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me trying my hardest to not be a bitter jealous cunt all the time

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@animangacreators:​ villains challenge turn around: make an edit of a character who goes evil throughout the main story ↳ KANEKI KEN

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sometimes i wonder if i’ll ever come to terms with being disabled. i guess i’m still holding out hope that i can get better, at least for now. but it’s hard when you’re literally just standing there, holding a camera, and your hands are shaking and your head is swimming and you feel like if you don’t sit down right now you’re going to die. it’s really hard when i eat a regular meal and have weird coughing fits after that always bring me to the verge of throwing up. it’s so fucking hard when you’re just sitting down and you’re out of breath and you have a migraine from moving around just a little too much. and it’s so fucking frustrating because it wasn’t always like this. it’s only been a year since i’ve shown symptoms of dysautonomia and it’s been two since i got my worst case of covid. i’m so fucking sick of living like this. i want to go back.

#vent blog #vent post #disability vent #disability #me/cfs #long covid #dysautonomia #pots syndrome #chronic migraine #chronic illness #chronic pain #chronic fatigue #chronic disability #cane user #physically disabled #actually disabled #physical disability #destroya.txt

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me: I'm done grieving, I already accepted my illness and all it brings with it, it's totally ok

also me on a random tuesday: my life is never going back to what it was, I'm never going to be able to do the things I loved the most the same, it's over and I gotta learn to live with that but it's kinda impossible because I'm so young and I had so many dreams and so many things I wanted to do that I can't anymore, at least not without all this pain and suffering

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Born to love cursed to be unlovable

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i know you think about me. you’re scared of me. why? i did nothing but try to protect you and help you but you didn’t want that. you wanted a lapdog. sorry i wasn’t a good pet for you but now i’m improving myself and living my best life and you’re throwing your life down the drain. i hope the toxic ass relationship you’re in was worth abandoning me for. i hope every time you see something that makes you think of me you get sick and are forced to remember what you did. i’m going to keep living without you and you’ll be fucking haunted by me. and that’s such a beautiful thought to me.

#vent blog #vent post #bpd #bpd vent #actually borderline #actually bpd #bpd thoughts #bpd mood #npd #actually npd #npd thoughts #actually narcissistic #doll.txt

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characters who dig themselves out of their graves (whether literal or metaphorical) are at the top of the list. nothing beats a character who should have died but didn't and comes back to haunt their own life and the world around them, benevolent or violent it doesn't matter, it's enthralling either way

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imagine promoting yourself as a disability activist/advocate and then reposting ableist anti-npd shit on your story just because i have npd and you don’t like me.

after you made my life hell, mind you.

hope you feel really good about demonizing people with a disorder caused by childhood trauma just because i had it and you decided my symptoms were just too annoying for you.

glad you still think about me tho ♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎

#vent blog #vent post #actually npd #actually narcissistic #npd #narc abuse tw #narcissistic abuse tw #doll.txt

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i fucking hate when i start getting into a depressive episode and suddenly i just can't fucking draw. everything i make looks like fucking garbage and i want to fucking die about it

#depressive episode #major depressive disorder #major depression #vent blog #vent post

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Why do I care so much for people who wouldn’t even cared if I died? I’m over here grieving and they’re living their best life acting like I don’t even exist.

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back at it again with another depressive episode

#vent post #actually borderline #bpd thoughts #actually bpd #bpd mood #bpd vent #bpd #vent blog #actually depressed #major depressive disorder #major depression #depressive episode

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i obsess and nitpick and worry to the point where i get physically sick and tired, and not just mentally :))))))

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how warped you must be, to think that love equals violence.

how warped i must be, to think that love equals violence.

#vent blog #vent post #bpd #bpd vent #actually borderline #actually bpd #bpd thoughts #bpd mood #cptsd #ptsd #complex ptsd #actually ptsd #trauma #childhood trauma

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I wish talking to people wasn’t so fucking terrifying lmfao

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forceful reminder as we come up to easter weekend that you were not born bad. that it is good that you are alive. that you were not born to be evil, or born to die for the cause, or born to be broken.

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