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orchid-mantis-petals · 3 months

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WHEN HOME BEOMES YOU CHAPTER 10

/ Hello!! Hi!! As promised here is chapter 10. A few notes before we begin!! Next week is my official work change. Barring any health problems or life problems Saturday Night, around 8-10 MST will be the drop day from now on.

/ I will do my best to drop a note to tell you all what is happening. Anyway I will stop rattling on now.

/ My usual thanks go to @maximumkillshot and @taeminsung for all your help and ideas for this chapter.

/ Genre: Angst, FLUFF, crack, comfort

/ Warnings: talks of past, PTSD, talk of panic attack, past chapter incident, swearing, throwing snow??, Throwing shade (Seungmin, and reader) oh yeah and swearing

/ Summary:

It was nice to have time at the main JYP building before your work schedule began. When Lee Know parked the car you were quick to bid them farewell. After the near 30 minutes you’d spent in that detective's office then to admit some of it to Felix and Minho. You needed a breather, your gym session was overdue. But your bag was at home in your apartment. So you didn’t really have a change of clothes. It was there you found yourself with a coffee in hand at the top of the company building as you looked over the city. From your apartment you mostly saw the mornings, the evenings this city had. It felt strange to have time to witness it in the midday. You shivered as a cool breeze licked your neck, winter was only a few weeks away. But her approach was fast. Felix and Hyunjin had rattled on about the snow and how pretty it looked over Korea. In their excitement you found yourself giddy to see it with them this year. You sipped at your coffee as your solitude gained company. You knew who it was before they stood beside you, trauma is funny like that. Just the cadence of someone’s steps is recognizable to the person. “Hello Chan,” there was a chuckle before his frame took residence beside you. “Who blabbed??”

“Felix, he was just worried about you. We all are,” you sighed as you finally turned to look at him. It was true, the face he wore was one you’d call worry. Eyes wide, eyebrows quirked in different positions his body leaned toward you as his entire attention now belonged to this conversation. And ideally, toward you.

“I’m okay Chan, it’s just. It’s a lot to process. Years of my life packed away in a box. I’ve protected that box for a long while. To finally hand it, and essentially my life over to another person. It’s a lot to handle,” Chan nodded. You knew he understood in his own way what you had gone through. Maybe not in the same light but he did understand. “I talked a little bit about my sister today. It’s been a very long time since I’ve have,”

“Do you want to talk about her more??”

“Yeah..yeah..Chan you would have loved her. She was this beautiful bright woman. She always chased her dreams and strived to make this world a better place. I loved to watch her work. In a way Chan you’re a lot like her,” he only listened, to which you appreciated when you were done talking he scooped you into a side hug. It was nice to lean into someone as you let go once more. The rest of the day went just as easy, the boys kept close. Felix had said something to them, what you didn’t know. But every chance they were given your usual trio was stuck to your side like glue. Changbin not far off as he watched your every reaction. It was nice. When you finally made it home and plopped into bed you were exhausted. Before you fell asleep you checked schedules for the next day. It was good to see that the boys were provided a free day to just relax. You, yourself, had the day off effectively before schedules ramped up. Your last task for the night before you forgot was to send a text to Himora so he had a way to contact you regarding your case. He was quick to respond, his statement that he would have further info for you in the next coming days.

**** **** **** ****

“Come on Seungmin we have the day off, why couldn’t you do this alone??”

“From what I remember Innah you asked me to teach you baseball, how I teach you is not really up for debate,” Seungmin stood in the doorway of the dorm as he waited for the youngest member to get his shoes on so they could go out. It was clear I.N. had regretted asking the slightly older male to teach him how to properly play baseball. Sure, they could have slept in a few hours longer before they ventured out. But Seungmin didn’t want to spend all day at the batting cage. A few hours in the morning with lunch to end the activity was the best he could manage. There were things in his own personal time he wanted to take care of. So he dragged the youngest team member from his bed at Seven am to go out and get it done.

“If I had known you’d drag me out of bed this early I would have told you nevermind,”

“You learn better in the morning, Innie,” Seungmin tossed him a water bottle and bag before he walked out the front door to the cars. The younger just behind him on his heels. Lee Know was kind enough to loan his car for the day, with the ask that they didn’t trash it. Seungmin agreed to not eat in the vehicle to keep the trash down. His regular batting cage place was always open this early, if they happen to not be they always made an exception for Seungmin, a regular and favorite of theirs. He suspected it was due to the fact that he tipped well to keep his identity secret. When they arrived he practically dragged I.N. into the building for the younger had fallen asleep in the car on the way. They bypassed equipment rental, Seungmin had enough for both of them to use. Once set up in their spot he gave I.N. the instructions on what to do. He watched as the younger worked hard to get it right. It took some time, but in an hour Seungmin saw progress in the younger man. “See now, was that so hard??”

“Whatever Seungmin,” the older shook his head as he went to switch up the settings on the ball machine. In the hour they had been there had been no one else in the space. It was nice, Seungmin liked the silence of it. But he knew it wouldn’t last forever. Not long after he switched the settings the door opened up as another person came in to bat just a few cages down. As the person passed by Seungmin was quick to recognise it was you who had entered the building. He strangely had come to know you by the sound of your walk, how you look as you pass by or walk in front of him. Psychologists often say it can be a sign of trauma, or a response to trauma in your life. What trauma Seungmin didn’t know. More often than not he was just an observer, one to take in all the details from a distance and keep them to himself. Or used as prime blackmail against his favorite people. He would call it his love language, others say its torture. Either way, he observed. His attention was now divided between I.N. and you, one cage away from them. He watched as you stretched and set up. Then he’d turn to Innah and instruct him on what to do next.

It was after another hour that he decided he’d had enough. He could tell from how you stood, your weight distribution, stance, even your bat hold. All of it was near perfect, yet every time the ball was ejected from the machine you missed. “Seungmin??”

“Mm hold on Innie,” he stepped out of their cage and made moves toward you. “Pack up we’re going,” he turned off the machine before he walked over toward your cage. He knew you were aware of their presence. So when he stepped up to your area and cut the power to your machine you just sagged the bat dropped to your side. Felix had told them all to be kind to you. Not that he had plans to hurt you. But whatever the sun wants he gets. There was mention you had injured your hands in a panic attack. Seungmin knew there was more to the story. That Felix had said something beyond the panic attack to the three oldest of their group but he didn’t pry. It wasn’t his place. “Let me see your hands,” he didn’t ask, maybe his approach was harsh but he didn’t care. There was a thought to ask you, to rearrange his phrase so he was gentler with you. But it was hard when he knew you were hurt, to Seungmin that was enough. He just wanted to help in his own strange way.

“What??” Your voice was so quiet it tugged at Seungmin’s heart. He felt his guts twist up a little at the sound.

“Hands,” he took your hands into his, he was so careful as he pulled your gloves off. He watched your every flinch and twitch. Once the gloves were off he sighed. The bandages over your hands were splotchy and red from your cuts. “Alright, let’s go get lunch I’ll bandage you up in the car,” he took you by the wrist and dragged you with your belongings where he and I.N. had been. The younger boy was quick to take your wrist from him to allow Seungmin the chance to grab the last of their things and pay. “Take her to the car,” he told the maknae as he went to pay for both your and their time at the cage. The big tip included at the end. He thanked the staff with a small bow before he wandered outside to find you and I.N. at the car. Without a word he threw open the trunk and piled all of the bags into the back while he searched for the first aid kit he knew Lee Know kept in there. Once it was found he waved you over. His brain was so set on helping you he hadn’t realized how you felt as he caged you against the trunk of the suv before he literally lifted you by the hips to sit in the open back of the car. Seungmin was on autopilot as he removed your old bandages. He inspected the cuts to be sure none were infected before he recleaned and bandaged them up.

“Jeez Minnie, I see you’ve been hitting the gym with Binnie,” his cheeks flamed red at Innie’s words and the realization at what he’d just done.

“Sorry,” he grumbled as he backed off of you. He was sure his ears were bright red as he helped you down from the car. “I didn’t..”

“It’s okay Minnie,” your voice was so light as you teased. “You were only trying to help. Bin will be happy to know his hard work is paying off,” he scoffed and playfully shoved you to I.N. before he cleaned up the mess and closed the car.

“Alright you weirdos let’s get lunch,” the three of you piled into the car with one thought in mind, food. To fill your empty stomachs with something delicious and maybe a little greasy. It would fit the theme for the day. Seungmin didn’t let either of you choose where you’d eat, just that you would have something to eat. He dragged you both to a small local Ramen spot that had a variety of egg topping choices and his favorite fruit salad bar. “Driver picks the meal,” he stated as though you or Innah would protest his choice. Neither of you did, in fact the meal was the perfect amount of filling and greasy that he desired.

“We should go do karaoke,” Innie suggested between mouthfuls of food. “I want to hear Y/N sing for once,”

“I promise, you don’t,” you laughed, it was a sound Seungmin strangely loved. He’s heard it often over the month and a half he’d come to be in your presence. It was so loud and unique to you. When he heard it he couldn’t help but laugh along with you.

“I’m sold. Karaoke after lunch,” he decided, sure you could decline, take a cab home but there was a smile on your face that proved to say otherwise.

“Don’t cry for your poor choices Kim Seungmin,”

“I never cry over a choice I make,” he challenged as he paid the bill for lunch earning a scowl from you as you lifted your wallet for him to see. “What?? I’m just faster,”

“We’ll have to see about that,” you laughed as the waiter took his card. Seungmin fell silent as you chatted with I.N. again he just pondered and observed, he’d noticed over the last couple weeks you’d seemed so tired and run down. Yesterday at the photo shoot you had been so quiet, outside your usual chit chat with Felix or Hyunjin. When he watched them come close to you he noticed you actually for once clung to them. You had even sought the attention of Lee Know at one point. It was different to see you act in such a way. He didn’t dwell on it too much, not when he saw the light had begun to come back to your eyes since he had taken you away from the batting cages. He hoped karaoke would also make you smile and laugh for him. When lunch was finished the three of you drove to a karaoke place just down the street from your apartment. Ever the practical person Seungmin had chose this place on purpose. Especially when he learned you walked to the batting place. He was happy to have been the chauffeur for the day’s activities if it made you and Innah smile for him. He thought back to when he spoke to Felix, how honest he was with the Australian in how he felt about you. But the moment you let him take care of you, the moment he was hooked. Like the rest he wanted to know your darkest secrets. Why had you hid so much from them?? But he wouldn’t pry, no never. Not when he could see behind your strong facade, he could see the growing cracks in the mold of your well built walls. He feared that when the break occurred you’d be lost forever. Seungmin would try his best to keep that from happening to the best of his ability. When he parked the car you were the first out of it and into the building, he raised his brows quizzically at I.N. as they followed you in. “Ha!! Beat you to it!!” You cackled as you handed your card over to the desk clerk. Oh..how silly of him..he should have known you’d play this game to win.

“Had no idea you were so competitive. Game on Y/N,” he laughed as the clerk handed you a key card with a room number to your karaoke room. He followed at the back, I.N. just in front of him and you at the helm.

“Me?? Competitive?? Never??” There it was again, the butterflies in his tummy. He wanted to make you laugh forever.

**** **** **** ****

I.N. had come to adore you in their lives from day one. He was right there, right behind Han at that airport. One they’d frequented quite often when they traveled. Situations like that with fans were normal, sadly. It was a risk that came with the career. He knew that, yet each time something like that happened Innah could feel his body revolt. Felix and Han both told him that experience was anxiety. While sure his was only temporary to certain situations he could only imagine what it was like to experience that on the daily. His heart felt as though it had dropped out of his chest and dragged behind him for miles. It was only when your kind face came to check on him did he calm. You had made sure he wasn’t injured, that the woman who had tried to grab him never did. From that day on he trusted you with his whole heart. He’d later come to learn more about you and your life in America. They weren’t secrets persay, but it was so cool to talk to you without your trio at your side.

It had been the night before the flight back from Japan. He couldn’t sleep, nor could you, it seemed, as he found you on the rooftop balcony of the hotel two hours after all of you returned from the after party. When he settled beside you on the bench the two of you didn’t say a word for a long while. It was you who had broken the silence first.

“Can’t sleep??” He shook his head as he tipped it back to the sky. There weren't many stars he could see here in the city but the few he did always captured his attention. “Airport??” This time he nodded, his eyes moved to meet yours as you watched him quietly.

“I’m afraid. Last time was scary,” you nodded in understanding as you moved to settle his head on your shoulder.

“I understand but I promise it won’t happen this time. I can’t promise every time. But I can promise this time. I can walk you through the plan if that helps??” He nodded again, his head still gently nestled against your shoulder. “I have switched your flight to early morning so the crowds are smaller. I called the JYP PR team to have the old flight information released. Like last time I will have extra support from the airport staff to protect you. And I have switched you and Han to be closer to me,” it was simple. You threw everything into logic for him. All his worries ebbed away at that moment and he fell asleep against you. When he woke up the next morning he wasn’t sure how he ended up in his hotel bed but he didn’t question it. He was ready for whatever the day brought. That conversation had made him realize you were more than just a person he could trust. You were a friend. And maybe one day part of his small family. On the plane ride back to Korea you had sat with him and talked him through the plan for the airport back home. He felt so at ease around you. It reminded him of the times his mother would give him a lemon drop candy. The sour flavors always shocked his brain but the sweetness soothed it minutes after. His mother loved to give it to him when he ran around or rattled on about nonsense.. In a way you had replaced that candy with your own self. You had become his Lemon Drop, that soothed his anxious soul.

“Lemondrop..sing a duet with me??” This was the first time he'd called you that aloud. The others had nicknames for you so he figured why not give you one of his own?? Plus it was cute to see your cheeks flush pink at the name. He handed the machine to you. To pick a song to sing with him. He watched as you hesitated a moment before you picked a Song by Twice. It was so cute to watch you hold the microphone far away from your face barely singing the words to the song that you picked. He didn’t judge. In fact to ease your anxiety he sang loud and with a funny voice. You joined him in the silly antics as the song came to an end. You both laughed at the crappy score the machine gave you.

“My turn,” Seungmin stated as I.N. handed over the iPad to him to pick a song. It went on like that for a while. All of you picked songs back and forth for nearly an hour before I.N. had an idea.

“Minnie!! You should do a battle with Lemondrop,”

“I don’t see how that’s fair Innie..” you complained but reached the iPad to select a song either way. He laughed as Seungmin also selected a song to battle against you with. Second pick went first so both of you sat back to watch Seungmin sing. It never mattered if it was in a performance, the studio, or even karaoke Seungmin sang with his whole heart. He gave everything to the craft that he loved. I.N. adored him for that, he knew the rest of the members did too. It was because of him they all worked hard to be better. To do their best. The sparkle in your eyes gave away to Innah that his magic worked on you too. When it was your turn to sing unlike earlier this time you gave it your all. The song you picked was one of their own.

The opening notes to Cover Me blared over the speaker. He was shocked to say the least. You’d been so quiet when you sang earlier and Cover Me wasn’t an easy song of theirs. Yet as the lyrics displayed on the screen he saw your eyes were closed as you sang along to the music. His heart nearly stopped when you hit every note perfectly. It almost reminded him of the day Chan had Seungmin in the studio for his part. How he did his line in one perfect take. If you had any flaws in the way you sang their song he couldn’t tell. Silently he pulled out his phone from his pocket and hit record. He wanted to immortalize this moment forever if he could. When it came to Seungmin’s part he watched as your body relaxed to draw in enough energy to sing the note. And just like Seungmin you got it in one perfect try. Innah saw from the corner of the room his older member was shocked, jaw literally slacked at your ability. And when the song ended it wasn’t a surprise to either of them that you had beat Seungmin.

“What happened to ‘I can’t sing’??” The older mocked your earlier words with a slight pout on his face.

“I-I’m just as surprised as you are,” you laughed as you set down the microphone on the table. The youngest in the room was about to pick another song when his phone began to ring. It was Lee Know. He was quick to answer.

“Hey Hyung what’s up??” He shrugged to you and Seungmin as he settled into the couch.

“I’m here with Bin. I’m driving you two home it’s snowing,” At first I.N. questioned how he knew where they were but then he remembered Minho always put tracking on his devices in order to keep them safe.

“Okay, we’ll meet you out front. Oh. We have Y/N with us,”

“I didn’t see her motorcycle, it's unsafe to drive that thing in the snow..”

“Ah..Hyung no,” he laughed at how protective he’d become over you all of a sudden. “She walked to the batting place and we happened to be at the same one so we dragged her along with us,”

“Oh, I see,” there was a quick silence on the other line before Lee Know spoke again. “Bin can take her home. I'll drive you two,” he heard his other Hyung squawk in the background before there was some light rustling. He was sure the two were messing with one another before the line fell silent as the older had hung up.

“That was Minho Hyung. He and Bin Hyung are here. It’s snowing so they want to take us home. Lee Know is taking you and I,” he pointed to Seungmin. “And Binnie will take you,” he said as he addressed you. It wasn’t long after that all of you packed up your belongings and headed out the front door. He watched silently as you bid farewell to the desk clerk and thanked him for the great service. Just outside the door the three of you could see the large heavy snowflakes that cascaded down from the sky.

“Innie!! Dance with me!!” He followed you out into the sloshy wet snow to dance. Your twirling caught the attention of his Hyungs who parked beside Lee Know’s car. They stepped out to watch you two play in the snow.

“Careful Innah!!” The oldest sighed as he walked over to the two of you. He stopped to grab his Hyung.

“Minho!! She out-sang Seungmin,”

“Oh?? Did she now,”

“He’s exaggerating Lee Know,”

“Am not!! I have it on video!!” Innie pulled out his phone and played the video for the rest of them to hear.

“I can safely say you certainly out-sung the main vocalist of our team. Careful Seungmin we may have a new team member,”

“She’s too pretty to be on our team,” Seungmin smirked as he bumped his shoulder with yours. All the while they saw you smile. It was wide, wider than they’d seen in days. I.N. knew they all felt the very same way. If they could, they’d do anything to see you smile like that forever. He bid you farewell with a hug as Seungmin put your stuff into Bin’s car. There was a moment he felt your arms tighten around his before you let go. Sneakily he kissed your cheek before he ducked into Lee Know’s car. A half made snowball smacked the window seconds after. But all he did was laugh and laugh. He heard you laugh from the other side of the door. Lee Know rolled the window down a fraction of an inch to call out to you as you got into Changbin’s car.

“Hey Athena, you missed,” the world around the five of you erupted into fits of laughter, even Seungmin joined. I.N. held onto his smile from the moment he got home, to the moment he fell asleep. All of it because of you. Your bright eyes and brilliant smile. It lit a spark in him. In them all.

TAG LIST:

@taeminsung @maximumkillshot @feybin @alex--awesome--22 @liknws @palindrome969 @newbbystay @highlydestiny

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orchid-mantis-petals · 3 months

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WHEN HOME BEOMES YOU CHAPTER 10

/ I will do my best to drop a note to tell you all what is happening. Anyway I will stop rattling on now.

/ My usual thanks go to @maximumkillshot and @taeminsung for all your help and ideas for this chapter.

/ Genre: Angst, FLUFF, crack, comfort

/ Warnings: talks of past, PTSD, talk of panic attack, past chapter incident, swearing, throwing snow??, Throwing shade (Seungmin, and reader) oh yeah and swearing

/ Summary:

“Do you want to talk about her more??”

**** **** **** ****

“Come on Seungmin we have the day off, why couldn’t you do this alone??”

“If I had known you’d drag me out of bed this early I would have told you nevermind,”

“What??” Your voice was so quiet it tugged at Seungmin’s heart. He felt his guts twist up a little at the sound.

“Jeez Minnie, I see you’ve been hitting the gym with Binnie,” his cheeks flamed red at Innie’s words and the realization at what he’d just done.

“Sorry,” he grumbled as he backed off of you. He was sure his ears were bright red as he helped you down from the car. “I didn’t..”

“We should go do karaoke,” Innie suggested between mouthfuls of food. “I want to hear Y/N sing for once,”

“I’m sold. Karaoke after lunch,” he decided, sure you could decline, take a cab home but there was a smile on your face that proved to say otherwise.

“Don’t cry for your poor choices Kim Seungmin,”

“I never cry over a choice I make,” he challenged as he paid the bill for lunch earning a scowl from you as you lifted your wallet for him to see. “What?? I’m just faster,”

“Me?? Competitive?? Never??” There it was again, the butterflies in his tummy. He wanted to make you laugh forever.

**** **** **** ****

“I’m afraid. Last time was scary,” you nodded in understanding as you moved to settle his head on your shoulder.

“My turn,” Seungmin stated as I.N. handed over the iPad to him to pick a song. It went on like that for a while. All of you picked songs back and forth for nearly an hour before I.N. had an idea.

“Minnie!! You should do a battle with Lemondrop,”

“What happened to ‘I can’t sing’??” The older mocked your earlier words with a slight pout on his face.

“Hey Hyung what’s up??” He shrugged to you and Seungmin as he settled into the couch.

“Okay, we’ll meet you out front. Oh. We have Y/N with us,”

“I didn’t see her motorcycle, it's unsafe to drive that thing in the snow..”

“Ah..Hyung no,” he laughed at how protective he’d become over you all of a sudden. “She walked to the batting place and we happened to be at the same one so we dragged her along with us,”

“Careful Innah!!” The oldest sighed as he walked over to the two of you. He stopped to grab his Hyung.

“Minho!! She out-sang Seungmin,”

“Oh?? Did she now,”

“He’s exaggerating Lee Know,”

“Am not!! I have it on video!!” Innie pulled out his phone and played the video for the rest of them to hear.

“I can safely say you certainly out-sung the main vocalist of our team. Careful Seungmin we may have a new team member,”

TAG LIST:

@taeminsung @maximumkillshot @feybin @alex--awesome--22 @liknws @palindrome969 @newbbystay @highlydestiny

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orchid-mantis-petals · 3 months

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😂🤣 only Lix can talk to him like that and we all know it. So glad you liked it.

I always adore your comments. 💜💜

WHEN HOME BECOMES YOU CHAPTER 9

/ Well Hi!! Heyo!! Soooo..I may or may not have been hit with a wall of inspiration. I also may or may not have cranked out the entirety of chapter 9 for you..Whoops??

/ Anywho..Shes done, unlike a lot of the other chapter this one has a TON of dialogue which was incredibly fun to create for all of you.

/ My usual thanks go to @maximumkillshot for helping me do the segment with Lix and Minho. and @taeminsung, I LOVE your live comments as you text me..hehe

/ I will stop gabbin here we go!!

/ Genre: angst, fluff, comfort, MORE cuddles

/ Warnings: Talks of DV, Family history, talks of injury, Lee Know is kinda mean, Felix and Reader cry, and Swearing.

/ Summary:

Your conversation with her was brief before she paged forward Himora, the old friend of Ivory. He was tall, fair skinned, with neat slicked back hair. His attire was not far off from a classic 70’s suit and tie detective in an older tv show. Something about it looked and felt familiar. All those years you’d been plopped in front of a tv watching those cheesy cop shows caught up to you now.

When you woke the next morning you weren’t sure what you expected. The night before flooded back with eased disregard for your own mental wellbeing. Just the idea of sitting up from your plush bed was terrible. It was only when said bed lifted and relaxed under you that you thought to make a move. Slowly with caution you turned to find your head was rested against Changbin’s chest. You remembered having asked him to stay with you, sleep beside you. A nightmare startled you both awake. It was rare you wanted company in your bed. Rarer you’d cling to them. You distinctly remember having fallen asleep with your hand in his. This..wasn’t how you fell asleep. With your legs tangled into his hand still clasped together beside your head that rested just below his pecs. It explained why your bed had felt as though it was breathing under you..Because it literally was. Changbin groaned above you as he blinked his eyes open. You allowed him a moment to scan the room. To give himself the chance to remember where he was. When he did he looked down at you his eyes sparkled to have found you cuddled up against him.

“Good morning Whimsy,”

“Morning,” you smiled back before you sat up. You laughed when he protested you getting up but he didn’t stop you. “Come on sleepy head, you have NIZI,” he groaned once more before he followed you out of the bed. You didn’t have any clothes to offer him. To which you apologized for. He waved you off and headed downstairs to let you get ready for the day. As you looked through your closet then down at your phone. The boys had a photo shoot later in the day one you would attend to keep them safe across the sets. While JYP always did his best to have areas blocked for his artists you never know what could happen. You had a feeling after going to the police station you’d go straight to work. With your uniform on you joined Changbin downstairs. He was settled in your kitchen as he whipped up a quick meal for you both. Quietly you stood beside him to watch as he took what very little you had in your kitchen into a meal. It wasn’t much but you loved every second of it. You allowed your eyes to wander his frame as he mixed the yogurt and granola in one of your smaller mixing bowls. It was there you spied the scratches over his wrist. Slowly your hand reached to clasped over his hand to pull the wrist toward you. “I’m so sorry. Changbin..”

“Oh, Whimsy. This is nothing compared to your hands. Barely noticeable. Don’t worry about me,” the hand you took moved from your fingers to caress your cheek. His thumb rubbed over the apple of your cheek. You turned your face into it and sighed softly before he moved away to finish breakfast. “You never meant to hurt me. Are you ready??”

“Almost,” you moved away from the kitchen to the stack of boxes. Hidden at the very bottom of the small stack was a box that didn’t quite fit in with the rest. Gently you pulled it free from the rest. It was a filing box, the contents from within heavy..Filled with the details of your life in America. You set it aside on the kitchen counter as Changbin handed you a bowl filled with your parfait. “Ready, come on Bin. I don’t want you late,” he laughed as he followed you out the door with his own bowl in hand. In the car he let you pick the music he laughed when some of their music came on. “What?? You think after a month of being your security I wouldn’t have your music on my playlist,”

“Nah, I just. I wasn’t sure what songs of ours you liked. I haven’t heard your taste in music yet,” you smiled as you fed yourself the breakfast he made you sighing happily at the taste.

“Thank you Changbin. I really needed the company last night,”

“All you ever have to do is ask Whimsy. I’ll come everytime, so will the rest,”

“Not all of them,” you both chuckled at that.

“You’ll win them over Whimsy. Those two knuckleheads just need time,” you watched as he pulled into the drive of the Danceracha house and parked to let you out. “Hey, Y/N??”

“Yeah Bin??” You turned to look at him, his eyes soft the minute you met them. For once you didn’t flinch as he reached out to caress your cheek.

“I like it when you call me that. Be safe today, I’ll see you later,” unknowingly you leaned into his gentle touch. Your eyes fluttered closer a moment before you nodded.

“I will. Thank you Binnie,” without anything further you slipped from the car face slightly red with the blush on your cheeks. Before you could even knock on the front door Felix flung it open to greet you. He took the box from your hands and set it aside to hug you. “Good Morning Lixie,”

“Starlight!! Did you sleep well??” You nodded as you stepped into the threshold. “I won’t take long. Promise we’ll go in just a minute,”just beyond Felix you saw Lee Know in the kitchen threshold he regarded you with a Curt nod before he disappeared inward.

“Where are you two going??” He asked, you noticed the sharp lift in his tone. As though the only reason he asked was to make sure Felix would be safe. You didn’t want to lie to him. It was easy to see you were on thin ice with him. So you spoke the truth as Felix shuffled his shoes on.

“The police station,”

“Why??” He now stood in front of you, his steps fast as he too began to put on shoes.

“To file a report on someone. I take it you’re coming,”

“I’m driving,” he grumbled as he took the keys from the bowl at the door and stepped out ahead of you and the young blonde.

“Sorry Starlight he’s..”

“Protective, I get it,” you reached for the box Felix set aside but he beat you to it and carried it out the door you followed with a shake of your head. The car ride to the designated police station was quiet. You wondered if it had been just you and Felix if maybe the two of you would chat away. But with Lee Know at the helm you felt uncomfortable to speak out. And Felix must have understood that as he fiddled with his phone in the passenger seat.

“Do you want me to go in with you??” He broke the silence as Lee Know parked the car at the station.

“No..please..ah..” you stumbled over your words, you weren’t ready for him to see you fall apart in the ways at which you knew you would in front of this detective. “Can you wait for me outside?? I-I won’t be long,” both boys nodded as you slipped out of the car, your box in hand as you went. Your steps were slow and hesitant as you walked in the front door. It was different from a police station you had gone to in America. Much more clean and organized the front receptionist was alert and receptive of your arrival. Your conversation with her was brief before she paged forward Himora, the old friend of Ivory. He was tall, fair skinned, with neat slicked back hair. His attire was not far off from a classic 70’s suit and tie detective in an older tv show. Something about it looked and felt familiar. All those years you’d been plopped in front of a tv watching those cheesy cop shows caught up to you now. You were thankful to find his office was closed off from the prying ears of others, he was even kind enough to shut the door behind himself before he joined you in a seat across from you. Your box on the floor beside your feet.

“I was surprised to hear from Ivory. But then again when one of her own is in danger she’s quick to act. Y/N was it??”

“Yeah..”

“She shared a little of our situation but left most of the details out. She wanted you to tell me,” you couldn’t bring yourself to look up, to look him in the eyes. Part of you wished you had let Felix join you in this. But you weren’t ready for the younger to hear this story yet. You weren’t even ready for this detective to hear it. “Look, I’m not here to force you into telling me what’s wrong. I just need the basics so I can begin your file and create a protective order if it is needed,”

“It’s needed,” you sighed the inside of your lower lip now raw from anxiety. “All of it..the last five years, is here. In this box. My entire life for all it’s worth rests in your hands now,” you reached down for the box and gifted it to him with a gentle push across the wooden coffee table. “It has all my hospital records, pictures, police reports. I-I think there’s even some old journals I kept. I documented everything..He’s..He’s trying to find me..and he will kill someone if he doesn’t..”

“If I file a protective order you know it will reveal your location right??”

“Will it keep him from hurting those I care about??”

“I can’t guarantee that. But I’ll do my damned best to try,” you nodded, eyes watering at the idea of him finally having an idea of where you were. All those months he’d tried to find you, it would fall into his hands with ease. But..when you thought about Felix, when you thought of the boys. How much they wanted you in their lives, their desire to make you part of their family. It was an easy decision, because it protected them. And you hoped it would protect you. “Do you have any family I need to add to the protective order??” Himora sat forward with pen and pad in hand ready to write names down.

“What do you consider family??” You sniffled as you blinked away the tears.

“Ideally blood related. But if you fear the safety of others I can take those names down,”

“I haven’t spoken to my family in five years. Not since..” you paused at the thought. It had been so long since they drove you away. But you didn’t have to wonder why, you knew what it was that cast you out. “Not since my elder sister died. The golden child, we were in a car accident. She died on impact. Because I survived, my family blamed me. So I was disowned. I doubt they’ll take the protection. They always liked Logan. Despite knowing what he had done to me they always adored him,” through it Himora only nodded he listened intently to you speak your truth to him.

“Aside from them is there..”

“Stray Kids..the members of the band..I work for them. But we’ve become close. We’re becoming close. As well as Axel and Ivory,” there was no hesitation in your voice as you spoke, you even interrupted Himora. You watched as he wrote it all down every bit of it. Afterward he closed the pad and set it aside.

“Y/N you are always safe here. I want you to take my card and have my phone number. Any information you want to give. Even if it feels meaningless to you, tell me. I can also offer counseling services for what you’ve been through. But I won’t force you. Give me a few days to pour over your files. When I have your number I’ll let you know the next steps,” you nodded slowly before you stood from your seat to shake his hand. “It takes courage to do this. I will protect you and the rest with all the power I have,”

“Thank you,” your voice has no strength left. You were quiet as Himora walked you to the front to make sure you made it to the car safely, his card tucked neatly into your pants pockets.

**** **** **** ****

Every so often Felix found himself pressing two fingers to the pulse point in his wrist. A random habit he picked up when he was younger to curb his anxiety.

“Talk to me Lixie. What’s going on in your head??”

“I am just worried about Starlight, you know??”

“No, not really,” Felix sighed, he knew that his Hyung didn’t like their new friend but he couldn’t figure out why. It nagged at him with every scoff and huff Minho let out when you got any kind of attention from the rest. Seungmin admitted he wasn’t sure of you yet due to the lack of quality time he had with you. Even made a snide remark of ‘its hard to like someone when others monopolize their time,’

“You know..With someone who is the second oldest of our team, your approach to this is rather childish. Does it really bother you that someone gets the opportunity to protect us AND get along with us?? Or does that job solely belong to Mister Lee Minho,”

“I know you did not just full name me..” he laughed beside Felix, the younger turned and bowed in his seat.

“I mean you are my elder,” the response back was a playful shove back into his seat from Minho.

“Alright enough out of you. Truthfully Lix, I want to like her. But I am having a hard time when she continues to ask us for trust but then hides from us,”

“See Hyung, was that really so hard to tell me?? Oh look!! The sky didn’t fall,” they both laughed, their usual deep belly deep laughter. With it Felix’s anxiety was swept away with the wind. “You aren’t patient. But with Starlight we have to be,”

“I’ll try harder Lix, but only for you,” it wasn’t long after the back door opened and you slid into your seat in the middle. Felix lit up at your presence, his entire being turned to take you in.

“Hey there, how did it go??” he asked calmly as he reached into the back to wipe away some of the tears left on your cheeks.

“I..I think it went well..” There was silence from the oldest in the car before a heavy sigh left his body. Felix braced for impact of what his Hyung might say to you.

“Good, it’s hard to see you stressed out. It upsets the others,” both you and Felix let out a collective breath you seemed to have both held when it came to what Lee Know might say. “What does this detective do?? I mean what is his specialty??” Felix lifted his brow as he looked at the man he considered his older brother. It was a look that read ‘just couldn’t help yourself could you??’ they both knew that answer, plain as the question he asked you. “What?? Was that too invasive?? I’m trying here Lix..” Lee Know snarked nose scrunched lip turned up. Your laugh broke the tension once more as you sat back in your seat and fished out a card from your pocket.

“Detective Himora is a Domestic Violence and Homicide detective,” your admittance shocked them both. Felix felt his heart stop a moment, only to begin again at a rapid pace. Sure, he had his guess as to what happened to you, even understood someone had hurt you in a cruel way. But to hear you admit it, in front of him and Lee Know. It took Minho a second before he turned to look at you.

“Wait..Someone did that to you?? Someone hit you??” you chuckled, it unsettled Fleix. This topic wasn’t something you chuckle at, yet you had. He wondered why..Who had hurt you so bad that it was almost funny to even regard.

“Hit was the least of my problems in the five years I was with him,” Felix felt tears well in his eyes, to him it was unimaginable that someone could ever hurt you. He had come to adore your presence in every moment you granted him. The Starlight beacon he wanted to shine over him with every chance given. To admit that someone tried to take that from him, to squander the open love you give, it broke his heart. He hadn’t realized he was crying until you reached over from your seat to wipe away his tears. “Oh Lixie..I’m trying to fix it I promise,”

“Fix it..You shouldn’t have to fix anything..” he sniffled as he leaned into your bandaged hand. After a moment he turned to kiss your palm. “I’m sad someone hurt you,and for so long,”

“I am making sure it can never happen again,” he nodded in your hands, slowly he took a steady breath in and out until he felt himself calm down. Beside him Lee Know was silent, his own eyes a touch red from tears that welled in the rims of his lids.

“You are so strong to have survived that Y/N. A warrior through and through,” With gentle hands Lee Know reached back to squeeze your shoulder. Felix watched as your free hand came to rest over his Hyung’s. In that moment the ice had finally broken. He could see that Lee Know had finally let go of his petty attitude toward your being in their life. After all of you calmed down the oldest finally started the car and headed toward the company building. “Thank you for trusting us Warrior,” Felix knew he was hooked now, he may not have smiled at you fully but Felix noticed the soft crinkle in the corner of his eyes as he spoke to you.

“Thank you for listening Minho,”

TAG LIST: @taeminsung @maximumkillshot @feybin @alex--awesome--22 @liknws @palindrome969 @newbbystay

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orchid-mantis-petals · 3 months

Text

Awe thanks!! I worked really hard and thought for a long time how I wanted these two to finally enjoy each other.

I love your reactions love. 💜💜

WHEN HOME BECOMES YOU CHAPTER 9

/ Well Hi!! Heyo!! Soooo..I may or may not have been hit with a wall of inspiration. I also may or may not have cranked out the entirety of chapter 9 for you..Whoops??

/ Anywho..Shes done, unlike a lot of the other chapter this one has a TON of dialogue which was incredibly fun to create for all of you.

/ My usual thanks go to @maximumkillshot for helping me do the segment with Lix and Minho. and @taeminsung, I LOVE your live comments as you text me..hehe

/ I will stop gabbin here we go!!

/ Genre: angst, fluff, comfort, MORE cuddles

/ Warnings: Talks of DV, Family history, talks of injury, Lee Know is kinda mean, Felix and Reader cry, and Swearing.

/ Summary:

“Good morning Whimsy,”

“Nah, I just. I wasn’t sure what songs of ours you liked. I haven’t heard your taste in music yet,” you smiled as you fed yourself the breakfast he made you sighing happily at the taste.

“Thank you Changbin. I really needed the company last night,”

“All you ever have to do is ask Whimsy. I’ll come everytime, so will the rest,”

“Not all of them,” you both chuckled at that.

“You’ll win them over Whimsy. Those two knuckleheads just need time,” you watched as he pulled into the drive of the Danceracha house and parked to let you out. “Hey, Y/N??”

“Yeah Bin??” You turned to look at him, his eyes soft the minute you met them. For once you didn’t flinch as he reached out to caress your cheek.

“I like it when you call me that. Be safe today, I’ll see you later,” unknowingly you leaned into his gentle touch. Your eyes fluttered closer a moment before you nodded.

“The police station,”

“Why??” He now stood in front of you, his steps fast as he too began to put on shoes.

“To file a report on someone. I take it you’re coming,”

“I’m driving,” he grumbled as he took the keys from the bowl at the door and stepped out ahead of you and the young blonde.

“Sorry Starlight he’s..”

“Do you want me to go in with you??” He broke the silence as Lee Know parked the car at the station.

“I was surprised to hear from Ivory. But then again when one of her own is in danger she’s quick to act. Y/N was it??”

“Yeah..”

“If I file a protective order you know it will reveal your location right??”

“Will it keep him from hurting those I care about??”

“What do you consider family??” You sniffled as you blinked away the tears.

“Ideally blood related. But if you fear the safety of others I can take those names down,”

“Aside from them is there..”

“Thank you,” your voice has no strength left. You were quiet as Himora walked you to the front to make sure you made it to the car safely, his card tucked neatly into your pants pockets.

**** **** **** ****

Every so often Felix found himself pressing two fingers to the pulse point in his wrist. A random habit he picked up when he was younger to curb his anxiety.

“Talk to me Lixie. What’s going on in your head??”

“I am just worried about Starlight, you know??”

“I know you did not just full name me..” he laughed beside Felix, the younger turned and bowed in his seat.

“I mean you are my elder,” the response back was a playful shove back into his seat from Minho.

“Alright enough out of you. Truthfully Lix, I want to like her. But I am having a hard time when she continues to ask us for trust but then hides from us,”

“Hey there, how did it go??” he asked calmly as he reached into the back to wipe away some of the tears left on your cheeks.

“I..I think it went well..” There was silence from the oldest in the car before a heavy sigh left his body. Felix braced for impact of what his Hyung might say to you.

“Hit was the least of my problems in the five years I was with him,” Felix felt tears well in his eyes, to him it was unimaginable that someone could ever hurt you. He had come to adore your presence in every moment you granted him. The Starlight beacon he wanted to shine over him with every chance given. To admit that someone trie****d to take that from him, to squander the open love you give, it broke his heart. He hadn’t realized he was crying until you reached over from your seat to wipe away his tears. “Oh Lixie..I’m trying to fix it I promise,”

“Fix it..You shouldn’t have to fix anything..” he sniffled as he leaned into your bandaged hand. After a moment he turned to kiss your palm. “I’m sad someone hurt you,and for so long,”

“Thank you for listening Minho,”

TAG LIST: @taeminsung @maximumkillshot @feybin @alex--awesome--22 @liknws @palindrome969 @newbbystay

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orchid-mantis-petals · 3 months

Text

Well how did that get there?!?! 😉😉

You’re welcome

💜 Love Lu 💜

WHEN HOME BECOMES YOU CHAPTER 9

/ Well Hi!! Heyo!! Soooo..I may or may not have been hit with a wall of inspiration. I also may or may not have cranked out the entirety of chapter 9 for you..Whoops??

/ Anywho..Shes done, unlike a lot of the other chapter this one has a TON of dialogue which was incredibly fun to create for all of you.

/ My usual thanks go to @maximumkillshot for helping me do the segment with Lix and Minho. and @taeminsung, I LOVE your live comments as you text me..hehe

/ I will stop gabbin here we go!!

/ Genre: angst, fluff, comfort, MORE cuddles

/ Warnings: Talks of DV, Family history, talks of injury, Lee Know is kinda mean, Felix and Reader cry, and Swearing.

/ Summary:

“Good morning Whimsy,”

“Nah, I just. I wasn’t sure what songs of ours you liked. I haven’t heard your taste in music yet,” you smiled as you fed yourself the breakfast he made you sighing happily at the taste.

“Thank you Changbin. I really needed the company last night,”

“All you ever have to do is ask Whimsy. I’ll come everytime, so will the rest,”

“Not all of them,” you both chuckled at that.

“You’ll win them over Whimsy. Those two knuckleheads just need time,” you watched as he pulled into the drive of the Danceracha house and parked to let you out. “Hey, Y/N??”

“Yeah Bin??” You turned to look at him, his eyes soft the minute you met them. For once you didn’t flinch as he reached out to caress your cheek.

“I like it when you call me that. Be safe today, I’ll see you later,” unknowingly you leaned into his gentle touch. Your eyes fluttered closer a moment before you nodded.

“The police station,”

“Why??” He now stood in front of you, his steps fast as he too began to put on shoes.

“To file a report on someone. I take it you’re coming,”

“I’m driving,” he grumbled as he took the keys from the bowl at the door and stepped out ahead of you and the young blonde.

“Sorry Starlight he’s..”

“Do you want me to go in with you??” He broke the silence as Lee Know parked the car at the station.

“I was surprised to hear from Ivory. But then again when one of her own is in danger she’s quick to act. Y/N was it??”

“Yeah..”

“If I file a protective order you know it will reveal your location right??”

“Will it keep him from hurting those I care about??”

“What do you consider family??” You sniffled as you blinked away the tears.

“Ideally blood related. But if you fear the safety of others I can take those names down,”

“Aside from them is there..”

“Thank you,” your voice has no strength left. You were quiet as Himora walked you to the front to make sure you made it to the car safely, his card tucked neatly into your pants pockets.

**** **** **** ****

Every so often Felix found himself pressing two fingers to the pulse point in his wrist. A random habit he picked up when he was younger to curb his anxiety.

“Talk to me Lixie. What’s going on in your head??”

“I am just worried about Starlight, you know??”

“I know you did not just full name me..” he laughed beside Felix, the younger turned and bowed in his seat.

“I mean you are my elder,” the response back was a playful shove back into his seat from Minho.

“Alright enough out of you. Truthfully Lix, I want to like her. But I am having a hard time when she continues to ask us for trust but then hides from us,”

“Hey there, how did it go??” he asked calmly as he reached into the back to wipe away some of the tears left on your cheeks.

“I..I think it went well..” There was silence from the oldest in the car before a heavy sigh left his body. Felix braced for impact of what his Hyung might say to you.

“Hit was the least of my problems in the five years I was with him,” Felix felt tears well in his eyes, to him it was unimaginable that someone could ever hurt you. He had come to adore your presence in every moment you granted him. The Starlight beacon he wanted to shine over him with every chance given. To admit that someone trie****d to take that from him, to squander the open love you give, it broke his heart. He hadn’t realized he was crying until you reached over from your seat to wipe away his tears. “Oh Lixie..I’m trying to fix it I promise,”

“Fix it..You shouldn’t have to fix anything..” he sniffled as he leaned into your bandaged hand. After a moment he turned to kiss your palm. “I’m sad someone hurt you,and for so long,”

“Thank you for listening Minho,”

TAG LIST: @taeminsung @maximumkillshot @feybin @alex--awesome--22 @liknws @palindrome969 @newbbystay

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orchid-mantis-petals · 3 months

Text

WHEN HOME BECOMES YOU CHAPTER 9

/ Well Hi!! Heyo!! Soooo..I may or may not have been hit with a wall of inspiration. I also may or may not have cranked out the entirety of chapter 9 for you..Whoops??

/ Anywho..Shes done, unlike a lot of the other chapter this one has a TON of dialogue which was incredibly fun to create for all of you.

/ My usual thanks go to @maximumkillshot for helping me do the segment with Lix and Minho. and @taeminsung, I LOVE your live comments as you text me..hehe

/ I will stop gabbin here we go!!

/ Genre: angst, fluff, comfort, MORE cuddles

/ Warnings: Talks of DV, Family history, talks of injury, Lee Know is kinda mean, Felix and Reader cry, and Swearing.

/ Summary:

“Good morning Whimsy,”

“Nah, I just. I wasn’t sure what songs of ours you liked. I haven’t heard your taste in music yet,” you smiled as you fed yourself the breakfast he made you sighing happily at the taste.

“Thank you Changbin. I really needed the company last night,”

“All you ever have to do is ask Whimsy. I’ll come everytime, so will the rest,”

“Not all of them,” you both chuckled at that.

“You’ll win them over Whimsy. Those two knuckleheads just need time,” you watched as he pulled into the drive of the Danceracha house and parked to let you out. “Hey, Y/N??”

“Yeah Bin??” You turned to look at him, his eyes soft the minute you met them. For once you didn’t flinch as he reached out to caress your cheek.

“I like it when you call me that. Be safe today, I’ll see you later,” unknowingly you leaned into his gentle touch. Your eyes fluttered closer a moment before you nodded.

“The police station,”

“Why??” He now stood in front of you, his steps fast as he too began to put on shoes.

“To file a report on someone. I take it you’re coming,”

“I’m driving,” he grumbled as he took the keys from the bowl at the door and stepped out ahead of you and the young blonde.

“Sorry Starlight he’s..”

“Do you want me to go in with you??” He broke the silence as Lee Know parked the car at the station.

“I was surprised to hear from Ivory. But then again when one of her own is in danger she’s quick to act. Y/N was it??”

“Yeah..”

“If I file a protective order you know it will reveal your location right??”

“Will it keep him from hurting those I care about??”

“What do you consider family??” You sniffled as you blinked away the tears.

“Ideally blood related. But if you fear the safety of others I can take those names down,”

“Aside from them is there..”

“Thank you,” your voice has no strength left. You were quiet as Himora walked you to the front to make sure you made it to the car safely, his card tucked neatly into your pants pockets.

**** **** **** ****

Every so often Felix found himself pressing two fingers to the pulse point in his wrist. A random habit he picked up when he was younger to curb his anxiety.

“Talk to me Lixie. What’s going on in your head??”

“I am just worried about Starlight, you know??”

“I know you did not just full name me..” he laughed beside Felix, the younger turned and bowed in his seat.

“I mean you are my elder,” the response back was a playful shove back into his seat from Minho.

“Alright enough out of you. Truthfully Lix, I want to like her. But I am having a hard time when she continues to ask us for trust but then hides from us,”

“Hey there, how did it go??” he asked calmly as he reached into the back to wipe away some of the tears left on your cheeks.

“I..I think it went well..” There was silence from the oldest in the car before a heavy sigh left his body. Felix braced for impact of what his Hyung might say to you.

“Fix it..You shouldn’t have to fix anything..” he sniffled as he leaned into your bandaged hand. After a moment he turned to kiss your palm. “I’m sad someone hurt you,and for so long,”

“Thank you for listening Minho,”

TAG LIST: @taeminsung @maximumkillshot @feybin @alex--awesome--22 @liknws @palindrome969 @newbbystay @highlydestiny

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orchid-mantis-petals · 3 months

Text

I think my heart melted into a pool on the floor. I’m unsure how to get it back..🫠🫠

I Can't Lose You-Chapter 13

Warnings: Non really! Just some A quality fluff, there is some references to hard times, other than that, nothing.

Pairing: Changbin x Reader???

Characters: All boys minus Chan

A/N: Okay this is super fluffy dare I say brush your teeth after. Enjoy!

I Can't Lose You Masterlist-CLICK HERE

Stray Kids Masterlist-CLICK HERE

ALL WORK IS UNDER ME AND MY BLOG. DO NOT TRY TO REPUBLISH OR STEAL MY WORK, AS THAT IS COPYRIGHTED UNDER ME AND IS CONSIDERED COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT WHICH IS A PUNISHABLE OFFENSE.

ANY WORK THAT YOU SEE ON OTHER SITES THAT ARE MY WORKS PLEASE NOTIFY ME IMMEDIATELY.

It was the soft light of dawn that stirred Changbin from sleep. He felt a warm weight on his bicep, his hand aching from the bruises on it. He made sure not to flex it as he turned his head to see the owner of that warm weight. He smiled to himself, looking at you, your body angled towards him, your angel plush koala’ed with your head on his bicep.

He fought the yawn trying to escape him as he looked at you. You always rested so beautifully. He could watch you for hours, if he was any good at art he would have a studio full of different mediums of the same subject, you. The walls would be covered with photos, paintings, and drawings of when you’re resting, awake, laughing… That was his favorite, it would look like someone turned on a light in a dark room. You always looked like that, too.

He almost giggled to himself when he thought about how much of an opposite to you he was. He never slept gracefully. Mostly landing on the opposite side of the bed where he started from and limbs either starfished or belly down smothering himself in the pillow. He was wondering if there was anyone else that he knows that looks as pretty as you do sleeping. Jisung looks cute but not pretty. Hyunjin looks almost angry as he sleeps, Minho can sleep with his eyes open which is just unsettling at times, I.N. sleeps in a ball (fox fits him perfectly), Chan looks catatonic, Minnie looks peaceful, but also slightly angry, Lixie however. He slept pretty. Sometimes Bin would love it when Lix would choose him as a pillow, especially during touring. Lix was always so nervous, so much so that sometimes Bin would get a call from his sunshine twin for help. Felix couldn’t sleep without cuddling him. So most days Bin would Tell I.N. goodnight after a shower and head to Lix’s room. He remembered just after day 2 of a Los Angeles show Felix showed up to his room. One minute they were talking, the next Bin woke up to Lix flattened like a pancake between the wall and himself. He remembers trying to move away from Lix’ and hearing Felix groaning and saying, “Hyung… no come back,” with grabby hands. He remembered looking down at him and saying, “You need to breathe Yongbok-ah” as he chuckled. Felix looked up and smirked as he said, “I’m breathing, now come back…” as Felix locked onto him. There Changbin was stuck for the better half of an hour as Felix went back to sleep.

Also like Felix, you would sleep like a rock next to Changbin, but when Changbin would wake up or even shift, your eyes would open, making sure he wasn’t leaving. If he was, he would need to either bargain or say where he was going. Changbin, now that he thinks about it, recognizes that you and Felix have a very unique relationship. It’s not just because you have a unique relationship with each one of the members either. You and Felix have been through a lot, him being the first you called a friend. There was a lot of culture shock when you moved from New York to Seoul. Felix stood up with you through all of the jetlag and, although you could speak Korean in a limited capacity before you moved, it was nowhere near what you needed to speak to survive.

Felix rented an apartment with you until you could get on your feet, so you didn’t feel so alone in a foreign country. He also did exercises with you in Korean, so you could learn the language better. He helped you form shortcuts for memorizing the Hangul and even helped you with the more advanced speaking by watching K-dramas with you. He’d pause it every few seconds to teach you about what you just heard. It’s because of Felix that you speak fluently after five years. Bin remembered those moments, coming over the apartment to help teach you. He knew there was nothing else expected behind Felix’s kindness aside from, “I understand that it’s hard, let me take some pressure off, yeah?” He could practically hear the thick Aussie accent as he reminisced.

Changbin looked at your hands, he could see the signs of anxiety healing on them. He knew all too well how your anxiety slams into you. You pick at your nails at times and your nails are short because of it, it’s something you’ve been trying to work on since you had teeth. However, now they seem to be healing. That made him feel good. They were a representation of your mood, your healing process. It was not often that he looked at you without a pang of guilt, however. Lately, it’s still touch and go. He always felt a slight worry at the fact that you were married to Chris and not himself, now it’s full blown panic, rightfully so. If he was married to you he would be able to be closer to you, make sure you’re happy; now that line was blocking him. He knew the line was there, he felt it in the earth between the both of you. That line that used to be so defined, now blurring. That guilt shifting focus, instead of guilt for looking at you fondly, now morphing into guilt about this entire situation. If he would’ve spoken up, you wouldn’t be like this. If he would’ve said what Minho, Felix, Han, and himself were thinking; you wouldn’t be here.

There were so many times that he’s found you in the midst of a panic attack, on edge thinking Chris would come home, just to have the rug snatched from under you. Sometimes he’d see you choking back tears as you are doing dishes, seeing no sign of Chan’s favorite mug, meaning he never came home. Smelling his cologne in the morning was the worst. Bin would find you curled on Chan’s side of the bed, asking why he left without saying anything. Questioning your worth. There was no stability for you, no peace. He wanted to tell you to get a divorce so many times. It was something that everyone who spent time with you wanted to scream. Seeing you suffer was and still is torture. Bin never knew how to bring it up though. He knows that you said that you’d leave Chan… But would you?

The press, the company, the fans, all of them would tear you apart. It’d be a massacre, if anything. The company made a show of it. The first public K-Pop couple, going public willingly. “The king and queen of K-Pop”, Chan from the Stray Kids falls in love with one of the best photographers in the business… The headlines made Bin choke at first. It shouldn’t have been that title, this situation, that circumstance. Chan’s hand should’ve never been in yours. Chan’s knee should’ve never touched the Earth, his hand should’ve never reached in his pocket to fish out a tiny black box. More than anything, the press should’ve never known anything. The backlash wasn’t terrible, with Chan protecting you for once. But now? That made his heart rate pick up.

He wanted to keep you here. Safe and content, sleeping on his arm in the dawn of the morning in the middle of a living room floor. Hair tousled, surrounded by plushies, cradling you as you rest. No, not here, he refused to think about it. He refused to believe that anything bad would happen to you, not in his arms, in the safe space he made for you the same moment he met you. The past three days have been from Hell, yet you and him found strength in each other. He goes back to the second episode, the way you clung onto him, your hand barely able to fit half of his forearm. You stood here for him. You breathed for him. All because he asked you to. You fell fully expecting no one to catch you, since Chan never did. Instead, just like the plushies, his boys, your boys, caught you. Bin lunged for you, grabbed your hand and didn’t let go. He refused to, not after what he saw. What you went through. Not with how much he loves you.

Love is a strong word, now that Bin thinks about it. It’s unconditional. When you truly love someone, you don’t care about the ‘what’s’in life. What if someone found out, what if something happens, what are the risks? None of them matter. What matters is that person. He can’t remember a day after he met you where his needs ever superseded your own. It was natural to him. Do you need help carrying something? He’ll carry it all! Do you need an opinion on this photo? He drops all of his responsibilities for you. Chan never loved you. That pang in Bin’s chest came back. He had to face it. Yes, Chan never loved you. Yes, Chan used you as a tool, a tactic. Yes, he broke you. If anything, Chan was shitty at acting like he cared, but everyone didn’t want to see it, yourself included. Not anymore.

You have gone through too much to be treated like an afterthought. Bin will chase any monster away, he’ll fight anyone who tries to come near you with any other motive other than to help you. You shifted a little in your sleep and your hair fell from your now messy bun. He smiled seeing the scrunch of your nose as a strand of hair tickled you. He laid on his side to completely face you. He gently moved the offending strand out of the way, drinking in your presence. You sighed happily and your nostrils flared, chasing Bin’s hand slightly. Bin knew what you wanted, he cupped your face gently as you smirked, still in sleep. It’s these little things that melt Changbin. The fact that even when sleeping you miss the people you love, even if they’re right next to you. You do the same thing to Hannie and Lixie as well. Mere seconds later you shivered. You blindly turned around, angel in hand and got closer to Changbin, making yourself the little spoon. Changbin used two plushies as stacked pillows so he could rest his head as he cuddled you.

“Warmer?” Bin asked as he looped his hand over your body and the angel, his arm resting in the dip of your waist. He had a smile creeping on his face, he was like Chan in the right circumstances, a literal furnace. So resting with him was the best. Like a heated pillow and blanket draped over you. He knew that when you’re cold you seek warmth, especially when drowsy so he was waiting for you to start to migrate closer to him.

Soon your shivers stopped as you said, “mhm thanks Binnie” and you kissed his bicep, your version of a “thank you” as you melted into Bin’s chest. That interaction, once again, isn’t new. You kiss everyone, in appropriate places of course. It’s just how you are. If you’re cuddling with Hannie you peck him on the palm of his hands, if it’s Lixie or Minho, it's the cheeks all day every day. For Bin you peck his chest and arms. Bin as well as the others communicate the same way with you, Bin’s favorite places are the crown of your head and your forehead. Most of the boys follow suit with that tight parameter, except for Innah who will peck your hands, your fingers, whatever is accessible, even on the shoulder if you are cooking or something.

Bin caught him pecking your shoulder once as a thanks and he yelled, “Yah! What makes you so special??”, just to hear you say, “Aye! Don’t yell at my baby! Lookathim, he’s just a baby,” you cooed as you squished his cheeks and scratched his scalp. I.N. just had a shit eating grin as he said, “Hyung, why are you mad at me? I’m just a baby…” Bin just said, “yeah tell that to your browser history.” You immediately went into a fit of laughter as Innah said, “How do you know about that??” Bin just looked at him and yelled, “get off the group email, you degenerate!” Bin, when he couldn’t get to your head, like that night, he’ll kiss your hands as he holds them. He remembered and held onto the memories between you and the boys, smiling as he watched you in your sleep.

Eventually Minho got up and took a picture of course, Bin didn’t care though, as long as you weren’t disturbed. A little after Minho came and went, Hannie popped out of Lix’s room, he had an intent to his movements.

See, there is this thing Hannie does. As soon as he gets up he is very cuddly, not to anyone else except you. He always saw you as his sister, the one he never had. It’s because of that he has this need to make sure you’re okay and he does that by early morning cuddles. That all started after you asked if you could sleep in one of the boy’s beds at night, missing the feeling of a body next to you. Han noticed that whenever you were either in your bed or Bin’s he would wake up with anxiety, his hands searching for you before his eyes even opened. It only dawned on him recently that for the first two weeks of asking, every night you approached Hannie. When he asked you why you hadn't asked Bin or Jinnie, you had said that you didn’t know how to ask Bin. Eventually, you did get around to asking Bin and he was fine with it. Hannie always knew mornings were the worst for you. He walked in many times, just like Bin did, when you’d be crying on Chan’s pillow. He noticed you didn’t do that when there was a body next to you. It didn’t matter how disheveled either of them looked, you would cuddle up and fall right back to sleep peacefully.

The first time Han did this, he found you in your morning ritual of crying, then you felt the bed behind you dip, knowing it wasn’t Chris but one of the boys. You could even tell which one, it was Han. He always stepped lighter around you, especially when you were crying or sad. He knew that you would get startled otherwise. His heart only cracked further when you didn’t flinch or question who it was. Han didn’t say anything, he just delicately dug his hands into the ball you made of your body and he dragged you to himself. He covered the both of you with the blankets and he whispered, “You don’t need that Anya, let that go for me. Come here, hold on to me… there you go... Good job Anya”. You let go of your husband’s pillow and grabbed on to Hannie, digging into his chest as you cried. His deep rumble soothing you as he said, “I’m so sorry, my heart breaks Anya. You don’t deserve this. Worth so much more. I got you, breathe.” Ever since then, Han always searched you out in the mornings.

Hannie looked at Bin and yourself and laid down on the makeshift bed as he made himself known. At this point it’s so routine that you don’t even get startled. Hannie just turned you so you were now facing Bin, and Hannie dragged you to himself, gently of course.

“Hannie?” You groaned. You were so warm and all you could register was the feeling of being moved. You knew it was Hannie, you smirked to yourself as you waited for him to announce himself. Bin looked at the pair of you and couldn’t help but smile. This ritual that you and Hannie had was probably the cutest thing he has seen. The fact that it’s now routine is something that makes him so happy. The fact that all of the boys love you so much, it makes him not only proud of the boys, but it makes him happy to know that you will always have someone in your corner.

Han just whispers, “Mhm it’s me Anya, get some sleep, just holding you, that okay?” Forever the gentleman asking permission. You nodded and he pulled you in, the last thing you remembered was the momentary cold of the comforter as you were being pulled. All that you registered after that was the rumble of the warm chest behind you as he spoke softly to Bin. After that you passed back out instantaneously.

“How did she sleep?” Han asked. He was worried about how the first night went. He didn’t want you to feel crowded, which is why he slept on Lix’s floor, no comforter but he packed his sleeping bag in his overnight bag so he had no problem sleeping there.

“Good, I think.” Bin responded. Luckily Bin slept a little better, but he wouldn’t tell anyone about the sudden episodes, waking with a need to feel you close to him. The last thing he remembers of the nightmares being images of Chris trying to get to you. Some being of you unmoving, or of you willingly letting go of him. Those times he was so grateful that you wanted him to be in the bed with you. He’d immediately feel you close and he'd pass back out, not needing to open his eyes.

“That’s good.” Han said. He could see it in Bin’s eyes. He’s been friends with him for almost a decade, in a lot of ways they grew up together, Bin may be good at hiding, but not good enough to hide from Han. “So are you going to tell me what is going on in your head now, hyung?” Han looked down, petting your hair back as he waited for the answer.

“Just trust me when I say you don’t want any of the ideas implanted in your head, Han. I know I am not okay right now. As soon as she starts therapy, I’m going right after her,” Bin’s face was hard as he looked at Han, if he didn’t have that scowl on his face, he knew he’d collapse. “I’m sorry I scared you earlier… I should have more composure than I did.” Han knew exactly what he was talking about. Han was terrified in that waiting room, seeing Bin’s entire demeanor shift. His happy, funny, go lucky brother… just gone, replaced with anger, pain, suffering incarnate.

Han looked at him, “I’m not going to lie, it did terrify me, you meant every word of what you said.” He saw Bin’s eyebrows drop, his lips went from tight to relaxed, almost downturned as his jaw clenched momentarily, his mouth opened in a tiny breath. Han continued, “But you also need to know that your reaction is justified. You had and still have every right to be enraged. It’s not your fault that all of this happened. Chris is a manipulator, he had this show well rehearsed. We didn’t see it. We all didn’t see it Bin. So please don’t blame yourself, because it’s just like what Y/N told Minho, we aren’t responsible for another man’s actions.”

“I don’t know why he did it. I keep on racking my brain. She did everything possible to make him happy. She tore herself apart for him.” Changbin always had that in the back of his head whenever he had time to himself. Even if he was just using the restroom, he couldn’t fathom why. That was when Changbin realized, anything you did, wasn't going to be enough. You already gave him so much yet he just didn't care. He wanted more, like a black hole in your life. You can never fill a glass with a hole in the bottom.

Han said, “The why doesn’t matter. What matters is her.” He tilted his head to you, “I got a call from management, they’re giving us two months off. Apparently Chris let them know what happened.” Bin’s jaw opened and Han cut him off before a syllable could be uttered, “I asked them specifically what he said, they told me. The story he gave checked out. He told them the truth. Which honestly scares me more, Bin.” Changbin’s heart dropped once he heard that. “Oh God. Okay. I’ll talk to PR and see what the plan is.” He responded. “I’ll do it later though. I… we just need peace right now. I need to go out. Get her some sanitary items and I’m going to grab more medicine, a heating pad, all of that.” This isn’t Bin’s first rodeo, he has an older sister who basically taught him everything about the reproductive system. Bin has also shared a bathroom with you for years so he already knows your size, your flow throughout it, all of it.

Since you were now cuddling Han, Changbin is now free. Knowing he had a few things to do he grabbed his overnight bag and opened it. Grabbing his shower gel, toothbrush, change of clothes and his razor. Bin hasn’t ever been more excited to shower and shave. He hasn’t done things like that since the morning of when it happened.

He headed to the shower and set up. As he undressed his mind was blank. He was focused on getting you what you need and coming back as quickly as possible. Bin was in the shower for a while, letting it seep into his bones. He could feel the sensation start in his throat. The recognizable tightness in his throat, his heart heavier than the previous time he had this urge. His breathing ragged, he wondered what he could’ve done differently, he didn’t want to lose you. Logically, he knew he wouldn't. But would you hold it against him for not saying anything about what he was feeling about the marriage? Would you hate him? He could hear you laugh and see your smile as his chest tightened. He saw all of the looks on your face that night and the pain that he tried to quell. He tried to remind himself that this isn’t his fault. He couldn’t hold it in anymore as he let the sobs rack his body silently. He focused on the sound of the water hitting all around him in the shower.

After letting some of it out. He looked up, letting the water rain down on him. It allowed him to breathe. He felt better after he finished his shower. As soon as he looked in the mirror on the wall just above the sink he realized something. Changbin hasn’t looked in a mirror in days. His eyes always focused on you. He wiped the steam away as he saw himself. His face dusted with the beginnings of a 5 o’clock shadow, his hair wet and already looking a little curly. He also noticed the slightest bags under his eyes, which didn’t surprise him. He reminisced at how obsessed you were over his curls.

You yourself helped him with his hair routine when you noticed how crunchy the curls were. You ran to the store to get all the necessary hair products and you taught him how to relax the curls and not fight them. He looked at the products laid out in front of him smiling. After he styled his hair he headed out.

It was maybe an hour later that the house came back to life, well relatively. Han wanted you to sleep as much as possible so he scolded whoever came in and made too much noise. It was only so long Minho could hold out though, so he decided to make Hotteok, a close to American pancake filled with sugar, walnuts, and cinnamon. For yours he put in extra things like dark chocolate, berries, and mango, for your iron count. Everyone else got the basic version. Which Han grumbled about but Minho just ignored him. As Han went to the restroom you stirred at the sounds and smells in the kitchen. You felt behind you for Han and you didn’t find him, so you reached in front of you, knowing Binnie was there, but he wasn’t.

You opened your eyes reluctantly as you got your bearings. You couldn’t really grasp that Bin could possibly be out but all you know is that your nose is still a little sensitive. For some reason you are craving Changbin’s scent. It happened a few times when you were carrying, but the urge was never this bad. You needed to smell his fresh scented cologne and the slight hint of him, the perfect combo you’d always get when you’d nestle into his neck.

You tried smelling his pillow, the scent too faint to quench your craving. You smelled the comforter and it wasn’t near enough for you. Then you saw him. You grabbed the plush and buried your face in it. It was exactly what you needed, taking a deep breath in and relaxing. You got up slowly, your body still sore. You grunted as you finally made it to your feet. You heard Minho humming in the kitchen and decided on going there.

Minho could hear the pattering of bare feet behind him. Then your sleepy voice spoke out, “MinMin?” Minho turned around and smiled softly at you, then he noticed what was in your hands.

“Beautiful? Why are you holding Gyu?” he asked as he worked on filling the pancakes.

You replied in the smallest voice, “Smells like him. Where’s Binnie?” Minho’s face softened hearing you say that. All of the boys knew that your cravings were still ongoing but it was something new that you craved smells too,well, to Minho at least. You had this problem even when you were still carrying, you would enlist Seungmin’s help. Seungmin’s scent was something you were obsessed with in the first month. Seungmin, of course being the friend he is, researched why you needed to smell him, finding that yes scents are a part of pregnancy cravings. Some days you would just ask to smell him and he had no problem coming over just for you to cuddle up to him on the couch for a few hours, unintentionally rolling around in his grip like a cat rolls in catnip. Whenever Seungmin caught you doing that he would poke fun at you, but in all honesty it was the cutest thing he’s seen.

“Changbin went out to get you some things. He should be back soon.”

“Ok… what are you making?” You asked as you tried to see what he was up to.

“Breakfast, I’m making yours with mango, berries, and dark chocolate.” He said as you smiled excitedly. You heard Han’s voice behind you, “I told you not to wake her, hyung.”

As soon as you turned around Han’s heart melted as he said, “Wh-What are you doing with Gyu, Anya??” You could tell Han was three seconds away from squealing and waking up the house officially.

You answered in a tiny voice, realizing that you probably look very cute, hugging Gyu to your chest and still in pajamas. “Gyu smells like him… Waiting for my Binnie to come home.” You buried your face into Gyu as you looked up at Hannie.

“How are you this CUTE?!” Han squealed.

Minho immediately said, “YAH keep it DOWN!”

That made you giggle uncontrollably as you sniffed Gyu. Han ran out of the kitchen and came back with his phone, “Can I take a picture? You are too cute right now.”

You nodded, and just like that the picture was taken as you rubbed your eyes with one hand, making Hannie coo at the picture. He went into the group chat (Obviously without Chris in it.)

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orchid-mantis-petals · 3 months

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IF SHES READY LET HER RIP I WANNA READ YOUR STUFF ALWAYS 🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️

Decisions Decisions

So... would you like I Can't Lose You Tonight. I know it's late but sound off for me please!

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orchid-mantis-petals · 3 months

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I think I speak for a lot of people when I say..WE ABSOLUTELY STILL CARE!! 💜💜

does anyone still care about sharing is caring .... because I may have a bonus instalment almost ready ......

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orchid-mantis-petals · 3 months

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WHEN HOME BECOMES YOU CHAPTER 8

/ Hello!! HI!! I am so excited to drop this chapter it was so scrumptious to write.

/ As per the Poll (Which is now deleted) you loves asked for this Chapter tonight, I am here to give.

/ I forewarn, I have not proofread it this time. I am far too tired to try that tonight. So I will likely proofread and edit tomorrow AM.

/ As always thank you to @maximumkillshot for guiding and giving me ideas. And @taeminsung who is always quick to text me their reacts. Love you both!!

/ Last notes for now, I have a work schedule change coming up. Saturday will become the posting date for this fic. Baring any health complications I will update if there is a delay or of we're on track for the drop. This week will only have this chapter (Unless I get ballsy but with my flare up probably not). So without further ado here we go!!

/ Genre: ANGST, fluff, comfort, cuddles

/ Warnings: Blood (Reader and Bin), PTSD, panic attack, Screaming, crying, injury (Axel, and reader), wound care, SWEARING BECAUSE IM A FEIND (If I miss any comment below I'm very tired..)

/ Summary:

Changbin sleepily rubbed at his eyes as he followed the rest down to the vehicles. It wasn’t as though he slept. Your constant presence at his side that night just eased the tiredness that took time to come. Now he was sure once he was home he would fall asleep like the dead. He was polite enough to bow to the concierge on his way out. Outside the main lobby he shivered, the short sleeve shirt he brought with him wasn’t enough to keep him warm against the chilled air. Winter would make her own debut in the coming months.

“Changbin, where’s your jacket??” Chan asked as he watched the younger shiver beside him.

“I must have left it upstairs in Y/N’s apartment,” the group groaned. Most just wanted to go home and to bed after their long day ended so peacefully.

“Changbin, where’s your jacket??” Chan asked as he watched the younger shiver beside him.

“I must have left it upstairs in Y/N’s apartment,” the group groaned. Most just wanted to go home and to bed after their long day ended so peacefully.

“Well hurry up Bin we’ll warm up the car,” Chan tossed the key fob to him he was thankfully alert enough to catch it before it fell to the floor.

“Thanks!!” He stepped back inside the lobby and made sure he was quick to head up to your apartment. It felt like hours in his tired brain as he watched the elevator climb higher and higher until it finally dinged on the 8th floor. When he stepped off his feet dragged him to the familiar blank door that belonged to your home. He knocked once, twice, thrice with no answer. He heard sounds beyond the wood so he was sure you were awake. They hadn’t even left your garage yet. Not even two minutes ago he was wishing you goodnight with a gentle hug on the way out. It wasn’t until he heard your scream that he leapt into action.

Changbin was thankful to find your front door had yet been locked. Though he was sure he could force it open if he had needed to. There was no time for manners, not when his blood ran cold at the idea of you in pain. The short hallway that was your entryway didn’t yield any results as to why you had cried out so desperately. It wasn’t until he rounded the corner that he caught sight of you. The space behind your couch, just in front of the stairs. Quickly he came to join you. He only stopped when his sneaker crunched on something. At a closer glance he saw a shattered picture frame. The picture that once lay within was cut apart by the glass. There was no time for him to figure out why the photo and frame had such significance. Not when he could see the blood trickle down your hands, it pooled into the cracks of the floor below you. The jacket he left behind was now used to push aside the glass that lay around you. His goal was to protect whatever part of you he could. The sound of the glass drew your attention upward toward him. But in the glassy light your eyes gave off he could tell you were not with him. Your mind elsewhere, not a registered part of this world.

“Y/n??” He called as he stood above you, not far off to your left he saw your cell phone. A call still counting up the time at which you were on with that person. He didn’t pay much mind to it any further, not when he felt your hand clasped around his wrist. He winced as the glass embedded in your palms scratched at his skin. His blood now mingled with yours as it dropped to the floor.

“I promise, I promise to be good,” he was confused, what had you meant when you said you would be good. Had you been bad?? Had he done something to make you think you weren’t good or kind?? Your hand dragged his forward until it settled into your hair. You forced his fingers into a fist your hair caught in his palm. “See, I’m good..I’m so good. Please..I’ll be good if you stop hurting them..please..stop hurting them. I’m here..I’ll be good,” his breath left him fast at the sight of you on your knees like that. You begged for harm to befall you at the expense of another. Tears pricked at his eyes as you continued to beg him for something he wouldn’t dare give you. It was then he realized yet again, you were not here with him. Your brain had cast you into a vast hellscape. One that made him a monster to you, a monster more than willing to usher in pain, to make an example out of your misery.

“Changbin, what’s taking-“ from the doorway he heard Felix but paid him no mind as he knelt in front of you with his hand letting go of your hair. He didn’t face the Australian, not when you needed him more. Felix called to you, but you didn’t respond. Your eyes locked with Changbin as the battle behind them turned into a war.

“Felix, figure out who’s on the phone,” the young blonde nodded as he scooped up your device and moved to the kitchen to speak with whoever was on the other side. Changbin studied your face once more, small cuts across your cheeks had him worried glass had settled into more than just your hands. The streaks of blood wet with your tears as they continued to wash over the scratches on your skin. There was no spark in your eyes. No fire. Not in the ways he had come so used to seeing, not in the ways he’d slowly begun to love. Gently his hand soothed over your tangled hair, his aim to fix what his hand had messed up. Though he was careful to not add to the blood that was all over you. “My sweet Whimsy, it’s me. Changbin. Can you hear me??” His voice was so light so soft all he wanted was for you to come back to the world around them.

“I'll never do it again. I’ll never leave you, just don’t hurt them. Don’t hurt anyone else,” Changbin stayed calm as you continued to beg for something that he’d never give. Something someone else had taken from you.

“It’s okay Whimsy. Look me in the eyes. I am not who you are thinking of. I am not here to hurt you. Come back to me Whimsy,” his motions slow, delicate in regards to you. After a few minutes he could see some light come back to your eyes. “Sweet Whimsy, are you with me??” There was a pause as you looked around the room, then down at your hands.

“Yes..” your voice croaked with the effort to speak through the soreness he was sure you had in your throat.

“Good, can I help clean you up??” When you nodded he slowly lifted you off the floor by your elbow and walked toward your bathroom. He looked to Felix, then to the mess on the floor in hopes the younger would understand what he was trying to ask. Your bathroom was small, but Changbin didn’t care. Not when you needed someone to help you. Not when you let him help you. Something all the boys had wanted to do for a very long time.. He settled you on the toilet with gentle hands before he set a towel on your lap to catch the blood that dropped from your hands. “Where’s your first aid kit??”

“Under the sink,” he made sure you kept your hands still over the towel as he reached for the familiar white box that contained all first aid needs. He rummaged quietly as he sat on the edge of your bathtub. The tweezers were first. He apologized gently as he pulled each and every piece of glass from your palms and fingers. It startled him that you didn’t flinch, you barely registered each glass he pulled free from your hands. Occasionally he noticed a nerve pull the muscles, an involuntary reaction to what he was doing. Your control was scary. He began to wonder how many times harm had come to you?? How many times had you experienced pain at the hands of another?? “Bin??” He had stopped moving. Tweezers poised over your palms as he got lost in his thoughts.

“Just seeing if any needed stitches,” he smiled kindly at you before he put away the tweezers. “This will hurt, I'm sorry,” he didn’t want to add more to your pain, but he knew the next part needed to happen if you were going to heal. Changbin decided to grab a towel close by and soak it in the alcohol rather than dumbing it into your open cuts. This way he had more control over the situation. One by one he cleaned the cuts on your hands and face. The only noise that was heard in the room was the soft rustling of Changbin as he began the process of bandaging your wounds and the soft sniffles you let out every so often. “Want to tell me about it??” Whatever this was, whatever had you, his kind and stoic Whimsy sobbing on the floor in terror was something Changbin wanted to protect you from.

“I’m not ready. I am too afraid,” that was all you needed to say. Changbin understood, maybe not to the full extent. But he did understand the desire to process, gather and heal from it all before you spoke about it. He would give you time. As much time and desire as you needed. So long as you understood he was someone you could come to.

“I’ll be here when you’re ready,” there was a knock on the bathroom door, Changbin didn’t miss the way you flinched and cowered away as it swung open. “It’s only Felix Whimsy,” he relaxed when you settled at the sight of the young blonde.

“Hey there Starlight. Are you feeling better??” Changbin’s heart sunk when you shrugged your shoulders. He reached out to you and gathered you in his arms.

“Let’s get you on the couch,” he laughed softly at your squeak when he lifted you with ease into his arms. When you tried to protest he only held you closer as he took the short walk from your bathroom to the couch. He was sad you didn’t cling to him like he saw women do in the movies. But he didn’t blame you either. Your hands had been cut apart, the delicate soft skin was sure to scar as they healed. He was gentle as he settled you onto the couch. Felix was right there with a blanket and your stuffed bear.

“Starlight, I talked to Ivory,” there was panic that settled over your features. Changbin watched as your eyes darted between both of them. Your waterline turned pink as tears welled up in them. In one quick motion your knees came up to your chest as you looked down, your hair now blocked them from view.

“Did she tell you??”

“No, she said she had wanted to. But you would have been upset. I agreed with her,” both males relaxed when you did, your legs flattened out over the couch, the blanket wrapped tight over your body. “She did, however, recommend a detective here in Korea. She said he is an old friend of hers. She wants you to go see him. Begin the process of ‘finally filing that shit’ her words not mine,” Changbin felt his heart swell when you chuckled softly. Silence filled the room as both men made moves to get ready and go. Though Changbin hesitated with every single step. He didn’t want to leave you. In fact his entire body revolted at the idea of you here alone. He’d rather stay, rather keep you safe beyond just the care of your wounds. He was so unsure, so helpless in the idea of how to ask. He feared you would reject him if he had. That you would shut him out once more.. Just as they stood you snagged both their pant legs.

“I-I don’t want to go alone,” you had reached out to them..Changbin would not turn you away. Not when you so clearly asked for his help. At one glance he realized his personal schedule was so full tomorrow. His help would have to wait. “But I want it done,”

“I can go with you Starlight. Come to the Danceracha house tomorrow morning. I’ll go with you. Binnie has a big schedule,”

“I’ll move it, all of it. For you Whimsy,”

“Don’t you dare Bin. You’ve done more than enough for me tonight,”

‘I will do so much more if only you’d let me,’ he thought.

“You have NIZI tomorrow, Chan will need you more than I will. Lixie will be perfect company,” Changbin chewed on his lip but nodded as he let you win, this time.

“I’ll keep my schedule if you promise to call me..”

“I can live with that,” you smiled softly to them both, but he saw how it didn’t meet your eyes. He saw you fiddle with the frayed ends of your bandage. He’d stop you if he weren’t afraid he’d hurt you in the process. For now he settled with resting his hand over your knee. His hands were so calm as he drew your attention back to him.

“I will be here if you need me,” the uncut pads of your fingers came to rest over his hand on your knee. He was thrilled you felt comfortable enough to reach out to them. To finally let them in, even just a little. “I am going to walk Lixie to the cars. If you’ll let me, I'd like to stay. Just to make sure you’re okay through the night. I can drive you to Lix’s dorm in the morning,” he watched your eyes dart around once more, he was sure you’d protest to the idea. But deep in his heart he hoped you’d let him stay. Whatever you wanted he would do. He would respect every choice you made.

“Please stay,” Changbin could tell it was hard for you to make this choice. Hard to let people in. In his head he celebrated, but outwardly he simply nodded and soothed over your hair once more.

“I will be right back Whimsy. Can I tell Chan what happened??”

“Yeah, I trust him,” that was all you needed to say. He let Felix say goodnight to you once more before he followed the young male out of the apartment.

“Lix, are you doing okay??” he was gentle as he asked, they all knew the empath Felix was. While he could handle any situation with remarkable depth and strength, Changbin also knew how much of a toll it took on him. Softly he chuckled as the aussie sagged against his side. His own arm wrapped around the younger to keep him close as they watched the elevator tick down.

“I’m okay, tired, but okay. I just don’t want Starlight to suffer alone anymore,”

“Me either Lix. We just have to keep trying. Keep being there for her,” Changbin felt the younger nod into his side as the elevator opened. When it had he scooped Felix onto his back as he walked to the front entry. The effect was immediate, from his back the blonde laughed as he kicked his legs in time with Changbin’s steps. It was only when he was beside the cars did he set Felix back on his feet. From there the younger found refuge in Hyunjin. Changbin made eye contact with Chan as the rest began to pile into the car; he motioned the leader to come out and speak to him.

“What’s up Bin, everything alright??” Once clear of the prying ears the other members had Changbin nodded.

“Y/N had a panic attack. She didn’t really share what was going on. But she was pretty upset. I asked to stay over, to make sure she sleeps okay,” Chan nodded, and Changbin didn’t miss the worry that flashed behind his eyes before he settled back into the calm collected look he always had when he was deep in thought. “I won’t be late to schedule tomorrow,”

“That wasn’t even a thought Bin. If Sandy needs you then we will make it work,” Chan looked back at the vehicles before he nodded. “I’ll leave one of the cars here for you to drive tomorrow. Just give Y/N a hug for me,” Changbin nodded, he didn’t comment on the nickname Chan let slip for you. He himself was far too tired and preoccupied with your well being to tease his leader. He’d save it for tomorrow, while they got ready for NIZI. He waited on the lobby stoop while Chan rearranged the cars. After it was all settled Chan handed over a set of keys before he gave Changbin a squeeze to the arm. “See you in the morning,” Changbin waved the others goodnight from where he stood before he wandered back inside and up to you. When he returned he wasn’t surprised to have found you had fallen asleep where he put you on the couch not even ten minutes earlier. As gentle as possible he scooped you up. Blanket, stuffy and all tucked neatly into his arms as he walked up to your bed. He was happy that you didn’t wake at all as he settled you into your bed for the night. Changbin gently tucked you in before he wandered away from your side. He wasn’t sure he would sleep at all the night, not when there was an obvious threat that loomed over your safety. Still, he knew you’d be upset if he didn’t try. Beside your front door he spotted a baseball bat, he wasn’t sure the purpose you used it for. But tonight it would stay by his side as he slept on your couch. The blanket Felix had originally wrapped you up in was left behind on the couch. With one last glance up at your loft Changbin settled in for the night. That said blanket now wrapped around himself, the familiar scent of your shampoo wrapped him in warmth as he drifted off into a listless slumber.

“PLEASE!! STOP!!” Changbin was up on his feet before he could even register what had happened, the bat in his hand he checked the front door. Still locked and bolted. “I’M HERE DON’T HURT THEM!! TAKE ME!!” when he heard you cry out again he took off from the front door to your room. At the foot of your bed he watched you thrash under the blankets he so calmly wrapped around you mere hours before. In seconds he was at your side his hand soothed into your tousled hair.

“Whimsy, darling it's a dream,” he called to you as he waited patiently to wake up from the nightmare. It didn’t take long for you to shoot up out of bed and latch onto the front of Changbin’s shirt. “Hey, hey it's me, Changbin,” his voice was low, gentle, and calm as he spoke to you. He waited for you to figure out where you were. Your eyes darted around the room then came to meet his as you began to calm. “Hey there Whimsy,”

“Hey,” you sighed as you let your hands drop from his shirt. His eyes never left your body, tonight had done enough to you. Yet all it wanted to do was take more from you with every given second. Changbin settled on the bed beside you, not too close yet close enough that if you needed him he was there. Silence fell over the both of you. It was comfortable, and clear as though it was meant to be. He waited until he felt you were calm enough before he stood up to go back down stairs. “Wait,” he stopped as you snagged the hem of his shirt. “Please don’t go,”

“Are you sure you’re comfortable with me here?? I don’t want to overstep,”

“I am. I’m afraid to be alone. Please,” he hadn’t meant for you to beg. Because he would give you anything you wanted when you wanted it. No questions asked.

“Okay Whimsy,” after you settled down beneath your blankets he joined you on the other side of the bed. He tried to not take up too much space, it was hard with his size sometimes. Yet he still tried his best to not crowd you on the bed. Changbin wanted you to come to him, he didn’t want to push your boundaries. So he settled down beside you, his back rested against the silken sheets, he felt awkward and stiff. It was when you reached out to take his hand that he finally relaxed against your bed. His fingers wrapped in your as he turned to face you. “Sleep well Whimsy. I will be here by your side when you wake,”

“Thank you Changbin. For everything,” he watched you sink into your blankets, your eyes half lidded as sleep dragged you under once more. The soft sound of your breaths evened out with your slumber is what eased Changbin to fall asleep beside you. His hand in yours, he knew from that moment on he’d protect you at all costs.

**** **** **** ****

New message: Ivory: Please go see Himora, I know he can help. Axel made it through surgery.

TAG LIST:

@taeminsung @maximumkillshot @feybin @alex--awesome--22 @liknws @palindrome969 @newbbystay @highlydestiny

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orchid-mantis-petals · 3 months

Text

Sorry not sorry 👀👀. Chapter 8 is a doozy friends and it’s coming at you this week!!

WHEN HOME BECOMES YOU CHAPTER 7

/ Hey!! Hello!! a little later than intended but here she is Chapter 7

/ As always a thank you to @maximumkillshot and @taeminsung not only my muses but my spirit guides as I write this story.

/ In the next coming weeks I am going to try and officially build a schedule to follow and post to. That is all the news for now. ONWARD!!

/ Genre: angst, fluff, comfort, a little bit of crack

/ Warnings: talks of sleep, anxiety, ptsd, insomnia, fear, sadness

/ Summary:

“What about family??”

“I haven’t heard from them in nearly five years,” a gasp left him, his plump lips sucked into his own teeth. “Chan don’t fret over them, they weren’t kind to me. I chose to leave them behind. My friends, my true family knew that leaving America was the right choice for me. My fresh start,”

“We could be your family,” it was such a simple thing for him to say, but you knew deep in his heart he meant it. Every word of it.

When morning came it was the first thing you noticed was your sleep had been dreamless. Not a thought behind your eyes, as you opened them to the renewed space that you had been given. The silk sheets slid against your skin cool to the touch. It was refreshing against your body. When you finally slipped out of the bed you stretched high and long, the bright morning light that cast over the city calmed your soul. It was as though Felix and Han had come to grace you even though he wasn’t there. You took a picture of the sunrise, and sent it to him and Han with a message attached.

‘Thank you for the sunshine boys,’

Their responses back quick and sweet as you readied for the day. The gym was your first goal, with a smoothie in hand you made your way to the JYP building. On your way out you spied the extra helmet at your door. There was no rhyme or reason for it but you took it with you. At the building you got in your scheduled time for your gym session. There hadn’t been time to have long planned workouts, Stray Kids’ long winded, fully filled schedules made sure of that. You still found time, whether it be in your hotel room or in the sparse hour or so of free time they had. You liked to dedicate that time to keeping your body in shape for your work. Afterward you looked at your phone. In your month with the boys you had found it easier to just sync your calendar to Chan’s. But as you scrolled through your phone there were no events scheduled. Which was odd, you always had their schedule. Aside from a few meetings in the later afternoon you didn’t have much to do. So after your shower you wandered up to Chan’s studio. With a gentle knock you waited for him to let you in. His voice was distant beyond the door but he beckoned you to come inside. Your eyes cast still down, cast to your phone screen.

“Chan, did you add me to the current calendar?? It isn’t showing up on my phone,” when you looked up you finally took stock of him.

“Shi, I forgot, hold on,” the shadows under his eyes seemed darker, a deeper color to the skin around his lids. You saw his shoulders sagged, his hoodie heavy against his body. As though the entirety of it was a weight that dragged against him. There was a hunch to his back as he leaned over to grab his phone from his bag on the floor. Once retrieved, your phone dinged as he added you to the calendar events for the next two months. Your eyes flashed over the prior days schedule, on it you saw 3Racha had been scheduled for NIZI. A current production of the company that featured the producing team of Stray Kids as judges for future JYP groups. By now it had a few seasons, the original purpose was to have various idol coach trainees. There wasn’t much to Chan you knew, not yet anyway. But it was clear in your eyes that he was exhausted. Beyond that, sleep seemed to evade him. You could see that in every part of his body.

“Are you alright??” You knew the answer, no, but would he say so?? Or would he lie to you.

“I-I don’t know. I am exhausted,”

“How much sleep have you gotten??”

“When??” there was a shrug, that shifted the weight of his hoodie back more. You would reprimand him, would have, had you not known the struggle he had with insomnia. How it affected his daily life, the entity that shrouded over him.

“Tell me about it,” your body settled on the studio couch at the back of the room. It was a staple to their videos, well known and well loved. His eyes roamed over you, the light of the room cast a gold glow over his irises. A hidden color in the deep brown pools. There was a wobble to his lip, a fight he couldn’t keep up due to the tiredness that ebbed off him.

“We had to, we, there was,” he couldn’t gather his thoughts, too many of them all at once. You watched as his eyes darted around the room, as he tried to find the thoughts that plagued him. Slowly you reached across the room your hand slid into his, a squeeze to assure him that you were there.

“Take your time,”

“I-It is really hard to work on this NIZI project. While I enjoy having the time and ability to cultivate the young minds of the new Idol generation. It is also hard to see myself within them,” from what little you know of him, the years he had spent as a trainee. Some of the younger members often remarked on how many years it had been, how he was the longest trainee in the company's current history. You didn’t speak, not until he had finished, his thoughts gathered more before he stood to pace the room. “I worry for them, for those who don’t make it. I know the strength of this industry, like the back of my hand. They would not survive it if we let them Debut. But it guts me to have to let them go. To see their faces as I crush their dreams, their hopes. I remember when I was there, when I felt that,” you reached out to him. You dragged him to the couch beside you, with a pat on the middle seat you turned to look at him.

“I may not know the reasons, the whys of it all. There are experiences of yours that I may not understand. But I can say this, those trainees are safer with you there to guide them. Because you know, you know what it is like to hit those points in life. How hard it is to be in that darkness, there is no one more qualified to know if these boys can or will make it in this career,” his head tipped back with a deep sigh, you watched his anxiety float off of him. His hoodie became a comfort rather than a weight against him. Beside him you felt safe, all of these boys had this effect on you.

“Y/N, tell me how did you know??” your lip tucked into your teeth as you pulled your knees up to your chest.

“Because, Chan. I know what it is like to feel so hopeless. As though the entire world had turned on you. When this job was offered to me I didn’t hesitate to take it. There was nothing left for me in America. Few people to love, and those who I do wanted me to chase this dream,”

“What about family??”

“We could be your family,” it was such a simple thing for him to say, but you knew deep in his heart he meant it. Every word of it.

“I think I would like that very much,” you smiled at him, the soft pull of your lips mirrored on his as he watched you. Whatever work the two of you had forgotten in the deep conversations you engaged in. Soon enough silence followed your voice. As your head turned to look at him, eyebrows raised in a quizzical manner. Chan was passed out against the back of the couch. His neck cocked at an odd angle as his breath came out in soft huffs. You laughed softly as you moved to pull him down away from the couch back. Your own body moved so you could continue work as he slept. After your laptop was set up on the coffee table, earbuds on and in you moved Chan. His head came to rest on your thighs. With slow and careful movements you adjusted him into a comfortable position on your lap. When he didn’t stir at all you knew he was exhausted. His body was a heavy weight next to and against you. It was all worth the ache that would come later, to see him so relaxed with you, next to you.

An hour and a half passed, three of your meetings finished by the time the door opened. Changbin emerged from the other side. Your hand stilled in Chan's hair as you raised your index finger to your lips. An ask to be quiet as he putted about the room. Soon he joined you. He chose the free office chair, his own laptop beside yours as he worked. A few minutes later he was deep into his work, his head bopped to whatever beat that had been stuck in his head now out for the universe to see and hear. Eventually he passed the headphones to you, a silent offer to listen. You wanted to, but the man in your lap prevented you from moving. Changbin nodded, he moved around the table. Settled the headphones over your head before he moved back to play the beat he just created. Chan stirred beneath you a shiver wracked his spine, his hoodie abandoned on the chair Chanbin sat in. Before you listened to the beat you reached back behind the couch. A random spotify blanket that was haphazardly draped over the couch. You settled it over him, softly tucked the back of it to his body. A small cocoon is what he became. As the blanket settled over him you and Changbin watched as he tucked his nose under the soft fabric, a soft sigh escaped him as he nuzzled into your thigh and the blanket. The beat all but abandoned as Changbin stood, hand over his mouth to muffle the scream that was locked in his chest. You watched as he slipped away into the recording booth. A sound proof space you noticed as he let his hand drop to let out the scream. After a few moments he returned phone in hand to snap a picture of Chan asleep in your lap. Happily you let him.

“Thank you,” he mouthed as he returned to his seat to play the beat he’d created. When it started you listened intently, your own head moved to the intricate sound he created in mere minutes. When it was finished you removed the headphones and let Changbin take them back from you. He waited patiently for your feedback.

“It was good,” you whispered as you settled your fingers across your keys to finish out some paperwork for a couple staff transfers. The tranquil silence that was created between the three of you was broken when the door swung open once more. This time Han entered the room, at the sight of you he squealed. His voice was loud as he rushed over to you for a hug. The movements jostled Chan in your lap effectively waking the poor man.

“Hannie, you need to look around first,” Changbin scolded as he pulled the younger man away from you. He worried he squashed Chan in his effort to hug you.

“I am so sorry Chan,” your fingers carded into the dark haired man's locks in your lap in hopes you would ease the startled feeling he must have from being woken up so abruptly. There was a heavy sigh before he forced himself upright with a groan.

“It’s alright Sungie, we need to work anyway,” his eyes met yours with a silent thank you for the kindness you had offered him today. You just smiled at him and stood as you collected your belongings.

“Well I will let you three get to it. Can’t keep the geniuses from marking their art,” you made sure to give Han a proper hug before you left them for the rest of the day. Han protested a small bit before Chan dragged him to the recording booth.

“We need to make guides Han,”

**** **** **** ****

Work that afternoon had become hard for him. It wasn’t the usual back and forth banter he’d have with Chan or the constant nag from Han to change something that kept him distracted. No it was you, Changbin was utterly entrapped by the presence you had created in his life. In the lives of his small family. His Whimsy, the kind soul that remained a mystery.

“What do you think of this Changbin??” He wasn’t paying attention, not in the slightest. His mind elsewhere, to the place you sat on that couch. Your nimble fingers tapped lightly away at your keyboard, movements small to keep Chan from waking in your lap below you. There was kindness in every action you took toward them. How he longed to be the person to rest his head over your plush thighs, to be given the permission to exist like that with you. He was not jealous of Chan, not in the slightest. Rather he was so happy to have found his leader passed out, you had guided him to sleep. Changbin was thankful you had gifted the older man the short nap he was given. “Bin,” his head finally turned to meet Chan, eyebrows raised as he hummed in return.

“Mm what??”

“Channie-Hyung, hes lovestruck,” Han sing-songed as he spun in his chair before he returned to the main desk. Changbin felt his hands wrap around his shoulders as he giggled. “I don’t blame you she's pretty,”

“It’s not just that Hannie,” his hands raked over his face as an exasperated sigh left his lips. “She's gorgeous, stunning. But it, it’s not just that. There is this kindness to her. She works so hard to protect us. I want to hear her voice everyday, listen to her speak to me. Around me, her existence in its own right is exquisite,” his mouth moved before he even had time to stop it. The words tumbled out of him, the experience not far off from when he created lyrics. All of it spilled out of him, heart bare and open for his members to see.

“Ask her on a date,” Chan remarked, his fingers typed away at the computer as he arranged the music again. It didn’t fit, not yet. Changbin groaned, unable to now form words for the pure discontentment he had with the idea. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to ask you out. It was that he wasn’t sure how. Or even where to begin. “Just simply ask her out to dinner,”

“I can’t,” he groaned as his head came to thump against the desk effectively rattling the contents that lay strewn about it.

“You can just simply say ‘hey Y/N let's go get dinner.’ Easy as pie,” was it really?? It didn’t feel that way not to him. Chan sighed this time his eyes glanced over the clock on his computer before he moved back with a stretch. “Well speaking of dinner, since we can’t seem to focus we might as well head to the dorms for a break,” Changbin hadn’t planned to protest, not when he truly couldn’t focus on the task at hand. Not when you caused a welcome plague over his mind.

When the car was called they ventured down to the garage that they were always picked up and dropped off from. There not far off he spied your motorcycle, you too were still here. That fact alone made his heart race, there was a chance to see you one more time for the day. Maybe, hopefully. Not long after the three settled outside the elevator to wait for the car did the familiar ding of the metal doors opening draw their attention to behind them. There you stood phone in hand as you stepped out to join them. When you glanced up you smiled at them. He couldn’t help but smile back. Changbin was starstruck by your existence alone. How could he not smile when his whimsy smiled at him?? Before he knew it the words fell from his lips just as fast as he thought of them.

“Dinner, you and me. Together, please,” well that was one way to ask. He heard snickers behind him before his fellow members decided to speak their mind.

“Well that’s one way to do it,”

“He got the words right. Delivery needed work,” he looked back to find Han leaning over Chan with his usual cheeky smile. He was sure to flip them off for their unnecessary commentary to his embarrassment. You however laughed, your soft airy laugh he loved to hear.

“Yes, let’s,”

“When??” He found his chance. He wouldn’t lose it now.

“Now, my place,” something cold and hard pressed to his abdomen. When he looked down he found a helmet had been pressed to his stomach. A helmet, its colors matched yours perfectly. Though the blue and pink tones were in reverse. When his hands clasped over it you dropped the full weight of it to be held by him. “Come on lover boy,” you turned on your heels and walked toward your bike. It was a view he could watch all day. Sure it made him feel not far off form a teenage boy as he RESPECTFULLY eyed your body as it walked away from him. How could he not when you wore your gear. The pants alone were criminal. A deep purple followed the inner and outer seam of your body drew further attention to your ass. The jacket that matched fit snug against your shoulders, and chest. He watched as you turned to look at him, your hands slowly pulled the zipper up up and up over your neck. It was Chan that pushed him into action, the older took his gym bag and nudged him to follow you. He did with careful steps he joined you beside the bike, helmet still lazily clasped in his hands. Your brown eyes glanced up at him, a smile on your lips before you reached into your bag for your own helmet. “Don’t be shy,”

“It’s hard not to be, when you look at me like that,” curse his mouth. Curse his brain for having let that slip out. Your laugh met his ears once more like a song he didn’t know he needed to hear. By now he knew his ears were tinted red. To hide he slipped his head into the helmet his cheeks squished some with all the heavy padding. It felt odd, tight, and strikingly comforting to have the helmet over his head.

“Wait you’re missing something,” you laughed as you reached around and grabbed something from your bag. He couldn’t see what it was, you had moved too quick for him to see what you had put whatever it was on his helmet. Your cheeky smile was reward enough for him though. “A photo, for the boys,” you said as you slipped your own helmet on and turned to take a selfie with him. In the view of the camera he could see you had put magnetic bunny ears on his helmet. Like yours one flopped down the other upright. In the opposite direction of yours. He smiled for the photo. Though his mouth couldn’t be seen he was sure his eyes gave away his glee. Afterward you handed him your backpack to wear while the two of you rode. He watched beneath the visor as you settled over the bike. Your soft thighs pooled some to accommodate the metal and plastic underneath you. When you settled he moved to sit behind you. His own thighs moved to mold into the seat of the bike. He tried to find purchase in anything other than you. Don't get him wrong, he wanted to touch you. Reach his arms around your torso splay his wide palms over your stomach. But he wouldn’t, not at least until you said so. “Changbin, you’ll fall off if you sit like that,” your arms reached back, your fingers threaded into his as you pulled his arms around your torso. There you settled them over your stomach..dreams really do come true. Changbin willed himself to NOT pop a boner while he sat with your back to him like this.

“Okay,” he nodded, helmet bonked against yours in the effort. It made you both laugh. Though yours was so much prettier than his. When his hands settled over you he felt you twist some as the bike roared to life. If Changbin had to describe the feeling of the engine beneath him he’d say it was similar, not far off from the feeling he got when he growled. The deep rumble from the pit of his stomach rolled through his chest and throat. Until he unleashed all the power he had in his voice out his lips. Your motorcycle was the same, except that slow rumble started from the balls of his feet, up his thighs. It settled there before it ricocheted up his spine and stayed in his shoulders only to go back down, then back up once more. It was unfamiliar, new, he gripped you tighter as your own feet lifted off the concrete and the bike moved forward. He leaned over you as you pressed forward, his body molded into yours with the effort to not fall off. The fading sunlight hit you both the moment that you had left the garage. The tired screeched some with the effort to get onto the main streets of the city. He’d seen this city before, it has been his home for many years now. But under the tinted visor it was different.

“It’s my favorite view,” your voice came clear through his ear. It startled him some but he relaxed when he realized he was connected to your helmet through a Bluetooth device.

“I can see why,” he sighed as he leaned back some, as he dared to look around the city he knew so well. He loved it, every second of it. As the two of you zipped through the busy streets he laughed. The sun cast shadows over you both as you took them over the Han bridge. The gold light cast over the water made it shimmer. It was so bright Changbin knew if his visor wasn’t down he'd be blinded. But with it down he could see the full beauty of the water that was below you both. With one last look he settled back with his head over your shoulder to watch the streets in front of you. The music you were playing was funny, American. He couldn’t catch the lyrics but he’d have to ask you for it later to translate the meaning behind it.

The ride wasn’t long enough in his opinion, your apartment was tucked neatly away just outside the heart of the city. When you parked he waited for your signal to get down. When you tapped his arms he let go of the grip he had on you and slipped off the bike. Not long after you slipped off it your legs were far steadier than his as you stood on the concrete floor. “You’ll have to teach me how to drive,”

“Gladly. Though Felix asked first,” you waved him to follow you, and he did. Like a lost puppy he followed you into the building helmet in his hands as he walked behind you. The concierge waved to you before he looked at Changbin. “Good evening. I’ll have some more guests later I’ll page them up,”

“I can make badges for them if you would like to miss,” there was a thought behind your eyes before you nodded.

“Will you make two please??” When the man at the desk nodded you began the walk toward the elevator once more. The small fob on your keys opened the doors. It allowed you further access to the building. Changbin looked around, the place was high class. The security was immaculate, almost better than his own place. He didn’t even want to know the cost of living in a place like this. With your salary he was sure you could afford it. Still it was a mystery to him. Eight floors up and he followed you off the elevator straight into your front door. Then into your home. “Make yourself at home,” you said as you slipped into your house slippers shoes neatly left at the door. “I’m just going to change really quick,”

“O-okay,” he stepped into the spare slippers as he wandered into the small space you called home. The design of it all gave him more of who you were. What you liked. The neon signs and soft plush couch drew his attention. “So you’re having more company later??” He called out as he looked over the art hung on your walls. Some small photos clipped into magnetic frames tacked neatly on the wall. Your life in another country. A life he didn’t know.

“Yes, the rest of the boys are coming later for a movie. Hyunjin insisted on it as a housewarming sort of thing,” he laughed. It made sense. Ever since Felix and Hyunjin had taken you out shopping he’d heard nothing but all the things Hyunjin did to make you happy. “So that also means you’re invited for movie night,”

“Well I guess it won’t be a hassle since I’m already here,” you laughed, his heart thundered in his chest. When he looked back he saw you tiptoe down the steps of your loft space he felt his cheeks burn at the sight of you. Sure it wasn’t much, you weren’t dressed up like you were at the after party. But any sighting of you in clothes that aren’t your work attire was a blessing to him.

“How does Spaghetti sound??”

“Italian is the way to my heart,” truth be told, any food was. But he was a sucker for Italian.

“Wonderful. My MeeMaw made a mean spaghetti recipe,” while you took up residence in the kitchen he sat at the small island bar to watch you work. “If you sit there I’ll give you something to do,”

“Please, I hate just sitting here,” the two of you laughed softly and soon he was given a task to do. Onions to cut, among other small veggies while you prepared the meat and noodles. “Was your grandmother Italian??”

“No, far from it actually, but she had an affinity for Italian food,” your smile warmed his heart. He’d never heard you speak of your family but it was good to hear someone within your life loved you. Enough to gift you a smile when you spoke of them. The conversations between the two of you became endless. One subject filtered into another with ease, there was no awkward pause or silence to fill. He loved every second. And soon enough you joined him, with two plates in hand you gave him one as you sat beside him at the counter. “Hyunjin said a dining room table wasn’t practical for my small space so he didn’t end up getting me one,”

“Yes he told me all about your shopping adventure when he and Felix got to practice last night,” he dipped his fork into his meal and began to twirl it until he had a decent bite of the spaghetti on it. The flavor was unlike anything he’s had before. It was spaghetti, yes, but there was something different. The sauce was rich, thick, but not so much it made a weight in your stomach. Whatever your MeeMaw had in her recipe was divine. A hearty groan escaped his throat as he savored the flavors in his mouth. When he turned to look at you, your eyes were already on him. He lit up knowing you had waited to see how he felt about this meal. “Y/N. Make me this again,”

“If you react like that everytime I do then yes. I will gladly,”

“The boys are going to be so jealous,”

“Let them. They didn’t ask me to dinner. You did,” oh..was there another one of his members you wished to go out with. Had he read the flirtatious banter between you two wrong?? “Get out of your head Seo Changbin. Dinner with you is exactly what I wanted,” he lit up with your reassurances and continued to eat beside you. As you talked he learned you were close with your maternal grandparents, but the rest of your family remained a mystery. You refused to speak of them. He didn’t pry, you’d come to him when you’re ready. He was sad to find the only relatives you adored had passed.

“Is it hard to be here in Korea when you can’t visit their graves??”

“No, I have them with me always,” you shifted to move your pant leg up. It felt scandalous to Changbin to watch you pull the stretchy fabric up up and up to your thigh. But there he saw it. A beautiful floral and star design littered your skin. It was wrapped higher than your pants allowed. The delicate ink took over the entire expanse of your left leg. He’d seen the edges of it on your ankle but to see it in its near full glory was marvelous. “My artist put their ashes in the ink. So they are with me forever,”

“Wow, it's beautiful. Suits you well,” he watched your skin disappear beneath your pants once more as you turned to finish your meal.

“They were everything to me. It feels good to know even with them gone I still have a part of them with me,” he smiled as he listened. There was so much more he wanted to know about you. So much he wished you’d tell him. He wished this dinner would last eternity. But..it couldn’t. With both your plates clear Changbin insisted he do the dishes. After all the effort you took in cooking he made sure you had the chance to relax some before 7 other people invaded your space. After he finished he found you at the wall with the framed photos. The ones that felt a touch out of place. Yet they belonged so well. More parts of you he didn’t know.

“The tall beefy one is Axel,” he listened, you had willingly offered some more of your life. He didn’t want to stop you. “He is my best friend. He urged me to take this opportunity. The night I met you Changbin. If he hadn’t dragged me out to work. I would have missed the opportunity to work abroad. Axel is a huge reason why I’m here, why I’m with you in this moment,”

“I will have to thank him for bringing my Whimsy to me,”

“What??”

“I-I I am so sorry that wasn’t meant to be said..it’s what I call you in my head. W-Whimsy. The woman with the most Wh-Whimsical smile,” his cheeks felt as though they were on fire he couldn’t even believe himself for saying it aloud. Now he stuttered with embarrassment as he tried to explain himself. “You hate it..I’ll stop,” your hand came to rest on his chest in a gentle motion that told him to shut up. When his eyes met yours he melted your cheeks dusted in his favorite pink. A pink that brought out your freckles.

“No, I like it. Please call me that,” he nodded slowly, he didn’t want to stop looking at you. Never. Soon his hand moved, he wanted to join yours. He was sure you could feel his heart as it ricocheted in his chest. But before his hand came to rest over yours the door buzzer went off. He groaned..of course..the guys were here. And this moment between you two had to end. You laughed when his groan became outward. But you did slip away. You allowed the boys entry. You told them to stop at the front counter to pick up the two fobs you had made then returned to his side. Changbin hadn’t moved from his spot. Eyes still glued to the photos on the wall. To you, and the others caught within them.

“The boys have good timing,”

“Something like that,” he huffed lightly before he wandered over to the couch and sank into the plush cushions with a soft groan.

“It just means you and I will have to do this again,”

“You want that??”

“Of course I want that Changbin,” he smiled at the thought of being able to have time like this with you again. He wanted it too, so very much. Soon the front door burst open Felix and Hyunjin first in the door, their arms wrapped tight around you.

“Not fair!! Changbin I wanted to taste Starlight's cooking first!!”

“Yah!! Changbin you’re so unfair!!”

“Guess it just means she likes me more than the two of you,” he sat back into the couch to watch the chaos he had unfolded. Chan and you both gave him pointed looks of disdain as the wailing from the younger two became louder. Eventually they all settled down for the movie.

**** **** **** ****

Your night went perfectly. The dinner you had with Changbin was pleasant. You had learned so much about him. His life here in Korea. It was nice to just have calm chatter with someone. It helped that said someone was so incredibly handsome. Sure he was more than that. But his looks helped factor in your admiration for him. When the movie started you managed to squeeze yourself between Changbin and Felix. Hyunjin and Han fought for a spot between your legs on the floor. In the end it was Han who won though from the other side of the couch you could see Lee Know was keeping a close eye on you. Sure, you had won him over a little at the airport but it was easy to see he still didn’t trust you entirely. Chan had later explained to you how protective Lee Know was over Han and why. You understood it and did your best to show the older male you weren’t a threat to Han or the rest of the boys. The movie went smoothly.

Eventually Han vacated the space at your feet to snuggle up against Lee Know. Hyunjin and Felix were squished together beside them, also fast asleep. It left you, Chan, Changbin and Lee Know to watch over the others. By the time the movie ended you had to help usher out the four sleepy boys. They reminded you of toddlers as they waddled through your home fists rubbing the sleep from their eyes. You bid them goodnight from the door. There was a soft rattle once it closed. The walls of your apartment echoed the sound. From within you heard further proof of things having shifted in your home. When you turned on the light you noticed one of your forgotten boxes had toppled over. Most of its contents had stayed inside the box, yet a few feet away you noticed the broken photo frame. It was a miracle the glass hadn’t shattered further.

You hated that photo, but part of you still struggled to get rid of it. You had yet to find peace with all that happened. Slowly you reached down to pick it up. As the frame came to rest in your fingers you heard your phone go off. You wondered if maybe one of the boys had forgotten something. Yet when you lifted your abandoned device from the couch it was Axel’s contact you faced. You were quick to answer.

“Hey dude you’re calling at a strange time,” there was a small pause before Ivory’s voice filtered in from the other side.

“Y/N, Axel is in the hospital,”

“He..What happened??”

“Logan, he showed up at his place. He demanded to know where you were,”

“Axel is bigger than him how..” your voice tapered off as it began to shake. Fear riddled you immobile. No matter where you went your past would still come to haunt you. He would still come to haunt you.

“He broke Axel’s leg at the knee with a bat before Axel could stop him,” your eyes watered with the thought of your best friend injured with just the idea to protect you. Nothing made sense, the world faded away from you. Slowly you sank to the floor, phone dropped to the hardwood before you even had the chance to stop it. Not like you could, his voice filtered into your head.

“I will find you Dovey,”

“You can never escape me,”

“Just watch my love, you belong to me,”

“Dovey, dovey, dovey,”

You felt nothing, the photo in your hands slipped into your blurry view. The “happy” faces that lay in the cracked frame evident of the truth behind the people in it. Your scream desperate as you threw the frame away from you. Its near perfectness finally shattered all over the floor. Its glass scattered everywhere. Your hands shook as you reached down to pick it up. To pick up the broken bits of your heart as it lay bare on your floor. You didn’t care if the glass cut you. His voice called to you more and more as you sobbed. “I’ll be good..please..please leave them alone,” a line you’ve said a thousand times with his fist inches from your face. You’d take it all to protect them.

“Dovey, here I come,”

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