#except that five doesnt get to be fucked up over it

[lookingforhappy]

i feel like having five's mom be a butcher is such a misunderstanding of five and what his character means.

it implies that the violent, brutal actions he commits are in some way genetic/inherited, rather than cultivated after nearly five/six decades of desperate survival and manipulation. it implies that five was always going to become violent, that he had no chance at being soft or innocent because of his genetics.

and that, to me, takes away so much of the tragedy of his situation.

five doesn't want to be a killer, but he had to become one to have a chance at saving his family. he had to accept the handler's deal because if he didn't, if he refused to kill, he would be stuck in the apocalypse with no one but a mannequin to talk to and no clean water or stable food source or general quality of life.

five's brutality and willingness to kill was man-made and cultivated by the commission. sure, his already there traits helped to propel him towards this outcome, but it wasn't his first or even second choice.

depicting his mother as a butcher by itself is a betrayal of this character. but to also depict her as someone who loves this job, who has won awards for it, who takes pleasure from driving a knife through a slab of meat over and over again?

the implications of five having always enjoyed inflicting pain or of having that base instinct his entire life strips his character of agency, and makes his choice to sacrifice some of his humanity void. he didn't choose to become a killer for any higher purpose or sacrifice, but because he was always going to be that killer, because he enjoyed it.

#the umbrella academy #tua #five hargreeves #number 5 #obv this isn't like a criticism about butchers #ita about the context of this depiction #the amount of times fives mother has been juxtaposed next to five slaughtering the board in s2 really says everything tbh #its their replacement for the dna situation from the comics #except that five doesnt get to be fucked up over it #its played as a sort of joke #which really sums up s3 tbh #and five was the only one of the lot that got this treatment #the other 6 were shown as having come from loving families who likely wouldve kept them and loved them if not from reginald #personally if five had been shown as coming from a loving family #like the rest #then it would have been more impactful #bc he would have had yet another piece of love and care and childhood stolen from him like his training and years in the apocalypse and #the years spent killing for the commission #stole his childhood and really his entire life from him #idk man im reading too much into this but it rubbed me the wrong way

[eddiesghxst]

small blurb of best friend!reader spending the night at eddies and while theyre brushing their teeth getting ready for bed (shes in a tank top n panties) he notices that she doesnt have a gag reflex🫣

oh he’d go fucking nuts🤭

18+ — MINORS DNI

————

Eddie feels like a perv for doing this. He feels guilty and shameful and all things wrong for doing this, but he can’t help it—- any moral thinking was wiped away when all the blood in his head rushed to his dick.

It was stupid, really. You and Eddie were just brushing your teeth, like any normal humans before bed. Except you were wearing that flimsy little tank top that hardly even covers anything, and Eddie… well Eddie’s not a god, of course he was looking at your tits.

They’re perfect, hard nipples pressed against the thin material of your top, a sinful jiggle waving through them as you gently work your toothbrush over your teeth. Eddie was mesmerized.

And that was fine—- Eddie’s half hard dick could be calmed with a few boner-killing thoughts, no problem.

Except all hope of bidding away his clear arousal flew out the window the second you brushed your tongue and pushed your toothbrush so far back that Eddie expected to hear a gag, but surprisingly didn’t hear a single sound of struggle. And as if you having no gag reflex wasn’t enough, you had to lean over the sink, spit out the white paste, and happily hum as you did it.

Eddie thinks he blacked out after that, because the next thing he remembers is his fist tightly pumping his aching cock like his life depended on it.

After you finished he made some lazy excuse about needing to take a leak and locked the door behind you before hastily shoving his sweats down. The second Eddie pushed down the waistband of his sweats to release his cock, he knew he wasn’t going to last long.

Eddie hasn’t been this hard in a while, pulsing and throbbing and begging for release as he wraps his hand around his tip and starts stroking. His eyes flutter shut, jaw dropping as he leans forward to press a hand against the blank wall of the bathroom. He mutters a curse to himself, shut eyes squeezing in pleasure as he thinks about the sinful act you’d just put on for him.

He imagines you atop of him, weepy cunt swallowing him whole as you bounce on his cock, pretty tits moving with each sway. He imagines reaching up and gathering your tits in each of his hands, squeezing them to watch the way your soft skin gives way beneath his fingertips, molding against his touch like they were made for him.

He lets a moan slip before placing his knuckles between his teeth, shakily breathing as he quickens his strokes. It’s been less than five minutes and he’s pathetically close, but he doesn’t care.

He imagines you clambering off his lap to drop on your knees between his legs, wasting no time to wrap your lips around his cock and take him all the way to the back of your throat. He shivers when he replays the memory of you practically deep throating your toothbrush, pink tongue tauntingly on display.

He imagines pulling out of your mouth to tap his sticky tip against the thick of your tongue, and he imagines you would sinfully hum the way you did when you spit out your toothpaste.

He’s on the brink of cumming when you knock, a worried tone bracing your voice as you speak up, “Eddie? Everything okay?”

And the second Eddie opens his mouth to answer, he cums. Sticky white ropes of cum spurt from the sensitive red tip of his cock, coating his knuckles and messily dripping onto the floor. “Y-yeah I’m—- fuck.” he throbs beneath his touch, legs threatening to give out beneath the weight of his pleasure.

His breath is bated and shaky, wide eyes watching as more cum spills with each aching throb. He glances at the doorway and curses when he still sees your shadow beneath the door. He looks back at his cock and curses because the white sticky substance just won’t stop dribbling from his cock. “Uh—- I’m good. I’m fine.”

He hears you leave and he shuts his eyes, leaning forward to rest his head against the cool wall before him as he gives his cock a few more lazy strokes. He braves one last glance at his cock as he finally finishes off and he lets out a breathy laugh of disbelief.

He’s not sure how he’s gonna be able to look you in the eyes after this.

#he’s so pervy loser #i need him #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson #drabble #eddie x reader #eddie munson fanfic #stranger things fanfic #eddie munson headcanon #eddie munson smut #eddie munson blurb #best friend!eddie #stranger things

[vortexbeyondthestars]

ok but like imagine turnabout serenade from valant's perspective. you've been working in garages and parking lots for the past seven years to make money and then this pretentious prettyboy german rockstar offers you a job. ok fine you need the money. you learn that the prettyboy is teaming up with a mysterious borginian singer. cool. you meet the singer and she looks fucking exactly like the girl you thought you accidentally murdered and had been blackmailed over by her dad until he killed himself. what. so you maybe try to talk to her except she has amnesia and (as far as you know) doesnt speak a LICK of english. and you cant even ask her about it through a translator bc her manager is murdered. you're already in shock. then you meet the daughter of her and the guy who you've had toxic old man yaoi beef with for the past seven years. shes all friendly and chirpy and calls you "uncle valant" even though you quite literally left to get the milk and never came back. you notice shes with a stickish lawyer who yells a lot and you see the fucking bracelet said woman you thought you killed owned. you are doing mental gymnastics and yhen remember that she had married another guy and could have had another kid. what the fuck is going on. the kids try to badger you for information but you're about five seconds away from a mental breakdown and just dip. like i cant even blame him. i would dip too

#valant gramarye #ace attorney #my post #shitpost #thalassa gramarye #lamiroir #ace attorney spoilers #aa4 spoilers #aa4 #apollo justice #apollo justice spoilers #apollo justice trilogy spoilers #just in case #trucy wright

[nevertheless-moving]

STORMLIGHT ARCHIVE AU MASTERLIST

List will be updated with links if/when AUs develop For my Star Wars AU Masterlist: Please See Here As always, people are more than welcome to play with any of these ideas! just please link back to me so I can see! Seriously if you want to write stuff in any form with ideas from any of these aus I will love you forever! 1 to 20: Words of Radiance AUS 21 to 30: Non Words of Radiance AUs (note: these might also be WOR AUs) 31 to 40: Post Winds and Truth Wild Speculation (that may or may not also be a WOR AU)

1 to 20 Words of Radiance AUS

[EDIT, Previous #1 Now #28]

2. High oath Hesina willshaper aus. This is actually many many AUs because the "Mom??" Reveal is great in all contexts. Concept, WOK Era Outline

3. Renarin asks Kaladin for help with radiant stuff during WOR. Secret training. Everyone thinks they're fucking. Chapter 1 and Outline/Meta

4. Elhokar drunk orders kaladin to bedchambers, begs for help keeping away nighmare creatures. Kaladin nearly kills him before scary spren realization, then goes into serious radiant mode when syl gets ambiguously concerned. Everyone thinks they're fucking.[Note: I might be too easily entertained by this trope]. Kaladin is deeply pained by this but also has  people saving thing and really doesnt want to reveal the radiant thing to the whole camp. Earlier third oath. Eventual fucking optional, see above au, except with a bit more pity than vibeing for option a.

5. Crack. AUs 3, 4, and 9 at same time so people just think Kaladin is the Kholin Rhysadium. Bridge 4 offers government overthrow if he's being pressured. kaladin assures them that's not it. Now people keep trying to high five him. Kaladin with head in hands while Moash snarks over his shoulder "you know when i said fuck the lighteyed i didn't -" Kaladin definitely asexual in this one.

6. Hessenia and lirin come to shattered planes, shocked/thrilled/emotional to find kaladin. Bridge 4 desperately trying to get approval of [bugs bunny meme our] parents. Lirin reluctantly adopting renarin who wants to learn about healing now for some reason. Blackthorn surgeon mutual loathing/ jealousy son swap hilarity. Lirin is having a time. 

7. Kaladin wasn’t on guard duty the night of szeth arrival. Still warned by syl about assassin, but has to dead sprint while glowing to get across camp fast enough, soft reveal to anyone outside. Only barely figures out wall running on the way over to crash in window just in time. Szeth freaks out and runs away after very short, mildly anticlimatic interaction. And now Kaladin has to deal with Everyone.

8. Kaladin further along in powers during initial szeth fight. Battle of champions degrading to slap fight when they run out of stormlight and get stuck on the plains. Concept/ Ask, Funny Severed Leg

9. Manufactured rumors about adolin/ kaladin. Effective political mudslinging for most of WOR. Shallan plays up things about her relationship with Jasnah to be a more appealing beard. [Previous #9 Is Now #33]

10. Kaladin has a meltdown in prison, breaks out of his cell. Just a little bit more stormlight...Shouts of alarm. Aaah glowing Assassin in white! Kaladin panics more. Adolin handles the situation like a champ. Kaladin maybe briefly kidnaps him.

11. Nale goes after kaladin instead of lift. Ohhh so many thoughts for parallels.

12. Syl immediately dive bombs pattern when kaladin and shallan meet. Really early radiant reveal but just to each other. Kaladin does not trust her but doesn't want to reveal his own status so just watches her super intensely...since she's also constantly watching him too, yes, this gets misinterpreted. See au 3 through 5 but more discreet. Veil is the one draggng him from the barracks for late night 'training sessions' [these are actually training sessions but veil flirts outrageously with kaladin when anyones in earshot. So.] that distracts things a bit.

13. Adolin, suspicious after the Assassin in White fight, was secretly following kaladin at night. Sees him step off a ledge into a chasm (I just reread the section and was like?! You glanced over your shoulder once?!). Adolin spends the whole night stewing in regret, anger, grief, guilt (I was there. I could have yelled. Should have done something. I didn't realize...I didn't know. I didn't know anything). Next morning Kaladin is on guard duty and adolin flips his shit, suddenly remembering that the whole reason he was suspicious of this guy was because he inexplicably survived a several hundred foot drop.

14. Kaladin barely manages to hold it together just long enough to out himself as radiant right after prison. Part One, Part two

15. Kaladin does NOT hold it together after getting arrested.

16. Kaladin swears third oath early. Next few weeks involve a lot of hiding glowing bridgeman squire antics and gaslighting people about kaladin's intermittently light eyes.

17. In the initial confrontation with Szeth, Kaladin pushes a bit harder about the radiants being back, Szeth spirals a bit more, crashing realization that he isn't truthless...

17a.  Earlier radiant reveal: szeth surrenders the honor blade and then immediately collapses into the ground. Kaladin drags him and the blade upstairs. Has to reveal himself now because 1) kaladin what the fuck how and 2) the assassin is mumbling about radiants. 17b ANGST: szeth surrenders the honor blade and immediately kills himself with kaladin's weapons. Kaladin takes honorblade, collapses on way back because it's draining his stormlight, maybe messing with sylbond. When he wakes up hes injured, surrounded by lighteyes and a handful of his men...handles it badly because Very Specific Shardblade Winning Trauma. Crazy two nickles moment. Downside: cries a lot in front of people he'd rather not have cried in front of. Upside: dalinar believes him about amaram now. Public windrunner powers, but obscured Radiant reveal because glowing assassin sword is very clearly granting magic powers. Weird interactions of honorblade bond and nahel bond. Lot of interesting fallout from Dalinar having his very own Mystical Assassin now.

18. Kaladin sends Syl to spy on the 'horneater princess', one sided radiant discovery. When she sends pattern to spy on bridgeboy, he somehow notices. Shallan does not handle it well. 

19. Something something people put together all the impossible stuff Kaladin's done with all the impossible stuff the Blackthorn did as a youth, combined with one of bridge four drunkenly talking about their best theories for the Captains 'mysterious backstory,' combined with Dalinar literally calling Kaladin son and seemingly overnight the warcamps are convinced that Kaladin is Dalinar's bastard child.

20. (COLLABORATIVE with @gnecrognomicon) Instead of being thrown in prison, Elhokar orders Kaladin be strung up for the Stormfather's judgement. Part One, Part Two

21 to 30 Non Words of Radiance AUs

22. Way of kings au where the beggars of alethkar are rounded up for the war effort. Jezrian, of course, ends up on bridge four.

23. Kaladin time travel au to way of kings only the transition is a bit like a spren going through the cognitive to material realm transfer. Not all there. Heartwarming bridge four bonding slightly to the left - sure the mans crazy but he just looks so...disappointed when we dont help with the injured, and he shares his food like an idiot. How does someone seven foot tall and stronger than a chull make axehound pup eyes. We're not following him though. He's not our lead - holy heralds balls is he glowing??  Bit more of a symbol than a friend, but a symbol that you take turns holding at night because he has such bad nightmares and also hes clingy. 

24. COLLABORATIVE / stone soup with @sweetteaanddragons : adolin and kaladin time travel to way of kings. Kaldin brooding about how to escape AND save all his men AND the world until adolin barges in and buys everyone. 

'Thank the almighty,' Kaladin thought with almost painful relief, watching Adolin argue haughtily with a growing swarm of Thadeus's lighteyes. 'I never thought I'd actually appreciate having a rich friend.' He would, of course, rather die than admit this. "I had it handled," he growled, when the two finally managed to speak inconspicuously, each weaving amongst a thousand confused former bridgeman, speaking quietly with several, until they were able to meet in the middle with reasonable subtlety, all things considered. "That's great, Kal," Adolin said cheerfully, clearly not buying a word. "Say, how would you feel about doing some, you know..." He waved a hand, earning a raised eyebrow from Kaladin. "Glowy stuff for my Father," his voice dropped from a subtle hush to a slightly conspicuous whisper. "So he doesn't disinherit me. I did not have permission for this."  Both pairs of eyes flicked to the side, the Blackthorn's towering figure approaching like a Stormwall. "Uh. Sooner rather than later perhaps."

26. Oathbringer/row au. Adolin doesn’t kill sadeus. Mostly just excuse to dunk on Sadeus for trading one (1) shardblade for mythical warrior who can make his own shardblade. oh look more of your former slaves are glowing now. and THEY make shardblades too!

27. Elhokar and Kaladin time travel from Elhokar's death in oathbringer to way of kings. Part one, Part Two

27B. Elhokar solo time travels back from Oathbringer death to Way of Kings

28. Moash tells kaladin about beef with elokhar early. This derails the entire plot of the series. [EDIT, This au was previously #1, before I abruptly realized it was WOK, Not WOR]

31 to 40 Post Winds and Truth Wild Speculation

31. Szeth kaladin pity fuck time travel au words of radiance. Bridge four roasts the shit out of kaladin. Kaladin is doing everything in his power to avoid implying "knowledge of future" which makes the timeline of their relationship deeply confusing.

32. Szeth kaladin time travel au post book 5, they get their memories back in the high storm right before canon first meeting. Szeth sort of stumbles in, halfheartedly attempting a confused assassination.

33. [EDIT: Previously AU Number 9] Kaladin time travel back to wor, book 5 gone wrong. Deeply terrifying from outsider pov. Captain of the Kholin guard, bridgefour leader, is suddenly Full fourth oath windrunner talking about how humans are the voidbringers, they actually need to support the parshendi in bringing one last controlled desolation, and then kill the heralds and also god. Don't worry not our god. Different god. Our god is already dead. If someone else travels back with him then it swings around to a lil bit funny.

34. Post winds and truth, pre sunlit man, crossover with the twilight of mistborn era 2 (i think the cosmere timeline could make sense but if not, oh well). Kaladin gets a boon from his god(s). Requests to learn more about mental health. Has to go to another planet to do so, because mental health research on Roshar sucks. Scadrial's god seems (relatively) friendly and their planet has developed antidepressants AND wellness seminars. Shenanigans with Very Old Wax and the gang.

35. Jasnah, Dalinar, and Renarin (surviving Kholin Radiants) travel from End of World to right after Gavilar's death. Crack. Outline

All of the above (plus other fandoms if you keep scrolling back) will be tagged with 'my au' The above, plus my canon stormlight and other cosmere meta, technically canon compliant fanfic drabbles, or other things that i've written but don't fit in an au will be tagged 'nevertheless cosmere'

#Stormlight archive #My au #Kaladin stormblessed #Stormlight fanfic #words of radiance #Nevertheless writing #stormlight au #way of kings #oathbringer #rhythm of war #cosmere #nevertheless cosmere

[kirarifutari]

enhypen as fast food workers (enhypen ot7.)

GENRE .. !? enhypen ot7 headcanons i guess... pureee crack, comedy

WARNINGS .. !? not proof read, swearing, for shits and giggles don't take anything to heart lol

WC ..?! approx 852

NOTES.. ?! okay pls blame @dazed-hee for putting this thought into my head and helping me w this... i cannot believe i sat my ass down and wrote this,, yes i just got off work ... anyway i hope u enjoy this goofy little piece pls like + reblog to support!!

heeseung

actually does his job properly LOLLL

he's so good at it asw he is never ever stressed 😭😭 he never complains either he just gets shit done ?? like you'll be on shift w him and magically you don't have to do anything ever bc somehow he has it under control…?

all the customers love him asw LMAO he's the type to remember regulars 🙏

god sent everyone needs a heeseung to work with, he's even nice to the rude customers but is not afraid to be a little passive aggressive bitch 🤧

he never talks badly about anyone so no one ever shit talks him?? but if you ask him ab drama he'd be like “not naming any names but…” 😭

jay

he is exactly like heeseung except when is jay ever NOT stressed

he is internally crying every five seconds over something and every time a customer complains about something you can see the light in his eyes die little by little 💀💀

he doesn't even care what anyone else is doing he's just so caught up in doing his job he doesn't realise that he's doing everything himself…  more utc!

if you catch him on a good day tho you can hear him make fun of customer orders 😭 “who the fuck orders 3 hamburgers past the age of three years old…”

let's you do whatever you want bc hes too busy dealing w the emerging grey hairs 🙏

jake

the best person to work your shift w for a good time hands downnn

he's so funny he will make you cackle every five seconds,, you'll be taking a drive thru order and you'd be trying so fucking hard not to laugh into the mic 😭 he will fr start SINGING in ur ear goodbye

super friendly w customers and will literally start a conversation ab the most random things ?? “bro did you just order this family box?? you eating that yourself? that's crazy, mad respect” 💀

dawg does everything all at once, making burgers, taking orders, handing out food, changing the bins ??? yet somehow he's the one goofing off the most ? 

sunghoon

doesn't know how he landed the job tbh… everyone expected him to be unemployed the rest of his life 🔥

HE DOESNT KNOW HOW TO COUNT CHANGE W CASH 😭 bro tries his hardest but is always fumbling around fr,, our maths legend

the type to be like “hm? i can't hear you” “what did you say? “yeah just gimme a minute” he is TOO CHILL he's so unserious ab this job he clocks on and does nothing half the time 🙏 he'll say he'll do what you ask him too but... you both know he won't xoxox

somehow he's still one of the managers favourites and gets good shifts every week… 

if a customer yells at him he'd be like “yeah give me a second” and then just gets someone else to deal with it LMFAO 💀

sunoo

THE BIGGEST SHIT TALKER having a shift w him is so good, he somehow knows everything that's going on w everyone ??? fills you in w all the gossip fr.

he's rly bubbly w all the nice customers and is one of the nicer employees to work with but if ur on his bad side … 💀💀💀

like if you annoy him as a customer he will hand you order wordlessly and look you up and down HE DOESNT CAREEE BROOO 😭

if anyone ever blames him for doing something wrong on shift he literally will just be like “that wasn't me tho 😄😄” biggest liar and everyone knows it but no one cares cus we all love him 🫶

sunoo will definitely be the type to buy you food on his break or give you free stuff when you clock off 😭

jungwon

would be the biggest gas lighter LMFAO

“oh you ordered a double big mac and not a regular? yeah on our register it's gone through as regular so i don't know what you want me to do, you can pay for another one tho!” 💀💀💀💀

bro gives so much sass to rude customers he does NOT gaf, he does it all w a smile on his face too like “sorry about that but we can't do anything to fix it 😊” 

he’d be so chill w his co workers asw, he would really care if everyone's messing around but somehow w him on shift everything goes oddly smoothly… 

working w him is so fucking funny cus he will never take no for an answer w a customer he will keep pushing until they LEAVE 😭

niki

LMFAOOO okay this kid fucking hates his job LOL

will spit in a customers drink because he can 🙏 he will not take shit from anyone and he knows no one will fire him bc they're understaffed 😚

plays the best music and always has kitchen speaker aux !!!

if you ask him to remake a burger or help you with something he'll either give you a blank stare or a “no, i won't.” and then do it for you anyway 👊👊 he is such a little menace but he doesn't care 

w annoying ass customers he will literally start arguing w them STOP

would go viral on tiktok cus some customer was filming him being rude but everyone would be siding w him bc niki is always in the right godbless.

#ser writes ! #enhypen x reader #enhypen ot7 #enhypen #niki x reader #jake x reader #sunghoon x reader #heeseung x reader #sunoo x reader #jay x reader #jungwon x reader #enhypen fic #enhypen fluff #enhypen imagines #im past the point of caring this is too funny to me #yes i work at a fast food joint and yes i hate my job

[ganondoodle]

so, doing this as an extra post bc i dont want to spam op nor invite more disaster into their post (sorry)

(i get annoyed, i get frustrated, but i rarely get pissed off, so if this sounds aggressive to you, it is; i have had enough of arguing with people -even if most of that arguing has happened on twitter-)

someone had replied (and later apparently deleted) something along the lines of "well zelda wanted to restore hyrule at the end of botw and what is so bad about ganondorf always being the bad guy in the way that he is?"

so first off, while i know hyrule and KINGDOM of hyrule is often used as an equally interchangeable word to refer to the world there, i dont think she meant the kingdom or its or its monarchy when she said that (does she? i dont have the end in my head rn and pretty sure its a lil different than english anyway) and much more the LAND of hyrule, its still in shambles even if people have found ways to live with it- that is an interpretation of me mostly, you can think what you want in that regard idc

secondly .... im not gonna get into that rant bc you cannot be seriosuly asking what is bad about how ganondorf is presented, treated in the games (espeically in totk) and his role and "writing" (oh geez i dont know maybe all the racism and stereotypes?? also, frankly boring ass writing, if your villain can be replaced by a cloud of toxic goo incapable of speech and nothing would change except saving money for voice actors that dont fit the role that is not a great look- hes never gotten much but totk is a new low)

then theres this reply

astro-shark3113 replied: "You're kidding right? If she cared about reinstating the monarchy then why is the castle still in disrepair after five years? Why does she become a teacher and live in a cottage with her boyfriend instead of taking on duties as princess? She clearly wants to help people and be a leader but she can do that without wanting to be a Queen. Please be real"

i am not kidding and i AM being real, i think you need to look at the game without your rose tinted glasses for a second; the castle is still in ruin? what the hell do you expect, theres no soldiers and very few servants left, repairing anything is quite impossible in that time and frankly not a priority (not proof of her not caring lol) also there is a plan for it at the very least given the camps with the hyrule crest all over it in the ruins of castle town- we dont SEE her as a teacher, or living a "normal" life, that happens in between the game, its flavor text, what HAPPENS in the game is her being taught a lessson on who she needs to be and what hyrule needs to be (pretty in your face too, she gets sent to paradise past of the "first" king that is some supposedly godly thing from the HEAVENS and watches him and his queen die at the hands of the eviiil guy, the last scene in the game mimics perfectly the scene where everyone that god king got under his rule swears undying loyalty to her ffs); she does live in that house, but what other option is there, set up camp in the collapsing throne room all alone?? nigh everyone from that time is long dead and the only one she actually knows is link who happens to have a house (bc impa doesnt care i guess idk), with her ""boyfriend"" is also interesting, a "boyfriend" that apparently is locked in the basement, lives in the woods or straight up dematerlializes when theres no big bad in need of stabbing bc why the hell does no one fucking know him in hateno??? not even the kids that come to the house EVERY SINGLE DAY?? and taking on duties as a princess, she very much does? just bc she doesnt get physically carried around in a castle doesnt mean she isnt doing royal stuff (also, again, that happens BETWEEN the games, not actually in totk), she still sees herself as the princess, everyone calls her that, she herself calls herself that (if the memorial stones are anything to go by) and everyone listens to the most overtly stupid and nonsensical stuff that zelda puppet says (even her friends follow that order without even asking back???) after over 100 years of there not being a kingdom as such its pretty weird how everyone immediately, even the ones not alive for the calamity event, snaps into blindly following her orders

"she can still lead without being a queen", did we play the same game?? totk? TEARS of the KINGDOM?? (its zeldas tears, she IS the kingdom) that game?? the game couldnt be more directly telling you that its whole point is that royal family holy and good and how much everyone has to sacrifice to uphold the holy kingdom bc its the only thing that keeps evil man from overtaking it!! including turnign herself into a farmable, glorified stone pedestal for the entirety of the actual game and then that sacrifice not meanign shit bc she just gets deus ex machina'd back (i didnt need her to stay a dragon, though it would have been the better choice if she still didnt get an active part in the game i would kill for her to have been a capable companion instead of the stupid ghost sages, and you dont even get to actually do anything for it, it just happens), not even the nuclear pebble is lost, how great! she and everyone else that is a leader of their people has a nuclear pebble now!! they will not let a bad evil man be a threat ever again!! like the point to bring her back in that utterly unsatisfying way is that otherwise the royal line wouldnt exist anymore, its a blessing of her ancient ancestors!! woohooo!!

and the thing is, i LIKE botw zelda, i liked her character, that she wasnt the typically maiden princessy type, her struggle (even if i find the way she unlocked her powers lame), i do NOT like totk zelda, after the intro of the game she is a princessy maiden standing prettily at the side of the god king that rules the only thing keeping evil at bay, the level of how much totk disrespects her makes me mad on her behalf but i have ranted about that alone enough as well

and with this i am DONE talking about this game, i have ranted so much about it, made my points carefully clear over and over, said that i dont have the nerves left to be nice anymore about it given how much shit alone on twitter i had to live through just bc i dared mildly critisizing the damn game, if you comment some snarky "be real" thing again im just gonna go straight to blockign people bc i am done with this

#ganondoodles talks #ganondoodles rants #zelda #totk critical #taggign with that #maybe inviting less disaster into my post #didnt think id encounter this kind of stuff on here #tumblrs been so much better than twitter my god

[autisticlancemcclain]

fic rec friday 35

welcome to the thirty-fifth fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.

1. Send Down the Rain by @azapofinspiration

Lance missed rain. As much as he missed his family and his home, he missed rain almost as much.

However, rain has to exist somewhere out in the universe, right? Even if he can't go home, Lance should be able to feel rain and soak it.

Right?

Five times Lance tried to find rain and the one time he did

lance should have gotten the rain in canon. he needed that. and god did azap fucking deliver!! this fic is sweet and this fic is sad and this fic is melancholy and this fic makes you want to throw up and this fic makes you feel alive. i fckn love this fic

2. Brawler by @admiralcanthackett [GORE WARNING]

I have no summary for this beyond Lance and Keith get ambushed and Lance is a determined motherfucker who fights dirty. Keith is mildly turned on and largely impressed.

you ever want to see lance, feral, thinking only of protecting his family, rip someone’s throat out with his teeth? no? well, i didnt either, but it turns out that i needed to read it, so. and just to clarify this series isnt just lance going batshit insane, although there is plenty of that, it also has some tender klance gong over trauma so thats fun

3. nobody has to know (nobody but me) by xeah

Lance has a secret, and he’s taking it to the grave –except, he didn’t think the ‘taking it to the grave’ bit would happen quite so soon.

When the team head planetside on a diplomatic mission, Lance can’t decide if he’s ecstatic about it, or about to endure an intense bout of homesickness. Sure, the planet looks cool, the aliens themselves are pretty chill considering they’ve singlehandedly fended off Galra attacks up until now. But thanks to Pidge making the team clocks that run on Earth time, Lance knows that it’s almost his nineteenth birthday.

Yeah, he’s gonna go with the homesickness.

Unfortunately for him, the aliens they visit have two distinct qualities that, in any other circumstance, Lance would find cool; the ability to sense emotions, and the complete inability to keep secrets. That extends to their allies, as well.

He probably would have continued thinking those were pretty amazing skills –until the aliens sense negative emotions between the Paladins, and demand that to secure an alliance, the team must heal the dissent brewing in the fine cracks between each other thanks to the secrets they’re keeping, no matter how trivial.

Yeah. Homesickness probably wasn’t the right way to go.

okay, full disclaimer, this series isnt finished and i doubt it ever will be. HOWEVER. this fic is, and this fic is fucking stellar. magical realism has always been a fave of mine, and of course add vld and klance to that and ill always go feral. if you want to see amazing mcclain family backstory and tension so thick you could gnaw on it, swallow the L and read this fic you’ll only be a litle devastated that you won’t see how the series ends

4. Bruises by @admiralcanthackett

Lance is cornered by a Galra, cut off from the rest of his team. When he hears their disparaging comments, instead of asking for help when he can, he hides how hurt he is. He doesn't want them to think he's anymore useless than he already is.

you can tell that the author was mad when fae wrote this and honestly? yeah. yeah, sometimes u just have to be mad. sometimes thinks go to shit and its everyone’s fault and your pain becomes physical and you just have to grit your teeth and tell everyone to go fuck themselves. thats what lance goes thru here

5. Hybrid by @admiralcanthackett

Lance overhears one of the aliens insulting Keith after a successful mission and loses his temper.

yes another admiral fic but let me live i have always been obsessed with these fics and there are just so MANY of them okay. there will be more. but i like this one bc who doesn tlike protective lance??? who doesnt like keith realising that he’s worthy of being defended??? like cmon now

that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!

#i mean the authors are still a little varied #ive done hundreds of these ive def had quite a few okay #vld #voltron #lance #lance mcclain #keith #keith kogane #klance #team as family #bamf lance #witch lance #langst #fic rec #fic rec friday

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

maggot newt pulsifer: the draw battle recap

The maggots asked and the maggots shall receive. Helloo it's the Good Omens Mascot and the uh Maggot Prince (...) anyway it's Asmi and as many of you now know, we have a Discord server. It is called The Official Maggots Server of Doom.

So far, it has lived up to its name, with discussions of whether human flesh is healthy food if locally sourced and consensual, tears about good omens, gartic phone horrors and the infamous Draw Battle Team of Valerie and Coel. If you don't have Discord or weren't there, never fear! That last Incident is the one I am here to recount to you. We all know I love summaries.

DRAMATIS PERSONAE:

Coel @dieamarjla: The Newt Puslifer Maggot, whose phone hanged, nearly burned up, closed several tabs and then gave up on him entirely Valerie @good-usernames-were-taken: His unfortunate teammate I, Asmi @weirdly-specific-but-ok: Their gleeful opponent Vanny @lxvenderjewel: My equally gleeful teammate Vel @orpiknight: Sane person cameo, joined next game Jay @voids-ideas: Joined next game Tefi @patoslover: Gleeful spectator cameo

And so we begin... with the snippets from the Discord channel as the game went on. A lot has been edited out, but rest assured, you are receiving the delicious necessities.

Valerie: GUYS IT'S STARTING Coel: its so over Valerie: COSL PLEASE DRAW Valerie: COEL Valerie: HELLO IM ON YOUR TEAM Coel: oh dear god Coel: im on phone lmao my fingers Valerie: COEL GET BACK HERE Valerie: GUESS Valerie: COEL DONT LEAVE ME KN MY OWN LIKE THIS

Valerie: NO COEL HAS FUCKING VANISHED Coel: wait wbat??

[continues below cut :")]

Coel: gonna vanish from discord cos my phone keeps refreshing my tab Valerie: coel I'm not on your team next time Coel: fair fair idk what im doi g sob Valerie: COEL GUESS Valerie: GUESS COEL Valerie: YOU WRITE WHAT YOU THINK IT IS Coel: I CANT SEE THE THING Valerie: WHAT Coel: MY TAB Valerie: OKAY COEL GET READY Valerie: WE CAN DO THIS Valerie: LETS SHOW THEM Coel: my tab is fucking frozen its stucm on round 3 Valerie: OH MY GOD Coel: im sorry ghfjgngnf Valerie: I GUESSED IT PURELY BASED ON WORD LENGTH Vel: What is happening right now. Coel: i dont know :sobbing Valerie: IM SORRY COEL

Vanny: FUCK Asmi: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Valerie: WHOS THE SUCKER NOW Vanny: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS Vanny: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT COEL Valerie: WTF Asmi: WE ARE FAILURES OF THE LOWEST ORDER Vanny: FUCK SORRY Asmi: WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY Valerie: WHOEVER IS PLAYING FOR COEL HIGH FUCKING FIVE Asmi: WE CAN'T LOSE TO VALERIE Valerie: TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN Valerie: COEL?!?? Coel: link pls it crashed Coel: my phone is having seizures Coel: ghghgjgjgjk Coel: after this ill keep out of the games lmao Valerie: COEL the word is cheeks Valerie: or cheeks Coel: i cant get in bro the link just doesnt open tho theres nothing wrong w it Coel: aaaaaa

[Finally new game is initiated, Vel, terrified, agrees to join, Jay is hesitant] Jay: How much English do I need? HAHAHA Asmi: NONE IF YOU'RE PLAYING AGAINST VALERIE AND COEL IM SO HAPPY Jay: I know how to read them, write them? Idk HAHAHAHAHA Valerie: THATS A STEP UP !! Valerie: no offense coel Valerie: your were brilliant Valerie: your phone have exploded though Coel: yeah it's uncomfy warm now lmaoo Vanny: WAIT IS COEL JOINING Coel: no Valerie: HELP Coel: im literally Newton Pulsifer tonight

And a bonus...

Also, let's go back a bit to what led to this post in the first place, thanks @good-usernames-were-taken... thanks... :")

Vel: oooh we're doing a drawing game Asmi: WELL KIND OF IT'S MORE LAUGHING AT VALERIE GAME Valerie: PLEASE Valerie: SHUT UP Asmi: THERE ARE TEARS IN MY EYES GOOD GOD Tefi: Poor valerie Vanny: I'M LAUGHING SO HAD Valerie: YOU BETTER NOT MAKE A POST ABOUT THIS ON TUMBLR SHAMING ME

...wHaT cAn i sAy eXcEPt yOu'Re wElcOmE, vAlEriE?

#good omens mascot #weirdly specific but ok #asmi #good omens #newt pulsifer #maggots #now with a discord server #the official maggots server of doom #draw battle #disappointment the main maggot #is very pleased

[grandmagbignaturals]

you are Gucci Garantine

When you were a kid you always had to hang out with this snobbish only child who was your parents bosses kid. You didn't necessarily like her but you did your best to get along because your parents said it was important to not fight with her because her mum was important.

In high school you're in the same school and you're starting to realise the system is a little fucked up. But your assigned nepo baby is going to go far and if you ride her coattails you might get somewhere too, so you stay friends.

In college you drift apart as you get into some academic-leftist circles and she drops out to bum around her mom's holiday home.

When you graduate, you get a day job working under your parents as a secretary and you start funelling your pay and your family’s generational wealth to a militarised revolutionary group. (Your parents are cool with this it's a family tradition?)

You don't think you'll have to deal with the snob you grew up with much even though you still see her at work parties because they're always at her house.

And then the militarised revolution you've been working with takes off in a big way because a priest stole an entire military base and you're invited to go to a meeting of revolutionaries to decide next steps.

And the girl you grew up with is there? And it turns out stealing the military base was sort of her idea because her mom had assigned her a group of Prisoner-Soldiers and put her on the front lines to get rid of her, but she somehow scraped through. She didn't mean to make it a revolution, she just did it to spite her cousin (a general and the heir to the throne) but now shes in a revolution she guesses.

Youve been planning for this sort of thing for years so you get right into the revolution and its politics. Your ... friend? Gets arrested for having prisoner soldiers and then let out as a political favour and then that repeats itself. You.. go down to the cells to paint her nails during all this. She starts working out. You begin do think she's maybe coming around to this revolution business.

Then the night the revolution storms the town your parents boss is based out of, your friend gets in an argument with the priest and they both die.

Except! A few months later she shows up again but now she's a satan worshipper who has real magic. And she might be the only salvation for a bunch of civilians who are about to be hurt in retaliation against your revolution. So you give her some trust again.

Five years later. Your revolution has gone interplanetary, the sun almost blew up then didn't, the person you have a.... relationship... with stopped it, and then also killed one of the two kings of space. And you get called to a meeting because your old friend, who is an eldritch nightmare now that literal satan has decided she doesnt like her any more, has captured her cousin (the general/heir) and is asking to rejoin the revolution in exchange for this valuable political prisoner, and you are assigned to keep watch over her to make sure her eldritch minions don't ruin everything.

She calls it a slumber party.

What do you do?

#palisade spoilers #Gucci is truly having a fucking TIME #and like keiths right she's a worm but... oh god

[episodeoftv]

Prelims, Vote 1 of 8

The top 4 finales will move on to be included in the main bracket

Propaganda is under the cut, may include spoilers

Agent Carter - 2.10 Hollywood Ending

Just as Peggysous became canon, just as Jack is about to start his redemption arc, they cancelled the show and left all of us on a massive cliffhanger for, let's see, almost 8 years at this point. We need ANSWERS.

Daybreak - 1.10 FWASH-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

It was written as a cliffhanger for a second season that would never come, but it just felt flat. The one objective that our leading lad (Josh) had been chasing (saving Sam) was rendered pointless, because the moment the big bad was defeated she effectively declared herself the new big bad and everyone who wasn't a major character went 'hmmm, okay!' And accepted it! They didn't even address this all that well, just ended with a shot of the MCs looking shocked.

Doctor Who - 12.10 The Timeless Children

this finale is shit!! absolute ass! nothing happens in it for it to justify having such a cool name. the master captures the doctor, shows her a slideshow that amounts to ‘‘you’re adopted!! :)" doctor breaks out of her matrix prison thing by overloading it with memories when the matrix is The Supercomputer and it’s used to hold all memories of all time lords ever? you know, the species whove been doing their thing for a billion years and live up to 10,000 years? the doctors new memories should either already be there or make nary a dent in it. the doctor’s like ‘‘why would they do that! why would they lie?’’ girl they have been lying to you since forever. they killed you once. theyve tried to kill you so many times. they turned you into a fucked up anti time monster that one time. one of the doctors past past selves even told her it doesnt really matter!! what was even the point

Loki - 1.06 For All Time. Always.

The series was going downhill past Episode 3 tbh, but it really just was a load of crap only interested in setting up the multiverse

Tales of Arcadia - Trollhunters: Rise of the Titans

This finale undoes everything the show worked for. In order to give itself stakes it kills off a few characters, but in a way that only indirectly impacts the MCs (such as Jim's Mom's fiancé getting killed). Then, at the end of the special, the main character uses time travel to go back to the start of S1E01 and changed history so he never becomes the trollhunter. Instead he makes his next friend the trollhunter instead. In terms of anticipation it was not at all what anyone was anticipating. (I had assumed he'd go to the start of the special and defeat the titans without any casualties). Having undone time only he remembers the previous timestream and he makes no effort to engage with it outside of accepting his changeling principal far sooner.

Ted Lasso - 3.12 So Long, Farewell

This trash ass finale undid three seasons of character development for every single person involved (except Nate!). A long-distance parent returned "home" despite having no attachments besides his child and leaving behind his entire found family, an abused and neglected woman was left behind by the person who taught her she didn't deserve abuse and neglect, and two characters who spent the whole show learning to cooperate and care for each other got into a fistfight over the girl they both dated.

Torchwood - 3.05 Day Five

No propaganda submitted

#prelim #wfprelim #wfpoll #poll #polls #agent carter #daybreak #doctor who #loki #tales of arcadia #ted lasso #torchwood

[eerie-night]

i always like stumbling across fic rec lists so i thought about compiling a list of some of my favorites and linking the tumblrs of the authors (but if i cant find them ill link twitter or ao3) bc theyre all fucking awesome

BSD

and all i loved, i loved alone- @featherxs

“An ability?”

— on the past, present, and future of one Edgar Allan Poe.

SOOOO GOOD!! its what originally got me so into bsd and its such a good reread too

(don’t) stop the rain- miniekooki

Akutagawa Ryuunosuke finds himself taking care of the Twain family after an unfortunate turn of events.

And he also finds himself considering Mark Twain as more than just an annoying prick.

(ALTERNATIVE TITLE: the domestication of akutagawa ryuunosuke)

i loveeeeeeeeee this and how it goes about describing the family its sooooooooo good

Haikyuu

as bright as a blackhole; and twice as dense- cereal_whore

“Kageyama’s being bullied,” Yamaguchi grits, expression steeled.

Tsukishima lowers his book quietly, and stares, eyes wide.

“As if he has enough social competence to realise he’s being bullied.”

“Tsukki, please.”

Meant to be 5 times Tsukishima accidentally and very reluctantly saved Kageyama from his own social ineptness, and one time Kageyama does the same for him, but we ran into problems bc OP can't count.

(or: everyone is srsly stressed over kageyamas existence, but kageyama, despite having the common sense of a Five Minute Crafts video, is like those buff himbos within the tsundere category. so he somehow ends up wholly unscathed throughout this shit, while everyone else doesnt)

tldr: kageyama lacks forethought, and everyone but him suffers the consequences of it.

i eat this shit up omg omg its great its funny and it makes my day better read it

but not for spring to well up- tookumade

Miya Brothers

Sellers & Buyers of Antiques & Curiosities

Suna Rintarou squints at the small sign attached to the front door of the brick shopfront.

He wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting. Something flashier? More brass? The Miya brothers could do with a pot plant out the front. The shopfront has one single large window that’s covered by a plain white curtain, so maybe they could open that up and have some of their antiques and such on display so people get an idea of what they buy and sell. Maybe a paint job for the door, which is the most boring brown Suna has ever seen. There is nothing he can say about it—it’s not nice nor ugly, it’s just boring.

Or, maybe Suna could stop giving any more of a damn about this shopfront and just get his appointment over and done with.

After ending a relationship with a fiancé, Suna returns home and tries to heal from heartbreak. Here, he finds friends in the form of the Miya brothers, and learns patience, forgiveness, and what happiness means to him.

this sounds repetitive but…..SOOOOOOOO GOOOOOD i love the emotion and how it deals with sunas ex and like everything about this fic is gold

JJK

“To Chase”- @diggingupgrave

Megumi has never thanked the man who raised him.

god…no words except read it you will not regret it

FE3H

A Fair Day’s Work- featherhearted

“I may have some coffee in the place for you,” said Prime Minister Aegir. “Let me show you how much better I have become at brewing it to your taste.”

“If you insist,” said Minister Vestra but he sounded pleased. To Delarivier, who had literally made it her profession to attune herself to his tone (usually ranging from sort-of-murder-y to extremely-murder-y), Minister Vestra sounded very pleased indeed.

Ferdinand and Hubert's long-suffering aides figure out a way to work fewer hours.

im a whore for outsider povs and this one takes the cake and does laps around my brain when i try and sleep

TMA

a glass essay- fairbanks

Right out of university Jon's run out of time to run from the Web. The only way he knows to escape one domain is to give yourself to another, and he's always been good at being alone.

He really wasn't imagining the Lukas family would take him in at all, let alone arrange him to marry some smarmy ass named Peter Lukas.

yet again something to reread till you memorize every word and still cant get enough

now for authors that i recommend HIGHLY and a fic or two from them:

@blackkatmagic

i recommend everything shes written but my top favorites currently are:

Cor Cordium

Fox dies. He wakes up. And then things start getting weird.

its so so good and kats soooo good at characterization and descriptions and could prob make paint drying interesting

out of night (out of nothing)

It's the duty of the Temple Guard to keep the Sacred Spire, the Force nexus at the heart of the Temple. Feemor's always done his duty gladly, kept it safe, kept the light burning. Order 66 changes everything. Changes him. Changes the Spire, too.

Hevy, Cutup, and Droidbait are just caught in the currents and trying to make the most of their second chances, but an unstable Jedi and new powers don't make anything easier.

the concept is so cool and the execution is even better she could probably sell me air and id go crazy for it

trade your heart for bones to know

A week after an attack that nearly killed him and his son, Jaster Mereel finds Mostross dead on a battlefield. His killer is a Jedi, grievously wounded, who Jaster takes into his care. By Mandalorian tradition, Jon Antilles owes him a life-debt, and Jaster is cunning enough not to let such a thing slip away.

It's meant to be an entirely political arrangement. It doesn't stay that way for long.

not to sound like broken record but god this is fucking fabulous

i totally recommend checking out ALL her works but these were the first ones i thought of out of the ones that are currently updating

@x-authorship-x

she has written sooo many good fics im just going to recommend my favorite series and you can go from there

Eyes

Shisui is way too strong to have his eye taken by Danzo

He's the only one smart enough to master the simplest of techniques to legendary proportions

He was sweet and kind and, despite everything he'd seen and all the things he'd done, he wasn't afraid to hope. To dream for something better.

A series for Shisui

the characters, the plots, the descriptions all add up to something amazing

llamallamaduck

do yourself a favor and check her out, you will not regret it. unfortunately, i will restrain myself to only recommending one fic but DO check the rest out

With no root in the land —(To keep my branches green)

He is not a human and he is not a beast and he is not a creature, but he is. He is a being, then. A being that changes and learns and lives. He thinks his name is Ani.

this is the fic that i first read by llamallamaduck and its a really good introduction to how fucking amazing she is at doing crossovers and writing in general

i hope you enjoy these as much as i have :)

#fic rec #bungou stray dogs #bsd #bsd ranpoe #haikyuu #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #fire emblem #fe3h fic rec #fe3h #tma #the magnus archives #star wars #naruto #shisui uchiha

[yourtouchismidas]

What about if Matty and RG got called into school for something, like one of the girls got in trouble for something, nothing major, maybe just typical high school stuff like smoking in the toilets ahaha. I can’t imagine Matty being any good at discipline, he loves his girls too much bless him

so i think most of the girls are well behaved at school, and keep most of their experimenting and stuff outside of it. there is one exception though. stevie matilda. stevie came out a little rule breaker. she was always crying til she was red in the face if she didnt get her way. she would draw on the walls and pinch her sisters when they were playing quietly and run off giggling.

you and matty pretty much try everything. the naughty step. early bedtimes. no pudding. but stevie sits on the naughty step and entertains herself by singing. she goes to bed early without a fuss, talking sweetly to matty as her lifts the cover for her, as if its a normal bedtime and not a punishment.

"she's happy at least," you say, as you and matty groan into your before-bed-tea at the kitchen table, after another day of trying to get her to do what you say.

"maybe it's just a phase," matty says, "a terrible seven? is that a thing?"

"no matty. but even if it was, stevie has a terrible six too. and five. and..."

"okay i got it," he says, placing a hand over yours and tapping. you look at him. his laughter lines. his crows feet. his greying hair. the warm light reflecting in his glasses.

"you're too soft on her," you tell him.

"i'm not."

"you are. she listens better to me. hell, she listens better to george."

"okay maybe i am. i just cant help it. i mean. have you seen her? the smile? the dimples? she's fucking adorable."

she keeps growing and you send her off to secondary hoping that the teachers are more equipped to dealing with naughty kids. your children have all gone to regular school their whole lives, despite matty earning enough to send them to private (the exception being valley once she hit eleven and needed more advanced classes).

"if public school was good enough for me. it's good enough for my girls," he said.

"stevie will probably get expelled if we sent her to private school anyway. apple doesnt fall far," you agreed.

so off stevie went to secondary and amazingly, you didnt hear anything. no phone calls. the occasional detention but nothing major. something odd happened with the twins early in their school journey. close as anything at home, they separated at school, made new friends, took different classes, became themselves, before returning to their shared bedroom at night to gossip until they fell asleep, sometimes in the same bed.

then the call came.

"hi is that stevie healy's mum?"

you'd just finished lunch and all the girls were at school . you were expecting a call from gigi at uni today and thought that's what this was. you beckon matty over from where he is stuffing crisps in his mouth and whisper "stevie." his eyes go wide. you hold the phone up to both your ears.

"unfortunately stevie has been sent to the headmistress today..."

they explain what has happened. stevie was caught on top of the gym hall roof with her friends. no one knows how she got up there and when asked to come down she refused, telling the teacher she didnt want to show other kids how to get up there, and he shouldn't want that either, or tomorrow everyone would be doing it. apparently there had been damages to school property. no one was hurt. you're asked to come and collect her. suspended for the rest of the day.

"stevie healy!" you yell at her when you see her, sitting outside the headmistresses office, head in her phone.

"hey mum," she says. like its regular pick up time.

"what do you think you were doing?" matty says, trying to put on a stern voice and failing. stevie smirks a little.

"i dunno. all the older kids take up all of the field and grounds to eat lunch. there was nowhere to go. this school should really provide more places for year sevens to eat if they want to stop this kind of behaviour from happening again."

"unbelievable," you say.

"when we get home we're going to have a massive talk about respect," matty says. the headmistress is behind him now. watching. he sounds stern enough for her. not for stevie.

"didn't you set fire to uncle george's trousers when you were my age?"

"thats... well... that's not relevant right now. come on. we're going home. we'll pay for the damages," matty assures the headmistress.

when you're leaving, matty hears a little voice.

"dad?"

it's lexie, staring at you all crossing the courtyard, frowning.

"what's happened? you okay stevie?"

"your sister has been in trouble."

"god sake steve," lexie says. "got all scared then. thought there was a problem."

"there is a problem. your sister," you say. while matty kisses lexie on the side of the head, making her blush and assures her not to worry.

"see you at home," he tells her.

at home you both sit stevie down at the table and tell her off. you tell her she needs to sort her act out. that authority is hard sometimes yes, but you have to get by and stop doing things that could harm others. matty is actually stern. and stevie looks shocked. she looks in her lap and almost cries. but then locks eyes with him again. willing to take the yelling, knowing she earned it, and also that she can take it.

there is a silence afterwards. stevie sits and the two of you lean against the counter.

"okay, shall we go to a movie or something then?" matty says.

"matthew!" you say.

he shrugs, "what? she's off school. may as well."

you sigh. "too fucking soft," you mutter, but you grab your bag anyway. may as well.

#ruins #ruins behind the scenes #matty healy x reader #matty healy x you #matty healy #matty healy x y/n #the 1975 fanfic #matty healy fanfiction #dad!matty

[tallulah477]

YESS loak who lives in his brothers shadows falling for the girl that was BETHROTHED to his brother (who has a nasty attitude and isnt well liked within her inner circles but her people loves her bc shes nice to them only in her own ways lol) is a level of angst that is so hot

like loaks reaction when neteyam confided in him telling him hes gonna run away with his maid/childhood friend and loak is like ???? youre going to run away from your duties? and neteyam is just like yeah i love my beloved more than aristocracy lifestyle

few months have passed since then and now jake is stressed out from all of this - his oldest son is missing and no one knows where he or his maid is (except loak who he sends letters too from time to time)

and like u said he NEVER thought he would be the next king he had his whole life plan out, train the knights for his brothers army, date some girl who isnt ultra famous and wealthy but in the middle and settle down and pop out a few kids and now his whole world is turned around because he now has to fill in his brothers (complicated) shoes and hes realizing how intense this was all for neteyam and hes has to learn it pronto

but omg poor princess??? the man she was supposed to marry since she was practically born, has been told from a young age she was going to be prettiest wife to neteyam and then he goes into hiding for some maid ??? that would break her ego so bad, and now she has to marry the brother who all he does is play knight oh its so bad for her

but as they hang out they slowly (so slow neteyam would have his first baby by then lmfao) they slowly begin to become friendish - princess finds it hard because her attitude is the worse and she cant accept the fact that she likes someone who all he wanted to be was a trainor for the knights

and loak is trying to ignore that she was originally supposed to marry neteyam, he knows neteyam never liked her but it still fucks with him sometimes but he gets over it eventually

AND OMLLL princess!reader who goes to visit loak on the training grounds and shes definitely does not fit in bc shes hoping her custom made dress doesnt have mud on it as she tiptoes bc god its gross here and she asks the knights where loak and they guide her to where she is

cue her knocking on the door and opening it to see loaks back and oh my god his back is so hot its so broad and waist is so tiny and hes sweating n loak just turns around like what?? meanwhile her face is super red bc she didnt know he was that built underneath that hes leaner than the knights he trains who are meatheads but he was still so defined and the mixed metal necklaces he wore just compliments him so well and now shes needs to find her maid and ask her what are these feelings

— 🤍

Catch up on the story:

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five

Extra: One | Two

CW:// Slight Mention of Pregnancy

Right?! She has such a "don't fuck with me, I'm not the one," attitude. She needs to be serious all the time, needs to always have her head on straight and can't make stupid mistakes because if she does, she loses all credibility. Sure, she's kind and looks out for her people, helping them and protecting them however she can, and her people see that and appreciate that - but she doesn't want to act like the emotionless bitch that she has to be. She wants to be happy, free to genuinely smile and feel what she feels, but she knows that if she shows even the hint of too much emotion, too much weakness, she's just going to be ripped apart.

And Lo'ak can understand that. He knows what it's like to not be able to be who you want to be. His whole life he's been compared to his perfect brother: Neteyam who is better at facilitating communication between neighboring kingdoms, Neteyam who speaks clearly and takes responsibility humbly when needed, Neteyam who's never had to be told not to slouch during court. He's been cast aside as the 'spare', but not invisible enough to not need to be on his game.

He can't joke around like he wants to, at least not without Jake and Neytiri hissing at him to behave. He can't go exploring, can't go out and see what far away lands have to offer because "your duties are here, son". So he found something that he enjoys, a way to get out all his pent up energy and aggression, and he's good at it. So good. He has a true gift for training the knights, getting them ready to battle and protect the kingdom, but even that's sometimes overshadowed by his brother - having to train Neteyam to fight, train Neteyam to be the best, even better than himself - to be worthy of the crown he would get one day.

Would have gotten. Because Neteyam is gone now. And somehow the responsibility, and all the duties that come with it, have fallen on Lo'ak's shoulders and now more than ever he feels he can't be himself.

He would understand how Princess feels . . . if he could get over his own bitterness.

Jake is freaking out - he's sent out a search party on multiple occasions looking for Neteyam and his runaway maid, but they can't find them. Neteyam is smart, building their cottage outside of the kingdom's boundaries, and the only person who knows the location of it is Lo'ak. Lo'ak is bitter, of course, and angry with his brother for what he's done to him. But he would never give up their location. He wants his brother to be happy, so he keeps the information to himself.

He appreciates the letters he gets from Neteyam though. They make him smile, to see that his brother is finally living the life he's always wanted: something calm and peaceful with the woman he loves. He's super giddy when he gets the letter that Neteyam and his wife are expecting their first child. He's going to be an uncle! And the news makes him so happy that he just can't help but smile all day, sneaking off to tell Kiri and Tuk the good news too, and Princess is just looking at him like he's crazy - "Why is he so smiley all of a sudden? What could he possibly be happy about?"

Their relationship is rocky at the start . . . and in the middle. At first, when she was still Neteyam's betrothed, Lo'ak thought she was a spoiled brat. And now that they're supposed to be together, they can't stand each other even more. But the more time they spend together, the more they can't help how their eyes start to trace the other's movements. Their ears seem to always latch on to the sound of the other's voice. Random thoughts popping into their heads about the other (how nice they look in their formal attire, how their eyes glimmer in the glow under the chandeliers) before they have to physically shake those thoughts out, annoyed that they were even there to begin with.

Lo'ak actually growls to himself when the thought of Princess, round and beautiful with their own future child, her fancy custom-made gown falling perfectly over the bump, pops into his head after he finds out Neteyam's expecting.

He's shaking a similar thought out of his head as he's undressing after a rather intense training session. The new knights he's training are annoying, young men who think they're so great and are flooded with undeserved confidence and it just makes Lo'ak want to rip his hair out. But he heard a couple of them whispering about how beautiful Princess is, and how they'd give anything for a night with her and Lo'ak can't seem to justify the dark feeling swirling around in his chest when he hears it.

He thinks it's one of them who slams the door open, come to annoy him even more with stupid questions or overconfident remarks, but instead it's her. The woman he can't seem to get out of his head. She's panting, face flushed with exertion from trying to walk through the mud coated ground. The bottom of her dress is covered with dark brown, once shiny heels now sticky and sinking into the ground. She always looks so put together and clean, so the ruined look throws him off a bit and he can't help but think that she looks beautiful like this too - all flushed and hair out of place from where she tossed it over her shoulder carelessly in her frustration just to get it out of her face. She's scowling, mouth opened ready to give him a few choice words no doubt, but her words die in her mouth when she sees him: topless, corded muscles and strong back on display, all glistening and sweaty and fuck - now she feels like she's starting to sweat.

She's never seen a male like this before. Never seen so much skin. And he turns around when she enters, surprised and the question "what are you doing here?" falling from his lips, but she doesn't answer. Can do nothing more than gape at him like a fish because now his broad chest is on display too, tapering down into a narrow waist. All he's got on is a pair of tight black pants and boots, and her eyes can't help but linger on the slight bulge she can see from where they hug him between his legs.

She feels hot all over, a tight ball forming in her stomach the longer she looks at him and it's only when she feels a strange wetness pooling between her own thighs that she snaps out of her trance. She turns and leaves without a word, running to her bedroom and immediately calling for her maid. If she ever had a best friend, it would be her maid - the person who has been there as her helper ever since she was a little girl. Her helper, her protector, her guide.

Her maid's eyes widen as they take in the look of her Princess's state - dress ruined and covered in mud, face hot and red with embarrassment and something else she can't quite place.

"I don't know what I'm doing!" the Princess cries. And her maid is there for her, to clean her up and wrap her in soft blankets, ready to hear what her Princess has to tell and give her the best advice she can.

#talie talks ♡ #🤍 anon #royalty au

[xatsperesso]

Ahhh I really love your Kalego content!!! Best dad 😍

Are you still open to prompts? Wonder how Dadlego will react when seeing/smelling Iruma’s human blood for the first time

Put yourself first

Kalego was tired.

He was once again roped into sacrificing his weekend for the chairman's whims, and once again Opera teased him in front of the kids like he hasn't spent years trying to build his reputation. Then he goes to teach the school but ever since the secret got out the abnormal class has become insufferable!

They no longer listen to him when he teaches, instead they keep asking Iruma about anything and literally e v e r y t h i n g. From schooling to fashion to why he doesnt have horns, and while some questions are intiguing and worth looking into (Is their food really healthy for humans?) ignoring his lessons for a week to ask iruma all the questions they've been suppressing because they didn't have the courage to ask him beforehand is just unaceptable!

So of course, Kalego thought the best way to punish them for not listening to him would be to double their homework, but that didn't deter them from getting their answers.

So Kalego tripled their homework, and it all snowballed from their to where he is now, correcting 80 assignments per student each day, having regular meetings with Balam (whom he beleives to be his..friend, according to human culture) Opera and sometimes Iruma to figure out what needs to be changed to provide him with the best learning environment they could, and trying to figure out exactly how many people who knows of the brat's nature without tipping them off.

So, of course, Kalego is tired, and while some will blame it on him (He really should stop doubling the kids' homework) he beleives that he deserves to re-

A pencil, long left by a brat who Kalego swears he will find, caused Kalego's leg to slip and him to fall. Now, Kalego could've easily caught himself, but poor, tired Kalego thought that it'd be alright to let himself just fall. There are no kids around, no one to see this embarassing scene of himself.

And it would have been fine, except that he slipped and fell off the third floor

on a very beautiful fence that gaurds Balam's new blue fire flowers, the amaryllis.

said fence happened to have very skillfuly carved spikes.

why is his life like this? Why did he wake up this morning? To be impaled on the fence and be seen by anyone who happens to be in the garden? To be the laughing stock of his colleagues once they find out about this humiliating moment?

Kalego sighed a very tired, sad sigh. He'll get up. He'll heal himself. He'll stop by Beur to make sure that everything in its place, and he'll go to Shichirou's office to see what else needs to be changed and he'll finish grading the 1040 assignments he's got to grade (how do they even finish them all in one day??)

He just, just needs a minute, or five. Just five minutes, and he promises he'll do all of these things. Just a five minutes break.

Kalego closes his eyes, and takes as deep of a breath as the pole allows him to, and just-

"S-Sensei!" Opens his eyes again because the universe refuses to give him a break

"Sensei y-you're hurt!"

"Yeah, no shit" he says, and immediately regrets once he saw the very teary eyes that looks just a second away from full on bawling.

"Iruma, I'm fine" he tries to reassure the kid who started shaking all over. Shit, would it be better to put his hand on the kids shoulder? No, no, his hand is covered in blood.

"Bu, but you, you" and the tears are falling. Fuck, Opera will hang him for traumatising his kid, but why is he so shaken up? Is this his first time seeing anyone hurt? Oh shit he's a human what if it is the first time-

Iruma starts to very shakily recite a spell under his breath, and kalego thinks he knows which spell he's using-

"Sonuvabitch!" Kalego winced as he tried to muffle the curse. The brat used the damn floating spell to get him off the spikes, and Kalego was so not ready for this. He was not ready for pain that is resembled being used as cerberus's chewing toy.

"I'm sorry, you're ok, you're going to be fine, everything is going to be fine" is Iruma trying to assure Kalego or himself? Kalego has no idea, but he kept repeating those words like a mantra as he lowered him down to the ground.

"I am fi-" a metallic smell, so strong it felt nauseating hit Kalego so hard, and something was dripping on his wound. Kalego opened his eyes to look at the wound as it fizzled closed before his eyes.

"What the," Kalego didn't know of any potion that healed so quickly. He looked up to see what potion in the name of Delkira could Iruma have-

He saw a knife. He saw crimson liquid that fell from Iruma’s hand, and he saw a shaky smile painted on Iruma’s face.

He's ashamed that it took him a long moment to process what Iruma just did, but by the time it fully clicked, Iruma was already talking out a piece of cloth to wrap around the wound. The wound that he just inflicted on himself, to heal Kalego who was not healing himself because he was lazy.

"Iruma," Kalego watched as Iruma's smile started to dim at his tone and immediately stopped. Wound first, scolding later.

"Give me your hand" he streched his arm, waiting for Iruma to give him his injured arm, and he watched as Iruma relaxed slightly and did as he said.

He unwrapped the cloth, and the metallic smell was so strong he almost choked, but he took a deep breath and casted the spell, making sure that the wound was healed completely, leavinv not a mark or a bruise behind.

"..Does human blood always smell like this?" He asked as he kept poking his hand and seeing if Iruma gives any reaction.

"Demon blood doesn't?" He asked as he tilted his head to the side. So his blood is supposed to smell like that.

"No, it doesn't smell so metallic" he paused for a second, before looking into Iruma’s eyes.

"Why did you hurt yourself?" He asked, and watched as Iruma averted his eyes and started to look guilty and self conscious (Good. This means he knows that this was wrong)

"Well, human blood heals demons, so," he trailed off and started to play with his fingers

"Yes, I saw that" Kalego nodded "but why did you hurt yourself?" Iruma started to fidget in his place, and he looked like he was trying to force the tears down.

"You were hurt, sensei" he finally looked up at Kalego, and his mouth started to quiver

"I, I didn't want to lose you" he averted his gaze immediately after whispering those words, and shit how should Kalego proceed from there?

"...you wouldn't have lost me" he started with reassuring his kid "all of the teachers here know high level healing spells, and we have Beur-sensei on campus for a reason"

"Oh" the tears started falling, but other than that Iruma looked overall calm

"Then, why were you just laying there?" Kalego sighed. He needs to word this correctly so that Iruma wouldn't come out of it with any wormg ideas.

"I," he started, hating the sentence that was forming in his head but knowing that it is the safest one for someone as reckless as Iruma

"I was doing the very stupid act of overworking myself, and when I was on the pole instead of prioritising my health and well-being, I took it as an opportunity to rest. I was going to go to Beur, but then you caught me and didn't listen when I said that I was fine"

And now Iruma is looking embarrassed. Good, because he really should listen to him more.

He started fidgeting again, but this time out of embarrassment "I thought you were lying, or just trying to reassure me"

"Lying," he leaned forward and poked Iruma’s to really drive the point across "is for dumbasses who think everyone around them is too weak to help. And hurting yourself," he picked up the newly healed hand "to help someone should not be your first response. To anything. Period"

"Bu-but what if someone is dying! What if there's no other choice!" And Kalego really, really wants to tell him that there's always another choice. He wants to tell him that he's safe, that he would never be in a situation that he would ever need to use his own blood to save someone's life.

But Iruma has already been in these situations. He’s been in these situations five times, and he's extremely lucky to come out of them alive, let alone uninjured.

"Then you consult an adult, and if there’re no adults you use as a last resort" he really wishes his kid, all the kids could be safe. He wishes he could give Iruma another answer

But the world they live in is an unfair one (maybe it'd be safer to just send him back)

"Yes, sensei" He nods very determinantly, and Kalego, not for the last time, sighs as he knows that Iruma will most likely ignore his words.

He needs to give those kids first aid lessons. They've been through a lot, and judging from recent incidents, they'll be through even more. He's surprised they didn't teach them these lessons yet.

Kalego gets up, totally ignoring his knees that pops louder than those works of fire, and picks up Iruma from the scruff of his uniform, completely taking him by surprise.

"I will be report what just happened to Opera-sen, Opera-san" he said sternly as he started walking towards the chairman's office

"Yes, sensei"

"What were you even doing after school hours?"

"Grandpa (the old ground keeper) asked for help in the garden"

"Ah"

--

Ifrit was drinking a juice box

Orias was eating a bag of chips

Murmur was roast marshmallows on Ifrit's tail

They were all standing around a big puddle of blood under a very bloodied fence

"Mmm, where do you think that came from?" Orias asked, before stuffing his face with more chips

"I don't know, but what is that smell?" Murmur started assembling s'mores as discretely as he could so Ifrit won't extinguish his fire

"That's the smell of a human blood, probably Iruma’s but the smell is too faint so all of that probably isn't from him" Ifrit noticed the melted s'mores in Murmur's hands, and snatched as he extinguished his tail

"Oh damn, didn't know we were a boarding school. That explains were Iruma came from" Orias ate more chips and watched as Murmur tried and failed to take his s'mores back before Ifrit ate it in one bite

"No, Iruma is Sullivan’s grandson. Legally. Sullivan showed off his adoption papers to me when I tried asking him about the new semester's schedul-Hey! Put me down!"

Murmur started angrily shaking Ifrit in the air "You took my s'mores!"

"*munch munch munch* you guysh shink we should report shis blood to shome one?" Orias tilted hus head to eat the cheeze dust and immediately started choking as some went down the wrong pipe

"Nah, someone will do it eventually-Ow ow ow ow ow too hot too hot too hot-"

"Put. Me. Down"

Orias took one last look at the blood puddle and wiped away the tears that were starting to form

"You guys wanna play some video games?"

"Heck yeah," Murmur let go of Ifrit and totally ignored the thud and the 'oof' that followed "I'm playing as Gyari!"

"Then I'll play as Kuromu, and I'm kicking your ass"

"...you guys don't even know which game I'm talking about"

-------------------------------------------------------

Anyway, kalego keeps doubling and tripling their hw (the bastard) and i just think that he does it without thinking of the fact that he would have to correct it

And what if demon blood doesnt have red blood cells, thus doesn't have haemoglobin, the thing that gives blood it's metallic smell/taste (i think) what if there blood doesn't need it and it can hold oxygen efficiently? Do i know what im talking about? Not really, it's been 2 months I've last read my bio books but anyways im pretty sure(not sure at all) insects dont have red blood cells so ya know biologically it is possible and could be an easy and definitive way to identify humans from demons since there are a lot of diversity in demons.

Also just because there are books on human world (books that balam have memorised) doesn't mean that they cover all the info needed to grow your own info, and seriously, is the food good in the long run?

#Boi how long this was in my asks and i knew what i was going to write but i just couldn't write it #anyways this was fun #thanks anon for the ask! #mairimashita fanfic #mairimashita iruma kun #iruma kun #kalego sensei #orias oswell #murmur tsumuru #ifrit djinn eito #naberius kalego

[murcielagatito]

theres just too many things that keep adding up that make me absolutely bonkers about avanine...

the moment ava notices janine is the moment she percieves the teacher as a threat. ava doesnt give a fuck about her job except for the fact that she gets a paycheck at the end of the day. she fucks around and makes life absolute hell for the abbott staff. janine is like nah no more of this. so ava, being the literal queen bee of the school, she bullies janine any way she can to assert her dominance in the hierarchy. time goes on and jfc ava is relentless. we only see the carefully crafted persona he has created for the cameras and yet- janine is able to learn things ava tries to keep hidden. janine needs help creating tiktoks to get supplies for her class. ava helps her because its her area of expertise and gest extremely excited about it. janine tries to set up a gifted program ava tells her why these things wont work out (in the end shes right) sahar comes to school it makes ava jealous. janine puts together a step class. ava joins in after being "on vacation" and is a total flake and nobody believes in her but janine persists. janine insists she has confidence ava will do the right thing. and when in the end she bails, janine learns the real reason ava has been so wishywashy is because shes been taking care of her grandmother. they share a moment on the bench (the bench thats been compared to other romcom couple defining moments when in relation to gregory) ava whom literally hides herself behind her many wigs tucks her hair behind her ear when she has this bench conversation with janine. time goes on. avas job is in danger. janine is the first person that comes to her aid. because what is abbott without ava as their principal. janine breaks up with tariq. end of season one.

school is back in session! development day begins and ava is pimping out the parking lot. janine is upset over how ava is absolutely not giving a single fuck about the preparation of the year. janine is overwhelmed with all her issues and ava is visibly concerned but not verbally. no never verbally. gritty hugs janine. ava hugs gritty and takes a selfie. ava keeps said photoshopped selfie in her office. without janine of course. janine campaigns for computers for the school but unfortunately repairs take priority so she becomes sad that she cant make the kids feel as special as the charter school. ava compiles the leftover money and gets them waterice and it makes janine happy that the kids have something to enjoy. ava has asked janine to get mcdonalds in her ava way to which janine declined. it is implied that ava has aksed janine to hang out on several occasions eveb though shes the one that insisted that she couldnt b seen in public with janine. halloween rolls around and janine is invited to a party. her current costume is not fit for the party. ava somehow has a costume in her size that she can wear. janine looks good as hell. ava tells her exactly so. but of course she doesnt tell her she looks as good as herself. janine gets sick because of avas antics. ava begrudgingly owns up to it and takes over as substitute of janines class. janine knows ava wont pay attention to what she has to say unless theyre on facetime. ava doesnt have janines number saved. ava learns what it takes to be in janines shoes as a teacher. ava orders some more paper. janine runs into ava (and gregory) at a hookah lounge. ava interrupts gregory and janines moment by complimenting janines dancing. ava compliments how nice janine looks in her dress. janine finds out ava has a boyfriend. ava's boyfriend is a basketball player. ava says hes been dating her for five years but shes only been dating him for two. ava officially noticed janine two years ago. janine is a literal fan of avas boyfriend. ava doesnt ask but tells janine shes coming with them to continue partying. janine leaves with ava at the end of the night. then the fight between two students happens. janine is smaller than them but still tries to break it up. ava comes to the rescue and pushes janine behind her protectively. janine and gregory finally kiss. ava has been pushing them together basically the whole time. janine has been dating maurice and she breaks up with him. gregory and janine confess their feelings for eachother. janine isnt ready. they keep missing eachother. its never quite right for them. ava is inspired to return to college. end of season two.

ava is even more of a menace than she ever was in the past. she drops the suggestive commentary towards gregory but the quips towards janine never change even in her new professional principal persona. (janine confesses how she feels to gregory. gregory rejects janine. their timing is once again just not right. ava has seen this video over and over again. ava is extremely attentive to janine and gregory's relationship) ava is eager to show just how much she has learned and how good she can be as a principal and everyone is miserable. janine doesnt notice because shes being poached by the district. they finally figure out how to reset ava to her formal self. janine knew exactly how to do it all along. janine knows ava best out of anyone at abbott. janine leaves and ava returns to her typical ava self. janine returns for carreer day and immediately happily greets ava. the school is in commotion and janine seeks out ava to find out what is going on. end of the first two episodes of season three

JANINES WARDROBE HAS BEEN INSPIRED AND INTRODUCED TO PIECES SIMILAR TO THOSE THAT AVA HAS BEEN ICONICALLY RECOGNIZED FOR

#fuck autocorrect for changing ava to available KILL MEEEE #LIKE AM I CRAZY????? THIS IS LITERALLY ONLY THE THINGS THAT HAVE ACRUALLY HAPPENED AND I KNOW UM LEAVING SHIT OUT #abbott elementary spoilers #avanine #long post

[born2love]

help me make the most useless language

in honor of all the fuckers trying to come up with a universal language that would be easy for as many people as possible, ive decided to make the most fucked language i can come up with that absolutely nobody can use‼️

i figured if anyone can help it would be people on tumblr so if u think of anything u struggle with/find annoying in languages i would love to hear it :D

the goal is to make it as confusing as possible, and to combine so many sounds that everyone will have an accent.

here’s what ive got so far:

first: there are exceptions to every rule, and every rule is as vague as possible. this way people can always argue over them.

the alphabet starts with the least used characters, which are also easiest to write, and then as u get to the more common letters they become more and more complicated. the top five letters dont have their own characters, theyre just variations on others.

speaking of the alphabet, basic writing and cursive are completely different. if u know one of them u still wont be able to read the other.

there’s no spelling rules (u just write what u hear) except for the fact that u have to use as many letters as u can. think french if u just made it up.

u have the thing where if u use a different tone for a word, it means something completely different. like if u go up instead of down with ur voice u will be saying a different word.

in writing, the tone is indicated with accents on top of the characters (i did chinese for a while in school, i know its done that way with pinyin). the accents r the opposite of the tone. if ur voice needs to go up, u write one of thèse. if it needs to go down, u use thís one.

one of the tone things is just a short pause in the word. this means u have to avoid breathing at times, in order to say the right word.

there are as many double meanings as possible. especially those where context doesnt clarify things either (like how biweekly means both twice a week and every other week)

no punctuation. no spaces. just text

as many unique sounds as possible (i dont have many yet, but ive got the dutch g and some russian characters (i cant type them out cus i dont have the keyboard💀💀 so sorry), if u know any sounds that other languages dont use pls tell me💪💪

u write from the bottom of the page and go up so that u smear ur ink

pls give me suggestions if u have any <33

#this has absolutely no purpose but i think its funny #leave any ideas in the notes pls #langblr #language