patheticoptimist
My World
Dreamer with a Soft Heart
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The above picture of me was when I was about 15. Even though I was fat, it was the last thing I focussed on. I didn't care much about how I looked; I thought no matter how much tried I'd still look fat and ugly. At that age I accepted that I was ugly and moved on . Focused on other things like my grades and stuff.
As you can see I did lose weight later. I thought I was prettier than before but I wasn't happy. I felt pretty until I saw someone I thought was prettier. I'd seem them and think _damn no matter what I do I still won't ever look like them..._ I felt the same thing when I would see someone skinny. No matter how much I starved I wouldn't get there. And these thoughts wouldn't allow me to be happy and work for the rest of the day. Sometimes these thoughts would come to my mind like uninvited guests and take up a place in mind I don't want to give them and ruin my day. My boyfriend is always there for me but he doesn't understand the changes. I feel weird to tell him that I am upset today because I feel fat and ugly and thus, I don't think you love me. When in reality I look exactly the same as I did yesterday.
The truth is more than weightloss what I needed was self love. Not just self accepting because I had accepted myself when I was younger but it felt more like accepting a defeat. I was not happy. I need to love myself more. I need stop thinking someone else is going to fill the void of self love for me. It is not going to happen.
I hope everyone tells their kids they are beautiful in their own unique way so that they too don't come out hating themselves. At 22 I am still trying to eat without hating my self and thinking I still look pretty in pyjamas.
#lose weight#goal weight#glowyskin#beauty#self love#self healing#selfworth#transformyourself#transformation#self acceptance#my love
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