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hyunjilicious · 7 months

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Stop 😭😭 thank you so much!!! You made me so so happy you have no idea 😭 thank you for reading!!! and for letting me know you enjoyed it, you made my day 😭😭😭😭

in human form [bang chan × f!reader]

A/n: this is very, very self indulgent. I always try to make my fics reader inclusive, but since I poured my soul out in this, it's not 100% a self insert. It's not OC either, but some aspects of Y/n past are mentioned - mental health and relationship with her parents. I hope you'll still enjoy it! 🥺

Summary: fresh out of a toxic relationship, you realise your best friend Chan might not be just that, your best friend. Angst (and fluffy and extremely cheesy) best friends to lovers trope. 8.5k (hit me)

Warnings: y/n's ex was toxic, so was her father, mentions of alcoholism (as the source of some of the issues), anxiety, insecurities, past traumatic experiences (not detailed). It's not as sad as I may have made it sound, Chan's a sweetheart and there for you from beginning to end ❤️

For the first time that night, when you felt a hand against your back, you relaxed. "Do you want me to drive you home?" Chan asked, leaning into your side so you could hear him over the loud music at the club.

Aside from the hand that still rested between your shoulder blades, he kept his distance.

"No, it's fine, thanks" you shook your head but then smiled in appreciation. "I'll take a cab, you don't have to leave"

"Do you want to talk to me?"

Another offer he didn't have to make - another one you desperately wanted to accept but felt like an asshole doing so.

"I'm annoyed. I don't want to start this right now. We can talk another time"

"I'm here for you" he reminded you, "Please, just let me take you home."

"You don't feel like dancing anymore?"

Chan shook his head. He never felt like dancing in the first place, only came so that he could spend some time with you, but unfortunately the night didn't go as planned.

"I don't want to ruin your night"

"You're not ruining my night, Y/n" Chan said sternly, "I want to go home too"

"Then why didn't you leave earlier?"

That, he couldn't answer. He knew why, but he couldn't really tell you that the pain you've been struggling to hide has been obvious to him from the very beginning. Instead, he hid his worry behind little acts of kindness, reassuring words and unconditional support, without expecting anything in return. Much like he did now.

"Felt like a party pooper, but you're my ticket out of here. So? Should we go?"

You were unsatisfied with his answer, felt guilty for the way things were going, but you weren't about to make him ask again. "Ok, let's go"

His face lit up hearing your words, it felt like a win which he hoped would be the end of the story, considering that the last time he thought this nightmare was over, this night happened. So, determined to not allow the universe to mess with you again, Chan took a step to the side and motioned for you to lead the way towards the exit.

And you would've done just that had an overwhelming sense of pain and warmth not washed over you, and instead of moving, you just went in for a hug. Despite being taken aback, Chan wrapped his arms around you instantly, repeatedly kissing the top of your head during the few seconds you spent pressed against one another.

"Thanks" you mumbled, wiping away a stray tear that fell down your cheek as you pulled away.

"You don't need to thank-" he began saying but before he could finish the sentence, you felt another hand against your back, one that sent chills down your spine.

As if burned by the touch, you jumped away and didn't even bother looking at the person before you grabbed Chan's hand and tried to pull him away.

"Hey, where the fuck do you think you're going?" the menacing tone of your exboyfriend called over the loud music. Even though he wasn't drunk enough to have trouble articulating his sentences, you could still hear the alcohol induced hostility in his tone.

And as if raising his voice at you wasn't enough, in the blink of an eye he also went to grab you, but even though you were fast enough to step out of his reach, so was Chan as he grabbed the man's wrist and pushed himself between the two of you.

"Hey, hey, hey! Step back" Chan commanded, not one single hint of uncertainty in his tone.

"Why?" your ex boyfriend sneered, "Need her?"

Even though a vein was about to burst on his forehead, Chan fought to keep his composure. "Let's not make a scene, ok? Y/n's going home and you're going back to the party. Let's just leave it at that"

"How about this?" he slapped his hands together, "How about you stop sticking your nose in my business and let me have a talk with her?"

"We really don't have anything to talk about, ok?" you tried, but he wasn't having it.

"Just because we broke up doesn't mean you can go whore around. At least wait a while before you hop on someone else's dick. Or wait! You've done it before, haven't you?" he turned to Chan. "You already fucked her, didn't you? You're the reason she broke up with me?"

"Man, you have no idea what you're saying" Chan rolled his eyes, "But why don't we have this talk another time, huh? This is really not the time and place"

"I agree. So why don't you just step away so I can talk to Y/n?"

"Talk to her?" Chan laughed, "Mate, don't even look at her"

That angered him - you saw it in his eyes and it terrified you. That look of his whenever he had enough to drink so that common sense didn't have a place in his behavior anymore, when limits stopped meaning anything and only his words mattered.

Under different circumstances, you'd have said this wasn't something you'd ever do, but you felt afraid - viscerally, down to your bones scared, and without thinking, you jumped behind Chan. And while on high alert as he was, even though he might have not seen you, he felt you, the way your hands gripped his shirt and it brought a storm inside his mind. He didn't know what he wanted to do first, break that man's teeth or comfort you, but his adrenaline had kicked in and all that he could focus on was keeping his calm.

"Listen, I've got nothing against you, man. It's her that I need-" and his sentence was cut short by a very calm Seungmin, who with his drink in his hand and the straw between his lips, stepped in between your ex boyfriend and Chan.

"The group's over there" Seungmin addressed the man - fully facing him, and pointed in the direction you just came from, "Why are you all the way over here?"

"Yeah" Felix, who you hadn't noticed until now, nodded along, "We were thinking about going to a different club but we couldn't find you"

They stepped closer to one another, forming a wall between you, Chan and your ex, and bombarded him with questions, pointing in all directions and speaking loudly one over the other.

There had been maybe one or two attempts from your ex to push past them, but before he managed to escape their pestering, Chan had already grabbed your hand and ushered you towards the exit.

"Hey, are you ok? What are you doing?" he desperately asked as soon as you stepped on the sidewalk. Seeing you with your nose buried into your phone was the last thing he expected.

"I'm texting Felix and Seungmin" you sniffled, "I hope he didn't start a fight"

"They got this, Y/n, it's ok" Chan said and then tried to get you to move. "Let's go to the car, ok?"

After wiping one more tear from your cheek and pressing the send button on the text you just wrote, you nodded and followed him, "Yeah, ok"

Despite the hurricane of thoughts inside your mind, for most of the drive, you were silent - wanting to say so many things but at the same time, fearing what it would feel like if you yourself were to hear those things being spoken out loud, let alone Chan.

After your phone buzzed with a new notification, you turned to him, "They got him an uber. He's on his way home"

"Good" Chan nodded and drummed his thumb against the steering wheel. "Fuck him"

"Yeah.. fuck him"

"Are you ok?"

At this hour of the night, the roads were empty enough to allow Chan to steal glances and turn to you, but still you were grateful he was driving - he couldn't fix you with his eyes.

"Yeah, I'm fine"

"Fine as in fine or fine as in fine?"

You really didn't want to do it, but his question made you giggle. "What? I really am ok, I'm just annoyed"

He looked at you for another second, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"About what? Complain to you about how big of an asshole he was and about how stupid I am? Where's that gonna get me?"

"First of all, you're not stupid. At all, Y/n. You know that"

"My actions and decisions over the past few months would beg to differ, Chan." you sighed, "It's not his fault he was a piece of shit boyfriend to me, it's my fault I stayed in that relationship for as long as I did"

Too many words, some even a bit aggressive and thoughtless, almost rushed past his lips, but he managed to compose himself with a shake of his head and a deep breath. "I really don't want to be that person, Y/n, but you know traumatic experiences don't necessarily involve heavy and obvious shit. You've never been through something like this before, how were you supposed to know what the right thing to do was? You really did your best with what you had"

"Stop. You're making it sound like I'm some sort of victim or something. There's no trauma. He was never violent, never raised his hand at me or anything, it's not that serious"

"A person doesn't have to be physically violent in order to be abusive"

"He wasn't abusive. Just… toxic. It wasn't that big of a deal"

"If it wasn't that big of a deal, why are you so upset with yourself for being, as you say, stupid about it?"

Ah fuck, a red light. It wasn't like the intersection was that busy anyway, and it got you very close to offering to pay the fine only so that he'd keep driving. But his eyes were already on you, ready to pierce right into your soul the second you met them.

"What do you want me to say?" you looked down at the bag in your lap. "I don't see where you're going with this"

"I want you to stop being angry at yourself. To stop blaming yourself. To realize you were not the problem. That's all I want"

"If that's really the right way to look at things, it's gonna take me a long fucking while" you chuckled bitterly, tone full of spite and anger.

But still, Chan's voice was as calm and sweet as ever. "And I'll be here for you until then. And after. Ok?"

You really had no right to be this cold to him. "Look at you being so wise and selfless. Try telling me again that I'm not just a stupid girl who needs looking after"

"Y/n, if the roles were reversed, would you think I was stupid? Would you defend the person that repeatedly hurt me?"

"I'm not defending him"

"That's exactly what you're doing by putting all the blame on your own shoulders. I'm not saying you should crucify him, although I would, all I'm saying is that you shouldn't carry this weight. If he refuses to own up to his shit and try to do better, that's on him, but you shouldn't be the one to take responsibility for this just because he won't do it"

Although the things he was saying made sense from the very beginning, it was getting harder and harder for you to keep up with the conversation. A short period of silence followed where you didn't know what to say, but your ticket out of this tensioned position came at the perfect time.

"Light's green" you said and pointed to the traffic lights after seeing Chan make no effort to start the car.

He blinked for a second, looked in the rear view mirror and then turned to you again, "There's no one behind, it's fine"

"Chan! Drive"

"Y/n, look at me"

There was a very strong reason you avoided his stare during this whole car ride, and it was getting harder and harder to manage your emotions. "I can't"

"Why?" his voice broke a little "It's just me, Y/n, it's ok"

You squeezed your eyes shut and threw your head back, "Please, I don't want to start crying right now, just start the car. Just drive"

And he did. He wordlessly followed your request and drove in silence for as long as he could, but when he reached the intersection next to your neighborhood and had to stop at another red light, he couldn't help himself. "Y/n, do you want to be alone right now?"

"I don't want to continue that conversation"

"It's not what I asked," Chan softly said. "I won't bug you, I promise. But I'm here if you just… don't want to be alone at home"

"Are you sure it's ok?"

"Of course, I wouldn't have offered if it wasn't"

"You totally would've" you weakly laughed, "You always put other people first."

He didn't know how to tell you that it was you who he was putting first - not other people. Sure, he cared about his friends, but he wasn't doing this because he was a caring person, he was doing this because he cared about you. And on top of that, he hoped that this night he was about to spend with you would be the first one on a long, maybe endless, list of things he planned on doing in order to make sure that you finally realized that, even if you hadn't seen it before, to some, to him, you really did come first.

After that, Chan offered to go to the drive through two blocks away for some food, but the laziness prevailed. You wanted to get home faster and weren't about to let him go by himself, so as he searched for a parking spot behind your building, you tapped in the order on your phone and placed it before entering your apartment.

While the atmosphere was still somewhat tense, you two managed to enjoy the food and down two liters of tea without any upsetting topic being brought up.

By the time you decided to head to bed, it was already half past 4. And if Chan had to insist on taking the couch, you also insisted on making it as cozy for him as possible, bringing him 3 different blankets, 4 pillows and an army of stuffed animals to keep him company.

But while fatigue had already crept up your spine and made your eyelids feel heavy, sleep only circled around you and refused to settle. It was your buzzing mind and hurricane of thoughts that kept the sleep at a safe distance, and it was just a matter of time until you had to get out of bed.

This was why you insisted he took your room, so that now, when you wanted to go into the kitchen, you wouldn't have to walk past him. But since there was nothing to be done about it now, you settled for tiptoeing your way to the sink, filling up a glass of water and downing it in the blink of an eye.

Truth be told, you wanted another tea, but the sound of the boiling water would for sure wake Chan up. Maybe a pudding would do, you thought to yourself as you licked the lid before throwing it into the trash. It was good, your favorite - no surprise since you were the one who bought it, but it didn't do much. Chips? Nah, and even if you wanted some, you forgot to get a new bag anyway. Then.. fruit? But after tea and pudding? Also a no.

It was getting annoying - nothing to keep you busy so you wouldn't have to return to your room. The one obvious option that was left made you cringe. You wouldn't do that, he had been so nice to you all night, it would be very shitty of you to disturb his sleep. Or maybe… he had been so sweet to you all night, he definitely wouldn't mind being sweet a bit more, right?

So without giving yourself the chance to change your mind, you took off towards the couch, your eyes fixed on his sleeping - or not, frame. The way he raised his arm, along with the blanket, almost startled you.

"Come here" he chuckled, before even looking at you.

"Did I wake you?"

"Nope, I wasn't sleeping" he said and then waved his arm in the air, "Come on"

Your first instinct was again to ask if he was sure about it, but you brushed it off and climbed in beside him, cuddling against his chest as he wrapped his arm around your frame, covering you with the blanket all the way up to your cheeks.

"Thank you" you said, all your muscles relaxing under the warmth of his body pressed to yours. "I'm sorry I was mean to you earlier"

"You weren't mean to me" he shook his head. As a small but strong reassuring gesture, his fingers made their way to the back of your neck and lost themselves in your hair. He lightly scratched your scalp as he spoke. "The conversation wasn't pleasant so you just weren't as bubbly as usual, that's normal. You weren't mean to me, Y/n, don't worry"

"I really wasn't the nicest though"

"You don't have to be the nicest with everyone all the time"

"Not with everyone, with you. You have the biggest heart in the world, I don't ever want to upset it"

"That's ok" Chan hummed, kissing the top of your head, "She understands, you didn't upset her."

"Your heart is a she?" you giggled.

He wasn't going to say that his heart was a she because you were his whole heart - that would've been cheesy, but it was late and the love of his life was wrapped around him, so he didn't judge himself for it, just brushed the thought aside. "I don't know why I said she," he lightly chuckled, "It felt right, I guess?"

Without saying anything, you cuddled closer so that you could press your ear against the left side of his chest. He felt calm around you, but his heart drummed against your cheek and it made you feel closer to him and safer than ever, "Thank you"

"Anything for you" Chan hummed, allowing the both of you to finally relax enough to be able to fall asleep.

The next morning came and went, neither of you showing any signs of planning to wake up any time soon. A little bit past noon however, maybe around 1pm, Chan started stirring in his sleep. When he opened his eyes and checked his phone, the urge to just say fuck it and remain in your soft embrace almost won. But he had another thing on his mind, probably the only thing in the world that could've ever gotten him to leave that couch.

For a split second he thought it would be rude to rummage through your kitchen so he stopped dead in his tracks and looked at his shoes by the front door. He could go out and buy the ingredients he needed to make breakfast, but what if you heard the door and woke up, that would ruin the surprise. Plus, in the past, he'd been given free access to absolutely everything in your apartment, why would this morning be any different.

"Jesus, why am I like this, calm down, it's just an omelet" Chan said to himself as he opened your fridge and got to work.

Shortly after, you woke up too. Disappointment hit him a bit when he realized he couldn't surprise you with food anymore, but one thing he didn't know he needed in his life was a cooking session with you. There were so many little things he didn't know about you, so many things that he was so ready to love - the ridiculous amount of kitchen towels you used, the fact that you washed your hands a hundred times while cooking because who wants to touch the cheese with tomato juice on their fingers, the fact that there was a picture of a random dog you thought was cute on one of your cupboard doors and so on. He didn't have to try hard to find something to make him giddy inside, not when he was so close to this genuine, unbothered and honest version of you.

Once the food was done, you both took your seats across from one another at the table, and the topic of discussion you had just started swiftly melted away in favor of comfortable silence and the occasional utensil clatter.

"Hey, um, can I ask you something?" you questioned as you toyed with a piece of bread on your plate. "And please don't be afraid to humble me in case I'm reaching"

"Sure, what is it?"

"Am I the reason you haven't even looked at any type of alcohol whenever we went out during the past few months?"

Even though he wasn't facing you, instead staring down at his food, you still saw his eyes widen in.. embarrassment maybe? "I um… I hoped you wouldn't notice"

His reaction only made you soften further, a very strange warm feeling spreading from the middle of your chest. "You didn't have to do that, Chan"

"I know I didn't" he nodded and only looked at you for a split second before repeating himself, eyes fixed on his plate. "I know I didn't, you didn't even ask me to, but I wanted you to have that"

"Chan…"

He still wasn't meeting your eyes. "You said you didn't feel safe if everyone around you was drunk, and that's totally understandable, especially since our friend group is mostly guys. And like I know, I know none of them would ever do anything to make you feel uncomfortable or anything, but still… I know you asked your ex not to drink too much when you went out together, but he never listened. I saw he never listened and I saw the look in your eyes, so I don't know… I did the next best-" he stopped to shake his head, "I did what I could"

"Channie" you pleaded, extending your hand across the table for him to take, but he didn't. However, he looked up, met your eyes and continued speaking.

"Like it's not even that big of a fucking deal

you know? We all have needs, we all deserve someone to listen to us and to care for us, what does he do? Partners are supposed to make each other feel safe and heard and him… fuck him! Fuck him for treating you like that. Fuck him for disrespecting you. Fuck him for making you, you out of all people, a literal angel we're all blessed to have in our lives, look into my eyes and tell me you think you're stupid. Fuck him for getting into your head and making you think all those awful things-"

That was it. You couldn't bear it anymore. You dropped everything you had in your hands and rushed around the table to him, all but tackling him off the chair with the way you threw yourself against him. It was the best way you could come up with to help him calm down, to show him that you were there, and you were ok, and that everything was fine.

"Hey, Chan, it's ok" you cooed, brushing his hair, "It's ok, can you look at me?"

He did. "I'm sorry I got carried away" he shook his head, "I just… I hate him"

"I know…"

"You deserve someone better. I wish you never met him. And what's worse, what's keeping me up at night, is that I don't even know the full story. What I know is from what I've seen, I don't even want to think-"

"Then don't"

That hit him hard. "God, Y/n.. no.. I'm so sorry, I-"

"It's ok" you smiled and pushed some curly strands of hair off his forehead, "It's all over now, it's all in the past"

"Y/n" Chan shook his head and stood up to face you properly, wrapping his fingers around your wrists. "You know I'm always here, right? Whatever happens, or happened or might happen, I'll always be here for you. You have me, always. Ok?"

"Yeah, mhm" you nodded, teary eyes looking directly into his, "I know"

"You can always come to me, talk to me, anything, ok?"

"Yep"

"Always"

"Always" you nodded again and allowed him to bring you into a hug.

"And I just wanna say that I know it's just a matter of time until you find someone who will make you happy the way you deserve, but until then, let me be the one to do that"

"Make me happy?" you beamed, looking up at him, "You already make me happy"

"Ok, but like-" Chan chuckled, dimples out and all "Really happy"

"Really happy? What does that mean?"

"It means we've been so busy with work and life, we haven't hung out as much as we used to. We could start doing that again, and even as just your best friend, I know I can treat you so much better"

You probably should've taken him more seriously, "Like the Shawn Mendes song?"

Chan cringed for a second - not at the song, but at the fact that only now did he realize how cheesy he had been. "Yeah.. like the Shawn Mendes song"

"Can you learn it? And then sing it for me?"

"I, uh… yes, I guess I can"

"No, scratch that, I want a better song. I want a serenade"

"You want me to serenade you?" Chan laughed, most likely thinking you were joking.

"Yes. With a guitar and all!"

"Obviously with a guitar. What kind of a dumbass serenades someone without a guitar?"

"I don't know" you shrugged, "Some people use portable speakers and stuff"

Eyes rolled the back of his head, he pretended to shake off the distaste. "And they say romance is dead"

"But romance isn't dead, so you'll use your guitar"

His tone turned sassy and sarcastic, his hip popping to the side. "Ok, guitar. Noted. Anything else you want? Strawberries dipped in chocolate? Roses?"

"Um.. yes!? To both"

For a second he looked surprised but then jumped back into the game. "I'm writing these down, I'm not kidding" he warned, taking his phone off the table and opening the notes app.

"Good" you moved closer to look at his screen, "And, urgh, I don't know if I want you to wear a suit and tie or a leather jacket"

"Please don't make me wear a suit," he begged.

"Ok, suit and tie. Write it down"

"Write it down" he mocked you while he did as told. "Anything else?"

"Candles!"

"Ok, candles, noted"

"And bring Berry"

"Ok, Berry.." he typed. While you had a few more ideas as to how to keep this charade going, Chan was on a different page. "I'm aware that this is just a joke, but you know I'd actually love to do all of these for you, right?"

"I know" you confessed, your attitude swiftly changing as you melted under his sweet and caring gaze. "I actually do know you'd do this, and a lot more for me. But you really don't have to, not like this, not just because it's something that I'd like but haven't gotten in the past. Maybe someday, under a different context, but please, don't feel responsible for this right now"

"I don't" he wholeheartedly shook his head. "I don't feel responsible for this, and I'm not gonna do it. But if you do wake up one morning and feel like it, just let me know, ok?"

"Yes, ok" you giggled and wrapped your arms around his waist. "Thank you"

With his arm around your shoulders, he pressed his lips to your forehead. "Anything for you"

5 weeks later

The dishes were done, the trash had been taken out, your kitchen was spotless and so was your living room. And while never in your life had you ever allowed any of your guests to help you tidy up after a party, tonight had been different. Chan lingered around after everyone else had left and cheerfully helped you clean up the place, despite the clock having already struck 4.

A small part of you still felt bad for keeping him around at that hour, but a bigger part of you was happy to still have him around.

You didn't mind being alone, but you wanted him around. That was why once you were finally done making your apartment look decent again, the second Chan dared look in the direction of where his jacket and shoes were, you instantly spoke up.

"Ah, Channie! You're not that tired, are you?"

"Nuh-uh, no. Not really" he lied through his teeth. His eyes were half closed, his shoulders slumped and even standing up felt like a tedious task. But just like you, he didn't want to leave either. "Why?"

"I-um-" you struggled to come up with something, "Could you maybe take a look at my laptop? It's been acting funny"

Just as bad of a liar as he was. But he found it funny and didn't even hesitate before agreeing.

He sat on the couch and waited for you to bring your laptop, which you placed on the coffee table in front of him. "What's wrong with it?" he questioned, unable to hide his knowing smile.

"I don't know" you grinned too but in pure amusement with your antics, "It's acting… funny"

"Really? Let's see"

And just so as luck had it, the laptop was working perfectly fine. "How did you do that?" you pretended to gasp. "You fixed it!"

"I did?" he chuckled, "Magic hands, I guess"

"Yeah… probably. But I think you should stay for a bit. What if it stops working again?"

"We wouldn't want that, would we?" he hummed and then you noticed his eyes slip to the clock at the corner of the screen. 4:43am. It snapped you out of it in an instant, what the hell were you doing?

"Actually, I don't think I'm gonna use it tonight anyway. If it starts acting up again tomorrow, I'll call you. You can go, Channie. Thanks anyway"

"Can I stay anyway?" he asked and your heart nearly dropped. "Hang out for a bit?"

"Aren't you tired?"

"I am but.. I don't want to leave"

"Ok" you softly said and then fought to look anywhere but directly into his eyes. "There's some ice tea left, would you like some?"

"Mhm, sure"

Part of you expected him to refuse your offer, but you were glad he didn't. It was what most of you had to drink that night, an ice tea - soju combo you found online that turned out to be even better than expected, and now, the last remaining cups of it were on the coffee table as you settled back on the couch next to Chan.

He sipped his drink in silence, a telltale sign that something was on his mind. It was obvious he was hesitant. "Just say it" you giggled, "There's something on your mind"

"I was just… I wanted to ask, but I don't know if I should"

You knew what he meant, or at least thought you did. "Ask me"

"We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to"

"You haven't said anything" you reminded him, "I don't know if I want to talk about it or not"

"Y/n…"

"Chan…" you rolled your eyes in the exact same way that he did, which made him playfully nudge your shoulder.

"Are you ok with me drinking right now?"

"Yes! Of course! I thought you drank earlier too”

“I did, I did… I just wanted to make sure”

“It’s fine, Chris, don’t worry” you smiled and leaned into his side for a second. “I offered you the drink. And even if I hadn’t, I told you, you don’t have to stay away from alcohol at all times just because of me”

“I know…” he said, his eyes instantly falling down to his hands. “I just don’t know the whole story and I don’t want to do something by mistake and make you feel uncomfortable”

“Channie… stop, no, don’t go there. I don’t want you to feel like walking on eggshells around me. I promise I’ll tell you if there’s ever anything, but you could never make me feel uncomfortable”

“I don’t want to push you if you don’t feel like talking about it but I’ve been dying to ask” he softly said and all you did was blink as a sign for him to continue. “When or like, how did this all start?”

“Um..” you took a deep breath. You knew it would come up, that he’d eventually gather the courage to ask, and you dreaded the fact that you let things get so far before telling him. “It’s not really that big of a deal, I think I make it seem like a way more serious thing than it actually is”

“You can still tell me, you know I always want to listen to you"

“I know” you smiled and met his calm eyes. He was patient, gathered into a ball on the couch, waiting for you to speak. He wasn’t going to pressure you or dismiss your feelings, he looked at you with adoration in his eyes, all the patience in the world, all just for you. “I.. I don’t feel comfortable around drunk people because I feel like they’re unpredictable. And unfiltered, I guess. It’s wrong of me to assume, but I can’t help but fear that everyone is going to act like that when they get drunk. And I’m always afraid that in case they say or do something that bothers me, they won’t listen when I try to talk to them, that they’d keep doing their thing no matter what I say. That was why I wanted my ex boyfriend to stay relatively sober when we went out together, so that I’d have someone to turn to in case I felt overwhelmed. Funny-” you chuckled bitterly, “He was the only one who acted like that whenever there was alcohol around. Everyone else is just more giggly and prone to start dancing out of nowhere”

“I’m very sorry he never listened to you, Y/n”

“That’s ok, it’s all in the past now. I like to think that if I ever find myself in a similar situation again, I’ll at least know to get out faster. I promised myself I’d never allow a person like this in my life, but I did, and that made me feel really bad about myself. So, baby steps, I guess”

“Why did you promise yourself that before?”

You sighed. “It was my dad. He used to drink a lot back when I was younger, always looking to start fights and all that. He’s the reason for a lot of my anxieties, but blaming him is not gonna get me anywhere. I’m just trying to do my own thing”

“And you’re doing a really good job, Y/n” Chan said.

“You think so?” you giggled, the weight of the topic making you more inclined to show your emotions, no matter how much you’d have liked to keep a strong front.

“I really do” he nodded, “And I love to see it”

“You know it’s thanks to you, right?”

“It’s not thanks to me, Y/n” Chan rolled his eyes and opened his arms for you. “Come here”

After setting your drink down, you crawled closer and cuddled into his chest, your head tucked right under his chin. “It is, because you gave me everything and never expected anything in return. I barely felt comfortable enough to be myself when I was alone, but you made me feel safe enough to realize that maybe there’s nothing wrong with me, that I can accept myself and that maybe other people will accept me too. And at the same time, I realized that I don’t really care what other people see in me or not, because you see me and you like me just the way I am, and that’s a big deal to me.”

When you stopped speaking, you couldn’t see him. You had your cheek pressed against his chest and even though you were able to feel his heart rate quicken, you didn’t think much of it. But when he failed to answer, you quickly turned your head to look at him. His glossy eyes met yours, bottom lip popping out as he struggled to keep himself from letting out more than he considered appropriate.

“I just really, really love you, Channie” you said past the heavy lump that was building in the back of your throat. “And going back to what you asked me earlier, no, you could never make me feel uncomfortable. Not that it matters much, but the last time I saw you drunk, you spent one whole hour reading the truth or dare cards and laughed your heart out by yourself and then you went to sleep. But even so, I think I’m past the point where it’s about what you say or what you do, it’s just… you. I love you” you said again and squeezed him in your hold, arms tightening around his frame until your joints hurt. It made him chuckle and his head fell forward, along with a little, stray tear that landed on your shoulder.

“I love you, Y/n” he tried to whisper, as a pathetic attempt to hide the way his voice trembled. But you heard it, you felt it, and in return, only smiled as you looked up at him.

"You're my person"

"I'll be whatever you want me to be, so then I'll take it, I'll be your person"

"No, you don't get it" you laughed and cuddled back into the cushions so you could face him as you gathered your knees to your chest. "You are my person. I always considered my roommate to be my best friend, and I always thought my partner should be my half. But it's still always been you, the one person I run to and the one person I always want to talk to. I guess that never sat right with me." as you spoke, your tone got progressively lighter, until a giggle escaped, "I guess I need you out of my life so I can move on"

"Hey!" Chan's face suddenly got serious. He nudged your knee, fixed you with his stare and pointed a finger in your face. "Don't say that"

But you did, you said it, and were ready to say it again. It was a dumb thought, you knew that, but still, you couldn't shake it. It had been in the back of your mind for too long, popping up at the most inopportune moments, but this wasn't one of those. Now you were being honest, getting stuff off of your chest, and if there was a moment to say this out loud, it was now.

"I'm serious" you leaned your temple against your closed fist and looked down, "I don't want this to sound like a 'reject me so I can move on' type of thing, but I do look for you in other people. And I know I'm not gonna find you there, but I still get disappointed when I don't"

"But why not me? Why look for me in other people when I'm right here?"

"Don't say that" you cuddled closer into yourself. "I thought about it, of course I did. And I wanted to make a move, more than once, but we wouldn't work. This isn't right"

While he looked hurt by your words, there was a glimmer of hope in his eyes - in the way he looked at you, as if he was one step away from having it all and was determined to fight for it. "Why do you think that?"

"I already feel like a leech, but it's one thing when you're just my friend. I don't think we'd have a very healthy attachment. You pieced me back together, and I love that - for myself. But it wouldn't be fair to you. You shouldn't have to constantly do that for your partner. At least not when they can't do the same for you"

"Y/n" he said in a serious tone, his eyes fixed on yours. "You can't possibly believe that"

"It's true, though"

"No, it's not. Just because you've been through a difficult time and I've been here for you, doesn't mean you haven't been there for me too!"

"Yeah, but I haven't done anything any of your other friends wouldn't have."

"Well then" he began speaking and struggled to hide his grin. "Why did you do all of those things for me if you knew I had others who could do them?"

"Why?" you frowned. "Why!? Because I wanted to. Because I wanted to be-" but then it hit you. "Oh shut up!" you exclaimed and stood up from the couch, your feet involuntarily leading you towards the kitchen. "I'm not having this conversation with you!"

"Y/n! Come back here!" Chan laughed out loud and jumped to follow you, all a giggle as he caught up with you. He placed his chin on your shoulder and wrapped his arms around you from behind, his chuckles even more uncontrollable now that he had seen the flustered look on your face. "You're my person too!"

"Chan, stop it" you giggled and hid your face behind your palms.

"Who let's me sleep over because they know that if I'm alone I'll spend the entire night working? Who's the first one that gets to hear my songs? Who do I call crying when I miss home? Is it you?" he chuckled, "Is it? The way you come over every single time I tell you I miss my family. Remember that one time you had some work to do, but you still came over and we haven't talked for hours because you were busy, but just the fact that you were there, with me, put me back on my feet? Y/n, look at me"

You shook your head, overwhelmed and completely confused by the hurricane of emotions swirling around your chest.

"You're my home, you dumb ass" he kissed the side of your head. "It's funny to me that you didn't know"

Itchy on the inside and too fired up to stay still, you wiggled your way out of his hold and turned to face him. "How was I supposed to know?" you threw your arms up in frustration, eyes glossy as you giggled your way through the sentence, "You never told me, you idiot"

"Was it really that effortless for you? To be everything I ever needed?"

"Oh, shut up!" you scoffed, the tears now threatening to spill down your cheeks. Again, you tried to hide from him, but Chan wasn't having it.

"Come here" he hugged you again, "I love you"

"Leave me alone" you cried, face hidden in the crook of his neck.

It might have looked like he found it amusing, but he too was overwhelmed. His little chuckles were nothing else other than a sign of all the admiration and awe he felt inside when he looked at you, of the warmth around his heart as you clung to his hoodie like your life depended on it.

But eventually you pulled away. "Ok, I'm done. I love you" you wiped your tears and turned to leave, "But I'm also done with this conversation"

"Hey, hey, hey!" Chan exclaimed, not missing a beat before caging you in between his arms and the counter behind you. "All these years I thought my feelings were one sided, today I find out they aren't, that you feel the same way, but then you tell me you don't want to do anything about it?"

"Basically"

"Y/n!" he laughed in despair, "Come on. Give me one good reason we shouldn't be together. Just one"

"I- I don't have one. I'm just scared"

"Of what?" Chan asked softly, "It's just me. You know me"

"I don't know" you lied. "It's scary. You make it scary"

"I make it scary?" he gasped.

"What if I fuck up?"

You scoffed. "Yeah, right"

"Love, at this point, you're just being delusional. I have no idea what's going on inside that head of yours, but I'd love to find out. Tomorrow. Now it's the buttcrack of morning, I've been dying to kiss you for god knows how long and you're just standing here, spewing nonsense as if you're not the most amazing person I've ever met."

"I'm sorry" you looked down.

Chan tiled your chin back up so you'd look at him, "Don't be sorry, just trust me"

"I trust you"

"Then, can I kiss you?"

And a little nod was enough. And no matter how nervous you might have been, his hold, like so many times before, drained the worries right out of your mind. And the awkwardness - ever present whenever you kissed someone for the first time, especially someone you cared about, barely managed to make its presence felt. Because at the end of the day, nothing was new. You may have never kissed him before, but the intimacy was familiar. You knew his touch, how he felt, how gentle he was and how much he cared. Only now, you got to experience that through a kiss shared in your kitchen, while the sun was rising, after you opened your heart for him and he still craved you as much as ever.

And while in a way it felt cathartic - the release of so much pent up emotion, it was still frustrating. You couldn't get as close as you wanted no matter how hard you pressed yourself against him, and you couldn't get enough of his taste despite going at it until dizziness took over.

It was hard to pull away for air when the kiss itself felt like breathing.

The sun was already up and at the top of the sky by the time you opened your eyes. You had probably gotten around 5 or 6 hours of sleep when something stirred you awake.

Excited to wake up for the first time in ages, you didn't care what interrupted your sleep, you just stretched over to the other side of the bed, and frowned when you found it empty.

But then there it was again, the sound that woke you up. The neighbors, you thought, climbing out of bed.

The reasonable thing to do was head to the bathroom, fix your hair a little, maybe brush your teeth, but there was something else on your mind and you went to look for it.

"Chan?" you stopped dead in your tracks in the middle of the hallway, one hand rubbing your squinted eyes. "What are you-"

"Ah, fuck" he looked up at you, like a child caught red-handed. He didn't move, just sat there in his spot on his knees by the door, unable to come up with a way to word an explanation. He hoped you'd understand it yourself.

It took you a second but the details started coming one by one - the suit, the tie, the guitar against the wall. There were rose petals on the floor. And under Chan's arm - the source of the sounds that woke you up - Berry fidgeting and yelping, desperately trying to wiggle his way out Chan's grip and over to you.

"Chan, what is this?" you scrunched your face at the itchiness in your nose and furiously blinked at the way your eyes suddenly started stinging.

"You, uh… weren't supposed to wake up yet"

"Chan, what the fuck is this"

Wordlessly, he put Berry down and stood up.

The dog sprinted at you, tail wagging as his little paws clawed at your legs. All you could do was pick him up and squeeze him to your chest, sinking your nose in his soft fur as a way to ignore everything else.

"You don't like it," Chan simply said. It probably should have been a question, but the insecurity inside his chest made it sound like a statement. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

"Don't like it?" you mumbled, walking towards him as Berry still worked on greeting you with some well deserved and hungry licks all over your chin, cheek and jaw. "Chan, I-"

"I also got candles," he pointed to the kitchen table, "And strawberries. And there's chocolate too"

You walked over and spotted the bowl, full of chocolate dipping cream, covered with a plastic wrap. "Did you make this!?"

"No, no… I would've- I really wanted to, but there wasn't time. I asked Felix"

"You asked Felix?"

He responded with a shameful nod but then jumped to clarify. "I didn't tell him what I needed it for, I- I said it was just for fruit in general. I didn't want to tell anyone anything until I talked to you first, especially because I was a little bit pushy last night, so if you want me to leave, I'll leave-"

"Leave!? Pushy? No, you weren't pushy, stop it"

He breathed out relieved. "Ok, good, because I could barely sleep last night, I- I felt like I forced you to kiss me and I felt so bad, but you were already asleep and I didn't know-"

"Oh my god, no" you shook your head and launched yourself at him, a tight hug with Berry squeezed in the middle. "You didn't pressure me to do anything, relax"

And while the embrace felt good and homey for you, Chan didn't mirror your emtions. He was still on edge, only half of his grand plan having played out yet. "There's still the song, I promised I'd serenade you"

"You learned a song for me" you melted, "What song?"

"You haven't heard it before"

"I haven't?"

"No, because I wrote it. It's about you. For you. I wrote it when you first joked about all of this, I wrote it all that night, and I've been dying to play it for you ever since then, but now I'm so nervous, I think-" he tugged at the collar of his shirt, "I think I'll combust"

While in awe with everything happening, you weren't quite happy. "But I don't like this, Chan. You put so much effort into this and I haven't even washed my face. Can you give me a second? So I don't look like-" you gestured up and down your body, "this"

"You know… I feel like I've been so cheesy and over the top this morning, that I don't think one more cliche is going to make that big of a difference."

As you switched Berry from one side to the other due to your arms growing tired, you raised one eyebrow in confusion.

With nothing but admiration in his eyes, Chan smiled, "You have never looked more beautiful to me"

Thank you for reading!! I hope you enjoyed it!!! 🥺 feedback makes my day so I'd love to hear what you thought!!! ❤️❤️

#I'm 🥺#i feel happy now ❤️

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hyunjilicious · 7 months

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Idk if other kpop fandoms are like this bc I'm new here but like ????? I was gone for 5 days and I feel like so much has happened like ???? I BLINKED and live here, new episode there, new album there, pics, vids, updates WHAT like I'm used to waiting months or even years for new content and then there's stray kids 🥲 literally shoving it down our throats like.... I'm speechless lol

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hyunjilicious · 7 months

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i’m moving out of state for college next year and whenever i think abt leaving my dog who is my literal baby i just want to curl up and die ngl

It's the worst!!!! 😭😭😭 we've rescued him a year ago and I thought it'd get better with time but every time I leave him behind another part of me dies 😭

Does your dog recognise your voice on call or something like that? 🥺 bc mine doesn't and I hate that I can't let him know I'm thinking about him 😭

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hyunjilicious · 7 months

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I have to leave for college in 3h and I can't stop crying because I have to leave my dog behind 😭😭 he's the best thing that's ever happened to me and I don't even care about this diploma anymore so whyyyyyyyyy god whyyyyy 😭😭😭😭😭😭

#and this morning i woke up with really bad period cramps and he sat with me and licked my arm and my face 😭😭😭😭#i hope he knows how much i love him #i hate that i can't tell him #😭😭😭

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hyunjilicious · 7 months

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#“let”#what do you mean let?#i refuse to sleep without him #i have 638294737 pillows on my bed but i still sleep on my dog lol

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hyunjilicious · 7 months

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most to least kinky [skz ver.]

A/n: this has probably been done a million times before but I thought I could make my own list, right?

Warnings: this isn't full on smut, but A LOT of things are mentioned (from slapping to ass eating to crying to cnc) I can't possibly mention them all. Needless to say, this is strictly 18+, please proceed with caution!!!!

Disclaimer: I'm sorry. I'm incredibly sorry, ok? I don't understand Seungmin 😭😭 I absolutely love him with all my heart, but he's a mystery to me. I've also only been in this fandom for a few months so maybe with time I'll be able to write for him but until then, I'll just keep apologising to my Minnie biased readers for doing their baby dirty. I'm sorry, I promise I'm trying!! 🥺

Please let me know what you thought and if you have other ideas!! I'd love to hear different opinions!!!

1. Lee Know

Do I even have to explain? At this point, you could basically write an entire encyclopedia only using the stuff this man is into - he knows it all and wants to try it all. The thing is, whether he trusts you enough or not, because if he's too shy to bring up the one thing that's on his mind, he'll bombard you with hints, hoping he'd "manipulate" you into mentioning it first. Not that he'd ever do anything you're not 100% comfortable with, but he'd much rather you be the one who asks. He'd slap your ass, bite it, mark it, grope it, eat your pussy from behind and send you porn links - all while hoping you'd finally get the idea and ask him to eat your ass. Because he's shy like that. But once you do catch on and tell him about it, he's all in.

And then, as he grows more comfortable around you, all these little games you two play will slowly start to shift. His main priority will always be you, but with time, his teasing nature will replace the old Minho you used to have sex with, and literally everything this man does will be about driving you insane.

He'd make you beg, whine, crawl on your knees, hump pillows - hump his leg, just so you can prove yourself, only to deny you again, always with a grin on his face. A loving smile as he looks at you, right before he throws a very swift "No" in your face and makes you start over. You have to be spent, exhausted, dumb and drunk on him before he finally gives you what you want. But when he finally does, it's everything you ever wanted and more because he doesn't.hold.back.

2. Jeongin

To be fair, it might be because he had to go through the "Watch your mouth, there's a child in our grup!" phase, which - cute and all, got old very fast. Maybe this side of him would have never surfaced like this, but you can't possibly know, there's only one Jeongin and he's a meanie. He's stern, he's serious and there's only one way, his.

He takes the safe word very seriously because otherwise, he doesn't take no for an answer. There's no "too much", "too hard", "too fast". He doesn't care. He knows you can take it and you have to.

You don't move, he moves you. If you don't shut up when he tells you to, it's 'ass up, face down into the pillow' - no questions, no warnings.

It all starts nicely, though. His good little girl, his angel, who needs to do absolutely everything she's told otherwise his punishments will be downright cruel and you'll be nothing more than a "dumb, fucking whore" until he's done with you.

One thing that makes him draw the line though, is crying. He loves to see little tears at the corner of your eyes as he fucks you into oblivion, just so he can mock you for it, "Oh, is my sweet, little baby crying?" and then go faster. But if you let out anything more than a cute, little sob, or if you start actually crying, even though you're still down to keep going, he won't. He can't. He's cruel, but not that cruel, it hurts his heart to see you like that and absolutely never lets things get that far.

3. Felix

This man is into… everything. His eyes light up every single time there's something new for you two to try, and he puts his whole soul into it.

On one hand, he's into the basics - he goes crazy for your tits, will lick, bite, suck and eat anything off of them (absolutely adores eating cream off your body, but yeah, your tits are his favorite spot). He loves lingerie, loves ripping it off of you, loves seeing you dress up, pretend to be a nurse, a teacher or the girl next-door who just so happened to leave the window open.

Doesn't have a daddy kink but he's just so obsessed with doing absolutely anything for you, he'd go with it. Most likely prefers 'Sir' but it isn't a must. Will melt and cry if you allow him to fall you 'Mommy'

The definition of a switch. When he's a dom, 90% of the time he's soft, full of praises and encouragements, loves making you feel all safe and loved as you degrade yourself for him. He'll whisper in your ear the absolute sweetest, most loving words you ever heard in your entire life, all while completely breaking you in half with his cock. But also, there are times when there's just one way for him to relax and let loose, and during those days, he's lazy and he's condescending, judgy and a little bit mean, and these are the absolute worst moments for you to be brat.

But all of these are only half of him, because this man is probably the most dedicated and enthusiastic sub in the world. He'll do absolutely everything he's told and then beg for more. Way too eager to humiliate himself for you. Also very, very vocal, he'll cry, whine and beg and will also never fail to let you know just how obsessed he is with worshiping the ground you walk on.

4. Chan

Also a switch, but it takes months, if not more, for you guys to get there. He's a leader by nature, used to having a lot of responsibilities and a lot of control over the things around him. He likes to be in charge, knows how to do it, and loves the responses he gets. Probably one of the best doms out there because even though you have a safe word, he's so fucking careful with you at all times that he knows to slow down before you even have to think about using it. It only happened once, and your voice still rings in his head - he still hasn't forgiven himself for it.

But since he's so observant and trusts you to put a stop to whatever is going on in case you need to, he feels free to go crazy. Unlike Jeongin, he likes to hear you cry, likes knowing he has that power over you and the fact you know how easy it is for him to absolutely wreck and ruin you, but still allow him to go crazy, drives him wild. Trust is probably what gets him off the most, he absolutely adores how you give up control and leave yourself at his mercy.

But then again, as your relationship strengthens and he slowly realizes that maybe he doesn't always have to be the one to do it all, that others can take care of him too, that he can actually let loose and renounce all control, you start to see another side of him.

He's an exemplary sub, not one brat bone in his body. He tries sometimes to test you, but he goes back to being doe eyed and whiny for you in no time. He's not as vocal and not as eager to let all his enthusiasm show, but just like Felix, he'll do absolutely anything you tell him, and then thank you for allowing him to do it.

5. Han

Another switch. He can be a dom and he can be a sub, but I think there are two other sides of him. This man will go back and forth between being the absolute, most cocky motherf on the planet, to being absolutely wiped and wrapped around your finger. And while these for aspects of him can pair up in any way, leaving you with a teasing dom, a loving and soft one, or a bratty sub that will try to make you prove to him just how badly you need him to worship you and so on, I think he's not always like this.

You can't really tell whether there's a pattern, but maybe if you spent more time together you'd be able to spot one. Maybe it depends on how his day went, how tired he is, how his social batteries are like at the moment, but I think there are many, many days when this man just needs to feel you, to smell you, hear you. To collapse into the sheets with you, forget about the world and melt in your arms. Yeah, he's down to try a lot of stuff, but what he loves the most are the simple things. Like missionary late at night, with the lights on so he can see every glimmer of anything in your eyes, to wipe the sweat off your temples and to be able to smother you with kisses. Impromptu sex in the morning, lazy sex in the shower, cuddling that turns into you riding him on the couch while watching a movie. That's what I think he's into the most.

6. Changbin

Thank god this man is not the kinkiest because he'd probably break you in half and no amount of aftercare would be able to fix that. This man goes hard. No matter if you're the one that woke him up, all needy and clingy, or if he came home riled and ready to go, he's already ready to give you his all. That dumptruck isn't there for nothing, he doesn't even have to try that hard to make you scream.

But it's not just physical, he goes all out in all ways. He doesn't just want you on your back, legs spread open so he can eat you out, no, you have to be on his face, full weight down on top of him, and you have to ride. Other than that, you don't really have to do much, because he's a sucker for handling you. He'll hold up your weight when he fucks you against the dresser and he doesn't mind being the one who gets rid of all the clothes in the way when he randomly decides he wants to fuck you bent over the kitchen table.

So I don't think he needs much more than you two already have. Of course, he's usually fine with trying things you're into, and yeah, he likes them, but that's just more like 'fun' to him. He's not the kind to call you degrading names or spank you until you cry, through he might enjoy a little bit too much seeing his hand print on your ass or the bruises he left on your hips just from hard he was holding onto you while fucking you into oblivion.

Out of all the things you'd get him to try, I think one of his favorites would be wax play. He'll probably ask you to do it again, maybe like 3 months later. Also, one other thing that gets him going and that he still might be shy about it, is just how hard his cock twitched when you called him daddy. Oops. I don't like it, please do it again.

7. Seungmin

Ok, again, disclaimer with this one. I wanna start by apologizing to Minnie and to all the Minnie biased readers that are here with us today, but I can't read this man. At all. And that's the reason I put him so low on the list because while I do have some ideas, associating him with certain kinks and stuff felt completely empty to me. Like I have no idea what he'd like? But in case you've read this far, lemme tell you what I did manage to come up with and please let me know how you see it!!

I think trust, communication and fun are the most important to him. I feel like he'd have so much fun guiding you and giving you instructions on how to do different things, from how to suck him off just the way he needs it, to how to use a toy on yourself. And I think it goes both ways, he'd love to have you tell exactly how and what to do at all times.

I also think he can be stern and commanding, serious and totally focused, but he also probably adores being a giggling mess, unable to control himself as you give him your all, worship him and make him feel absolutely cherished. I'm sorry, but I feel like this man thrives on love and appreciation. Other than that, my brain is empty, please help me!!

8. Hyunjin

Ok, maaaaybe I shouldn't have put him last. But fuck it. Sue me. I don't think he's kinky at all. I think that again, he'd be the type to try out most of the things you come up with, but I don't think he associates them with sex like that. I think it's just some form of fun you two have, I don't think there are too many crazy things that necessarily get him going.

He's a romantic, ok? His main goal is pleasure. He's the kind to absolutely not give a shit about anything, all that he needs is you. If he has you and a surface (not even mandatory) he's satisfied. He'll do absolutely anything, worship every single inch of your body. The kind to kiss his way up your leg before eating you out, to kiss you before you even finished swallowing his cum. Nothing to him is gross, to him, bodies are beautiful and made to be worshiped. He'd paint your body, lay back and allow you to do absolutely anything you want to him, he's just full of want and passion.

I don't think he'd ever be the kind of person to associate pain or humiliation with pleasure. Like he knows they're valid kinks and will not shame anyone about it, but with him, you have to feel like the most beautiful woman in the world, loved, cradled and appreciated in absolutely every way.

Absolutely the type to eat your ass and then be like "What? People don't do that?". Doesn't think spitting in each other's mouths is degrading because, "We literally kiss all the time, what?"

Will ask you to slap him just to see what it's like but will probably malfunction if you ask him to do it to you.

I think he'd be down for a lot of stuff, but doesn't see any of them as kinks. Doesn't need any of them. They don't get him hard. It's all just for fun.

Please let me know what you thought!! I'd love to talk about this!!! ❤️

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hyunjilicious · 7 months

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boyfriend texts!!!

Summary: you tell your boyfriends/best friends (can be read as platonic too) about a dream you had and they're really cute about it 🥺 (FLUFF)

reposting this bc tumblr messed up the order of the screenshots. Its not like it took me 10 whole minutes to arrange them nicely or anything...

Thank you for reading!!! ❤️

#hyunjin x reader #lee felix x reader #hwang hyunjin x reader #felix x reader #hyunjin imagines #felix imagines #hwang hyunjin fluff #hyunjin fluff #lee felix fanfic #felix fluff #lee felix fluff #stray kids x reader #skz imagines #lee felix #hwang hyunjin

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hyunjilicious · 7 months

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I may have not been paying enough attention while reading the summary and omg when I got to the reader × chan texts I was so ready to start crying 😭 like my body was getting viscerally ready to be upset but 🥰 its okay 🥰 now I'm just horny 🥰

Surprise

Bang Chan x Fem!Reader x Hyunjin - Fake Texts

Genre: Honestly, I'm not sure? Smut? It's suggestive but not really smut..not really angst either..

A/N: these texts happen one right after the other. It's set up so that you can see the story unfold. I've never posted one like this before so hopefully I get the order right lol

Summary: You've been sneaking around, and you thought you were doing a good job, but it seems that you weren't good enough. Luckily, you aren't in trouble... or are you?

✨Masterlist✨

Warnings: Themes of cheating - Reader is called: Angel, Sweetie, Favorite Girl, Baby Girl, Brat, Princess, My Girl, Baby, Greedy girl, Slut. - Mentions of corruption and punishment - Suggestive/Sexual themes - Mentions of money - Lying - Mentions of sharing a partner

Reader & Hyunjin:

Reader & Bang Chan (Chris):

Hyunjin & Bang Chan (Chris):

#also like 5 months like MA'AM #the audacity of this bitch #i can't check rn when this fic was posted lol but y/n's probably still paying for her shit as im typing thisskskskskksksk #also op if you're reading these tags by bitch i mean yn and not you ok??? 😭😭😭😭😭 just wanted to make it clearsskskskks #sorry this fic altered something inside my brain #thanks for writing and for posting it!!! ❤️

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hyunjilicious · 7 months

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late nights [lee felix] || 🔞

Ok, but we all know how hot and crazy late night sex with Felix could get. Depending on how the day went on, you’d either be all over each other, finally getting to satisfy all the needs that had gathered up while you were surrounded by friends when all you two were able to do was exchange suggestively lewd looks, or you’d be collapsing into one another as sleep uselessly tried to pull you two apart. But now it’s different. It’s rough and it’s passionate, and you try to feel as much of him as possible with every inch of your body. Your lips morph into his’, or at least you just drown in the thought that they could. You moan his name, over and over again, hoping it will never leave your lips. And he does the same. When he tucks his head in the crook of your neck as his deep and slow thrusts rock both your bodies, his throat burns with the pleasure you give him. His breath fans over your damp skin, but there are no words, it’s just lengthy whines and choked back sobs.

Unlike other times, as you feel your pleasure building up, you arch your back and squeeze your eyes shut, trying to hold everything back, hoping this moment would never end. Because he’s close, he’s there, he’s in your arms, but for all you know he could be gone the next second.

“Y/n, angel…” Felix pants, straightening his back so he can gaze into your eyes, “Look at me, love”

And it’s the pain hidden under his unshed tears that make you break down. The warmth in his eyes is draining away and they shine an unfamiliar shade of darkness. But there’s love there, endless love, which you want. All of it to yourself.

“I’m here” you whisper, cupping his cheek into your palm. You softly rub your finger across the skin of his cheekbone, knowing the level of agony in your veins reflects onto his too.

“Love you,” he says, grabbing your hand and pressing his lips to your palm. His thrusts become more and more rough, pressing into you with all his might.

“Love you too”

In the seconds following your statement, his eyes water, but he doesn’t want you to see that. Maybe he leans down to kiss you to hide the fact that pain completely consumes him, or maybe he just needs to feel your lips again.

And much to your dismay, the moment doesn’t last much longer. He knows what he has to do to get you all riled up and at the edge of your self control, and getting you to orgasm has never been a problem for him. He has you spiraling down in waves of pleasure, and so does he, riding this high for the last time.

And the atmosphere and the context make him want to collapse - to lay down on top of you, to fall asleep in your arms, but he knows that’s out of the question. He kisses you one last time, his lips lingering on top of yours and it’s a sob in the back of his throat that eventually forces him to pull away. And when he does, he pulls away for the last time. Because he’ll never get to do this again, to feel you like this, to love you like he does so well. Because in 10 minutes he’ll be out the door, and what started as a break up kiss, turned into break up sex, and it left you alone, in the middle of your bed, drowning in the sheets that still smell like him.

#lee felix smut #skz imagines #lee felix x reader #lee felix imagines #lee felix angst #felix imagines #felix x reader #felix angst #felix smut

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hyunjilicious · 7 months

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PLEASE make another part to the [perv!bang chan x f!reader] and also [lee felix x reader but established relationship]...I'm begging plsss. It was so good

😖😖 I just now realise its kinda embarrassing that the poor fic doesn't even have a name... 😬😩

I'm really happy you enjoyed it but 🥺 I kinda got the impression people didn't necessarily like it that much so I moved on to a different wip I had. I'm really sorry I can't give you part 2 but I hope you'll like the other fics I'm working on rn too 🥺🥺

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hyunjilicious · 7 months

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Just a gifset I made of Han Jisung living MY dream - talented, gorgeous, on Chan's back, getting his ass slapped by Lee Know :(

#han jisung #bang chan #lee know #so happy and not at all jealous?

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hyunjilicious · 7 months

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[perv!bang chan x f!reader] and also [lee felix x reader but established relationship]

Summary: the 'there was only one bed trope' but with a twist, because there were more beds available, you were already in a perfect relationship with Felix, and neither of you knew just how head over heels for you Chan was (SMUT) 3k

Warning: obsessed!Chan, like crazy after you why-is-she-so-perfect!Chan, unprotected sex, fucking while someone's supposed to be sleeping in the same bed?? (😭), Chan's a bit of a perv so mentions of creampies, masturbation (m.), cum play, oral (m. receiving), hints of degradation etc. also unedited 🤧 18+ PLS

"I think I'm gonna go to sleep" you mumbled, jolting awake after the sound of an explosion ripped through the room. You rubbed your cheek against Felix's shoulder as a little goodbye, and prepared to stand up.

"No, no, wait!" he called for you, hands still on the controller and eyes still on the enemies on the screen. "I'm coming with you, gimme a sec"

"Hey" Jeongin nudged Felix in the side, him too partially absorbed by the game as he spoke, "We just started this campaign, you're not going to sleep unless you find someone to take your place"

"Yeah, but-"

"Lixie, it's fine" you cooed, pecking the top of his head, "Play all night if you want, don't worry"

"Are you sure?" he asked, turning to face you only for Jeongin to snap.

"Dude!" he cried, doing his best to cover his lovesick friend, "Pay attention, we'll get surrounded"

"Shit, sorry" Felix resumed playing only for his friend to chuckle.

"It's ok"

"I'm gonna go now, ok?" you giggled and advanced towards the door. "Make sure to win!"

Despite turning his head to face you, Felix's eyes remained on the screen. "Good night, angel. I love you"

"Good night, Y/n!"

"Good night, guys. And good luck!"

After leaving their room, you stopped by the kitchen for a little snack, washed your face, changed into your pajamas and then joined Chan in bed.

This wasn't the first time you, Felix and Chan all shared a room, but it was the first time it happened because neither of you bothered to think of the sleeping arrangements before renting the cabin.

With 4 double beds and 9 people in the group, Chan decided to take one for the team and be the one to sleep on the couch. And he would've done just that, had the living room not been the main hangout spot day and night - so that was why he was there tonight, in your bed, almost drifting off, because you and Felix were the most adamant about having him a decent place to sleep.

"Hey, Y/n" Chan greeted you, only his eyes peeking from under the fluffy duvet. "Where's Felix?"

"Playing"

"Still?" he gasped, "It's almost 3"

Laughing, you got in bed under the covers, "I know, I'm surprised too. You're in bed before him and I.n. Never thought I'd live to see this"

"Maybe it's my turn to be an early bird, who knows?" he said softly, eyes drifting closed as the words left his mouth. The light was swiftly turned off, and silence settled.

Truth be told, you were extremely tired and Chan sleeping so close to you wasn't a source of discomfort, yet somehow, your brain refused to settle into a peaceful sleep. You were used to sleeping without Felix due to your schedules, what you weren't used to however was sleeping without him when he was in the same building as you. But, with no plans for the next day, you settled for slipping in and out of consciousness, slightly amused by Chan's little snores as you waited for Felix to come to bed.

At one point, during one of those little time frames where you managed to fall asleep, you were jostled awake by the feeling of the mattress dipping on either side of your hips.

"Felix?" you mumbled, trying to turn around but the weight on your back kept you pinned into place. "Felix, what are you doing?" this time you giggled, knowing very well that no one else would be shamelessly kissing your neck like that.

"Quiet, love" he shushed you and moved on to attack the other side of your neck, "Mm, so sweet"

"Felix, what are you doing!?" you whispered - or moaned, smiling as you tried to pry him off of you.

"Shh, you'll wake Chan"

You were about to ask something, say something - mumble whatever, but then you felt it, "Felix-" you cupped his cheek, "That's your phone, right?"

"My phone's here, flower" he grinned and waved it around in his hand that was resting by your pillow.

"What did you and Jeongin do?" you laughed, the feeling of his rock hard cock against your ass helping you awaken fully. You were ready to get out of bed, head to the bathroom, hop in the shower maybe, relieve the stress somehow, but he had other ideas.

"Doesn't matter, all I know is that I want you now"

But you didn't get a chance to even try to stand up because his hand found its way past the waistband of your pants, under your underwear and to your pussy in record time.

"Felix!" you whispered exasperated, "Chan's right here! Are you insane!?"

"He's fast asleep, relax"

"Felix! He can wake at any moment!"

"Be quiet if you don't want that to happen" he groaned, and tugged down your pants without even the tiniest bit of help from you.

Unable to suppress your lust induced grin, you watched him over your shoulder as he worked himself out of his own sweatpants, his cock springing free, hard and throbbing against your naked ass.

"Quiet, yeah?" he more so demanded, but then refused to help you whatsoever. He knew what he was doing, pushing your limits - of self control, fed on the fact that Chan might catch you - his cock aching at the thought. And the fact that you were visibly on the same length, pussy wet and warm against his fingers, your heart beating rapidly under him, only fueled him more. Maybe you wanted Chan to hear you. It drove him wild.

Initially, he was going to work you up a bit, get you right where he wanted you with a few simple but experienced flicks of his fingers, but you were already there, panting and waiting. So, without bothering to waste any more time, he guided himself to your entrance and rammed his cock inside you, balls deep from the first thrust.

"Fuck!" the whine involuntarily broke past your lips, forcing you to press your face into the pillow.

"Easy, baby, like that" Felix praised you, his tone deep and raspy against your ear, as he started rolling his hips into yours.

Knowing you should keep quiet made everything worse. Every single sense was amplified, you could feel his breath - hear it, hot and goosebumps worthy. One of his arms around your body, the other one right beside your head - his hand, gathered into a fist, and his silver rings having the faint light from outside beautifully roll off them inches away from your lips. He smelled pretty - chocolate on his lips and the cologne he always wore. It was bad, you were done for, because the second your mind wandered off and you felt every single little vein on his throbbing cock rub against your walls, you bit into your lips and cried in order to suppress your moan.

"Angel" Felix threatened, "You're too loud, you'll wake him up"

"Felix-" you barely said before he slapped his hand against your mouth, lowered himself completely on top of you and fully halted his movements.

Only when Felix stilled, did you hear Chan. Wide eyed and terrified, you both watched him roll onto his back to face the ceiling - mouth slightly open as he prepared to resume snoring.

You wanted to say something, but Felix's hand covering your mouth wasn't budging. "Think you can shut up, love?" he asked.

Had you two been alone, you'd have dared push it and swear you'd be quiet, but with Chan stirring in his sleep mere inches away from Felix's dick which was balls deep inside your cunt, you didn't really need the extra adrenaline. So you just squeezed your eyes shut and shook your head against his hand, your honesty making him chuckle.

"That's ok, I got you"

His tone was reassuring, he knew how to talk to you to keep you calm, but he did it on purpose now. He had no reason to be this sweet only to then resume his thrusting with no warning whatsoever.

You couldn't call his name, you couldn't moan, couldn't cry, all that was left for you to do was sink - and drown under the weight of his body on top of yours. His thrusts were slow but deep and rhythmic, enough to drive you crazy, but again, he knew you.

"Can you cum for me like this?" he questioned again against your ear.

He knew it wasn't always exactly the easiest for you to finish, and he knew exactly what to do and how to do it in order to get you there, but what he didn't know was just how much Chan's presence affected you. He was about to find out though, and you weren't exactly excited for the conversation.

Oh, the dread. It was excruciating for him really, the anxiety making it all worse. What kind of a pervert just lays there listening - what kind of a man - oh, the whimpers. Fuck.

Why did he think turning over to sleep on his back would be a better idea - less pressure on his throbbing cock, obviously, but his face was exposed and one long enough look from either you or Felix and his cover would have been blown. No one sweats that much in their sleep, no one breathes like that when they're supposed to be far away, deep inside the dreamland, unless it was a nightmare. But the more he thought about it, that was what this was, a long, painful and disgusting nightmare.

He didn't know when it all stopped, when either of you finished. Chan wished he could've heard you, maybe also stolen a glance but it was too much, too risky, he knew he'd have never been able to look either of you in the eye if he had been caught.

But once it was all done, once it was all over and you two had cleaned up and cuddled into each other to sleep, he finally felt free enough to turn around and face away from you. Now he could keep his eyes open and squint in pain as much as he needed, as just because his best friend was done fucking the love of his life, didn't mean his raging erection suddenly disappeared.

What he was waiting for was a snore, a loud noise which you'd both ignore, something, anything, to let him know you were both asleep and that he could get out of bed.

While in reality it had been no more than 20 minutes since Felix entered the bedroom, to Chan it felt like it was already the last day of vacation, as if a whole week had been drained out of him by the time he finally reached the bathroom.

He had never hopped in the shower as fast as he did now, not even waiting for the water to warm up. He just propped himself there, one hand against the marble wall and his head hanging low as he stood and cursed.

He hoped the water would not only wash away the sweat off his body, but also the absolute obscenities that crossed his mind. The way he grabbed his cock was involuntary, making him hiss in pain from the amount of torture he had been put through.

It was him whimpering in the empty bathroom but he could only hear you, the way you breathed, moaned, and called his best friend's name. The water had barely warmed up enough to not sting his skin, but it was already steaming off of him.

"Fuck-" Chan cursed, furiously pumping his cock in his hand. He did his best not to picture you there, kneeling in front of him, mouth wide open and ready to receive his cum. He tried so hard not to imagine what your cunt felt like, what it was like to grip your hair into his fist, what sounds you made when he hurt you just enough to make your pussy tighten around him.

And because his mind was intoxicated and only god could judge him now, he couldn't help but wonder what your relationship with Felix was like - what talks you had and how much you had done together, because no random couple decides to fuck like this out of nowhere. How many times when you two had slipped away, was it actually so that he could fuck you? At the studio? When you offered to head downstairs and grab the food for everyone and Felix insisted he helped you? At Chan’s parties when you pretended to need a breath of fresh air? When you two would sleep over on his couch? Had he fucked you there? Chan’s cock twitched at the thought of you getting your cunt pounded in his bathroom, a hand clamped against your mouth so that he wouldn't find out what kind of a cock thirsty whore you were.

"Damn it" he cried again, only needing a few more painful strokes to finish. Your name left his lips as cum shot out of his tip, wasting away down the drain.

This was ridiculous, he felt pathetic. Usually when he got himself off alone, he was hit with a wave of lucidity right after. Not now, though. Now he was aching to go again. But it would've been useless, the shower didn't do anything, he wanted to cum inside you, on you, to see his cum on your fingers, on your lips, to hear you beg for it. He wanted to see you cry and choke on his cock, to see the little tears at the corners of your eyes as you preferred to keep his dick down your throat a bit more rather than breathe. He was fucked.

But everyone was asleep, a ridiculously long shower wouldn't raise any suspicion - that was what he said to himself as he grabbed his cock again and went for another round.

By the time Chan walked downstairs and into the kitchen, it was already morning. He busied himself around the cabin, made himself a little breakfast which he couldn't eat, and then buried his nose in his phone waiting for any of his friends to wake up.

Seungmin was the first to join him, and not much time passed before the two of them decided to head out and get whatever other groceries would be needed for that day's lunch. The ride wasn't long and the local supermarket didn't offer the broadest variety of products, so the trip had been much shorter than Chan had hoped.

When they returned to the cabin, almost everyone was already awake - the kitchen and the living space buzzing with life. It looked like just about any other morning, but some things that he was technically used to, bothered him now more than ever.

Why the fuck weren't you wearing a bra? There were 8 men around you, why didn't you care they could all see your nipples? Why didn't Felix care?

"You two!" Changbin called as soon as he spotted his friends. "The food is getting cold, where have you been?"

"Shopping" Chan motioned to the bags. He placed them on whatever free counter space he found and started unpacking. "I already ate, thanks though"

"I haven't!" Minnie rubbed his hands together, "What do we have?"

Grateful for the positioning of the fridge, Chan kept his back at the rest of the room as he carefully placed the groceries inside the refrigerator. He looked normal, but he felt sick, and wanted to be out of there as soon as possible. As he did his thing, he carefully listened to your voice, breathing relieved as he could hear you talking about the fruits you just chopped.

"Channie!" he neatly dropped the meat he was holding as you popped out of nowhere right beside him. How the fuck did he miss that? "Do you wanna try?"

Ah, you weren't wearing pants either. Sure, the shirt covered your ass, and sure, half the guys were topless, so it was probably fine for you to be walking around like that, but then why did his breathing get heavier.

"What's-" he cleared his throat, "What's that?"

"Ice cream" you said. "I made it with Felix while you two were out. I wanna know what you guys think. We only made this little. We didn't wanna make a whole gallon of ice cream in case it was bad. So? Try it!"

"If you want us to tell you what we think about it, why won't you let us try it!?" Hyunjin yelled in frustration.

"Eat your breakfast first, you child" you laughed and went to grab a spoon for Chan. "Here!"

"Ah, it's good. Damn, it's so good" his eyes widened progressively as the taste settled in. He went for another try, his smile widening as the ice cream melted on his tongue.

"Really? It's good?" Felix beamed from across the kitchen, walking over as he dried his hands on a towel, "You like it?"

"Mhm! It's amazing! When are you making more?"

"We thought after lunch?" Felix nodded. "The guys said we should head to the pool this afternoon, so I think it'll be enough time for it to cool down until we get back"

"Do we really have to go swimming?" you cringed in disgust, your eyes begging Felix to reconsider.

"Yes!" he kissed your temple. He didn't even try to hide just how little he cared about your disinterest, which only deepened your frown. "I'm done with you not knowing how to swim. You promised me you'd learn. It could save your life one day"

You pouted. "What about Minho?"

"Hey!" the man in question yelled from the living room. "It may have taken me a whole week, but I can swim now. Doggy style, but I can do it!"

"Doggy style" Felix laughed to himself. "If Minho can do it, so can you, love"

"Well… when you put it like that…"

"Great" Felix beamed, and started walking away as he pointed at his friend. "Plus, Chan can teach you. He's much better than I am."

That snapped him out of his trance, god knows where his mind had wandered these past few moments. "I can do what?"

"Teach her doggy style" Felix chuckled.

"Teach me how to swim" you rolled your eyes, "Right?"

Fuck.

#bang chan x reader #bang chan smut #lee felix x reader #lee felix smut #bang chan fanfic #lee felix imagines #bang chan imagines #lee felix fanfic #skz imagines #stray kids x reader

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