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kooktrash · 1 year

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DITTO ➢ jeon jungkook

summary: you’ve got everything you need right now, amazing boyfriend, amazing job, amazing friends, but when you receive life changing news you’re not sure how to bring it up to your boyfriend. your indecisiveness and failure to be open with him puts a huge toll on your relationship and he just wants to know that if he continues to love and walk the same path as you, you’ll do the same and ditto.

➢ established relationship [angst] boyf! jk x girlfriend!y/n [she/her. female anatomy]

➢ 12.9k words

warnings: teaser. soft boyfriend jk but relationship issues. smut. angst. fluff. separation anxiety. bath sèx. unprotected. oral (f and m). rough but sensual sèx. doggy. reverse côwgirl. y/n has trouble making decisions. heavy makeout. jk is literally perfect idk. not a break up story but they do take a break. dog parents. happy ending. [not a pregnancy fic] [haply ending]

song inspo: wasted affairs — minds eye , ditto — newjeans , still with you — jungkook , another (demo) one #2 — mac demarco

*interact to boost story if you like it!!! greatly appreciated <3*

It started on campus, exactly a year and ten months since the two of you started dating. You didn’t even talk that first day past a quick apology for bumping into each other before carrying on with your lives. A couple days later you found him on a dating app, he was attractive but that’s not why you swiped right on him. If anything you thought he was out of your league, the only reason you swiped right was to see if he had done the same. Imagine your surprise when you matched instantly and later on that night he sends you some cheesy joke that probably worked on all the girls he sent it to. You remember being thoroughly unimpressed and you told him so too.

He was just supposed to be one of those guys you talk to while you’re bored and then ghost when they try to meet up. It just didn’t go as planned when you saw him on campus a couple days later and he didn’t shy away from approaching you, practically following you to the bus stop and everything.

You don’t know how it happened but somewhere between going out for drinks on your first date to sharing the same laundry hamper, you realized you really love this kid. You were practically inseparable after that first date and although you haven’t been dating long, you hate being apart. It’s not even a crazy obsessive, ignore everyone else sort of way—it’s more that you just genuinely enjoy each other's company all the time. You don’t even have to talk or look at each other, just knowing you’re there is what makes a difference.

Now this doesn’t mean you haven’t gone without seeing others since you started dating. You did live separately at first and after graduating, Jungkook did a two month apprenticeship back in Busan so you couldn’t be together then either. Yes, he was coming down practically every weekend and calling or texting you throughout the day, even delivering food to your place from an entirely different city, but you had still been apart. It just feels better to be together entirely, y’know?

“What?” Jungkook asked with a little smile as he watched you squirm. You sat on the kitchen counter with a bowl of cereal that matched his. You were in a loose top and his boxers, your hair was pinned back but still messy. Your breath was still nasty from sleep and you had mismatched socks on, yet this is his favorite side to see of you. The chance to see each other in such a way felt oddly domestic. It didn’t feel like you were just his college sweetheart—it felt like you were his lifelong partner. Now you’re looking at him with this smile on your face as he stuffs his face with Lucky Charms and he just has to know what’s up.

“Nothing,” you said as you dug around in your bowl, “I was just wondering what we’re doing today.”

“Whatever you want,” Jungkook said as he placed his bowl in the sink waiting to see if you were done too and when you passed him your bowl he began washing them, “But we agreed to go to Joon’s place later for grilling.”

“Let’s do something you want to do till then, last weekend was my turn,” you told them as you hopped off the counter. You could see the corners of his lips turn upward in a side smirk making your eyes narrow. He looked over at you.

“I mean… if you really want to do what I want, I don’t think we’ll be leaving home at all,” he said with a wink that made you roll your eyes.

“Last night wasn’t enough? I’m sore,” you said as you picked up the mail from the tray and began to sort it, looking for coupons or something. He watched you separate it into a pile for him and then a pile for you.

“Never enough, I’ve got the stamina of a rabbit,” Jungkook said, lifting an arm to flex his bicep. You laughed lightly, “How manly.”

“Okay, okay, we need to get groceries today, I’m out of my protein,” Jungkook said more seriously, “We could probably get lunch, take Bam on a walk, it’s super nice out today.”

“Then Joon’s tonight?” You asked for confirmation and he nodded. When he finished washing he came over to where you were. His hands found your waist and immediately pulled you into his front. You whine when you hit his hard chest but your arms make their way around his neck anyway. He smiled down at you, “I love you.”

“Ditto,” You smiled leaning forward to kiss him but he tilted his head back, “Come on baby, I wanna hear you say it. I know you love me too.”

“Jungkook…” you said, still smiling. You felt this gross kind of love for the guy. You know the kind where you’re looking at them doing the most basic thing ever yet in your mind it’s like, ‘damn, I really love them’, then you cringe because why would you be so vulnerable to even think that? Yeah, that kind of love, it’s still hard to say it sometimes.

“I love you too,” you told him almost shyly and then he began to squeeze you in his embrace. You groaned at the tightness until his lips were on yours. It was short and sweet, just a quick moment of affection before you were pulling back. He released a light chuckle, “Your breath stinks.”

You scoffed, “You think yours smells any better?”

“I do actually,” he smirked as he let you pull away from his hold, “It smells like your pus—“

“Go shower!” You said making him laugh as he went to do that and left you alone in the kitchen. Normally you would join him but you had other things to worry about at the moment and you didn’t need Jungkook around for it.

You went into the living room, opened your laptop and checked your emails. You went to school for journalism and you’ve spent over a year interning at a well known editorial company. They specialized in digital news but they had a few actual magazines out, it was a global company and Jungkook had been so excited when you got the internship. He went as far as throwing a little party for you with all your friends.

Today is the day you’ll get an email telling you if you landed one of the open positions in the company, there were too many interns and too few openings so you’ve been stressing about it lately. You’ve yet to tell Jungkook but only because you’ll feel like you’re letting him down if you don’t get it. Your heart was beating out of your chest when you clicked on the right email thread and read it to yourself.

Jungkook was very confused in the beginning. One would say he was a player all throughout high school and the start of college. His longest relationship before you was a mere six months and he wasn’t mature during it. When you came along he thought that maybe it would just be a little fling before the two of you moved on, but the more he talked to you the more he realized neither one of you was going anywhere. Now, he understands that you haven’t even been together for two years but he can easily say that you’re the one, you just get him.

Sure, you argue here and there but you don’t hurt each other. Your communication is amazing, like that of a married couple that has been together for over a decade, and there’s just no stress with you. He knows what to do when you’re upset or how to make your eggs in the morning. You know when he’s running low on multivitamins and you make the calls for Bam’s vet appointments. Sometimes Jungkook even thinks Bam likes his mom, aka you, more than his dad. That’s that Jungkook has had him longer than he’s been dating you. Overall, you just fit into his life like the missing puzzle piece that completed him.

“Come on Bam, we gotta go inside,” you said later on in the day. You and Jungkook just came back from taking him on a walk at Han River and he was way too energized. You were already running a little late and you still had to feed him. Jungkook brought him over easily and the three of you went up like the little family you are. Jungkook watched you lovingly as you filled Bam’s dog bowl and got him water before washing your hands.

“Ready?” Jungkook asked you as he stood at the door with the keys. You nodded, looking around to double check everything was right before the two of you left for the evening.

Everyone was at Namjoon’s place before you two and his backyard smelt like grilled meat and a bonfire. Lawn chairs were spread throughout and there were two coolers of beer. You grabbed one for you and Jungkook and he pulled you onto his lap in one of the chairs.

“No, listen, I’m right,” Taehyung said as he talked with his hands. You looked over at the girl to your right, “What’s he going on about?”

“Oh you missed it, him and Hobi have spent about ten minutes arguing over which soda is better,” Yuna said with a little laugh looking just as amused as you, “So far Hoseok’s winning with a fair argument for Sprite.”

“Mountain Dew is better,” Jungkook cut in with a mischievous grin as the other two turned to glare at him and point their anger in his direction. You tried to smile as you leaned back into his chest. His hands were around your waist resting on your thighs, pressing his chin against your shoulder.

Yuna was Hoseok’s girlfriend and the closest friend you had out of everyone. You met her after she started dating him but you quickly befriended each other through mutual interests. Aside from Jungkook, she probably knew you better than any of the others—even your own personal friends. You’re not sure if you were being obvious about it or if Yuna had been wondering this all along but she knew some sort of news came.

“Come with me to the kitchen,” Yuna said as she stood up, “I brought dessert but I need help carrying it out.”

Without question you nodded and Jungkook released you from his hold so he could have a better debate over fizzy drinks with the others. The two of you headed inside Namjoon’s house and once you were alone in the kitchen, the questions began.

“So?”

“So?” You asked as you looked around for this dessert. Yuna crossed her arms over her chest, “Have you heard from the job?”

“Oh um,” you cleared your throat feeling a lump form as you looked back to see if Jungkook was still where you left him. He was sitting in the chair with a huge smile on his face as he tipped back his beer for another drink. “I got the job.”

Yuna gasped loudly as she grinned, excited now, “That’s great! Oh my god I’m so happy for you, what did Jungkook say? Are you guys doing anything to celebrate?” Her smile dropped, “Why don’t you look happy about it?”

You didn’t say anything, feeling your eyes begin to water and you had to step further into the kitchen so the others wouldn’t see you. Yuna followed you watching as you nearly broke down crying. She panicked, letting go of her drink to get close to you, “What’s wrong? You got the job… that’s great. It’s what you’ve wanted for a long time now an—“

“It’s abroad,” you finally said, “Like thousands of miles away and it’s not short term, it’s forever. The pay is great and I would get a high position but… but…”

“Have you told Jungkook? I’m sure you’ll work it out, I swear the guy would follow you to the end of the world if you asked him to,” Yuna tried lightening the mood, “Didn’t he write that cheesy song about walking the same path as you? He’ll be happy to go with you.”

“I can’t ask him to,” you admitted as you tried wiping away the tears, “He’s already put the down payment for the studio, all his clientele is here. His friends are here, his family is here. I can’t ask him to pack it all up and go with me. We’re not married, we’ve only been together for a little over a year. It would be selfish of me.”

Yuna looked at you with sincere sympathy, “So what are you going to do? Are you taking the job? It’s what you’ve wanted…”

“I know,” you sniffled as tears kept falling, “But I don’t know.”

“Aish! I heard you! Paper plates and napkins, I’m going!”

Jungkook’s voice was heard clear as day and just so happy as he closed the sliding glass door behind him. He was tasked with the job of bringing out silverware since you were inside and he was asking for you. They all told him to come in and find you, and bring back plates for them while he was at it. That’s why he came in with a huge smile on his face, “Babe?”

Yuna’s bewildered eyes matched yours and you turned to face the sink acting like you were busy as you forced yourself to stop being so emotional. Jungkook’s feet dragged on the floor as he came over spotting Yuna first. When his eyes landed on you he felt his heart leap, “There you are—“

He stopped himself when you refused to look back at him. It’s like he could sense that something wasn’t right. He shifted his gaze to Yuna, “What’s wrong?”

“Oh um,” Yuna looked at you and you couldn’t let her say anything, so you turned around facing him with your reddened eyes and puffy nose. Instantly Jungkook came to you, cupping your face softly, “Hey, hey, what happened?”

You tried to smile, “Nothin—“ “Don’t tell me it’s nothing, what’s wrong?” His voice was a soft whisper, immediately going into protective boyfriend mode, “Do you want to go home because we can leave right now.”

“I’m fine, I swear, I’m just… stressed,” you told him and it was obvious he didn’t fully believe it but he didn’t want to push it either.

“Jungkook! The plates!”

“Get your own damn plates! I’m busy!” He shouted back almost aggressively and Yuna took that as her cue to leave you two alone—even though you wished she didn’t.

“I’ll take them the plates,” Yuna said, using it as an excuse to leave and Jungkook didn’t even look in her direction as she left. His focus was solely on his girlfriend and why you looked so sad right now.

“Baby, talk to me,” he had a sad pout on his face, “Please? You were fine in the morning and I don’t know, yeah a little quiet around lunch but then we took Bam out and you were happy, so what happened?

“Did Yuna tell you something?” His jaw was clenched. He knew Yuna would never say anything to upset you but his protective side was coming out and all he knows is that you’re crying and Yuna was the only one with you. You shook your head, “No, no, I’m just stressed you know, um, about work.”

His brows furrowed like he didn’t fully believe you before trying to relax his expression, “Work? Is it because of the opening? I know you’ll get it, there’s nothing to worry about. You work your ass off and they’d be stupid not to give it to you, so please don’t cry—you’ll make me cry. You wanna see me cry?”

You laughed with a small sniffle, “It’s okay, I was just worked up but I’m fine now, let’s go back out.”

“You sure?” He asked wiping away the last year from your eye with the pad of his thumb, “We could go home, watch a movie. Oh, we can try on those new face masks, Bam loves them too—wanna know why? Because his mommy makes sure it’s on right and he gets his nails painted in the process. You’ve made him high maintenance, y’know?”

He’s trying to brighten your mood and it was working because you were laughing.

♱

It was a quiet night yet he couldn’t fall asleep. The room was dark and the air was on, his girlfriend slept peacefully next to him and yet he couldn’t go back to sleep. He slept for about two hours before he woke up. He’s just had a lot on his mind these last couple of days and he just can’t seem to figure out what is happening. He stared up in thought feeling his arm grow numb from having it under you.

Unable to clear his head, he made the decision to move his arm out from under you so he could stand up. As quiet as he could, he left the bedroom and went straight to the kitchen pouring himself a glass of water.

You seemed different these last couple days. From the moment he picks you up from work to the moment the two of you go to bed. It's not that you seemed ill or anything but you did seem stressed about something and no matter what he does to make you feel better it’s not working. He knows it’s probably about work but he had absolutely no doubt that you’ll get the job so he doesn’t want you stressing over it.

He wishes you would just talk to him. He doesn't need you to rely on him because he knows you wouldn't, but he'd like for you to realize he's here for you. If it was about work he hopes it all gets settled soon. If it was about him he's not sure what he'd do.

In reality, there's absolutely no reason for you to be upset with him. The two of you have a healthy relationship and it's no question that you deeply care for each other. He loved you so much, and you love him just as much so why can't you just confide in him?

"Jungkook?"

Oh. He was still in the dark kitchen grasping his half empty glass. He looked to the bedroom where you must've noticed he was missing. Shaking his previous thoughts away he finished up his water letting his glass sit on the counter. With a stretch of his arms toward the ceiling and a small yawn he was walking back to the room. He could barely make out your figure but he could see the way you were turned to face the door.

He quietly climbed back into bed feeling you shift a little as you mumbled, "Where'd you go?"

"To get water, come here, let's go back to sleep," he whispered back to you as he tucked himself in next to you. He went to pull you into his arms but you turned the other way instead. He could practically feel the distance you were putting in the middle and just like that all the thoughts were racing back to him. So were you stressed because of him?

"You can't sleep?" You asked drowsily, he nodded knowing you couldn't see him before rasping out an answer, "No."

It went quiet between you two as he continued to stare at the ceiling unable to get tired. You were already half asleep but you could tell he was struggling tonight. Without much debate you turned on your other side to face him and moved closer. His eyes shifted down as you began to snuggle into him and he was quick to turn on his side too. The two of you met halfway and your limbs locked with his while he hugged you to sleep.

He looked at your closed eyes, feeling the way your breathing evened out in relaxation while in his arms. It was so late and you probably had to work early and yet here he was troubling you by being awake.

"Jungkook," you whispered, your voice a little raspy too. He looked down at you, "Hm?"

"Go to sleep," you muttered under your breath. He sighed, "I'll just go to the living room and watch some tv until I can sleep. I know you've got work early."

He didn't give you much time to process what he was saying before he was getting up and leaving. You laid in bed, eyes opening a little watching him leave. You were left alone in your shared bedroom and the guilt was just eating at you. You knew you were being distant but you just have no idea how to even bring up the news about work. You don’t know how he’ll take it, but you do know you don’t want to leave him and make him think he’s the one doing something wrong.

You were sitting up now, yanking the covers off as you padded across the hardwood floor out the door. Jungkook was laying down on the L shaped couch watching a movie on a low volume. His phone lay on his chest, an arm tucked behind his chest and the other on the remote.

He looked over to the bedroom door when he heard it open. His eyes were big and rounded, innocent looking as you shuffled over to where he was. He didn't question it when you were sitting on the edge of the couch moving to lay over him. He welcomed you with an arm around your waist as you snuggled into his chest. He reached out for the remote, lowering the volume all the way as you let your eyes shut. A small smile appeared on his face as he made himself comfortable on the couch to fall asleep.

"Y/n's just, I don't know, distant?" Jungkook huffed, he raised the dumbbell with the help of Hoseok spotting him. "I feel like something's wrong. I can't tell if it's something I did or what and it's driving me crazy."

Since this morning he hasn’t been able to stop thinking about this. What if he was the problem? Why else would you be acting like this?

He finished a set with a puff of his chest trying to catch his breath as he was standing up. Hoseok took his spot, "Did you forget a birthday? Dinner? Anniversary?"

Jungkook shook his head no as Hoseok began his set, "Are you crazy? I would never forget any of that stuff, if I did Y/n would kill me.”

"Maybe she's not even upset, maybe Y/n's just stressed or tired," Hoseok huffed, "Try and give her time to talk, you know she doesn’t keep secrets from you. Maybe she’s just trying to figure out how to bring it up so just give her space.”

"I can't," Jungkook shook his head, "If I do she’ll never open up to me, trust me. Y/n’s not the vulnerable type.”

It's true. Jungkook knew you all too well. Since the beginning he had to be the one initiating any contact. He never understood why you doubted yourself but you never made the first move, not even when Jungkook had very specifically informed you he liked you. You're always worried you'll come off too clingy and you just don't get that it's what Jungkook wants. He’s way more affectionate than you and it does not mean you’re not like that with him but he’s way more open about his feelings than you—always has been.

"Then I don’t know what to say man, Yuna is an open book, she’ll tell me anything," Hoseok stood now next to Jungkook as they both took a small break. They were practically done for the day anyway so they left to the men's locker room. Jungkook bit his lip nervously, "Has she told you anything about Y/n? They were together at Joon’s when Y/n was crying. You think you can see if she knows anything?”

“I’ll try,” Hoseok said as he reached into his locker for his gym bag, “How’s the studio looking?”

Jungkook appreciated the attempt to change the subject and went on to talk about it, “Great. All the new equipment came in and I’ve already got some clients registered for CrossFit training. Thankfully since it was an old gym I didn’t have to make much changes on it.”

“That’s great man,” Hoseok said with a warm smile, “See if Y/n can do an article about it in the magazine.”

"Nah, she’s stressed, I don’t want to give her more work especially if she had to run it by her bosses first," Jungkook tells him as he takes his helmet and tucks in his underarm. It was a nice enough day for him to ride his motorcycle today and since he isn’t picking you up from work he can ride around a bit and try to clear his mind.

"True," Hoseok told him as they exited the large gym. Jungkook walked over to his motorcycle, a slick black with polished silver detail. Harley Davidson plastered on the side. His helmet was black too, it matched the silver with a chrome reflection and it fit him perfectly. You got it for him over Christmas.

"So you’ll ask Yuna then?" Jungkook asked honestly.

"I’ll see what she knows," Hoseok told him as he walked to his car, “Get Y/n flowers, that might cheer her up.”

Jungkook sat comfortably on his ride as he put his helmet on. He nodded, waving the man away as he turned the key for the ignition. Without wasting another minute he was walking his bike back before taking off out of the parking garage.

Once he was at his apartment he jumped in the shower, music blaring as he tried getting ready to work. It’s his last week of teaching classes at his local gym before he can put all his focus on his own business. He’s had a lot on his plate too.

Hoseok got to his place a while later, his girlfriend was already home watching tv in their living room when he came in, “Hey.”

“Hey,” she said tilting her chin up as he planted a kiss on her cheek in greeting. Her nose scrunched, “Go shower.”

“I will in a sec,” Hoseok said, checking his phone to see if Jungkook has texted him yet.

“How was the gym?” Yuna asked him, making him release a sigh.

“It was good, Jungkook was just… I don’t know, he’s worried,” Hoseok said looking over at her, “About Y/n.”

She didn’t say anything for a moment, choosing instead to stare blankly ahead at the screen. He cleared his throat, already able to tell something was going on, “You know anything? Why Y/n’s been acting differently? He said you were with her when he found her crying.”

“Babe, it’s not my place—“ “Come on, I’m not going to tell him if it’s bad, I just… is Y/n breaking up with him?” Hoseok asked, “I just want to know. You know Jungkook and Y/n are inseparable and if she dumps him I genuinely don’t know how he’ll take it.”

Yuna bit her lip nervously, “She’s not dumping him… but, um,” she knew she should tell him but he’s her boyfriend. He knows she knows what’s going on and if she doesn’t say something she’ll risk having an argument over secrets.

“You know how Y/n’s been working hard to get a permanent position in the magazine?” Yuna went on to say. Hoseok nodded as he tried to smile but he couldn’t, “She didn’t get it? I mean, it’s okay, I know it’s probably hard but it’s not something she should keep fro—“

“Y/n got the job,” Yuna said seriously watching Hobi’s face brighten before she could go on, “Just not here.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s a permanent relocation with a high salary,” Yuna told him, “It’s not here and she’s got about two months to accept or reject the offer.”

“Oh,” Hoseok said. He didn’t know how to feel at the moment. Y/n was a good friend of his because of Jungkook. He was there to celebrate your internship and they all had been anticipating you getting this position. It was all the two ever talked about. On one hand he’s happy, you’ve worked hard for your job and this is something you went to school for. You deserve it.

On the other hand, he’s thinking about Jungkook. The kid has been one of his closest friends for years now. He’s seen him change through time and it was for the better when you came along. Everyone knows the relationship hasn’t been too long but, the way Hoseok sees it… Y/n is just right for him. They ground each other, they’re stable and they hold a lot of love for one and other. Jungkook quit getting wasted every night, passed out at some party never remembering where he was. He cleaned up his act when you came along and graduated with a Business degree and now he’s on his way to become an owner of his own training gym. Everyone knows you’re the one who was supporting him along the way and in Hoseok’s eyes it doesn’t matter how long two people have been together to know if they’re the one for each other.

That’s why he’s at a loss for words right now. Jungkook has asked him to see if Yuna knows what was going on and now that he knows he’s not sure what to tell his friend. It’s not like he could just say, ‘Oh yeah, the thing is, Y/n did get the job but she’ll have to relocate permanently if she accepts it but you just got your studio so that’s probably why she hasn’t said anything to you—and really no one knows what this means for you two and your relationship.’

“What do I tell him when he asks me about what you know?” Hoseok asked his girlfriend who only shrugged.

“I don’t know, just… don’t bring up Y/n’s job,” Yuna told him, “It’s better if nobody does.”

♱

That’s how the game began. Well, it wasn’t necessarily a fun game, it was more so a ‘How to keep Jungkook from knowing what was wrong until Y/n can tell him on her own?’

Hoseok had to let the others know. It wasn’t his intention to spread it around like gossip but after hearing Taehyung ask Jungkook if Y/n was still waiting to hear back about the position and making him go on a rant about how his girlfriend is too stressed to even speak to him, Hoseok had to say something to them.

Of course it made Yuna feel guilty because you trusted her to keep it between you two and she couldn’t—but you didn’t know any of this.

“Babe?” You called out to him as you got home late one evening. You looked around an empty house wondering if he was even home but his keys and shoes were at the entrance so he had to be.

“In the bathroom!” He shouted back and you left in the direction of your bedroom immediately. The door to the master was open and you went in to watch him begin to run a bath. He looked over at you, “Just got off?”

“Yeah,” you said with a small sigh as you leaned against the sink counter, “Mind if I join you?”

He smiled as he came over to where you were and placed his hands on your waist, fingers already gripping at the hem of your shirt, “Wouldn’t mind that at all.”

“Should we call Bam and make it a spa day?” Jungkook asked as he let you undress and went into the warm bubble bath. You shook your head, “He’ll make a mess.”

Jungkook didn’t argue with that as you came in after him and he immediately pulled you into his chest so your back was against him. His fingers tickled at your sides making you turn to mush in his arms till you relaxed against him. You rolled your eyes at his attack on you but you were smiling. Jungkook was happy to just get that from you. You let him pour water along your back and front before dropping some in your hair. You turned just enough to do the same to him and he let you run water through his hair. He’s not sure if you’re feeling better or not but he always enjoys time he gets to spend with you.

“So I need your help this weekend, I thought about it and I think I’m actually gonna paint the walls at the studio,” Jungkook began a casual conversation with you as you began to wash his hair with shampoo as he lathered your body in body wash. You nodded, “Okay, what color?”

“I want to do them white but with a black accent wall, probably chalk paint or something? I don’t know, then you can help me with calligraphy and it could be like my schedule wall, just an idea though,” Jungkook said, “I think I’m just getting excited.”

Your heart stopped for a short moment. You were hoping tonight would be the night you finally talk to him about work. You want to take the position but at the same time you want to turn it down. It’s such a good opportunity for you in the long run but right now you’re dating Jungkook. You don’t know how long your relationship will last since you’re still in your twenties and haven’t dated long, but he makes you want to stay. You just feel conflicted.

You tried to smile, “I like it, it’s going to look so good.”

Jungkook let the subject go as he washed your back, “I love you.”

“Ditto,” you laughed when he planted a kiss to your shoulder blade.

“I love you,” he placed a kiss on your neck, hands caressing your soapy arms.

You smiled, “I love you.” His hand traveled from your arm to your shoulder before making it to your chin and turning your head to face him. You leaned forward, pressing your lips against his and he released a low hum.

The kiss deepened further as did your back against his chest. The hand Jungkook used to turn your face toward him was traveling down your neck making you wiggle a little between his legs. With that small action and the fact that the kiss turned more hungry, he was releasing a quiet growl that rumbled through his chest. Your mouths parted at the same time but neither one of you moved back before going back in for a needy tongue kiss.

Jungkook didn’t need much convincing to let his hands roam your body, first cupping your breasts. A hand of yours had made it to the back of his neck clinging to him as he kissed down your neck, sucking harshly and licking away the pain.

“Baby,” you whined softly into his ear as his middle fingers and thumbs pinched the buds of your nipples so that he could run his index finger over them. You couldn’t stay still and by the hardening length along your back you knew your movements were affecting your boyfriend. He massaged your tits in his hands, squeezing them together and pulling them apart doing it over and over again as you fell full lax against his shoulder.

“You think I can still feel your dripping pussy in the water, baby?” Jungkook asked, tracing the finger that left your nipple numb with arousal down your navel and closer to your pelvis. You nodded against him and with a knowing smirk, he let his hand feel the water further as he slipped the hand between your legs and right over your cunt.

Jungkook groaned into your mouth as he swallowed your moans in a kiss. Of course everything felt different underwater but there was no denying the sticky slick pooling between your folds. He dipped his long middle finger between the wetness, immediately eliciting a quiet whine from your pretty lips. You tightened your hold on the back of his head, fingers sinking into his hair pulling him down deeper for the kiss.

He knew everything about your body and just how to make it react, like when he let the palm of his hand roll into your clit when his finger came out before plunging it back into your entrance and releasing pressure from his palm. The only sounds that filled the room were of the splashing water and your moans while Jungkook fingered you. Your other hand clung to his forearm, thighs threatening to shut at the immense pleasure he was giving you.

“Nuh uh,” he tsked in your ear as he sped up his finger, teasing the folds with his ring finger before making room inside your cunt for two fingers that hooked forward and back, “Don’t you dare close your legs.”

“Jungkook, please,” your legs were shaking as you bucked up into his hands and pressed into his hard cock forcing moan after moan from him as well. You could feel the rumble in his chest against your back and you just wanted to melt into him.

You and Jungkook had a very active sex life and it’s clear that these last couple of weeks you’ve both grown distant through time but it feels so good right now.

He traced his finger tips down your sides trying to turn to face him better. You moved onto your knees letting Jungkook help you hook them over his lap so you could be pressed against him better. Your hand was on his firm and wet chest as you traced it toward his neck before bringing him in for a kiss. His fingers were soft down your back until need became of him. They tightened in the locks of your hair using his hand to feel along your front.

“Is this why you wanted to bathe together tonight?” He asked as he continued to press against that soft spot inside your wet cunt that made your legs shake. It wasn’t exactly what you had in mind but you couldn’t even remember what you actually wanted to say now that he was bringing you to release with only two fingers.

“Fuck,” you moaned out letting your hips rut against his cock, “Me, oh god I need to feel you baby.”

Jungkook used his free hand to grope at your breasts but it quickly slid down to your navel pushing you back and forth grinding against his hard length. He was releasing short grunts into your ear, “Up.”

Your feet pressed flatly against the floor as he slipped his fingers out of your wet pussy to guide your hips up for you. You held onto the edge of the tub to hold yourself up as Jungkook moved a hand down to his dick giving it a couple strokes as he pointed it up. He slid down just a little more for better room and just like that you were sinking down onto his hard length raw.

“Oh,” Jungkook released a low groan, “Baby.”

He licked his dry lips watching the way you took him inside. The water was still filled with water and bubbles but he was able to see enough of your cute butt. Jungkook’s abs tensed so much that it was visible and flexed which made him look even hotter than usual. He begins to raise your hips feeling the warmth your pussy brought to his stiff cock.

Jungkook began to meet your thrusts with a buck of his hips and just like that did he begin to fuck you.

He leaned forward to leave wet and sloppy kisses along the back of your shoulder blade down to the way it flared along your back, moving his hands to grip your waist harshly. Jungkook's nail dug into your soft flesh as he lifted your hips up and down on his cock, “Take me so well, baby.”

He bit into his lip, watching in awe at the way your hips gained more determined rhythm to get him off, he could see glimpses of your spine following your movements. Your hands nearly slipped off of the edge of the bed coming very close to falling face first into the water but it didn’t stop you from saying, "I'm gonna cum."

He released a short grunt as he pushed himself up so that he could stand on a leg and knee, "Grab the edge." You did as told, reaching for one side and holding onto it pressing your chest into the side of the tub and Jungkook placed a flat palm against your lower back. You’ll both be sore from being crammed in the tub but it’s not like this is the first time. He bit into his bottom lip to suppress a loud moan from slipping out as felt your familiar ring of nerves clenching around his member as it sucked him into your folds. He wasn't going to last much longer either so he’s gotten rougher.

He was pounding into you from behind so good that he needed to drop his weight on your. His wet body pressed against you, cold water droplets falling onto your back making you twitch in surprise.

His hand snuck under your stomach to hold you close as you felt his face press into your back as he moaned, “Fuck, baby, so fucking good.

“You make me feel so good,” he repeated, “Cum, fuck, please cum baby, I—I—ngh.”

He made his body flex from how hard he was tensing up to keep himself from spilling inside of you as you came around his cock.

“Jungkook, baby,” you whined, body trembling as Jungkook kept you pressed against him as you rode your high.

When you came down you began to shiver. The water was cold and so were you, plus you were ultra sensitive so it was unbearable. Jungkook could feel the way you trembled and he was trying to keep himself warm, at least his cock warm, but he began to pull out. He rather get you two dressed and not freezing before he finishes himself off.

He could ignore his hard on even as it twitched against his navel as he stood making sure to pull him with you. You slipped on your thin bathrobe letting him do the same and with a chaste kiss on the lips he walked with you out to your bedroom.

“Jungkook,” you called out to him just as he tried leaving to his closet. He turned to you waiting patiently for you to say something but you just walked toward him in your little robe that hid absolutely nothing from his lustful gaze.

You stood so close to him now and before he could what was up your hand was pulling at the tie around his waist. He let you open his robe exposing the hard cock that had just fucked you to orgasm. He didn’t even bother looking down at it, keeping his eyes on you as you have him a couple experimental strokes, his mouth drawn open in a silent, desperate moan that had him panting.

“Don’t you want me to make you cum?" You asked as you kissed down his chest toward his dick. Jungkook looked blissed out with his eyes rolled up, lips parted and his entire face just looking relaxed, “Fuck, yes baby, make me cum, fuck, I need it.”

You bring your face closer to his tip, licking it teasingly, tasting the bead of precum on your tongue. In one swift movement, you flatten your tongue on the underside of his cock, a teasing longs swipe from his balls to his tip. You stopped at the head letting spit pool in your mouth and onto his cock keeping your eyes on his as he watched you swallow more of his length into your mouth.

Jungkook gripped the corner of your vanity table for support as you sucked his stiff cock to your heart’s content. You held the base of his cock with one hand, bobbing your head in a quick pace since he was already so close from fucking you just moments ago. Jungkook watches the way his cock disappears into your mouth, the feeling of your mouth, your hands working other areas. He could feel the way you tried to breathe through your nose and relax your throat, slowly taking more and more of him into your mouth. You took steady breaths through your nose doing your best to relax your throat and flatten your tongue. Jungkook panted lightly, feeling the throb of his cock as his tip hit the back of your throat.

You roughly swallow around him, suppressing a gag as you resume to deep throat him.

"That’s it baby," he groaned, tossing his head back in bliss. Moans were pouring out of his mouth, his groan is muffled into his hand, "Just like that."

Just like that, he released a low growl as your mouth flooded with his thick release. His mouth hung open, hips almost locking from how hard his muscles flexed. Your kisses became tender as you jerked off his wet cock, making sure he got it all out after a week or two of no sex. You placed a sweet kiss on his hip bone as it protruded before you, making him release a breath laugh at your form of comforting him.

He let his hand fall into your hair softly cupping your chin to help you up as he stared at you with loving eyes, “You’re so good to me.”

You didn’t say anything as you pressed your face into his chest for a hug so he wouldn’t see the hurt in your eyes.

If you could just get the courage to tell him.

♱

Jungkook was happy, he really was. Life was just good at the moment. His business is really starting to come together, his girlfriend is supportive, his friends are wonderful. He’s just a happy guy.

“The Prince has arrived!” Jimin shouted in his usual eccentric manner as he stormed into Taehyung’s place with a huge grin on his face. Jungkook was caught stuffing his face with ramen as the guy walked in greeting everyone.

“How was the flight?” Jungkook asked as he finished chewing and swallowed. Jimin had been gone for a couple weeks on some dance tour but he just got back yesterday. Everyone met up together today to see him. Jimin came by and did the usual male handshake, “Long, I slept like fourteen hours when I got home.”

“Grab a bowl, we’re having ramen,” Taehyung said as he plopped down on his couch, “Beer in the fridge.”

“Wow, a meal for a king,” Jimin said as he left to the kitchen.

“Didn’t he say he was a Prince?” Namjoon asked Jin who just shrugged in response.

y/n: just got home

jungkook: do you want me to pick u up? jimins here

y/n: that’s ok, I’m just gonna hang with bam

jungkook: ok :( love you

y/n: love you too <3

“So,” Jimin came back a little later and took a seat next to Jungkook, “When can I stop by the studio?”

“Give it a couple days and then you can,” Jungkook said as he set his bowl down on the coffee table, “Y/n and I just painted the walls this past weekend and it smells like paint—gives me a headache every time I go in.”

Jimin smiled, “It’s cool that you and Y/n are still going to pursue your own things.”

Both Jungkook and Jimin missed the way the others shared a similar glance. Jungkook’s brows furrowed for a second before answering, “Yeah, I mean, what else would we do? We’ve got to find a way to support each other, yknow?”

“You’re right,” Hoseok cut in quickly, “You support each other well for everything.”

Jimin was missing the cues being sent to him by the others. In his defense, he’s been gone for a while. All Jin told him was that you got that job offer but to not bring it up to Jungkook, but that was days ago! And would Jungkook be talking about his studio if he was planning on moving with you? No. So, he honestly thought the guy knew and you two were working it out.

“Yeah, I don’t think I could handle taking the news well,” Jimin went on, once again not understanding why everyone was looking at him with glares in their eyes, “I mean, if my girlfriend was thinking about moving across the world for a job, I wouldn’t take it well. I think I’d probably—“

“Y/n’s not moving,” Jungkook said with a small laugh, still missing the truth, “She hasn’t heard back about the offer yet but it’s here.”

The room fell silent.

Jungkook looked at them all, confusion crossing his features. Now he could sense it, he could sense something was going on around him and he had no idea about it. Why would Jimin assume you would need to relocate? Everyone looked at him with this sort of look in their eyes that began to make him wary. He released a small, cautious laugh, “Why would you think she’s moving?”

Jimin dropped his head realizing his mistake and now understanding why everyone was sending him those looks. Hoseok cleared his throat, “Jimin was just talking, you know how he is…”

“Yeah, yeah, I um, I don’t know why I said that, just ignore me.”

“No,” Jungkook shook his head, feeling something build up in his chest. It was a mix of concern and maybe anger? What were they talking about, “I want to know what you meant.”

He released a nervous laugh, “Y/n’s not—she hasn’t told me—she got the offer?”

“Jungkook…” Namjoon cut in, “It’s not up to us to say anyt—hey!”

Jungkook wasn’t listening anymore. He was looking for his keys so he could go home. What are they talking about?

You were in your bedroom with Bam. He was laying perfectly still on your lap as you played some movie in the background while brushing his teeth. You haven’t had dinner yet since you were waiting for Jungkook and you’re sure that even though he had ramen, he would still be hungry.

Todays the day you’ll tell him since last time ended in sex. You’ll get him nice and relaxed before bringing up the job and then you two can talk it out and see what to do. You’re still not sure if you’re taking it or not but you’re sure that after talking with Jungkook he’ll help you come to a decision that’s best for you.

“Y/n!”

A smile came to your face as Bam immediately jumped up ready to greet his owner, “Over here!” You said back as you began to move off the bed, “I’ve been waiting for you.”

Before you could get to the door it was swung open and you immediately knew something was wrong. Jungkook looked angry, there was no denying his stone cold expression. “What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong? What’s wrong!?” He scoffed loudly as Bam stood at alert between you two, “Why don’t you tell me what’s wrong, Y/n. Or are you going to wait for my friends to do it for you?”

Your heart dropped. What?

Jungkook couldn’t hold it in, he hit the wall lightly, “Say something! Did you get the job?”

“I… yes,” you said quietly and he took a deep breath. He wanted to feel happy, he was happy but… were the guys right? Were you leaving? Why haven’t you told him anything?

“How long have you known?” Jungkook asked, trying to remain calm. You closed your eyes scared, “A month, I didn't tell you be—“

“A month? A fucking month, Y/n?” His breathing was becoming erratic as he tried to push that strange lump in his throat down, “Why—what—oh my god. You told everyone else but me.”

“I didn’t! I swear, I didn’t tell anyone—only Yuna—“ you said as realization hit you. What did he mean by everyone? Who told him? Who knew?

“And you couldn’t talk to your boyfriend?” Jungkook asked, “Y/n, baby, I—we’re supposed to be a team. We’re supposed to tell each other everything. We, fuck, you don’t trust me?”

“Jungkook please,” you begged as you tried to reach for him but he moved back, “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to worry you. I did get the job but I would have to relocate and I didn’t know how to tell you. I wanted to talk to you and see what we can do or what I should do and… and—“

“But you didn’t talk to me, Y/n!” Jungkook yelled, “You’re saying this but it doesn’t change the fact that you couldn’t talk to me.”

“I wanted to tell you on my own time,” you said. You couldn’t even bring it in yourself to get loud or more vocal. Jungkook scoffed, “When was that gonna be? Were you just gonna shoot me a text while you’re flying across the world?”

“That’s not fair! I haven’t even accepted it yet, I wouldn’t just leave you like that,” you told him as you tried getting close again. He couldn’t even look at you right now.

He’s so proud of you for getting the offer and he wants you to do what’s best for you. He doesn’t know if he’s temporary in your life or not but it doesn’t help that he wants to be selfish and tell you that you can’t leave him. He doesn’t want you to go but it’s not like he could control it. The guilt would eat at him if he ever tried making this choice for you.

Jungkook just doesn’t get why you couldn’t even tell him. You distanced yourself from him and this entire time he thought he was the one who might have done something to upset you.

He released a small scoff as he leaned against the wall looking defeated, he let you hug his waist but he couldn’t even look at you right now. He was in extreme duress at what this means for the two of you. He can’t just pack up his life and follow after a girl who can’t even be open with him.

“Do you love me?” He asked so suddenly that you couldn’t process it quickly enough. He mistook your moment of silence as hesitation and released a deep sigh as he tried pushing you away gently.

“Yes,” you told him honestly as you gave him space.

He laughed bitterly, “You can’t even say it.”

“Jungkook, I love you.”

“You know, I’m getting real tired of having to practically beg you to tell me you love me,” Jungkook’s voice was hoarse. He felt awful because he knows you love him but the way you close off from him and keep him in the dark makes him think it’s not reciprocated to the extent of his own feelings.

“Baby, please just sit with me and talk and we can figure this out,” you said trying to guide him toward the bed but he wouldn’t budge.

He shook his head, “I don’t want to talk it out. You couldn’t tell me when it happened Y/n, you distanced yourself from me and I genuinely thought I did something wrong. I thought that maybe I was the one who did something to upset you and I’ve been worried sick thinking that you weren’t in love with me anymore. So if you want to talk about unfair, there it is.”

“My girlfriend doesn’t want me enough to confide in me and can’t even say she loves me unless asked,” Jungkook felt his eyes begin to burn but he ignored the feeling.

“No, please, that’s not it, I just didn’t want to worry you if I didn’t even know if I was taking it or not,” you kept repeating, “I want to talk. I haven’t talked to anyone about it. I don’t know how everyone found out but please…”

“Y/n, I need space.”

You froze, “What?”

He couldn’t meet your eyes, “I just… I really love you and I’m mad you couldn’t talk to me about it but at the same time I feel like it isn’t my decision to make. I don’t want you to stay because of me, if you want to take the offer…”

He was struggling to speak as he began to walk away, “I can’t do this.”

“Jungkook I want to be with you, that’s not going to change so whether you believe it or not, you have a huge impact on my decision an—“

“Y/n, please,” Jungkook ran his hand over his face, “I want you to stay. I want you to stay so fucking bad but I also want you to do what you think is best for you. I can’t ask you to turn something down for me even if everything inside me wants to. I just… I don’t think I could go with you.”

“So I just need some time,” he said as he grabbed a duffel bag from his closet, “And I mean, let’s face it. We haven’t been together long enough for you to want to stay for me.”

“So you’re breaking up with me when I haven’t even decide—“

“No, I’m not. I would never. I’m just going to give you space,” he cut you off, “I’m going to give you time to decide what you want to do.”

“Okay but it still sounds like you’re just dumping me,” you told him as he packed a bag, “Feels like you’re giving me an ultimatum, you or the job.”

He took a deep breath, “I’m not dumping you, I just—can you just understand where I’m coming from? We’re supposed to be a team and yet sometimes I feel like it’s too much work for you to be open with me. You aren’t as vocal about our relationship and I am totally fine with that but sometimes you can’t even show me that you feel the same. You turn away from me, you lie, you can’t confide in me, and honestly if you really wanted to talk about that offer with me you would’ve done it in the beginning instead of push me away. That makes me feel like shit because I’ve been trying and trying with you and it’s like… you just don’t care.”

“I want us to work out, I really do because I love you, and I know sometimes you struggle saying it but you love me too and that’s why I just don’t get why you couldn’t just come to me first,” he kept going, “I had to hear it from everyone else and do you know how embarrassing it is that everyone’s been knowing more about my girlfriend then I have? I get that it wasn’t your intention but it’s what happened and it does make me feel shitty.”

He looked over at you and he could see the tears forming in your eyes and this time he understood why. He had finished packing his bag and went to you right away. He felt like crying too but he couldn’t tell you why. Like he said, he wants you to make the decision that’s best for you. If you want to try long distance… he’s not sure if he’ll be able to handle it but he’s willing to try for you. If you want to break up, he’ll be heartbroken but he understands the circumstances. You haven’t even been dating for a year, he can’t expect you to throw away your dream career for him even if it hurts to think about it.

He held your face in his hands, squeezing his eyes shut to fight back a couple tears and pressed a kiss to your boyfriend, “I love you.” He wasn’t expecting you to say it back, he was expecting the same old ditto.

“I love you too,” you whispered and he felt his chest practically squeeze his heart painfully. He left his lips there on your forehead, no longer giving a kiss but just basking in your presence for a little longer.

“Where are you gonna go?” You asked as he finally pulled away. He shrugged, “I’ll stay with one of the guys for a while, I’ll be back, I promise.”

You watched him rally up Bam and even though you didn’t want either to go you understood. If you could’ve just talked to your very understanding boyfriend about this then you could’ve saved both of you from this weird feeling. This is what he was talking about though, you’re not breaking up and yet thinking of him not waking up beside you hurts.

Bam ran over to you as Jungkook stood at the door and you leaned down to hug him too as he licked your face like he knew he wouldn’t see you for a while.

When he left it suddenly felt a lot lonelier than before and the second the door shut behind him he let himself cry. That made him feel ridiculous because this is not him breaking up with you but if you could’ve just talked to him, if you could’ve just been open with him things wouldn’t have happened this way. Some people might think he’s being dramatic but he’s changed and grown so much in the past two years and it would be a lie if he said you didn’t help him on the way, so to stop you from doing it too is like a punch in the gut.

♱

He ended up at Namjoon’s place where he’s been staying the last couple of days. He’s just the most understanding even if he doesn’t fully agree with how either of you have handled things.

“I don’t think you’re being dramatic Kook, but I can’t tell you that I fully understand everything,” Namjoon said on Jungkook’s fifth day of being there, “If Y/n takes the job offer and leaves I know you’ll be happy that she’s going after something she’s wanted for a while but also sad that she’ll be gone. Do you really think you couldn’t try long distance?”

“That’s the thing, I don’t know,” Jungkook said as he ran his hand over his face clearly stressed, “I want to try if that’s what Y/n wants but… I want to be able to see her, hold her, know that I’m going home to her and if she’s away, I can’t. I would love nothing more than to go with her but I can’t just uproot my life for someone I’m not married—even engaged to. A big move like that could damage our relationship and I just don’t want to risk it.”

“If she asked you to go, would you think about it at least?” Namjoon asked. Jungkook thought about it for a moment, “If she asked me to… and I knew she wanted me there, I would—but I know Y/n would never ask me, especially not now that I’m doing the studio.”

“So you already have it in your mind that Y/n’s leaving?” Namjoon asked. He could tell that his friend was struggling right now. He had bags under his eyes from lack of sleep, he’s not eating that well but he’s stubborn. He was upset, very, and that’s why he needed some space but at the same time he just missed you so much. It’s like he wanted to prepare himself to not be with you every day if you did decide to move. He was seeing if he could actually handle it.

“I’m just preparing myself for the worst.”

“I’m so sorry Y/n, like you have no idea how awful I feel,” Yuna said once while you three were getting coffee. You needed a couple mental days to think things through and she’s tried talking to you a few times but you just weren’t in the mood to talk. A week has passed and you finally decided to respond and go out for coffee with them.

You released a tired sigh as you leaned back on the small arm chair you sat in, “It’s whatever.”

“Y/n, this is my fault,” Hoseok said, “I just—I just wanted to make sure nobody talked about work before you could tell him yourself. I thought we were helping but obviously not so if you need to blame anyone, blame me.”

“I don’t blame you guys,” you said to them, “You’ve known Jungkook for a long time, I’m just… it was just a lot and I should’ve just told him right away.”

“I get why you didn’t though,” Yuna told you, “You didn’t want to worry him if you didn’t even know what you wanted to do.”

“But um, this is just me asking you as your friend,” Hoseok said, “Do you know yet? It’s almost been two months, don’t you have to make a decision soon?”

“Not yet,” you told him. You looked tired and mentally drained about this and that’s not what you want at all. “It’s my dream job but… it’s far and I would essentially be alone starting over so there’s just a lot to think about. And Jungkook thinks what he says shouldn’t affect my decision but it does.”

Hoseok and Yuna nodded understandingly knowing that if they were in the same situation it would also be a difficult decision to make. It was quiet between all of you as you thought about the job offer again but you finally gathered the courage to ask, “How is he?”

“Um,” Hoseok cleared his throat trying to think of a way to ask without making you too worried, “He’s, y’know, he’s just wanted time alone. He’s not mad at you, I think he just thinks you’ve made up your mind and he thinks he’ll hold you back.”

You groaned, “But he wouldn’t. He’s one of the most genuine and supportive guys I’ve ever met and it pisses me off that I just haven’t really appreciated him as much as I should have.”

“Y/n stop,” Yuna said, “He knows you love him and he knows you’ve been thinking about this a lot and that’s why he’s trying to make it easier on you even if y’know, that’s questionable.”

♱

Jungkook’s a mature guy, he swears it, everyone knows this but it’s been a long time since he last drank without knowing he was going home to you. He doesn’t know how to handle it. It’s been two weeks and he only knows about you from what Hoseok has told him—which isn’t much since he’s vowed to keep his mouth shut about what either of you say. You miss him, he misses you but he wants you to make your decision without him around. He doesn’t want to influence you on a life changing decision. He loves you too much to hold you back. He’s just also growing a little delirious now.

“This is such a fun night!” He yelled so loudly heads turned in his direction but he didn’t care. His friends tried getting him to walk straight but he’s a little too drunk for that right now. His arms were up like he just made the winning goal as he repeated himself, “I’m gonna get so fucking drunk tonight.”

He spun in a circle acting like he was on top of the world at the moment. Namjoon grabbed him by the back of his shirt, “Come on man, you’re already drunk, I think we should call it a night.”

“Let him have fun,” Jimin said laughing as Jungkook continued to walk in circles spinning himself so much that he was dizzy and with that feeling of puking. “He’s been a zombie for weeks now and this is the first time I’ve seen him relax. Let him get it out of his system.”

This was 100% Jimin’s idea and listen, he’s a good friend, he really is. He’s just the more carefree type. He feels bad for telling Jungkook but in his mind it’s not that serious and right now he’s just happy that his friend’s not passed out on Namjoon’s couch, sad.

Namjoon huffed as he tried to reel Jungkook back in, “Yeah and look how well he’s doing that.”

“I feel great, hyung! I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders! I feel like I can fly!” Jungkook said, spreading his arms out accidentally whacking some bystander.

“Hey!”

“Sorry!” Jimin said pulling Jungkook back before he started a fight with someone. He’s drunk enough to do that and he knows that Jungkook will be very willing to start a fight just so he could hit something. That’s the kind of guy he was before you and right now he’s got a lot of emotions running through him at the moment.

“I’m not!” Jungkook yelled in response to Jimin’s apology to the stranger and he watched him with a smirk. He was definitely looking for a fight right now, just like his old self would.

“Alright let’s get him home,” Namjoon said with a sigh as he attempted to help Jimin keep Jungkook walking before he really pissed someone off. Jungkook could handle his own but he’s a clumsy drunk so probably not right now.

Jungkook tried freeing himself from their grip, “No! I don’t want to go to your place. I want to go home.”

“Alright, so what are we still doing here?” Namjoon asked more annoyed now, “You’re just being stubborn at this point and if you really wanted to be with Y/n, you would be! So quit acting like this and go talk it out! You’ve been mad she won’t talk to you about things and now you’re doing the same. Look at how you’re acting. If Y/n was here she’d kill you for acting like a fool and I know you’re not actually having fun. You’re just acting like you are so that you don’t think about what’s going on and it’s not working!”

At that reminder Jungkook seemed to freeze up, as if he hadn’t been yelling at the top of his lungs about how fun the night was. Jimin looked serious now, realizing that this wasn’t all that okay, and he needed to get Jungkook back to Joon’s place to sleep it off. Namjoon was being a little cruel but it’s what Jungkook needed to hear right now and it's up to Jimin to be the sympathetic one.

Jimin pulled Jungkook into his side, “Let’s just get you back to Joon’s place and get you sober before you do an—Jungkook!”

He was nearly sprinting into a cab, swinging the door open and locking it before his friends could get to him. He told the driver an address and he was off. Don’t ask him where he was going because it was obvious. He’s going to you.

It wasn’t until he stood in front of his door that he realized his mistake.

“Aish,” he cursed himself as he stared around the concrete hall of his apartment. On one side was the cement railing facing the building courtyard and on the other was his old place. He grabbed his keys, it’s too late now, right? You’ll probably be sleeping and too tired to have this conversation again but he needed to see you. He muttered incoherently to himself as he let himself in making too much noise in his drunken haze.

Jungkook followed his usual routine. He knew exactly where to leave his keys and his shoes. He knew where to hang his coat and where the extra blankets and pillows were. He knew which remote was for what and where the outlets were.

You had been sleeping—or at least attempting to—but it was strange to sleep in an empty bed. It was a little hard to sleep when you were positive there was an intruder. You couldn’t even ask your big buff boyfriend to go check it out because he’s been gone! You should probably stay in bed and pretend you’re not home but you’re also scared to do nothing.

So you gathered all the courage you could and also your phone so you could be ready to call the police—oh and one of the dumbbells Jungkook left here before he split, just to be safe.

Now imagine if you actually used it on the intruder who was currently fussing with one of your blankets trying to get himself comfortable on the small couch. You released a sigh holding a hand to your racing heart, “Jungkook!”

He looked over at you, wide awake, “You’re awake?I—I didn’t want to wake you, I just wanted to be here when you woke up and—”

“Why are you here?” You asked as you went up to him. He resisted the urge to open his arms for you to crawl into. He was slurring on his words as he spoke to you and you can tell something was up.

“Are you drunk?” You continued to ask him questions and he was just trying not to seem that way because then you’ll ask him why he’s drunk. Jungkook was trying his best to seem comfortable. His arm was behind his head and his other hand on his chest, a leg kicked up on the couch, tangled in the blanket but it didn’t feel right. After some time he gave you a brief nod to your question and looked at you, “I want to come home.”

You turned away from him and for a second he thought you were just going to end it with him right now over the fact that he need a break.

“You’re so mean,” your voice was shaky and he sat up immediately worrying you would cry, “Y—you just left because you needed space and now you’re coming back in the middle of the night and… ugh I missed you so much.”

“I’m sorry,” Jungkook said, “I thought you made up your mind. I thought you were just trying to hold off telling me and I was scared but Y/n… I’m telling you right now that if you want to leave I’ll go with you. I’ll follow you wherever and I just needed time to realize that my home is with you no matter where we g—“

His breath was nearly knocked out of his chest as you fell into his arms. He’s never held onto anyone so tightly in his life. He held you like his life depended on it and you cling to him like a little koala sitting on his lap.

“I’m not taking it.”

He couldn’t hear you at first, he hadn’t processed it but when he did he froze, “What? Baby, I, if, what are you saying right now?”

You pulled away from his chest to look at him, sniffling a little, “I’m not taking it. I’ve been stalling making this decision because I thought I didn’t want to let anyone down but I realized it’s because I don’t want to do it. If it was here I would take it but I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to make you pack up your life and go with me. I don’t want to leave our amazing friends. I don’t want to leave everything behind and Bam wouldn’t be able to see Tannie.”

He laughed softly as he brushed your hair out of your face wiping your tears in the process, “Always thinking about Bam… but I want you to be sure about your decision honey, I want to know this is what you want because like I said, I’ll follow you wherever. I just don’t want to see you cry.”

“No, I don’t want to go anywhere. I want to be here with you and with everyone and I’m sorry I’ve made this so difficult. I just… I’m bad at making decisions and, fuck, I’m just sorry. I could find a job anywhere, I know they’ll hire me and I won’t have to leave everything behind for it.”

Jungkook felt mushy inside. Part of him still felt guilty that you were turning this down but he also knows that no matter how hard it is to decide on something, once you’ve done it, there’s no going back. Like with him, once you decide on each other that’s that. He’s not letting you and he sees that you won’t let him go either.

“And you’re positive this is what you want? You won’t regret it?

You shook your head, “I won’t,” sniffling, you added, “I love you.”

He smiled, “Ditto.”

You laughed softly as he pressed his lips against yours, “I’m so fucking in love you, Y/n and we’ve made this so much more difficult than it needed to be and I’m sorry for that.”

“Let’s just forget it,” you told him, “Let’s just go to bed and move on.”

He released a content sigh, suddenly holding you by the waist and standing with you clinging to him, “We’ll talk in the morning, just to make sure. For now I’m taking my crybaby to bed and tomorrow we’re bringing Bam home together because he missed his mommy so much.”

“Mommy?” You said even as tears filled your eyes, still being a crybaby, “I missed you both so much.”

“We missed you too.”

::.

wow okay this was a rollercoaster but like a good one idk

it came out softer than I wanted but whatever

also banner change cause Calvin Klein 🤭

personal taglist: @notmyfaultbutours @rerefundslocals @fandems @sugaluvmyg @guvgguk @kimyishin @libra04 @kooromiwrld @classycreationcupcake-blog @alwaysdreamingnotsleeping @cherrymonlightt t @nikkiordonez12 @asking4-sanity @thvlover @saweetspoiled @uwu2rawr @shaybts-blog @babycandy111 @tearyjjeon @joons-uparupa @jeonninja @yellowcupid08 @02010802faves @knudsenheggedel @skzthinker @unnatae @aurorthi @beautywine @95ene @taekookstata @lilliankoo @shescharlie @annenakamura @lesoleile @aris-ink

ditto taglist: @exactlygreatcoffee @withluvjm @yungies @maar-leena @hoseokteardrop @tae-hibiscus @yeow6n @dna-black-and-blue @j3oooonsnsns @kayaluvs @zzztaegizz @urbestamericangirl @levis-bubba @stressed-but-trying20 @jungkooksseuphoria @terjeonbebas @sucre007c @ifthvss @kooklovee @pointofviewyugyeom @cherishoshi @iluvkoochie @aerastus

#jeon jungkook #Jungkook smut #jungkook fluff #jungkook request #jungkook au #jungkook #jungkook angst #jungkook imagine #jungkook drabble #Jungkook fic #jungkook x reader #jungkook oneshot #jungkook x y/n

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strqyr · 17 days

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genuine question: do people want bad, inconsistent writing? is that it? because that's the only way "taiyang is and always has been a horrible father and yang had to raise ruby all on her own and she resent him for it" makes any damn sense.

like. where's the resentment?

where is yang, while happy that ruby is one step closer to achieving her lifelong dream, feeling just slightly frustrated that she's once again sharing a room with her sister, when going to beacon was supposed to be a place just for her for at least two years without having to watch after ruby and feel guilty over it?

where's the resentment when tai sent zwei to the girls to be taken care of while he's away on a mission, placing that responsibility on yang again? why show yang instead being flippant about the whole ordeal, and shrugging it off like it's nothing, being ready to leave zwei alone in the dorm room for the week they're away because he has the absurd amount of food and a can opener tai provided them?

where's yang bringing up how she had to apparently grow up early because tai wasn't there, when she wanted to be treated like an adult?

where's the resentment when yang was about to leave home under the assumption it was her keeping her father from going after ruby, only to find out he isn't coming with her, once again leaving the responsibility of taking care of ruby on her shoulders?

because the show i watched, it doesn't exist. to even remotely get to that point you'd have to ignore ruby talking about their dad in a way that makes it clear he was present and raising them, you'd have to ignore yang having to wait for him to be out of the house to leave herself once again proving he was present and attentive of them, you'd have to ignore ruby's first happy memory being from that same time period (and with no corresponding sad memory to counter it), you'd have to ignore him reading them bedtime stories and taking them out for boba after school, making sure he's spending time with them even when he's busy with work.

you'd have to ignore that both yang and ruby have a good relationship with their father.

that is not to say tai doesn't have his flaws—every damn character in this show does—, but that's exactly what V4 is about. the rift that existed between yang and taiyang was his refusal to talk about raven and doing his best to prevent her from looking for her. that's it. just compare the difference in tone between yang's "oh, so now we can talk about her?" and "i don't know. some things you just need to be there for." and it's clear as a day where the resentment actually lies.

therein lies the core of the arc between yang and tai, and like many issues between characters in this show, it gets resolved: for the first time ever, he properly talks with yang about raven, and when yang is about to leave, he doesn't try to stop her like he has before; instead, he asks her where she's going, and gives information that might help make her journey easier.

if they intended there to be any lingering resentment from yang, 'boba' was not the way to do it. we know what yang's resentment looks like: anger, snappiness, the like. it's not quiet, almost somber.

they could have written yang treating tai's absence in vacuo as something she has come to expect from him, but they didn't; instead, she wonders why, because she can't fathom what could be more important for their father than being there, in vacuo, with them.

and that alone comes as validation for everyone who has wondered the same: why is tai staying in patch when everyone else is on the move? this is a character we're first properly introduced to as a father who has fallen asleep by his daughter's bedside waiting for her to wake up, a father who is almost brought to tears by relief that both of his daughters are back home and safe.

a father we last saw being absolutely desperate for his daughter to come back on screen when ruby's message cut short.

and beyond brings a sledgehammer and says yes, it is odd that taiyang hasn't left home to be by his daughters' side. wonder why that is, must be something important, wink wink ;)

and if you ask me, that sounds like a pretty damn good "long con", and damn good writing.

#rwby #taiyang xiao long #yang xiao long #ruby rose #the disrespect this family gets smh #make it make sense folks!!!

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moonlit-positivity · 1 month

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Some of my best moments of healing came when I started to understand some of these snippets of wisdom from others:

People can only perceive what they know.

Comprehension is also a part of communication. If they can't comprehend what you're saying then there is no point in wearing yourself out.

There is a big difference in "listening to respond" vs "listening to be right" and most people do not understand this.

Most people on social media aren't looking to have healthy communication. They're looking to argue. Find other places for conversation outside of the comments section.

People cannot tell you how you're feeling. That is information only you have access to. They are projecting themselves onto you.

People often hide behind projection when theyre hurt. Don't take things personally.

Emotionally immature people cannot understand the difference between communicating vs reacting.

What's the difference?

Communicating = listening with intent to understand

Reacting = allowing the perceived threat to dominate the mood

Triggers can also show us parts of ourselves that are unhealed and in need of attention. Though it is never okay to force yourself to "work through them" if you do not relate.

"There is always more work to do" = this is a lifelong process. Don't try to rush it so hard.

Breaks are allowed and actually necessary in order to catch up.

"Trust in yourself & trust in the process" = you know what's best for you. Nobody else should be telling you how to live your life.

"Do something else" = your sanity is in danger if you don't learn how to step away from the stress. Don't ignore your mind & body asking for a break.

"Life is not a game" = take yourself and your health seriously.

It's normal to seek chaos while recovering. Sometimes we are hard wired for chaos due to the nature of our traumas. Healing can leave you feeling "boring" and that's normal.

Recovery can also be reflected in our outward appearances. "As I grew inward, my outward appearance changed too." The changes we make inside can have a very deep impact on the way we take care of ourselves and the way we project that outwardly through our appearance. Sometimes negatively, sometimes positively. It can fluctuate and change just like we do.

You're not alone. I guarantee you, whatever it is you're going through- there's a community out there for it.

Sometimes you will never know how to move forward. These are the moments that require the most kindness and compassion you can find.

There is such a huge awkward transitionary phase between "I'm stuck repeating old habits" vs "oh okay, I've learned enough to move on now, but I don't want to give up my old identity and now I'm even more panicked than I've ever been in my entire life what the fuck is happening please help me" and this is so fucking normal.

When that happens, just be as kind and patient as you can be. The old parts are in need of patience. They are clinging for a reason. Maybe the closure long forgotten? Maybe the underlying issues finally able to be spoken out loud and addressed? Give them the safety of knowing they are safe, well loved, and that you're still gonna be you in all that you are when they're ready to put those burdens down.

Change doesn't look good at first. At first it feels like ripping your skin off. There's a subtle power in allowing it to feel uncomfortable and doing it anyway. You can tap that power just by waking up and staying committed.

"You're stronger than you think, give yourself some kudos, you're worth the effort to heal." These are all words that others have said to me. Take the positive words that ppl give you and use them to your advantage. They're actually not bullshitting you. They actually really do want you to succeed. Draw on them to get you there.

In the same vein, ask trusted ppl what they think your strong points are. I've had ppl tell me "you're resourceful. You're strong in how you advocate for yourself." It can help to hear these types of things. It's okay to ask!

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ddlcbrainrot · 3 months

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i’m just saying more people should make use of the angst factory that is sayori’s and mc’s friendship

Imagine you have a childhood best friend that you’ve lost touch with, and suddenly you two start hanging out again. You two start spending a lot of time together again, and things are like nothing has changed between you. All that time apart was not enough to strain your friendship, and you think to yourself “ wow even after all this time she still is the same sweet girl i’ve always known”.

Only for you to find out that she’s actually been suffering for as long as you’ve known her. And you didn’t realise a single thing until it was too late.

All the mixed emotions of concern for your friend, guilt of your ignorance (you’ve known her for forever, how couldn’t you tell?) but also the realisation that the person you’ve thought you knew better than anyone was more or less a facade. Now, i’m not saying that Sayori’s cheery personality is all fake, but i imagine MC would have to question where the facade starts and where it ends (did he even know her at all?).

All this and i’ve still haven’t said anything about Sayori’s POV of their friendship, which is just as - if not more - angst inducing.

I think the key factor to understand Sayori’s POV is the word indirect. Because most of the hurt she experiences from MC’s actions is in fact indirect. Even in the game she talks about how his actions were not actively malicious, but they indirectly caused her pain. And yeah, it is because of her feelings for him, but even if we ignore that their friendship alone still caused her indirect pain.

I see a lot of people be like “MC is so mean to her in their base game” which honestly? have you ever been in a long term friendship? idk if it’s just me but the way they interacted seemed like how any childhood friends would. Because no matter how mean your childhood friend is to you, you know they don’t mean any actual malice. It’s basic logic that the person who has been with you since childhood doesn’t actually think of you as just some dumb clutz. But depression isn’t logical. And that’s exactly why Sayori is actually affected by what on any other circumstance would be playful teasing between lifelong friends. It’s actually an issue that, while complicated, could easily be addressed if Sayori communicated to MC her feelings on the matter. But since Sayori is so focused to keeping things the same, how they’ve always been so he doesn’t worry, she doesn’t voice this at all.

I’d like to add that even though Sayori goes out of her way to make sure MC doesn’t find out about her depression, there must also be a part of her that is hurt by his lack of knowledge on the matter. MC in act 1 repeatedly says he knows Sayori better than anyone. Imagine you are Sayori, your friend insists he knows you, fully knows you, and yet he can’t seem to notice this very vital part of you. Again, he is hurting her indirectly, and frankly because Sayori is herself keeping this part of her hidden. It’s a double edged sword, really.

When Sayori does tell MC about her depression however, MC quite frankly responds in a pretty bad way.

I don’t think i need to explain how his response isn’t at all what you should say, i think enough people have done so already. But i will say it makes sense for him to respond that way. I think a lot of people, especially people who are online, have seen so many post or videos about how to handle these kind of situations, so it’s easy to forget that not everyone is that well educated on the subject of mental health (and it makes even more sense for MC in particular to be so clueless on the subject, since men’s knowledge on mental health is literally non existent bc of society’s own view of men as emotionless, but that’s a rant for another time). I think he reacts as a normal teenage guy would tbh. And that is he says the wrong thing.

And as he finds Sayori in the end of act 1, since he doesn’t know of Monika’s influence, he thinks his ignorance costs his best friend’s life.

#ddlc #ddlc sayori #ddlc mc #this was supposed to be just the first line btw #but i decided to explain myself a little #two hours later…#if something doesn’t make sense pls forgive me i’m not a writer :’)

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taylorswiftstylequestions · 1 month

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I think Taylor points to these references purposefully so who knows if any of this bothers her but I have just noticed such an intense turn around from swifties previously needing to defend that Taylor’s music is about so much more than men to now hypothetical, but ultra specific moments in her relationships being the topic of like, almost all song discussion. It’s not coming from an intentionally sexist place anymore, but still feels…odd.

I've been seeing much of this today and unsurprisingly I have some opinions on this. And it is okay if your opinions are different and it's also okay to acknowledge there's 23948723894732 shades of nuance when it comes to the emotional intent that we bring to the table when we talk about Taylor's music (or anyone's really, but obviously we're in the TS fandom here and talking about a very clearly personal and detail-oriented body of work).

Imo - Taylor writes songs to understand herself. And she then puts that work out into the world to have other people understand her and to have a tangible artifact of her experiences as a permanent record to validate that what she feels and what she has gone through is real and to have people perceive that and gain an understanding of her life. And then we as consumers of said art get to take those songs and feel less alone in the world because we see ourselves in those songs and can feel the gentle, ghostlike presence of a person we do not know affirming to us across the ether through this beautiful thing they've created that they've gone through something similar. And that bonds us and that's part of what makes Taylor's work so vivid and so personal for a lot of us. And then we also have the added gift of being able to take songs written about her experiences and shape and mould them to fit the contours of the lives we have lived that have nothing to do with the song's original intent.

"Tied Together With A Smile" is about Taylor's friend in high school experiencing an eating disorder and it's about my lifelong body issues and disordered relationship with food.

"tolerate it" is about a relationship that Taylor experienced with a partner who never fully appreciated her or saw her and it's about coming out to my parents and then never talking about it ever again and blatantly ignoring a part of my identity I wanted to share with them.

"Better Man" is about a relationship that Taylor experienced at the hands of someone who did horrible things to her that made it impossible for her to trust him and love him and it's about my mom and how I will always yearn to have a closer relationship with her but I know it will always be just out of our grasp.

I see my best friend's ex-boyfriend in "peace". I see the guy who stood me up on my 20th birthday in "The Moment I Knew." I see my ex-girlfriend in "The Way I Loved You".

I can layer all of my personal experiences on top of the topography that her discography has given me and they can feel 100x more nostalgic and sentimental because I'm able to understand the complexity, nuance, and humanity of Taylor's world as she writes it because I care about her! I want to know those things about her! I want to know what she's gone through! I want to feel her feelings! I feel connected to her and to her art and to myself through her music! I can feel all those tender things about my life and the smell of the air and what I was wearing and what address I was living at the first time I listened to these songs BECAUSE IT'S ALL OF THE ABOVE. IT'S ALL OF THE ABOVE.

#opinion

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tittyinfinity · 2 months

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I still can't believe that this election year of all years isn't the deal breaker for a lot of people when it comes to the two-party system.

Not willing at all to organize for another candidate or even protest the fact that many states aren't allowing you to vote for anyone but Biden for the democratic candidate.

You won't even demand that the Democrats put forward a different candidate to vote for? Even though you know that the guy running is a lifelong conservative who only recently put on the liberal sheep's clothing?

Just put your head down and vote for him No Matter What under threat of violence from the other party? No matter who the candidate is? No matter how bad they get, until they come for you? "You'll always have my vote as long as you keep ME safe from the Actually Evil party. Damage control!"

As if telling a political party that they can be as horrible as they want & STILL have your vote is any kind of "damage control." Maybe it's short-term damage control for you. But why would dems be incentivized to give you rights and work for your vote if you tell them that you'll vote for them no matter what policies they have? How will that look years down the line?

Why would they even try to stop republicans if all they have to say is "vote for us because the other party is worse?" Whenever every time something bad happens under a democratic presidency, you say it's not really their fault? How in the hell does that "push the democratic party to the left?" Because I see a lot of "vote for them first, THEN push them to the left!" Well then how the fuck do you expect to do that? Just ask them pretty pretty please? Are you "pushing Biden to the left" right now? How does telling people not to criticize Biden "because it increases the chances of the other guy winning" push him to the left?

Biden is issuing executive orders to send weapons over to Israel but won't do that for Roe v. Wade or trans rights. He's threatening to take away some of our first amendment rights and cut us off from outside information. And if that isn't enough, you know what happened because of the weapons he sent to israel? And how it affects you personally? Look at what happened to Fall and Winter. So much progress towards combating climate change. Lost. The US military is the largest polluter in the world & the military industrial complex will eventually kill us all if we don't stop it.

NOT TO MENTION his fucking track record? If a lifetime of advocating for racist policies that have killed and continue to kill tens of thousands of people doesn't make him as bad as Trump, what does? Trump's shitty 4-year presidency somehow cancels the decades of lives lost to Biden? WHAT? The fuck do you MEAN one of them is the "lesser of two evils"?!?!?!?

It ultimately comes down to "I prefer the violence to be where I can't see it." You're not afraid for the people that the Democrats are currently killing and have been killing while lying to your face about it, you're not afraid for the people who have been watching their family members be blown to bits for months – but you're so terrified of a republican president that you'll put up with tens of thousands of people dying in another country in order to have better domestic policies. Instead of ever fighting for anything different.

"Well then what's your plan?" Are you not embarrassed to admit that you've been actively ignoring every person who's laid out clear options for you? You can't think of anything else yourself other than "vote blue no matter who?" Newsflash, literally anything is better than enabling TWO FASCISTS to run for office.

We stop BOTH of them. Not just one of them. Step the FUCK up.

#joe biden #biden #election 2024 #.bdo #byeden

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lilliththeghost · 6 months

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I was always jealous of boys. I knew from a young age they had something I didn't. Different toys, different hobbies, different roles. My dad made it no secret that he wanted a boy. Someone he could teach to play football and game with. It hurt me that he never thought I could be that person. I thought I must've been born wrong somehow, that I was a mistake, that I should've been different.

I remember when I first discovered that you could change your gender, and you could do it just by deciding that you were something else and maybe taking some medicine. It would change me, but I never wanted to be myself anyway, so maybe this would be better. I was on board. I changed my name, cut my hair, bound my breasts. I never wanted to be a girl anyway. I wouldn't miss it. I found a doctor that would prescribe me testosterone and started looking into a double mastectomy. I felt like I finally knew why I was so broken, and this would fix me.

I panicked a week in and cancelled the whole thing. People were confused. They had supported me, for the most part, and now they thought I was lying. They thought I was backing out because I was scared. And I was scared, because I just wasn't sure this was the answer I was looking for. I just wanted to time to decide if I was sure. But the gears were already turning. People had decided I was a boy now from the instant I said so. But I was unwell. Very unwell. And I had always been, and people tried to convince me that transition would fix that. It would cure me.

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder two months ago. After years of psych visits and evaluations and hospitalizations, years of people ignoring and downplaying my symptoms. I just turned 30. It's likely that I have been suffering from this disorder for the last 15 or so years without the proper assistance. This is how long it took for a multitude of doctors to find out what was wrong with me.

And do you what really scares me? The fact that it took this long to diagnose me with a lifelong medical condition, yet when I expressed that I MIGHT be trans, I was IMMEDIATELY told that I needed to make major medical changes. I almost signed myself up for a lifetime of the wrong treatment because people were so concerned about validating my identity that they didn't even stop to ask if I was sure.

I don't know which is worse: not being diagnosed with bipolar for 15 year, or being diagnosed as trans inside of a week. I think both are examples of the failure of the mental health system. Where is the balance? How are women supposed to lead healthy lives when they're either ignored for years or immediately prescribed permanent life-altering treatment that might not be right for them?

I want to understand and be accepting of people. I want the people around me to feel heard and loved. I just can't help wondering how many girls like me thought they might be boys because everything in their life just sucks, and they desperately need a change. I see doctors from gender clinics coming out and saying that the majority of their patients are women with serious mental health issues and trauma. And I just think, that could've so easily been me.

My entire life has been defined by my existence as a girl and a woman. And I always hated that. But it's not because I was never meant to be a female; it's not because I was born wrong. It's because being a female in a patriarchal society is utter fucking shit. And I owe it to every girl like me to help fix that.

#detrans #gender critical #terfblr #radfems please interact #mental illness #bipolar #mental health

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dreamingofep · 1 year

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Smile, baby

Pairing: Austin Butler × Reader

Word Count: 6.7K

Summary: You're the photographer for the Vman photoshoot with Austin and you can't seem to ignore all his charm.

Warning(s): SMUT, the usual p in v action, dom! austin, slow burn, teasing, fingering, oral.

A/n: Hi everyone! Hope you enjoy this little Austin fic! Please feel free to comment and message me your thoughts I'd love the feedback! Sorry for any spelling mistakes or goofs.

You finish packing your camera bag and double check you have everything you need for this next shoot. You had been in the photography business professionally for the last four years and have enjoyed it. It was your lifelong dream to be a full-time photographer and it finally came true.

This next shoot was for the magazine Vman featuring actor Austin Butler. You had seen some of his stuff and really liked him in The Carrie Diaries. He had that boyish cute look in that show and at the time, but you hadn’t paid much attention recently to him. There was so much you had to focus on like editing a million pictures after each shoot you do or planning trips for the next big gig. You didn’t necessarily have time to inspect every single aspect of whatever actor’s life you were meeting on set. Quite frankly you didn’t care because these people were just human and were really nice to work with and that’s all that mattered.

You slip on some black leggings and a tank top and put on some lip gloss as you head out the door.

You get to the studio before anyone else and start to set up your equipment and check out the space. It was a rather simple warehouse with some couches, a bed, and some tables that could be used for the shoot if need be. You hear the door from across the way get opened and in comes a rolling cart full of clothes and the wardrobe designer behind it.

“Hey, I’m y/n, I’ll be the photographer for the shoot. Thanks for coming early,” you say as she goes in for a hug to greet you.

“No problem! It’s nice to meet you I’m Angie. What do you think of the looks? Is it something that fits the vision?”

You had already talked to the magazine about what they were looking to get out of this shoot. They wanted the title of the issue “Hollywood's New Burning Love,” since the new Elvis movie would be coming out very soon and it was already getting rave reviews. The concept was to be bold, edgy, and free. Really capture that side of Austin but make sure the audience can also feel the human connection through these pictures. When they say pictures are worth a thousand words, they’re right. That’s why you loved your job so much. It was the best way to tell a story in just one single frame.

You sift through the rack and feel the smoothness of the black leather pieces hanging on the hangers and the jaggedness of the studs that were on another jacket. The mesh floral shirt caught your eye right away and thought it was really interesting but would see how it would look on Austin to see if you would use it for a shot. You were going to be mainly taking most of the pictures outside so you were hoping the weather would stay nice.

After a few minutes of looking through the wardrobe options, the doors open once again and you see Austin along with his team behind him.

You’re taken aback because your previous memory of how he looked and not at all what he looked like now. He was stunning in person, so gorgeous you can swear you felt your heart skip a beat.

Oh, fuck what’s happening.

He makes eye contact with you first and the way those blue eyes bore into yours, it’s electrifying and sends a shiver throughout your body. He then makes that boyish cute smile he’s always had at you and you can’t help but blush. You look up again and see he’s still looking at you only a few feet away.

“Hey, I’m Austin. I assume you’ll be the one taking pictures of me today?” He asks as he gestures to your camera strap around your chest. His eyes linger there at your chest for a brief moment before meeting your eyes again. You bite the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from giggling like an idiot.

You nod, “yep that’s me, as long as you don’t mind me being all close to your face,” you wince at the words that just freely came out of your mouth. Jesus Christ, what had gotten into you? Just seconds into this interaction you’re a babbling mess.

He chuckles and puts out his hand to shake it, “yea I think I can handle that dear. Let me go change. What did you want to see on me first?” He asks so innocently. But your brain is moving a million miles an hour and you continue to turn another shade of red.

I want to be on you…

“Uh…umm… how about that mesh floral shirt…I umm think that might be a nice start.” You start to pinch your hand trying to regain any control you have left of the situation. He nods his head and grabs the outfit off the rack and heads to the makeshift dressing room.

You quickly double check your camera is working properly and your battery is fully charged. What the hell has gotten into you? No one gets you this flustered, especially at work!

Austin comes out from the changing area and has the mesh top on and black dress pants. You try not to stare too much but he looks good and you feel your face flush.

“Where would you like me, darling,” he asked as Angie handed him a cowboy hat.

You giggle a little as he puts it on goofily and starts walking out with you. “Let’s go outside and see how the lighting looks and go from there okay cowboy?”

“Mmm, yes ma’am, he says in a Southern accent and tips the end of his hat down and you both laugh.

He’s so unbelievably charming to you I can’t believe the way your heart races around him.

He’s a natural in front of the camera. Charm is just pouring out of him and you find yourself smiling at every little thing he’s doing.

You have him lean against the building in the sheer shirt and lean back. The way he looks up is so attractive it makes you needy.

You both lock eyes and they burn into you causing your cheeks to feel like fire. He doesn’t look away and if you’re not mistaken, you think he likes the way you’re getting all flustered for him. You take a slow breath and watch as his eyes linger all over your body. He lets out a soft, “mmm,” from his lips and you do everything to try to regain focus.

“Okay umm… how about an outfit change. Maybe just changing the top in the tank top and leather jacket look.” You say as direct as possible to try to shift the mood of your photoshoot and have his eyes quit fucking yours.

You change your camera battery inside as he’s changing into the next look. He comes out from behind the dressing room and comes out shirtless with the leather jacket flung over his shoulder, being held on by just two of his fingers. His shirtless body looked divine, some Roman sculptures would be jealous of how good he looked without a shirt. The silver-adorned belt around his waist caught your eye and stared once again at how good he looked in those pants. The pronounced bulge in his pants made your mouth water and you bite your lip to try to stop yourself from staring when he was walking toward you.

He clears his throat to catch your attention, you shoot your eyes back up at him as he has a sly grin across his face as he sees where your eyes are drawn to.

“I was thinking no shirt, just felt right,” he pauses and you nod. He walks closer to you, slowly, like a leopard stalking his prey, and whispers, “hmm, I thought you might like that honey. Anything to keep your eyes on me longer…” he trails off and brushes your hair behind your ear.

You feel the wetness begin to pool in your panties. The tension between you two is electric and you have to do everything in your power to stay professional and maintain to stay calm.

You look up at him and those icy blue eyes bore into you with lust. Your heart races as you don’t know what to say next. Nerves fill your body as you start to enjoy the closeness of his body to yours.

“Oh, umm, let’s go outside again. The lighting should be perfect,” you stumble out. You and the rest of the team go back outside and you really don’t have a clue what the next shot will be but then it hits you.

You have all the power in this situation. He needs to listen to your direction.

If he wants to play this game and make you all flustered, you can do it too.

“Austin, why don’t you stand by that blue wall, it’ll bring out your eyes,” You tease and give him a wink. He lets out this airy laugh and shakes his head. He starts to put on the leather jacket and you stop him. You rush to him, away from the rest of the team so they can’t hear you.

“Ah, wait Austin, I was thinking nothing on for this part… since you like to have so many people’s eyes on you, this would be a for sure way to do that,” You tease and brush his hair back on the sides as he did to you.

“Nothing on hm?” He emphasizes, “I think that’s a special shoot we’d need to have just you and I. And as far as having other eyes on me, I’d much more prefer it to be yours only,” Your breathing hitches and you bite your lip.

“What are you trying to do here? Do you flirt this hard with every photographer you encounter hmm?” You say firmly.

“No baby, just with you. Somethin’ aboutcha is driving me crazy, and I know you can feel it too.” He teases, his voice raspy and deep, as his face inches dangerously closer to yours. He has this slight southern inflection in his voice. Something he must have still from shooting the Elvis movie but dear god it’s so fucking sexy. Between the raspiness and the southern inflection he has on some words, you’re falling apart at the seams.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you whisper sheepishly.

“Yes, you do. You’ve turned eight different shades of red since I walked in here. Do you normally get so flustered over every client you photograph?” He rebuts back at you.

You press your lips together as he’s got you pressed in the corner.

“Only the ones who eye fuck me throughout the entire photoshoot,” you say.

“Hmm, well I’ll try to make it more, bearable for you dear,” he chuckles and places his hand on his lower lip. You step back and realize you have a perfect shot.

He keeps his hand to his mouth and the other hand on his hip as he watched you closely back up and raises the camera to your eye. You squat down in front of him and the biggest smile forms across his face. Another burst of embarrassment embarks upon you as you realize he can see your cleavage perfectly at this view. You stand up quickly and snap a few more shots knowing that the first one you took was the perfect shot.

“Alright, I think we can move along. How about you put the leather pants and vest on for this shot and sit on that bench over there?” You point across the way and you start to walk over.

He leaves without saying a word and comes back a few minutes later down and sits down on the bench, giving you this devilish look. He crosses his legs as the makeup person fixes his hair a bit. An assistant hands you a different lens for the shot and you accidentally drop the lens cap. The cap rolls directly at his feet and he looks down at it, then back up to you. The insolent man doesn’t make any attempt to pick it up for you and you see what he wants you to do.

Bend down in front of him again like a submissive whore.

You purse your lips together and take a deep breath and walk over to him.

“I got the cap Austin don’t worry,” you scoff and pick it up and blow the dust off of it.

“I knew you’d get it. I just like you kneeling in front of me,” he says as he brushes his hair through his fingers and leans back.

Your blood boils. No client has ever talked to you this way. But no client has turned you on this way either. You’re at a crossroads. You can either tell him to get his head out of his ass or make it worse for him and have him continue to be at your mercy.

Option two sounds like a plan.

You scoot back a little, still bending down, and place the camera up to your eye.

“Open your legs Austin, you need to look more relaxed…” you say quietly but just loud enough for him to hear. His eye grows wide and he wipes his palms on his thighs. He shifts his body a bit uncomfortably, exactly how you wanted him to get. After adjusting so, he stretches out his long legs out, making it so you’re right in between them.

“Like this?” He asks innocently as he looks down at you.

“Mhmm, just like that.” You say as he looks off into the distance. You feel how soaked your panties have gotten in this position and they only are getting worse by kneeling in front of him.

“Smile, baby. Look right at me,” you coo softly and the expression on his face is a shock. It felt great to be so in control of him and have him do every last thing you wanted. He does as he’s told and looks directly down the lens. He bites his lip slightly and another sly grin forms across that beautiful face.

You get up and take shots from a higher angle and know you’ve gotten some amazing pictures.

The sun was setting and know the shades and lighting would start screwing up the pictures so you thought that would be a wrap.

“Thanks, everyone! I think that wraps it up. You all were wonderful!” You clap and start to hug everyone as you make your way inside.

You start tidying up your things and the crew starts to say goodbye as the sun begins to set lower.

You finally begin to calm down as the tension throughout the day was a massive cloud over you and your thoughts.

He was right, do you get flustered over every client you photograph? The answer was obviously no but today, Austin really got the best of you and this indescribable need to be close to him took over all sense and logic you had left in your body. The last few crew members leave the studio and you waved goodbye.

You watch as Austin emerges from his dressing room and he brushes his hair back and his eyes meet yours again.

“Thanks for a great day y/n. You sure made it fun,” he chuckles as he bites his lower lip. He looks you up and down yet again but this time, it looks like he wants to ruin you.

“Oh, it was my pleasure. Do you have a few minutes? I’d love to show you some of the shots I got today,”

“Yeah, I can stay for you,” he quips.

You walk over to your laptop on the desk and take a seat on the stool. Austin follows closely behind you and scooches the seat next to yours even closer. Your shoulders touch and when they do, it’s like fire seeping through your clothes. Sitting there almost not breathing, you start nervously tapping your fingers on the keyboard of your computer. You search around your files and open all the pictures from today.

You click on the first picture and once again have to press your lips together so he won’t see the grin wanting to take over your face. God, he just looked so good. The way his back arched in some of these. The way he sat with his legs spread wide open, just beckoning you to come and sit right there in his lap. You were flipping through the photos rather quickly but when you saw that picture of him in the leather jacket, sitting there with sexual charisma dripping off of him, you can’t help but pause and look further. The way he looked perfect to you in this shot had you start to become wet again.

He notices your prolonged stare and a cunning little smirk emerges on his face.

“Is there something wrong with this one? You’re looking at this one awfully long.”

His voice snaps you back to reality and your look at him with those pleading blue eyes.

“Mmm, you probably don’t want to hear what I have to say about this one,” you say teasingly as you go to click on the next picture.

The next one is only worse. Instead of his looking away from the camera, this one is him looking directly into the lens and making you quiver.

His eyes look over you again and this time , his hand is placed on your thigh causing you to put your full attention on him. you don’t break eye contact.

“Oh no trust me, honey, I wanna know what you think of this one.”

“I don’t that’s necessary,” you stutter hoping he might just drop it.

“Do you like how I look here? Do you like it when I look at you, and only you, like that.”

You nod your head, “mhmm, I love it actually.”

“Why do you love it so much?” His hand tightens around your thigh and fixes your hair sending a wave of pleasure from his just making contact with your skin.

“Austin, please, you’ve been killing me all day, I can’t do this,”

“What was I doing baby, I was just listening to you’ll day. I think it would only be fair if you listened to me now and answer my question. Why do you like this picture so much hmm?”

“B-b-because, umm, because you look so sexy sitting like that. Looking at me like you’re just begging to be fucked,” you moan out.

A big smile on his face emerges and he turns your stool to face him. He spreads your legs apart and places both hands on your upper thighs.

“Well, that’s funny you say that because,” he pauses as he looks at your legs spread for him, his hands trail up your legs dangerously slow, the friction it's causing is driving you mad. “That’s exactly what I wanted. I wanted you to get on me and slow fuck me until you came apart,” he groans out and squeezes your thighs tighter. His thumbs were getting closer to your core by the second and you felt the throbbing begin to worsen and your wetness begins to pool.

“Austin… I can’t do this…. I don’t screw around with my clients, I have a reputation I have to keep,” you say breathlessly and you continue to feel the wetness seep through your panties.

He nods his head slowly, “I understand, I don’t want to do anything you don’t want to do. I just thought you were thinking the same thing I was thinking. And maybe, just maybe, I could be the one to make you feel good instead of you going home by yourself and touching yourself all night wishing it was me…” he says sheepishly and his thumb grazed your core. His eyebrow raises as he feels the amount of heat coming off of you and the subtle wetness seeping through your leggings. This brings a smile to his face and looks up at you to see you in agony. You’re desperate for more of him and can’t help it that you push your hips onto the spot where his thumb is.

“Mmm, so needy I see. Let me help you with that honey. I just want you to feel good. You’ve been killing me all day with how beautiful you look,” he coos as his hand grazes your face and you lean in to kiss him.

Your lips crash together like the ocean meets the sand and it feels perfect. The kisses are so intense and passionate that there’s hardly any time to breathe. You place one hand on his face and the other on his thigh. You so desperately want to be taken out of here and have him ruin you all night long. Your kisses deepen and his tongue explores yours, licking your bottom lip at first then pushing it in further and moaning when he does this. You start to move your hand up his thigh and smile when you find his large bulge hardening and making his pants even tighter.

You can’t help but break the kiss and look down and what your hand is tracing over. You feel your core throb, wanting him to take care of this undeniable need you have for him to please you in any way he can come up with. You place more pressure on the outline of his hardened dick and hear his breathing hitch and he places his hand on top of yours, slowly rubbing it with you.

“See, you’re killing me. Let’s get out of here,” he pleads and you solemnly nod your head.

Your heart races as this are one of the most scandalous things you would ever do! You always kept it professional but something about Austin had you dying for his attention. Fear strikes you when you realize it might raise some eyebrows if you show up at his hotel. You swallow that fear and get into his car and drive off to the hotel which is only a short drive away from the studio. He parks out front and gives the keys to the valet and you realize you both are staying at the same hotel.

Well, at least no one will be asking questions about why we’re showing up here together…

You both round the corner of the lobby to the hallway where the elevators are. You keep a comfortable distance from each other, keeping it professional in the public eye. The up arrow flashes and Austin has you step in the elevator first and he follows behind. He presses the fifteen button and waits for the doors to close. As soon as they shut, he pushes you against the wall and kisses your lips with fire. He pushes his hips into you causing a groan to slip out of you and his hands roam your body freely. You want so much more contact with him, your body is aching for it and you claw at his back, causing him to let out a low guttural growl.

One hand grabs your ass and he squeezes it in his large hand. He starts to trail his kisses down along your cheek and down to your neck where he pauses there and sucks on the sensitive flesh. His free hand travels across your breasts, down your torso where he finally stops when his fingers find your throbbing core. You’ve only gotten wetter since you both left the studio so the wetness has soaked through your panties and your leggings, causing a big wet spot to form in between your legs. He places two of his finger on your clit and rubs in slow, agonizing circles. You gasp at the sensation as you have been so on edge since first meeting him.

“Seems like you’ve soaked through your leggings, you need it that bad hmm?” His voice was low and in control. You look at those endless blue oceanic eyes and nod your head yes as a small whine escapes your lips.

“I can take care of that honey,” he coos into your ear and pulls his body away from yours as you feel the elevator cart come to an abrupt stop.

He leads you out of the elevator and down the hall to where his room is. He taps the key card on the lock and the little light on the door turns green and he opens the door for you. He finds the light switch and you cautiously make your way through the room. It isn’t large by any means but the king-sized bed that is in the middle of the room seems massive. You feel him come from behind you and start to kiss your neck again. His hands grope your breasts and you feel his cock getting hard again pushing into your ass.

You moan at the feelings he is giving you and how desperate you are to take off his clothes. It’s almost as if he reads your mind as he picks you up and places you on the edge of the bed and lifts your shirt off your body. He unhooks your bra and places wet, sloppy kisses all over your breasts sucking hard on your nipples. You’re breathless and your head continues to spin. He gets on his knees in front of you and places kiss up and down your torso before hooking his fingers around the waistband of your leggings. In one quick motion, he drags them off your legs, also taking your panties off with them. You see the wetness that has smeared on your inner thighs and your cheeks get red at the sight. This only creates a smirk on Austin’s face and he runs his fingers on it. He spreads your legs wider so he can see how wet you truly are. He bites his lower lips at the sight before him.

“God, you look so perfect. So wet for me,” he teases as he runs his index finger through your folds causing you to hiss. You can’t help that your hips roll onto his finger wanting more than just a light touch. You start to unbutton his shirt and yank it off of his beautiful frame. His tan skin glowed in this light. You want to lick every square inch of this man.

He slowly puts his finger in your dripping pussy and you moan his name. He slowly pumps it in and out of you, feeling every inch of your walls and how taught you are around his long finger. He looks at your every reaction and slips in his middle finger inside you, causing you to arch your back and roll your hips onto him. He picks up the pace watching intently how so much wetness is spilling out of you and how good you look getting fucked by his fingers.

“Austin, fuck, I-I-I… I want you inside me,” you pant as you grab his forearm. A stark grin forms on his face, “I already am inside of you, what more could you possibly want,” he teases and curls his fingers inside you. Your eyes roll back in your head and you feel the coil in your belly tighten. His fingers are reaching places you never knew existed and you want nothing more than for him to make you cum.

He pulls his finger out of you and licks the wetness off of them before starting to unbutton his jeans. Your breathing quickens and you’re so on edge you almost feel the room spinning.

“Are you ready for me?” He stands up as he is unzipping his jeans and his cock is at eye level to you. He glides them down his leg and kicks them to the side. He’s left in his boxer briefs and they make his hard cock look delicious laying down on his leg. He slowly slides them down springing his cock free and your eyes grow wide.

“Oh fuck,” you moan and bite your lip as you continue to gaze at his impressive length. Everything about him looked good while he was naked. His toned body down to his hard cock. He was longer than you expected and your mouth watered at the sight before you. The veins protruding on his shaft made him look so good and the red tip of his head was leaking with precum. His balls were hanging tight closer to his body but nevertheless were ample in size. He takes his right hand as you are staring at him and starts to jerk himself off. The way his hand enveloped his shaft and a small sigh slipped from his lips as his thumb smeared the sticky wetness from his tip along some of his shaft. You couldn’t stop looking at how big he really was and how hot it was watching him jerk himself off in front of you.

“You sure you’re ready for me baby girl? Do you think you could take all of this cock inside you?” He teases and you feel your core throb at his words.

“Please, Austin, fuck me,” you beg and he pushes your body down with your arms above your head. Austin examines your body laid out before him and starts to run the head of his cock through your sopping wet folds. You moan, unable to take anymore teasing from this man. After he gets some of your wetness on his shaft, he lines himself up to your entrance and carefully starts to put inch by inch inside of you.

You’ve never experienced sex with anyone so big so the feelings you were having were unlike anything you’ve ever felt. He was slow and gentle, making sure you were adjusting to his length and not causing it to become painful. The way he was stretching you with each slow thrust was driving you wild. The sound of his soft grunts every time he put more of his cock inside of you was the hottest thing you’ve ever heard. He had one hand around your wrists that were above your head and the other rubbing your swollen sensitive bud.

You arch into his hand, letting out a whine needing so much more than what he’s giving you. You claw at the sheets beneath you and your breathing quickens and whining moans escape you. You look up at those blue eyes full of lust that could consume you if you let them. Without saying a word, you plead for him to give you more. He kisses you deeply and pushes in the rest of his cock inside you, bottoming out and he groans loudly.

Your mouth opens when you feel how much he’s filling you and are so overwhelmed by the way he’s stretching you out. He starts to move his hips faster causing you to scream. Every thrust was hitting your cervix and the mix of pain and pleasure was driving you crazy. You shut your eyes closed as you let Austin take you any way he wants. His fingers pick up the pace on your clit causing you to feel the coil in your belly tighten.

“Fuck, you’re taking this cock so well baby. Feeling so good,” he moans into your ear.

The way he moves his hips should be a crime. I guess he kept some of Elvis’ moves…

His hips continue to swivel and pound into you effortlessly. His pace is slow and controlled but you know you can’t last very long like this. He’s hitting all the right places and your walls are hugging his length tightly.

“I’m gonna cum,” you cry out. He sucks on your neck, marking you as his, and slowly starts to pull himself out of you.

You whine at the feeling of being so empty and watch him as he gets off of you and proceeds to sit on the bed with the pillows behind his back. He stretches his long legs out and sits there with his hard cock glistening full of your juices.

“It’s your turn baby. I want you to do just as I said before. Slow fuck me until you cum apart on this cock,” he commands as he looks at your body hungrily.

You crawl over to him and straddle his narrow hips. Grabbing a fist full of his hair, you pull his head back, nibbling and sucking on his gorgeous neck, leaving little red marks going down it. He moans out in frustration and you feel his cock twitch against your tummy. His hands find your nipples and start to roll them in between his fingers, sending shocks of pleasure straight to your leaking cunt.

You let go of his hair and line him up to your entrance. You slowly sink down on his head and your eyes roll back as you feel him stretch your weeping pussy. You look back at him and his mouth is open, watching as your pussy consumes his cock inch by inch.

You take more of him and moan the more he fills you. You’re moving so slow, just like he said, but he gets restless and bucks his hips up into you and makes you take all of his length deep inside you.

You squeeze and claw at his biceps and moan out his name. He holds your hips still as you adjust to him. Rocking your hips back and forth, you feel how insanely good he’s filling you never wanting this to end.

He starts to move in and out of you, helping you ride him.

“Such a good girl, keep riding me baby,” he says breathlessly and you squeeze his length at the sound of his words. You try to keep the same rhythm he's setting but you want nothing more than buck wildly on him.

You lean back and reach out your hands to place them on his calves. You rock your hips at this new angle and you see how his eyes become drunk on watching you take his cock like this. He starts moaning louder and muttering expletives under his breath. He throws his head back and squeezed his eyes shut after a while, knowing he’s close to coming apart.

This angle is hitting the most sensitive spot inside you and you feel the coil inside you about to snap. Your walls start to flutter around his girth and he watches as your mouth opens in ecstasy. Both of your moans and grunts fill the otherwise silent room and you start to move faster on him. He pulls you up so you two are chest to chest. He sucks and bites on your neck as he fucks you harder, needing every last ounce of you.

“Cum baby girl, I feel you’re so close,” he groans in your ear. He grabs your hair and pulls it back a little, never leaving eye contact with you. You wrap your arms around his shoulders and fuck him harder as you start to clench around his cock. Your vision starts to see spots and you squeeze your eyes shut as you ride out your orgasm.

“Ohh, fuck baby,” you moan out loudly and leave scratch marks down his chest. No one has ever made you orgasm this much and your body feels euphoric. As your orgasm slows, you start to open your eyes again. His face looks so fucked out, with his eyebrows furrowed together.

“It’s your turn, baby. I know you want to cum,” you pant and you pull his hair as he lets out a groan. He bucks his hips into a few more times into you before lifting you up off of him and leaving you sitting on your knees. He gets off the bed and entices you to come to him with just the motion of his index finger. His eyes look like they’re on fire as he watches you crawl to him on the edge of the bed to him. You stare as he jerks his cock off in front of you. His head was red and your juices covered his entire length.

“Open that dirty mouth baby. Need to fill it with everything I can give you.” He groans as he moves his hand faster.

You open your mouth for him and feel hot spurts of his cum coat your tongue and the back of your mouth. You can’t help but moan at this obscene act and how much you’re getting off to it. You feel your wetness drip down the side of your thigh as he fills your mouth with his hot cum. You watch his face as he cums and it’s the hottest thing you’ve ever encountered. The way his lip curls and how the veins in his neck pop out as he’s finishing.

He carefully puts the tip of his cock on your tongue and gasps at the feeling. You look up slyly and suck on his head. The last way you can tease him and get away with all that you’ve done. He hisses at the sensation as he is overstimulated at this point. You gently suck his tip one last time and release it with a pop of your mouth. He grabs your face with his large hand and looks down at you.

“You better swallow that like a good girl,” he commands breathlessly.

You swallow his warm, thick seed, and a grin forms across his face. He wipes your bottom lip and goes in to kiss you. His tongue swirls in your mouth and he places a hand on your cheek as you both relish in the kiss.

He breaks the kiss to look at you and he pulls you into his arms.

“Was that okay for you?” He asks innocently, his boyish features shining out as he genuinely feels the need to know you were taken care of.

In your mind, you want to scream that was the best sex you’ve ever had. But you remain composed and try to hide your face in his chest.

“Mhmm, it was beyond okay… I don’t know what else to say .” You giggle slightly.

“Well, it was amazing for me too. Let me get a towel for you. You just can’t help but make a mess everywhere you go huh?” He laughs as he squeezes your wet, sticky thigh.

You roll your eyes and laugh at him. You hug your knees to your chest and relive the events of today in your head.

If today proved anything, you really loved your job and will never forget a second of it.

Austin comes from the bathroom with a towel in his hand and one around his waist.

How could he look any more attractive…

He gently wipes your thighs and pats the wetness from your swollen folds. You tense up a bit and he rubs your back soothingly.

“I got you, honey, just relax,” he says and places a kiss on your cheek.

There’s a comfortable silence between you both and you’re not sure what to say next.

He’s rubbing circles on your back and starts humming a tune as he lays back and pulls you in his arms.

“So, um, I have a question for you honey,” he says shyly.

“Mhmm, what is it…” you say sleepily.

“Well, I could escort you back to your room so you can enjoy the rest of your night alone, or…” he trails off and your body freezes in anticipation. The sound of his low, raspy voice can make you fall apart again right here. He grabs your hip and squeezes the soft flesh there.

“I can make you stay here all night and fuck you until the sun comes up.”

Your heart flutters and starts ringing in your ears. Your hand trails down his body til it finds his semi-hard cock.

“Mmm… you’re gonna have to make me stay,” you say squeezing your hand over him.

“It’s gonna be a long night for you,” he teases.

Tagging💕

@powerofelvis @burninlovebutler @plasticfantasticl0ver @cryingabtab @ab4eva @marriedtopresley @mooodyblue @returntoelvis @areacodefan @notstefaniepresley @succsessions @lindszeppelin @peaceloveelvis @kendralavon7 @katelswan @star-shard @heartbrake-hotel @loving-elvis @missmaywemeetagain @eliseinmemphis @generoustreemystic

#austin butler fanfiction #austin x reader #austin butler #austin butler fanfic #austin butler fic #austin butler x y/n #austin butler x reader #austin butler fandom

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utilitycaster · 8 months

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I've seen you talk about found family dynamics a few times and how its often abused in fandom and I know Bells Hells in no way fits this trope but I was wondering about your thoughts on Vox Machina and Mighty Nein within the dynamic or if it doesn't fit those groups either.

Hey anon,

So here's the thing: I actually think the bigger issue is that most people make a lot of incorrect assumptions that a found family is automatically functional and healthy and loving and ignore that simply because it is a family born of choice rather than birth. D&D parties are often found families, but they are also often a bunch of deeply traumatized weirdos who met by chance in a tavern, which is not precisely a recipe for the most well-adjusted dynamic. People can make terrible choices of family just as easily as they can be born into a dysfunctional or abusive family.

A lot of people also equate found family with "they need to stay together forever in the equivalent of the avengers' mansion" which is similarly not true. What is a family? It is an (often) lifelong bond; but the people within the family still also have their own lives outside of it, and might live apart while still loving each other very much. They also often forget or try to disparage the idea that characters can belong to a found family while still also having families by marriage or blood outside of it and might need to make compromises to balance the two, even though this is again a very true thing of families in the real world.

The cast of Critical Role generally gets this; the fans don't always. Quoting from episode 1x85 for the second time in like 12 hours but as Keyleth said, "I think Percy's right. We're worse than friends, we're family. And family leaves." I can't entirely define a found family - it is ultimately a vibe, and it is ultimately subjective - but I actually think Vox Machina and the Mighty Nein are both found families.

What's always been very revealing to me is that no one ever really disputes Vox Machina is a family, even though from the end of Campaign 1 until the TCSR was published over four years later, in early 2022, it was assumed that they were all living separately or in couples - Percy and Vex in Whitestone; Keyleth in Zephrah; Scanlan and Pike in Westruun; Tary in Wildemount; and Grog traveling the world but often finding himself in either Vasselheim or Westruun. Indeed, even with the TCSR and the fact that everyone has residences in Whitestone, Keyleth does usually live in Zephrah (though she can easily travel); Vex must spend time away from both the others of Vox Machina and her actual family by marriage and blood given her duties in Emon; and Scanlan splits his time between Whitestone and Ank'Harel. Perhaps it's that there were already familial bonds between the twins and between Pike and Grog, and that only Tary dated outside the party and the people who make this claim often forget him anyway.

People do frequently argue the Mighty Nein are not a family for parting ways at the end, despite this being no different than Vox Machina, and also actually being far more able to reunite quickly than Vox Machina can. I think it's in part because several party members (Veth, Jester, Caduceus) all did still very much value their biological families and a lot of found family people really do not like that, but also...look. Most Campaign 2 hate is a front for either being mad that Molly wasn't resurrected or being mad about one or more of the ships. I've never seen anyone whose only complaint was "I felt like it was a found family but then they parted ways"; it's always thrown in on top of being far more angry about several other things.

For what it's worth: I don't think Bells Hells are quite as bonded, but I do think they're on their way, especially if travel and communication remains messy and they're forced to spend more time on watch and sharing rooms (again: I think Matt's vision for this campaign is, in retrospect, actually pretty great, but it should have probably been communicated a bit better to the cast and more investment have been put in the character development to compensate for the challenges of this unique structure). My issue specific to the fandom response to Bells Hells as a found family isn't that I think they're not going to be a found family; it's that people who insisted they actually had the best and most honest found family dynamic and everyone who disagreed were just being haters suddenly turned on the proverbial dime when a character not in their good graces was the one who actually voiced it.

In summary: I think people in fandom, generally, place a disproportionate weight on found family as like...an end all and be all and forget that much like a family of blood/marriage/adoption, a found family can also take on many different configurations and have various levels of functionality and honestly and healthy behaviors; and in doing so forget to actually say "is this dynamic of closely bonded people fun to watch and interesting? then who cares what the fuck we call it." But I do think it's hard for a D&D party in a longform campaign of very close friends not to take on some familial traits.

#answered #Anonymous #cr tag

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anxresi · 10 months

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…Thomas Astruc really is a nasty piece of work, isn’t he?

This post is about how he reacts to criticism online, and what motivates him to reply.

Not to mention, a shout-out to his ‘defenders’ who somehow think they owe the man a lifelong debt of gratitude.

Don’t worry, I’m sure he’s more than ably been compensated for producing the idea that led to this behemoth of a show (before he ran it down to the ground, that is).

So he finally admits it… he’s writing at the level of a 5 year old. The truth outs at last!

Here’s another one…

How would we get the idea you ‘hate’ Chloe?

You mean like: engaging in the most heinous character assassination I’ve EVER seen regarding her development over S4-5, giving us the waste-of-bland-space Zoe who everyone in the in-show universe constantly praises to further spite her fans and responding to almost EVERY individual who criticizes your treatment of her online, while ignoring most other messages?

Hmm, I wonder where we could’ve got the impression from you don’t like her very much… 🤔

It’s got to the stage now where he reacts so aggressively and urgently to anyone who produces the slight WHIFF of criticism, that it makes me think he has something to hide. Like for example, directly interfering in her character arc?

Anyway, he does that classic thing every bad liar does… Deny everything, then get so abusive with their angry response to try and frighten the poor OP into never raising the issue ever again.

He doesn’t have to even reply to anyone, but when he does it always seems to be the ‘haterz’ he engages with than the devotees who grovel at his feet. Almost like he enjoys the confrontations. Very strange.

Oh, but don’t worry. All those young fans he ignores still turn up to ‘defend’ this grown-ass 46 year old man from the vicious assault of a couple of teens rightfully asking questions of his terrible writing. decisions. NEWSFLASH: he’s not gonna give you mindless sycophants a job, you know. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

In fact, all these ‘brave’ internet white knights defending him on Twitter… you do realize you massively outnumber the Chloe fans, don’t you?

It was a personal choice Thomas made to highlight the only two negative questions he got about her that day to his hundreds of thousands of followers, as if to make out this kind of ‘trolling’ is commonplace.

It’s not, and picking on the couple of Chloe fans willing to speak up ain’t an ‘honorable’ thing. He couldn’t give a hoot about you in reality, you’re just interchangeable tools in his ginormous ego trap.

Hope you enjoy the taste of his boots. Wise up, and see him for what he is, would be my genuine advice.

P.S The other topic that seems to heavily occupy him judging by his posts is the ‘Climate Emergency’ which of course very important and explains the ‘New World’ we see after Gabriel’s wish we see at the end of S5.

Personally, I think they laid it on a bit thick with the whole ‘let’s get rid of all cars, no litter anywhere, waterways and trees everywhere you look, no more teachers at school so set your own lessons’ message, but whatever.

My point is, I bet he lives a jet-setting lifestyle where he travels around the world a lot, in terms of income he’s gotta be in the top 10% bracket and I can’t seem to find anything online about him being a vegetarian or inviting homeless people to stay at the mansion he doubt calls his place of residence.

So could it be… this ‘progressive’ outlook is another attempt by a middle-aged man to ‘get down wiv da kids’ from someone who’s willing to talk the talk but not make any concrete sacrifices in his own privileged life that might help halt environmental decline? Id wager he uses a lot more resources than the average person he lectures to, so what is he doing himself to prevent ‘global Armageddon’?

From the available evidence, not a lot. Could it be… he’s an attention-seeking self-congratulatory sanctimonious hypocrite who’s life ethos is ‘Do as I say, but not as I do’?

Probably.

#sorry to pour salt on the man but he really deserves it #the idea for the show could literally have to a worse person #sometimes fate can be so cruel #miraculous ladybug #miraculous #ladybug #chloe bourgeois #ml salt #ml #disney #zag

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nanowrimo · 2 years

Text

Black Joy Is Revolutionary or Why Writing Black Doesn't Equal Trauma or Pain

It’s important to talk about what kind of stories get represented in mainstream media. NaNo Participant Kymberlyn Reed tells us why stories centered around Black joy are necessary. As a little Black girl who loved reading, it always saddened me that there was never a Babysitter's Club or Sweet Valley High series in which Black kids were centered (not sidekicks or best friends lacking a backstory) just having fun, going through typical teenage stuff and hanging out with cool friends. The fantasy genre, as much as I loved it, also seemed to have no place for Black people to had amazing adventures in far away worlds.

That's why — as a middle aged Blerd — I have been on an absolute roll with so many wonderful stories about Black people just existing and I think there needs to be MORE of them. There is room for Black joy in a society that devalues Blackness as a whole (while co-opting and/or misappropriating the aspects it finds marketable).

This isn't to say there's no need for stories centered around the very real issues of social justice. There's a reason Angie Thomas' The Hate U Give resonated with so many readers of all races (and why so many school districts are trying to ban it). However, not everything about Blackness is about pain and suffering.

And that's the problem. The idea of a single black experience — mainly centered around our suffering —has far too long dictated what people want to write and/or read about us. If there had been more books about Black mermaids in the past (despite the fact that many African cultures have myths about mermaids), people probably wouldn't be losing their minds over Halle Bailey right now.

Not every book about Black people needs to be a "teachable moment" for non-Black readers. Black people should not have to exist or expend unpaid emotional labor just to "teach." Our historical and current traumas should not be the only way to create "empathy.”

Black joy seems to upset people or has some of them believing it's not "authentic Blackness." One of my all time favorite romance authors — Beverly Jenkins — once received a letter from a white reader who was SHOCKED that Black people actually fell in love and had committed relationships! She long believed that Black people just had indiscriminate sex and children out of wedlock.

It took a historical romance featuring a Black hero and heroine to open this woman's mind.

Reading and writing about Black people doing the mundane (as we do everyday) in made up worlds shows us just being, that our skin in all of its glorious hues, is just a part of who we are. We have many intersecting identities, and limiting us to the "poor downtrodden Black person in need of saving" deprives us of our individuality.

Black LGBTQ have coming-out stories and meet-cutes.

Black girls can be princesses.

Black men can be cowboys (and in fact were some of the original cowboys).

Most importantly, Black people exist in every walk of life, even in places and spaces where the media at large ignores our presence. For example, there are Black surfers who teach free courses at The Inkwell, a historic stretch of beach located in Santa Monica, California.

When you read or write about Black people living fully, you are changing the narrative and in a lot of ways, changing minds. Not only that, but writing Black joy is fun too. It's inclusive and it's telling Black readers our stories matter.

All of them.

Kymberlyn Reed is an author who's been published in two countries--Germany and the U.S. No, she doesn't speak a bit of German, but her writing "sister" does.

She's been doing the NaNoWriMo thing for a long time now and will always be a pantser because her characters refuse to behave otherwise. She owns more books than clothes. She's also a lifelong Blerd, fountain pen and Japanese stationery aficionado, lipstick junkie, and an unapologetic metalhead who can do a pretty good death metal growl with enough absinthe in her system. Photo by Junior REIS on Unsplash

#nanowrimo #writing #amwriting #black joy #black stories #by nano guest #kymberlyn reed #Black Writers

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detransdamnation · 11 months

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A very common argument against educators keeping a student's (trans)gender identity a secret from parents is that it opens up a window for said students to be groomed because it sets a precedent that their parents or guardians are not to be trusted (at best) or that they are unsafe or abusive (at worst). To make the record very clear, I don't disagree—but I also think that the raw, unnuanced stance tends to ignore the fact that many parents are indeed untrustworthy, or unsafe, or abusive.

Many dysphoric and transgender youth grow up in abusive homes—in fact, many detransitioners, including myself, cite this as one of the main reasons on as to why they went on to develop dysphoria—and there are many parents who would use their child's dysphoria or proposed gender identity as ammo to further that abuse. I know because I was one of those children. My family was infuriated when I told them that I had dysphoria. My family discussed forcing me into clothes I was not comfortable in, activities I did not like, and heterosexual relationships I did not want with the explicit intent to "cure" me. It wasn't until the week I started my medical transition that they actually started to be a little bit okay with the thought of their child being transgender—and not because transition was something that would help me but because it would stop me from being, in their eyes, a burden on them.

My family were not emotionally safe people to know about my dysphoria, even though I was dealing with it in unhealthy ways, because they explicitly used my mental fragility against me. My home was never a safe place. Why, then, would it have been okay for my educators to—hypothetically—tell my family that I had been going by a different name within my inner circle years before my "actual" transition, all while knowing nothing about what I actually went through behind closed doors? We so often ask transgender people, "Why do you allow gender to hold so much power over you?"—but we so rarely ask ourselves, "Why do we allow nicknames and clothing"—(all gender identity and presentation is for the vast majority of these teens)—"to hold so much power over us as to justify playing tattletale, even to the extent of breaching student/counselor 'confidentiality,' to parents whose children may very well be keeping this information from them for very good reason?"

Controversial stance, though it may be—but it is through my own lifelong experience of abuse that I strongly believe that parents do not have an innate, deserved right to know anything and everything about their child just by virtue of being their parents. We cannot acknowledge the rates of abuse that dysphoric youth so often face whilst also conveniently forgetting in these such discussions that most abuse, in most cases, is perpetrated by immediate family members, especially parents, thus rendering these people potentially unsafe people to tell. Either way, these teenagers are hurting—and we can either bite our tongues and create a space where they feel they can safely work through that pain, or we can make their suffrage a political "parental rights" issue, very possibly causing even more suffrage inadvertently and further encouraging them to suffer alone, in silence, or in unhealthy echo chambers.

We must talk about the ways in which dysphoric youth are vulnerable. In doing so, we must also address the fact that danger most often comes from within the home.

#i don't usually make posts like these unprompted #but the topic came up on my dash recently and it triggered something in me #this is poorly written and doesn't encapsulate every single nuance of the situation nor every single crux of my beliefs #i just needed to get it out #just talking to myself #gender critical #writing #text #my post

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still-a-morosexual-help · 1 year

Text

Mammon x GN! Unnamed MC Reversed Au!

Chapter 4

Tags: • Alternate Universe - Role Reversal • Angst with a Happy Ending • Hurt/Comfort • Enemies to Friends to Lovers • Possessive Behavior • Protective Lucifer • Self-Hatred • Gender-Neutral Pronouns • Dubious Morality • Oblivious Mammon • Parental Lucifer • Mammon Needs a Hug • Self-Esteem Issue

Summary:

In a world where demons are marginally more demonic, a human ignores all the various red flags and makes a strange new (lifelong) Friend

So so I only had 1/5th of chapter 4 written and I have an exam (that I am severely unprepared for in less than 2 weeks) so I was planning to write and post chapter 4 after that, in probably a month? But the response I got to chapter 3 was!!??? I don't think I've ever suddenly gotten so many comments in the span of a couple days and it was absolutely amazing and I was so inspired & motivated I literally couldn't not write this because it was all just there and now this is so far my longest chapter on this fic and anyway if you read this far this is to say thank you to all the amazing people who took the time out of their day to comment, you have no idea how much it meant to me, specially because I've been dragging writing this fic for two years now because I had 0 motivation and honestly you lit a fire under my ass and it was amazing and I had so much fun with this chapter so yeah thank you again

Tag List (if you want to be added like this -> post. If you want to be removed lemme know);

@ashplsstfu

@kadythethief

@aspiring--cryptid

@wanderwelle

@sansarawheelvictim

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@obeymeharemowner

@hauntedcatnerd

@darkflowerav

@mxsunnybop @betta-phish @anxiously-sidequesting

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zhouxiangs · 4 months

Note

You asked for insane meta about Way so brace yourself! This thesis is going to be a full-throated defence of the world’s most problematic loser (defence of his character, not his actions mind you). TBH I can’t believe I’m going to write an essay about a show which is at best nonsensical and at worst built around a premise I find both cringeworthy and inherently offensive, but what can I say – I’m a sucker for well-acted foils with sad eyes and complex characterisation!

In the aftermath of ep 9, I’ve become increasingly frustrated at the number of takes which firmly centre the assault (and the mind-influencing) in terms of Way’s supposed feelings of possession/jealously/entitlement towards Babe, without taking into consideration his identity as a victim of lifelong grooming and abuse, as well as the particulars of their specific situation. Before I go any further, I just want to issue a disclaimer (cos I know ppl will come for me) that a) I’ve not read the book and quite frankly would not go near it with a ten foot pole, so everything that follows is based on show canon alone (and anything in the book which might contradict me is therefore irrelevant!), and b) trying to contextualise someone’s behaviour is in no way the same thing as trying to apologise for or justify it – it’s about attempting to understand why someone felt compelled to act the way they did, which yes in real life is virtually always because of toxic masculinity/misogyny/male entitlement, but we all know this show is (thankfully) not based in the real world!

Unlike with other characters, we haven’t seen flashbacks of Way’s time at Tony’s so we don’t know as much about his experience. But there are some observations which seem fairly obvious and others which are reasonable inferences: we know he lived on the streets (so in all likelihood didn’t come from a loving, stable family environment), we know he takes anti-anxiety medication, we know he’s terrified of Tony, who has emotionally and physically abused him (just look at his entire demeanour in that one scene – no way that’s the first time Tony’s laid hands on him), and that everything he has (including the clothes on his back) actually belongs to Tony, who wouldn’t hesitate to take it all away in the blink of an eye. We know he was groomed to (ugh) impregnate Babe, and we know his power is very strong (and yet he’s presumably never used it to escape Tony which is further evidence of the effect of the grooming/abuse). It’s also likely that, until he met Babe, he hadn’t known much in the way of physical affection, not just because of the horrible environment he grew up in, but because it seems likely that anyone aware of his powers would be wary about getting too close (literally).

So bearing all that in mind, we have this messed up, emotionally stunted, not quite an adult who is sent out into the world with one purpose: to knock up Babe. And then he meets this person, who looks like Pavel, and whose ignorance means he thinks nothing of slinging an arm around Way’s shoulder, of hugging him, touching him – of course he falls in love! But he’s on a mission, remember. And if he fails, he can expect more denigration, more violence. So he thinks to himself, it’s fine – maybe he’ll fall for me too and then we can have beautiful little babies and Tony will be satisfied and leave us alone and everyone will live happily ever after (apart from the aforementioned beautiful little babies who will be trafficked but hey, you can’t have everything!). So time passes, and Babe is flirty but nothing more, and all the while Tony is there in the background, threatening, manipulating. And as the years go by, Way becomes more and more anxious, more and more desperate (ten years! Ten years he's been living this terrible double life!), because he knows that if he fails it will mean nothing but pain, not just for him but for Babe as well – better he gets Babe to love him back than having to let Tony do it his way.

And so let’s put the mind-screwing of Babe into that context: as I said, Way’s power is supposedly very strong, and yet (up until the last ep) when we’ve seen him use it on Babe it’s usually been more of a subtle influencing than an outright compulsion, and even then it’s one that apparently wears off almost the second Babe leaves his side! Way: ‘Oh Babe, you should totally dump Charlie, no good will come of it.’ Babe: ‘Totally, yes, you’re absolutely spot-on – I’ll get right on it!’ [Five minutes later, after Charlie has googly-eyed his way back into Babe’s orbit] ‘Eh, all is forgotten – let’s fuck!’ So forgive me for finding it hard to believe that Babe’s commitment issues have all these years been single-handedly engineered by Way. Do we really think Babe escaped Tony without any baggage, any trust issues of his own?? That he was totally open to and ready for unconditional love and a healthy relationship if only evil Way hadn’t interfered?? And have we forgotten the part where Way said ‘haven’t YOU always told ME not to tie my life to anyone else?’ (emphasis mine)? When Way says there’s no-one else who’s truly loved them, do we honestly think that’s manipulation and not just something he genuinely believes himself?? This is not a well-adjusted man, people!

But even if we disregard all that, remember the context! If Babe finds love elsewhere, what do you (or more importantly, what does Way) think Tony will do? Shrug and let Babe skip off into the sunset hand in hand with his new beau? If you put his isolating of Babe into that context then imo it looks very different – it’s not a jealous creep ensuring his target stays by his side, but a scared, conflicted pawn trying to buy them more time, stave off the awful inevitable. I might not agree with him, but I do think in Way’s eyes he’s PROTECTING Babe. Like I said earlier, Tony is still controlling everything; he’s ALLOWING Way this semblance of freedom, of doing it on his own terms, but only on the condition that Way fulfils his end of the bargain, and if he can’t, well Tony will just get it done himself, and you can guarantee it won’t be pretty. (Now I’m not saying Way’s feelings for Babe don’t also play a part, but hey guess what, humans are complex, multi-faceted beings who sometimes are not even aware themselves of their own motivations!)

Nowhere is that more obvious than in the assault scene itself. This isn’t a guy just trying to get laid, get what’s ‘rightfully his’ - this is someone falling apart, someone driven by desperation, who sincerely believes this abhorrent act is the best – the only – way forward (again, before the pitchforks appear: not saying that excuses/justifies his action – nothing does). Notice that after Babe revives, Way doesn’t try and compel him again, even though there’s ample physical contact tween them – he’s only interested in trying to make Babe understand. And notice he hasn’t tried to compel Babe in this way before – it’s only after his true identity has been revealed and he knows there’s no going back that he falls back on this despairing, horrific last resort. (And there's one thing I’m really curious about - Way’s just found out that Tony lied about him being the only enigma left, that Pete’s one too, and that Pete (who is evidently powerful himself) wants to take Tony down. So consider this: had Way’s secret not been revealed, do we think this revelation would have been the tipping point that let him envision another way out? One in which he doesn’t have to (further) betray Babe, but instead helps him defeat Tony and opens up the possibility of a future where they’re all truly free to choose their own destiny? Regardless of his feelings for Babe, you can’t tell me he seriously wanted things to go down the way they did.)

Okay, the end is now in sight, but just in case I haven’t pissed people off enough, here’s the part where I lay into Babe! Not about the assault, obviously. Would hope it doesn’t need to be said that he is in no way whatsoever responsible for that. No, my issue with Babe is the glaring discrepancy tween his words and actions when it comes to his friendship with Way. Time and time again he says that Way’s his closest, bestest friend, the only one he trusts, yada yada. And yet his actions never back that up. From what we see of their relationship, this unwavering loyalty and intimacy only seems goes one way – Way worships Babe, knows everything about him, and Babe is content to sit back and soak up all that adulation. It’s why he never addresses Way’s feelings for him - he doesn’t want to jeopardise their set-up. Yes, obviously it’s in Way’s own interest not to share with/confide in Babe because of what he’s hiding, but at no point do we see Babe actually express any real interest in Way as an individual, in his (lack of) ambition, his (lack of) relationships. E.g. in the conversation where Babe makes a comment about Way’s boy getting jealous and Way laughs it off saying he doesn’t have anyone and Babe knows that – Babe’s not actually concerned, he’s not actually interested, he’s not really even thinking about Way as he says it - he probably doesn’t even hear Way’s response! He’s preoccupied by his own relationship woes. Think about it, Way is only really able to maintain his secret identity because Babe is, to be blunt, not at all interested in his life! Let’s face it, nobody on this show is exactly great at stealth so there's no way Way (hah) would've been able to keep it up for ten years if Babe had ever actually tried to learn more about him. He doesn’t know Way takes anti-anxiety meds, he doesn’t wonder about Way’s lack of friends or lovers or family, he asks once about Way being content losing to him then accepts his answer and never thinks about it again. I genuinely think Way more or less stops existing to Babe the second he leaves his sight (unless they’re fighting but that’s only because it’s an inconvenience!). Sorry to say it, but Babe is just self-centred! I mean, look at the way his professionalism took a flying jump when Charlie entered the picture - he didn’t think about Dean, he didn’t think about how his blatant favouritism would affect the team dynamic or performance (yeah Way was totally right about that!) – he just thought about himself. He drops Way, his supposed closest, bestest friend, like a hot potato the second Charlie shows up, he cries on his shoulder when they break-up and then stands him up the second a reconciliation is in sight. And he never really apologises for anything – he just bats his eyelashes, gets a bit handsy, and wheedles his way back into Way’s good books because he knows he can. Because he knows Way can’t say no to him, can’t stay mad at him. Ignoring the unrequited love, the mind wipes, and the general batshit insanity of the plot for a second: Babe is just a shitty friend, there's no two ways about it!

TBC... (1/2)

LISTEN there's no real way to measure how good/bad something is, the only thing that actually matters is if you enjoy the thing or not; i've watched and am watching objectively better shows that don't mean a tenth of what this one means to me, so listen to your heart, anon. also here, take this. you deserve it:

that being said! thank you so much for putting this so eloquently because honestly pretty much SAME, and i could never lmao but i'm going to try to reply to this slowly so i can hopefully make sense of my thoughts/put them in order a bit. apologies in advance bc this will take me A While. (i really mean it when i say thank you so so much for this, i gasped when i saw the beginning of the ask and then the (1/2) at the bottom???? ANYWAY PEOPLE IF YOU'RE READING THIS 👆 which you totally should, because it's wonderful, enjoy! it will be very worth your time.)

psa: just like anon i am basing all my readings and theories solely on my observations of the show, since i haven't read the novel and i am considering it its own story separate from this anyway. please do not take this as any kind of invitation for novel spoilers. thank you. i will read it eventually. unless i lose interest before that happens, in which case i won't.

another psa i guess re: contextualisation of a character's behaviour and actions =/= justifying or excusing them. absolutely! i do not defend way's actions although i do defend way as a character; i would love to pry him open like an old clock and learn how those pretty gears of his make him work, for what is worth. but also we're talking about a fictional character and his fictional actions, please don't forget that. (not directed specifically at anon) (yeah fiction does have an impact in the real world but we should be engaging with it as discerning adults, so. yk.)

also one last thing (truly) before i get to the actual reply, because this will be relevant later so i'd rather make a blanket statement now: as the audience we're drawing our interpretations on things that may very well be a product of different acting abilities, storytelling, a weird script, etc. more than deliberate narrative or interpretative choices. sometimes roses don't mean a thing! such is life, but whatever the reason all this is still in the final piece, so we're pretending they do.

ok, let's go.

yeahh you can really tell how different people's readings of characters/situations are just from this, i've been reading some truly (to me) wild things especially since last ep aired. by which i mean that i simply don’t see how anyone gets to that reading. and of course that's normal, ymmv, and none of us might be correct at all; tbf we could even argue that there isn’t a correct way to interpret anything. after all everyone perceives life through the lens of their lived experiences etc. so let’s have fun with the meta. but back to way: even ignoring the fact that my understanding of his character and motivations seems to be completely different to some people's, i'd say generally i'm just more interested in understanding the why and the how more than caring about any kind of morals. this doesn't mean i don't dislike characters, only that it’s mostly just because (as an example: i don't like top from dff not because of what we saw in the last ep, but because he annoys me so much. on the other hand i like fluke, because he is. certainly something. still want him to die though.) it doesn't have to be related to how i’d see them as a person, if that explains it better; i’m not saying they’re fictional and therefore we shouldn’t care that much either or i wouldn’t be on tumblr in the first place. also i am currently writing about my blorbo so that would make me a liar lol i guess what i wanted to say with all this is that even if i agreed with those interpretations, that wouldn't necessarily make me not like way because this just doesn’t factor into me liking or disliking a character. also i don’t judge people and characters them the same way, and i don’t choose to like or dislike a character/piece of media independently of how objectively or morally good or not it is. i enjoy seeing how characters work and what they do, i just don’t assign any moral value to what they do idk. also it’s the blorbo that chooses the tumblr user, not the other way around. tangent over, hopefully lol

that’s something i absolutely need: way backstory. please. tbh i’m not sure how literally we should take the thing about being homeless (did he literally live in the streets or did tony mean that he didn’t have anything/a family and he would be completely alone without him?) but for the sake of drama i’m rolling with it. there’s a more obvious reason tony takes them in as kids other than they’re more easily manipulable, which is their malleability. if there’s something everyone knows about abusers is how much easier it is for them to control their victim(s) by isolating them from their families and loved ones, and the kids mostly arrived to tony already like that. they are completely at his mercy, and either through (the illusion of) love or fear, it is so easy for tony to control the children even into adulthood. also we’ve seen how he treats each one differently and i assume way is so love starved because of how he’s been treated his whole life, and while on some level i get keeping a tighter leash on him because he’s so special/necessary, specially being the only one left, and he may have turned out a completely different person/been less afraid and dependant if he wasn’t abused… holy shit. even when tony cups way’s face in his hand in jeff’s flashback as a sign of affection and encouragement, way doesn’t look anything other than terrified. so yeah, personally i have no doubt that tony’s been ruthless with him. as i said in a different post i think way is completely hopeless; to me he sees tony as someone all powerful, which adds to why he is still under his control even if way is, that we know as of now, more powerful than him and could technically use his powers to escape. also i think his powers work more as a strong suggestion, but i’ll circle back to this later when it’s relevant again, sorry lol

kinda tangentially: i would love to know if any of tony’s grown kids that he didn’t sell (yet?) love him in some way? either the ones we know or some others we don’t, because loving your abuser is not something you can control, and the father/child dynamic makes it extra complicated imo. i don’t believe tony capable of consistently treating anyone well for a second, but i do wonder if some of them were… luckier.

OOOH THE PHYSICAL AFFECTION. can you believe me, certified way expert (self-diagnosed), hadn't even thought about that? i’m not naturally a touchy person except with animals for some reason, think… pretty much way with everyone else that isn’t babe lol, and maybe because of that i tend to notice touches a lot (bet no one could have guessed that from my gifs) so i noticed how stiff way is sometimes around everyone else, even with alan which seems to be the one he’s closest to after babe, when he’s so touchy with babe. and yet it didn’t occur to me even though jeff has explained before having to go through something similar because of his powers smh but yes that makes total sense! their physicality is one thing i love about their friendship, just because i love seeing people being like that, i think it’s sweet.

see this is something i find interesting regarding people’s reactions to both charlie and way, because charlie also approached babe under false pretenses while still under tony’s thumb. he lied to babe, and yes he may have had a completely different agenda to begin with, but ultimately both charlie and way approached babe with a goal, fell in love, and are trying to protect him each in their own way. only charlie is hopeful and less broken, and at the core of way there’s mostly despair, but both of them are doing what they think is their best to protect babe: charlie thinks they can escape tony so he tries to do that, and way believes none of them can so he thinks at least being together will make things more bearable. (i don’t think he’s thought a lot about the babies for some reason, maybe because i imagine myself in his position and think about how horrifying it would be to even ponder about.) i’m not saying we should condemn charlie, but i don’t understand the double standard. and not to turn this into the omegaverse oppression olympics, but it’s pretty clear already for the very little we’ve seen of way with tony that charlie has a way less brutal past with him than way does, so it’s no wonder to me that he’s still optimistic. not to mention that judging by age alone charlie has been in the family for a lot less time. AND not to mention comparing him to babe. worlds apart.

see?

literally!!! honestly i think way’s powers work more as a strong suggestion than anything else, which still doesn’t make them useless by any means but it’s not the same influencing someone than changing his mind, which is why he kept mind-controlling babe as his relationship with charlie progressed and he grew more desperate, because he had to kept going back every time babe thought through what he was feeling. imo he’s just putting an idea in the person’s mind not changing their whole psyche, so unless they accept it (babe believing his words because he’s someone he trusts) they can fight it off (both babe and charlie right after the SA attempt scene).

ALSO YES ABSOLUTELY this is what i think about the most. everyone in that family is emotionally stunted and understandably so, but with this we get to the crux of way and babe’s relationship imo. (and again this is my interpretation according to what we’ve been told/shown so far, if it turns out to be something different nevermind, etc.) they met each other 10 years ago when both of them were alone and hurt (babe because he’d found out the truth, way because *waves around at everything*), they became friends, they became each other’s support, they became best friends!! and yes they had a father uncle figure of sorts they could rely on in alan and they had the rest of the team, but they became completely dependent on each other. their whole relationship seems to have been based around the ethos that no one else understands them like each other (which is funny considering how true that was for way even if babe had no idea, and in a way is no wonder he fell in love when babe didn’t) which kinda trapped them in a feedback loop. of course babe thought exactly like that 10 years ago are you kidding me? the commitment issues were the least of his concerns. they kept telling both themselves and each other that as long as babe had way and way had babe they didn’t need anyone else, but while way was waiting for babe to look at him and notice that they could be together romantically babe was slowly but surely healing and moving on from under the shadow of the chen family. something that way can’t do. and then charlie came along, and he didn’t have the pheromone which meant babe could enjoy their time together, and babe was finally ready to trust someone enough to fall in love, only that someone wasn’t way.

most importantly, it’s not only that things will go badly for both of them (which. is already enough lol) after this, but that way wants for things to stay the same. up until charlie showed up babe legitimately only cared about racing, the team, and way. even if way hadn’t been in love with babe, i think it’s perfectly understandable that he would have felt left behind, even with babe still spending many hours with him, just because they used to be together all the time. even alan said so.

and of course to make matters worse there’s the whole thing of the inescapable horrors of tony’s plan and all that, so really, no wonder way has been getting so desperate. also (and i can’t believe i’m using exactly the same defense i was using for CHARLIE at the beginning of the series) i do believe way has been sincere in that he believes what he says and he believes he is doing the best he can for babe. does not mean it actually is the best or good at all but it’s what he truly believes, and that’s what’s important.

the assault scene was so hard to watch, and not to diminish babe’s pain in the least but you could really tell what way was going through and how much it hurt him to do what he was doing, because indeed, way hasn’t done anything like this before. if he was that bad he could have done it 10 years ago and be done with it, but he didn’t. (again i’ll get back to this later because i have more to say about the type of mind-control.) it’s only when he’s been found out and he sees no way forward when he does what surely tony would want him and probably has told him to do. and still he’s so devastated over it, you can see his desperation the whole time and like you said, he has more than ample opportunity to get babe back under his control but as soon as charlie stops him he doesn’t continue. it still doesn’t excuse that he made even the attempt, but i firmly believe that he was as glad as i was when charlie showed up.

about pete, even if it’s just because it’s what makes sense to me narratively with the whole enigma parallel, i think this knowledge has to change something in way. at some point he has to realise that he's just trying to delude himself by believing tony's lies, and i think having pete near has to be the catalyst for that, because he is also the living proof of there being a way out. he’s an enigma, he was one of tony’s children, and now he’s free and he’s not connected to tony anymore. so yeah, i am waiting for that way redemption arc, and it better come fast.

and this is the part where i have to defend babe lmao i don’t think you’re wrong with it maybe being a case of telling and not showing which isn’t great, but it could also be about babe being so enamoured with charlie that he’s neglecting way… momentarily. we still see them alone together, but way is more tense and stressed than ever and babe has constant relationship drama with charlie, so i think it’s understandable there’s more attention to that. also this may be just me projecting but i do think babe is dumb af irt way’s feelings towards him, either in really not seeing them or gaslighting himself (as he tries to do everyone else) in there not being anything to see in the first place; it’s clear he doesn’t feel the same way and he doesn’t want to loose his best friend, so he takes the easy way out by pretending there’s nothing there. i do think he’s putting his foot down with everyone else if not way himself by repeatedly defining their relationship to them and saying in no unclear terms that they are friends and they couldn’t be anything else, same as when he said the thing about way’s boy

i think it was a not-so-subtle way to tell him to look elsewhere. but then we get things like the joke in that flashback at the aunt’s restaurant (which tbf was from many years ago) which felt like a punch in the gut to me lol there are a couple more moments when babe jokes about way being his boyfriend/makes a comment about him acting like his boyfriend which is what makes me think he’s just dumb and not cruel.

about the racing i honestly. don’t know what to say because why would the hours spent training be more important than the actual performance? i still do think dean should have been the one to race, don’t get me wrong, but the logic isn’t really logicking for me there. i don’t think the narrative supports my belief that he’s better than charlie at all but still charlie is using babe’s senses to race and not winning, so. why would you (babe) do that to my child, specifically when we’re told that he would have been fair/respected all the work dean has been putting into training if not for charlie?

#pit babe #pit babe the series #help idk how to tag this #asks #anon #way anon #long post #like seriously #extremely long post

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