#harry potter needs therapy not a girlfriend

[meangirls-imagines]

Welcome to the Poly!Plasticsverse!

collab with: @yungpoetfics (my fav bubs in the world)

Regina George

@queenbgina/@callmereginald (she/her)

North Shore's Queen Bee

Soft for her girlfriends

The mom of the group

Basically a sugar mommy for her girls

Lifehack Geek

TikTok hater

Has rational fear of werewolves

Will fight a bitch

Victoria's Secret girly

Female rapper stan (Doja, Cardi, Megan, etc.)

Gryffindor

Lesbian

Gretchen Wieners

@thegretchenw/@greatgretsby (she/her/it (only if ur special))

The second mom of the group

Softest human

Loves playing with her girlfriends hair

#1 Twilight hater

Has a letterboxd account just to leave bad reviews

The level headed one usually, but will snap when she needs

Cuddly as fuck

Loves Fleur du Mal lingerie

Stubborn as Fuck

Wine drinker/expert

Loves vintage music (Elvis, Elton John, etc.)

Hufflepuff

Bisexual

Karen Shetty

@karebearz/@karensheetty (any pronouns)

Ambidextrous™️

Loves Spongebob

Plant Parent

Knows Britney Spears and Lady Gaga choreo

Kpop girly (Blackpink, BTS, etc.)

Lettering expert

Has Funko Pop collection

Squishmallow lover

Ravenclaw

Pansexual

Cady Heron

@cady_heron/@defnotcaddy (she/her)

The third mom of the group

Whispers when angry

Carries bandaids at all times

Always has snacks

Lactose Intolerant (but LOVES cheese)

Cries at Rom-Coms

LOVES hugs

Cannot handle spicy food

Sleeps with a teddy bear

Happy to be here

Friends with everyone's parents

Token vanilla of the group

Has diary (with a heart shaped lock)

Bisexual

Aaron Samuels

@aaronsammy/@atomicaaron (he/him) or (ho/mie)

1/3 of Terror Trio

Y/N's best friend

North Shore's resident Himbo

Will do anything if someone says "I dare you"

Impulsive buyer

Has one brain cell (shares it with Y/N)

Overuses 💪 emoji

Usually confused

1/2 Golden Retriever duo

Can skateboard

Uses Axe body spray

Co-founder of Stuntmares

Dreams of grabbing a teddy in a claw machine (bucket list item)

Ass man

Owns too many grey sweatpants

Kisses his homies (homiesexual)

Has never watched Harry Potter

Watches lifestyle coaches on YT

Can play the ukulele (really badly)

Loves Eminem and Harry Styles (would fuck Harry Styles)

Writes Larry Stylinson fanfics

Kissed Y/N once (regretted immediately)

Bisexual

Damian Hubbard

@hubbarddamian/@damianishubby (he/him/they)

Learned how to sew from Janis

Does drag and has a YT channel (Anita Dick)

Huge Adore Delano stan

Will fight anyone who hurts Janis

Doesn't like Rupaul as a person, but is a religious Drag Race fan

#1 Poly!Plastics fan

Has an 8 step skincare routine

Cameraman for Stuntmares

Earlybird

Lies about having curfew to go to sleep early

Ravenclaw

(Lowkey wishes he was a Slytherin bc it's the "cuntiest house"

Him and Karen watch The Bachelor

Fav movie is Dirty Dancing (did the lift with Janis)

Learned how to twerk from Y/N

Gay

Janis Imi'Ike

@janiisimiike/@imiikenough (she/they)

Secret Barbie girly(live action and animated movies)

Will go straight for Ryan Gosling

Feral chihuahua of the group

Hozier stan

HATES THE KARDASHIANS

Pain in Regina's ass

Anger Issues™️

Secretly loves Olivia Rodrigo

Mentally Ill friend

Emotional Drunk

Karaoke Queen

Tits girly

Leather Jacket lesbian

Getting piercings > therapy

Has a suit collection

Thrifter

Loves her friends

Dog person (secretly)

Quotes niche memes

Kinky af

Middle Child

Lesbian

Y/N Y/L/N (FC: Chrissy Costanza)

@thisbeyn/@reginaslefttit (she/he/they/it)

2/3 Terror Trio

2/2 Golden Retriever duo

Has matching fried egg tattoo with Aaron.

Co-Founder of Stuntmares

"Hi, I'm Y/N and welcome to Stuntmares" *jumps off roof into pool*

Cuts her own hair

Blooper Reel Queen

North Shore's resident stoner

AUDHD (autistic + ADHD)

Playlists range from Beethoven to ashnikko

"IT'S NOT A PHASE. IT'S A LIFESTYLE."

Demisexual

Plays electric guitar

Has slight speech impediment

Gremlin of the group

D&D Dungeon Master

ALWAYS falls asleep during movie night

Power Nap Addict™️

Insomniac

Monster Energy Drink Enthusiast (collects the cans)

Oddly good at Origami

Tweets everything she thinks

Has been banned from Fortnite and Roblox

Married to Gretchen on The Sims (regina and karen were sad)

Anger issues

✨Spicy✨ Latina (do not fuck with her people)

Matching rings with her gfs

Def had one night stand with Cady

Shane Oman

@shaneomann/@omantastic (he/him) or (dumb/hoe)

Loves Old School Rap (Biggie, Tupac, Snoop Dogg, etc.)

Hates Y/N at first but comes to love her like a sister.

Only person who can outsmoke Y/N.

Has a dropped truck with red LED lights under it.

Blasts music walking down the halls.

Always has the zoomies.

Orange cat friend.

Has elevator music playing in his head 24/7.

Challenged Damian to a dance off. (He lost. But he had girls simping over him)

Posts thirst traps on TikTok. (Regina's mom is his #1 follower)

Has a frying pan tattooed to match Aaron and Y/N.

Always on Stuntmares trying to create new world records.

Or eating a bunch of weird combos.

"Oman! Not again!" *proceeds to eat a marshmallow and spam sandwich*

Ralph Lauren man

Whenever the polycule argues, he's a "fuck this shit, I'm out" person.

Professional party crasher

Dine and Dash expert

Has nipple piercings (Aaron and Y/N dared him to get them)

Curses like a fucking sailor (Half of his lines on Stuntmares are just censor beeps)

Talks way too fast.

Knows Italian and Spanish (Him and Y/N talk shit in Spanish)

His ringtone for Aaron and Y/N is the remix of the Windows error sound

Loves t-shirts with offensive prints (Regina tries to make him dress normally)

Has gc with Aaron and Y/N called "Hoemies"

Would fuck Aaron

TICKLISH

Major gossip (Him and Gretchen meet once a week to talk shit)

#regina george x reader #karen shetty x reader #gretchen wieners x reader #aaron samuels #cady heron #janis imi'ike #damian hubbard #poly!plasticsverse

[larathia]

Reign of the Seven Spellblades babble

SO MANY FEELS Y'ALL.

Like, for starters, it's the first light novel series ever to make me cry.

At work, even.

I stand by what I said before - if you loved Harry Potter once, but became disillusioned or had problems with her worldbuilding, this series will be the best dark ride of your life.

But oh. It will hurt. Mostly because it makes a bit too much sense.

I'm'a get less coherent now. You want this stuff to make sense, go read the series. (The anime will get you from volume one to volume three, but skims kind of a lot. The manga does not even get you THAT far.)

ARRRGH PETE. Oliver is so much more messed up than you realize. I mean I get it, roommate, first serious crush, etc. BUT TRUST ME YOU DON'T WANT TO TAP THAT ASS. You don't. I get why you think you do, but sweet summer child you really really don't.

Ah, Oliver. You are going to be crucified, aren't you. If this were a Western story you absolutely would be. I'm holding out some hope that since this is not, ultimately, a Western story, that maybe JUST MAYBE your adorable chirpy Japanese girlfriend will bitchslap some sense into you before you burn yourself out in a very literal way. Then again, she's...uh. Not sane. I suppose I should really just hope that when you go down in flames, she'll be on fire and falling next to you?

In a sense, this is a harem story. But it really doesn't feel like one, even with all the people of all genders that wind up falling at Oliver's feet. And I think it's because all the people falling at Oliver's feet are ...just like him, in the end. Abused and neglected children who just want someone, anyone, to tell them they're good people and it's going to be okay. Oliver needs it just as much as everyone around him, but he's flipped the script so that he gives the world what he most needs and it usually turns out to be the right thing because the world's just that. fucked. up.

This series is seriously making me want to write Draco Goes To Therapy fic. I'm not going to, that fandom can fry, but the temptation's there.

Bone-boy is going to come in handy before the end. I can feeeeel it. Maybe he'll fix Oliver's broken soul. (Shush, shippers, I actually mean that very literally.) And if the final boss is a soul-sucking vampire, it kinds feels right that the final-boss-squad include a necromancer.

Please, story, and I really am begging you here, please don't kill Katie. Please don't let her be consumed by the spell. In a lot of ways her continued survival symbolizes Oliver's hopes. Can we please please not murder her? I don't even care if it takes Oliver knocking her up (provided Nanao at least knows about it) but don't kill her. Please please.

Also please give Pete to the Toxic Gasser. They'd be the very best genderqueer couple ever just please let them have to work together long enough to start eyeing each other?

#reign of the seven spellblades #ARGH I HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL **MAY** FOR THE NEXT BOOK? #WTF IS THIS 'TIME' BS ANYWAY??

[chelleblack]

My problem with Ginny Weasley as a Harry Potter couple.

I didn't want it to sound so rude, and I also know that the strange and somewhat sexist development of this character is not his fault, but of whoever writes it, obviously. But it is a subject that we have to touch to the people who read Harry Potter. We need to talk about Ginny, and her rowdy and troublesome development, and what JKR did to her, and what some fans still do.

You see, I don't have any hatred towards Ginny, but I have several problems with her. Three big problems with that character, which I repeat, is not his fault.

I want to talk about the material in the books, since in the movies it is much worse.

I'm ... let's start with the most uncomfortable. Why does Ginny exist, what is her purpose?

You know in the first book, you love the idea of ​​the fact that she is the only girl of six brothers, you think that obviously that girl will have an incredible impact on the plot, even in the chamber of secrets, they wanted. To understand that Ginny would be an important character for later, I say that she got directly involved with Voldemort, they made us that illusion that perhaps in the following books, she would have an important theme that relates her to that evil villain again, until she joins the trio golden when defeating him. Well, the last thing happened ... But people, it didn't happen like we thought it would happen, the background that could be worse and full of content, where Ginny had an interesting role ... natural. It turned out to be the opposite.

And Ginny's existence felt too forced. Because Ginny Weasley was only created to be the future companion of Harry Potter. It sounds horribly sexist, and we need to talk about this.

Sorry, I know Harry is the main character. But this is still not good.

Why is everything Ginny does for Harry? Folks, when Hermione fell in love with her teacher and forgot about him and got over him like all childhood crushes, it was okay. I think everyone would have liked the same thing to have happened with Ginny. BECAUSE IT IS VERY TERRORIFYING THE CRUSH THAT GINNY HAS HAD FOR HARRY THE WHOLE SAGA.

It does not fit in my head how this couple is so loved by everyone if it is so problematic. God, Ginny was nagging, analyzing, and watching Harry all of her adolescence until he finally saw her the way she wanted. You all point to Romilda for trying to charm Harry with love candy, you have called her unbearable, and crazy.

But they've been loving Ginny, who literally had boyfriends to get experience with Harry, who's been planning her whole life with him- And she wasn't going to give up. I don't understand how this can be romantic, it isn't. I don't know how JKR sold us this.

Look, Harry is the protagonist, we all expected a decent love story for him. (Although personally it would have been better, not seeing teenagers taking relationships so seriously, it's not healthy, they were still kids, they were traumatized, they have too many exams, they are in a war and they are dying witches all the time. Time, where jkr did it make sense to propose romance?

The thing here is that Ginny and Harry's romance has so many inconsistencies and it's so forced and bland, because it is, and that's so bad for a lead, which I understand as secondary and more troublesome romances like HermionexRon and TonksxRemus, even people becomes more excited about Severus and Lily's frustrated romance, even Narcissa and Lucius have more fans. The aforementioned couples are more loving and developed than Harry's with Ginny. And it is disrespectful.

Why did JKR do this?

It doesn't just bother me, how it turned Ginny into an obsessive girl who fetishizes the boy who has a sad life, and wants to get involved with him if so. But there is also the fact that Ginny, is perfect, and fulfills hormonally, socially and traumatically what Harry seeks. And that's not okay for Harry, much less Ginny.

It bothers me so much that Harry started "loving" Ginny because he started sexualizing her, I don't know how jkr found it nice to do this. Putting scenarios of Harry imagining being kissed by Ginny like he did with her boyfriend, but we barely saw a line from Harry, talking about how he liked her personality, that he wanted to ask her out. I mean, with Cho it felt a lot more natural, really if Harry fell in love with her. But Ginny from the beginning was so hormonal, that I understand how people think that Ginny used amortentia, although she didn't, we read the books but we still don't understand this. Because it doesn't make sense ...

From one book to another, Ginny is the prettiest girl at Hogwarts and everyone wants with her. Cho isn't anymore, because Harry doesn't care anymore. But out of nowhere Ginny is.

And she becomes the "pretty girl from Hogwarts" and Harry is just dating her. And Ginny is not only pretty, but she's the most popular at Hogwarts. This is incredible...

It's creepy how Ginny is physically the same as Lily, and Ginny's entire existence is noisy. Harry not only noticed the most popular girl, and beautiful, and double of his mother, and who is madly loving him- But Harry clung to the Weasleys with Ginny, because surprise! ... Ginny was the only woman of the Weasley that was left, and Harry longed to be part of that family which was perfect for him- And of course Ginny is the right thing to do?

She likes Quidditch, she is the most attractive, and popular, and she has it dangling from her hand. It is everything that Harry idealized in his dreams of glory and filling his voids. Or rather what JKR thought Harry might have.

Stop for a moment, is there not a Weasley character, with better development to be a couple of Harry and fill that void? And that character, isn't it Ron?

Yes, Ron Weasley makes more sense.

Ron lives up to a lot more expectations and has the cheesiest, sanest, gayest story with Harry, but since Jkr is homophobic, this is clearly a no.

¨So here is Ginny, it is Harry's fantasy, it is the comfort, even about to die, instead of thinking about more important things, in his family or life. He was already idealizing Ginny, because he loved her for life, because he depended on her, and they would both die for each other. And I absolutely hate this.

We absolutely hate the fact that Ginny's character is so planned that she feels so artificial around Harry. I absolutely hate that Cho's crush is more personal and natural in Harry's life. But I really HATE the fact that if Ron were a girl everyone would be pairing him up with Harry, because they have tangible material in the books. It's 2021 take this fact.

I don't hate Ginny, but I do loathe her empty existence for mediocre, calculating purposes, which makes Jkr a sexist person. I mean, I know that she and the fans have tried to raise the character of Ginny, contributing and thanking her for things that she did not do, to give her relevance and be in line with Harry. ¨

But Ginny is not representing Quidditch as female empowerment, she did not even represent her home. The representation of the sport was Angela, she is the first female captain who is spoken of and is followed by Cho. And it is very racist that everyone takes that apart from Cho and Angela, being that they are minorities. And secondly, Ginny did not make and form the Dumblurore army, she only gave the name, calm down, without Hermione that would not have existed. And Neville was primarily the one who stood up for the army at Hogwarts, and everyone generally did.

Sorry, I know it's a lot of text, but I had to get rid of the frustration this couple left me. I hope that if you read this, you will also analyze these points.

I would have liked very much to see a Ginny with an important role, other than being the fantasy and idealized girlfriend of the protagonist, if she weren't the girl in the movie. To see at least a pure romance between them- Although I still think that romance was unnecessary in the lives of those children, that Jkr hypersexualized them-

Harry needed therapy, vacations, some sleep - not a girlfriend who looked like his mother.

#ginny and harry are an unnecessary couple #someone had to say it #i don't hate ginny weasley but her existence is forced #harry potter needs therapy not a girlfriend #jkr is not a feminist it is quite the opposite look at what it does in its female characters #harry potter opinions #harry potter #ginny weasley #the only weasley who had chemistry with harry was ron #too heteronormative in harry potter #harry potter sexist #there should be no romance in harry potter #i hate harryxginny #Harry has more chemistry with Cho than with Ginny #jkr critical #fuck jkr #i hate jkr #i hate hinny #Ginny and harry

[thismessymasterpiece]

Oh My God, You Think They’re Pretty!

Summary - Spencer Reid can be debilitated by insecurities at times. Never once did he fear they would be because of the love of his life... until now.

Spencer Reid x Reader (she/they pronouns used!)

Category - Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst with happy ending, Fluff

TW - Spencer having implied appearance insecurities, Spencer being heartbreakingly sad (apologies and therapy bills paid in advance <3)

Please let me know if I missed anything!

Contains - Spencer having a lot a bit of self-doubt (Yes, he cries. Yes, I am very sorry.), mention of Neville Longbottom from the Harry Potter series and the actor that plays him, Matthew Lewis, and Spencer being a sad lil' bean

Author’s Note - As always, please, please do not hesitate to leave me any helpful comments or provide any constructive criticism. All I hope to do is to improve my writing and hopefully spread some comfort to anyone who may find themselves needing it. Now, if you have been here for more than a hot second, you can imagine how thrilled I was to include two of my favorite fictionals in the same fic, even if Neville made Spencer a bit uncomfy... you'll see ;) I think I made it pretty hard with this one but enjoy <3

The agent consulting on a particularly trying case, retitled Ashley Seaver, was pretty good. She certainly didn't think so but she made for quite the helpful addition to the team. What she was also good for, however, was a couple of well-meaning jokes on the behalf of one favorite resident genius. Garcia was a top-notch perp when it came to the crime.

"...And that is the whole kit and kaboodle on each of your sixty-four suspects. Nothing really stands out, they're all pretty plain," Garcia told one such genius over the phone.

"That's pretty much the main issue we're gonna have here," Reid responded as he surveyed the files she was printing for him.

"Yeah, vanilla doesn't make your job any easier," Penny joked.

"No, it does not," Spencer confirmed.

"So, um, how's it going with the agent whose father was a... y'know?"

"How'd you know that?" An inquisitive tone came over him.

"...I might've looked into someone's hidden background."

At his disbelieving silence, Penelope felt the need to defend her actions, "What? I am not gonna let some strange, new person travel with my family and not find out who they are."

"I don't know, she seems fine," Spencer reassured, looking over to the agent of the hour who was viewing a file beside his girlfriend, Y/N.

"What is that in your voice?" Garcia asked, suddenly highly suspicious.

"What's what in my voice?" He clarified, brows meeting.

"Oh my god, you think she's pretty!" Penny exclaimed.

"What? I never said that!" Reid's voice must have jumped six octaves.

"Ho, ho, you totally do!" She couldn't help but laugh aloud, "P.G. out, Lover Boy!" Garcia reached to hang up the phone before the boy genius jumped to stop her.

"Garcia, Garcia, wait!" He practically yelled.

"Yes, my love?" She retreated.

"Um..." He sounded extremely anxious.

"What is it?" Garcia pressed.

"Don't- Do me a favor and don't say anything like that to, Y/N, okay?" He whispered.

"Reid," Garcia's voice changed to a degree that even Spencer's analytical mind couldn't decipher, "what are you asking me to do?"

"Just don't say anything like that to or in front of my girlfriend," He mumbled ashamedly.

"Because?" She pressured.

"Because it is not true and I love her and I think she is the most beautiful person in the world and I would never want to hurt her feelings by letting her think I thought anything different!" He exclaimed in a rush.

Penelope couldn't help the mischievous grin that broke out on her face.

"Oh, Boy Wonder, you are sweet but I don't think you have anything to worry about."

"Why do you say that?" He sounded suspicious again.

"Well, you can still think someone is pretty in a relationship,” She emphasized.

"No, you can't!" Spencer enthused, "That's cheating!"

"Oh, sweets," Garcia impassioned, "say what you will but if you think that when you watch the Harry Potter movies with Y/N, they are watching for the plot and not one particularly delicious Matthew Lewis, you must be crazier than an unsub."

Reid pouted, hurt.

"What do you mean?" He sounded defeated.

Garcia, sensing her mistake, backtracked.

"Oh, I've said too much... P.G. out, Lover Boy!" She called again and made sure to put on a spurt of speed he couldn't beat. The line disconnected.

So, it seemed, had Y/N's lover boy.

Throughout the rest of the case, he avoided her. He shied away from her at any opportunity and flinched every single time the consulting agent walked into the same room as them.

He had put so much distance between them that Y/N could not possibly just ignore it. Problem was, cases made it pretty dang easy for him to do just that.

On the jet home, Spencer had been reading a book in immense focus. When Y/N had suggested they settle back into their shared apartment with a nice Harry Potter marathon from bed, he broke away from his book to give her a betrayed look and moved seats.

Where he couldn't run away, luckily, was at their home.

"Spence, look, we gotta talk about this."

"What do you wanna talk about?" He asked, quickly losing his satchel at the door and walking away, entering the bedroom.

"I don't know what's bothering you lately but, I'm not gonna lie, you're worrying me."

"Nothing's bothering me, Y/N," the quiet of his voice was muffled almost silent as he changed his shirt in his closet.

"Spencer," Y/N stood in the doorway, blocking his exit when he looked about to make a run for it.

"What?" He asked, meeting her eyes for the first time in days.

"Tell me what's wrong, bubs?" She pleaded, "Please! I cannot help or make it better if you don't tell me."

He remained silent and lightly pushed past her in the doorway.

"What? You don't wanna be around me anymore? Am I annoying you? Bothering you? Are you ashamed of me? Don't think I'm pretty anymore? What?" Y/N fumed as he stormed over to the bed.

"No!" He yelled back.

"Then what?" Y/N screamed.

"Well, I could ask you all of those questions and I am pretty sure I know the answers. That's what's wrong!"

"Spence... what?" Y/N deflated, pausing for a moment and looking at a loss for words.

"I was talking to Garcia," Reid whispered, falling to the bed as the fight visibly drained out of him.

"Uh huh," Y/N encouraged, remaining at the foot of the bed, hesitant to touch him for fear of making his vulnerable state worse.

"Well, she kinda told me..." He hesitated, worsening Y/N's anxiety, "Do you still think I am pretty?"

"Oh my God, Spence, what is she telling you?"

"You just answered my question with another question," He sounded heartbroken.

"Spence," Y/N threw caution to the wind, sitting down on the bed beside him and grasping both his hands in hers, "of course I do."

"Are you sure?" He wouldn't meet her eye.

"Yes," Y/N emphasized as passionately as possible, "what is Penny telling you?"

"Are you ashamed of me?" He ignored her question.

"Now you're answering my questions with your own."

"Are you going to answer my question?"

"Are you going to answer mine?"

He turned away dejectedly.

"Spence, please, just tell me. Nothing can be this bad!"

"It is!" He turned back, tears flooding his eyes and breaking her heart, "It really hurt my feelings and I don't appreciate you invalidating that!"

His voice cracked and so did Y/N's disposition. They pulled him into a tight hug and he sobbed into her shoulder.

"I am so sorry, my love," They mumbled into his neck, "I want to help and I don't mean to hurt you worse but I need you to tell me how."

Pulling away, he wiped his eyes roughly with the back of his hand.

"She told me that you watch Harry Potter with me because you think Neville is pretty and I... I thought I was the only one," He frowned, tears brimming his eyes again.

"Oh, Spence," She brought a hand to his cheek, wiping a trail of tears with their thumb, "you are."

He looked away.

"Spence, does the sheer existence of broccoli make chocolate taste any worse?" Y/N changed tactics.

"Huh?" He asked, thoroughly baffled.

"Bear with me here, bubs, and answer the question."

"Well, no, of course not," He answered earnestly.

"Exactly," Y/N grinned at his sweet demeanor, "just because I think an actor or a character is pretty doesn't mean I think you any less pretty."

"Are you sure?" He mumbled.

"Of course, they're so pretty but so, very much so, are you."

He nudged his cheek closer to Y/N's hand, still resting on it. It was answer enough for her.

"What I do wanna know, Spence," they smiled up at him, "is why this conversation even spawned."

Y/N felt his cheek warm and he blushed a deep, pretty pink.

taglist, i suppose :)

@safespacespence

dividers courtesy of the lovely @saradika-graphics and @cafekitsune <3

#spencer reid #dr spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid angst #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds fluff #criminal minds angst #spencer walter reid #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x self insert #spencer reid x reader #spencer x reader #spencer x self insert #spencer x y/n #penelope garcia #spence #penny garcia #pen garcia #garcie #garcia #reid #neville longbottom #nev longbottom

[newtonsheffield]

I WANT TO ENTER THIS FIC, GRAB KATE, GIVE HER A HUG AND A CUP OF HOT CHOCOLATE AND NEVER LET HER OUT OF MY SIGHT!!!

Really Molly, hoy much trauma are Kate and Anthony going to go trough? There are not enough psychologists in this world to help them! And Newton! He is going to have his little paws full, he is not going to touch the floor for at least 3 years. Honestly, I want to send them a big box of sedatives and a "hang in there" card.

I age 24 years after reading this chapter, so I am going to follow Kate's example and I am going to cuddle with Aristóteles because if I am going to survive Kate being ejected in the air, I need the big guns.

As always, love reading your work, even if it means that now my therapy sessions always begin with my psychologist asking me "what has Molly done now?'

I promise! This time, Kate's going to be fine: She's not even nervous about getting back in the cockpit. If anything, Anthony is more traumatised by this incident than she is.

Anthony who's just going about his day, sending flirty texts to his girlfriend and gets a phone call from Edwina.

"Um- Anthony. This is Edwina Sharma, Kate's- kate's sister."

And Anthony's heart is immediately in his throat when he chokes out, "Yeah, Edwina. I know who you are."

"Right. Um. Kate's- there was an accident, at the base today, her plane went down. Mum and I are leaving Oxford now but we thought maybe-"

"I'll be right there!"

And the whole way there he wants to cry, does a little bit as he tears up to gates waiting impatiently for the guard to check his ID before storming through the doors, thundering at a terrified looking Rookie Pilot.

"You wait right there! Once I've made sure she's alright you and I are going to have a little chat!"

The officer taking her statement just sighs, "Maybe not so Shrimpy."

And Kate just groans, "Who called him?! I'm fine!"

"Fine? Fine?! Oh Don't worry everyone! She's fine!" Anthony says wildly, "Your mother's worried sick!"

"You sound like a howler from Harry Potter."

But she falls silent at the look on Anthony's face.

#post traumatic #kathony #anthony x kate #kate sharma #kate sheffield #anthony bridgerton #molly’s asks and answers

[clairecrive]

Ooh okay this is TOTALLY self-serving but i’m doing it anyway—could you do a (fem)reader x remus where the reader is juggling all sorts of things—working at the ministry and taking classes at night or something along those lines and feels like she’s wasting what are supposed to be her golden years and so she gets upset one night and remus is incredibly good about calming her down and comforting her about it?

"Cake by the sofa"

A/n: not to make this self-serving anon but writing this felt like therapy lmao. Today I offer you some much needed Remus fluff.

Warnings: none, pure fluff

Word count: 1.3K

Tags: @ashlovesthemarauders, @jupiterandbutterflies , @hannaxmaria, @seldomabsent (if you want, you can add yourself to my taglist by filling this form)

HARRY POTTER MASTELIST

The subway was always jam-packed at this hour and you hated it. You hated it and you couldn't avoid it in any way. This was your assigned entrance to the Ministry of Magic. Any other day it would be fine, you'd put on an audiobook or some music but today... today was just too much. Not to mention that the incessant noise was making it impossible to talk to Remus.

You had left before he'd wake this morning and realizing that you haven't spent some quality time with him in ages broke your heart.

"Bunny, you there?" Did you already mention that the connection was shit underground?

"Sorry, love I'm here what were you saying?"

"I asked you when you'd be home tonight."

"Oh," you hummed trying to recall the schedule for today. Thankfully, ministry jobs were 9-5. Sure, they'd usually call you to make extra hours but you couldn't remember if you had to do so today.

Then it hit you, you had taken on a night shift at a local muggle newspaper. It was actually demanded from your superior at the Ministry as a way to make sure that muggles stayed in the dark about the Wizarding world.

"I'm going to be late again tonight, actually." You grimaced at the words. Remus had never pressured you and he himself was a very busy man. Between his job, your jobs and the Order, you rarely see each other, to the point where you were mostly roommates rather than boyfriend and girlfriend.

"Again," he mused and you could hear the weariness in his tone. Sighing, you landed on a wall. You were in the Ministry now, work could wait for another five minutes. This was more important.

"I'm sorry love. I know we haven't properly seen each other in a while."

"That's not what I'm worried about, bunny. You're working too much."

"I could say the same for you, Rem." You pointed out softly. You didn't want to come off as a hypocrite since you also were always busy.

"I'm fine, bunny. It's you that is wearing herself out."

"You don't have to worry about me, I'm fine. Huffing, you rolled your eyes at his apprehensive nature even though he couldn't see you.

"You know I do."

"I love you and I miss you." You confessed changing the subject. You were afraid the distance between you cause by your crazy schedules would eventually drive you apart. So, every time you could even if it was out of the blue, you did this. It was both for reassuring him but for yourself as well.

"The feeling is mutual, my love." Hearing him saying it back had an instant soothing effect.

"I'll see you soon, hun."

You ended the phone call after wishing him a good day and him doing the same. Sighing you put your phone away, your mood souring further as you made your way to your office where you were going to spend the entirety of your day while you only wanted to be with him.

Work was important to you and you knew that Remus shared this same attitude but at the same time, you knew that if it got down to it, you'd choose the sweet-hearted werewolf over anything else.

Making a mental note to speak to your superior about your weekly schedule, you'd settled behind your desk (not so) ready to face today's workload.

*+* *+* *+*

When you finally made it home, later that day, you were ready to bid today adieu. Sighing heavily, you closed the door behind you, the keys rattling as you locked it.

The hallway was dark but you could see that the light in the kitchen was on.  You were light on your feet as you headed there since you didn't know if Remus was awake or he had just forgotten to close it.

When you entered the room though, the sight that met you made you halt. Your eyes flickering all over the room as you took it in. The light had been left on purposefully. The table was laid, carefully set with your favourite pieces, a couple of candles and a few rose petals adorning it.

Realizing that this was most definitely Remus' doing, you smiled as your eyes moved over the room to look for him. But he wasn't in the kitchen.

"Rem?" you called for him softly as you stepped into your small living room. And here he was, snoring softly on the sofa.

Kneeling, you smiled as you took in his peaceful expression. This alone, his angelic face and comforting presence alone would have been enough to soothe your frustrations.

Carefully, you pushed a piece of hair away from his eyes before your finger gently trailed over the scars on his face. He looked exhausted and your heart ached at the idea of waking him up but you knew he had tried to do something nice for you so you wanted to at least thank him for that. Also, the sofa is fucking uncomfortable.

"Baby," shaking his shoulder gently while peppering his face with small kisses you set to draw him for his slumber.

He groaned at the disturbance but you saw the moment he registered that it was you who was annoying him as he turned his head so that your lips could meet his instead of his cheek.

"Hi, bunny," he peeked at you through his lashes, eyes still unfocused with sleep as he pecked you again.

"Hi," you parroted him like a fool. He had always had this effect on you, even more so now that he looked out-of-this-world cute with his tousled curls and red lips.

He mirrored your smile, leaning in your hand that was cradling his face enjoying your touch. As sleep slowly unclouded his mind, the realisation settled on him. Eyes wide, he shot up almost knocking his forehead with yours.

"The dinner," he exclaimed, cheeks red in embarrassment as he looked at you sheepily.

"I saw. It was very sweet of you Rem but you didn't have to." Rising, you settled beside him on the sofa to reassure him.

"I wanted to do something nice for you but of course I had to ruin everything," he groaned letting his head fall on the headrest of the sofa with his face hidden behind his hands.

"Hey," leaning over him, you gently pulled his hands away, " you didn't ruin anything. I love it and I love you for doing this." You kissed his palm to drive your point home.

"You're just as tired as I am, honey."

He knew you were right. He was just as exhausted but still, he was upset that he hadn't been able to do this for you. Letting out a big breath, he used the hand you were holding to pull you to him. Kissing you gently he settled his forehead on yours, intertwining your fingers.

"I had even baked a cake," he mumbled on your lips.

"Well, why don't we eat that and then go to sleep? What do you say?" you proposed pecking his lips again.

"I say that I love you."

Giggling you lightly bumped his nose with yours before rising from the sofa to retrieve the dessert.

When you came back with the plates in your hands, his slice twice bigger than yours, you handed him his before taking your place beside him again.

"So, how was your day?" He asked before digging in,

"Not as good as this cake, for sure." You let out an obscene moan to prove your point but you knew it did well for his ego judging by the look in his eyes.

He thanked you for the compliment with the most adorable shade of pink adorning his cheeks. You cooed at him before asking him the same question.

It wasn't much, just the two of you sharing this insanely good cake Remus made but it was exactly what he needed after a pretty shitty week.

#remus lupin #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin x you #remus lupin fluff #remus lupin imagine #remus lupin imagines #remus lupin one shot #remus lupin blurb #remus lupin fic #post hogwarts #the marauders #marauders x reader #marauders fluff #marauders x you #marauders imagines

[phoebe-delia]

If you could make one thing cannon in HP what would it be? 🤔

Nonnie, thank you for this ask! I love it.

I know an obvious answer would be Drarry, but I wouldn't make it canon if it'd be done by JKR. Aside from my personal staunch disagreement with many of her beliefs, I just don't trust her to write a nuanced, queer relationship and a good redemption arc for Draco. I don't need Drarry to be canon for it to be real to me; it already is through the vastly superior fanfiction I've read by the people on this site and AO3.

That being said, there is one thing I'd change about canon, and that's the stupid epilogue.

Even if I shipped Hinny, I'd hate that hot piece of garbage. It takes all of the trauma, grief, and mental illness that Harry and his friends would've endured and skips over it. It just fast forwards through all of the sticky, unpleasant aftermath of being a child soldier after being abused for 18 years by his guardians and Snape, and manipulated by a lot of other people; not to mention, a dark Wizard living inside of him!! For his entire life up until now!! Oh, and not to mention the fact that he fucking died!!

No, all is not fucking well, even 19 years later. Don't do Harry and his friends and the readers a disservice by ignoring the immense struggles that would've followed the end of the war.

I'm not saying Harry needs to be unhappy forever. I'm not a fan of Cursed Child, but one of my friends (@moonstruckwytch) pointed out once that it's what would've happened if Harry never went to therapy, and I think they're right.

I want to see him go to therapy. I want to see him grapple with these issues. I don't want to see him struggle because I enjoy it, but a lot of us grew up seeing ourselves in these characters, and to just sort of fast forward over the hard part of growing up and being a person with trauma feels disingenuous.

Also, I hate the names he gives his kids. I understand the sentimentality behind naming them after James and Lily and Sirius, and I do really love Luna as a middle name, but can you imagine the pressure of being the child of Harry Fucking Potter and being named for his legendary dead parents/Sirius Black? That would be so intense. And Ginny should've had more of a say in the naming of her kids, though I suppose she got to have Lily's middle name honor her best friend and ex-girlfriend ;).

But I take the most issue with Albus Severus. Whether or not you like Dumbledore and Snape, the pressure increases tenfold to be named after these fucking luminaries. I think we can all agree that both Snape and Dumbledore are (at least) morally gray, and to name your innocent child after people with such baggage is unfair, IMO.

TL;DR: fanfic made Drarry real, and Harry needs to go to therapy.

Send me an ask about Harry Potter, broadway/musicals, The West Wing, and/or Taylor Swift! Or just about life in general :).

Also, I have a playlist of my 99 most listened-to songs of the year so far. Pick a number 1--99 and send me an ask and I'll write you a fic based on it!

#drarry #harry potter #draco malfoy #ask #ask me #ama #ask me anything #harry potter ask #ask me stuff #linny

[thegreatestofheck]

Heck’s Masterlist

OBX Masterlist

Since some of my fics are getting long, here’s a masterlist of everything I’ve made so far in relation to Outer Banks! It will continually be updated as more fics, blurbs, and requests are added!

Also, my requests are open! I don’t generally do smut, but I’m open to mostly anything else!

JJ Maybank 

Requests:  

Jump -  You are John B’s sister and you’ve been following him around your whole life. After deciding to make your own path, you find yourself caught up with a boy who is no good and JJ is the only one who can get you out of it.

Wedding Dress -  JJ makes a promise to himself that he’s now not sure he can keep.

Run - You’re John B’s sister and after sending him off on the Phantom, it’s up to you to cover for him. But Ward Cameron is still your legal guardian and he comes to collect his property.

Ransom -  John B’s sister is taken by the square groupers. In exchange for her life, they ask for the compass and a heavy ransom price. It’s a race of time as the Pogues, with the help of Sheriff Peterkin, journey into the marsh to save her life before the clock runs out.

Not So Unrequited -  in the middle of an argument with your best friend, he says something to you that you had never wanted to hear.

i love you -  your relationship with JJ had always been rocky, built on a mutual desire for affection. that doesn’t mean he would never break your heart.

fill the void - she always felt alone, so when he needed her most, she couldn’t resist.

promises, promises - You and JJ have an unspoken thing, passed only though stolen glances and half serious flirting. But the day after he takes the fall for Pope, you find yourself standing at a crossroads; do you step in to protect him from his dad, or do you stay out of it?

Series: 

Ocean and Alcohol - (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, Epilogue, Rafe’s POV)  You’re a kook, but your life is less than ideal. After a fight with some of the other kooks, you let slip a little about your home life to one JJ Maybank, who is more than intrigued. (reader insert with a name, tw: abuse, canon content)

Tempest and Gin - (1, 2)   The gold is gone, but Elma’s problems are just beginning. With her dad in police custody and her mom once again AWOL and refusing to pay for legal council, Elma and Ms. Lana struggle to get through the trial with a court appointed lawyer. At the end of her rope, Elma finds herself juggling friends, family, rivals, and enemies as she struggles to keep her wits about her and do the one thing she’s always done; protect Kid.

Girl With No Heartbeat - (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)  After a near death experience, JJ is saved by a girl in the water. When he and the Pogues find her washed ashore the next day, they are more than surprised to discover that she isn’t your everyday girl. (mermaid/siren au, canon divergence) 

Imagines:

Sweet as Honey, Hard as Steel -  JJ’s girlfriend is the complete opposite of everything one would expect. A straight A student with big life goals, Elena has never been the drinking, smoking, fighting type. And JJ wouldn’t have it any other way.

Coward -  Your mom just passed and your absentee father has come to collect you. But that means leaving the life you knew and loved, including your best friend (and a little more), JJ Maybank. But he isn’t ready to hear what you have to say on your last night together. 

Rafe Cameron

Series: 

Fire and Storm - Rafe Cameron had always wanted her. He wanted to be hers and he wanted her to be his. But she wasn’t and he was slowly beginning to realize that he never would be. (this is Rafe’s POV for a bit of another series, Ocean and Alcohol)

Requests: 

Better -  Secretly dating Rafe as JJ Maybank’s sister isn’t the easiest thing, especially when your brother finally learns the truth. 

Imagines: 

Meant to Be Yours -  Rafe Cameron, your boyfriend, was more broken than you realized. He wants more from you than you can give. (based on the song “Meant to Be Yours” from Heathers the Musical)

John B

Imagines: 

Girl Crush -  You spent years yearning after John B, your best friend. You just didn’t realize it until he fell in love with the most beautiful girl on the island...and it wasn’t you. After that, only Sarah Cameron was on your mind. (based on the song “Girl Crush”)

Tethered - (routledge!reader, John B’s little sister) Surfing the surge was a Pogue rite of passage. You had been waiting for the next big storm to show your older brother that you were ready to be one of them. But the storm was stronger than you or your brother could have imagined.

Just Come Home - (routledge!reader, John B’s little sister) You come home one day to find your brother bearing harsh news. 

Series:

By Dawn - (1, 2, 3) John B meets a mysterious girl at his court ordered group therapy. After spending weeks trying to get to know her, he slowly realizes that she’s a tough nut to crack. But then one day, she leaves him a cryptic message...the night before she goes missing. With the disappearance of his father still so raw in his mind, John B refuses to lose anyone else. And he will stop at nothing until he finds her.

Sarah Cameron 

Imagines: 

Girl Crush -  You spent years yearning after John B, your best friend. You just didn’t realize it until he fell in love with the most beautiful girl on the island...and it wasn’t you. After that, only Sarah Cameron was on your mind. (based on the song “Girl Crush”)

Kie Carrera 

Imagines: 

For Forever -  When you’re parents find out that you’ve been secretly dating your best friend, Kie, they go off on you. Afterward, she comforts you, reminding you that blood doesn’t mean family. (tw: homophobia, found family to the max) 

she -  As a Pogue, having a crush on Kie Carrera was almost a prerequisite. You knew that all the boys were crushing on her, at least a little bit, but accepting your own feelings for her is a different matter. (reader has a crush on Kie but isn’t really ready to admit her feelings) 

Requests: 

Nothing More -  You’re secretly dating one of the Pogues and your brother is starting to become suspicious. The only problem; he’s fixated on the wrong friend.

Pope Heyward 

Imagines: 

Nothing to Prove -  Pope helps you with some relationship problems. Later, while hanging out with your boyfriend, you realize that running from your fears got you nowhere and the only place you wanted to be was with Pope. (very soft)

Delivery Boy - With an absent mother and a distant father, you’ve always felt alone living in your empty house. But a certain delivery boy might be the one thing that makes running an estate worth it.

Seires: 

Bare Bones -  (Preview, Theory 1, Theory 2, Theory 3) Pippa Cantu has always been a little…strange. With a knack for knowing everything there is to know about every conspiracy, every mystery, and every weird happening, she doesn’t have much time (or desire) for friends. But when her chemistry lab partner asks her to join him and his friends on a hunt for the Royal Merchant, she just can’t say no.

Kelce 

Series: 

Simple Melancholy -  (2) Jemma “Little J” Maybank finds herself a little over her head when she accidentally falls for a boy from Figure Eight. Between her overly protective brother and Kelce’s incredibly rude friends, neither of them are sure how they’re going to make it, but they’re determined to.

General (Everybody)

Imagines:

Do Not Stand - One of the Pogues passes away and leaves a message for her friends. Each of them take it in a different way. 

Series: 

Little Village - (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, Finale)  As the oldest of the Pogues and John B’s big sister, June always acted as their mother. She helped with assignments and studying, helped pay bills when it was needed, made dinner, reminded them about hygiene. But then she got pregnant and her boyfriend left and suddenly she found herself unable to do all those things she was once able to. When they say it takes a village, she wasn’t entirely sure they meant a bunch of teenagers. (post-canon, I haven’t decided who the love interest will be or if there will be one at all, so that’s why its here)

Requests: 

Homeward Bound -  After spending years abroad at a boarding school, Kie’s sister returns to the Outer Banks. The Pogues quickly realize that, despite her cold exterior, there is a free spirit inside her just longing to break free. 

A Bunch of Love Stories Masterlist - A series of fics based on Taylor Swift’s album “Fearless”. 

Outerbanks Playlist - This is just a list of songs that remind of the Pogues and other characters in the show. A few of the songs are connected to some of my fics as well! 

ATLA Masterlist

Zuko

The Sun, The Moon, and the Stars - She is a non-bender from the Southern Water Tribe who somehow found herself smack in the middle of Fire Nation central, where a young prince is fighting an internal battle she hopes to help him win.

Harry Potter Masterlist

Fred Weasley 

warm - you and your husband survive the second wizarding war, but so do some of Voldemort’s old followers, and they are hell bent on revenge. 

Severus Snape

The Other Her -  Severus Snape had two friends while he was at school. One, every body knew as Lily Evans. The other was you, an unknown student who wanted nothing more than to be noticed by your friend. You couldn’t help but compare yourself to the Gryffindor heartthrob every time he mentioned her name.

Only One -  You return to Hogwarts years later to watch your son’s Quidditch match, only to find yourself a little bit in over your head.

Criminal Minds Masterlist

Derek Morgan

breathe again -  he saved her life and now she has to deal with the aftermath. he’s there to help her every step of the way.

Aaron Hotchner

dark of the night -  an agent gets taken in the middle of an investigation. in a race against time, the team at the bau must find her by diving into her deepest secrets. when a video tape arrives with horrible images of the state of their friends, aaron hotchner realizes just how terrified he is of losing her. 

The Musketeers (BBC) Masterlist

Porthos

enough for you -  the wife of a musketeer reflects on her relationship with her husband while Porthos watches from the sidelines.  

#obx #outer banks #outer banks masterlist #jj maybank #pope heyward #john b routledge #sarah cameron #rafe cameron #kie carrera #little village #ocean and alcohol #mermaids in the outer banks? #more likely than you think #jj smut #jj x reader #kir x reader #pope x reader #rafe x reader #jj x oc #pope x oc #john b x oc #kelce obx #kelce x oc #atla #avatar the last airbender #zuko x reader #harry potter #fred weasley x reader #aaron hotchner #criminal minds

[the-fangirl-diaries]

70 Thoughts (And Questions) I Had While Watching The Eternals.

WARNING: THIS DIARY ENTRY CONTAINS SPOILERS. 

IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE MOVIE, PLEASE PROCEED WITH CAUTION OR SAVE THIS POST FOR LATER. 

Otherwise, enjoy. 

We start off with an unnecessarily long crawl. (1:05 worth)

Robotic Groot. 

If Harry Potter swallowed the Golden Snitch he’d become an Eternal?

 I CAN SHOW YOU THE WORLD!

What a nice-looking beach! It would be a shame if - WHAT IS THAT!? 

The gang’s all here. 

Ooh, we’re getting some sign language in here. 

 Angelina Jolie in Marvel? 

I love how that space ship just shows up out of thin air. 

When were y’all going to tell me Salma Hayek was in this? 

There’s a child. An actual child. 

But everyone else is like, really good-looking. 

That’s a surprise tool that will help us later. 

Major time skips. A good writing tool to move it all forward. 

Really? You put that thing in a school museum? 

I would love to have Jon Snow as my professor. 

Seriously? Another movie that shows a dog about to be - 

And we skip right to the party. IS THE DOG OKAY?! 

Welcome to the new TLC show: My Girlfriend has Super Powers. 

I do not trust this one with sharp objects. 

Why does Ikaris look like Bucky? 

Save a child caught in the chaos. A trope I will use later. 

One Punch Man? 

“The plow, cause that’s what it does. Plows dirt.” Iconic!

Come on, Thena. Lighten up, it’s a party! 

I wish I could stare at people and make them get along. 

 I ship Druig and Makkari with my whole heart. 

She’s good with kids, smart, beautiful. 

“I am very beautiful.” He’s not wrong, hehe. 

Really? On the beach? You might regret that later, lol. 

And it was all a dream.  

Whelp. Ajak is dead already. 

Aww, Sprite. *tears up* 

Poor sweet Druig just wants to stop people from fighting. 

Thena’s going crazy? Well, can’t say I didn’t see that coming. 

Gilgamesh is gonna protect her. That’s so sweet.  

*adds Nach Mera Hero to my playlist* 

The cameraman is iconic!

Love the Batman reference. 

Eternal Problems: Arishem leaving you on ‘seen’ 

He called Sprite Tinkerbell. 

Wait, she loves Ikaris? She’s a child, but okay. 

How many cameras do you have, man? 

LET ME SEE WHAT YOU HAVE! A KNIFE!! 

Nice, going, Sersi. How’re they gonna get that tree out?

NO! Not Gilgamesh!! *tears up*

FINALLY, THEY’RE GONNA GET PHASTOS! 

 Are you trying to make me cry? 

Phastos needs hugs, and possibly some therapy.

Aww, he has a family now.  

Superman, lol. 

Oh, no. Our table. It’s broken. 

Of course he’s the villain.

That doesn’t stop him from being attractive, though.  

Spite, honey. You deserve much much better than him. 

And someone your own age. 

Bye, Kingo. Bye cameraman. 

We’re not gonna talk about the humanoid Deviant. 

*signs* Excuse me, Makkari. You dropped this. *holds up crown*

Great, now Sersi’s gonna die. 

Sprite, violence is never the answer, love. 

He must have been possessed or something because he’s sad now. 

Yes, she forgives him and tells him it’s okay. 

And they lived happily - WAIT WHAT? 

HE’S FLOWN TOO CLOSE TO THE SUN! 

So you hurt people and decide to - That’s rough, buddy.

She gave up her immortal life to grow up and fall in love. 

I’m crying now. 

Dane is The Black Knight? (I had to look it up.) 

How and why does Thanos have a brother and why’s he Harry Styles?

So, I FINALLY watched The Eternals last night, and I am honestly going to say that I’m neutral. I agree that it wasn’t the best Marvel movie, but it wasn’t the worst movie I’ve seen (Trust me, I’ve seen worse) 

All in all, I’d rate it a 7/10 

#the eternals #marvel #marvels eternals

[alexawynters]

TW

Venting. Don’t take this too seriously it’s fine I’m fine.

So my recent ex gf of 8 months (I count the time we were fucking around as well as dating bc let’s not lie I caught feels early because I’m pathetic) who broke up with me a little over two months ago is now hooking up with one of my closest friends.

Its cool. I still cry myself to sleep, have nightmares, and wake up crying throughout the night but it’s fine. I spend more time drunk than sober (I had been doing so well! It was two years since I was last an alcoholic) and replaying every red flag, every moment where I thought to myself “you know, I don’t think she really likes me, you don’t treat the people you like this way right?” And then my dumb desperate ass was like “no we’re going to overlook this because surely she would tell me right? Besides I’m asking for too much, I should just be grateful she even expressed any interest at all. Stop being needy. Stop asking for anything other than what she is giving you because you’re lucky she’s even with you, what’s wrong with you?

Like. The first two months we were together? I called my besties every other week crying because I felt like a human sex toy. She didn’t even seem to want to do relationship things. I didn’t understand why she even asked me out, I had told her before we got together if all she wanted to be was fwb that was okay. But she asked me out so I was like okay cool. You want to date me. As in be in a relationship. I’m excited for this. Let’s do relationship things. We didn’t often do relationship things. We did sexual ones instead.

Then after two months suddenly the sex all but stopped. I thought to myself okay cool every relationship hits a plateau, and levels out. This is normal. Little did I know that was the slow death of us. The. I was calling my besties every other week again, still crying, begging to know what I was doing wrong. Why wasn’t I good enough? Why didn’t she seem interested but was still with me? What was I doing wrong? What was I not doing enough of, or too much of, or just not doing right? What was wrong with me that I couldn’t seem to interest her beyond the bare bones minimum?

I found myself begging for her to spend time with me. I lived with roommates who were our friends, and it always felt like she wanted to spend more time with them than me. I had to ask her if we could have some “just us” nights which, rarely were ever actually just us unless we went out. There were times she would literally, every five minutes look out the window to see when my roommates were home, and I was like ???? Do you not want to spend time with me? She would go to the kitchen to get something and be gone for twenty minutes to an hour at a time, having gotten distracted and hanging out with them. Which isn’t inherently bad to be clear but it happened so often and I wondered. I never forgot about her when I was leaving the room and got stopped for a conversation. If I knew I was going to be long I would text her to invite her or let her know.

I had even told her if she wants to just hang out with them, she could. I genuinely wouldn’t have minded that. Have fun with your friends, you should. I could hang out in my room and be me (I’m incredibly introverted, autistic, and have anxiety, and the living situation had me ~*stressed*~ out) but she didn’t want to do that.

If we were out on a date, she was almost always texting, or snap chatting somebody else. I always tried to make it a point to focus on us when we were in dates, but it never felt reciprocated. I brought it up and then felt like an asshole for already asking for just us time, and now to please not be on your phone when we’re on a date. She looked so sad, like I had scolded her. I would replay it over and over in my head - I tried to be gentle and polite, not accusing or angry. I checked my words carefully and ran them by multiple people to try to be as non aggressive and non accusatory as I could before I ever spoke them to her. Clearly I didn’t succeed.

She has OCD (nothing against it and I usually found it endearing) and would sometimes go into a loop. I always tried to help her but usually just ended up frustrating her. She snapped at me on occasions including in front of my friends and didn’t often apologize for it. Something my friends brought up after she did it in front of them, and I made excuses for it. She was stressed out, I would be too, stop being so hard on her.

She never planned anything with me, I always had to do it. I brushed it off as her having anxiety and not liking planning, but when she asked me “oh we’re still doing that?” for the trip for my nieces wedding in which I was taking her to meet my (extremely judgey) family, the trip that I had been updating her on weekly about the plans trying to get any input from her on, the trip that I had to pull in favors for and grovel to get the time off to go to? I should have said never mind and cancelled it.

She didn’t even help plan my birthday. My best friends did, and showed me the texts where they were getting frustrated with her lack of input on it because she’s my girlfriend and surely she would want to participate in that? Want to help surprise me? It was my first surprise party ever. I told her thank you and she acted like she had absolutely had a hand in planning. Meanwhile my friends all got together while she and I were gone to vent about how pisses they were at her for her lack of effort.

I have some childhood trauma and I don’t like to be touched sexually. I’ll touch my partner and even enjoy it but I don’t like being touched. It triggers me. But she said no less than three times to different people “yeah I’ve still never gone down on a girl or anything” which made me feel like I wasn’t being a good enough girlfriend. So I got sex therapy. I worked through it as best I could. Not for me. I didn’t want to be touched that way but I wanted my girlfriend to be happy. I wanted to do right by her and give her everything she wanted or needed in a relationship. Right about this time is where the sex stopped. She also stopped flirting or doing things she used to do before we started/right as we started dating that were clear indicators that she liked me. (I am an oblivious idiot)

I started to get worried. Why was I working this hard if she didn’t actually want to touch me? I was happy not being touched, but now I was starting to think something was wrong. I was starting to feel like she didn’t even want me. I started asking for sex as reassurance that she was still interested. Still attracted.

She called me a horn dog.

Not just to me but also later to my best friend. I was so mortified I wanted to jump out of the window and run into traffic. *I* was a horndog? All I wanted was affection and reassurance. She said her love language was physical affection and so was mine but she rarely gave me the cuddles I needed. I would ask her for “pets” - where she would play with my hair or just run her hand up and down my arm. This for me is intimacy. I had no problems doing it for her ever but she would get annoyed when I asked, saying it was hard for her to focus on the tv.

Okay? So? I’m not asking much, I didn’t think. I stopped paying attention to the tv when I was petting her. I made her my whole focus so she would feel loved. I mean unless it was like Harry Potter but I would be mindful to alternate so she wouldn’t be left out.

She only introduced me to one of her friends (who I thought was pretty cool but I worry she hates me so I just don’t talk to her now). At first I thought this was because she was in the closet. To be clear I never had a problem with that. I would never push someone to come out before they were ready and I hate movies and media that have the partner doing that. It’s shitty and dangerous. If she felt safer in the closet more power to her. I actively went to bat for protecting that secret for her. Sometimes our friends would forget and tag her in shit that would out her. I would be in their texts and calling them immediately explaining the situation and asking them to untag or take the post down. I’m not saying that as any sort of bragging. That’s literally the least I could do. I’m saying it to illustrate that I don’t have a problem with her being in the closet. But then she told me her friends knew about us. So I was like okay cool you’ve met all of my friends and are part of the group. I’d like to meet your friends. “Um.. they’re just really busy”. I mean. Yeah so are my friends and I didn’t mean like right now I just meant maybe mention it to them and we can some time schedule a hang out. “They’re just really busy”. Red flag but okay. Gonna just. Overlook this one too. It’s fine.

I spent more nights when she visited waiting for her to fall asleep so I could cry myself to sleep over how worthless I felt. Why was I doing this? Everything hurt but maybe I was just asking too much. Had my expectations too high. I’ve been told that before. Usually by people who have left me, those who stay (and my therapist) insist I’ve been asking for the bare minimum. To this day I still don’t know. If all you get is nothing , surely you are nothing? You don’t deserve to ask for more.

By June I started thinking she’s not happy with me. I’m not the one she wants. I don’t think much of myself. I don’t think I’m worth anything. I wrote her a letter that sat in my desk at work, basically saying that she deserved to be happy. She deserved to be with someone who sparks excitement, joy, and romance in her. Someone she wants to introduce to her friends (that she’s out to). Someone that she wants to spend time with and forgets about anyone else (within reason obviously, not like actually forgetting the world friends and responsibilities). Someone she is actually excited to spend time with and looks forward to. Someone that makes her not want to cancel every other date. She shouldn’t settle, even if it’s for me.

It broke my heart to write that letter. I was going to give it to her after her birthday because I didn’t want to be a sick and break up with her right before/on her birthday. Turns out she beat me to the punch and dumped me after I took her home.

I don’t know why I was surprised. The entire relationship things didn’t feel right. I always felt like I was doing something wrong. People in my life always seem to like the idea of me and then when they get to see the real me suddenly it’s like oops too much I’m out. Or alternatively they just.. they think I’m interesting and then lose interest.

My birth mother rejected me not once but twice. My adoptive mother was thrilled at the idea of me until I got to be about 4 and she realized something wasn’t quite right. My dad doesn’t care enough about me to stop drinking. Almost every single best friend I’ve ever had growing up has left usually because of some stupid shit I’ve done or because they’re embarrassed of me. Cheryl thought I was some monster out to hurt my friends (even when said “hurt” friend who was actually there went to bat for me and confirmed that I was literally just in the wrong place at the wrong time). Holly stopped caring. Brie never cared. Johanna only cared when she could use her affection of me to hurt someone else she was being petty with. Lissa only wanted someone she could bully, and even once she had me it wasn’t enough. Jerika definitely didn’t want me, and even my closest friend of 17 years Amy left for three months in which I genuinely thought she wasn’t coming back because I had the audacity to try to help her out of a panic attack. Jocelyn couldn’t stand me for more than a week at a time and roxii didn’t have the time of day for me after Americorps.

I feel like my whole life has just been a game of measurements that’s found me wanting. I tried. I tried so hard and I know I didn’t succeed I know there were things I could have done differently with my latest ex. Things I could have done better. I’ve never wanted anything to work so much in my life. Never tried so hard and still I wasn’t enough. I’m never enough.

I watched her, the woman that I was in love with, slowly lose interest in me over the course of about 4 months. Do you know what that’s like? What that does to you? The more I tried, the quicker she seemed to fade. I kept thinking if I just try harder, I’m just not doing, saying the right things. I read every book on relationships I could get my hands on (blatantly ignoring the parts that told me I should see the red flags for what they were and step away). I took notes. I watched therapy videos. I put to work every therapy technique I had ever learned. I wasn’t perfect but I was going to give this everything I had. Just once I didn’t want anyone to be able to say I didn’t try. I wanted to be as healthy, loving and supportive of a partner as I could because I loved her and didn’t want to hurt her. I knew that I had a lot of personal growth that I had been working on before I met her and I wanted to really ramp that up while I was with her to be good to her. To be good for her.

I’m not even mad. My friends say I should be. They’re mad on my behalf and I’m the one telling them to be nice, and defending her. Part of me thinks they’re right but mostly, mostly I think I’m just a steaming pile of shit and I deserved this.

I wasn’t enough. I’m tired of not being enough. I’m tired of fighting the universe showing me over, and over, and over, and over, and over again how absolutely worthless, not shit I am.

When she broke up with me I told her I felt like I was losing one of my best friends. She said we’re still friends I’m still going to be in your life and we will still talk. Turns out that’s only if I initiate and usually shortly after she shuts it down. So. I guess not.

I asked her one thing and that was when (not if because obviously when, I mean if you saw her you would understand) she moved on if she could just not bring the new person around for the first few months so I didn’t have to see it immediately I would appreciate it and she was like yeah for sure. I told her I wanted her to be happy and I meant it. I just didn’t realize it was going to be barely over 2 months and with one of my good friends.

To be clear she can date whomever she wants. I just thought there might have been more time between them showing up publicly and honestly? Even if her friend was single, interested in me, and I interested in her, I wouldn’t have dated her friend. Even if the positions were reversed and I actually broke up with her first, I wouldn’t have dated her friend. I would imagine that would hurt and I never want to hurt her. Ever. I just.. I wouldn’t have done it. And then she told my one best friend to not tell my other best friend or me and I’m like?? So you know this is a little shady and you’re still gonna?? Like you literally couldn’t wake a couple more months? Just til after Friendsgiving so I don’t have to come to a group event and plaster on a smile when it makes me want to stab myself in the heart.

Alright. Well. Good for her. And I mean that. I just.. can’t see that right now so I’m not seeing any of them. I heard the song Reminds me of you by Kim petras today “cut off all my friends because they remind me of you” and literally felt punched in the gut. Like yep. Too right. Because what am I supposed to go go hang out with my closest friends, where she and her new partner are, and fake a smile? I’m barely holding it together. There’s literally not a day in which I don’t want to kill myself.

Not because she broke up with me. Because I’m tired of being worthless to everyone I care about. Like why the fuck am I even here? Is this what I was born for? To be trash? To be used by people until they find someone better? Or to be someone’s quirky new friend until they find out my quirks are not an act? Or for people to think Im interesting only to slowly realize that I’m not and want nothing to do with me?

I think about all the things I’ve survived that I shouldn’t have and get frustrated because wHY? Why couldnt I just have died and been done with everything? I said to Nathan the other day that at some point I have to realize that the common denominator here is me. Clearly I am the problem. Clearly I am worthless and it’s time to fucking accept that. His reply was that it’s easy to think that you’re the common denominator when it’s your life but that’s just because you’re stuck in it. Idk man. I don’t think I have just extraordinarily shitty luck. I think it’s just me.

I am worthless. Not shit. To anyone. There are some who have stayed but it’s literally just a matter of time until they leave. It’s inevitable, and I’m tired of trying to pretend it’s not. I’m tired of trying to pretend I’m worth something to anyone. I’m tired of begging people to care about me, family, friends, partners. I’m just tired. So tired. Im tired of being tired.

Fuck my life insurance policy. The majority of the people on it don’t care about me anyway, so fuck it if it doesn’t pay out. It wouldn’t be my problem. Sitting here trying to think of ways that wouldn’t traumatize my roommates, would be guaranteed, relatively pain free, and wouldn’t put anyone else at risk. And then I remember I’m a coward and if I fuck it up then there goes what little I have made of my career, I’d lose my job (not that I’m thriving anyway), I’d probably be permanently damaged in ways that would then make me a burden to my parents.

Maybe I can’t kill myself, but somebody else sure could. I could find somebody abusive and just throw myself into that until one day they take it too far. That’s about what I deserve. And then my policy would pay out and the people I live most would be taken care of, regardless of how their treatment of me makes me feel. Maybe I could do some good in this world. The only good I’ll have ever done but it has to count for something right? Who am I kidding nothing I do counts for anything but I’m crazy and keep doing the same things expecting different results.

It’s funny. The one person who wants to leave me the most, can’t. I wish I could though.

Don’t take this too seriously I’m venting. it’s fine, I’m fine.

#God I wish that I could do that #Good for you #TW depression #I’m fine #tw suicidal ideation

[amyscascadingtabs]

expecto patronum

Post-The Fugitive. Jake and Amy talk Harry Potter, patronuses, and love.

✨read on ao3  ✨ 

“Hey, babe, I’m home!”

The door makes a distinctive clicking noise behind Jake as he locks it. It’s only one of the many sounds he’s getting used to; his new home is full of them, and they’ve become much more noticeable now that he’s here every day. He’s known his way around this apartment for a long time, but living there, permanently, is different. It’s a good kind of different, though. 

“In here!” Amy shouts from her – from their – bedroom, and Jake hurries to hang up his jacket and bag before going to greet his girlfriend. 

    He’s coming home late tonight. A questioning at work dragged over after a surprise confession, and as exciting as those are, Jake’s bitter over missing dinner and Property Brothers with Amy. He half hadn't expected her to be awake still, but once he was finally free to text her that he was on his way home, she replied straight away to tell him she'd be waiting. Rosa had teased him about how wide he’d been smiling, but Jake hadn’t found it in him to care. 

Amy’s laying on her stomach in bed with a thick book leaned against the pillow, resting her chin against one hand as she reads and holding up the cover with her other. Jake recognizes the book; it’s Prisoner of Azkaban, the third book in the Harry Potter series. He was reading it himself a few weeks ago.

“Ah, Harry Potter. Good choice.”

Amy closes the book against her index finger and looks up at him. “Yeah, you inspired me. How was work?”

“We got a confession,” he grins. “It was dope. Guy just started rambling, pretty much told us his whole life story for some reason, and now we have him. I even got to call the victim’s mom, tell her the news.”

“Sounds like a good day, then.”

“Yeah. Missed seeing you, though.”

“You see me all the time, babe. We live and work together.”

“I know, so it makes me feel even weirder when I don't!”

Amy laughs, letting out that adorable chortling sound he only ever hears when they're alone. Then she looks back to her book, scooching closer to her preferred side of the bed, and Jake takes that as an instruction to change into pajamas so he can join her. 

Any regular night, he would probably have taken time to shower and brush his teeth first, but it's been a long day. He simply undresses instead, smirking as he notices Amy’s subtle side glance when he takes off his shirt. This, these small moments of appreciation between them, is yet another one of the parts he loves most about sharing a life with her – it’s nearly midnight, he’s exhausted and he remembers Amy mentioning starting her period, so sex is almost guaranteed to be off the table – but she still makes him feel attractive, makes him feel confident and wanted. He never realized how much that being an equal exchange meant to him before their relationship.

   “So,” he asks her, “where are you up to in the book, then?”

“Almost finished the whole thing,” she says, looking very proud of herself. “I’m at the time-turner chapter. Harry thinks he saw his dad cast a patronus from the other side of the lake, but then he realizes just saw himself.” 

“Man, that part was so sad.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah!” Jake huffs, crawling underneath the covers. “I just… felt for him, you know? He wishes he could meet his parents, just once, even if he knows it's impossible. He wants this family he never had.”

“It makes you realize how in the end, he's just a kid. A brave kid, but a kid.”

“A kid in desperate need of therapy.”

“Amen,” says Amy, flipping a page. “Hogwarts mental health services do seem to be severely lacking. Did you know the dementors were inspired by the author’s own experiences with depression, by the way?”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Dark creatures with the power to bring out all the worst memories in your head, making you feel like you’ll never be happy again. Like you can’t even remember what it’s like. And the only way to defeat them is to hold onto the very happiest moments of your life and create a shield out of them.”

“Kind of deep for a kid's book,” Jake reflects, and Amy nods. 

“Maybe. But it's not pushed on them, either. It's a way for them to understand, without knowing that they're understanding. I always loved that about the Harry Potter books,” she says, a sudden dreamy look in her eyes. “They're just… intelligent.”

   Jake means to agree with her, but then his body remembers he's been at work for the entire day, and out comes an embarrassingly big yawn that makes Amy laugh. 

“Long day? I can read to you if you want.”

“Dreamgirl,” he mumbles. Amy rolls her eyes, but then she reaches out to pull him closer, her left hand running through his hair as she holds the book with her right, and he can see her smiling.

   Jake's not sure how long she's reading for. He loses track of time, but frankly, he doesn’t mind. Amy's reading voice is low, peaceful enough to relax him but varied enough to entice him at the same time. Her fingers keep brushing through his curls as she reads, tracing soft circles on his scalp. He listens to her read the part where Harry and Hermione fly on Buckbeak to rescue Sirius, and it doesn't matter that he read the book himself just a few weeks ago, because he could listen to her voice forever.

   He gets to do that now, he realizes, because they live together now. It may only have been a week, and not completely without its challenges, but it already feels like one of the best decisions of his life. Even though they were spending almost every night together before as well, there’s something special about coming home and Amy already being there. Not because they’ve made specific plans for her to be, but because that’s the norm, because home is the same place for the two of them now. There’s something intimate about getting to share a routine with her, working out a system for who gets the bathroom when in the morning, adding stuff onto the same grocery list. Even seeing his t-shirts next to hers in the dresser puts a smile on his face in the morning. It feels grown-up, and it feels stable, and it feels right. 

    He wonders sometimes if he could have imagined this the night she knocked on his door to tell him screw light and breezy. Honestly, he probably could have, even if he was too proud to admit it to himself in the beginning. But after a year and a half of dating, of which six excruciating months were spent apart (and hopefully no more will ever be, he thinks), Jake couldn’t care less about pride. He loves Amy Santiago, and he wants to spend all the time he can with her, give her everything and share his life with her for as long as she’ll let him. That, if anything, makes him proud. In any case, it’s like he said that first night undercover as Johnny and Dora – there’s really no one else’s opinion he cares about more than hers. 

    Amy finishes the chapter, reaching for a bookmark before putting the book on her nightstand.

“There,” she laughs. “That’s your goodnight story.”

“Mm, one more chapter.”

“Mm, no. It’s late, babe.”

“I have a question,” he says then, knowing it’ll garner her attention and give him some more treasured quality time before they really have to go to sleep. Amy raises an eyebrow and shakes her head lovingly at him, but then she nods. “Harry’s patronus is a stag, right? Like his dad’s animagus form. And in the fifth book, Hermione has an otter, and Ron some kind of dog.”

“A Jack Russell terrier. Yeah, why?”

“How is your patronus determined? Like… how does it know?”

“It’s supposed to reflect your innermost personality,” she answers, not missing a beat. “It represents something about you that makes you who you are. Something that gives you strength, I would say. So for Harry, that would be the thought of his parents fighting for him.”

“I like that,” Jake says. “A lot of things in that universe are just grossly poetic though, aren't they?”

This makes Amy chuckle. “Very true.”

“What do you think yours would be?”

“Oh. Hmm.” She presses her lips together. “I don't know. What do you think?”

“We could find out,” He grins, reaching for his phone. “I’m sure there's a BuzzFeed quiz.”

      He's right – and although Amy rolls her eyes at him at first, they end up having a laugh at the quiz, picking the options they think best suit the other one and shrugging when the results suggest Amy’s would be a horse, and Jake’s a stag.

“The descriptions are pretty accurate, though,” Amy says, reading from Jake’s phone. “Brave and fearless, and your greatest asset is your ability to love. Sometimes you get a bit hot-headed and impatient –” Jake fake-gasps. “– but your friends are your source of peace, getting you through the good and bad.”

“I still think it should be a ninja turtle,” he mutters. “But yours is true, too. Loyal, smart, underrated badass.”

“It just gave us the same patronuses as Harry and Ginny.” Amy smiles. “They do get together later, so I guess that works.”

“Spoilers! I haven’t gotten to that part yet!”

“Oh, come on, it’s really obvious.” She kisses the pouting grimace off of his face. “Different question. What memory would you use to cast your patronus?”

“I have thought about that,” he confesses, blushing. “It’s a three-way tie. The first time you told me you loved me. That evening when you stood outside my door and told me you wanted to be with me, for reals. Maybe even our first date, after the bet. All of those, together… I think they’d make a damn good patronus.”

“Wow.” Amy almost looks taken aback, like she wasn’t expecting that moment of sincerity. “I’m surprised you didn’t just say the first time we had sex or something.”

“Would you have wanted me to say that? Wait, is that yours? Santiago –”

“Oh my god, obviously not –”

“Obviously? Wow, hurtful, much –”

“Just let me finish!”

“Title of –”

“Stop!” Amy’s shaking with laughter, holding her hand on top of his mouth just for a second. “Stop, stop. What I meant to say was that it’s the same for me. That’s what I’d think of, too.”

“Even the bet? Even though you lost?”

“Yes, babe. Even though I lost.”

“So it wouldn’t be the first time we had sex, then.”

She smirks. “We’ve had better since.”

Then she leans over him, and her lips are on his, insistent but soft at once. His heartbeat’s speeding by the time she pulls away, and it satisfies him to see that her face is a little flushed, too. 

“For the record,” Jake mumbles as she rests her head on his chest after, “this, right here – would also work for a damn good patronus.”

“Oh, yeah. No dementor would stand a chance.”

“Mm. You’re a nerd, but I love you.”

“I love you, too. Goodnight, babe.”

“Goodnight,” he whispers, wrapping his arms around her and allowing himself a brief moment to revel in the feeling that’s started growing in him recently.

Forever, this could be forever.

#my writing #b99 #brooklyn nine-nine #peraltiago #jake x amy #b99 fic #jake x amy fanfiction #peraltiago fanfiction #this is so self-indulgent wow #harry potter

[noose-lion]

This is that post I was talking about. Where I got halfway through a rant and went, " fuck. They may be shallow and horny but I'm just mentally ill."

I've noticed a trend when it comes to fan interpretation of certain fictional characters (read anime characters). The characters in question, all have very sad or bloody backstories as most anime characters do but it's like the majority of fans just, sweep it under the rug

Before I start this rant about abuse and abusers and shit I'm going on record to state: YES I UNDERSTAND A LOT OF THINGS ARE DARK HUMOR, I ENJOY DARK HUMOR. I CONVERSE IN DARK HUMOR. YES I UNDERSTAND THAT A LOT OF THINGS ARE JUST MADE FOR FUN, CHARACTER EXPLORATION, SELF EXPLORATION, AND/OR AUS. I MYSELF DO THIS. Yes I will turn that genocidal, possibly cannibalistic, evil villain into the gay slutty big brother. THIS IS JUST AN OBSERVATION AND . I UNDERSTAND FANDOM IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN, BUT DAMN SOME Y'ALL ARE FUCKING SHALLOW. AND HORNY. FUCK OF THAT MAN DOESN'T NEED A GIRLFRIEND (he gay lol) HE NEEDS A FUCKING THERAPIST.

This is simply personal insight on the insight of how people perceive media is similar to how they see the world.

Now to proceed. I will be using a character for an example of how fanon is often so shallow (and horny) when it comes to damaged characters.

*Spoiler Warning For The Bungou Stray Dogs*

One such fan interpretation is that of Dazai from Bungou Stray Dogs and in relation to him (for this little essay) Mori. Fanon Dazai is often times... idealized. Like his obvious signs of depression, PTSD, suicidal thoughts and behaviors, lack of self preservation, inability to process emotions, ect. ect. Is just... ignored. Or turned into a quirky little personality trait. Like the fan work I consume is very nitty gritty well formed angst where you can just SEE the creator's own problems, it's like free group therapy. But so much of what I refer to as "mainstream" fanon while conversing with like-minded fans, is just " hah, hah, oh there's Dazai and is SUICIDAL TENDENCIES! HAH! HAH!

Not mention people just ignore the subtext of Mori like, Idk, just I guess...abusing Dazai. They will literally compare the two's mannerisms, like smile and speech patterns and shit, and be all "like father, like son" Like NO WHAT THE FUCK!?! That's obviously a sign of Mori abusing and grooming Dazai into a fucking weapon. You don't pick up creepy shit like that just cuz. And Mori is already coded as a FUCKING PEDOPHILE! Like he's fucking up front with that shit.

I see this shit with so many characters. DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON HANAKO FROM TBHK. DON'T I'LL WRITE YOU A MOTHERFUCKING HARRY POTTER BOOK ABOUT THAT SHIT, TITLED: FUCK TSUKASA, STOP TREATING HIM LIKE I TREAT THE NON-RAPIST VILLAINS AND THE SORCERER'S STONE

Fuck.

#my stuff #cryp speaks #rant #fandom rant #anime #cuz what else #bungou stray dogs #mentioned #and #toilet bound hanako kun #screaming into the void #and the void screams back

[leave-a-whisper]

thank you @philsbigduckk @mrsinistertype and @lethargicmick tagging me ^_^

nicknames: har, harles

zodiac: pisces

height: 5'8 (172 cm)

hogwarts house: ravenclaw (never actually read or saw harry potter though I just took the test)

followers: 765

song stuck in my head: two actually, phoenix by solence and bend by volumes

how much I sleep: it really depends lol. sometimes I'll get a full 7-8 hours but it's more likely that I get 5 or 6 at the most. If I need to be somewhere the next day I won't sleep as much which I know isn't good but my brain hates me

lucky number: 3

dream job: don't really have one. I am studying psychology right now and I am interested in maybe working with therapy dogs...but nothing that I have my heart set on or anything

wearing: jeans and a t shirt, I'm very boring

favourite song: this changes all the time and I'm getting too lazy to keep up but uhh I'm gonna go with the little things give you away by linkin park

favourite instrument: drums. hands down. I played for close to a decade (definitely want to get back into it at some point) and they're just so much fun! my second favourite would be piano and/or mallet instruments (specifically the marimba cause she sounds cool) since I've played those as well

aesthetic: boi all you need to do is take one look at my instagram to know I couldn't have an aesthetic if I tried

favourite author: I'm jared, 19. I don't have one

favourite animal noise: cats doing literally anything, put I enjoy purring in particular

something random: I'm about to head to the airport to pick up my girlfriend!

I tag (no pressure ofc) @build-yourself-a-myth @queridaz @ttlmt @buffymilkovich @thelrea @messedwithmandy @grumpymickmilk

#aksjak sat here for like five mins debating whether I should tag my shameless mutuals from my main #needed to bop myself in the head lmao no one cares harley #har rambles #tagged

[ravenbrenna09]

Jij Verliest - Chapter Seven: Clip 5&6

master list

...

note: I’m sorry, I’ve given up on actually making the texts. Also I didn’t italicize the texts because everytime I do, Tumblr doesn’t always get them all for whatever reason.

...

Maandag 11:52

Chat: Broerrrs + Luc

13 July, 11:52

Jens: ROBBE. IJZERMANS. What part of ‘text us about it’ did you not understand?

Robbe: Lucas. You could’ve warned me at least.

Lucas: Sorry.

Aaron: What happened to ‘Chill Jens’?

Moyo: Caps lock must’ve been on. 

Jens: Caps lock was on. Didn’t feel like changing it though. It served a purpose.

Moyo: What’s going on?

Aaron: Yeah, what do VDS know that we don’t?

Lucas: Um, do you want me to tell them?

Robbe: I can’t have one blissful Monday afternoon, can I?

Aaron: Of course not, it’s Monday.

Lucas: Robbe had a *visitor* this weekend. Someone who showed up on Friday night. And didn’t leave until this morning 👀 Should my sources be correct… 

Robbe: Zoë or Milan?

Lucas: My sources are confidential.

Moyo: Please tell me it was Sander.

Robbe: Yes, it was Sander.

Moyo: Thank god. Wait, are you being serious?

Jens: Yes! And *someone* forgot to tell us.

Robbe: I’m sorry, I was busy.

Aaron: Yeah, we know what you were doing all weekend.

Robbe: Cuddling and watching Harry Potter?

Moyo: You’re boring.

Robbe: Haha 🖕🏻 Sander didn’t think so. Also, who else would it be, Moyo?

Moyo: Worst case scenario? Thomas. Best case scenario? A random one nightstand.

Jens: Thomas? As if.

Moyo: That’s why it was the worst-case scenario.

Lucas: If it was Thomas, none of us would be able to stop Jens. And I’m thankful it’s not because I’m sick of his face. And my boyfriend isn’t in jail.

Aaron: Seconded.

Moyo: Third.

Jens: You guys know I almost always agree with Lucas. But I am also sick of Thomas’s face. And I would need bail money. 

Robbe: Yes, I know. I have a rotten ex-boyfriend. Luckily, I have a new one that’s ten times better.

Jens: Yes. Did he explain why he was distant?

Robbe: Yes, he did and I forgive him. I would’ve forgiven him anyway, but he did explain. And we’re together now.

Jens: Good. That’s all that matters.

Robbe: So, since we all know what *I* was doing this weekend: how were all of your weekends?

Lucas: the Netherlands was fun. Got to see Isa and the girls again. Plus, Mom kept trying to force-feed Jens. She told him he was too skinny.

Jens: She said the same thing to you. Why are you singling me out?

Aaron: Amber and I went out to lunch with her mom on Sunday.

Moyo: My girlfriend’s roommates were out on Saturday night. So we ended up cooking together. The first try was a bit of a disaster, but we managed to make something good the second time.

Robbe: That’s great. I’m glad everyone had fun.

Lucas: When are we going to meet this mystery girl, Moyo? You seem smitten.

Jens: Yeah, you do. And you call me whipped. You should see you.

Robbe: But you are whipped.

Jens: I’m not denying it. But he’s also whipped.

Lucas: You are.

Moyo: When are we going to meet Sander? As your friends, he’s just as important as you are.

Robbe: I don’t know. Probably about the same time that you introduce us to Noor.

Jens: Wait, Noor is your mystery girl?

Moyo: Aaron!

Aaron: I DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING. I haven’t even told Amber!

Jens: Wait, Aaron knew about this and not me? I’m offended, bro.

Lucas: I’d like to know how Robbe knew. Because if Aaron didn’t tell Amber, he didn’t tell Robbe.

Robbe: My source is confidential.

Moyo: Robbe, I hate you.

Robbe: Don’t hate me. She’s a great girl. Plus, it’s not like you two are sly. At our movie night, you two were far more comfortable than you should’ve been.

Moyo: Yeah, you’re right.

Jens: I feel like my entire world has changed. 

…

Dinsdag 17:45

When Robbe had stepped into the tattoo parlor a little before 17:00, Alicia had leapt over the edge of the counter and bounced across the empty lobby. She had tackled him, nearly causing both of them to crash onto the floor, and her electric blue ponytail smacked him in the face. Robbe recoiled slightly from the accidental slap before sinking into her embrace. Once she pulled away, she bounced on her feet, looking like she might explode from excitement. 

“I’m so happy to see you here again!” she said, grinning. “I was starting to worry that I would have to deal with grumpy Sander for the rest of my life.” Robbe chuckled and Alicia smiled proudly. “But I’m glad to see that you two have made up—you did make up, right? He has just seemed happier today and yesterday and I’m assuming it’s because of you.”

Robbe laughed. “Yes, we did.”

Alicia bounced again, still grinning. “That’s great! His shift is over in a few minutes…” She trailed off, eyeing him suspiciously. “But I have a feeling that you already knew that.” While Alicia continued to eye him with playful suspicion, Robbe shrugged and grinned. “Sorry, my mom always tells me that I seem strange to people who don’t know me. It’s just I’ve heard so much about you from Sander and he’s practically family so I’m pretty protective of—”

“No, it’s okay, I understand—”

As if on cue, Sander stepped out of the hallway. Even after a long day of work, his bleach-blond hair was still immaculate and pristine. Today, he was wearing another black shirt but this one had Emilie’s Tattoo Parlor printed across his chest. He looked tired, but Robbe wasn’t surprised. He had worked the early shift. 

Stopping at the desk, he placed down a binder and adjusted the strap of his bag a little higher on his shoulder. Glancing up, his eyes caught Robbe talking with Alicia. As soon as he spotted them, he grinned brightly over at them, all tiredness fading from his face, and said, “Alicia, leave my boyfriend alone.” His tone was light and teasing as he crossed the room. Sander wrapped Robbe in a hug before moving towards the parlor door. “I only have him for an hour before he has to go to work.” 

“Oh right,” Alicia said, smacking her head like she forgot. She grinned at Robbe, waving goodbye at the two of them. “Have a good dinner!” 

“Tell Britt hi!” 

Leaving the tattoo parlor, Robbe collected his bike before following Sander down a well-tuned series of turns to their destination. With one arm around Sander’s waist and the other steering his bike, Robbe felt like he was right where he was meant to. Robbe didn’t know where they were going—just to some restaurant that Robbe had to try—but he followed Sander’s gentle tugs and guidance with ease. Once they arrived at the hole-in-the-wall restaurant, Robbe locked his bike up and let Sander drag him inside. 

Robbe didn’t know what he had been expecting from the small restaurant, but it was one of the best pizzas that he’d ever had. As soon as they walked in, the cashier recognized Sander and proceeded to tease him about taking too long to bring his boyfriend around. When the cashier brought them their pizzas, moving before Sander could get up to get them, they were hot to the touch and fresh from the oven. 

As they ate their food, Sander would reach out to feed Robbe a bite of his or brush a hand on his thigh beneath the table. Every time Sander did something, paid attention to him, his heart grew three sizes. Even so early into their relationship, he felt so cared for. Robbe tried to do the same. He would reach out to hold his knee or hold Sander’s hand beneath the table. And Sander never shied away from Robbe’s touch. In fact, he seemed to blossom with it. 

As they left the restaurant, hand in hand and laughing, the cashier tried to say it was on the house for their favorite customer and his boyfriend. Robbe blushed profusely at their comment and Sander merely chuckled, thanking them. As soon as the cook called the cashier’s name, Sander quickly dropped the money to cover the order (and more) into the tip jar before dragging Robbe from the restaurant. 

Even though it wasn’t that long of a ride, Sander insisted on driving Robbe back to the flatshare. Their only trouble was getting Robbe’s bike in the car, but they managed to make it work by tilting it a little. The ride itself was short and relaxing. Sander drove with one hand on the wheel and the other was wrapped gently with Robbe’s hand. As he weaved through the traffic, Sander talked in vivid detail about a tattoo that he did earlier this afternoon as Robbe listened intently. 

As they pulled into a stop outside the building, Robbe got curious. “Hey, Sander.”

“Yeah?” Sander asked. 

“What were you thinking about, that night at the bar?” Robbe asked. 

It had been a question on Robbe’s mind for a while. His thoughts of the night were abundantly clear—okay, maybe slightly buzzed—that the random stranger with an armful of tattoos who sat down next to him and offered him a smoke and gave him an impromptu therapy session was hot. As he nursed his hangover the next morning, Robbe had briefly entertained the thought of meeting him again but Robbe had thought it was an impossible feat. Seeing Sander walk in that bar less than a week later… it had felt like a sign.

One that Robbe had been simultaneously curious and terrified of. 

When Sander was quiet, simply staring at the steering wheel with a small smile on his face, Robbe added, “I’m sure that it must’ve been one hell of a crappy impression.” 

Sander glanced up at him with a small look of disbelief and a scoff. “What makes you think that?” Sander teased. 

Robbe turned in his seat, facing Sander with a mischievous smile on his face. He placed their joined hands in his lap, running his finger over the back of his hand. “I don’t know, but if I saw a guy sitting quite dramatically on the floor—I think that was your wording,” Robbe said and Sander laughed, “and lamenting his ex-boyfriend, it wouldn’t have been the best first impression I’ve ever made.”

“I don’t know,” Sander said. He put the car in park before turning to Robbe, who was waiting impatiently beside him. Sander tugged their joined hands back into his lap before turning Robbe’s over so the palm was facing upward. Sander trailed a finger along the lines of his palm, leaving Robbe squirming in his seat. “I think you made quite the first impression.”

This time, it was Robbe’s turn to scoff. He leaned against the leather of the car, relishing in the feeling of Sander’s doodles on his palm. “You know as well as I do, I could’ve done a lot better than bitching about my ex with someone—”

“No,” Sander said, interrupting him lightly. His voice was quiet like he was having a private conversation with himself and Robbe watched on, biting down on his lip. “That wasn’t the time I meant.” 

Robbe’s eyebrows pulled tight, staring at him in confusion. “What do you mean?”

Sander’s eyes darted up to meet Robbe. He could see the panicked expression in his eyes, like he didn’t expect Robbe to hear his secret confession. Quickly, his expression shifted to nervous. A small lopsided grin formed on his lips as he tilted his head to the side. Sander’s hand fidgeted around his and Robbe twisted his hand around to grasp at Sander’s fingers. 

“Sander,” Robbe said. “What is it?” 

“Um,” Sander said, biting down on his lip. “Last August, I went to the bar with my roommates after a long day at work. While I was waiting for them to show up, I spotted this beautiful man standing at the bar talking with the owner like he did it every day.” 

Sander’s eyes raised, catching his brown ones in an instant, and Robbe was certain his heart stopped in his chest. Him, Robbe realized. Sander had seen him before. 

“Before I could work up the nerve to talk to him, to get the name of this beautiful man who turned my world upside down in an instant, his boyfriend showed up and whisked him away from me. I thought that was the end of it—that I missed my chance until…” Sander trailed off. 

Robbe felt his stomach flip, nervous and excited. Bringing Sander’s hand to his mouth, Robbe placed a kiss against his knuckles. Sander followed him with a heavy gaze in his eyes and the corners of his lips quirked up nervously. “Until?” Robbe asked, his lips brushing against Sander’s knuckles. 

“Until…” Sander continued. Robbe scooted closer to him—or as much as he could in the small confine of the car. He was practically leaning over the console, trying to get as close to Sander as he could. Sander glanced at Robbe nervously. “Until last month. It had been a rough few months, but I was starting to come out of it. It was my first time out of the apartment other than for work for a month and I looked over and saw the beautiful man in the bar again.”

Robbe giggled. 

“As soon as I saw him, I knew that he was the one. My mother used to tell me that there was no such thing as a coincidence,” Sander said, reaching up to wipe a thumb across Robbe’s flushed cheeks. “She used to go on and on about how ‘what is meant for you won’t pass you by’—”

“Is that what the quote on your side is?” Robbe asked, quietly. Sander paused, staring at him. “I saw it on Saturday but your arm was covering most of it.” 

Sander grinned. “Yes, it is. Now, back to the story—” 

Robbe mumbled out a quiet ‘sorry’ and Sander gave him a stern look. 

“When I saw that beautiful man for the second time, I knew that the universe was trying to give me a sign and I didn’t want to pass up the opportunity. When I saw him head outside to get some air, I followed. But I only managed to learn his name before the universe ripped him away from me again.” He let out a heavy sigh and slumped his shoulders. “But, lucky for me, I managed to find him again, not even a week later, and I knew that I couldn’t let him get away from me again.” 

“Wow,” Robbe said, breathless. Sander looked up at him with nervous eyes, staring at Robbe intensely. He let out a breath, reaching up to take Sander’s face in his hands. “You really saw me that long ago?”

“Yes,” Sander whispered. “Since the moment I saw you, I’ve wanted you, Robbe IJzermans… even before I knew what your name was.” His eyes scanned Robbe’s face. “Are you mad?” 

Staring at Sander for a few seconds, Robbe hastily undid the seatbelt around him. He could see the worried look on Sander’s face, like Robbe was going to climb out and never look back, but Robbe simply climbed on the seat. His knees dug into the leather as Robbe leaned across the center to press a deep kiss against Sander’s lips. He clung to the strands of Sander’s icy blond hair, holding on for dear life, as Sander let out a grunt. 

Since the beginning, Sander had always seen him. Whether it was last month outside the bar or last year inside the bar, Sander had seen him. He had seen Robbe in the comfort of his bed, in the disarray of a friendly gathering, desperate in a tattoo parlor, and so many moments in between. Robbe wanted Sander to see him in all of his moments and moods, just like he wanted to see all of Sander’s faces and facades. He wanted all of Sander, everything he could get them. 

Sander’s words from last Friday came rushing back: Robbe IJzermans, since the moment that I first saw you, I have wanted you. 

“So you’re not mad?” Sander asked, breaking their kiss. 

Robbe shook his head, practically panting against Sander’s mouth. “No, I’m not mad.”

“Good,” Sander said, quietly. “I was worried you might be.” 

“I’m not. I promise.” 

Robbe moved to kiss Sander again. Robbe wanted to kiss him a little harder. Robbe wanted to pour every single emotion bursting out of his chest into the kiss for Sander—for Sander to taste—at the same intensity Robbe was experiencing from him. But, at the last second, Sander pulled away a mischievous smile on his lips and Robbe couldn’t help the whine. “What were you thinking the night that you first saw me outside the bar?”

Robbe chuckled. “I could only think of one thing—” Pausing, Robbe leaned forward. His knees were strained from this position, but he didn’t care. Stopping a hair away from connecting their lips fully, Sander glanced up at Robbe with a mischievous look in his eye as Robbe grinned. “—Fuuucccckkk, he’s so hot.”

Sander laughed but his laugh was muffled by Robbe’s lips pressing against his. 

#wtfock #robbe ijzermans #sander driesen #jij verliest #chapter seven #sobbe #rosander #jij verliest fic #brenna writes #wtfock fanfiction #twitch streamer!robbe #tattoo artist!sander

[andwriterbynight]

I’m a What?

Teddy Lupin discovers something unusual about himself at a rather unfortunate time.

Set in the HP universe. Disclaimer: i do not own the rights to this fictional universe. CW: coarse language. Also, I have changed Teddy Lupin’s personality for comedy purposes. Enjoy!

———————————

Chapter 1

Ironically, it happened during Care of Magical Creatures. That night, Hagrid had take a class of sleepy-eyed Hufflepuff and Slytherin seventh years down to the Forbidden Forest to go unicorn-watching.

Teddy Lupin was quite ambivalent about the whole thing. He just didn’t see the point of seeing a unicorn in person, when he could simply crack open a textbook. When he had mentioned this to his girlfriend, Victoire, she had playfully (correction, painfully) shoved him in the rib and said, “I really don’t see how that kind of attitude got you into Hufflepuff.”

Ah Victoire, I wish I knew, too.

So Teddy had shrugged and changed the subject. Victoire had only been joking, but Teddy often wondered why he had been sorted into Hufflepuff. Yes, he had inherited his mother Tonk’s free spirit and ever-changing hair. But that didn’t make him value kindness like the other Hufflepuff. If anything, Teddy seemed to get along more with Slytherins. Hufflepuffs tended to stay away from him. Perhaps they found his dark sense of humor unnerving.

Anyway, Teddy Lupin found it odd Hagrid that was having class at 11:30 at night. “Hey, Scorpio,” Teddy said, catching the eye of his only friend in the class (and the school). “Are unicorns nocturnal?”

“No, silly,” Scorpio chuckled. “They literally prance around in sunshine and poop rainbows all day.” Teddy pondered this. It seemed reasonable.

“Then why are we here so late at night?”

“Cause Hagrid doesn’t wanna get caught taking us out here. Remember that one time he almost got sacked for letting a hippogriff beat up my dad?”

Teddy winced. “Oh, yeah. Doesn’t your dad still do physical therapy for it?”

Scorpio nodded. “Plus Bumbleroar’s been setting some pretty tight rules on the staff here, apparently.” he said, shaking his head. “That man does not play games.”

This was true. The new headmaster was known for enforcing some pretty strict rules on the school lately - one of which was on who could enter Forbidden Forest. Harry Potter, Teddy’s adoptive father, had suspected that these increased regulations were due to the influx of lawsuits from angry parents after the infamous “Great Battle of Hogwarts.” That apparently put Hogwarts in a lot of debt. And because the last thing Hogwarts needed was more lawsuits, Headmaster Bumbleroar was all about keeping students as safe as possible. They didn’t let students just do whatever they wanted anymore like in Harry’s day.

So who could enter the Forbidden Forest now. The answer was now officially: no one. Not even burly half-giant Hagrid was allowed in. But of course, Hagrid didn’t give a shit about Bumbleroar’s new regulations. Hagrid was Hagrid, and he would do as he pleased.

Speaking of Hagrid, the half-giant had now stopped the class in front of a crystal lake, from which a silver-maned unicorn was drinking. From its focused expression, the unicorn did not seem to know it was being watched.

“Ooh, look! There it is!” A Hufflepuff gasped, pointing at the creature.

“Yeah, dummy, we see it,” Teddy said flatly. Like every interaction with kids his own age, he was silently screaming on the inside. Sometimes, his fellow Hufflepuffs could be a little dense. Oh well, they had their moments.

Hagrid flashed Teddy a quick look of warning and Teddy immediately shut up. The last time a professor had called his dad to talk about his behavior had been simply embarrassing and, dear God, Teddy did not want to relive that.

Suddenly, Teddy felt his chest start to cramp. The feeling was so overwhelming painful he fell to his knees and clutched at his torso. His breathing quickened. Was this a heart attack? His body felt like it was twisting from the inside out. Then he felt it, hunger. Raw hunger. last sensation Teddy felt was raw hunger. God, he was starving. His teeth sharpened, his instincts heightened. Then it all faded to black.

——————————-

Teddy awoke splayed out on the forest floor. His clothes had been torn off and reduced to shreds of fabric discarded around him. He looked down at the long red scratches across his chest, stomach, arms, and legs. What happened to him? Feeling vulnerable, Teddy reached for his wand and accio’d for the nearest cloak. Some poor unsuspecting kid would find his cloak flown away from his shoulders. But that wasn’t Teddy’s problem. He had bigger worries on his mind.

Then he saw it- the remains of a silver unicorn laying in the bushes. It looked a mess. Someone must have attacked me then killed this unicorn, Teddy thought. But why kill the unicorn and not me?

Suddenly, Teddy heard the sound of boots crunching on leaves. Hagrid was here. “Hagrid!”he called, hoarsely. But as Hagrid approached the hurt teenager, his face was stone. “Teddy, you are going to do exactly as I say,” he said, looking around to make sure no one was in sight.

“But Hagrid! Someone-“

“I don’t care what you think happened Teddy. This is a crime scene and you will do as I say.”

Teddy immediately shut up. He’d never seen this side of his professor before.

“First, we are going to get you to the hut and clean you up.Then, we’ll go to the hospital wing to have you checked for injuries. We’ll tell Madame Pomprey you were attacked by a wild boar that had escaped the woods and come straight for my class.” Hagrid paused to clear his throat.

“I have wiped the memories of your classmates. They won’t remember what they actually saw. Teddy, this is for your safety. Will you promise me you’ll stick to the story?”

“I mean, sure, but what happened to me? One minute I had this terrible cramp, the next I’m lying naked in the woods next to a dead unicorn.”

“Teddy, you transformed.”

“Transformed? You mean into a pixie or some shit?”

“Language! And no Teddy, you didn’t turn into a pixie. It seems you have more of your fathers genes than Harry or I expected. Teddy, you appear to be a werewolf.”

—————————————-

#harry potter fanfiction #harry potter #teddy lupin #werewolf #harry potter fanfic rec #fanfic #fanfiction

[bandsarelife109]

TW: Suicide and Homophobia

I wake up in the morning and scroll through my Instagram feed, I see smiling couples but not the ones you see on TV. I see pictures of me smiling at pride and rants about how queer people are still being killed for the fact that they are queer. I go onto a Discord server and see a project I am working on, people talking freely from different countries about their experience with sexuality so that we can make a prequel to the Harry Potter books because J.K. Rowling decided she was transphobic so we decided to make a series that has representation of all kind, not just white gay people, not just cis people, not just neurotypical people because diversity should never be “unrealistic”. To this day anytime I see a pride pin I smile, because some day, that’s where I want to be.

I don’t want to have to keep acting as though I am an ally and not a part of the community.

I see these people coming out to their parents with rainbow cakes and their parents immediately accepting them, then I look to my mother, the women who raised me and is supposed to love me unconditionally, who I have tried to come out to twice and each time she ignores me, she pretends it’s not there, I look at my father who isn’t really a part of my life but said he wouldn’t pay for a wedding if my sister or I got married to a women but would if we married a man.

I look at my friends, I look at the girl who has been my best friend since sixth grade, telling me about how she tried to “DIY Conversion Therapy” because repression is easier than acceptance.

I look at the girl who I have become closer and closer with everyday since freshman year she is the president of our school’s GSA who is dating a guy and her parents think that automatically makes her straight even though she has dated more women than men and has told them on multiple occasions that she is not straight.

I look at the guy who is one of the smartest people I know but has severe internalized homophobia.

I look at an old friend she recently refollowed me after we hadn’t spoken in six years I asked why she followed me back, because that was just odd to me, we didn’t leave on good terms, and she said “it’s all water under the bridge” as if I was the one who needed to be forgiven. When I told her how hurt I was because she kept calling gay people wrong and how much that hurt because I am gay, she acted like she had done nothing wrong, as though making me feel like I didn’t deserve to live, telling me that gay people were going to burn in Hell.

I look at the kid in group therapy who when I said I would totally date Ginny Weasley he said I was going to Hell, he said this to an already suicidal teenager, and told me how wrong I was, how I wasn’t allowed to speak to him, in a place that was supposed to be safe I was ostracized.

I look at another old friend who I met up with for coffee, we didn’t stop being friends for any other reason than it was weighing down my mental state to be in that friendship, they scream about me being a lesbian and I hide, this scares me, I am terrified I will be killed because that’s normal where I live.

I look at myself, the girl who will only be able to come out at her wedding, the girl who gets asked about lesbian sex in health class and the one who the teacher calls on when AIDs is the topic of discussion even without my hand raised.

It is more acceptable to be homophobic than homosexual and there is something wrong with that, there is something to be said about that.

Once I was told I wasn’t gay enough. I don’t belong to the straight community or the gay community where do I belong?!

I feel like this is a question a lot of people who aren’t strictly lesbian or strictly gay or even strictly trans ask themselves.

When I question where I belong I never get a straight answer but I do ask myself where I will be in five years and the answer is this: I will be 23 years old, living with my future girlfriend having a papillon, a scottish terrier, and a pit bull with some cats.

When I look ten years in the future from now I see me and my future wife, our teenager who we fostered and adopted, our pets listed above, in a house on a street where not all the houses look the same, they all have their own character, on our table is a dinner I cooked, I can’t tell exactly what, maybe something with squash in it, I’ve never tried squash but maybe I’ll like it.

This is a future that I want to yell about. This is a future that I want to brag about. My wife a successful, anything she wants to do and me, a successful forensic scientist, I understand these are just dreams but sometimes dreams come true, and I really hope mine will, so I know my place in this world. I won’t have to question if I belong because I will have a family and a home that I know I will have a community, a family that will love me, a place where I belong.

#essay #rant? #future #lgbtq #lgbtq+ #tw suicice #TW homophobia #writer #writing #my writing #orginal content