#loss of faith

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

"My profession of atheism still doesn't make the phrase 'lost my faith' any easier to say. It sounds so negative. It sounds as if something that you value is no longer in your possession... I don't feel as if I have lost anything; instead it's just the opposite. I feel as if I have found something very valuabl, indeed. I have found myself." -- Jerry DeWitt

#Jerry DeWitt #loss of faith #atheism #religion #religion is a mental illness

[autumnslance]

You say that you always hear us.

That no hope is too small.

That no prayer is too faint.

I understand that you don't grant wishes.

What I want to know,

Is if you notice when we stop praying?

#Final Fantasy XIV #Lyn Edits #Endwalker #Shadowbringers #Stormblood #Heavensward #A Realm Reborn #Myths of the Realm #Halone #Aeryn Striker #Faith #Loss of Faith #just a girl and her patron deity she stopped believing in yet is hanging out with

[betweenthetimeandsound]

--prompt from @flashfictionfridayofficial

Through her crystalline tears and her acidic sorrow, the holes emerged from the veil in front of her. Lines of polyester and silken flowers started to fall, and in its abnormal beauty, everything had caught fire. Even the wooden floor, which was enough to hold down the remains of train tracks, started to turn into a long hidden volcano.

The veil falls, and her, the daughter of an anonymous royal and her haphazard husband, reveals her true form. Rubbing her eyes, she tries to adjust her vision despite ruining it, all while the miniscule crowd retreated in fear. Incense still imbued the room with a fraction of sanctity, but to her eyes, it's another way to keep her in.

"Get away from this inferno!" A priest cried out, and tried to grab her hand. Instead, he found his wrist pricked with stone nails and rose thorns which emerged from the woman, items which he hadn't recognized for years.

"Yes, but except it is mine," she replied, smiling. Her teeth revealed abnormal gaps, knives for canines, and a tarnished glow.

"Get away, again! And leave this place, if you don't see it fit." Holding up his staff, the priest invoked his own strength in lieu of the gods, hyperventilating as he willed his breath to its own being, to calm down a fragile girl turned a virulent woman.

Taking note of the smoke and flame, she smiled. She recognized the man's presence--huffing and puffing, as if the wanderers from across the land were his own children and to release himself would be surrendering to her immortal wrath. It ached them both, but she spotted something in his dark eyes, and it was enough to loosen her grip...for just a moment.

"I let myself become a bride for my parents' sake, so that they may be happy. I fell in love with my husband, but he didn't dare either."

"Then why don't you give up yourself entirely?"

"To whom?"

"To him!"

She smiled, a dimple forming in her right corner. "I admire how you suggested that I could be kind to everybody I meet. At the same time," she snarked, finding her hand loosen like a ribbon, "none of the gods were kind to me. Why is that?"

The priest gazed at the corner of the void. Hellfire attracted him like a candle in the darkness, a place where he might find hope amongst the billowing chaos. Through the incense, a violent veil wrapping around them, he saw them on the precipice of something terrifying, an angel revealing its true form.

"Why wouldn't they?"

And then, she flung her hand away from him, sending his body through oblivion. Biting her lip, she stood at the crack, waiting for it to consume her too, assuming the bridegroom won't come for her first. After taking a deep breath, she retreated, clasping her hands.

"Have mercy on him, if you can't have mercy on me."

#flash fiction #my writing #writers on tumblr #creative writing #sacrifice #loss of faith #runaway bride #writeblr #writers of tumblr

[ailelie]

This amazing song is from Heartland, a concept album in which "Lewis" ends up going against the Storyteller/Singer/Owen. This song is when he starts to lose his faith. At this point, he still wants to believe the Storyteller is good, but the song opens with doubt ("you can pin me to anything").

He sings of searching for the Storyteller and failing to find him. Later, he desperately tries to reassure others he exists in the signs and actions of others.

Eventually, though, he has to admit that the Storyteller is indifferent.

The next song is "Heartland Up Yours" which is the turning point song. He moves from doubt to anger.

Near the beginning he sings:

"If I only had a rowboat I would row it up to heaven And if heaven will not have me I would take the other option I will seek out my own satisfaction"

And he ends with, "I will not sing your praises here."

After this, we get "Lewis Takes Off His Shirt," which is the "I've decided to kill God" song.

"As soon as I got on the horse I forgot about the math Forgot about the odds against an adolescent standing up to all of Owen's wrath The heat of prairie summer is impossible to take I grab the hem and lift the fabric over my sweet head I know what you're looking for and I'm never gonna give it to you I'm never gonna give it to you I'm never gonna give it to you"

#songs for #castiel #faith #loss of faith #owen pallett #heartland #live version for the third b/c the only recorded version i found had flashing lights #music #Youtube

[howifeltabouthim]

He grieved over his . . . childhood home, his sacred place in which he had had faith, now spoilt and blackened and made forever uninhabitable.

Iris Murdoch, from The Philosopher’s Pupil

#disillusioned #tainted #childhood home #ruined #sad #destroyed #desecrated #loss of faith #displaced #quotes #lit #words #excerpts #quote #literature #iris murdoch #the philosopher's pupil

[omnist-angels]

The only feeling worse than the abandonment done by fathers, is the abandonment done by gods.

Obviously, mortals are imperfect, temporary, greedy.

But what excuse does a god have for abandoning you? If they're so perfect, immortal, kind, why won't they save you?

My omnism is an overflowing of faith.

I have so much faith that I can't give it all to one religion, it flows to every god I know.

I only have one father. If that father abandons me, I've only lost one mortal man. He was going to leave eventually.

But when I believe in infinite gods, and my prayers to all of them are met with silence?

I feel a betrayal much worse than anything my father's done.

Save me from him. Please. I will devote my everything to the god who does.

#omnism #multi faith #stream of conscience #stream of conscious writing #stream of consciousness #poetry #writing #religious trauma #sort of #i don't have religious trauma but i imagine those who do will understand this #paganism #neopaganism #wicca #christopaganism #christopagan #faith #loss of faith #queer spirituality #queer theology #queer christian #quaker #quakerism #pagan quaker #quaker pagan #quaker paganism

[priestessofthepoeticprophesy]

"Dark Night of The Soul in Broad Daylight"

#nature #naturecore #self portraits #dark night of the soul #spirituality #spiritual #art #self portrait #sadness #loss of faith #mine #original content

[fatecanberewritten]

He had lived until that moment by that blind faith that breeds a grim integrity. This faith was deserting him, this integrity was failing him. Everything he had believed was disintegrating. Truths he did not want to recognize obsessed him unrelentingly. He must from now on be a different man. He suffered the strange pangs of a conscience that has suddenly undergone a cataract operation. He saw what he shrank from seeing. He felt drained, useless, out of joint with his past life, dismissed, dissolved. Authority was dead within him. He no longer had any reason for being.

Victor Hugo, Les Misérables (transl. C. Donougher)

#quotes #les misérables #les mis #les miserables #victor hugo #hugo #classics #literature #javert #trigger warning: suicide #tw: suicide #trigger warning: suicidal thoughts #tw: suicidal thoughts #blind faith #integrity #faith #loss of faith #loss of integrity #truth #change #identity #identity crisis #conscience #loss of purpose #suicidal thoughts

[darkshrimpemotions]

I feel like we don't talk enough about all the religious imagery and talk about loss of faith and regret in knowing in Would've Could've Should've and what it implies.

Like. I know because of the reference to being 19 everyone assumes the song is just about John Mayer, but I feel like the Christian-flavored religious imagery doesn't necessarily support that interpretation.

The truth is, there are are so many men this could potentially be about. There are so many patriarchal forces in the lives of young women, especially women raised in evangelical Christian homes and communities. And there's such a culture of abuse, exploitation, silence, and victim blaming in those types of communities as well.

Hell...it's built into the mythology! Eve seeks knowledge and finds regret, and is blamed for all the trouble she visits on her husband and all of mankind. It's basically a blueprint for how girls are treated today.

I feel like if the song is about Mayer, it's only partly about him. Or only about him on one layer. I think it's also about that unfortunately widely shared experience of being hurt, used, and disappointed by the men who you look up to or who have authority in your life as a young woman. And then being told that you choosing to speak about your pain and trauma is going to harm this man's reputation in some way, as if that matters more than your trust, your mental health, your body, your safety.

Being raised to seek safety in leaning on the strength of men only to be forced to confront this loss of faith in these pillars of your world is its own trauma, too: fathers, mentors, pastors, God himself. And how it always turns around on you somehow when it happens. When, not if. And what the song does, adamantly and repeatedly, is lay that blame back at the feet of the ones is belongs to. It says "this is yours. If not for you, I would be okay. You had all the power, and you abused it. And I may be left with the consequences but I will not take the blame as well."

I dunno. I just feel like there's waaaay way more in this song than one shitty creepy guy.

#would've could've should've #midnights 3am edition #taylor swift #trauma #loss of faith #patriarchy

[nothingbutaspaceman-writings]

I made a lyric video for an old song. This probably isn’t the best of the 4 I’ve made. And it’s probably the worst thumbnail of the bunch. But this song means a lot to me. It’s got some pretty dark subject matter.

The central theme being the cycle of self-harm.

I’m incredibly open for commissions. If it’s for a queer song/artist, it’s probably free. I’m, like, actually proud of these videos. Using free software and clips, I think they’re fun. Even if this vid has been sitting at 20 views for 3 months. See below for a little more detail on the subject matter and why this song has haunted me for almost decade.

So. What could “Ideation” be about? You get 3 guesses.

This song serves as the thematic closer to my old band’s 2016 EP Bipolar. The whole EP is about self-harm, suicide, depression, psychosis, cognitive dissonance, imposter syndrome, codependence, and looking to art for answers. Among other themes. Ideation is mostly self-harm. A subject I think is still uncomfortable for most audiences. More so than hopelessness, depression, anxiety, nihilism, and other “dark” matters. It isn’t explicit, I think. I don’t sing about hitting myself for hours with PVC pipe. It’s a bit more subtle.

I could very easily write an essay going like by line explaining the song. But I’ll try not to.

The opening stanza is about getting lost in your own negative thinking. “Apathetic anxiety.” Mindlessly pacing for hours, avoiding sleep, wishing you could care about anything. Only negative thoughts over and over and over.

The next stanza is about losing faith. Faith in humanity, gods, altruism, reality. Life is meaningless. And the martyrs who’re burdened with unselfish concern will be forgotten and lost in the malevolent waves of the universe. Even if you’re a good person and want to be a good person, you’ll be forgotten.

The next stanza is where the self-harm is first made explicit though still bordering on metaphor. It’s about rapidly cycling between being bored with existence then afraid of not having it. The oscillating is numbing. You lose touch with your place in the universe. Anxious, you chew your nails until they bleed. And in the blood flood comes the sharks: the suicidal thoughts.

The next couple stanzas are riddled with double entendre and biblical references. Settling into your place as a martyr. Drowning. Sacrificing your capacity for love so you can swallow more water. Soon you are the water and the water is you. It’s literally in your blood. All this pressure becomes too much to bear and you intentionally fail to take your life. And when you survive, you realize it’s the only thing you have control over. When you’re dead, nobody can tell you you’re wrong. The crux of the whole EP, “Who are you to tell me how I feel?” Your whole life, everyone has known what’s best for you. And they love to tell you that your own feelings are wrong. They gaslight you. They never let you forget all the times you’ve hurt others. They tell you you're beyond redemption. You’re incapable and unworthy of love. You’re in a desolate world. Your efforts to help others were a lie. The ones you trusted are the ones telling you you’re worthless.

And the sharks surround. And you have trouble differentiating between negative thoughts, untrue thoughts, and reality. And the sharks start making some really good points.

You’re in constant pain. Constant confusion. Constant remorse. You only want one person to truly care for you. And in this hell you’ve created, this person cannot exist. They have to exist beyond this mortal realm.

Things cannot be clearer. If you die, there’s only 2 possibilities. Either there’s nothing. Or. There’s an angel. But no matter what, the pain is gone. And that’s all that matters.

That’s Ideation. It means a lot to me. I wrote it in 2016 while beating myself nightly. Awake for hours and hours, I’d pace past the point of exhaustion. Completely unable to stand, I’d bruise my legs for hours. Once the sun came up, I’d try to sleep. The next day, I’d pace around more. I’d feel the bruising in every step. I loved it. Nobody knew. The people I eventually let know didn’t care. They said nothing to help. Only to make things worse. To remind me that I’m wrong for having my own feelings. The main culprit is no longer in my life. And I haven’t self-harmed in a while.

This song has lots of queer elements though it was before my egg cracked. Feeling cursed with a certain role in society. Thinking the only escape is a place without people. Finding nobody to relate your issues to. Hating your identity and not having words for why. Only because it’s wrong in a way that has to be felt.

This poem and rant has left me feeling quite vulnerable. I’d like to make jokes about all this but it’s tough. I wrote this EP because I resolved to end my life. If you read this, I thank you. If you checked out the video, I thank you again. The song isn’t a masterpiece. My vocal performance isn’t my best. But I’m glad it exists. I could rant for pages on this particular song. I worked hard on it. And it was a super bummer to write. When we shared it back in 2016, I was inundated with more comments than ever and they were all about how bad my vocal skills were/are.

#queer music #self harm #suicide #depression #self harm art #self harm music #suicide ideation #suicidal thoughts #depressing poetry #dark art #lyric video #queer art #queer metal #Youtube #depression music #anxiety #anxiety art #diy art #diy music #melodic death metal #loss of faith #trans music #trans art #trans poetry #most tags ever #nothingbutaspaceman #murder in the wheatfield #desert eclipse #bipolar #bipolar art

[babyinablender]

Yesterday, I heard God say that he loves you, while He can't even look me in the eye. Now I've known I'm never gonna be His favorite, but doesn't God love all the liars?

Or was I lied to, like the Church, she wants to do? Doesn't God love all His sinners, aren't we all equal bread-winners in His eyes?

Brother Wade told me our best is oily rags, that the Holiest of us don't mean tack or brass, and we're just dirty in His eyes; that we gotta do our best so He won't just look away and sigh on our Judgement day, back bent in disappointment with a heavy chest.

Yesterday, I heard God say he loves you. Does He love you just like me? Did I fall through the cracks in His pavement, did I forget to hold my hand up at His call? I swear His eyes just glassed over me, if He ever looked my way at all.

What kind of payment can I give?

If I am just a dirty rag?

One that curses and sins, one that hates as deep as this, soul plaqued with tar and piss, what can I do?

Doesn't God love all His liars, too?

Wasn't Judas just His child, too?

I keep asking for signs and I see how much He loves you and just like a father He won't pick up my call. I know love is difference, it's common law and common sense, but compromise isn't in Our names.

God, Jehova, Yahwei, and Holy Mothers, have mercy on my sisters and brothers and please. Please remember me. Please remember me. Please remember me. Please remember me. Please remember me. Please remember me. Please remember me.

#mine #she broke my heart #poetry #vent art #southern gothic #loss of faith #religious trauma #holding back my tears as i braid blades of grass; i overheard and listened when i should have headed back

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

#Tim Sledge #christianity #apostasy #ex christian #ex christians #voice of god #mental gymnastics #loss of faith #leaving religion #religion is a mental illness

[secretneilgaiman]

Not to get all religious on you all but I think it's pretty cool that every now and again Jesus would do something so wild they'd have to make a new word for it. Eucharist. Stigmata. Evangelion. Apostle. Pentecost. Exegesis. Baptismal. Proselyte. So beautiful to say, they're like names for the ethereal. I don't even believe in god anymore

#secret words of secret ng #jesus #christianity #religion #beautiful #words #stigmata #holy wounds #loss of faith

[atheostic]

"In February 2011, Tapestry listeners heard from “Adam.” His real identity was a secret because he was an Evangelical minister who had stopped believing in God. This interview includes an update from “Adam” who has since become an outspoken atheist."

#radio interview #cbc radio #canada #christianity #religion #religious leaders #evangelical #did you know #loss of faith #atheism #christian news #atheist news #abrahamic religions

[pseudofangirl]

#aesthetic #photo editing app #polish #self pity #regret #shame #loss of faith #ego death

[madzliterature]

𝘍𝘢𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘧 𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴

#poetry #thoughts #faith #loss of faith #philosophical