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eternalowl · 2 years

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Incorrect Eternals quotes part 3

Ikaris gets d e s t r o y e d in this because it’s funny

Thena, while entering a store: Why do they have door sensors outside of the exit door if you’re not even supposed to enter through there?

Gilgamesh: Probably because there’s the occasional idiot that walks through the wrong door.

Thena, dead fucking serious: Then just take the sensor away and let them run into the damn door.

Kingo: *is recording Druig struggling to husk a corn cob*

Druig: I swear I will throw this fuckin corn at your face if you don’t put your damn phone away.

Thena and Ikaris: *are about to beat the living shit out of each other in the kitchen*

Druig, running into the kitchen like a damn track star: WAIT!

Thena and Ikaris: *pause*

Druig: *quickly makes a bowl of popcorn and heads over to the couch to watch*

Druig: Okay, you may continue.

Ikaris: Today, two families will become one.

Druig, in an ominous voice: Two families enter, one leaves.

Sprite: Accurate yet terrifying.

Ajak: …The Wedding Games…

Sersi: May the bouquet toss be ever in your favor.

Phastos: I hate all of you!

Thena: Please don’t turn Gil and I’s wedding into the Hunger Games.

Ajak: BEAT HIS ASS RAINBOW DASH!

Kingo: I can’t believe you just said that…

Phastos: I don’t even want to know.

Sersi:, texting the others: There’s just this bird…

Sersi: In the Chicago airport…

Sersi: I’m going to name it Ravioli.

Thena: Is it on fire? No? Can it be solved with a fire? Also no? Does it have anything to do with cooking? Yes? Then leave me alone, I’ll just make it worse.

Gilgamesh: Hey, I’m heading to Australia-

Druig: Get me a kangaroo.

Gilgamesh: Why?

Druig: B e c a u s e.

Gilgamesh: No get your own damn kangaroo.

Kingo, running away from Ikaris for who knows why: Lemme tell you something, lemme tell you something-

Ikaris: *grabs a frying pan*

Kingo, screaming: Let mE TELL YOU SOMETHING-

Phastos: So, T, what’s your New Year’s resolution-

Thena: To start a revolution.

Sprite: Don’t you dare kill me! I have a family!

Murderer: And you think I care?

Sprite: That wasn’t a plea for mercy, that was a warning.

*sounds of cosmic energy, several explosions, screams of agony, and car alarms are heard in the distance*

Sprite: And it sounds like they’re almost here.

Thena: What happens if you press the gas and the break down at the same time?

Gilgamesh: The car takes a screenshot.

Phastos, who was just about to leave the Walmart parking lot: Get out of my car. Both of you.

Phastos: Please, Thena, don’t do anything overly violent.

Thena: You could sooner divert a river from its course than deny me my nature.

Sersi, deeply inhaling: Okay, let’s try this again. Mary had a little lamb-

Druig: Its heart as black as coal.

Thena: It crept into her room one night-

Druig: -and ate her fuckin soul.

Sersi: …

Kingo: Roses are red…

Kingo: Violets are blue…

Thena, threateningly holding a paint brush: Interrupt my painting again and I’ll fucking bite you.

Sersi: I stay in bed, I am warm. I get in the shower, I am warm. The distance between the bed and shower? No. That is not warm.

Kingo: So, if you die, how do you think it would happen?

Thena: Eh, probably old age.

Kingo: But- We don’t even age?

Thena: That’s my point.

Druig: *laughing manically after Ikaris makes a stupid mistake*

Druig: It’s funny how dumb you are.

Makkari: I always wear red to funerals. It’s my way of saying, “Hello, Death. Kiss my ass.”

Random person in an elevator: Your purse looks delicious.

Ajak: …

Ajak, ready to wack them with her purse: WHY DON’T YOU JUST EAT IT THEN???

Druig: Hey, wait-

Kingo: Sorry dude, there’s no space left in here.

Thena: We could throw Ikaris onto the roof.

Ikaris: How about we throw you on the damn roof.

Druig: I agree with Thena, now get onto the roof.

Ikaris: How about we put Gil on the roof?

Thena: *throws Ikaris out of the car and pulls Druig in*

Ajak: *closes the elevator*

Kingo, Sprite, Phastos, Druig, and Makkari: *waiting outside the elevator since they won’t fit*

Kingo, as soon as the door closes: *opens it and waves*

Ajak: *shuts the door again because she just wants to leave*

Kingo: *opens the door again and waves*

Ajak: *closes the door again*

Kingo: *opens the door AGAIN* You shall not leave.

Ajak:: *closes the door AGAIN*

Kingo: *proceeds to open it yet again*

Ikaris: Just let us fuckin leave!

Ajak: *closes the door, starting to get agitated*

Kingo: *opeNS THE FUCKING DOOR AGAIN*

Ajak, Ikaris, Sersi, Thena, and Gilgamesh: LET THE FUCKING DOOR CLOSE!

Ajak: *closes the door, ready to beat the shit out of Kingo*

Kingo: *finally lets them go*

Thena: I am fluent in many ways of kicking your ass.

Ikaris: GIVE ME BACK MY FUCKIN TWINKIES!

Druig: NO!

Phastos, to Sersi: Are they drunk-

Ikaris and Druig: SHUT THE FUCK YOUR MOUTH!

Kingo, watching a potato that’s attached to his ceiling fan: A potato flew around my room before you came-

Kingo, Ikaris, Sersi, Sprite, Druig, Phastos, Gilgamesh, Thena, Makkari, and Ajak, less than ten minutes later: *chaotic, bloody murder, unholy screeching*

Kingo: If you’ve knocked on a door, you’ve technically punched a house before.

Phastos: No-

Kingo: honk :D

Druig: WHAT

Kingo: HONK >:(

Druig: WHAT THE FUCK DOES HONK MEAN THIS TIME YOU WHIMSICAL PIECE OF SHIT???

Makkari, pointing to a strange creature: WHAT IS THAT???

Phastos: I don’t know! I remember reading something about it, but I forgot the name!

Makkari: NEVERMIND. I DON’T CARE WHAT IT IS, JUST HIT IT!

Sersi: IKARIS, GET THAT THING OUT OF THE HOUSE!

Ikaris: What? You’ve told me about how much you’ve been wanting a cat, then I found this guy! It’s fate, Sersi, FATE!

Sersi: IKARIS.

Sersi: THAT IS A RACCOON.

Sersi: Words ending in 'ie' just sound so adorable. Like cutie, sweetie, cookie-

Kingo: Eyy, homie!

Makkari: But then there's cootie...

Thena: Die.

Ajak: You fuckers don’t know about my knife stick. It’s a knife taped to a stick and it’s the ultimate weapon.

Thena: Spear.

Ajak: BLOCKED.

Ajak: I CHOOSE TO CALL IT MY KNIFE STICK.

Druig: I woke up today smiling because I saw Makkari and then I remembered that I’m still better than Ikaris.

Druig: Ajak, there’s a monster under my bed and it’s really ugly.

Ikaris, on the bottom bunk: Honestly, fuck you.

Makkari: Vegetable oil is made from vegetables, coconut oil is made from coconuts, so BABY OIL-

Phastos: CAN’T WE JUST HAVE A NICE FAMILY DINNER FOR ONCE???

Thena: *shatters a window and climbs through it*

Thena: *turns around and helps Sprite through it* Breaking and entering is wrong, Sprite.

Sprite: Okay.

Ajak: Is he stupid?

Thena, Druig, and Phastos, in unison: Yes, but he prefers to be called Ikaris.

Makkari: No thanks.

Makkari: I'm god.

Sersi, tearing up nearly every room in the Domo: WHERE ARE THEY???

Sersi, opening every cupboard after interrogating Druig: WHO MOVED THEM? WHO MOVED MY CHILDREN???

Sersi: SOMEONE MOVED MY M&Ms AND NOW I’M GOING TO START KILLING.

Ikaris, during the Emergence: What has this planet done for you? Why would you want to save it?

Sersi, Phastos, Makkari, Druig, and Thena, in unison: BECAUSE I’M ONE OF THE IDIOTS THAT LIVES ON IT!

Druig: Where are you going?

Ajak: To either get ice cream or commit a felony. I'll decide on the way.

Thena, looking at a dead phone: How do we bring this thing back to life? Magic? Live sacrifice? I know a guy in town-

Eros: What happened to Ajak?

Thena: She died.

Eros: She what?

Thena: She died, but she’s okay now.

Eros: …Can you please clarify?

Ajak the Almighty: Clarification is for the weak.

Druig, working at McDonald's: Sorry sir, we don't serve a McFuck here, so either you throw that one slice of pickle out or we're gonna have a McProblem.

Druig: Why are you burning our marriage certificate?

Makkari: Good luck returning me without the receipt.

Phastos: Ikaris, I don't like you.

Ikaris: What did you say?

Phastos: You heard me!

Ikaris, internally: And it turns out I actually didn't hear what the fuck you just said.

Ajak: Are you really planning to shoot the demon?

Makkari: Don't worry, it's a holy gun.

Ajak: How so?

Makkari: It makes holes.

Ikaris: I feel so burnt out.

Thena: Don’t worry, it'll be over soon.

Ikaris: Are you gonna... assassinate me?

Thena: Well not if you’re expecting it.

Ajak, about to jump over a canyon with the others in the back: Total lack of drivers training DON’T FAIL ME NOW!

Gilgamesh: I love you.

Thena: I love you too. I've waited so long to hear you say that.

*Gilgamesh and Thena kiss passionately*

Phastos, to Kingo: You owe me 20 dollars.

Ajak: What? I'm not aggressive!

Druig: Last Tuesday, you wacked me with a pair of sandals and stole my chocolate chips?

Ajak: Survival of the fittest, bitch!

Gilgamesh: Wow, Thena, you want to hold my hand before marriage? How awfully lewd of you.

Thena: We literally slept together yesterday and we’ve managed to convince everyone else that we’ve been married for the past few thousand years.

Gilgamesh: That's NOTHING compared to the lewdness of holding hands.

Kingo, after being buried in sand: I am the sand guardian, Guardian of the Sand.

Sprite, who is the one who buried him: POSEIDON QUIVERS BEFORE HIM!

Kingo, a few minutes later, screaming at a wave: FUCK OFF!

#eternals #eternals incorrect quotes #eternals thena #eternals gilgamesh #thenamesh #eternals druig #eternals ikaris #eternals ajak #eternals sprite #eternals phastos #eternals kingo #eternals sersi #eternals makkari #Drukkari #I think I added to much Thenamesh…#nah #there’s no such thing as too much Thenamesh #I’m running out of quotes

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eternalowl · 2 years

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Eternals incorrect quotes part 2

Kingo: That was a joke. Say “ha”

Sprite: Ha.

Kingo: Now say it again.

Sprite: Ha.

Kingo: Congratulations, you’re officially the life of the party.

Kingo: What goes up but doesn’t go down?

Phastos: The amount of stress you bring this family.

Gilgamesh: …Should I ask why you’re covered in blood?

Thena: No, and the better question would be “Who’s blood is this-”

Gilgamesh: What are you in the mood for?

Thena: World domination.

Gilgamesh: That’s a bit ambitious.

Thena: You are my world.

Gilgamesh: Aww…

Thena: …

Gilgamesh: …

Thena: …

Gilgamesh: OH-

Kingo: I have an idea.

Ikaris: A good idea?

Kingo: Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Kingo: Thena you can’t move in with Gilgamesh.

Thena: Why not?

Kingo: Well, um, how are you going to feel when he sees you without any makeup?

Thena: I’m not wearing makeup right now.

Kingo: Holy crap, you’re beautiful.

Everyone: You're alive.

Ikaris: There's no need to sound so disappointed.

Kingo: So what, now I’m just supposed to do everything that Thena does? What if she jumps off a cliff?

Druig: If Thena were to jump off a cliff, she would have done her due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry. So yes, if you see Thena jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff.

Kingo: You jump off a cliff.

Druig: Gladly, provided Thena did first.

Kingo: Now, if I may speak for good-looking people everywhere...

Sprite: Only as their rodeo clown.

Sersi: What makes you all smile?

Gilgamesh: Friends and Family.

Druig: Snacks.

Ikaris: Victory and success.

Thena: Face muscles.

Ajak: Damn, the power went out.

Kingo: Don’t worry, I got this.

Kingo: *shakes rapidly and starts to light up*

Ajak: What-?

Kingo: I swallowed a glow stick!

Ajak, on the verge of tears: WHY WOULD YOU-

Phastos, texting: O

Kingo: What?

Phastos: Don’t read into that.

Kingo: But I will read into that.

Phastos: HOW?! IT’S A LETTER!

Kingo: Why is there a space after it, hmmmmm?

Phastos: Dude, really?

Phastos: It’s a fucking letter.

Kingo: It could stand for something!

Phastos: IT DOESN’T, I PROMISE!

Kingo: Like Oppression! Or worse…

Phastos: Dude, I just typed the letter O, that means nothing. :/

Kingo: Optometrist.

Phastos: Oh my God…

Ikaris: You are the love of my life and I would do anything within reason to make you happy.

Sersi: I would be happy if you ate, stayed hydrated and got a reasonable amount of sleep.

Ikaris: I said within reason, Sersi. How about I murder that guy?

Sersi: So murder is in reason but proper self care isn't?

Ikaris: Well, duh. What kind of question is that?

*playing twister*

Kingo: Right hand red.

Makkari: *ends up on top of Druig*

Druig: You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?

Kingo: I stopped spinning like 15 minutes ago. Honestly, I'm surprised you didn't notice.

Sersi: What do you have?

Sprite: A KNIFE!

Sersi: NO!

Kingo: So... who's the big spoon and who's the little spoon?

Makkari: We're chopsticks!

Kingo: Well... that's cute!

Kingo: Does that mean you two snuggle together perfectly?

Druig: No, it means that if you take the other away, the only thing the other is good for is stabbing.

Sersi: Why aren't there friend pick up lines? Pick up lines to make friends like-

Sersi, to Ajak: Hey, that's a cute outfit. You know where it would look better? On nobody else, because you're a beautiful individual.

Makkari, to Druig: Be my friend or I'll set your entire family on fire.

Gilgamesh: There are two types of people.

Sprite: *fast-forwards all the way through the movie*

Kingo: You can't just skip to the happy ending!

Sprite: I don't have time for their problems.

Teacher: Your child was in a fight.

Gilgamesh: Again?

Thena: Did they win?

Teacher: Your child was in a fight.

Makkari: I need to talk to them about that…

Druig: Did they win?

Sersi: What situation is not instantly improved by the addition of fishnets, I ask you.

Druig: Being a fish.

Sersi: Well, shit.

Phastos: How long do you think it'll take?

Druig: I don’t know, three or four.

Phastos: Three or four what? Days? Weeks? Months?

Makkari, agreeing with Druig: Yeah, maybe five.

Phastos: Five what?!

Druig: Makkari, get that hidious thing out of the living room, would you?

Makkari: Ikaris, Druig wants you to get out of the house.

Thena: Kingo, we tried things your way.

Kingo: No, we didn't.

Thena: I did it in my head and it didn't work.

Ajak: Uptown Funk would've made it into the Shrek Soundtrack.

Kingo: That's the truest statement I've ever heard.

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