iam-warrior

[iam-warrior]

Family

It's just been a disappointment, sad but true. I was the outcast before I decided fitting in with them is something I would not do.

A change of my last name. A desperate attempt to not feel so strange. Was this "for our family" or just a shot at the person who helped make me.

She could never talk to my dad for me. Now that your done with the dad you picked out for me, you go back to the real thing? The one you moved across the country to get away from before I came into the world, really? A relapsed alcoholic, I thought you said AA was helping.

You can't overcome your demons if you keep replacing them with a different body feeding you the same thing. Maybe like him, you don't want to be free..

Mental illness, addiction, the same cycles that change location but are seemingly never ending. All being enabled by the family that "loves" them unconditionally but not enough to be honest.

The opposite of love is indifference. So what is encouraging the ones you love to continue to act wickedly? Family?

They told me the fantasy "family always has your back"...

funny how you find out how much you really mean to the crew whenever you're not fitting into what they want from you.

A brain injury. A diagnosis of a disease I have struggled with for an eternity. Quick to call me a hypochondriac but when the truth comes out, no one has anything to say?

It makes sense for them to turn from me. Why? I wasn't the one full of shit. It was those who came before me.

Prayer for all xoxo

#bethechange #faith #enabler

[iam-warrior]

Amen

I am a blessing, a free spirit all alone. Healing physical Illness, mental health tendencies & trying to start my life.

It feels like the people around me want to keep me down to keep my mouth shut.

I don’t have to be afraid anymore. Of them or anything ever again. I will heal & make my great escape. Using strategy and faith in life and the lord.

#godsplan

[iam-warrior]

Me reading my old post after not being on for months 🪖🏆

#oops <3 #my bad lol #im back #blessed #ready #bootcamp #lifeisgood #lifeisbeautiful #faith #what a time to be alive #new plans #comingsoon

[iam-warrior]

I see you Celiac Disease 👾

Nodules I’m the lungs are no longer seen 🙌🏼

Weight on the rise 🌄

Thank you God, the most wise ❤️

Enemy Inside of Me

INVISIBLE ENEMY,INSIDE OF ME.

ALL I REALLY WANT IS TO BE FREE. WHY CAN'T THE DOCTORS FIND HER FOR ME.

I GAVE HER A GENDER. MIGHT AS WELL, A NAME I RARELY REMEMBER.

I HIT MY HEAD. EVEN THE LEAD ON THAT ONE IS DEAD.

FIBROMYALGIA ADDED TO THE LIST. I SURE HOPE THIS BITCH IS A CYST.

WHEN MY WEIGHT DECREASES, MY DOCTOR SEIZES.

THERE'S STARS IN MY HEAD, TAKE THIS ANTIDEPRESSANT INSTEAD.

SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH ME, WHY WON'T YOU SEE. DIZZY SPELLS, THE BUMP THAT SWELLS.

LORD I PRAY THIS GOES WELL.AT THIS POINT, I'M DESPERATE AS HELL.

FINALLY READY TO TRUST MY GUT. KINDA HAVE TO WHEN YOUR IN THIS KINDA RUT.

AT TIMES I TWITCH, DUDE I'LL EVEN TAKE A STITCH.

SEE ANXIETY USE TO GET AHOLD OF ME. I TOLD THAT BITCH SHE CAN LEAVE FOR FREE.

I RARELY GET OUT OF THE HOUSE, DUE TO ENERGY BEING AT LESS THAN AN OUNCE.

DEAR INVISIBLE ENEMY INSIDE OF ME WHAT THE HELL YOU BE. ONE DAY, I WILL BE FREE.

I'LL NEVER GIVE UP ON ME.

XO WARRIOR

#blessed #faith #i see you #godbless #miracle #second chances #new life #it’s time #warrior #comback

[iam-warrior]

Love is a war.

Battles with self, loved ones and more. All seemingly after the same thing. The feeling of being seen, understood and wanted.

Connection is at an all time low with and all time high on screen time. I crave to connect people again, one step at a time!

It hurts! You get scuffed up, knocked down and about out. The important thing is to remember to have faith, say a prayer and trust your gut; God.

Be transparent with yourself on your own flaws and things that can be worked on. Have compassionate patient conversation with the ones you love as they strengthen themselves. Cry, write, express yourself in a positive creative way. Know how you feel and want to know how the ones you truly love feel.

Work together and look to scratch the ones next to you back. If aren’t willing to scratch back, go ahead and wipe your hands of that.

Love is easy, we make it hard. Communication is key and that can be learned hunny. Being nice to yourself takes time, patience and persistence but will change your life! Choose connection, fuck depression 🖕🏽

#warrior #self improvement #mental health #stay positive #akward #faith #blessed #change #second chances #self healing #self love #self care #prayforpeace #prayfortheworld #prayer #god made #strong #lessons learned

[iam-warrior]

Mental health is no joke.

Remember when it was just “people being sensitive”

Ironic how when everything’s going down. The ones who can handle it best, are the people who try to prepare and have faith.

I in God, others in the universe. To me it’s all the same.

Have faith there is something bigger than you working for you good! Take a deep breath. Let it all work out 💪🏼

God isn’t religion 📣

#mental heath support #faith #blessed #stomachpain #strong #my god #betterlife

[iam-warrior]

I am a blessing, a free spirit all alone. Healing physical Illness, mental health tendencies & trying to start my life.

It feels like the people around me want to keep me down to keep my mouth shut.

I don’t have to be afraid anymore. Of them or anything ever again. I will heal & make my great escape. Using strategy and faith in life and the lord.

#trauma #warrior cats #celiacs #stomachpain #infection #healing #faith #hopeful #blessed

[iam-warrior]

When no one hears your side when your nice, you start screaming. No one wants to understand, just for you to be quiet and make things easier.

[iam-warrior]

I’m done lying to myself to spare others feelings. I see every trap I’ve walked into.

Some people overshare as result of a panic attack or laugh.

[iam-warrior]

I want to be able to trust someone with my life,

Currently I have been and I am scared because no one has been completely honest with me.

To be honest is a real thing, I’m starting to see.

I will do my best everyday to stay the same and build from the ground up!

Both sides of the mouth is why everyone is exhausted. There’s a different between lying and protecting feelings.

[iam-warrior]

Love?

I am obsessed.

I’ve always wanted to be the best for someone.

Finally I am back in my body,

Broken more than ever,

Praying and believing,

Do I finally have a person that will stay?

[iam-warrior]

Politely you stupid dumb fuck 🫠

[iam-warrior]

“I don’t just want words. If that’s all you have for me, you’d better go.”

— F. Scott Fitzgerald

#Spotify

[iam-warrior]

I’ve been hiding from myself for years. Disassociation, anxiety, depression, all together felt helpless, self harm an eating disorder, multiple misdiagnosis’s. I still can’t show my face, not yet.

I currently sit in my boyfriend car, doors locked; the only truly safe person who’s led the way for me, so far? It’s mad tuff. He still hurts me, but doesn’t want to. It’s just that hatred, pain and abandonment in the eyes of the one you love when you’ve done none of those things.

Family is who you choose. I have an evil stepped up father, wicked mother & was teased by a possible relationship with my real father and his family for years before burning bridges.

I was sexually assaulted both as a child and adult. No one has ever been able to help me so I had completely shut down. Running off of decision being made for me, anxiety, nicotine, beer& caffeine. It has all caught up to me. I was diagnosed with celiac’s disease & H pie Laurie and am on my second round of antibiotics. Please send prayers and/or good vibes.

I wrote as a child and stopped due to no privacy. My 8th grade teacher gave us a diary at school aka a folder. That was the last time I was relaxed and writing for a reason.

I’ve been working on a diagnoses for years. How many? I honestly don’t even know.

3 years ago today I woke up in an RV on a lake straight up fucked up. I felt like I was dying at first, it took me about an hour to get myself out of the bed. No one checked on me.

I checked myself out, gathered myself and walked onto the patio. The sun burned worse than normal, I figured I was hungover?

Everyone was over the top perky and looked caught off guard. The young boy, scared?

I asked what happened to me. They told me the around 10 year old was driving and I was thrown from the back. I was immediately petrified and shocked. I felt helpless like I had before, when I was a child.

“We gave you Ibuprofen and the boy took care of you while you threw up.”

They asked if I wanted water my response, “I HAVE TO GO HOME!” I left pretty quickly.

This woman’s dog had bitten me in the past and I let it go because, that one was my fault. Walking to fast and the pup loved on me after!

I made it maybe halfway I’m guessing. I was falling asleep at the wheel. I pulled into a rest stop, left it running, locked the doors and climbed into my backseat.

It felt like 2 seconds later my phone rang. When I opened my eyes it was dark “how long have I been out?”

My at the time and now ex “what are you doing?”

“Taking a nap at a rest stop.”

He as a normal person asked me why the fuck I was doing that. I got off the phone quick and was anxious enough to get myself home.

I was met with my now estranged cousin/abuser/best friend on the couch when I walked in.

“What the hell happened to you?” Pissed.

“I don’t know, I gotta go to bed.” We said our good nights.

In the morning, my shoulder was unbearable. I groggily got up and made my way to her room. I asked her to take me to the hospital, she had to get ready. We went.

I got to the hospital and was was to happy to not be injured if you know what I mean. I was checked in, I don’t even remember waiting.

We had a plan to scan the shoulder, the curtain was ripped open ***sccrrrrkkkkk*** A woman doctor, I was terrified but kept smiling.

“Did you hit your head?”

“Hahaha, I don’t know” I said lightly.

“Okay we’ll we’re just going to check it out and make sure everything is okay!”

“Sounds good, thank you!”

They took me back for the head ct. The contrast felt like hot lava in my veins, i started to cry. The man ran out, slowed down and got me calmed down.

Today.

The next ****scccccrrrkkkk****

“Okay so your shoulder came back clear, however we are going to meet you downtown because you have a brain bleed and skull fractures.”

Starts nervous giggle, look at my cousin “will you call my parents lol.” I I needed, somebody, to take care of me.

I don’t remember much after that once I knew that I was bleeding from my brain & the only people who could help me in my situation, I felt helpless again.

Today is a hard day to be alone. Everyday I feel the lord gives me the strength & a second chance.

I’m now a simply wrecked rounding 25 year old. I’m figuring it all out!

I won’t lose my life for anyone else.

#healing #complex ptsd #trauma #accident #anniversary #second chances #my god #bless this mess #blessed #family #mentally fucked #wrecked #comeup #watch out

[iam-warrior]

prancing & frolicking 

[iam-warrior]

“If you can’t do anything about it then let it go. Don’t be a prisoner to things you can’t change.”

— Tony Gaskins

[iam-warrior]

Where your focus goes, your energy flows!