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kunikukitty · 8 days

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☆ Always An Artist, Never The Muse

Scaramouche/Wanderer x Fem!reader

ix. beauty of art

Since when did it started?

You've always been complimented to be a beauty, always been given praises, and you too are confident when it comes to your appearance.

Not to mention, you are also surrounded by good-looking girls such as Mona, Hutao, and Faruzan.

When did it started, when you began to question your own vision and the mirror? Since when were you became so sensitive about your appearance?

Being an artist who desired to be a muse was your ultimate struggle before. And perhaps, even until today.

You never made a portrait of yourself, having more interest in other scenery you see — and never did you became anyone's art inspiration.

To the non-artists, this might not be a thought worth being sad about. You too, you tell yourself it isn't a big deal, yet it persists. There is an ache, a longing to be admired just as how much you used to admire those whom you painted.

You used to be saddened over the fact that no artist chose you— maybe because you are an artist yourself?

However, even after your candle of passion became unlit— even after the spark that used to shine so brightly began to lose its light, you didn't became anyone's object of admiration.

"Don't worry, I'll keep you company."

You heaved a sigh as you heard Capitano utter those words in a reassuring manner, resting your head to the backrest of the bus seat you're sitting on.

He must've sensed your nervousness, also with the fact that he knows what you've been through.

That's the reason why you rejected those other fine art students anyway, since you didn't want to be just become a muse because you're a part of the options.

They were tasked to ask exchange students to be their model for their project. None of them would ask you if you weren't one, and you hated that. Could it be your pride as an artist hovering over your mind, that you wished to be somebody's muse because they specifically chose you and not just because you happened to be there as an option?

And now you were asked again yet for the same situation— you weren't the first choice.

Is this petty? You honestly don't care.

How silly these emotions of yours, hindering you from enjoying being a muse for the first time.

The bus stopped and the two of you exits the ride. You walked with Capitano as he led the way, coming to a halt some minutes later in front of a black gate. He looked at you before hitting the doorbell.

You brought a hand to caress your own face. Your skin isn't exactly clear, though you do not have many blemishes either.

You've always been confident of your appearance, and you didn't know why. Is it because you truly are indeed beautiful, or where you just blinded because of the praises you've heard?

Yet whenever you look in the mirror, you can't help but to see your image turning uglier each second. Is what you see in the mirror what you actually looked like?

You breathed in and out, wanting to mask the nervousness you're feeling. Faruzan is pretty, would the artist be disappointed upon seeing a face inferior to hers—

Forget about that, because you are the one disappointed right now...!

You regretted getting swayed with Faruzan's words. You even asked Mona for an advice to strengthen your decision, and she also said some motivating words similar to Faruzan.

What a load of bullshit, you shouldn't had listened!

Because it's fine, yes, it would be fine.

This trip could've turn out good just as your friends say— if not for the man standing before you! This... is he the artist?

The moment he opened the gate, you glared at him from head to toe, in which he responded with a roll of his eyes, turning his attention to Capitano instead.

The same shade of indigo that ruined your mood at the time you first entered the university, the blind-hater man!

Honestly, you could brush that off as just bad day for both of you which led to a stupid argument, but the bad impression lasted!

Whenever you see him around the campus, there's just this underlying vibes around him that ruins your mood. So even if you both ain't having a conversation, it's as if you are being brought back to that argument and you can't help but to feel the annoyance all over again.

And therefore strengthening the bad impression.

You followed after them as they entered his... kind of a huge house.

Of course, of course. Students at that goddamn university are rich, it's no wonder.

You eyed the interior, a minimalist design yet it looks extravagant due to the high-end materials. High ceilings, big chandeliers— his living room is grand and sophisticated space. The walls are in neutral colors, decorated with many paintings...

Oh.

Are these his works? They are... beautiful.

Not just beautiful, but breathtakingly beautiful.

Every pieces are paintings of abstracts and places, and there are no single painting of an image of a human.

The scenery looks realistic though, are portraits just not his forte? Or maybe he just didn't displayed them.

You got too absorbed at staring at them that Capitano had to tug you forward. His gentle hold brought you out of your reverie, continuing to follow after his friend.

"What even is his name?" You asked in a whisper.

"Oh right, you didn't get to be introduced properly." He nodded at himself, "Scaramouche is his name," then he called his friend's attention, "And she is [Name]."

...That turned awkward, just for you maybe. 'Scaramouche' just nodded his head and so did you.

When he opened another door, you almost drooled at the sight. Because why wouldn't you— it is his very own art studio inside his home! It's huge and definitely pleasing to look at. There are many paintings on the floor and some are hanging over the wall, all of the pieces are masterpiece! There are an unfinished sculpture of a head on one of the tables, charcoal drawings on paper, sketches of anatomy, movable wooden figure, and more.

Despite not liking him, you hold a respect to every artists. Not to mention, one look at his studio and you could tell he is talented...

You had to contain your excitement.

It's not like you're hiding that you are an (ex) artist, but you also do not want to show hints or tell that you are one, especially that you have nothing to show.

You would rather keep it that way, people not having an answer whether you are or not an artist— except for those who already know, of course.

"Pardon me, [Name]." You looked over to Capitano who has an apologetic expression on his face. "There happen to be an emergency, I'll leave you to Scaramouche's care."

You just nodded, Capitano had always been a busy man. You watched as he converse with the said man before he gave you a small wave, walking away.

"Stay here."

'Scaramouche' said, and you were left alone in his very own art studio.

You sat down on a stool, probably the seat he prepared for Faruzan. With a frown, you looked around.

Your heart raced as your eyes met your own pair of eyes, the full length mirror in front of you glinted in an ugly way.

You felt frozen in time. Is it because you would be exposed to an artist's eyes who would look at every detail of your appearance so he could draw it, the reason why you felt so bare in your own vision?

It was as if suddenly, you appear naked in front of everyone— drowning in their uncomfortable stares that ran through your insides.Your skin is getting ripped the more you stare at your own reflection, and you feel so exposed to the point that every nook of your face became visible in your eyes.

Since when this started, really? Where you no longer feel beautiful at every angle, as if your features are becoming distorted.

Ah, right. The people who compliments you are non-artists. You used to be one and yet you never drew yourself, and now you feel so imperfect and full of flaws. Maybe because you're aware of the truth.

Maybe this is why you've only became a muse now of an artist who had no choice but to draw you— you are indeed pretty, just not pretty enough that people wants to keep looking at you.

An art is supposed to be beautiful in every way, a masterpiece people enjoy looking at.

You, are not a piece worth staring at.

You are not designed to be a muse in the first place— and you no longer had the skills to paint.

Everyone is either an artist or the art, so now, where do you stand?

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note. im back yippiiieeee hello yall ^^

taglist. @veekoko @aeongiies @featuredtofu @kodzusmiles @magica-ren @feiherp @beriiov @hiraethhv @kleej @eutopiastar @keiiqq @bananasquash @kuniisvt (i cant tag those in bold ;(()

#genshin impact #kabukimono #wanderer #wanderer x reader #wanderer x y/n #wanderer x you #genshin fanfic #genshin x reader #wanderer fanfic #scaramouche smau #scaramouche x reader #wanderer smau

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kunikukitty · 4 months

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Who is he?

✐ wanderer x reader

You are a sucker for beautiful things. Your obsession with beauty could sometimes be described to be unbelievable.

The world is full of beauty, they say. But oh, how wrong they are. Maybe because your eyes only feast on something of a high quality, your standards are unmatched. Or perhaps, the world itself is just full of ugliness that people fail to recognize.

But still, you often find yourself bored as you are deprived to see another pretty little thing.

Well at least, the nature of Sumeru is top tier. No matter how ugly the people are, the nation itself is a sight to behold. The greeny scenery, tall trees that is absolutely pleasing to look at, clear waters that flow within the river, and many more.

Because of this, you're frequently making biased judgments. And worse, you get scammed sometimes. To add to it, you're naturally impulsive. As long as it's something pleasing to look at, it is automatically good— if it does not appeal to your eyes, then it's bad.

However, you are hungry for perfection. So at least, beauty is not beautiful if it has flaws— or so you think.

This does not limit on objects or whatnots, but also towards people. Sure, humans are all good looking— but not to the point that they are attractive to the perspectives of everyone. You rarely see a face so beautiful that belongs to a person whose attitude is also the same. Therefore, you often find yourself disappointed when you try to befriend someone with attractive appearance.

But not all, of course! Kaveh from Kshahrewar has the most beautiful eyes you've ever seen. He has a good heart, but you're too shy to actually try to build a friendship with him. Nilou too, a dancer from Zubayr Theater. Her face is gorgeous, her performances are absolutely flawless. Good for you, she is now your best friend, thanks to your admiration for her.

And then a day comes where your heart almost stopped from beating. You see a beautiful boy— no, that is an understatement. His beauty is otherworldly, something you couldn't describe. His skin is pale, a cool tone, so flawless and white it looked like he's a porcelain doll sculptured with greatest care. His skin color contrasted his indigo hair— with that dark hue, it makes his paleness even more vibrant.

Oh, he barely looks human. Dolls are crafted with the purpose of being good looking, but as you observe the man's appearance, you doubt that dolls could even compare.

How come you've only noticed him today? Is he new, perhaps? After all, if you've been in the same room as him before, he would surely have your attention taken just like right now.

You observe him more while you're standing a little far away, mouth gape open. You're speechless, that much is clear. Who allowed him to exist? Your irises watched his every move, even the way he walks is beautiful.

You almost gasped when he halted his steps and turned his head to your direction, his indigo orbs meeting your own. You swear you could faint just by having an eye-contact with him.

Indigo, just like his hair. You had almost forgotten what Kaveh's eye color is as you continued to stare at whoever this man is. His stare is cold, piercing and sharp. Alhaitham from Haravatat also has a cold look, but this unknown man looks colder, almost unforgiving. But you're not intimidated— maybe in normal occasion, you would be. But the beauty of his eyes is unmatched, nobody could compare. And so you indulge in staring, wanting to memorize every bit of his appearance. His lips looks soft with pinkish color, it fits him well especially with that kind of skin.

You wanted to approach him, to talk to him, to take a closer look, to watch him more— but you felt glued in your feet. He looked away as he began to walk again and that made you want to run after him— but what would be your excuse for talking to him? Ask for his name? You do want to know his name. You don't understand why you can't feel your legs, why won't it move as usual. Maybe you're way too shaken of his appearance, you don't realize.

Before you could even come to your senses, he's already nowhere to be found.

Looking at him felt like hours that you wish to never end, but when he looked away it felt like you didn't stare enough. Like it only lasted for seconds, which is true.

You let out a breath you didn't know you were holding. You wish to know his origins, you wanted to know him more, look at him more...

Surely, you'd see him again, right? He's not just a visitor of Akademiya, right? You hope that's not the case. You don't know his name, if he's also a scholar and what his darshan is, you know nothing aside from his gorgeous appearance.

Did you even look at his clothes? Because you do not remember if he's wearing a uniform of the Akademiya.

You looked around, searching every corner with your eyes, trying to find a sight of his beauty once more— but he's nowhere. You went to the library too, and to the other places inside the Akademiya, but not a single strand of his indigo hair could be found.

He's not just a pigment of your imagination, is he?

For days, you used your time asking people about him. Your description of him is always over explained that you even use figure of speech, which earned a confused or disbelief expression from others.

You would sit at the same spot where you saw him, thinking that maybe he would be there again.

Until successfully, a vahumana scholar recognized who you meant.

"Ah, that aloof pretty boy?"

"I don't know about his personality, but yes he's a pretty boy indeed." You answered, your mind hovering over the scholar's words. Aloof? He's an introvert, then? Oh, that makes him more attractive in your eyes. Reserved men are always attractive.

"Mhm, yes. I believe we're talking about the same person. Pale skin and indigo hair, yeah that's him."

You repeatedly nodded at her words, your excitement growing upon thinking that you would meet him again.

"But he's unapproachable... I rarely see him talk to anybody."

So he's not just in a bad mood that day? His eyes really looks like that, cold and distant? You would pay millions to see warmth in him, you wonder how would he look like.

"If you're looking for more information about that guy, the vahumana scholars are the best to ask." She added.

Your interest is even more piqued. "His darshan is vahumana?"

"I'm not sure... But yes, he's often around the corners for vahumana."

That's good news! He's not just a visitor, that means you could see him again.

You said your goodbye to the nice lady, a big smile forming in your lips as you daydream about meeting him again. In which, you wish, you could talk to him this time.

You also wonder how his voice sounds like. Would it be dreamy? You wanted to hear.

The smile in your face was replaced with a frown as you asked another scholar.

"I'm telling you, you wouldn't want to speak with him. Bad attitude, that's what he have." The scholar said with pure distaste in his tone, genuinely annoyed about the man he's speaking about.

Ah... yet another pretty face with ugly personality? Another waste?

Usually, you would get disappointed and you would be no longer interested. Yet for some reason, you became even more curious of him.

Maybe because his beauty is one of a kind that you don't care if he's someone insufferable.

But maybe, there's something way much more beautiful underneath? Maybe, just maybe, he just doesn't want anyone to get pass through the thick wall he built around himself— and behind that wall is a treasure hidden.

He's such a mystery you wish to uncover.

"Bad attitude in what way, exactly?" You asked, your eyes sparking in excitement as if you're too impatient and you wanted to know everything already.

"He has a foul mouth," The scholar clicked his tongue in annoyance. "and an arrogant aura, I dare say."

You nodded your head. Foul mouth? Arrogant? He's not just a simple cold hearted man?

"And what's even more irritating is that he's late to start in an essay yet finished it on time, rich in words. And then he got recognized for it?! His work was the best, they say?!"

You watch as he grumbled, almost muttering to himself with knitted eyebrow and a sour expression.

Oh, so the mysterious man is also smart..? A smile formed in your lips again. He's really attractive, isn't he?

You observe the scholar's expression. Maybe he said that the pretty boy was arrogant because he's just jealous? So perhaps, he isn't.

"I can't stand him! And his huge ass hat!"

You had a questioning look in your face now. "Huge ass hat?"

"What? You don't see him wear it? I always see him with it, a waste of space!"

"No, are we talking about the same person?" You only saw him once, and without any hat.

He sighed in annoyance. "He's all what I could think of with your description."

"Do you perhaps know what his name is?"

"I don't know, I don't bother to know. He usually doesn't bother to talk to anyone, anyway. But when he opens his mouth, he's spouting insults like he's someone superior!" He rants again.

You nodded once more. When you asked questions regarding his whereabouts, none could provide an answer. Not even anyone could tell where he's mostly seen. He's like a wind, he's everywhere but at the same time he's nowhere. You'll see him once in awhile, but not everytime.

You sighed as you bid farewell to the angered scholar. Seriously, what's with the mysterious wind around him?

Another day without seeing him. But at least, you gained a lead regarding his attitude. Distant and snarky. Not bad, you guess. Maybe his tongue isn't as sharp as they say, maybe they're just easily offended. You hope he's not as bad as they make it out to be. After all, you can't handle people that are coarse.

The next day came, and you felt lucky. You irises were keen on someone, and it's someone you've been craving the presence of. He's sitting in the gazebo outside of the Akademiya, his face relaxed as he placed the 'huge ass hat' on his head, preparing to walk away.

So that's the hat, it is indeed big.

Wait, he's about to go!

You quickly ran to his direction, a little panicked that you almost tripped. You don't want him to get away, or you'd lose your mind this time.

"W-wait! Sir, uhm, pretty boy!"

Relief flood in your veins when you managed to get his attention. He looked at you with a raised eyebrow, watching you sprint towards him.

You pant when you finally get close to him, your hands resting on your knees.

"What do you want? Make it quick."

Your head perked up, your eyes sparkled yet again. He... he has a nice voice! If only it wasn't for his tone, sounding so impatient and irritated, as if you ruined his day.

"Spit it out."

You heard him say again. If he wanted to let you get the hint that you're wasting his time even though you only had held him back for a minute now, he's absolutely making it obvious.

And then, nervousness came crashing in your body. You don't know what to say to him, nor what you want is of any importance. You almost couldn't speak, like there's a lump in your throat that had formed. Now that you're close to him, you realize how intimidating he is...

His eyes are piercing through your soul, it looks like he's judging your entire family tree. It looks sharper than a knife, and he's not even glaring, merely looking.

"I-I, uhm..."

You gulped. His presence is unbearable, he seems so almighty, it feels like standing before him is a sin. You don't have problems speaking to strangers, yet for some reason it became scary now. You can't feel a single ounce of your confidence, it's like it never existed in the first place.

He rolled his eyes, his patience is wearing thin.

You noticed his feet moved and he's about to turn around, to walk away. Afraid that you might not see him again, you grasp on his sleeve— the long cloth dangling after his arms

You heard him click his tongue in irritation and you immediately let go. He dusted off his sleeve as if you left a dirt in it.

"C-can I, uh, you..." You bit your lower lip, trying to gather the confidence you lost. "Can you be my participant for my resea—"

"I'm not interested." He didn't even let you finish your sentence, cutting you off.

"Please. I'm from rtwahist and currently conducti—"

"Isn't it basic etiquette for researchers to accept the rejection if someone do not want to be a part of your useless research?"

You gulped. Useless research? Well, you're not offended because the truth is, you're not conducting any research at the moment. You merely said those to sound like you approached him for an important matter.

"I think your constellation is... good."

His eyebrows met. "What?"

You're basically lying right now. You hadn't look at his constellation nor you have any means since you know nothing about him, but still.

You wanted to laugh at yourself, you realize how desperate you are. What's with him, exactly? He only have a picture perfect face, anyway. That's just what you're after, beautiful sight to behold. You could just look at him from afar. You could look at him like he's an object, unable to talk to.

Yet, you're drawn to him. Maybe you're just infatuated?

Unlike other beautiful faces you see, his appearance is top tier. His slender fingers and slim body looked so pretty, too. He looks... perfect. And for once you wanted to uncover a flaw out of a beautiful sight.

You hated imperfections so you try your best to avoid seeing one. Yet, for some reason, you wanted to know if he has any. And if he has, you wanted to see it for yourself.

Perhaps if you do, you'll lose this huge interest in him and go back to boredom.

Because maybe, you're just confused. Maybe, you can't believe you see someone look so perfect that you can't grasp the fact that he is flawless, which is why you wanted to see if he has any for your peace of mind.

But isn't his attitude already a flaw? He's not as kind as Kaveh, not as approachable as Nilou.

Yet... yet you can't help but think it's part of his beauty.

He brought you out of your reverie when he clicked his tongue out of annoyance once more.

"Oh, what did you say again?"

"Are you deaf? I asked what you meant."

Wait, what did you say again? Oh, right, his constellation.

"Your constellation, I see that you'd have a good fate."

"Did you look over it without my consent?" He asked, his tone harsh.

"Oh, no! No, of course. It just happens sometimes, you know? We call it... the astrologist instinct!"

He frowned upon your words, so you opt to continue.

"When I saw you, I had this instinct like..." You made a melodramatic actions with your hands, as if it further explain what you meant. "Woah, this boy right here is favored by the stars!"

He looks unamused, his eyes staring at your own as if to say he'd appreciate it if you shut your mouth and not bother him again.

"So, uhm.. My research is about that..."

He rolled his eyes in complete annoyance. He genuinely looks uninterested and you bit your lower lip in disappointment when he turned around and began walking away. He didn't even say goodbye.

If you ran after him, you would look like a desperate being seeking for his attention. Since you have dignity and it is precious to you, you just let him go.

You groaned in annoyance. How can you approach him again? When and where would you see him again? You didn't even get to ask for his name.

Well, he's rude just like they said.

But for some reason you don't understand, it looks so attractive on him, being like that and all. His intimidating stare is something you can't forget. The feeling of coldness that rose through you, the chill that you felt when his eyes locked with yours— you feel shaken up.

Those eyes, really... You have to beware, or you'd get lost in them.

You watched his back as he walked away, his figure slowly disappearing from your sight.

You swear to yourself that the next time you'd see him, you'll make him agree to become your research participant.

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kunikukitty · 4 months

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i need motivation

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kunikukitty · 5 months

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☆ Always An Artist, Never The Muse

Scaramouche/Wanderer x Fem!reader

viii. spark?

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kunikukitty · 5 months

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☆ Always An Artist, Never The Muse

Scaramouche/Wanderer x Fem!reader

vii. separated stars

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kunikukitty · 5 months

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☆ Always An Artist, Never The Muse

Scaramouche/Wanderer x Fem!reader

iv. im being kidnapped

The horizon glowed like a canvas of warm, fiery colors, the setting sun casting its golden rays across the sky, painting the clouds a deep, crimson red. The sun, like a burning ember, was ready to disappear below the horizon.

Maybe it's due to the bad impression you've both left on each other that you can't seem to like his presence. You don't even know his name yet, til today.

Though you appreciate his silence, you can't help but to be irritated.

"Can't you walk faster?!"

You turned around to give him a nasty glare, slightly raising your voice higher than you intended. He merely shrugged, which fueled your irritation more.

He's right there, a meter away behind you. He's supposed to be the one guiding you, yet there he is, walking painfully slow.

You rolled your eyes, seeing that he's looking somewhere else as if you are a sight meant to be ignored.

You turn back your head forward, continuing your walk until you heard him speak.

"Go left."

At his voice, you clicked your tongue in irritation. That's what he's been doing for the last minutes, refusing to say more. Well atleast, he's doing what you asked him to. Not too bad now, is it?

Well that is until you realized you're walking behind the school buildings, which is why there aren't much students walking around.

"Are you sure this is the right place? You're not leading me somewhere else, are you?" You asked with a hint of sarcasm, masking the slight nervousness you felt. You don't know this person, after all.

You felt him glare at your back, "Are you suggesting that I have ill intentions?"

"Surely, the way to dormitory isn't behind the other buildings?"

"You're quite the thinker, I see. Yeah, I could knock you out and take your organs," he chuckled, albeit devoid of humor. "but I don't think I'd make a profit out of it. The black market have standards, too."

"Excuse me?" You stopped in your tracks, turning to stare at him. "Was that meant to reassure me or to offend me?"

"Take it however you want, though I suggest the latter." You're about to open your mouth to speak a refute, but he walked pass you and spoke again. "You're welcome, now you owe me."

Looking ahead, the dormitory building greets your eyes. You heaved a sigh, maybe he wasn't as ill-mannered as what you thought.

When you searched for his figure, he had already walked away.

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taglist. @veekoko @aeongiies @featuredtofu @kodzusmiles @magica-ren @feiherp @beriiov @hiraethhv @kleej @eutopiastar

can't tag those in bold;(

note. do pardon me for the late upload. life's so good:D got my money stolen(which ive been saving)👍👍 ...also! two more chapters and we're boutta see artist scara in action, so bear with me

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kunikukitty · 6 months

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☆ Always An Artist, Never The Muse

scaramouche/wanderer x fem!reader

synopsis. you, an artist who lost her skills, choosing practicality over passion. you try to avoid anything that has something to do with art, not until you met a naturally gifted artist who's living a life you wish you had.

status. on-going [09/03/23 - tba]

genre. slow burn, (kind of) enemies to lovers, social media au, college au, comedy, slight angst, fluff

warnings. she/her pronouns, tons of swearing, kms and kys jokes, suggestive jokes, self-doubts, insecurities, mentions of being a man-hater

taglist. open!

power rangers | the fools

Chapters!

i. what happened?

ii. i could've won

iii. the stars spoke

iv. new friends

v. assistance

vi. im being kidnapped

vii. separated stars

viii. spark?

ix. jealousy

x. unlit candle

xi. beneath every stars

xii. tba...

xiii. tba...

taglist. @veekoko @aeongiies @featuredtofu @kodzusmiles @magica-ren @feiherp @beriiov @hiraethhv

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kunikukitty · 7 months

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Unrequited?

✐wanderer x gn!reader

✐angst, hurt/no comfort

Falling in love with someone incapable of feeling love is one of the worst hardships you encountered.

At first you thought you already had a chance on him because he indulge in a conversation with you and lets you hang out with him even if it's something trivial— which is unlikely for him to agree unto.

It sparked a hope inside you. He even admitted it to you that he could tolerate your presence at least, which is why he lets you get close.

But that's it.

You tried what you could— from subtle flirting to direct flirting. Yet nothing changes, he treats you the same way he always does. Although he sometimes match your humor, he do not return the same vibe.

No matter what you do, there are no openings that lets the both of you to take it more than a mere friendship.

You are ready, you've already come to the terms that you're in love with him. But he doesn't.

He do not blush at your advances, he do not feel butterflies around you. Worst yet, he feels no emotional attachment with you.

You thought that if you tried harder, you'll be able to melt the ice around him. But still, nothing happens. Years began to pass by, it is still the same.

You had directly confessed to him six times and indirectly confessed more than that. But whenever you do, you're always met with rejection.

You don't know what keeps you going. You don't know why you haven't given up yet despite the clear rejection you always receive. Perhaps it is because you're forcing yourself to find hope upon the warmth in his eyes, or because he never lets anyone get close to him aside from the archon of dendro herself and you— or maybe you just love him so much you refuse to accept that he would never love you back.

But maybe now... is time to give up?

As a human being, you can't help but to crave intimacy. Maybe because you're exposed to romance novels, but you wish to encounter a fate like that too.

Forcing yourself unto him and believing on a false hope that you'd experience it with him is hurting your fragile heart.

Why does he has to be someone... like that?

You don't understand.

He prefers solitude, that you can understand. He has a dark past, which you accepted wholeheartedly— making you eager to let him feel loved even more. Despite being a puppet, he experience having intense emotions.

So why... why is he incapable of loving someone?

If he could feel human emotions, why can't he feel what's it like to have romantic love for someone?

Despite being able to get close to him, you feel like he's still further away. Just like everyone else, he still shoves you away. He still prefers spending his time alone than waste it with you.

You are outside of the wall he built, away from evoking a feeling inside his non-existent heart.

You once thought before that maybe he's just scared on indulging in such a feeling, maybe he's just scared to commit in a relationship.

But no. Although you try your best to ignore it, his eyes tells. The look in his indigo orbs is something distant, something you're unable to reach. You sometimes sees it soften, but never in a way that is similar to yours.

It was never the same.

You walked through the busy street of Sumeru, and you were quick to notice someone. Your eyes always craves to see him, so a sight of his figure would never go unnoticed by you.

Your felt your chest tightened.

With each passing moment you watch the Wanderer, chatting away with the traveler and Paimon in the Puspa Cafe, you could feel something sharp stabbing your heart.

There was a heavy, hollow feeling in your chest, like the abyss has just swallowed your heart whole. the world around you grows cold and distant, as if it has lost its color and vibrancy. There's a knot in your stomach, like a void that can never be filled. Every emotion is muted and dull, as if your mind is filled with fog instead of thoughts.

He's treating them the same way as he does with you. He stares at them with the same look in his eyes that you've grown accustomed to.

As the sharp feeling claws its way deeper into your heart, its piercing claws scrape and scratch against your fragile spirit, tearing it apart.

Ah, you really aren't anyone special to him, it appears.

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kunikukitty · 7 months

Text

☆ Always An Artist, Never The Muse

Scaramouche/Wanderer x Fem!reader

v. assitance

You paced through the hallway of the literature department, trying to catch a glimpse of a hair in the hue of cyan.

You feel impatient watching the students exit their classrooms, walking down the stairway, and talking to each other.

You feel someone accidentally bump in your shoulder but you pay no heed to their immediate apology since your focus is towards finding Faruzan.

You heaved an irritated sigh, it gets really crowded at the time of dismissal.

Well honestly, you wouldn't be in this spot if you were so patient to wait for her at the usual place where you two meet up after class ends. But almost half on an hour had passed and she still hasn't showed up, so you chose to look for her. You don't even know if you're in the right floor where classes under the same major as hers are located.

Another irritated sigh escaped your lips. Maybe she's on her way now to meet you on the usual spot or she's already there waiting for you— you opt to go back.

You took out your phone to check if she has any response to your messages, but there's nothing.

Is her phone out of battery or something?

You walked down the stairs and let out an exasperated sigh. You have a very, very poor sense of direction which is why you're depending on Faruzan to get to the dormitory building for the time being until you grow accustomed with the directions. Plus, you both shares the same room anyway.

As you descend downstairs, you see your phone lit up.

Oh well, what an inconvenience.

You're legs are now tired from the constant walking and use of stairs. The whole university is wide and your current location is far from the dormitory, and knowing you are likely to get lost on the way— you're aware that you would just get even more exhausted before you could even find it.

No matter, you need to get back on your independence anyway.

You finally exited the building and your focus is on Faruzan's guide. All you have to do is follow it, not hard, right?

Turn right... head straight then turn left...

At times like this, you overthink if right is indeed right and left is indeed left. You scratched your head when in Faruzan's message, you're supposed to be able to see the lawn from the distance after the third turn.

Well now, you're standing between two buildings.

No matter how you tried to keep your focus on directions, you find yourself zoning out. Have you pass through this building before? You're not sure.

You heaved an irritated sigh.

Okay, you're lost again and you don't know how to get back on the track Faruzan instructed. Time to use your intuition!

You turned left, more walking and then left again...

You checked your phone to type a message to Faruzan, but before you could hit the send button, you bumped into someone.

"Stupid."

It was a voice of a male that you recognized. It was said sardonically with an obvious hint of annoyance lacing his tone.

You looked up at him to give him a glare in which he responded with a snort.

"Do you have a habit on bumping into people?" He rolled his eyes in disdain. "As much as 'no phone while driving' is being advocate, you must know it should be also applied to walking."

"Oh, I'm so sorry." You said sarcastically, giving him a false apologetic look. "That was on purpose."

"Thanks, I greatly appreciate the gesture."

You sighed exasperatedly.

You have no energy to entertain another argument with him. It's obviously your fault, you're aware, since you were using your phone while walking. But that doesn't mean you'd apologize, not towards him as you held your pride high. He's also being rude about it anyway, you only say sorry to those deserving.

Well, since you're obviously tired, you decided to make use of him.

"Peasant," You called, and his brows immediately furrowed. He doesn't like the way you addressed him, but he didn't bother to react to it. "The dormitory."

"What?"

"Take me to the dormitory." You demanded, hiding the shame that surged within you.

You are naturally independent, yes. But when it comes to directions... you don't really know why your memory becomes similar to a gold fish when tracking down your destination.

You don't like asking for help especially by the likes of him; a man— but you desperately want to take a rest on your soft bed as soon as possible.

"Is that how you treat someone you bumped into? How amusing." He spoke in an unamused tone, eyeing you from head to toe as if disgusted.

"Yeah, yeah, it is how. Whatever." You rolled your eyes as you flipped your hair. "Just do as I say, will you?"

"Why, you want me to keep you company? What an obvious attempt."

You wanted to slap his face for his audacity, but you merely gave a huff. "I just need you to lead the way."

"Oh? Do you not know how to get there, even though it's been like what, two weeks?" His voice is filled with mockery that a chuckle even escaped his lips.

His eyes didn't fail to catch a glimpse of your reddening ears, the way a flicker of embarrassment passed through your eyes. He found it funny that you still remained with your act of indifference.

"Of course, I know! And it has been three weeks, I must correct you. I'm obviously just making you pay for the inconveniences you've caused me."

You reasoning made him let out another derisive chuckle, as if he find the situation entertaining in an insulting way.

It made you realize that him leading the way would be much more exhausting than you getting lost.

"Alright, sure. Since you so desperately need my assistance."

Oh, how you immensely regret your decision.