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sturnsreader · 6 months

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scars

TW: self harm

!! requested by @sturns-posts !!

౨ৎ ⋆｡˚

“y/n?” you heard your boyfriend, matt, call from upstairs. you sighed and made your way up stairs to find matt on his laptop. you walked around the corner and smiled walking up to him.

“yes matty?” you asked cheerfully.

“are you okay?” he asked sounding concerned.

“yeah, why?” you asked confused at by the sudden worry.

“well, im just worried about you.” he sighed. you noticed that he kept looking back down to his computer screen to making glances at your arms.

“you would tell me if you weren't, right?” he asked.

you gulped wondering what he knew.

“yes, baby, please dont worry about it.” you nodded quickly before turning back to go downstairs.

he grabbed your waist and pulled you back into his arms playing with your hair.

“are you sure you’re okay?” he asked again repeating himself. you nodded into his chest before he pulled you back leading you into his room. he didn’t say a word, just sat you on his bed and opened up the screen. on the left hand side of the screen was a recent picture of you in mcdonalds that a camera man had taken, on the right hand side was the same photo just zoomed into your wrist. your scars visible for the world to see. you read the headline over and over in your head sighing.

'HAS TWITTER TROLLS PUSHED MATTHEW STURNIOLO’S GIRLFRIEND OVER THE EDGE?'

“what is this? you told me you stopped a while ago and if you felt like that you were going to tell me. did i do something wrong?” he asked pointing to your wrist on the screen with teary eyes. you couldn't speak, your whole throat had closed up.

he noticed and pulled you onto his lap staring into your stinging eyes.

“i love you so much and i want nothing but for you to be the happiest girl ever. i let anyone hurt you. whether they're old or new, i don't care because i'm here for you now and i always will be." he smiled before kissing your forehead softly. a tear escaped your eye making you smile.

“we don't have to talk about this now, whenever you're ready.” he smiled resting your head onto his chest as he wiped the tears off.

| 2 hours later |

“hey, i know you wanted to go to the cabin back in massachusetts, so were going with nick and chris tomorrow morning!” he said with a smile while tucking your hair behind your ear.

“baby, you didn’t have to”

“shh, i wanted to.” he said as he hugged you around the waist.

you waited at least 10 seconds before letting go. matt’s hugs were the most comforting thing ever. “can you help me pack, please.”

matt shook his head up and down with a big smirk while grabbing your hand and walking downstairs to the bedroom.

“oh, how long are we staying.”

“since were with nick and chris we are staying for a week and a half, but soon we can go alone.”

he was digging through the closet trying to find a bag big enough before you made him stop.

“i love you so much.”

“i love you more, my love” you could tell he meant it. “we are going down to nick and chris’s house tomorrow morning at 4 am. i know its early but i want to get there earlier, if its okay with you.” he said right after he found a perfect suitcase to fit all your stuff.

| two days later |

“hey babe i was scrolling through things to do here and there is a tattoo parlor like five minutes away from us can we PLEASE get tattoos together!” nick said excitedly.

“shut up you have been rambling about tattoos the whole time we-“ chris said as you cut him off.

“nick i would LOVE to get a tattoo with you and i know exactly what i want. follow me!” you said as you go to find matt in the store.

“im getting a tattoo with nick and i just want you to draw stars around my scars.” you say while going through your purse to find a pen.

matt looks at you in awe as he takes the marker and draws the cutest stars ever. you start to tear up. you look up at him as he concentrates on drawing them all.

౨ৎ ⋆｡˚

not my best work but i tried 🥲🥲

i hope you enjoyed and if you have anything you need to talk about message me! i love you guys sm🩷.

#chris sturniolo #fanfic #matt sturniolo #matt sturniolo x reader #nick sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #ao3 #christopher sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #chris sturniolo x you #sturniolo smut #chris sturniolo x reader #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo x reader #liam neeson #self love #sh awareness #SoundCloud

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patscorner · 2 months

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TRIGGER WARNING

I'm only gonna say this once. If you haven't gone through it, don't speak on it, especially when it's about self harm, or mental health in general.

You have no idea what someone has going on, and if you don't understand it, then talking about it is not something you should be doing.

You need to reevaluate and understand that people go through things, and not everything is rainbow and sunshine. "Just don't do it"

PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP‼️ ITS NEVER THAT EASY. AND IF YOU HAVENT GONE THROUGH IT, AND DONT UNDERSTAND IT DONT SAY SHIT.

Anyways, love yall, stay safe.

#sh awareness #mental health #awareness #shut the fuck up #mental illness

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monster-gut · 9 months

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The journey to healing is long, but you don't have to do it alone. I find that it's easier when others are their with me

I know exactly what it feels like to want to hurt. To want to keep hurting. You're not alone

I see you

I hear you

#art #digital art #gutz draws #important art #self love #self harm awareness #sh awareness #beautiful bodys #body posititivity #body art #scars #body scar #self care #mental health #mental health awareness

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mikeyelistsukasa · 1 year

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Hanako,Sakura,Teru,Tsukasa & Kou seeing Darling‘s SH scars for the first time

Tw: self harm ofc,scars mentioning,basically dark topic

An:yeah it wasnt requested,i wrote that because…why not?Enjoy NOT PROOF READ

please do not self harm yourself. And im sorry to those who already done it or ho though it. Stay strong and don’t give up. Ily all

You were cleaning the bathroom today because yashiro was sick today and kou had to leave early

Not that you minded. You still have company and that is hanako and those little adorable mokke‘s.

This is a lot better than going home and just lying in bed doing nothing or homework.

„say s/o-chan/kun, how come you agreed to clean the bathroom? Most people would decline it you know, GASP don’t tell me you enjoy my company~“

„Oh sush will ya? Im doing this cause i feel bad for yashiro…but i suppose you are correct about me enjoying your company“

Hanako smirked, happy at the response you gave him

„Now tell me where is the sponge and gloves so that i can start cleaning the toilet“

„Oh!- its over there“

Hanako pointed to the left corner

„I’ll bring them to you :D“

Hanako decided to spare you these 5 steps and decided to bring them to you

But just as he turned around he saw you pulling your sleeves up so that you wont get your sweater dirty

You reached out your hand to take it but before hanako gave it to you he

He noticed scars?

This boy stared in shock at your wrist

„Uhm…hanako? Can you give me the gloves already?“

Suddenly you are being grabbed against dour wrist

„S-S/O YOUR ARM I- WHAT HAPPEND ?!! WHO DID THIS?!?? DOES IT STILL HURT??!!“

It took you a second to understand that he is talking about you scars

„O-oh! I totally forgot i had them“

You laughed a little seeing hanako‘s worried expression

„DONT LAUGH! YOU ARE HURT“

Just before he could go to grab some bandages you gently grabbed his hand

„Pft Hanako…im okay.“

You sat down with the ghost

„Im sorry for laughing i guess heh, your worried expression was pretty cute tho~“

Hanako flushed at that but you could still he his concerned look

„To answer your questions. I self harmed. I did that to myself. And no they do not hurt anymore because i quitted“

You smiled gently hoping it will relax the poor boy for a bit

But i think you only did worse

„Yourself??? Why??? Dont tell me someone forced you to do it to yourself. When did you quit???“

„Geez give me a break dude haha….i had a very hard time back then where i thought doing this is the only way to release stress.i had big family issues at that time but now everything is doing well.and to answer your last question i did about 2 years ago. So again do.not.worry“

Hanako blinked processing every word you just said

„I see“

Suddenly he stands up reaching out a pair of gloves

„Well ready to continue cleaning?~“

You and Sakura were sitting in the broadcasting room enjoying some cup of tea while reading books

„Hm“

„Is there something wrong?“

Sakura asked without taking her eyes from her book

„No not at all. I just got really invested in the book you gave me its very interesting i like it! Thank you by the way“

Sakura smiled to herself hearing that and went back to reading her book

Suddenly instead of reaching her cup, Sakura accidentally spilled her cup of tea with her elbow all over your pretty white gloves

„Ow ow ow ow ow hot hot hot!“

„Oh no dear- im sorry i didnt mean to do that, it was an accident“

You slowly take off the glove

„It’s alright don’t worry hah! Everyone doesn’t mistakes“

Sakura couldn’t help but let a slight sigh of relief hearing that

Thought that relaxed aura she just had disappeared right this instant after seeing your wrist

You stared at her in confusion

„…..S-sakura?“

Sakura stared at your wrist realising those are old scars and coming to a conclusion that you stopped this awful habit

…but just in case-

„You don’t do this anymore. Right?“

„Eh? Oh! Nono don’t worry i quitted. Im okay now :D“

„Understood“

Sakura grabbed gently both of your hands

„I’ll go get you new gloves“

„Oh don’t worry it’s okaaaaaaand she is already on her way„

“Hey s/o.”

You saw Teru sitting next to you

“How come you always wear a sweater under your uniform? I mean its summer. Aren’t you like sweating under there?”

“Ah hello Minamoto-kun. No im not sweating under it. And i wear it because its my favourite sweater! Ofc i wouldn’t wear it if it was that hot for me, i dont like it that much to the point i would sweat under it”

“Well nothing i can do. Also i told you, you can use my first name”

“Yeah yeah okay prince minamoto (¬_¬) “

Boink

“Whaaa what was that for T-T“

“you know exactly why :)“

“say... Wanna go out tomorrow like i dunno swimming? I heard it is going to be very hot tomorrow”

“Hmmm…yeah sure! Im free tomorrow so i don’t mind”

“Great! I’ll meet you there”

And just like that the bell rang and you went your ways

𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚗𝚎𝚡𝚝 𝚍𝚊𝚢 | (• ◡•)|

You were waiting for teru at the beach for about 10 minutes already

“Phew, he sure didn’t lie about it being hot today”

You took off your favourite sweater and wrapped it around your torso(or hips idk)

“S/o!”

“Speak of the devil”

You turn around to see none other than Teru Minamoto

“Hey Min- Teru… well where do you wanna go first?”

“Hm how abouuutttt…some ice cream?”

“Sounds great to me!”

And just like that you guys went to get something to refresh youself

And while you two eat you remembered that you need to apply some sunscreen

“Teruuuuuu~”

“Yeah?”

After teru saw s/o holding the sunscreen he without any hesitation sat down allowing s/o to put suncream on him

“In return I get to put sunscreen on you correct?”

“Hmmmmmm alright alright”

After some minutes s/o finished and took off her clothes revealing herself only in a bikini

Teru slightly blushed after seeing s/o in such clothes but stayed respectful non then less

That is until he saw s/o do a ponytail revealing scars on their shoulders

“S-s/o…”

S/o sat down signalling teru to put the sunscreen on their back

“Teru? Is something wrong?”

“What…happened to your shoulders?”

“O-oh… well you see back when i was *insert younger self* i had fallen into pretty deep rabbit hole after loosing something/someone important to me….”

Teru couldn’t tell if you finished talking or want to add something more

“But…”

S/o shows their left/right arm to show more scars

Woah!How did he not notice them before?

“I was only getting more and more let down with each day. To the point i started to let out my anger on myself”

Teru looked at your expression seeing that you were uncomfortable with the topic so he put the cold sunscream without saying anything on your spine

„C-COLD you jerk!!!!“

„Haha. Im sorry we don’t want you get burned right?…Also promise to quit what you are d-„

„I already have don’t worry, these scars are like from 2-4 years ago“

„Oh! Well if you feel like doing it again let me know and I’ll be there gor you“

„pft You sure are cheesy today“

„Well what can i say? Im spending time with the most beautiful person right now“

„Oh my~“

„S/O S/O S/O S/O S/O S/O S/OOOOOOOOOO“

„Sigh what is it tsukasa.“

„Let’s go find some supernaturals to smash!“

„Heh yeah-no not today im very tired right now“

„Awh :(„

„Don’t give me that look“

:(((((

…

„Fine just not for too long…“

„YAAAAAY“

‚i don’t think we will find a supernatural anyway‘ i thought

When out of nowhere i heard some noise

But that was probably just my imagination

„OHHH A MOKKE“

„W-wait tsukasa don’t run away!….great now im alone“

Suddenly i heart the same noise again but this time it sounded like someone was…growling?

Just as i turned around i saw a big supernatural right behind me

I barely managed to dodge his attack but in the process it ripped off my sleeve

„TSUKASA??!?!?!NOW IS A GREAT TIME TO SMASH A SUPERNATURAL“

You closed your eyes ready to take the supernaturals attack

….but nothing came

In fact you heard some…unpleasant noises

You opened your eyes just to see tsukasa smashing the supernaturals face against the floor

You stood up glad that you didn’t get hurt and went up to tsukasa

„Hey…tsukasa thats enough“

„It hurted you…“

„Hm? No it didn’t don’t worry so lets just g-„

„Your arm“

You looked at your arm confused since you don’t feel any pain on it

„Oh! Tsukasa those scars are old its okay it wasn’t the supernatural that did it!“

„There are others that hurt you?…“

Tsukasa stood up and placed his hands on your shoulders

„Tell me who“

His dark aura made you kinda nervous

„Well how do i explain this to you…the one that caused these scars was me“

„S/o is hurting themselves???!!! (」°ロ°)」 „

„No! I mean- it was a long time ago…so do not worry i am not being hurt and im not hurting myself“

Tsukasa didnt quite fully understand why you did that in the first place but hearing you being safe is all that matterd to him.

„well then…LETS GO FIND MORE TO SMASH“

„NO-„

You and kou had teamed up at school to be partners in cooking class

‚They probably teamed up with me cuz they struggle with cooking‘

‚i teamed up with him to spend more time with him‘

Yeaaaaahhhh cooking sure was something

Honestly he didn’t even notice your scars right away after you rolled up your sleeves

He noticed it when he told you to cut the cucumber

„Ow! Stupid knife(╥_╥)“

„S-s/o are you okay?“

„Yeah just a tiny scar on my finger heh“

„Wait let me see- S/O YOUR AR-„

You quickly put your hand against his mouth

„is everything okay here you two?“

„Y-yes mr. (Teachers name)“

That was close

You shouted with a whispering voice

„What was that you idiot???we almost got in trouble“

„your arm its full of scars!!!!“

„Yeah??? So what“

„What do you mean so what???? I got concerned and-“

„You two! Out.now“

…

„.:…Promise to not tell nii-chan that i got into trouble“

„I promise-„

„OH RIGHT your ar-„

„Sighhhh you still on about that?“

„Ofc! What happened??? Who did this???How did it happen???Does it still hurt??? Should i bring anything????“

You let out a small laugh. You hate to admit it but kou being so worried is so cute to you

„Its alright kou. Those are my old selfharm scars“

„huh- but-but why would you hurt yourself?“

„Sometimes people do harm themselves. Some stay up late. Some stop eating and well…“

You looked at your wrist

„Some people harm themselves physically“

Kou grabbed both of your hands

„I might not have a right to say anything about this but please don’t ever do this again! You matter so much to me…the last thing i want is to see my friend/bf/gf/partner suffer while i dont do anything!!! I will do everything and anything you want just please…“

Hearing that made your eyes form up some tears

„D-don’t cry!!! Did i say something wrong??!!!?“

„Oh kou… i promise. Those are old ones so dont worry I’ve stopped…it’s just…hearing this i-„

You hugged Kou tightly which startled the exorcist

„Thank you“

…

Kou hugged you back tightly

„You’re welcome“

Hope i left you satisfied. Stay safe you all and don’t do stupid stuff

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the-magic-mirror · 3 months

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It’s self injury awareness month, so my art will largely focus on self harm and recovery for the time. Will tag all art for triggers. Block tw sh and sh recovery to avoid triggers in the future.

#mine #comic strip #tw sh #sh recovery #trans art #trans artist #sh awareness

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keis-slut · 10 days

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harm|link

CW: SELF HARM, BLOOD

Third Person POV

you sat quietly behind a tree, keeping watch as link slept soundly.

it was your turn to lookout so link could get some rest, and so you sat alone, watching and waiting.

the night was pretty uneventful, leaving you to your own head.

and a dangerous thing, that can be.

leading to things you later on might regret, especially if link had found out.

maybe providing you with such a sharp weapon was not the best idea, something better like a hammer or a boomerang could’ve been smarter.

but it’s not like anyone else but you really knew, so you kept your mouth shut.

you couldn’t even begin to describe the kind of things that went through your head, deciding it was best to let you deal with it in your own.

not that doing so was a good idea, but it was difficult.

opening up felt even harder then just carrying the burden yourself.

if you did tell him, you were afraid of his reaction, that reaction then possibly making you spiral even more, wanting to avoid that at all costs.

if you didn’t tell him, you’d be stuck at the bottom of this hole forever, alone.

and that confliction fought in your brain every single day.

no matter how vastly large this world seemed, it still felt as if it was closing in on you more and more, leaving you stuck,

claustrophobic,

you felt as if you couldn’t breath, the walls being so close, closing you into that madness, that despair.

crimson spilt from your skin as you were now numb to the sting, only focused on the uneven lines that had either just formed, or scarred your thighs.

how tightly your pants had bunched up against your legs hurt more than your damage.

it felt good, but was it?

no, absolutely not.

“y/n?”

you were startled, attempting to roll your pants back down to hide your destruction quickly.

but your blade had fell at hand, cutting you accidentally in the process.

ironic.

you winced at the gash on your calf, your leg now a bloody mess.

“what are you doing?”

concern and worry lingered in his voice as you couldn’t even look at him, you only stared at the red trickling from your thighs.

dont look.

don’t look at him.

“look at me”

your head immediately shot up, and you met his horrified blue eyes.

he looked tired, and disheveled.

i wonder what woke him up.

“i-i didn’t-it’s just-“

“-no, no, you must be terrified, stop”

he cut you off, leaning to the side to grab his pouch, where you kept bandages and such for when wounded.

he hurriedly rummaged through the bag, not a care in the world for the mess he’d made on the grass, spilling out everything like it was the end of the world.

“why didn’t you tell me?”

pain was heard in his voice, and it hurt you even more, it made you feel guilty.

but you had reason not to tell him.

you think.

you realized he was now putting pressure on the wound with some bandage, staring up at you with deep concern, and a slight glimpse of watery eyes.

all you could do was stare back, vision growing blurry from uninvited tears as well.

everything felt like a thick haze.

“i couldn’t-i didn’t-“

you tried to speak but your words got caught in your throat.

by now, you did feel the sting. you weren’t numb anymore as your leg throbbed, and so did your head.

“i didn’t know how to”

you sobbed, hiding your face in your hands as he sucked his teeth sadly.

you had no more words, you just sobbed, and wailed, and cried into your hands, before feeling his own wrap around you, crying with you.

“y/n, please, please-“

he begs, pulling your shoulders back and removing your hands from your puffy eyed face, cheeks glowing red and stained with tears.

suddenly his face grew more tense, and stern. he was serious.

but still soft.

and that was the thing about link.

he was personified courage, so mature, calm in stressful situations.

still able to push through any obstacle no matter how terrifying, or how much pain he might be in.

you’d think after the absolute horrors he’s been through, he would be terrifying himself, and tough as nails.

maybe even impolite or closed off,

but no.

he was very much so the opposite.

everything about him, aside from actually in battle, was so gentle.

one of the most kind, and gentle hylians you’d ever met.

so amiable and empathetic, he’s always there if anyone needs help, with anything.

loyal to the people he loves and cares for, he would never do anything to purposely hurt anyone.

so sweet, and soft, and so opposite of the horrific things he has gone through, despite it all.

and that you admired so much.

that you loved about him, so much.

“-dont you ever, ever, in the name of hylia, think you can’t tell me anything”

he held your wrists as he kneeled next to you, bandage on your thigh now soaked by a devilish color.

his eyes looked even more beautiful glistening with tears, his flushed face and redness from crying really bringing out his royal colored eyes.

you stared, unsure what to say as another tear fell from your pretty face.

pretty.

he thought you were the most beautiful in the whole world, he hated the fact you even slightly thought to mutilate your body.

for what reason did you deserve this? a heavenly being such as yourself, you deserve all the happiness in the world.

he couldn’t even think to bear a world without you and your charisma.

he wonders, such a charismatic person you are, yet your mind completely contradicts that.

inspiring others to do their best, but struggling yourself, and not saying a word.

he felt as if he should blame himself slightly, for not giving you enough, for not making you happy enough.

for not making you feel that life was worth living.

for not knowing sooner you had felt this way.

for being such an idiot not noticing it.

he didn’t want you to hurt, and only found himself blaming what he couldn’t do for you.

but he had no time to be sorry for himself, he was more worried about you and what to do next.

“i was so scared”

his face softened and and he sighed.

“i know”

he brought a hand back to your leg, removing the messy bandage, so he could get a new one to wrap your leg with.

but he paused, and looked back into your tired red eyes.

“but you never have to be scared, of anything, while i’m here”

“i was scared of you, what you’d do or say if i told you”

your voice was hoarse, but he watched your lips as you spoke.

you felt a droplet on your head, then on your nose, quickly glancing up to see the moon was now gone.

it started to rain, and the sky was sad too.

maybe this will help clean me up.

suddenly you felt hands on your cheeks roughly, pulling your head back down.

before realizing what was happening, you felt soft lips on your own.

not harsh or lewd, just lovingly lips dancing.

at first, at least.

the kiss grew a bit more hungry, and fast, but still not lustful, this was more of need for comfort.

you started to cry again as you kiss him, your hands finding way into his now wet and loose hair.

messy and soaked, you collapsed on each other into cold grass when he pulled away.

you sniffled as you watched him grab the rest of the bandage, watching him finish on your leg.

he held you like you were the most fragile thing in the world, even hands as scarred and calloused as his felt so gentle and kind.

but he knew you weren’t fragile, in fact, he admired just how durable of a person you were.

you are.

maybe that’s why he didn’t realize you were fighting internally, secretly punishing yourself.

you came off so bold and strong, determined and never backing down to anything.

especially when it came to protecting the ones you love and care for, you were so fierce.

it was almost terrifying crossing you in such a way, dare he say he was a little afraid of you.

the hero of hyrule.

he gave your leg one last soft pat, and smiled up at you.

“let’s wait for the rain to let up, then we’ll make our way back to hateno”

you shift closer to his touch, waiting for him to speak again.

“we’ll go home, get you cleaned up and some help. someone to talk to”

he leans closer, and then down to kiss your stinging leg.

“ok?” he choked, waiting for your reply.

you gave him a sheepish smile, and a small nod as he moved closer.

he leaned against your shoulder, and wrapped his arms around you.

“i’m here” he told you,

and you melted into his safety.

a/n:

happy mental health awareness month.

you are loved and you are enough.

your favorite loves you very, very much.

and so do i

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lunarofthevalley · 3 months

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“Do you understand how much this hurts me to see?”

Yes every time I look at the scars on my arms I consider your feelings first.

Every internal battle regarding if I can take my sweater off in a hot room is done with your feelings in mind.

Trying to brush off the stares I get in public like they don’t bother me is all done for you.

Coming up with a story on the spot with an ache in my chest when a child asks what happened to my arms is of course done for you.

Fighting off the urges while having to constantly look at the carnage from the past must be done for you.

I’ll gladly be selfish when defending my pain,

Because dammit i’m still here and it hurt to get here and it hurts to try and stay,

I will never apologize still being here.

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luxl101 · 23 days

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Those are grown!

#trans artist #art #original art #artist #gay men #gay love #gay romance #digital art #gay art #gay #gay couple #queer artwork #queer artist #sh awareness #cartoon #cartoon art

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lunerabo · 7 months

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I just saw the most depressing TikTok I’ve ever fuckin seen I’m not gonna explain but if anybody on here is thinking about it jfc do not post shit about how to ‘safely’ SH. It’s SH. There’s nothing ‘safe’ about it. If you wanna be safe, then stop doing it. The only thing posts like these are going to do is give the idea that SH is okay, thus encouraging people to continue doing it. For the love of fuck do not be part of the problem. Please don’t scroll past this reblog to spread awareness

#lune’s thoughts #reblog to spread awareness #jesus I don’t even have TikTok I don’t even go on there and TikToks are STILL making their way to me #sh awareness

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whyybesocial · 1 year

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people should know about us.

girls who write their pain on their bodies.

- girl in pieces,

kathleen glasgow

#girl in pieces #kathleen glasgow #sh awareness #yourenotalone #life sukcs #self h@rm #awareness #keep going #charlie davis #mental wellbeing #mental health

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transmanranting · 8 days

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I cut myself for the first time yesterday. This is your sign not to do the same.

TRIGGER WARNING FOR SELF-HARM UNDER CUT

If you know this account, chances are you’ve seen just how much I post in a single day every once in a while. I post on this blog exclusively when I break down as a way of “letting off steam”. That wasn’t enough yesterday, and for the first time, I took my Swiss Army knife and I cut my arm and thigh.

It’s 5 cuts in total, 4 on my left arm and one on my right thigh. I can’t remember exactly what triggered my breakdown, but it’d been going on for at least 10 hours— from around 7AM to 4 or 5PM. I hadn’t left my room since 6AM, hadn’t eaten or drank. I laid on my bed rotting for hours. It took a lot in me to finally talk to my bgf (fp), who had been trying to reach me for a while. I can’t remember what time it was, but we texted a little. Then, she stopped replying, and I went on to stalk her socials, which I’d been trying to stop for weeks. I saw him active on a game, and I was hit with an immense feeling of jealousy. I was so angry, heartbroken and betrayed. I had no one, not even it. I thought we were finally getting somewhere, that it wanted to help me. But it had other things to do.

It was then that, after sobbing on the floor for about half an hour, I took my knife and slit my upper wrist 3 times, my thigh once, then once more on my wrist. I didn’t cut deep, but I noticed later that it did cut. I felt okay about it after, ironically, finally leaving my room to eat and have a drink, but today was.. difficult.

I broke down again, with my sister this time. We talked for a few hours, and I hid the cuts from her the entire time. I don’t think she noticed. I hope she didn’t. But I feel so guilty. She’s come to me crying before about finding cuts on her best friend’s arm; I cried, too, for him, but I can’t imagine how she’d feel if she knew. I can’t imagine what my parents will say if they find out, because they went out of town for the weekend. I don’t want to tell my therapist out of fear she’ll tell them, and how they’ll feel. I don’t want to put them through that, but at the same time I want them to cry for me, to feel for me the same way I’ve cried for other people. But I regret it, because if people find out they’ll remember. They’ll be shocked. They’ll tell someone, and suddenly everyone will know I cut myself, and I’ll continue to cut myself because of it.

I hate that it helped. I hate that I can only remember the details of my day from after I cut myself. I want to cut myself again, but in more discreet spots this time. If you want to cut yourself, I beg of you; please don’t. Don’t go down this path. PM me, I’ll be there for you; just please know there’s other ways to ground yourself than cutting. I wish I remembered that before I did it.

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