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ichigo-daifuku · 4 years

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Solstice

Fandom: Boku no Hero Academia Relationships: Todoroki Family; Hawks/Todoroki Fuyumi Genre: Angst with a Hopeful Ending Word Count: 3.8k | AO3 Link | @todofammonth

Todoroki Family Month, Day 13: Love

Synopsis: Fuyumi’s heartbreaks came in the form of three scars on the left side of three people’s faces.

Warning: The following contains spoilers for the Pro Hero Arc and the Paranormal Liberation War Arc.

夏炉冬扇 | かろとうせん | karotōsen

lit. summer fires and winter fans; useless, untimely things.

At the tender age of twelve, Fuyumi bore the burden of being someone who had the usefulness of a fire during summer.

It began as a flicker of a flame during her younger years until something happened and set the sentiment ablaze within her soul: her mother’s breaking point. With everything Endeavor had put Rei through, Rei snapped, ended up hurting Shoto, and had to be taken away from home. Endeavor had mentioned Rei’s weak constitution time and again, but to Fuyumi, her mother had been anything but weak. Rei had been the one holding their family together, or at least, with all the strength she could muster, she had tried to. Without Rei, everything began to fall apart. Amidst the chaos, Fuyumi promised herself she would take care of her brothers. She gave it her all, but there was only so much a young girl like her could do.

No matter how much she prayed for his return, Toya was gone, and Fuyumi held the role of the eldest Todoroki sibling in his absence. The first few days had been the most difficult. She and Natsuo would try to play together as they usually did, but nothing was the same any longer. Natsuo, who had been closest to Toya, would be so angry at their father, at himself, and at life—so much so that he ended up crying while pouring his heart out to her, the only person who was around to listen. She patted his back and grieved in silence, concealing her feelings of helplessness through speaking words of comfort to Natsuo.

In a short time, two members of their family had left them: their mother, indefinitely; their eldest brother, forever.

At a loss, Fuyumi longed to see her mother so badly, but when she took the train to Tokyo and asked the receptionist of Fujiya Hospital which room number Todoroki Rei was staying in, she was told her mother was in no state to receive visitors yet. Fuyumi couldn't argue, so she went home without complaint and stayed inside her room for the rest of the day. Her body felt numb as she wallowed in her gloomy thoughts, and a part of her came to the conclusion that if it was hard for her, then it was harder for Natsuo, and hardestfor Shoto.

The limited amount of interaction she shared with her youngest brother made her feel as if they were strangers to each other. On most days, she would catch a glimpse of his white and crimson hair before leaving for school, and when she was lucky, she would see him again when she arrived in the afternoon. However, some days passed when their paths never crossed at all. Fuyumi wouldn't dare voice out her thoughts regarding the matter, but she envied the other girls in her class. Their fathers or older brothers would come to pick them up after school and carry them on their backs to the playground, and they were free to dote on their little brothers as much as they wanted to. She could do neither of those. Although the Todoroki family was traditional, they were far from the usual.

Night fell. Everyone in the house was supposed to be asleep, but Fuyumi was struck with the inclination to see Shoto. The events surrounding their household plagued her mind as of the recent and kept her awake until the wee hours. Tonight was no exception, and she was certain it would be the same case for him. As quietly as she could manage, she tiptoed to Shoto’s room, slid the door open, and entered. Once she spotted him sitting on the futon, a blanket covering his legs and feet, she closed the door.

Fuyumi stepped closer until she neared his hunched form. “Shoto.”

Shoto lifted his head and sniffled, returning her stare with a blank expression on his face. His burn wound had been treated at the hospital and was well enough to be unbandaged. A scar as red as the color of the left side of his hair marred his angelic face.

Trembling, Fuyumi lost the feeling of her legs and fell to her knees in front of her brother, her vision blurry.

“Sis...” Shoto whispered, sounding worried.

“I’m sorry, Shoto,” Fuyumi said, her voice cracking. Carefully, she reached out and took his little form in her arms, combing her fingers through his hair. “I’m so sorry.”

Shoto kept quiet. He shivered, and his body was wracked by silent sobs, dampening her clothed shoulder. “I miss Mom.”

“I wish she was here, too.”

“Do you think she’ll be able to come back soon?”

Fuyumi didn’t know how to break the news to him but decided to be honest. “I tried to visit her at the hospital a while ago, but I wasn’t able to see her.”

“Why not?”

“The nurse told me she wasn’t well enough for visitors yet.”

Shoto sobbed harder. He was so young, and all Fuyumi could think of was how he didn’t deserve any of this. Both in the physical and emotional sense, Shoto was scarred for life. The permanence of it all drove the tears Fuyumi had been holding back to stream down her cheeks.

Her brother was suffering, and she was unable to do anything for him.

For most of her life, Endeavor considered Fuyumi a failure in his life, someone who had the purpose of a fan during winter.

When her Quirk manifested, she had been excited to show it to him. Young and naïve, she believed she would be able to train with him and Toya and finally be able to spend time with them, but the moment her father saw frost instead of flames, he had looked away and turned his back on Fuyumi. Her Quirk disqualified her from being his successor, and Endeavor, driven by his selfish motivations, lost his interest in her. No matter how many books Fuyumi read, or how well she did at school, or how much she wished for it, he never spared her a second glance.

Fuyumi stared at the Endeavor doll on her desk. He was her father, so why did he treat her the way he did? Did he love her? Did he consider her as his child? His flesh and blood? She couldn’t tell. Questions such as those floated inside her head, but she was afraid to know the answer. At night, she would end up crying herself to sleep because she has never felt that she was good enough to be his daughter.

After Rei had been hospitalized, Fuyumi would offer her assistance in the kitchen during her free time. She enjoyed cooking, and it provided her something else to think about instead of the negative sentiments in her life. While she waited for dinner to commence, she would flip through the television channels and watch soap operas. One time, she came across a news report about Endeavor being the Pro Hero with the highest tally of resolved cases in history. As the reporter interviewed a few of the civilians Endeavor saved, she wondered if the price for the safety and lives of others were the happiness and lives of her family.

Years passed, and a miracle happened sometime after Shoto attended U.A. High School. The shift in Enji’s life was gradual, but nonetheless, existent. Fuyumi would never forget the first time she felt it. One Friday afternoon, she exited the gates of the elementary school she taught at and found him leaning against the side of his parked car outside, his arms crossed, waiting.

Once he spotted her waving at him with a surprised expression on her face, he opened the door and gestured inside with a nod. “Let’s go home.”

Fuyumi paused, unsure of what spurred on her father’s strange behavior, but decided not to question it. “Okay.”

The way home was filled with silence. At first, it had been awkward, but as the minutes ticked by, she calmed down. Halfway through the car ride, the sudden realization that, for the first time in a long time, she felt comfortable in his presence, made her sigh.

“How was your day?” Enji asked out of the blue, his eyes trained on the last of the pedestrians crossing the road.

“It was… good,” she replied and meant it. The traffic light struck green, and they continued on their way. “One of the girls got her Quirk today, so that was exciting.”

“I see.”

“What about you, Dad? How did your day go?”

Everything they talked about had been so mundane, but it was the first time it happened. No one knew how she cried that night with her heart full of mixed emotions, a spark of hope igniting inside her heart.

From then on, her father picked her up from work when he wasn’t busy, sent her messages, and gave her souvenirs from his frequent trips—little things that didn’t seem like much, but meant the world to Fuyumi.

The day after the failure of a family meal she organized following Endeavor’s battle in Fukuoka, she found herself sharing a meal with her father in a traditional Japanese restaurant in the vicinity of the Endeavor Hero Agency. Her father didn’t mention it, but this was a way for him to make it up to her for souring Natsuo’s mood, even though the purpose of the get-together had been to thank him and to welcome him back home in the first place. Fuyumi couldn’t blame Natsuo for feeling resentful. In fact, she was the one who understood Natsuo’s feelings best as she, too, had suffered from the neglect of their father. At least, she had found out Shoto shared a similar point of view as hers which furthered her hope. Perhaps, it was selfish of her to dream of being a proper family, but when they finally had this chance, she would never be able to forgive herself if she didn’t grasp it.

As she sat across Enji, the scar on the left side of his face reminded her of the horrific encounter her father faced, the battle which she witnessed through a screen. “Dad.”

“Hm?”

“That villain you fought last time… The one which scarred your face...”

“Nomu.”

“Yes.”

“What about them?”

“Are there more of them?”

“Yes.” He nodded. “I believe there are more of those which are of the same caliber as the one in Kyushu, but a lot of those we have encountered are weaker versions of them.”

She sighed, placed her chopsticks down, and took a sip of her tea, unable to find the words to say.

“There’s no need to worry, Fuyumi.”

Even so, she did worry. Heroes lived in constant danger, and Endeavor was no stranger to that reality. Although she had faith in his abilities as a Pro Hero, his encounter with High End had cut it close. What if another Nomu—or another more powerful villain—attacked him? She refused to consider it, but she had to: what if he didn’t emerge from the battle as luckily as he did the last time? Endeavor was now the Number One Hero, and while he was thrust into the position in a manner that dissatisfied him, he was exerting all of his efforts to deserve the position. As for the person who was behind the costume, Enji, there were things he wanted to do for his family still, a brighter future he strived for those he had wronged. What if because of those villains, he wouldn’t be able to do it?

Enji was trying his hardest to repent for the sins he had committed against his family. He was doing all he could, but as Fuyumi gave her father a small smile and dropped the subject, though unspoken, both of them wondered if his best would be good enough.

Fuyumi wished there was a way for her to ease his burden, but whether or not he would succeed in being deserving of the title ‘Number One Hero’ and ‘Father’ was something out of her hands.

Even to the man she fell in love with, Fuyumi remained a fire in summer and a fan in winter.

The dysfunctional family she grew up in didn’t deter her desire to have a family of her own one day. The things she wanted and did not want in a family were clear to her as crystal. All her life, she believed she would end up with a fellow civilian, but all of her assumptions went straight out of the window the moment a certain someone barged inside her life: Hawks.

By chance, they met when she and her father were having dinner with some of his sidekicks. Much to Endeavor’s irritation, Hawks came in unannounced and sat in front of them. Fuyumi recognized him the second her eyes landed on his winged form; he was the hero who battled High End alongside her father. It was strange how the two of them were the same in age, but the responsibility he carried on his shoulders as a hero was multiple times the weight of what she had on her own. Still, he proved to be an easy person to talk to. He loved to joke around, even at the expense of her father. Somehow, the way Hawks would meet her eyes as they carried out a lighthearted conversation, genuinely interested in what she had to say, made her heartbeat race. In passing, he mentioned his lack of interest in nurturing the next generation which piqued her interest as she was the opposite—it was what she yearned to accomplish in her lifetime.

To Fuyumi’s surprise, Hawks surreptitiously slipped a small sheet of paper in her palm before they parted ways: it was his contact information. All night, she had thought nothing of it, assuming his flirtatious smile and behavior was something typical for him, but when he started inviting her to casual hangouts whenever he happened to be around Musutafu, she thought twice and dared for her thoughts to wander into uncharted territory.

Once, Hawks dropped by the elementary school Fuyumi taught at. He greeted and played with the children, claiming he wanted to witness what it was like to nurture the next generation out of sheer curiosity. As she watched him smile and laugh while he gave the kids a turn to be lifted in the air, she concluded he had nothing to worry about in that matter.

The closer she got to him, the more she wanted to know. The sentiment turned out to be mutual, and the rest was history. From his witty remarks to the bravery that flowed in his veins, Fuyumi couldn’t find anything that wasn’t worth admiring. Before she knew it, she had fallen deeply in love with Hawks. Even if there were fragments of his life she has yet to discover and memories of her own she has yet to tell him, for now, it was fine—they were fine. When they were both ready to share those aspects of themselves, they would cross that bridge together.

Everything was going well until she was reminded of the things his status as a hero entailed.

Hawks, who was handpicked by the Hero Public Safety Commission to train as a hero from a young age, succeeded Endeavor in being the Number Two Hero. As the circumstances called for it, he had to serve as a double-agent in the Paranormal Liberation Front, and it came with consequences. An inevitable war transpired between the heroes and the villains. Hawks had been on the verge of dying at the hands of a villain, but one of his interns, a student from U.A. High School and Shoto’s classmate, Tsukuyomi, had saved him.

Hawks made it out alive, but the aftermath of the war led his future to uncertainty.

The familiar scent of antiseptic filled her nostrils as she knocked on the door of the hospital room he was staying at. She braced herself, unsure of what to expect, and entered. Hawks was lying down on his bed as he greeted her with a smile like he always did. Half of his face, his arms, and torso were all wrapped in bandages. She kissed the top of his head and placed the flowers she brought for him on the vase over his bedside table, adding color to the plain white walls and flooring of his room.

“You have to eat,” Fuyumi insisted when she noticed that his tray of food remained untouched.

“But Fuyumi…” Hawks whined, his lips curved into a frown, “your cooking is a thousand times better than what they serve here.”

“I’ll bring you food when you’re not on a strict diet anymore, how does that sound?”

“Like heaven.”

With her gentle request and assistance, he proceeded to sit up and eat his food, any discomfort he was feeling imperceptible. All the while, he asked her many things like how she has been, what she has been up to, and if she missed him. She answered each one while matching his cheerful manner: she has been safe but worried, she learned how to cook a new chicken dish she thought he would like, and yes, she did miss him—a lot.

When the doctor came in a few hours later to check on his condition, a nurse in tow to assist him in changing his bandages, Hawks turned to her and asked, “Want to go buy us some drinks from the vending machine downstairs?”

She returned his gaze, her voice calm as she replied, “It’s alright. I can handle seeing this.”

In the corner of the room, she sat down and observed. As the doctor and the nurse unwrapped his bandages, Fuyumi refused to blink, both curious and afraid to find out the extent of his injuries.

A burn scar marred the left side of his face, and he could barely open his eyelid. His bushy eyebrow and the long eyelashes she had admired when she stared at his side profile were both thinned. The doctor and the nurse began to remove the bandages around his torso. Fuyumi had noticed it—of course, she had—but nothing could have prepared her for the sight of his injured back and the absence of his wings. She froze, her clenched hands trembling and her eyes stinging with unshed tears. The sound of his voice as he cracked jokes with the medical professionals while they treated his injuries barely registered in her mind.

After a few reminders, the doctor and the nurse left. Fuyumi returned to the seat beside his bed. A wistful smile graced his lips, and she returned it with one of her own.

“The streaks in your hair,” Hawks said, reaching out to touch her hair gently, “they’re like my feathers, aren’t they?”

Fuyumi kept quiet.

Aside from their color and pointed shape, those two things were anything but similar. His feathers had traveled far and wide, heard and witnessed countless stories, and saved lives. Her hair was simply a unique feature she possessed, neither special nor heroic. She hoped he wouldn’t notice how her eyes had glazed through her eyeglasses, but as fate would have it, his exposed eye was as sharp as ever.

“Come here,” he urged, his arms wide open.

She obliged and sat on the bed. When he removed her eyeglasses and wrapped her in his embrace—the warm, familiar, and loving embrace she missed—she broke down. Her tears fell freely, uncontrollably.

He rubbed her back and stroked her hair, tucking her head underneath his chin. “Shh… It’s okay. Everything’s okay now.”

She choked back another sob, taking a few moments to compose herself before replying, “When I first visited and saw you unconscious, I-I was so scared you wouldn’t wake up. I’m just… I’m so relieved you’re alive.”

He pressed a kiss on her forehead. “I’m sorry for worrying you.”

Fuyumi shook her head. She should be the one comforting him and not the other way around, but ever since her last conversation with him before the war, she had been terrified. He had sounded as if he had been prepared to die. She wanted so terribly to ask about his past, what happened to him, who was the villain who injured him gravely, and what transpired during his espionage mission, but she knew better not to. It wasn’t the right time for it. For now, his recovery was the top priority, and Fuyumi would be there for him every step of the way, no matter what happened.

“I love you,” she told him.

“Fuyumi,” he whispered, “I love you more.”

If it were a normal day, she would have argued that it was she who loved him the most, but although it seemed like it was, today was anything but normal. Fuyumi wept for Hawks, uncertain if he would be able to soar high as he used to or if the sixth sense he had through each of his crimson feathers would ever return. The familiar feeling of helplessness crept inside her, making her question if her love meant anything at all.

In the end, Fuyumi could do nothing for Keigo.

The walk from the hospital to the train station had been short as she navigated through the streets in a daze, her feet taking her to her destination before she realized it. With the rush hour over, the crowd waiting for the train had thinned. Fuyumi stood alone, staring into space, her eyes still red-rimmed from crying. Her fingers trembled as she combed them through her short hair. Once she finished tying it in a ponytail, she opted to rest her hands inside her coat pockets.

Memories of her family flashed inside her mind one by one. As if it was only yesterday, she contemplated the comfort she sought and the warmth she longed to give. She thought of Keigo, whom she promised to visit again tomorrow, and worried for him endlessly.

Today had been another reminder of her likeness to a fire in summer and a fan in winter, but once again, Fuyumi took a deep breath and exhaled with a resolve: to wait.

She would wait for the day she would be able to do something for those she loved. She would wait for the time she would be able to protect them and be the one to tell them everything was going to be fine. She would wait until it was her season, until she was a fan in summer and a fire in winter.

Fuyumi had no way of knowing when it was going to happen, but deep within her laid faith for that time to come one day.

The train was set to arrive in five minutes.

Until then, she waited.

I would like to thank my good friend, ReverberatingEchoes, for proofreading this work!

I really love the idea of Hawks and Fuyumi together, so I'm happy I was able to write something that included them as a pairing 〜♩є(･Θ･｡)э

Thank you for reading!

BNHA Masterlist | Main Masterlist

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ambersky0319 · 5 years

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You Have Us

Pairings : Platonic! Intruloceit , Logince? Like, ended Logince

Warnings : Cheating; Unsympathetic Roman(I mean he could be worse but he's the one who cheated basically); Sympathetic Remus, Deceit, and Logan

A/N : Okay so this was originally gonna be Intrulogical but I just hhhjsgdgd I really wanted some good ol' platonic stuff for a bit

Masterpost

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Logan took off his glasses so he could wipe his eyes, the steady stream of tears seeming forever. His breaths were ragged and his heart raced, eyes puffy from a long time crying. But he was in a safe place now, he didn't need to worry about Roman or whoever he had found in bed with his boyfriend. He didn't have to think about or worry about it now. He couldn't, if he did, he feared he might feel even worse.

Yelling from a room down the hall made Logan curl in on himself slightly, and his friend's roommate sat beside him on he couch. "Hey, it's totally not going to be alright." He said, reaching out to rub his back slowly.

The liar frowned slightly as Logan only continued to tremble. He felt bad. He might not know Logan well- he'd only met Logan twice before- but that wouldn't stop his heart from hurting, knowing exactly how Logan must feel.

"How would you know?" Logan mumbled, sniffing and wiping his eyes again. He put his glasses back on to look at Damien.

Damien bit his lip slightly, and the yelling quieted in the other room. "You have Remus as a friend, and me too I suppose. Things will get better one way or another." Logan stared at Damien, a man he barely knew, but he felt comforted by the look in his mismatched eyes.

Remus came back into the living room, his anger slowly fading as he plopped on the couch beside Logan and pulled him into a hug. Logan accepted the embrace, tucking his head under Remus' chin. He was safe. He wouldn't get hurt physically or emotionally here.

The couch shifted, and Logan tilted his head to watch Damien disappear down the hall, probably to his room. Remus' arms tightened around Logan.

"I'm sorry about Roman." Remus said softly, and Logan turned his gaze up to him. Remus was looking at the blank tv screen though. "I'm really sorry that you had to see him cheating on you."

Logan hummed lightly, his breathing was still slightly short, but it was calming now. His tears had faded quickly as well. But he didn't doubt there'd be more in the morning.

He hugged himself closer to Remus. "It's not your fault." Logan said. "Don't apologize for his actions."

"Right." Remus muttered. "Want to watch a documentary to get your mind off it?"

Logan nodded silently, and Remus grabbed the remote to find something Logan would like.

Logan awoke in a foreign bed, the smell of pancakes wafting through the house. He yawned and grabbed his glasses, glancing around the room. He was alone, underneath a bunch of soft blankets with all kinds of designs.

The walls were a dark green, and on a blank wall, a mural of a bright green octopus with black and shades of green markings. The other walls were covered in shelves or pictures, a morning star on one of the shelves among some other disturbing niknaks.

He concluded it was Remus' room, but where was Remus?

Logan climbed out of the bed, stumbling slightly from lack of water. He carefully made his way to the door, and made sure he was close to the wall just in case he did pass out. He was making his way towards the kitchen when he heard talking, and he stopped to listen, debating just maybe going back to the bed.

"Don't fret about Logan, Rem. He's strong, he'll make it through this." Damien.

"Yeah! I know! But you saw him last night, and you know what it's like to see someone cheating on you." Remus seemed to accuse Damien, who just grumbled something.

"Sorry," Remus said after a few seconds of silence. "I'm just worried is all. And angry. I'm still very angry at Roman."

Damien laughed lightly. "Who wouldn't be? Your brother hurt one of your best friends- that's just shitty of him."

Remus hummed in agreement, and their conversation seemed to end. Logan took a deep breath and walked into the kitchen, and Remus looked up from his plate while Damien kept his eyes on what he was cooking.

"Logan!" Remus jumped out of his seat and hugged Logan tightly, and Logan felt as if he might faint. "How ya doing?"

"Lot better if I could- breathe-" Remus let go quickly, eyes wide and he apologized. Logan smiled at him reassuringly. "Thanks, and I'm doing..." he trailed off, unsure what word to use.

"Meh?" Damien offered from his place at the stove. Logan nodded.

"Yeah, that."

Silence fell over them and Logan sat down, Remus already placing a water bottle in front of Logan. Logan smiled up thankfully and ran a hand through his hair, only messing it up more as he drank his water. He was too tired to hear Remus take in a shaky breath, and soon pancakes were placed in front of him.

It was far too soon that Logan had to check his phone, many missed calls and voicemails mixing in with the rest of his notifications. Along eith them though, he saw at least twenty messages from Roman, and Logan bit his lip harshly. He didn't seem to notice the slight taste of blood as his jaw clenched and he tensed up.

Remus looked up from his own phone, watching Logan for a moment. Watching as his friend drew blood from his own lip and how it seemed his nails dug into his palm. Remus set aside his own phone and moved to Logan's side of the couch, reading the texts over Logan's shoulder.

Remus glared at the phone upon seeing texts a mix of pleading for forgiveness and anger that were directed at Logan for being 'too sensitive' about this. Logan leaned back into Remus' touch as Remus began to rub Logan's shoulders.

Logan's shoulders slumped and he set his phone aside. He really didn't want to deal with Roman right now. It was still too soon for him. His heart still ached and he still felt as if he had been stabbed with a knife multiple times in the back.

"I'm sorry." Remus mumbled as Logan leaned closer, Remus' arms wrapping around Logan's torso protectively.

Logan glanced at him, frowning slightly. "I told you not to apologize for his awful decisions, they were not your doings."

Remus didn't look at Logan at first, only nodding slightly. "What are you going to do about it?"

He was silent for a moment. "I don't know. But I'll figure it out."

Remus nodded again. "I understand. Take your time." Remus whispered.

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cosmiclatte28 · 4 years

Text

Autumn in my heart (krisbaek) (chanbaek)

One shot - angst/fluff

Krisbaek -chanbaek

Warning : mentions of kris wu, will bring you back memories of our best "chicken nae style anya" brother 🤧🤧

(Posted on wattpad before, so yeah this is my original work)

Enjoy

The picturesque scene of red and orange trees cannot fool the dull and somber race of falling leaves pulled by the gravity. Be honest, autumn is depressing. See the falling leaves, dying every time a gush of cold wind tingles. Baekhyun hates seeing the piles of dead leaves on the ground, he feels like the trees are selfish that they let the leaves die in order to survive.

The clock strikes six when Baekhyun has put on his tailor fitted Pea coat from Schott's. Tonight, his favorite fragrance from Clean accompanies him. He inhales his favorite floral woody musk mixed with a slight hint of fresh soap and gets himself ready as his smart watch rings with a caller ID he loves dearly. His lover has rung him up saying he is downstairs waiting for him to take his time. Baekhyun makes his last tuck on his Pea coat and he pockets his phone as he slipped his feet to his leather boots and Baekhyun makes sure to kiss his corgi good bye before keeping the key in his pocket and slightly run to meet the waiting prince; his waiting prince!

The elevator ride almost killed Baekhyun; he frowns whenever the door opens and what greets him are the foreign faces of his neighbor from other floors; after pressing the close button five more times, Baekhyun finally reaches his destination. With his crescent eyes he scans the whole room and finds his prince in no time. His fashion and his tall body make him easy to spot.

"Kris! I'm here, let's go!" Baekhyun clings into the taller man's arm and giddily drags him out of the warm lobby. The early cold wind harshly welcomes them outside; Kris clears his throat and pulls the brunette closer. He takes in his small hand, holds it firm in his big hand, and pops it nicely into his toasty pocket of his Burberry trench coat. "It's starting to get cold," Kris smiles.

Baekhyun blushes, even when Kris had done this for three consecutive autumns, his heart will always beat like it was his first time. He did nothing though and just follow his long legs that bring them to a place Baekhyun knows a bit too much.

"Usual place Kris?"

The tall blonde man nods and after walking through the busy streets, they found themselves in a restaurant district. Baekhyun's stomach growls when the delicious smell of his favorite food can be smelled from a meter. They sit down on their usual chairs, place the same ordinary menu; a Hawaiian pizza slice for Baekhyun and a Pepperoni for Kris. Though Kris never agrees that pineapple goes with pizza, he never speaks his opinion out loud to Baekhyun, he just can't. Try and say that to a man who really enjoys it and do you dare see his heart breaks? No Kris doesn't want to break his heart; it's the last thing he wanted to do to Baekhyun.

Dinner is amazing. Over two slices of giant pizza and soda, they exchange stories, laugh over new jokes, and secretly treasure this sweet moment. They end their pizza date with a split bill and with the warmth of a full stomach. The two men make their way out of the bright, fragrance road and move to another crowded and romantic district.

Baekhyun told Kris about a new milkshake shop opening in here in Gangnam, and Kris will do everything that brings a smile to Baekhyun's face. With Baekhyun standing close by his side, Kris naturally slides his arm to hug Baekhyun's slim waist from the side as he reads the menu in the TV from the queuing line.

The café is full of sweet couples, the atmosphere here is so warm and comfortable, Kris knows this will 99% become their favorite hangout place.

"We're so sorry, but we sold the second last cup already... We only have one left for the special house favorite's chocolate," the man with a name tag reading Yixing, smiles apologetically to the two sweet couple across him.

Baekhyun runs his eyes to the TV screen to look for another substitute, but Kris was faster.

"No problem, an extra straw will do. How much for the last cup?" Kris hands Yixing his card and swipes the bill.

Baekhyun squeals deep inside his heart, how Kris could always do a new sweet action every time they go out?!

"You sure don't want anything else?" Baekhyun asks when Kris lets go off his straw after a good five sips.

Kris shakes his head and raises his thumb to wipe a trace of chocolate from Baekhyun's lips, "No, you can have them all. It tastes good and I know you like them so much." Kris kisses his thumb and cleans the chocolate from Baekhyun's lips.

Baekhyun playfully punches Kris, "What's into you?! Why are you suddenly this sweet!"

Kris laughs it off and rolls his eyes, "Because I am a nice boyfriend? Come on admit it—" Baekhyun shuts him off with a quick peck "—I'm going to have heart attack Baek, if you are making that a habit."

After making a loud sip to ensure he leaves nothing on the bottom of the glass, Baekhyun and Kris step their foot out of the lovely café. They freeze when they see people carrying umbrellas and celebrating something.

"The first snow!" Both men choir and giggle upon welcoming the cold winter!

Baekhyun reaches for a folded umbrella he had brought in his pocket and this time takes the lead to pull the giant closer and tries his best to raise the umbrella to his height. Kris cannot oppress his gummy smile and allows Baekhyun do his thing.

"I am not taking care of a sick giant again, that's why I read the weather forecast earlier and they predicted the first snow the fall. Turns out they were accurate this year, come Kris let's walk under the first snow!" Baekhyun sneakily places his hand into Kris' coat and the taller simply holds his hand.

They have fun for a moment under the first snow, took some pictures and updated their social media platforms.

"The snow is falling harder, shall we head home?" Kris worries for their health. The two men are responsible for their working days, falling sick is something they can't afford.

Baekhyun does not refuse; along their careful steps on the slippery grounds the two men don't stop talking at all. They will find new topics whenever they seem to come to an end. Tonight is a good date night. Their date night ends with Kris ushering Baekhyun back to his Apartment room.

"Good bye Kris, thank you for tonight!" Baekhyun shakes his wet umbrella.

"No problem Baek, I'll be going now,"

"Wait—" Baekhyun runs to his room and returns not long after it, he gets on his tip of toes and wraps a warm red scarf over Kris "—take that with you, it's my winter present. Stay safe okay and call me when you got home." Baekhyun buries his face on his chest as he hugs him tight.

"Thanks honey, Good night." Kris steps back and waves his hand.

Baekhyun wiggles his hand in panic, "Oh take the umbrella! And please just grab a taxi!" Baekhyun pushes his umbrella to Kris' hand.

Kris chuckles and tousles Baekhyun's soft hairs, "Yes sir! I can take care of myself—" Kris winks and Baekhyun rolls his eyes. The tall blonde makes his stealing move and kiss the plump lips of Baekhyun before finally going back home.

Sun rises and sets, moon shines and hides, the world rotates and time runs. Their love for each other blooms, although their relationship has ups and downs, the two can overcome the big waves and sail their ship to another calm ocean. A calm sea will never make a skillful sailor, and one day the biggest wave crashes to their ship, and Baekhyun feels like he is forcefully drowned into the dark deep grief of heart breaks.

The road is crowded, well at least there are cars speeding in the road, and his sparkly eyes are fixed on a "sweet" scene in front of him. Yeah sweet if the people you saw were someone you did not know, or your best friend; but seriously not sweet if it's your boyfriend you saw over the road holding hands with another pretty boy, wrapped in an expensive suit looking all lovey dovey with your man. Maybe Kris did not know or see Baekhyun on the other side of the road, but Baekhyun cannot mistake that man as someone else. His eyes turn red; Baekhyun fetches his phone and takes the speed dial to call Kris. He waits for a moment with his eyes fixed on the two men across him.

The pedestrian traffic turns green, and Baekhyun sees the two of them walking to cross the road. He quickly hides himself in an old payphone box while still listening to the waiting tone and keeping an eye on Kris. When Kris made it with the sweet smiling guy to the same street as Baekhyun's he swears his call just was sent to voicemail. Kris also presses his screen earlier, hufth he didn't even hesitate to reject his call. Insteaad, Kris looks so happy walking with this new man. His jealousy and suspicion completely take over him, he leans over the small phone box and stares at his screen emptily.

"Sorry, busy can't pick up your call." Kris' message appears in his notification bar.

Baekhyun swallows the lump stuck in his throat; disappointed and angry the lonely man runs back to his apartment. He was planning to buy dinner and surprises Kris in his office for working overtime. If his vocabulary for overtime means having a walk with another man, heol Baekhyun won't bother coming to see him.

Baekhyun locks himself in his room and cries his heart out, his stomach grumbles, but his heart aches more. Baekhyun ignores all of the calls and messages in his phone. Thirty minutes later he wipes his eyes and after ensuring his heart he needs to do this: Baekhyun texts a number.

"Soo, you're right... I'm coming to the dinner tomorrow. What's his name again?"

This time Baekhyun regrets not listening to his friends when they warned him about his boyfriend playing fire behind his back. Baekhyun is too naïve and blunt to realize Kris has slowly changed. He was not as sweet as he used to, he got busy, and he rarely picked his calls. At first Baekhyun simply forgive him; thinking he must be busy with his works, turns out Baekhyun is living blindly.

The tall blonde man enters his apartment and paces his room nervously while sticking his phone to his ear. He bites his lips when the line beeps but no one seems to answer the call.

"Pick up. Pick up Baek.... Please... I'm worried sick..." Kris ends the waiting and jumps to the message room. He sends more messages asking if Baekhyun is okay, why is he not picking up calls, and why is he not reading his messages.

Kris feels guilty rejecting Baekhyun's call earlier, but he cannot pick the call there when he thinks his coworker has a big crush and is flirting with him. Kris cannot bring himself to answer the call and crushes the cute man's dream. Yes, Suho, his co-worker is lately clinging on his side, and Kris cannot lie and say he's unattractive. Suho is a calm and nice man, good with works, and Kris finds it hard to keep his heart stable when he's around.

Kris thought he saved Suho from crying in the streets, when in reality his real boyfriend is the one crying on the busy streets... by himself. Poor Kris doesn't know this.

The next morning, Baekhyun did not bat an eye nor reply any of his messages. He muted his number and prepares for work. As he sprays his perfume, the front door beeps open and a tall man he used to love, but now hates, shows up with a bouquet of yellow flowers on his hand.

"Good morning sunshine! What's with the cloudy face?" Kris extends his hand to give Baekhyun the arrangement.

Baekhyun looks at his sickening handsome smile and walks to take his working bag. "Nothing. I'm tired of work and this life full of lies."

Kris frowns, "What do you mean?"

Baekhyun just hums an "I don't know" tone and occupies himself with packing his lunch and laptop.

Kris walks to the kitchen table and picks Baekhyun's phone, he scrolls through the notifications and shakes his head, "WOW! You haven't open my text, not a single one! Why?" he sounds confused.

Baekhyun is the type to have his phone on his nose almost every second, what's with leaving Kris unread?

Baekhyun snatches his phone, "I fell asleep earlier yesterday after you said I shouldn't come and have dinner with you, since you're taking overtime."

Kris sighs, "Come on Baek, you're acting like this just because I denied your offer to eat dinner together?" Baekhyun walks away.

"Don't act so childish. We can always have dinner together tonight or other nights." Kris snaps.

Baekhyun keeps his cold face on; he takes his lunch and working bag, and slips into his shoes. Kris shadows him all over the place.

"Really? Then why did you cancel it yesterday?" He wears his shoes and holds on to the door knob.

"I had a sudden meeting." Kris lies quickly.

"Oh so now you call walking with another man without companion, while acting lovely is your definition of meeting. To me I call that a secret date mister!" Baekhyun stomps his foot, "Now go! Leave! I am tired of your lies!!" Baekhyun exits the room, but Kris holds a grip of his hand.

"but..." Kris is cut off by Baekhyun's loud voice, "For your information Kris, I saw you with my own eyes walking with a man and rejecting my call." Baekhyun raises his tone and his face turns red. He breaks his hand free and rushes to the parking lot.

Kris runs after Baekhyun, but luck must've left him today for the lift closes before he can reach him. Baekhyun is clearly mad and fed up, for he is not trying to do anything to clean up the misunderstanding.

Their day goes on differently, Baekhyun is still absorbed in his sadness and pain, while Kris... Kris thinks today's problem will end like any others. His day is smooth and the man from yesterday even offers him coffee. Upon seeing Kris busy checking his phone; waiting for someone to call or chat; Suho asks him, "What's bothering you?"

Kris thinks for a while, should he tell Suho what actually happened, but what if things get more dark and dangerous? After some consideration, Kris decides to use the help chance. He told Suho what happened yesterday and earlier this morning. Suho just laughs and comes up with a solution, "I can help you clarify this... Give me his number, I'll talk to him."

Kris denies that idea at first, but after some more convincing words from Suho, he gave up Baekhyun's phone number to Suho. He thought maybe Baek would listen to Suho.

Sure, Suho's idea was not completely wrong, Baekhyun answers his call in a friendly manner and he did not blame Suho for anything. Baekhyun listened to all of Suho's kind and sincere explanation, but his heart still cannot easily forgive Kris for doing it.

Baekhyun dresses up nicely in his bomber jacket, and puts on his cap to hide his puffy eyes. He takes his steps to greet his date tonight, the man Kyungsoo told him about. Park Chanyeol, son of the CEO of Eve's corporation: Korea's first leading group in food supply, while Kris is the son of the second leading group.

To put it into words, Chanyeol is a man of daydream. He is everything you expected when meeting a living prince charming. He talks in his deep voice, his choice of words are amazing, his fashion taste is casual yet daydreaming, his manners are polished as perfect as one can be, but no matter how nice and perfect Chanyeol is, his heart cannot stop comparing him to Kris. Kris is not as perfect as him, Kris is more of the clumsy type and silly. However one thing for sure, Baekhyun likes Chanyeol's jokes better than Kris'

His choice of place for a first meeting is way beyond expectation. Baekhyun would have dressed up properly if he knew Chanyeol is bringing him to a secluded private restaurant. Baekhyun seals his mouth tightly about this date, yet Kris knows.

He comes home with a bright smiling face, Chanyeol had just dropped him off from his Mercedes-Benz G65. Baekhyun secretly smiles to himself and wraps his jacket tighter as he enters the lift to reach his house. He can't stop humming small tunes while taking his light steps.

With a big surprised face, Baekhyun takes a step back when Kris greets him in his stern voice.

"Why are you here?" the shorter man sounds annoyed. His mood totally jumped from hype to down.

Kris raises his brow, "Am I not allowed to visit my lover? Beside I came here to check if he's here yet, since he ignored my calls and texts." Baekhyun makes his way to the kitchen and fills himself a glass of water, "Well, sorry but I have someone to see tonight," Baekhyun shrugs his shoulder.

Kris joins him to the small kitchen, "Yeah and I just found out my boy, without my acknowledge, went to meet another man and came home—" he glances at his watch, "—late, my boy came home pretty late. It's 10!"

Baekhyun finishes his glass of water, and slams his cup a bit too hard, "So what? I'm big enough to come home whenever I want and I can take care of myself."

"Who's that man? How are you sure he is someone good?" Kris elevates his tone.

Baekhyun takes a deep breath and speaks out loud clearly, "it's none of your business! Even I did not know who the man you're with yesterday was and I did not ask you anything! I did not interrogate you Kris Wu!" Baekhyun spits those words in one breath, he tosses his jacket then locks himself in his room. Kris knocks on his door relentlessly and all he gets is silence.

Silence from the loudest man is the scariest thing

Baekhyun wakes up with heavy head, puffy blood shot eyes, and a runny nose. He forces himself to leave his bed and calls in for a day off today. He has called Chanyeol last night and told the new man everything, something in his heart screams that Chanyeol can help and Chanyeol will not hurt him like Kris did. With his beloved corgi walking beside him, Baekhyun opens his door and freezes when he sees Kris sleeping uncomfortably on the floor.

"Babo-ya," Baekhyun scoffs in his mind and leaves the tall giant on the floor. He makes himself a glass of tea and gulps an aspirin down his dry throat. He takes his time writing a short note and sticks it on Kris' free arm. He bends to place a soft kiss on his temple, probably his last, and Baekhyun secretly leaves.

Kris wakes up from the pain his back screams for sleeping on the floor, he yawns and stretches then looks around and realizes he had fallen asleep when begging Baekhyun to open the door. He sees the post it on his arm and he quickly reads it. His brow scrunches as the line gets down, and finally they widens and his mouth fell. Kris lost his sense of touch, hearing, and sight... he feels like a thunder just hit him and he's drowned in his emotions. He slowly sits on the sofa, and re-reads the nicely written letter. He makes sure to not miss any single word or get the wrong idea. But no matter how many times he checks the letter again, the words don't change.

"Baekhyun wants us to end it here," Kris speaks to himself, the tall blonde quickly searches the house. Hoping to found the man he was looking for, he needs to discuss this with Baekhyun. Seriously they did not need to break up over a silly matter!

"Baekhyun-ie, what do you mean? We can talk about this... where are you?" Kris puts on his shoes and coat.

"We don't have to discuss anything Kris. We're not meant to be, I realized we're not made for each other. Our parents don't even support this relationship we had for three and a half years. It's over Kris, go get that man and I will go my way." Baekhyun explains as best as he can.

"No, We need to meet. We're not breaking up over phone. I don't consider our relationship over just because you decided it by yourself. We need to meet." Kris grips his phone hard.

"I can't Kris, I'm no longer near you. Bye," Baekhyun said.

Kris hears the faint background sound and damn that man is in the airport, where the hell is he going now without telling him.

Baekhyun turns off his call and sadly stares at his wallpaper. It's a picture of happy Kris and Baekhyun laughing under the mistletoe from their last Christmas.

"Are we ready to go?" Chanyeol's deep voice resonates beside him. Baekhyun groggily nods and copies his steps to the boarding gate. Baekhyun takes one last heavy breath; yes he is leaving Korea and Kris behind. This is what his family wants, this is for the best.

Baekhyun comes from the leading electronic cooperation in Korea; turns out his parents had made an agreement to make Baekhyun and Chanyeol an official pair. Simply said his parents arranged his marriage with Park family for the sake of their business. The Byun family does not have a good history with the Wu family. Both Kris and Baekhyun had been trying their best to keep their boat sailing despite the harsh wind made by their own families, but Baekhyun has had enough. The two used to think if they are together, they can fight their families and live happily ever after, but that's too good to be true.

Now, his family has made a lot of agreements with The Park family, and that explains why Baekhyun is sent to leave Korea with Chanyeol the night when Baek reported Kris' actions. His father used the situation to break them apart, and he partly succeeded. Baekhyun is now seated on the first class flight to Britain, with his future fiancé (That's what his parents insisted).

The loving couple separated without a clear ending, Kris still lives his life to the fullest he can, but everything is pointless when Baekhyun is not in his life. He did not date anyone, he still holds on to the belief that Baekhyun is still his boyfriend, and he is still committed to that man he loves.

Suho has tried a lot of things to set Kris up with a new date, but none of them seems to win his heart. Kris only attends the blind dates Suho made, just to respect his kindness and attention. Suho himself has won the heart of the cute guy in the milkshake shop Kris and Baekhyun once visited, Yixing. Suho was close with Kris because he needs help with winning the cute dimple man's heart. The night when Baekhyun went home with Chanyeol, Kris was actually waiting for him to explain everything. Kris wanted to tell Baekhyun that he doesn't have to be jealous of Suho, for Suho has his heart and eyes for another man. Fate did not let him explain anything that night, and the next day Baekhyun was already gone from his life.

Kris changes into a cold and quiet man, while Baekhyun has opened his heart to the new man with him. Baekhyun realizes Chanyeol shares a lot of things in common with him. Knowing the new tall man with elf ears is easy and they get along so well. They spend a good two years in England, and they have to return to Korea when the working contract for Chanyeol ended.

Their plane touched down on the land of Korea, where the leaves are starting to fall and the winds getting colder. Baekhyun sighs it's once again autumn, He always hates autumn.

Chanyeol feels for having to check the office and sending Baekhyun home by himself. Baekhyun did not mind, instead he is happy he can have his time alone here.

Baekhyun takes the taxi to a park he missed. A small park with benches for couples to seat and enjoy the falling leaves with the big Han River across them. He breathes in the autumn leaves and slightly smile when he the memories he made here with Kris slowly floods his mind. A small tug is felt in his heart, how is that tall blonde doing? Baekhyun walks and walks then sits at one of the empty benches, his hand traces the old wood and smiles when his eyes caught a small scribble that managed to be intact even when seasons has changed.

He traces the craving and secretly hides his smile when the memory comes back in his mind.

The writing of Kris and Baekhyun in a big heart, deriving from four years ago. He remembered craving their names cheesily on a park bench when the first leaf fell. Baekhyun scoffs when he realizes a lot of things he did with Kris is associated with autumn.

He closes his eyes for a while and finds himself awaken in surprise when a familiar voice greets him,

"Baekyun?" the voice sounds unsure, "Baekhyun?! It's really you?" this time it sounds surprised and a bit happy.

Baekhyun opens his eyes and gulps when the same man he left without news is here again infront of him. The man he shared love, the man he secretly hates and loves, the same man who used to be the happiness of Baekhyun. He looks different! He definitely lose weight, his hair is now plain and boring brown, his eyes no longer offers the star and galaxy Baekhyun used to spent his time gazing. His voice didn't change though, still the same deep voice that never fails to make him tremble.

"Kris, well... yes this is me." Baekhyun sheepishly admits it's him.

"It's been a while," Kris opens his mouth. He takes the empty spot beside Baekhyun.

"Look Kris, I don't have much time," Baekhyun dares himself to face him and holds his tears back. He almost breaks down in tears when he once again sees the man he loves in front of him.

"I know it was hard for both of us, but that was the best for us. This is the best for us." Kris stays quiet despite wanting to kiss Baekhyun and tell him everything he kept to himself for a good two years, but no he wants to listen to Baekyun. He reflected for two years and he wanted to make up all his bad mistakes.

"Fate doesn't let us be together... our family hates one another... we can't... we just can't be one Kris." Baekhyun bites his lips and holds his tears back. His heart is breaking right now when he sees the broken look in Kris' eyes. When he first saw Kris sitting beside him, he swore he saw a glint of hope in Kris' eyes but now Baekhyun completely destroys it. He hates him for one again hurting Kris, but this is for their own goods.

Baekhyun can no longer holds his tears, he breaks down into tears right beside Kris. The brunette hides his face in his hands and his shoulder moves as he expresses all of his bottled up emotions. Something glints under the last rays of the sun and Kris moves closer to Baekhyun's side. He bravely takes Baekhyun into a hug and he brings his thumb to wipe the crystals falling over Baekhyun's smooth cheeks. Kris cannot speak a word, his mouth goes mute all he knows is his life is completely dark now without Baekhyun. It was dark already before when he left, but now when he clearly said that... Kris feels like dying.

"Good bye Kris," Baekhyun stands up and walks to leave the broken hearted man. He turns one last time to see his unrequited love; Baekhyun forces his sweet smile, "Thank you for the memories." Baekhyun takes quick steps to leave the park and Kris. A strong wind blows and makes the piles of orange dried leaves fly around and when it's over Baekhyun is completely not anywhere to be seen.

Kris closes his eyes and memorizes the last words from his love, he left him completely now. Baekhyun left his presence, his world, and his hopes. Kris fishes his jacket and pulls out a velvet box, he snaps it open and a simple diamond ring is shining there. Well, he's been carrying this around since Baekhyun left, he wanted to propose to him whenever he got the chance to see Baekhyun , but turns out his ring finger is occupied already with the same diamond ring he had in mind will fit his slender finger. Kris keeps the ring again in the box and he pockets it again in his left chest. He lets his tears run through his face as he walks along with the last falling leaf.

He leaves the love of his life with tears and thousand of memories. Kris smiles bitterly when he remembers how Baekhyun always hates autumn. Turns out all memories with Baekhyun are prominent in autumn: Baekhyun's least favorite season.

flashback <<<

"I hate autumn Kris, can you imagine how selfless the tree is, letting the leaf die so it can live longer." Baekhyun pointed to an almost bald tree.

Kris pinches the cute cheeks of Baekhyun, "Well yes the trees are selfish Baek, but did you see how sincere the leaves are? I'm sure the tree did not want the leaves to die, instead I think the leaf sacrifice itself so the tree can live," Baekhyun cuts him, "But why Kris? Why must the leaves die for the tree?"

Kris holds his lover's hand tighter in his jacket, "Because my Baekhyunnie, that way the tree can survive the harsh cold winter and make new leaf later on spring. That way the leaf and the tree are once again together!"

Baekhyun nods his head, "Woah that's a better theory! You should definitely be the one telling our kids bed time stories later on!" He cheerfully pecks a kiss on Kris' lips and blushes.

"Just like love, you must sacrifice for the one you love." Kris leans in for another kiss.

"I love you Kris, now and forever!" Baekhyun leans his head on Kris' strong and wide shoulder.

"I love you most Baekhyunnie, I'll be like the leaf in autumn!" Kris whispers to his world; Baekhyun

The two men in different place share the same memory tonight.

As the moon shines and the first snow falls they secretly whisper each other "I still love you."

#krisbaek #chanbaek #exoot12 #exooneshot #exoimagine #exofanfiction #exo #baekhyun #chanyeol #kris #exo fanfic #exo fluff #exo fanfiction #exo angst #chanbaek fluff #krisbaek angst #angst #fluff #baekhyun fluff

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kyloreyorgana · 4 years

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STAR WARS 9 ! TROS SPOILERS !

In case this is not obvious enough, this post will contain SPOILERS for the last Star Wars movie, which I’m just now coming home from. These are my first thoughts. I have tried to tag as best I could so that people who mute the tags don’t see my post. Do not proceed f you don’t want to read any spoilers.

You have been warned. Long (and I mean LONG) post ahead.

First of all, I’m happy to be back y’all! Just with TLJ, I come from months (or has it been years already ?) of inactivity to jump right back into the fandom, as obsessed as I was back when I came home from TFA. Which is funny because at the time TFA came out, I had lost all interest in Star Wars and heard so many critics from people who’d seen it and said it was horrible and that Disney basically sold the franchise to the devil that I didn’t even want to see it, to keep the good memories closer to my heart. One night, one month after its theatrical release, I thought “aw fuck I might as well see it, at least for Carrie, Mark and Harrisson” so I went to the cheap theater that was near my home... I had zero expectation, and really I think it’s the reason why I loved the movie so much. I didn’t chose to ship Reylo, this ship whacked me like Harley Quinn’s oversized hammer with the Hades and Persephone aesthetics. When I came out, completely mesmerized with what I had just seen, I jumped on Tumblr as soon as I got home, and I ended up creating this blog just days later. I wanted more and more, fics, metas, fanarts, headcannons, theories, cracks, I could never get enough. For TLJ and TROS, I had lost most interest in the fanfics and the fandom (because as much as I love the movies and some people in the fandom, most of it can eat shit as far as I’m concerned). I heard so many critics of TROS already, I was afraid I was going to be disappointed. But I loved it. Only Star Wars can make me go from utterly uninterested to “Wow I can’t wait to see this new Star Wars in theater, what a time to be alive”, to a stage of total obsession that lasts for months. And that is the reason why I don’t give two shits about anyone disliking the movies. It’s sad you didn’t like them, but it made me feel the same way I felt right back when I was a child watching the original movies with my father. It feels like home. And that is the best thing I could ask for.

Like in TLJ, I cried as soon as I heard the first note of the opening. The last Skywalker story, the last time I ever see my Space Mommy on the big screen...

I know the Reylo community is about to be nuts. The whole movie, like TLJ before it, is basically a series of things we’ve already done in fics and theories. I am 100% positive I have read a fic where Rey and Ren try to hold back a ship with the Force and Rey ends up involuntarily shooting lightning. Whichever one of you did it is probably going to have a stroke in the theater. I nearly did.

And really, I wish I could see the look on the Antis’ faces when they see the movie. I’m sure it is a sight to behold. I wanted to scream “TAKE THAT, BITCHES” more than once. As in TLJ.

My biggest fear was what they would do with Leia. I knew Disney said they wouldn’t use CGI and chose to stick with the scenes Carrie had already shot, and I was afraid it wouldn’t honor Leia’s legacy. Well I... have mixed feelings. While the way they used Carrie’s scenes and made it look like she really is here is to be lauded, it sometimes feels like Leia had nothing interesting to say but they tried to put her in a dialogue anyway, because she needed to be seen doing (or rather, saying) something in the Resistance. And about her death... I still can’t put my finger on what exactly I didn’t like about it but I felt like something was missing. Watching the scene, at first I didn’t know if she was having a heart attack or if she stabbed herself or chose to give up her life because she somehow felt it was the moment, I’m still not sure just why she did what she did. I wish they put something more to motivate her decision and explain what exactly she does. I don’t know, a flashback of Leia holding baby Ben, a little more dialogue, something. Not just Leia suddenly getting up and going to bed whispering her son’s name.

I knew I was going to be disappointed. Among all the celebrities’ deaths, Carrie’s is the one that affected me the most, and believe me I was a wreck when Bowie passed. I miss her, I think about her every single day. And Leia deserved more, much more. When I saw TFA, part of the reason why I loved the movie was that, even though it pained my heart that Han and Leia’s son turned out this way, I thought they would make it right. I spent hours imagining a scene in the 9th movie where Ren would defeat Rey (incapacitate her the Skywalker style cutting her hand or something) and approach to give the killing blow, and Leia would enter the scene, pick up Rey’s lightsaber, look her son dead in the eye and say “Over my dead body, son”. Because Leia would never give up without a fight, even with her son. And she would get her son back, and her story arc would have been completed. I would have paid good money to see this.

Episode 9 was supposed to be Leia’s movie, just like ep. 7 was Han’s and ep. 8 was Luke’s. When Carrie died, I knew it would be compromised and it broke my heart, because Leia deserved better. She lost everything. Her parents, her planet, her father, her husband, her son, her brother, the Rebellion, the Resistance, everything. She fought all the way, all her life even faced with the worst odds she never gave up hope, she inspired hundreds of people to keep fighting for what is right, and she would never have a satisfactory ending. What a fucking heartbreak. She didn’t even get to see Lando. Leia deserved more. Every little girl in this world who grew up with her as a role model deserved more. But c’est la vie, as we say in French... My only solace is that I know fanfics and fanarts are going to make me feel a little better about it.

Of course I cried every time I saw her on screen, and especially when they honored her body, as we all honored Carrie when she passed away. This was one of the many fanservice moments, and surely the one I liked the most, although there was some concurrence (more to it later).

Another thing I didn’t like is what they did to Poe’s character. Many people disliked TLJ because of it, which they attributed to a political agenda of hate on men. This is so ridiculous and has already been debated enough that I won’t get into it. I did like the evolution of his character in TLJ, because for me it was an interesting character development as well as a good message: wartime is not only about barging in fights head first, shoot first think later, as is, let’s be honest, everything Anakin ever does. At one point, the narrative of the reckless hero who saves the day when a situation seems impossible and everyone begs him not to do it gets old. Sometimes in war, you have to think ahead, to plot, and yes, listen to what your allies have to say. And it actually was a good critic of toxic masculinity. Could the conflict between Poe and Holdo have been avoided with minimally sane conversation ? YES. But the message was here (as were Holdo’s hair and dress and WOW gurl) and I thought that was it, and Poe would evolve into a wiser person.

But this Poe is, at least in the first half of the movie, not very likable. Hear me, I never really liked Han Solo (never been into macho men) but I really loved Poe in TFA because he was genuinely nice and brave. Here, he’s bitter and annoying. I told myself that he was jealous of Rey because he heard of Finn’s crush on her and he wanted to keep Finn all for himself, which I know is just a crack headcannon, but hey, anything to make it better I guess.

Of course, I’ll never forgive Disney for not making FinnPoe a thing, when even Oscar Isaac ships them hard. And trying to make Poe flirt with the other girl (whose name I even forgot and whose face we didn’t even see, now tell me again how Star Wars has been corrupted by feminists... sigh) Speaking of, it is me or did two women kiss at the end ?

I liked the new droid, it reminded me of my puppy. But at the end, it was just another fanservice moment, it didn’t really do anything useful onscreen apart from being cute and funny.

When Rey was finally revealed to be a Palpatine as I hoped, I giggled like a wee girl. Watching TFA, I begged the old gods and the new that they wouldn’t make her another Skywalker, because it would’ve spoiled the Star Wars spirit for me. The whole franchise, in my opinion, is a story about fighting for what you believe is right, no matter who you or your parents are or where you come from. Even though Luke and Leia’s ended up being Vader’s children, they weren’t the only meaningful characters. Anakin was basically a Space Jesus and went from a total nobody to the Chosen One. I didn’t want Rey to be a Skywalker because it would mean that your importance would only ever lay in your bloodline, and that is depressing and totally against the spirit of the Rebellion/Resistance: no matter who you are, you can fight for what is right. For this reason, I wished for Rey to be either a real nobody or Palpatine’s granddaughter, which is also why I liked the fact that Han and Leia’s son turned out bad, even though it made me sad for them (Leia didn’t deserve this). No matter your bloodline, you can always make things right, or fuck up badly if you let yourself be taken away. And, of course, the reveal that Rey and Kylo Ren are two sides of the same coin (aka one of the many times where I picture us Reylos screaming CALLED IT in our seats) was exactly what I hoped for, a beautiful balance. I didn’t share Palpatine’s implication that a Palpatine and a Skywalker are meant to work together, though. That is not how I choose to interpret this duality. That is not what they end up doing, anyway.

Speaking of that old pal Patine, seeing the trailers I feared I would feel nauseated that they chose to reanimate the Big Old Villain, just like they reanimated the Even Bigger Death Star in TFA (how lazy can you be ?). But I enjoyed it. What saved it was Palpatine’s will to be killed by Rey to perpetuate the Sith rite of passage. I don’t even care if it’s cannon or not. I was afraid they would recreate Vader’s dilemma in ROTJ with Rey, but I liked the choices she made. And the throne scene worked for me. Like the rest of the movie it was flawed, for instance we don’t even get an explanation on how he survived. Just like we don’t even get what Finn wanted to tell Rey, even though it was emphasized several times. Was it a love declaration ? What happened to the rushed romance with Rose in TLJ ? (What happened to Rose, actually). While we’re at it, why did Palpatine want Ren to kill Rey ? So many questions. So many flaws.

And, of course I cannot comment this film without mentioning my sweet star-crossed lovers, Rey and Ben. First, I’m really eager to see your reactions. We did it, Reylos! Years of hate and slander and we were right all along. Let’s rejoice.

I like Rey’s evolution. For the moment, I don’t feel like I have too much to say about it (which is fine because this post is way too long already). I like the way she handles her emotions, I like her choices and her character evolution.

And Ben. Oh, sweet Ben. Although I think the part where he gets his old mask fixed wasn’t necessary, I kinda like what they did with him as well. I must say though that I liked his hair in TFA better. Oh boy, I loved Kylo Ren but I absolutely adore Ben Solo. And I think the way the movie depicts him even surpasses some fics. The moment when Rey gives him the lightsaber and he gets up and does the Han shrug ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I almost lost my mind. This ties with the hommage to Leia’s body as my favorite fanservice moment.

And their relationship... Look, I know I wet my pants really enjoyed myself in TLJ when they held hands, but that scene felt rushed even for me who ships them with the force of a thousand suns. Like many things in TLJ (and, as I said, also in TROS) it felt like things I had already seen in fanfics, but in the fics I enjoyed the most Rey had tried to kill him at least 5 mores times before even agreeing to have a one-on-one conversation with him. Their romance in TLJ felt like it was hormone-driven, but I get Johnson couldn’t really do a slow burn in 2 hours. When Leia died and they both felt it in the Force, I could feel that Rey wanted to touch him, to confort him, to grieve with him. I’m glad she didn’t. It wasn’t time. And I really like that she told him she wanted to hold Ben’s hand, not his. And Ben, the Dork Knight, finally realized that if he wanted The Girl, he shouldn’t, you know, threaten her and chase her but get back to the Light Side like she begged him multiple times. Because he really isn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer, this is apparently what makes him choose to tip over. That or the fact she saved his life. I was still frustrated by Leia’s death so I don’t know if I’m not entirely convinced because it happened just after, I’d have to watch it again. I liked Han’s moment, though.

And in my opinion, Rey and Ren’s fight on the wreck of the Death Star is as good as Anakin and Obi-Wan’s. My Reylo heart will always have a special place for their couple fight in TLJ (aka the best non-sex sex scene in cinema, don’t @ me) but I also liked this fight in light of their relation. Surprisingly, it reminded me more of their fight at the end of TFA, when we see Ren holding his blows and Rey barging in. I thought it was endearing.

The end. Oh my god, the end. I can’t wait to see the first gifs and I really really can’t wait for the HD gifs, because oh boy, I now only live for Ben Solo’s smile. That’s it, I found my will to live, my depression is cured. And the way he handles Rey’s body with the utmost care (while Finn apparently watches it and does or says nothing). And that kiss... And the SMILE. And the KISS.

Oh, dear gods. Oh dear.

I can’t wait for the first fics in which Ben doesn’t die and they live happily ever after on Tatooine or Naboo or wherever they damn want. Or the fics where he is indeed dead and they still share a beautiful relationship (if Force Ghost Luke could get his X-Wing out of the water, I’m eager to imagine what Ben would do with his Force dick, tongue and fingers. Forgive me, it’s getting late and I’m still flustered thinking of their kiss)

And the fact that she declares herself a Skywalker ? I know a lot of people are disappointed in this, but apart from the fact that she completely deserves the title in my opinion when she inherited the will of both Luke and Leia, which is reason enough, she is absolutely married to Ben and deserves her place in that family. Also, it’s again a beautiful way to remind you that bloodlines don’t matter as much as what we choose to do with our lives. And while I’m glad they showed Leia’s Force ghost (I would’ve been really mad if they didn’t) I’m super frustrated they didn’t show Ben’s. What am I to believe, that he gave his life for her, became one with the Force and vanished into litteral nothingness for him to never be seen again ? Like hell I don’t. Again, counting on the fics and arts to right this wrong.

The movie sure has its flaws, and I still have many unanswered questions, like what the fuck is the badge Maz gives Chewie, or how Rey does her lightsaber staff at the end, and I wish they explained some things better. I wasn’t sure if the saber Leia wanted Rey to have was hers or her mother’s. Most of those questions will be answered by bigger geeks than me in this fandom, so I really can’t wait to read from y’all.

I know a whole lot of people are going to hate the movie. The antis, the gatekeeping trve fans (already I’ve seen people say that those who enjoyed the movies are not Real Star Wars Fans and welp, we’re going to see a lot of shit). The manbabies who genuinely believe in a feminist takeover and see equality as a direct threat. I’m specifically happy they will be disappointed while I got the privilege of enjoying Star Wars as much as I did. It’s not my fault, or Disney’s fault even, that they turned out to be on the Empire’s side. And the day has not come when I defend a megacorporation.

Leia was the first SJW. The Resistance lives on. People will always fight against evil, like it or not. I know the world is a shitty place and we don’t have much hope nowadays for things to get better, and Star Wars has always motivated me to keep going and stick to my values and my convictions. I felt chills several times in the movie, like at the end where everyone comes to fight, and now I’m more willing to keep fighting than ever. For Leia.

Godspeed, Rebels!

#star wars spoilers #tros spoilers #star wars #the rise of skywalker #ben solo #rey #kylo ren #palpatine #alright now I go to sleep

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honeymoonjin · 5 years

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enjoy your stay - chapter two

A/N I finished a little early, so I figured I might as well put it out there and get working on chapter three!

ENJOY YOUR STAY ↳Boss!Namjoon, Chef!Jin, Receptionist!Hoseok, Bellboy!Jimin, Bartender!Jungkook, Accountant!Yoongi, Photography student!Taehyung ↳Some inappropriate language and cursing. Later chapters will have sexual content.

SUMMARY ↳Working the graveyard shift at a hotel isn’t the most exciting job in the world, but your coworkers are certainly happy to have you here.

CHAPTER TWO ↳Settling into your new job certainly takes time. Luckily, you’re getting on with the other workers. The only problem is your newest guest.

You had been working at the hotel for a little under two weeks now, 7 nights a week, and while you were getting used to the actual work, the upside-down sleep schedule was another thing.

You weren't usually one for coffee, but you found if you got it from the cafe down the road that had a million different flavoured syrups, you could disguise the bitter liquid as you inhaled it by the litre. Sleeping during the day was just plain weird, and it was probably naive of you to expect a smooth transition to a nocturnal timetable.

That being said, the warm, caring boss of yours was doing his best to ease the change, even once going so far as to let you take a nap in his office - while he was still working in there, no less - when you felt like you were about to fall asleep on your feet.

So far, the workload had been pretty straightforward, but as you would quickly come to learn, every night was different. Your regular tasks were mostly just checking up on everything and everyone, and passing along any messages between staff.

When Jin decided mid-dinner service to tweak the menu for the following night, he couldn't exactly leave and go find Namjoon to tell him. When Hoseok ran out of printer paper, he couldn't just walk away from the reception desk, as empty as the lobby may seem. That was the main reason why Namjoon had to hire a night manager. He found it impossible to be in a million places at once while trying to do his own work.

Your first couple of weeks so far had been you checking up on each of the six staff members (five, really, since you hadn't seen Yoongi since your first night) every two hours, and helping Namjoon out in the office with filing in between.

Currently, at 5am, two hours before you were free to go home and fall in a pile on your bed again, you were cross-legged on the floor, surrounded by haphazard piles of paper. Namjoon was at his desk, gazing intensely at his computer screen, fingers hovering over the keys. While his work was in dealing with current issues like payrolls, bookings, and maintenance, you had been tasked with the backlog of files. Namjoon, while a pretty organised guy in most aspects, had no respect for chronological and alphabetical ordering.

He had shown you a cupboard in the back of his office, with a stack of aging paper the height of a small child leaning dangerously to one side, and asked that you create a filing system.

Here you had been for the past three days, relishing the two-hourly break where you could work out the creaking in your knees and stare at something other than black ink on a white page. It wasn't difficult work, just menial and time-consuming. The paper-heap was a heavy mix of printouts of important emails, photocopies of Yoongi's financial reports, receipts, and, oddly enough, a smattering of Christmas cards every now and then to mark that you had trawled through another year of paperwork.

The pile in the cupboard was finally dwindling, but now your new task was to work out a way to put all the assorted categories away. As it was, every time one of you wanted to leave the office, you had to tiptoe your way through stacks of paper littering the carpet.

You groan and let out a stretch, wincing as you feel the vertebrae in your back and neck click. "Namjoon, I might need to pop down to the office stationery store to get some filing boxes. I think it'll take me the rest of the night to finish up the last of it and then put them away."

He blinks tiredly at you. "The office store closes at 5pm. You missed it by twelve hours."

You yawn. Yup, definitely not used to the nocturnal schedule.

He twitches his eyebrows. "Actually, you could pop down to the accounts firm. It's a two minute drive, and they've got a stationery cupboard. If I gave Yoongi a call, he could set some stuff aside for you."

"Oh, you don't have to wake him for that. I can go another time," you offer, shuffling out of your cross-legged stance to stretch out your legs, wiggling your feet back and forth.

He lets out a laugh that sounds more like a hum. "You don't know Yoongi very well. If you want to sleep, he's probably awake." He pauses. "And vice versa, actually." Namjoon sits up in his office chair and starts punching in a number on his desk phone. After a few moments of silence, his face lightens when someone speaks on the other end.

They share a brief conversation, you too sleepy to pay much attention, and you jump when something falls into your lap. A set of keys on a worn leather keyring. You look up at Namjoon in confusion.

"Take the company car," he explains, "looks more official than you showing up in your Corolla to sneak into the firm." He gives you a tired grin.

You nod affirmatively and pick your way out of the messy office.

The accounting firm is extremely large and well-off, which is probably due to the complete lack of competition in your small town. Surprisingly, there are at least six cars in the vast lot, and the building is totally lit up inside.

It's upon entering that you realise you have no idea where to actually go, so you awkwardly wander around the first floor until you find a young lady hunched over a computer in her tiny cubicle, and ask her where Yoongi worked.

Strangely, she guides you to the top floor of the building, even scanning her staff ID to be able to select the top floor on the elevator panel. Yoongi's office is massive, in the far corner of the floor, with his name engraved into the glass door.

You knock awkwardly, although it's not like he can't see you. He tilts his head to wave you in, then again at the chairs when you don't make a move to go further into the room.

Sitting on the plush armchair, you rub your eyes. "I'm just here to pick up some filing boxes for Namjoon?"

He gives you a small, bemused smile. "So you aren't just here for my company?"

"This is your company?" When he furrows his brow, you realise your mistake. "Oh man, I get what you mean now. I'm sorry, this new job has me tired all the time. I'm a little out of it, if you couldn't tell." Partly to emphasise your point, and partly to avoid his catlike stare, you lower your face and rub at your eyes.

He's silent for a moment, but then you hear his chair roll back and feel the warm weight of his hand on your shoulder. "I'll forgive you this time, sleepyhead. Here, I'll take you to our storage room."

The rest of your visit is filled with comfortable silence; you, too tired to make conversation, and him, probably wanting you to leave as soon as you could so he could get back to his own work. The rest of your shift goes quickly with that same silence, as you do one final round before leaving, drive home with your eyes as open as you can hold them, and collapse in your bed the moment you walk in your front door.

It's a little over six weeks before you see a single customer out and about between the hours of 11:30pm and 7am, and when it happens, you're completely bewildered. It's a young man curled up in the corner of one of the booths in the bar. He has a half-empty glass of some amber liquid, and a little bowl of nuts at the end of the table, and the space in front of him is covered by glossy photographs and a single, very expensive-looking camera.

You had almost forgotten what you were supposed to do when a customer was out of their rooms, and for a moment you hovered in the doorway, unsure whether you should ask him if he needed any help, or just not bother him at all.

In the end, it's Jungkook that makes the decision for you. "Oh, there you are! I have a message for you to pass on to Namjoon!"

The man looks up from the booth to see how Jungkook's speaking to, and you share a moment of eye-contact with him as you walk across the open space to the bar.

He's gorgeous. You selfishly hope that he's one of those customers that stays for a week or two, rather than overnight, in the hope that you get to see him again. His eyes stare deeply into yours, and it's you that looks away first. "What can I do for you, Jungkook?"

"Tell Namjoon Tae arrived."

You blink. "Is that a type of alcohol, or?"

Jungkook laughs. "What is it with you and assuming alcohol is on my mind 24/7? Just because I'm a bartender doesn't make me an alcoholic. No, Tae's that handsome gentlemen over there."

You can't help but sneak another look. The man in question, Tae, lifts his hand in a jaunty wave, but his face stays neutral, curious rather than overly friendly.

You nod at him and turn back to Jungkook. "Tae's here, got it. Anything else?"

Jungkook grins. "Tell him Tae is refusing to pay for his drinks."

"O- Oh. Do you need me to..." you trail off lamely, not sure what it is exactly you could possibly do about a customer refusing to pay.

"Force him to hand over his cold, hard cash? Feel free to try. I'd certainly love to see that."

You clear your throat in embarrassment, feeling the weight of Tae's gaze on you. "I'll go tell Namjoon," you muster, and hightail out of the bar.

Namjoon doesn't seem particularly shocked or concerned that there was a thief in the bar when you told him about your encounter. He just nods understandingly, and leans back deeper in his chair, swaying lazily back and forth.

"So, you know him then?"

His wry smile confirms it. "He's my little brother," he explains. "I give him free accommodation while he stays in school. He's doing a degree in fine arts, if you can believe it." He sighs. "Somehow he thinks it means everything in this hotel is free to boot. That punk."

"That's really sweet of you, Namjoon. I wish I had a brother like you, maybe I wouldn't have dropped out of uni."

He looks up at you in surprise. "I didn't know you went to uni."

"Well," you allow, "it's probably not a good look to put med school dropout on your resume."

"Med school, huh?" He gives you a soft smile. "I went to veterinary school, if you can believe it."

You think of his friendly disposition and caring nature. "I can, actually. It'll probably come in handy one day when Jin accidentally lets his fish of the day loose in the hotel."

He laughs for a few moments, but sobers up again. "Look, we have to put Tae in a different room from his usual because it's been booked already. Would you mind tracking him down and taking him to room 12? I'll set him up with a key tomorrow, well, today I guess, but for now he needs someone to unlock the door for him."

"Sure thing, boss." Your body is half out the door before he calls out to you.

"You don't have to call me boss, you know?"

You grin at him. "Sure thing, Joonie."

You leave before he gets the chance to take it back and stroll contentedly through the hallways, back the way you came. By the set-up Tae had before, you didn't imagine he had gone anywhere in the past few minutes.

You were right. He was still in his spot, Jungkook coming out from behind the bar with a bottle of something to top up the empty glass held in Tae's outstretched hand.

You intercept the bottle as its tipping, making sure the glass stays empty. Jungkook simply nods and pulls back, but Tae looks up when the pouring fails to commence and levels you with a heavy stare.

"Namjoon asked me to take you to your room. Room 12, this time."

He looks back at his elaborate set-up of pictures, then back at you slowly. "I'm busy, but thank you."

He nods meaningfully at Jungkook, who hesitantly holds up the bottle, but you hold your hand out to stop it again. "I know, and I'm sorry, but you need me to unlock the door for you for now, and I get off in twenty minutes."

"Then come back in twenty minutes."

"Uh... I would really prefer if you-"

"Relax, relax, I'm kidding." He shuffles up all the photos painstakingly slowly, disrupting their meticulously arranged display, and tucks them into a pocket of his camera bag. Once he's finished, he jerks his head at his empty glass with a cocky smirk on his face. "One for the road, if I may, ma'am?"

You shrug and shake your head. "Whatever, sure."

Jungkook pours two fingers into the glass, then disappears behind the bar. You stand, shifting your weight from one foot to the other, as Tae savours each mouthful, at long last draining the glass and standing up with his things.

You lead him to his room in silence, not in the mood to make your final few minutes of work go on any longer with his brand of nonsense. He doesn't notice, or chooses not to comment on, your brisk pace through the hallways.

When the pair of you arrive at the door, you unlock the door, and lean in to hold it open for him. Unlike most people who would try their best to shuffle in quickly without any necessary physical contact, he faces you as he slips his body past, breath hot on your face as he passes close enough for you to feel his camera bag push against your torso.

When he's in, you snatch your hand back and fail to say a proper goodbye before leaving.

The lobby is much closer than the service entrance, and so you take that way out in order to leave on time, forgetting to even let Namjoon know you were heading off.

You didn't know what it was specifically about Tae that made your blood boil, but you suspected it was the frustrating combination of an asshole that was devastatingly handsome. A man like that knew exactly what he was doing and how it would rile you up, but some part of you was still glad he was going to be hanging around for a whole semester. Maybe you were a sadist, maybe you were just sexually frustrated.

On your way out the lobby, Jimin is absent, but so is the luggage trolley, so you assume he must have hit the jackpot and got an actual customer for once. Unfortunately for him, it was also at the time he was meant to be heading off. An unfamiliar man in that familiar uniform and hat was hanging around the lobby couches waiting to take over.

Hoseok, however, was still at reception, although his legs were kicked up on the corner of the desk and he was stuffing his face with ramen from a takeout container. He lit up, cheeks full, and waved you over once he saw you.

Hoseok had a habit of making you hang around for ages whenever you did your rounds. Whenever he had anything that needed doing or messages that needed to be passed on, it always came with twenty minutes of backstory and digressions until he finally reached the original point. You couldn't ever get mad at him though, because he was just too lovely to you.

"Hey, muppet, you off?"

You gasp in mock surprise. "My goodness, Hoseok, what if a customer had heard you? They'd be outraged at your informality and they'd leave a one star review on Yelp!"

He narrows his eyes at you, shaking his chopstick like he's wagging a finger. "Don't be foolish. The customers don't come here for the hotel, they come here for my beautiful beside manner."

"You aren't a doctor, Hobi."

"In a way! Just instead of a surgeon of the body, I'm a surgeon of the...customer service."

You sigh at him. "If I understood what you were trying to say, perhaps I could've responded to it."

"Genius doesn't come to all of us, don't worry."

"Okay, Customer Service, MD., I'm going home to sleep off the memory of this conversation." You lean in and give him a side-hug, careful to avoid staining your dress shirt with his spicy breakfast.

"Bye bye, muppet. Maybe if Kyeong-eun arrives on time for once in her life, I can walk you out."

"You still owe me coffee for that one time I snuck out to get you a McFlurry. See you tonight, Hobi."

“See you.”

#bts scenarios #bts au #bts fanfic #bts fic #bts x reader #namjoon x reader #yoongi x reader #taehyung x reader #jungkook x reader #hoseok x reader #enjoy your stay

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notquitejiraiya · 5 years

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Chess [23] - {ShikaTema AU}

Hey there, it’s me, back again with a long-ass chapter.

Little right now that there’s some implied smut here (the overhyped and probably disappointing table scene). Nothing explicit or intense, just something. It’s kinda fluffy and not too thirsty. But, if that bothers you, here is your warning. I think it’s pretty tame and it’s fairly clear where that section occurs :)

Anyway, I hope you enjoy.

[READ / COMMENT on AO3]

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

Milk, no sugar, Temari sipped on her tea slowly, staring down that the blank screen of her phone and the empty tub of reheated pasta she’d brought in. All she could do her entire lunch break was stare and hope, waiting for a buzz or a ring and for his name to pop up on the screen.

Discontented, she opened her phone again and examined the message that she had sent earlier that morning, and in turn the lack of response, and her head grew fuzzy as the smile spread across her face.

‘Hi. Thank you again for last night.’

Barely a line of text, just a simple sentence; it didn’t express at all how she really felt at this point in time. How happy she really was to have spent her evening with him and it having ended nicely; how awful she felt knowing that she was inherently letting down her boss and her integrity; how incredible it was to have him hold her in the park, kiss her outside her home, no matter how cold it was; how her desire to help him had only grown and she could do so little about it.

With a sigh she flicked off her phone and put the empty tub to the side, drawing closer the keyboard on her desk. She groaned, absentmindedly switching on the computer and resting her head in her hands.

How was she going to help him? She’s told him she had a plan, and somehow he’d believed her, but in reality she had no clue. Yes, the road block that he had to tackle before he could feel at peace with the past and what he did for people was clear—he had to understand that he wasn’t causing anyone any suffering by being upset, and that grieving was always okay. But he also had to come to terms with the passing of time, and she knew it wasn’t the man’s death that haunted him most these days. He’d told her it was his own feelings, and how he didn’t deserve to feel that way; how he didn’t deserve to cry when a woman had been left alone without her husband, and a little girl born without her father.

He had to learn, somehow, that he had every right to be sad. He had to learn that others forgive and that others understand.

But how on earth was she going to do that when the person at the heart of this all was not only a stranger to her, but had been gone almost seven years?

Her fingertips danced across the keyboard, opening the database of the practice’s clients and searching for the lady she knew would be walking through the door in five minutes, when suddenly, upon scrolling over her name she stopped.

The name appeared twice, and Temari only knew which was correct by the age in brackets beside her name, but she knew of no other lady of that name that she had seen.

“Oh,” she whispered, her eyes widening, “I can see all of them. Not just mine...”

On a whim, she hurried to type the only name that was circulating in her mind right now, immediately it flashed up: Shikamaru Nara. All of the tiny notes she’d attached to his file herself—for her viewing only, hidden from the other psychiatrists who worked here—flew up across the screen, the same name littering eight percent of the page.

Asuma Sarutobi.

So on a whim, she typed it into the database, and pressed enter with a huff watching as Shikamaru’s file vanished and was replaced with a blank page beside three depressing words:

No results found.

“Obviously,” she groaned as she backspaced and twisted her hair around her fingers, chewing on her lip. “What about…surely not…”

After taking a sip of her tea she simply typed his last name, wondering if Shikamaru was wrong - it was Asuma was a middle name or nickname, after all.

She almost didn’t search it. Why would his teacher—who sounded perfectly sound of mind from Shikamaru’s vague, but greatly understandable descriptions—have a therapist? And much more so, why specifically hers? It would have to be the most ridiculous chance if his name did appear, and even if it did there was no way for her to access his file unless she asked someone else, and just this morning she’d asked for the paperwork to sign Shikamaru out of her professional care and it was starting her down from her in-tray behind the computer. He wouldn’t be a valid excuse, she’d just look like a nosy bitch.

But what did she have to lose if she clicked enter? She could live with the same feeling of nothing again, that’s for sure.

So she did it, and to her amazement and almost her horror, she got one result.

‘Kurenai Sarutobi (née Yūhi) - 38’

Temari couldn’t stop staring, in shock mostly. Her brain whizzed and whirred hoping that maybe she’d get the courage to click on that link and view what little she was allowed to see—see if there was anything at all that linked this person to the situation she was searching for answered to.

Just as her mouse began to hover, her phone suddenly began to buzz and she jumped out of her skin, clicking the name without meaning to. With quivering fingers she lifted the phone to her ear, stunned into silence.

“Tem?”

It was him and his dumb, raspy, deep voice that sent shivers down her spine. As if this situation couldn’t get any more twisted, he just had to go and ring her now.

“Temari, are you there?”

“Yes, sorry!” she replied, forcing a laugh. “I was just looking at something. Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

Shikamaru snorted down the end of the line, chuckling. “Nothing. I left my phone at Chōji’s last night—only just grabbed it. I’m on lunch.”

“So am I.”

There was a pause. Had he really just called to hear her voice? If so, as sweet as that might’ve been, Temari did have to admit she had something else on her mind right now.

“So you’re definitely okay, Shikamaru?”

“Yeah,” he sighed. “I meant to say thank you.”

“Well, you’re welcome.” She was so glad that this was a phone call—she could feel herself getting flustered the more he spoke. “Was that all?”

“Desperate to get rid of me, are we?” The hint of sadness seeping through the sarcasm of his tone left her feeling slightly evil. “One more thing: are you busy tonight?”

Temari winced. “I’ve not been in two nights in a row, and Kankuro will be threatening to follow me if I go out again, for sure,” she smiled, hoping he could hear the apology that she had meant to say just in her tone. Her mind was elsewhere. More precisely it was exactly where her eyes were, set on this name. “Hey, do you know a ‘Kurenai’?”

The silence on the other end was eerie, and she could hear faint babbling of other people on the street instead of him. He must’ve been smoking, and she must have stopped him dead in his tracks.

“Shikamaru?”

“Um, sorry. Yeah. Kurenai was Asuma’s wife’s name.” He cleared his throat. “Why?”

“No reason,” lied Temari, jotting down the name and address that sat on her screen, the only information provided without authorised access.

“That’s so clearly a lie, Tem.”

“It isn’t a lie,” she chirped. “Just forget I asked.”

“Coincidence’s like that don’t just happen...”

“Shikamaru, are you busy Saturday?”

His deep laugh echoed down the phone. “Don’t try and steer me away from the subject, Tem, I—”

“I said,” she spat, toning up the harshness a little to much, “are you busy Saturday?”

“Saturday?”

“Saturday,” she repeated. “I’m pretty sure Kankuro is spending the weekend with his girlfriend at her place, so he won’t be around.” She carefully set her pen down and nibbled on her thumbnail nervously as she continued. “I thought maybe you’d want to meet my other brother?”

“The non-Kankuro one, right?”

“Yes, the one that you spoke to on the phone.”

Again, Shikamaru paused, but not nearly for as long this time. “I don’t know,” he finally said, his monotone voice firmly back. “I mean, I’ll see you but—”

“Okay,” she rushed. “No, then. Don’t worry.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to meet him, I just—”

“It’s fine,” she spat. “We can just do something else.” Temari’s eyes fell to her lap. “If you actually want to.”

“Of course I want to.”

Five words and her spirits lifted instantly. It didn’t make her feel any less of an idiot, but she definitely felt her efforts weren’t totally futile. As she stared down at her notebook and the name and address scrawled on the page, her mind flew from side to side with the craziest of ideas—something that he knew she would hate, something he would never agree to in a million years, just like she’d lied to him about already deciding to do.

Instantly, her mind was made up.

“I’ve got a plan for us,” she smirked, hoping he wouldn’t hear the mischief lingering in her tone. “Secret plan, but a plan. You don’t have to think.” She quickly searched the address she’d written down on the internet, and frowned. “Can you drive?”

She could hear him blow near the microphone what she assumed was smoke. “Uh-huh.”

“Do you have a car?”

“No.”

Shit, she thought. “Do your parents have one?”

“They do. Why?”

Shikamaru was getting suspicious of her—she could tell—so, in the sweetest voice she could muster without sounding ridiculous, Temari made her final play; asked her final question: “Can you borrow it on Saturday?”

“Sure.”

That was too easy.

“I’ve, um…” She heard rustling on the other end and a bell jingle. “I’ve got to go.”

Temari stretched a smile across her face. “Okay. Shall I text you later?”

“If you want to,” he chuckled, unbothered. “Go for it.”

Mixed messages, dumb-ass, she pondered. Good job I know what you’re like by now.

“Right,” he added, the word loaded with finality. “See you later.”

She almost whispered through her smile into the microphone. “Bye.”

“Yeah, bye.”

When the line went dead, Temari could barely believe the situation was real. Here she was with the name and address of the woman who Shikamaru felt so obliged to help and ashamed of himself that he never actually did; the person who might actually help him see that there’s good in the world, and show him how people can let things go and that they understand. She knew it would be intruding on personal space, but she knew it had to be worth a shot. Worst case scenario: if the woman turned out to be really rude and horrible, they could take away from the experience that she probably didn’t deserve the help he offered her.

But what else seemed surreal was Shikamaru. When he joked with her and listened to her, she couldn’t help but picture the obnoxious young man she’d first met, so skinny and scrawny she couldn’t believe he was an adult. After just under one month he’d come so far; he looked so much healthier as though he’d eaten more and better, and generally had a much healthier attitude as far as she could tell. But Temari couldn’t help but notice that it wasn’t her efforts as his psychiatrist that had made much of a difference to that. What was affecting him, helping him, seemed to be what she’d done for him as a friend, or whatever she was to him now.

Helping people in whatever way was good, she knew that deep down, but she couldn’t do this with everybody or else she’d wear herself out. She had become a therapist to help everyone, lots of people, and she had to do it the right way.

It was time to put aside all her thoughts of Shikamaru Nara when she was in this room.

So, vowing to finally adhere to her professionalism, she clicked shut the file of Kurenai Sarutobi and quickly skimmed the page of the lady about to walk through her door. She tore the page with the info she’d jotted down from her notebook and slipped it into her bag, knowing that she had all the time in the world to figure the logistics of that out in her own time.

She reached behind her computer and signed the papers to end his time as her patient, and it was if something clicked in her brain as she slid the paperwork into her out-tray. Each hour, from now on, was totally dedicated to whoever was on that couch and not some lanky, handsome genius smoking outside of the florist.

Just in time, Temari slid her phone in her bag, and a gentle rapping on the door told her to lunch was definitely over.

“Hi!” she called out. “Come on in!”

~~~

“I’m leaving,” Shikamaru called out to Ino upstairs, stashing his apron behind the counter on the shop floor. “Chuck me my coat!”

“Get your own coat!”

“Ino, it’s pissing it down outside! Give me my coat!”

After a short moment of waiting, the coat tumbled down the stairs and he smiled. “Thanks,” he said, grabbed the coat and throwing it on. “See you later.”

If she did reply, he didn’t wait around to listen; he was out of that door as quickly as he could be. It wasn’t that he was desperate to be in the rain, or even that he was desperate for the cigarette that he habitually slotted between his lips, but after a long day, as soon as the clock struck four-thirty, he was ready for fresh air to hit his face. Plus, he couldn’t be roped into closing up shop again.

As he hurried to light his cigarette, Shikamaru just so happened to glance up and across the street, curious if his favourite overprotective carpenter was mulling around by the window as he had been on Shikamaru’s lunch break. And, as if by magic, there he was, raking his hands through his brown hair and looking straight into his eyes.

Upon finally lighting his smoke and puffing out a large cloud into the cold air, Shikamaru shot the man a subtle smile, raising his hand—half-arsed—in recognition.

As with Ino, he didn’t wait around to see his response—he wasn’t sure he wanted to—but he new two things instantly as he started walking along the pavement. The first was that he wished he’d taken up Temari’s offer to meet Gaara, knowing how pissed Kankuro would inevitably be and how amusing it would be for him, if a little scary. The second was more important for this precise moment; his coat had no hood or waterproofing, and it really was pissing it down.

Shikamaru rooted around the inside pocket of his coat with his spare hand, never sacrificing a moment of extra warmth that each drag of his cigarette gave him over that task, and searched for loose change which he was sure he’d accumulated over time. He pulled out a monstrous four-pound-sixty.

Enough to get me home, he noted, shoving it into the pocket of his jeans and continuing his walk to the bus stop.

By the time he got to the bus stop, the cigarette he desperately clung to was on it’s last legs, and he put the tube to rest under his foot as he fell back onto the seat of the shelter. In his pocket, his phone buzzed, and he slowly pried it out from his pocket, rolling his eyes.

Ino: ‘U sure walk slow for some1 in the rain x’

‘I’ll paint that window black one day, Ino.’

Shaking his head, he quickly checked Temari’s number, something deep in his gut wishing that any second his phone would buzz in his hands and he could hear her voice again. He felt stupid for it, but he couldn’t help himself typing a pathetic ‘Hello’ and staring it, unsent in his message box.

“Hey, kid!”

His head shot up, and right there stood the bus and a red-faced old man at the wheel, leaning toward him.

“You getting on or what?”

Sheepishly, Shikamaru hauled himself up and onto the bus, emptying the change into the drivers hand and shoving his phone and the ticket he received into his inside pocket when he flopped back into his seat near the front. His fingertips brushed against the silver lighter that always loomed in that pocket, and a shiver, as if he hadn’t expected it, made stuck the hairs on the back of his neck on end as he enveloped it in his palm carefully.

When he took it from his pocket, he examined it as he always did; running his thumb along every smooth edge, across the curved top and flicking it open. For a second he stared at the place from which the flame should burst from—a flame he had never dared to ignite—but all too soon, as though he wasn’t controlling his own hand, the young man flicked it shut once again.

Click. Pause. Click. Pause. Click. Pause.

Countless times he had sat in his garden and stared at that lighter, lifeless and unlit, and felt it burn his hand until he could look at it no longer. Sometimes he’d even been unable to look at it, but despite that he’d never go anywhere without it in his pocket. He had to; most of the time it was more of a comfort blanket to him than anything he’d ever owned, and in any moment of unease he reached for it without thinking, which always lead to the same repetitive pattern.

Click. Pause. Click. Pause. Click. Pause.

He wasn’t sure that anyone really understood what it meant to him to own it or why it was so precious to him, and as he sat on that bus seat he was sure the noise was bothering countless people. At the same time, however, he didn’t care. What had triggered his need to fiddle with it’s lid he wasn’t sure, but the action certainly accompanied the slightly uncomfortable feeling in his chest. Admittedly, it was probably nerves as to why Temari had been so vague earlier, and why she’d asked about the things she did, the person she did…

He felt his shoulders tightening as he remembered her sad face, and as the bus came to a stop Shikamaru opened the lighter one final time. Asuma, he thought to himself, I’m so sorry…

“Shikamaru? Shikamaru Nara?”

Click.

The voice was so soft he’d barely managed to recognise it, but as he lifted his head with the lighter shut firmly and tight in his fist, the was no denying it. He gulped and hopped to his feet without thinking, his eyes too permanently set on the woman before him and the little pair of legs that hid behind hers.

This is a cruel joke, universe, he thought as he stared down into the eyes of Kurenai Sarutobi, rife with mixed emotion and clearly as unsettled as he was. The little hand she gripped in her own left him speechless, and his mouth fell open as the little girl peered around her mother and up at him.

Quietly, as she tugged on Kurenai’s sleeve, she whispered, “Mummy, who’s that?” But her mother was equally as speechless as the young man before them. Her eyes fell down to the lighter in his hands and she sighed, her lips parting slowly.

He knew what she was about to say, and there was no in way he could stomach it.

With too much haste Shikamaru shoved the lighter back into his pocket and, mouth moving silently as it tried to form any word whatsoever, he slipped passed her, shaking his head sadly.

 “S’cuse me!” he called to the driver. “Hello, can I get off please?”

“This isn’t your stop, son,” the older gent laughed. “Your ticket says—”

“Please.”

The driver frowned at him as he fumbled for the button to open the door, and Shikamaru shot him a thankful look as he hurried off the bus and into the rain. He wrapped his scarf tighter around his neck and chewed on his bottom lip as each freezing cold droplet smacked him in the face. Moments ago fingering the lighter in his pocket was calming, a charm if you will, and yet in the last few minutes he’d felt like throwing it in every bin he sped past as he walked. He didn’t deserve it.

The little girl, he thought to himself. That little girl…

All these years he had been right: he really was too much of a coward to face a seven-year-old.

The old man was right—his stop was nowhere near here—and it was so wet he could barley function. And, worst of all, he was alone, and he knew himself too well—he’s had too many therapists—to deny that the one thing he couldn’t be was alone right now. But where was he? Almost nothing was familiar except for one huge tree he could see at the end of the street ahead—that tree was at the end of the road of her practice.

“No,” he told himself bitterly. “You can’t burden her with this. She isn’t your therapist anymore, asshole.”

But he had to! His entire body compelled him to, as though his mind wasn’t the boss of him anymore and it couldn’t decide when he took a step or whether he edged closer to the road’s edge. It was his gut that was in charge now—a complete anomaly in his boring, repetitive life—and it was going to drag him to Temari whether he wanted it to or not. Somehow, he knew what he needed. Screw enjoying the silence, and screw burdening his ex-therapist with all of his crap, she was also important to him; a friend at the very least.

If he had to choose the rush that came with seeing and listening to Temari, whether he told her the truth or not, or the inevitable feeling that would drown him if he went home and hid away in his room, the choice was obvious.

He’d drowned himself in his sorrows, or swallowed them down, too many times to count. It was his turn to be selfish.

Despite the cold his cheeks grew hot, a concoction of hot tears and embarrassment flooding them. He drew to a halt, his feet landing in a puddle. Each droplet of water pelted into his eyes, blinding him, and it forced him to look down. Just out of interest he checked the time, and it was only four-fifty. Shikamaru knew from experience that her last session lasted until five, and with any luck she would still be in that room; with an extra heap of luck on top of that, if he ran, he could make it there in ten minutes.

Then he simply had to hope that the fifteen pennies he had left in the pocket of his jeans was enough to convince the lady at reception to let him through to her.

~~~

Temari wasn’t ready for the door to fling open as she started packing her bag. And when she turned around to tell whoever it was that she would do whatever they wanted from her tomorrow, she definitely wasn’t prepared for this.

He stood before her, dripping from head to toe with windburned cheeks as he struggled to catch his breath. Somehow he looked like he’d been chased, but by what she couldn’t even begin to imagine. For a moment she suspected Kankuro, but as she looked properly she could see the bloodshot nature of his eyes, and her heart began to pound faster and faster.

There was a puddle developing on the wooden floor he stood on underneath his boots, but he didn’t seem to care. Chest expanding and contracting rapidly, Shikamaru flashed her an impossibly believable smile and couldn’t take his eyes off of her, as if his life depended on it.

For all she knew about him, maybe it did.

“Shikamaru?” she gasped, immediately dropping her bag into her desk chair. “What’s wrong—what’re you doing here?”

He blinked rapidly and rubbed his eyes, wiping some of the water away.

“You’re soaking wet!”

“I’m fine,” he sighed, throwing his sopping wet coat off onto the couch with a thud. Even his awful flowery uniform was stuck to him and despite the desire to stare below his neck, Temari watched his eyes closely. “Busy day?”

“Yeah…I was, er, just going home,” she stumbled, trying not to smile and ending up gaping. Something was wrong here; she couldn’t forget that. “You can’t be here, you know?”

“I know.”

“They know you’re not my patient anymore. How on earth did you get in here?”

He bit on his lip, unwinding his scarf from around his neck; ten shades darker from the rain. He looked like he’d been crying, but she didn’t know if that was just the rain. “I said it was urgent and the lady at reception said she was just about to go home. I don’t think she could be bothered to stop me.”

Temari still couldn’t close her mouth. “What the hell are you doing here?” Quickly she sped towards him and put her hands on his shoulders. “You aren’t feeling really low again, are you? If you are you’ve got to tell me.”

He shook his head, but it didn’t hide the red around his eyes. “I thought I was,” he lied, “but to be honest I just wanted to see you.”

“I said I’d see you on Saturday.”

“Saturday isn’t now.” He blushed as one of his hands held hers against his shoulder as he turned his head, looking out of the window. “Can we shut that?”

“Why?” Temari grew a little rigid and stepped backwards, never taking her gaze from him. Carefully she pulled the binds down and cocked her head to one side.. “You’re not paranoid now, too, are you?”

Shikamaru’s face contorted into the most wonderful smile she had ever seen. “Temari?”

“Yeah?” Her cheeks flushed, just knowing he had a smile like that for her.

“You’re so fucking beautiful.”

It was as though, in a matter of seconds, his eyes changed and he sped towards her before she could think to say anything else. His hands captured her waist as he crashed his lips into hers, taking the spark that ignited in her eyes the closer he grew as his permission, and she did nothing but granted it. Temari’s arms flew around his neck and hooked themselves firmly in place. It was so full of rough, passionate urgency, especially on his part, that she barely noticed herself climbing onto her tip toes, desperate to be closer to him.

Neither of them, now that they’d felt it, could bear to lose the genuine, harsh passion and stack of feelings this brought. Stopping wasn’t an option—neither did they want it to be.

Temari weaved her fingers through the edge of his hairline until her composure began to vanish, and she started to tug gently on tiny handfuls. She could feel herself melting at his every time his hands traced up and down hers sides gently, from the top of her torso to her lower hip. His fingertips lingered at her hips, almost but never quite hooking underneath the waistband of her skirt on their way.

The more she pulled at his hair and absentmindedly ground her hipbones against him, the more the need for her grew inside him. Without thinking he let his hands run down her thighs and lifted her, and to his surprise her long legs tightened around his waist.

Suddenly could feel it all at once—all of him and the desire that had been building for so long in full force, and her heart pounded faster in her chest with the same want that rampaged through his eyes.

“Put me on the table,” she commanded through the kisses. “Right fucking now.”

Without hesitation, Shikamaru did as he was told and immediately his thumb teased open the top button of her blouse.

“You’re a tease, Nara,” she whispered, her hands shamelessly pulling at the collar of his shirt.

“I try to be.”

“Shut up and take my damn shirt off, flower boy.”

In seconds the buttons were undone and her shirt at their feet, and the sudden hit of cold air felt like nothing under his hot breath. Shikamaru followed in hot pursuit, undoing only a few buttons before throwing the ghastly floral shirt to the ground.

As stared at what he was luck enough to have before him, Shikamaru’s heartbeat quickened. He felt almost like he was going to faint as she grabbed his shoulders in her soft hands, her cheeks growing redder by the second from the heat and anticipation. The darkness of the room didn’t matter; the little light from the lamplight was enough to illuminate her for him, and the radiance that shone from behind her eyes stopped him dead for a moment. He began retrace his steps, even more delicately touching her sides than before, lingering longer on her lower abdomen and ribs than she last remembered.

Although, it easily could’ve been her impatience taking hold of her once more.

“Tem, can—”

“Don’t,” interrupted Temari, her impatience and lust driving her body. “Don’t you dare—just do it.”

He reached round back and fiddled with the clasp of her bra, desperate to dispose of the cloth that blocked what his hands desired, all the while too greedy to break their kiss again. Shikamaru couldn’t help it. He wanted every breathe to be taken with her, touching her, holding her close. As he finally set free the clasp and threw the final garment to the floor, he pressed himself right against the table, feeling Temari’s arms tighten around his neck as one of his hands finally took hold of what it wanted.

“How’s this,” he mumbled into their kiss, “for unethical?”

Temari didn’t even bother humouring him with an answer, simply unhooking her arms from his neck and letting them travel down his chest as he chewed on her lip, fighting back gentle moaned. She could feel his body relax and quiver the lower her fingertips grazed, and the broken breaths he took were too much for her to handle. Reluctantly he let her lip loose from his teeth and Temari let out a soft hum.

And with that she just let him. She let his hands roam, his lips pepper her jawline until she pushed him down her neck. She allowed his fingertips to pull at the hem on her skirt, ride it up and push her back. With every movement he made, she felt important. In no way was this the slow and sensual situation she’d mulled over in her mind last night, full of kind words and affection—it didn’t need to be. It was raw, it was real and it was them, exactly how she wanted it to be.

Never in his life had Shikamaru wanted something so much—someone so much—as when he pulled away from the kisses he placed across her abdomen to look down at her on that table. And when she sat up and her hands tore through the fastener of his jeans, he, too, had no objection. Nor could he object when her legs flew around his waist once again and he felt at once her exact feelings.

Temari couldn’t handle the way his breath danced against her neck, and how his deep moans fluttered to her ear. Even how his hair fell free and caressed her bare skin drove her crazier with every motion he made.

And Shikamaru certainly couldn’t take the way she said his name, almost silently, or the way her fingernails scratched at his back desperately.

It was like nothing either of them had felt before. They didn’t need to go slow, and they didn’t need to rush. As they continued, scaling higher and higher toward their moments of ecstasy, neither of them even patient enough to fully undress, the pair felt liberated. A weight of frustration finally reaching the point at which it could drop, crash, and release it’s havoc upon the both of them. And they were not going to stop it.

Over this desk they had spoken for the very first time, and now over this desk they explored one another in the way they had so hungrily hoped for, over and over and over again…

~~~

Shikamaru’s knees quivered as he buried his face in her neck, the both of them grinning ear to ear as they struggled for breath. He could feel the rise and fall of her chest against his now, the gentler touch of her fingertips weaving through his hairline, and he pulled back to look into her eyes.

Blushing, Temari felt somewhat starstruck, and cupped his cheeks with her hands, now sheer with sweat rather than the depressing layer of rain and tears he’d walked in wearing. Her forehead pressed against his and she found herself giggling, adjusting her position on the table, closer to the edge. Even now—no, especially now—she felt compelled to be as close to him as she possibly could, and Shikamaru didn’t seem to object.

As he smiled, he zipped up his jeans and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, chuckling softly. Much to her dismay he left the table and grabbed her blouse, throwing it her way before shuffling back towards her. Examining her scruffy hair and the red marks that littered her collarbones made his eyes narrow, lips shifting into a smirk.

“Pleased with yourself, flower boy?” mused Temari, blushing as she rushed to cover her torso.

He shrugged, reached for her hips and pulling them toward him off of the table. “You could say that.”

“I thought you said you’d never had a girlfriend.”

“I haven’t,” he sighed. “That doesn’t mean I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Oh. Right.” Her tone of bitter jealousy was remarkable—it took all his strength not to laugh. “Well, you unfortunately do.”

“Unfortunately?”

Temari replicated his mischievous grin and pressed a soft kiss on his lips. “I’m kidding.”

“Of course you are.” He returned the kiss. “You really are so fucking beautiful.”

“I know,” she giggled, her hands flush against his bare chest, and Shikamaru couldn’t help but take a step back, smiling.

He leaned down to grab his sopping wet uniform and groaned, his whole body whizzing with the adrenaline. From the way his top lip curved she knew whatever followed would be accidentally condescending, and yet waited until his mouth was open, ready to speak, to butt in by shuffling off of her desk.

“I’m glad you came,” she said feebly, doing up the final few buttons of her blouse and adjusting her skirt.

“As am I.”

Temari nodded. “I didn’t really want to wait until Saturday for you to kiss me again.”

“Neither did I.”

Oh, the little smile on his face; why was it so stupidly perfect?

As he stood, watching her hair flutter and her curves sway as she strolled closer to him, straight into his arms, Shikamaru couldn’t ignore how stunning the woman before him truly way. Of course he already knew that—since he’d stepped through the door he’d thought it was perfectly clear that’s how he viewed her—but as she looked up into his eyes he knew it was more than that.

There was only so much you could dwell on someone’s physical beauty until it grew a bore—Shikamaru knew that from every week-long crush he’d had at school—and here stood his perfect example of a woman, whose eyes dug deep into him and urged him to be himself. With her, he felt calmer, and until she pulled him closer and buried her face into his bare neck, Shikamaru had forgotten all about his ordeal before arriving as though her presence wiped his memory. But now, as her fingers traced patterns on his skin, something compelled him, urged him to be honest with her.

She knew he was down, he could tell, and he hardly wanted to lie to her face.

“Tem?”

She hummed gently into his collarbone.

“I saw her today. On the bus.”

“Who?”

“Kurenai, and her daughter.” He took a deep breath and it rushed out, staggered. “She recognised me.”

“Did you speak to her?”

With a shake of his head, a humourless laugh escaped his throat. “Yeah, right. As if I’ve got the guts to do that.”

“What do you think she thinks of you? Surely you don’t think she hates you, Shikamaru.”

He grunted, burying his face in his hair. “I can’t say I’m itching to talk about it, Temari.”

“You brought it up.”

“I know,” he sighed, shaking his head. “I just thought I’d tell you.”

“You don’t have to feel obliged to tell me everything anymore.”

“I don’t feel obliged. I want to.”

Slowly Temari pulled away so she was at arms distance from him. Her lips curved up into a sad smile. “Then you’ve got to be open.” She watched as his eyes grew narrower and sadder by the second and she took his hands, squeezing them gently. He was so handsome; it was a shame he was burdened by such sadness. “We don’t have to talk about it right now,” she added.”

Shikamaru looked grateful and squeezed her hands in return in three short bursts before letting go, reaching up to fix his hair back into a slightly less messy ponytail. “Thanks,” he mumbled.

“But you’ve got to remember something,” said Temari, biting on her lip as she walked back to the—now violated—desk to find her phone. “You’ve got to love, or—at the very least—accept yourself in here…” She pointed at her temple. “Nothing will come easily until then.”

She could see in his eyes that he was ready to pick apart what she meant like that, but Temari wasn’t ready to answer any questions. She herself wasn’t sure what she meant by that, and sadly she knew she wouldn’t have an answer to him if he did part his lips any say anything to her. The way she felt about him was so complex, and he was generally so confusing, that she wasn’t able to peg it down even in her own mind. No words could describe the jumble of want, admiration and pity that swelled when she looked into his dark eyes or that pensive expression. After what they’d just done what was she meant to say? She adored him, undeniably, but she wasn’t sure that was what was good for him.

Maybe, for now, keeping that quiet would be the best thing for him.

“Put your shirt on,” she mumbled before he could speak, forcing a smile. “I’ll call you a cab.”

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thelostandforgottenangel · 6 years

Text

Hold on

Leo Depressing One-Shot

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@devilsnevercry1388 @tmntwhat-you-get-is-what-you-see @fyreball66 @fearless-leader-leonardo

I will apologize in advance this got really deep and depressing but I hope you all enjoy and if it helps please listen to the song while reading it really gives it a little more volume

“GET OUT! LEAVE NOW!” she had never heard him yell before but it had scared the hell out of her, so much so she had turned and ran from the lair away from the one man that had always made her feel safe. They had been going through a rough patch and tonight it had hit the fan

She had left Leonardo standing there in the center of the living area her legs pumping under her never stopping until she found herself standing in front of her building going to her apartment locking the door before she dropped right there in the hall crying out telling herself he was going to leave her – why was she like this

Leo could have never guessed with the way she was always smiling and cheerful she had been fighting a war and today she was losing. She had been struggling and after the horrible words she had heard all day long from the guy that bullied her all she had wanted what to go to the lair and have him hold her but when she had accidently disturbed his meditation he exploded going off on her

She couldn’t imagine her world without him in it – he made her feel complete and like she could never be sad, just having him hold her she actually could make it through the day finally seeing a reason to keep going knowing he loved her. Since the day he had saved her at the substation he gave her a reason to get up every day and so far the happiest memory she could pull was the first time she had seen him smile and how it lit up that room around her making it her goal to see it every chance she could

For the first time in a long time she had hope, she could see a future where she was happy, she got a glimpse of just how good life could be when she was looking into his eyes knowing he had felt it too by the way he would look at her

But right then her demons were taking over, her joy turning to chaos in front of her

She rushed towards her room slamming the door before locking herself in the bathroom screaming out her pain before looking at the mirror hating the girl who was staring back at her “Why do you always screw up everything! Why can’t you do anything right he gave you his time and all you did was- you are ruining his life!” she screamed again before punching the mirror hard the glass shattering when she finally broke turning looking at the cabinet behind her seeing it open the pill bottle right there in sight… right where she had left it the night she had wanted to end it

The night he had kissed her and kept her beside him on the couch where they had dosed off watching movies only to wake up to see his beautiful eyes watching over her. He was her lifeline even though she had never once heard him say he loved her she didn’t have to hear it – in her heart she knew

She walked forward taking it in her hand before looking back in her broken reflection Leo would be happier without her around – right… tears started falling as she dropped them telling her she was wrong still trying to fight those thoughts before looking at the door sitting down slowly as her mind reeled “I’m sorry Leo… I’m so sorry” she grabbed her phone clicking on his number calling him going to apologize and beg him to come over so she could tell him – show him how much she loved him but he forwarded her call making her cry harder as she tried again only for it to go straight to voicemail looking at it before dialing one last time sobbing realizing he had turned it off

Realization washed over her before she reached over picking up the bottle looking at it feeling sick while dumping out the bottle looking at them all mixed together knowing there had to be six different kinds she had just dumped in there holding tight to her phone before clicking on her messages seeing his picture she had sent from his phone typing out a message and sending it all while looking at him taking the handful in her palm getting her a glass of water from that morning and downing them fast without hesitation

It wouldn’t be long now-

He sat on the floor in the dojo trying to meditate – after she had ran out of there he had tried to get back to the peace he had found finally after his brother’s had finally left to go bother anyone but him but when she had walked in and tried to get close he snapped he was sick of being disturbed

She had just caught the brunt of his anger and it had killed him to watch her run from him but he told himself not to follow her, she wouldn’t want him near her like this so he was trying to calm down going to meditate then he would go once he knew he had the anger under control but right then he was still pissed off

She knew not to disturb him when he was in there it was his only rule for her

He growled looking down when his phone went off a while later seeing her smiling face on his screen forwarding the call before shutting the phone off to get some peace and quiet but he couldn’t get back there his chest hurting

My Geisha: I’m so sorry –please forgive me my strong Samurai… I love you so much Leo, I swear to love you all my life just please forgive me… I promise I will never do that to you ever again.

He looked at the three little words on his screen feeling his heart beating faster since they were still new to him before sighing realizing he had overreacted quickly dialing her phone hearing it ring before his brow scrunched when she didn’t pick up calling her again but still no answer hearing her voicemail and how happy she sounded when she had made it hanging up to text her

‘Sweetie are you okay – I just want to talk…’

He waited getting up going to get him some water as the pain in his chest started to get to him wondering if he had over done it in training before he stopped looking around something feeling off to him

‘Baby please just answer me’

He was starting to feel colder the more he waited looking around as it started to bother him – like her warmth was leaving his home… and he really didn’t like that

He finally headed out the door when he called again but this time it just rang and rang never going to voicemail needing so bad to see her right then hurrying to her place a few blocks away getting there fast tapping on her window waiting as the air started to send chills up his spine shocked she didn’t come when he tapped harder pleading for her to just let him in looking over seeing her bedroom window was wide open “I’m coming in – whether you want me too or not” he didn’t get a response looking inside again before seeing her bag and keys laying on the floor just inside her front door not where she would leave them

After a minute he tried to get up pausing when the window shut all the way looking at it in confusion as he slowly pushed it up – she should have locked the window by now but he climbed in without another thought looking around seeing she hadn’t moved anything since that morning and wasn’t on the couch slowly walking his way down the hall stopping just outside her door knowing she wouldn’t have heard him coming in tapping on the bedroom door “My love – can I come in?” he disliked her giving him the silent treatment looking at the door knob as he had started to call out to her again finding it twisted in his grip pushing the door open but again found her not there sighing as he slowly walked in instantly seeing the light on in the bathroom

She’d never hidden from him there but it was the next place he would have to get in “Baby – look you don’t have to talk to me just listen. I over reacted, I know I did and I’m sorry I should have never yelled at you… it wasn’t your fault I was in a bad mood but I took it out on you when I shouldn’t have please – please my flower just open the door” he leaned on the frame waiting he could hear her inside so he knew he had found her placing his hand on the wood internally pleading with her to just unlock it “You know - I'd be so lost if you left me you… know that. And I think the reason for that is – because I love you too my geisha”

He stood there starting to be concerned when she didn’t even try to talk to him, she wasn’t even moving around inside and it caused him to pull out his phone calling hers listening before his ringtone went off but she made no attempts to answer it

“Akachan?” he tried the handle praying it wasn’t locked and he was going to look like an idiot just like he felt but this one was locked “You are starting to worry me sweetie please – open the door or do I need to get on my knees and beg” that would have normally gotten a laugh from her like it always did even with her in the worst mood there was always something about it that just made her laugh but this time – nothing

He shook the door before stepping back a little ways now knowing something for sure wasn’t right kicking the door open mumbling he’d fix it later

His eyes landed on the woman instantly finding her lying there on the floor struggling to breathe gasping for air past the liquid leaking out onto the floor, a puddle of odd colored liquid near her where she had thrown up a good portion of what was in her stomach as she stared blankly ahead not seeming to hear him “Oh my god-” Leonardo was instantly there next to her pulling her into his arms no words able to escape his frozen lungs shaking his head as she shook on the floor feeling how cool and sweaty she felt the second he touched her cradling his mates limp body against him to feel her heartbeat against his chest “Baby! Oh god what-” he choked seeing the bottle and three pills laying close by shaking his head as he nuzzled at his mate trying to get her to respond to him “What did you do… come on stay with me. Hold on… Baby! Baby come on sweetie hold my hand” he clutched her small hand firmly pleading for her to squeeze it back as he helped her drink some water most of it dribbling out onto his pants as he sat calling out to her crying between each attempt as she tried to hold his hand her eyes finally looking to him the gorgeous orbs showing how scared she was “I’m here – I’m right here just stay with me please”

He grabbed a towel cleaning her up as his shell tapped her bathtub unable to believe this was happening “L-Leo…”

He lifted her into his arms getting her off the cold floor walking quickly to her bed laying her down making her comfortable as she tried to speak again “Shhh it’s okay… it’s okay I got you j-just stay with me… I’m getting help” he called Donatello to get there fast sounding so unlike himself as he begged his brothers to help him so he could save her pacing back and forth as he waited before dropping to her side when she reached for him taking her hand tightly in his kissing her knuckles softly “You’ll be okay”

“S-Smile… I want to see you smile” he looked at her thinking it was strange but quickly nodded looking her over before forcing a smile on his face seeing she seemed to relax once she saw it lifting a shaky hand to touch his cheek smiling through her own tears as she started to feel colder “I-I always loved your smile…”

A long endless moment passed as she petted his cheek just staring at him as he sat there silent beside her seeing how her eyes drifted ever so often probably thinking this was a nightmare he couldn't escape from nuzzling against her hand as he clung to his phone waiting for Donnie to call him back helplessly praying inside that this wasn’t real as he watched the light in the love of his life fading before him.

She finally managed to get her fingers wrapped around his mask tails gently tugging on them until he leaned forward thinking she was trying to tell him something before her lips met his in a soft yet loving kiss almost sweeter then the first they had ever shared and on a whim he pressed back kissing her harder not letting her mouth go until he was sure the feeling of her lips on his were imprinted permanently “Promise me – y-you will keep smiling…” she laid her head down beside his when he tried to get closer climbing up on the bed holding onto him as the turtle clung to the girls presence “Don’t ever stop smiling Leo it really brings out your eyes”

He let out a dry chuckle shaking his head kissed her face several times his heart breaking as her breathing got quicker “Don't let go and I will smile all you want me too… I know I'm not strong enough if you do so please Megami , soon as Donnie gets here he’s going to fix this a-and I’m going to take you home and hold you until your all better… You’re going to get better” he nuzzled against her kissing down her neck as her breathing started to calm slowing as she relaxed in his arms grinning as she whispered her love for him as he stayed by her side holding her safely, soothing her to stay calm with him as they laid in each other’s arms quickly looking over when Donnie ran in to the room relieved to see his brothers

“I hurried how is she…” Donatello had stopping as Leo looked down seeing his girl had closed her eyes a small smile on her lips as she held his hand loosely her room growing colder by the second

“Baby – hey Don’s here look” he started to get up before realizing she hadn’t moved gently shaking her thinking she had just dosed off while holding him “Sweetie?” he reached out cupping her cheek before any of the normal loving feelings he always sensed in her presence seemed to fade around him as he looked over her pale face then it clicked she was no longer fighting to breathe, her chest still “N-No… nonono come on - hey wake up – MEWOSAMASU - AKACHAN GA MEWOSAMASU!!! (Wake up - baby wake up!!) PLEASE – DON’T LEAVE ME! I-I SWEAR BABY I’LL NEVER GET MAD AGAIN… I-I LOVE YOU SO MUCH … I NEED YOU HERE WITH ME PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME" he pulled her up in his arms shaking her hard against him as her head fell to his chest screaming out into her neck sobbing wildly trying to bring her back as if his voice would guide her back from the other side

Raphael touched the blue banded turtle’s shoulder having never seen the leader act like that in all his life as the younger two stood nearby looking down on the scene that played out in front of them, Donnie finally moved trying to find a sign of life in the woman but there was nothing… they were too late to help her seeing Leo rocking her as he pleaded for her his prayers to never be answered whispering his love as he kissed her lips letting his tears fall for the loss of his whole world

Come back, I still need you Megami…

#tmnt 2014/2016 #depressing #tmnt leonardo #fight #losing the battle #Female reader #Suicide #pills #broken #song inspired #self hate #self doubt #inner thoughts #depressing thoughts #teenage mutant ninja turtles

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alizrak · 6 years

Text

Finished watching Season 4 with my niece! (or how I had an existential crisis and came out the other side... kinda)

I finished watching Rebels Season 4 with my niece. Just like with season 1, 2 and 3, I made a compilation of her comments. I refreshed her mind a little about where we last we saw of the crew, at the battle in Atollon, and how Sabine's family helped the Rebels escape. "Oh, yeah! They escaped and then you told me Kallus became popular because of his hair, right?" YES. Yes, my child, you are right.

As it has been quite obvious, she's a big Kanera fan since the pilot itself. She was hooked from the start with the Space Family concept. Also, she's likes Sabezra but has told me is ok if they don't. Ahsoka is still her big fave in all Star Wars.

We finished the first half on December so I actually didn't know what to expect of the later half. My comments to her are inside parenthesis. Obviously, you will find SPOILERS AHEAD.

Hero's of Mandalore Part 1:

"Sabine looks like that part in Wonder Woman when she climbs out and is all like 'YEAH!'"

"I love the Darksaber. It looks so cool. Sabine has almost become an expert using it"

"Oh, Ezra is so funny! :D"

"Who's that?", [Bo-Katan explanation], "Oh, Sabine should give the Darksaber to her... [she refuses]... aw! Just take it! Sabine doesn't want it. Why won't anyone take it!?"

"[sighs] How is Kanan supposed to know where Hera's hologram is? He can't see. She's not really there so he can't sense her either"

"Kanan is getting flirty! Hehehe!"

[They attack the convoy] "WOOOOO! AWESOME! Sabine is going to kick your butts!"

"Hahahaha 'I'm with her', hahahah Oh, Ezra, you better give a good impression if you want him as your father-in-law"

"Kanan is so cool"

"They need to jump now! How is Ezra going to-... WOAH. WOW! Look at him! He has really really improved with the Force!"

"Oooh, Sabine's dad is an Artist too. That's why she is like that"

[Sabine warns her mother to run] "Oh no. Run. Do as she says! Don't stare! OH NO... OH NO."

"Oh no... Sabine's mother... and her brother... No. This is horrible...! D':" [covers her face and starts sobbing] ((Shitshitshit))

Heroes of Mandalore Part 2:

[Still sniffing covering her face] "Poor Sabine! :'("

"Wait...! [*gasp*] THEY ARE ALIVE!? THEY MADE ME SHED TEARS ON PURPOSE!!! HOW DARE THEY!?"

"Protect the parents!"

"Everyone is really angry with Sabine. I get it but it's not her fault"

"Wait... wait. What? They won't leave their armor? Can't they just, like, put it away during certain battles? Then put it back on? Or just not use it for this war? Is not like they are going to destroy their old armors forever! Just to win this one.... They won't? Really?? That's dumb"

"Oh my god, we have been over this! It's not her fault! You know, I wouldn't be surprised if someone actually just shoots her in the head thinking they will prevent another weapon from been made"

"HOW IS KANAN WATCHING SABINE'S PLAN ON THE SCREEN? HE HAS NO EYES! ARGHH!"

[when approaching the Star Destroyer] "Just make sure to come back to your wife!" ((You know Kanan and Hera aren't married)) "Eh, they might as well be, they have been together all these years and have almost adopted Ezra, that's enough for me"

"If Kanan and Hera had children, What would they look like? Like humans? Like Twi'lek? A combination of the two? Would it be "mestizaje*" (race-mixing in Spanish)?" ((Well, I told you before there was a female Twi'lek in Clone Wars who had children with a human, and the kids looked mostly like her. I guess it could be something like that... maybe they would take after Hera)).

[Sabine and Bo-Katan get struck by The Dutchess] "NO! NO! DONT KILL HER!"

[Sabine is ordered to improve the weapon] "No Sabine! Don't do it! *GASP* SHE BETRAYED THEM?.... AH! OH! HAHAHAHAH TAKE THAT! NOW IS YOUR TURN TO SUFFER!"

"Poor Ezra, his head almost got zapped. The Force told him to get the helmet off in time, but it seems like it still hurt"

"Sabine should kill him. But... ok, it's better if she doesn't fall into the Darkside"

"FINALLY! Bo-Katan is going to keep the Darksaber! GOOD! Sabine is free!"

In the Name of the Rebellion Part 1

"Are Zeb and the others over there in the new base?"

"This is sooo coooool! Just like the movies! [GASP] I think I saw like an R2D2!!"

"Where is Hera?? Kanan needs to say hello to his wifey!"

"Yep, she's got this!"

"ooh Kallus! You look nice! And he is GOOD now! I'm so happy for him!"

"Wait... Ezra is right, What about Lothal??"

[After Mon Mothma's talk with Ezra] "This is too complicated..."

[Kanan goes to speak with Hera "I don't have to see you to know you are not right"] "I still can't believe the voice of Kanan send me a message" ((NOTE: FPJ replied to a tweet I made about my niece still not being entirely over the fact that Kanan lost his eyes, he told me to let her know he could see better now than he ever could before. She was obviously sto learn he replied. ))

"NICE! Sabine and Ezra have excellent teamwork. That's good if they end up together"

"Hera needs to go back for the kids fast"

"Saw is taking them, heh, mom doesn't like that one bit"

In the Name of the Rebellion Part 2

* "They are looking for some clues... Clues about what again?"

"Oh... they found prisoners... wait! ARE THEY GOING TO RELEASE THEM JUST LIKE THAT? How can they know if they are good? What if they are actually got arrested doing something bad!? Criminals? Assassins? They shouldn't just go around releasing everyone."

"Woah, Ezra has improved a lot! He's learned well from Kanan! [*SQUEE*]"

"What's that singing?"

"Aw... Chopper feels so good to be praised. How cute!"

"[SCREAM] THE BLACK TROOPERS! KILL THEM!! FAST!"

"YEAH! Sneak around in the shadows! WOAH! EZRA IS AMAZING!"

"What's that?..." (( A kyber crystal, like the one Ezra uses on his lightsaber, but gigantic)) "Oh, this is not good. This could be a terrible weapon" (( Like... the deathstar?)) "Ah! You are right!! OOPS!"

"I just can't believe how great has Ezra become. Look at him using the Force like that"

"SAW! HE BETRAYED THEM!" [RAGE]

"Wait, he's... he is leaving them!! HE ACTUALLY LEFT THEM TRAPPED!"

"Yes Chopper! Call for mom to pick you all up!"

"Ezra should have killed the Death Trooper, it could be trouble later on"

"Oh come on, come on, you can make it!... *phew*... they might be stranded but alive... oh, here comes Hera! YAY! They are safe and sound"

The Occupation

"I feel sorry for Ezra, he only wants to help"

"He's there to stay. YES! I like how secure and confident he's now. He's more mature. I'm proud of him."

"Everything is so bad now..."

"uuuuh, they are going to a dark alley, hehehe, HEY YOU WHAT ARE YOU DOING OVER THERE!? HAHAHAHA"

[I wish I could see you] "Oh yeah, what does it matter if he can see everything so well with the Force and stuff... EXCEPT HIS BEAUTIFUL LOVING WIFE. Ugh, I don't know if they-... OH GOD THEY ARE GOING TO KISS YES YESSSS-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! ZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEB! NOOOOOOOOOOO!" [writhes] "FRUIT!!!", ((Fruit?)), "You know, like Fruit"... (( -_- that language...)) Note: Mission accomplished, Filoni. You even made my niece 'fake swear' in frustration. xD****

"Going to a bar is not a good idea..."

"Oh, look he's helping them! Is that... wait... I KNOW HIM, what was his name?" (( Jai Kell)) "YES!" ((From the Academy)) "YEAH! AMAZING! Oh they are all grown up"

"Hahahahaha, did Ezra grow up in the sewers?? Hahahaha, oh Zeb that's a good one... but I can't forgive you that you interrupted them!"

"WOAH Kanan gets more impressive as time goes, same as Ezra. I love it!"

"Ezra and Kanan can defend them... mostly. Just stay together or... NO, GO ABOVE, GO GO GO GO"

FLIGHT OF THE DEFENDER

"I love those cats, so cute!"

"Gotta make a distraction with kitties! Wait-... they are not going to shoot at them, right?"

"THRAWN. NO. NO. GET OUT OF THERE NOW!"

"A bigger distraction with a wolf! That's a good idea! Wait-... is there something wrong with that wolf?

"What was that wolf? He's gone now. Was it an illusion? An hallucination? Is Ezra going crazy? Like that time with Maul in the desert? Is Ezra falling to the darkside again??"

"Hahahaha, Ezra is always so clumsy and funny"

"Shoot at Thrawn! You can end this!.... aww they missed..."

"they weren't using seat belts! Are they ok??"

"Can't Ezra use the Force to float the machine where they need to go?"

"Uh, another lothcat! Cats really love Ezra!"

"What a smart loth cat"

"He can control the wolf so he doesn't bite-.... What the- What? What did he do to Sabine? Oh god he killed her with his bad breath???"

"He's a friend? I don't-...I don't get it. Ok, he can help I guess"

"Dume? Is that a person?" (Don't you remember? Caleb Dume? That's was Kanan's original name) "Wait... so why would it go for Ezra if he wants Kanan? Why is he hiding himself from Kanan? From Sabine and the others? Is he planning something bad? Does he want the others to think Ezra is crazy? Is he an illusion? A Ghost? I don't understand"

KINDRED

"They came to Lothal to find Ezra. That's their destiny. They should already start a family and adopt him too so he can be a big brother. They need a normal life"

"An assassin... he looks dangerous"

"Don't shoot me! Shoot him! Hahahaha, yeah, they should blast him"

"He's too good! Ezra use the Force to squish him with those rocks!!"

"Yeah, Hera should take a break. She's been fighting non-stop and... oh-. Uh! UH! THEY ARE KISSING-! NOOOOOO!! WHY DO THEY KEEP DOING THIS TO US!??"

"YES! YEEESS YEEEEEEEEEEESSSS!!! MOM AND DAD FINALLY KISSED"

"The wolves are back... oh no, they are going to think Ezra is losing his mind in the worst possible time...wait, they can see them? Why...? Are they real? But... like... what? Ok, ok! Just follow them!"

"They are good right? They are not going to attack them"

"There is no way out... They ARE going to eat them"

"They want Kanan. Yeah, he knows they are looking at him. But why him?? Can't the wolf talk more and explain?"

"This makes no sense. WHAT IS HAPPENING? How can they do that? Is that magic? The Force? Explain it to me, please!" ((They just can)) "I don't care about spoilers, just explain" ((I'm sorry, but we just don't know)) "But you know all this stuff! You already watch it!" ((Yeah, but how the wolves do what they do is still kind of a mystery... they just do it with the Force))

"This is all too confusing. Cool but confusing"

"They ended up all the way on the other side of the planet!?? Whaaaaaaaaa!?"

"Those paintings! Yes! Those are Jedi! What does the rest mean? Is it about Kanan too? Please tell me!" ((I can only assume it is. I can tell you they won't say anything else about them...)) "What?? Why not??"

"I don't understand!"

CRAWLER COMMANDEERS

"They are burning everything... they are contaminating. How horrible"

"Mon Mothma and the others are going to say no. How dare they. Hera has done all that stuff for them. How ungrateful"

"Is that what I sound like?, hahahahaha"

"This is creepy. Like a horror movie. Are there zombies in Star Wars?"

"Oh! It's that guy! Yeaaah, they totaaaally came to rescue you, suuuure"

"Kanan will show him! He can't beat a Jedi!... NOOO! DONT HURT HIM! NOT KANAN!!"

"Fight Zeb! You are the muscle!"

"Ventilation shaft. This is a job for Ezra~!"

"Hahaha, he thinks he's so grown up and he doesn't have to do it anymore"

"That... that was dark. Disturbing. Oh no. Ezra... is coming back to the darkside! If Kanan realizes he's going to be on big trouble!" ((Eh... no...)) "but he let him die in that horrible way" ((He was a slaver, remember)) "Yeah, but it would have been better if he just cut off his head... quicker, less pain"

REBEL ASSAULT

"Well, Thrawn warned him. It's his fault"

"Wait... they actually shot them down. Is she ok? She can't die, right?"

"Kanan! YOU NEED TO GO SAVE YOUR WIFE... WHY IS EVERYONE LEAVING?"

"She's wounded! She needs to get out of there"

"This is bad. This is all wrong."

[Kanan stops and turns around] "YES! It was about time you stopped and went for her! Ezra you need to go with him! DONT LET HIM GO ALONE!"

"No. Oh no. No. No. Poor Chopper. He had to leave her behind..."

"What's wrong with these wolves!! THEY DONT MAKE ANY SENSE! UGH!"

"He is not going to abandon her right?"

Ok, so that was the first half. I wrote it as soon as we finished that half of the season. During the weeks leading up to the second half I think I had made clear here on reddit about what I thought what would happen in the show. My main prediction was that Ezra and Kanan would somehow end up stranded in the UR (with or without Thrawn) and would be regarded as MIA/KIA by the Rebellion which would explain their absence in the OT. Even though the family was going to get separated, I thought it would be ok because Ezra and Kanan would have each other. The Ghost crew wouldn't be able to go look for them until the end of the war, some time after Endor, until they were free to seek them out. I even assumed Hera would have Kanan's child and they would happily reunite at the end. ...You can tell I got it right in the most painful way imaginable, at least for me.

After finishing the show by myself, I wasn't sure I would be even be able to show her Jedi Night... the very first episode coming back. Like... what the hell. It destroyed me. How was she going to handle Kanan's death? She didn't know or care about the Hero's Journey. In fact, back in Season 3 she had made it clear she didn't care what Yoda said about Luke being the last Jedi because she just wanted Kanan and Ezra to be ok and alive because they had suffered enough. Hell, the whole reason I decided I would show her Rebels was because it was so wholesome and she was going through a rough patch because the man she pretty much regarded as her father, abandoned her and her mom. She immediately latched onto the whole space adoptive family aspect in Rebels, specially to the father figure in Kanan.

When the finale was over I went over the first half of the s4 comments again and realized the focus she had on Kanan and his relationship with Ezra and Hera... and I just felt like I was spiraling down into a pit of regret. I kept telling myself "what have you done".

I waited a week or two after the finale to let myself grieve and try to be emotionally ready for her, but then... every time I tried to start showing her Jedi Night, something horrible happened: the father of a friend of hers died after a hospital complication and she was the only one who was able to go to the funeral to comfort her friend, and then the following week the Grandfather of her cousin also died from a heart-attack. Jedi Night was completely out of the question for a month. Then she went on vacation, then her mother was very sick so she had to stay at home for weeks, etc. I kept emotionally bracing myself for the day we had picked and having to cancel in the last minute for the worst painful reasons. I grew depressed. I almost gave up. But she kept reminding me we hadn't watch it and I just tried to smile and assure her we would.

So, we finally did. I recorded the audio so I could do the most exact translation/transcription I could.

JEDI NIGHT

[Kanan gives Ezra the lead] "Uhm... I'm not sure this is right. You are the adult, he's the kid" (Is because he would be in emotionally compromised) "Uh... yeah, he could lose control. Like Anakin did"

[Pryce tortures Hera] "THAT WITCH"

"THE KALIKORI!... so much for it... you will need to learn to let it go, Hera. Let go."

[Pryce continues to torture Hera] "THIS IS REALLY DISTURBING!"

"What is Kanan doing?" (Preparing) "Preparing for what?" (Because what he is going to do is pretty important) "Oh, yeah, he cuts his hair... we saw it on the trailer. Why is it important that he *cuts his hair*??" (It's a... symbol of change) "...aaand what kind of change? Is he not going to love Hera anymore?" (Wha-, No)

"PFFFT, [sarcastic] *I toootaaally like your change! Definitely cool! YEP!* xP", (Hey, he looks younger. He's actually younger than me), "How old is he?", (He should be... 32) "WHAT!!?"

"TIME TO FLY! There they go!"

"...but that change of hairstyle is not going to mean he is going to lose his cool to save Hera, right?"

[Thrawn and Tarkin talk] (Stardust is the Death Star project, from Krennic the bad guy in Rogue One, you remember?) "Oh! That's right!"

"... Kanan can still fall like what happened with Anakin with Padme..." (No, Anakin was very different to Kanan... Kanan knows how to let go) "Yeah... maybe"

"Wait... I know. He doesn't want Hera to like him anymore, that's why he did it, because Jedi can't marry" (keep watching)

"I still wonder how did he cut his hair with just the knife"

[Ezra, Sabine, May the Force be with you] "[big smile] He's so nice and cool. He trusts they will get the job done. He's like a proud dad"

"[GASP] THE KALIKORI IS THERE!"

"WHAT IS SHE DOING TO HERA!?" [drugging her to make her to tell truth] "HORRIBLE! GO TO HELL"

"HERA! NO! SHUT UP! She's going to see him! oh... ok.... Hehehehe"

"She's going to tell him she hates his hair... YEAH!!"

[Rukh starts chasing them] "I hate that guy"

"C'mon Kanan! SHOW HIM WHAT A JEDI CAN DO! [chants] *Kanan! Kanan! Kanan! Kanan!*.... NOO!!!! THROW HIM! THROW HIM! YESSSS!"

"Are they leaving without Sabine and Ezra?" (They are moving to meet in another place) "Oh that's right, they got the other ship"

[they start climbing the fuel depot] "That's dangerous..."

[Sabine shakes off the storm troopers] "This is very disturbing. Do you know how horrible must it be to fall from that height?" Note: Niece actually fell from the third floor of an apartment building and survived because she fell on a shrub a couple of years ago.

[They kiss] "YES! BUT HE IS A JEDI SO HE CANT! I MEAN YES! BUT NO! Ok, yes yes! BUT THEY SHOULDN'T! Ok, YES!" (What makes a Jedi is protecting others first... and to love and be able to let go)

"Oops they found them"

sigh.... here we go...

[fuel depot is shot] "[GASP] Get on, KANAN! GET ON! RETREAT! RETREAT!"

"KANAN, GET ON!! DON'T BE FOOLISH!"

[She gets up and attempts to leave the room] (SIT, you need to sit.) "I DONT WANT TO WATCH THIS"

[Kanan's eyes heal] "WHAT THE-!??" (The Force returned his sight.) "WHAT??"

[Kanan pushes the the ship away, gets engulfed in flames] "...."

[Rebels logo appears, credits roll] [she stares silence] "Is he really dead?" ([I nod])

"...I'm like... I can't... I can't think." (He saw Hera. Remember? 'We will see each other again, I promise.') "YEAH SHUT-" [storms off]

[falls to the ground]

[gives a long wail full of pain and rage]

[stays in the floor bawling]

[I lie down with her and hold her]

"HE DIED!" [sobs] "HE DIED! ...KANAN!" (He had to do what he had to do. Come... let's keep watching.) "No. I don't want to. I don't want to keep watching." (You need to see what's next.) "No. I don't." (Come on.) "No. I don't want anything else..." (My BF: Give her a moment)

[weeps in the floor for a couple of minutes more and then stays there lying face down in silence]

(Come, sweetie, get up) "...Is he truly dead??" (Yeah. He died... but remember, the Force... you become part of it... and technically his story is not truly over) "It's over! He's dead!" (Remember, everyone is connected to the Force... you need to see what happens) "[she slowly comes to sit and keep watching] I'm regretting watching this" (ok... just let me-) "I mean- DID YOU SEE EZRA'S FACE? HE-... [tears up again] He didn't-... he couldn't do anything about it! He was so confused and shocked... Sabine too! They were crying! Ezra was desperate! [sobs] KANAN COULD HAVE JUST GOTTEN INTO THE SHIP AND BLOCK IT FROM THERE! Why didn't he?? Just get on the ship and that's it... push themselves away to safety*... *why?"

(Ok, let's keep watching) "...ok..."

DUME

(See... all the fuel they had for the TIE defender factory was destroyed) "Can't they, like, bring more? Like a gas station?" (I don't know)

"Zeb is so happy. He doesn't know. He's going to see them crying..."

"He's gone..." [tears up]

"TURN IT OFF YES"

["You didn't prepared me for this"] [covers her face and sobs]

"Why are they so mean!? Leave him alone! It's not his fault! He just lost his DAD! I thought the wolves were his friends! They make no sense!"

"...and we were just talking about this at school..." (what?) "...about the character deaths in shows and movies that made us cry..." (Oh) "...did you cry? Did you cry when Kanan died?" (I teared up... I was sad too)

[Thrawn chews Pryce] "KARMA! YOU GONNA GET WHATS COMING TO YOU!"

[at the cave, while Hera grieves] "... oh, Kanan left his things there..."

[Ezra: "AAAH! WHAT HAPPENED!"] "Hehehehehe, oh Ezra..." [dries her tears]

["AH! That thing looked right at me!"] "Hehehehe...uh-oh it seems he's tracking them again"

["We take something from them"] "Nonononono, that's the darkside, don't go there. Kanan wouldn't have wanted that. That's wrong!"

[Dume wakes Ezra] "...could it be that Kanan became the wolf?" [I pause and quickly grab the Kanan Disney Infinity figurine where it shows his shoulder pad] (Check this out... look at the wolf's forehead) "[GASP!] It's him!"

* ["DUME"] "...ahm... that's... not exactly Kanan"

[Rukh becomes invisible] "How can't they see him?? He's still pretty obvious"

["He was wise, brave and he cared"] "Kanan loved him"

"What's that? Are they going to fight with... Rock-Paper-Scissors?? What???"

"Heh! He's all painted! Get him! Yeah! In the face!... ok, that's enough, enough, ENOUGH! Just don't let him go! Capture him!"

["Knowledge, Destruction"] "Yeah that's right... Ahsoka and that temple... that was bad"

"Why are the wolves so angry with Ezra? Can't they give him a break? Was that really Kanan? He didn't act like him at all! He wouldn't have done that to Ezra. He would have been kinder" (Well, is just a small part of Kanan. He needed to send that message... so a lil bit of Kanan was reaching through the force with his will...) "...UH?... what?...I don't understand"

(She made Kanan part of her family) "Like her husband?" (yep, you could say that. He's the triangle in the Kalikori) "How nice. That's good. They were like that already. I'm sure they even had to go undercover like that. Say they were married for some mission..."

"Chopper is her emotional support"

"Is like they forgot about Ezra until that last moment... how irresponsible"

[pouts] "I regret watching this episode because they didn't bring Kanan back. The people that make the shows can bring back characters. They can. That's what they do." (Sometimes...)

WOLVES AND A DOOR

* "hahaha, Chopper... what about me? CHOMP"

[dances with the sound of drums while the wolves run]

[wolves disappear] "Woah"

"That's the past. Voices of the past. All of that already happened, right?... is... is Kanan's voice ever going to show up again with new lines?" (He was the giant wolf's voice) "whaaa...? Really?"

"Now Ezra is the new leader" (Yep. That's why Kanan gave him the responsibility of the other mission too. He knew what would happen) "What?? How did he know? How do YOU know??" (All those voices in the beginning when he was meditating, remember? Those were visions of what would happen. He did that to save them) "... but the future is NOT written! He could have changed it! It is not set in stone!"

"Who's that guy?"

"You don't need our codes... hehehe... How does Ezra know it worked? That he's not lying and that he actually got affected by the trick?" (I don't know)

"The Emperor... this is bad. Really bad. I don't think Ezra is strong enough to defeat him"

[Hera feels Kanan's presence] "... oh Kanan... why..."

(That bird was always near Ahsoka) "Oh yeah... I kinda remember it. When she was walking down the tunnel I think I saw it too"

"How can they know all this? How are they getting to those conclusions? They are geniuses! I could have never guessed that..."

[Ezra lits up the mural] "Woah... that's going to attract attention"

"Get in! GET IN!"

WORLD BETWEEN WORLDS

"Is Ezra in *space*?" ((Not exactly))

[a pathway between all time and space, he controls the temple, controls the universe] "...uh... WHO? Ezra? He's not that powerful" ((Whoever opens that portal)) "Oh... so Ezra can do whatever he wants?? He should bring Kanan back" (( [pokerface] ))

"What are those voices??" ((They come from the different movies, different times, even from Rogue One... Kylo, Rey... Leia))

"Those are other portals! OOH!"

"THE BIRD! AHSOKA'S BIRD!"

"Is Ahsoka in that portal? Has Ahsoka come through these portals?"

[the portal shows Vader and Ahsoka] "AHSOKA!! WHAT IS SHE DOING HERE!?"

"oh my god, that's right... THIS IS-! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD, PLEASE DONT LET HER GET KILLED BY VADER, TELL ME THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN BECAUSE ILL KILL ANAKIN"

"HWAAAAAAAAAARH! [unintelligebly screams] SAVE HER!!"

[Ezra pulls hers] "WAH!!?? WHAT? WHAT HAPPENED THERE? DID HE JUST-"

[niece jumps off her seat] [SCREAMS] "HE JUST BROKE THROUGH TIME AND SPACE!"

[the minister gets Sabine beaten] "UUURGHH! I'LL KILL HIM!"

"She's fine! SHE'S AWAKE! OH MY GOD AHSOKA [hollering]"

"*'Ezra, what happened to your hair!?'* HAHAHAHAHA, oh this is going to be a shock for her"

"Ok, I'm very good about time travel... but has this been repeating over and over again in that portal until Ezra came by?" ((Is hard to tell exactly...)) "because if she was gone for all that time, it should be because of this, right?" ((Well, the only thing we actually knew about her is that... she was walking down a tunnel at the end of the Season 2, remember?)) "Yeah, that's where the Ahsoka Lives comes from"

"Coincidence?... I DONT THINK SO!"

"Kanan IS the wolf"

"Oh my god! LOOK! THAT'S HIM! Kanan is in the constellations here!"

[Ezra: "I can save Kanan just like I saved you!"] "NOOO! THIS IS NOT RIGHT! YOU CAN'T MESS WITH SPACE TIME!"

"[sobs]"

((That portal... the symbols are Sith)) "Oh, no, this is wrong..."

["I'm asking you to let go"] "Again... [sobs]"

"[sniffles] Ezra has suffered so much... why can't he be happy just once? At least he still has Hera and the others..." (( [sweating intensifies]))

"Why can't she come back with him-? What-?" ((It wasn't really Kanan in that portal... just an illusion so Ezra would reach out and bring in the Emperor, it had been a trap)) "[GLARES] I hate him"

"The Son closes the Portal... ok"

"EZRA HELP HER WITH THE FORCE DONT STAND THERE!"

"Where did she go!? Where is she?" ((Back from where she was taken from)) "That's why we saw her going down there!"

"RUN EZRA!"

"I love Zeb"

"CHOOOPPPPEEEEER! *CHOPPER! CHOPPER!*"

"He knows exactly what to do now... woah, MOTHER OF-... why are the paintings leaving??"

"What's happening? Ezra ended up all messed up. He used all his Ki." (([SNORTS]))

"Wait... was that.. WAS THAT KANAN? REPEAT IT! I NEED TO HEAR HIM! HIS SWEET VOICE!" [The Force will be with you, always] "Oh Kanan... [covers face and sobs]"

"W-why... what happened? HOW?"

"So nobody will be able to be a Jedi now... the temple is gone" ((Eh... I'm not sure. There's still Luke)) "Is not the same. The Temple was the test. The school"

"Goodbye Kanan"

FOOLS HOPE

"ohohoho, Kallus, you look good!"

"It's like a family reunion! Everyone's here! How nice!"

"Aaaww...Hondo is actually Ezra's only friend" ((Are you sure?)) "Yeah, the others are his family. Hera is his mom, Sabine his sister, Zeb and the others are uncles... But Hondo is his FRIEND. A real friend"

"Ezra is listening... just like Kanan taught him to"

"He's having visions!!"

"Oh wow, he didn't kill her??" ((You mean Thrawn and Pryce)) "YEAH" ((No, he said he would handle her when he came back)) "Good... she deserves what's coming to her"

"[GASP] AZADI, THAT TRAITOR, HOW DARE HE!"

"Uh-oh, what's happening... THEY ARE COMING! RUN! LEAVE! HIDE! NO DONT KILL THEM TOO, NO!" ((SIT DOWN))

"Hopefully they'll execute her!!"

"AND THAT UGLY GUY!"

"EZRA, SLICE THAT GUY LIKE SUSHI! GO GO GO, OH YEAH!"

[I've done this many times] "Hahahha he kept counting!"

"WOOOHOO! THAT'S MY SABINE! MY GIRL! YEAH! VICTORY!"

"... ok ALMOST VICTORY"

"Who lives? Who dies!? *YOU DECIDE!*"

"Sabine, what happened with your 'miracles'?"

"Traitor... go to hell. They were going to win!"

[It was part of our plan] "Wait... really? OH!"

"Can't Ezra make a Force field to shield himself?" ((No, he's not that strong with the Force))

"The Clones! They actually have good aim!"

[Where is your army now, Jedi?] [Ezra activates the lightsaber] "WOOOOOOOOOOOOO! DROP MIC, WALK OUT AND KILL EVERYONE"

[manical laugh] "YEAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"Is it Kanan and his friends? Or just his friends?" ((Oh, the wolves? Just the normal ones)) "The friends... ok"

"What are they going to do with her?"

FAMILY REUNION AND FAREWELL

"Oh... his parents... well, at least he still has his new family"

"What are they doing then with Pryce?"

"What's Zeb doing? Is that part of the plan?"

"What is the pig going to do?"

"A distraction? Are they that stupid? I can't believe they fell for that! They make them too dumb"

[This is highly irregular] "Oh finally, someone smarter..."

"Well, he was not that dumb... Azadi did well"

"A special mission? Uh..."

"GO WOLF! EAT HIM!"

[Leave Lothal and we might let your troops out] "[\snort**] What are you saying, Ezra? He's got you... of course, you'll need to surrender"

"Oh no...Just surrender! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING!!"

"He needs to go directly to Thrawn. Straight to him."

"Hera, don't-... I know you are worried but he needs to do this"

[Ezra signals Chopper] "wait... what's... what is he-..."

[Sabine notices and distracts the others] "... he knew exactly what was going to happen! HE LISTENED JUST LIKE HIS MASTER! HE LISTENED! I LOVE YOU EZRA! I LOVE YOU! YOU LISTENED FOR ONCE!"

"Think of what would Kanan want, Hera"

[Ezra gets taken to Thrawn] "Don't give him the pleasure to get angry. Just stay calm"

[Who deserves what is irrelevant. What matters is who has power] "...well, he's not wrong. That's how real life works" (( I... ಠ_ಠ ... *sigh* ))

"What are they going to do to Ezra? The Emperor is not really there?... wait- is he using labial????" ((...whaat??))

"How nice, the wolves are following them!"

"The pig reminds me of Oolong from Dragon Ball"

"What's wrong with you Hera? You usually take the lead when Kanan wasn't around... Sabine is doing everything now... why?"

[Palpatine offers what could be] "What... No don't go, this is a trap! Think like Kanan! THINK!"

"NO YOU ARE FALLING"

"THINK LIKE KANAN!"

[Kallus and Gregor arrive at the generators] "The Empire should really *really* recruit people with better aim. I mean... look at that. They can't hit anything" (([LAUGH])) "Having all that power and resources, can't they get better people? Train them better?" (([LAUGHS HARDER]))

[Open the door] "No! Think it through Ezra! ...This moment... this place is where you really want to live in!"

[Melch gets hit] "Oh no they are starting to kill everyone"

"Zeb flew! He's crazy! WOAH!"

[Gregor gets hit] "Wh-what? NO! NO WAY! NO WAY! That trooper was down already! That's not fair! It shouldn't count!"

"Since when bad guys are good? No, Ezra, he's tricking you, you know this"

[Go on, you deserve this] "Oooh, I feel weird about that...but... n-no! No Ezra! Think like Kanan! Think like Kanan!"

[Ezra destroys the temple] "[claps] TAKE THAT! And your good looks are gone too! UH HUH! You are not some saint in white!"

"[laughs] Samurai? Samurai!"

[Ezra gets... tassed?] "Ok, that doesn't make me laugh anymore"

"You can do it EZRA! SQUISH THEM"

"I love Zeb's legs. They can make him jump so far and can grab on to almost anything" ((...ok))

"I hate how they are killing everyone" ((But is just Gregor, Melch survived)) "That doesn't mean they aren't trying!!"

[Purrgils appear] "WOOOOOOAAAH! [starts dancing]"

"Seems like they are enjoying this a lot... destroying all the ships"

[Whatever happens now] "Yep! Both of you!"

[tentacles break into the Chimaera's bridge]"I love him! You can do it Ezra! You are the best! Kanan would be proud!"

"Oh no... he's not going to leave"

[I have to see this through to the end] "THEY ARE KILLING EVERYONE!!!"******

[Ezra jumps to hyperspace] "... [stares in shock]..."

"... my vocabulary doesn't allow me the kinds of words I want to say..."

"Uhm, was that the plan? HAHAHA, oh yeah..."

"Oh so Pryce will stay... ok, goodbyeeeee"

"Be careful with Ezra's lightsaber! That's all we got left of him!" (( Yeah, in fact, is the only one they have left. We don't know where Kanan's ended up. Last time we saw it, Pryce had it and showed it to Thrawn)) "Maybe she still had it. Or is in her office. Or in Thrawn's museum... gallery" ((That's on Thrawn's ship... I don't think it got there))

"Cheers and so long! Everything went well! Well, most of it anyway because they kept killing everyone... the end shouldn't mean *'QUICK, KILL EVERYBODY!'\*, no no no no..."

[If you are watching this recording-] "*-Then I'm already dead*"

So there you have it. SHE GOT INTENSE. As always she was really vocal when she did or didn't like something. Kanan's death was very difficult to get through and I can't imagine doing it if we had watched the show live. Had DUME kept playing in TV we would have missed more than half the episode because she would simply don't stand up from the ground and she would have understood less. I had to explain her most of the stuff with the wolves, DUME/Kanan, the portals... and I knew it because I followed Rebels Recon and every interview I could find from Filoni but how many children did actually get it on their own? In any case, the second bggest shock was Jacen. That was a bomb and I'm actually surprised she took such issue with the "

[I can't wait to come home] "He's alive, but what does that matter if THIS IS THE LAST EPISODE! THERE'S NOTHING LEFT! SO WHAT. There's nothing more! They are going to leave us hanging!!"

[Epilogue starts] ((Time passed)) "[frowns]... how much? How long?" ((years)) "[glares, eye twitches]" ((... like 5 to 6 years. The movies already happened. The ones with Luke, Leia and Han...)) "...WHERE IS EZRA!?"

"OOOH SABINE LOOKS AMAZING"

[Zeb took Kallus to Lira San] "That's nice"

"WHO IS HE???" [Jacen Syndulla] "....WHO DID YOU HAVE THAT BABY WITH, HERA!?" ((with Kanan! That's Kanan's son!!)) "[stares in disbelief]" ((Don't you believe me?)) "Ok, hold on... [stands up, goes to a corner and screams/laughs in confusion clawing at the wall]" ((what the-)) "IT JUST** *CAN'T* BE! HOW?? WHEN? They had just said I LOVE YOU and then he got killed! If Hera and Kanan hadn't said 'I love you' until just before he got killed, then how could they have done *it*!!?? IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE" ((Well, they were together before that!)) "[slightly disturbed] But without saying 'I love you'? how-....UGH, that would be weird... but... WHEN? AT WHAT TIME? We were watching them all the time! They never seemed to spent the night together!" ((They are not going to show that in a kids show! We assume she had gotten pregnant just before she left)) "THEN WHY DID KANAN DECIDE TO DIE IF HE WAS GOING TO BE A DAD! Why choose that path!? HIS SON NEEDS HIM! Hera needed him!" ((I'm not sure sure he knew)) "He knew! He could see the future! If he saw all that was going to happen then he knew!" ((She was likely going to get killed there. It was either her or him. He choose her to live. We- we haven't finished yet, we need to keep watching)) "I REFUSE! WHERE IS EZRA!? Where is he? WHE*RE IS* HE!?"**********

"Sabine! Where is he?"

[Ahsoka is waiting] "HELLO THERE" (( *SNORTS*))

[is time to bring him home] "So I guess they are going to make a movie of that, right?" ((A movie, a comic or a book.. maybe. Hopefully.)) "What... no. A movie! Not all kids read books or comics. We want to watch it!"

[credits rolls] "[smiles] Alright then... [stars laughing manically, rocking back and forth] IT'S IMPOSSIBLE! They couldn't have had a kid!"

((Remember that hashtag they used? #AhsokaLives? Well, now it is #WheresEzra)) "[desperate screaming]"

Bonus: I offhandedly mentioned her the Steve Blum's comment about Zeb going to Lira San to start a family with Kallus and she stared at me in disbelief and whispered "... oh my god...I never thought about it... they are perfect". xD

So there you have it. SHE GOT INTENSE. As always she was really vocal when she did or didn't like something. Kanan's death was very difficult to get through and I can't imagine doing it if we had watched the show live. Had DUME kept playing in TV we would have missed more than half the episode because she would simply don't stand up from the ground and she would have understood less. I had to explain her most of the stuff with the wolves, DUME/Kanan, the portals... and I knew it because I followed Rebels Recon and every interview I could find from Filoni but how many children did actually get it on their own? In any case, the second biggest shock was Jacen. That was a bomb and I'm actually surprised she took such issue with the "I Love You" problem. The implications actually unsettled her quite a lot. In any case, she is really angry about not knowing what happened to Ezra and when I told her about Resistance she didn't care because she wanted at least the story with Ahsoka and Sabine.

Well, it's over now. I'm still not completely over what happened and just trying to stay afloat waiting for any sign of the blueberries lost in space. I want to thank everyone for their kind comments. I hope this relatively small peek at what the target audience was thinking about the series has been a great experience for you guys too. Rewatching each season with my niece really put a lot of things in perspective. Right now she's coping by playing with me the Sims 3 with the whole cast I had done the other day. She wants me to stay put for any news on Sabine and Ahsoka sooo... night gathers and my watch begins. \SALUTES**

Submitted May 05, 2018 at 09:17PM via reddit https://ift.tt/2FQa0VG

#star wars rebels #ezra bridger #kanan jarrus #caleb dume #hera syndulla #garazeb orrelios #zeb orrelios #sabine wren #sabine #ezra #thrawn #kalluzeb #kane roberts #jacen syndulla #star wars

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pixelgrotto · 6 years

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The horrific Resident Evil playthrough, part six

Resident Evil Zero starts with a bang and a wonderfully tight example of level design, as new STARS member and series cutie pie Rebecca Chambers investigates the Ecliptic Express, an Umbrella-operated train that’s become the testing ground for an early version of the zombie virus. On the train, she meets an escaped convict named Billy Coen, and the two of them have to blast their way through tight cars filled with bio-weapons and a great number of leeches, which play an important role in this game, before finding a way to stop their Orient Express outta hell.

I adored RE Zero’s Ecliptic Express, partly because I have a thing for old locomotives and also because it reminded me of 1997 adventure game The Last Express, but with zombies. The environment also felt wonderfully fresh, since aside from the ruined Raccoon City briefly featured in RE 2 and more prominently in RE 3, the majority of the series has, thus far, been content to fall into a fairly standard cycle of settings - mansions, ruined industrial complexes and underground laboratories. What better way to inject some variety into this mix than with a Gothic train, perhaps the perfect environment for a survival horror game thanks to its many rooms, narrow hallways and plentiful hiding spots for the walking dead? Unfortunately, the Ecliptic Express is more or less the highlight of RE Zero’s environments, and once Rebecca and Billy crash the train and end up in an old Umbrella training facility, the game once again falls back into the trope settings that Capcom was content to recycle. This was a disappointment, but RE Zero injects some unusual, experimental shifts into the gameplay experience that make up for packing its most atmospheric surprises into the first hour, though not all of them are entirely successful. Chief among these is the partner zapping system, which has players controlling two characters at the same time and occasionally separating them to solve puzzles, like when Rebecca has to stand on an elevator to reach a higher area and Billy has to work the controls. It’s good stuff, since if one thing has become clear to me since beginning this RE journey, it’s that the series has always harbored fantasies of being a partner affair but never was quite able to figure out how to do it. Previous games would only feature very brief sections where another character accompanied you, and the rest of the time, they would keep making ridiculous excuses for why they needed to split up, kinda like members of the Scooby-Doo gang. With Becca & Billy, finally this nonsense has been done away with, and while you now have twice the amount of inventory management to wrangle with, it’s great to finally explore these secluded, dangerous environs with some backup. The fact that Becca & Billy are actually good characters with chemistry helps, and while it’s understated, the story gradually forces them to trust each other more and more. It all stays mutually respectful and there’s no forced romance angle (even though I totally ship these two), but when Billy gets into a bit of a tight spot near the end of the game and Rebecca desperately shouts out his name in panic, you can sense how much she’s bonded with him through their shared night of terror.

I mentioned inventory management, and this leads me to RE Zero’s other big surprise - the magical connected item boxes that have been a series save point trademark are completely AWOL in Zero, and players can actually drop their stuff anywhere, a first in the franchise. Apparently, the devs implemented this to take advantage of the nonexistent load times of the cartridge-based Nintendo 64, which was supposed to be the original platform for this game. (Prototype footage of the N64 version exists and looks impressive, though the ROM’s never been leaked, unfortunately.) I’ve also read that they did it to bump up the difficulty level and intentionally go back to the essence of Sweet Home, the grandpappy of the series.

I thought Sweet Home was a fantastic hidden gem, but the limited inventory space and necessity to drop your items was actually my least favorite part of the gameplay, since it led to lots of housekeeping and backtracking where you’d realize you needed a particular tool but had left it on the ground ten screens away. And this problem exists in RE Zero as well, which is probably one of the lead criticisms that the game faces on the internet. In my opinion, Zero’s backtracking is nowhere near as bad as in Code Veronica, but there were definitely large stretches of the game where I was simply picking up all my crap and moving things to save point rooms, which I basically converted into makeshift item storage halls. There are also a lot of items in the game, like the hookshot, which take up two slots in Becca & Billy’s precious inventory space and aren’t used for a long time only for the game to suddenly drop a “hey you need this to progress” moment, which is liable to piss folks off. I can understand the devs wanting to make things harder, but there’s a fine line between challenge and annoyance, and Zero’s inventory wrangling occasionally enters the realm of the latter. It would’ve been best if the team had given players the ability to drop their stuff and included the traditional item boxes, but unfortunately, it seems like they were operating under the mentality of “we’ll give you ONE freedom but take ANOTHER away, muahaha!”

In the end, I was able to forgive most of the item problems thanks to the fact that I liked Rebecca and Billy so much, and I had more fun with RE Zero than most of the fanbase, which tends to view it unfavorably. If I were to rank all the classic Resident Evils, I’d actually put Zero right under REmake, RE 2 and RE 1, and in my eyes, it’s better than RE 3 and Code Veronica, which end up on the bottom of my list for different reasons. (RE 3 is competent fun but kinda by-the-numbers, and Code Veronica remains the only Resident Evil game which really felt like a slog the more I played of it.)

Why then does Zero end up getting so many apathetic reactions? Well, it’s probably because aside from the inventory management problems, this game feels a little unnecessary, which is an issue that most prequels suffer from. Zero was advertised as revealing the details behind the tragic mission of the Bravo STARS, the team that you learn was slowly massacred over the course of Resident Evil 1. Unfortunately, aside from Rebecca and a few token cameos, the Bravo guys are barely in the game at all, and most of the plot revolves around the background of Umbrella and a case of backstabbing and industrial espionage where one of the original founders, James Marcus, was killed by his colleagues. Marcus, who created the zombie virus via experiments with leech DNA, was resurrected by the very leeches he experimented with, and now he’s out for revenge.

All of this is vaguely interesting, but if I’d been a hardcore RE fan back in the day and was promised a prequel that revealed the fates of the Bravo STARS only to be given a side story about a dude and his leeches, I’d probably go WTF. Capcom dropped the ball on their storytelling by providing something that nobody was really asking for, in other words, and I’ve found out through my meanderings on the Resident Evil Wiki that The Umbrella Chronicles, a spinoff game for the Wii, actually delves deeper into the deaths of Bravo team. That’s the sort of stuff Zero should’ve focused on in order to feel more needed in the grand scope of Resident Evil. Another option might have been to ax the prequel concept entirely, which leads me to another thought that’s only appropriate to bring up now that I’ve finished all of the “old school” Resident Evil games.

If it had been up to me, I probably would have plotted the course of the series differently after RE 2, which contains an interesting nugget of information hinting at an Umbrella Europe base that was never expanded upon to its full potential. The game seems to indicate that Jill, Chris and Barry are going to Europe to investigate and shut down this facility, and just about EVERY strategy guide, article and bit of speculative message board posting I can find from around that time was obsessed with this concept. It seems like everyone thought that Resident Evil 3 was going to be a rollicking European adventure…and it wasn’t, it was instead a game that took place at the same time as RE 2 and explained how Jill escaped Racoon City. Code Veronica never really expounded upon this tidbit of lore either - we get a very brief intro with Claire Redfield investigating an Umbrella headquarters in Paris, but then suddenly she’s captured and the vast majority of that game takes place on an island near South America. I can’t help but feel like a massive opportunity was missed here, and if I’d been in charge of Capcom’s scenario division for these games in the late 90s, I would’ve changed the plot of Code Veronica and basically made that one Resident Evil 3 (which it was originally going to be if Capcom hadn’t wanted to keep the “main” RE games on a Sony console). I would’ve made it an adventure with Jill, Chris and Barry in Europe, and near the end I would’ve brought Claire in to join them and fight alongside her brother. Then, I would’ve made a spinoff game simply titled “Resident Evil: Nemesis” or something of the sort, and taken the general “escape Racoon City” plot of RE 3…but had it star Rebecca Chambers. See how nicely that would’ve worked? Fans would’ve gotten their detailed peek at Umbrella Europe and the return of the classic combo of Jill + Chris + Barry. The weird Ashford siblings and Code Veronica doofus Steve could’ve still been incorporated into the story. Meanwhile, Rebecca could’ve starred in a game that felt necessary, since the beginning scenes of destroyed Racoon City were some of the best bits of RE 2, and there’s no reason why she couldn’t have met escaped convict Billy Coen while escaping the city. They could’ve worked together to flee from Nemesis, and I guess the mostly forgettable mercenaries of RE 3 could’ve made an appearance as well.

Sadly, I don’t work at Capcom, and they planned these games totally differently. We finally would go to Europe proper with Leon Kennedy in the next RE game, but that one would mark a shift in both storytelling and atmosphere, as Resident Evil quickly transitioned away from its horror roots…and into the realm of fast-paced shoot ‘em up action.

Resident Evil 4 is next, and the playthrough continues!

All screenshots taken by me. For more, check out this Twitter thread showing my step-by-step progress through the game.

#pixel grotto #video games #now playing #resident evil #biohazard #resident evil zero #rebecca chambers #billy coen #capcom

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darkstar6782 · 3 years

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2.17: Heart - My Rewatch Review

This episode breaks my heart, and, even for a show as dark as Supernatural, it has one of the darkest episode endings, especially for a monster-of-the-week episode. While there are many stand-out elements of this episode—top of my list being the introduction of ‘Rock-Paper-Scissors’ and the awesome brother moment that goes along with it—the true highlight of it for me is the way that it parallels and subverts everything from the previous episode. Like Maggie the ghost from ‘Roadkill’, Madison is completely unaware of her supernatural nature, or the fact that she has been hurting people as a result. Also like Maggie, it is Sam that steps up to befriend Madison, to try and save her, because he sees the parallels between her supernatural curse and his own demon-gifted powers. And yet, where the ultimate salvation of Maggie’s spirit in the last episode gave Sam hope, the loss of Madison in this episode causes Sam to lose a fair bit of that hope. This show is excellent at sending mixed messages when it comes to drawing parallels between Sam and the monsters he hunts. Because this season has been all about Sam fighting against the darkness inside him, and drawing parallels with monsters and spirits whose motivations are not always black-and-white, and sending the message that not all of the supernatural creatures out there are truly evil, and then it gives us a character like Madison, who is an uncontrollable dangerous monster for only a few nights out of every month and who is otherwise a normal, sweet, strong woman who would never hurt anyone, and who chooses to die in order to stop the murderous creature inside her that she cannot control. And the fact that even Dean sees the agony in the choice she has to make, and grieves not only for how losing her will hurt his little brother but how it will also further break his faith, makes this episode extremely painful to watch, despite its lighter moments and hopeful beginning.

My only real complaint about this episode has to do with the way the show chooses to overemphasize the rising of the moon each night, mostly because my scientifically-inclined brain refuses to let me ignore the fact that they get it so very, very wrong. Even taking into account the fact that Dean mentions something at the beginning of the episode about werewolves turning during the week leading up to the full moon, the amount of time that this episode expects us to believe the full moon lasts is more than a little ridiculous. Between the implied time that it would have taken for Sam and Dean to find out about this case and Madison’s assertion that she saw her ex-boyfriend ‘a few nights ago’ on the night when her boss was murdered, it can be assumed that Madison first turned into a werewolf at least two, though more likely three nights before Sam and Dean meet her. That night, Madison goes out and kills the cop near her ex’s apartment. The next night, we see a full moon, and Madison kills her ex-boyfriend. We see a full moon again the next night, when Sam locks Madison in the closet and Dean goes out and kills the werewolf who turned her. There is also a full moon shown the night after that, when Madison stays awake all night and doesn’t turn, and a full moon shown on the final night, when she turns unexpectedly. For everyone keeping track, that is now four nights of a shown-on-screen full moon, plus another three or four nights preceding the full moon. And while I do think that’s well outside of the normal timeline for werewolf transformation, I can forgive them that a little bit because they tried to establish the stretched timeline beforehand. What I cannot forgive them, though, is the use of the image of an obviously full moon for all four nights where they chose to show it, because, as any avid stargazer knows, the full moon only looks completely full during the one night of the cycle when it is actually full. For each night outside of that, it is obvious if you look closely that it is not actually full. If they had chosen to use shots of the waxing or waning moon, even if it was subtle, or had only chosen to use an establishing shot of the full moon once during the episode, I probably would have overlooked the lengthy nature of the werewolf’s lunar cycle, but there are some mistakes that I cannot just let slip by, and this happens to be one of them.

#supernatural #2.17 heart #spn rewatch #tgpcSPNr #the great pre-convention spn rewatch

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kdreamscenario · 7 years

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Lunatic: Part XI

BTS Mythical!AU You x Yoongi

Rated: PG Angst, Some Cursing

Word Count: 3300 Part X | Part XII

Once Jungkook and Jimin left the house, Yoonseok made two phone calls. The first to his parents to tell them to come home for the night. In case you had agreed to help Yoongi through the rut they wanted to give some space. They weren’t too keen on hearing their son doing those sort of things.

The second phone call was to the doctor. He asks the doctor to come a little sooner after explaining the situation. It’s good timing that he’s almost finished with his visit to Hoseok. He lets Yoonseok know he’ll head that way very soon.

It’s unsettling to Yoonseok just how silent the house is, particularly how quiet Yoongi’s room is. He expects his brother to be tearing at the walls and trying to escape. If he couldn’t smell him he’d be worried that he had snapped his neck on the collar.

Their parents and the doctor arrive not too long after the phone calls. Yoonseok retells the story of what happened to all three of them in the living room. The doctor inspects and treats his arm while they listen.

“It unfortunately sounds as though our best option isn’t going to work now.” The doctor speaks evenly. “Yoongi seems to be far too out of control to let him near any females for a while without more mating mistakes happening. You said that he was acting much better this morning until he had contact with the girl he considers his mate. That’s actually good news.”

The doctor pauses to go through his medicine bag. He takes out two pill bottles and continues. “The human Yoongi must not be too far gone if he’s made an appearance after two days. I was expecting it to be much longer. I’m going to give him a sedative to make him sleep deeply for another 12 hours. Then I’ll give him a bit larger dose of suppressants. Hopefully the sleep will heal and reset him like it seemed to already do.”

The doctor and Yoonseok enter Yoongi’s room slowly. He’s bound to still be sensitive about the earlier events. The first thing they see is Yoongi in his wolf form on the floor. All of his clothes lie scattered around him. He’s laying in the same spot at the end of his chain where they left him hours ago.

The collar is made with two thick rubber rings to allow a bit of stretch in case of the wearer shifting but it’s still incredibly tight. Yoongi’s breathing is shallow and labored.

Yoongi locks eyes with his brother as soon as he’s in sight. Yoongi’s eyes flash but Yoonseok knows better. He looks away quickly and scoffs at the poor attempt by his little brother.

“Yoongi. You know you can’t use those tricks on me. I don’t know what you have planned but you can forget it.” Yoonseok scolds the younger. Yoongi huffs but keeps watching them.

Yoonseok does his best to distract Yoongi with words while the doctor carefully aims the dart gun. All of it is in clear sight to him but Yoongi is only focused on his brother. His lips turned up in a snarl and a clear growl notes the displeasure he feels.

The doctor easily aims for Yoongi’s flank. With a small puff of pressurized air, the dart hits its target. Yoongi yelps and jumps to his feet. He struggles trying to remove the offending needle. The doctor had specifically aimed for a spot that would be difficult for him to reach.

The sedative kicks in shortly after and Yoongi stumbles back to the floor. The doctor and Yoonseok wait a few more minutes to be sure he’s knocked out cold. They have plenty of time to administer the extra suppressant and give him a small check-up.

A few hours later the sedative wears off. Yoongi blearily wakes for a moment but by then it’s late and Yoongi is tired. He falls back asleep before anything really sits in from the day.

When he wakes for the second time it’s early afternoon. The small bit of sunlight through the blinds is enough for him to look around his room. He notices first that he’s back in his bed but naked. His neck feels bruised and sore around the collar but it’s not tight anymore. He must have fazed back to his human form.

The more he wakes the more he starts to regain his memories from the day before. It’s like a terrible nightmare is coming back to haunt him. The guilt hits him hard as soon as Yoonseok comes in. He sees the thick tape wrapped around Yoonseok’s arm and his heart sinks.

As their routine Yoonseok removes Yoongi’s collar. He watches Yoongi carefully as he goes to the bathroom, washes, has breakfast, and even helps him put some ointment on the raw parts of his neck. Neither of them really speak until he’s taking Yoongi back to his room.

Yoonseok puts the collar back on Yoongi carefully. He turns to leave but Yoongi finally speaks. “Hyung.” It’s soft, barely audible. Yoongi leaves a long pause and waits for Yoonseok to turn and face him.

For the first time since he’s been home Yoonseok thinks that Yoongi really looks like his cute little brother. He looks so small and defeated. Yoonseok nearly forgives him right away.

Yoongi takes in a slow shaky breath and continues. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. This shouldn’t have happened.” Yoongi lowers his head and takes long deep breaths. He doesn’t want to cry now, not when he’s trying to apologize.

Yoonseok squeezes Yoongi’s shoulder softly and ruffles his hair. He doesn’t say anything but he doesn’t really need to. The touch is enough for Yoongi. Yoonseok isn’t quite ready to say it’s okay or that Yoongi doesn’t need to worry. None of this is really over yet.

They give each other one more look before Yoonseok heads out of the room. Yoongi lays on the bed for a while just thinking. He thinks over what happened yesterday. All the memories of it feel like an out of body experience. He knows it was him but it didn’t feel like he did them.

That’s the terrifying part of when his wolf takes over. His human brain doesn’t get much of a choice other than to take a back seat and try to regain control.

His thoughts back track in order. The purely animalistic way he treated his friends and his brother yesterday really frightens him. For his actions he wouldn’t be surprised if his family disowned him and he was kicked out of Bangtan.

He’s never felt a single ounce of hatred towards Jungkook before. For that matter he’s never had ill thoughts about Jimin, Taehyung, or Hoseok either. The jealousy and over protectiveness of his wolf has lead him to nearly kill and harm so many of those closest to him.

The guilt eats him alive. Simply because he adores you too much it’s put people in danger. Even then he wouldn’t blame you. It’s his emotions out of control. It’s not your fault they are directed at you.

Yoongi thinks that maybe he should stay chained to his bed like this for the rest of his life. Then everyone would be safe. It’s a fleeting thought that he knows won’t really work. He’s still an idol after all.

Putting asinine plots behind Yoongi knows he needs to do something. He needs to get on the group chat and say a few apologies. He needs to get a plan together with the others. They’re supposed to go back to Seoul tomorrow.

Yoongi rolls to the side and picks up his phone. Again there’s no surprise that there’s a list of missed messages. Then he sees your name on the header and freezes. He hasn’t even read the messages yet but his stomach flips. Somehow he knows they won’t be happy words.

Sickness wells in his throat but he swallows it down. The smartest course is to leave your texts for last. Get the business talk out of the way first.

He reads through the Bangtan group chat. Jimin had already said in short form what had happened yesterday. All of the replies are concerns for everyone that was involved. Yoongi can’t believe they actually care if he’s okay.

Further down the feed they have already discussed the return trip. There’s going to be a group meeting at the studio once everyone has returned. That’s a meeting that Yoongi is already dreading.

Yoongi contemplates whether he should spill out his thoughts over text or at the meeting. He should really do it in person but he doesn’t want to wait. Besides he’s sure they’re all waiting to hear from him. Perhaps doing both is the best option.

The chat has been empty for over an hour and that gives Yoongi a bit more courage.

-Hey

-Thanks for the well wishes

-I’m meeting tonight with my doctor but I should be there tomorrow

-I’ll do a better job when I see you but just want to say I’m sorry to everyone.

It’s not a lot but the words lift a bit of the pressure on his shoulders.

Namjoon is the first to reply with a “We’ll be glad to see you hyung.” It’s a very leader thing for him to do. A few of the others give short replies or emojis. Then he’s faced with the other messages. There’s one private message from Namjoon to wish him well and cheer him up. The others are from you.

The screen sits untouched for a long minute and he lets it go black. Yoongi doesn’t want to open those messages. A nap before reading them and waiting for after dinner sounds great. Anything to stall the pain he knows those messages will inflict.

When you and the boys woke in the morning it was snowing. Jimin headed home to spend his last day with his family. You were admiring the soft white flakes while seeing Jimin off. You said it was pretty and that somehow gave Jungkook the idea that you needed to go for a park walk to cheer you up.

At first it really worked. You weren’t thinking about Yoongi. You were enjoying time with your best friend. It all felt so nostalgic to stroll around the familiar park together.

The problem with snow in Busan is that it hardly ever stays snow. It quickly switched to a slushy rain mix. The both of you end up soaked through by the time you make it back to Jungkook’s house.

So now you’re snuggled on his couch with dry clothes and a cup of your favorite tea. There’s still a chill in your bones with just your own clothes and Jungkook notices you shiver. He makes you put on one of his big hoodies and wraps you up in a blanket.

It’s so comfortable in this familiar place. Jungkook still tries to keep your mind busy. He puts on the next episode of the drama you’ve been watching and brings out all kinds of snacks.

The drama keeps you focused for a good forty minutes until there’s the typical slow motion first kiss scene. It’s so cheesy and unrealistic both of you gag and laugh about it.

The scene ends but your stupid brain gets stuck on kisses. More romantic kisses. More realistic and captivating kisses. You’re imagining thin lips curved in a sharp smirk. Then pressing searing marks over your neck. Burning gold swallows you whole.

“Y/N?” Jungkook snaps you out of your thoughts. “You okay? You’re shaking like there’s a ghost on the coffee table.” He hopes the joke changes your mood. All he gets is a forced smile and you insisting you’re fine.

The two of you turn back to the T.V. but Jungkook is watching you out of the corner of his eye. In no time your mind is wandered again. You think about where you are and how you’re curled up next to Jungkook. It makes you hyper aware of his smell. The crisp smell of clean laundry mixed with one of his favorite colognes.

Yoongi’s words from yesterday circle around your head. How much he hated smelling Jungkook on you. What else could he smell about Jungkook that you couldn’t?

Maybe it was insensitive of you not to think about the smell on you when you visited Yoongi. You knew he was unstable and should have considered things that would’ve set him off. It was a careless mistake. If you can easily smell Jungkook then it must’ve really been torture for Yoongi.

The worry and scared look on your face stays for another fifteen minutes. Jungkook can’t stand to see it. “Y/N.” This time he says your name in a strict warning tone. You snap out of your pity party and turn to your disgruntled friend.

“I see you thinking so hard it’s giving me a headache. Tell me about what you’re so worried about.” Jungkook sounds like a parent scolding their child more than a concerned friend. He even pauses the show to get your undivided attention.

You try your best to hide in the sweatshirt and avoid his look. “It’s nothing.” You mumble into the neck. Jungkook pulls the front of the clothing down away from your mouth. “Don’t be so stubborn.” He starts and goes to say more but the chirp of kakao from his phone cuts him off.

He gives you a stern look before turning to check the messages. His eyes stay on you until he has to look at the screen. He knows you too well that you’ll try to make a break for it once he’s distracted.

You really consider sneaking away to his room and locking yourself in. You’d never make it though and you know it. Jungkook would drop his phone and pin you to the floor before you’d even make it around the couch. Why had your friend grown into such a muscle pig?

The katalk keeps chirping. Jungkook’s face looks more and more annoyed as each message comes up. That peaks your interest and keeps you in your seat. He’s not typing back anything just watching the messages come up.

“Who is it?” You ask. Jungkook looks up like he forgot you were sitting there. “Uh. Yoongi hyung.” He grumbles looking back to the phone. “Guess he’s okay. Said he’s sorry to us.” Is all Jungkook gives you.

Yoongi is texting the guys. Does that means he’s seen your messages? You grab your phone out of the hoodie pouch. Why do you feel like you’re regretting this? There’s a sour taste in your mouth thinking about Yoongi reading your messages.

The panic settles when you open the messages. Yoongi hasn’t read them yet. There’s relief for a second but then you worry. He hasn’t read them yet but he will. He’s on his phone now and he’ll probably see them soon. Very soon. Like in real time and you can’t handle that.

After closing the screen you stuff your phone back into your pocket. Jungkook is on his phone for what feels like forever. It’s good that maybe the guys keep him occupied for a while. Though you do wish to get this over with.

The feel of your phone buzzing to alert Yoongi’s reply never comes. Even hours after Jungkook is off his phone. Not after you’ve said your goodnights and gone to bed. There’s nothing the next morning but they’re marked as read. No answer at all even a week later.

After dinner the doctor came to give his last check-up to Yoongi. To his surprise the boy is back to normal again. The changes in his behavior are abnormally fast. Besides his neck bruises Yoongi checks out fine.

The doctor gives him the all clear to go back to Seoul tomorrow. The only thing that worries him is how Yoongi will act around women for a while and maybe how his body will react to Jungkook. He gives Yoongi another extra dose of suppressant and a prescription to take daily.

Yoonseok had taken away Yoongi’s collar earlier in the afternoon seeing as he’d be free to leave the house tomorrow. Yoongi spent the rest of the night sitting with his family. It helped a lot to center his mind.

It’s not until they’ve all gone to bed that Yoongi finally decides to read your messages. He picks up his phone and sits at his desk. First he reads through the rest of the group chat messages that the other have written.

He backs out of the group chat and clicks your name before he can overthink it. It’s a stupid reflex that he looks away as if hurt by the messages when they come up. He huffs at how much of a whip he’s being. Finally he looks at the dreaded words.

The first read through barely sinks in. It’s like he’s built a wall up to keep anything he reads from hurting him. The wall is damn weak because by the time he’s finished with your third message the pain throbs in his chest.

There they are. The words he’d never wanted to see or hear from you. I think we shouldn’t see each other for a while. He reads that sentence over and over hoping he’d read it wrong. The sting hits worse each time he reads those damn words.

He’d really fucked this up. Anger and sadness flip flop through his head and make him dizzy. Tears well up until he physically can’t see those terrible words anymore. He blinks to clear his vision and let the tears roll thickly down his face. It doesn’t help since more tears keep forming. He’s not sure why he even wants to read those damn words again. But he can’t because he’s practically sobbing over the screen.

Since when had Min Yoongi been this emotional? He’s frustrated about everything being completely out of control. Anger clouds over the sadness, shaking him to the bone. He shouts a loud growling “Fuck!” and chucks his phone across the room. With a loud smack, the device hits the opposite wall and falls to the floor in shattered pieces.

He really hates this. All of the things that happened this week are his fault. His group should’ve been able to have a well deserved break but he had fucked everything up. Group dynamics are definitely going to be awkward for a while.

That’s bad enough without thinking of how he’s ruined his entire relationship in a few days. All he wanted was to have a nice normal relationship with you. He should’ve known better and you should’ve listened to Jungkook.

Yoongi can’t have normal relationships. He can’t have a normal anything because of the stupid beast in him. He really hates his wolf for what it’s made him do. It made you fear him instead of love him. It drove away one of the few precious people in his life.

Yoonseok comes rushing into Yoongi’s room after hearing the loud crash of his phone. He’s prepared to find his brother wild eyed and snarling again. It’s a shock to see him curled up crying in his desk chair.

Their parents come in behind him just as shocked. All three of them help Yoongi to calm down in the most comforting manner they can. His mother stays with him and ushers out the men. She gets Yoongi settled in bed and asks if he wants to talk. He shakes his head and she lets him be.

The house is quiet once again. Yoongi let’s his exhaustion take over. Sleep now would be better than sinking deeper into his self loathing this late at night.

-E.최

#yoongi #min yoongi #suga #suga scenarios #yoongi scenarios #bts #bts scenarios #bangtan

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domsletty · 7 years

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so we gonna discuss “the spoilers” right now. y’all have been sending me a ton of messages asking me about how i feel about “the package” but i was too mad to address it. well, a couple of weeks later, and i’m even madder. it’s not gonna change.

i would really love for this franchise to get a reasonable female writer who would help them figure out what is or is not complete assassination of female characters. and i don’t mean literally because i’m still waiting for someone to explain how/why did gisele had to die but owen didn’t....... i digress!

this franchise is supposed to be different, it’s supposed to be about family (and racing!), we are supposed to feel emotionally invested in these characters and relationships. and we did. we are. because if i wanted to watch a simple cool action movie, i’d be watching marvel, i heard they are really good at it. SO pardon me for being invested in these relationships and the emotional parts of the movies and my fav female characters.

since the list of what i find horrible about this movie is gonna be way tooo long, catch me after the jump... HEAVY SPOILERSSSSS AHEAD. You have been warned.

- so we finally get our dotty honeymoon. letty having nice things is so rare, it would be such a shame if someone completely ruined it with secret baby mamas and babies for the sake of good old manpain.........

- i know they don’t give a damn about consistent timelines. so which was the biggest screw up? having such an old toddler playing jack in FF7, or such a small baby as dom and elena’s super secret unknown child? because at first glance, it sure looks like Dom has been cheating on his wife... you know after we went through all that trouble to bring her back in FF6. anyway this is allegedly mentioned in the movie - elena apparently says she got pregnant before they learned Letty was alive. so we can suspend disbelief on that... i guess...

- what type of woman decides to keep her whole pregnancy and a baby a secret because the other woman is back in the picture and prevents her own child from having a loving caring father. when was elena gonna tell dom? if ever? was she waiting for the kid’s 16th birthday? and here’s the start of complete female character assassination, first, metaphorically, then later in the movie, literally, because god forbid we let the baby mama live to take care of her child.

- so basically it’s letty’s fault and dom’s happiness the thing that keeps that baby without a father and without a first name. because, eyeroll, the father has to name his baby boy. what kind of mother does not name her child... again, was she waiting for his 16th birthday? oh but she gives the baby a second name, the name of her husband.... you know the memory of the guy she was supposed to be honoring when she decided to leave the police in brazil and follow dom, a criminal, around the world. gotta love that type of integrity. /sarcasm

- once again, dom is gonna make a decision for letty (probably to protect her, *eyeroll*) and is gonna leave her to suffer with no idea of what the heck is going on when he decides to go rogue. remember, when dom left her all alone in the DR because he thought he was protecting her and letty ended up “dead”? that type of ish, except worse because he is gonna be legit risking letty’s life while running errands for cipher. so much fun when your husband is pretending so well to be trying to kill you.

- dom doesn’t tell letty he’s gotta do some bad stuff to save his kid, any kid and elena, but the shaw brothers sure seem to know all about the plan

- dom cries for the first time and it’s definitely not over his wife dying, lying to his wife, almost killing his wife and friends, or betraying his whole family... oh, it’s gonna be rich!

- the shaw brothers... one killed gisele and the other killed han... and they honestly wants us to forgive and forget? what about family? i thought this franchise was about family? or do they just need the biggest number of badass dudes in one movie at once? why? i have no problem with them being part of the movie, i love jason and luke. just not as part of team family....

- in the end, letty is gonna be totally cool with the idea of a baby... without it ever being discussed on screen? why would it? it’s supposed to be sold as this beautiful sacrifice... we don’t even know how letty feels about babies... but let’s give her an instant baby. i dunno. i think couples are supposed to discuss these things together... look honey, i brought a baby, let’s raise it together, and make me a sandwich, woman!

- letty deserves better. i, we, as fans (women and shippers), deserve better. tbh i never thought they would ever bring a baby into the mix before the very end of the franchise, so i’m still shocked about that... i know a lot of people who loved the idea of a dotty baby and wanted it really bad. well, congratulations, you have ruined it for them too.

- i swear to god, if they are planning on having letty stay at home with the kid while the dudes get all the action in the upcoming movies, or if they are planning on letting michelle go from this franchise, i will burn down all my dvds. i am not even kidding.

- ok. one last thing... i am just hoping and praying it’s not true... apparently in the end, dom decides to name the baby brian. i feel so offended. brian is alive and happy living his life to the fullest with mia and his children. i think what they did with brian’s story in FF7 was genius - it felt real and emotional and beautiful. why let this baby story fail even taint what they did. talk about brian. talk about how you miss him, how he is living happily ever after. that’s how you honor paul and brian.

i just really don’t feel like watching this movie at all. i still remember how excited i was letty doing badass things when i went to the theater to watch FF4. and i left devastated they “killed” her and i vowed not to watch these movies ever again. but then in FF5, a friend told me about that after the credits tease and i ran to watch it that same day.

so if they’re not doing these movies for everybody including female fans, and for the connection people feel with these characters, then just say you wanna do action movies with butt shots that make a lot of money in the box office and go!

letty deserves better. she deserves to be more than a plot device for the dom manpain. and michelle deserves to have her name up there with vin not bellow dwayne and whoever else, but we all know why it’s not happening... and everything goes back to the way female characters are treated in hollywood, consequently in this franchise too.

#letty deserves better 2kforever #movie wank???#i get mad and rant a lot #i'm not tagging it #i just needed to vent

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fae-fucker · 6 years

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Zenith: Chapter 7

The man on the screen is Governor Cyprian General Cortas, who is the father of Andi’s first ever (accidental) kill.

So of course, this means that Andi must have yet another dramatic flashback:

Wind in her hair, the kiss of freedom coating her skin as she sprinted through the darkness hallways, Kaley Kalee beside her.

Laughter bubbling between them as they snuck onto the Governor’s general’s personal starship transport ship.

The click of Kaley’s Kalee’s harness, buckled tight in the copilot’s seat, and Andi’s nervous laughter, again, as she dared Kaley to undo the harness.

To fly free.

“Don’t you trust me?” Andi asked, as her fingers curled over the wheel.

looked at her charge, the girl she was sworn to protect.

“Are you sure about this?” Andi asked, her fingers curled over the throttle.

Kalee lifted a pale brow, a smile tugging at her lips. “As my best friend and personal Spectre, I command you to do this, Androma.”

The engine purred as Andi started it up. A feeling of excitement coursed through her at the sound.

Kalee smiled. “For once in your life, have some real fun.”

Young Andi was a total dumbass, as you can see.

Shinsay decided to rewrite this scene to further absolve Andi of any crime. See? Kalee ordered Andi to do it! Technically it wasn’t her fault!

Also, I’m glad to see that Kaley’s name went from white to whiter.

I see that they changed this dude from governor to general, and chose to have the narration and the characters properly address him by his surname instead of his first name.

I hope the people who bought the preview bit were compensated, because they basically bought the first goddamn draft and were promised that “not much sould change” in the final product, yet here we are, with major character and narrative changes.

I guess if nothing is of any consequence, then this doesn’t matter, but in a good book, even small changes can make a big difference.

In front of her was a victim of her foolishness, and next to her was the man who created her and then betrayed her.

The man in front of her was a victim of her foolishness. Beside her was the man who’d rejected her love.

The two of them, together? It was nearly enough to shatter Andi.

Yeah, look at this hardened badass nearly shattering because of Teh Menz. I get why she’d be upset in Cyprian’s presence, but Dex is her shitty (D)ex, why is she so miffed over him?

Why was the line changed from Dex betraying her to him “rejecting her love?” Andi had a good reason to hate him before, but now she’s just a woman scorned? Come on, Shinsay. Weren’t you all about girl power and shit? Can’t do one goddamn thing right, can you?

And can I just wonder about the possible and implied age difference between Andi and Dex? If he’s old enough to have taught her “everything she knows,” he’d have to be older to actualy know those things. Is this going to go into squick territory?

Anyway, Andi sees Arcardius behind the general and we find out that she attended the “Academy” with other “military students,” where she also learned to dance (???) and how to pilot ... things, I guess, and also where she’d been handpicked to be the personal “Spectre” for the general’s daughter, which is apparently super duper cool and most people only DREAM of.

Everyone wants to be a dancing body guard, I guess.

Cyprian reads some of Andi’s crimes back to her from a newspaper for ... reasons. So we can know how epic and edgy she is.

Turns out that she once shot down two passenger ships as a “distraction” from when she was smuggling illegal weapons. I’m ... not even going to open that can of strategically questionable worms.

Update: This has been changed to Andi shooting down two “black market ships” (what does that mean) and the debris from that battle falling down on a “village.”

Just one village? That’s some pinpoint aim on that debris.

Also, this just further removes Andi from doing any actual harm. Like yeah, she did a dumb thing, but in the original version, she purposefully shot down civilian ships as a distraction.

How the fuck did you edit your book about a space pirate and make her WIMPIER?!

Can’t fucking handle the thought of your character not being morally fucking flawless, can you? Unless it’s just on the surface and only there when she needs to be sexy and badass, huh?

[Andi] took complete responsibility for those deaths. She’d never thought the debris would get through the atmosphere in such large pieces, let alone hit one of the few settlements on Pazus.

Oh, and she even feels remorse and takes responsibility, what a peach!

Jesus Christ, how fucking boring can she get?

It’s honestly so sad how even female authors can’t write morally grey or just outright cruel female characters in fear of them being unlikeable.

Yeah, bitch. That’s the point. Let her be shitty and unlikeable. You can’t both let her be a ruthless space pirate and the “Bloody Baroness” and a pwecious widdle angel who cries for every man she kills and knits little mittens for their children and widows.

One of the darker choices I’ve made, Andi thought.

In case y’all didn’t get that shooting down two civilian ships and murdering over a dozen people for your own gain is “dark,” Shinsay’s here to clear it all up!

Update: This has been removed, but I’m leaving it in the snark because you need to see the stupidity, even if it was edited out.

“You were never caught,” Cyprian General Cortas said, his voice low, “but I knew it was you. That is what you do, Andi Androma. You leave a path of chaos in your wake, and you don’t ever look back to see whose lives were ended because of it.” His green blue eyes flashed at her.

It’s Morse code. He’s trying to tell you something, Andi.

.- -. -.. .-. --- -- .- .. ... .- -... ..- - - .... --- .-.. .

“The Bloody Baroness,” Cyprian General Cortas said, as he set setting down the screen, “is mentioned in thirteen cases since last year, six of those involving numerous deaths. Though And I have no doubt, Androma, that there are many more cases that went unnoticed. You are one of the most notorious criminals in all of Mirabel.”

Dude, did you come here to do anything besides stroking Andi’s ego? Because I’m getting kind of mixed signals here, buddy.

Bloody Baroness is still stupid and not at all intimidating, Shinsay.

At least she’s not an assassin and her job doesn’t rely on being undercover, I guess, so I’ll forgive some of the ridiculous infamy.

Against all odds, Zenith continues to be better than Throne of Glass.

“I’m not here for revenge,” he said, and again, Andi was reminded of the crash. The light. Kaley’s bloody hand, slipping from Andi’s as she breathed her last breath.

That’s great, buddy. You’ve had this flashback five times now.

Update: This has been removed. Why do you keep removing my favorite dumb bits, Shinsay? A pox on your house!

Anywho, remember that dude in the MOST DARKNEST DARN DANKNESS DARK DARKNESS DARKNESS COLD VOID COLDEST VOID NOTHING EMPTY BLACK DARKNESS???

Turns out that he’s Cyprian’s son! And he’s been missing for a while!

And now the general is so desperate that he’s asking Andi to help him find him again.

Valen, Kaley’s older brother with summer hair and soft eyes, who’d made her blush as a child, who’d never spoken more than a few fleeting words to Andi each time she visited Kaley’s floating estate on Arcardius.

*looks at Valen*

*looks at Dex Dogtective*

Hoo boy here we go.

Also, what does “summer hair” look like?

Update: This has been removed, and now Valen has “dark hair” and “soft hazel eyes.” There’s also no mention of him making Andi blush, and in fact the text says that they barely spoke to each other, though he did try to stop Kalee and Andi from sneaking out, and didn’t show up to court when Andi was on trial.

Three years after losing one child, the other had been taken from [Cyprian].

Two years after losing one child, the other had been snatched from him, too.

Again, the guilt clawed at Andi from inside.

I love how the inclusion of “again” both tries to excuse and also ironically highlights the extremely silly repetitiveness of Andi’s pointless oh-shit-I-feel-bad moments.

It’s Shinsay shrugging at the reader like: “Yep, there that wild bish Andi goes again with dem flashbacks.”

“Two weeks months ago, one of our satellites picked up a coded signal from Xen Ptera’s prison moon, Lunamere. The message was in the code that our top military operatives use, meaning only a select few know it. It said four words: I am here, Father.” Arcardian military code, which you no doubt remember from your time serving.”

We get a brief flashback to where Andi sits and tries to decode the “strange ancient symbols” where she admits that she can fight good but she’s not especially book smart. Why the hell are the military using one single code that apparently military students get to learn, and why the fuck is it ancient?

That’s like ... the mother of all secutiry flaws. How has nobody cracked their code yet? What the fuck?

Anyway, apparently the general had been personally teaching his son this super secret, ancient, well-known code, and he thinks this signal is from Valen because it’s the last word he told him to decode.

I’m gonna love the explanation to how the fuck he even did that.

The reason Cyprian is telling her all this is because he wants Andi to find Valen, and he can’t send his men to do it because it would upset the fragile truce that’s between uh ... “their” part of the galaxy and the part of the galaxy where Valen is being held. Sending a pirate who has no official ties to anyone I guess makes sense, but this raises like a billion questions still.

Won’t the people holding him captive realize they’re working for Cyprian as soon as they try to bust him out? Just because they’re pirates he assumes they’ll be allowed to enter the prison and get whatever dude they want? What exactly is Cyprian expecting to happen here? Even if they’re pirates, when they deliver Valen back to him, the enemy will realize that they were infiltrated and still go to war. Or is he hoping that they’ll never admit that they did it? If they kidnapped the guy in the first place and placed him in the prison, they were already doing something that could easily provoke a war, so I don’t see them exactly backing down and pretending it didn’t happen. War is kind of inevitable at this point. It would’ve made more sense for Cyprian to hire Andi to smuggle him out so he’d be safe and not used as a pawn, but he’s framing it as a political move to avoid war, which doesn’t make much sense.

And if the government isn’t actually affiliated with the people who stole Valen, then why can’t he just ask them for help? Surely if they wanted to keep the peace, they’d help the guy find his son? I know that he suspects the government did it, and if they actually did it, keeping up appearances won’t change the outcome. If they didn’t do it, then asking might actually help him find him faster. I’m just saying that he probably should’ve like ... asked first. For political reasons, even if they deny it. The book does mention that “there has been no word from their end” (What, they’ve been silent for two years?), which is a red flag, but Cyprian should’ve been more persistent and not resort to pirates so quickly. The fact that they didn’t instantly jump to help him find Valen is enough to turn up the pressure, I’d say.

And why aren’t the people holding Valen captive demanding a ransom? He’s the son of an influential politician, what were they doing to him during these two years? Wouldn’t whatever medium Valen used to send out that signal still be picked up by the captors, even if they can’t decode it? (Don’t get me started on that btw.) When we saw Valen in the prison in the prologue, he was just rotting away and nobody seemed to want to keep him in good health because he’s a political asset, so why’d they take him in the first place? If he’s been gone for so long and has managed to survive but is seemingly also abandoned, what were they doing to him? What was their plan? “Let’s just grab him and have him sit there for shits and giggles.”

I guess these are questions that will be answered, but this feels a bit flimsy already.

*inhales*

I’m ok.

Andi says that she can’t do it.

“You can’t?” Cyprian The general barked out a laugh. “The Bloody Baroness does whatever she wants. Even if it means stealing a starship in the middle of the night, crashing it into the side of a mountain, and slaughtering an innocent girl in the process. One she was sworn to protect.”

Cyprian is supposed to sound angry here but somehow ends up stroking Andi’s ego some more.

“She was to be my heir,” Cyprian General Cortas whispered. “And you stole her from me. From my wife. From my people.”

Cyprian, you fucking drama queen. You do realize that military ranks can’t be inherited, yes?

This all makes sense to Andi, because of course.

The Mirabel Patrolmen couldn’t just waltz into a Xen Pterran prison and steal a prisoner out from under the guards without violating the terms of the treaty. The agreement was meant to prevent further war between Xen Ptera and the galaxy’ s other major systems, Prime, Stuna, Tavina and Phelexos. Galactic peace had always required a careful balancing act between each system, and when the Olen System rebelled, it had upset that balance.

The Unified Systems couldn’t risk an upset again.

But a pirate, not officially affiliated with any side...

Yeah, you’re right. And when you deliver that boy back to the general, he’ll just go “oi oi thanks lads, here’s your payment though you were totally not affiliated with me in any way lmao anyway cheerios” and the Xen Pterrans will be like “oh his son is back at his side is he? well that definitely doesn’t mean he hired people to invade our space, maybe Valen just walked out of the prison.”

Like ... they stole your son. They probably 100% stole your son. They broke the treaty. You’re free to attack. What I’d do is send in a spy, to check if Valen truly was there, get proof, and then hide him away to a safe place and then explode that shit.

But no. Let’s send a fucking NOTORIOUS SPACE PIRATE with her FANCY SHIP and IDIOTIC, FLASHY METHODS (blew up two ships which then rained down on a village, good job).

That’ll fucking do it, you jackass.

“There is, of course, another option.”

Andi raised her eyebrows, and Cyprian General Cortas smiled, cold and calculating.

Cyprian tells Andi that if she does this, he’ll ERASE ALL HER CRIMES so she can START FROM SCRATCH. And if she refuses, he’ll just kill her.

“I will pardon you for your crimes. Lift your death sentence. You could return to Arcardius, Androma.”

Home, Andi’s mind whispered.

A thousand memories suddenly unlocked, poured into her from the place she’d kept them safely hidden away.

Her mother, twirling in a circle as a silver gown blossomed around her. Her freshly painted nails shining under the chandelier light as she pressed a soft hand to Andi’s cheek and whispered, “My daughter, protecting the general’s heir. A true Arcardian dream.”

Her father, later that night, praising Andi as she blocked his attack. “You’ve been practicing without me,” he said, hands flexing as he lunged forward and she slipped easily past him.

Arcardius, full of warmth and laughter and beauty .

Arcardius, full of Kalee’s screams and blood on Andi’s hands, hot and wrong and...

The chapter ends on Andi accepting (after making the general recite the “Arcardian Vow,” bless this book’s little heart) and asking for ship upgrades to help on the mission and we get this:

At that, Cyprian the general smiled, and looked not at Andi, but at Dex.

“He The bounty hunter will take care of that for you,” Cyprian General Cortas said, his voice dripping with sick satisfaction, “since he’ll be joining you on your mission.”

Oh, joy.

Who saw this coming. I sure didn’t.

What a buffet of surprises Shinsay has cooked up for us.

#eff reads: zenith #book rants

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afoolsingenuity · 7 years

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Looking Forward // February 2017

Looking Forward is a regular feature on the blog where I let you know which books I’m looking forward to in the month. They are all books I’m looking forward to being released and want to know if you’re excited about them too?

This month is great because I know I can put in a request for a few of these books for my birthday at the end of the month… although I’ve already pre-ordered two of them… I may not understand the concept of budgeting.

Long Way Home (Thunder Road #3) – Katie McGarry

Genre: Young Adult, Contemporary, Romance

Release Date: 1st February 2017

Unconventional – Maggie Harcourt

Genre: Young Adult, Contemporary, Romance

Release Date: 1st February 2017

Seventeen-year-old Violet has always been expected to sit back and let the boys do all the saving.

It's the code her father, a member of the Reign of Terror motorcycle club, raised her to live by. Yet when her dad is killed carrying out Terror business, Violet knows it's up to her to do the saving. To protect herself, and her vulnerable younger brother, she needs to cut all ties with the club—including Chevy, the boy she's known and loved her whole life.

But when a rival club comes after Violet, exposing old secrets and making new threats, she's forced to question what she thought she knew about her father, the Reign of Terror and what she thinks she wants. Which means re-evaluating everything: love, family, friends…and forgiveness.

Caught in the cross hairs between loyalty and freedom, Violet must decide whether old friends can be trusted—and if she's strong enough to be the one person to save them all.

Lexi Angelo has grown up helping her dad with his events business. She likes to stay behind the scenes, planning and organizing...until author Aidan Green - messy haired and annoyingly arrogant - arrives unannounced at the first event of the year. Then Lexi's life is thrown into disarray.

In a flurry of late-night conversations, mixed messages and butterflies, Lexi discovers that some things can't be planned. Things like falling in love...

Why Am I Excited?

I know Katie McGarry often writes overly dramatic and slightly angsty YA which is always a little crazy but her writing is so insanely addictive. I am always there for her latest release because there is something about her books which hook you. I know the first time I read Pushing The Limits I was rolling my eyes and thinking I’d never go back to one of her books and then I ended up wanting to reread a year later and loved it. She’s an author who just gets you somehow and I love it.

Also, it’s a little bit like Sons of Anarchy for a younger crowd and I love Sons of Anarchy.

Why Am I Excited?

Honestly, I don’t even know. I guess it’s mostly for the fangirl in me who is excited about this book. I think I need a new book to feed that fangirl side of me and what better way than a book about a convention? It is just the perfect sounding fun YA and I want to read it. Is that so wrong?

A Darkness Absolute (Casey Duncan #2) – Kelley Armstrong

Genre: Mystery, Thriller

Release Date: 7th February 2017

Wintersong – S. Jae Jones

Genre: Young Adult, Fantasy, Retelling

Release Date: 7th February 2017

The follow-up to #1 NYT bestseller Kelley Armstrong’s acclaimed City of the Lost, Rockton town detective Casey Duncan makes a terrible—and dangerous—discovery in the woods outside of town.

When experienced homicide detective Casey Duncan first moved to the secret town of Rockton, she expected a safe haven for people like her, people running from their past misdeeds and past lives. She knew living in Rockton meant living off-the-grid completely: no cell phones, no Internet, no mail, very little electricity, and no way of getting in or out without the town council’s approval. What she didn’t expect is that Rockton comes with its own set of secrets and dangers.

Now, in A Darkness Absolute, Casey and her fellow Rockton sheriff’s deputy Will chase a cabin-fevered resident into the woods, where they are stranded in a blizzard. Taking shelter in a cave, they discover a former resident who’s been held captive for over a year. When the bodies of two other women turn up, Casey and her colleagues must find out if it’s an outsider behind the killings or if the answer is more complicated than that...before another victim goes missing.

Casey Duncan returns in another heart-racing thriller from #1 New York Times bestselling author Kelley Armstrong.

All her life, Liesl has heard tales of the beautiful, dangerous Goblin King. They’ve enraptured her and inspired her musical compositions. Now eighteen, Liesl feels that her childhood dreams are slipping away. And when her sister is taken by the Goblin King, Liesl has no choice but to journey to the Underground to save her. But with time and the old laws working against her, Liesl must discover who she truly is before her fate is sealed.

Why Am I Excited?

I may be new to the Kelley Armstrong fanclub but that doesn’t mean I’m not committed to reading all of her books. I mean, I’ve been looking forward to this book ever since I finished City of the Lost. I have just been making grabby hands at computer screens and wishing for it to arrive sooner so I am so excited for this release! I had actually contemplated requesting this for my birthday at the end of the month but that is so far away I don’t think I’ll make it! I may sneak this into my basket (don’t tell anyone).

Why Am I Excited?

Well, first of all, is this an honest to God standalone fantasy I’m seeing? Second of all, it sounds awesome. I’ve heard this being compared to Labyrinth but considering I’ve never seen that film I don’t actually care. I just want to read the damn book. I even have it preordered for Kindle (dedication on my part).

Pretty Face (London Celebrities #2) – Lucy Parker

Genre: Romance, Contemporary

Release Date: 20th February 2017

A Conjuring of Light (Shades of Magic #3) – V.E. Schwab

Genre: Fantasy, Young Adult

Release Date: 21st February 2017

Highly acclaimed, award-winning author of Act Like It Lucy Parker returns readers to the London stage with laugh-out-loud wit and plenty of drama

The play's the fling

It's not actress Lily Lamprey's fault that she's all curves and has the kind of voice that can fog up a camera lens. She wants to prove where her real talents lie—and that's not on a casting couch, thank you. When she hears esteemed director Luc Savage is renovating a legendary West End theater for a lofty new production, she knows it could be her chance—if only Luc wasn't so dictatorial, so bad-tempered and so incredibly sexy.

Luc Savage has respect, integrity and experience. He also has it bad for Lily. He'd be willing to dismiss it as a midlife crisis, but this exasperating, irresistible woman is actually a very talented actress. Unfortunately, their romance is not only raising questions about Lily's suddenly rising career, it's threatening Luc's professional reputation. The course of true love never did run smooth. But if they're not careful, it could bring down the curtain on both their careers…

The precarious equilibrium among the four Londons has reached its breaking point. Once brimming with the red vivacity of magic, darkness casts a shadow over the Maresh Empire, leaving a space for another London to rise. Kell begins to waver under the pressure of competing loyalties. Meanwhile, an ancient enemy returns to claim a crown and a fallen hero is desperate to save a decaying world…

Why Am I Excited?

Erm, did you see my review for Act Like It? I need to know if that was a fluke or not. I mean, I highly doubt it was, I doubt it so much I have it pre-ordered and have a review copy, but you never know.

I do have to say if her first book is anything to go by Lucy Parker is destined to be a firm favourite of mine and I cannot wait to dive into this book, just two other review copies to conquer first! I wasn’t actually going to include it here because I have a review copy but I am insanely excited for this book so I want to keep shoving it in your faces.

Why Am I Excited?

I may not have read the second book yet but that makes me no less excited for the release of this one. I am ready for a good old binge read of all three. To binge read a series is one of my favourite things to do and this one would definitely be worth it.

Since I have read the first book I can say that based on that alone I would be buying this. I mean, I just loved it so much and Schwab proves time and again that she is an author worth keeping an eye on as she seems to always deliver an interesting read.

Special Mentions

These three books are also books I’m excited for this month but I have review copies on them which I’ve not read yet and so can't say if I want to shove them in your face or not. They are books I’m interested in and I am aware are being released. Let me know your thoughts on these if you have read them. I’m currently reading Our Own Private Universe and like it so far but we’ll see about the rest.

And there are my picks for February. Have you read any of these or are you looking forward to them as well? And are there any books I’ve missed and absolutely need to include on my list?

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#a fool's ingenuity #books

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