#neil hilborn the future

[againstme]

Neil Hilborn - The Future

#c.txt #cant believe i had to make this my damn self. #where have the depressed poetry lovers on this website gone #i know this is 10 years old i don’t care #neil hilborn #neil hilborn the future #button poetry #slam poetry #poetry #feeling ancient over the fact that this is 10 years old btw #i don’t care if this doesn’t get notes it’s really for me to be dramatic and depressed about #chasecore

[malaisequotes]

“Yes, there is a place where someone loves you both before and after they learn what you are. That place is called the world, and if you want to live it’s really the only option.”

The Future by Neil Hilborn

#The Future #Neil Hilborn #Quote #Book

[arctic-hands]

The tragedy is that I've only got one lock screen and one background and I have three disabilty pride images I want to display

#my current lock screen is the preview cover for #Rebuilding Tomorrow #which is just the cover to #Defying Doomsday #with some text about how disabled people are gonna rebuild the future #my current background is a plank of wood with a line from a #Neil Hilborn #poem #'I've seen the future. i have. and in it i was alive.' #and the one i want to also display is a photo of the #Sick4Sick #also poem #disability pride

[verademialove]

"Yes, there is a place…where someone loves you both before…and after they learn what you are."

— Neil Hilborn, "Lake", The Future

#the future #neil hilborn #kill your darlings #dead poets society #poetic #poem #poetry #poets on tumblr #love poem #poesía #poetscommunity #my poem #literature #quotes #aesthetic #life quotes #lit #writing #love #dark academia #academia aesthetic #fragments of my mind #poetry fragments #excerpts #writers #words #men and women #winter #written episode #writers on tumblr

[tini21]

165/365

Yes, there is a place

where someone

loves you both

before and after

they learn what

you are

- Neil Hilborn

#neil hilborn #the future #snapshots and borrowed thoughts #photographers on tumblr

[dark-romantics]

Yes, there is a place…where someone loves you both before…and after they learn what you are.

~ Neil Hilborn, "Lake", The Future

#dark academia #dark academia aesthetic #classic literature #light academia aesthetic #english literature #virginia woolf #literature #librarylife #letters #lit #light academia #books and libraries #academia aesthetic #dark academia vibes #classic academia #greek goddess

[cowgurrrl]

Hi! I love your writing. Ok so I was thinking about her chapter in baby Miller story, maybe baby Miller gets sick, nothing serious of course but it really shakes Joel up because, ya know trauma. All the feels please.

Oooooo I absolutely love this idea

Nothing’s Gonna Hurt You Baby

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader

Author’s note: hello this ended up being so much more sad that I thought it was gonna be

Summary: “Yes, there is a place / where someone / loves you both before / and after they learn what you are.” Neil Hilborn, “Lake”, The Future [1.2k]

Warnings: mentions of deceased children and past relationships, PTSD, anxiety, Charlie girl has a cold (also Charlie is like 3-4 months in this so she’s still just a squish)

Joel is missing from his side of the bed when you reach for him, feeling his cold pillow instead of his chest. You jolt up and look around the room for any sign of him. His wedding band is still on the bedside table, and his shoes are still by the door, but there's no other indication that he's in the house. Panic settles over your bones as you stand up, throw the blankets off you, and walk down the hallway. You peek your head into Ellie's room first. Maybe she had a nightmare, and Joel fell asleep trying to calm her down, but she's alone and sleeping soundly. You look into Charlie's nursery and let out a relieved sigh when you see him sitting on the floor next to her crib. He doesn't look away from her sleeping form as you stand there, trying to regulate your heartbeat. 

There's no evidence of a massive blowout or a half-asleep attempt at feeding her a bottle. The rocking chair is undisturbed, and it doesn't even look like she's been shifted much from how you laid her to sleep. Still, he's sitting there with a hand on her back, watching her little chest move up and down. You don't enter the sacred space yet. Instead, you just watch them. 

Charlie's had a cold the past few days, and you knew kids got sick. You knew it wasn't your fault, and things like this happen. You knew it was part of growing up, socializing, and building her immune system. What you didn't know was how fucking terrifying it is when your baby gets sick after your kid has died. The second she got a fever, you rushed her to the hospital and cried the entire time the doctor examined her. Joel wasn't any better, fighting tears and anger at himself for letting her get sick but doing his best to keep it together for you. The doctor said it was nothing serious and gave you some antibiotics to give her, but that didn't stop you both from spiraling. That's probably why he's sitting on the cold floor of his daughter's nursery in the middle of the night.

Your heart aches at the worried, gentle look on his face. The man known for his brutality and hardness has melted into this soft, anxious, tender father in no time. You wish he could see himself this way, sitting in the soft light of his baby daughter's room just to measure her breaths. You finally let your feet carry you to where he's seated, careful not to make any sudden noise that could scare them, and sit down across from him. You let your tired body rest against her crib and listen to her light snoring. Joel takes a shaky breath, and you place a hand on his knee, looking into those sad brown eyes.

"She's okay," you whisper, watching his eyes fill his tears. He shakes his head and clenches his jaw. "Joel, look at her. She's breathing. She's safe. She's okay," He wipes a stray tear and rubs his thumb over her little shoulder blades. She smiles in her sleep at the movement, making his lips pull too. You trace delicate patterns into his skin and watch him take deep breaths to calm down. "She's right there. She's not going anywhere."

"I'm sorry, I-"

"Don't," you shake your head. He takes your hand and squeezes like he's trying to convince himself that you're real. "Don't apologize. I know." 

"I'm so fuckin' scared." He whispers. You scoot close enough for your knees to touch and hold his hand with both of yours, kissing it. 

"It's just a cold. She doesn't have a fever anymore. She's gonna be okay."

"'S not just that. I don't... I don't know how to do this," he stumbles through his words, and you wait him out. You know to let him sort through his thoughts before he thinks, that beautiful mind of his trying to string together millions of ideas. "I keep waiting for somethin' to happen or somethin' to take her away, and I'm so scared that I'm gonna be too slow or too fuckin' deaf to stop it. I don't know how to keep her safe. I don't know how to do this after Sarah." He says, tears glistening in his eyes again.

"Honey, you're the best dad. Are you kidding me? You got out of bed to sit on her floor to make sure she was breathing. You're the first one up every time she even fusses. You're there every step of the way, and not just for her but for all of us. She adores you. I adore you," you say, holding his hand to your chest so he can feel your heartbeat. "You were meant to be these girls' dad, and they are so fucking lucky to have you. Sarah was so lucky to have you, and I know," your voice catches in your throat. "I know this is scary and way fucking harder than we thought it was gonna be. I know you're terrified because I'm terrified too, but we are more than capable of doing this because we're a team. You're my team, okay?" It feels like you're begging. The way you're clinging to him like you're trying to convince him to stay is all too familiar, and you're doing your best to keep yourself from crying. Joel notices and presses his forehead to yours, squeezing your hand.

No words need to be spoken as you sit together. Maybe that's the beauty of your relationship. He knows you feel the weight of Jane's body every time you pick Charlie up. You know he listens for her breaths because he heard Sarah's last. He knows you will always check for Ellie first because she was left in David's hands the first time you didn't. You know he sticks so close to Tommy on patrol because he watched a man shoot his brother. He knows you drive yourself crazy trying to be the perfect mother and partner because you weren't good enough to make Jane's dad stay. You know he does the same because he wasn't good enough to make Sarah's mom stay. You understand each other in a way you've never understood anyone else.

"You're my team," he echoes, and you nod. Tears fall from your eyes, and he lets go of you to wipe them away. "I'm not goin' anywhere. I'm right here, okay? I'm here with you, baby. I know." He kisses you, and you can taste his tears. 

Nothing can ever bring your daughters back to you. You can't go back and change anything. You can't stop the bomb from going off or the bullet from firing. All you can do is remember and cry when you get the tiniest slice of them back and keep living despite it all. And this. You can wrap yourself in each other and the beauty of being known by the people you love. So, when Ellie finds you two sleeping on Charlie's floor in the morning, she doesn't say anything. She doesn't try to wake you up or force you away from each other. Instead, she wraps a blanket over you and leaves, knowing what brought you there in the first place. 

[oh the joy and sadness that comes with being known]

#the last of us #joel and ellie #joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller fic #joel tlou #the last of us x reader #joel miller the last of us #ellie williams #joel miller angst #joel miller requests #joel miller x female reader #joel miller drabble #Joel Miller being a good dad #look for the light #god I love them

[bloodybellycomb]

messages from ghosts to the future.

Hyacinthe Loyson, 1866. Wikipedia, List of Destroyed Heritage and New York Penn Station. Neil Hilborn, “For Henry, Who Has Just Died”, The Future. Disco Elysium. Star Wars Andor 1x10. Lord of the Rings: Return of the King by J.R.R Tolkien. The Magnus Archives, 200.

#disco elysium #star wars #andor #lord of the rings #lotr #tolkien #the magnus archives #tma #writing #poetry #writeblr #birdy chirps

[oswlld]

BLACK AS MIDNIGHT, BLACK AS PITCH —  vice versa (2022) ⪢ episode nine

elise kova, air awakens #1 || laura gibson, empire builder || laurell k. hamilton, a stroke of midnight || the perishers, midnight skies || ocean vuong, on earth we’re briefly gorgeous || ruhlare || ractsk || donna tartt, the goldfinch || anne sexton, from a letter to linda gray sexton c. july 1969 || haniel long, day and night || v.e. schwab, vicious || neil hilborn, the future || jane hirschfield, the beauty: poems “for what binds us”

#vice versa #vice versa the series #viceversaedit #web weaving #sea tawinan #jimmy jitaraphol #asianlgbtqdramas #mine: edits #samblr #userhanjiwoos #epiphanjins #tusersilence #tuserhidden #tuserjackie #usersarawatine #lextag #userjaehwany #todramaism #mostlyfate #tosnimeat #userconcrete #userbillkin #vishingwell #userkit #tonanons #usernuria #hipranparakul #mjtag #ninisdarlings #these just get longer and longer weow

[xxxboyheroxxx]

“So It Goes” Anthony Green // “The Future” Neil Hilborn // Jenny Holzer // “Last Words of a Shooting Star” Mitski

#mitski #jenny holzer #anthony green #neil hilborn

[campgender]

been realizing/remembering just through the course of talking with my roommates how incredibly Mad i was as a child, and self-aware about it. like no wonder i experienced a practically spiritual reaction watching a youtube video of neil hilborn performing “the future” at 14, i’d spent my whole life with no words for my crazy

#mac.txt #highposting

[slytherindisaster]

web weaving: angela & laurent

jenny slate, twitter / @\death-born-aphrodite / anne carson, euripides / lucifer (2016-2021) / neil hilborn, "the future" / offender (2012) / ada limon the good fight / warsan shirebless, the daughter raised by a voice in her head / ainslie hogarth, motherthing

#laurent yaxley #angela king #angela x laurent #web weaving

[silverpolish]

highlights from the future by neil hilborn

#will add IDs + what poems they’re from later when i’m on my laptop #neil hilborn #poetry #writing #suicide cw

[i-am-just-carbon-and-bad-timing]

It's been more than 4 months since we broke up And more than 2 months since we stopped talking about it Less than a month since I stopped trying And less than a day since I thought about it

You asked me yesterday if I'm still waiting For you, to come back I was hesitant to answer that. But there was a part of me, which still felt hopeful enough to answer.

I said yes, and you seemed surprised. You told me you still feel the guilt. That, you'll keep feeling that way, Until I actively decide to move on. And that you're well aware of how selfish it is.

I asked you if you've moved on, You practically said yes. You said you've romantically moved on from all this. But all I heard was, You fell out of love with me. And as soon as you said that, I realized I've been holding on to something, Which wasn't even there.

I guess there's always that risk, That the other person could grow apart, And there's nothing you can do about it. I was well aware of it, from the beginning. I understand Neil Hilborn's words now, "It's killing me, that you can walk away from this And I just can't"

You could say I'm being dramatic, And I'll probably feel cringe in the future if I come back to read these. Maybe I just need to get high or something.

#neil hilborn #i keep thinking about where i went wrong and what i could've done differently #i can't help but partly blame myself for all this #brb crying #desi lgbtq #lesbian #wlw #wlw break up #enby #desi queer

[el-im]

2023

key ↻ = re-read ☞ = continuing (started previously) ✑ = for school ☏ = others recommended and/or gifted to me ✧ = favorites 𓆱 = northern arizona

- hard aground by james w. wall - ↻ moby-dick; or, the whale by herman melville - shockwave by paul ruditis - the expanse by j. m. dillard - last full measure by michael a. martin & andy mangels - surprise! by nichelle nichols, sondra marshak, & myrna culbreath - the good that men do by michael a. martin & andy mangels - and how are you, doctor sacks?: a biographical memoir of oliver sacks by lawrence weschler - how to change your mind: what the new science of psychedelics teaches us about consciousness, dying, addiction, depression, and transcendence by michael pollan - ✑ rhetoric and human consciousness: a history (5th ed) by craig r. smith - ✑ how english works: a linguistic introduction (3rd ed) by anne curzan and michael p. adams - ✑ goodbye to all that by joan didion - ✑ disappearance by carrie brownstein - ✑ debts and lessons by zadie smith - ✑ baby yeah by anthony veasna so - bone in the throat by anthony bourdain - the man who loved alien landscapes by albert wendland - ✑ notice by jessica handler - ✑ joyas voladoras by brian doyle - ✑ proxies: essays near knowing by brian blanchfield - ↻ night sea journey by john barthes - ✑ consider the lobster by david foster wallace - admissions: a life in brain surgery by henry marsh - dino: living high in the dirty business of dreams by nick tosches - ✑ the book of delights: essays by ross gay - frank sinatra has a cold by gay talese - inventing jerry lewis by frank krutnik - ✑ whatever the weather by linda tran - ✑ the gift of strawberries by robin wall-kimmerer - fried walleye and cherry pie: midwestern writers on food, edited by peggy wolff - tomorrow and beyond: masterpieces of science fiction art, edited by ian summers - stories and prose poems by aleksandr solzhenitsyn, trans. michael glenny - ✑ in cold blood by truman capote - w. h. auden: selected poems, edited by edward mendelson - 95 poems by e. e. cummings  - ↻ dawn by elie wiesel - ☏ 20020: the future of college football by jon bois - ☏ the postman by david brin - slouching towards bethlehem by joan didion - who by fire: leonard cohen in the sinai by matti friedman - in the house upon the dirt between the lake and the woods by matt bell - zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance: an inquiry into values by robert m. pirsig - ✑ essays one by lydia davis - the book of eulogies: a collection of memorial tributes, poetry, essays, and letters of condolence, edited by phyllis theroux - ✧ kneller's happy campers by etgar keret - the bus driver who wanted to be god and other stories by etgar keret - ↻ where the sidewalk ends: poems and drawings by shel silverstein - aperture 12:4, 1964, edited by minor white - the complete peanuts, 1959-1960 by charles m. shultz - ✧ letters to milena by franz kafka - aredo by grace smith - the last lecture by randy pausch & jeffrey zaslow - the bug wars by robert asprin  - leaves of grass: “first” and “death-bed” editions by walt whitman - something alive by keegan grau - ↻ moby dick; or, the whale by herman melville - hunger makes me a modern girl by carrie brownstein  - ✧ our numbered days by neil hilborn - book of mercy by leonard cohen - some ether by nick flynn - death of a lady's man by leonard cohen - the white album by joan didion - in fact: the best of creative nonfiction, edited by lee gutkind - ✧ kurt vonnegut: letters, edited by dan wakefield - spent saints & other stories by brian jabas smith - reckless daughter: a profile of joni mitchell by david yaffe - day by elie wiesel - william carlos williams: the collected poems 1909-1939, edited by walton litz and christopher macgowan - 𓆱 quench your thirst with salt: essays by nicole walker - 𓆱 package fever by anahi molina - 𓆱 tumbling toward awareness by anahi molina - 𓆱 if i could just see the levee from my backyard by anahi molina - 𓆱 undertones by anahi molina - 𓆱 building the dream: lego friends and the construction of human capital by christopher schaberg, ginger grimstein, waverly evans, paige franckiewicz, nino hernandez, terran lumpkin, anahi molina, & adelaide wight - 𓆱 interview with margarida vale de gato by anahi molina - love in the time of cholera by gabriel garcía márquez, trans. edith grossman - bagombo snuff box: uncollected short fiction by kurt vonnegut - 𓆱 evening with grandma by anahi molina - 𓆱 the gods are dead by anahi molina - 𓆱 namesakes by anahi molina - ☏ a book of common prayer: a novel by joan didion - grapefruit: a book of instructions and drawings by yoko ono - ☏ bluets by maggie nelson - cradle book: stories & fables by craig morgan teicher - ☏↻ the gift: poems by hafiz, the great sufi master, trans. daniel ladinsky - ☏ i heard god laughing: renderings of hafiz by daniel ladinsky - hunger: a memoir of (my) body by roxane gay - our babies, ourselves: how biology and culture shape the way we parent by meredith f. small - ☏ the overstory: a novel by richard powers  - ☏ having and being had by eula biss - the two cultures and the scientific revolution by c. p. snow - ☏ dogsucker: the written oral by lawrence lenhart - 𓆱 backvalley ferrets: a rewilding of the colorado plateau by lawrence lenhart  - post office by charles bukowski - consider the lobster and other essays by david foster wallace - zoologies: on animals and the human spirit by alison hawthorne-deming - ↻ the rainbabies by laura krauss melmed - billions & billions: thoughts of life and death at the brink of the millenium by carl sagan - ☏ zami: a new spelling of my name: a biomythography by audre lorde - the paper menagerie by ken liu - ☏ the member of the wedding by carson mccullers  - the handsomest drowned man in the world by gabriel garcía márquez  - the joy of sex by alex comfort  - open all night: new poems by charles bukowski - ham on rye by charles bukowski - howl’s moving castle by diana wynne jones - ☏ norwegian wood by haruki murakami  - the gales of november: the sinking of the edmund fitzgerald by robert j. hemming - ✑ the rise of silas lapham by william dean howells - ✑ girl by jamaica kincid - everyone but me wrote this by anahi molina - ✑ a rose for emily by william faulkner - ✑ sister carrie by theodore dreiser - ✑ in praise of gossip by patricia meyer spacks - ✑ the husband stitch by carmen maria machado - ✑ the way the end of days should be by diane cook - ✑ the tomb of wrestling by jo ann beard  - ✑ oronooko: or, the royal slave by aphra behn - ✑ the jungle by upton sinclair  ☇ new york times article reading list - ✑ bless me, ultima by rudolfo anaya - ✑ kindred by octavia butler - ✑ the awakening by kate chopin - ✑ behave: the biology of humans at our best and worst by robert sapolsky - ☏ happening by annie ernaux - ✑ m. butterfly by david henry hwang - ✑ my ántonia by willa cather - here is your war by ernie pyle - ✑ the whale caller by zakes mda  - ✑ sáanii dahataał / the women are singing: poems and stories by luci tapahonso - ✑ in dubious battle by john steinbeck  - ↻ sarah, plain and tall by patricia mclachlan - ✑ “the rockpile” by james baldwin - i will not leave you comfortless: a memoir by jeremy jackson - fifty famous people by james baldwin  - ✑ “shiloh” by bobbie ann mason - ✑ “cathedral” by raymond carver  - you get so alone sometimes that it just makes sense by charles bukowski - ✑ slaughterhouse-five by kurt vonnegut  - dead babies by martin amis

-> view december

#booklist #YEAR TWO! #will b updating w links as i go along.

[firstofficerkittycat]

The last paragraph of The World Well Lost has got me feeling some type of way .,like idk idk idk real neil hilborn I saw the future and in it I was alive type shit,,,,,,something something you're not healed and this is gonna be really fucking hard for a really long time maybe forever but it doesn't matter cus u know for a fact now ur gonna be okay, and that's not a thing ur just saying to urself anymore, that's not an idea it's not u tryna reassure urself or manifest the possibility of a bright future this is all real. You know this. You saw the future. And u were safe

#spirk #this fic rly just transcended me man idk what to tell u #im literally just sitting here witj a warm fuzzy feeling #tumblr user annaknitspock thank u 4 savimg my life #its so fucking good #ptsd spirk #tarsus iv #fanfic #ughjjfkjjggfffff that shit just has renewing powers for traumatized people i dunnooooo