nightinghoul

[nightinghoul]

I made this comic about my bunnies. (I know I used the wrong "your". I only just caught it, and I'm exhausted.)

Gilly really thinks I'm trying to kill her about half the time, and let's me pet her the other half of the time. I'm not sure how she makes the distinction between murder days and non-murder days.

#bunny #stewart b. potts #the cutest bestest boy ever #bunnies #bunny love #i love bunnies #stewart the bunny #gilly and stew #silly gilly bun #comic art #artists on tumblr

[nightinghoul]

I made a bunny nest!

Well, okay the nest is for me, so I can hang out with my bunnies in comfort. I had put this little beach chair in their room, and it was uncomfortable, so today I went to Home Goods and got cushions for the seat and back, plus the little throw, and the rainbow pillow (which has tassels, but so far they don't seem interested. They're not very destructive for bunnies).

The tiny pet chaise lounger was already there, and I used an old blanket to fit the vibe. Bunnies seem to approve.

But who cares about furniture? Look at these adorable fuzzballs:

And here is a wild bunny friend that was sitting behind our car in a parking lot:

So long! ❤️

#bunny #stewart b. potts #the cutest bestest boy ever #bunnies #bunny love #i love bunnies #stewart the bunny #gilly and stew #silly gilly bun #wildlife

[nightinghoul]

Just Another Autistic LARPer

(I need to vent.)

I was so brutally bullied into submission growing up, I consciously forced myself to learn to mask. Then I was taught to make accommodations for people who didn't or couldn't mask. It hurt, because I was never offered the same considerations. Of course I believe they deserved accommodations - I just wanted that, too. Now I'm angry, but trying not to be. I had to find ways to manage.

When I was twenty, I started LARPing. I invented a character who was loud, rude, and stupid. This way, when I opened my mouth, I didn't have to be afraid of what people thought of me. If they hated my personality, I was just playing my character right. Sometimes, even when I played her, I just wandered around quietly, staring. As in my real life, I felt unwanted. But sometimes I forced myself to hoot and holler - enough that I had a reputation as a loud ditz that followed me to my social interactions with LARPers outside of the games.

At least, I learned the basics of interacting. You open your mouth and make sounds. People react. You try to make the right sounds.

I used that to get along for the rest of my life. I learned to make eye contact by working at a grocery store. Customers get angry when you don't pay attention to them. The more I masked, the more I learned to mask. The more I LARPed, the more autistic people I met. I felt like they were my people, but I felt like they were looking at me as an outsider now, too, like everyone else.

For a while, I only played "weird" characters at LARPs. Characters that would be outsiders because, I told myself, I was acting. Then I played characters who had what I didn't have - self confidence and self love. Characters who just assumed they were the best and the most beloved. Characters who didn't feel guilt for being alive. That felt good, I'm not gonna lie.

The more I played outgoing characters, the more I learned to mask. But there were always these moments, even in chatacter, where my throat went silent, and nobody invited me to sit by them, so I still felt wrong and unwanted.

I used everything I learned there in my real life, to work. That's what we train our whole lives for. I had a hard time keeping a job. I have a hard time understanding what people want from me. I have a hard time managing my job, and my temper. I never felt cut out for great ambitions.

When I finally worked up the courage to be tested for autism and adhd, my therapist at the time said, "You can't have those. You're good at holding a conversation, and you make eye contact. Plus, autistic people don't really know how to have feelings."

I will be 43 in a month. I was just diagnosed - ADHD a few months ago, autism a few weeks ago (plus ADHD confirmed.) But I feel like my sense of self has been absolutely and completely bullied and trained out of me. I feel like I don't belong in any world.

I'm not in any danger of hurting myself or leaving this world. I'm just sad, and busy picking up the pieces.

#autism #actually autistic #audhd #larp as a tool #masking #larping autistic #larp #late diagnosis #late diagnosed autistic #late diagnosed adhd

[nightinghoul]

Traveling advice for women:

If you are traveling by public means, like a bus or a plane, and you are seated beside a manspreader, manspread more. Manspread better.

#travel #manspreading #smash the patriarchy

[nightinghoul]

Look, country music belongs to black people. Whites appropriated the banjo, the blues, and everything that predicated modern country music. Here's an article that explains it really well:

#country music history #stop being racist

[nightinghoul]

Well, after weeks of evaluation, today I got my OFFICIAL official narcolepsy diagnosis, and something new: AUTISM!

Well, I'm not surprised in the least. I used to be nonverbal in school and public spaces. I'm very high masking now, because I was bullied.

My psych said something that struck me as, "were going to treat your autism..."

I told her just want to to be myself without feeling inferior.

Because last time someone yelled at me, "WHY DON'T YOU LOOK ME IN THE EYE WHEN I'M TALKING!?" I answered, "Oh, sorry, I'm just... I have something wrong with me." 😑

#autism #My labels help me #actually autistic #narcolepsy diagnosis

[nightinghoul]

Am I too proud of this? Maybe...

(Psst...

In case you're not old like me, there was an old joke that went:

"Pete and Re-Pete were sitting on a boat. Pete fell off. Who was left?"

"Re-Pete"

"Pete and Re-Pete were sitting on a boat. Pete fell off. Who was left?")

#stupid jokes #pete and repeat #oldtimers

[nightinghoul]

Almonds

Almonds are the solution to all my problems: Inflammation? Almonds. Digestion issued? Almonds. Boredom? Neurospicy food restrictions (like ARFID)? Protein deficiency? Almonds, almonds, and more almonds.

I eat almonds every day. I put them in trail mix, or cereal, or just eat them alone. I like them best raw, which, to my understanding, is the most nutritious way to eat them.

But almonds aren't a sustainable resource. They use a lot of water to grow. I've been looking at more ethical and sustainable ways that almonds can be produced, and I found a couple of links:

I just really want to keep eating almonds.

#almonds #sustainability #food industry #sustainable farming #healthy food

[nightinghoul]

I am once again asking you to watch this video of Mr. Potts and his cups, because LOOK.

Is Stewart becoming a star? Should I just rename my page "Stewart B. Potts's Tumblr for Sassy Buns"?

Well, now I have to post the cups video.

#stewartthebunny #the cutest bestest boy ever #bunny #rabbit #vicious lagamorph #PG13: Mild cup violence #Stewart B. Potts

[nightinghoul]

Things I posted in my narcolepsy group recently:

Post 1 (Night before last):

I had an "episode" tonight. I was sitting in front of my chromebook, and then I was just out. I vaguely understood that my husband was talking to me, and moving things away from me/taking off my glasses, because sometimes I seize. I woke up about fifteen minutes later, but then I was so tired and heavy, I went straight to bed. And now it's the middle of the night and I'm wide awake. 🤦

Post 2 (Yesterday/April Fools Day):

Post 3 (Tonight - Under a cut to prevent me annoying people):

So tonight I went for a walk and wound up... not where I meant to be walking. And then I was all wonky and unsure of what to do, because it was dark, and I was lost. I finally followed a big glowing cross to a church (not a hallucination - They have a huge glowing cross). Lucky for me, they were just wrapping up after a night service. I get tongue-tied in public spaces, and I was disoriented, so I just stood there for a while being spacey and weird, and staring at people (who stared right back at me). Finally I approached a woman and introduced myself and told her, "I'm narcoleptic and I've wandered away from home." She let me use her phone to call my husband, and he picked me up. He said I had been gone for an hour and a half, and he had driven around looking for me, and was just about to call the police. When he asked how I got there, I said, "I don't know, it's kind of hazy." So... that was an experience. 🥴

And that's what it's like. The End.

P.S. I like Stardew Valley because you have almost birds eye view, which makes it much easier to get un-lost than in real life. Also, a couple of weeks ago, I accidentally fell asleep for four years, and when I woke up, everything was business as usual. My husband, Harvey, loved me two hearts less because I hadn't been giving him kisses, but that was quickly remedied. My real husband would never love me two hearts less, though.

#narcolepsy #actually narcoleptic #lost #good spouse #narcoleptics of tumblr #zzzzzzz #tbi #stardew valley

[nightinghoul]

New hutch!

Now maybe these two won't make quite as big of a mess. Safety grate because I didn't want them to hurt their little toes, but Stewart WILL pee on the hay. Even if I secure the hay in what I THINK is a decent rack, he will find a way to pull it down and pee on it, and now everyone is sitting in pee and eating peed-on hay. I don't want them to get UTIs, so I got the safest looking option I could find. Plus, the hay provides plenty of padding in addition to being food! They seem pleased!

Gilly was not happy at first, but she came around! She just really dislikes change. I hear you, Gilly! I also do not adjust quickly to new things! But isn't it nice to share a meal with your special companion without sitting in pee!? Especially with those fluffy white feet!

#bunny #stewart b. potts #the cutest bestest boy ever #bunnies #bunny love #i love bunnies #stewart the bunny #gilly and stew #silly gilly bun #bunny parent life

[nightinghoul]

I was Christian, but I wasn't Christian enough. When I finally turned my back on the church, it wasn't because I hated God. It was because I had been declared a sinner and a hater of God. If I am a sinner and a hater, then I will be so on my own terms. I will love the "wrong" people, wear the "wrong" clothing, listen to the "wrong" music, and keep my faiths and beliefs secret, and close to my heart. What I was taught, I refuse to be a part of. I do not hate Jesus, I do not hate you, but I do hate. I hate, and I am a sinner. So be it.

(PS In case American Jesus didn't read as sarcasm... it is definitely sarcasm.)

#anti-church #no religion #religeous abuse #hatefulness #religeous ocd recovery #going to hell #the anti-christ #sorry not sorry

[nightinghoul]

When I was a small child, I barely spoke, and I was spacey as hell, so I was always getting left behind. People just always forgot me.

A friend of my family sponsored me to go to summer camp with the youth group at the Methodist church we sporadically attended. I loved it. We got three meals a day, and spent an hour at the pool every afternoon. One night night out of the week, we walked through the woods until we found a path lit by luminaries. It would lead to an outdoor sanctuary on the lake, where we could see a candle-lit cross that reflected on the water. We would sing, and it sounded like the crickets and whipperwills were singing along. They were meant to fill us with the holy spirit, but I always felt that I was filled with song.

I was maybe nine years old. I had been hypnotized by the sparkling lights on the lake, and was the last to leave. I looked down, as I often did when I walked, and when I looked up, everyone was gone. The luminarias had gone out. I was all alone in the middle of the woods at night. I'm night blind, and always have been, so I couldn't see a thing. I started to panic. My heart was pounding, my eyes were burning, and I fought not to cry.

A voice behind me said, "Are you lost?"

I looked behind me and saw the light of a flashlight. The man lifted it to his face, so I could see him.

He was big - tall and girthy. Maybe the largest man I had ever seen (in my nine year old mind). He was pale in the night, with curly black hair. I didnt recognise him at all. He looked down at me and from the light I could see he was pointing ahead. "I think your supposed to be over that way. Here, take my hand."

I took his hand, and he led me through the dark woods, and made light conversation. He listened to me, solemnly acknowledged my feeling of having been left behind.

When we got to my party's lodge, I thanked him, and ran towards the light. He didn't come with me. He just said "Of course."

I never saw him again. He wasn't part of the church group. I don't know who he was. Just a man who saw a lost little girl in the woods at night, and took her to safety. Whoever he is, or was, I love him to this day. I wish he knew.

I just wanted to share that today.

#childhood memories #childhood #lost and found #thank you #being neurodivergent

[nightinghoul]

I made a video about my dog. I posted it on Tik-tok, but maybe Tik-tok is about to be banned in the US? Anyway, I'm not here to discuss that. This is my dog!

#i love my dogs #my dogs #dogs #dog dog dog #doggo #doggo life #doggolove #quinn the dog #cute stuff #dogs of tumblr

[nightinghoul]

I think narcolepsy should be considered neurodivergent because it affects how you think, behave, learn, and communicate. And it's neurological.

Tonight is one of those nights where I feel like I'm swimming inside my head, and getting a thought out is difficult, because the words change and everything is wiggly. Plus, I have a migraine, and everything is blurry. I've been working on my webcomic, and that's blurry too. I've been on Facebook commenting on random things, probably with gibberish. Who knows?

They can only clinically diagnose me because of my medications. I wasn't always on the meds, but I always had these symptoms. I got through college by taking caffeine pills with mountain dew multiple times a day. Once I fell asleep on the steps on the way into my apartment. It was a weird building, so nobody found me. I just slept there all night with my groceries.

They want to take my spinal fluids and do a lab test for narcolepsy. Isn't that excessive? Would it change my treatment if I tested negative? I would have to go back to telling people, "Sorry. I'm just this way. It's a mystery."

Anyway, here are some tall pictures of my dogs.

#narcolepsy #migraine #dog #narcolepsy migraine dog #completely normal

[nightinghoul]

I haven't posted any bunny pics in a little bit. All's well in bunny land. Here they are with the latest home-made hay rack. They seem to be having fun with it, and it takes them slightly longer to spread their hay all over the place and pee on it. 🙄 Anyway, they are perfect in every way, and whatever they did, I probably deserved it. All hail our benevolent bunny overlords.

Stewart and Gilly ❤️

#bunny #stewart b. potts #the cutest bestest boy ever #bunnies #bunny love #i love bunnies #stewart the bunny #gilly and stew #silly gilly bun

[nightinghoul]

I got a Ko-fi page. So far I'm using it to make animal themed wallpapers, even though the goal is to use it for my webcomic. I think it will eventually be both. So far I have these: (Hi res with no watermark for supporters.)

#i love dogs #all dogs are good dogs #doggo #doggolife #doggolove #wallpaper #ko-fi #artists of tumblr