#avpd recovery

[avoidantrecovery]

i do wonder what kind of a person i would have turned out to be, if instead of self-doubt, harsh criticism, shame, self-hate, someone would have poured the opposite into me.

self-trust, gentleness, kindness, self-love. who would i have become? and do i still have access to that potential?

#mental health #avpd recovery #avpd #avpd thoughts #avpd mood #complex ptsd #cptsd #avoidant personality disorder #anxiety

[antismauthony]

When the crush doesn't feel like "oh my god i'm so in love i'm going to rip all of my skin off and live for the day they next text me" so obviously it will never work out because regular feelings aren't the romance you've known your whole life 😓

Opposite action to avoidance save me now opposite action dbt save me please please save me opposite action

#avpd #bpd #i dont have bpd just traits lol #dbt #dialectical behavioral therapy #avpd recovery #actually avpd #i am scared of a healthy relationship but i am going to push through and try my best to #ACTUALLY COMMUNICATE #instead of avoid #autism #any of my autistic brothers relate

[livingzomboy]

some of yall forgot, so im gonna remind you:

- Moral Purity is unattainable. This is recognized in philosophy too.

-Moral purity culture today is HEAVILY ableist

- Immoral actions can be justified

- Your personality disorder doesnt make you a "bad person" even if it makes you do "bad" things

- Moral Purists are NOT welcome in real leftist spaces

-Moral Purity is pushed even more in christianity, which should tell you all you need to know.

- You deserve love , even if moral purists label you a "bad person"

- You deserve love. Period. Full Stop.

#schizotypal #schizospec #cluster b #moral purity #morality #npd safe #aspd safe #avpd safe #personality disorder #mental health #healing #trauma disorders #truama recovery

[hel7l7]

I love my friends so much and never know how to properly tell them

#vent art #venting #friends #love #mixed media #mental illness #recovery #vent #actually bpd #bpd #trauma #avpd #ptsd #cptsd

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

Wishing that I could be softer and sweeter and more loving and affectionate but simultaneously being absolutely disgusted and repulsed and enraged by the very notion is kind of exhausting actually

#rants & reflections #bpd mood #did odd #adhd autistic #traumagenic #csa survivor #autistic borderline #audhd problems #bpd thoughts #post traumatic growth #cptsd healing #autistic trauma #autistic masking #adhd masking #neurodiversity #did osdd #trauma recovery #late diagnosed autistic #cptsd recovery #avpd #undiagnosed neurodivergent #neurodivergent community #neurodiverse relationships #autistic relationship #bpd relationships #personality disorders #cluster b safe #cluster b disorders #borderline vent #comorbid conditions

[pdcultureis]

welcome to personality disorder culture is!

this blog is dedicated to ALL personality disorders.

how to submit? put it in my askbox

anons

#ppd #szpd #stpd #bpd #hpd #npd #aspd #avpd #dpd #ocpd #cluster a #cluster b #cluster c #neurodivergent #culture is #nd #mental health #npd safe #mental illness #disabled #mental health awareness #pro recovery

[moonlit-positivity]

Something else nobody is gonna tell you as a child abuse survivor, is that you are absolutely gonna have to confront your fears. Fear of abandonment, fear of being seen, fear of failure, fear of not being good enough. These are all our constants that keep us in that hellscape we came from. You've gotta find ways to be okay with loosening that grip of control on how others perceive you. It is actually so safe to be seen. Your worth cannot be determined by your past, by your parents, or by the words and opinions of anyone else except you; and we also can't really control how others perceive us, because that is their reality to dictate, not ours.

But we can't do this without going to those deep rooted childhood fears and horrors of how our parents abused us, beat us, yelled at us, overreacted and made us so so so scared to even show our true selves to begin with. And that can be a horrific thing to sit with. Not only that, but the fear of it happened, over and over again, with every interaction you have. This is exactly why we don't try, we run away, we hide, because it's absolutely too much to sit with.

So be kind and gentle with yourself while you work it out. The absolute worse that can happen is that they'll leave you or tell you you suck. And tbh, that's kinda unavoidable human relationship stuff. Rejection is actually so normal. You're gonna have to experience it at least once in your life (which is something else nobody is gonna tell you). Reaffirming your voice to stand up for yourself, fight back, and leave will help you know when you're needing to stay away from people and situations that overreact and escalate out of anger and rage. But there's also the absolute best thing that could happen, is that you let your guard down in the most absolute loving ways possible and it could very well be the absolute best decision you could ever make in your whole life. The people who were meant for you will find you. The places and situations you're yearning for will finally open up for you. And the clarity that you're just as deserving of good and wholesome things will be there to guide you forward.

So, for what its worth, sit with your fears. Get to know them. Get to know why they're so scared, and ask them, "how can I keep you protected?"

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Hope this helps

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

#recovery #ptsd #trauma #boundaries #mental health #healing #healing thoughts #child abuse #recovering from abuse #communication #interpersonal relationships #avoidance #avpd #avoidant attachment #disorganized attachment #attachment theory #attachment #fears #fear of abandonment #rejection #rsd #reminders #encouragement #self care #life advice

[fairiencarnate]

I actually really like who I've become. I didn't much like who I was before. But now I'm me! And everything is ok

#i hope you like yourself too #and if not thats ok #you might get there one day ♡ #personal #social anxiety disorder #social phobia #avpd #actually avoidant #depression #recovery

[avoidantrecovery]

we need to talk about ostracism, self-isolation and rejection sensitivity

I've been reading about ostracism and was really surprised to find out how impactful it is in people's lives and how little it is talked about.

To keep things short (according to Kipling D. Williams, one of the leading scientists on the subject):

ostracism is the act of being ignored or excluded

it's different from bullying or other more "engaging" abusive behavior in that it's about completely shunning a person, excluding them, not talking to them or engaging them, not arguing, simply treating them like air

when a person is ostracized, the same parts of the brain are activated that activate for physical pain

taking a tylenol actually dampens the pain of ostracism

people feel the pain of ostracism, even if the group ostracizing them is filled with people they don't like

something as simple as the silent treatment or deliberate denial of eye-contact or handshakes can be considered ostracism

four needs are threatened when a person is ostracized: belonging, self-esteem, control and meaningful existence

it activates an ancient fear of being abandoned and left to fend for one's life alone

the ostracized will go through three phases: reflexive (immediate negative affect and pain), reflective (efforts to re-connect with group via social conformity; if this is not possible aggression or self-isolation and development of rejection-sensitivity) and resignation (long term ostracism: feelings of alienation, depression, helplessness and worthlessness)

For me, AvPD began after an ostracism event paired with other bullying I was going through at the time. This was many years ago, however there is a through-line from that event to who I am today. After being ostracized by a group of girls in my new school, I tried my best to negotiate my behavior, clothes, etc... and be re-included. And the moment I thought I had been re-included in their group (they pretended), they pranked me, which nearly led to me drowning during a school trip. From that day on, not deliberately, I slowly began to self-isolate and separate from other kids. I became very sensitive to rejection and just couldn't place why, I definitely hadn't been like that prior. I had been very extroverted by nature, but suddenly would not go anywhere other kids might be (like playgrounds or toy shops etc…)

Even when I did form friendships with people, later on, it was more of a mirroring and masking, never deep friendships and no relationships. I was still negotiating, trying my best to not put myself at risk of ostracism again. Same for education and jobs.

Anyway, after reading about ostracism and just how strong the impact can be, I believe this is why AvPD developed for me. I don't know if anyone else ever experienced similar, I feel like ostracism is something that is easy to overlook. I always thought that the near-drowning is what had been a key event for me. But it was actually the prior ostracism that made the near-drowning so much more potent as an event. The strong desire to be re-included in the group and only to have the rug pulled from under me and literally be left for dead. That lead to me then self-isolating and so on... can anyone relate?

(The book is called "Ostracism, Exclusion and Rejection" by Kipling D. Williams). There is also an article in the Scientific American on the topic: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-pain-of-exclusion/

#avpd #avoidant personality disorder #ostracism #rejection #exclusion #avpd recovery #actually avpd #avoidant #avoidance

[bunnihearted]

🤧🐀🌧️🌊

#need to clear my head; #im in such a bad mood. my face is in a perpetual angry state. im just so so bitter nd pessimistic rn #trying not to get stuck in negative chaos thought spirals nd to just take it as it come #nd be patient bc recovery takes time i know. but i havent been able to feel healthy or functional for 7 months nd i am so tired #i cant help but worry abt my health nd what kinda diet i can have nd how to work all of that out. #like the removal of the gallbladder dont ensure a good digestive system. they remove it bc it can irrepairably hurt u #also im so so stressed out abt school nd my courses. i already had to drop one last week. nd it isnt looking like i'll be able to pass my #eng class.. it just isnt looking like it's realistic at all :/ i personally dont mind if i fail. but i can get issues w my wellfare hmm #bc like im still feeling rough nd u only get sick leave for one week after surgery.. so i have to go on thursday nd friday but im gnna #be in pain plus be so hungry nd be unable to concentrate idk #idk idk!! im already willing to take out loans to finish my upper secondary school.. but i have to make it work w timing nd stuff so im not #sitting here unable to pay rent or the bills or food lmao. so idk have to fix it somehow #nd the pressure of this country rapidly declining state is stressing me tf out!! having nazi conservative rightists in the ruling is just #dreadful!!!! for many reasons but atm idek if i can do distance classes like i wanted to :// #i just.. wanna be able to go for my long walks. go to the gym. eat normally. have coffee. study nd finish highschool. #then apply for whatever program i can nd move to another calmer city. prob eventually find a path to move to another country. like norway.. #im thinking too much but my thoughts are spinning nd killing me like i cant stop it im so scared nd anxious lmao 💀 #im also trying to be brave and write to the psych clinic for personality disorders nd be upset nd 'beg' them for help ksksksks. #but like... the thing abt having avpd is that i kinda dont wanna bc im scared of the possibility of them helping me lol #im just in a low place nd bad headspace and it's just getring worse nd im getting more nd more tired #i dont have much more energy to keep it together nd pretend like im ok or like i have hope lmaoooo idk what to do #anyway... idk idk guess i just gotta .. keep crawling forward anyway i can

[nadia-cannot-think-straight]

Tbh i have no idea if i am happy or am i just okay, because i've felt so miserable over the years that i forgot what good even feels like. It's cool that i finally feel like a person though, and not some fucked up alien who possed the body of who i used to be. I mean, i am functional, i can do more stuff now. That's nice, but is it how happiness feels like? I don't know, it doesn't feel empty like before but it also isn't that strong of a feeling. Was it always like that.

#avpd #trauma recovery #mental health #tw existential dread #i guees? #i suppose it can trigger thoughts like this in other people id rather be careful #please be safe its gonna get better i promise

[hel7l7]

I won't join your pity party

#vent #vent art #venting #mixed media #bpd #actually bpd #recovery #mental illness #avpd #trauma #personal vent #vent tag #vent post

[fagbearentertainment]

I rly need to my a google doc or tumblr master post for all my oc lore, it ranges from big pivotal moments I want to animate to random small details that will literally never come up unless asked a very specific question

#rn I’ve been daydreaming nonstop about jackson and his friend group #how they met and all that #and it’s some good shit if I do say so myself #<- is projecting on jackson and giving him my ideal mental health recovery story or whatever the right words are #(I gave him avpd literally as soon as I learned about it lol) #oc talk

[stars-in-our-skies]

maybe you are a burden and that's fine. maybe you do suck and that's fine. maybe you're not doing your best and that's fine. maybe you truly are the worst person alive and that's fine. maybe it isn't about what thoughts you have or how good you are with people or if you have sex or if you're into a weird thing or if you feel "wrong" or if you are honestly draining to be around or if you are a massive failure and can't do anything right or how many mood swings you get or if you have a short temper. maybe it's just about being alive for now

#- ??? #avpd #bpd #mental illness #it feels wrong to tag this as recovery #repetition

[flimzimtarpordorf]

oh my god i feel like im going to explode.

how can I inch my way to becoming more independent as a traumatized autistic person living in a house i feel trapped in?

keyword: feel, i am not actually trapped. there's just this mental block that, no matter how much i rationalize and explain reality to myself, I cannot get over.

i refuse to go to "therapy". I refuse to "work with a professional". I refuse "medication". i've tried them. they have not worked. they are not the only answer. they can't be. i'm looking for something else.

how do I do this by myself? i'm not looking to drag anyone else down into the hole I've dug for myself. I simply want to climb out on my own.

i fully believe that I am an awful, irredeemable person. i cannot handle any amount of human interaction without panicking. i don't want to interact with people. i don't want friends, i don't want anyone to know or expect anything of me.

#autism #mental illness #recovery #avpd

[moonlit-positivity]

If you've been raised your whole life being abused and tortured and told that you're the problem, how the hell are you supposed to know that you're not? That those people abusing you are the problem and that it has nothing to do with you at all? How the hell are you supposed to know that things need to change if you never see any different and you're never encouraged to get out because something better actually really does exist out there?? That shit seems like a myth to us. We can be so stuck in this perpetual darkness simply because the environment we live in is hell bent on keeping us blind. Yeah okay eventually we find out about boundaries and are finally given a proper vocabulary to define toxic relationships, but is it really necessary for us to have suffered irrevocable damage & trauma before we find that shit out?? It's wild to me how far behind we are as a society that people still see mental health as useless and an excuse to throw therapy in your face as some form of moral punishment. Why are we still living in the dark ages with this shit.

#recovery #ptsd #trauma #mental health #healing #boundaries #mental health discussion #society #mental health reform #health care reform #mental health discourse #anti-psych #child abuse #personality disorders #cluster b #cluster b pds #bpd #avpd #npd #pd safe #toxic relationships #toxic parents #abuse #abusive parenting #codependency #reparenting #emotional regulation