#for context not once in my life has my sister ever asked nor wanted my company. She has refused to as much as touch me for years

[anglerflsh]

top five family interactions that felt like a fever dream

#[.txt] #self #for context not once in my life has my sister ever asked nor wanted my company. She has refused to as much as touch me for years #so this from her was completely out of the blue and despite a few days passing I am still dumbfounded as to the Why #my sister in christ (lit) for my entire life you acted like I was a leper what is going on with you #she stopped sobbing quickly after and stood there while I made my lunch which made me only more weirded out. Alright madame. sure. ok #I won't ask any further questions honestly we are below roommate levels of relationship and I don't care. But keep the crying to yourself..

[frodo-with-glasses]

'Avuncular' seems like a very Lord of the Rings-y word!

BOY does it! For those who don't know, Merriam-Webster defines avuncular as:

"suggestive of an uncle, especially in kindliness or geniality"

"of or relating to an uncle"

In layman's terms: uncle-related or uncle-ish. There's a lot of that going on in this book, and a lot to talk about!

Of course the epitomical example in LotR is Frodo and Bilbo. Now, pedants (like myself) will point out that they aren't technically uncle and nephew, but cousins; Frodo is Bilbo's first and second cousin, once removed on both sides. If I recall correctly—correct me if I'm wrong—Frodo never actually calls Bilbo his uncle in the books, nor does anybody else. It seems to be something the movies made up to fit their relationship into a neat little box and avoid unnecessary confusion in the audience. But given that Bilbo falls into the category of "too old to be a peer, not close enough to be a father, floating in-between in a vaguely mentorlike (but not particularly responsible) state", I'd say he definitely counts for the "uncle-ish" definition of avuncular.

The next uncle that comes to mind is 100% literal: Theoden! Fun fact, avuncular comes from the Latin word avunculus, which specifically means "maternal uncle" (as opposed to the paternal equivalent: patruus, according to one website). So, since Eowyn and Eomer are the children of his youngest sister, Theodwyn, Theoden actually fits the ancient definition as well! Appendix A tells us that Theoden "loved his sister dearly"—which I interpret to mean that he played favorites among his siblings and she was it—and that he took Eowyn and Eomer as his own after their parents died in quick succession while they were young. So, once again, he is both their uncle and kinda their dad.

The next uncle that comes to mind is Iorlas. To my knowledge, he is only mentioned ONCE in the book, but because I am obsessed with Beregond and Bergil and their family (and just have a general affinity for overthinking minor characters anyway), you BET I remembered him. Based on context clues, we can assume a few things about Iorlas: a) he is likely a maternal uncle as well, since everyone on the paternal side has a name that starts with "B" (Baranor, Beregond, Bergil); b) he might live in Lossnarch, which Bergil mentions as the place his grandfather lives; and c) he has a good relationship with his nephew. Bergil mentions him immediately upon hearing how old Pippin is, which to me says that Iorlas is a pretty constant fixture in Bergil's life, and is an adult that Bergil really likes. My personal headcannon is that Bergil idolizes Uncle Iorlas and thinks he hung the moon; only because he thinks Dad hung the sun.

And FINALLY, to round out this discussion of uncles in LotR, I will end with a mention of the uncle that I wish got to happen: Frodo, for Sam's kids. You can't tell me there wouldn't have been a lovely bit of poetic symmetry to Frodo getting to raise and mentor the little Gamgees in the exact same way Bilbo had done for him. I can't really see Frodo ever getting married and having children himself—like Bilbo, he seems to be an eternal bachelor, and I'm pretty sure if he wanted to get married he would have done it by now—but there's no doubt in my mind that he would have loved and nurtured and spoiled the heck out of all thirteen of Sam's little munchkins if he ever got the chance. Which is why the Magnolia AU exists. Because thinking about Frodo telling stories to an enthralled audience of little Gamgees (a few individuals of which are vying with each other for the coveted story-listening spot on his lap) just makes my heart feel whole.

WORD ASK GAME!

#word ask game #bilbo baggins #theoden #king theoden #iorlas #frodo baggins #magnolia au #lord of the rings #lotr #my writing #makes me wonder what kind of relationships tolkien had with any uncles in his life #he seems very fond of uncles in general! which is extremely sweet! makes me wonder about the potential real-life inspiration... #perhaps some of the tolkien nerds can fill me in here :-D or i can just google it LOL

[desultory-novice]

Who do YOU think Adeleine's special someone is??

Surprise! A post not about the new game! XD

-

Anon...Are you asking me to spill who Adeleine's crush is...?

If you are, well... lucky you! Cause I'm going to do it!

...Adeleine's special someone is clearly Ado!

All this time, arguments have been raging over whether they're the same person or they're sisters or one's from the mirror dimension when the answer was staring us in the face all this time...

Ado is quite simply Adeleine's crush. Ado is tall, pretty, shares Adeleine's interest in art, and is just a little bit older (going by game release.) Heck, I'd have a crush on her if I were in Adeleine's big, bread shaped shoes!

NON-JOKE ANSWER BELOW SERIOUS TALK ABOUT TEENAGE CRUSHES

[Note:] one of the people I'm going to talk about is one a lot of people HC as being in a familial relationship with Adeleine. I am NOT speaking under the guise of this popular HC in this context, but if you don't even want to SEE them mentioned here (nor read speculative thoughts about a visibly young girl/teenaged-looking character having un-requited crushes on other older-looking characters) stop reading here! Thanks!

...I can imagine a few more people Adeleine might have a crush on.

One is King Dedede (This is the relationship I talked about above, btw. Obviously, in this situation, they wouldn't have a strong, pre-existing familial bond, but would be two people who talked and/or got to know each other for the first time in Crystal Shards; and probably, Adeleine is not Ado in this timeline either) because they adventured together, and also he's a big, tough, and powerful dude, plus he saved her life at a dramatic moment.

I think, if she ever told him, King Dedede would laugh and boast that of COURSE everyone should love him, that's only natural, he's the king! But I do not think he would ever entertain the idea of seriously requiting her feelings. He would do the responsible thing by letting her down, only he would do so in classic Dedede manner by something to the tune of him being a great king and that he must treat everyone in Dream Land equally!

Another possible crush is Daroach because he's mature, suave, handsome (by Kirby :cough: my :cough: standards) and canonically a lady's man. He oozes confidence but hasn't lost his playfulness, plus they spent enough time together in Star Allies for Adeleine to invite him to a drawing party.

Daroach would probably let her down similarly to Dedede, revealing that, alas, he's simply too good to belong to just one person; that and he's a career man first and foremost. But he is flattered by Adeleine's feelings and wishes her luck in finding her TRUE special person one day. 

(I think Dedede, on the inside, would be flustered enough by Adeleine's confession to want to avoid her for a bit as he wouldn't know what to do if her crush doesn't fade. Daroach, I think, would be more likely to sit her down and help talk Adeleine OUT of the crush and, once her heart has recovered, offer to be someone she can talk to about these things in the future/play a supportive role in helping her find someone better suited for her.)

Another potential crush for Adeleine is Queen Ripple because she's not only the the damsel in distress of Crystal Shards, she's pretty, gentle, feminine, and magical (if you knew someone who was a literal magic-dust-and-glitter-wings fairy, would you not be ALL OVER THEM all the time?!) Plus, Adeleine was seen drawing a picture of her in Star Allies.

I think Ripple would blush and be both flattered and flustered (and probably trip over herself and do other ditzy things like pour salt in her tea) to learn she was someone's crush. She too, probably has responsibilities. I imagine she's not in a position to actually LEAVE Ripple Star to be with another person. I have no idea what Ripple's age is like. If she's a thousand years old or only as young as she looks. But this one is the one most likely to end with some variant on the line "How about we just start as friends?"

Again, these are all listed here as potential crushes a teenage Adeleine could potentially have. In RL, more crushes than not go absolutely nowhere. But those were some characters I could see her taking an interest in.

I do think that in general, Adeleine would lean toward characters whose alignment is overall good (without needing a Kirby-sized reformation arc first) thus, she might admire Susie or the Mage Sisters for being pretty and/or powerful, but I don't see her developing a crush on any of them.

Being human, I can't help but think she'd see the other, odder shaped characters (Waddle Dees, Eflilin, etc) as adorable, walking talking TOYS rather than people she could imagine herself in a relationship with.

The one corollary (aka, "I don't know, because -I- wouldn't feel this way if I were in her shoes, but I'd be remiss not to talk about it") to this is Meta Knight. I only say this because, like, everyone loves Meta Knight. He's everyone's favorite character and everyone acknowledges him as the coolest and most handsome (?!) character in Kirby.

If Adeleine had a crush on Meta Knight, it would explain why she chose to open up to Kirby first, them being so similar, visually. It's still really weird to me, because they consistently avoided each other's games like ships in the night till Star Allies came around, but the Kirby Time books, while their own thing, seem to exist in a post-Star Allies-esque continuum, so I imagine she would still like the same things about him all his RL fans do.

This crush ALSO would not go anywhere, the only difference this one and the above being that Meta Knight would be the only one to explain it to her quickly, plainly, and without any fluff or friendly humor why it could never work out and that he cannot reciprocate her feelings.

#Kirby #Adeleine #Dess Text Post #Ado Kirby #King Dedede #Daroach #Queen Ripple #Meta Knight #Not a shipping post

[acetrainerjess]

So I watched Action Button Reviews Tokimeki Memorial, but now I wanna ask if I should play it (using the fan translation). I intended to before watching the review, but the review made it sound like a more intensive experience than I expected and one where I could end up in a fail state fairly easily. But that's just what I guessed from all the bombs and managing expectations, so I defer to the expertise of the only tokimeki poster I know of in asking am I too fearful of this dating sim?

I think I’m about to reveal the most shocking twist in this blog’s history…

Despite my profuse love of Shiori Fujisaki, I’ve never actually played Tokimeki Memorial. Nor do I ever intend to (for weird, personal reasons; tldr, I like action button reviews’ version of Shiori so much that I can never play the game. I have too many thoughts and feelings about her that playing the game would feel like betraying everything I love about my tragic cyberpunk girl. Once again, this is entirely my own weird personal hang ups, and I’m aware how insane this sounds saying it out loud without full context).

That being said, to answer your actual question, I must pose you another question: what kind of experience do you want to get out of the game? As far as I’m aware, all the other girls have far easier ending requirements than Shiori, so if you want to romance any of them, it should be an easier time. If you’re okay with not being an experiential purist, then you can use save states to make life easier, or even look up guides online if you’re comfortable with that (although I’m not sure how many English language resources are out there, but surely there’ll be a few thanks to the new fan translation releasing). Or if you’re dedicated to reenacting the true experience, are you cool with potentially ‘losing’ ~8hrs of your time just playing by ear and seeing how far you get, kicking back and having some fun, or mentally planning out how you might do better next time?

Without having played it myself, I can only speculate how difficult the bomb system is, but I don’t think it would be too difficult to get *a* good ending with one of the girls (like the phone dude’s little sister, who has super high affection for you, or library girl who seems rather easy to predict the best choices for). But once again, if you’re comfy with it, I’m sure there’s some less-spoilery ‘tips and tricks’ guides out there you can read before playing. Maybe even give ‘em a read and see if it still sounds intimidating after that?

The world is your oyster, my friend. Go forth and romance some cute girls or die trying (and have a laugh as the bombs detonate and all your carefully laid plans fall to ruin). If you so dare, you might even try your hand at winning the heart of the bestest girl of all, the mighty queen herself, Ms Fujisaki 💖

#kirbymongerr

[dailynabu]

Boyfriend is a really calm guy. He is slim, tall and the cutest boy to ever exist in this Earth. He always calms me down and whenever things gets harsher, especially with Mother, who's not exactly a good character in Me story.

Today I saw Boyfriend really mad, but not warm rage; that "cold" rage. Context is that Mother said she's gonna sue me because apparently I stole house's keys. The funniest fact is that I didn't even touch those keys: they lost it. I swear to God I haven't touched it.

But I am so tired of this everyday-fight in this place I cannot call 'home'. It's really exhausting. My parents tried to kicked me out three times now and I am dying to move far from them, it is truly and really so exhausting. I am not even sad, I don't feel any type of sadness nor sorrow towards it, I don't hate her, but I am gonna be bluntly honest: sometimes I wish she just went away. Not dead, I don't think it'd be better, but my family would get SO much better without Mother. I also understand it's pretty disfunctional, but everyone here is trying to heal in their own way; she is not. She always makes it worse.

I feel so sorry for Mother, I also understand it's not my fault. She didn't deserve to be in such pain; neither do I. I hope she can heal and be happy before dying, I cannot deal with the fact she'll live like this till she die. She already did it for more than 40 years... Time for her to try happiness and healing.

I know that if she truly regretted her past actions and words and tried to be a better person, I'd forgive her wholeheartly. I don't think I'll ever feel that son/daughter love, but I'd not feel this intense injustice that led me to so much rage during years.

So Sister texted me and, despite me always defending her, she wasn't able to do the same. I tried defending myself again by saying I didn't take any keys. She kept accusing me.

Indeed, she said that what I did was "shit action". Like it was okay for my mom to accuse me of ROBBERY. Like I DID steal the keys. That moment I felt hurt. Not the first time she betrays me. Still, it hurts.

So I said: fuck it. I'm not stressing by trying to prove I did something I did NOT do.

I sent her a voice text, as calm as I could (which is fairly calm, to be honest): "Listen, Sister. You don't even answer my texts anymore, you don't care for anything I send to you. So NOW you're coming at me, accusing me and using the term 'shit', basically saying that I am, in fact, a criminal? Don't come at me with your morality lessons". She listened and didn't reply.

Boyfriend was sleeping and I wasn't in the mood to put him in all of this shit, but he woke up and listened. Asked why, I said I wasn't in the mood to tell him, but I eventually would.

When I was arriving at home, while he was driving me there, I explained calmly. He was calm too, but for the first time I saw his cold rage: he was MAD, but not I-wanna-break-everything, more like: "it's an absurd and it doesn't make sense at all. The only reason why she's getting mad is because it is you and not any of your siblings. I know you didn't take nor lost the keys, you know, she knows; she doesn't care. She wants to make your life a living hell".

I was... Shocked. He never said anything so explicit because he didn't want me to be inflamed, but today he basically... Lost his shit, I guess. "Well... I know...". "And that's why we're studying and working. We're moving together soon, I'm taking you with me and you'll never have to deal with them ever again".

Once I was at home he texted me: "I am so mad, I am sorry, but I am so mad". He is mad. It makes me think that it's because not only he loves and cares for me, but he sees and listens to me. I am not invisible and I'm not unheard. And I am valid and it is okay to feel bad.

Caring is the coolest and kindest thing someone has truly made for me.

I love him and I love his mind and his heart. I hope I can make him the happiest ever.

(About feeling rejected and how I've been unfairly treated all my life, since I was a young kid. About another betrayal of my sister and how it breaks my heart, about how I feel unconditionally loved and cared for my boyfriend and how I want him to be extremely happy, always).

— 16.01.2024

#rant post #personal post #diary entry #my journal #daily journal #journal #diary #dear diary

[teddy06writes]

Greek Myth Series: Eros and Psyche Part One

Eret x afab! reader

trigger warnings: yelling, mentions of pregnancy

premise: so the story of Eros and Psyche is kinda complicated, and no that many people know it, if you want to find out about it in a different context you can here or if you want to go into this blind, go ahead.

list of Greek Gods/characters for this work

Eros- Eret

Aphrodite- Puffy

Zephyrus- Philza

Zeus- Dream

Pan- Tubbo

{I tried to keep this gender neutral, but in the myth Psyche does end up pregnant, and its kind of a big plot point, I'm sorry.}

{also I forgot how long this story is, so I'm going to split it in two, on one hand so that I don't leave yall without content, and two because it'll be easier for me that way}

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There was a city state, long ago, near the sea, that was known for its beautiful royal family. The eldest daughters of the king had been considered the most beautiful in all of the land, until the youngest child, (y/n), came of age.

It is said that their beauty surpassed that of everyone in the kingdom, and where ever they went the people flocked, eager to earn their favor.

(y/n) knew of their beauty, but they did not look upon themself in vain, but they did know that this beauty caused jealousy among many, especially their sisters.

What they did not expect of this, was when the people of their kingdom began to worship them, as if they were the goddess of beauty, Puffy herself.

Now this was never something that (y/n) wanted, all they had wanted was to live a normal life, but now they had to stay shut up in their chambers, trying to ignore the cries from outside.

They were admired by all, yet wanted by none.

And as Puffy grew jealous, and planned with Eret to exact her revenge, (y/n)'s father sought help from the good oracle of Delphi, what was he to do if everyone in the land loved their looks, but no one wanted their hand in marriage.

As the months passed, and their chambers seemed to become even more like a prison and their sisters married other monarchs, (y/n) began to loath their beauty, wishing there was some way to be rid of it.

Having returned from his journey to Delphi, the king entered their chambers, "My child," Said he, "I have sought an answer, and answer, the oracle has given."

"And what answer is that?" (y/n) asked.

"In three days time we will hold your wedding," He took a shaky breath, "You are to be wedded to a dreadful monster, and in three days time, we will take you to the rock spire, at the edge of our kingdom, and leave you to him."

A gasp rippled through (y/n)'s throat, and they fell to their knees, "Father please don't leave me to die!"

He shook his head, "It is already done."

The three days passed in quick succession, and soon, (y/n) found themselves being led through the kingdom, dressed in a blackened wedding gown.

As their parents wept, they held their head high, having resigned to their fate.

Upon reaching the top of the spire, their family tearfully departed, leaving (y/n), wind whipping through their hair, dreadfully alone. Slowly, they inched closer to the edge, staring down to the rocky shore from which the pillar had grown.

A partially strong gust of wind caught them in the back, unexpected, and as they toppled over the side a scream ripped through their throat.

It took them a moment to realize that they had not made impact with the ground, that rather, they were floating, flying, being carried across the lands.

"Fear not," A disembodied voice assured them, "I am Philza, the west wind. No harm shall come to you."

(y/n) remained terrified until they were at last gently set upon the soft grass of a meadow.

"Go now, explore your new home." Philza urged.

Slowly, (y/n) moved forward, gaping as a huge villa came into view at the other end of the valley. As they drew further up the path, more disembodied voices greeted them.

"What is this place?" They asked softly, looking around in amazement.

"Why do you wonder so much of this finery? It is your own, do go inside, and rest and bath, and then there shall be a great feast." A soft, breezy voice returned.

Hesitantly, they did, enjoying a fresh bath, and much food and entertainment, but slowly, as night began to fall, the gayety died away, and they were urged to get ready for bed.

Having changed into night clothes, and climbed into bed, the lights were dimed by unseen servants, and they were told, "Rest now dear, your husband shall arrive soon."

"My husband?" They asked, confused, but there came no answer.

They laid awake, anxiously, until footsteps sounded on the floor.

"Who are you?" They demanded.

There was a soft chuckle, "Worry not, sweet (y/n), I am not here to hurt you. A husband should never have such intentions with his betrothed."

"Who are you?" They asked again, shuffling away as a weight settled on the other side of the bed.

"Your wife," she repeated, "I must admit, I didn't think of the consequence you might have faced upon hearing that dreadful fake of a prophecy. My dear, I am sorry, but could find no other way to take you away from the prying eyes of some."

Slowly, he retold the story, of how he had fallen in love with them, for the way that they had carried their burden, and when she had heard the plans of many, that they had to get them away.

"Alas, my sweet, you may not know my name, nor may you ever be permitted to see me, for it might tear us apart. For that, I am sorry."

There was a note of sadness in his voice, enough to tug at something in (y/n)s chest.

~~

He had away-ed at dawn, long before (y/n) awoke, leaving them to their thoughts of what had happened that night.

The following days seemed to follow the same pattern, until soon a week had passed, and then the weeks began to blend into months.

Back in the kingdom, in which (y/n) had lived, word had reached their sisters of what had happened, and each day they began to gather at the spire, calling for them, wishing they hadn't disappeared.

But, their husband warned them, that even though (y/n) could hear there voices, they must never call back, and the sisters may never be allowed into the valley.

For some time, (y/n) worked to comply, but hearing the despair in their sisters voice wore them down slowly, to the point where even when they were remind of how cruel the women could be, they did not care, and only wanted to see them again.

It got to a point, where one day, after their husband had left, they slowly crept from the villa, and dashing across the valley, called to Philza, begging him to take their sisters to the valley.

"Are you sure, (y/n)?" He asked.

"Yes, please, I'd do anything to see them again!" They begged.

Reluctantly, Philza's winds carried the sisters to the valley, where (y/n) embraced them, "My sisters! Don't weep! I'm safe!"

They hugged them back just as tightly, before letting go and looking around at the valley, and the villa.

"You live here?" The eldest asked.

"Yes, it is my husbands villa." They replied with a smile, "Come, I'll give you the tour, and then we may walk the gardens."

As the siblings moved from room to room, and (y/n) gave their tour, the sisters became increasingly jealous.

They had been married to old men, hardly holding onto their titles as king, why should their little sibling get all of this?

Soon, they were seated in the garden, nibbling on the food the servants had prepared.

"You certainly live in luxury (y/n)." The middle sister remarked.

They nodded, "Yes, I suppose I do."

"How does your husband afford all this? What does he do?" The elder asked.

"Well..." They trailed off, thinking, "I'm not sure."

"You mean you don't know?"

Slowly, (y/n) explained what had happened, and their husbands conditions of never being seen.

"Oh (y/n), honey," she pulled a sympathetic face, "He's clearly hiding something from you, and such a shame, you being pregnant with his child."

They glanced down at their stomach, they weren't showing that much, were they?

"It might turn out to be a monster, for all you know. You've never even seen him."

"No! He's not a monster!" They insited.

The sisters continued to build up the idea of their husband lying, or disguising himself, both in a subtle agreement to ruin everything (y/n) had.

"he's not!"

Frowning, one sister leaned forward and patted her hand, "Maybe, but you don't know. Just to be sure, when he has gone to sleep tonight, light a lantern, and look at him, just to be sure."

"I think you should go." (y/n)s voice was hard, and soon Philza was returning them to the kingdom from which they had came.

Night returned, and along with it, their husband.

She had fallen quickly to sleep, though (y/n) lay awake, their sisters voices filling their mind.

What if they were married to a monster?

Slowly, shakily, they rose, and finding a lamp, carefully lit it, before turning to their wife's side of the bed.

In the flickering lantern light, (y/n) beheld their husband for the first time, dark brown hair falling in curls about their head, and large feathered flings pooling at her back.

They gasped in amazement, turning to find a set of quiver and arrows at the foot of the bed, suddenly it made sense. The bow, the inhuman beauty- they had wed the god of desire, Eret.

Some how, all at once, they fell in love, toppling over the metaphorical cliff they had stood near for sometime, as the lamp suddenly felt to heavy for their hands.

Shaking, they moved to set it down, but not before a drop of oil spilled, landing on the gods shoulder.

In a cry of pain, she awoke, and looked up at (y/n) with wide eyes.

Without another word, they stood, gathered their things and began to leave, as they had come flying through the open windows.

"No! Please don't leave! I love you!" (y/n) cried, seizing his arm.

"You fool!" He roared, dragging them along with her, "I risked everything! I went I against mine own mother! She told me to punish you! and yet I fell in love! I created all this! All of this just to get you away from her prying eyes!

"Now the magic is fading you poor poor fool! She will find you now! You won't have much time! You- you listened to your sisters didn't you! They wanted this! I told you to not listen to them! You lie! Regard me as some beast to peak on in the night!" At last they shook (y/n) off, and they went tumbling to the ground.

"No love can exist with out trust."

With that they flew away, leaving (y/n)s cries for her to stay. And Leaving (y/n) alone, so terribly alone.

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Tag list: (send a request to be added, it will only be for this series)

@dreamslittlebitch

#mcyt x reader #eret x reader #the eret x reader #teddy 06 #teddy 06 writes

[deviltoys]

IMPORTANT! PLEASE READ!

hey, kevin here, i apologize that somethin' of this matter is being posted so late like this and so sudden. i won't be typing as i usually do as the accusations here are a serious matter and there won't be a need for my usual, light-hearted typing style.

it has come to my attention, though this information has been kept private for maybe a month, two? but has only just recently been brought to my attention by a good friend of mine. the claims were sent to him over instagram by my ex; kai or huhrizon. the photo will be attached below in which, kai, is laughing about the fact he believes he's found out that i am a minor. more specifically, fifteen. which couldn't be farther from the truth, this thread will be debunking and defending myself before he can come out and express these fabricated lies to try and ruin my reputation because he's upset that i wasn't ready for a relationship.

kai messaging mattia over the fact he believes he has uncovered 'my mother's facebook profile'. which will be debunked below.

very interesting that you decided to not only, try to uncover things about my identity after i politely explained to you that i no longer wanted to pursue a relationship, but that you're brewing up fake rumours just to try to get back at me for it.

onto the main claim. kai has been professing, that i, am infact a fifteen year old falsifying his age online. the reason he believes these claims are that, one, he found my mother's facebook profile. and two, that there was a photo on there of me, with the caption 'happy birthday kevin' posted onto the account. mattia has explained to me that this photo isn't here to be displayed as evidence, solely because kai sent the picture through instagram's vanish mode.

* this mode automatically deletes anything sent after the chat is closed.

mattia informed me that this photo was overall suspicious though as kai had blurred out the user's facebook handle. very odd indeed kai, very odd. i have no clue what this women looked like as there were no further photos, so until then, i don't know how i can debunk the woman not being my mother; appearance wise.

what reason do i have to believe this is motivated out of spite? before kai and i had become acquainted, i followed him through dylan, who had publicity posted about how his friend had created a dark blog. wanting to follow more creators who shared a similar interest, i followed him. immediately, kai had started sending asks about whether or not i was single. we had not talked nor even messages before, we had liked a few of each others posts and that was the max of our interactions. but i responded with a flirty remark, which i am now known for, but wasn't at the time. flirting was thrown back and fourth and after awhile i had realized i was no longer ready, mentally or emotionally for a relationship at that point in time. i still had full feelings for kai, yet kindly expressed my discomfort with a relationship. which he mutually accepted and that was that. i thought we were ended things on great terms, we both communicated and got our messages out of the way.

apparently this was not the case, as kai, without my knowledge goes to search for any sort of dirt he can find on me. which, i will be using a post by dylan to explain why i have reason to be swayed into the fact this was out of anger— i love dylan, and he's not included in these accusations whatsoever, but this post is important to view. do not drag him into this, please. i'm serious.

dylan admits to kai being able to ruin people's lives for fun. which is obviously, not a good look for him. he purposefully goes on the hunt for any information he can attach to someone. unluckily for him, he couldn't find anything worth exposing, so he restorts to making up lies about my age in an attempt to get some sort of revenge? as punishment for breaking his heart i presume. very, very mature after a breakup which i calmly and kindly let you know that i wasn't ready for anything further.

now, onto the rebuttal i have for his big accusation; me being a fifteen year old who's mother's social, kai sniffed up. my mother does not own any form of social media, she has an email which is technically not even a social app. ( this is used for her grad teachers, in order to contact her for reasons that will be explained ).

my mother hasn't had any social app for years, much less posts or takes photos of us to display whatsoever. my mother entered a relationship with a man, who at the time she didn't know was very, very anti-lgbtq.

* before anything else it's important to note that kai, believes i have a brother. i told him this in order to stray away any true information about me, as there are very few people i fully trust with the knowledge of my personal life. much less, someone who i just met at the time; i.e kai. kai had mentioned a friend of either his or his brothers being named 'hank' to try to also fit the lie of having a brother, i told him it was a funny coincidence that my brother had the same name. i do not have a brother, my sister and i are both trans— she being mtf, and i being ftm. she has given me explicit permission to disclose this, as i wouldn't ever dream of letting that information out without her word.

this leads into my main argument. my mother had been with this man for quite awhile, and had finally asked us for permission to give him the news, that we were both transgender and that he should know for the future of our family. he obviously, did not take this well. to keep details minimal for the safety of my family, i'll briefly explain some of the shit he's done to my mother. stalk, threaten, send unsolicited photos and dead animals to our home, try to get my mother to meet up - or find her location to meet up with her, and many, many more vile things. my family has been hiding, moving, and changing our identities ever since. my mother has wanted a healthy, safe environment for her children to grow up in without fear that their lives would be taken or in some way ruined by this man. we can't keep a house for more than a year before we're forced to go into hiding because of a message from him or some sick prank from somebody who knows about the situation. this is all i can say, as i don't want him to somehow get ahold of this post. which is also why i am withholding my families legal names as well as her ex's legal name just to be cautious. though it is never ever justified to lie to your partner, kai and i had barely talked and i felt pressured by the environment and excitement to rush headfirst into a relationship. causing me to hold back any truth to my personal life, excluding interests, stories, and stuff of that sort. which deserves an apology all on it's own.

now, where this fifteen, number came from. not a clue in hell, my sister, is sixteen but was fifteen at the time i was in a relationship with kai. i have no clue if this has anything to do with it, but he knew, as i told him i was celebrating her birthday through text. letting him know, the age she was and the age she was turning.

i live off the grid and always have. my legal name is not on here, my family or friends names, etc. my personality, all me, the stories or hobbies i have? true. my job? true. i express the true me on here while still holding back information that could cause my family into another year of hiding. my mother never has and never will have any socials. she barely uses her email out of fear, but has no choice as it's her only means of communication to her job.

another quick thing i would like to mention, to be truthful, as this is a post solely based on trust alone. as i have no physical evidence to back it up. i sent a photo to kai, letting him know it was taken when i was in middle school. i told him my mother put a filter over it, which is weird right? i just explained how my mother doesn't have socials, he's got to be lying, right? no, my teacher had taken the photo and she had edited on her photo to show our grandma, who she sent the image through phone messages. this was no lie, but it was a misdirection to try to get kai to believe my mother posted about me. i still didn't trust him and never fully did, so this was another. morally wrong, attempt to cover my true identity by lying to him about it. which, again, never right to lie to your partner. but i have a family to protect, it's hard to make friends and relationships online when you have to hide who you truly are your whole life. and i'm sorry that's been the case, though the information my mutuals privately know is all the truth. i've grown to trust a fair few, so thank you.

as a summary, these claims are total bullshit. i can provide more context or answers to any questions you may have, below, through dms, or through my inbox. this was once again posted before he could get his word out, as i wanted to make sure everyone knew what i had to say, in case he decided to 'expose' me while i was at work, or too busy to compile a rebuttal. thank you all for listening, you don't have to believe a word of this. as yes, my story does sound far-fetched but i have no way that i can verify it without putting my family in danger. which, i'd much rather lose my online status over a silly rumour than harm my family for another multitude of years. this is a rather short and rushed post though, as it's been bugging me for awhile and i just need to push it out.

[fishybehavior]

wrote s15 finale angst

spoilers, its sibling angst ;')

"Where are you going Nya." The familiar voice asked, no. Demanded from Nya. The ninja succeeded in sneaking away from the others, but she could never escape her brother's eye.

She refused to look back, she couldn't risk anyone from stopping her. "I'm going to finish this, go back to the others Kai."

The familiar thuds of her brother's steps approached gently. "You didn't ask Bentho about Nyad for the compelling story, didn't you?" The question hung, no disappointment or anger, just the overprotective fear she's grown up with.

"We can't defeat Kalmar like this," she turned to her brother, "I have to do this, and you're not convincing me otherwise." Sticking her ground she expected to meet her brother's usual stubbornness. But instead was greeted with a face she has never seen so tired nor vulnerable.

"I know. That doesn't mean I'm not going to try." He gave a worried smile as he put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. A usual reassurance feeling so finite in this context. "You don't have to do this. We can just leave, make a break for it. Escape to Shintaro, live in the clouds away from here."

Nya startled from the blunt offer, "Runaway? When Ninjago needs us most?" Ninja never quit, that's the mantra her brother practically drilled into her skull ever since she took up this lifestyle, and even before that he never stopped. Never ran, he was too proud, too stubborn for that. But looking into Kai's face, she could see the exhaustion he's carried, the grief, the fear. Nya had never seen him so vulnerable, he looked like he was going to shatter. Willing to throw out his morals, his pride, his legacy.

For her.

But she couldn't turn back, turning back now meant defeat. It meant that quiet wheezing in the other room would cease forever. It meant that evil would take everything she held dear to her. And she couldn't live with herself if she let that happen.

"No. I couldn't live myself if we left. I care for it all too much," she watched as her brother fractured a little more, nodding at her words.

"I know. . ." his voice shook, the understanding in his eyes told her all. He'd do the same if he was in her position, it didn't make it any easier. "What did Bentho mean? When he said Nyad became one with the ocean?"

Nya faltered, "Well, exactly that. She joined with it, followed its voice."

"Voice?"

Nya hummed lost in the memory, "Ever since I summoned those whales, I've been hearing it. The ocean. It calls to me. Asking me to join it again." Her voice faltered, the alluring voice, it promised everything. Peace, excitement, life, death, she knew once she joined it, it wouldn't let her go, she may not want to leave. "I won't be coming back." They both knew this, but voicing it gave it so much more power, made it real.

"I-I don't think I'll be me anymore." She whispered, looking down as she revealed her greatest fear. Not death, or immortality, but being an empty shell, losing who she is to the endless vast that called to her.

A gentle touch cupped her face and brought it level to Kai's, smiling so bittersweet. "Now listen here, I don't care if you become the ocean, a dragon. Hell even just a glass of water, you will always be Nya, my little sister, the elemental master of water, yang of Jay, and-and the bravest soul I have had the fortune of calling family." Nya watched as tears leaked from her brother's eyes, voice cracking as he lost what little composure he had. Bringing her into a tight hug, the two clung to one another.

Holding onto each other, realizing it may be the last time, that it would be the last time they could. They could already feel the ache of separation that spaded before them. "Will. . .Will you remember me? Remember us?" The small voice shook, and Nya could only smile as she separated from her brother.

"Always. If I will always be Nya, then I will always remember. You are a part of me as anything else I've experienced, that I am." Confidence flowed through her, she spoke the truth and they both knew it.

Just as they knew that they were out of time.

Taking the first steps away, Nya made her decision. Giving her brother one last smile she headed to the stairway, impatient to finally end this.

"Nya!" She turned, halfway up her fated path towards the ocean. Watching as her brother put on a brave face, pulling his composure together once again.

"I love you, never forget that."

Grinning in the final moment she shared with her brother. The one who raised her, who was always there to support her, who would move heaven and earth for her, who always trusted her. "I won't." And she disappeared up the stairwell in pursuit of her future.

#ninjago #angst #nay #kai #ns15 #fic #s15 #ns15 spoilers #smith sibling #sibling angst #coping with nyas death #they did these two dirty #where is my sibling smith moments ninjago #you promised so much #s15 spoilers #no beta read #we die like nya #cried while writing this #how is that not a tag

[midearthwritings]

Of Courtship and Patience (PART 1)

It took Naya many decades and three courtship proposals before giving her heart to Thorin.

Words Count : 2,188

Warning : Canonical Character Death, Grief

Author's Note : Ok so, little bit of context. The first part is set between TA 2793 and 2799, during the War of Dwarves and Orcs. I tried to stay as close to the story as possible. I'm really f-ing nervous because this is my first ever OC fic. Hope you will enjoy it.

And a big thank you to my #1 cheerleader @laurfilijames for helping me proof reading this and for her eternal support.

“Will they return to us?” 

Dís’ trembling voice made Naya look up at her. Her face, which was always so calm and composed, was distorted with fear and sorrow. 

Erebor was long lost, and exile had been forced onto them. It took years to get accustomed to the fact that they would never see the Lonely Mountain again. And after losing a home and being condemned to wander the world in search of somewhere to live, one would think there wasn’t much left to lose. It seemed the Gods did not share the same opinion for uncertainty and grief had been haunting the two young ladies’ nights lately.

Even without a king, those who could handle a weapon were taken away to battle. Even without a kingdom, the line of Durin was royalty. Therefore, they were the firsts to run into the deadly embrace of war. Death was their duty.

Slowly, Naya slid her hand into Dís’ in a gesture she hoped was reassuring enough.

“I cannot promise such a thing,” she said in a soft tone. “ For hoping too much might kill you if they do not come back. We can only wait.” 

The fire crackled quietly in the hearth, like a whisper carrying the saddest news and comforting them at the same time. It warmed their hearts when it had destroyed all they ever had, leaving them with nothing but their tears. 

Far from here, far from the safety of these walls, those they cherished the most were fighting vile creatures, exposing their souls to Death’s greedy fingers. Naya’s guts twisted and her eyes dropped to the floor. 

“If we lose them, Dís, will our friendship survive?”

A strong hand grabbed her face and forced her eyes to lock with Dís’. They were burning with determination, challenging her to repeat what she had said.

“Silly, if we lose them, you will be all I have left. So do not say such words, even to jest. I cannot bear the thought of having my greatest friend parted from me.”

The younger lady’s lips curved into a smile, a crooked one for the fingers digging into her cheeks made it hard. It made Dís smile as well, one mirroring the other. Mahal might have not crafted them to be each other's One, but surely, he had made them be the perfect reflection of the other's soul. They were like two sides of the same blade, held together by a bond so strong that neither time, life, or death would ever be able to break.       

      Although time did not break them apart, it did break their hearts. Many moons had passed without hearing from anyone. Dís, as well as Naya, had started to mourn the death of their brothers and friends. Or, at least, their disappearance. They had lost any hope of seeing them ever again. And so one day, they stopped praying for the Gods to have mercy, and silence replaced their hopeful chatter as they held each other’s hand every night. 

One morning, however, someone pounded loudly on Dis’ wooden door. Naya left her baking aside and went to open it. Perhaps was it that dwarf again, the one that was eyeing Dís like she was the most precious thing in this world. Naya wiped her hands onto her apron and pulled the door open.

It was not Dís’ suitor. She could not believe her eyes, at first. But there Thorin was, standing in the doorway, waiting for her to let him in. 

“Mahal, are my eyes fooling me?” She breathed out. “Thorin, is that really you?” 

The words had barely left her mouth when she heard Dís running down the stairs, her footsteps resonating inside the house like a thunderstorm. But all she could focus on was Thorin's blue eyes on her. They reminded her of the clear spring sky, full of promises of new beginnings. It was like when the sun was back from its long sleep, awakening the flowers and birds and people's hearts. And perhaps, at this moment, something did bloom in Naya's heart. 

             She did not hear  Dís call her brother's name and barely registered when she pushed past her to drag him into a tight embrace.

“Oh brother, I thought I would never see you again!” she exclaimed.

“Fear not, sister. A few cuts and scratches are all I had to go through.”

Naya smiled fondly. Dís’ love for Thorin washed over her, making her heart beat faster inside her chest. Only now did she realize it was not a dream. He had come back to them with almost no wounds and, most importantly, alive.

She stepped forward and laid her hand on Dís’ shoulder. Her friend pulled back, releasing Thorin from her arms. He was changed. His features had been hardened by war and his eyes were clouded with something she could not quite pinpoint.

“Won’t you embrace me as well?” 

Thorin’s deep voice sent shivers down her spine and she wrapped her arms around his body. He had lost weight, and she would have to make sure he regained all of it. But he hadn’t lost his muscles. She buried her face in his mane, but its softness wasn’t enough to make the coppery smell of blood go unnoticed. At this moment, Thorin felt like a stranger and like home all at once. 

“Your sister missed you greatly.” Naya whispered, only for him to hear.

“And you?” he asked in an equally low tone.

Naya chuckled and tightened her grip. She had missed him more than the sun missed the moon, more than the birds missed the trees covered in leaves during summer.  

“Yes, Thorin, I did.”

They let go of each other slowly as if to make the moment last longer. She could feel Dís’ eyes on her back, scrutinizing them. She stepped back, giving the prince some space, and offered a smile to her friend. 

“You must be tired, and hungry,” Naya said. “Get yourself comfortable, we will make something for you to eat.”

And so they did. Soon enough, the three of them were sitting at the table, sharing a meal. It was mostly Thorin who ate, in fact, for Naya and Dís did not feel the need to. Surrounded by comforting silence, they watched him eat, making sure he had everything he needed. But peace was something people were granted only for a short amount of time. 

“Thorin, when will Frerin come back?” Dís asked in a voice so timid Naya thought it wasn’t really her who had spoken up.

The prince looked up to his sister and Naya finally understood what it was that filled his eyes. It was grief. Frerin would not return. 

It did not take long for Dís to understand as well. She nodded slightly, tears threatening to fall, but she did not cry. She would when no one was looking because it was how royalty mourned the death of their loved ones. Naya was not royalty. Yet, she kept her head up and held back her tears to pay her respect to Frerin’s family and his memory. 

The following days, candles were lit in memory of the lost heir of Durin. They shone brightly like little stars, guiding Frerin into Mahal’s Halls. Naya held Dís as she grieved, but no words were able to soothe the excruciating pain that had taken over the princess’ heart.

Naya had hoped Thorin would help her, that he would stay by his sister’s side and comfort her, but no one had seen him for days. He had barely returned to them and he was already gone again. She felt anger towards him. For years, he had been away, battling against creatures that wanted him dead, and when Dís needed him the most, he was nowhere to be seen. Naya would have his head if he did not make an appearance soon.

One night, after they had stopped lighting candles and Dís was resting, he came to find her. It was late, and sleep had abandoned her. So she was baking again, hoping to silence the dark thoughts. She heard him coming from behind, his footsteps barely audible like those of a mouse. 

“Have you finally found some interest in your sister’s feelings?” she spat out, keeping her back to him. 

“Naya, I must speak to you.” 

She spun around, her blood boiling with rage. Wiping her hands on her apron, she walked up to him.

“No Thorin,” she said accusingly, her index finger digging into his chest. “It is I who must speak to you. We have not seen, nor heard from you in years. The thought that maybe you had passed away has kept us awake at night. Although I am more than delighted to have you back, you had no right to abandon your sister again. Mahal, Thorin, do you not care for Frerin’s death?”

His hand enveloped her wrist, carefully pushing it away. The feeling of Thorin’s calloused fingertips on her sensitive skin made her heart skip a beat.

“I do care for my brother,” he explained. “Crying over his death will not bring him back to life.”

“Then it is very selfish of you to believe everyone grieves the way you do.” 

They stayed quiet for a while, standing close to each other, their breath mingling together. Through the kitchen window the pale moonlight poured onto Thorin’s face and made his eyes look like the most precious jewels Naya had ever been blessed to see.

“I apologize for neglecting my sister, and you. I hope you will find in your heart the will to forgive my behavior. In my defense, I have been busy.”

“What could be more important than your family, Thorin?” she asked quietly.

Slowly, the prince pulled something out of his coat. It was a folded piece of fabric that looked a little dirty. He handed it over to Naya and she took it, looking back and forth between Thorin and the small bit of material.

“What is it?” she questioned again.

“You must open it if you wish to find out.”

Carefully, she unfolded it, revealing a single metal bead lying in the center. It was beautifully crafted, intricate patterns engraved into it. As she looked closer she recognized some of the symbols. Her eyes widened and she looked back at Thorin. 

“Thorin, I-”

“Naya,” he interrupted, cupping her face with his palms. “This is a token of my love for you. I wish I could offer you more, I wish we were still in Erebor so I could treat you as you deserve. But no matter where or when, no matter the circumstances, I promise to honor and cherish you until Mahal calls us into his halls. In your hands lies my heart and the promise of my eternal love. Please, allow me to court you.” 

Naya’s heart was pounding inside her chest, and she feared Thorin might have heard it because his lips curved into a small smile. The moonlight hit the bead, and the soft light caught her eyes. Her eyes fell back onto the tiny object and she smiled softly.

“This is what you have been up to…” she concluded, her finger brushing against the cold metal. “It is very pretty, Thorin. Your skills are very impressive. But I must refuse-”

As she spoke, she folded the piece of fabric over the silver bead, hiding it from her view and Thorin’s hands fell to his side.

“Why is that, if I may ask? Is it not to your liking? I could make you another one.”

“No Thorin, it is not that.” she said, giving him his gift back. “I must say, your feelings are returned. My heart beats for you, trust me. But we are still young, Thorin. As we grow up, your heart will change and desire other things. I do not wish for you to promise me love when your One could still be out there.”

The prince shook his head and grabbed her hips, pulling her against his chest, causing Naya to huff disapprovingly.

“I do not think my heart will ever love anyone but you.” Thorin affirmed.

Naya chuckled, her forehead falling to his shoulder. She stayed silent, enjoying the warmth of Thorin’s body against hers. 

“How about…” she began, pulling back. “ How about you wait some more? If your love for me has not faded, decades from now, you may propose again.”

She looked at him as he seemed to be considering her offer. Finally, he gave her a small nod.

“I shall wait then.” he declared. “Until then, allow me to steal a kiss?”

“Now, Thorin,” she joked, tilting her head to the side and wrapping her arms around his waist. “That wouldn’t be proper, much less from a prince, to steal kisses outside of courtship, don’t you think? Although, I can grant you this-”

She leaned forward, pressing her lips to his bearded cheek. And the smile she earned from it was worth more than all of the gold in the world.

He would wait for her, and she would wait for him.

#naya #my oc #the hobbit oc #the hobbit fic #the hobbit #thorin #thorin oakenshield #thorin fic #dis #lady dis #frerin

[gffa]

I KNOW THERE’S BEEN A LOT OF CONTENTION OVER THIS SCENE, but within the episode itself, so far I’ve actually genuinely liked it a lot, and so much of that comes down to who Rafa Martez is and unreliable narrators in the Star Wars universe. Rafa is a character that I actually like very much, she’s incredibly fun to watch and there’s a heart somewhere in there, but this scene also doesn’t come without context.  She’s a hurt young woman who is not a good influence on her sister, even within this single arc she’s been shown over and over again that she thinks she can handle dealing with the Pykes, she drags Trace into trouble and justifies it, she has to admit by the end that she was wrong. Does this mean her hurt at the lack of what she felt from Luminara wasn’t genuine?  Of course not!  For all that “The Force will be with you.” is incredibly meaningful to Jedi and even within the context of the movies, that blessing is incredibly meaningful.

"The Force will be with you” is important enough that it’s one of the biggest bookends for Luke’s entire journey with the Force, as a Jedi. It’s one of the last things Obi-Wan says to Luke on the Death Star before he dies. It’s one of the last things the Jedi say to Rey on Exegol to help her rise up to defeat Palpatine again. This isn’t an empty platitude to the Jedi, nor within the context of Star Wars as a whole, it’s incredibly touching!  The idea that Luminara saying them to Rafa is empty and cold, on a meta level, is to then also say that Obi-Wan’s words to Luke and Luke’s words to Rey, are empty and cold and meaningless. That Obi-Wan’s Force Ghost wasn’t still there encouraging Luke, that Luke’s Force Ghost wasn’t still there encouraging Rey, and we see those are a huge part of the grandness of Star Wars. THESE WORDS HAVE MEANING TO US AND TO THE JEDI. But that doesn’t mean that Rafa has to take comfort in them, especially as a Force-sensitive, that there is absolutely room for both of these points of view within Star Wars and one does not negate the other.  Rafa doesn’t feel the Force in the same way that Luminara does, even though it’s a demonstrable, provable thing that the Force exists, even though Luminara is giving her something that has meaning to her and to us, Rafa herself can’t do much with it, she can’t find comfort in it. This doesn’t make either one of them bad or wrong!  Luminara’s not great at comforting non-Force-sensitives (nobody is obligated to be good at comforting, this is not some terrible sin), but also the specific use of Luminara does not come without context on how people misjudge her and misinterpret her.

Even Anakin Skywalker, a fellow Jedi misjudges her and what she’s actually saying!  She’s not saying to abandon Barriss--we see her helping, we see the concern on her face, we see her joy at seeing Barriss alive again, we see her praising Anakin’s faith in Ahsoka, even as she maintains that being willing to accept the possibility that they can’t be saved is something Jedi must prepare themselves for. And why’s that important?  Oh, right, because THAT HAPPENED IN THE ARC JUST PREVIOUS TO THIS ONE, TOO.

That is the arc we just watched, where Anakin Skywalker, the character who misjudged Luminara’s heart being prepared to mourn Barriss but let go of her, to celebrate her life, to accept what’s happened to her, is now telling the same exact thing to Rex about Echo. Yes, it’s a moment of irony, considering that we’re this close to Revenge of the Sith and the episodes don’t come without context that Anakin’s basically going to be like “ha ha yeah I’m not absorbing any of my own advice” once he fears Padme’s life is in danger, but it’s still part of the bigger context. --> Luminara’s point isn’t to give up, but that they must accept the possibility that they’ll lose their Padawans --> Anakin’s advice to Rex isn’t that they give up, but that they must accept the possibility that Echo is already gone --> This arc doesn’t exist without context of Revenge of the Sith looming on the horizon --> Luminara being the one to talk to Rafa about the loss of people she cares about does not come without context of all of the above ALL OF THIS TIES TOGETHER. This doesn’t undercut Rafa’s hurt or loss being genuine and valid, but it doesn’t make Luminara wrong, either.  Especially when look at how else Rafa is contextualized within this episode--she’s fun, she’s exciting, that moment in the holding cell is genuine feeling, but how does that scene literally end? With her being willing to sell Ahsoka out to torture, rather than herself.

Ahsoka is defending her, saying the Pykes won’t touch Rafa!  Rafa’s immediate response is, “Yeah!  She’s right!  Take her instead!” and pushes Ahsoka forward. She’s still hilarious, she’s still a blast to watch, but maybe Rafa isn’t the best person and that throws her status as a reliable narrator a lot closer to being an unreliable narrator. So much of her actions clearly come from a place of being hurt, her willingness to do all sorts of shady things, her willingness to drag Trace into all of this, her willingness to overlook the spice that’s going to actively destroy lives, but as long as Rafa gets hers, it’s fine, her willingness to actively sell Ahsoka out or abandon her, is the context of where Rafa is coming from.  Hurt, anger, and selfishness of someone who experienced tragedy and let it color her view. And that is also the source of what she says about Luminara.  Not coming from a place of evil, but of someone who let tragedy color her view of the galaxy and the way she relates to people. I mean, look at how she treats Ahsoka, someone who has constantly been trying to help both her and her sister, that she’s ready to ditch Ahsoka constantly, even when Ahsoka hasn’t even tried to get across the bridge, she’s ready to just ditch her and leave her to the Pykes.

Literally five minutes after the conversation in the cell, we have Ahsoka talking to her about her relatonship with Trace--not just that Rafa drags her sister into these missions without recognizing that Trace really kind of couldn’t say no to her, but specifically in the context of, “Trace would never believe you don’t have her best interests at heart.” Rafa genuinely, clearly cares about Trace!  But Ahsoka is our reliable narrator in this arc and we can trust a lot about what she asks, the points she makes--and she’s pointing out that Rafa is not actually coming from a place of reliability or true care. That she speaks to Rafa with softness, rather than anger, also speaks to that she recognizes Rafa’s hurt, but that doesn’t mean she’s not spot on about how Rafa isn’t actually thinking about Trace, that she’s justifying and rationalizing a lot of things, that Rafa is not the reliable narrator she presents herself as.

And if that weren’t enough, there’s still more!  The way Rafa treats the Gotal who asks her for credits is dismissive and uncaring.  It isn’t that she has to give him money, but the way she tells him to buzz off, the way Rafa treats people in the galaxy (and maybe once upon a time she was a sweet girl, I could easily see that! but now she’s not acting out of an unbiased place, all her actions/words are coming from a place of bias now) DIRECTLY leads to the Gotal telling the Pykes about them. Attitudes towards people and reliability as a narrator have direct consequences even within a single episode!

And, finally, the thing that made me clutch my heart was Ahsoka’s words about why she’s doing what she’s doing, especially as it’s also directly tied to Rafa’s treatment of Trace, that that was the conversation right before this moment: “In my life, when you find people who need your help, you help them, no matter what.”

This is a Jedi right in front of Rafa.  For all that Ahsoka isn’t a Jedi any longer, this arc is her struggling to find her place in the galaxy, to find the path forward for herself as someone who was raised by the Jedi, who believes in their teachings, who is the person they helped her become, that is a good person because she herself is a good person, but also because that’s how Anakin and the Jedi taught her to be. It’s about Ahsoka struggling to accept that not everyone sees the Jedi in a positive light, but Star Wars is not a series that’s about straightforward or even honest narratives, from the very beginning it’s been baked into the foundations that the propaganda in the galaxy is a huge, huge factor, that misunderstanding who the Jedi are (and thus being willing to overlook a literal genocide against them, against their children, who were murdered just for being Jedi, to overlook that you can’t even talk about the Jedi or practice their culture without “disappearing”, it’s the literal definition of a genocide) and that what we’re told versus what we’re shown is often two entirely separate things and that these things ARE NOT CLEARED UP. These things are let go and never made right.  The galaxy’s view of the Jedi is never cleared up.  The galaxy’s view of the clones and the horror that happened to them with their minds being taken away from them is never cleared up. So we, the audience, know these things that the characters don’t always know and maybe won’t find out, ever. Thus seeing Ahsoka with our own eyes vs Rafa telling us her experience--an experience that is real from her point of view, whatever else is coloring it--fits in with the bigger structure of Star Wars pretty damn well and it’s up to the audience to remember the context, because the show won’t, as that’s not really how SW works. And none of this makes Rafa bad, she’s a valuable, worthwhile character and I adore her, she’s so much fun and we can all feel there’s a heart in there and I want good things for her!  But this arc is illustrating that the galaxy is a complicated place--as Trace says, “This life I lead?  It’s not how I was raised.  It’s how it is.” is about the entire galaxy, not just one small sub-corner of it.

#ahsoka tano #rafa martez #luminara unduli #jedi order #meta #tcw spoilers #long post #really long post

[caescloud]

How about some shiggy fluff with a reader that has an emotion reading quirk and she just sees how broken he is and wants to help him and he’s just like ???? What’s this? Human decency? Tomura.exe has stopped working

Anon, I almost leapt out of my chair when I got your ask because not only is your brain huge, you made me think of my oc who has pathokinesis for a quirk! So thank you for an awesome prompt, I’ll do my best to explore this topic! There are some liberties I’m taking so let me know if this is slightly out of the scope of what you wanted the power to be portrayed as, I can adjust it. And I went with two routes for this one, hope that’s alright! Also, spoilers for the content covered up until about chapter 246!

Emotion/Empathy Quirk!Reader x Shigaraki, Fluff Hcs

As someone with a quirk that allows you to literally emphasize with other people, it’s hard to ignore those who are in distress. As a member of the League, you regularly are among companions whose more negative emotions you pick up on. Shigaraki is no exception to this. For all he does to mask his feelings, be it out of repressing his deepest memories or simply not willing to let himself feel the more somber emotions, Shigaraki has his days.

Approaching Shigaraki when you sense this emotional shift in him may play out depending on how close you two are. I feel that either way, he will be wary of someone who can instantly know the extent of what he’s feeling without knowing the context- it’s this perception he has of being “seen” and vulnerable, but not on his own terms. For this reason I wouldn’t recommend opening anything major; start small,  a simple “I noticed you’ve been off, I’m here to listen if you need it.” (The second set of hcs are more fluffy than the first, I swear! )

If you’re not as close yet:

“Your vibes are off my guy” /j 

You likely noticed his mood around when you first met him, the childish glee at the prospect of carrying out villainous schemes, the apathy felt for society, the frustration when things went awry, and this...undercurrent of intensely negative energy.

Your intentions are truly straightforward when you discover him

Had you not had the quirk you had, you likely would have missed the sudden “peak” of distress one night. Shigaraki experienced a rather nasty nightmare that sent him for a bit of an inner spiral. The LOV base was small enough that you could sense him despite being in separate rooms, the feelings of fright and melancholy were too palpable for you to ignore. You could sense when emotional activity subsides when people are asleep but Shigaraki didn’t seem to fall back asleep that night. You had difficulty yourself and made a note to confront him in the morning, when he’d likely be moving around while the others wouldn’t.

Shigaraki is aware of your quirk and how it works; he is the leader who is responsible for knowing key information regarding subordinates. What he didn’t expect, and may have subconsciously hoped you wouldn’t do, is “pry” into him after an episode. 

SO in addition to that plus being in a sour mood that following morning, he may be more snappy and curt when you approach him. He doesn’t feel it’s your business nor something you should be spending energy on. He’s not really in a headspace to discuss what he dreamt about or exactly know how to put it into words; he’d likely tell you to move on because that’s what he’s doing. 

Ball is in your court at this point; sticking around him may not be the best move unless you’re going to be quiet while he soothes his thoughts on his own; having anyone around him may be more of irritation/distraction than a comforting presence. If you do try to get him to keep talking, he’s gonna flat out leave the bar in a bit of a huff to blow off steam. If you leave yourself, best not to do so in a way that makes it seem like you’re mad at him? It’s not that he’s really concerned with how you’re feeling per se, this is more of a long-term behavior. Calmly letting him know you will respect his boundaries and telling him you’ll be around let’s him know that you’re a mature enough individual which is pretty big for him. Even if he doesn’t remark on it then and there; he’s all about those little details when it comes to people. 

Even if at this moment he doesn’t especially appreciate “someone nosing around” in his head, he can’t completely ignore your intentions. You’re not on thin ice, but he’s gonna maintain a bit of a guard around you until there’s more trust solidified. After all, he can’t be scaring off competent allies like you when he needs ‘em this early on. 

If there is trust/a relationship between you two:

You two have a much better rapport with each other this time around. Between fighting alongside each other, going through shared struggles and trials, those rare late-night chats you’ve had, Tomura and you are far closer now than ever before. 

You are a valuable ally of his and someone who he lowered his walls down ever so slightly more for. As mentioned above, the fact you respected his boundaries early on while maintaining your welcoming presence has served you well in this area. If it’s you asking him about his troubles, that’s okay. You’ve seen him at some pretty harsh lows and still stayed by him and everyone. 

Heck, even prior to this, you’ve already begun to notice a change in Tomura and how he’s been acting since the Kamino incident. Showing his face and apparent care for the LOV will also likely factor into him feeling more comfortable around you as well. After losing AFO and Kurogiri, this point stands even stronger. The league is his family, you’re a part of that too of course. But out of everyone, there’s a unique bond between the two of you. 

So when you approach him as a result of the impossible to ignore feelings of turmoil, not that he’s outwardly showing this, you do so with the same, genuine concern you held the first time this happened. This is someone who you’ve gotten to understand hasn’t had much of a break when it comes to basic human kindness in most of his life. And he is also someone you truly care for, no strings attached. (Hard not to when you’ve been exposed to his innermost feelings after all.) 

He’s clearly trying to hold himself together in the aftermath of Kamino; he seems to be clutching desperately onto himself as a way to ground. The loss of AFO and Kurogiri is taking its mental toll and while the others have opted to give him space, you chose to go to him; hopeful of any comfort you could give in order to soothe the ferocious panic and frustration sweeping over his mind.

Once again you offer him your ear, a shoulder, your words if he’d rather listen to someone else talk instead to take his mind off. He doesn’t brush you off this time but also doesn’t say too much. He stares very intensely at you, searching for a trace of judgement or gratuitous pity and finding none. Despite everything, you two fall into a comfortable silence, that hand you’ve placed on his shoulder acting as an anchor.

The next time this happens is after the battle with the MLA

The base you’re in is more lavish, fitted with more space and rooms for it’s members to reside in. However, you’re still able to sense Tomura’s emotions go completely haywire. The intense loneliness, fright, anger, and sadness crash into you and pull you under.

You don’t realize you’re moving until you’re outside his door, softly calling his name, sensing he’s alert and awake now. You almost feel this will play out as it did nearly a year ago until the door slowly creaked open, a single red eye gazing right through you. You’re about to speak when he reaches for you and pulls you in.

Huh. This is the first time he’s literally reached out for you, a fleeting thought. It’s dark and you’re unable to see him, but you feel the slight tremor wracking his frame and grip. You’re thankful it’s as dark as it is because you don’t want him to see your tears; whenever someone is feeling as badly as he is at the moment, your quirk can have the impact of flooding your emotions, especially if your control is not at its peak.

“Tomura, I’m here for you. I’m ready to help, tell me what I can do,” you muster in your most soothing and level voice, masking your outward emotions well. He is still wordless but moves you and him over to where his bed is, guiding you both down onto the mattress. A low sigh leaves his lungs as he tries to compose himself, grip still around your wrist. You feel your way over to the hand that’s holding you, carefully maneuvering the fingers off and transferring his hand properly into both of yours. You work mindless patterns and pressures over the appendage, further trying to physically calm him.

It starts with an utterance of the words “bad dream, family, my sister-”. He doesn’t go into very descriptive detail but with the way he’s feeling and how he’s speaking, you know it’s nothing pleasant. “They’re gone, it’s done. So why do I still...have these ridiculous visions of them?”

Your heart has ached hearing the way he talks; whether he realizes the extent of his words, when he talks about others and himself or his past, you feel compelled to be open with him.

What happens next almost shatters your heart because he asks you not to go. He’s done talking about his dreams and the past, his fingers are itching to go at this neck, and he’s just tired. When you pull him into your embrace, him mindful of where his hands fall, he surprisingly accepts it. 

You’ve got him and you’re not letting go, gently smoothing over his hair to further placate him. He’s definitely feeling better than when you’ve found him. You only begin to drift off when you feel him truly calm down and go limp in your arms. No one dares to say anything the next morning when the future king has skipped out on a meeting.

He’s not going to say this out loud but he is truly grateful you treated his emotions with the care he didn’t realize they needed from someone like you.

#shigaraki tomura #shigaraki #shigaraki x reader #shigaraki hcs #imagines #tenko shimura #fluff #sfw

[veliseraptor]

2020 Fanfiction Round-Up

I do one of these every year! And have since I think 2016. Can’t break a tradition even if it’s been a clusterfuck of a time and filling this out was in some ways an exercise in remembering the ways I have failed myself as a writer this year. 

But oh well!

Total Year-Long Wordcount: I’ll post the final final number tonight after I finish the writing I want to do this afternoon (and plan to do this afternoon), but it’s currently 451,803 words written this year. Guessing I’m going to land somewhere around 453,000ish. (AO3 claims a higher number than that but that’s because it is counting the entirety of fics where I posted chapters this year.

This year I wrote and posted: I wrote a fair number more than I posted (there are five fics finished but for various reasons unposted on my hard drive) but based on Tumblr I posted 78 posts in my fic tag, which, not including chapter specific updates and three sentence meme answers (but including at least two Tumblr-only longer fics), probably comes out to about 60 or so “full length” fics that saw the light of day in 2020.

Overall Thoughts

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted? 

Well, I wrote more than I did last year, which is sort of a surprise to me (all things considered) but also maybe not, because I was doing a lot less of most other things that could’ve been occupying my time, including two hours daily of commuting. 

But still less than I did in 2018. Which is fine.

What’s your own favorite story of the year? 

Lord, I don’t know. It depends on when you ask me. Lately I’ve been in a bit of a “I hate everything I’ve written ever” state of mind, so that makes it sort of hard to do any kind of...reasonable assessment. 

I know I’m proud of With Absolute Splendor but I have all these reservations about it and I can’t reread it for the most part because I always notice new things I wish I’d done differently. I feel pretty good about efforts in a common cause but something about it still makes me cringe, which I suspect has to do with my general self-consciousness. I have a hard time feeling unreservedly proud about...anything I wrote this year, really. 

I feel like the closest I get is maybe nor autumn falter which I am pretty pleased with and also which does hurt me a lot personally. Or I did end up overall pretty pleased with what came out of By Proxy.

But also the more I look at this question the more I start hating all my own work, so...guess this is kind of coming at a bad time.

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

I mean, I started writing in my first non-English fandom in many years, and specifically one where I was trying to engage more with the cultural background of the setting (in a way I wasn’t with, say, Death Note, when I was writing Death Note fic). So that was a risk. And I learned that it’s very stressful and there’s so many ways to make mistakes and I am, in many ways, a coward. But also I think I’ve learned a fair amount thanks to a lot of very patient people on the internet, so...there’s that.

Otherwise...I mean, I got ambitious with a few projects this year (the Big Bang fic and With Absolute Splendor stand out), but I’m not sure how much I really tried new things. 

I feel like I had to fight myself a little on writing straight up bad sex for By Proxy - I planned on it being hot, and it really wasn’t. It was mostly just miserable. Which made for a better fic, but was a new experience for me as far as ‘I thought I was going to write porn and that isn’t what I wrote.’

From my past year of writing, what was….

My most popular story of this year: 

By far, With Absolute Splendor. In fact, it has now become my second most kudosed fic of all time, behind only fuckin Life in Reverse. So like. That’s a thing.

(It is still less than half as many as Life in Reverse, but for context Life in Reverse has been around for going on eight years.)

Most fun story to write: 

Most fics where I feel like “I’m having so much fun writing this!” also go through a “oh god I hate this it’s terrible” phase which makes this sort of hard to assess. But I did have overall a lot of fun writing Mutual Friends despite all my frustration with the canon-wrangling I had to do to make it work in my head. 

But also I feel like both Retributive Justice and Embedded were in different ways deeply iddy fics that were just fun to write. That actually goes for a lot of the Whumptober fics. That was a very self-indulgent month. Excited to do it again in February (hopefully, if I can write things in a timely manner at all).

Story with the single sexiest moment: 

I feel like the beauty of your repair might be my personal favorite smut I posted this year, but I think my personal favorite that I wrote is in the big bang fic nobody will see until January. 

I feel like most of the sexiest moments I’ve written this year are in the porn fics I’m going to start posting in January also. But just generally I feel like the beauty of your repair is the sexiest thing I wrote and posted.

Most “Holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you” story: 

I mean, I Come With Knives is definitely up there. It’s not that wrong or anything, but it got pretty intense in some ways I wasn’t expecting. Mostly in how much blood got involved, which was actually more than I’d had it involved in a sex thing before! Kind of surprises me that I haven’t previously done more with bloodplay stuff but. Well. First time for everything!

I don’t think this was a year that really had any “wow, what the fuck, Lise” things in it. Nothing on the level of last year’s winner. I’m almost disappointed in myself.

Abattoir was definitely the story that generated the weirdest conversation and creepiest search questions, though, so it does get points for that. 

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: 

I feel like the writing of everyone else is spring bound was a lot of...me thinking through my Jiang Cheng feelings and specifically my Jiang Cheng post-canon feelings. 

the martyr, the victim was pretty formative in shaping how I think about both Lan Xichen and Lan Wangji and their relationship with each other. It was the first fic I wrote that really dug into them in any way, I think, and definitely one that informed how I thought about writing Lan Xichen later.

Hardest story to write: 

I was thinking it was the one that I haven’t posted yet but I did technically finish, aka my Big Bang fic, the terrible threesome fic, the massive “I’m gonna keep everyone in the Yi City arc alive” AU that I started shortly after finishing The Untamed and finished in December. So I spent most of the year writing it.

But then I was like - no, I’m going to have to go with we live until we die even though it’s technically been ‘in progress’ for five years and really kicked into gear in 2019 and I just finished it and posted it this year, because that fic was like. The culmination of a big arc in an enormous verse dealing with a whole lot of balls in the air and trying to tie up a whole lot of threads. It was ambitious and the stakes were high and it was full of plot and action which are not two of my strengths...frankly I’m still amazed I pulled the damn thing off.

Biggest Disappointment: 

I think it is better if I refrain from going too in depth on this because it would just end up as me listing a bunch of my perceived failings. But I think off the top of my head I’m frustrated by the fact that I still haven’t really managed to write a XueXiao smut fic that quite hits the spot for me, myself. I’ve written two and for various reasons I don’t really like either of them. 

Biggest Surprise: 

The fact that my Jiang Cheng fic took off the way it did. Legitimately did not see that coming! At all! I mean, I’m delighted by it but it wasn’t what I saw happening as far as “niche I’d find in this fandom” or “thing I’d write that people would really enjoy reading.”

Particularly with By Proxy. That fic got a lot more attention than I would’ve expected. 

Most Unintentionally Telling Story: 

I feel like every fic I write with Xue Yang in it tells you something about me and most of those things are things that make me, on some level, deeply self-conscious, but I try not to think about that too much.  

I feel like the most telling story is maybe we all drift sometimes because I literally wrote it out of a depressive episode about a bad brain day but that wasn’t unintentional.

Favorite Opening Line(s):

1. So it turned out that if you touched the tendons of a dead person’s wrist and channeled a little bit of spiritual energy just right, it made the fingers twitch and curl like they were still alive. (Abattoir)

2. Here’s the thing: your Daozhang is glorious when he kills. (tear out all your tenderness)

3. Turned out that a sect leader’s head came off like anyone else’s. (Unnatural Selection)

4. The first hint that anything had gone awry was the letter from Lan Wangji (His Excellency Hanguang-jun, pardon me) that simply said have you heard from Wei Ying? (some good mistakes)

5. What Jiang Cheng wanted to do, more than anything, was to go home and take a nap. (everyone else is spring bound)

Favorite Line(s) from Anywhere:

I usually keep this to 10 but because I’ve been in such a :| place about my own writing I indulged myself this once.

1. Sometimes it felt like all he had done since descending the mountain was shatter his own dreams and accumulate regrets. (nor autumn falter)

**

2. It felt like she was holding all the components of a bomb in her hands, half assembled. If she moved the right way they would stay just that: components. But if she moved the wrong way… (til my judgment day)

**

3. He should have killed him. Should have been the one to strike that blow, in revenge for Jin Zixuan and their sister and everyone else dead for Wei Wuxian’s pride. Maybe then there would not be this gnawing, aching thing embedded in his chest; this itching, unfinished feeling. Maybe then he would not feel torn in two, sometimes like he should have reached out with his other hand and sometimes like he should have struck truer and sometimes both, in the same moment. (Interstitial)

**

4. He owed Wei Wuxian more than he could ever give back in this lifetime. Forgiving him felt like betraying his sister’s memory. Not forgiving him felt like trying to walk with a thorn in his foot. He was just - stuck, caught like a demon in a spiritual net.

Jiang Cheng thought of the way Wei Wuxian looked at Lan Wangji, with warmth and trust and love, and the aching, sick jealousy he had no right to feel returned. He felt a little like a child watching someone pick up a toy he’d abandoned and suddenly realizing that he wanted it back. (everyone else is spring bound)

**

5. You close your eyes and think about how he looked back in that town, Shuanghua slicing clean through a man’s neck, opening it to the spine, and think dizzily that he could open you like that and it’d be good, as long as it lasted. (tear out all your tenderness)

**

6. When Wangji loved, he loved with his whole being, without reserve. And now he had been placed between the rock of his convictions and the hard place of his devotion to Wei Wuxian. (the martyr, the victim)

**

7. He spent a week turning the idea over in his head. Studying it like a corpse he was going to dissect, poking at it, cutting it open and examining its insides. (dead reckoning)

**

8. When the world hurt you, that was the only thing to do, after all. Hurt it back, harder, worse. Spill rivers of blood for every drop it squeezed from you.

And when the end came, never go quietly. (the blood in your mouth)

**

9. I would stand with you through the end of the world, said Loki’s voice in his head, and Steve’s heart wasn’t in his chest anymore, was somewhere off on another planet where Loki was lying dead in a ruined city. (we live until we die)

**

10. Was it always going to be like this? Stumbling into traps, tripping over familiar skeletons, slicing himself open on the edges of old hurts. Was there really such a thing as leaving the past behind? He still felt stuck in it, unable to move, and every time he thought he might be finally dragging himself free something pulled him back. (With Absolute Splendor)

**

11. His chest was full of poison. His throat was full of grief. And he was still a little drunk.

Jiang Cheng went to his room, sat down on his bed, put his face in his hands, and cried until he couldn’t breathe. (By Proxy)

Top 5 Scenes from Anywhere You Would Choose to Have Illustrated:

I think the scene from nor autumn falter of Xiao Xingchen just crying his heart out over Xue Yang’s dead body would be up there.

The Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian hug from the end of With Absolute Splendor.

Okay, just gonna say it: Xue Yang and Jin Guangyao having sex by the table with Nie Mingjue’s headless corpse on it. So sue me.

The scene in the blood in your mouth where Song Lan has stabbed Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen is following the line of Fuxue to the latter. I have a very clear visual of it in my head and if I could art I’d art it.

Xue Yang with the hallucinatory Xiao Xingchen from liberate spirits, liberate souls.

Fic-writing goals for 2021:

Finish Walking Far From Home.

Maybe I’ll finish some of these MCU WIPs? I’d kind of like to, on an abstract level if nothing else.

Become a more well-adjusted human being about the relationship between my productivity and my self-worth.

#fanfiction round up #confessions of a frustrated writer #you'll get my fun statistical analysis nonsense later

[officialinuyasha]

Analysis on Sesshoumaru and Rin's relationship

Sesshoumaru and Rin's relationship to almost all in the Japanese fandom as romantic when Rin comes of age for that time period. Not only do those fans see them as what Americans call it a "Canon" couple but they are well aware of poly-amorous relationships widely accepted back in that time and era. Like how Inu no Taishou (Touga-Ou) had two wives. Where Sesshoumaru's mother was well aware of the human wife and was unphased nor appeared to be jealous. Only hinting Sesshoumaru's taste in humans (about Rin) like his father with Izayoi.

Western Culture VS Eastern Culture

Atleast 20% of the American fandom in my group while it was closed (that means members only) voted SessKagura when I ran the poll in 2019. It was 64 votes and Sesshoumaru romantic with adult Rin had 126 votes.

In a Fanpop poll SessRin had 61% and SessKagura had 39%

While I ran the poll again in 2020 as public and shared it across multiple Western fan groups which is less genuine data I had to check each profile to ensure the votes were genuine (haters tend to happen in any given anime coupling) They are able to vote even though they weren't members. This time I specifically labeled it "Romantic" or "Parental". The results within just a few hours were what I had expected. The romantic portion still surpasses the parental choice.

American Fandom VS Japanese Fandom

The American fandom majority is mostly accepting of Rin being with Sesshoumaru of age. However, the fraction that is more towards him being parental is far more than what the Eastern fandom thinks.

Two administrators of a 13,000 plus members group called Sinosphere (Eastern culture) have both spoken to me about the differences in views.

One stated (Esther Xiao) "I have never heard of this issue ever until I joined the American fandom. I've known about the gift that Rin recieves at the end of the series as an act of courting."

The second admin Hiroyuki said the Japanese viewed Sesshoumaru and Rin easily as a couple of when of age. Courting being much differently than Western and the fact of it's time period.

"Contemporary courtship in Japan is more subtle than dating in the United States. The blossoming of a relationship from friendship to marriage can take years. The relationship begins as friendship, with dates taking place only in public places, typically with groups of friends present. Public displays of affection are frowned upon. The next stage is dating only as a couple, which is done discreetly. Women typically withhold displays of extreme affection and proclamations of love until she deems her suitor is sincere. When the relationship enters the stage of magkasintahan, which means the status of boyfriend and girlfriend, the couple typically makes an announcement to friends and family members, with the suitor asking for parental permission to pursue the relationship.

The man typically brings gifts when visiting the family.”

Source: https://datingtips.match.com/courtship-japan-13196896.html

Sesshoumaru stops by to visit Rin and Kaede, often giving her gifts. The kimonos are gifts representing courtship. Kaede’s is Rin’s family

An extra unaired episode was released on an audio CD only in Japan when you pre-ordered the Final Act. Where Sesshoumaru proposes to Rin. It takes place right after the Final Act’s last episode and it’s called “The Day After Tomorrow”

Rin, are you finding life in the village okay?

No one is bullying you, right?

Are you wearing the kimono that I gave you last time?

If you ever find yourself in danger, sad or depressed, no matter when, as long as you call this Sesshomaru, I will instantly run to your side.

Even if we are far from one another, as long as you call my name, I will immediately fly to you. If not shouting, you can whistle loudly or silently.

There is no distance between us, our hearts are tied together. The power of trust will win over any fear. And that affection between us is also what makes our hearts more abundant and enriched.

Therefore, you can just be yourself right now. There is enough time for me to look forward in you finding your feelings for me. Prior to this, take care of yourself……

About the CD - No, it does not have a Satire label on it from what we looked at. It  just says Asatte which means Day After Tomorrow. If you want to consider it bloopers that’s up to you. But yes, the producers and animators ship them. It is an officially licensed disc.

"Canon"

To Westerners, Canon was a term invented by the Bible.

"a collection or list of sacred books accepted as genuine" To Westerners nothing else is canon except Manga.

In Japan, including the Dragon Ball Z timeline and continuity - Westerners argue that anything in their perspective that is canon is law and real/what happens. The creator of the series himself, Akira Toriyama never used these terms when it came to GT, in fact anything Westerners argued "Canon". Akira Toriyama would state that it would be apart of a side story.

"If you are able, along with me, to enjoy watching the original Dragon Ball's grand side-story Dragon Ball GT, you will be pleased."

Source: https://www.kanzenshuu.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=5411

Still very much considered genuine by the Japanese just in a different continuity.

In Japan, Canon is not a term used. If something happens in an anime series it still happens regardless separate reality or not based on storyline. Unless a creator decides to make something in the future that erases the event from a timeline.

Even when Akira Toriyama was re-desigining Broly to fit into the Super series, here’s what he had to say -

“I went ahead and watched the movies from back then, and I felt this could be quite interesting once I rearrange some things. I got right to work trying my hand at a story that incorporates him into the Dragon Ball Super series.”

Source: https://comicbook.com/anime/2018/07/09/dragon-ball-super-movie-broly-canon-akira-toriyama-anime/

Star Wars Canon arguments...

Here's where American perspective on Canon fails. If a creator sells of the rights for anyone to use their character in an agreement they are allowed to twist the perspective on story reality. Disney bought the rights to Star Wars and the creator has absolutely no say whatsoever. Disney decides what is "Canon" and what isn't. That is why Americanized "Canon" is solely based on perspective.

Let's be real here, if something is officially licensed and approved it is still apart of continuity in one way or another no matter how you slice it.

Westerners and Easterners see the world differently

Source (Thanks Mod Esther for supplying)

https://www.newscientist.com/article/dn7882-westerners-and-easterners-see-the-world-differently/

“There is plenty of anecdotal evidence suggesting that Western and East Asian people have contrasting world-views,” explains Richard Nisbett, who carried out the study. “Americans break things down analytically, focusing on putting objects into categories and working out what rules they should obey,” he says.

By contrast, East Asians have a more holistic philosophy, looking at objects in relation to the whole. “Figuratively, Americans see things in black and white, while East Asians see more shades of grey,” says Nisbett. “We wanted to devise an experiment to see if that translated to a literal difference in what they actually see.”

The researchers tracked the eye-movements of two groups of students while they looked at photographs. One group contained American-born graduates of European descent and the other was comprised of Chinese-born graduate students who came to the US after their undergraduate degrees

Each picture showed a striking central image placed in a realistic background, such as a tiger in a jungle. They found that the American students spent longer looking at the central object, while the Chinese students’ eyes tended to dart around, taking in the context"

By rules that some Westerners are raised to follow when it comes to Sesshoumaru and Rin: If you save someone at a young age they are automatically considered your child regardless by blood. Rin was only with Sesshoumaru for one year and with Kaede for three years.

They are also not thinking of the Japanese culture or time period.

Nisbett hopes that his work will change the way the cultures view each other. “Understanding that there is a real difference in the way people think should form the basis of respect.”

Respecting the time period and Japan's culture. Kagome teaches us that in the series.

In the series Miroku proposes to many young girls even Koharu when she was age 11 in Chapter 147 and Episode 41. But she comes back as a 14 year old. 

At first Sango and Kagome were mad thinking Miroku was perverted with her when she was 11. But he tells them that nothing happened between them. They believed him. Sango was also furiously jealous of Koharu! 

Kagome states "Things were way different back then.” Stating her respect for the time period and culture.

Ayame was the same age as Rin when Kouga proposed to her when she was 8 years old. She grew up, and they got married.

InuYasha is 200 and Kagome was 15. She became 18 then they married.

Rumiko Takahashi’s Fire Tripper - There’s time traveling back in forth from Feudal Japan to Modern Era. The boy Shu was brought in with her family and the girl was sent back in time with him where he thinks that’s his little sister. Then as she’s older she’s back in time once more, he wants to make her his wife then realizes she must be his little sister. But she says they aren’t because they are not related by blood. They get married. Pretty much an the same type of pairing.

Age of consent in Japan.

As you know Rin is 8 years old when she is first introduced into the series. 3 years go by and she is 11. Had been living with Kaede for 3 years since Naraku had been defeated. InuYasha states that it's up to her to decide on "what she wants" in the final chapter.

In the proposal Sesshoumaru states that there is enough time for her to decide.

Age of consent in Japan is 13

https://www.ageofconsent.net/world/japan

Back then once you hit puberty that was your adulthood. The world was a much more dangerous place and you had to mature, fast.

The audio episode is officially licensed and produced by the same staff that made the anime but that isn't the only supporting evidence we have that it's accepted by not only the creator and producers.

We actually have the official Adult Rin design.

The character designer and animator for the InuYasha series posted these official artworks of Adult Rin and Sesshoumaru

Rumiko Takahashi wrote strict rules to the animators to follow for each character on what you can/cannot do with them. One of them being, Kagome's skirt must always be covering her underwear.

When you work for a company and produce things you must represent the characters properly so you are not sued. There are rules Rumiko Takahashi gave the animators to properly represent her characters.

To the Japanese, and many Easterners. Sesshoumaru and Rin, InuYasha and Kagome, Ayame and Kouga maturing together - Falling in love with eachother is not an issue.

To a fraction of Westerners it’s led to hate and dis-respect to the time period and Japanese culture. However, even if you don’t like it - Shouldn’t mean you should disrespect one another over it.

--

Just to answer any questions. Yes I like Kagura and Sesshoumaru, or Adult Rin and Sesshoumaru, Kohaku and Rin. But I can care less who he or she ends up with. I don't even care if they really did end up being father and daughter figure. But from how I see it right now from what we have Kaede adopted Rin. If that's different I'm absolutely accepting of it. I also did tons of research, polls, and asked real Eastern Sinosphere members about how they feel and think about it!

All we know right now for fact that the production team like them as a couple and the kids are half demon.

What do I not condone is the name calling and the people who go out of their way to attack others. I think it's absolutely wrong to hate on eachother over a series we should all be family about. I don't go out of my way to search people's blogs to attack them. There are ships I don't like but I never go and attack them for it. Why would I take away from THEIR happiness?

I hope that clears anything up. Thank you for reading!

#inuyasha #sessrin #sesshomaru #sesshoumaru #rin #inukag #kouga #anime #manga #japan #japanese #rumiko takahashi

[invisibleinorange]

Chapters: 7/? Fandom: Bridgerton Rating: T Warnings: Presumed Character Death Relationships: Colin Bridgerton/Penelope Featherington,  Eloise Bridgerton/Penelope Featherington(besties),  Bridgerton Family Dynamics, Simon Hastings/Daphne Bridgerton Characters: Colin Bridgerton,  Penelope Featherington, Eloise Bridgerton, Anthony Featherington,  Benedict Bridgerton,  Portia Featherington, Violet Bridgerton Additional Tags:  Bridgerton, Polin Summary:  Unexpected bad news arrives for the Bridgerton Family (and friends) regarding Colin's travels. This will be a series that is set after "The Duke and I" or season one of the show. It is a companion piece to "Goodbyes". (#I’mHereToKillYouAllWithFeels)

Furious didn’t begin to cover it. Penelope was practically shaking with rage as she made her way into the cool of night.   It was almost nice to feel something other than heartbreak though.

She couldn’t quite put a finger on who she was mad at. It was more a general anger that had been building up for some time.  The proposal had just been a triggered that sent it bubbling up.

She’d had to leave her home or she knew she would have done far worse than raise her voice or walk away from a proposal.  She had spent years dreading the moment she came of age to become part of society.

She’d been a particularly normal child and she knew that once upon a time her mother had treated her much the same she treated her other children.  Her sisters had always been naturally thin, perfectly average but she had always been softer.  Her mother had assumed she’d outgrow the baby fat but it never happened and the older she became, the more her mother saw fit to constantly insult her.

It was a nearly daily battle attack of her appearance and when it wasn’t that, it was something else.  At some point, she’d stopped thinking she’d ever amount to much of anything.  She never quite felt enough. Her mother had ensured as much. When her mother all but deemed her ineligible, she believed it to be true.

That was why she became skilled into camouflaging into walls.  If people didn’t notice her, they couldn’t hurt her.  Only part of her plan had worked.  The problem was that she did care.  She wanted to be the person who got asked to dance. She wanted someone to deliver her flowers. She wanted to be enough for someone.

She had been.

Her mind couldn’t quite believe the words that Colin had written her though. The last words he would ever write her.  There wouldn’t be any romance from Mister Bridgerton.

The fact that Benedict thought that he could just come, propose to her and everything was going to turn out okay was preposterous.

Sure, she knew he was a good guy. That wasn’t her problem though.

She’d spent half her life praying that one day she’d wake up and just be part of the Bridgerton family instead of her own.  She couldn’t do this though; She refused to accept a proposal borne of grief or sympathy.

She wouldn’t curse someone to the misfortunate of being stuck with her, especially when she knew that they weren’t in love with her nor she them.  Her mother would have found it foolhardy to even care about such things but for Penelope Featherington there was nothing more important.

Penelope wasn’t sure that anyone actually loved her. Even Colin had called her a friend.  She project her own feelings into his words a million times over but they didn’t make them his. She wouldn’t have believed them even if he uttered them to her.

That didn’t change the fact that Colin Bridgerton was the only man that she’d ever loved and in the depths of her heart, she wasn’t sure there was room for anyone else.

Colin had been there since he was a boy and even he would never be an old man, he’d be there in hers until her time came.

Perhaps that was why her feet carried her through the streets almost absently until she found herself pushing past a gate and into a darkened graveyard with an adjacent church.  It was almost eerie with the silence.

She made her path through the graves, not even stopping in her own family tomb where she knew her own father laid.  Instead she moved, not settling until she saw the Bridgerton name.  Without a body, Colin would never be placed there amongst his family members.

--

A gloved hand touched her back from behind and it was enough to startle her, made her turn in panic.  As childish as it was, she half expected to see a ghost. Instead she saw something far scarier: Violet Bridgerton.

The last time she’d seen the matriarch of the family, she’d been crumbling but the woman before her seemed back to her usual strength, though clearly sad.

“I apologize for startling you,” Violet said before her eyes seemed to access the situation and concern spread across her features.  “It’s not safe for a Lady such as yourself to be wandering after dark alone, improperly covered for the night.  You’ll freeze, My Dear.  What are you doing out here?”

“I – was,” Penelope stammered, mildly afraid and unable to really formulate an excuse in her head.  A part of her wondered just how much Violet knew of everything. She wasn’t about to ask.  Instead she recovered, nodded politely and said, “You’re unaccompanied yourself, Lady Bridgerton.”

“Violet, Dear,” she told her with a sad laugh, urging the informality. “I suppose that’s fair. I always sneak out when the children are distracted or asleep, especially when I wish to visit with their father.  I wasn’t aware he already had an audience tonight. Has he been much help?”

Penelope felt relief wash over her in a way.  She felt she had been let in on some really important adult secret.  She couldn’t help but wonder if any of Violet’s children knew about their mother’s habit.  There was something weirdly comforting in knowing that the woman still sought out her husband even though he’d been dead for so long.

Violet’s devotion to her husband was so endearing that Penelope couldn’t help but feel safe to speak openly.

“Sadly no,” Penelope told her.  “Though, I suppose the fact that you’re here could be an answer in itself. I’m sorry if I’m intruding on your time.”

Was this a sign?  Had Colin directed his mother here from Heaven to show her that even if he was gone it was okay to love him forever?

“It’s not an intrusion. ��I’d be remiss to not side with you and say that this meeting was kismet,” the elder Bridgerton told her.  “Please unburden yourself on me.  My children think I’m so delicate that they’ve taken to keeping everything from me, forcing my convalesce instead of letting me attend to them and they’re the ones who need their mother most right now.”

Never in her life had she wanted Violet Bridgerton to be her mother more.

“Funny,” she started with a light smile. “They’re treating me much the same. Less mothering, more thinking I need to be … taken care of.”

“Do you not wish to be?” Violet asked, almost disregarding that there could possibly be more questions to ask before that for context. There was something in the look in her eyes that told Penelope that somehow the older woman knew far more than she was saying though.

“Not like this,” Penelope told her honestly.

“I take my role as mother very seriously. I’ve always known my children and the things that make them who they are.  I’ve known that you fancied my son for far longer than probably even you are aware. I’m also aware that of his many gifts, being quick on the uptake isn’t one of them,” Violet started in, leaving Penelope to awkwardly shift on her feet.  “Colin is – was – remarkable and I have no doubt he could have made you very happy but as his mother, I have to urge you to not miss out on life mourning him. Graveyards are lonely places to spend one’s time sneaking away to.”

“It’s not-“ Penelope started, wanting to protest a little and perhaps explain.

“No, you listen to me. When my Edmund died, the world ceased spinning on its axis. It took a considerable amount of time to find my footing again.  I had to learn to navigate life again. My children are who restored me. They healed me and every day I strive to heal them.  Grief doesn’t fade but you learn to live without those who leave you. My children are the living, breathing proof of a great love that exists only in my heart these days. They give my life meaning as they grow and begin their own lives. You must find what gives your life meaning. You do not have to let Colin go from your heart to leave room for others to enter it.”

“I don’t think anyone is exactly fighting for room in my heart,” Penelope finally managed to say. She still wasn’t completely sure how much her older companion knew. Would she be speaking to her in such a manner if she did.   “I don’t think I’m meant for a great love like yours. Not now.”

“Honestly Penelope Featherington!” Violet said with a motherly tick.  “You’re a delight. I’ve known you since the day your mother birthed you.  I won’t hear this because it’s simply not true. You were always destined for greatness. You’re just a caterpillar who hasn’t quite transformed into a butterfly yet.  Someone was always bound to see you for who you are.  I would have loved to have you as a daughter but even if you were never meant to be a Bridgerton, we’ll always be there to remind you of your worth. ”

#polin #⚜ writings — polin #colin bridgerton #penelope featherington

[oneweekoneband]

meet me behind the mall!!!!!!!!!

I don’t know why Taylor Swift thinks that teenagers drink wine, and I don’t know why she chose to record and release a wistful high-school-other-woman song which left me feeling naked as a frog and therefore furious. Some questions we ask only so as to be soothed by the familiar sound of our own voice, still there after all. The answers are not coming. 

The Taylor Swift Teen Love Triangle Triad of “cardigan”, “august”, and “betty” is the part of folklore that makes me most bullish about where Taylor is going as an artist. A turn away from writing songs which are intentionally meant to appear confessional and toward, instead, songs which reveal the personal as refracted through fictitious circumstances and made-up characters is a better use of her big, weird brain, and allows that brain to be unleashed on a broader plain of experience. It’s incredibly embarrassing to be an adult woman with my own problems to manage and to have living in my head Taylor Swift’s demented YA fiction, but it’s an embarrassment that feels appropriate, like I could never really have escaped this fate. On “betty” she gets to play-act as a contrite teen boy who knows he’s done wrong, and while obviously the most charming thing about the song is Taylor saying “fuck” (and also her giving us a little of the ol’ razzle dazzle by way of some light twang), her experiment with imagining what it’s like to be a skateboarding kid who hates dances, trying on an imagined teen boy interiority as a costume, is effective too. 

“cardigan” is more removed, less plaintive and shouty. This is a song from adult Betty’s perspective looking back on this period in her life and in her relationship with James, who the song seems to imply she is still with now. While—full offense—I believe marrying your high school girlfriend or boyfriend is a disorder which should have its own listing in the DSM, restoring order by putting the original couple back together so as to make the story one of true love triumphing over adversity, rather than a series of sketches of kids doing fuckup kid things just because it is not easy to be alive and to be alive alongside others and with gentleness, least of all when you are very new at it,  is the only conclusion this saga could ever have reached with Ms. Swift at its helm, and I do appreciate the consistent, if baby-brained, internal logic. I’ve never known a teenage girl whose signature garment was a cardigan and, frankly, this Betty sounds like sort of a self-absorbed drip (I do love, love, how Taylor’s own voice comes through so clearly on the lightly threatening, smug lines, “I knew you’d miss me once the thrill expired / And you’d be standing in my front porch light” !!) so I’m not totally surprised she got cheated on, but that’s very uncharitable of me and probably comes from the same meaty polyp in my brain that is responsible for my still loving all the hilariously mean-spirited, woman-hating songs on Speak Now.

“august” is about the other girl. The “her” in James’ rather pathetic defense, “slept next to her, but I dreamt of you all summer long”. “august” tells a story that brings to my mind another story. It is a story I won’t belabor because it is neither exciting nor unique. It will not illuminate an unexplored human experience, as it is, in fact, incredibly boring, regular, an incident which would be at home in any normal Tuesday, ordinary as meeting at the mall. This is a million years ago and there is a boy whose basement I go to sometimes after swim practice. We have matching team sweatpants with our names embroidered above the pocket at the right hip and I like to switch pairs. I’m you and you’re me and when we have pushed and bent the tiredness out of our muscles together, making experimental declarations in hushed voices down there while the furnace groans, well, then I’m you and me and you’re you and me and we are we are we are. 

One February day at twilight I bound out of the school building with wet hair and a fleece jacket, but his car is already gone. No worries. Standing at my locker the next afternoon like in a movie he will say, easy as anything, that he has a girlfriend, a family friend, two towns over, she goes to private school. You’ve probably met her, he says. And right then I remember that I have. Last year I did her zipper in the bathroom at a dance. We were fighting but we never really broke up, he says. For months you’ve been fighting? is all I say back. Fighting since October? As if that matters. Like that’s the point. My voice is pinched and ugly and I know I’ll hear that sound forever. Well, anyway... I feel bad. He doesn’t clarify for whom he feels bad. He’s got one sneaker toe working against the other one atop the tile floor that’s the murky green of sea glass. He looks at my St Brigid’s cross necklace, at the blue Masterlock hanging open like a broken jaw, at someone in a hoodie who punches his shoulder as they walk by. Nothing personal, he says, and there is a tiny smudge of cafeteria pizza at the corner of his mouth that I hadn’t noticed until that second and a day ago would’ve reached up and wiped away with the pad of my thumb, laughing. I get it, right? Oh, sure. 

The worst of it was not skipping pre-calc to cry in the bathroom, since, I mean, I couldn’t actually do pre-calc and would never learn how, but was inspecting my soul in the dark when I couldn’t sleep that night and finding part of me had known this all along, had chosen to pretend, wanted the wanting so badly I’d knocked from my brain the truth of how it was going to end. This would not be the last false love from which I’d find myself unceremoniously discarded, and in time I’d learn to be the liar myself, too. It’s unseemly to pathologize bad decisions, to take on poor impulse control or self-destructive patterns as an identity, but I do think that just as some people are born serial monogamists, part of a twosome forever with very little mess in-between, some of us were built from the very first cell to live like a pool ball struck and banging teeth first into the wrong mouths and hearts. I can examine my romantic history and tap my finger against the obvious errors, the times I chose what I knew would hurt me, when I ascribed hope to situations where it did not belong, when I, like the narrator of “august”, regarded someone as not mine to lose but still put myself in the position to be harmed by the losing, yet I can’t produce alternative choices that feel realistic. If you are in love and it doesn’t work out, there is mourning, there is pain, but there is all the while a record which shows something happened, it was real. “august” stands somewhat apart in the Taylor Swift catalog as a song neither about the glory of true love or the heartbreak when it’s over, but about the small, paper cut heartbreaks that are inescapable during each day of an untrue love. “It was never mine”. When it turns out you were wrong the whole time, fooling yourself, then even remembering that you’d been happy in the lie is like being trapped in a fun house, body bent and broken in the mirror, a thing not built right for this world. 

“august” is about the girl who James was with over the summer, the girl he leaves to return to Betty. Taylor said it’s the first of the three that she wrote, and I fear this has warmed me to her in some new and unsettling way. I fear this means she’s matured as a person and writer, capable now of a more expansive view of situations, to be generous. It’s like how you shouldn’t feed gremlins after midnight; there is no telling what new and more dangerous creature this woman might turn into if she’s suddenly been taught empathy. When Taylor-as-James in “betty” sings, “Would you trust me if I told you it was just a summer thing?” in his effort to woo Betty back I hate him a little, that thoughtless child undeserving of the kind of adoration in lines like, “your back beneath the sun / wishing I could write my name on it.” I try to extend grace to this fictional boy, but I think of the “Do you remember? in “august” and I feel a little sick from being so certain that no... No, he doesn’t. Not really.

“Back when we were still changing for the better / wanting was enough / for me it was enough”. I’d like to think there is no last chance to change for the better. I’d like to think wanting is enough so long as you want the right thing. I’d like to think that God made sure Taylor Swift became a singer instead of a young adult novelist because the absolute last thing this world needed was this freak joining the circus that is YA Twitter. Most of all, I like thinking that Judy Blume knows that her beautiful, searing, devastatingly romantic and also textually gay 1998 novel Summer Sisters is the only important book that has ever been published, and, further, that the world will show me the respect of understanding and accepting that “august”, when removed from the context of the Swiftian child romance trilogy, sounds as if it were specifically written in homage. Taylor, I know I’ve accused you of at least fifty crimes this week alone, but if you want to talk about Summer Sisters, please get in touch.

#taylor swift #folklore

[dwellordream]

“Having established friendship’s intimate links to proper womanhood, and having demarcated the unrequited passions, obsessive infatuations, and conjugal relationships often conflated with friendship, we can now turn to female friendship itself. What repertory of gestures, emotions, and actions defined friendship? How did women mark their friendships and how did friendships evolve? How did friendship interact with kinship and marital bonds, religious belief, and the Victorian gender system? 

One of the most striking differences between Victorian and twentieth century friendship is how often Victorian friends used “love” interchangeably with weaker expressions, such as “fond of” or “like,” and how often women used the language of physical attraction to describe their feelings for women whom a larger context shows were friends, not lovers. In 1864, when Lady Knightley’s beloved cousin Edith died, the twenty three-year-old offset her grief with a romantic quotation: “And yet through all I feel sure / ‘Tis better to have loved and lost / Than never to have loved at all’” (71). A year later, Knightley rhapsodized that a new woman, also named Edith, “has come to bless my life. . . . I have grown to love Edie very dearly” (105–6). 

…Lifewriting provides many instances of a woman recording her attraction to other women or boasting of being “intimate” with other women in youth and adulthood; Ann Gilbert recalled how as a girl, her sister became “by instantaneous attraction” another girl’s “bosom friend” (24, 78). In an 1881 memoir published in 1930, fifty-one-year old Augusta Becher recalled a youthful meeting with a young woman who “proved just charming—took me captive quite at once” and went to dinner wearing “lilies of the valley I had gathered for her in her hair” (37–38). Ethel Smyth’s autobiography discussed her own sexual affairs with women in coded terms but openly described how her mother and the children’s author Juliana Ewing “were attracted to each other at once and eventually became great friends” (68, 111). 

Others wrote of loving (rather than liking) women; in 1837, Emily Shore (1819–1839) wrote of her friend Matilda Warren, “I love her more and more. . . . It is difficult to stop my pen when once I begin to write of her.” The two women argued fine points of religious doctrine but concluded “that, after all, we agreed in loving each other very dearly.” Addressing her friend Catherine Marsh in 1862, twenty years after they first met, a married woman wrote, “My Katie, you were mine in 1842, and you have been twenty times more mine every year since,” reveling in friendship as the proud possession of a beloved intimate (40). 

Such expressions of love between friends, as we have seen, were perceived as fulfilling the social function of feminization that led Sarah Ellis to promote friendship alongside motherhood and marriage as one of the duties of women. In The Bonds of Womanhood, historian Nancy Cott influentially argues that in the United States, domestic ideology promoted friendship between women as one way of confining women to a female world and to female roles, even as female friendship also laid the foundations for a feminist movement that sought to open the male worlds of education and professional work to women.

But even women who were not active feminist reformers enjoyed the ways that friendships allowed them to go beyond the limits assigned to their gender without being perceived as mannish or unladylike. Friendship was both a technology of gender and an enactment of the play in the gender system. As friends, for example, women were able to exercise a prerogative otherwise associated with men: taking an active stance towards the object of their affections. In an 1880s memoir about the 1830s, Georgiana Sitwell, later Swinton (1823–1900), recalled a governess who “was romantic, worshipped the curate, and formed a passionate attachment to our newly imported French governess.”

…Counseled to be passive in relation to men, women were allowed to act with initiative and spontaneity toward female friends, and friendship enabled women to exercise powers of choice and expression that they could not display in relation to parents or prospective husbands. Bonds with parents and siblings were given, not chosen, and friendship was for many girls their first experience of an affinity elected rather than assigned. For women who grew up in families with over ten children, friendship was also a girl’s first experience of a dyad rather than a swarm. 

While women had the power to turn down marriage offers and had subtle ways of attracting men they wanted as spouses, they were not allowed to choose a mate too overtly; only in Punch lampoons did women propose to men, and it was considered equally improper for women openly to initiate courtship. It was perfectly acceptable, however, for a woman to make the first move toward friendship with another woman, or to solidify amity by writing to a female acquaintance, calling on her, or giving her a gift. Aristocratic women had exchanged gifts, miniatures, and poems for centuries, and in the Victorian era the practice became widespread among middle-class women of all ages. 

One of adolescent Emily Shore’s several intimates, Elizabeth, gave her a “chain made of her beautiful rich brown hair” before leaving England, which Shore considered a token of her friend’s affection and looked forward to displaying as a sign of social distinction: “I have generally worn a pretty little chain of bought hair, and when people have asked me ‘whose hair is that?’ I have been mortified at being obliged to answer ‘Nobody’s.’ Now, when asked the same question, I shall be able to say it is the hair of my best and dearest friend” (269). 

Mature women painted portraits of friends and composed poems about them that they then bestowed as gifts, creating a friendship economy based on artifacts whose praise of a friend’s beauty, loyalty, and achievements also implicitly lauded their maker for having chosen so wisely. Female friendship allowed middle-class women to enjoy another privilege that scholars have assumed only men could indulge—the opportunity to display affection and experience pleasurable physical contact outside marriage without any loss of respectability. 

Women who were friends, not lovers, wrote openly of exchanging kisses and caresses in documents that their spouses and relatives read without comment. Women regularly kissed each other on the lips, a gesture that could be a routine social greeting or provide intense enjoyment. Emily Shore, whose Bedfordshire Anglican family was so proper they did not allow her to read Byron, described in a diary later published by her sisters the “heartfelt pleasure” she obtained from a visit to her friend Miss Warren’s room: “She was sitting up in bed, looking so sweet and lovely that I could not take my eyes off her. . . . She made me sit on her bed, and kissed me many times, and was kinder to me than ever [and] held my hand clasped in hers” (203). 

Female amity gave married and unmarried women the opportunity to play the social field with impunity, since a woman could show devoted love, lighthearted affection, fleeting attraction, and ardent physical appreciation for multiple female friends without incurring rebuke. The editor of Emily Shore’s journals noted that when Shore wrote of loving Matilda Warren her diary was also “filled most especially with her passionate love” for a woman named Mary (207). Thomas Carlyle wrote indulgently about Geraldine Jewsbury’s affection for his wife Jane as well as about “a very pretty . . . specimen of the London maiden of the middle classes” who “felt quite captivated with my Jane.”

Marion Bradley, wife and mother, wrote of her deep bond with Emily Tennyson and in an 1865 diary entry observed more casually that her new governess was “a gentle, lively, wise, cultivated little creature. . . . I love her and hope always to be very thoughtful for her and good to her.” Equal latitude was afforded to unmarried women. The biography of Agnes Jones (1832–1868), written by her sister and published in 1871, narrated her life in terms of two arcs: achievements as a nurse and love for various women. In adolescence, her sister’s “ardent affectionate nature was drawn out in warmest love” for a teacher, followed by an “attachment” to a fellow missionary that “ripened into a warm and lasting friendship” as well as a close connection with another “devoted friend” (15, 21). 

In an era that saw no contest between what we now call heterosexual and homosexual desire, neither men nor women saw anything disruptive about amorous badinage between women, and therefore no effort was made to contain and denigrate female homoeroticism as an immature stage to be overcome. Only in the late 1930s, after fear of female inverts had become widespread, did women’s lifewritings start to describe female friendship as a developmental phase to be effaced by marriage. Since then, erotic playfulness between women has either been overinterpreted as having the same seriousness as sexual acts or underinterpreted and trivialized as a phase significant only as training for heterosexual courtship. 

…Victorian society harshly condemned adultery, castigated female heterosexual agency as unladylike, and considered it improper for women to compete with men intellectually, professionally, or physically. But a woman could enjoy, without guilt, the pleasures of toying with another woman’s affections or vying with other women for precedence as a friend. In maturity as in youth, women delighted in attracting and securing female friends whom they often singled out for being beautiful and socially in demand. In a letter to her brother in 1817, the unmarried Catherine Hutton of Birmingham (1756–1846) boasted, “I have been a great favourite with a most elegant and clever woman.” 

To a married female friend who often gave her fashion advice she wrote of acquiring yet another “new” friend: “[S]he is beautiful, unaffected, and to me most friendly.” Female rivalry over men was discouraged because it implied that women fought for and won their husbands, but women were allowed the agency of competing for one another’s favor. Lady Monkswell crowed about having “supplanted” one woman as the “great friend” of Mrs. Edith Bland, and the relative who edited her published letters and diaries included many other instances in which she bragged of similar successes (12). 

Such relish in contending with women over women was possible without any loss of ascribed femininity, even as it took women well beyond the parameters of womanhood as defined relative to men. Just as women boasted of making conquests of female friends, they also openly appreciated each other’s physical charms. Women commented compulsively in their journals and letters on the appearance of every new woman they met, even when they did not know the woman personally. 

Adrienne Rich has influentially argued that “compulsory heterosexuality” works by stifling all kinds of bonds between women, from the homosocial to the homosexual, but Victorian society’s investment in heterosexuality went hand-in-hand with what we could call compulsory homosociability and homoeroticism for women. The imperative to please men required women to scrutinize other women’s dress and appearance in order to improve their own, and at the same time promoted a specifically feminine appetite for attractive friends and lovely strangers. Conduct literature praised female friendships for developing in women the loyalty, selflessness, empathy, and self-effacement that they were required to exercise in relation to men. 

Women’s lifewriting shows an acceptance of that idealized and ideological version of female friendship; few women left records of conflict or rivalry with friends, though some acknowledged engaging in jealous competition with relative strangers over prized acquaintances and intimates. At the same time, friendship provided a realm where women exercised an authority, agency, willfulness, and caprice for which they would have been censured in the universe of male-female relations. Female friendship provided women with a sanctioned realm of erotic choice, agency, and indulgence, in contrast to the sharp restrictions that middle-class gender codes placed on female flirtation with men. 

A woman who wrote of spending time alone with a man in his bedroom or giving him a lock of hair without being engaged to him would have transgressed the rules governing heterosexual gender, but to write of doing so with another woman was to describe an accepted means of forming social bonds and acquiring social status in the realm of homosocial gender. The celebration of women’s friendships shows that femininity was defined not only in relation to masculinity but also through bonds between women that did not simply tether them to the gender system but also afforded them a degree of play within it.”

- Sharon Marcus, “The Play of the System.” in Between Women: Friendship, Desire, and Marriage in Victorian England

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