#i want to start talking to more people in my feild

[citrusstudies]

Are there any sociology or anthropology students (or, if I’m being broad: criminal justice/polisci as well) on here? Specifically anyone who wants to/currently work(s) in research. 

#i want to start talking to more people in my feild #because i just want to be able to pick some peoples brains and stuff #especially if youre a grad student in soc or anthro i wanna hear about it #studyblr #sociology #anthropology #college #university #research #higher education #soc #anthro #social science #school

[justseveralowls]

A message from your friendly neighborhood Appalachian Latina:

Okay so today being the day that it is and me being the person I am I heave decided to talk about Appalachian heritage and culture vs what a bunch crappy people have tried to make it. This is all my experience not universal also some will be funny and totally fine to laugh at.

Im starting on the more serious note here because I feel these things really need to be addresed and as a Appalachian woman of color I often have felt that people dont think that both parts of this identity are compatible.

Things that are not Appalachian:

- Being racist

-being xneophobic

-Being homophobic or transphobic

-Flying a confederate flag (most of Appalachia was border states if not fighting for the Union side)

-Drinking shitty beer

- Licking the boots of cops and corporations

- being against higher education

- being an anti vaxxer

- glorifying the coal industry and the lives it has cost and is still costing

- hatred towards indeginous people

-Supporting a toxic or abusive family dynamic

-denying woman human rights

- shaming poor people

-Intentionally making your truck stupidly loud

-Union busting, and being against care and support for the disabled and elderly

-Poaching (Appalachian people value our resources and nature) WE hunt to eat not just to kill or destroy

Moving onto some lighter stuff, now these are some of things I love about being Appalachian and part of this culture and community.

Things that are actually Appalachian:

-Running from cops (seriously its like a whole ass thing)

-Fighting for Unions and Workers rights (The actual origin of Redneck, that term is not for racist fuck heads, it originated from red bandanas worn for Pro-union rights

-Being completely and terrifyingly unphased by coyotes

-Making your liquor

-Ignoring the screaming in the woods because that aint your problem

-Folk magic and traditions and superstitions rooted in Paganism and some indigenous magic

-Being part of the underground railroad (The appalachians made a ton of safe houses and protections pre and post civil war for people fleeing the south)

-Hunting to control Deer population and for food

-Knowledge of homesteading, useful herbs, and homeopathic remedies

-Strong sense of community and family

-Ignoring whatever is moving in the corn feild because you arent a white guy in a horror movie

-Women forming safe houses from abusive husbands or from other types of danger

-Valuing and appreciating the land and the connection we have with it

-Fist fighting God in a coal mine

-Weird ass folk tales and cryptids (see MothMan)

-Not letting your commuity go hungry

-caring for the old sick and vulnerable not out of pity but out of compassion and respect

-Fighting for your rights and the rights of others

-Resilience and strength in times of adversity

-Knowing at least on person who’s grandmother was some kind of witch with psychic abilities

-Knowing when the woods is silent something is wrong

-Screaming back at screech owls to assert dominance

-verbal history

-vibrant stories and music

These are my experiences as an Appalachian woman of color who loves both parts of her heritage and desperate wants to discourage the narrative that Appalachian people are rude prejudiced and uneducted. We are a resilient and loving people, we are full of stories traditions and a melting together of the new and old worlds. We are people with a murky history, yes, but we are full of acceptance love and strength.

To all my fellow Appalachians who hear these mixed narratives, know that we are the authors of our story. TO all my fellow people of color know that this mountainous region is not built exclusively on hate. Know that you belong, that your cultures are valid and that progress is not about rejecting your culture but about adaption to embrace new perspectives and beginning new stories

#appalachia #appalachain mountains #appalachian #appalachian witch #appalacian poc #liberal appalachian #appalachian history #mine #latina and proud #latina appalachian #indeginouslivesmatter #indigenous appalachian #progress #reclaiming the narrative

[pbandjesse]

We are driving back home. The memorial service was thankfully more about supporting each other. I did not cry. If I think about it to hard I might. But I made it through a day that could have been a disaster but worked out because I made it happen. Im only a little proud of that.

I did not sleep great. I fell asleep easier then expected. But woke up with James's alarm and I couldn't fall back asleep. I was anxious about the day. I would get up at 7 when my brother texted me and I had to ask James to handle that while I got ready.

I would feel alright. A little absent of myself. Like I look in the mirror and I'm not connecting to my own eyes. That happens sometimes. But I tried to look good and was happy with my face and hair. The trim I gave myself last night I think helped.

James changed our sheets while I finished getting myself together. Then we hugged and I was off.

I forgot to bring any breakfast and I didn't want to stop anywhere. I also forgot the keys to the art building. But I was not interested in going inside. So I just didn't. I would make it work when I got to camp.

It was a nice drive. And I got there right before 8. And I got to be helpful right away because there was a guy at the bottom of the hill who was lost.

He was there to reseed the field but it was literally his third day and he was a little confused and wasn't given enough info. So I'm glad I was able to help. Once I got parked at the art building I walked down to the office and got Heather on the phone and she told me to send him to the feild. And I was able to help him figure out how to get his truck over there. We walked the feild together and I opened the fence.

While I waited for him to drive around I went to see if we had cake left in the freezer. Which we did so I was excited for breakfast cake. And then I called the doctor's.

They were really nice about it and changed my appointment to 1. So I could stay at camp until 1230. They were really chill about it. Which would be surprising later when I found out that everyone who normally comes on Monday came today because of the holiday (including me) and so they had twice as many patients as normal. And we're training two new injection people. So it was quite a day and I appreciate how kind they were getting my appointment changed.

I would help lawn guy move all the astroturf and collected any sports equipment I could find. And let him know I would be on the porch if he needed anything.

I went down to the office and set myself up at the table. I used my phone's hotspot since I couldn't get on the wifi with the door locked. But that's fine. I ate my, still mostly frozen, cake and worked on my laptop.

I finished tightening up a few things in my lesson plans and making sure the supply list was good to go. I would start making a list of where the tribes were speaking about are on the continent so I could circle that on the different maps. So each program will have a visual for where they are speaking about. Which I think will help them figure out what different natural resources would be available.

Heather would show up around then. She said we need to get me an office key. I'm not to worried about it. I will probably be more worried when it's cold out. Though I was really sweaty and was happy to get some AC.

Heather would help me get on the wifi and showed me how to scan things to my laptop. And then would spend the next hour working on my maps.

Lou, Alexi's dad, would come to talk to Heather about horses. Continues to forget who I am but remembered James. Handsome Jimmy as he call them. We talked about his granddaughter who is maybe going to Temple. For field hockey. So I got to talk about the nice things about philly. That was fun.

I would take a walk to the art building with the extra key. I put away the stuff I brought. And then took a walk to the nature center but it was locked. Heather likes my idea about the snail tank but we need to find the key to the building. Joe probably had it but he wasn't around. Maybe tomorrow I'll figure that out.

Heather would have me start collecting some emails. Which was not as straight forward as I was expecting. But I got some at least. And once I was at a good stopping point me and Heather went on a walk to woodlands.

We would write a list of things that I could work on down there. Painting. Creating. Cleaning. Moving furniture. It was nice to talk through the projects and the spaces. I'm pretty happy about it. But I was also starting to get slightly a little stressed about needing to leave for my appointment.

We would finish up exactly on time though. We got back to the office. Where Elizabeth and Alexi were and I said hello and then goodbye!

I stopped to fill my water and then I drove the 40 minutes to the rhumatologist. I got there 1 minute before my appointment.

Not that it mattered. They had my paperwork at the bottom of the pile, because I'm the last one usually. And they would get me back quick. But I could hear everything. And that's when I heard that they were crazy busy and backed up. So I would have a wait. About 49 minutes. Ah well.

The nice lady came and did my injections though and they hurt a bit today. But it's fine. I was glad it was done. I made my appointment for next month. And was out the door before 2.

I stopped over at the Dunkin and got munchkins to share with James. And then home.

When I got back to the house I was excited that there were packages. The screen protector came for my tablet. And a new dress I ordered. And a book. I found James trying to iron their shirt but the iron wasn't actually on so that was funny.

I got overheated trying to put the screen protector on. But I did my best and it's mostly correct. I'm just glad it's safer now. I was super sweaty though.

So I took a shower. And got dressed again. James made me a bagel. And I had an hour to just sit and calm down before we had to be on the road again.

We left at 345. And it wasn't a bad drive at all. We didn't have to deal with any traffic. We weren't driving directly into the sun. I was anxious but only a little. I brought my knitting and completed one square. We passed Jess's exit and we waved. We arrived in the town at 530.

We went to Wawa for gas. James felt weird that someone pumped our gas. But that's just jersey. And then we went inside and got sandwiches to eat in the car.

I was mostly just focusing on being with my husband. And that I was looking forward to hugging my family. I couldn't handle the other emotions. Those are very deep and I can't focus on them or I'll fall apart.

When we got to the funeral home I was convinced we were in the wrong place. There were a lot of people and I didn't recognize anyone so I was sure I messed up. And then my mom and my brother weren't answering me so I was sure I messed up.

But thankfully Steve would pull up and my parents and Felicia were with him. Everything was alright again.

And it was a lot of people. Sabrina's friends. Audrey's friends. AA people. Bikers. People in memorial sweatshirts. Which the turnaround in having that made was impressive.

We went in the line to see all the pictures of Sabrina. I forgot how dark her hair was when she was younger. Seeing all the pictures of her with friends. She looked so grown up.

Hugging everyone helped. Audrey and Nadine both kept saying thank you to me and James for coming. For driving so long. But honestly the only thing I could say was I wish I didn't have to be here. I wish this didn't happen. But there wasn't a chance I wasn't going to be here. I moved things to make sure I would be. It was important.

There was no service. I am glad. I would have lost it. Instead it was just everyone talking and supporting each other. It was good to be around all the people who loved Sabrina. And I particularly loved talking to my brother and Felicia. And I missed them both and it was just so nice to talk to them. The little moments feel so important. I am very worried how swollen my brother's hands were. He might have an infection from slamming his hand in a door and also poison ivy?? I hope he sees someone.

I also was glad to be with my parents. To talk to my aunt Nadine and uncle Dave who I love so much.

There was a lot of hugging. A lot of laughing. We were being as ridiculous as we normally are when we are all together. The Lentzs don't know how to now start talking about things that are probably not appropriate. We can't stop laughing when it's probably not appropriate. We supported each other by not talking about it but talking about everything else.

I enjoyed hearing about who was who from mom. And I told Nadine they need to come visit us. They went on a not great bus tour through Baltimore so I hope we can give them a better tour soon!!

But then it was time to go. The memorial was slowing down. People were leaving. We had many hugs. Nadine gave me a rose form the large bouquet. Me and Sabrina shared that middle name. I will dry some of the petals. I'll frame them.

Me and James got in the road. And we are about half way home now. I am going to finish my sandwich. And listen to this podcast. And try to just think about the good stuff. I love Sabrina and I will keep her in my thoughts forever.

I hope you are all taking care of yourselves. I love you all. Goodnight my friends. Until next time.

[hatsunerandal]

part six of my playlist analysis!!

part 1 <;- part 2 &lt;- part 3 <- part 4 <- part 5 <- BACK TO THE SOUP WITH YEE

la seine - vanessa paradis no fucking clue what theyre saying but lockwood does idk he just knows french i feel it in my bones. he taught lucy the girls part and they sing it together. he didnt tell her wtf it meant hto and i think thats funny.

merry go round of life - nuvo orchestra THEY DANCE TO IT IN THE KITCHEN LATE AT NIGHT WHEN GEORGE IS ASLEEP SO THEY DONT WAKE HIM WAILS SOBS CRIES.  father - the front bottoms do i remember lockwoods canon relationship with his late father? no!! have i decided he has daddy issues?? yes!! (other than his dad being. dead. yk) young girl a - siinamota go look up the english lyrics. have fun. :) a match into water - pierce the veil we've seen how protective lockwood is of lucy, now what if someone almost killed her? think about that for a little bit smile. faster car - loving caliber this is about to give some people fucking WHIPLASH. im not even gonna explain this one cuz i wanna see how many people get it. its only sex - car seat headrest this song is just me projecting onto lockwood so im not. gonna vent here LMAOO laugh till i cry - the front bottoms more lockwood being reckless after lucy left? methinks yes. meteor shower - cavetown (i dont support or even like cavetown all that much i just have an emotional attachment to this song dont kill me please) RHHHGHGHGHFH THIS SONG IS SO CUTE ITS SO THEM ITS SO DOMESTIC AND SILLY JUST IMAGINE IF THE PROBLEM DIDNT EXIST AND THEY COULD GO OUT INTO A FIELD AT NIGHT (if they lived somewhere were feilds existed obv) AND LOOK AT THE STAIRS IM ACTIVELY SOBBING. ribs - lorde this song puts me into an immense state of grief everytime i hear it because it has one of those "nostalgia for something that never existed vibes" and i cherish it so dearly for that and it just gives them vibes. it fits their trio so well (i love holly but she doesnt exist yet here). alien blues - vundabar this is self explanatory i think. come a little closer - cage the elephant this one is similar to ribs for me. where is my mind - the pixies soft nighttime vibes reading together before snuggling up and going to bed <33. its ok i wouldnt remember me either - crywank lockwood thinking about death and how much he has to work with death just knowing jess is right there :( its one of those days when he just cant. get out of bed. luce and george always help him through those days, but its still hard.

memento mori - crywank same thing slightly different font. creature - half.alive uhh fuck you [throws religious trauma at lockwood] my alcoholic friends - the dresden dolls angry lockwood, but not anyone in particular, just angry at the system and the way it treats kids. because its a fucking nightmare and i hate the government. two birds - regina spektor owie owie owie norrie and lucy but the one who stayed didnt have a choice :(. i love you so - the walters rrhhfhhfhfhfhd angst angst angst theyre both feeling like their to much so they both start distancing when literally all they want is to be in the others arms but they cant because theyre afraid. goodbye, my danish sweetheart - mitski i love this song sm its so lucy idek why its just. her. cigarettes & feelings - the haunt absolutely locklyle skirting around talking about their feelings for WAYYY to long. perfume - lovejoy ouch lockwood constantly smelling lucys perfume wherever he goes after she leaves, he sees her shadow everywhere, thinks he sees her out of the corner of his eyes, but shes not there. its all futile! its all pointless! - lovejoy lockwood and his suicidal-ness just thinking for to long about how long he has to live and how hard it will all be. ramblings of a lunatic - bears in trees lockwood ranting to lucy late at night with her hands in his hair just listening to him talk about random shit but theyre together so its ok. snakes - mccafferty i have a slight mccafferty problem can you tell? i dont even know it feels like another just 'them talking' song. the house with no doorbell - mccafferty this entire song is so lockwood coded i will die on this hill. drop from our windows - mccafferty same as the last one. fentanyl - mccafferty i dont actually really know for this one i just think its lockwood vibes. water fountain - alec benjamin what lockwood thinks is gonna happen if lucy hangs out with kipps LMAOO. this is sorta a joke but hes genuinely scared that kipps is going to steal her from him. nights like these - pigeon pit another lucy-and-lockwood-are-both-having-breakdowns-and-panic-attacks-but-seperately-wishing-they-could-be-together type beat. little lion man - mumford & sons lockwood thinking about jess -> could also be lockwood thinking about how he drove lucy away after she left. trees II - mccafferty jesus i have a mccafferty problem. 'i need you more than you need me' NO YOU BOTH NEED EACHOTHER AND YOU DONT RELAIZE IT BECAUSE YOURE TOO BUSY BEING SCARED OF OPENING UP TO THE OTHER ONE DAMMIT. twin size mattress - the front bottoms yk i had to. lockwood is an angsty lad we know he aboslutely loves tfb. aesthetic? (more like ass-pathetic) - panuccis pizza lockwood you sad sad little man. internet ruined me - wilbur soot OK I KNOW. WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE. but the actual sound of it gives lockwood vibes. not the lyrics but the sound. first love/late spring - mitski this is such a lucy song come ON its so her the whole 'i was so young when i behaved 25'??? literally her. helium - glass animals its just. its so them. also kinda feels like george watching their relationship unfold and being jealus vibes WHICH IS WHY I PROPOSE QPR- [gunshots] https://open.spotify.com/track/2BlDX1yfT0ea5wo0vjCKKa?si=32f77e7933024562 <- link because i dont know japanese!! this!! song!! if you where on anime tiktok at anypoint in time you know it and you know why its here.

1983 - neon trees dancing in the kitchen vibes. little talks - of monsters and men this song makes me so distraught but its another situation with talking to the moon (bruno mars) where its lockwood talking to himself in his room, pretending hes talking to lucy. and the series goes on!! we're more than halfway through tho :D part 7 here we go!!

#lockwood and co #locklyle #lucy carlyle #anthony lockwood #george karim

[cosmichoothoot]

The massive Taylor Swift inspired asks meme

Just leave one or several in my ask box for...

Debut

Picture To Burn- Would you consider yourself a bitter ex?

Tied Together With A Smile- How often do you fake being happy?

Our Song- How did your first relationship end?

Fearless

Fearless- Are you more controlled by fear, or love?

Love Story- What would be your ideal happy ending?

White Horse- Do you feel let down by people often?

Breathe- Have you ever left a relationship you really wanted to keep? Why?

The Way I Loved You- Would you rather be in the healthy relationship you "should" have, or the passionate halestorm you want to have?

Speak Now

Mine- Would you rather have domestic ease, or wild excitement?

Back To December- If you could mend any relationship, wich one would it be?

Speak Now- How do you feel about marriage?

Dear John- Do you feel like you've been taken advantage by someone older?

The Story Of Us- If you could define your life by a genre, what would it be?

Better Than Revenge- Vengeance or forgiveness?

Haunted- Do you believe in ghosts?

Superman- Age old question, if you could have any super power, what would it be and why?

Red

Red- What color would you use to describe your current or most recent relationship?

Treacherous- Are difficult relationships ever worth it in the end?

I Knew You Were Trouble- Have you ever gotten into a relationship that you knew would end badly from the start?

All Too Well (Taylor's Version)- What have you had to censor that you really want to be fully open about?

22- What's something you do that makes you feel young?

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together- Would you ever consider getting back with one of your exes?

Begin Again- Have you ever had to start over in any part of your life?

1989

Blank Space- What's a misconception people have about you?

Style- What do you consider your personal style?

Out Of The Woods- What's one thing you've learned about yourself after ending a relationship?

Shake It Off- What do you do to let go of anger?

Bad Blood- Is there anyone you feel would go to bat for you, no matter what?

Wildest Dreams- What's one of your dreams for the future?

How You Get The Girl- What's one thing someone can do to make you fall in love with them?

I Know Places- Where do you feel safest?

Clean- Come clean about something. Right now.

You Are In Love- How do you know when you're in love?

New Romantics- What's one thing you think is common in romance now that wasn't in previous generations?

Reputation

....Ready for it?- Are relationships better when they're public or private? How do you feel about secret relationships?

End Game- Are you a commitment person, or do you prefer to play the feild?

I Did Something Bad- What's something bad that you've done that you don't regret?

Delicate- Give your opinion on a delicate subject (asker is free to make suggestions)

Look What You Made Me Do- What's something you've felt pushed into doing?

Gorgeous- What's one of your favorite physical qualities on a romantic interest?

Dancing With Our Hands Tied- Does anyone make you feel safe enough that you would let them tie your hands together?

Dress- What's one outfit that makes you feel sexy?

This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things- Name one example of why we can't have nice things

Call It What You Want- Who, if anyone, has loved you at your worst?

Lover

I Forgot That You Existed- How good is your memory?

Cruel Summer- What's your favorite season? What season do you find hardest to be alone?

Lover- What do you consider a mark of emotional intimacy in a relationship?

The Man- Talk a little about your gender identity and how you express it

The Archer- Do you consider yourself more the predator or the prey?

I Think He Knows- Tell us a few of your favorite underrated songs

Miss Americana And The Heartbreak Prince- Give us a political opinion

Paper Rings- How important is money to you?

Death By A Thousand Cuts- What do you think is the worst way to die?

False God- Are you religious? Care to talk about that?

You Need To Calm Down- This is your excuse to say anything you want about your sexuality

Afterglow- Give us five songs on your sex playlist

Me!- What do you like most about yourself?

It's Nice To Have A Freind- What's your favorite thing to do with freinds?

Daylight- Are you more of a day person or a night person?

Folklore

Cardigan- What's your most comfortable item of clothing?

Exile- Have you ever gone through a breakup you didn't see coming?

Seven- What's something you've been closeted about?

Invisible String- Do you believe in soulmates?

Mad Woman- Have you ever felt justifiably angry, only to not be taken seriously?

Epiphany- Tell us about an epiphany you've had

Betty- What do you think is the worst thing you've ever done to someone?

Peace- What brings you peace?

Hoax- Have you ever believed in something, only to find out it was a hoax?

The Lakes- Where do you feel you belong? Do you feel like you belong in your current place in society?

Evermore

Willow- Have you ever been swept off your feet?

Champagne Problems- Have you ever said "no" to an opportunity everyone thinks you should have said "yes" to?

Gold Rush- Do you like or hate feeling flustered/butterflies/crushing on someone?

Tis The Damn Season- What's your favorite thing about the holidays? What's your least favorite thing about the holidays?

Tolerate It- What's something about you that you think people only tolerate?

No Body, No Crime- Do you think you'd ever kill for someone? Do you think anyone in your life would help you hide the body?

Coney Island- Tell us about a bittersweet memory

Ivy- Is cheating ever ok?

Cowboy Like Me- Have you changed for love? Do you think people ever should change for love?

Long Story Short- Tell us a short story about something you survived

Evermore- What pain will you never heal from?

BONUS!

Midnights- What's something coming up in your near future?

#taylor swift #taylor swift ask meme #ask meme #rp meme #this should be a hoot

[sensitiveeeeee]

Quietly Acknowledging my Accomplishments

It has been 9 years and really my whole life working for this. This program was so transformational, and I am so glad I got to experience it with such amazing people these past 3 years. And it has been one of the hardest things I have ever done, and I didn’t know if I’d be able to get through it.

This graduation means a lot to me because it isn’t just about getting to the end of this really difficult clinical psych program. It’s about finally having the career I want. I didn’t even feel like celebrating my undergrad graduation at the time because I was still so far from my goal of being a psychologist and helping people in a way that best suited me. But more than that, it’s about getting through everything that I had to do beforehand to be able to even be in school.

I think back to the very beginning, being 18 and going to a community college because it’s all I could afford for myself (no shame in that at all) and being in a miserable job where I was treated like a dumb kid (because I was a dumb kid, to be fair), having no idea who I was, losing/distancing from friends because I couldn’t have “the fun college experience” with them, and most impactful, getting into jobs in the psych feild where I really had to see and hear some shit and sometimes literally take punches from people experiencing something that was beyond their control, trying to protect them from themselves and from each other.

I’m thinking back to my black eye from years ago because it’s important to me to remember the ugliness that had to come with the good. There were a lot of ugly, terrifying moments that are too much to talk about, but that was probably the best physical reflection of it that I could capture.

There were beautiful moments too, like seeing a girl’s face light up from looking in the mirror after doing her makeup for fun in that inpatient facility that was often so sad and scary, other girls asking me to do their makeup or “getting in line” for me to draw them a picture, being able to keep them company and provide words of encouragement or coping skills to overcome urges to self-harm, laughing at things they said because so many were the funniest, brightest people, laughing and crying with coworkers and being inspired by their strength to lead and continue in that amazing work. People in that particular job and the one I had before continue to inspire me. I don’t really have pictures of the priceless moments that made me stay for years, but they will always be in my mind.

Confidence has always been my weakest area, and I had a lot of growing pains that really sucked, but I can say I’m proud of the person I am now as I come out on the other side. Looking back, I did THAT. I started out at 18 knowing absolutely nothing. I paid my way through school. I got out of this notoriously rigorous program with a 4.0 all semesters and got honors in undergrad while working very intense jobs because I wanted to do something meaningful in the field as soon as I could, while also fighting my own battles with mental illness and learning how to treat them myself. Ironically, I have never been helped by therapy, either because empirically supported treatments weren’t being utilized or I simply couldn’t afford it. But this program was like therapy. By learning from it, I slowly learned how to heal myself.

Pride feels very eventful when shame has been your default for so long. It’s very weird to say, but soon, once I pass the licensure test, I will be a psychologist. I am forever grateful to the psychologists and professors who guided me and told me they believed in me, and my classmates who struggled and grew with me. I’ll never forget how we leaned on one another.

I’ve changed over and over again throughout the years in my perspectives, beliefs, and opinions and still am. While I still have a lot of work to do when it comes to accepting myself, I can say I am so proud of my grit and my open mind. I’m proud of going through everything while being a very sensitive, soft person. I’m proud of doing this despite not believing I could, knowing I’d have to work harder because of my ADHD. And I’m proud of that thing inside me that made me do all this, the desire to help people find what is in them to ease their own mental suffering.

I almost cried when my professor, a pretty stoic man, who I consider to be a genius, said to me a couple weeks ago, “It has been really rewarding to watch you blossom into a more confident version of yourself. You are smart and talented, and I’m glad future students can learn from your written work and you can help so many people.” That was kind of a full circle moment for that little girl who was in title I and struggled with a learning disability. This has been one giant full circle. Even if things are still hard, I think just the act of doing this for myself was worth it.

I thought of writing this as “self-aggrandizing” in the beginning. To be fair, this is a giant self-congrats. But it feels like it’s time to openly give myself credit for once after almost a decade, never stopping to take it in and allow myself to consider all I’ve done. I have always been a skeptical person, and I feel like, over time, something broken inside me healed by proving my shame wrong with evidence.

[crystalcow]

𝑆𝑎𝑝𝑛𝑎𝑝𝑠 𝐶ℎ𝑖𝑙𝑑//𝑆𝑎𝑝𝑛𝑎𝑝 𝑝𝑡 3

Masterlist // part one // part two

Sapnap x reader !p !child reader

Pronouns used: none specified!

Warnings: swearing, death, betrayal

•⊱✿•✿⊰•⊱✿•✿⊰•⊱✿•✿⊰•⊱✿•✿⊰•⊱✿•✿⊰

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Being sapnaps child will include..

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𝐏𝗼𝐰𝐞𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐰𝐚𝐥

Apparently the castle got attacked

George was killed by the one and only technoblade

You haven’t personally met the man but you respected him

After all he is a legend

But he killed George

So you were dragged with sapnap when he got pinged on his coms

Dream and George were arguing on the prime path

The sight somewhat terrified you

They were supposed to be best friends?

Dream is the strongest person on the server

George was supposed to be the most unproblematic and protected person

For some reason Quackity was also there

Hiding in the corner of Tommy’s house

“You don’t give a shit about us”

Those words brought some hurt to you as they left sapnaps mouth

“Of course I care about you! I just want to keep him safe.”

The three most important men in your life

The dream team, and ultimate trio the friendship that could never crack! The ones who raised you to be who you are

They were falling apart

“George is no longer king!”

Quackity was just eating all of the drama

Damn duck

“I’ve done so much for you, I hope you don’t forget.”

“Like what?” “I helped you raise a child Sap, a damn child.”

That pissed the both of you off

As if you didn’t just recently spend a whole day with him

None the less your whole life

Being drawn into wars, multiple actually

Practically being drawn to death

“Don’t you bring them into this Dream.”

“Eret is now king again, he can actually rule this place.”

“I was the best king this server ever had!”

So there it happened

The crown was snatched off of George’s head and you were dragged along with it

“Don’t worry, we can start our own place!”

“El rapids it is”

𝐄𝐥 𝐑𝐚𝐩𝐢𝐝𝐬

You were 100% skeptical about all of this

You didn’t trust that this would be good

I mean how could you

Everything that someone starts on the server

Dies, explodes, nukes, or straight up fails

So instead you went down to Lmanburg for the day!

You went to Nikkis bakery to get something to eat

She was glad to give you a couple snacks for the road

So while you were walking around the new area you spotted dream

“Where you heading off to?”

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

You both eyed each other weirdly

“Aren’t you supposed to hate me?”

You just laughed

Ofcourse you were upset

But you were also bored

“And?” “Come on let’s go see tommy”

So you agreed and carelessly followed the green man

You missed Tommy, after not having seen him for a bit

Fucking hell you needed friends

But when you got there

“Why the fuck is everything gone!”

You ran around the now blown up area

The tents were destroyed and signs were thrown around

Then you noticed the large pillar

You instantly ran to dream, begging him to give you a pearl

He was upset himself he lost his leech

So you threw the pearl up thankfully landing on the pillar

Looking around to see if there was any way he could’ve survived

But you accidentally tripped

And lost your first life

𝐘/𝐧 𝐡𝐢𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝗼𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝗼𝗼 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐝 ♡︎♥︎♥︎

𝐏𝐫𝗼𝐩𝗼𝐬𝐚𝐥𝐬

You woke up screaming in your bed

The three lines on your wrist now faded into two

Sapnap came rushing in holding you lose to him

You tried not to but you cried a little

This was your first time loosing a life..

And you didn’t even mean too!

“Your never fucking leaving me again.”

Karl came in with Quackity following after

Karl just like snatched you away from sapnap and just held you

That man was ready to go back in time and reverse that from ever happening

Trust me he will if you ever loose another life

So after that everyone kept a close eye on you

That was until one day you were with your dad

You both were at your old house just chilling around

Before he handed you two velvet boxes

You were in awe of the two rings that sat in them

Who the fuck paid for these??

“I’m going to purpose.”

You almost dropped the boxes

“What?”

Sapnap just kept smiling

“You really like em huh” “Yeah flame, I love them.”

So you just hugged him

Internally freaking the fuck out

What would this mean???

Three dads? What if they wanted another child! Oh hell no

So you all stood in el rapids

Candles were spread around the top of the grassy hill

There were flowers blooming from every direction and lanterns set afloat

It looked mystical

You watched as sapnap got down on one knee

Karl was in shock, tears streaming down his eyes

Quackity looked love struck, looking into sapnaps eyes with total adoration

So when they said yes your dad called you and the other two just hugged you

“I’m guessing they said yes” you laughed

“Yeah they did!”

You couldn’t help but be happy

Your dad finally found some happiness

Even tho life was going to shit

If you won’t be there

He’ll have them

𝐋𝗺𝐚𝐧𝐛𝐮𝐫𝐠𝐬 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐡𝐞𝗺

Oh wait shit did someone spot tommy?

There was supposed to be a festival today

So you went to go check it out

Maybe throw a ball at the furry

“Go fetch!” You shouted at fundy

Yeah he was not happy and just threw you the finger

“Hey N/n is Dream coming?”

You were excited that Tubbo was actually talking to you again

“Huh? Oh yeah I think” “Great thanks”

And back to the disappointment

So you walked over to get a pretzel or some shit

And then heard everyone making a commotion

There he was, Dream walking in (angry) with full netherite armor

Damn dude respect some tradition

“Tommy blew up the fucking community house”

Did someone say tommy?

Oh you were ready to kill that bastard

Hell if Dream didn’t you most definitely will

So you followed everyone to the community house

Yeah you were ready to fucking cry

One of your homes, the place you’d always confide in since you were little

Where dream and George both helped raise you

Now blown to shreds

“What the fuck”

They were talking about Tubbo giving up the discs

Oh we are not going through that shit all over again

And this time the odds are most definitely not in your favor

Then tommy appeared half invisible

“YOU FUCKING DICKHEAD I THOUGHT YOU DIED YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT”

You litterly stabbed him, having to be held back by Quackity

“Alright hot shot, lets let them have their argument”

Tommy sent you an apologetic look already on the verge of tears

“Tubbo your not seriously considering this”

Then it hit everyone

“The discs were worth more then you ever were!”

Oh yeah we’re you already pissed off at tommy?

Yeah

And he just made it worse

“WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SAY TO TUBBO YOU SHIT HEAD”

Yeah you didn’t take pretending to be dead very lightly

Oh shit why was techno there

never mind, Lmanburg will be gone by tomorrow

No point killing tommy yet

Whos side were you on?

Neither. You litterly went into that battle feild and killed some shit

That was until multiple pieces of tnt landed ontop of your head

And that’s where you lost your second life

Shit

𝐘/𝐧 𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐰 𝐮𝐩 ♡︎♡︎♥︎ ⚠︎︎ᴏɴᴇ ʟɪғᴇ ʀᴇᴍᴀɪɴɪɴɢ

𝐏𝐫𝐢𝐬𝗼𝐧

This time when you won’t up it didn’t feel as bad

But you still screamed

A rush of a heartburn and scars employed on your body

The second line now faded into one

Shit

You were only 16-17 and on one life??

Die young the better

You waited out in your bed until the end of the fight

Death alerts and messages drowning out your communicator

But you had no energy what so ever

Until it all went quiet

You tried your damn best to get out of bed and walked to the damaged Lmanburg

There were people crying

Others were severely hurt

Then there were those who were perfectly fine

The whole place was a crater

Lmanburg.. the place of agony and depths of your pain

Now it’s finally gone

What the hell are you gonna do now?

Quackity spotted you calling out for Sapnap

You felt like you were gonna be crushed under their hold

“I’m gonna fucking kill dream.” You heard Quackity mutter

Sapnap felt like a bad father

Who lets their kids die twice?

(Cough cough Wilbur and dream)

Then suddenly things switched around

You were walking around with a bloodied nose and black eyed Tommy

Yeah you did a number on him

But it’s okay since he was your best friend

And there was a sign inside his house

“Wednesday you and Tubbo. Bring no one or anything, lets settle this once and for all”

The final disc war

“Tommy you can’t go” “I’m going N/n, he has my discs.”

So you like cried a little bit lined up on the prime path

Giving the two probably the last hugs they’ll ever get

Prime you really didn’t want to loose them

So you ran straight to church prime

Litterly begging Master Oolong that they won’t die

“Please please please spare them. Pogchamp.”

(Please this is all jokes and old references don’t cancel me)

You got a blast message from punz on your comms with cords

“Come here. bring your best armor”

So you did so running to the nearest ender chest

If walking means saving tommy and Tubbo, it’s somewhat worth it

Sapnap made sure you didn’t leave his side as you traveled around the nether

even tho you could literally swim in the lava

So just to piss him off

You jumped in

The sigh of relief this man

Yeah he’s gotten a little more paranoid for you

But it’s okay since it’s in love

You looked around the weird black stone room

There were two giant photos of the discs

And everything was made out of the same material

No design what so ever

Tommy and Tubbo ran to you like you were gonna protect them

“Dream why” you asked as he was incased in the blocks

Down on his last life

Just like you

‘I’m sorry’ he mouthed to you

Why was he apologizing to you?

Hasn’t he hurt everyone here

You looked around the different items

Tracing the outline of the item frames

Gasping in shock as you a cage with your name on it next to badboyhalo

“Tell em what you told me! How you blew up the community house!”

Your neck spun around faster then an owl doing that 360 thing

You picked up your ace seriously read to slash his head off

“Wait wait! Lets put him in the prison.”

So they took him off

And it pained you to see it

You trusted that man for a very long time

Nothing stays the same on the Dream Smp

•⊱✿•✿⊰•⊱✿•✿⊰•⊱✿•✿⊰•⊱✿•✿⊰•⊱✿•✿⊰

TUMBLR WOULDNT LET ME WRITE MORE KMS. So yes I’m sorry but there will have to be a part FOUR. I just wanted to finish this-

As always! Ask or request anything and ask if you want to be on a tag list :))

#sapnaps child #sapnap x reader #sapnap x y/n #child reader #dream smp x y/n #dream smp x reader #mcyt #mcyt x y/n #mcyt x reader #quackity x reader #karl jacobs x y/n #karl jacobs x reader #tommy innit x reader #tubbo x reader #dream x reader #dream smp #lmanburg #lmanhole

[arminocean]

thank you so much for the advice! By 'give me an emoji' I meant it so it can be a way you can identify me! So now I will be anon 🐋 since that was what you gave me owo.

Also I have a request, please can you do a soft my hero academia reaction to y/n falling asleep on their chest in front of the rest of class 1-A?? ❤️❤️

-anon 🐋

Hello so I wasn't sure what characters you wanted so I did 5 boys, and 5 girls. Also I really like this idea, and you may saved a lot of people from receiveing major angst. (๑ↀᆺↀ๑)✧ ENJOYYYYY. If there a character you wanted me to do, that i didn't do just request that character.

Kirishima

Okay class 1a wa in the common room doing there own thing

Kirishima was just sitting by a wall with you next to him

He was talking to Sero who made nachos, about some video game

While Sero was talking Kirishima felt a thump on his chest

When he looked down he saw that you fell asleep on him

He could here Mina squeeling, and Sero laughing

He threw a pillow at Mineta and Denki because they were complaining too loud about not having a s/o

He just placed a gentle kiss on your head, holding you

Cause it manly, and he loves you

When iida came in shouting about how this is inappropriate he honestly couldn't care less

But if someone woke you up they'll have a ear full

He is so proud you felt comfortable sleeping on him

Deku

You guys were watching a movie with the rest of class 1a

Usally deku would be waaayyyy to invested in the movie, only talking if he want to point something out

Now he was pointing something out, waiting for you to say something like you usally do

But when he didn't here you he looked down and saw you fell asleep on his chest

He so lucky the lights were off because he was redder than kiri hair

He slowly got the blanket next to you guys putting it over you

He then just slowly snuggled up to you, having that small little smile on his face

If someone pointed you two out he'll just hide in your neck

Todoroki

Okay you huys were on the bus from a feild trip

You and Todoroki sat in the back while everyone elese were doing their own thing

Todoroki was just looking out the window

After a couple minutes of just silence Todoroki looked over you

When he saw you fell asleep on his stomach he was a like confused

Like he didn't know what to do, so he justt uddle up to you while having that small smile

He's not use to receiving affection so, when someone give it to him he a little confused

But since you known eachother for a while, he felt more comfortable cuddling you

Mina threw her luch box at Bakugou for shouting, and almost waking you up

When you got back to the school he just gently woke you up

Denki

Again everyone was just talking in the comman room doing there own thing

Denki was on the couch talking to Mineta about getting a s/o advice

The thing is that he was so confident about the topic even though he dosent have a s/o (yet)

You were next to him doing your own thing trying to stay up (and failed)

Denki was still talking to Mineta when he felt something hit his chest

He looked down to see that YOU fell asleep ON HIM

My dude almost short circuited, and all that confidence he had flew out the window

He literally told Mineta to shoo

He didn't know where his arms go was he suppose to cuddle you, or move you

When you just cuddle in to him he just started blushing mouthing for help

Mina kept mouthing to cuddle you, while Jirou just laughed at him

He slowly put his arm over you with a dorky smile on his face

He actually fell asleep which wasn't the plan

When you both woke up it was really awkward but cute to say the least

Bakugou

Okay you guys are actually together

Everyone was outside, because of a barbeque

And Bakugou was complaining about everyone being too loud, while you were trying not to fall asleep

Now when Bakugou felt a thump on his chest e quickly looked down about to kill something

When he saw you his automatic thought process was to wake you up

But he didn't ...

He kept whispering "dumbass wake up"

When ever someone talked too loud he threatened to kill them

He just sat there like a guard dog, trying to make sure no one woke you up

If you look very closely you could see him blushing

He did push you off when food was ready though

Atleast you got a sorry

Mina

Again common room

Mina didn't realize it but she made it pretty obvious that she likes you

But like, you weren't complaining

Anyways

You guys were sitting together rambling about whatever

She started talking about this cool stuff animal she saw in the mall

For 30 minutes

You accidentally fell asleep since you been tired for the last two hours

Now mina was done rambling but when she didn't hear anything from you she said your name looking back

When she saw you fell asleep on her chest she squealed

She kept telling poor Tokoyami to take a picture

She was pretty touchy with you already, so she just hugged you

She looked so cute and happy

If you cuddle into her she might cry tears of joy

Hagakure

Idc what you guys say she's a ginger if she wasn't invisible

Anyway

You guys were hanging out in the common room

Hagakure was whining about not knowing how to do the homework Aizawa gave

You already finished your homework (❇imagination❇ sorry)

But you didn't want to give her the straight up answer

And kept giving little clues which ended up to her whining more

She just sat on the couch pleading for you to give her answers

All you did was lay on her chest cuddling her

She was so occupied getting your help she didn't realize you fell asleep

When she did though she smiled even though you can't see it

Bakugou was calling everyone dumbass for not knowing what to do and kept yelling that pda was disgusting

She literally just fell asleep on top of you

Many pictures were taken

Jirou

You were on the bus

And you were sitting next to Jirou

Since you two didn't talk much you guys just sat there

Jirou was listening to music and she was going to ask you if you wanted to listen to music with her

When she saw you fell asleep on her

Her mind went blank

She didn't start blushing until denki went Ooooooo

She told denki to shut up

She didn't want to wake you up

She kept trying to hide her smile, and just started petting you?

don't ask she trying her best

Tsu

You guys were on a camping trip

Just imagine the villian attack didn't happen

You and tsu was sitting down with the rest of 1a

Tsu was actually talking to Momo

While you were trying your very best not to fall asleep, but failed

And even better you fell asleep on your girlfriend

Who you only been together with for 2 months

So when tsu felt something hit her chest and Momo and Mina smiling at her she went "kero" in a confused tone

When she looked down and saw that you fell asleep on her

"What do I do," she staring at the group of people around her

When they all said to just hold you she blushed, and cuddle into you while smiling

I love her so much

Uraraka

You guys were outside since 1a was having a picnic

You sat with the dekusquad because, you guys were friends?

Anyways

Since the schedule had to change a bit you guys were originally training before the picnic

So you wanted to sleep

But you didn't because Uraraka was really excited

You were in the middle of eating a sandwich when you fell asleep

Uraraka didn't even notice until tsu and iida pointed it out

She tried so hard not to start floating

Girl couldn't beleive that her CRUSH fell asleep on her

You felt so nice too

This is getting weird now

But she just giggled happy you were cuddleing her

She almost screamed at Bakugou for being too loud

#bnha #hope you enjoyed #mha #todoroki #Deku #Bakugou #Denki #Kirishima #Tsu #Uraraka #Hagakure #Jirou #Mina #Mha x reader #Bnha x reader #Todoroki x reader #Deku x reader #Bakugou x reader #Kirishima x reader #Denki x reader #Hagakure x reader #Mina x reader #Uraraka x reader #Jirou x reader #Tsu x reader #Mha reaction #Mha reactions #Bnha reactions #Bnha reaction #Midoriya

[akookminsupporter]

Jimin, Jungkook, and all Bangtan members live in and out of a feild of large scale visibility. They know that their posts on all platforms are going to be watched and deconstructed. I saw someone talking about Jungkook's rainbow letters for 'Santa Monica' on twitter and some people's responses to it. I had no opinions on it aside from the beauty of the beach so it was a surprise but maybe it shouldn't be.

I get the boundaries that many people have about discussions around possible lgbtq signaling. Attitudes towards those conversations shift all the time and that is understandable. JK, an intelligent and self monitoring media figure, has put out work like GCFT and 'I'm still me'. The Dynamite Christmas Kookmin moment reads as a self aware queer moment to me, regardless of their respective orientations. Stuff like that holds meaning to me and maybe that means I am tin hatting. I don't read queer identity into every post or breath of someone I think might be lgbtq. I can be gay and most of my sns posts do not reference my sexuality nor is my life only about being gay for the observance of others. But people can be annoying and offensive in their need to read NOT GAYNESS into Kookmin stuff that reads as queer to many. Take Mma Black Swan. The performance being queer doesn't make Kookmin as people queer. However it adds to the way they present themselves as a duo. It is ok to discuss their intentions as artists and media figures. If a lot of energy is taken to argue against the possibility of intent and meaning that can never be explicitly stated, for obvious reasons, how is that not contributing to heteronormativity? How is it more transgressive to suggest that Kookmin may be using lgbtq signals in their work because they might be members of a marginalized community than to suggest that they are engaging in the cynicism of gay fan-service? It strikes me as just an attempt to divorce lgbtq from the artistic canon of BTS. It is using the deniability that would have to exist with Kookmin if they were a couple as a way of cutting queerness out of their media footprint. There is a degree of fear mongering there too, an attitude of "don't be fooled". Pointing out pop and K pop's use of homoeroticism (problematic and otherwise) is often used to gaslight or warn people off when they notice certain patterns and chemistry with Kookmin. The opposite of skepticism is not fantasy. Optimism about an artist's ethics and personal values is not delusion. No one ever, ever admits that it serves their fantasy to think of Jungkook or Jimin as heterosexual but they have no problem accusing other fans of projecting meaning for the sake of fantasy. The pervasive stigma of queerness and how that might affect opinion and perception is hardly mentioned and it is obvious that the idea of queer people being famous and at risk but falling in love and acting on it is some kind of alien concept. So sad that seeing a pretty beach brought out such ugliness.

It's great that Bangtan have these new personal IG accounts and get to share what they like. I hope they can be an outlet for all the Bangtan members to express themselves. Didn't expect all the content on their first official day of rest!

TW/ long post.

Quite a lot to unpack here, I would like to give my opinion on several things you said anon, I hope you don't mind.

I want to start by thanking you for choosing my blog to share your opinion.

Now, about several things you said:

I saw someone talking about Jungkook's rainbow letters for 'Santa Monica' on Twitter and some people's responses to it. I had no opinions on it aside from the beauty of the beach so it was a surprise but maybe it shouldn't be.

I was wondering if anyone was going to make the connection or comment on the colour of the letters that Jungkook CHOSE, because he chose those colours out of the 3 options that Instagram gives, that colour palette being the last one. And although someone could argue that he chose that option because it goes with the aesthetics of his post, it would be naive to think that he didn't know about the association that we ALL make with those colours and the LGTBI community. Just because Jungkook chose that option doesn't mean he's telling us he's part of the LGTBI+ community but to say he didn't know the connection or to insult or correct other people, especially LGTBI+ people, for making the connection is an insult to Jungkook's intelligence and ours.

I get the boundaries that many people have about discussions around possible LGBTQ+ signalling. Attitudes towards those conversations shift all the time and that is understandable. JK, an intelligent and self-monitoring media figure, has put out work like GCFT and 'I'm still me'. The Dynamite Christmas Kookmin moment reads as a self-aware queer moment to me, regardless of their respective orientations. Stuff like that holds meaning to me and maybe that means I am tin hatting.

I think we've had a lot of discussions about this. And I think many who are part of the LGTBI+ community have said that, while all that doesn't mean that JK is part of the LGTBI+ community it is true that many things he has said, done, expressed etc., do read as LGTBI+. And many of us have said that there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG with that. Regardless of whether it is true or not. We have also said that they and their agency must know exactly the connection that many will make and that the fact that they continue to do things that can be read as LGTBI+ must mean something.

But people can be annoying and offensive in their need to read NOT GAYNESS into Kookmin stuff that reads as queer to many.

This is a problem that is all too obvious. Many in this fandom get OFFENDED because someone dares to say that maybe JK is LGTBI+ (funny how many don't seem to get offended when someone says the same about Jimin). It's amazing how many immediately come out and say: WE MUST NOT ASSUME HIS SEXUAL ORIENTATION. But they can assume they are straight. They act as if they are being accused of murder or worse.

It's annoyingly funny how many also come out to defend or justify something that can be read as LGTBI+ even before people in the community make the connection or link. Does that mean that many see what others see?

How is it more transgressive to suggest that Kookmin may be using lgbtq signals in their work because they might be members of a marginalized community than to suggest that they are engaging in the cynicism of gay fan-service? It strikes me as just an attempt to divorce lgbtq from the artistic canon of BTS. It is using the deniability that would have to exist with Kookmin if they were a couple as a way of cutting queerness out of their media footprint. There is a degree of fear mongering there too, an attitude of "don't be fooled". Pointing out pop and K pop's use of homoeroticism (problematic and otherwise) is often used to gaslight or warn people off when they notice certain patterns and chemistry with Kookmin.

I think it's just easier for them, that second option is more acceptable to them. I think it's clear that many in this fandom are homophobic, the mere fact of even contemplating that one or more of those seven men is part of the LGTBI+ community makes them dread it and I wouldn't be surprised if several of them are disgusted by it. And no, I'm not afraid to say that last bit because it's the truth. The sad truth. The thought that BTS is using representations of a globally marginalized community for their economic gain, popular gain or whatever but that they ARE NOT PART OF IT, is better. It makes them sleep easy at night. Never mind that that option is actually the bad one of the two.

This fandom and society, in general, will always prioritise "proving" that everyone is straight. That this is the general rule accepted by all. And that anything different from that must, first of all, be explained, justified in such a way that the conclusion is heterosexuality and only when that is not possible should it be marginalised. Not everyone in society at large acts and thinks this way but nowadays it is still a relatively widespread way of thinking.

The pervasive stigma of queerness and how that might affect opinion and perception is hardly mentioned and it is obvious that the idea of queer people being famous and at risk but falling in love and acting on it is some kind of alien concept. So sad that seeing a pretty beach brought out such ugliness.

This is where many use the argument: BUT THEY'RE FROM KOREA! AND THAT IS NOT ALLOWED THERE!.?

It's great that Bangtan have these new personal IG accounts and get to share what they like. I hope they can be an outlet for all the Bangtan members to express themselves. Didn't expect all the content on their first official day of rest!

I totally agree with you. And I think it's safe to say that nobody expected all that, let alone on the first day 😂😂

#anon #ask #JM #JK #serious conversation 5

[morgansmoreid]

Do You Still Love Me • Derek Morgan • Chapter Six

Chapter Name: "Take My Mind off All the Bad"

Fic Masterlist

Italic writing stands for flashbacks.

Content/Trigger Warnings: Slightly Detailed Smut, Implied Drug Usage, Talks of Child Molestation (very brief/Derek's past)

Smut Warnings: Cunnilingus, Praising, Overstimulation, Begging, Orgasm Delay, Penetrative Sex, Daddy kink (slight), Unprotected sex, Handjob

Bold Italic stands for the talking between phone calls

---

"I don't push people away," Y/n mumbled as she pulled into the hotel parking lot.

She grabbed her jacket from the passenger side and headed to her room, ignoring the kind worker who said hello to her.

Y/n stepped off the elevator and pulled her key out of her back pocket, the 'ding' filling the hallway silence at that moment.

Closing the door quietly, Y/n walked towards the small light from the lamp on the left side. As she whipped her head around the corner, she was met Derek's bright smile.

"Hey," He nodded, muting the bad hotel show he was watching.

"Hi, baby," She slipped off her blazer and threw it onto a nearby chair with her jacket.

Walking to the bathroom, Y/n turned on the shower and looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were red, and her cheeks started to puff.

So many tears spread for the ones who don't care.

Stripping the rest of her clothes, Y/n stepped into the shower, the hot water flowing over her body. She just stood there for a while, the water the only thing filling the silence in the bathroom. The time moved slowly, leaving Y/n trapped in her thoughts.

"Ms, Feilds, please take off the sunglasses," The math sub called Y/n during the work period.

Y/n scoffed and slouched down as her heavy eyelids began to betray her.

"The sunglasses," The sub asked again, this time more demanding.

Before Y/n could say anything, Arianna turned around and grabbed them off Y/n's face.

"Fuck!" Y/n winced at the added sunlight.

The teacher took one look at Y/n's dilated pupils and took her into the hall.

The knock at the door pulled Y/n out of her thoughts.

"Bae?" Derek called out, the shower curtain blocking his concerned expression from Y/n's eyes.

"Hm?" Y/n hummed, poking her head out of the shower, not leaving much to the eye.

"You ok?" Derek leaned in.

Y/n shook her head in reassurance, a chill filling her body as Derek's thumb swiped across her cheek.

"So why are you crying?" He pulled back.

Y/n just stares at him.

"You don't see them, you won't get it."

"You might leave, I don't want you to."

"I hold up my past with strong walls, it only takes one hit though. One hit and it's all gone."

"I have habits that are calling my name and yet you are the only thing that keeps me from giving in."

That's what Y/n wants to say. She wants Derek to know, she wants him to listen.

"Sad day, that's all. Pass me that towel?" She changes the subject instead.

He looks back and passes her the towel hanging off the bathroom door. She wraps it around herself and steps out, turning off the shower from the outside. She walks out of the bathroom, Derek following behind as she pulls out a shirt and some underwear from her go-bag. She throws the towel to the bed, her body now exposed to Derek. He watches as she slips on the black underwear and one of his oversized graphic tees before throwing the towel over to the same chair her jackets were in.

Derek walks over to the bed, sitting in the same spot he was in before. Eyes follow down Y/n's body, almost habitual, a small grin appearing on his face at his marks that were starting to clear up from a few nights before. Y/n walks toward the bed and sits next to him, the hotel mattress providing little to no comfort at all.

"Are you ok?" She asks as she lays her head on his shoulder. It's a small gesture, but that's all Y/n wants and needs.

"Just tired, been a long day." Derek kisses the top of her forehead.

"You got that right," Y/n laughs.

It's a genuine laugh, a happy one.

Wrapping an arm around her torso, Derek pulls Y/n as close as he could. She's hiding something. Derek knows what it feels like to go through the lengths of keeping a secret. He was willing to go to jail for a murder he didn't commit if it meant no one knows what Carl Buford did to him. If it meant he didn't have to relive those memories once more.

Except even with the team by his side, Derek felt alone.

And when the memories resurface, when Derek can feel Carl's touch, he feels alone. Y/n pulls him out of that but he still feels alone. He doesn't want her to feel that.

It sucks to feel that.

"I love you," He mumbled into a comfortable silence.

Y/n looked up, her head almost hitting his chin, and just smiled.

"I love you too," She kissed his lips.

His soft, warm, comfortable lips.

Neither one could tell you what happened. Derek pulled Y/n in, leaving her straddled on his lap. Their kiss grew hotter as Y/n pulled herself closer to Derek, his forming boner giving her the friction her body desired. Hands gripped her sides as they moved down to her ass, a small moan leaving her mouth into his.

Derek's hands moved up Y/n's bare back as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Derek pulled the tee off of Y/n, throwing it somewhere in the room. Her skin was warm against his chest. His lips kissed and marked down her body before coming back up to hers.

"I love you," He said one more time.

"I love you."

Wrapping one arm across her back, Derek repositioned them both as a grin appeared on his face at the sight of his girlfriend under him.

Legs wrap around his waist as Derek marks Y/n's neck. He taps the side of her thigh, signaling for her to unravel her legs. As they fall to the side, Derek resumes his travel down her body again, this time taking the black underwear with him.

His arms wrap around her thighs as he pulls her all the way to the edge, eyes searching her for consent to continue.

She nods but it's not enough for Derek. He raises an eyebrow at her, getting an eye-roll in return.

"Tell me what you want." He mumbled.

"You." Y/n bluntly stated, staring him down.

"Can't hear you," He taunted, his fingers moving closer to Y/n's wet arousal.

"Please daddy," The words rolled of Y/n's tongue.

That was all it took for Derek. His lips attached her clit, a loud moan coming from Y/n in response. Her hands grabbed onto the bedsheets, squeezing them hard as Derek quickly quickened his pace.

To silence her moans, Y/n brought her hand to her mouth, the method only muffling the sounds to the bare minimum. Frowning at her actions, Derek added two fingers into her slit and pulled her hand down, her moan like a medley in his ears.

Small curses and names left Y/n's mouth as her orgasm started to build up.

"Derek..." She cried, her muscles tensing.

Instead of responding, Derek's tongue quickened its pace as his fingers curled inside of her again and again.

Throwing her head back, Y/n felt her composure wearing off as she called Derek's name one more time, only it came out in a breath, relieving how close to her climax she truly was.

As his fingers continued to thrust inside her, Derek pulled away and smirked at the begging Y/n.

"Go ahead," He growled in her ear.

He moved up to her face as his thumb came into contact with clit, throwing Y/n completely off the edge. With their chest's now in complete contact, Y/n's nails slid down Derek's back as she came down from her high.

Removing his hand, Derek ran his other one against Y/n's face, leaving small kisses as her breathing returned to a normal pace. His other thumb swiped across the tip of his tongue, Y/n's sweet arousal to taste.

He loved every part of Y/n. Take one look at them together and the feeling was clearly mutual.

Both of them wanted more.

Both of them craved more.

Turning her head to look at him, Y/n pressed her lips against Derek's, the taste savoring and sweet. His own muscles relaxed to the calm touch of her nail against his shoulder and her body goes soft at his hand to the side of her leg.

It's just the two of them in this moment-and they know it.

The kiss deepens fast as both tounges fighting for dominance. Y/n gives in and pulls the drawstrings of Derek's grey sweatpants, losing them out of the small knot they were in. Derek's figure points out just from under the band, a low grunt comes out as Y/n palms him.

His eyes meet hers, glassy and lust-filled as she lets at a patronizing smile. Pulling the sweats down, Y/n's hands rub on Derek, the action causing him to grip the sheets above her head with no mercy.

"Keep doing that and you'll ruin the fun," He said, his tone assertive and demanding.

"Like this?" Y/n fastened her pace as she batted faux innocence to Derek.

Instead of giving her a reaction, Derek used his hand to spread Y/n's leg farther away from his. Two steps ahead of him, Y/n made his job easier and braced herself for what was next.

"Ready?" Derek lined himself up with Y/n. He was aware of his size, he was aware of what he could do to Y/n.

And he loved it.

Slowly thrusting into her, Derek gave her a second to adjust before lacing his fingers with hers. He loved when it was just them. He loved when she was all his, all for him. He loved the way her eyes rolled back as his thrusts got harder. He loved the way his name rang out her mouth in pleasure.

He loved everything when it came to Y/n.

Especially her nails dragging down her back.

Y/n's fingers tightened around Derek's as she felt her second orgasm coming. Her body was sore and tired from the first time and she was getting closer and closer.

"You can do it," Derek praised in her ear.

"Come on do it for daddy," He kissed her lips, the words enough to send her past her limit.

Walls clench around Derek as her free hand drags down his back, Y/n's leg shaking violently as a result. His body fully covers her second later, one more thrust ending both of them.

It's like home to both of them. Their bare skins in contact with each other and only each other, the words that he mumbles in her ear, each syllable spent expressing his love for her.

They take away each other's bad.

Taking all the warmth with him, Derek head to the bathroom and comes back with a damp cloth.

"A shower will do us both good," He presses the fabric onto Y/n's body.

#derek morgan #Chocolate Thunder #derek morgan fic #derek morgan x reader #bau x reader #reader insert #mjmoreid #Criminal Minds #Criminal Minds Fanfiction #criminal minds fic #criminal minds smut #derek morgan smut

[crookedmusician]

Once Again

A/N:- This is just a drabble that popped up in my head and is based on "The Amazing Spider-Man" universe, NOT based on the Marvel mcu. If you haven't watched the movies then pls read this with an open mind. The drabble is also fixed in a time that is five years after Gwen dies and is completely based on my thought and universe. Please don't read it if you're not comfortable.

Peter Parker x Fem Reader

Genre : Slight Angst, Comfort, Slice of Life

Warnings : Very Slight and descriptive mentions of wounds and death, the characters are all adults, Y/N has a defined profession for the sake of the plot

*This is also not proof read so please bare with any errors if there are any*

It's been Five years.

Five years since Gwen's funeral. Five years since New York city was almost destroyed. Five Years since an innocent boy lost his sanity to death. Five Years since Peter Parker was too late to save his love, his best friend and his emotions to grief.

It had been Five years since that faithful day that still seemed to haunt Peter from time to time.

After the......incident happened, five years ago, Peter had shut off. He didn't talk, eat or even go to work. His job was willing to let him off that time, but the mental pressure that had bundled up inside Peter's head had refused to go. As a result, even after Peter came back, he was only a shell of himself, an empty treasure from which the gold had been stolen - just like how life was stolen from the eyes of so many he failed to save on that one dreadful day.

But If anything broke Peter more than his incompetency to save the lives of those millions he failed, it was the death of Gwen. Death of the only person Peter beleived to have given him a purpose to be Spiderman and save the city and it's residents. His reason to survive every battle he fought. His best friends, girlfriend and his reason, to just live.

Peter still remembers that day, that moment as clear as day. He still remembers the catastrophe that was caused that day, the destruction, the smell of death and spilled blood that matted the air in a heavy silence. He still remembers how the life wilted out from Gwen's eyes as she fell from the tower, as he held her afterwards; he still remembers how her once warm body turned deadly pale, her cheeks stopped sport the regular blush - and they all haunted him. They Traumatized Peter through his day, haunted his nightmares and swam in front of his mind each and every moment he lived. So Peter did the only thing he thought might help, he shut off everyone out of his life, he shut off the flow of emotions in his being, & he swore to never let anyone in, he vowed to not care about anything except defending NYC against the new villains attacking everyday.

Cause Peter Parker may have been a hero, but his emotions flowed through his veins as thickly as the spider's venom in his blood. So promised, to shut out and never let anyone in. That became his coping mechanism.

Yet again, five years later that same spider-boy found himself in the exact position he had been in, five years prior - sitting on the bed of a rooftop apartment while the huge scratches on his chest were being cleaned by the slender hands of a young woman sitting in front of him. It was an awkward kind of deja vu for Peter - Both hurting and comforting to know that someone - other than May cared for him still, however the recollection couldn't help but bring those ugly thoughts back into the forefront of Peter's mind. The same thoughts that occupied his mind in the waking hours.

The scratches burned and sizzled under the alcohol, even though it was applied with softness and expertise; but Peter didn't Flinch. Yes, there was a slight wince here and there, but no reaction revealed was too strong. Years of constant battle against the seemingly never-ending villains of New York happened to make Peter a bit more cautions and tolerating of his injuries - something that seemed to work greatly in favour of Peter at the moment - so as to not make the budding doctor in front overthink her capabilities.

Was New York always so needy and loud for the Spider-Man? This was something that occupied Peter's head often.

However, when he thought back on it, perhaps it was better for him to put his life on the line than have someone innocent or desiderate to live to fight the devils.

I mean, he did fit all the requirements for this job didn't he?

He was young, had the abilities, tolerant of the aftermaths of the fights he carried carved in his skin, bones and blood. Moreover he didn't have anyone to rely on or care for - May would be able to live with him, his job wasn't so special to him if he didn't require the money either. On the contrary Peter thought it to be a blessing to die - to forget all the turmoils, catastrophes of the world; to forget how many villains needed to be fought or how many people needed to be saved - to just forget.

Peter always thought, that maybe he wasn't made for love. That maybe he didn't deserve it. He thought about how everyone he loved left him, deserted him and thinking back on them, he just wondered how much love favoured him in this life. Maybe love didn't favour him at all, maybe love hated him, maybe that's why death always won in each of his chapters. Maybe that's why, Peter had become a void - because love refused to favour the life of this boy. He never really understood why lover never looked upon him with a smile. But guess there was never really an explanation for some grudges.

But if love never favoured him, Then what was this sudden weird electric sparks coursing through his body? This weird fluttering that seemed to keep him up at nights thinking about this one person that flew in his life and and broke past all his resolves to nestle herself comfortably inside the confines of the walls surrounding his heart?

And Peter really never could understand what was happening in his body. At first he thought that perhaps it was his spidey senses. But after a while, when he actually came to a conclusion, he was dumbfounded. Being deprived of love and refusing the comfort of any other hands rather than his own for such a long time - the revelation - was actually quite unexpected by him.

But to say that Peter didn't see all of the unfolding and development of feelings, would be a mistake. Mayhaps, Peter did knew what was happening, did knew that he was falling in a bottomless hole; but the feeling of letting go, the feeling that encompassed the journey was so blissfull it was hard to deny himself the pleasure after denying it for such a long while.

So we recount to a faithful afternoon, two years prior, to an empty & silent alley in one of the bustling streets of NYC.

XXX ♤♡◇♧ XXX

It was just another day in the life of Peter Parker - waking up, packing his suit, taking an early leave or going on a feild trip for his job only to fight the villains and end up all bloody. The only difference was the gushing wound on one of Peter's upper legs that seemed way worse than his regular wounds.

Peter seeked sanctum in one of the empty alleys of the New York Streets to treat the wound only to find himself looking sideways at a young bespectacled woman with curious eyes, hair in a messy bun, clutching one strap of a heavy-looking backpack with some folders and pages in the other - she was staring at him with worry in her orbs.

Usually it wouldn't have been a problem, he'd hit up some pick up lines and flee as far as possible with his wounded leg and never meet the girl again - it was simple and easy without any damage to either his social or personal life. And it would've been easy and simple - Only if Peter had been wearing his mask. But he sadly wasn't, and now he gazed back like a deer caught in the headlights as the figure approached him slowly and cautiously and stopped a few feet away.

"Can you walk?" The words were almost whispered with caution.

"Excuse me?" Peter said in a breathless voice; swinging through the city with an almost torn-off leg does hurt more than Peter imagined, after all.

"Can You walk? With that leg of yours?"

"Yes, I suppose. But why?" Peter asked with confusion and weariness.

"Then please come to the top floor. I can treat your wound."

The clutch of the strap got a bit tighter as the words tumbled out of her lips in the hushed silence of the alley. To say Peter was surprised would be an understatement; it had been a while since someone willingly wanted to help him. But then again, Peyer wasn't weak, was he? He surely could handle that little much laceration wound on his own, right? So just like Peter have always done, to all his colleagues, his neighbours, supposed friends, associates and May, he declined.

"Thank you for the offer but I can Handle this on my own," Peter uttered in the same dazed voice, opting to turn his head down as if signalling the end of the conversation.

"I'm sure you can," the voice chirped again to fill the whispery silence, "to the best of your abilities, but It would be better if I had a look at it. I'm a medical student so I'll be able to ptch it up reall quick too. Besides to treat you'd have to either swing or walk back to your home, and you really can't do either with that deep of a cut anyways. So let me have a look at it, please."

"I said I you do-"

"No you can't, you may clean it or patch it up until you can do it up but the slash is huge, don't you see? If you don't treat it immediately, your whole leg would either get infected or you'll bleed to raw. And I don't think you'l be able to swing your way around the city with a half infected leg anyways. So Please for your leg's sake enter the third window from the right on the top floor of this building so I can nurse the damage. I'll try to get there ASAP," and with that the girl hurried inside a door on the side of the monument on right.

Peter however, was still failing to recover from his daze, and by the time her words actually registered in his head the wound had started to sizzle with wind. He gathered his own stuffed backpack and as slowly and painlessly he can, followed the instructions.

Peter swung to top of the building & crept insided the bedroom of a rooftop apartment that looked very comfy despite being a complete definition catastrophe to found himself in a pair of freshly washed shirt and jogging shorts half an hour later - the girl said they belonged to her father and brother previously.

Peter stared at the unknown woman as she wrapped up the incision in a white cloth. Her fingers were skilled & worked in a quick yet sure manner.

"You can handle pain very well you know?" The woman broke the awkward silence with a glance at Peter's face only find him staring back at her with a monotone face, "the area around the gash had already started getting infected, if I found you a bit later your leg might've fallen off. Still you're very lucky. Thankfuy no valuable nerve was heavily dama-"

"Why are you helping me?" The rambling was interupted by the strict and straight voice of the spidey

"Excuse me?"

"Why are you helping me?"

"Because I can? Am I not allowed to help you? You looked like you needed some serious help though," The woman asked tilting her head slightly.

"Is it a plot?" Years of practice had certainly helped Peter maintain a Poker face, which came in handy as he stared at the confused eyes of the woman in front of him - his heart deeming the expression to be cute.

"A plot?" The woman repeated as she looked at him in disbelief, "You think l'm helping you because l'm involved in a...a...a stupid gang or something that wants to murder you?"

"Or it could be an individual plan," Peter shrugged nonchalantly as he dared not remove his eyes from his supposed - captor.

"An individual pl-?"

"Why else would you help me? If not for your own benefit?"

At this The woman seemed to become a little pissed at Peter's words as she sputtered with her next sentences before finally giving a coherent reply, "Maybe fighting with evel people all your life makes you heroes feel as if good people don't exist but trust me, they do. And quite contrary to your assumptions I just so happen to be one of them."

The woman tied the cloth around Peter's leg in a tight knot & rose from her seat collecting the equipments back in her first aid box, opting to leave the room, offended - instead finding herself halting mid-step at peter's voice calling out to her.

"I'm Peter," Peter gazed at her retreating figure and as she turned around to look at him with judging eyes, "Peter Parker."

The words were uttered into the sunset in a softer tone - as if the speaker was almost shy, which - looking back at the circumstances - Peter probably was. And as the dying rays of the sun filtered through the drawn back curtain of the only window in the room - the one Peter had entered through - encasing the room in all it's ethereal glow, Peter was able to finally get a glimpse of his healer, clearly.

The rays fell on the bed and on womanly figure, bathing her in the delicate glow of dusk, highlighting her dainty features. She was handsome, very much so in the afyernoon light; and despite being pissed and offended a few mintues prior, she took her time in tilting the corners of her lips into a soft amd pleasant smile as the injured man stared at her in awe - that was perfectly hidden beneath his Poker Face.

"I'm Y/N L/N." The names etched itself in Peter's brain ringing sweet bells everytime, serenading him into calmness.

And so since that fateful day, it became a regular event. Whenevr Peter would get hurt - no matter how small or big the wound, he'd always find himself on the doorstep (or window sill), of the tenth floor building on the same street he never remembered the name of. And slowly as the days swept by, the visits weren't just limited to treating wounds. Infact, contary to either of their professions, Peter found both of them had quite a lot in common, and their opinions generally matched - and for the ones that didn't, both of their adjustable manners suited the situations. And as the days brew into nights, Peter found a companion in Y/N - one that Peter hoped lasted for life.

Peter found a best friend to look after him and talk with on rainy days and summer evenings.

××× ♤♡◇♧ ×××

Now, two years later as Peter sat on the same bed he had so many times before, he thought back on all the bitter and sweet memories Life gifted him, and perhaps they were needed for Peter to bring him to this point in life - and Peter never wanted to go back.

It was late. The sun had gone down a few hours prior and the moon glowed brightly in the sky, peeking in through the windows as Peter observed the familliar figure beside him - nursing another one of Peter's daily unwanted gifts.

She looked dainty, almost unreal as the moonlight illuminated the room casting it in the soft glow of night time. As Peter gazed at her, he started carving out all the plains and roughs of her faces, the shape of her eyes, lips and nose, the way her lithe fingers glided across Peter's skin - and Peter couldn't find it in himself to intrupt the dance her fingers were engaged in on his chest. A light breeze swept in through the wind making rounds of the room and messing with the strands hanging around Y/N's face as Peter gazed at the seemingly engaging spiral of movements infront of him.

"Staring is rude, you know?"

The peaceful silence occupying the room was suddenly broken, giving Peter a small start, as Y/N lifted her head barely so as to glance up at Peter's face, her lips curving into a small smirk at the look of slight surprise on his face, before her skilled hands resumed their work.

After a breif moment of comprehension - and more staring as Y/N wrapped up the gashes and stood up to starighten the sheets on the bed as much she could with the tall figure lying on top, Peter finally found his voice strong enough to utter the two words - that he hoped would convey all that was unsaid and all that he wanted to say but couldn't.

"Thank You."

Y/N looked up once again at Peter with a teasing yet soft grin and breathy chuckle, "Pete, don't be so modest about yourself. Patching up your wounds provide me an excuse to practise my skills on a regular basis. And as a junior doc, It's more benifitting to me that it is to you."

Peter let out a breathy chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck as Y/N turned around to put the first aid box at the top of one of her bedroom shelves, "Still thank you, for everything you've done for me. I really appreciate it."

And this time as Y/N turned around to look at her best friend, she paused for a second, taking in the scene before her. The moon casted the same glow on Peter's form as it had on her back - except this time, the star gazed one was Y/N.

She had always wondered how she never once felt awkward with the close proximity, she always seemed to share with Peter. Her heart once whispered because they were menat to be; but the rational part of her brain was quick to shut down the irrational daydream before it could flourish. However the warmth of her cheeks when Peter looked at her, the tiny fluttering in her stomach whenever he'd smile, the warmth in her being when they hugged couldn't be stopped from spreading all through her body.

There were nights, when she wondered how it would be if she was brave enough to turn the page to the next chapter and just ask her best friend out. But then again, even though happiness was granted if the proposal was accepted - the pain, heartbreak and loss of warmth in their friendship, at the refusal was granted in a much greater probability. And thus Y/N drifted off to sleep every night thinking of all the 'ifs' of the world.

But this wasn't the world of dreams, it was the waking world, and as Y/N realised the soft glow in Peter's eyes when he looked at her, she wondered - no, hoped that her feeling might probably be reciprocated.

"It's honestly no biggie Pete. It really isn't," She neared the bed as she said the words, finally sitting upon it with one leg folded on the matress and the othe rdangling down the side, her eyes searched Peter's face carefully noticing the genuine-ness behind Peter's words, "however what is a problem is that you've hadn't had a single mouthful since the meager breakfast this morning. Honestly dude, don't you ever get hungry? If I wa sin your place I'd be starving! Heck, I'm starving even now!"

Peter let out a small breathy laugh at Y/N's dramatics. She always tended to be the more dramatic one, especially regarding matters of food. So sporting a soft smile he looked up Y/N.

"No I'm fine, I'd just have something to eat when i get home."

"Home? Do you even know how late it is?! It's," she hekd up the digital clock on the side of her bed, "9.15 already! You literally live on the other side of the city! By the time you reach your home it would be way past 10! I ain't letting you starve till then boy!"

By now, Y/n had stood up on her feet in front of the bed with her hands on her hips - and Peter found it to be way too cute for her, "Call up Aunt May and tell her that you'll be eating here today. I'll go and start whipping something up in the kitchen, ok?"

"Ok."

"Good," Y/N turned around & exited the room heading down the halls to the kitchen, to scour how much she can that would fill both her and Peter up, while Peter rested on her bed.

Ever since that incident five years ago, Peter had always wondered that maybe love wasn't really meant for him, that maybe love didn't favour him. But now, as he stared at the moonlit retreating figure of Y/N L/N, he prayed to all the love gods in existence, to favour him just this once as he drafted up the same confession, he had been drafting for the past years, to finally come out of his heart and in to minds of the beauty he called his bestfriend.

A/N : Pls tell me how you like it in the comments this is my first story and I would really appreciate the feedback!

Please don't repost or rwupload my work anywhere apart from here.

#writing inspiration #writing #oneshots #fics #drabbles #spiderman #andrew Garfield #y/n #× reader #fem reader #spider - man × reader #marvel #marvel × reader #reader #angst #fluff #hurt #comfort #hurt and comfort #spider man angst #spider man fluff #boyfriend #girlfriend #best friends #spider man drabble #spider man fics #spider man fic #best friends to lovers #spiderman × reader #andrew garfield × reader

[pbandjesse]

I am sitting at a baseball game with James. I forgot that they said we were doing this today. I'm having a nice time but also I am really sleepy. Today was a pretty good day but I didn't sleep great and I just really wanted to be home.

I woke up and tried stretching and it helped a little. I got dressed and James would drive me to camp. They had a bagel for me. And it was a pretty nice drive in. We listened to a podcast and had big laughs about a game where you had to guess the host of a podcast based on the guests and we were having a great time.

We got to camp at 9 and James helped me get stuff out of the car. And then they left me at the office. Heather was just getting there but we both still had to wait because she left her office key at home. Opps.

So we talked about her trip to Zion national park last week. I got sure would love to go see that. Seems so unreal. And we also talked about pewter casting at camp. I would send her some stuff about it later.

Once Elizabeth got there she told me what needed to be done but also told me don't try to do everything because we had so much staff today. She was correct I would have just tried to do it alone and exhausted myself.

When I got outside Celia was pulling up so I asked if she just wanted to drive up to the low ropes course. And that was perfect. She was like yes but also my car is full of baby mice?? I did not care but I was like. Slightly concerned she is driving a mouse van.

We got up the low ropes and worked together to get that set out. She worked on the ladder and I untangled the ropes.

While we were finishing that up Sarah and Dachelle pulled up in the gator to get ground elements stuff to take over to the tipi feild. And then we headed over there to help untangle all of that.

It was kind of a slow wait. The bus was late. But it was fine. Once it did come I met it outside and helped direct traffic a bit until Elizabeth came over and we figured out what was up.

This was a sleepover group so they unloaded and went up to the cabins. I helped direct there too. And got to meet a few teachers that hadn't been there last week. Because this was the same school, just the highschool and not the middle school. And I recognized some of them from last year. And that was nice.

We got them all on the feild and they decided to do free choice to make their groups. Which would have been fine but then they did that again after lunch? So then the groups were all mismatched and there was no reason for that. It was so stupid and stressed everyone out.

But thankfully the programs all went super well. Me and Celia started with ground elements and would have low ropes the rest of the day. And it was lot of fun honestly. Having the larger groups allowed us to really do the programs more thoroughly. And when they didn't want to do it anymore I read a few of their fortunes. I had a big long chat with Celia about how neither of us believe in cards or magic or anything but card reading is so much for like. Story telling reasons. Interpreting and basically improve on the fly. It's just fun.

Lunch was quiet. Me and Celia ate on the porch. I paid some bills and did some accounting. It's half way through the head and I wanted to make some projections about the rest of it. And if things go the way I hope we should be in a pretty good place.

Like I said though they wanted to do free choice again in the afternoon. Which of course was super confusing and then we were all sort of thrown off. But it was fine in the end and we figured it out. I was a little stressed about it though and felt a little annoyed with the person who organized it but it would work out.

In the last group we did have one student who had already done low ropes. He requested we do the team wall though so we made that happen for him. And then got into low ropes. And while two people did fall, overall it was fun and everyone did great.

I checked in with the group about finishing early so they would have time to change for the pool. And that worked out great. Celia ran the swing while I watched the part of the group that was finished the program and Sarah worked on taking the ropes down.

We were very efficient.

Once the group left I headed to the field to put away ground elements for tomorrow. And then to the office to get the Gator key to go collect water coolers. Celia would come with me and we drove all around to find them. Finding Tony had dumped one out, which was only annoying because we were supposed to combine them to take to the pool. But whatever, with the others we made one full one. Dropped it off at the pool and then drove to the lodge to drop off the empty ones.

We got back to the office and of course then Elizabeth asked us to take the trash out at the lodge. Thankfully James was just pulling up to come get me so they drove us over there but it was already done so we were able to bust drop Celia off at her car and then me and James went home.

When we got back we ran into Nick in the hall. He just bought a house on 4 acres and is slowly moving and I'm so happy for him. It was also just really nice to see him.

I was happy to get out of my work clothes. I took a shower. I was coated in dust and it really made me feel better but I was still pretty tired. We laid in bed for a while. But at 530 we got ready to get out of there to go to the baseball game.

We walked to the lightrail station. Someone yelled out the window to ask if James was Justin Tucker, a sports person, and we got round trip tickets so we could get back easy later.

Taking the lightrail was nice. And we got here and got tickets no problem. James got us fries and they got themselves chicken tenders. Eventually we would also get cotton candy. And I've been having fun. The other team has 1 run and we have 7, which is very embarrassing for them. I've been enjoying people watching. And I'm tired and my earrings are hurting but I am happy.

Tomorrow I have an early day but we will have a short day as well. Ending after noon. So I'll come home and hopefully get some cleaning done. I hope tomorrow is fun. I hope we win. But even if we dont I am still glad we came!!!

Goodnight everyone!!

[anime-pro-shitposter]

SK8 The Infinity EP11 Overview:

hooww lovelyyy is this show!!!!!! why am i so invested in a skating match idk but take my heart anyways..

REKI FINALLY GOT IT I LITERALLY WAS GONNA CRY I RAISED THAT BOY AHHHH AHHHHH

Nice recap/review/analysis time🛹:

i just love how this anime explores certain conflicts about passion and creativity and talents and such. im going to talk about the boys and their own personal fights but reki’s one definitely is one that i feel most, so im starting with that.

Reki and passion:

reki faces one of the fights that most shows leave for side characters,, it’s the idea that if you aren’t especially as talented or “gifted” like other people in a certain feild then it’s best to step aside and cheer on others and just not aim so high.. that idea to reki hit hard and now we got to see his outcome.. it’s a story telling us that we Can be the main character and not be as Great and Outstanding.. all we need is joy and love for what we do and as long as it’s fun then what more do we need? eventually our passion will pass through and we’ll create our own colors and i find that insanely lovely and im legit so proud.

this scene is iconic.. reki forming himself and enjoying his passion.. then making a name for himself and langa baby being so proud and in love ahhhhhh.!/!9/&/9!

Langa and connections:

for my boy langa and his personal struggle it has to be connecting.. he isn’t able to connect with other people, sometimes not even with himself.. he understands feelings vaguely, and honestly i cant diagnose him with anything even tho many suspect stuff but anyways. langa doesn’t know the exact values of relationships and things to himself or how to deal if something changed. he is trying and realizing the importance of valuing things, that connections need work and that it’s possible.. it’s so perfect how reki is there to help him navigate i just ah😭

Adam and control:

adam is a control freak.. terrifying most of the time and kinda sad at times. he wants things to go his way.. he thinks that everyone should follow his textbook way of reaction and behavior and that he knows everything to get the outcome he wants.. always.. but people aren’t machines. they have feelings and consciousnesses that he can’t box. his biggest weakness that he deem his strength is his god complex.. he cant allow anyone who isnt so powerful to come close.. thus he ends up alone obv. he clearly doesnt learn and well idk ill be waiting for a redemption arc, but all i see is that since he cant control his aunties or act all powerful and mighty in his real life, so he turns his passion into his tool for satisfaction.. erasing all the love and making it a job on its own.. sad adam..

i feel like this is long enough already so i wont be talking about the rest in this post *idk if another post tho* plus those three are the ones that shine most.. hope u enjoyed now with cute screencaps hehehe *bruh i just realized they are red (reki) blue (langa) and purple (adam) idk what u can do with that info but here we go*

boyfriends and family T-T

#sk8 the infinity #sk8 #sk8 spoilers #sk8 angst #sk8 analysis #sk8R #sk8 renga #sk8 reki #sk8 langa #sk8 adam #sk8 recap #sk8 the infinity episode 11

[teonys-jf]

here is the last one, probably going to reuse some stuff too

two men stand shoulder to shoulder on the towns border. the shorter of the two speaks animatedly, "what are we going to do? since mr malik passed and miss matilda have gone missing, the people have been at our throats!" the older rests a hand on his shoulder. "don't worry, zenix. all will work out soon." zenix feels a gaze and turns towards the forest. behind a tree someone flees, knowing their mission will start soon...

someone wakes up in a feild, the sun blinding her as she sits up. they used their hand as a sheild, standing. he feels the need to find shelter somewhere, but first he must see what can and cannot be consumed nearby. she walks toward a nearby pond to study her reflection. it showed long black hair and tanned skin, warm eyes and a curious face. they touched their face and tried to reach into the water, but was caught off guard as it started to move. he stood up continued her objective. once they were on the hill, he saw something green move faster than anything before. she started to try and follow behind, calling out in a tongue that felt correct. once they had turned a corner and lost the green, a tree root had tripped him. as she rubbed her head and leaned up, there was something shiny and sharp pointed at them. "who are you?! state your name!" the form was shaky and young, face mostly obscured. he ran a finger along the edge of the object lightly, ending by poking the tip. a small circle of something red spawned on the edge of her finger. a hand pulled the form back, beckoning the sharp to be reconciled. "zenix, it's okay. i think they aren't healthy right now..." as it was put away, the larger form kneeled down. "my name is garroth. what's yours?" he extended a hand to help them up. As he stood up with help, she asked rapid fire questions. "Dè thuirt thu? Chan urrainn dhomh do thuigsinn. Cò mise? Càite bheil mi? What did you say? I cannot understand you. Who am I? Where am I?" They both blanked. "Garroth, is that... is that the olden tongue Emmalyn was talking about?" Zenix asked after talking a step back, garroth turned to speak with his son. "I think so. We should go see her." Garroth turned back towards the  stranger, now standing up. he extended his hand towards stranger. "Can you understand this?" they hesitantly moved to take the hand. "O, a bheil thu airson gun lean mi thu? Oh, do you want me to follow you?" As the group walked through the town, he still had more questions. "Chan aithne dhomh fhathast ainm an àite seo. I still do not know the name of this place." she turned towards Zenix, "Dè an t-ainm a th 'ort? What is your name?" He stared since he didn't know what was being said, so Zenix nodded and pretended to understand. "Tha thu èibhinn. You are funny." As the towns scenery was being passed, and in return more questions asked, Garroth kept trying to respond as Zenix {originally i had typed vylad?? lol why} was trying to understand fragments. Once they reached their target building and brought the stranger in, they let go of his hand and started to look around. "O, dè tha seo? Pàipear le sgrathan? Oh, what is this? Paper with etchings?" He picked up a book with a red leather binding. "Emmalyn, we need your help!" Garroth called out into the space, Zenix was trying his best to damage control the never-ending curiosity of this newcomer. A blonde woman, who's hair was a mess, came from the basement. Their glasses were crooked and eyebags striking against her pale skin. "What do you want? I was almost done with my book." They rubbed her eyes as Garroth explained the situation, which was interrupted by zenix asking for help with the books. "O halò! Dè an t-ainm a th'ort? An tuig thu na tha mi ag ràdh? Tha cànan neònach aig an dithis seo. Oh hello! What is your name? Do you understand what I mean? These two have a strange language." Emmalyn paused as their eyes widened. "Oh Irena... Hold on, um--" They ran down the flight of stairs. Garroth decided to take a seat and motioned for Zenix to follow suit, to which the younger was hesitant. Emmalyn came rushing back up, papers and books threatening to fall out of her arms. The stranger put the item back and turned towards them. "Alright, let's do this..." She pushed their glasses up and spoke, "Is e m’ ainm Emmalyn, dè an t-ainm a th’ort? My name is Emmalyn, what is yours?" She extended a hand towards the stranger. With a joyed expression, she quickly responded. "O mo chreach, tha e air a bhith gu bràth o chuala mi rudeigin a thuig mi! Oh my, it has been forever since I have heard something I understood!" They shook Emmalyn's hand with fervor. Emmalyn was stuck in shock as he continued, Garroth was amused under his helm and Zenix was trying to hide a smile. "Gu fìrinneach, tha mi a’ smaoineachadh gur tusa an treas neach a choinnich mi a-riamh. Tha d’ ainm brèagha! Actually, I think you are the third person I have ever met. Your name is beautiful!" She continued with a smile as Emmalyn's things started to fall out of their arms, the shaking slowed into confusion with the next sentences. "'S e m' ainm... Huh. Gu dearbh, chan eil fhios agam! My name is... Huh. Of course, I do not know!" Boisterous laughter followed with a hand on their hip. Zenix laughed, to which Emmalyn whipped her head around. The stranger let go finally to continue inspecting the books. "So, um, they don't know their name... and--" Zenix interupted. "How can someone not know their name?! She's weirding me out! What was all of that anyway?" Garroth chimed in. "What he means is, 'thank you Emmalyn, could you please translate?' Right, Zenix?" The boy sat down, eyes to the floor in the general direction of Emmalyn. "Yes sir. Ma'am, could you please translate for us?" With a quick hmph they obliged, nodding into the sentence. "They don't know what you guys are saying, they've only met us so far..." She could feel the headache coming on and started searching through the papers that had fallen on the ground. "They think my name is pretty? That's so nice..." They whispered that to herself and continued. "So no name, what about where they came from?" Garroth started to help them pick up the papers. They looked back towards him, "Well, they didn't mention so I'm not sure. They might not know either." She pushed some hair behind their ear so she could read easier. "They also... uh, this language is so wordy... Oh yeah, they think our language is weird." Zenix moved towards the stranger again, seeing him pick up more books and mumbling in an almost forgotten language. As Garroth handed a leather-bound book back to the librarian, they brought a scroll out and leaned over the edge of the table. As she traced the letters and pronunciations they continued, "I think it would help if we tried to teach them something like language first." She turned her head towards the head guard. "how well can you teach?" zenix chimed in walking towards the adults, "he's good at teaching self defense!" with a coy smile under his hood. the stranger had left the books and went to stare out the door. emmalyn sighed, "well we need someone who has free time to teach them!" the door closed with a loud click. they all paused. after a some confusion the guards headed out of the library as emmalyn called for them to find someone to teach the new person. as they searched the town and asked people if they saw someone with long black hair and dirty clothing walk by, kiki was there to help. "i saw someone like that, actually! i tried talking with them but i didnt know what they were saying." she pointed towards one of the the empty housing units. "i asked if they were trying to find somewhere to stay and pointed towards the girls house." garroth thanked her as zenix started towards the house. "pardon me, have any of you seen someone out of town?" garroth asked as he knocked on the door. donna opened the door with an excited expression. "you didnt tell me there was somebody new!" behind her, the stranger was being cooed over by donna's roomate, molly. "Wow, cha do dh’ innis duine dhomh gu robh taigh làn de bhoireannaich bhrèagha ann! Taigh leanaban! Wow, no one told me that there was a house full of beautiful women! A babe house!" molly chimed in, "yeah, there hasnt been anyone knew since donna, and its been a couple months since she's moved here!" stranger had hugged her after she said this, to which the women returned with enthusiasm. "could we have them back? we need to find someone to teach them." garroth started, to which zenix added, "yeah! do you guys know anyone that can help?" donna lets them in while thinking, to which the stranger points at them and tries to talk with molly. "Is iad an dithis sin an fheadhainn a lorg mi. Tha mi airson fios a bhith aca air an ainmean, ach tha e doirbh dhomh an tuigsinn. Those two are the ones who had found me. I want to know their names, but it is hard for me to understand them." molly looks towards them in slight confusion. "A bheil thu gam thuigsinn? Is dòcha nach eil, ach is fhiach feuchainn. Do you understand me? Probably not, but it is worth a try." molly hugged her as they shrugged. "well, i think someone is coming into town tomorrow, so they should know something. probably, right?" donna asked garroth, to which he nodded. zenix had come over to molly and tried to take the strangers hand. "O, c'àit am bheil thu gam threòrachadh? Cha d'ith mi fathast, a' faireachdainn am pathadh. Oh, where are you leading me? I have not eaten yet, feeling thirsty." the guards waved goobye to the roomates and started towards the town center, zenix holding strangers hand so they dont lose him again. "garroth, what are we going to do? the only empty house is the old lords!" stranger tugged on his arm to inspect a flower, a bee came up to their face as they giggled and spoke to it. "Rud gòrach buidhe, tha thu càirdeil! Silly yellow thing, you are friendly!" garroth turned back when they reached the town square, after handing stranger a blowball. "well, i don't think we can bother brendan into making one quickly--" brendan was immediately behind him with this sentence, "what do you guys need? a house? i can help with that!" he gestured to himself as he puffed out his chest, to which another guard chimed in while nursing a brown bottle. "are y'sure you won't annoy her into wanting to leave?" brendan whipped around. "shut up dale! aren't you working on being sober?" with an accusing finger pointed towards him, dale shrugged. "today's cheat day, farmer boy." garroth spoke up, gesturing to both men. "would both of you be willing to help them with a house?" on their cue, the stranger spoke up. "O halò! Tha tòrr uaine ort, ach chan e thusa an duine a bha mi a’ sireadh na bu thràithe. Oh hello! You are wearing a lot of green, but you are not the person I was looking for earlier." with an enthusiastic wave, she turned towards dale and spoke fast. "Dè tha anns an rud donn sin? A bheil blas math air? A bheil e milis? Am faod mi blasad fhaighinn? What's in that brown thing? Does it taste good? Is it sweet? Can I taste it?" they pointed towards the bottle and made a drinking motion. dale laughed heartily and responded, "little lady, you wouldn't like this. it steals your soul!" he took a big gulp as the stranger looked in confusion, to which he laughed at. "haha dale, very funny. surprised it hasn't stolen your soul yet..." brendan muttered to himself. "anyway, garroth, yeah i can work on the house. i'll just need some supplies like wood, nails, and a third set of hands if we want to get this done by tonight." garroth thought about this, nodding. "i can try to find someone, and if i cannot i will help." zenix stared. "and zenix will help as well." a flurry of complaints followed as brendan laughed. he walked towards the stranger, "so, what kind of house would you like, miss?" gesturing wildly with each addition he spoke, "Uill, chan urrainn dhomh a thuigsinn dè tha thu ag ràdh. Ach bhruidhinn an nighean roimhe agus thuig mi i!Is e Emmalyn an t-ainm a th’ oirre! Am b’ urrainn dhut mo thoirt air ais thuice? Bha i gu math cuideachail agus snog. Well, I can't understand what you are saying. But the girl spoke before and I understood her! Her name is Emmalyn! Could you take me back to her? She was very helpful and nice." he understood the librarians name. "oh, emma? yeah, i can take you to her!" he held her hand as they stood. "Cuideachd, a bheil fios agad càite a bheil barrachd dhiubh sin? Is toil leam iad gu mòr. Also, do you know where more of these are? I like them a lot." they tapped the blowball as some seeds came loose, to which brendan saw and picked up another. "Tapadh leat gu dearbh! Tha thu air aon den fheadhainn as fheàrr leam. Thank you so much! You are one of my favorites."

#irena's quill #irena's drafts #so i had to go eat and my dad tried to start a movie lol #aphmau #aphblr #minecraft diaries #also i realized at some points the pronouns order got fucked... why did i do it like this?? #anyway

[hauntedselves]

I think we have did and ik we almost have it for certain. But somehow our therapist made us question our existence and almost felt like she wanted confirmation we had it. She was like I'm not saying you don't but are you sure you didn't make these people up as a defensive mechanism or a coping skill. Then she was like I believe you have alters and your trauma matches up. But I don't wanna put it on paper. Cuz diagnoses are to help the person. Then when I brought up we've heard before we can't have did cuz of how many of us their are and we don't know who we are. Then she was like all these people are you and that makes you even more know who I are or something like that....and this could just be PTSD. Then we brought up how we wanted to be more independent and she was like that's hard it's gonna take time.. we have been in the mental health feild for so long yet we can't even seem to find the right therapist. None of us wanna open up to our therapist after that.. I feel we have almost gotten better ourselves than with therapy yet we want to open up about so much yet idk what I said to her tbh. She doesn't wanna be wrong to put it on paper yet I feel she made me question my existence and memories and idk what exactly she wanted. But I closed up fast and nine of us don't really wanna talk to her.. not to mention she makes things worse sometimes like our ocd which she doesn't think we have. How do u feel heard if you have been in the psych field for so long yet idk somehow it's made things possibly worse and other dignoses we think we have.. she and my psych didn't even want a psych/nero exam cuz there was no need for one and yet you wanna talk about certain things that wanna become better.. but u feel stuck.. this turned into a rant sorry.

Also add on to the did/osdd therapist dignoses. She used to ask who am I talking to today and yesterday she asked who.do you think you are today which found really assaulting. And told her I am this alter with a couple near. Then she was like what wourd do you want me to use cuz I don't wanna affend u. We originally said it didn't matter but it did so when she asked again she said.alter anyways. We brought up the dignoses of did cuz we are starting to work with someone who we wanna find a job and they asked about memory problems and things that get in the way. And I said I didn't wanna say we had it if we didn't and that's how that conversation started. Yet I'm out past we found out someone dignosesed us with a fasiuous disorder (idk how to spell that sorry it's the one where people. Think u make things up)

Do how could u possibly think I would be open to u after this... I wanted to tell y so much yet all it took was a few words for me to build that wall up again..1/2 sorry for the add on.

i'm sorry that your therapist isn't listening to you or your concerns. if it makes you feel any better, people with DID spend an average of 7 years in the mental health system before getting diagnosed with DID, so you’re definitely not alone in your struggles. also, she may be avoiding putting it on paper because some employers, insurance companies, etc., will discriminate against you if you have a diagnosis like DID. but even so, you’re in a shitty situation and the best i can do is advise that you find a new therapist. i know that’s not what you want to hear, after looking around for so long, but unless you can sit down and confront her about her behaviour, she’s not going to give you the help you need. i hope you can find someone who will help you and listen to you!

(and by the way - the amount of people you have in your system doesn’t have any effect on if you have DID or not! and not knowing who you are is often a symptom of DID)

#no bold #dogasks #long post #good luck!

[thefatedthoughtofyou]

Tell The One Who Cares

{{{{ Me and @solvecrimeandjuicelimes were talking about Jamie being bi and coming out to the people who care about him and this came about! Hope you guys enjoy it!!! }}}}

Summary: Jamie's coming to terms with himself and who he is. He's told Keeley but now he wants to tell someone else. And who should he run into but one Ted Lasso.

Ao3

Keeley hadn't cared. Well, she'd cared, but it hadn't bothered her. Of course it hadn't. She liked blokes and women as well, of course she wouldn't care that Jamie did. It had almost seemed like she hadn't been surprised, which made sense when Jamie thought about it. She'd probably known. They'd talked about it, in round about ways, once or twice while they were together. Either way, she'd smiled at him, tugged him close, and told him he was a star. Jamie would never stop feeling lucky to have her in his life.

But he wanted to tell someone else now. Needed, to tell someone else. He'd been walking for ages, not sure where he was going really, just wandering. His feet carrying him over pavement and grass. He looked around, not really seeing what was around him, his eyes moved over a couple school kids kicking a football back and forth and he felt himself smile, he couldn't help it. He turned away, starting to wander the other direction, when he heard his name. He frowned, looking up, and then heard his name again, called from behind him. He knew that voice. He turned to see Coach Lasso stubbling around one of the kids playing football, tossing his backpack over his shoulder as he told them he'd see them around.

"Hey y'all, say hi to Jamie!" He called over his shoulder, pointing toward where Jamie was standing. It hit him suddenly that maybe he should have met Coach half way. But the man was already closing in, a chorus of childrens voices singing "hiiiii Jamie!!" As he tugged his backpack over both shoulders and walked up to Jamie. Jamie smiled, gave the kids a wave and then looked at his Coach, taking the last few steps toward him.

"Jamie Tarrt. To what do I owe the pleasure?" Lasso asked, tilting his head to the side. Jamie blinked at him, his mouth suddenly very dry.

"I just meant what are you doin here? In my neck of the woods. You guys say that here right? Neck of the woods. In my neighborhood." Lasso clarified, filling the silence Jamie was leaving between them.

"Just walkin." Jamie finally croaked. Lasso's eyes widened and he nodded.

"Walkin. Walkins good. Good cardio in a leisurely sort of way." He nodded. Jamie nodded back.

"You okay Jamie? You seem uncharacteristically quiet. Though I'll be honest, it is hard for me to tell sometimes. You probably haven't noticed, but I can be a bit of a chatter box." Jamie felt his face contort of its own volition.

"I've noticed. Everyone's noticed that mate." He said with a snort. The smile he got for his comment was blinding.

"There he is!" Lasso said, patting Jamie's shoulder and gently guiding him to start walking.

"What can I do for you Jamie? Or were just wandering and had the misfortune to run into me?" Jamie watched his coach glance at him, a playful look in his eye. And Jamie had to think. Had he just been wandering? Or had he been coming here on purpose? Had he been looking for his coach? He shoved his hands into his pockets and looked at Lasso, he was looking around, giving Jamie space while walking right next to him, his face scrunched up as the sun shown down on them.

"Actually." Jamie said, slowly, letting it fall out his mouth. Lasso stopped and looked at him, waiting.

"Could I- I need to tell you something." Jamie said, Lasso nodded.

"Okay. My place is just over there if you want some privacy. Seems serious." Jamie nodded and followed his coach back to his small flat. Jamie followed him inside, watched the man toss his bag and jacket on the floor before waving him further inside.

"You want anything to drink? I got water, beer... tea?" Jamie's lip twitched at the disdainful way he offered the tea.

"I'm alright. Fanks though." Coach nodded and motioned to the living room. Jamie followed and they sat down together, Jamie in one chair, Lasso in the other. Both of them silent.

Jamie didn't know how to start. And Coach being this quiet was making him nervous. Jamie stood up, he could feel Lasso watching him, but he stayed quiet. Jamie paced across the floor, he took his headband off, scratched his head, put it back. His hands were shaking.

"Jamie."

He looked at his coach, Lasso was looking up at him, badly concealed concern on his face.

"You can tell me. It's okay." He reassured.

"How do you know that? Ya don't even know what I'm tryin ta say." Jamie mumbled.

"Hey, whatever it is. It'll be okay." Lasso nodded, never looking away from him. Jamie's throat felt like he'd swallowed a hot coal. But the look in Ted's eyes, Jamie knew he could tell this man, knew he'd never hurt him. Knew he wouldn't shout at him. Not for this.

"I think I might be- no. I am, bi. Bisexual. Blokes and ladies. All'a that." He raised his hand to dismiss it as not important but didn't get the chance.

"Oh thank god." Ted breathed, he sounded... relieved. Jamie looked at him, he had his head dropped down, shoulders scrunched. Jamie made an inquisitive noise and his head shot up, concern on his face again as he raised his hands in front of himself placateingly.

"Sorry. I just, you had me worried somethin real bad had happened. Oh boy. Okay." He stood up, took a step toward Jamie. His eyes warm and welcoming, that small Ted Lasso smile underneath.

"Oh. Yeah right no, everything's fine. Yeah. Just... just me." Jamie said, his chest feeling tight as Ted looked at him with so much care.

"Yeah. Just you." Ted said with a tilt of his head, his smile growing. He took another step toward Jamie. Jamie fought the instinct to back away.

"Jamie I know this is a huge thing for you. And I'm really glad you trusted me with this. And I'm proud of you. For speakin your truth. For bein yourself." Ted nodded, once, to show he meant it. Jamie nodded back, his throat still not working.

"I don't wanna make you uncomfortable but I feel obligated to ask, do you want a hug?" His voice was quiet, his eyes never leaving Jamie. Jamie took a deep shakey breath and opened his mouth.

"Yeah." Small and broken, it crawled out of his mouth, past his lips to hang in the air between them. Immediately pushed into the ether by Ted moving forward quickly and pulling Jamie close.

Jamie clung to him, his fingers curling into Ted's soft shirt, tears burning his eyes as he buried his face in Ted's neck.

"Hey. Hey it's okay. We're okay." Ted rubbed his back, slow soothing circles that just made Jamie sob harder. And that only made Ted hold him closer.

Jamie hadn't had this. Wasn't used to affection being given so freely. He always had to earn it. From his father at least. And the affection he got from that man was nothing like this. This was warm, and full of meaning and care. Ted squeezed him harder and Jamie couldn't help but think, that's just how Ted does things, full of meaning and care.

"You're okay bud. I got you." Ted's words, calming Jamie enough for him to get himself under control. Jamie didn't know how to do this. But that didn't matter. Not right now. Because Ted knew how. He knew how to be a coach. But more importantly, he knew how to be a father. A good one. He gave Jamie one more good squeeze and pulled back to look at him.

"Okay?" He asked. Jamie nodded, still not sure he'd be able to talk. Ted nodded back and squeezed his shoulders before letting him go. Jamie cleared his throat and wiped his face. Taking a few steps back.

"Well I should probably... get on. Fanks for that. I'm gonna-" he cuts himself off and heads for the door, Ted's "Okay. Yeah sure." Quiet behind him. He can feel Ted following him slowly to the door. Jamie puts his hand on the doorknob and stops, he turns back to Ted, his eyes widen, waiting for Jamie to speak.

"Seriously tho. Fanks coach." Jamie says, a small smile curving his lips. Ted smiles back, soft and warm.

"Anytime kid. Anytime." Jamie nods and walks out the door. The weight that had been stangling him earlier, now gone. He turns back one more time, to see Ted standing in his doorway, he waved, gave Jamie a little salute, and then ducked back inside.

The smile on Jamie's face was bright now. His steps almost bouncing. He walked back through the feild, the kids were still there, still playing, he stole the ball easily and kicked it back to the smallest kid on the grass, a little girl with lopsided pigtails, she caught it easily and then kicked it as hard as she could, sending it flying between the trees they were using as goal. The kids on the feild going crazy, Jamie shouting along with them as he walked away. His steps sure. His heart light. And his skin still warm from Ted's hug, and from the care he put into it.

#ted lasso fic #ted lasso #jamie tartt #jamie tartt is bisexual #coming out fic #my writing #ted lasso and jamie tartt