#jesus christ the movies have the longest fucking names ever

[puppsworld]

i NEVER draw anyone in accurate color on mspaint (except for orochimaru and sai, surprisingly!!!) so this was extremely refreshing to try!!

#naruto #naruto movie #temujin #naruto the movie #legend of the stone of gelel #naruto stone of gelel #my art #temujin is my BEST FRIEND #i hated him for most of the movie because he was just the BIGGEST fucking asshole (to my memory) #also yeah i draw him with the ferret's little mask marking. because i think he deserved to have a cool marking/birthmark/whatever it is #he's just my guy. #i might draw the uh... that princess from ninja clash in the land of snow #jesus christ the movies have the longest fucking names ever

[incomprehensiblelentils]

I posted 4,186 times in 2022

That's 590 more posts than 2021!

89 posts created (2%)

4,097 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@purlturtle

@mystery-ink

@theomenroom

@loved-the-stars-too-fondly

@jenny-dreadful

I tagged 3,421 of my posts in 2022

Only 18% of my posts had no tags

#fuck - 247 posts

#lmao - 171 posts

#animals - 163 posts

#art - 158 posts

#stories - 151 posts

#omfg - 141 posts

#eels - 128 posts

#goncharov - 102 posts

#the magnus archives - 91 posts

#oh my god - 81 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#lol my college roommate’s dad said ‘’i feel like you’re hiding something bc you keep looking around the room while you talk and not at me’’

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Hey how fucking dare Jake just casually say “tell me your feelings and I’ll tell you I need you” IN A SHORT REST WHILE NOT ACTUALLY RP’ING AS HARDWON AND NOBODY COMMENTED ON IT I’M????????????? just casually busting out one of the most romantic lines I’ve ever heard like it’s nothing Jesus Christ

50 notes - Posted November 29, 2022

#4

If I ever write a sex scene that doesn’t involve some element of praise kink, it’d be one of those “things I post to clue my followers in that I’ve been kidnapped” memes

77 notes - Posted February 20, 2022

#3

I lost the post I was trying to reblog about how it’s sexist of fandom to make jokes about the token lady character of a particular media being the Braincell Holder of the male-majority group, but what I was gonna say was the great thing about NADDpod is that in every single campaign the Braincell Holder is absolutely NOT the lady PC under any circumstances. Emily Axford would NEVER

77 notes - Posted June 18, 2022

#2

i need recommendations for some lesbian movies. My wife wants to watching something gay, but is tired of gay men's movies

oh gosh I am so sorry I'm just now getting to this - I was out of town the whole weekend and got back yesterday evening, when my brain was melting out my ears from the heat. without further ado!

I have categorized this list into a few sections:

Well-Made/"Good" Movies I Can Vouch For

Portrait of a Lady on Fire (2019): you have probably heard of this, but in case you haven't, it's a French historical drama about a painter who is commissioned to do a wedding portrait for a reluctant bride-to-be. It's lush, emotional, bittersweet, and breathtakingly shot. Content warnings: mention of a minor character's suicide, brief abortion scene featuring a secondary character, one scene of the leads doing drugs together.

Saving Face (2004): This is a lovely film about a young Chinese surgeon who is juggling her secret relationship with the drama her mother causes. Content warnings: intergenerational trauma.

Carol (2014): Again, you've probably heard of this one - it's another historical drama, this one based on Patricia Highsmith's novel The Price of Salt. A young aspiring photographer is captivated by a mysterious woman named Carol. After Portrait came out I find myself not as enamored of this one (I think Rooney Mara is not very good in it lmao), but it's a lovely film worth a watch. Content warnings: period-typical homophobia, Carol's shitty husband.

The Half of It (2020): From the director of Saving Face, this is a high-school coming of age movie inspired by Cyrano de Bergerac, in which a second-generation Chinese girl ends up volunteering to write love letters to her crush, "from" the jock who is also in love with said crush. Some really beautiful stuff about immigrant Chinese families in here, and I was really touched by the friendship between the two leads. Content warnings: racism, homophobia, bullying, intergenerational trauma.

Professor Marston and the Wonder Women (2017): This is based on the life of William Marston, creator of Wonder Woman, and his partners Elizabeth and Olive. I am given to understand that the relationship between the two women was probably not romantic IRL, but I really love the way the movie treats both the triad and the women as a couple. I also think the BDSM stuff is cute. Content warnings: age gap/power differential romance (two professors and their TA), homophobia including a brief violent attack, brief cancer subplot towards the end of the film.

Summerland (2020): A WWII movie about the bond between a reclusive writer and the young boy she is reluctantly forced to care for due to the London evacuations. I will spoil this for you because it gave me severe anxiety: the lesbians both live to the end, and they get to raise their son together! My main complaint is not enough Gugu Mbatha-Raw. Content warnings: WWII imagery/setting, parent death (offscreen but significant part of the plot), brief child peril.

The Favourite (2018): This is a weird little black comedy about two cousins who are vying to be the favored paramour of Queen Anne in 18th century Britain. It's some fun fucked-up drama. Content warnings: animal abuse/death (toward the end of the film), manipulation, non-consensual drugging.

I Can't Think Straight (2008): I haven't seen this one since college but I remember liking it - it's about two women, one Palestinian and one Indian, who meet and fall in love despite unlikely circumstances. Content warnings: cheating (one character is engaged to a man).

V For Vendetta (2005) - in case you forgot, this has lesbians! Content warnings: torture, attempted sexual assault, hanging, child death, panic attack, homophobia/dead lesbians

Birds of Prey (2020) - Harley Quinn is canonically bisexual! Also I love this movie. Content warnings: cartoonish violence, graphic torture including of a child, child death (implied/heard), implied sexual assault by the villain (of a minor character).

Booksmart (2019): High school comedy about two best friends who decide they're sick of being dweebs and want to go to a cool party before they graduate. I think it's largely delightful and I love the lesbian character's story. However, the subplot with the teacher who has sex with her (19yo) student is BAD and I won't defend it, nor will I judge anyone for wanting to skip based on that. Content warnings: extended non-con drugged sequence (played for laughs/nothing bad happens to them), aforementioned age gap/power differential romance (secondary characters).

But I'm a Cheerleader (1999): Clea Duvall and Natasha Lyonne star in a satire of conversion therapy camps, also featuring young Dante Basco. Personally I think it keeps things light and silly enough not to trigger me with the religious rhetoric. Content warnings: conversion camp setting and corresponding conservative Christian rhetoric, general homophobia, uh, RuPaul is here at one point?

In the Heights (2021): This movie is very much not perfect, chiefly for the colorism in the casting choices. BUT I like that Daniela and Carmen are gay now. Content warnings: racism, prejudice against undocumented individuals, grandparent death.

Movies I Think You Should Watch Maybe - Are They Good? I Couldn't Say!

D.E.B.S. (2004): This is a deeply silly movie about an all-girls' spy school in which the star pupil falls in love with international supercriminal Lucy Diamond, directed by queer icon Angela Robinson and featuring lesbian grandma Holland Taylor as the headmaster. Content warnings: cartoonish (PG-13) gun violence.

Imagine Me & You (2005): This was baby's first f/f movie for me, and so it has a very special place in my heart even though it is Problematic because it's about a lady cheating on her husband with Lena Headey, and also nobody remembered bisexuality exists so they say "lesbian" pretty exclusively and that sucks. Lena Headey and Piper Perabo are so good together though, and I genuinely like everyone in this movie. Content warnings: cheating (one character is married to a man).

Happiest Season (2020): Do not @ me this is MY movie!!! Kristen and Mackenzie are PERFECT. Content warnings: homophobia, manipulative behavior, one weirdly intense interrogation scene with mall cops that frankly should've been cut, mentioned fish death.

A Simple Favor (2018): This movie...it is batshit. If you like trashy drama, you will probably like this movie! Linda Cardellini plays a lesbian artist and I love her so much. Content warnings: manipulation, murder, incest (adult half-siblings not raised together), intense discussion of murder-suicide, gun violence

The Falling (2014): This movie is also batshit and not good, but I need more people to watch it, because I've seen it four times and I have no idea what it's trying to say. It features Maisie Williams and Florence Pugh as British boarding school teens who have an intense "friendship" and then suddenly everyone in the school starts having collective fainting spells. Please, I just need to find the person out there who gets what this movie is doing so they can explain it to me. Content warnings: unexplained medical issues (fainting), seizures, incest (consensual? sex scene), attempted suicide, grief, discussion of sexual assault and trauma therein (secondary character)

A New York Christmas Wedding (2020): This movie is ALSO batshit in a completely different way than the other two, and again, I need someone to explain it to me. It's, uh, sort of It's a Wonderful Life but with a bisexual heroine, and some batshittery along the way? Content warnings: suicide (secondary character), teen pregnancy, weird pro-life vibes, parent death, way too much church, homophobia, Chris Noth

Movies I Haven't Yet Seen Which Have Been Recc'd To Me

Crush (2022)

Pariah (2011)

Ma Rainey's Black Bottom (2020)

Fear Street Trilogy (2021)

The Handmaiden (2016)

149 notes - Posted June 28, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Wild mass guessing about the theme of the Dimension 20 sidequest being announced tomorrow, loosely ranked from most to least likely with reasoning:

Fairy tale remix (this has been thrown around as a suggestion in fandom before, just seems like a fun idea)

Superheroes (potentially with the Masks system, though I know Chapter and Multiverse is doing a shorter campaign with that system right now)

Unsleeping City spin-off, possibly prequel with mentioned characters (not sure if Brennan would want someone else DMing in this world, I just think it would be neat)

Horror survival campaign (PVP/permadeath more likely with guest players, but might be too intense/dark for the D20 brand. BUT Brennan just DM’d EXU Calamity and was a goddamn nightmare over there)

Mice and Murder s2 with partial or all new cast (possibly new DM, but unsure how popular s1 was comparatively)

Misfits and Magic s2 (Erika and Aabria are very busy but four episodes could’ve been filmed in a couple weekends at most)

Real Housewives RPG DM’d by Izzy Roland (funniest possible option; extremely unlikely)

Warrior cats (I lied. this is the funniest possible option)

206 notes - Posted July 20, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#LMAO at goncharov sneaking in there at the last second #also delighted ppl like my naddpod shitposting

[moonctzeny]

love to hate me

request:  celebrity! jaehyun + enemies to lovers + “don’t you want to know how i feel?”

pairing: friends to enemies to lovers! jaehyun x female reader

genre: smut, angst, fluff... this fic has it all folks

word count:  7.514k

warnings: toxic behaviour, public sex, light restraining, jaehyun pulls a ‘white boy punching the wall’ at some point 

summary: “You and Jaehyun meet as SM trainees, developing a friendship until he debuts and you deicde to leave the company and pursue a solo career. When you reunite again in a music show and he acts like he barely knows you, you stubbornly begin a series of hate-brimmed sex rendez-vous. Your touch-and-go relationship continues on, until a song collaboration will force you both to deal with all your repressed feelings for each other”

a/n: this is the longest it has ever taken me to finish a fic.. I have a love-hate relationship with this (no pun intended XD). I hope whoever requested this likes it!

------------------------------------------------

Of-fucking-course you had to bump into him out of all people at the vending machine. All you wanted was a drink to refresh you before you got up on stage, and now you have to deal with Mr. Too Good For This World and his relentless teasing. His eyes, lit up by an amusement that was also evident in his smirk, stayed glued on your body, raking up and down at it for a second too long. Not that you didn’t like it.

“Stare much?”, you bark at him in hopes of snapping him out of his trance, and push through him to punch in the code of your favorite drink. But alas, he always had a comeback ready on the edge of his lips.

“You look ridiculous”, he states and you have to admit that your outfit, though fitting for the Halloween special of today’s music show, was way different than anything else he had ever seen you in. Reincarnated as Dorothy Gale for the night, your stylists had chosen a short, light blue checkered dress, with red stilettos that gave a sexy twist to the character’s ruby slippers. Hair neatly braided in two pigtails, decorated by ribbons and topped off by glittery pink makeup. The image of innocence. Jaehyun had to laugh.

“Says the man dressed up as Woody”

It was unfair, you admitted, how good he looked in that stupid outfit. His hair was gelled back, a few strands framing his handsome face strategically. The yellow shirt fitted him like a glove, its bright colour lighting him up as well. And those jeans, tight in all the right places, just melted over the muscles of his thighs. The ones that you’ve come undone on one too many times.

“So”, he lilts, giving you a once over before lowering both the volume and pitch of his voice, “want a ride?”

You scoff, sparing him an incredulous look, “on what horse, cowboy?”

He doesn’t reply, only points with his eyes to his crotch that is undeniably sporting a visible tent, and you gasp when you see the outline of his dick twitching under your stare.

“Jesus Christ, Jaehyun”, you mutter with a disgusted look on your face before picking up the almost forgotten beverage that the vending machine had barfed out for you. The boy mentioned, however, was unfazed.

“They don’t call me Woody for nothing”

Almost choking at the drink that was supposed to calm you down, you catch his eyes rolling at you through your third cough. Well, that ruins one of your favourite childhood movies. “Don’t pretend to be a prude. Now are we going to fuck before you get on stage of not?”

You can clearly remember the first time you met Jung Jaehyun alone. You always spotted him somewhere in the SM buildings, joking around with his future bandmates, barely ever without company. As a fellow vocal trainee, he introduced himself to you as Yoonoh, filling up the awkward silence while your vocal teacher prepared the music sheets for the both of you to rehearse.

You were thankful the two of you always got paired up together. Jaehyun was charming, easy to be around, funny. He was a model SM trainee with the otherworldly looks he possessed, almost impossible for anyone’s eyes not to follow him when he entered a room. Radiant porcelain skin, soft brown locks, and a dimpled smile that made your heart melt in seconds.

You can also clearly remember the first time you had the privilege of hearing him sing. Jaehyun had a beautiful baritone voice, one that contradicted his flower boy image but matched his manly personality perfectly. The four walls of the small practice room resonated with his sound, that was stable and smooth like honey. The lessons were challenging but Jaehyun made them bearable through spending time with him. Maybe it was your shared struggles, or how you were always tired and vulnerable when you saw him. Maybe it was those damned dimples, but your heart always beat faster when you were around him.

“Sometimes I get discouraged”, he confides in you in that same room, hours later, early into the morning now. The vocal lesson stretched on longer than expected, leaving you two sitting on the floor, sharing a cup of lemon-honey tea to soothe your vocal chords. You let your head rest to the leather couch behind you as you stare into his handsome features one by one. What time was it? Shouldn’t you be back at your dorms by now? It didn’t matter, this was one of those moments when time seems to stop and life seems unreal. When the only thing that you care about is the person standing next to you, and whatever it is they have to tell you.

 “I fear that I will never get to debut. There’s handsome guys all over the company. I just don’t know if my skills are enough.”  

You thought he was crazy for thinking that way, wanted to scream at him that he’s just perfect and more than enough for the company, or for anything in this world for that matter. But Jaehyun was reserved, the type to always mask his true feelings behind a smile and you were more than glad that he finally opened up to you, that he saw you as someone trustworthy. You didn’t want to dismiss his feelings, so you just pet his hair while you listened to his concerns.

 As you mindlessly gaze at the rainy weather outside, a couple of droplets following their own path down the froggy window remind you that time does run by. Even if every day seemed the same, following the same routine, going to the same classes over and over again.

Jaehyun had this sad look that contorted his pretty face and you hated it, reaching up to massage away the wrinkles between his eyebrows. You don’t know which godly creature made the hourglass of time freeze this moment, nor did you know why Jaehyun leaned forward to capture your lips into a kiss. Maybe it was his way of saying thank you for keeping your ears and heart open for him, for listening to him when he needed it most.

It felt so lovely while it lasted, two young people leaning on each other during an uncertainty that anchored them far away from their emotional shoreline. But life as a trainee isn’t a fairytale and falling in love can have serious ramifications. So you promise to each other that this will be a one time thing, and then you never speak of this night ever again.

Unsurprisingly enough, Jaehyun got to successfully debut, yet you didn’t have the same luck. The company had plans of focusing on their new boy group, thus postponing your debut for an uncertain amount of time. It was hard for you to decide to switch labels, to throw away the years of hope and dedication you had pinned on this company but the faith you placed on yourself was stronger.

It’s years later when you finally get to promote as a solo artist in a different company, and you are happy to say that the decision you made all those years ago was the right one. The exposure you got wasn’t the same as being in a Big 3 company, however leaving SM entertainment has its pros. Flexible schedule, less scrutiny, great creative freedom over your work. 

This wasn’t the first time you have come across your old trainee buddy. Jaehyun had multiple comebacks in a year, so it was only natural that his group’s and your promotions would sometimes overlap. You were only a rookie, and NCT turned out to become pretty popular, so of course the wins were always tied to their names.

The first time you walked past him in the hallways, dark makeup and professional styling making you both almost unrecognizable, you expected a wave, small talk, maybe some reminiscing of the old times. Instead, you got a cold stare or at best, an arrogant smirk coupled with a “Do better next time”. It was shocking to you how much Yoonoh, the boy with the shy smile and awkward social skills, would turn into such a stranger.

How you always ended up sneaking out with him to have a quickie in one of the ready rooms, was beyond you. He rushed you inside before checking both sides of the hallway, cautious to hide from any curious eyes. The coast was clear and Jaehyun doesn’t like to waste time, so he pins you against the door he just closed behind him, face dipped in your neck. You can feel his fingers dancing on the skin of your thighs, eager to explore what is hidden under your frilly skirt, and their delicacy in contrast to his feverish kisses sends a shiver down your spine.

One pretty whine from your lips, then two, three and you can feel Jaehyun smile deviously against your neck. The softness is too enticing for him to resist, so he nips at it skillfully, trying to get a reaction out of you. He recognizes that you have plenty of talent as a singer, yet the symphonies you sing out for him in those little sessions seem to be his favorite.

“Jaehyun, cut it out. I’m going on stage in like, 20 minutes”

“Turn me on then”

Wasn’t he the one that basically flashed you in the middle of the cafeteria for just existing? Isn’t it his hard on that digs against your lower stomach? The demand made you mad, and you wanted nothing more than to entice him with a nice blowjob, only to take a big, strong bite off that cock of his. But see, you had a full face of makeup on and your career is way more important than a fuckboy, so you’ll have to get creative.

Flipping him around so that he’s the one trapped between you and the door, you start to suck on his collarbones , then nibble at the tender flesh. He seems distracted enough by it so that you open the button of his jeans and fully remove his belt from their loops with no objections. Palming him over his boxers to keep him entranced, you manage to bring his wrists together, wrapping the leather around them, then lastly fastening them in place.

His eyes widen in shock when he realizes that he’s too late, wiggling his hands in a futile attempt to free himself. Your laugh is sadistic, making the hairs on his arms stand on edge and you gloat in the effect you have on him. 

Giving your palm a good lick, you form a ring with your fingers, wrapping them around the base of his member. He hisses and drops his head back, thudding loudly against the wall. His cock enlarges and reddens as you move your hand up and down, changing the pressure according to his reactions. Jaehyun isn’t one to express himself freely but there is not much he can do to stop the low moans leaving his lips. Not when you rub circles over his tip with the soft skin of your palm.

He looks so fucking good, all squirmy and desperate and trying to hold himself from saying ‘please’. You almost want to keep going, squeeze him more until he whines and begs to cum, and admire the white beads dripping from his slit and covering your hand. Almost.

You halt your movements with a last strong stroke, crossing your arms over your chest as you stare back at him. Jaehyun tentatively opens one eye to see why you have stopped, only to come across that bratty smile that he loves as much as he hates.

“You should have dressed up as a siren. Seducing people before they realize you are a man eating bitch”

“If you want someone to jerk you off you can go ask one of your little fangirls. I want to get fucked.”

“Let me go then. And you’ll wish you never did”

You scoff at his cockiness, nonchalantly freeing him from his constraints, and the way he immediately has a hold of your jaw reminds you of a predator eyeing its prey. His eyes have a crazy look in them, moving frantically over every part of your body like he can’t decide what to grab onto first. He decides on your hips, bending you over a table full of snacks and makeup tools and flyers of today’s schedule.

“You think it’s funny to tease me like that?”, he asks you with a peremptory voice that signifies you’d better shut up.

You hear shuffling behind you and assume it’s him slipping on a condom, so you make yourself more comfortable on the wooden surface. A hard slap on your ass jolts you alert.

“I asked you a fucking question”, Jaehyun presses brusquely and flips your skirt fully over your ass, pulling your panties down until they’re bunched up right over your knees.

“It’s fun”, you moan out, breathless both from the pleasure and the stinging feeling on your right cheek, “What are you gonna do about it?”

Was the room occupied by one of the artists that have already been on stage? Or will they barge in at any moment to find you bent over and pussy dripping for Jaehyun to finally dive inside you? He chuckled at the sight of you, eyes feasting off your naked body, your ass up just the way he likes it. Not so innocent anymore, huh?

He doesn’t reply to you, aligning himself against your slit and bottoming out in one go instead. Involuntarily, you let out a small screech, the sudden stretch catching you off guard.

“You better stay quiet, siren. Or maybe you would like it if people found us like this? Saw how good you take my cock whenever I ask”

You wanted to bite back at him, but the only sound you could make was a guttural moan. It was embarrassingly loud, and you fall forward to bite your fist and force yourself to shut up. It was effective, yet Jaehyun had other plans for you, pulling your pigtails towards him in a strong grip that has you against his chest in seconds.

“Nuh, uh, uh, siren”, he hums in your ear, his panting making his voice sound huskier and smokier than ever, “How about trying to stay quiet by using your willpower alone? That way it’s more- how did you call it? Fun.” 

He slows down his pace momentarily, as if he’s giving you time to answer him. But the moment you open your mouth to talk back at him, he thrusts particularly hard inside you, forcing a whimper out of your lips.

“Fuck you, Jaehyun”

“As you wish”

Jaehyun was conceited and cocky and a dick, but he was also a good fuck. He kept at it with what seemed like all the energy in the world, fucking you against that table until you came all over him, and your legs gave out. It ended how it always did, with him moaning how fucking sexy you look and how much he hates you, and you swallowing your pride as you swallow his cum. You’d tell each other to fuck off and never bother the other again, until you meet up at the next comeback, to do this shit all over again.

And that’s how things would stay if it wasn’t for that goddamn phone call from your manager.

“...so we thought what better way to promote your new song by recording a duet with NCT’s Jaehyun?”

No, no, no this can’t be happening. No way. Anyone but him.

“Are you sure this is the only way we can promote me? Can’t I just go to variety programs like every other idol out there?”

“y/n, duets by different group members are one of the most efficient methods of promoting there is! And with NCT’s latest song topping the charts this will be a great opportunity for you. Taemin and Sunmi did it. Suzy and Baekhyun, Chanyeol and Punch-“

“Alright, okay, I get it”

“Besides, since you used to be an SM trainee they specifically asked for you. The directors made some pretty big compliments on your work”

Isn’t it a little too late now? Not like they didn’t have the chance to debut you, right? That being said, there isn’t much to oppose to decline SM’s offer; your manager is right and you know it. Saying no to Lee Sooman and giving up a popularity push like that is basically career suicide. Nor could you let your manager know about your and Jaehyun’s little adventures, minutes before you have to go on stage.

“Just send me the schedule. I don’t have to record with him, right?”

“Oh no, they’ll record his part first and then they’ll send it to us. But there will be a music video of course”

Oh for fuck’s sake.

There was this little monster of worriedness that was screaming inside your head, refusing to shut up. This collaboration isn’t going to be easy, but you didn’t want to let Jaehyun’s pettiness get in the way of your career. Fumbling with your phone in your hands, you kept removing and reinserting its case compulsively, over and over again, until you mustered the courage to take matters into your own hands.You knew his number was buried somewhere in your contacts.

you [16:35]: hey it’s me, y/n

Jung Yoonoh [16:50]: y/n who??

you [16:55]: y/n y/l/n? the girl whose guts you were inside in last week? we have a song coming up 😒

Jung Yoonoh [16:57]: oh y/n right

Jung Yoonoh [16:58]: thought you’d have deleted my number

Well you sure have deleted mine, you murmur with your blood boiling, regretting reaching out to him in the first place. 

you [16:59]: i always hoard peoples contacts

you [17:00]: old habits die hard i guess

Jung Yoonoh [17:00]: like the habit of me being inside your guts?

You gasp out after reading his last message, hands awkwardly juggling your phone until you’ve forced yourself to calm down. After waiting for a while, until your face has reached its previous temperature, you feel focused again, and type out your original intentions for this conversation.

you [17:05]: this isn’t what i texted you about.

you [17:07]: we have this project coming up and while I know we aren’t exactly on the best terms, this comeback is very important for me

you [17:08]: and i don’t want to fuck it up

Jung Yoonoh [17:10]: kitty cat, relax. maybe this is a brand new word for you but i know what professionalism is

you [17:10]: don’t you ever and i mean ever call me that again

you [17:11]: glad to see we are on the same page

You didn’t expect a message back, nor did you get one. All you could do from now on, was pray that the promotions would go smoothly and Jaehyun wouldn’t do anything stupid that would jeopardize your collaboration.

------------------------------------------------------

And the day you dreaded finally came. The first day of filming for the music video. 

You had already finished recording the song, a bittersweet balad about two lovers who lost their way, only for their paths to cross again. When you listened to the demo for the first time, it only took three notes from Jaehyun’s pre-recorded verse to spread goosebumps on your skin. His voice was deeper and even more developed than you remember. Long forgotten memories, shoved deep inside your brain so as not to leave a bitter aftertaste in your mouth, came flooding up again. But things have changed since then.

The sky was crying rain and lightning, fitting to the storm inside your head. Normally you'd be excited to film a music video, bubbling with energy and unable to contain a smile. Today, all you could do was let your teeth abuse the cuticles of your left thumb, until little drops of blood ruined the fresh manicure you got for the shoot. 

Following your manager inside the studio, you take a quick glance at all the props the creative directors have prepared. They were very intricate, filled with all different types of flowers everywhere. Some of the fake rooms looked like classrooms, two others were decorated like teenage bedrooms. It was a lot more than you have anticipated.

“The song will be part of a drama OST, that’s why the budget is higher than usual”, your manager tells you as if he was reading your mind. 

He leads you to the changing room, where you try on different outfits your stylist has chosen for you, while simultaneously being briefed on the concept of the music video. It’s kinda cheesy and cute, with you and Jaehyun posing as high-school students falling in love. Certain scenes of the drama, whose plot matches the music video’s, will intercept in between.

You’re seated on the makeup chair, sunk in the uneasiness caused by your co-star. Jaehyun had arrived a few minutes after you, his bare face more handsome than you’ve ever looked in your most glamorous state and you can’t help but stare at him. He is all polite smiles and bows to the staff, and even gives you a formal greeting. 

You’re not sure why you just can’t bring yourself to stop your legs from shaking as the makeup artist patiently tries to apply a rosy blush on your cheekbones. It’s like you’re scared that everyone will see right through the both of you, somehow enter your brain and find out that you’re replaying your last encounter with Jaehyun in the music show’s waiting room in your head. As you try to read through his expression, to see if he’s nearly as nervous as you are, you defeatedly can’t decode what’s going on inside his head. Not like you ever could.

You glance at both you and Jaehyun through the mirror, admiring the youthful makeup. Blushy cheeks and innocent eyes of two teenagers in love, masking the raw lust between two nemesi. It couldn’t stray any further from the truth.

A staff member leads both you and Jaehyun (who is refusing to spare even one look your way) back to the main set. The director is passionately explaining what he wants to see from you in your first scene, but you can barely focus with Jaehyun’s eyes burning holes through your school girl outfit. You block him out and walk inside the ‘classroom’, spotting the cameras and sitting on your designated seat, while you wait for your signal to start.

Of course, you had acted before. Yes, you had expected for the director to ask you for some more intimate moments with your co-star. But when Jaehyun passed you a “love note” from the desk in front of you, looking all blushy and shy and with his dimples showing, you felt that the role of crushing schoolgirl became a little too easy for you to act out. 

And maybe, just maybe he was feeling the same way too. He looked pretty flustered when he saw you dancing across class, shifting restlessly in his seat when you bent forward to tie your shoelaces. Whether you did it on purpose or not, was a question your ego didn’t allow you to answer truthfully.

Most of the individual shots would be handled at a different shoot, so all you had to do was get over this one day with him. That’s what you repeated yourself over and over again. And you did pretty well, smiling charmingly at the camera, with the director praising you for your “innocent look”. You didn’t miss the scoff slipping from Jaehyun’s lips but you were good at ignoring it, focusing on getting through the different scenes in one-shot. 

You were currently leaning your body against the wall, playing with your hair while Jaehyun glances down at you, like a boy that is ready to confess to his first love. 

“y/n, I need you to give me something more shy, more bashful”, the director yells eagerly, but you can barely hear him, too focused on regulating your breathing. The look your co-star is giving you right now might seem loving and pure to the staff, but you know all too well the motives hidden behind his facade. It’s the calm before the storm, the silence he purposefully keeps to make you squirm, right before he whispers the most sinful propositions in your ears. 

Reading him like an open book, you stand still as he leans closer, just enough so that no one besides you get to hear his words.

“Come on y/n, can’t you act bashful? Or is it impossible for you to get embarrassed after getting fucked against the window of a TV station’s building?”

Clearing your throat, you’re suddenly hyper aware of every single sound and movement in the room. Suffocating, even in the light clothes you were wearing, and desperately trying to mute out his words that bring you back to the day he was repenting.

“When you were pressed up against that glass, moaning my name, all exposed for anyone that simply looked up to see, you weren’t too shy, were you?”

You raise your palm to wipe a bead of sweat that has collected on your temple, and breathe deeply through your nose, as if a good pump of oxygen would cool off the sudden heat between your legs. 

“Shut up Jaehyun”, you simply hiss through your front teeth, but he isn’t done yet.

“You know I can’t hold myself when I see you in skirts. So pretty. And you love to tease me in them too, I’ve noticed. Flashing me again and again until you get to suckle on my dick”

You were sure his voice was barely louder than a whisper, but the thought of anyone accidentally prying into your conversation had your whole body raising in temperature. The heat didn’t take long to reach your cheeks and you couldn’t remember the last time your legs felt like jelly, as they do now.

“Perfect y/n, that’s exactly what I’m looking for!”

You blinked back at Jaehyun a couple times, your mind trying to process that the director is cheering you on instead of scolding you to focus. The trembling hands, the fast-paced heartbeat, your big doe eyes. Though involuntarily, you had nailed the scene.

“You’re welcome”, Jaehyun mouths at you just as the staff announces a break. He scurries off to his dressing room without a word, as if he hadn’t just spewed his dirtiest of thoughts on set. It was almost as if he was daring you to follow him, but it’s not like he had left you a choice. You were fuming.

“Jaehyun”, you called out to him strictly but he didn’t acknowledge you, only walked further inside the small room with his name written neatly on the door. He was removing some of the heavier jewellery, rubbing the red lines they had left on his neck and wrist, momentarily catching your eyes on the mirror's reflection. They were misty, unreadable, and with how unpredictable you knew he could be, you decided to close the door behind you.

“Closing the door?”, he muses and in just a few long strides he has managed to trap you between his body and the wooden surface. It is reminiscent of your last meeting at the music show, and the memory of you tying him up doesn’t help with the organizing of your thoughts. “What are you planning on doing to me in here?”

You point one finger against his chest, not enough to create any real distance between you, but it comforts you nonetheless.

“What the fuck was that out there? What happened to professionalism?”

“Relax, kitty cat. I was just helping you act better”. His eyes stayed glued on your hips, once again making you all wound up and jumpy under his stare, “And it worked. You should be thanking me”

“I. Told. You.”, you started, tapping your finger on his sternum to emphasize each word, “Never call me that again. Today’s already hard as it is, why do you have to make it harder?”

He takes one more step towards you, his chest now touching yours and your hand that separated you lands involuntarily on his right peck. As if his presence wasn’t overwhelming enough, you feel a hardness pressing against your thigh, and for a moment you worry he can feel how wet you really are under your skirt. His voice is a low, a deep rumble.

“I don’t know. Why do you have to make everything so hard?”

“You are unbelievable”, you scowl at him and free yourself from his trap. You turn to the big mirror to avoid looking at him anymore, and you come to the embarrassing realization of how fucked out you look right now. You had to get out of there as soon as possible, before you do anything stupid and lose any trace of self control left in you. But not before you gave Jaehyun an earful.

“What I meant was that I am out there, being paid to be all lovey-dovey with you. This is not something easy for me you know. It’s basically prostitution.”

You catch Jaehyun’s eyes in his reflection, and for a fleeting moment they turn a colour that you hadn’t seen them in for a long time. Hurt? Disappointment? Whatever it was, it was gone in a second, replaced by that smile that made him both irresistibly smackable and fuckable at the same time.

“Did it cross your tiny brain that maybe someone could hear you? Staff leaks information all the time! If they found out we were fucking…”

“Were? Past tense?”

“Are. Will be. Whatever.” You sigh, defeated, hiding your eyes with your palms as you face him once again. “Like I said, this is important to me. So no more dirty talk on set. Okay?”

Jaehyun avoided your glance, from embarrassment or uninterest maybe. “Okay”

You continue to sit there silently, but your head is so occupied with a million thoughts that you don’t notice. How you will get through the rest of the shooting, whether your manager is looking for you or not, the coldness of the glass Jaehyun had pressed you against that day. The only thing that snapped you out of it, was him suddenly taking off his shirt.

“What are you doing?”, you ask panicking, but you can’t dismiss the pool of excitement in your belly.

“We have a wardrobe change after the break, remember? And since you refuse to leave my changing room..”

You clear your throat, trying your hardest to rip your eyes away from his abdomen, that you’ve so keenly marked with love bites before. His naked skin must have monopolized your attention way more than you realized, as you can’t remember when he slithered his way closer to you, towering over your height.

“Stare much?”, he almost growls, arousal dripping from his voice.

Every fiber of your being wanted to lurch forward, glide your fingers through his hair and start nibbling at those pretty lips of his. The sexual tension, amplified by the argument you just had, was filling the room like a thick liquid would fill a cup. One more drop, one more second of his staring and it would overflow. It felt so real, that you could feel that drop landing on your forehead. Then another one on your cheek, and that’s when you realized that what you felt was real.

“What the-?”, Jaehyun mumbles as he stares up at the ceiling, a big wet spot staining it and allowing the water drops to slowly wet his styled locks. As you start to put two and two together, someone knocks loudly on the door, making you both jump one feet away from the other.

“Get undressed”, a high-pitched male voice that you recognize as Jaehyun’s manager calls through the door, “the rain is ruining the set. It’s a wrap for today”

———————————————————————

A soft touch on your lower back, an even softer breath making your ears tingle. A tentative kiss on your neck that’s full of purpose and makes you shiver.

And then another touch, this time more south on your body. Fingertips grazing over your sensitive clit. Easily moving through your wetness and finally dipping inside of you. That baritone voice.

“This pussy is mine, isn’t it, kitty cat?”

You look up to meet the face of the familiar voice, only to meet Jaehyun’s baby brown eyes. The pleasure was enough to make you ignore the despised nickname, flowing intensely through your body. You let out a desperate moan, gripping his arms to keep your balance. His fingers are now dragging through your walls and you clench around them instinctively, confused but enamored by his touch. You are falling apart.

“Jaehyun? What are you doing?”

“I want to make love to you”

“Love? But you hate me”

He plants another kiss on the slope of your neck, his hands picking up in pace and making you feel like you’re floating on air.

“Love. Hate. Is there really any difference when I’m here, ready to please you? Willing to make you feel things you have never felt before?”

“You already do”, you admit, only seconds away from your orgasm. The bliss is so close you can almost taste it, but for now you choose to taste his lips. They are so soft and warm that you realize you haven’t kissed Jaehyun since that night at the practice room. How you miss him. Not the group visual, not the idol, not even Jaehyun. Yoonoh.

“Yoonoh”, you moan out against his lips as the pleasure overtakes you, a low buzz humming in your ears, “mmm yes, Yoonoh”

“Who the fuck is Yoonoh?”

You finally wake up, your manager shaking you awake being the first thing you see. The sun’s morning rays are peeking through your blinds, warming your skin in lines. Your phone’s ignored alarm clock is still buzzing on top of your nightstand.

“No one. I’m awake, thanks”

Fuck. That makes it what? The fourth night in a row you dreamt about him?

“Get, up. Quickly. We’re late”

You groaned at the banging of your head that was caused by you getting up so fast. It was early into the morning, as you had to get ready for the mv’s second shooting day. The heavy rainfall wouldn’t allow for the filming to continue for another week, yet aided your growing anxiety of having to encounter Yoon- Jaehyun again. 

You felt a little stupid, like a kid that goes to middle school for the first time, anxious but full of butterflies in your stomach in the thought of seeing him again. You weren’t sure who the anger, that came with the inability to control the fresh feelings bubbling from your dream, should be directed at. Your manager for booking you this job? Jaehyun for making it his goal to have you dripping wet on set? You, for letting it all affect you so much?

You decide on the former, giving your poor manager the cold shower for forcing you to deal with the problems you’ve caused yourself. Checking your phone, you realise that you are, indeed, late, and wonder how quick you’re going to have to make your morning shower.

“Is Jaehyun and his team there already?”, you ask your manager as nonchalantly as you could, feigning mildly interested in his answer.

“Oh, they didn’t tell you? The other team asked for the shootings to continue separately”. You felt your stomach drop all the way down to your condo’s basement. And the icing on the cake: “Jung Jaehyun’s request”

Maybe your manager wasn’t as clueless to your electricity, or maybe it was your sudden impulse to pluck every loose thread of the pyjama top you were wearing that made him sense the discomfort following what he’d just said. He plops next to you on your bed, boards creaking in the silent room and you feel his rough hands patting you on the back.

“I’m sure he had an overlap in schedules and needed a break, nothing to do with you”

But you knew better, and you knew your palms wouldn’t stop itching unless you picked up your fucking phone and sent him a message. 

you [06:30]: i heard you can’t make it to set today. everything ok?

You wish you never did. The radio silence from his number was way worse than any insult, any form of teasing he could give you on set. You even tried calling him, desperate for an answer, a closure even. Maybe he was busy. Maybe the shooting took longer than expected. Maybe he wasn’t avoiding you; one of his managers uploaded his latest story on his instagram, not him. Maybe at the end of the week he would get back to you.

------------------------------------------------------

Going to his dorm unannounced was not a good idea. Waiting for someone to open the door for you, you hope his members will recognise you from your trainee days, or those rare nights Jaehyun sneaked you in when you were both lonely and in need of a… well, whatever you two were.

You’re starting to worry that whoever saw you from the peephole thought you were a sasaeng and called security, when Mark opens the door. His eyes are wide open behind his glasses, clearly not expecting you and immediately yelling for his ‘Jaehyun hyung’.

Soon, the called male arrives at the apartment’s entrance, annoyed for being interrupted from whatever it was he was doing. “What is it, me and Jungwoo are watching the season fina-“

As if Mark suddenly turned invisible, Jaehyun walks right past him, grabbing you by the wrist and dragging you to his room without another word.

Jungwoo, engrossed with the aforementioned show’s season finale on his computer screen, tries to cover up his naked torso in panic when he notices you. 

“Get out.”, Jaehyun orders him, and the younger man knows that his tone is not one to be argued with. It triggers the cold sweat that makes your clothes stick closer to your skin and forces your heartbeat to quicken, pumping blood all over your body. The door closes, leaving you both alone with only the sound of Jungwoo’s laptop still playing in the background. A lighthearted scene that is too oxymoronic against the tension that is just palpable at this point. What the hell were you thinking coming here?

“What the hell were you thinking coming here?”, Jaehyun speaks your thoughts out loud, and you wince at how empty your head is with excuses.

“Are you ignoring me?”

“What?”, he asks dumbly, hoping you would avoid asking again.

“Was it that hard to text me back? Am I such a waste of your time?”

Jaehyun seems angry at your confrontation, his bad mood escalating with every word that is leaving your mouth. He still avoids to look at you, toying with some plushies and decorations next to his bedpost. You realize you never had time to really notice them, barely recognizing them. You always entered the room blindly, pressed up against Jaehyun’s body and with his lips all over your neck, then left as soon as the sex was over. His apathy was infuriating.

One by one, you start to remove all of your outerwear, dropping your clothes on the floor until you’re left in only your bra and jeans. Jaehyun stares at you incredulously, then at the pile of clothes on the floor, unable to make out the reasoning behind your impromptu stripping.

“What are you doing?”

“Getting naked. Seems to be the only time you can actually pay attention to me.”

You reach for the buttons of your jeans, only able to unzip it halfway before Jaehyun has you pinned against the wall behind you, his fingers cool and pressing lightly against your neck.

“I-I fucking hate you!”, he cries, punching the surface to release some of the steam, and lets go of the hold on your neck almost completely. How tempted he is, to just fuck your right against that wall, pour out his anger by pouring out his cum inside you, then ignore each other like you always do.

It’s the easy thing to do, keeping the toxic circle going. All barking and fucking and no real problem gets resolved in the end. He wouldn’t even call a cab for you, preferring to be hated for something he wasn’t than to be rejected for showing the real him. You would still have no idea about his feelings towards you, going around saying how awful he was while asking for a round two. But Jaehyun was tired.

“Can’t you tell that I am trying to distance myself from you?”, he sighs and it’s the first time you’ve ever heard him sound so emotionally exhausted.

“Why do you dislike me so much? We used to be friends and then one day you-“

“Friends? Just friends?”, he interrupts you with a chuckle and a sarcastic puff through his nose, and you shake your head.

“If you also think that what we had was more special than a common friendship then why act like you don’t know me?”

“You were the one who wanted to ‘forget about anything happening and never telling a soul about it’, remember?”

“I thought we came to a mutual agreement! I was just trying to save our careers and it worked Jaehyun, you got to debut and I-“

“And you just threw away everything we had like it was the easiest thing to do! Do you ever want to know how I feel, y/n? First you want nothing to do with me, left the company without even saying goodbye. Then I try to forget about you, become an asshole to keep you out of my life and suddenly you want to jump my bones. One day you just play blind to everything, asking for professionalism and now I’m the one ignoring you? What the fuck do you want? A fuck buddy? A professional? A friend?”

“I want you, Yoonoh. Fuck, I just want you”

You’re not sure which one of you initiates the kiss. His lips are as plump and kissed as hard as you recalled, a couple of tears staining your cheeks that you didn’t realize you were holding back. It felt so right, the way his head pushed and pulled away from yours, always inviting you back to him. One hand was situated over the dimples of your waist, the other lost between your hair, untangling it gently. You decided to lay yours over his heart, feeling its tempo and calming yourself down.

You kiss for what seems like an eternity, so drunk in bliss that you can’t remember how you made it through life without Jaehyun’s taste all over your tongue. When he pulls away from your lips, you almost whine, but his fingertips dabbing at the soft skin of your cheeks feel just as comforting.

“I don’t want us to be like this anymore”, you whisper to him and he nods encouragingly, holding you even closer. “I’m sorry for not reaching out to you all these years ago, I just thought ‘What would a brand new idol want to do with a failed trainee like me’-“

Jaehyun brings your fingers to his lips, kissing all your knuckles one by one and you think you’re gonna burst at the seams. “You weren’t a failure, you were the best thing to happen to me back then”. His voice is so sincere that you don’t dare question the veracity of what he’s saying and you let him continue. “When I saw you again I was so bitter, I decided to turn off my feelings. I think I get too comfortable in that role. I put it on for me, my members, my fans even”, he stops then, laughing sadly, “it’s how I finally got you”

It was your turn to open up his eyes to the truth, holding his face between your hands and admiring its beauty. 

“That’s not true. I kept staying because I knew what was hidden behind all that armor. I guess, the sex was the only way to get closer to you”

“Not because I’m good?”, he jokes, wiggling his eyebrows and you can feel his dimples forming under your fingers.

“Eh, you’re pretty good too”

He starts pecking your neck, his smile obvious in his kisses and you squeal when he lifts you to his bed. Bouncing on the hard mattress, you let him lay his body weight over yours as he gives you a million traces of his love. 

“So, I’m guessing this means we start over?”, he asks reluctantly as he emerges from your half naked body and you hold back from cooing at him.

“I thought you loved to hate me?”

“I think I hate it, but I love you”

#neosmutcollective #Jaehyun #jung jaehyun #jaehyun smut #nct smut #jaehyun imagines #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun angst #nct scenarios #nct 127 #nct angst #jaehyun fluff #nct

[skateboardtotheheart]

Alex vs The Homo Sapiens Agenda

hello, everyone! i’ve been working on a fic titled “Alex vs The Homo Sapiens Agenda” for quite a long while, and i’m finally biting the bullet and posting the first chapter. this fic is based on the novel "Simon vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda" by Becky Albertalli! it will be very closely based on the book, as well as some things from the movie "Love, Simon", and you may find dialogue or details that you recognize from either version of Becky Albertalli's story! i have no rights to the novel/movie or the JATP characters depicted in this fic. that said, there are a lot of details that are changed, and you'll be able to spot those really easily. this fic will be crossposted to my AO3 and can be located HERE. 

like i said, this fic has been a long time coming, and there is tons and tons i have planned for it. here on tumblr, i will be posting things like extra details, bonus content, and maybe some sneak previews! for now, let’s get into the fic!

SUMMARY: Alex Mercer is just like everyone else- only he has one huge ass secret. Nobody knows that he's gay, not even his closest friends and bandmates Luke, Reggie, and Julie. The only time he's ever mentioned it to someone, it was in an anonymous email chain with Ghost, another Los Feliz High School student. Alex can't risk coming out to anyone, but when his emails fall into the wrong hands, his secret is at risk of being thrust into a spotlight. Suddenly an already stressful junior year is all that more complicated as he juggles everyday drama, the school's annual band competition, blackmail, and trying not to lose his shot with the best guy he's ever met.

READ CHAPTER ONE BELOW THE CUT

Everything about this conversation is so out of the box of normal that I barely even register what's happening. Of course I'm the type of person who can't tell when this- something so crazy and awful and stressful and honest to God what the hell is happening- is going on. In my defense, Caleb Covington has never spoken to me before. I had no reason to assume that the first time he did, it would be to blackmail me.

We're taking a water break in the bleachers when Caleb saunters over. No greeting, no introduction- just words to send my entire junior year of high school spinning on its head.

"I read your email."

I swallow my water. "What?"

Caleb raises an eyebrow at me, and there's no other way to describe it but menacing. It's funny looking back on it all; I'd always heard Caleb was a really nice guy.

"I was in the library. And I read your email."

"You read my email?"

"Not on purpose. You really should have logged out of Gmail."

There's nothing I can do but stare at him, dumbfounded. What in the name of David Bowie is happening right now?

Caleb, thankfully, stops towering over me and takes a seat in the bleachers, a foot or so away. To anyone else, it might look like we're friends. To me, it feels like I can't breathe.

"Why the fake name?" Caleb asks, and my entire soul screams a wish that he would stop being so casual about this. 

I want to tell him that the point of a fake name is to keep people like Caleb Covington from knowing my secret. Way to freaking go, Alex. He must have seen me sitting at the computer like the monumental dumbass I am.

"Would it interest you to know my cousin is gay?"

"Um. No, Caleb. It really wouldn't."

He still has his eyebrow raised and a small smirk on his face. If I focus hard enough- kind of impossible right now- I can picture Luke punching it right off his face.

"What do you want Caleb?"

This is the longest five minute water break of my life. 

"Look, Mercer, I don't have a problem with it. It's not a big deal."

Yes, it really is. It's a huge monster of a deal. This is the biggest disaster since Luke slammed his fingers in a door and couldn't play his guitar. 

"But. . ." Caleb drags out, and I can feel my leg bouncing quicker by the second. "It's pretty clear to me that you'd rather keep it all hush, hush."

I mean. Yeah. Kind of. The coming out thing doesn't scare me that much. Except it does. Because if people know then my parents will know and if my parents know then my whole family will know and if my whole family knows then I've become like a living, gay, everyone-finds-out version of If You Give A Mouse A Cookie, and I'd rather die than have that happen. So maybe the coming out thing does scare me. But the biggest problem if people found out? 

Ghost.

I have absolutely no idea what it would mean for Ghost if Caleb was going to tell anyone. The thing about Ghost is he's a pretty private person. I bet he wouldn't forget to log out of his email so people like Caleb Covington wouldn't see it. I bet there's a good chance he'll never forgive me if he finds out about this. So really, I have absolutely no freaking clue what would happen to Ghost- to us.

And I'm still sitting in these stupid gym bleachers, the pink hydroflask Reggie bought me limp in my hand, desperately wishing Carrie would call an end to this godforsaken water break. I can't believe I'm having this conversation with Caleb right now. Why couldn't anyone else have logged into Gmail after me? Why was I so impatient to see if Ghost had emailed me back that I used the freaking school computers? Why did this stupid school insist on blocking the wireless so I had had no choice but to use the school computers? But it had been one of those days where I couldn't even wait to get out of dance practice to check my phone in my car.

I'd emailed Ghost this morning, and it had been a pretty big email. I was desperate to know if he'd emailed back.

I must have been just staring at Caleb for a while because he cocked his head at me and said, "Don't worry, Mercer. I'm not going to show anyone."

I take a relieved breath. Then my hydroflask finally slips from my fingers as I freeze, and the sound echoes through the gym. I don't even look at the rest of the dancers when their laughs break out.

"Show anyone?" I ask. 

Caleb leans in a little bit, smirk wider on his face. I feel sick.

"Did you- oh my god, did you screenshot my emails?"

"Yes, see, I wanted to talk to you about that."

"You took a fucking screenshot?" I hiss out, thankful I'd put my stuff farther away from the rest of the dance team today.

Caleb has the audacity to roll his eyes. "I've heard you're in a band with-"

"What the fuck does that have to do with- Let's go back to how you screenshot my email."

"Or you can shut up and listen to what I have to say." 

Something about the way Caleb's gaze catches you, it's hard to do anything but what he says. Fuck.

"I believe we may be in a position to help each other out."

Jesus Christ, what 18 year old talks like this?

"Why the hell would I do anything for you?"

It's a stupid question, I realize as he stares at me calmly. Calmly. Like this isn't the end of my life. Whatever he wants right now, it'll be in exchange. I do this, and he doesn't broadcast my private emails with Ghost to the entire student body.

All this time and I really thought Caleb was supposed to be this nice guy. Fuck me.

"You're going to make me do whatever you want?"

Caleb tsk'd like the condescending bastard he clearly is. "Well, now. I'm not making you do anything."

"But if I don't help you, you'll what? Post my emails on the fucking tumblr?"

LosFelizSecrets. The bane of every Los Feliz student's existence. Ground zero for more gossip than anyone in their right mind knows what to do with. A school of almost 3,000 kids but if it's on the tumblr, most people know within a day. A complete and utter hellscape disguised as a blog.

When Caleb stays quiet, I speak again. "What do you want from me, Caleb?"

He sneers. 

"Music of the Night."

Once again, I'm stuck staring at him. Music of the Night? That's what this is about?

"Your band is signed up, as is mine. The HGC lost to Dirty Candy last year, and I will not lose again this year."

Music of the Night is this competition Los Feliz holds every year as part of the music program. At the end of the year, there's this huge concert held at the Orpheum theatre in Hollywood. At the beginning of the school year, anyone can sign up. Then each band has 4 months to perform at school events, outside gigs and parties, and whenever they have an opportunity, really. During winter break, the student body votes on who the headliner of the concert will be. Last year, the headliner was Dirty Candy. Because they won last year, they're out of the running this year and are in charge of organization and things for the concert. This year, I was hoping the headliner would be Julie and the Phantoms. My band. Caleb and his band HGC has entered the competition every year, and he's never won. He's a senior, and I know this will be his last chance. I also know who his biggest competition is. 

Us.

"So. . . what? You want me to sabotage my own band?"

I feel breathless and dizzy as I ask. Caleb just shrugs casually.

"Whatever you need to do. So long as it's my band that gets the votes. Like I said, I think we can help each other out. Think about it."

Caleb winks- he actually winks- and walks away. I stare dumbly after him. No way. No, I'm not doing this. I can live with being outed. Right? 

But my thoughts travel to Ghost. Because he's a part of this, too. He goes to Los Feliz, and he's my age, and he uses a fake name, and he's not out. 

Ghost isn't out, and Caleb has my emails.

Fuck.

----------

Any hope I have of forgetting about that stupid conversation clearly isn’t worth it. I have an hour before dinner, and right now I’m basically willing to do anything to avoid my family. Trying to talk to my parents is exhausting. You can’t just get away with telling them your day was good or bad. No, you have to ring out every excruciating little detail. Everything that happens in my or my siblings’ life, they want to know about it. In all honesty, I used to love telling them all that stuff. Now I can’t get away from them fast enough. Especially today. I’m barely in the house long enough to put my backpack in my room before I’m slipping out the back door and leaving again. 

I try to drown out my thoughts with Axl Rose screaming into my earbuds. But my mind is stuck on Ghost, emails, and Caleb freaking Covington. Caleb wants to win Music of the Night. I can’t exactly blame him for that. Everyone wants to win it. 

Except he’s blackmailing me. And by extension, he’s blackmailing Ghost. And that makes me want to hyperventilate a little bit. Maybe go scream somewhere. 

But Axl Rose is helping. The familiar route of walking to Luke’s is helping. We don’t get much of a fall in LA, but the air feels a little crisper in mid October, and I can already see the houses that are getting ready for Halloween. 

When I reach Luke’s house, I don’t even bother going through the front door. I just cut through his backyard and head through the backdoor right next to Luke’s bedroom. I hear them before I see them. Reggie’s laugh fills the air, paired with a frustrated groan from Luke. They’re sitting side by side on Luke’s bed, facing the small tv with some video game I’ve never seen on the screen. They look like they haven’t moved in hours. Luke pauses the game as soon as he sees me, waving, and I can’t help but smile a little bit. The guy won’t put down his guitar for you, but he’ll pause a video game or movie without a second thought. 

“Great, you’re here! Tell Luke he’s shit at this game and he should let me play Mario Kart.”

I roll my eyes, “Dance was great, Reg. Thanks for asking.”

Reggie sticks out his tongue, and I crack a smile. This is the most comfortable I’ve felt all afternoon. I throw myself into the beat up bean bag chair Luke keeps in his room.

“Luke, you’re shit at this game and Reggie wants to play Mario Kart.”

Luke gapes at me, a betrayed gleam in his eyes, but I just shrug. Luke grumbles a bit as he gets up to switch out the game, and Reggie whoops in victory. I let out a soft sigh. I think I needed this. The chaos of Reggie and Luke playing whatever game, the strange mix of leather, Axe, and his mom’s Hawaiian Breeze cleaner that makes Luke’s room smell awful and entirely wonderful at the same time, and the familiarity of Luke and Reggie. Everything just fits right when I’m with them. 

As Luke sets up the game, Reggie looks at me excitedly. “Alex, Luke hasn’t heard about le wedgie.”

I snort a little, “Ah, yes. Le wedgie. C’est une histoire touchante.”

I don’t know why Reggie bothered to wait for me to tell the story; he’s the far better storyteller between us. Maybe it’s just because I’m better at French. 

Luke stares at me, “English, please?”

Reggie and I thought we’d be fancy and take something fun like French for our required language credits. Luke decided to take something actually useful and learn sign language. This story is stupid, and my reenactment is stupid, but it feels kind of perfect. Like Caleb and secrets are all things of my imagination, and nothing exists but this bedroom and me, Luke, and Reggie. Benefits of having known these dorks since elementary school, I guess. 

About as they finish the second race in Mario Kart, Luke lets out a yawn. Reggie reacts so quickly I barely realize what he’s doing. He grabs a crumpled up Hershey’s Kiss wrapper from Luke’s nightstand and throws it into Luke’s mouth. Luke sees it just in time to clamp his mouth shut. Reggie sighs in defeat, but shrugs.

“Keep yawning, I’ll get you one of these times.”

“Why are you so tired?”

“Because I party real hard. All night, every night, baby,” Luke says, slamming Reggie’s bike with a green turtle shell. 

“Alone in your room with your guitar. Some party that is,” Reggie retaliated with a bomb thrown in Luke’s direction. 

As the race finishes Luke yawns again, and Reggie’s Kiss wrapper bounces off his cheek. 

“I just keep having these weird dreams,” he explains. 

I raise my eyebrows. “TMI, dude.”

“Not that kind of dream!” Luke tosses the wrappers at me, Reggie cackling beside him. 

Luke starts explaining his dream- something about every time he started playing his guitar his cord had magically unplugged itself from his amp- and Reggie and I just share a look. We were used to Luke being in his weird, feels-the-need-to-analyze-everything moods. But even after all these years, it was almost like a movie, watching Luke get so weirdly passionate about things- music and otherwise. It made me glad that Luke was a brother to me by everything but blood. Partly because if he wasn’t, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to stop myself from falling for him. And I have a strict policy about not falling for straight guys.

To everyone but me and Reggie- immune to him after knowing pretty much every thought that’s ever gone through his head since elementary school- there’s this pull to Luke. Like he casts a spell that has everyone in a 10 mile radius tripping at his feet and each and every girl swooning. Poor Julie is not immune to the spell, it seems. Lucky for her though, Luke doesn’t seem immune to her either. 

It took barely a few weeks into the school year before I noticed Luke switching seats with Willie Meyers at lunch to increase the odds he’d end up right next to Julie. Then there’s that stupid, puppy-dog, love-sick look in his eyes that Luke gets every time he thinks Julie isn’t looking. And it’s not like Reggie and I haven’t put up with a pining Luke before, but everything seems a little different with Julie. It makes me think of Ghost. 

Would I look like that if I saw him in person? Would he look at me like that? 

If Caleb leaks my emails and Ghost hates me forever, I don’t think I’ll ever find out.

-----------

chapter one complete!

i'll let everyone know right now that i have no clear updating schedule for this fic; it's kind of hard to write and get down the way i want, so i'm not sure how long anything will take me. but it is summer break for me, so hopefully you'll all start seeing consistent posting of new chapters!

i hope you all liked this first chapter, or are at least intrigued to read some more. as i said in the starting notes, this will be cross posted to my AO3! Feel free to leave me a comment here if you would like, or head over there if you have any comments about the fic at any point! feel free to send me a message/ask on here if you have any questions or comments, too! my inbox is open any time <3

if anyone would like me to start a tag list, let me know and i’ll get that done right away!

this fanfic is definitely my baby, so i really hope you guys all like it as much as i do!

thanks <3

#jatp #julie and the phantoms #jatp fanfic #fanfiction #alex mercer #willie jatp #luke patterson #reggie peters #julie molina #willex #simon vs the homo sapiens agenda #love simon #alternate universe #willex fic #owen patrick joyner #booboo stewart #alex vs the homo sapiens agenda #AvtHSA

[elsonambulo]

Cobra Kai/Karate Kid Survey!

I was tagged by @alienfuckeronmain; thank you for the tag, this was fun 😊

It's the year 2021 and you're obsessed with The Karate Kid. How are you feeling?:  I've had much more embarrassing obsessions over the years, one in particular that my sister still makes fun of me for, so this is nothing fhghg.

Did you grow up with TKK or are you new to the series?: Completely and totally new. So new I haven't watched any of the movies, and have only watched a few parts of the show here and there that combined, could maybe fill one and a half episodes' worth of time. So new, in fact, that for the longest time the only Karate Kid I was vaguely aware of was Jaden Smith.

We gotta do the basics. Favorite character:  Amanda. She's no nonsense, she's funny, she's badass, and I think she could rule the world if her heart wasn't set on capitalism (one of her two flaws, the other being that I kind of get "It's a banana, what could it cost, ten dollars?" vibes from her. I could be wrong, I probably am, but I feel like she's definitely acted like a Karen a few times. Lmao imagine Daniel and Amanda first meeting at a restaurant where he's a waiter pulling a double shift and she asks to speak to his manager and he's half extremely irritated and half thinking he wants to have the entitled confidence to speak to ppl like that. Terrible 💖. I'm getting off track). Anyway despite this, I think everyone should be pining for her at all times.

Favorite ship: Lawrusso babeyyy! That sexy sexy yin and yang narrative foil trauma really does it for me.

Underrated character: Aisha my beloved. They could have done so much with you baby and then they didn't. One day I will feel confident enough to rectify this.

Underrated ship (don’t say therapy, lol):  I have a special love for Robby/Miguel

Wax On, Wax Off or Sweep the Leg?:  Wax on, wax off because Sweep the Leg sounds like it's all fun and games until you try it and embarrass yourself by not being able to move or startle your opponent even a little bit. I am Robby trying to sweep Johnny's leg and my opponent is Johnny just fucking stepping over my leg like they're playing a particularly slow game of Helicopter on the playground :///

Which of Daniel’s dumb little outfits is your favorite?:  I can't have a favorite outfit because I've never seen the movies rip. I will say though I've seen a gifset of the scene where he catches the fly with his chopsticks and he's wearing like this baseball tee that I have an almost exact replica of and I want to cosplay that klasfh.

Character from the films you most want to return, who’s not Terry Silver: Jessica Andrews. I think it could be fun to have the perspective of someone who hasn't had Johnny or Daniel living in their head rent-free for three decades lmao. Like she probably remembers Daniel, but he's probably a passing thought to her, a vague thought of "hope that kid turned out ok" before she goes on with her life. Also I have a thing for Amanda fucking every woman who's ever been somewhat significant to Daniel or Johnny, so obviously that needs to happen. And just imagine: she insisted on keeping her relationship with Daniel platonic (extremely totally valid and correct), but she almost immediately starts making out with Amanda when she meets her? Iconic and Daniel would understand because he knows his wife is just that amazing.

Scene that lives in your head rent-free: The scene in the car where Amanda calls and Daniel goes, "Johnny Lawrence is with me." Whore stop last naming him, she knows who that bitch is!!! Stop giving weight to his name! Does Johnny have a middle name? If he does and if Daniel knew it, guaranteed he would have full named him in that scene. I despise him. :')

Will Anthony LaRusso ever be relevant?: God I hope so. That kid deserves more fhfhf and I want to see Daniel have to admit that he, like every parent in the universe, totally has a favorite child and it's definitely Sam. And then work to make sure it's not obvious like Jesus Christ. Ok we get it, she's your mirror, she is your Legacy, you understand her more - you can't help that she's your fave! But damn son don't let your other kid know that. Anthony LaRusso confronting his father story arc WHEN. Also as far as I'm concerned, Amanda does a far better job of not showing favoritism and therefore is Anthony's favorite parent. He should be petty and tell Daniel. Just wanted to throw that in there.

You live in The Valley and are forced into the karate gang war. Which dojo do you join?:  Bold of you to assume I'm not the actual master of indecision. And also a creature of spite. I start my own dojo called "Leave Me The Fuck Alone, Go The Fuck To Sleep." (In all seriousness the teachings of Miyagi-Do do speak to me more. But also karate is sports so no thanks fhgjg)

What’s your training montage song?:  Uhhhh probably Te Aviso, Te Anuncio by Shakira or True To Your Heart but specifically the version for the end credits of Mulan

It’s the crossover event of the century!  Which TV show are you combining with Cobra Kai for an hour-long Saturday night special?: I have two options for this.

Community. I already have an idea for how an AU with a different timeline might play out, but also like. Just letting the worlds clash as they are is fucking hilarious to me and I could do two specials worth of it. The former would take place in the timeline of Community - as in, 23 year olds Daniel and Johnny (and their Karate Kid peers) attend Greendale Community College in the year 2009. Daniel because he's finally decided to try this out after years of Mr. Miyagi and Lucille hounding him to at least give it a shot instead of dwelling on his two hellish first years in Cali and going from job to job. Idk how he ends up in Colorado yet. Johnny canonically ended up in community college in Colorado after a few years in the air force, so the same thing would happen here. The latter is Daniel and Johnny for some reason attending Greendale, either somewhere between 2009 and 2014, or in 2018. Just. Just past middle age losers having to deal with Greendale, but also Greendale having to deal with them and their unresolved trauma. Also Frankie putting up with their nonsense. Also also Amanda and Frankie date. Or Ali and Frankie. Or Carmen and Frankie. Shannon and Frankie. Kumiko and Frankie. Frankie lesbian :')

Psych. Post Season 3, Miguel becomes convinced that there's a spirit haunting the dojo because strange things keep happening. He eventually convinces enough of the other kids to bring their concerns to their senseis as a united front, only to have Daniel and Johnny be like, "I'm sure there's a more logical explanation for this." (Daniel says that. Johnny just says that there's no such thing as ghosts.) The kids get desperate enough to want to contact someone outside the group, but they don't want to go to the city cops because. Yeah lmao and also they've been involved in so many karate related incidents that the cops wouldn't even hear them out. That's when Miguel finds out about a psychic detective agency in San Francisco, and he brings them in. If you haven't watched Psych, please watch a few clips and then imagine Shawn and Gus annoying the ever loving shit out of Daniel and Johnny. Imagine them being even more exasperated by Lassie. Johnny hitting on Juliet only to get shot down HARD. Shawn flirting with them both. I'm fucking crying aklsdhfa.

Hmu if you want to hear me ramble about any of these possibilities; I have way too much to say lkshdf.

I'm tagging @pottaku, @anicety, @alittlebitfound, @kdyelo, @fangirlsuperhero, @twobrokenwyngs, @variousqueerthings, @jknip2, and @angrysmolbean

#cobra kai #sleeptalk nonsense #i would put youre the worst for tv shows but tbh johnny and daniel would karate chop all those terrible ppl so fast #if amanda didnt get there first. it would simply not fill an hour long special gjghg #tag game

[seanfalco]

Blood in the Water - Part II

Fandom: The Witcher Pairing: Mafia!Jaskier x f!Reader Word Count: 1777 Rating: E Warning(s): Swearing, Smut a/n: Took some liberties with naming a character, since I’ve found nothing about him in canon Witcherverse, so he’s my character now lolol.

Taglist: @ficsandcatsandficsandcats​, @nevadawolfe​, @witchernonsense​, @magic-multicolored-miracle​, @witcherwritings​, @scuzmunkie​  - If you’d like to be added to my taglist, please let me know!

You woke to the sound of your phone skittering across your bedside table.

Groaning, you rolled over, reaching for it blindly, your other arm thrown over your eyes against the light beginning to spill through the gap in the curtains.  “Hello?” you answered groggily, not even bothering to check the caller i.d. before answering.

“[Y/N]?”  Jaskier’s anxious voice assailed you through the earpiece and you winced, pushing yourself up.

“Jask?  What time is it?”

“A little after nine,” he answered and you groaned again.

“Why are you calling so early?  Aren’t you supposed to be meeting with your dad soon?” you asked.

“I just left the restaurant,” he replied, as if it weren’t important.  “I was worried about you.  I tried texting you several times last night, but you never texted me back.”

“Oh shit,” you breathed, the events of the night before suddenly flooding your memory.  As soon as you had gotten home from the bar you’d locked the door, drawn all the curtains, and took several shots which turned into downing nearly half the bottle of cheap vodka from your cupboard before passing out, still dressed, completely forgetting to text Jaskier.

“I’m sorry, I completely dropped the ball on that,” you said, sighing deeply, grappling with whether or not you should tell him what you saw.

“[Y/N]... is everything alright?”

“Uhm.  Not really,” you admitted, frowning at the tremor that had snuck into your voice as you sat up.  The clear anxiety in Jaskier’s question made up your mind.  “Something happened after you left last night…”

“What do you mean?”  Jaskier asked.

“When I went back into the bar to get my phone, I uh, I saw… I saw --” you had to pause to take a steadying breath before continuing.  “I saw someone get murdered,” you whispered, as if afraid of being overheard.

The line went silent and panic began to well inside your chest.

“Jask...?”

“What?” he asked.

You swallowed, trying to work moisture back into your suddenly dry mouth as the horrific scene played before your eyes again.

“In the kitchen, there were these three guys and they… they were torturing this fourth guy, tied to a chair and-and I.  I couldn’t look away, Jask.  Oh Gods.  And they…”  You knew you were rambling, your stomach turning at the memory, but Jaskier didn’t interrupt you.  You suddenly wished he were with you right then.

“Did anyone see you?”  The urgency in Jaskier’s voice scared you.  

“I--I don’t think so?”

The sudden pounding at your apartment door filled your veins with ice and you froze, your eyes snapping toward the sound.

“Shit.”

“[Y/N]?  [Y/N]!”

Jaskier’s voice buzzed in your ear, but it seemed so far away; the fear gripping you turning your lips numb.  When the pounding came again you nearly dropped your phone.

“[Y/N]!”

“Jaskier, there’s someone at my door,” you whispered, slowly getting off the bed.

“[Y/N], listen to me.  Whatever you do, do not answer that door.  I’ll be right there.”

“No Jask, I-I don’t think that’s a good idea,” you said, approaching the front door cautiously; the sound of muffled voices coming from the other side.  Taking a deep breath you peered through the peephole, only for your suspicions to be confirmed.  Three imposing figures stood in the hall, crowding your door, the one closest was the man in the dark suit.

“How the hell did they find me?” you whispered, jumping when the man outside banged on the door again.

“Open up, we know you’re in there.  If you cooperate we won’t have to hurt you.”

“Fuck,” you swore under your breath, bringing the phone back to your ear, only to catch the end of Jaskier’s tirade.

“[Y/N], are you there?”

“Hey.  I’m here.  Jaskier, I-I have to go though.  I’ll call you later…”

“Wait, no don’t hang up--”

With all the willpower you possessed, you hung up.  

“...If I’m still alive later.”

Wiping your eyes you lifted your chin and opened the door.  “How can I help you gentlemen?” you asked, forcing yourself to look their leader in the eye, your voice only trembling slightly.  You wanted to smile reassuringly, but you couldn’t quite make your face cooperate.  You just hoped you didn’t look as terrified as you felt.

“So you know why we’re here?” the man asked, giving you a once over.

“Not really.”

The man smirked.  “Playing innocent won’t help you darlin’.  I saw you with my own two eyes last night.  So let’s save each other some time and get straight to the point.”

Swallowing, you forced yourself to breathe.

“I didn’t tell anyone what I saw.  And I don’t plan on it,” you lied quickly.

The man’s smirk only deepened.  “I hope for your sake you’re telling the truth.  But that’s not for me to decide.  Come on.”  Clasping a large hand on your shoulder he pulled you out into the hall. 

“Where are you taking me?” you asked nervously, wetting your lips.

“The Boss wants a word with you.”

----

You’d been blindfolded as soon as you’d been shoved into the back seat of a sleek nondescript dark car parked outside.  With no sense of how far you’d traveled you had no idea where you’d been taken as you were led blindly out of the car and into a building.  Steered through several corridors you stumbled into a room and were pushed into a chair, the blindfold roughly pulled from your head.  Blinking at the suddenness of sight you gaped at the dim room around you, your gaze settling on the chair behind the heavy wooden desk in front of you.  

The chair spun slowly to face you and in any other situation you would have scoffed at the theatrics of it, but the man that sat before you now inspired no humour.  Leaning forward he regarded you over steepled fingers, his striking blue eyes holding you captive.

“[Y/N], right?�� the man asked, studying you intently.  You had a feeling those sharp eyes could see right through you.

Unable to summon your voice you merely nodded.

“You tend the bar at my humble pub.”

You nodded again at his observation.

“So, you are aware of who I am?”

Swallowing, you nodded a third time.  The man raised an eyebrow, as if waiting for you to say it aloud.  Clearing your throat awkwardly you answered.  

“You’re Alfred Pankratz, the Boss of the Pankratz crime syndicate.”

“Good girl,” he purred with a curt nod of his head.

Something about the way his blue eyes caught the light seemed increasingly familiar, but you pushed the thought aside, instead focusing on his words.

“I have it on good authority, [Y/N], that you witnessed something you weren’t supposed to last night.  Is that correct?”

“Y-yes… sir,” you added belatedly, unsure how to refer to him.

“You saw my capos kill a man, is that correct?” he asked bluntly and you nodded.

“I-I didn’t mean to.  I left my phone behind at work, you see, and when I went back in to get it…” you explained, your voice trailing off under his thin lipped smile.

“A bad twist of luck,” he remarked, sitting back in his chair.  “Now, importantly, have you told anyone what you witnessed [Y/N]?”

“No sir,” you replied quickly, again hoping the lie wasn’t obvious.  Jaskier was the last person you wanted to get dragged into this mess.

“Good.  And do you plan on telling anyone what you saw?”

“No sir!” you exclaimed with even more force.  “I would never.  I-I swear.  I ain’t no snitch.”

Alfred Pankratz snorted, amusement filling the sound.  “We shall see, Miss [Y/N].”

From your peripheries you saw the men from earlier, his capos, move in, reaffixing the blindfold over your eyes.

“We’ll be watching [Y/N] and we will know if you break your word.”

----

They’d taken your blindfold off before pushing you out of the car in front of your building.  Tripping over the curb you glanced back at the car as it pulled away, letting out quite possibly the longest breath ever.  It had felt as though you’d been holding it in since the capos had knocked on your door.

Climbing the stairs to your apartment you barely noticed that your door was left unlocked, and as soon as you stepped inside Jaskier nearly knocked you backwards as he embraced you.

“Jesus Christ [Y/N], don’t fucking scare me like that again,” he exclaimed, pulling you against his chest in a bone creaking hug.  “I thought… nevermind what I thought,” he muttered quickly, pulling back to look you over, his hands brushing your clothes, your hair, your skin in a frenzied haste as he searched you for injuries.

“You thought you’d never see me again,” you finished, the very same thought having raced through your mind the entire time you were gone.

“Yeah,” Jaskier replied simply, taking a shaky breath.  “Where did they take you?”

“I don’t know,” you answered distractedly, reaching up to hold his face between your hands, needing to feel him; your eyes searching his face as though committing the sight to memory.  “I was blindfolded.  I talked to the Boss of the Pankratz family himself.”

At that Jaskier’s eyes widened before darkening momentarily -- so quickly you weren’t entirely sure you hadn’t imagined it.  

“I promised him I would tell anyone.”

“They didn’t hurt you?” he asked instead.

“No.  I’m a little shaken,” an understatement, “but I’m alright.”

Without warning Jaskier’s lips were on yours as he scooped you into his arms, walking you backwards toward your bed.  You went eagerly, your lips moving against his with a ferocity that startled even you.  Laying you back on the bed Jaskier crawled over you, deepening the kiss, his hands ghosting up your sides, lifting up your shirt.  Breaking the kiss only long enough for him to rid you of the garment, you tugged at his; running your hands up his chest to tangle in his dark hair.

You’d always thought it ridiculous in movies when couples would have crazy passionate sex right after a life and death situation, but now you felt you could understand.  Every touch, every caress made you feel alive and you reveled in it.

Rolling Jaskier to his back you straddled him as you tore at his belt, kissing him like some ravenous beast as you unbuttoned his jeans and slipped your hand beneath his boxers to caress his quickly hardening length; swallowing his moans.

If you’d considered your relationship with Jaskier casual, bordering on something more before now, you had a feeling things were going to be different from here on out.

#jaskier x reader #jaskier imagines #jaskier smut #the witcher fic #jaskier #dandelion #julian alfred pankratz #mafia!jaskier #fic: blood in the water #my writing

[pluralismajestatis]

We're doing alright, everything considered. Just had a therapy session and I'm all out of juice, which feels a little bad because my therapist asked me to write more about the subject we were talking about after the session. I'm trying to remind myself that "after" doesn't mean "immediately" - she has other patients to attend to, too, and her own life, I'm not keeping her waiting. She'd tell me to rest and recover for certain if she knew that I'm having this mood.

Either way, I've run into further troubles with my clinic nurse. Yes, the one who wanted to commit me to inpatient when I came out about my DID symptoms.

Firstly, and this is just annoyance as I understand she knows nothing about the disorder, but she refers to my Others as "characters" and it's driving me up the wall. She did give me a chance to correct her yesterday in our phone appointment by saying "I don't know if this is the right word" but I was way too tired to get into that, and I genuinely don't know an alternative to offer her in Finnish. I don't tend to think in Finnish. I don't know. I feel like this shouldn't be my responsibility, I just wish she'd stop saying "characters" like I'm playing pretend with dolls or something. These are pieces of me, this is my family, stop talking about them like I made them, like they're fictional. Please, for the love of god.

Secondly, she has now taken to disbelieving everything I say. She's decided that I'm delusional and therefore nothing I say is real. She asked about what I've been doing lately, and I told her I visited my best friend for her birthday. She asked what we did together and I described it loosely - watched some movies, cooked together, gave each other a massage, and hung out briefly with her roommate and his friend since, you know, they live in the same house. Nurse then proceeded to tell me it's "shocking" that I've "managed to leave the house" like this is some big new thing that I've never done before.

I visit my friend frequently. I didn't for a year here because 1. we live in a pandemic, Janet, and 2. she joined the fucking army and was tied up, due to the pandemic, most of the year. But the year before and for ten years before then, we've pretty much met up every month or so.

"I find it rather odd that you have never mentioned this friend before". Okay, are you KIDDING me right now? So because I haven't talked about my utterly stable and boring longest-term friendship in the two appointments and two phone calls I've had with you WHILE DISCOVERING I HAVE A DISSOCIATIVE DISORDER THAT FILLS MY HEAD UP WITH OTHER PEOPLE, WHICH MAY HAVE TAKEN PRECEDENCE FOR SOME REASON, my best friend now... doesn't exist? Are you serious?

And what the FUCK do you mean it's unbelievable I made it out of the house??? I travel all the fucking time. The fact that I struggle taking the trash out doesn't mean I struggle in other fronts of my life equally. I like travelling, for the love of - Christ. Jesus. God. You'd know BOTH these things if you'd ever fucking bothered to ask me about what I like to do and who I do it with!!!

Oh, but that's not all. I mentioned I had my first therapy session and she similarly expressed doubts about the legitimacy of the service I'm using (I went with BetterHelp because finding a local dissociative specialist was........ looking impossible and impossibly expensive at once). I gave her the name of the service and translated for her the requirements a therapist must meet to practice with them, and told her she's free to research more on her own, to which she then said - I swear to fuck - "I don't think that I will, but I'll be bringing this up in the meeting with the team later. This doesn't have to necessarily be about you but sometimes a patient will claim to be in therapy when in reality they aren't actually."

What. Do. You. FUCKING. MEAN????????? ARE YOU SERIOUS? I AM VOLUNTARILY LOOKING FOR HELP. I AM IN YOUR CLINIC VOLUNTARILY BECAUSE I NEED HELP. WHY THE FUCK!!! WOULD I BE LYING ABOUT MY THERAPY TRIAL??????? WHY DO YOU THINK I'M LYING ABOUT EVERYTHING. ABOUT MY BEST FRIEND, ABOUT THERAPY, JESUS FUCK I'VE NEVER SAID A SINGLE LIE TO YOU IN MY LIFE BUT I SURE AS FUCK WILL START DOING THAT SINCE IT SEEMS THAT TELLING THE TRUTH ONLY HAS NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES AND IT DOESN'T MAKE A DIFFERENCE ANYWAY.

I HATE YOU. PERSONALLY. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Which one of us is the one with the mental illness? I am so fucking offended.

J wanted to dropkick her in the teeth after the phone call and I don't blame him one bit for it.

#mental health #did #k post #life update

[stevebuckyfics]

Endgame Fix-it Fics

Hello! So, it’s about a week in and I’ve read some fantastic post-endgame fix its, and I thought I’d share them. I’m sure there are more, but these are the ones I loved. I might make another post later on, when I’ve read more :)

Please heed author notes and tags for specific warnings, I will just link the fics with their summary! 

born in fire (again and again) by defcontwo

Natasha lands, in dust and sand and light, in the middle of a great landscape of nothingness. She sits up, and touches one hand to the back of her head, and it comes away wet and sticky with blood.

There’s copper in the back of her mouth, and she spits it out into the sand, watching with satisfaction as the blood splatters into the otherwise pristine surface.

“Huh,” Natasha says. “So this is death.”

when we came home by augustbird ( @augustbird )

Fighting is hard. Rebuilding is harder. Post-Endgame AU.

like heaven stood up in you by napricot

“You said you were gonna miss him,” says Bruce slowly. “He was supposed to be back in five seconds, but you hugged him and said ‘I’m gonna miss you.’”

Bucky’s face is serene again now, and gives nothing away. “I know Steve,” he repeats. “You think you can hand him a time machine and some rocks of unspeakable power and he’s just gonna go put ‘em right back where they belong?”

Steve does put the Infinity Stones right back where they belong. He just does a couple other things too. Or: three timelines and a Reverse Time Heist.

picture it soft by midnightroom

When Steve lurches awake, his heart is pounding in his chest. His shirt, soaked in sweat, clings damply to his skin. One fist is clutching the sheets of the bed, and the other is clenched so hard he can feel his fingernails making little half-moons in his palm.

Thanos—

The Stones. Dust drifting through the air, ash so thick you could choke on it. Five endless, aching years of white noise. His team. The lunacy of time travel, the mind-bending, fuse-blowing reality of hand-to-hand combat with himself. The bruise blooming across his cheek to serve as proof. A soft jazz song playing on a record, a crackling hearth, red lipstick. Death, death, death—

Beside him, Bucky shifts in his sleep, turns over so he's facing Steve. His eyes are closed and his mouth is parted, and Steve can see the dark shadow of his hair spread across the pillow like an ink-stain.

(or, Steve and Bucky in the aftermath of Endgame, picking memories apart.)

Ever Mine, Ever Ours by hitlikehammers

Steve goes back to return the Stones, for the sake of the universe.

The extra Pym Particles he palms when Bruce isn't looking, though? Those are for the heart he has now and the heart he took into the ice; those are for the loves he's known and held and lost and found, those—

Those are for the sake of his soul.

Avengers: Endgame Fix-It.

Lichtenberg Figures by rustywrites

Spoilers for Avengers: Endgame

The scars take some getting used to.

(An ending re-work where everybody lives)

When People See Us by Brokenpitchpipe

Rumlow knocks his shoulder good-naturedly. “Hail HYDRA.” “Thanks,” Steve says automatically, “you too.”

Hearing “Bucky’s still alive” in his own voice might have been a little unexpected, sure. But Steve’s definitely not prepared for the entirety of STRIKE to suddenly and inexplicably think he’s a secret Nazi. (He’s not prepared to learn there are secret Nazis either, for the record.)

the epitaph of an old record player by celestialfics ( @liquidsaints )

Peggy, intelligent and adaptable as ever, takes the entirety of his story and mulls over it in her head for a time, sitting across from Steve and studying his face. Her eyes are set, eyebrows furrowed, chin sitting in her hands.

After a long while, she speaks.

“Go home, Steve,” she says, voice sure; she’s determined as she’s always been.

found a place to rest my head (never let me go) by bulletsandbutterflies 

ENDGAME SPOILERS.

He tries not to dwell on the unfairness of it. How they had only just been reunited before he was taken away from Steve again. Dwelling makes it harder to move on.

But it’s hard to forget him when he comes to Steve in his dreams. Sometimes, they’re sixteen again, drinking glass after glass of cheap beer to forget the harsh reality that they were struggling to meet ends meet. Other times, they’re in the war, huddled together in the trenches to keep themselves warm from the unforgiving chills of winter.

And there are nights where Steve feels hands on his skin, warm and metal, soft lips against his own.

In which, Endgame decided to ignore Stucky completely so I've come here to fix it.

Part 3 of been waiting a hundred years (and I'd wait a million more)

I Drew a Line for You by Brokenpitchpipe

"What are you doing here, Steve?" Peggy asks.

"I'm," Steve says. "Living."

Peggy smiles. But it's a smile he recognizes, a smile that means she's guessed at the truth and she's guessed right. "No," she says, "you're not."

kingdoms have fallen, angels are calling (none of that could ever make me leave) by bornes

It’s been a long day. It’s been a long five years.

stay by birdjay

The platform buzzes, and suddenly goes quiet. The cycle has finished. Bucky doesn’t bother to look. There’s no way Steve’s coming back when he has the chance to stay. He moves to walk away, to move on with his life, somehow.

“Buck -- ?”

Bucky whirls around, hair flying.

Who I really am (not who I’m supposed to be) by JayPendragon

[SPOILER WARNING for Endgame]

“Don’t tell me it’s not what you want, buddy. I remember you talking about her. You still got her picture in your pocket. You saved the world, you’re supposed to get the girl.”

Yeah, that’s how it goes, isn’t it? Steve thinks but doesn’t say. Once upon a time, before he saw the changes he only ever dreamed of in the thirties come to life in all the colors of the rainbow, before learning that Bucky survived… Back then, he would have agreed.

The Rest of Our Lives by cleo4u2 

SPOILERS STOP READING CHRIST

Fix if fic, picking up when Steve hops into the time machine at the end of the movie and telling what Steve really did for the rest of his life. Hint, it's not a she.

There's Only Now, There's Only Here by stevergrsno  ( @stevergrsno )

“Steve,” Peggy says when she reaches him with quick, steady steps, her- husband and friend? friends? partners? following behind at a more sedate pace.

“Uh,” Steve says, and “Hi?” and “Would you mind telling me what the date is?”

1951. Steve aimed for home and ended up in fucking 1951.

Jesus christ.

---

In which Steve not showing up on the time pad wasn't exactly on purpose and we ignore 95% of that ending.

kiss me twice by espinosas

ENDGAME SPOILERS!!!

Hey. Still Endgame spoilers.

AU where Steve comes back for Bucky.

You'll see him soon. by JDHD

"Go," Bucky said to Sam, because the thought of having to face the man in front of him - the man he no longer knew - was so much more than Bucky could handle. He was like tinfoil, and he was being crushed gently in a fist, and he just wanted to come out without any rips.

He met Sam's eye, and the other man shook his head for a moment. "No. He looked for you for years, Barnes. Maybe he can explain."

----

BIG OL' ENDGAME SPOILERS.

End of Endgame fix it because we deserve better.

Kiss me once, then kiss me twice by obsessivereader ( @yetanotherobsessivereader )

Staring at the empty platform where Steve had stood just a moment ago, Bucky experiences one of the longest five seconds of his life. Steve’s not coming back, he thinks, over and over, Steve’s not coming back.

“…two, one.”

A weird distortion shimmers in the air as Steve materializes on the platform. Bucky lets out his breath in a quiet rush. He was so sure. He said his goodbyes and convinced himself that he’d get by just fine, that he was happy that Steve could finally have the life he’d always wanted with Peggy. He knew enough about the machine to know that Steve had a chance to go back to the 40s and pick up the life that was lost to him when he crashed the Valkyrie. And yet, here’s Steve back again, looking tired, dusty, disheveled. Bucky can’t tell what Steve’s thinking as their eyes meet. He’s never seen Steve’s eyes look so blue.

Part 2 of Fix-its that my heart needed

i say your name by rohkeutta ( @rohkeutta )

Bucky’s sitting on the back porch steps, curled up against the chill, when the door opens and closes behind him. Sam, perhaps, awoken by Bucky’s nightmares that lurk in the corners of the rooms: shadows that no longer stand up, ghosts who have laid their rifles down.

Bucky doesn't turn. If it's Sam, he can stay. If it's someone else, they can keep the ghosts.

whatever a sun will always sing is you by onibi ( @canobic )

Steve comes back.

It's Been a Long, Long Time (Coming) by bangyababy ( @bangyababy )

He says it'll take five seconds.

Bucky hopes that he's made the right decision.

He counts.

Five.

lighting up in the shadows by buckyjerkbarnes ( @fypoedameron )

"Don't you know by now there's nothing in the world that could make me walk away from you?"

[Or: a fix-it for Endgame because it would seem I have to do everything around here.]

Another Life by Palebluedot ( @brightbluedot )

"Hey, you," he says as he sits.

~~~

Or, it's been a long, long time, indeed.

(ENDGAME SPOILERS)

#spoilers #endgame spoilers #post endgame #endgame fix it #stucky #stevebucky #stucky fic rec #steve rogers #bucky barnes #post endgame pack #*pack

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #275

i’m anxious and my head is hectic so i can’t think of a single song lyric to put here lmao

Have you ever dated anybody online? Yes, but we met up in person for a week+ at a time multiple times. Ever been stalked? No. Ever stalked someone? No. I never got to that point with him because shit’s creepy. Have you ever been called a slut, hoe, skank, whore? Only playfully by close friends because that’s how we show affection sometimes lmao. Have you ever snuck out before? No. Do you eat meat? I wish I didn’t, but I do. If so, do you like meat? Yes. If not, do you have anything against people who eat meat? N/A Have you ever gotten a manicure or pedicure? I went with my old friend and sisters on rare occasions just to hang out. Have you ever been close to getting kidnapped? Jc no, thank fuck. HAVE you ever been kidnapped? No. I’d be so goddamn terrified. Do you listen to Lykke Li? Never heard of ‘em. Have you ever self-harmed? Yes. Do you have any eating disorders? No. Have you ever met a celebrity? No. Do you like Monster Energy or do you prefer other energy drinks? Astonishingly with how much I love soda, I am nooot an energy drink fan. They taste like straight-up poison. Describe the best day of your life? I don’t really know what that would be. About how many times a week do you skip class or just school in general? When I was in school, I’d fake sick as a kid rarely, then in high school I had quite a few mental health days. College, too. Have you ever been suspended from school? No. Have you ever been expelled? No. Do you role-play? Only on designated forums and in serious stories. I need substance behind it. Irl, sexual, and pretty much any other RP doesn’t interest me. Do you watch Degrassi? I never did, no. What is one of the saddest novels you’ve ever read in your lifetime? Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo. Jesus fucking Christ. Orbit or 5 Gum? Honestly can’t even remember their tastes… but I THINK I preferred the latter. Have you ever been in a love triangle? No. How bad are your hangovers? I’ve never had one. Do you think Taco Bell is nasty? No. Do you have a jacuzzi? Definitely not. Have you ever broken a bone? If so, what was the cause of it? No. Do you think vegans/vegetarians look down on people who choose to eat animal products? That’s a very generalizing statement… You can’t say that of them all. Some absolutely do, others don’t. Do your friendships tend to last a long time or are they short-lived? Definitely the former. Name the best and worst things about your current or most recent relationship. The best thing was absolutely that I felt accepted for entirely who I was, like I needed to hide not a single thing. The worst thing was easily distance. Fuck distance. How are you? Aggravated at a lot of things. What part of your body are you most insecure about? Absolutely my stomach. What’s one food you would be surprised to hear that someone doesn’t like? Chocolate. I mean I know at least one person who doesn’t, but boy does it catch you off-guard. Do you think your voice is higher or lower than average? It’s definitely lower than the average woman’s. Do you and your parents like any of the same bands/singers? Oh, loads! I couldn’t even begin to list them all. Is there any food in your bedroom? No. Do you know anyone who has road rage? MY YOUNGER SISTER. GOOD LORD. Riding with her is always a trip. How far away do your grandparents live from you? My only (barely) living one is in New York with family, probably until she dies. It’s like ten hours away. What kinds of cereal are in the cupboard? We have chocolate Special K, Honey Nut Cheerios, a Food Lion rip-off of Rice Krispies, and… maybe one more? Is your mom a big health freak or your dad? Or neither? Neither, really. Given her cancer, high blood sugar, and diabetes though, Mom is much more conscious of what she eats. Do you know anyone who wants to be the president one day? Not that I’m aware of. What kinds of chips are in the cupboards? We don’t have any. Mom and I try to keep snack foods out of the house because we know ourselves well enough to know we WILL eat them too fast. Do you have your mom’s or dad’s hair? Absolutely my mom’s. It’s thick as hell like hers was. What’s the first thing you see when you walk into your bedroom? Probably my massive Nightmare Before Christmas poster above my bed. Do you have any friends who have naturally red hair? Yes. Have you ever cried when a teacher retired? Yep. I’m never going to forget my first band teacher; he was a real comedian with a massive heart. We all adored him and got so excited when he would come back to substitute if our instructor had to miss and he was able to come. Oddly enough, I don’t remember his name… When’s the last time you wore heels? Oh Christ. Maybe Ashley’s wedding? Did I even wear heels? Do you have your mom’s or dad’s eyes? Neither. What’s the best date movie? I am such an average white bitch in how my answer to this will always and vehemently be The Notebook. How long has your current best friend been your best friend? Around three years. Have your parents ever been out of the country? No. Do you swear and yell while playing video games? No. I might curse under my breath. Is there any alcohol in the fridge? Oh I WISH. Do your pets chase after bugs? YUP. Roman loves hunting flies. When’s the last time you were so excited you couldn’t sleep? Why? Excited? Probably not since I was going to see Sara. I don’t know. What is your mom’s favorite movie? Oh shit, good question. How much older is your dad then you? Don’t make me math, please. 30-something years. Do you have any relatives who really spoil you? No. Do you know anyone who has security cameras in their house? Probably. What was the last movie to make you cry? No clue. Has anyone you know ever pulled the fire alarm in school, joking around? I think so? Who was the main character in the last book you read? Starflight. Is the last person you said goodbye to single? No, he’s married to my sister. Who are the last people you saw kiss? Like romantically/on the lips? Ummm probably a couple on Facebook or something. Have you ever posted a fan fiction on a website? No. Do you ever fantasize about your future wedding? Who’s the bride/groom? Not anymore. Do you have any relatives who are expecting a baby really soon? No. My high school friend did just announce she’s pregnant with her second child though. When you get married, who will be the maid of honor/best man? My mom. Does your best friend get along with their parents? Yes, they’re fantastic. Have you ever been in a wedding? What were you? Yes; I was the hideous bridesmaid that just cried all through my sister’s wedding. That was a fucking nightmare. Does it matter to you what kind of shampoo you use? I don’t really care, no. Do you have a sensitive gag reflex? Like STUPID fuckin sensitive. Where are you the most ticklish? Don’t touch my fuckin feet. What was the last situation to upset you? It was a petty envy thing that shouldn’t have upset me, let’s move along. Have you ever had an online argument? I’ve been socially on the Internet since I was 11 and am now 24, take a guess lmao. The general subject of your last text conversation? Asking Sara for permission for something RP-related. What is just down the hall from where you’re located? There’s not really a hall at all; my room opens up into the living room. Do any of your friends know you fill out surveys? Well besides the online friends I have here, no. Do you like the controversial/political surveys? ”It depends on if I have enough opinions (and energy) to give good answers or not.” <<<< Exactly this. Who/What did you last spend time worrying about? Myself and my future and my newfound fear of ending up homeless and hopeless after my parents pass away because I’m a very sorry Adult™. What was the last thing you prepared in the oven? Whoa, who knows. The oven scares me, so I don’t use it myself. When were you last offered something illegal? I don’t think I ever have been, actually. Did you accept or decline that offer? N/A When was the last time that you saw fire? On the way home like a week back or something. Someone was burning stuff in their backyard. Have you ever seen somebody get shot? No. What are you listening to? “Little One” by Highly Suspect. Gorgeous song. Do you chew on your hair? Um no???? Can you talk on the phone while having the tv/radio on? No. What size are all the televisions in your house? I don’t know the measurements, but it’s a large Vizio. One of the few really nice things we got when my parents were together. Do you have health insurance? Yes. How many times have you been pulled over by the cops while driving? Zero. What is one of your favorite movie lines? I don’t know, they’re not really something I memorize. What is one thing you look forward to every day? My morning Mountain Dew lmao it’s my coffee, essentially. What is one thing you dread every day? The inevitable part where I’m bored shitless by early evening. Ever lived through a natural disaster? Lots of hurricanes. What’s the longest you’ve lived without electricity? I wanna say around two days? Maybe even three? I don’t remember. Name all the drugs you have tried: None. Name all of the alcoholic beverages you have tried? Margaritas and sangrias with different types of alcohol that I don’t know. Oh, hard lemonade. Oh yeah, wine too, which was fucking repulsive. Name all the types/brands of cigarettes you have tried: None. What is one thing you stand strongly for? Fucking TRY ME on gay rights. What does your doormat say? We don’t have one. Who was the last person you were on hold with (on the phone)? I don’t remember. Who do you know that’s had a baby recently? Ummm I don’t think any *very* recently. Do you know anyone who got married recently? Again, not very. Do you know anyone who has died recently? No. Do you change songs in the car often? I use my iPod to play over it, where I select the songs to play, so I let them play through. However, if I was actually the driver, I definitely wouldn’t; it wouldn’t really matter because I’m so terrified of driving that I need almost no radio at all. What street sign do you find totally pointless? I’m not familiar enough with them all. What drinking games have you played? None. What made you pick up the last book you started reading? Sara got me into the series. Have you received any bad or troubling news lately? Welcome to 20fuckin20, y’all. When was the last time you were relieved about something? *shrug* What about your life concerns you the most? That I’ll waste it. Is there a common thing most people seem to do without trouble, but it scares you (talking on the phone, driving, interviews, etc)? When was the last time you had to do one of these kinds of things? When I went to the doctor a couple weeks ago, I signed myself in. Yes, that sets my anxiety off because I don’t know how to Talk. When was the last time you went somewhere for the first time? Uhhhhhhhh good question. I don’t go anywhere. What is a situation that makes you feel especially confident? Talking about meerkat behavior ha ha. If you’ve moved out from home, what was the scariest thing about it? What was/is your favorite thing about it? N/A Are there any fictional characters you like even though they’re “bad” or “evil?” What qualities draw you to a character? BITCH yes. I just like charisma. For villains, I really like when there’s a *reason* they’re bad, too, and not so just for the sake of it. And I am a SUCKER for sarcastic lil shit villains. What are your thoughts on “forgiving” murderers, rapists, attackers, etc? Do you think it’s even possible to forgive these people? This is a tough question, after I looked past my initial “hell no.” Like, people change. I suppose it varies case-to-case. What was the last series you finished watching? Do you have any plans to begin another? Actually finished, Ginga Densetsu Weed. I’m sure Sara and I will keep watching Avatar: The Last Airbender next time we see each other. What is one way in which you are different from a year ago? What is one way in which you are still the same? I definitely hate myself more than I did. And that’s the problem: I haven’t developed at all in a year’s time. Is there anything you’ve promised yourself you’ll never do again? Multiple things. Do you prefer fake tanning or real tanning? I prefer not tanning at all. Would you date someone who was addicted to drugs? No. I’m not getting into that shit. If the person was recovered, yes, but I wouldn’t hesitate leaving if they relapsed and didn’t seek help. Sounds brutal, but I’m serious about the damage drugs do, and not just to the user. Do you still talk to the person you had your first kiss with? No. It’s probably best we never do again. Can you make yourself cry? I’ve never really tried, but I don’t think so. Are you ready for kids? I’ll never be. Have you ever woken up crying from a bad dream? Plenty of times. Thanks, nightmares every fucking time I sleep. Do you eat breakfast? Yes. Cannot relate to people who don’t like wtf that’s the best part of the morning. Have you ever trusted someone too much? BOY OH BOY OH BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How did you get your last bruise? I don’t recall. Last time you got a text message and smiled? Idk. What was the last kid’s movie you saw? Ummmmm good question. Have you ever shared a shower or bath with someone as an adult? Noooo, not into it. Sounds dangerous but also just… weird to me. Like let me clean myself in peace??? Are you bitter about anything? Oh, am I. Do you use emojis? Occasionally. I’m too biased to emoticons, growing up using those every sentence, lol… but I’m starting to move towards them depending on the platform, and the ones I use are very limited. Do you have any hidden piercings? (this includes bellybuttons) No. I took my snake eyes out. Has anyone called you perfect before? *lips against mic* that was a motherfuckin lie Have you ever liked someone that was in a relationship? Yes. Have you ever gone through a period of mass weight-gain/weight-loss? What was that time like for you? Both, actually. First, mass weight-gain happened due to a medication I was on that murders metabolism + I was a bad emotional eater after the breakup, and those two don’t mix. Then, through recovery, I lost over 50 pounds in around a year from being off of that fucking medicine and my eating habits returning to normal. What’s one incident that has majorly affected your self-esteem? Was it for better, or for worse? THE BREAKUP. It made me feel like an absolute waste of space and time. Do you have a close bond with your sibling(s)? Was it always this way, or has it been better/worse? Not really, but I wish I did. Ashley and Nicole are very close, then I’m like… awkwardly on the sidelines trying to find times where I can insert myself and be a proper sister. Ash and I ARE closer than we were as kids, while it’s a harsh opposite with Nicole. We shared a room and were very close, but now I feel like she doesn’t even like me. Have you used Limewire before? Ha, yuuup… Who do you envy the most, if anyone at all? I’m uncertain about the most.

#survey #quiz #questions #questionnaire

[arsonforcharlie]

Get to know me uncomfortably well: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100

jesus christ

put under a cut because i want to make absolutely sure nobody reads this massive amount of information and also did you ask for EVERY NUMBER EXCEPT 69

1. What is you middle name?

marie

2. How old are you?

28

3. When is your birthday?

november 9 and i bet you didn’t even get me a present, you absolute monster

4. What is your zodiac sign?

scorpio

5. What is your favorite color?

i like jewel tones in general, my fave right now is dark green

6. What’s your lucky number?

i don’t really have one, tbh

7. Do you have any pets?

i do not, unfortunately. i hope to at some point soonish but a lot of that is gonna depend on how my situation shakes out

8. Where are you from?

st. john’s, newfoundland

9. How tall are you?

5′4″

10. What shoe size are you?

9

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

i’m not getting up but like 7? i need to get a new pair for working in and i will be getting rid of the ones i don’t wear so that number is in flux

already answered 12

13. What talents do you have?

none, really. but i’m alright at knitting and generally, like, figuring out how physical objects work and go together. my friends also tens to enjoy the games i run so that’s nice.

14. Are you psychic in any way?

bitch read my mind and find out

15. Favorite song?

i cannot express how impossible it is for me to pick ONE FUCKING SONG that’s my favorite. here’s 5 i always go back to, though!

my tyrant- felix hagan and the family

northbound- grace petrie

staring at the sun- mika

too much- carly rae jepsen

vampire money- my chemical romance

already answered 16

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

well there’s the mushy option in which i name names, but i resolutely refuse to do that since i’ve been informed nobody cares about how queer i am. but generally, i tend towards people i can feel comfortable around. despite me being a huge slut for interacting with people, there’s very few that project the kind of atmosphere that lets me really just chill and start thinking about trusting them.

18. Do you want children?

jesus no don’t put me in charge of a child

19. Do you want a church wedding?

jesus no, even the wedding part of that sounds less than ideal

20. Are you religious?

lmao nah

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

yeah, a few times

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

well i have a background check going through right now that’ll answer that for me but i think i have not ever been caught for my many crimes

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

a few- i met russell crowe on a set once, and there’s a good few smaller time canadians i’ve met just, like, around

24. Baths or showers?

i usually go for showers because i am living in a place with an insufficient bathtub setup, but i have been known to enjoy a nice bath now and again

25. What color socks are you wearing?

bold of you to assume i put on socks when i’m not going out

26. Have you ever been famous?

bitch i’m famous now everyone else just doesn’t know it yet

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

probably not, i like the act of grocery shopping and going to shitty bars and disappearing, and i couldn’t do that if i was a proper celebrity

28. What type of music do you like?

loud and i can imagine myself being in a cool music video when i walk places listening to it

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

well yeah obv

already answered 30

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

usually on my side curled up around something, either a person if i’m lucky or a pillow

32. How big is your house?

the apartment is not big enough atm

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

i don’t usually eat breakfast at all tbh

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

no but i have held one once

35. Have you ever tried archery?

once in high school gym class. i did...... bad

36. Favorite clean word?

i like words that describe the way dragonfly wings look. diaphenous and iridescent and things.

37. Favorite swear word?

i’ve always been a fan of a good solid fuck, and you can quote me on that

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

two days, i think?

39. Do you have any scars?

yep

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

yeah but they were prolly goofing

41. Are you a good liar?

not under most circumstances

42. Are you a good judge of character?

no, but not in the usual way. i tend to assume people have a lot more hidden motives than they do. like, obviously you don’t want to be FRIENDS with me, you just are PRETENDING for SOME REASON

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

yeah, as a matter of fact, i can do them ALL AT ONCE

44. Do you have a strong accent?

most of the time no, but when i’m talking to people with a strong accent from back home mine slips back

already answered 45

46. What is your personality type?

while i rarely get consistent answers, i just took the myers-briggs again and got enfp so there’s something

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

i don’t own much that’s super expensive tbh, i’m broke as shit. my boots cost like 60 bucks and i stressed about that for ages

48. Can you curl your tongue?

yeah, i can do a lot with it

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

innie

50. Left or right handed?

right

51. Are you scared of spiders?

nah

52. Favorite food?

there’s so much food i love! i do have dumplings i am excited to eat tho

53. Favorite foreign food?

again, there’s so much! i am really craving a good currry today i guess?

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

a bit messy, especially with stuff that isn’t, like, a hygenic risk. if things are just out of place i don’t tend to register that as the same level of unclean as, like, food messes

55. Most used phrased?56. Most used word?

these two are ones my friends could probably answer more reliably than me. i do say i’m not a doctor tho

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

not long, unless i’ve decided it’s a makeup day and i want to do something dumb and fancy

58. Do you have much of an ego?

i talk a big game, but not really, i’m pretty down on myself a lot

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

succ

60. Do you talk to yourself?

mmhmm- specifically, rehearsing conversations that will never happen

61. Do you sing to yourself?

sometimes, when i’m in a good mood

62. Are you a good singer?

absolutely not

63. Biggest Fear?

there’s a few, but i’d say the biggest one i’ve had the longest is a loss of identity of some sort. like, just not recognizing the people around me, that sort of thing. it’s gotten a bit intense recently due to events but yeah

64. Are you a gossip?

not really- like, i will gladly listen to your drama but i only really talk about it to other people if it actually affects me

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

oof jesus, i tend to watch more shitty horror movies than anything else bc i’m hot trash

66. Do you like long or short hair?

both are fine on other people, but short hair is way better for me

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

just did a quiz and only got 40. i didn’t even remember all the ones i had been to so that’s cool. you guys have too many states anyway

68. Favorite school subject?

i was your standard weird queer kid who imprinted on my english teachers

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

nah

71. What makes you nervous?

so many things tbh

72. Are you scared of the dark?

nope

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

depends on the person and the mistake, really.

74. Are you ticklish?

fuck off

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

i don’t think so?

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

i’m a dungeon master, does that counts

77. Have you ever drank underage?

yeop

78. Have you ever done drugs?

yeop

79. Who was your first real crush?

my best friend in elementary school. i wanted her and i to get married to brothers so that we could live next door to each other and have sleepovers every night because i really liked sleeping next to her and doing her hair

hoo boy baby bobbie (i even knew lesbians as a kid! i grew up in such an accepting family! i have no excuse for being so repressed)

80. How many piercings do you have?

just one ear

81. Can you roll your Rs?“

not competently

82. How fast can you type?

pretty fast- i did take a test recently that came back at 68 wpm so my goal is now to get one word faster

83. How fast can you run?

fuck running

84. What color is your hair?

black with green bits, i post a lot of selfies, you know that

85. What color is your eyes?

grayish blue

86. What are you allergic to?

nothing that i know of. undefeated

87. Do you keep a journal?

i post on tumblr a lot

88. What do your parents do?

my mom works in communications- she used to work in politics but now she works for a non-profit because the staff of the party she worked for was, in her words, a “sack of vipers”

my dad was a journalist and a photographer. he was the editor for the paper back home for a long time, and then after that he did a lot of advocacy work for MS. he ran for office a few times. you know, like you do.

89. Do you like your age?

it’s alright. like, i got troubles but i accept that none of that is because i’m 28 and mostly just because i got myself into a dumb situation

90. What makes you angry?

mostly when people don’t seem to care about how their actions affect others. like, i can almost accept malice easier than a profit motive

91. Do you like your own name?

it’s not bad, and i haven’t really hit on any that i like more than bobbie

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

lmao nope

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

i want the child to be born to someone who is not me

94. What are you strengths?

not very many tbh i kinda suck as a human person. i am pretty good at compartmentalizing and staying kinda functional when shit goes down

95. What are your weaknesses?

all of them. specifically, i’m hard to motivate and i got depression

96. How did you get your name?

i was named after my grandmother

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

i know at least one was a criminal. i do have a kickass family crest and tartan tho

98. Do you have any scars?

they haven’t faded since i answered question 39

99. Color of your bedspread?

there’s a gray one and i have a blue weighted blanket i use sometimes

100. Color of your room?

the whole apartment is beige

#Anonymous

[chyteawrites]

Torn: Chapter 7

Story Summary: You start work as a make-up artist for The Umbrella Academy and meet two of the most handsome people you’ve ever worked with, both of them vying for your attention.

Chapter Summary: While Rachel is out with Robbie, David keeps you company at the apartment and things go from innocent to steamy.

Chapter 7/?

Word Count: 2,325 

Pairing: David Castañeda x Reader

Warnings: Smutty smut smut. Don’t read at work or in church, kids. 

A/N: I literally love every single one of you that has asked to be added to my tag list since I started this series. I hope you guys enjoy this latest (and longest) chapter.

Tags: @superapplepie @diianawonka @spacearttraveler @ynm1505 @stardust181 @loulouloueh @reblogserpent @karlitabi-rrito (Tag list is always open!)

“How do I look?” Rachel asked as she fiddled with her necklaces.

“Beautiful. And if Robert doesn’t think so, I’ll knock some sense into him.” I chuckled and kissed her cheek. “Have fun, but be safe.” I said and patted her arm.

“Same goes for you.” She smiled.

“Not a problem, babe. I’m doing a quiet night in. Pigging out and watching movies. I need a break.” I chuckled and plopped down onto the couch.

“Have fun.” She giggled and kissed my cheek before running out the door.

I pulled up Netflix and started an episode of Sons of Anarchy since I was halfway through season three. Half an episode in, my phone started ringing, David’s contact picture lighting up my screen.

“Well, hello. I wasn’t expecting to hear from you tonight.” I answered as I wrapped myself in my blanket.

“I wasn’t sure you’d answer.” David chuckled on the other line. “You busy?” He asked nervously.

“Not terribly. I’m just curled up on the couch, eating Oreos, and watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix. You wanna join?” I replied with my own question.

“You wouldn’t mind? I don’t want to bother you.” He mumbled.

“If you’re downstairs, get your ass up here. If you’re not, get over here before I change my mind.” I chuckled and hung up. Something in my gut told me he wasn’t far from the apartment. Not even a minute after I hung up, there was a soft rap on the door.

“It’s unlocked!” I called, not wanting to move from the nest I’d made myself. I heard the door open and shut, his shoes padding the floor. Then I felt his lips press gently to my forehead, causing me to smile wide.

“Hey.” David whispered as I looked up at him. I reached up and caressed his cheek, his face leaning into my touch.

“Hey, handsome.” I cooed and pecked his lips. “Sit. Cover up and have some Oreos.” I said, patting the couch. I moved my blankets so he could sit and watch the show with me. I curled into the crook of his arm and rested my head on his chest.

“I can’t imagine a better way to spend a night off.” He crooned, his fingers twirling my hair.

“And I can’t imagine anyone I’d rather spend tonight with.” I murmured. I grabbed the blankets and curled closer to him, wrapping us up.

“I have got to be one of the luckiest men alive right now.” He crooned; his lips pressed against my forehead.

“What makes you say that?” I asked.

“I met you.” He smiled and lifted my chin, kissing me gently.

“You’re too sweet.” I whispered, running my fingers through his hair.

“I mean it. I was lucky enough to get this job, but then I got to meet the cast. And you. You make me feel things I haven’t felt in a long time.” David said. Then he kissed me again. Deep and passionate.

“I was lucky to meet you too.” I heaved after the kiss broke.

“You’re so beautiful.” He whispered and kissed me again, both hands cupping my face. My body leaned in instinctively and I reached, my hand resting on the back of his neck as I kissed him. “You keep kissing me like that and I don’t know if I could keep myself from…” He muttered as he broke the kiss.

“Do it.” I panted and kissed him again before arranging myself to straddle his lap.

“Are you sure? It would change everything.” His brown eyes locked with mine as he asked.

“I’m sure. Unless you’re not.” I said and bit my lip.

“I’m sure. More than sure.” He whispered and kissed me again, his hands sliding under my shirt. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he kissed and grabbed my waist.

“Ugh I’m so stupid. Can you believe that I didn’t realize I left my keys until I was halfway to the restaurant? Classic…” Rachel rambled as she walked in the door as he threw my shirt off.

“Shit.” I muttered and buried my face in his neck.

“Quiet night in, huh?” She chuckled and grabbed her keys. “Have fuuuuun!” She sang as she closed and locked the door.

“I forgot to lock the door after you came in. Shitshitshit.” I mumbled and leaned against him. “What a way to kill the mood.” I huffed.

“Are you kidding? Just made me want you more.” David chuckled and rubbed my back.

“We should move to my room. Just in case she forgets her earrings or something.” I sighed and kissed his neck.

“If you kiss my neck again, I’m not going to give you a chance to move.” He whispered and gabbed my waist, moving my hips slowly.

“At least let me go grab something from my room.” I told him between kisses, catching his lip between my teeth.

“Don’t take too long.” He chuckled and patted my ass. I got up and walked away with a sway in my hips, looking over my shoulder and smirking as I disappeared down the hall.

I walked into my room and got into the stand next to my bed, opening the box of condoms I’d brought with me to Toronto for situations like this. I grabbed one before stripping out of my pajama pants and changing into the matching panties to my black bra. I looked myself over in the mirror and slid the condom into my bra before walking back out to the living room. I let out a whistle to get his attention and saw him stand up and walk over to me. He grabbed my waist and pulled my body against his before kissing me hard.

“Fuck.” David groaned and panted. “You look so good.” He muttered and kissed my neck.

“And you’re overdressed. I believe I told you I was going to show you how much I love your tattoos.” I purred and pulled away as I bit my lip. I watched him strip his shirt, all of his tattoos on display.

“Such beautiful ink on such a handsome man.” I said and bit my lip.

“Then get over here.” He almost growled and looked me over. I walked over and as soon as he could, his hands were on my waist as I started tracing over the tattoos on his ribs and kissing his neck. I started kissing over the tattoo on his collarbone as I tugged gently at his nipple ring, smirking as he moaned.

“You know, that might be one of the sexiest things I’ve seen in a long time.” I whispered in his ear. “Is it bad that ever since I did the work on you earlier, all I’ve wanted to do is be like this with you?” I asked against his neck.

“Only if it’s bad that I was thinking about the same thing.” David whispered and lifted my chin to kiss me.

“C’mon.” I murmured and grabbed his hand, leading him to my room. I shut the door behind us and kissed him hard, his hands pulling at my hips.

“You’re absolutely sure?” He asked quietly against my lips.

“One hundred percent.” I replied, pulling the condom I’d grabbed out of my bra with a smirk. He smiled back at me and cupped my face, kissing me as we walked backward toward the bed.

Both of us tumbled onto the bed, causing us to laugh as he fell beside me. He kissed my neck before standing up and I propped myself up to watch him. I watched as he stripped off his pants, his cock springing free. I bit my lip as I wrapped a hand around him, his moans filling the room as I stroked him gently.

“Fuck.” He muttered under his breath as I rolled the condom down his length. I stood up and unhooked my bra in front of him, holding it on my finger and looking at him as I let it fall to the floor.

David picked me up and laid me on the bed, his lips travelling down my neck before kissing my breasts, rolling one nipple between his fingers. I felt heat spread through my body as he took the other nipple and sucked it gently before pulling away and kissing down my stomach and kneeling in front of me. His fingers looped through the waistband of my underwear before he pulled them down gently, throwing them into the growing pile of our clothes on my floor.

“David…” I moaned quietly and ran my hand through his hair as he kissed my inner thigh.

“Ssshhh.” David whispered. I went to speak again before he kissed over my aching center. His lips felt like velvet as he wrapped them around my clit, his tongue flicking over it rapidly.

I tugged his hair and moaned as he ran his tongue through my folds before fingering me slowly. His long fingers crooked and curled inside me, causing my back to arch. His lips pulled and sucked my clit, causing me to moan as I pulled his hair.

“David.” I panted, my chest heaving as he took my hand.

“Talk to me.” He whispered against my inner thigh.

“Need you.” I whined. I felt him pull away before sitting on the bed.

“C’mere.” He purred as he grabbed my hand. I sat up and positioned myself to straddle his lap.

I kissed him as he started to guide his cock into slowly gasping against my lips. I smirked as he threw his head back and moaned my name as I took his length.

“Jesus Christ.” David muttered, his hands resting on my hips as I kissed his neck and rolled my hips slowly.

“Oh fuck.” I whispered as he kissed me and started controlling the pace of my hips.

David’s hands roamed over my body as he kissed my neck, moaning quietly in my ear. I wrapped my arms around his neck and panted as I started bouncing on his cock, his face buried in my neck. His breath coated my skin as he panted and moaned my name, pulling me impossibly closer.

“You feel so good.” He whispered against my lips.

“Fuck, so do you.” I murmured and kissed him. He grabbed my hips again, his nails almost digging into my skin as he controlled my pace again. The friction between us was heavenly as my hips rolled and he thrusted into me.

He held me close and whispered softly in my ear, moaning as he kissed my neck. I watched his head fall back, his full lips parted as he panted, the sounds coming from him bringing me closer.

“David…” I mumbled, feeling my climax grow closer.

“Do it.” He growled, pressing his forehead to mine and kissing me, biting my lip.

He kept kissing me and moved his lips down to my neck, moaning in my ear. I felt my body shake in his arms as I started to cum around him. My body fell against him as he came shortly after, his breathing shallow as he held me.

“Wow.” I hummed and looked at him hazily after a few minutes.

“Wow indeed.” David chuckled and kissed my temple. “Let’s get cleaned up and then we’ll eat something. Sound good?” He asked and kissed my forehead.

“Perfect.” I cooed and stood up, my legs a little wobbly as I walked to the bathroom. I heard him walk to the half bathroom and sigh, causing me to smile.

I walked out of the bathroom and back into my room, grabbing my pajama pants from earlier. I slipped into them and took a sip of the water bottle by my bed before walking out to the living room, smiling lazily. I saw him sitting on the couch and laid beside him, resting my head in his lap.

“Can I ask you for a favor, beautiful?” He asked and kissed my forehead.

“Shoot.” I murmured as my lashes fluttered.

“Can I crash here tonight? I don’t want to deal with everyone making speculations right now.” He asked.

“Sure. I can sleep on the couch and you take my bed.” I said and grabbed a chip out of the bag on the coffee table.

“Absolutely not. You sleep in the bed and I’ll sleep on the couch.” He told me and grabbed one of my chips.

“I have another idea.” I smiled and batted my lashes.

“What is that?” He asked, his eyebrow raised in suspicion.

“We could just share the bed. It’s big enough for the both of us. You won’t have to sleep out here and deal with Rachel when she comes home.” I offered.

“Are you sure?” He muttered and played with my hair.

“Why not? Saves us both some trouble.” I purred and kissed him.

“I might need a little more convincing.” David whispered with a smirk.

“Well, you and I both have the day off tomorrow. I’ll make breakfast before you head out.” I cooed and kissed him again.

“Well, now you’ve got me convinced.” He chuckled and caught my lip between his teeth.

“Good.” I smiled and patted his cheek before letting out a low yawn.

“Getting sleepy?” He said quietly.

“Can you blame me? You wore me out. It’s been a long time since anyone has worn me out like this.” I murmured and yawned again.

“Let’s get you to bed, cariña.” He cooed. I nodded and stood up with him. He kept one arm around my waist as we walked to my bed. I crawled in and patted the bed beside me.

“C’mon.” I muttered sleepily. I smiled as he crawled beside me and laid down. I positioned myself under his arm and laid my head on his chest, immediately relaxed as I felt his even breathing.

“Goodnight, beautiful.” David whispered and kissed the top of my head.

“Goodnight, handsome.” I murmured with a smile before drifting off to sleep.

#chynna writes #torn #torn chapter 7 #torn: chapter 7 #david castenada #david castaneda fanfic #david castaneda x reader #david castaneda fanfiction #david castañeda #david castañeda fanfiction #david castañeda x reader #david castañeda fanfic #Smutty smut smut #much smut very sexy #have some more of my shit writing

[gratiasancti]

100 PERSONAL QUESTIONS

because @ineffablequestion​ decided to really put my patience to the test today . not that i mind , ily .

1. What is your middle name ?

maria 

2. How old are you ?

23 as of right now !

3. When is your birthday?

oct. 19th

4. What is your zodiac sign?

libra waddup

5. What is your favorite color?

i don’t really have one ? muted colours probably

6. What’s your lucky number?

again, can’t say i have one but maybe 29

7. Do you have any pets?

a dod and a horse

8. Where are you from?

finland / uk

9. How tall are you?

174 cm

10. What shoe size are you?

eu 39-40

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

like seven, if you don’t count my collection of riding shoes and boots. oxfords, brogues, wellies, trainers, and the rest are probably heels. as for riding boots, a lot.

12. What was your last dream about?

that i was late from work and got thrown in a tar pit because of it. and then i sold my old history teacher 500€ worth of alcohol and lottery tickets.

13. What talents do you have?

none?? unlimited sarcasm, idk

14. Are you psychic in any way?

i’m not sure if i believe in this stuff

15. Favorite song?

honestly, anything from hippo campus or glass animals.

16. Favorite movie?

the grand budapest hotel

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

someone who counteracts some of my anxiety and excitedness with a calm and, when needed, firm character but is still funny and can be themselves. preferably someone who i feel is my intellectual equal, and we can share everything with each other. maybe a bit older than myself, but not by much. other than that, i really don’t care.

18. Do you want children?

currently, i can’t see myself ever having kids. just doesn’t seem like my thing. especially babies. maybe adopting or fostering could be an option, but only if i was sure i could give the child a good home.

19. Do you want a church wedding?

i don’t think i want to get married

20. Are you religious?

not particularly

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

maaaaaaany times. multiple riding accidents, broken bones, a car crash. then just being an idiot in general. and chronic back problems.

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

apart from once forgetting to pay for the underground and getting an 80€ fine, no.

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

i’ve met and had dinner with two different finnish presidents and some other ‘upper class’ people but other than that, no. 

24. Baths or showers?

one of those rain shower things

25. What color socks are you wearing?

i have no socks !!!

26. Have you ever been famous?

uhhhh not in the literal sense of the word but i’ve been infamous at school when i was like 15. made a meme of one of our teachers that went low key viral in our city.

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

definitely not in the hollywood sense of things. 

28. What type of music do you like?

a lot of things. anything, really, depending on the time of day and if i’m feeling particularly emo.

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

that’s like the only type of swimming finnish people partake in. naked in the sauna, naked in the lake/ocean. so yes, multiple times a year jhdsnhb

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

currently like five

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

either on my back or on my stomach. depends on what place hurts that day lmao.

32. How big is your house?

closer to 400 m^2 . i still live with my parents but will move into my own flat in six months, once it’s ready. that’s going to be appx 70 m^2.

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

i know its a bad habit but i often dont have breakfast. if i do it's usually fruit and yoghurt or some toast.

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

yes

35. Have you ever tried archery?

yes. fun fact; my cousin has won the european championchip ( in some form of archery idk ) like twice , i think. 

36. Favorite clean word?

defenestrate

37. Favorite swear word?

fuck. i use it Too Much™

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

can’t remember the exact amount of hours but we were sailing and our shifts got messed up to the point where i had either not slept at all or slept so little in like four days i was genuinely hallucinating. almost jumped into the sea because i thought i dropped my life vest,,, which i was wearing.

39. Do you have any scars?

a few. dumbest one probably when i rode in my shorts but used a saddle and rubbed the skin off of my calf. also from hay work, those little dots that look almost like moles.

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

not that i know of

41. Are you a good liar?

yes, unfortunately. it’s a bad habit in the sense that i tell a lot of white lies when i could genuinely tell the truth with no consequence. like, it would be the one and the same.

42. Are you a good judge of character?

also yes. i’ve seen some shit. also i have surprisingly good people skills.

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

i can speak english in my normal accent which is kind of queen’s english (?) upper class idk, then in world’s english ( so basically no accent / neutral ) and then in finnish (rally) english .  i can also speak swedish with a rikssvenska (standard swedish ???) accent and then finlandssvenska which is finnish swedish (and an actual thing lmao). also i can butcher a norwegian or danish accent in swedish if i really try. my finnish is very neutral, but it does vary a bit depending on what city i’m in.

oh, and also a shitty southern american accent. 

44. Do you have a strong accent?

if i let it shine through, yes, but i tend toward world english because anything else scares finns. but when i speak finnish (which is most of the time) i don’t really have an accent. maybe you can hear that i’m not 100% finnish but that’s about it.

45. What is your favorite accent?

i don’t really have one ! all accents are really fascinating.

46. What is your personality type?

entj-a

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

i have a few expensive dresses, and then of course my riding clothes which cost ridiculous amounts of money because fuck everyone who likes horses, i guess. like excuse me but why is it normalised that you pay over 1000€ for a helmet??? anything less and you’re a peasant.

48. Can you curl your tongue?

mmmmyeah. 

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

innie!

50. Left or right handed?

pretty much ambidextrous, though i prefer to write with my left but do everything else mostly with my right. my handwriting doesn’t differ too much from left to write.

51. Are you scared of spiders?

yes. ew. and we’re lucky to only have tiny ones in finland !

52. Favorite food?

ummmmm. currently carelian pie maybe?? idk such a good snack.

53. Favorite foreign food?

squints??? sushi????

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

depends. often too lazy to clean but incredibly stressed and uncomfortable when its messy. meticulous about all the wrong things.

55. Most used phrase?

either some form of keysmash or “FUCK”. also in finnish either “voi jumalauta” or “voi saatana” which both basically translate to “jesus fucking christ”.

56. Most used word?

also fuck. this really must say something about me smdh.

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

really depends. sometimes 10 minutes, sometimes two hours. on a normal day w/ shower and moderate make up, 15-25 minutes.

58. Do you have much of an ego?

depends really. i hope i don’t!

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

whomst the FUCK bites lollipops ?!?!?!

60. Do you talk to yourself?

i’ve only recently started. it’s terrifying.

61. Do you sing to yourself?

when driving if i’m listening to music, yeah

62. Are you a good singer?

honestly, no clue. i don’t really sing in front of people so i haven’t gotten opinions.

63. Biggest Fear?

failure.

64. Are you a gossip?

not about my friends, ever. but i will definitely listen to any tea you want to spill.

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

idk does kingsman count as dramatic?? the first one was hilarious.

66. Do you like long or short hair?

both have their perks!

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

LMAO i can name like 3 if i really try.

68. Favorite school subject?

history, english lang & lit, economics.

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

extrovert but i get tired easily

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

yes ! we go to the maldives once in a while, because finland doesn’t offer much in terms of diving sites.

71. What makes you nervous?

not a lot of things? i guess some responsibilities. things left for me to do even if someone else was supposed to do them.

72. Are you scared of the dark?

a dark room ? no. a dark forest at midnight ? hell yess. finnish winter darkness is terrifying simply because its so depressing. seasonal depression is real yall.

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

depends. if it’s a trivial mistake and they haven’t asked to be corrected, no. if it makes me or someone else feel bad or just makes any situation worse, then yes. but never unkindly.

74. Are you ticklish?

YES. ugh

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

no. i can’t recall doing so, at least. but i have participated in spreading them.

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

yes. at work a couple of times simply out of necessity and also when i took part in MEP. was committee president twice and president of the general assembly once. though idk if that counts since i was like 17 and its all p much play pretend.

oh! and also when i captain our boat. but again, idk if that counts.

77. Have you ever drank underage?

yeah, ever since i was like 16 :/

78. Have you ever done drugs?

no, and never will. not my thing !!

79. Who was your first real crush?

probably a boy from class. i can’t remember, really. i’ve never been too  ‘romantically inclined’ i  suppose.

80. How many piercings do you have?

just my ears, once.

81. Can you roll your Rs?

almost every r in the finnish language is technically rolled so yeah. i feel bad for those finnish people who cant !! makes everything so hard.

82. How fast can you type?

according to this thing 75 words per minute on my first try, so idk how accurate that is.

83. How fast can you run?

not fast. i  hate running, and am very out of practice. 

84. What color is your hair?

idk ? like, light brown ?

85. What color are your eyes?

again, idk. blue/green/grey

86. What are you allergic to?

dogs, cats, birch, and almost anything that flowers in the spring jshbdsjh

87. Do you keep a journal?

not a journal per se but i have a ‘little black book’ which i keep rather meticulously about my thoughts on the day, important things i need to remember, my expenses etc. a habit inherited from my dad. i’ve gone through like six of these in the past few years.

88. What do your parents do?

my mum is a mayor and my dad is a ceo

89. Do you like your age?

yeah !

90. What makes you angry?

injustice.

91. Do you like your own name?

yes !

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

ksjdsjhb no. at this rate i’d end up naming a child crowley or sum shit

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

i don’t want kids but if i did gender would be a non issue

94. What are you strengths?

lmao i have good people skills, work well under pressure, get along with everyone, am determined and ?? a good leader??? idk

95. What are your weaknesses?

i take on too much responsibility, i have anxiety and depression, i get frustrated at my own failures, i’m very self-critical and unforgiving. also no self-control when it comes to rp.

96. How did you get your name?

i think somewhere from my dad’s side, not entirely sure.

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

possibly? not sure. but fun fact! a great great grandmother (? or something of the sorts) from my mother’s side actually survived the sinking of the titanic.

98. Do you have any scars?

wasn’t this asked already?

99. Color of your bedspread?

this blue mandala like pattern idk

100. Color of your room?

white and a very mellow blue

#ICB I JUST FUCKING DID THIS #◜ / · ❛ 𝖆𝖓𝖌𝖊𝖑 ◞ ooc.

[fanficslutforsmut]

Weak Moments: One

"Jesus Christ." Olivia just stared for a moment before calling for help.

"Someone, call a fucking bus. Now."

For me, collapsing isn't how they say it is in the movies. It didn't just appear black, instead it was hazy like my mind was in a fog and no matter how hard I tried to see past it my head just kept shadowing me in the dark and my eyes wouldn't focus. It was slow motion and the only thing that was clear and relevant was Liv. I could see every feature on her face. She had aged decently but for the most part, she still looked just as she did that last day I had seen her. Worry lines across her forehead and bags under her eyes, lazily hiding behind a wall of make-up but in that weak desperate moment, you could see it all. You could see the years of not knowing, of lost hope, failed dreams, even maybe a mournful soul had imprinted on her face. A strong facade over it all but it had no slipped away, instead a broken look blanketed her features, her eyes becoming glossy and bloodshot in those few short minutes that I had been there.

While I laid on the ground she looked me over, she really looked at me.

The dirt and grease covering my hair, under my fingernails, the thin layer of grime covering my skin. The blood dripping from me, from my clothes and even my fingertips. My shirt was thin and shredded to pieces as if an animal had caught hold of me. I felt like air, being held in her arms on the ground, my limbs like molasses, unable to be moved. I couldn't speak either, exhaustion sweeping over my body quickly, the adrenaline fading.

It was a different form of prison, one made of my own body. I had experienced this many times but I couldn't tell you how or even why but being in this state watching over Liv it was different, I didn't feel like I was dying or even like I wanted to die but it was giving me the strength to live. I wanted to cry, scream even as people moved over me, grabbing at my body.

Two men hoisted my limpish body onto a gurney, strapping me down; panic settling in. They put a mask over my face to help me breathe but I couldn't seem to let go of Olivia, it was the only thing I was capable of, holding onto her.

I was scared to even look away if I did it was all a dream, nothing had changed and I would still be locked away pretending to be someone I wasn't and someone I could never be for the rest of my life.  

It was almost a contest to see who could stare the longest, to see who wouldn't dare to look away. Neither of us did the entire ride, not even as I was switched into a room and I was lifted onto a bed. We couldn't look away, not until the nurse told her she had to leave while I changed and they collected my belongings for evidence.

I cried for what felt like a century before Olivia came back in, holding onto me while the nurses photographed the abundance of injuries I had. My throat burned from the screaming and crying for Liv to come back, not like a cheap smoke burn, instead, it felt like someone was shoving a melting hot steel rod down my throat.

They asked so many questions that I really couldn't find it in me to answer, only give slight nods and whatnot. Olivia held my hand as the nurse requested a rape kit but I couldn't.

No matter the damage that had been done to my body, no matter what Mathew had done to me, he never, ever, touched me in that way; and for that small almost nonexistent favor he granted me I was forever grateful he wasn't that kind of monster.

It wasn't long before other cops were knocking on the door, becoming anxious. A female in a nice blouse and dress pants came in. She sat across from me, next to Olivia, introducing herself as Detective Amanda Rollins. Then right after the other, another detective came in, a tall blonde man. Such a contrast to Mathew.

Mathew was shorter than the blonde man but about a whole head taller than me. Mathew was older with dark brown hair and same colored facial hair. His accent wasn't from New York most definitely. This man in front of you was clean, handsome, chilling.

"Sarg, can I see you outside?" He asked cautiously, Olivia hesitantly leaving my grasp and I couldn't help but whimper at the loss of contact. It felt like I was slipping away all over again.

"I'll be right back, I promise." She told me, grabbing the back off my head and kissing my forehead, something she used to do all the time. It felt nostalgic, like a real breath of fresh air. She slid out of the door and it shut behind her, I could hear the monitors hooked up to me getting loud for a moment before Rollins got my attention.

"Well, as I said, I'm Detective Rollins, now do you think I could ask you a few simple questions, nothing too hard okay?" Her face looked calm, smooth, motherly. My heart slowed down but I couldn't get the words out, not to her. I didn't know her and frankly, I didn't really care to either, I just wanted Olivia to come back. Looking over Amanda's shoulder, trying to peak out the blinds but due to my low height, I couldn't quite make anything out for sure.

"Did you hear me, I'm gonna ask you some questions, okay. Let's start with this, what's your name?"  She spoke again, moving more in front of my face to gather my attention. I couldn't help it. I just stared at her dumbfounded. Olivia knows me, why do I have to talk to these other people?

"Sweetheart I need your name." She said again, a deep sigh leaving her mouth afterward, just like the ones that usually left Mathews mouth when he started to get agitated.

"Roslyn Marie Benson," Olivia answered for me, entering the room again. The male detective hot on her heels.

#peter scanavino #sonny carisi #dominik carisi #olivia benson #law and order svu #svu fanfiction #amanda rollins #fin tutuola #love #trigger #abuse

[thepatricktreestump]

I Love Her Anyway: Chapter 15

A/N: ok so i’ve been rereading some of these chapters and there’s a shit ton of typos, grammar mistakes, random letters and spaces throughout them- i think you should know that while i type my bearded dragon likes to jump on my keyboard and i don’t always catch the little mistakes he adds so if you catch those, blame him because i spend hours rereading and editing only for him to trample on my keyboard like the little shit he is sooo this has been a psa thanks for coming to my ted talk

the tag list that i apologize to for having experienced the pain of ch14: @cupcakesweetness @un-amoosed-padalecki @mtb04308 @dragonqueendany @kitykatnumber @svintsandghosts @greatheromuffinpalace @echoloki @geekybeauty8793 @jigglypuff1999 @timisnotmontydlc @galaxy-moon @lugialagia @pageoftheclouds @moveondontholdon @myaestheticsareshit @brendonuriehimself @yagirlcammmm @vessyvk @loverontheleft @rupphirerydenphan @uriellybrendon @converse-or-vans @amazingtyjo @pettyiestpersonyouknow

to the people who have asked to be tagged this past week: *politely whispering* um, sorry but no

               Days at the bakery are slow and boring. Being at school feels like being imprisoned. Staying at home is even worse, hours of lying in bed crying, texting and calling and emailing only to find no response. It went on for weeks. Days upon days of depression, people asking if you were okay, your parents even thinking you were sick. You couldn’t even muster up a smile. Your brother even brought you home some ice cream one day, as much of a prick as he was. Everyone could sense something was wrong, but it was you who sensed it the most. It was like your life was falling apart without him there to be the glue to hold it all together. You needed him. So much.

               The pain only got worse, more vomiting and headaches, and also being hungry. Like, really fucking hungry. You craved the blueberry muffins at the bakery and begged Ashley to bake you batches to take home, mowing them down one after another. You were kind of worried about developing an eating disorder, but you reassured yourself it was better than turning towards a worse form of self-harm, especially after the break up. You strayed away from kids at school, became particularly quiet, and spent your lunches in the library rather than the cafeteria. You wanted to be alone.

               You were throwing up in the employee bathroom for the third time this week when Ashley knocked on the door. “Hey honey?” she called out. “Maybe just take off your shift, okay?”

               “No, I’m fine,” you reassure, flushing the toilet and wiping your mouth with the back of your hand before opening up the door. “I’m alright.”

               “You sure it’s just being sick? This has been going on for about a month or two now,” she frowns. There’s a pause. “Are you late?”

               “What?” you raise an eyebrow. “No, I came five minutes early today.”

               “No,” she shakes her head. “Like, late. Period late.”

               “Well…” you feel sick at the realization. “It’s been three months but I’m sure it’s just irregular or something.”

               “Is there a chance?” she whispers. “You know? That you might be… pregnant?”

               “What?” your eyes widen. “No, no, of course not.” You laugh nervously, but fuck, there so definitely is. Especially after all the shit you and Brendon were pulling, or I guess, not pulling, last month. He reassured you that you’d be fine, and you didn’t think much of it, but shit. You didn’t use condoms and you were usually so fucked up you didn’t even really pay attention. Fuck. There was no way. Was there? You felt even more sick.

               “Oh, well maybe see a doctor?” she suggests. “Anyways, I want you to go home. Rest up. I’ll see you back here next week.”

               “Okay,” you complied.

               However, you didn’t just go home. Instead you drove to the nearest gas station, heart racing in your chest, fiddling thumbs and wobbly knees perusing the aisles until you landed on a pregnancy test in a tiny slender box. You had to find out somehow, right? You bit down on your lower lip as you approached the cashier, setting it on the counter silently. You hand over the cash and then he hands you the bag, you nodding in thanks before heading back to your car. When you get home, you race to your room and lock the door, heading to your bathroom and tearing the box open. You read the directions with hazy vision and do as told, then set it on the sink and wait. It’s the longest three minutes of your life. You’re almost hitting the mark when you hear your mom walk through the door and you scramble up out of your seat when she calls your name.

               “Y/n! Help me carry these groceries!” she shouts.

               You race down the stairs to help her, easily getting side tracked once she asks you to wash the dishes and then help cook dinner. You forget about the ordeal completely. You’re at dinner and your dad is rambling on about how some inspector is coming in to check the building tomorrow and your mom is talking about some new television show airing tomorrow night and your brother is blabbing about some football player who got injured and can’t play for the team anymore. Instead your mind is focused on the food, getting seconds and thirds, making your mom chuckle.

               “Really enjoying the food, huh?” your dad laughs.

               “Just hungry,” you shrug, piling more into your mouth.

               After dinner, you’re sitting on the sofa when you hear your mom call your name again. You don’t give it a second thought, switching the television off and going to go find her. That is, until you see her at the doorway of your room with your father, holding your pregnancy test in her hand. You turn pale and you think you just might pass out. This was not at all how you thought it would go. “What the fuck is this?” she holds it up for you to see. “Are you pregnant? Are you kidding me right now, y/n?”

               “I- I, I, I don’t…” you stammer, dumbstruck.

               “Talk. Now,” your father demands. “Is this real? Are you pregnant? Have you been having sex with boys? Is that where you’ve been those past few months, staying the nights at friend’s houses? You’re really out being a whore? Disgusting.”

               “You need to realize that your actions have consequences,” your mom scolds. “I can’t believe you. We trusted you.”

               “You need to tell me who this young man is right now,” your dad insists. “This instant.”

               “He’s just my boyfriend,” you quickly lie, going along with what they had implied. “I was staying at his house when I told you I watched the movie and hung out with friends and went shopping and stuff. I met him at school, we’re not together anymore, I just-”

               “Jesus Christ,” your parents shake their heads.

               “Y/n, I can’t believe you,” your mom stares at you, devastated. “Really? Pregnant?”

               “I didn’t-” you stop trying to save yourself at this point. It’s no use.

               The rest of the night is full of yelling, screaming, explaining using fibs and lies, your brother eavesdropping from the other room. You break your phone on purpose before they can get it, smashing it on the bathroom tile before drowning it in the sink. If they ever saw your texts between you and Brendon, you’d be toast, and things would only get a thousand times worse. They get even angrier once they find out what you’ve done to your phone, but you don’t care. If you can save him at least, then it will be worth it. But you have to talk to him somehow.

               Your parents strictly instruct you that you’re grounded. You’re only allowed to leave for school, work, then straight home and in your room. You don’t know how long it will last. They schedule appointments for getting you tested for sexual diseases, which you’re embarrassed about, as well as a gynecologist and a pregnancy doctor. It seems a little early to you, but your parents are relentless and aren’t in any mood to argue. You didn’t really care to be pregnant. It only made the reminder of him leaving you even more engrained in your mind, in your body, in your soul. It only made you miss him more. Plus, you felt miserable, shitty, crampy, sweaty, hot, hungry, and bloated. Night after night you would lay awake, missing him, worrying about the future, and holding your hand over your stomach, wondering how the hell this all happened in the first place anyways.

               It’s in the middle of school, during your lunch in the library, when you’re on the computer and the notification pops up. It’s the last thing you would ever expect. Brendon. You have to blink to make sure you’re seeing it right. Your heart almost falls out of your chest when you click on the email he’s sent you and you begin to read. “Dear y/n, I’m sorry for the way things have turned out. I didn’t mean to have to leave you. In fact, it was never my choice. I would do anything to try and save you, but I know if I would make a move, it would only hurt you, and I would never want that. I am sorry I haven’t contacted you sooner, my workers have kept a close eye on me ever since our split, and I’m not even alone in the office anymore seeing as I’ve been hired a new secretary. She’s not nearly as beautiful as you are, and her humor is bland and boring. I miss you, so very much. Anyways, enough of the babble. Your father had spoken to me about the new discovery, and I can only imagine I’m the culprit of the situation. You’re pregnant, is what he tells me. And if I know you well enough, you haven’t been off fucking other guys so quickly after the split, because neither have I. It has to be from us, and I apologize about it. We need to see each other and we need to work this out. From what your father tells me is that you said it was a boyfriend at school, which is quick thinking and I like it, but we need to be real. We need to do this together. I plan on having a meeting with my workers tonight and updating them. Maybe they will change their minds. Nobody knows I’m sending this email to you, so please don’t respond. Instead look for me at the bakery during your shift this week. I’ll be there. I’m not giving up on us. I’m not giving up on you. With all the love I possess, Brendon.”

                You don’t know what to think or say. Instead you just press your hand to your stomach and think that everything’s going to be alright. He’s still there for you, he’s still thinking of you, and he still loves you. That’s all you could ever ask for. The rest of the day you constantly find yourself checking the clock, waiting until you can get out and head to the bakery. You wonder what he’s going to do. Your mom’s already instructed Ashley to keep your working and to make sure you’re there on time and to text her when you leave. They’ve been running a tight ship ever since the night of chaos, and you’ve barely even had time to yourself unless you’re at school. Which by the way, you faked a name to your parents to pose as your fake boyfriend, which accidentally actually ended up being a boy at your school, and you kind of got him a restraining order by accident, but that was the least of your problems. You don’t even understand how it could’ve happened, seeing as he probably didn’t even know you and couldn’t attest to you guys ever having sex in the first place, but somehow, it happened. It was word of the school for a good two days and even some of your friends came up to you bugging you about it. Nobody knew you were pregnant though. Nobody but your parents and brother, and now Brendon of course. Everyone else just thought you were in deep shit, did something crazy, pissed your parents off, and now you were watched like a hawk. They weren’t wrong. That all did happen.

               As soon as he walks into the bakery you can barely breathe. All you want is to run up to him and wrap him in your arms, hold him tight, kiss him on the lips, tell him how much you’ve missed him. But you can’t. Instead you stand there, limbs shaking, feet glued to the ground, staring at him like an idiot behind the counter. “Hey, I’d like a slice of apple pie. Boxed and for the road,” he simply orders. “And one brownie.”

               “C-coming right up,” you stammer, calculating his order and fetching a box and a bag to put his goodies in. He hands you the cash and that’s when you notice a piece of paper folded up on top of the dollar bills, and so you take that and stick it in your pocket. He nods with approval, giving a smile.

               “Thanks,” he says, taking his things and leaving.

               It’s just that simple. Just that quick. And still not enough.

               The piece of paper tucked inside your pocket feels as if it’s burning all throughout your shift. You’re itching you go open it up and read what’s inside. You even almost go to use the restroom just so you can read it, but realize that if you do that, it would only be eating you up even more. So you wait. You take on customers and fill out orders and count the money and then get off shift, driving home, thinking of him and only him. The way he walked in, still in his work clothes, dark eyes, wide smile, smooth gait, confident stature. You missed him. So much.

               As soon as you go home to use the restroom, you lock the door and unfold the piece of paper, eyes darting around to make sense of the message. “I love you y/n. I’ve talked to the workers and I think they understand now. At least a little better than they once did. Although they don’t agree with what we’ve done, they agree with what we plan to do, and that’s getting through this together. Tomorrow when you get to school, I want you to ask to go to the nurse’s office at exactly eleven. That’s my lunch break and that’s when I’ll be there to pick you up. You’re coming with me. Don’t go to the nurse, simply leave your classroom with the hallway pass and head straight to the back door, the one by the band room. I’ll be there, I’ll be waiting. If something comes up and this isn’t possible, then expect to see me at the bakery your next shift. We need to talk and figure things out. Hang in there. And take care of the baby for me. Give them a kiss and all of my love. Missing you like hell, Brendon.” Your heart hurts just reading it. You take the note and carefully stick it behind the mirror hanging on your bathroom wall, then wash your hands and head down to dinner. As hard as the thought is to believe, you can’t wait to go to school tomorrow. You think you just might explode.

#i love her anyway #miss jackson #OK YOU WANNA HEAR A FUNNY STORY #so i was like spotify play guns and ships #so it plays hamilton #but then transition went into 21 chump street #and it was like jason went to sell marijuana on school property #and i did a doubletake #and i was like I DONT REMEMBER THIS HAPPENING TO ALEXANDER HAMILTON #and i checked my phone and of fucking course it was a different musical playing #i lost my shit lmaoooo #zimeah would probably appreciate this story #if you're reading this zimeah i love you #brendon urie fanfiction #brendon urie x reader fanfiction #brendon urie imagines #brendon urie x reader imagines #brendon urie fanfic #brendon urie x reader #brendon urie x reader fanfic #JUSTIN NOT JASON #goddammit

[omg-foreverfilledwithweird-posts]

Gotta Secret, Can You Keep It? (Peter Parker X Reader)

Summary: A few weeks have passed since your almost kiss with Peter Parker, and it’s all the two of you can think about and all the Avengers tease you about. Tonight, you are visited by an injured Spider-Man in need of your help, which you gladly give to him with no hesitation, and you’re surprised to feel a spark between the two of you that confuses your heart even more. The next night you make a few discoveries and uncover a secret. But when you confront the person after an Avengers pool party, what will happen next?

Author’s Note: Okay, okay, I’ve been waiting to write this part for awhile and I’m so EXCITED for you to read it, I had so much fun writing it. Just trying to cure my IW depression, you all get it. P.S I LOVE TOM’S HAIR IN INFINITY WAR LIKE OMG So as always, enjoy!! AND THE LYRIC AS THE TITLE IS SECRET BY THE PIERCES I’M ALSO SORRY IT’S SO LONG BUT READ IT IT’S WORTH IT!! AND WHEN YOU SEE THIS (*) IMAGINE THIS:

If you guys like it, let me know and I may do another part... ;)

Warnings: So much fluff, SO MUCH, a bit of angst and there’s some blood, alcohol, Tony being a dad AGAIN, Wanda being a supportive, amazing, and helpful big sister, and... DUN DUN DUN!!!!!............. heavy makeout ;)

FC: Elle Fanning

“An Avengers pool party? Tomorrow night?” you repeat, leaning your back against the front of the couch, Wanda gently pulling your long hair back into a braid, being sure not to tug too roughly because she knows your tender-headed.

“You know Tony, (y/n), he’s always finding an excuse to through a party, no matter the occasion,” she says. “When you have as much money as he does...”

“You put it into a savings account, gain interest, and invest in successful stocks and companies. That way you stay rich,” Tony appears in the room, taking one of your chips from the bowl on the table in front of you two, making you chuckle. “Having a wealthy family works too.”

“And throwing extravagant parties every chance you get is somehow apart of that?” Wanda looks up at Tony who narrows his eyes at her, chomping down on his potato chip.

“You can’t truly call yourself a Stark if you don’t, wicked witch of the west,” he cocks an eyebrow, walking out of the room and Wanda scoffs at the nickname while you bite back a laugh.

“I think I like that nickname...” you say quietly, smirking to yourself. 

“You wouldn’t dare,” she looks over you, her long, deep red hair falling over your face, you smile and blow it out of the way.

“I’ll get you, my pretty, and you’re little dog, too,” you quote with a laugh and she tugs hard on your hair, purposefully, as she finishes it off. You yell ‘ow’ and whip your head around to glare at her.

“Watch that big mouth, (y/n), I have all the power here,” she smiles smugly, tying off your hair in a small, blue ribbon.

“You wish,” you snort, pulling your hair over your shoulder and playing with the pretty ribbon, admiring the plait in your hair. “But my hair does look nice.”

“It does, so maybe you should start being nice to your big sister then, hm?” she raises an eyebrows to you when you turn around to look at her, grinning at each other. “It’s no wonder why Peter Parker likes my pretty little sister.”

You roll your eyes, turning away and blushing hard, “He does... he does not. Peter...” you shake your head.  “No, he doesn’t.”

“You know... that American movie with that woman, who was it... Alicia Silverstone and that.. uh, Paul Rudd with the parties and makeovers?” she asks you, twirling a strand of your hair that’s fallen out of the braid around her slender finger.

“Clueless?”

“Yes! That’s you!” she smiles.

You laugh flatly, “Very funny.”

“It is funny,” she agrees, not hinting at the sarcasm in your voice and nodding her head, unable to keep herself from laughing.

“What’s funny?” Natasha asks, sitting down on the couch on Wanda’s right, while you lay down on the floor, looking up at both of them with your limps splayed out, making carpet angels.

“How much Peter likes (y/n)...” Wanda smirks.

Natasha nods in agreement, lightly kicking your side, “I could cut that tension with a knife, girlie. Please tell me you notice it too.”

“Oh, you mean how much Peter likes (y/n)? That boy is smitten...” Clint walks in the room, chuckling to himself, pizza in hand. Where the hell did he get pizza?

At this point you’re as bright red as a ripe tomato, blushing every shade of scarlet, wishing the ground would split open and swallow you whole. 

“Jesus Christ, you guys,” you hold your burning face in your hands, laughing but it comes out a lot more nervous and shaky than you intended.

Natasha leans over the couch and peels your hands away from your face, looking you in the eye, raising both of her perfectly arched brows, saying very sincerely, “(Y/N)... I am telling you this as your friend... that Peter Benjamin Parker has got it bad for you, (y/n) (y/m/n) Maximoff.”

“You just said my middle name,” you point out.

She nods, “I did.”

You groan, “That must mean you’re being serious.”

“Damn straight.”

“But he can’t like... me?” you look up at your sister and Natasha. “Can he?”

“Didn’t you two almost kiss a few weeks ago?” Wanda leans forward, chin resting in her hands, smirking.

“Oh my God,” Natasha leans back into the couch, gaping at you. “You two almost kissed and you’re still questioning whether or not this boy likes you?”

“I mean...” you look down at your fiddling hands, intertwining your fingers together and smiling sheepishly up at her. “Purely hypothetical... if I said yes to that... what would you say?”

“I wouldn’t say anything, I’d hit you upside the head,” Natasha looks at you.

Wanda mouths a quick and unnoticeable ‘RUN’ to you, hiking her thumb in the direction to your room. 

~~~

TAP, TAP, TAP!

You shoot up from your bed at the sound, out of breath and startled from the sudden noise. You look around your room and see no one else but the one and only, Spider-Man, knocking on your window. The sight is so shocking you have to blink rapidly and pinch yourself hard in the arm to make sure you’re not still dreaming and truly awake.

When you definitely feel the pinch, and wince slightly, you run over to pull the window up.

“Spider-Man,” your voice is hoarse, thick with sleep and eyes half-lidded, a lazy smile on your lips from seeing your old friend. “What are you doing here?” you yawn.

“I’m... I’m really sorry to wake you, (y/n),” he says, voice strained and he’s clutching his side, a pained expression you can see even through his mask. “And I know it’s late, but I could really use your help with something.”

Before you can think better of it, you nod, and help him inside. He removes his hand from his waist and you watch as blood is slowly pooling on his side, staining his suit. You heart races, fuck, you’ve never done this before, cleaning and patching up someone’s wound. Maybe you’ve done this to yourself when you lived on the streets with Wanda and Pietro, but it was never extensive and like this. Why did he come to you of all people? You’re sure he has friends.

“Uh...” you bite down on your lip, nervous sweat beading on your forehead. “Okay, okay... first, you’re going to need to unzip your suit, keep on the mask if you want, and... I’ll- I’ll be right back with first aid.”

He nods and sits down on your desk chair, while you sprint out of the room, barely thinking about what you’re doing when everything feels like it’s moving 1000 mph around you. You get back to the room, gulping down the lump beginning to slowly form in your throat, practically having to shield your eyes to prevent you from staring at his muscular and fit physique. 

How can a situation be such a nightmare but also such a dream at the same time?

You kneel down in front of him, licking your dry lips and chewing on your bottom one, your own nervous habit. You can’t tell if he’s watching your hands or your face, but you feel his breathing shallow when you press a piece of gauze to his bleeding cut, soaking up the blood before cleaning it with a disinfectant.

And, God, now your hands are shaking. You struggle to grab the band-aids, knocking over the first-aid kit and having to pick it all up from the floor, muttering your apologies over and over.

He takes your hand in his warm one, both of you intertwining your fingers together like it was the most normal thing in the world, your eyes flicking up to meet his artificial, tech ones. “Please don’t say you’re sorry... I’m the one that’s burdened you with this. So I’m the one that should be apologizing.”

You shake your head, “You were bleeding out and came to the first place you saw, I completely understand that. It’s your life on the line, and I’m being... being a nervous mess. I should be calm, I should-”

“You’re doing really well, (y/n),” he cuts you off to assure you and you smile weakly.

You laugh, looking up at him for a moment before getting back to patching up the cut, “You’re a terrible liar, but thank you... The cut is a bit deep, but not deep enough for stitches, you’ll be okay.”

He lets out a sigh of relief once you you finish putting the bandage on, laying back on the floor like you’re falling from an intense adrenaline rush, letting out the longest breath of air you think you’ve ever exhaled.

“I can’t thank you enough, (y/n),” he breathes out and you hear the relieved smile in his voice.

You sit up and look at him, your eyes drooping from need of sleep, but you’re smiling, “Just promise me you won’t get hurt like this again and we’ll call it even, okay?”

“I can’t promise that,” he chuckles nervously, the sound eerily familiar, but you shake off the thought. “Not with the people I have to fight everyday.”

“You can be more careful,” you say. “It’s amazing... what you do, everyday, but you still need to be aware of what it does to you. I’m sure there are plenty of people in your life that count on you coming home everyday. If you don’t want to do it for yourself, do it for them. Promise me.”

You raise your pinky to him and cock an eyebrow, waiting for him to hook his around yours.

“Really?” he asks.

“Really,” you deadpan.

“But-”

“No but’s, Spider-Boy. Pinky promise me,” you say, moving your pinky closer to his hand. Then he gives in and nods, hooking it around yours, electricity shooting through the both of you at the contact. You then wait for him to zip up his suit and get situated before helping him up along with you.

“You should probably leave now... Tony Stark is... overprotective...” you trail off. Or at least that’s one word for it...

He looks at you for a moment, lifting up his mask half way to show only the tip of his nose and a pair of pretty, pink lips. Everything about him is so damn inviting and... terribly familiar. Then it happens, it’s so quick, you barely have time to react as he leans forward and presses a small but sweet kiss to your cheek, leaving a tingling feeling on your skin even after he pulls away. His lips were so soft, really freaking soft, causing heat to pool into the pit of your stomach.

He smiles at you before pulling his mask down again and swinging out of the window, off into the night, one thought on your mind the rest of the time you tried to fall back asleep.

Spider-Man just kissed me.

~~~

“Spider-Man...” Wanda says hesitantly, nursing her Mai-Tai made by Banner who’s manning the Tiki bar. “Kissed you?” she repeats.

“After I patched his injury up, yes,” you say, sipping on your own virgin Mai-Tai, still bashful from what happened last night, and still not sure if you just imagined the whole thing. The only thing proving otherwise being the feeling of his incredibly soft lips on your skin.

It had to be real. But it also confuses you, what you feel with Peter is real too, but when you start to think harder about it... you see that the feelings for both of them are a lot of the same.

“Wow,” Wanda smirks at you over the rim of her drink, rolling her eyes. “Two boys tripping over their own feet for you. How romantic.”

“It was a friendly kiss,” you say, hoping it to be true at least, thinking that maybe if you say it enough that it will come true. You can’t develop feelings for Spider-Man, not for two boys at once, it wouldn’t possibly work out for anyone in the end if you did.

“I’m sure he wanted to get real friendly with you...” her smirk widens, making your jaw drop at your sister’s innuendo, slapping her in the arm.

“You... bitch!” 

“Witch, you mean,” she corrects. She’s had more than a few Mai-Tai’s in the last hour or so.

“I see you’re embracing the new name,” Tony says, appearing out of nowhere, wrapping his arm around her, squeezing her shoulder. “It seems we’ve gotten to her, (y/n).”

“It seems we have,” you agree, downing the rest of your dink, setting the glass down on one of the glass, patio tables. “Why are you throwing this party again, anyway?”

“You all deserved a break,” he shrugs, looking at Wanda skeptically when she sways drunkenly side to side to the song playing over the speakers. “A pool party is a way to both cool off and have some fun. So enjoy yourself and stop asking questions, Curious George.”

“Do you ever call anyone by their actual name?” you laugh, waving at a far-off Natasha and Clint.

“What’s the fun in doing that?” he looks at you like you offended him before patting you affectionately on the back. “You’ll also be happy to know that Peter will be here in ten minutes...”

“Why would I be happy to know that?”

He looks at you with a flat expression, “You know why, Cher Horowitz.”

You blush and he smiles when he sees he has his answer, walking away from you and Wanda to be a good host to the other guests, welcoming the other members that have just now arrived.

“Then it’s a good thing you wore my swimsuit, huh?” Wanda asks, finishing off her drink and doing a ‘gimme, gimme’ gesture with her hand to Bruce who hands her another while shaking his head. 

You look down at the small, scarlet red bikini with gold accents your sister’s let you borrow, showing off most of your body but also highlighting all your assets as Natasha would say, the bottoms hanging low on your lean hips so you’ve wrapped a loose, patterned cover-up over yourself until you get into the water.

“I guess it is...” you blush, chewing on the inside of your lip. “But I’ll never wear it as well as you,” you tease.

“Good answer,” she points her drink at you. “Very good answer, but you also wear it well, I have to admit. But don’t tell anyone I did,” she puts a finger to her lips and sh’s loudly.

“You’re hammered,” you laugh, taking the drink from her. “I’m cutting you off,” you grin proudly before smacking into someone’s hard chest, their hands catching you by resting on your arms, steadying you.

“Oh! (Y/N), are you okay?” Peter asks, looking down at you, and holy crap, he looks good. Really good.

“Yeah...” you breathe a laugh, setting down Wanda’s drink which she quickly grabs again before tucking a piece of your wavy hair due to the braid from last night behind your ear, blushing like it’s the only thing you remember how to do. “I’m- I’m okay. I’m sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going and I just...” you trail off, trying to find words, but a small laugh comes out instead as you’re completely awestruck by him. His quaffed, brown hair, ivory skin slightly more olive from being in the sun these last few weeks, and fit to the gods.

He furrows his brow before catching sight of what you’re wearing or lack thereof, his eyes widening and he meets your eyes, embarrassed, smiling at you the sweetest you’ve ever seen, “You look... wow. J-just wow. You’re fucking beautiful,” he says before he can think better of it and you’re blushing so brightly you swear that everyone at the party is looking at you now.

You laugh, “Thank you, you look really good too,” you say, meeting his blushing face again with a big smile. “I’ve missed you.”

“You have?” he furrows his brow.

“Of course I have,” you say in a ‘duh’ tone. “You’ve been busy, I know that, but... I really did miss you being here,” you smile softly.

Dimples. “I’ve missed you too.”

“Good because it would be awkward if you didn’t,” you tease.

He laughs, “I could never not miss you, (y/n), you’re too unforgettable to let that happen.”

“Likewise,” you say breathlessly, you tend to get like that when you’re with him, out of breath just from being around him.

You look over to see Natasha looking at the two of you, making a heart with both of her hands over the two of you, and Clint pretending to shoot a Cupid’s arrow. 

“Have they been doing this to you too?” Peter asks you.

You sigh, “All the time.”

“I thought it was just me,” he says coolly, but his blush betrays his words, both of you are nervous wrecks right now.

“I think they’re trying to tell us something...” you say with an amused lilt weaved into your voice, looking at Peter from the corner of your eye.

“I didn’t know the Avengers were matchmakers.”

You laugh, “I think we’re just lucky enough to bring it out in them,” you say and look him over, eyes catching a... bandage on his side.

“Holy shit...” you mutter (*), your eyes wide when you point at him, jaw practically dropped onto the floor. 

Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, holy shit!

Peter brow pinches in confusion, looking to where your eyes lay and looking back up at you after putting two and two together, “(Y/N)... calm down...” he says, but your heart is racing and you can barely hear him.

“I knew it! I fucking knew it! You’re f-” You didn’t know it, but everything is finally fitting into place and making so much sense that you have to curse yourself for being stupid enough not to figure it out a lot sooner. You want to push him into the pool for not telling you, you want to hug him for getting hurt, you want to thank him for saving people everyday, and you want to kiss him because you just might be in love with him! Or would it be possible to do all four of those things?

He holds a hand over your mouth and his lips are on your ear, whispering, “(Y/N), I will explain everything if you just calm down. Let’s go somewhere that we can talk, okay?”

You nod slowly and allow him to drag you away to go inside without anyone noticing, getting indoors and immediately glaring at him.

“I am feeling so many things right now,” you fold your arms over your chest, looking at him like you’re truly seeing him for the first time. “Why... wouldn’t you tell me? Why aren’t you an Avenger? And why’d you kiss me in a mask instead of doing it face to face with me?” you throw your hands up in frustration.

“I didn’t tell you because I have enemies and if those enemies were to find out about you or who I am, then... I can’t even think about the consequences. I can handle a few bumps and bruises, but not if anything happened to you...” he admits, looking at you through his thick, dark lashes, the anger slowly simmering in your belly. 

“Ask Mr. Stark why I’m not an Avenger, hopefully it will be soon, but until then, my identity was supposed to be kept a secret,” he looks at you and smiles softly. “I just... I couldn’t stay away from you, I guess.”

“And the kiss?” you ask, breath caught in your throat when he steps closer to you, your back pressed against the wall. His leathery and salt water scent fills all of your senses and you can barely think because he smells so damn good and the way he’s looking at you... 

“I think you know why, (y/n).”

“You think I would,” you say, eyes searching his face. “You think I’d know by now to tell you how crazy I am about you because it’s... driving me nuts, looking at you everyday, talking to you like I’m not secretly falling in love with you,” you say, his gaze softening along with his smile when you say those last words. Then you laugh, looking down at your feet and shuffling them against the granite, tile floor, “And really wanting to kiss you, it’s almost unhealthy... how much I want to...” you whisper this last part, looking him in the eye.

“I really want to kiss you, too,” he gulps, eyes falling onto your slightly parted lips, silently begging for him to close the distance. 

“Glad we’re on the same page then.”

“Yeah...” he smiles adoringly at you and blinks hard, making sure he isn’t dreaming. You can’t possibly... feel the same way. Could you?

Oh, fuck it, you think to yourself.

You step up on the tips of your toes and press a soft, tender kiss against his lips, everything in your body melting into a puddle when he inhales sharply, barely recognizing you’re doing it even after you pull away, looking at him through your fluttering lashes.

He looks at you for a moment, and for once in his life he’s absolutely speechless, then his hand slides up the back of your neck and captures your lips in his own. And in that exact moment, you could feel your broken heart begin to fix itself as he hands his own heart  to you through his kiss, completely vulnerable for you. His lips are so plush, warm, and soft, the match in the pit of your stomach engulfing your entire body into flames when he gently lays his fingers to rest on your waist, dancing on your hot skin and eliciting a small whimper to escape your swollen lips. You have no idea what to do, and neither does he, but somehow it works. Even when your noses bump as you wrap your arms firmly around his neck so you’re skin to skin to run a hand through his impossibly, gorgeous hair or when your teeth clash into the kiss or when you have no idea whether to keep your eyes open or closed, your heart is getting those butterflies again and it’s the best damn feeling in the world because you’re kissing Peter Parker. 

You’re the first to break away due to lack of oxygen, arms still wrapped around each other when you take in Peter’s messy hair that you repeatedly ran your hands through, his swollen, bright, pink lips, lust-blown eyes, and lopsided grin. 

“That... that was my first kiss,” you admit quietly, flushing with embarrassment, but he only smiles.

“Mine too,” he whispers. “But you were... you’re amazing,” he stumbles over his words, laughing softly. “And I’ve been wanting to do that for months.”

“You have no idea,” you grin and shake your head, hearing shouting, whoops and hollers, and laughter from outside, both of you just now realizing that the door you’ve been pressed against was made of glass this whole time.

“WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!” Clint sings and pumps his fist, knocking his beer against Tony’s Champagne flute, both of them grinning to themselves. 

Wanda’s drunkenly sobbing into Natasha’s chest because you’re growing up so fast, making you smile softly at the sight, but also stifle a laugh.

You blush harshly when you look at Peter, “We’re never going to hear the end of this, are we?”

“No,” he says, leaning forward to kiss the tip of your nose lightly and both of your closed eyelids. “But we can handle them,” he smiles.

#peter parker x reader #peter parker #peter parker x you #peter parker fanfic #peter parker imagine #marvel fanfic #wanda maximoff #natasha romanoff #clint barton #tony stark being a dad #tony stark #you story #marvel fanfiction

[apicturewithasmile]

I am super fucking bored and want to procrastinate going grocery shopping so I decided to answer every fucking ask (that I liked) of that LGBT ladies ask list.

EDIT: I’m halfway through and I gotta say: If you wanna watch me lose my shit as the questions progress into more and more biphobic and misgynistic territory then you came to the right post on tumblr dot com.

1. How do you define your sexuality? ---- bisexual and queer 2. At what age did you first realize that you like girls? ---- pfff... 13? 5? 21? Who knows? 3. At what age did you first come out? ---- 13ish 4. Who was the first person you came out to? How did they take it? ---- I don’t know? Friends? I don’t think they reacted in any particular way because it was just an off-hand comment of mine and I hardly remember anything about it. 5. How out are you? ---- Very out. Could hardly be outer. 6. Has coming out lost you any friends? ---- Not sure about one friend who sorta stopped contacting me after I mentioned I’m bi. But we were growing apart anyway so maybe it’s a coincidence. 7. What is your current relationship status? ---- I have a boyfriend. 8. How many LGBT friends do you have? ---- Too many to count but still not enough. 9. Do you have any LGBT relatives? ---- Not to my knowledge but I don’t know many relatives of mine. 10. Have you ever cut your hair super short? ---- It is super short right now! (just had my pixie recut) 11. How often do you wear flannel? ---- Never. 12. How much do you like cats? ---- A LOT! 13. Do you wear skirts and dresses? If so, how often? ---- In summer I won’t be seen dead in pants! In winter I do wear pants more frequently but I consider dresses and skirts to be my natural form! 14. Do you wear high heels? If so, how often? ---- Rarely. Only for special occasions. 15. Do you have any tattoos? If so, what of and where? ---- Nope. 16. How accurate is your gaydar? ---- I think it’s okay. 17. Have you ever been to a gay bar or a gay club? ---- Yes. 18. How do you feel when platonic female friends refer to each other as girlfriends? ---- Let them do whatever they want. 19. Have you ever had a crush on a straight girl? ---- Unfortunately yes. 20. Ellen or Portia? ---- Neither. 21. Is your nose pierced? ---- No. 22. Would you ever want to get married, if not already? ---- Nopey nope! (unless it’s for financial/bureaucratic reasons) 23. Will you wear a dress for your wedding? 24. Would you ever want to give birth? ---- Meh. I like children and in a different timeline I definitly have some but... not in this one. 25. Have you ever watched The L Word? ---- No and I don’t plan to watch it since I’ve heard nothing but negative stuff (trans- and biphobia) from sources whose judgement I trust. 26. Have you ever dated a guy? ---- I am dating a guy right now. 27. How do you feel when someone uses the word gay to mean stupid, dumb, or boring? ---- it’s annoying and homophobic 28. How many rainbow items do you own? ---- Not that mayn actually but I do have some bi merch. 29. Have you ever been to a pride festival? ---- Yes, in Berlin and Brighton. 30. Have you ever celebrated National Coming Out Day (October 11)? ---- Not really celebrated but acknowledged its existence, I guess. 31. Have you ever participated in the National Day of Silence? ---- I have never heard of that. 32. Have you ever worn a woman’s suit? ---- I.... guess so? I don’t know. 33. Have you ever worn any men’s clothing? ---- Do my boyfriend’s shorts count? 34. Do you eat meat? ---- No. 35. Do you consider yourself a feminist? ---- Yes. 36. Who is your favorite LGBT celebrity? ---- Elton John 37. Are you religious at all? ---- No. 38. How often do you find yourself trying to sneak a peak or staring at a cute female woman? ---- probably more often than I even notice I do. 39. What is your ideal first date? ---- Coffee date! 40. Are you comfortable with terms such as lezzie, lesbo, dyke, or tranny? ---- I use neither of those for myself and also wouldn’t use them for anyone else unless they explicitly told me it was okay. 41. How outdoorsy are you? ---- Little. 42. In general, has being open about your sexuality affected your relationships with other females women (jesus fucking christ stop calling women “females”!!! we’re not cattle)? ---- I don’t know. Maybe it has intensified some friendships just because I started being more authentic. 43. How much makeup do you typically wear? ---- Usually none at all, sometimes lipstick and when I’m feeling very fancy some mascara and eye liner. 44. Have you ever attended a gay or lesbian wedding? ---- No. Well.... I was at a wedding of a bi women and a bi man but I know some fractions of the LGBTQIA+ community wouldn’t say this counts. 45. Are you more feminine or more masculine? ---- I’m... me? I guess others would say I’m more feminine. 46. How long is the longest relationship you’ve been in? Are you still with that person? ---- 1 1/2 years and counting :) 47. Have you and a girlfriend ever been mistaken for sisters? 48. Do you think it is possible for someone to truly be a 50/50 bisexual, or is the percentage always skewed in favor of one gender? ---- I think the person who wrote this question has a very wrong understanding of what bisexuality is; and the way this is phrased makes it really sound like “do you think bisexuality exists or is everyone really just gay or straight?” 49. Have you ever wished you were completely straight? ---- No. 50. Do you watch any LGBT YouTubers? ---- Alayna Fender, Ash Hardell, ContraPoints and Lindsey Ellis 51. Do you wear any combat boots, Doc Martins, or Timberlands? ---- I have a set of boots with floral print. 52. Have you ever been hit on by another female woman (djkbdnkmg)? ---- Yes. 53. How athletic are you? ---- Not at all. 54. What are your views on gender identity and bathroom use? ---- Let people be whatever gender they want to be and fucking let them pee!!! 55. What is your opinion of septum/bull nose piercings? ---- Not for me but looks good on some people. 56. What does equality mean to you? ---- It means equality. 57. If you are not a lesbian, about what percentage of the time do you find yourself attracted to other females women? ---- okay I’m starting to hate this list of questions more and more the further down I get. Has this person ever talked to a bisexual person before??? Has this person ever talked to another WOMAN before??? “If you’re not a 100% lesbian then.... how much percent lesbian are you?” 58. Have you ever shared clothes with a girlfriend? ---- Never had a girlfriend. 59. Have you ever liked or dated a girl with the same name as you? ---- No, but my name is rare in my country. 60. How flirty are you? ---- VERY! “Flirty” is my middle name. 61. Are you a virgin? ---- No but virginity is a shitty concept that should be abolished. 62. Do you listen to any LGBT musicians (i.e. Tegan & Sara, Melissa Ehteridge, Chely Wright, Elton John, Sam Smith, George Michael, Adam Lambert)? ---- ELTON JOHN!!!! Also Sia, David Bowie, Janelle Monáe... 63. Have you ever been told that you are too pretty to be gay? ---- No and I’m not gay anyway. 64. Have you ever been discriminated against because of your sexuality or gender identity? If so, please explain. ---- Not that I can remember but I did have to listen to some biphobic bullshit in my lifetime. 65. Have you ever driven an SUV, Jeep,  or a pickup truck? ---- I can’t drive. 66. Are you or have you ever been a tomboy? ---- No. 67. Agree or disagree: Everyone is at least a little bit gay. ---- Again, I think the person who wrote this is forgetting the existence of bisexuality and pansexuality and any other m-spec variation. And also... straight people exist. 68. What personality trait are you most attracted to? ---- Know that tumlr post that’s like “name a non-sexual act that turns you on” and someone responded “when they reply to your sarcasm with something even more sarcastic” 69. Boobs or butts? ---- Both. 70. Beer or wine? ---- Wine. 71. Do you have a favorite lesbian movie? ---- Don’t really watch “lesbian movies”. 72. From 1-10, how attractive are muscular women? 73. From 1-10, how attractive are women who wear glasses? 74. From 1-10, how attractive are women who are covered with tattoos? 75. From 1-10, how attractive are curvy/plus-size women? 76. From 1-10, how attractive are women with short hair? 77. From 1-10, how attractive are masculine butch women? 78. From 1-10, how attractive are highly intelligent women? 79. From 1-10, how attractive are tall women (i.e. around 6 feet or taller)? ---- If you think I’m gonna rate women on a scale like some misogynistic fuckboy then you are wrong! 80. Have you ever been on your period the same time as a girlfriend? 81. Has a girl ever dumped you for a guy? Have you? ---- “Has a girl ever perpetuated a bisexual stereotype that I want to confirm so I can continue distrusting bisexuals?” 82. Do you carry a purse? ---- Usually I have a little backpack but I also have purses for spexial occassions. 83. Do you wear any hats such as snapbacks or beanies? ---- I wear a bowler hat in fall/winter 84. Have you ever pretended to be completely straight? ---- What is it with that “completely” straight? As if someone can be half straight. Newsflash: Bisexual people aren’t Gay Lite or Straight with a dash of Gay. 85. Would you ever date a trans girl? ---- Yes, of course I would. 86. How well do you think LGBT women are portrayed on television? ---- Usually not that accurately. 87. Have you ever had a crush on a woman who’s much older than you? ---- Hmmm... usually the women I fall for are closer to my age. Men on the other hand... I like them old! 88. Do you have any celebrity crushes? ---- Yep, lots. 89. Do you have any opinions on LGBT people in the military? ---- Potential murderers, just like anyone else in the military. 90. Do you believe in love at first sight? ---- No. But I believe in attraction at first sight. 91. Have you ever been told that you look gay (i.e. like a lesbian)? ---- No. 92. Where do you think is the best place to meet a potential lover? ---- In your friend circle. 93. Is there such a thing as “good” lesbian porn? ---- Yes. 94. Have you ever had a one night stand? ---- Yes. 95. How often do you wear a bra? ---- Most days but in summer I sometimes go without one depending on my outfit and the temperature. 96. Have you ever been part of a softball team? ---- No. 97. If you could live your life all over again, would you still be attracted to other women? ---- Yes. 98. What stereotype about LGBT women do you disagree with the most? ---- I disagree with all stereotypes because the function that stereotypes are supposed to fulfill is to give people permission to single out a group of people and judge them. Some people fit a stereotype - so what? Doesn’t mean all other people from that group do the same. 99. What advice would you give a girl who is struggling to figure out her sexuality? ---- Take your time, be kind to yourself, talk to other queer people. 100. What advice would you give a girl who is struggling to come out?  ---- Put your own safety first. If someone doesn’t accept you then they don’t deserve being a part of your life.

#about me #ask thingy #oh the low-key biphobia in this one is too much for me to not be passive aggressive about it #((((: