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myhahnestopinion · 3 months
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THE AARONS 2023
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It’s the Ninth Annual Aarons, celebrating the Best and Worst of Film and TV in 2023!
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FIRST UP: THE 2023 AARONS FOR BEST FILM!
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myhahnestopinion · 3 months
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THE AARONS 2023 - Best Film
85 films are eligible for The Aarons this year, although it would only be 83 films if you counted every Part One I watched as half a movie. Here are The Aarons for Best Film:
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#10. Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret.
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Margaret is a modern coming-of-age classic, no question about it. It may have taken a long time for Me to be realized on the big screen, but the universal themes of Judy Blume’s seminal novel easily transcend the 1970s period in which the story is set. Director Kelly Fremon Craig brought the right edge to the material, sacrificing neither its complexity nor its comforting qualities, and was blessed to find the perfect star in Ant-Man’s Abby Ryder Forston. Rachel McAdams and Kathy Bates round out the film’s odyssey through identity crises no matter one’s age. When seeking reassurance in such times of struggle, Are You There God? can be viewed as an answer to those prayers.
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#9. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem
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The latest TMNT film was obviously spun off the success of Sony’s Spider-Verse series, but it quickly mutated into its own beast. In fact, it’s others that should be green with envy: the sketchbook aesthetic of Mayhem’s grungy New York City and its monstrous human inhabitants looks twice as good as films that shelled out twice as much cash. By placing more emphasis on their juvenility than past portrayals, writer Seth Rogan and director Jeff Rowe imbue the Turtles with newfound power: the brothers’ banter has never been better and their search for belonging has never been more affecting. Even those never taken with the Turtles before will find themselves wanting to chime in with a hearty ‘Cowabunga!’. 
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#8. John Wick: Chapter 4
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Wearing classic cinematic influences on its bulletproof sleeve, John Wick: Chapter 4 is maximalist moviemaking at its finest. The assassin’s ongoing vendetta against the nefarious High Table organization upped the ante once again in its fourth installment, dedicating its indulgent runtime to one killer set-piece after another without ever losing a step. Newcomers Donnie Yen and Rina Sawayama leave their mark on the weapons-grade world tour, but nothing compares to how Keanu Reeves continues to throw himself into the stunt work. With hit after hit, the warrior deserves a rest; creatively though, Wick shows no signs of burnout.
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#7. Talk To Me
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Talk to Me, in contrast to recent trends of ‘elevated horror’, doesn’t hold one’s hand through unpacking a deeper meaning at the expense of inflicting sheer terror on its audience. An addiction metaphor is hardly a reach for the film that treats communing with the dead like the latest party drug, but even then that takes a backseat to its nightmarish bouts of brutal body horror. With a focus on social media clout-chasing, directors and former YouTubers Danny and Michael Phillipou seek engagement from a new generation of moviegoers. The film is just as likely to scare these prospective viewers off of the experience forever. For horror fiends seeking such macabre stimulation though, Talk to Me is speaking their language. 
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#6. How to Blow Up a Pipeline
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Even beyond giving xXx a run for its money as the worst movie to try to Google, How to Blow Up a Pipeline is a daring work of cinema. Pipeline channels the spirit of the non-fiction book of the same name into a slick thriller spearheaded by an ensemble of skilled young actors. Despite the direct title, the film doesn’t try to lead audiences to any particular conclusion. Rather, it simply removes any safe distance preventing them from engaging with its characters’ protestations. This ability to play coy is subsequently built upon to ratchet up tension and discharge a mind-blowing finale. From an entertainment perspective alone, it’s worth placing on your watchlist… that is, if you don’t mind possibly being placed on a watchlist yourself.
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#5. Killers of the Flower Moon
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Martin Scorcese has no shortage of stories on the corrosive power of greed; America is a land of opportunity after all. Killers refines the ideas with which he’s long grappled through a larger focus on the victims left in the wake of that ruination. Along with his expected collaborators Leonardo DiCaprio and Robert DeNiro, the director worked closely with The Osage Nation to bring an appreciable authenticity to the harrowing historical account. The other secret to Moon’s success revolves around Lily Gladstone’s Mollie Burkhart; through her mourning, the magnitude of the crimes becomes ineluctable. Like Scorcese’s last effort The Irishman, Flower flourishes within its extended runtime, patiently intensifying the impact of its conclusive gut-punch. 
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#4. Anatomy of a Fall
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Anatomy doesn’t stop at dissecting the purely physical aspects of its pivotal event; it would have been far easier on everyone if it had. Instead, the French courtroom drama is just as concerned with how quickly people can tear each other down in both private and public settings and the far-reaching consequences of doing so. The film has unimpeachable judgment in its use of ambiguity when placing a writer on trial for the suspected murder of her husband, with their blind son as a key witness. Propelled by pointed dialogue and a legitimate award-winning performance by a dog, the dramatic twists and turns taken by Fall reason out enough doubt to forever keep one up at night.
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#3. Nimona
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Nimona rose like a phoenix from the ashes of its initial cancellation during the Disney-Fox merger ready to warm one’s heart and stoke a righteously rebellious attitude. The adaptation of ND Stevenson’s acclaimed graphic novel is made even more animated by the voicework of a fiery Chloë Grace Moretz as the titular shapeshifter and a distinguished Riz Ahmed as her reluctant companion seeking to clear his name. The strength of the science fantasy film lies in its subversive bite, which toys with traditional tropes of myths and monsters. The movie never shies away from supporting everyone’s quest to transition into their best self; the authenticity of this extended allegory is its most transformative element of all.
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#2. Oppenheimer 
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One half of the phenomenon that blew up the box office this past summer, Oppenheimer may be director Christopher Nolan’s most earth-shattering project yet. The nuclei of his filmography have long been humankind’s evolving understanding of physics and the psyche of tormented men; the story of the atomic bomb perfectly splits the difference between the two. Nolan makes a compelling case for all of human history, with time flowing both forward and backwards, being tied to that moment as well; the film’s fractured storytelling revolves all our petty interpersonal conflicts around an inevitable instance of incomprehensible annihilation. The scale of those couldn’t seem more different, but both are turned into equally incendiary IMAX viewing here by the genius.
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AND THE BEST FILM OF 2023 IS…
#1. Past Lives
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The best of last year is Past, and next year may very well have nothing better either. Director Celine Song’s debut feature, which follows a married Korean immigrant who reunites briefly with her childhood sweetheart, is far from the flashiest film, but there are few that are this profound. Its remarkability is rooted in an intense empathy for all parties involved, including the woman’s beloved American husband, as they each contend with the questions of choice the situation provokes. It’s as grand a reflection on roads not taken as previous Aaron-Award winner Everything Everywhere All at Once, though Lives, in contrast, deliberately confines itself to the mortal agonies of unknowability. Something that is for certain is that one should not let Past Lives pass them by.
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NEXT UP: THE 2023 AARONS FOR WORST FILM!
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myhahnestopinion · 3 months
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THE AARONS 2023 - Worst Film
It’s a marvel this category isn’t filled up with superhero films after the year they’ve had. Here are The Aarons for Worst Film:
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#10. 65
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A Quiet Place screenwriters Scott Beck and Bryan Woods don’t knock it out of the (Jurassic) park with their subsequent Spielberg homage. 65 will have viewers counting down the seconds until they can go home. The science-fiction tale strands stars Adam Driver and Ariana Greenblatt in a B-movie bereft of a reason to see it. The fusion of futuristic tech and ferocious animals should have been easy fodder for frivolous entertainment. Instead, the sluggish pace of the film’s imminent extinction event suggests it wasn’t a meteor or da ice age that killed the dinosaurs; it was extreme boredom. 
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#9. Rebel Moon - Part One: A Child of Fire
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Director Zack Snyder likes to paint himself as a rebel against a restrictive studio system while being constantly given new opportunities without cause. His latest big-budget misfire is a childish mash-up of Star Wars and Seven Samurai. Par for the course, the prosaic director copies his inspirations while completely misunderstanding their objectives. Already, the film’s awkward and abruptly-ended parade of thinly-sketched characters is being billed as another incomplete vision, requiring not just two parts but two cuts of each part to truly fulfill Snyder’s intentions. Maybe his hardcore fans will be pleased at the end of the prolonged journey; everyone else will be over the Moon long before then.
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#8. The Exorcist: Believer
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From the beginning, the involvement of David Gordon Green inspired little faith in Believer. Sure enough, the director of Halloween kills interest in his proposed trilogy one film sooner than his last. It’s unclear what exactly led the studio to release a sequel fifty years later that’s tamer than a TV edit of the original. It surely couldn’t have been the return of Ellen Burstyn in her Oscar-nominated role of Chris MacNeil given how quickly the film disfigures and discards the character. That said, it may be for the best that she could excise herself from the proceedings before its embarrassing ending. The franchise is no stranger to desecration but, even at its worst, it was never before this uncompelling.
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#7. Five Nights At Freddy’s
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Topping the box-office may have demonstrated audiences’ appetite for the haunted pizzeria franchise but, make no mistake, the film adaptation of Freddy’s is as run-down as its central establishment. The animatronic mascots at center stage only manage the most pedestrian of jump-scares; they’re far from the only ones just going through the motions. The script, written in part by franchise creator Scott Cawthon, stretches out its thin premise with banal characters and a bizarre child-custody B-plot. It might have been entertaining if it had been any more cheesy. Instead, Freddy’s only serves up an interminable runtime; five nights has never felt so long.
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#6. Hypnotic
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Hypnotic is aptly named; the thriller from Spy Kids director Robert Rodriguez certainly commands one’s attention. The plot, which revolves around Ben Affleck sleepwalking through a conspiracy involving dueling factions of psychics, is simply too inane to ignore. Rodriguez wrote his initial script back in 2002 but was clearly susceptible to outside influences; the film rips off several works that were released before and since, including the dream-like architecture of Inception. Although the director may pride himself on his low-budget prowess, even he can’t make those knock-off sequences look good (though they’re not the silliest instance of replicating elaborate scenery on a miniscule budget here). The film fulfills its intentions on one front: once it’s all over, audiences will have a hard time believing any of it was real.
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#5. Children of the Corn
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The latest offspring of the rotten franchise at least had a kernel of a good idea: the remake roots its characters’ motivations in righteous fury at environmental recklessness rather than strictly religious fervor. However, Children never develops this into any kind of sustenance. The horror here is as, ahem, corny as can be, particularly its stale translation of demonic entity He Who Walks Behind the Rows. Director Kurt Wimmer shows no growth as a director since his last film in 2006, the infamous Ultraviolet; the wooden child actors at least have their youth as an excuse. Sadly though, if ranked within the rest of the series, this one would still land in the middle of the row.
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#4. Haunted Mansion
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2023 was home to many failures for The Walt Disney Company, but none quite as ghastly as the new Haunted Mansion. It’s baffling how a film this overstuffed with actors (including Rosario Dawson, Owen Wilson, and Danny DeVito among many others) could end up this vacant. Indeed, the biggest throughline of the theme-park adaptation is not its attempted reflection on grief but its pervasive and perverse product placement (One character’s tearful monologue about his dead wife comes complete with a prominent Baskin Robbins namedrop). It’s definitely haunting, just not in the way they hoped for.
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#3. My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3
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The Big Fat franchise became even more bloated last year with a picture that can most charitably be described as ‘an all-expenses paid trip to Greece for its cast’. There’s certainly no storytelling reason why audiences are still following the adventures of this extended family, which haphazardly include a last-minute wedding of two very minor characters to justify its title. Nia Vardalos finally receives the director’s chair in addition to her regular writing work just in time for there to be no fresh direction to take things in. If she tries to reunite everyone for a fourth go-round, they would be wise to divorce themselves from it as quickly as possible.
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#2. Pet Sematary: Bloodlines
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Bloodlines resurrects the series last seen in 2019; if this was how it was going to come back, it should have stayed buried. While Stephen King is an imaginative writer, trying to stretch a single chapter of any novel into a feature-length film is like getting blood from a stone. The zombie prequel stumbles its way from scene to scene in search of life, but Bloodlines has nothing for audiences to relate to. Even screen icons like David Duchovny and Pam Grier can’t rouse any interest. Exploiting known franchises may be easy, but, sometimes, making anything else instead is better.
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AND THE WORST FILM OF 2023 IS…
#1. Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey 
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Disney slowly losing their stranglehold on intellectual property is a bit bittersweet; Honey is bad enough to sour anyone on the idea of a public domain. The shoddy slasher film, which blustered its way onto the marketplace as soon as the filmmakers could profit from it, is barely recognizable as Pooh but unmistakable as crap. Making the lovable animal into a feral murderer may be legal now, but writer/director Rhys Frake-Waterfield didn’t think, think, think up any other ideas beyond just stirring the pot. Winnie is hoping to prey on one’s curiosity with its premise alone. Word of advice? Don’t bother.
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NEXT UP: THE 2023 AARON FOR BEST DIRECTOR!
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myhahnestopinion · 3 months
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THE AARONS 2023 - Best Director
The worst direction of the year goes to Somewhere In Queens. Nothing against Ray Romano! It’s just that Queens is a big place, I need more guidance than that. Here is The Aaron for Best Director:
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WINNER: Christopher Nolan - Oppenheimer
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Oppenheimer had all the makings of a bomb without Nolan as its mastermind. A depressing three-hour historical drama aimed at adults hardly seems like blockbuster material, but Nolan has a knack for making those sorts of ambitious ideas work. Part of his success stems from the makings of its bomb: the director’s firm conviction in the use of practical effects increases the all-important awe of the film’s catastrophic explosion. Nolan turns things on their head further with his trademark timeline shifting in a series of trials afterwards. ‘Crowd-pleasing’ doesn’t seem like the right word for a film that forces viewers to reckon with its ramifications long after the spectacle has subsided; ‘life-changing’ may be though.  
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HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Chad Stahelski - John Wick: Chapter 4
Stahelski’s arsenal of unique angles unfailingly elevated Wick’s abundance of action.
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Greta Gerwig - Barbie
Barbie’s world of plastic was made so much more fantastic by Gerwig’s out-of-the-box approach. 
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Celine Song - Past Lives
Song showed wisdom beyond her years in every frame of her debut feature film.
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James Gunn - Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3
The director ended his space-faring saga with guns blazing before jumping ship to the studio’s Distinguished Competition.
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NEXT UP: THE 2023 AARON FOR BEST FILM PERFORMANCE!
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myhahnestopinion · 3 months
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THE AARONS 2023 - Best Film Performance
I’m told the recipients of this award totally would have accepted them in person this year if not for the actors’ strike. What about next year, you say? Oh, uh, well, you see, they may be preparing for their next strike. Here is The Aaron for Best Film Performance:
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WINNER: Cillian Murphy as J. Robert Oppenheimer - Oppenheimer
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Throughout his career, Murphy has been rightfully acclaimed for his ability to fully immerse himself in his roles; now, he has become Death, Destroyer of Worlds. To convey the unfathomable nature of its wide-ranging events, Oppenheimer traps viewers in the haunted headspace of the eponymous scientist. Murphy’s brilliant embodiment of the intellectual traces his obsession with accomplishment through to its harrowing aftermath. A scarecrow could scarcely look more gaunt than the actor by the time of the film’s finale. Through the subtle reactions in Murphy’s eyes, one can plainly see the horrific chain of events that Oppenheimer feared he brought to fruition.
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HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Lily Gladstone as Mollie Burkhart - Killers of the Flower Moon
The wealth of talents possessed by the Certain Woman star reached full bloom with Flower. 
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Margot Robbie as Barbie - Barbie
Equal parts perky and percipient, Robbie’s rendition of the iconic doll will leave viewers tickled pink.
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Greta Lee as Nora - Past Lives
Lee leaves a lot unspoken as the loving lead; her nuances as Nora puts her in full control of Lives.
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Zac Efron as Kevin Von Erich - The Iron Claw
Efron’s heartbreaking portrayal of a man wrestling with unthinkable pain is the strongest in the actor’s body of work.
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NEXT UP: THE 2023 AARON FOR BEST SUPPORTING FILM PERFORMANCE!
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myhahnestopinion · 3 months
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THE AARONS 2023 - Best Supporting Film Performance
Christopher Reeve will not be nominated for his part in The Flash this year. Hopefully, you’ll believe a man can die and rest in peace. Here is The Aaron for Best Supporting Film Performance:
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WINNER: Ryan Gosling as Ken - Barbie
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Gosling broke the mold in his performance in order to beach off his competitors for this award. Certainly, the actor modeled himself after well-known features of the popular toy in many regards, but his clueless characterization let his Ken take on a life of his own. Infused with the highest of himbo energies, The Nice Guys star reaffirmed his comedic chops and retained Ken’s sympathetic core throughout his curious character arc. Gosling goes on to accessorize this performance with delightful scenes of singing, dancing, and expert guitar playing, but he had more than (k)enough talent to win even without those.
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HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Robert Downey Jr. as Lewis Strauss - Oppenheimer
Downey shines at the slimy Strauss, a role that stands in stark contrast to his suave superhero. 
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Glenn Howerton as Jim Balsillie - BlackBerry
Howerton’s deftness for dialing up indignation continues to rate him as a five star man.
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Nicolas Cage as Dracula - Renfield
It’s ironic, given the subject matter, how dependent Renfield’s entertainment is on Cage’s batty performance.
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Jason Schwartzman as Lucretius Flickerman - The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes
Viewers will surely flip for the deadpan delivery of Schwartzman’s anchorman.
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NEXT UP: THE 2023 AARON FOR BEST SCREENPLAY!
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myhahnestopinion · 3 months
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THE AARONS 2023 - Best Screenplay
I asked an A.I. program to write a joke for this category and it said “I’m sorry, Dave, I’m afraid I can’t do that.” I don’t see what all the fuss is about, it couldn’t even get my name right. Here is The Aaron for Best Screenplay:
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WINNER: Anatomy of a Fall by Justine Triet and Arthur Harari
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Triet and Harari form the backbone of Anatomy; Fall wouldn’t have had the same impact without their keen insight. The script by the real-world couple takes the top spot by being, at its base, a deep dive into how narratives are formed. Exploiting language differences, social biases, and procedural limitations, Anatomy uses a careful disclosure of evidence during its murder case to constantly call one’s interpretation into question. Ultimately, the preciseness of its vagueness makes it so that it is the audience's own storytelling that gets put on trial. Without tipping their own hand, Triet and Harari incite viewers to examine how everyone is forced by life to make sense of chaotic events or risk falling apart.
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HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Past Lives by Celine Song
In a similar vein to Anatomy, Lives also uses language barriers and intentional ambiguity to inspire introspection. 
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Oppenheimer by Christopher Nolan
Nolan earns a nod for his high-energy compression of Oppenheimer’s encyclopedic substance. 
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Scream VI by James Vanderbilt & Guy Busick
If nothing else, Scream VI deserves a shout out for a clever cold-open that’s almost as disquieting as the original’s.
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The Blackening by Tracy Oliver and Dewayne Perkins
Before finding out who in the all-Black cast survives the slasher satire, audiences will first be dying of laughter. 
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NEXT UP: THE 2023 AARON FOR BEST SCORE!
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myhahnestopinion · 3 months
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THE AARONS 2023 - Best Score
Writing The Aarons takes a lot of work, but I stayed energized with Mark Mothersbaugh’s score of Cocaine Bear. It didn’t make the cut, but I was still very high on it. Here is The Aaron for Best Score:
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WINNER: Oppenheimer by Ludwig Göransson
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Nolan’s new go-to composer Göransson mirrors Oppenheimer’s mixing of explosive elements in the composition of his music. Both the fascination of discovery and the fear of doom get tangled together in the strings of the score’s violins. In true scientific fashion, this bouncing tension and release methodically tests the limits of its tempo. Göransson’s score is just as interesting for the components it chooses not to include as those it does: a lack of drums in no way dilutes the pieces’ pulse-pounding percussion. Oppenheimer is a film about lost-lasting reverberations; it’s only fitting the score shares that resonance. 
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HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse by Daniel Pemberton
The dynamic arrangements by Pemberton are made out of a multitude of unparalleled dimensions.
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Society of the Snow by Michael Giacchino
Master of plane disasters Michael Giacchino uplifts the survival story with his soul-stirring score. 
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Past Lives by Christopher Bear and Daniel Rossen
The soothing synths from Bear and Rossen enliven the movie’s meditation on missed connections.
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Killers of the Flower Moon by Robbie Robertson
Robertson’s bold, bluesy heartbeat for the historical epic rightfully earns him a posthumous nomination. 
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NEXT UP: THE 2023 AARON FOR BEST ORIGINAL SONG!
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myhahnestopinion · 3 months
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THE AARONS 2023 - Best Original Song
I’ve heard some people say this is a category I should scuttle, butt how can I when I’m swamped with such memorable songs? Here is The Aaron for Best Original Song:
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WINNER: “Am I Dreaming” by Metro Boomin, A$AP Rocky, Roisee - Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse
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It remains to be seen if the second part of the Spider-Verse sequel will stick the landing, but the story so far definitely ends on a high note. It’s one mic drop after the next as Spider-Man cuts from its amazing cliffhanger to the spectacular strings of the Metro Boomin track playing over its credits. Weaving this sample together with a revitalizing beat and verses by A$AP Rocky and Roisee, the producer gives an inspiring voice to the dimension-hopping hero’s singular perseverance. In turn, the superpowered song should easily carry audiences through the indeterminate waiting period before Spider-Man swings back into theaters.
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HONORABLE MENTIONS:
“I’m Just Ken” by Ryan Gosling - Barbie
The outlandish anthem of self-love was the song of the summer and a ten out of ten in any world. 
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“Peaches” by Jack Black - The Super Mario Bros Movie
Black’s sickly sweet piano ballad empowered Bowser to be a king of many scales.
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“Can’t Catch Me Now” by Olivia Rodrigo - The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes
Snakes certainly had no shortage of songs, but Rodrigo’s tribute to teenage scorn was its catchiest. 
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“Still Alive” by Demi Lovato - Scream VI
The defiance in Lovato’s lyrics carved out a pop-punk theme for Scream that’s to die for.
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NEXT UP: THE AARONS - THE 2023 DAVID FOR BEST CHASE!
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myhahnestopinion · 3 months
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THE AARONS 2023: THE DAVID - Best Chase
The David is a special Aaron award designed by and named after my good friend, intended to honor aspects of film that mainstream shows are too afraid to acknowledge. 
This year, David sent me on a hunt for the Best Chase in a 2023 film. There were quite a few scenes in the running, but one in particular caught my fancy. Here is The David for Best Chase:
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WINNER: ‘The Amazing Race’ - Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse
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When asked to pick the best chase scene of 2023, it’s all too easy to point the finger at Spider-Man. Across places Miles Morales and a clutter of Spider-People on opposite ends of a moral quandary, prompting a pursuit through their high-tech headquarters and streets of the futuristic Nueva York. The frenzy provides the perfect framework for the film to flaunt the fluidity of its pop-art animation, and is loaded up with amusing jokes and comic cameos without ever losing pace. Audiences will be on the edge of their seats as the chase escalates towards its shocking finish.
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HONORABLE MENTIONS: 
‘Hot Pursuit Hand-Off’ - Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One
The show-stopping car chase through the streets of Rome takes a short respite for a side-splitting seat swap. 
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‘Not Her First Rodeo’ - Scream VI 
A volatile cat-and-mouse game between Ghostface and fan favorite Gale Weathers almost left more than one person gutted. 
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‘Keep Your Distance’ - Sick
The fear was infectious during the campy COVID chiller’s nerve-racking escape attempt by river raft.
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‘Runaway Success’ - Barbie
An off-beat scramble through the offices of Mattel was one of the silliest and most stylish scenes of last year.
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NEXT UP: THE 2023 AARONS FOR BEST TV SHOW!
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myhahnestopinion · 3 months
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THE AARONS 2023 - Best TV Show
While I do highly recommend all the shows listed here, I don’t expect you to watch that much TV if you don’t want to. We’re The Aarons, not The Marvels. Here are The Aarons for Best TV Show:
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#10. My Adventures with Superman (Season 1) - Adult Swim
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As James Gunn steels himself for Superman’s big-screen revival, he would be remiss not to take notes from the character’s recent small-screen success. Alongside the still-strong Superman & Lois, the new Adult Swim show confirms the key to the character’s appeal is his good-natured boyish charm. Adventures bolsters this tenderness with pretty animation and a storytelling focus on the young hero’s budding relationships with Lois Lane & Jimmy Olsen. The series stands out with a fresh-spin on its famous rogues gallery, including tantalizing teases of an imminent alien invasion, but it’s this spot-on romantic characterization that will sweep viewers off their feet and up, up, and away. 
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#9. Star Trek: Picard (Season 3) - Paramount+
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The final installment of the Star Trek spin-off boldly goes where it has never gone before: onto a ‘Best of TV’ list. It only took a complete creative overhaul and the return of the entire Next Generation crew to make it so. Functioning as a mulligan for both that cast’s previous send-off and the first two seasons, Picard’s third outing put the long-standing chemistry of its venerable characters front and center. In between all the nostalgic spaceships and evolving relationships, the show wove a madcap mystery out of surprising pieces from the franchise’s extensive lore. As unbelievable as it sounds, that adaptable energy made Picard one of the bright spots of TV last year (and there are four lights.) 
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#8. I’m a Virgo (Season 1) - Amazon Prime
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Sorry to Bother You filmmaker Boots Riley made another welcome addition to his idiosyncratic output with I’m a Virgo. If the director’s involvement wasn’t enough of a signal to watch, the premise is even more intriguing: the coming-of-age of a 13-foot-tall Black teenager named Cootie in an absurdist version of Oakland policed by a fanatic billionaire superhero. An awe-inspiring mix of puppetry, prop design, and perspective is used to bring this giant protagonist to life. It’s a tall tale, but not one without real-world relevance. Riley uses the towering position afforded him to champion racial and economic equality; the strangest thing about the surreal show ends up being that Amazon of all places signed off on it.
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#7. Barry (Season 4) - HBO
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Last year��s Aarons noted that Barry was gunning for a place in television’s greatest works. With a fantastic final season, it hit its target. The culminating episodes consolidated directorial duties in the multiskilled Bill Hader while bifurcating their storyline with a dramatic eight-year time-skip. In the first half, Barry stages a dazzling prison break; the second half makes it clear that the repercussions of one’s actions are far harder to escape from. This complexity further complicated a dark comedy that has always been difficult to define. Though the series got a lot bleaker as it went on, its status as a showbiz satire returned with a vengeance during the final curtain call. Without shying away from the fallout of its violence, Barry still manages to get the last laugh.
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#6. The Last of Us (Season 1) - HBO
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The Last of Us has been one of the greatest experiences in video games for a decade now; with the first-rate television adaptation, non-gamers now have no excuse to be left behind. The post-apocalyptic road-trip, shepherded by Chernobyl’s Craig Mazin and game creator Neil Druckmann, upgrades the original’s already-impressive production design with the ample resources afforded by HBO. Players will recognize, yet still recoil from, the show’s unsettling set-pieces, but it’s the small deviations from the source material where everything truly clicks into place. Taking advantage of the medium to enrich its world-building and side characters ensured the story held lasting intrigue for new and old fans alike.
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#5. Reservation Dogs (Season 3) - FX
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The news that Sterlin Harjo and Taika Waititi’s comedy would end with its third season was met with a lot of reservation since the series remained as brilliant as always. However, the decision secured the show’s ability to go out as one of the top dogs of TV. The final season, like the heartful series as a whole, advocated for embracing one’s community. It embodied this theme by entwining the advancing arcs of its young cast with that of its eccentric elder characters. These mirrored storylines fostered an unforgettable forum for processing grief, celebrating joy, and passing along wisdom between generations. As made explicit by the series finale, Reservation Dogs’ ending should not be viewed as a time of mourning but of happiness for all the life it had.
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#4. Mrs. Davis (Miniseries) - Peacock
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One of Peacock’s best shots at becoming a competitive streaming service lies in the defiance of an algorithm. Hailing from Watchmen’s Damon Lindelof, the bizarre Mrs. Davis sends devout nun Sister Simone on a quest for the Holy Grail as a last ditch effort to rid the world of an omnipresent artificial intelligence. The miniseries is recommended if you like ambitious sci-fi, spiritual journeys, unpredictable plot-twists, magic tricks, Super Bowl commercials, or chicken wings. The sheer absurdity of its various plot threads may seem at times like a lot of horsing around, but those who hold faith in the show’s ability to bring all those listed things together for a thoughtful conclusion will be richly rewarded. 
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#3. Succession (Season 4) - HBO
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The popular drama effortlessly rose through the ranks of the Aarons following a full series binge-watch this past year. Considering the nature of the premise, the final season, in which each character suddenly scrambles to enact their ultimate bid for power, was primed from the start to take over as its best. Unlike previous HBO hit Game of Thrones, it succeeded. As always, this was in no small part due to the sharp-tongued transactions between its talented ensemble. The richness of the writing lays bear the tragedy of its characters as they negotiate large acquisitions and influence Presidential elections without ever seeing the strings that are pulling on them. Luckily it’s all overseen with acerbic wit by creator Jesse Armstrong; a show with people this pathetic had no business also being this funny.
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#2. The Great (Season 3) - Hulu 
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Although it’s not his Favourite, The Great is the crowning achievement of writer Tony McNamara’s career. The third season of the risqué royal dramedy was as inaccurate as ever with the history of Catherine II & Peter III of Russia and no less on point with its scintillating dialogue. Some peculiar highs and precipitate lows in the duo’s tumultuous relationship gave stars Elle Fanning and Nicholas Holt equal opportunities to command viewers’ attention with their disarming performances. The progression of their marriage gave rise to some oddly emotional moments for the largely irreverent series. Those events are yet another example of the series playing fast and loose with the actual facts, but what is irrefutable is that The Great absolutely ruled.
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AND THE BEST TV SHOW OF 2023 IS....
#1. Poker Face (Season 1) - Peacock
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No lie: Poker Face was the best television of last year. One should have suspected as much from the start given the involvement of Rian Johnson; the mysteries here are every bit as sharp as Knives Out. Face has unique features for both a streaming series and detective show: its case-of-the-week episodes follow a howcatchem format instead of the more common whodunit. This formula folds each installment into an outstanding showcase for first-class actors, writers, and directors, including Russian Doll’s Natasha Lyonne fulfilling all three roles. Her charismatic character Charlie Cale anchors each story in perceptive humanity; that more than enough motive to be all-in on Poker.
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NEXT UP: THE 2023 AARONS FOR BEST TV EPISODE!
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myhahnestopinion · 3 months
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THE AARONS 2023 - Best TV Episode
I’ve counted out my top 10 television episodes of 2023. At least, I think I have. Truthfully, I don’t know if I’ve understood math ever since Paramount+ With Showtime dropped. Here are The Aarons for Best TV Episode:
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#10. “It Chooses” (Yellowjackets, Season 2, Episode 8)
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Yellowjackets didn’t hide that the game of survival among its stranded high-school soccer team would eventually devolve from cooperation to competition; ‘It Chooses’ finally stirred up the hornet’s nest. Woman shall not live on belt soup alone and so the harshness of the wilderness forces a decision from the delirious teenagers. The episode plays its cards right by collating the birth of a twisted ritual with its unforeseen toll in the show’s present day storyline. The ongoing uncertainty of where the next meal is coming from, and continued ambiguity regarding the presence of the supernatural, sustains the extreme tension across both narratives. One can’t resist eating it up.
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#9. “Loch Henry” (Black Mirror, Season 6, Episode 2)
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Though Black Mirror is renowned for its high-concept episodes, its most disturbing twist endings often hit a little closer to home. ‘Loch Henry’ starts very low-key, documenting a young man’s return to his hometown with his girlfriend to produce a true-crime project on a long-dead local serial killer. The recounted events are eerie enough, but as more evidence is uncovered, the evoked dread becomes insurmountable. Despite this intense realism, the episode retains the series’ trademark cheeky satire by subtly criticizing the true-crime genre’s exploitative nature on a streaming service that thrives on such shows. That’s a tricky tonal balance to achieve, but exactly the kind that Black Mirror now has on lock.
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#8. “Track 7: Eight Days a Week” (The Muppets Mayhem, Season 1, Episode 7)
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You can probably picture an elaborate documentary that traces a band’s songwriting process from beginning to end, but you’ve definitely never seen one quite like this before. ‘Eight Days A Week’ takes cues from The Beatles: Get Back and amps up the discord with the Muppets’ distinctive brand of mischief. Bringing out Morgan Freeman to shadow one of the band members? Mocking the awfulness of Yoga Hosers right to Kevin Smith’s face? Confirming Peter Jackson’s lewd satire Meet the Feebles as Muppets’ canon? That all tracks with the zaniness of Mayhem. It’s a real shame Disney decided to disband the crew without a second session.
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#7. “Frank vs. Russia” (It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Season 16, Episode 4)
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‘Frank vs. Russia’ expertly executed Always Sunny’s winning game plan: having a finger on the pulse and a lot of bad vibes. The ripped-from-the-headlines laugh riot plays a game of 4D chess with its punchlines, counting on the audience’s familiarity with typical set-ups in order to maintain its advantage. A B-plot which flips the script on Dennis’ psychotic seduction techniques is sinfully funny, but the main attraction here is the physical comedy provided by stalwart Danny DeVito in the episode’s climax. In recent years, Always Sunny has often broken its formula to deliver some genuinely touching moments, but it’s this episode that will end up making viewers feel the most inside.
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#6. “These Old Scientists” (Star Trek: Strange New Worlds, Season 2, Episode 7)
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There have been plenty of Star Trek crossover episodes over the years, but none as strange as its newest one. ‘These Old Scientists’ explored unfamiliar territory for the franchise by transporting characters from animated sister-series Lower Decks onto the live-action show. It’s an enterprise in fan service that was pulled off seamlessly, a testament to the flexibility of both series’ casts. Jack Quaid deserves particular commendation for thoroughly replicating the buoyant energy of his cartoon character Brad Boimler in his on-camera performance. The stunning success of ‘Scientists’ should hopefully encourage even more experimentation for Star Trek in the future. 
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#5. “What Kills You Only Makes You Stronger” (Superman & Lois, Season 3, Episode 13) 
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2023 may have marked the end of the Arrowverse on the CW, but for Superman & Lois, it was doomsday. The third season finale unearthed an unexpected foe for its hero, adding a new layer to a bait-and-switch from the previous year. The timing of the reveal couldn’t have been handled any better, by which one means the timing couldn’t have been any worse for the superpowered family after successfully fighting a long battle against cancer and seeing friends off to a better tomorrow. Best of all, the threat posed was not quickly resolved (in contrast to a certain other CW adaptation); after a few budget-skimping episodes, the seismic slugfest to close things out brought Superman roaring back to life.
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#4. “Connor’s Wedding” (Succession, Season 4, Episode 3)
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Between Game of Thrones and Succession, think twice about having HBO as a wedding venue. The innocuously named episode hardly seemed like a big deal going in; it was perhaps the show’s best joke to turn the forgotten child’s wedding into the most memorable event of the series. It was an evening of exquisite speeches by the other Roy siblings; one couldn’t help but shed tears at the emotionally raw performances from leads Jeremy Strong, Kiernan Culkin, and Sarah Snook, even if the circumstance never felt like it would demand them. Viewers should also raise a toast to director Mark Mylod, who arranged it all into an astonishing long-take, for having ‘Wedding’ go off without a hitch. 
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#3. “Ice” (The Great, Season 3, Episode 6)
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Just when audiences had gotten adjusted to the occasionally-true series’ slippery timeline, ‘Ice’ staged a breathtaking coup for The Great. The sixth episode marked a major turning point for the story of Catherine and Peter as it dealt with the strain of the latter’s impulsive decision to invade Sweden. The freezing temperatures surrounding the two were not nearly as cold as the ultimate resolution of their lovers’ quarrel. With ‘Ice’ acting as further proof of Fanning and Holt’s majestic talents, viewers may be tempted to feel bitter at the episode’s abrupt turn of fate. However, upon reflection, they should come to see how the ground-breaking chapter solidified The Great’s reign as one of the best shows on TV. 
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#2. “Escape from Shit Mountain” (Poker Face, Season 1, Episode 9)
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Poker Face demonstrated an impressive ability to break free from formula in its first ten installments. ‘Escape from Shit Mountain’ was the show’s best bluff. The episode’s cold-open is chilling on its own, as a rich parolee played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt (clearly relishing the odious role) becomes the show’s latest unrepentant murderer. ‘Shit’ is all about sleight of hand though, worsening the claustrophobia from its snowed-in setting as more and more of its secrets are revealed. The episode slaloms through a series of dark turns under the direction of creator Rian Johnson, who plays his cards very close to his chest all the way though. You can bet on those risky choices resulting in the season’s greatest pay off. 
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AND THE BEST TV EPISODE OF 2023 IS....
#1. “Long, Long Time” (The Last of Us, Season 1, Episode 3)
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This category is designed to recognize television episodes that stick with you; in any world, one could not find a more perfect pairing than that of ‘Long, Long Time’. It was the preeminent example of The Last of Us playing with expectations: a detour from its central characters’ journey and deviation from its source material devoted to a lifelong love story within a hellish landscape. Guest stars Nick Offerman and Murray Bartlett craft beautifully realized characters in no time at all as the intimate episode tracks this relationship over the course of two decades. Though the story is self-contained, its impact is indelible; ‘Long, Long Time’ stands as a reminder, whether heeded or not, to the protagonists and viewers of the importance of being true to each other and treating each moment together as if it was the last.
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NEXT UP: THE 2023 AARON FOR BEST TV PERFORMANCE!
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myhahnestopinion · 3 months
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THE AARONS 2023 - Best TV Performance
If a Skrull is revealed on Disney+ and no one is around to see it, does it even get expounded? Here is The Aaron for Best TV Performance:
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WINNER: Elle Fanning as Catherine the Great - The Great
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After garnering two prior nominations in this category for her role in The Great, Elle Fanning finally takes the crown. Catherine, confronted by a popular uprising and other unexpected hurdles to her reign, really came into her own over the course of the third season. Meanwhile, Fanning has never been less than flawless as the literate and libidinous leader; her mastery of wordplay made her the finest of the court’s jesters. For any in denial of Fanning’s acting prowess, look no further than her grace during the Great’s mental break in the season’s second half. Better yet, skip to the end of the show for a grand exhibition guaranteed to leave viewers shook. 
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HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Sarah Snook as Siobhan Roy - Succession
Snook snuck in over her similarly sensational co-stars thanks to her diverse portfolio of standout scenes. 
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Natasha Lyonne as Charlie Cale - Poker Face
Across every episode, Lyonne’s hard-boiled human-lie-detector was Poker’s ace in the hole. 
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Juno Temple as Dorothy Lyon - Fargo
You betcha Temple deserves praise for her magnificent turn as a Minnesota-nice mother.
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Jharrel Jerome as Cootie - I’m a Virgo
Jerome can stand tall after his vulnerable performance as Virgo’s 13-foot protagonist. 
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NEXT UP: THE 2023 AARON FOR BEST SUPPORTING TV PERFORMANCE!
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myhahnestopinion · 3 months
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THE AARONS 2023 - Best Supporting TV Performance
If you have been reading these out loud to someone else, please stop immediately. The Aarons no longer supports sharing within one’s own household. I have stockholders to think of. Here is The Aaron for Best Supporting TV Performance:
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WINNER: Matthew Macfadyen as Tom Wambsgans - Succession
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There was no shortage of cast members from Succession that deserved recognition for their work, but, in the end, it was Matthew Macfadyen as Tom Wambsgans that came out on top. Wambsgans’ outsider status to the Roy family’s warped relations afforded him some of the show’s most interesting material. Reflecting his character, the actor made the most of every opportunity he was given. Macfayden’s multitasking as a piteous punching bag and a master manipulator gave him an edge over other contenders for this title. No disrespect to the character’s continued charged chemistry with Cousin Greg, but it was Macfayden’s barbed balcony fight with co-star Sarah Snook that ultimately sealed the deal.
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HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Nicholas Holt as Peter III of Russia - The Great
In an on-screen marriage of equal affection, annoyance, and acuity, Holt held his own against his award-winning co-star.
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Zahn McClarnon as Officer Big - Reservation Dogs
Moments of melancholy and magnetism from McClarnon showed off the size of his talent, among other Big things. 
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Nick Offerman as Bill - The Last of Us
A man who hates the government but harbors a heart of gold? Obviously Offerman fit the bill.
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Warren Kole as Jeff Sadecki - Yellowjackets
Kole deserves a lot more buzz for making a meal out of every line as the sad sack Sadecki.
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NEXT UP: THE 2023 AARON FOR WORST TV SHOW!
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myhahnestopinion · 3 months
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THE AARONS 2023 - Worst TV Show
Last year I lost my dear network The CW. Sometimes, I can still hear its voice. Here are The Aarons for Worst TV Show:
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WINNER: Velma (Season 1) - Max
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Velma’s biggest mystery is who thought this adult-oriented spin on the Scooby-Doo mythos was a good idea. Mature subject matter can be and has been incorporated into the franchise before, but the new streaming series doesn’t have a clue what audience it wants to capture. The cringey self-deprecating humor suggests the makers aren’t fans of their own material, let alone the original. Its unlikeable overhaul of the gang has them spending more time simping and sniping with each other than scrounging up any narrative momentum. That’s not to mention the awkward absence of Scooby himself. Then again, Velma doesn’t need a talking dog: ‘rough’ is all there is to say.
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DISHONORABLE MENTIONS:
Goosebumps (Season 1) - Disney+
Viewers beware, you’re in for a terrible time with this bumpy adaptation that forsakes the campy charm of the books.
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American Horror Stories (Season 3) - Hulu
A writers strike meant there was less Horror than usual this year, but the episodes produced were no less horrible.
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Gotham Knights (Season 1) - CW
At least DC’s other Batman-based shows to never feature Batman put the spotlight on familiar names. In Knights, original creation Turner Hayes seeks to solve the mystery of the Court of Owls; audiences will be left with the question, “Who?”
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The Flash (Season 9) - CW
While it used to run circles around the rest of its shared universe, the final chapter of The Flash and the Arrowverse as a whole was quite clearly on its last legs.
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THANK YOU FOR READING!
SCROLL ON FOR A LIST OF FILMS ELIGIBLE FOR THE 2023 AARONS!
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myhahnestopinion · 3 months
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THE AARONS 2023 - Eligible Films
If you can portmanteau the rest of these titles together with ‘Barbenheimer’, I’ll give you an Honorary Aaron Award. Here are all the films that were eligible for The 2023 Aarons:
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65
Air
Anatomy of a Fall
Ant-Man & The Wasp: Quantumania
Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom
Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret.
Asteroid City
Barbie
Beau Is Afraid
BlackBerry
The Blackening
Blue Beetle
The Boogeyman
Bottoms
Chicken Run: Dawn of the Nugget
Children of the Corn
Cocaine Bear
Creed III
Dark Harvest
Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves
Elemental
The Equalizer 3
Evil Dead Rise
The Exorcist: Believer
Fast X
Five Nights at Freddy’s
The Flash
Gran Turismo
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3
Haunted Mansion
A Haunting in Venice
The Holdovers
How to Blow Up a Pipeline
The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes
Hypnotic
Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny
Infinity Pool
Insidious: The Red Door
The Iron Claw
John Wick: Chapter 4
Joy Ride
The Killer
Killers of the Flower Moon
Knock at the Cabin
The Last Kingdom: Seven Kings Must Die
The Last Voyage of the Demeter
Leave the World Behind
The Little Mermaid
Luther: The Fallen Sun
M3GAN
The Marvels
Missing
Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One
My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3
Nimona
No One Will Save You
The Nun II
Oppenheimer
Past Lives
Pet Sematary: Bloodlines
Please Don’t Destroy: The Treasure of Foggy Mountain
The Pope’s Exorcist
Rebel Moon - Part One: A Child of Fire
Renfield
Ruby Gillman, Teenage Kraken
Saw X
Scream VI
Shazam! Fury of the Gods
Showing Up
Sick
Sister Death
Skinamarink
Smoking Causes Coughing
Society of the Snow
Somewhere in Queens
Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse
Spy Kids: Armageddon 
The Super Mario Bros. Movie
Talk to Me
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem
Thanksgiving
Totally Killer
Transformers: Rise of the Beasts
V/H/S/85
Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey
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SCROLL ON FOR A LIST OF TV SHOWS ELIGIBLE FOR THE 2023 AARONS!
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myhahnestopinion · 3 months
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THE AARONS 2023 - Eligible TV Shows
Before you ask, please note: None of these shows come from the world of John Wick unless otherwise specified. Here are all the TV shows that were eligible for The 2023 Aarons:
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The Afterparty (Season 2) - Apple TV+
American Auto (Season 2) - NBC
American Horror Stories (Season 3)
Attack on Titan (Season 4c) - NHK
Barry (Season 4) - HBO
Black Mirror (Season 6) - Netflix
Chucky (Season 3a) - Syfy
Clone High (Season 1) - Max
The Continental: From The World of John Wick (Miniseries) - Peacock
Disenchantment (Season 5) - Netflix
Doom Patrol (Season 4b)
The Fall of the House of Usher (Miniseries) - Netflix
Fargo (Season 5) - FX
The Flash (Season 9) - CW
Found (Season 1) - NBC
Frasier (Season 1) - Paramount+
Goosebumps (Season 1) - Disney+
Gotham Knights (Season 1) - CW
The Great (Season 3) - Hulu
Harley Quinn (Season 4) - Max
History of the World Part II (Miniseries) - Hulu
I’m a Virgo (Season 1) - Amazon Prime
Invincible (Season 2a) - Amazon Prime
I Think You Should Leave (Season 3) - Netflix
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (Season 16) - FXX
Kung Fu Panda: The Dragon Knight (Seasons 2 & 3) - Netflix
The Last of Us (Season 1) - HBO
Monarch: Legacy of Monsters (Season 1) - Apple TV+
Mrs. Davis (Miniseries) - Peacock
The Muppets Mayhem (Season 1)
My Adventures with Superman (Season 1) - Adult Swim
Nancy Drew (Season 4) - CW
Our Flag Means Death (Season 2) - Max
Party Down (Season 3) - Starz 
Perry Mason (Season 2) - HBO
Poker Face (Season 1) - Peacock
Reservation Dogs (Season 3) - FX
Riverdale (Season 7) - CW
Secret Invasion (Miniseries) - Disney+
Solar Opposites (Season 4) - Hulu
Star Trek: Lower Decks (Season 4) - Paramount+
Star Trek: Picard (Season 3) - Paramount+
Star Trek: Strange New Worlds (Season 2) - Paramount+
Star Wars: The Bad Batch (Season 2) - Disney+
Succession (Season 4) - HBO
Superman & Lois (Season 3) - CW
Titans (Season 4b) - Max
Up Here (Season 1) - Hulu
Velma (Season 1) - Max
Walker: Independence (Season 1b) - CW
What We Do In The Shadows (Season 5) - FX
The Winchesters (Season 1b) - CW
Yellowjackets (Season 2) - Showtime
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PILOT ONLY:
The Irrational (Pilot Only) - NBC
Krapopolis (Pilot Only) - Fox
Star Wars: Young Jedi Adventures (Pilot Only) - Disney Junior
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THANK YOU FOR READING!
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