considering it but now I think I could do it without going catatonic due to my fear of needles or how my uber Christian family may react to their amab son queering it up a notch. They'd have a heart attack if they heard I went to pride last year and plan to go back this year. But I don't care that much now.

I keep fighting with my uncle about meaningless nonsense but I no longer take his conspiracy theories as an existential threat. We actually had a somewhat civilised discussion yesterday. Even my grandma noticed the air was lighter around us.

Since my whole family is on a low fat diet due to medical reasons I've been forced to cook less fatty meals lately, which has given me some perspective on just how much oil and lard I usually consume and how bad my stomach feels after. That feeling used to be relief from the anxiety, like adding it to my stomach somehow made me feel out of danger, but now it just hurts. I really gotta cut down on the oils and stuff.

I notice whenever I see someone online or in person say something really dumb I get cynical and mean about it. I don't like the feeling. I shouldn't be so judgemental of those around me, I just don't know how to change it yet. I already knew this to some extent but I used it as a defence mechanism from things that no longer feel threatening. I need to stop that.

Going online to look at memes and social media is no longer as fun or rewarding as it used to. By contrast, I have an increased capacity to sit through a TV show or movie for extended periods, which in the last few years I could only do with my favourites, like the MCU. The other day I saw a nearly three hour long samurai movie and although it was in two sittings and it's not usually my favourite genre I didn't get bored out of it and quit. It seems like my brain now rewards longer forms of entertainment that are more engaging instead of quick dopamine bursts. I might try to read again.

I'm working on a secret project that involves learning to code, and with some help from ChatGPT I've done more progress this morning than the last couple months I've been thinking about it. Having such a powerful learning tool essentially act as my project manager and code tutor keeps me motivated to continue. I estimate it'll take about a year to complete but I'm more confident now about my ability to keep working on a project for longer. I wish Tumblr stopped having a moral panic about AI and started to see it as the tool that it is; there's a lot of misconceptions about what it can and can't do, and most of it is to blame on OpenAI's marketing team. When you're using it to supplement your original ideas instead of trying to plagiarize it can actually do miracles. But thankfully I feel less and less interested in getting into fights about it. Eventually they'll have to come around, it was the same when smartphones came out and everyone was freaking out about omnipresent internet connection.

Overall, I feel mostly at peace. Life isn't perfect by any means, but it's bearable now. once my body fully adapts to the pills, I'll hopefully be doing a lot better. Even despite the extremely frustrating side effects, this is one of the best decisions I've ever made. I only wish I'd done it sooner.

Also, because of my project, I spent all morning writing. I can write again. I should get back to my children's book I stopped writing because all the characters were depressed and miserable. Perhaps this time I'll be able to finish it.

#tripping on zoloft #zoloft #sertraline

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lone-wolf-no-more · 1 year

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That Light at the End May be Further Than You Think...That's Okay

Monday, February 6th, 2023

Man, today was a bit more tricky. I’ve come to realize that I need to double down on understanding and properly executing (in a mechanical, non-emotional) my trading plan. Can’t leave things up to chance, I must plan and engage like a patient hunter, and once 11:30 AM is here, call it a day, no matter how it played out.

This next part is essentially verbatim what I messaged Eissac:

Yeah, it's official. I'm starting over at Day 1 again tomorrow. It may sound a bit silly, but a certain movie scene comes to mind right now. Firstly, the restart is due to the stupid TV, yet again. This whole challenge is very much about my ability to completely ignore distractions that are RIGHT there in front of me, and I can't take it easy on myself. If I have to keep telling myself to keep my eyes down whenever I leave the room or pass the TV, so be it. I'm not going to give myself slack because "I won't get to the end if I don't show 'mercy' with myself", or whatever. Here's the deal. I have been in this cycle of dependence and starting over for several years now, and it's time to frickin ENGAGE and break out of it. No more screwing around, no more wasting a "few moments" here and there with watching a random video while I take a dump, (or even checking the weather. Like, why do I need to always know that? The weather's going to do whatever it's going to do!) while time passes me by. Seconds add up into minutes, minutes into hours, into days, into months, into years.

Oh, the movie scene? Near the beginning of Chicken Run (which is inspired by The Great Escape, by the way), the main character gets caught trying to escape over, and over, and over...and over, and each time is put into solitary confinement. But that doesn't stop her from losing sight of her goal: freedom, no matter what she has to do to make it happen. I loved that movie as a kid, and I still do. Interesting how you can get more out of something as you get older.

Anyways, gotta push through this short-term pain (but is it really pain, or just my awkward, self-sabotaging self dying inside and trying to hold on?) and get to where I really want to be.

So, each evening before I get off my computer, I'll send screenshots of the time-logging apps on my computer, along with my journal entries (as before). Then, I'll send the ones from my phones the next morning, since the day isn't over until I'm in bed, and it hits midnight, essentially.

I'm putting thoughts down in my journal throughout the day now, and going back to it before bed, so that I both have the benefit of re-visiting those thoughts then, and also not trying to think of everything I want to say and jam it in before getting off my computer.

So, right now it’s 2:14 PM. Sleep wasn’t fantastic last night, but I’m still very grateful that I appear to be doing better mentally and physically with each passing day.

As I stated above, the morning’s trading session was incredibly intense. The irony is that I did better on those two other days when we had major news releases. Chat was saying it’s because NAS doesn’t mess around, and makes it move more quickly on those days. I’m seeing that more clearly now.

I’m SO close to turning my love-hate relationship with arguably the most volatile trading instrument (definitely not the most crazy, that goes to Bitcoin and crypto in general lol. That has more sudden volatility than consistent volatility) into one of obsessive...love? Nah, I won’t say that.

No matter how well I do with trading Nasdaq, I’m not sure if I’ll use the world love to describe it. It’s more like, Nasdaq is a huge wave, and I’m the surfer. I have absolutely no say in what the wave is going to do, I can only do the best I can in trying to predict where the wave will go, and for how long, and try to ride it. Ride it too long, I crash. Get on too late, I crash. Get on too early...well, you get the idea. But if I catch the wave correctly...COWBUNGA baby!

I of course am not saying a word in our trading Discord of my present circumstances, and how much is riding on my ability to catch those waves. I would hear a chorus of something along the lines of “Get a job on the side to avoid emotions screwing you up”, and “This is a marathon, not a sprint.” And they’d be right...and wrong. Because this isn’t the be-all, end-all. 2023 ITSELF is another major wave, and day trading isn’t going to enable me to catch it entirely. It’s utilizing the money gained from day trading, and making the shift over to TikTok drop shipping (where teenagers are making more in one day than people in my Discord are in a week trading), and in other business models that will give me sustainable, less pulse-pounding sources of income.

I mean, I’ll go out and surf (or should I say, hunt wild animals; another good comparison) if I have to, but in order to take less pressure off myself in that area, I need to also start some farms and gardens, as it were.

Alright. Got 2 hours until I’m off my computer. I believe I may actually have my one trading bot issue under control, and it looks like the updated Forex bot is doing its thing.

Once I get Nasdaq trading down pat, that one will be good for making a bit of extra money on non-news days.

Listened just to music today, and to ASMR audios while I did my mindfulness stuff. Really focused in on the training affirmations. Let me tell ya, when the news is going in the background, while a cat is meowing loudly for attention, THAT is a real test of your patience and empathy! This was going on while trying to do mindfulness. Fun times.

Pretty uneventful day otherwise. Read some 20,000 Leagues under the Sea while I was testing a scheduler program for the bot. It gave my brain a much needed mental break, to be sure.

Take note: reading is yet another tool in helping to refocus your mind, so that you can go back to demanding tasks later in a better headspace. Yes, these seem to be literally demanding tasks in my head at times lol. Kinda like an inner voice going, “DON’T IGNORE ME! I MUST BE SOLVED NOW, you don’t have time for mindfulness or reading! ANY time whatsoever not done in learning about trading, taking notes about trading, or doing trading itself is wasted time!”

All of this is complete and utter nonsense, of course. Unless my mindset is in proper alignment, I.e, I’m in the headspace of a “professional trader”, I can’t get the most out of those times. So 30 to 40ish minutes a day is part of the very work of stepping into that identity of a disciplined, level-headed, empathetic entrepreneur and trader.

Skin of a rhino, heart of a baby. That’s the key. That’s the key. Remember those words, and stick with them, 1, 2, 3, 1, 2...ahem, don’t know what came over me.

Alrightly, beginning tomorrow, my blogs will essentially just be basically the gist of my journal text, and like before, screenshots of my time and habit trackers, along with any other useful links related to what I’m talking about.

Oh, and about that “surviving sleeping outside in the polar vortex video”? Well, I worked on one that was more important for today. My friend who does ASMR is going through a bit of a rough patch, and I really wanted to throw something together to cheer her up. I basically made a short music video (of me playing piano, combined with my own b-roll) hinting at a tune that her character sings in her Southern Charmer role play video.

I’m not going to link it out here, because it was meant mainly for her. It’s the same girl as the video that “accidentally” showed up in the previous post two days agao.

But rest assured, that other video will be coming shortly. And you will see a great chronicle of man versus nature, of great coura...ahem. It’ll be coming soon.

Thanks as always for being awesome and reading this to the end. Remember, you got this!

Music I listened to today:

Chopin Ballade No. 1 in G Minor. Quite possibly in my Top 10 favorite piano pieces. This particular recording came from an album I discovered when I was around 15 years old, at my local library. Whoever curated their Classical albums did a great job.

youtube

The entirety of the Album ("Mad About Piano") has many beautiful interpretations of pieces that are among my favorites to this day. Basically, it's hard to go wrong with the Deutsche Gramophone label. Alright, I'm done gushing about music (for now hehe).

Tudaloo.

#Youtube

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goodomensmike · 2 years

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Tumblr Get To Know Me Emojis

🎨 = Favorite Color(s)?

Soft blues and pastels in general.

🌅 = Early Bird or Night Owl?

Early bird, but not by choice. Career and parenting forced me into short sleep cycles and early mornings. Now it's just how I am.

👀 = Eye Color?

Hazel. They tend to shift with what I am wearing and you emotions. When I am very happy, they are a clear, bright green. When I am in pain or sad, they are an almost white shade of grey. When I am annoyed or deep in thought, it appears a bright blue. When I am ready to break someone they get large dollops of gold and brown.

🤩 = Celebrity Crush?

I have a few. I'll put pictures here.

But Stevie Nicks,

the late Laura Brannigan,

Ann Wilson of Heart,

The Corr sisters,

Orla Gartland, who is one of the most incredible singers out there.

Nathalie Miranda, who has a gritty, passionate voice that blows me away (plus she is just plain sweet and nice and hard working)

Julia Jones (actually being part Native American i am rather drawn to all my relations there),

Tia Carrera (I have a strong attraction and desire towards Asia/Pacific women and men),

Julia Nunes, whose career i have been following since 2008, and is the hardest working, most gorgeous AND talented woman on the freaking planet. There is some REAL brains and guts for you!

Richard Dean Anderson,

and oh my Gods who ISN'T attracted to Jason Momoa?! (Drools)

📺 = Favorite Childhood TV Show(s)?

Battlestar Galactica, MacGyver, Knight Rider

💈= Current Hair Color?

Sandy. It is a blend of grey, silver, blonde, brown, and red highlights

🔐 = Relationship Status?

Open/Poly. Today, as I am writing this, is 28 years married and 30 years dating earlier this year (March 23). I have dated both men and women, and while I still "bi-cycle" it tends to go 40-40-20 one way or the other. (Women, men, other)

🌎 = What Country Are You From?

Same 💩hole I'm in now, United (that's a freaking laugh!) States of America

🙀 = Favorite Scary Movie?

Hellraiser or Event Horizon

🔮 = Advice You Would Give To Your Younger Self?

Oh Gods, REAMS! I'll do that later, maybe even in video form.

🎊 = Favorite Holiday?

Lughnasadh or Mabon

🐉 = Zodiac Symbol?

Virgo in Tropical system, Leo in Sidereal

🏘 = Any Siblings?

I am one of 10 by my dad, but my moms only child

✨ = If You Could Be Any Supernatural Creature, What Would You Be?

Good question. I need time to think about that.

📏 = How Tall Are You?

Five foot none inches aka 175.26 CM

🤓 = Do You Wear Glasses?

No, but I am pretty sure I need them

🍿 = Favorite Snack?

Slices apples, bananas, pears, jellied cranberry sauce, yogurt covered raisins

🐶 = Any Pets?

5 cats. I also have a mated couple of deer who like to come see me and sit with me in the morning. I don't feed them and haven't done anything to make this occur. They just picked me. The coyote pack on Lake Hartwell did the same for years.

👽 = Do You Believe in Aliens?

Seems like an awful big waste of space and probably mathematically impossible for there NOT to be.

🥑 = Favorite Food(s)?

Avocados, pizza, extra sharp Cheddar, grapes, pumpkins, squash, succotash

⏰ = Current Time Zone?

Eastern daylight aka -5 GMT

🗓 = Favorite Season?

Autumn

💅 = Do You Wear Makeup?

Does nail polish count? I have in the past and probably will again. I have no interest nor attachments to gender norms, but I also have 0 desire to do anything out of the way to flaunt them.

💉 = Do You Have Tattoos?

I wish. Too expensive. I want the art in the cover of Liber Aba and a few other things, but just haven't had the means when I had the will.

📍 = What’s The Furthest You’ve Travelled?

Well, my memory is damaged due to a prescription med interaction in 2016, but I can tell you I have been on every Continent except Antarctica.

💔 = Have You Ever Had Your Heart Broken?

Multiple times. If you love for real, you're going to hurt. Brian Moshpit, Danny from school, Shannon from Junior high..you can love and let go, and still find strength in that love while just being happy and hoping they are happy.

☎️ = What’s The Last Text You Received?

A 🤬 advert from Chili's

🏀 = What Sport(s) Do You Play/Have You Played?

I used to play soccer (REAL football!), field hockey, ice hockey, baseball, and golf (terribly! Got called the divot king)

💀 = Have You Ever Broken A Bone?

Have one healing right now, my left foot. I've had 35 total in my lifetime.

❓ = Freebie Question (Ask Whatever You Want)

Fire away. Let's hear some!

Thanks to the following for sharing!

@syven-siren

@serpentandthreads

@a-witch-named-crow

#get to know tag #get to know me emojis #here i am #here i remain #nerd #pround native american #tsalagi #bi pride #just being honest #thelemite #jedi thoughts #proud pagan #inside my mind

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watermelonlovershigh · 3 years

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Day in the Life of a Single Dad with a 2 Yr Old

This was requested by this anon.

AN: let me know if you guys like fluff fics & i'll try to write them as frequent as my smut & sicfics. also couldn't come up with a better title so... yeah the title is a lil iffy.

Things to help you understand this story better:

(Harry is a single parent/Harry is 25/Harry is a healthy eater/Loves his daughter so much)

Harry is peacefully sleeping in his bed alone. Covers to his chin, curled up on his side. That is until his beautiful two year old daughter comes barging in there to wake her daddy up. He shouldn't be asleep she thinks. It's too late. In reality its only 7 am on a Saturday, but to an early riser like her, he should be awake and playing with her. Or making her breakfast.

Her little feet pad over to her daddy's side of the bed. She can barley reach him due to the height of his bed, but manages to stretch her little arms up and taps on Harrys face. "Daddy, wake up." she speaks in her little British accent. Harry slowly opens his eyes and immediately squeezes them shut because of the sunlight coming from the window blinding him. "Daddy!!" his daughter says a little louder.

If his daughter was any older, Harry might tell her to wait a few minutes or go back to bed because it's too early, but he knows she's only 2. So he forces his eyes open again and reaches down to hook his hands in her tiny arm pits to lift her on the bed. "Why are you awake so early babe." he asks in a gravely voice, while placing her on his bare chest.

"I hungry." her tiny voice replies.

"Mhmm what would you like?" Harry mumbles sleepily.

"Sweets." she says innocently.

"I don't think so love. We don't eat sweets for breakfast. It will give you a tummy ache. What about a healthy fruit salad. We have some Watermelon and Strawberries in the fridge." he replies to his daughter who's straddling his chest.

"NO, I WANT SWEETS! I WANT SWEETS!" she yells back with angry tears threatening to escape.

"D/n, we do not yell!" her father speaks firmly. "We can't have sweets but we can have something other than a fruit salad if you want. Lets go down and see what we have." With a tight grip on his upset daughter, Harry gets out of bed and makes his way down the spiral staircase and into the kitchen.

This wasn't something new to him. Ever since his daughter turned 2 in August, she's been acting up a lot more than previously. You could say it was the terrible twos everyone talks about. Harry tries his hardest to teach her the proper ways to behave but it's been proven to be a lot more difficult than anticipated. Especially hard when he's busy all the time and isn't with her 24/7 like stay-at-home mums are or stay-at-home dads were. He's a musician. Not a so called musician that gets excited to book a Friday night at the local pub. No, Harry is a international pop star.

When he ended up getting a one-night stand pregnant, he told them they could do what they wanted as far keeping the baby or not. Harry has always been one to agree that its a women's choice. But his one-night stand wanted to have the baby. Honestly, you'd think Harry would get angry that she decided to keep it, but he wasn't. Maybe it wasn't the ideal situation to have a baby from a one-night stand that he had on tour, but he being the loving Harry everyone seems to know and love, of course tried to look at it as a positive thing. But when his daughter was born, his one-night stand got her minute of fame by saying she had Harry Styles baby and left. Abandoned her own blood. Harry had to get full custody of his daughter and ever since then she's been living with her daddy.

It was really hard the first few months of her life. A baby needs their mothers comfort and warmth and she had none of that. She never got the opportunity to breast feed or feel the love of her mother, and Harry feels sick just thinking about it. So Harry put his career on hold for a few months to take care of his daughter and show her that someone cares for her. He never wanted her to feel unloved. It was his biggest fear. That's why every day since the day she was born, he tells her how much he loves her. Shows her how much he loves her.

He did all her nightly feedings with warmed up formula in bottles. He changed her diapers at all hours of the day. He gave her baths every day to make sure she smelled nice and clean. And when she turned 1 years old and was getting more active, he took her to the studio with him and let her play her toys.

Just because Harry is a single parent doesn't mean he doesn't have help or support. He has a lot of help when it comes to taking care of his daughter. His sister Gemma babysits all the time for him when he's got something very important to do at the studio where he'd prefer if his daughter wasn't there. Harry's mum watches his daughter frequently when he has a interview he needs to attend. Even some of Harry's friends watch or take care of her when needed. Especially some of his ex bandmates that have kids of their own now. Harry's daughter has playdates with Bear, Liam's son about once a month. They're about the same age and their dads are friends so it works out great. His daughter has even played with Freddie, Louis's son. Not as much because Freddie lives in America but when he comes to England to spend time with his father they hang out. Freddie and Harry's daughter are quite similar. They were both created due to a one-night stand. The only difference is Freddie's mum wanted him. Didn't abandon him. So he has a relationship with both parents. Needless to say, besides all the things a mother can give to their child, his daughter has a good life. People love her, and once again that's all Harry could ask for. People and himself to love his daughter.

After fighting with his daughter about what to eat for breakfast, she finally settles for some Strawberry pancakes as long as they have chocolate syrup on top. Harry gives in and allows a little chocolate for her to have with breakfast. She sits in her high chair munching on the pancakes while Harry cleans the mess from cooking. Like washing the pan and wiping the stove off. When he's finished cleaning, he notices his daughter has stopped eating and is just making a mess with her food at this point.

Walking up to her high chair, Harry bends down and lifts her sticky body up and says, "Alright, time to give you a bath little one."

"No bath daddy! Me no want a bath!" she yells and attempts to kick her fathers legs but Harry grabs ahold of them in his big hand and stops her movements which makes her small body more angry. She screams very loud in his ear and pounds her baby fist in his shoulders, expressing her anger. Harry really wants to get upset. But what he's read in parenting books is that if you ignore their behavior and act like you don't see their tantrums, it will make it better and they'll give up on trying so hard to show their anger. Because most toddlers have tantrums to try and get attention from their parent(s). By ignoring it, you're not feeding into it.

"I'm sorry but you have chocolate all over you love. Need to get you clean because I need to take you to the studio for a few hours with me today. How does that sound?" trying to make bath time and going to the studio sound fun.

After fighting with Darcy to get in the bath, Harry finally got her in the tub. He struggled to wash her curly hair due to the fact she wouldn't sit still, even after he gave her a rubber ducky to play with. Once he's washed her hair and chocolate covered body, Harry picks her up and wraps her in a big fluffy towel, then takes her to her room to get changed. He manages to get a pull up on her, (still trying to potty train), and puts a lovely red track suit on her with some Gucci shoes. Then he carries her in front of the bathroom mirror to brush her hair.

"Be good for daddy and let me brush your hair." Harry tells his daughter in a gentle manner.

As soon as he passes the brush in her hair, his daughter screams, "Owww, it hurts daddy!"

10 minutes later, Harry has brushed her locks and put her hair into some cute pigtails. With his 2 year old crying in the process. He's pretty good at doing hair because he used to have longer hair himself. Then he picks her up off the counter and places her on the ground, walking her to his bedroom.

"Can you lay in my bed while I get ready? I'll put on your favorite show." he questions calmly.

"Peppa Pig, Peppa Pig, Peppa Pig!" is daughter chants.

"Alright, alright." He picks up his baby girl and sets her in the middle of his bed. Then he grabs the remote to turn his wall mounted tv on. He scrolls on Netflix and finds Peppa Pig to keep her occupied. Then goes to his bathroom to get dressed and ready to head to the studio.

When he exits his bathroom fully dressed and ready to leave, he finds a sleeping toddler on his bed, snuggled into his pillow. Her perfectly outlined lips slightly parted. Harry can't help but smile. He loves his baby girl with his entirety and seeing her peaceful like this makes him so happy. He turns the tv off and carefully picks her up into his arms and heads down the stairs to his car in the garage. But not before stopping by her room to pick up her mini backpack that holds extra pullups and a sippy cup full of juice, with some of her toys as well. Her tiny face is stuffed into her daddy's neck and Harry can feel light puffs of air hitting his skin. He puts his daughter in her car seat and buckles her up properly. Then gets in himself to drive to the studio.

About 5 minutes away from the studio, Darcy wakes up from her late morning nap and whines out, "Me wanna go home and play with you!"

"I'm sorry but I have to work for a little bit. I'll play with you when we get home later. How does that sound Hmm?" She was not satisfied with her fathers answer and starts wailing. Hot salty tears run down her little cheeks and she makes exaggerated sounds to emphasize her crying. She kicks at the seat in front of her and balls her fist up as if she's going to hit something but unfortunately to her, she can't reach a single thing due to her seat belt. Once again, Harry just ignores her cries of anger and turns the radio on loud to block it out.

By the time they arrive at the studio, Harry's daughter has calmed down. She's still upset but at least she isn't crying and that's progress in Harry's eyes. He parks his car in a secluded area to hide from potential paparazzi and unbuckles her. Then shields her face form potential cameras and make their way into the music studio. Harry has to record some audio for his newest album so that's why he needed to come in today. They enter the studio where the rest of his solo band is. He prefers to record the instruments live instead of manufactured drums and guitars.

At some point when he was getting ready in his home bathroom, Harry had called his assistant and told her he needed to bring his daughter in to the studio with him so she could watch her while he's busy. She agreed but being Harry Styles assistant, it wasn't really an option. Not that Harry would force her but she's an assistant for a reason. To do jobs Harry assigns her. In this case babysit his toddler while he records a song. He doesn't have anyone else today and unfortunately can't leave her at home with a mummy like many other fathers can. He's just happy his job allows his daughter to be somewhat a part of it. Not in the spotlight because he keeps his daughters identity a secret from the public for her protection, but as far as her going to the studio with him or when she gets older, she can come on tour with him.

Harry's assistant takes his toddler and her mini backpack full of her essentials. They hang out in the open area, out of the way from his band and he himself so he can get what he needs to get done so they can wrap everything up for the album. Harry's daughter actually loves his assistant. They have grown quite close over the 2 years of her life. But because she's going through her terrible twos, the toddler didn't want to behave for anyone today.

About an hour into Harry's work, he's interrupted with a frantic assistant that has a screaming toddler in her arms. "I'm sorry Harry but she's been crying for about 30 minutes and I've done everything I know to do to get her to calm down." Harry isn't upset his assistant came to him for help with his baby. That's not the type of guy he is.

Harry takes off his headphones and walks over to them. He picks his little girl up into his tattooed arms and questions, "Love, why are you upset for? If you keep crying, you'll end up with a tummy ache."

She just hugs around her fathers neck with her little arms and says, "Want you daddy." Those words almost breaks his heart. Harry doesn't know where this sudden want for him has came from.

"You can have me all you want when I'm finished working, alright. I'll be done shortly." He struggles to pass her back over to his assistant, but finally manages. "Maybe she's hungry. I'll give you a few pounds to take her through drive thru at McDonalds. Would you like McDonalds d/n?" She just nods her pigtailed head. He would suggest for them to go inside, but the public knows what his assistant looks like so they'd know that was his daughter. The daughter that has her identity secret for now. His assistant takes the toddler to the McDonalds drive thru and orders her some chicken nuggets. Even through Harrys pescatarian, he still allows his daughter to eat meats. Then Harry goes back to work in the studio.

Around 2 in the afternoon, Harry and the two year old make it back home. The rest of the evening was a little hectic with a few tantrums here and there. Harry cooked them a nice meal for dinner at about 6 and played dolls with her in the short period of time she wasn't upset. Then comes the dreaded bedtime.

Harry changes her into some pjs and helps her brush her teeth. Then when he went to put her in bed, she started crying for the 100th time today. "Me sleep with you daddy." she cries out. There's a part of him that wants to say yes and cave in, but the parent part of him is saying no. She needs to learn to be a big girl. Harry really doesn't understand why she wants to sleep with him all the sudden. She normally has no problem sleeping by herself.

"No baby. You need to be a big girl and sleep in your bed sweetheart. I'm right next door if you need me though okay." His daughter clings to his body and cries fat tears. Harry decides to stay in her room until she falls asleep. So that's what he does. When she subsumes to sleep, he lays her down in her bed and pulls the covers up over her frail body. Then exits her room quietly.

Harry changes into some comfier clothes himself and goes down stairs to get himself a glass of wine. Then he sits on the sofa and turns a series on to watch before bed. Times like now is when he wishes he had a wife. He'd even take a girlfriend. Just someone to hold him late at night and cuddle with him. Even have some type of intimacy. Ever since he found out about his daughter, Harrys game of sleeping around stopped. He didn't want to keep sleeping with random girls when he was becoming a dad. He was raised better than that. So needless to say he was lonely. In every way possible. Mentally, and physically.

Whilst in the middle of the show he's watching, Harry is brought back to reality when he hears a blood-curdling scream from up the stairs. He rushes to set his wine down on the coffee table and runs to his daughters room. When he walks in there, his heart sinks. The toddler is crying so hard she's gasping for air. It's a different cry that he's seen through-out the day. Unlike her terrible twos tantrums, this cry sounds like she's scared. Harry runs to her and picks her up. "Hey what's wrong my love? Tell daddy what's wrong." he asks of his child, soothing her to his chest.

As her tears slow down in the comfort of her daddy's arms, she mumbles, "You left me." Once again Harrys confused because she never acts like this.

Harry walks out her bedroom and goes to sit with her on the sofa downstairs. Then he turns her around on his lap to look at her face more clearly. "Baby, you need to tell daddy why you got scared or why you want me all the sudden."

The little 2 year old takes a deep breath and speaks in her little accent, "On Peppa Pig, they...they said kids like me are supposed to have a mummy AND a daddy. They said daddies can't love their babies like mummy's can. Me was scared you don't love me anymore." Her voice cracked saying the last bit with fresh tears running down her face and Harry has glossy eyes looking down at his distressed but beautiful mini twin. That's right. They look almost exactly alike. He thanks God every day for that because he doesn't want to look at his daughter and be reminded of a one-night stand that's a piece of shit of a mother.

"Look at me d/n. I love you so so so much. I will NEVER stop loving you." at this point he has to take a deep breath so compose his emotions, "And not all kids have mummies. There are a lot of kids who just have a daddy or some just have a mummy. But it doesn't mean I love you any less. Okay?! Don't listen to what they said in Peppa Pig. They were wrong." Finishing his speech, Harry pulls her tiny body forward and hugs her to his warm chest. He has silent tears running down his face. Both hands spread over her boney back. He thinks tonight is appropriate enough to allow her to sleep with him. She needs comfort. "Would you still like to sleep with me?" he asks in a whisper.

"Pleaseee." she responds while crying. Harry stands form the couch, turning the television off and abandoning his barley touched wine glass, and goes to his bedroom. The turns the overhead light off and walks over to the bed. Peeling the covers back, Harry and his daughter, whose on his chest, slide under the warm blankets together. Now she has just about stopped crying. Just little whimpers leaving her body, along with a few hiccups. Harry reaches over to turn the lamp off, leaving the room completely dark. He shushes his baby until her eyes slowly close and she falls asleep with her face burred in his neck and arms around his neck. Her short legs lay limp over his stomach.

Harry has a difficult time falling asleep that night. He feels sorry for his baby girl because he worries that movies and shows with two parents will make her sad and left out because she doesn't have a mummy. He just prays she will see all she'll ever need is her daddy to protect her and love her for the rest of eternity.

MASTERLIST & My Favorite Harry Styles Fics MASTERLIST

#fluff #harrystyles #harrystylesoneshot #dad!harry #dad harry #dadharry #dadharrystyles #harry #styles #singleparent #harrystylessingleparent #comfort #terribletwos #ddm #daddydaughtermoments

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btssunnyboy · 4 years

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Happy Holidays- BTS

Happy Holidays consists of too many gifts and a gift sweeter then a gingerbread house.

Word Count - 3,571

Warning - lots of fluff, worried about significant others,. A gingerbread house mishap. Can you guess who caused it?

ALSO PLEASE GIVE ME FEEDBACK IT IS REALLY APPRECIATED!

Masterlist

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The weather outside was definitely frightful. The blizzard was building in strength and it was making your body build up with worries. The boys had left almost two hours ago to get some last minute supplies. No matter how hard you begged and pleaded they promised they'd be more then careful and be back within the snap of a finger. Two hours ago and your lovers had yet to walk through that big wooden door.

You could feel your nails growing thin from the numerous amounts of times you've slightly bitten them. The blanket around your shoulders was providing little warmth as you stayed glued to the window sill. Just hoping and praying that the familiar black Cadillacs would pull into the driveway. You could feel the slight tears swelling up in your glossy eyes. Terrible thoughts clouded your already messy mind, just adding to the stress. Images of car wrecks and the boys heavily injured made your stomach drop.

You just wanted your boys home and you'd do anything to see them walk through that door. The time flashing on the clock was just slightly away from striking midnight. Your chest was getting tighter as the minutes passed. Even though you eyes were growing heavy, you never left that small sill. You needed to stay because you hoped they'd be home soon.

Just as your weak eyes were about to finally close for the night, blinding headlights shot through the foggy glass of the window. With a mind still in a sleepy haze the source of the lights never registered in your head until loud knocks banged against the wood. Hastily throwing the purple blanket against the floor, you ignored the sting of the cold tiles against your feet. You yanked the door open and was greeted with the sight of three red nose and puffy eyed men. Without thinking you raced through the snow and towards the trunk of the cars. A tight grip around your waist pulled you back as quickly as you stepped one foot in the snow.

"Baby, stay inside you'll get sick." Jimin spoke as he teeth chartered wildly in his mouth. His lips practically shaking as he wobbled into the house. "They're fine, just getting some bags."

You gripped tightly at the yellow bags in his hands and set them down in the kitchen floor. A small gasps left your lips the moment I've cold hands sneaked underneath your shirt.

"You're gonna freeze the poor girl!" Jin chattered as well as he blew hot air into his hands. His red nose running almost wildly as he made his way towards the fire place.

You gripped Jimin tightly as you buried your face in his shoulders. You wiped underneath your eyes as you pulled away. "I thought something horrible happened I was so worried. Now go get those snow covered clothes off and put something warm on."

He nodded his head as he passed the simple message on. The moment all the boys made their way up the stairs to their rooms you started pulling out the containment's in the bags. Wrapped a little sloppy, but nonetheless wrapped gifts stored within the bags. A small smile graced your face when a few gingerbread house kits were spotted as well.

"Those idiots risked their lives for a gingerbread house." You smiled as your fingers traced over the gumdrops decoration on the box.

"You wanted it so we went and got it!" Hoseok sniffed as he wrapped his arms around you. His icy body finding comfort in your soothing warm presences. "Yoongi was up for the idea, in fact he even suggested it."

"What about all the wrapped gifts?" You questioned while trying to fix the boys the hot chocolate. Turning the stove down to let the milk simmer.

"We...um about that, we knew you didn't want a lot of things, but we all found so many pretty things that would look absolutely amazing on you!" Hoseok rambled as he quickly dismissed himself to find the cups. An uneasy smile came over his face as he watched you. Not a single sound coming from you.

"You guys buy me enough stuff as it is, I couldn't get you all a lot this year." You sighed, and down casted your eyes. Guilt coated your body like a blanket, they spoiled you with anything and everything. You wanted new shoes, done, new clothes, done. You on the other hand worked at a small department store and it didn't pay very much. Hence the reason you could only afford two gifts for each of them.

"Princess, none of us care if you got us anything or not, all we ever want is you. Holiday or not you're always our present." An embodied voice called from the other room. Before you knew it a hand was spinning you around to face them. A gentle kiss was soon given to your waiting lips as well. It was almost deepen if a cleared throat didn't catch Namjoon's attention.

"Me and Joon got the cups go get settled in with the others. We'll try not to drop them." Hoseok nudged his head towards the living room where the rest of boys were longing to have you back in their arms. "And I'll make Jungkook put the presents under the tree."

"Already on it." Jungkook softly smiled as he placed a chaste kiss to your temple before grabbing the multiple bags. Who new the boy was strong enough to carry so many. You laughed lightly at the thought of him taking on so much exercise just to show off with some shopping bags. "Go and sit down the Christmas movies are already playing."

You gave a quick nod before making your way towards the four boys scattered about in the living room. "Who decided to go out and do some last minute shopping."

Everyone's eyes widen as they were sudden more interested in the movie then your harsh glare. No one spoke up as they forcefully laughed as the character slid through the snow on the tv. You tapped your foot impatiently as the room grew stiff with uneasiness. They said this was a last minute food run and return with hundreds of dollars worth of gifts apparently all of you. "You guys know I how I feel about this."

"We know baby, but -" Jimin tried to explain before you cut him off.

"I know you guys care, but I saw the tags! You went to a freaking Gucci store this late for a gift!" You rambled, upset simply by a Christmas gift. No ill intentions were thought when they got the gifts, they just wanted to see that gorgeous smile on your face. And they thought in order to see that smile on Christmas Day they'd get you something you wanted so dearly.

"We didn't mean to make at us." Taehyung said, his eyes clouded over in what looked like sadness. He fiddled with his fingers as he scooted further away from you on the couch. His movements stopped midway when your hand clasped over his big ones. "Baby...I."

The moment his voice crack you threw yourself in his arms. Taehyung was always a bit more sensitive when it came to you. He done everything in his power — they all did — to make you the happiest women alive. The thought of you being mad at him broke him entirely. "I just thought a smile matching gift would make you happy."

"Honey I'd be happy with a homemade card if it was from you. I don't need expensive things all I need is my precious is my boys. I cannot stress that enough." You mumbled into his neck as he held you tighter. His lips ghosting over the smooth skin in an attempted to keep him calm. "I love you."

He only wrapped his arm tighter around you as he pulled your body up to straddle his waist. The fact that this was a normal position no one batted an eye as they watched, neither did Hoseok or Namjoon when they finally entered with the warm drinks.

"So are you still mad at us?" Yoongi spoke as he reached for your hand. You rolled your eyes playfully as you let he intertwines them together. "Take that as a no."

"Of course I'm not mad, I melt the moment any of you put your hands on me. I just ask that next year you don't go so over board." You suggested as you pulled yourself off of Taehyung and settled between him and Yoongi.

"We make no promises, Love." Jin smiled as he happily slipped on his beverage. "Can't wait for tomorrow!"

"I noticed the gingerbread houses." You smiled as you tried to change the atmosphere.

"We'll work on those later today, but for now let's just watch our movie." Yoongi smiled as he rubbed his hands up and down your arms. "I love you so much, Y/n."

"I love you so much." You smiled as you pulled his head towards you. A seemingly sweet kiss soon turned heated the moment his hand slipped to your neck.

"Get a room."

"Don't mind if we do."

»»————-　✼　————-««

You didn't remember falling asleep or how you wound up in the soft confinement of your bed. With a heavy arm, more like arms, draped across your body. The heat radiating from their body with enough to almost smother you. You gave Yoongi and Jimin small pecks on their forehead before maneuvering underneath their iron grips. It was a miracle they didn't pin you down in their sleep, it's happened multiple times before.

"Geez Louise, look at the bottom of the tree." You gapped as you looked onward to see the stack of gifts practically multiple from last night. There were so many that the small space underneath the tree was so full the rest of the gifts were piled in stacks beside the tree. Stacks meaning definitely more then more.

"Come on, we're making the gingerbread houses!" Hoseok enthused when he spotted your figure at the doorway of the kitchen. His hands grasped your and pulled you swiftly towards the kitchen. "Not so fast."

"I didn't even do-" The sentence was cut short as soft lips were hastily placed against yours. You didn't protest as you wrapped your arms around his neck. His hands rubbed small circles against your clothed hips as he brought you closer. If that was even humanly possible. Sadly, you had to pull away due to the lack of oxygen. Before you could even asked Hoseok pointed a finger upwards. A small little treat was hung right in the doorway.

That little treat was something the boys loved to place around the house, in every place they possibly could. It was a tradition, they'd like to say. While you believed it was an excuse to kiss you every

Mistletoe.

Before you could even step another foot a soft hand cupped your face. Those familiar dark brown eyes that always held a mischievous glint, were staring lovely at you. "I'm next." Compared to Hoseok, Jungkook's kiss was more slow instead of a rush. A nice change, but you loved the feeling of both their kisses either way. Besides they both always left you with a longing feel for more. It was an effect all of them has over you.

"Okay time to see if we understand what we're doing!" You smiled giddily as you dragged him closer. The next hour consisted of many mishaps with icing which resulted in your hair having more then just frosted tips. "Yay! We're done!"

For once the three of you made something decent instead of a horrendous mess. A simple gingerbread house decorated with many pink and purple gumdrops, as well as the occasional candy cane. Most importantly the little iced gingerbread men. You all would've had more if a little brat would've kept his hands out of the treat bag.

"I love how this is what I wake up to." Jin said, sleep still evident in his scratchy voice. His eyes still drooping as he walked towards the fridge. Not before giving a peck to each of you. "By the way Namjoon is about to come in here, I'd clean up that icing if I were you."

"I'll go get the cleaning supplies." You stated as you rushed towards the bathroom. You quickly searched through the bottles underneath the sink and hastily grabbed your towel. You loved Namjoon, but the boy was practically a walking disaster. Having that icing on the floor would only add to the chaos that he could cause. "Oh come on!"

"I swear it was an accident!"

You softly sighed to yourself. The gumdrops were scattered about, the small little splotch of icing on the floor was accompanied by a lot more then the white icing that glued the pieces together. The gingerbread men as well as the entire house was in shambles on the floor. A whole hour and a half of work down the drain. Good thing they bought more then one kit.

"I told you to clean it up." Jin protested as he got his water and bolted out of the kitchen. He saw his chance to avoid this mess and he knew better not ignore his chance of escaping.

"Get the other one?"

"Get the other one. And make sure he stays out of the kitchen!"

»»————-　✼　————-««

"I'm still so sorry about the house." Namjoon glumly said. A sad smile plaguing his soft features. The expression alone made your heart strings pull with guilt. You know he didn't mean it and you should've been nice when you asked him to leave.

"Honey it's fine. I know you didn't do it on purpose, besides we still had at least three more kits!" You tried to cheer him up and so far it didn't seem like it was working. You laid him across your lap as your small fingers made laps through his silky hair. The contentment in his smile made it clear is enjoying this. "I'm sorry I got upset."

"I'm not that little egg killed our gingerbread men!" Jungkook stated with a scoff as he stared at the two of you. A small glare delivered by you seemed to do the job of shutting him up really quickly.

"Enough with the tension who's ready to open a gift!" Taehyung suggested as he slid his way over to the bottom of the tree. His eyes gleaming with joy when he noticed one with his name on it. With a second he grabbed random names and passed them all out. A small smile of happiness grazed everyone’s face.

“Tae, are you sure something like this is for me?” Namjoon questioned as he raised his eyes a him. At the same moment Taehyung’s eyes widen comically as he took another quick peek at the back of the tree.

“I’m sure it’s for you, Hyung.” Taehyung breathed a sigh of relief. The action making you slightly suspicious and worried. You should’ve know Namjoon wouldn’t like such a small gifts. “Well what are you waiting for open them!”

Everyone tore into the gifts without hesitation and awed at each and every single one.

“My knight and shining armor?” Namjoon laughed as he read the incrusted words on the inside of the ring. It didn’t seem like a laugh of amusement, but a laugh of mere happiness. “Princess?”

“I just thought it would be a cute gift, since your only nickname for me is princess. I’m sorry I should’ve gotten you something more flashy you probably think it’s stupid.” You stifled a heartbreaking sigh as you looked down at him in your lap. His familiar touch was felt on your face as he cupped your cheek.

“This is the most sweetest gift I have ever received. I love it.”

“You’re not just saying that so my feelings don’t get hurt are you?” You accused while smiling softly at him. He smiled that heart melting smile and suddenly you were putty in his hands.

“I can now have a piece of you whenever we’re gone.” He spoke in mellow voice sounding like heaven in your ears.

“I hope mines from you, but we all know what I really want.” Jungkook beamed as he ripped out the package. His eyebrows creased in confusion as he stared at the small, empty brown box.

“You’ll get yours after the storm settles down.” You smiled. The bunny smile he was so lucky to have shines brightly. “But no huge ones.”

“Wait you’re actually getting the tattoos with me!” Jungkook bellowed as he races towards you. His hands cupping your face as he planted multiple kisses across your forehead, cheeks, nose and finally your mouth. His teeth grazing yours slightly due to the speed at which he delivered those chaste kisses. “I thought you hated needles! Please don’t do this if you’re only doing it to make me happy.”

“Kookie, I’m doing because I want to and getting cute matching ones with you would make it even better.” You said, trying to calm his worries. “I love you, bunny.”

“I love you, baby. Now open your gift.”

Namjoon raised straight up as the other began to form a small crowd around you. A small laugh of amusement echoed sounded like music to their ears when it passed your lips.

“Diamond earrings, wow they’re gorgeous.” You stated amazed at the sight of the lights sparkling off of the surface. The small glimmer making flecks reflect on your eye. The sight alone made all of them fall deeper in love with you. You were stunning in every aspect according to them. “Who bought these.”

“I did, also comes with something that matches.” Yoongi raised his hand slightly. His gummy smile becoming wider when you placed a kiss to his cheek. The boy with a sucker for all those sweet kisses you gave him. “I hope you like them.”

“I adore them, Yoongi, now where’s the matching item.” You tried to get up only for a hand to push you back down. Many protests were sounded through the room. “Humph, why can’t I have the matching item guys!”

“Our tradition is one present before Christmas that is your one present.” Hoseok stated. “Remember you’re the one who made the rule.”

“Well I didn’t think anyone would actually follow it.” You huffed as you crossed your arms and flung yourself back on the couch.

“You always got onto us if we even looked at another gift!” Taehyung added as he rubbed small circles on your thigh. His nails giving your skin a pleasurable scratch. “Besides only a few more hours until Christmas is here!”

“We can pass the time by watching those movies finally.”

»»————-　✼　————-««

They all stared at your sleeping form with peaceful smiles across their faces.

“Should we wake her up?” Jimin asked as he ran his hands through your hair. “After we go over the plan.”

“We leave the present for last and tell her it’s from all of us.” Jin stated as he took the familiar red, velvet box and hid it in the back of the tree. They really hoped this question didn’t take you off guard, and made you say no. That small word would absolutely send all their worlds crashing down in despair.

“Princess, wake up its Christmas!”

“It’s about damn time.”

You rubbed the cold from your eyes as you pulled yourself up. Eyes almost immediately darting towards the present filled floor. They gave a knowing smile as you quickly got in front of the lit up tree. Hands just grabbing away at random presents.

“I still can’t imagine how much money you all must’ve spent on these.” You softly spoke as you pulled the paper from one of the gift bags.

“For you, we’d spent a lot more then this.” Jungkook stated without hesitation as he pulled you between his legs. You softly leaned into his touch out of habit. “You still have one more gift to open.”

“I don’t see anymore.” You strained your neck to look over the couch and noticed nothing. The sight before you when you turned your head back around made your heart drop.

“Remember how I said the earrings had a matching item, well it matches, but it had a different purpose.” Yoongi cleared his throat as they got down on the floor. You couldn’t help the tears that were starting to gather in your eyes.

“Listen I know the seven of us are a handful, you have ever right to say no. But y/n we’ve all come to the conclusion that you mean the entire world to us and we want you as something more then a girlfriend. We want to establish the fact we’re a family. Would you complete our family and become our wife.”

The sob in your throat escaped before you could retain it. You launched yourself forward into Yoongi’s arms and he wrapped you up without a second thought.

“Oh god, I hope that’s a good sob.” Jin panicked, when it suddenly got loud. Everyone took a cautious step towards you. They were worried you hated them now, they were worried you were gonna pull away from Yoongi and declare those whole thing to be madness in the making.

“Nothing would make me happier, yes absolutely.”

“We love you.”

“I love you all with everything in me and nothing is going to change that.”

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lunasxsol · 5 years

Text

Love Like This

Bill Skarsgård x Reader

Word Count: 2194

Warnings: Abortion

(A/N: If you do not believe a woman should have a choice on her body then you can fuck off thank you vm. On another note I hope you enjoy this angsty fic. I just had this idea lingering in my mind so it’s here now..)

As I sat in the waiting room dreading my name being called, I looked at the other women that look terrified to go into one of the rooms. Some of them came alone as myself and others came with their significant others or friends. A nurse had brought over a clipboard with some paper I had to sign. I was so nervous I couldn't keep my hands from shaking, I felt like I was going to pass out. Someone took my hand in theirs, I look up to see my best friend Maia. She took me in her arms as I silently cried.

"It's okay, I'm here."

"I thought I was gonna have to go through this alone."

She shook her head taking the clipboard from me, "I would never let you do this alone. Now you sit and calm down and I'll fill this for you okay?" I nodded taking a drink from my water.

Once she finished filling out the forms she handed them back to the nurse and we waited to be called over.

"Y/n L/n"

I got up quickly as did Maia, "You'll be alright, I'll wait here." She gave me a hug and a quick kiss on the head."

"Alright hun lets get you prepped." The nurse said as she took me to one of the operating rooms.

After 15 mins the procedure was finally done, they took me to the recovery room where Maia sat on the couch waiting for me. The nurse, Stella, handed me a cup of water and some pain meds before she went back to her office.

"You okay?" I nodded laying on the bed, Maia took my hand in hers. "He called." I stayed quiet not carrying what he had to say. "He called me too, I didn't pick up."

"Maia, I don't care anymore. I needed him here more than anything and he left me." My eyes started watering once again. "We'd been together for two years and he couldn't respect my one difficult decision. He can go to hell for all I care."

We stayed quiet for a while until the doctor came back and discharged me. Maia took drove us home, I thanked her for being there for me, "I'm going to sleep early today, goodnight Maia." She nodded.

I went into my room shutting the door quickly, taking a seat on my bed and letting myself cry. Maybe if we had gone through this conversation differently then maybe he would've respected my decision.

[Flashback]

I looked at the pregnancy test that read PREGNANT in its bold letters. What the hell was I gonna do? I'm only 19, I'm still enrolled in the uni. I have so much ahead of me. I can't put it aside, I've worked too hard for it.

"Hey babe!" Bill spoke as he walked into my room. "So my parents are having a celebratory dinner for Alexander- hey what's wrong?" He turned me around and I handed him the test. "Hey its alright, we'll figure this out."

I shook my head, "I'm not ready."

He pulled me into a hug sighing, "Neither am I but we can do this. You have me.. till the end."

"No you don't understand.. I'm not ready, I can't have a baby right now, Bill."

"So what you're going to give it up?" I nodded. "You're kidding right?"

"Bill, we aren't ready. Do you not get it?" I threw the pregancy test in the trash brushing past him and taking a seat on my bed. "Your body isn't going to go through the entire change. I am not you. You get to walk around and continue to do your shit while I go to class carrying the child and getting called a whore for opening my legs at a young age. So yes I am going to give it up because I'm too fucking young to have a child."

"Fuck them, you shouldn't give a fuck of what other people say about you. God knows I don't so neither should you."

I chuckled, "My parents sacrificed so much so they can send me here to study at the uni of my choice, I'm not messing it up because of our fuck up."

"So what our child is a fuck up now?" He was red with anger.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way but if you loved me you would respect my decision."

"I love you (Y/n but I'm sorry, I don't agree with it. So whatever you're thinking of doing to our 'fuck up' you can do it alone." He left slamming the door loudly leaving me completely alone.

[End of flashback]

I sat up turning the tv on to have some sort of background noise. There was a knock at my door I groaned not wanting to see Maia or anyone at the moment. "Maia I'm okay, I just want to sleep."

The door was opened and a tall figure had walked in.

"Hey."

"Get out."

"I'm sorry."

"Get the fuck out." He didn't listen and instead kept coming closer. "Bill seriously get the fuck out."

"I need to talk to you."

I chuckled, "Well if it's to try and change my mind you can kindly fuck off cause the procedures done and so are we."

"I know it's done and I should've been there." I finally looked up at him his eyes sunken and red. "I'm sorry, I should have respected your decision because it's your body. I was just happy that we were gonna have a baby. I thought you wanted one."

"I did, I do, just not now. Not till I was settled." He nodded both our eyes brimming with tears. "Bill I need a break, a really long break. You fucked up and I-I don't know anymore. Look I'm 19 you're 26, I don't want kids till I'm like 30 or maybe never I don't know. And well with the way you reacted it's evident you want kids now. I knew this relationship wasn't gonna last."

"Hey, hey, I do want kids but I can wait. Just don't-don't leave, please." He took my hand in his but I quickly moved it away.

I sighed now full on crying, "I'm sorry Bill but this isn't gonna work out. You can find someone your age that you can settle down with now. I still have years before I'll even remotely be sure if I want kids. By then you'll be in your mid 30s, which is besides the point but what if I don't want kids what will you do then?" He shrugged his shoulders crying silently. "I love you Bill but we can't be together anymore."

He got up pressing a lingering kiss on my forehead, "I'm sorry."

***

3 years later

Today was finally moving day. I had finished my studies in New York and I was moving back down to LA. My parents were a bit against it since we had lived there years ago but they hated it there but I loved it. I was moving down by the beach areas. Maia was staying here with her fiancé.

"Well Ms. those are the last of your boxes." I handed the movers a decent tip and they went on their way.

I turned to Maia as she was already getting emotional, "Hey no crying, it's bad for the baby."

She chuckled pulling me in for a tight hug, "Hey me and Rosalie are gonna miss you."

I pulled away immediately in shock, "it's a girl?" She nodded causing me to shriek in excitement. Tyler came into the room and I jumped on him. "Congrats!"

"We were actually wondering if you would like to organize the baby shower for us." Tyler spoke.

"Yes of course!"

"We wanted to do it in 4 months. Closer to her due date."

"Once I get everything situated in LA I'll get things prepped and fly back here to organize everything!"

There was a honk outside of our house.

"Well guys I will see you in 4 months!" I hugged them both goodbye and grabbed my suitcase getting into the taxi.

***

2 weeks later

I was finally getting the finishing touches to my new house down. I still had a bit of work left but everything was mostly good to go. Now I currently sat in my living room going through a couple of designs for tomorrow's meeting. With the help of one of my close celebrity friends he got me a job with Leah Valderia a famous singer from London. She wanted help with her house and of course I said yes. This could be a great opportunity for my interior design career.

It was getting late and I decided to call it a night. I would show her the designs I had and maybe go shopping with her for some of the things.

The next morning I made sure to wake up early. I took a quick shower to calm my nerves. For my outfit I decided on a corduroy skirt that was a creamy chocolate color and a black turtle neck that fit perfectly. I also went with a dark grey oversized blazer that was just an inch longer than my skirt, for shoes I went with some heeled ankle boots. I did some light makeup and left my hair in its regular straight style. I added just some thin gold necklaces just to bring the whole outfit together. I looked at the time and grabbed my purse and work folders quickly heading out of my house. Before leaving the lot I sent a quick text to Leah letting her know I was on my way.

The traffic to her mansion was horrible to say the least. Luckily I made it on time, I parked my car on the curb and jogged to her door. "Great you're here, please come in!"

Looking around I could definitely see some potential for this beautiful home, "So Y/n I'm so excited you're here. I'm hoping you can bring my vision to life!" We took a seat in her office and she opened her laptop sliding it towards me. She had quite the vision. "I will sure try."

We were in her office for two hours, let's just say she is completely indecisive about what she wants to do with this place. So beautiful and so much potential only her vision was nothing like mine. "So we can definitely do what you want to do and we can also add some color maybe open up these curtains here as well just to get some light and more open space."

"Great! Let me show you the nursery so you can kind of get an idea of what we can with it. This baby will be here in 3 months need to have it done before anything else."

"What are you having?"

"A girl! I'm so excited, I hope one day you get to experience how beautiful it is to carry a life."

I smiled not really knowing what to say I just nodded, "Hey honey, I'm home, brought the- Y/n?"

"Bill?"

"You guys know each other?"

"We-"

"I-"

"We dated years ago."

"Oh?" Leah looked down. "Is she?" Bill only nodded.

"I'm sorry, I'm gonna go. I can send you an email of other designers if-"

Leah shook her head, "No I love your work, that's why I called in for you. This thing you and Bill had is in the past so I would still like to work with you if that's alright."

I nodded, "Well I'll email you some of the ideas I have then we can get started immediately. I'll be back in a week?"

"Perfect."

"Well I'll see you Leah, beautiful house you have here."

Bill set his things down, "I'll walk her out." Leah only nodded.

My car was only a block away but as we walked it felt like it was miles away. "Congratulations." I broke the silence.

"Thank you." He smiled.

"I told you, you would find someone to make you happy. Look at you, you're gonna have a baby."

"Yeah, I'm really happy, but I'm still really sorry about what happened between you and I. I'm sorry we didn't work out and I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me the most. I should have been there for you."

I sighed trying not to cry, "It was a bit traumatizing, having the procedure done is weird and horrible but it had to be done. I don't think I would've been happy if we went through with the pregnancy. I never want to be resentful towards a kid that wasn't at fault you know." He nodded. "I went to therapy after we broke up, got back on my feet and now I'm okay with it. I'm happy for you and happy that you're with someone that can give you the life you deserve."

He pulled me in for a hug giving me a kiss on the forehead, "I love you Bill Skarsgård."

"I love you too Y/n L/n and I wish you nothing but the best."

#bill skarsgård fanfiction #bill skarsgård imagine #bill skarsgård x reader #angst #heartbreak #fluff #roman godfrey #pennywise #roman godfrey imagine #pennywise imagine #smut

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misha-moose-dean-burger-lover · 5 years

Text

Movie Night (ft. Cas's t-shirt)

THANK YOU for the ask, Dear Anon! I'm very flattered that you enjoyed the last one, and hope this meets your expectations! I WISH I could tag you in this, but you're on anon so.. Anyways, I went for Tuesday movie night idea, and clubbed it with a 'cute t-shirt prompt' I received and it got long AF but please leave a comment if you read and like!

"Ahh," Dean let out a perfect sound of exhaustion meeting the plush comfort of his couch. "It's finally Tuesday."

Sam snorted from the side, because his relationship with tuesdays had been kind of a love-hate. Not that Dean ever took him seriously - he doesn't blame his brother, really, because he wouldn't believe Dean either if he told him 'a piano crushed you to death' or any of those other ridiculous ways in which he'd died.

"If you like movie nights that much," Jack added, from the side - he was settled in one of the big chairs, looking more like a kid than he usually did. "Why don't we watch movies on other nights, too?"

Sam leaped to answer, ever ready to squeeze in a lesson for the nephilim. Good values needed to be a part of the upbringing. Children need to be taught by example. "There's an analogy we can use for this, Jack. Say, uh, Dean loves his birthday very much." Dean frowned at his brother. "Because of the pie, and the gifts, and all the beer." Dean shrugged. "So, he wishes on his birthday candles that everyday be his birthday!" Sam paused, and Dean wondered why he spoke as if he was talking to a kid, and not the strongest 2-year-old ever. "But, what happens then, is that he keeps growing a year older on each birthday - that is, everyday!"

Jack looked alarmed. "That's - bad."

"Yeah, because then I'd grow to be 60 in like a month and die." Dean added, in a deadpan.

"It won't take you thirty years to get to sixty." Sam reminded him.

"Shut up, Sam." Dean scowled and turned back to Jack. "Listen, kid, this isn't about all the good movies in the world getting finished too soon, if we watch 'em everyday. It's more about the attitude."

Jack nodded.

"Like, uh," Dean swallowed. "Like our dad always taught me and Sammy, hunters need to live a disciplined life. Can't just start watching a movie whenever, because that'll make your head feel like you're giving it permission to do crap, just like that, without a routine. That's never good for a hunter - even less so, he'd say, for the sons of an ex-Marine. Messes your head up, and takes away your ability to fixate on your decisions." Dean paused. "It's not like I've not watched movies on a Saturday because I wanted to, but the old man made sense - it's just, a routine is better to stick to."

"That sounds like a horrible amount of behavioral psychology to associate to an activity as trivial as watching a movie." Came a new voice, as Cas stood in the doorframe, his head just slightly tilted as his eyes looked straight at Dean.

Dean's exhale was caught in his lungs, and he blinked, staring at Cas with a chest full of air, and still feeling like he'd sink instead of buoyant. Cas was no longer in the trenchcoat and pants - he wore grey pyjamas which fit snug over his thighs, and a t-shirt which had to be new, because holy fucking shit.

He'd have noticed the angel walking around their bunker, wearing a black AC/DC shirt like that - simple, to someone else, perhaps - yet the way it fit over his biceps, widened his shoulders a bit more, and gave an elevated look to his chest because of the smooth descent to a toned abdomen - rendered Dean incapable of looking away. Complete with his hair sticking up at odd angles, hints of a stubble and inspecting eyes focussed on Dean, he looked like the stuff of Dean's (guilty, oh so guilty) dreams.

"H-hey, Cas." Dean cleared his throat, shifting on the larger couch to make space for him. He waved his hand dismissively to disregard all that he'd just said. "Forget about that, it was crap - come sit down." He suggested, breathlessly.

"Look who finally joined us," Sam addressed, in a normal voice and not even bothering to look up again - making Dean wonder why he didn't get all caught up in Cas's t-shirt, like Dean just had. He was unfairly attractive - but not just to Dean, right?

"I'm sorry," Cas replied, as he sat down next to Dean. Not a single part of them touched, since they were on opposite edges of a large couch Dean originally got for Sam and him - but there was still a tingling under Dean's skin, which had to be Cas's fault. "I couldn't find any socks." He turned to Dean, suddenly smiled, and tugged his pyjama up a little to show him the socks he wore. A pair of fucking novelty socks, they were - but Dean found himself grinning mindlessly, as Cas crossed his legs under him, and the visual was taken away from him.

"Of course, you couldn't." Sam inputted. "Dean hasn't been doing the laundry lately."

"Why am I the only one supposed to do it?" Dean threw back, and Sam didn't say anything to it.

"Nevermind." Cas declared. "I found socks, unwashed though they may be. Let us start." He referred to the movie.

Jack had fell silent for a moment, and he spoke up again. "Yeah! What are we watching today?"

At the same time that Sam opened his mouth - probably to drag Dean on how they better not watch something they'd just watched - Dean spoke up. "We're watching The Fellowship of The Ring, today."

"We just watched that on literally the third Tuesday of March -" Sam complained.

"Listen." Dean threw back. "Don't shove your crazy awesome memory with movies and dates, in my face - 'cause my brain forgot the movie already."

"Forgot? You probably can quote it line by line, Dean." Sam frowned. "But I guess you're not satisfied until you flawlessly recite it in your sleep, like Lost Boys."

Dean flashed his best shit-eating grin, and if that's what he was gonna do, he wasn't gonna agree with Sam. "Well, it's what we're watching, Sammy. Deal with it."

Sam narrowed his eyes. "What about Jack? Or Cas? Why don't you ask them if they want to watch Lord of the Rings again?"

"I do." Jack announced, brightly. "I like Frodo and Samwise Gamgee." Sam rolled his eyes. "But, I could also watch something else. I trust Sam's recommendations, after Harry Potter." He added, faithfully.

"Careful, buddy, Sammy's raising your son to be a nerd." Dean muttered to Cas, and he nodded, as if it was a line that needed to be answered with a nod.

Sam grinned like it was victory handed to him on a platter. "He said he could watch something else, Dean."

"What about Cas?" Dean turned to him, rotating in his seat. "Whadd'ya wanna watch, buddy?"

Cas pursed his lips, as if in deep thought. The deciding element. The one who'd tip the scales in the favor of one of the Winchesters.

"It's not Sophie's Choice," Sam grumbled sourly, as if he already knew what Cas would choose.

"Let him think!" Dean shushed his brother.

"I have reached a decision." Cas informed everyone, looking solemnly at the TV, instead of their faces. "We shall watch The Fellowship Of The Ring, tonight." He turned to Sam. "And if there's no hunts and we're at the bunker tomorrow too, Sam's choice shall prevail - that is, if Dean agrees to go against John's sayings and watch a movie on a Wednesday."

"That's fair." Jack grinned.

Dean beamed at Cas, with his little smile and his goddamn t-shirt, which was gonna drive Dean crazy in due time, he was sure. "See, Sam?" He ignored the comment on his father, because it was rare stilted humor, and in a perfect deadpan.

Sam muttered something under his breath which sounded a little bit like 'profound bond' for some reason, and rolled his eyes in defeated agreement, as Dean began to look for the movie.

"Whatever," Sam substituted, not looking up from his phone as the opening credits began to play. "The three of you can rewatch the entire LOTR series if you want, I'll just leave you to it." He shrugged.

"Hey!" Dean was annoyed. This was family movie night. Sam was supposed to be a part of it too. "Lord of the Rings is right up your alley, nerd. Why're you bitch-facing so hard tonight?"

"Well," Sam chewed on his lip. "It's very long, and I wanted to get to bed for an early night."

Dean narrowed his eyes, and hit pause on the remote just as the elves began to narrate. "Why?"

"No reason." Sam stalled. There was an almost familiar edge to his voice and -

Suddenly, it all made sense to Dean. The dots connected in his head, and Sam's reluctance to watch a three hours long movie was suddenly reasoned.

"Why, Sam?" Cas repeated, intrigued. "Are you alright? Do you not feel well?"

"He feels fine. I know," Dean cut in. "He's got a date." Sam's eyes widened before he vigorously shook his head in denial. "Some virtual crap, I bet, because you don't like to get laid, and an actual date may've involved that - but whatever is your idea of a fun time, hey, I'm not judging."

"It's not a date!" He declared.

"Then it's something like it." Dean shrugged, getting surer, with Sam's panicked expression. He knew his brother well enough to read through this cover. "Tell me Sammy, is this a video call with some chick you met online on those awful sites?"

"Dude, no." Sam balked. "I'm on no such awful site to meet chicks."

"Sure, you're not." Dean narrowed his eyes. "Then, who? Because clearly I'm right about the rest of it."

"It's," Sam looked like he didn't wanna continue, would like nothing better than to not finish the sentence. But with Cas joining in on the stare, he let out a subdued, "Uh, Rowena."

There was a stillness in the room. Dean and Cas slowly exchanged a look, and Sam flushed. "Who?"

"We know her, Dean!" Jack corrected, promptly.

"Not like Sam does," Dean shot at his brother, who looked flustered as crap, and it was all Dean had ever wanted from this conversation.

"Dean!" Sam looked grossed out, while it should've been them. He was the one dating a three hundred years old witch. "We're gonna discuss -"

"- if you're about to tell me you'll discuss a case, I swear to call you on your bullshit by calling Rowena right away." Dean challenged, definitely.

"I -" Sam pursed his lips. "I don't need to have this conversation with you, jerk."

"What about the rest of us?" Cas asked, and there was a smirk playing on his lips, which made him all the more attractive.

"None of you." Sam declared, standing up, looking offended. "You are literally infants! Don't breathe a word of this to anyone, Dean, or I'll - whatever, just watch your frigging movie, I'm out of here."

"If you're gonna do stuff, use headphones!" Dean waited until Sam was far enough to not hit Dean for it and yelled after him, as the latter marched out of the room, embarrassed. It was his duty as the older brother to make that happen, so no issues there. He turned back to Cas, grinning at him - and Jack, of course.

"The rest of us are here without the intention of leaving halfway to call a chick, right?" Dean asked, though it was a pretty stupid question for Jack - and if the answer were yes for Cas, he'd have a major-ass freak out right there.

"Right." Cas confirmed, for some reason; his voice rich and gravelly, and Dean's attention was once again taken by Cas's t-shirt - now that his kid brother was sufficiently out of the picture. True, Jack was still there, but that's a different issue. Dean had to hold a reputation in front of Sam, that he could control his senses in the presence of Cas, and that he could rein it in, and that he could do a lot of things which he was very far from, in reality.

"Me too." Jack announced, brightly, and Dean rolled his eyes.

"Jack, you're two." Cas informed him, and Dean had to stifle a snort at the very notion. Nevertheless, he toned down the weird, made himself comfortable in the couch - maybe shifting a little towards the middle, and let out a small, content sigh, for the second time this evening.

He hit play.

“Why do we keep making the same mistake?” Dean groaned, his head falling back on the sofa. Once again, like every tuesday ever - they’d forgotten to get food before they sat to watch the movie. Now, around half an hour in, it was all Dean could think about. But getting up seemed like an awful chore.

Cas nodded his head in agreement, grave and earnest. “It’s because we don’t learn our lesson.”

“Dean, do you want to learn said lesson tonight, by not eating?” Jack asked.

“No.” Dean glared at him. “I may be around Mr. No-Food, and Little-to-no-food, but it isn’t wearing off on me.” They’d not paused the movie to have this discussion, so he kept his eyes on the screen as he spoke. “As a human, I have a few simple needs. Such as beer and something like popcorn to chew as I watch a classic with my - I mean, with you guys.”

“Okay." Cas shuffled in his seat, beginning to stand up. Dean frowned instantly, and pulled him down, gripping his wrist. Cas easily succumbed, and was back on the couch with a surprised little bounce - looking at Dean, confused. "What? I'll get you the beer and popcorn, so that you don't have to get up. I can obviously see you don't want to."

Aww, Dean's brain melted.

"Nope." He said, out loud, popping the 'p'. "You don't need to do that. I'll go."

"I volunteer, Dean. It's not about need," Cas protested. "And you enjoy this movie more than I do."

"Sure, but I've watched it a helluva lot more too." Dean raised his eyebrows, and Cas smiled a little, one of those smiles that he reserved for Dean, and made his insides flutter.

"We could just pause it." Jack suggested, not looking away from the TV yet, for the entirety of the conversation.

"No, you keep watching, there's no need," Dean excused, standing up himself, smiling in spite of himself. Cas looked at him, and not at the screen.

"Dean," And that wonderful voice of his swept over Dean's brain and made the puddle vaporize or some shit.

"Yeah, Cas?"

"I could keep telling you what's happening, while you're in the kitchen." Cas proposed, breaking into a wider smile, all crinkly and toothy.

"Aww, Cas," Dean couldn't stop himself in time, staring blindly at Cas's face and short-circuiting in his head. And instantly cleared his throat, and added in a more composed tone. "Okay, you do that. Thanks, I guess."

Dean wondered, as he walked into the kitchen and went looking for the bacon he'd made earlier, what was up with him tonight. He was usually able to hold his tongue in front of Cas - he was usually able to look away from him, even though it took some persuasion. But there was something today, that had taken away his brain-to-mouth-and-eyes filter.

Must be the new shirt.

Dean knocked, obnoxiously loud, at Sam's door before barging in with a plate of bacon and a beer. He saw Sam fast asleep, on his front, and did not know where to go with that, so he left the table at his bedside in case he was going to wake up and resume his midnight call or something.

Then he took the rest of the food and two beers and went back to the movie room.

All through his venture, Cas had kept yelling updates through the door. "Merry and Pippin just hugged Frodo!", "And now, Frodo just met Bilbo again!", "Arwen is speaking with Frodo now!" This had made Dean grin so hard, that he almost dropped the dishes. Damn, Cas was awesome.

As Dean handed him a beer, and put the plate of bacon between them on the couch, Cas whispered to him. "And Arwen just kissed Aragorn, son of Arathorn."

And Dean stared at Cas, his blue, blue eyes and his eyebrows pinched together in concentration, and his crinkled nose - and his goddamn voice, and his way of speaking, and how he just said the words 'Aragorn, son of Arathorn' like an entire fucking dork, and how adorable it was that he'd been doing a live-commentary for Dean, and just - he was almost overpowered by a desire to kiss the perfect little smile tugging at his lips, and palm the stubble-covered cheeks, and maybe, if Jack weren't here, pull that gorgeous fucking t-shirt over his head, because it was distracting.

Dean was instantly taken aback by his own stream of thoughts. He was clearly going crazy.

He could bet it was the fault of the shirt.

Okay, but at this moment, Dean needs the remote.

And it's not just because the remote is on the other side, next to Cas, and Dean's brain instantly launches into a scene in his head, when Dean asks for the remote and Cas is too comfortable (he's already holding onto a large cushion like it's a blanket) to move, and he tells Dean to take it himself - and then Dean will have to lean over Cas to get it, and there'll be a moment where he's almost on top of him, and they'll happen to look at each other, and Cas's eyes will flit down to Dean's lips as Dean adjusts himself to reach the remote, on Cas's lap, and maybe Cas says something like -

That's enough.

Dean doesn't need the remote so that something like that plays out in reality. He only needs the remote to lower the volume, because Jack is asleep and he'll wake up otherwise in the war scene and noise that'll follow.

But this way or that, he can see the said scene happening.

Maybe there's a part of him which wants it to happen exactly how it happened in his head.

Maybe it will.

So, with more energy than the sentence needed, he says, "Cas! I need the remote!"

And Cas turns his head to look at Dean, an incomprehensible expression.

But instead of saying a variation of, 'take it yourself' like he was really, really supposed to -

He picks up the remote with his left hand and hands it to Dean simply.

Dean stares at it for a moment, everything forgotten, especially the reason why he needed the remote in the first place. And then he kicks himself for being a goddamn teenage girl about this, and plays off the disappointment with a 'thank you' in the manliest voice he can conjure, and he's pretty sure it makes up for the kind-of-but-not-really pornography he'd been dreaming up. Sam's irritating voice nags in his head, you're confusing reality with porn again.

Of course, Dean is too lost thinking and staring at Cas sideways when he's sure Cas can't see him - to remember to lower the volume, and Jack wakes up with a jolt at the Uruk-Hai screeching at Gimli the dwarf.

Jack's going off to his room. The movie isn't finished yet, but he's been dosing off throughout and Dean can't tolerate the insult to the Classic, so he tells him to just go off to sleep. It's been a long day.

"Will you both watch it whole?" Jack asks groggily, before leaving and Dean looks enquiringly at Cas. He only has to turn his head a little, because Cas is much closer to him now. They've both gravitated towards the middle.

"Of course." Cas answers. "Unless Dean needs to sleep." Dean shakes his head confidently, and Jack nods.

"Okay, goodnight dads." He mutters, at least it sounds like it, and Dean would've lost it if Cas's slight weight leaning on his arm weren't grounding him to his current location instead of somewhere panicky in his head.

"Goodnight, Jack." Dean lets out, and he's aware it doesn't sound as constipated as he thought it would, and he's proud of it.

"Dean." Cas speaks up, a moment later. "I think we should turn off the lights."

"What?" Dean blinks, mildly.

"I know neither of us will want to get up later." Cas justifies. "So we might as well do it now."

"Can't you," Dean grumbles. "Can't you use your mojo to push the switch, or..?"

Cas sighs. Then blinks, and the entire room goes dark. Cas's eyes open, and they're gleaming like blue halos of light in the suddenly dark room - and Dean can still make out his face, in the light of it. It's all hard lines and small smiles, from the little he sees. "I need to remember I can do these things, don't I?" He mumbles.

"Yeah, our human incapabilities are wearing off on ya." Dean tells him and they start looking at the screen again.

"You're not incapable if you have to stand up to turn off the lights." Cas replies, and Dean just hums in response.

A little later, Cas speaks again, and he sounds happier almost. "Dean."

"Uh-huh?" Dean looks away from Gandalf on the screen, to look at the angel.

"Did you notice Jack kept falling asleep?"

Dean pauses. "Oh." He smiles too, it coming over him all of a sudden. "Yeah."

"That means," Cas's tone is bright, and Dean can hear his smile. "He's enough human to fall asleep in the middle of a movie, again."

"Human incapabilities strike again," Dean teases, and Cas chuckles audibly and it's a really, really good moment. Although yeah, it's a bit too domestic for Dean to be perfectly at calm - Cas and he are sitting in the dark, watching a movie they've watched so many times before, discussing the progress of the nephilim they've been raising (with Sam, of course) and Dean has his hand around Cas's seat - in what he now feels guilty on realizing is the oldest trick in every guy's playbook. They're both more in the middle of the couch than not, and the beers have been drained to the last drop. One of them doesn't sleep, the other won't - and then there's Cas's perfect t-shirt, which shall drive Dean to madness each time he sees it, and beyond.

Slowly, the arm which is on the couch, falls on Cas's shoulder - and it's a rather rapid course from there to it being slung around Cas, with Cas tucked under it and leaning into Dean so that it's comfortable.

It's not that Cas's head is on Dean's chest, or not even that his fingers are playing with the fabric of Cas's shirt - its just that they're so close to doing that, and somehow Dean can't pull back this time.

Like, he suddenly realizes, he's been doing forever.

It's again, a good thing that he pretty much knows LOTR scene by scene, and in spite of almost completely being distracted by everything Cas, he answers all trivial questions Cas mumbles at him in that deep, deep baritone - and there's a heat pooling in Dean's insides, and he can't quite place if its the spot behind his ribs, or further south.

Both sounds most appropriate.

Dean is not proud of this, but he fell asleep.

It's not that he didn't finish the movie, because he did - he remembers the last scene (or it could be from a previous watching that he recalls it) but it's just that he fell asleep right there. Next to Cas.

No, not even next to him. Pretty much wrapped around him. And somehow that's - not so wild, after all. It kinda feels awesome. Its not even morning yet, so he has more hours.

He wakes up with his hair tickling his breath and coughs mildly when he realizes that he'd buried his nose in Cas's hair - and his lips on his head, apparently. He straightens, but is sure to not make much movement - because Cas doesn't sleep like they do, he rather drifts off to a sorta-catatonic state but stays very much awake and alert. He doesn't want to wake Cas up, because the angel looks so comfortable, nestled on Dean's chest - that it somehow invokes a feeling of pride in him.

And love.

And that's that. The not-freaking-out segment of this story abruptly comes to an end, and Dean clenches his fist to stop himself from beginning to tremble.

He ends up with a fistful of that goddamn shirt which Dean blames for everything in that night, and Cas stirring awake, and straightening. The weight rested on Dean's abdomen is lost, and it feels weird and colder.

"It's seven minutes to four. Ante Meridiem." Cas announces, in a voice which is roughened by lack of use.

"You should go back to sleep." Dean begs, because Cas doesn't need to see Dean get anxious about the whole pile of feelings he's beginning to feel crushed under.

"Dean." Cas says, in that voice, and straightens some more. He's at Dean's height again, and their noses are inches apart, and Cas looks worried about him. "Dean?" He repeats, and he's concerned, and he's perfect, and his voice is something else, and the way he looks at him is something else like Dean is worthy of all his attention somehow - and the emotions are brimming and he doesn't know what to do with them until he -

He jerks himself ahead, and grabs Cas's shirt for good measures, pressing his lips against Cas's.

It's a moment of bravery, it's a moment of impulse, and it's a moment of utter stupidity because Cas doesn't react -

Until he does, and he kisses back, and he's excited and into it and Dean's taken aback by his vigor and in awe of his own hands which are grappling at Cas's t-shirt for friction as he moans into Cas's mouth.

"I blame the t-shirt," He whines, when they pull away, to look at each other better. And he does.

Of course, he's not an idiot (except for the many times that he is). But what he definitely isn't, is dense enough to not realize that this had been over ten years in the making.

These urges were familiar, and suppressed each time - the sudden feelings were overpowering, except he'd learn to deal with them tactfully, by crushing them with every means possible.

But what had changed today and he'd actually acted on it instead of swallowing it, had to be the tee. It fit like magic, and it perfectly showcased his lean, muscled chest - and gave a peak of his collarbones, and if he stretched, his obliques - and it was as black as his hair in the dark, and ah, it had to be the shirt.

Because otherwise, he didn't know what it could be, that had made tonight - today - this.

Cas still had his hand on Dean's bicep. "This one?" He looks down at himself. "I got it from your closet months ago."

"What -"

"And, you blame it?" He repeats.

"No," Dean shakes his head, anxiously, truthfully as he captures his lips in a kiss again. Slotting in place against each other, and as loving as they were passionate - he had had no idea that kissing Cas would be this amazing. "I love it. I'm gonna need you to keep wearing it. On Thanksgiving, I'm gonna be thankful for it."

Cas laughs against Dean's lips, and says something which is lost in the bliss of the moment.

Nevermind. He has all the moments after this, to listen to him. But he only has this one, at the end of a Tuesday movie night, to enjoy their first kiss (he's pretty sure all the short, little kisses just make up one major kiss). So he does.

Edit: Thank you for reading! Would like to tag @iamcharliebradburylevelperfect @awkward-penguin-in-a-trenchcoat @all-or-nothing-baby @styggtroll @notyoursweetbaboo @moderatelypanickedbisexual @but-for-the-gods-three-days and @emmii4 ! If you don't wanna be tagged, I'll remove you from the list, just ask! Have an awesome day!

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