rightinthejessticle

[rightinthejessticle]

Everything I’ve learned about Elon Musk has been completely against my will.

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Slow and steady. I’d like to get my mile time down to an actual running time. Buy for now, I’m just doing interval training to try to get as much running as I can.

#fitblr #beginning runner

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This is it. I’m going to start training for a 5K. Day 1 totals

#fitblr #couch to 5k #fitness #don’t @ me about my splits #or my heart rate

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Mandarin Pasta Spinach Salad with Teriyaki Dressing

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I'm trying to start running. I have never in my life run a full mile. In high school when we would have to run the mile, I would just walk. Today on the treadmill, I ran my first full mile. My time was 11:32. My goal is to increase my duration and hopefully with that increase my speed. And ideally, I'll be able to transfer this to free running. Any runners with some advice?

#running #fitness #motivation #fitblr #healthy

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How important do you think being in a normal bmi is?

It isn’t the end-all-be-all. It’s a tool, just like anything else, and it does a poor job of taking body composition into account. I use a healthy BMI range as a guide for what I think my goal weight is, but I know I have a relatively large frame and I have a decent amount of muscle, so my goal is at the higher end of that healthy range. Plenty of people may be considered overweight according to their BMI while their doctors consider them to be perfectly healthy.

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Late lunch is roasted veggies (zucchini, grape tomatoes, brussel sprouts, Bell peppers, salt, pepper, olive oil) and riced cauliflower

#food #healthy food #fitness #fitblr #my food #weight loss #lunch

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Change in blog theme!

This blog will now be dedicated to my fitness goals, a fitblr if you will.

I’ve been making changes to my levels of activity/fitness but fluctuating with my goal to eat healthier, more satisfying foods. I’ll blog about my progress and reblog from other fitness blogs.

As for the previous content, I’ll leave it on my blog. It’s personal, but there’s no real identifying information. Just in case anyone was curious.

#fitness #fitblr #health #goals #weightloss #activity #exercise #dieting

[rightinthejessticle]

Lately, I find myself thinking about a lesson from my introduction to psychology class from my freshman year of college. I honestly don't remember what the actual lesson was about, but I remember our instructor presented us with survey results that asked college students to rank their fears. I'm not entirely sure when or where the data came from or what it was used for, I only remember the top two results. The second ranked fear was being raped and the number one ranked fear was being accused of raping someone. This has stuck with me and I could never quite articulate why. Of course, being wrongly accused of a crime is horrible, but that wasn't the audience I imagined responding with this as their number one fear. I imagine the people who brush rape off in a "well we were both drunk..." way, or they did x and y so I assumed they'd be okay with z, or worst of all the victim blamers. What I could never wrap my head around was how in any circumstance being labeled a rapist is a worse experience than being raped. Then I started thinking about this concept in broader terms: how lately, somehow, by some stretch of the imagination, being labeled as a "racist" is somehow worse than acts of racism. When you hurt someone and they call you out on it, it's easy to get upset and be defensive and to make excuses and blame the victims. Understanding is harder.

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Review of 2015

Oh boy. Let’s see if I can sum up all of 2015 in one post.

2015 began in an interesting way. I got my first kiss from a boy I was dating. We smoked pot, watched the twilight zone, and had sex. It was a truly wonderful evening and I was developing some pretty serious feelings for him. Outside of that night and that boy, I was rushing to pull together my thesis proposal, apply to internships, and manage my mental health. The spring semester began, I proposed my thesis, just before my advisor went on maternity leave, I was seeing a psychiatrist, I was seeing a very handsome boy, and I was desperately hoping someone would just hire me for the fall already. 

In February, I went to my profession’s annual national conference. While I was there I interviewed for a position at a booth I happened across, I attended many wonderful presentations, I spent an amazing week with two of my closest friends, and I got dumped. I took it pretty hard, but I tried my best to get back out there. My medication was fluctuating and, in turn, so were my behaviors and moods. I was, to put it crassly, “screwing around”. I had so much work to do but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it as quickly as I needed to. My thesis defense got pushed back over the summer, I was trying to revise a project to improve a failing grade from the previous semester, I was dealing with existential dread and loneliness, but then I got an internship. It was the place I interviewed with at the conference: Las Vegas, NV. I was ecstatic and freshly motivated to get my shit together. Eventually the boy I was dating earlier in the year decided that maybe we could be “bros that fuck”. I was okay with that. I would be moving across the country soon, I didn’t need to be getting involved heavily with someone in Missouri, but I did need to get laid regularly. 

Before I knew it, it was summer. I was taking two classes, tutoring, getting all of the data for my thesis and trying to figure out what to do with it, and getting back in touch with a friend that lives in New Hampshire. Things got flirtatious. Soon, I was buying a plane ticket for the Fourth of July weekend to see him. Then an attempt to stand up for myself to one of my best friends turned into a disastrous fight. We were mean to each other. It was devastating. Then I found out a lump in my mom’s breast was breast cancer. The stages escalated rapidly as they got more information. I had to deal with school work, romantic emotions, preparing to more across the country, my closest friend who knows me better than I know myself wasn’t speaking to me, and now my mother was diagnosed with a terminal illness. It was the hardest time of my life and I felt like I had no one.

But things got better. I successfully defended my thesis, prepared a meta-analysis, made up with my friend, packed up, and moved my ass to Vegas. My mom’s condition is improving every day. She’s a fighter and she’s going to come out of this. Since I’ve moved, I have made friends, I’m finding out the things I love and the things I hate about this profession, I’ve become much more confident in my sexuality. I went on a few dates with a girl, but eventually it fizzled out. I lost a friendship with a guy because I thought we were dating and then he started dating someone else. I lost a friendship with a close guy friend because I was dating other people and didn’t want to have sex with him. That hurt, but I’m recovering. 

Overall, 2015 has been a whirlwind, but I’ve held in there. There have been steep highs and steep lows. Such is life.

#366 days of journaling #day 2 #2015 in review #personal

[rightinthejessticle]

Do you believe in New Year resolutions? If so what are your resolutions for this year?

I used to believe in New Years resolutions. I would totally buy into all of that “New Year, New Me” bologna. But as of late, I’ve realized real personal growth takes time and the day on the calendar is not going to motivate me to make real personal change. 

For example, two years ago my New Years Resolutions were to read one book every month, run a marathon, and save a certain amount of money every month. Non of those things happened. They were loosely based on some flimsy dedication that “This is 2014! New Year, New Me! I’m going to do these things I actually care about!” There was no real incentive for doing them, so when life got in the way, I just gave up. I stopped training by mid February, it took me months to finish one book, and I was in a terrible financial situation. However, when 2015 came around, I had a fitbit, and I was introduced to the “2015 Reading Challenge” by my best friend. I got to a very healthy point that I was happy with, and through a friendly competition and discussion of books with good friends, I read 13 books by the end of 2015. This was more than I accomplished in 2014 and even more than my goal for 2014.

I’m learning what my motivators are and I’m trying to remember them as I strive to accomplish my long-term goals. For me (and for many people) New Year’s Resolutions don’t work because they’re arbitrary and the motivation isn’t meaningful. If you want to make personal growth and accomplish goals, it has to mean something.

That all being said, my goals for this year are to make healthier choices (both in the physical and emotional sense) and to continue to read more. I’m using my unhealthy choices from the end of last year as motivators. I don’t want to go back to that place that I ended in, so I’ll use that to push forward. I found a 2016 Reading Challenge list and I’m going to see how far I get. I’ve learned that I love discussing literature and literary devices. I also realize that the more I read, the more I’ll understand allusions in my true passion: film. So here’s to 2016, to personal growth, and to seeing positive outcomes.

#366 days of journaling #day 1 #new years resolution

[rightinthejessticle]

Since last year’s 365 days of journaling was so successful here’s a new one to complete in 2016!

Feel free to share and tag me in anything you upload for me to have a nose at - although this is not necessary. Enjoy!

1. Do you believe in New Year resolutions? If so what are your resolutions for this year? 2. Review of 2015 3. How could you help others this year? 4. How can you help yourself this year? 5. What do you want to achieve this year? 6. List ways to succeed personally this year. 7. Your personality traits. 8. List ways to treat yourself this year. 9. Describe your sense of humor. 10. Is your family supportive? 11. List 6 things you love about Winter. 12. Compare your present self to your past self. 13. Would you want to live in a city, suburb or in the country? 14. How would you like to be remembered? 15. Your star sign. 16. Write about a recent adventure or travels. 17. What are your three largest priorities? 18. Write a letter to someone you need to forgive. 19. My goal tomorrow is… 20. My strengths are … 21. Technology – good or bad? 22. What’s your motto? 23. List words you most overuse. 24. What have you sacrificed? 25. Spirit animal? 26. What makes you unique? 27. List the worst books you’ve read. 28. Would you want to grow up in the public eye? 29. How much self-control do you have? 30. What are your best character traits? 31. List ten simple short goals for this month. 32. What emotion dominates your life lately? 33. Who made you feel good this week? 34. I want to always remember…. 35. Do you believe in ghosts? 36. What hurts today? 37. In your imagination, what will the world be like in 50 years? 38. List of flowers. 39. List five acts you feel guilty about. 40. Walking in the rain is… 41. Did your parents sacrifice for you? 42. The things that make me laugh the hardest are… 43. How do you feel about your appearance? 44. How do you feel about Valentine’s Day? 45. List of favourite drinks. 46. Have you ever lost something valuable? 47. Ten ways I show those I love that I care are… 48. Do you like exercise? 49. What does forgiveness mean to you? 50. Dream job. 51. Recipe for a perfect night in. 52. List 10 things you love about yourself. 53. What you know about the day you were born? Tell any family stories that were told to you. 54. Summarise today using no more than forty four words. 55. A memory you wish you could forget? 56. Favourite colour? 57. Receipts of things you’ve bought this week. 58. List ten things that scare you about getting old? 59. Where do you escape to? 60. ‘I wish I could’ list. 61. Describe visits to your grandparents’ home. 62. Books or E-Books? 63. How do you feel about commitment in general? 64. What do you think is the greatest invention? Why?   65. List 5 actresses. 66. Describe your parents’ philosophy of raising children: discipline, rules and outlook. 67. I wish there were no more….. 68. Favourite family story? 69. Do/did you like school? 70. Your proudest moment. 71. 10 television shows. 72. If you had only one wish, what would you wish for? 73. Where is home for you? 74. Favourite restaurant? 75. Five Things I’ve Forgiven People For and Why. 76. List 6 things you love about Spring. 77. How do you like to be romanced? 78. How do you indulge yourself? 79. What is your favourite Saturday activity? 80. What famous world festivals would you like to attend? 81. Are you a wallflower? 82. How well do you take criticism? 83. Did you have a favourite blanket or toy? Tell about it. 84. List 5 actors. 85. Describe a typical day in school. 86. List 3 things that went wrong today. 87. How would you describe yourself? 88. What do you like best about your home? 89. What makes you a good person? 90. What did you most enjoy doing this week? 91. Do you let people in? 92. Tell about your favourite aunt or uncle. Were you close? What do you remember most? 93. How do you stand out from the crowd? 94. Which quality best describes your life–exciting, organised, dull–and why? 95. I want to forget… 96. Write a fan letter to your favourite actor/actress. 97. What historical figure do you most identify with? 98. My worst experience today was … 99. Whose advice do you seek in times of need? 100. Something you have always felt was missing in your life 101. Name one thing you always wanted to do, but haven’t.  What has prevented you from doing it? 102. Helplessness: that dull, sick feeling of not being the one at the reins. When did you last feel like that –- and what did you do about it? 103. Favourite activities. 104. Do you feel lovable? 105. Review a book. 106. Today I overheard… 107. You karaoke/shower song. 108. Explore the room you’re in as if you’re seeing it for the first time. Pretend you know nothing. What do you see? Who is the person who lives there? 109. A list of questions you would like to ask future you. 110. Go to the nearest window. Look out for a full minute. Write about what you saw. 111. Write about your school life, your grades, what you wish you had done differently. 112. List favourite desserts. 113. How important is loyalty to you? 114. List 15 characters from movies. 115. Your most embarrassing moment. 116. What’s on your calendar for tomorrow? 117. Best decision you’ve made? 118. ‘Things to try’ list. 119. Rainy days or sunshine adventures? 120. What would you do if money were no object? 121. Who do you relate with the most – your mother or father? 122. I’m thankful for… 123. Write about regrets you may have. 124. Create a moodboard that reflects today’s feelings. 125. Ten things you hold most dear. 126. Who was your first crush and what made them special? 127. When have you felt lonely? 128. Your most satisfying victory. 129. Something you have always felt was missing in your life 130. Write a letter to someone who believed in you even when you didn’t believe in yourself. 131. What does being a friend means to you? 132. How would you change the world to make it better? 133. What’s the most surreal experience you’ve ever had? 134. Favourite childhood memory? 135. Are you an emotional person? 136. A-Z list of favourite things. 137. When was the last time someone gave you butterflies? 138. Write about turning points in your life – what would be different now if you had made a different choice. 139. Is physical attraction important to you? 140. Is money important to you? 141. Explain why you chose your blog’s title and what it means to you. 142. Do you have/want any tattoos? Their meaning? 143. What did you learn this week? 144. Who are your heroes? 145. List 3 things that went right today. 146. How do you feel during a thunderstorm? 147. Do you forgive things easily? 148. Write about lost friendships. 149. My weaknesses are … 150. Favourite emoticons. 151. Are you more like your mother or father? 152. Night or day? 153. List of countries to visit. 154. Describe the area you live in. 155. A secret no one knows. 156. List of favourite languages. 157. List of favourite designers. 158. What qualities do you want in a romantic partner? 159. Research and find a new poem today. 160. List 5 things you hate/dislike. 161. Write something inspired by a recent dream you had. 162. What excuses keep me stuck? 163. Your lucky number? 164. List 5 animals. 165. Tell us about something you know you should do … but don’t. 166. Favourite animation movie. 167. Do you apologise too much? 168. List of things that stress you. 169. Favourite recipe? 170. When was the last time someone told you they were proud of you? 171. Favourite places visited. 172. Write about your childhood. 173. If your life had a soundtrack, like a movie, what songs would you include? Why? 174. Optimist or pessimist? 175. Take any poem or short story you find anywhere. Rewrite it in your own words. 176. How do you feel when you’re leaving home on vacation? 177. Open up a dictionary to a random word. Define what that word means to you. 178. List restaurants to visit. 179. Choose an animal. Write about it! 180. Write a celebrity crush list. 181. What are you afraid of? Why? 182. Five things I love about relationships… 183. Close your eyes and imagine the kind of world you would like to see.  What is it like? 184. My best experience today was … 185. ‘Books to read’ list. 186. What does religion mean to you? 187. ‘Rainy day’ list. 188. The biggest challenge you’ve faced? 189. Your favourite instrument (to play/listen to)? 190. List of fears. 191. List of everything you’d like to say yes to. 192. Favourite pieces of art. 193. My worst experience today was … 194. Ten things that scare you about getting old? 195. List the cheesiest jokes you know. 196. When you look in the mirror, what do you see? 197. A character that you relate to. 198. List toys from your childhood. 199. What talents do you have? 200. List of unhealthy habits. 201. What is your favourite sound? 202. List things that make you feel safe. 203. Find an image in a magazine that reflects your current emotional status. 204. List 8 music artists. 205. When have you experienced heartbreak? 206. I feel most energized when… 207. List things that make you laugh. 208. Choose – Harry Potter, Twilight, Hunger Games or Maze Runner? 209. List the 5 most expensive things you’ve bought. 210. Receipts from today. 211. If you could become an expert in any subject or activity, what would it be? 212. List of rituals. 213. Favourite authors. 214. List hobbies. 215. So far I’ve learned these lessons about life … 216. What’s the funniest thing that happened to you this week? 217. A moodboard of patterns. 218. Using 10 words, describe yourself. 219. Movie review. 220. What are your thoughts on camping? 221. What’s one thing you’d change about your appearance if you could? What’s one character trait you’d change? 222. What would your perfect day be like? 223. A fictional place you wish you could visit? 224. List of websites. 225. Favourite menu. 226. What are things you can do in 15 minutes or less that improve your mood? 227. Favourite fast food. 228. If you could get the answer to any question, what would you ask? 229. List things you find beautiful. 230. Describe your alter ego — someone who is your exact opposite. 231. 3 pieces of advice for past you? 232. What is your mission in life? 233. If you could go back and relive one day of your life, which day would it be and why? 234. What would you do if you could travel into the past? 235. What is the one thing you feel always brings out the good in people? 236. A quote that inspires you. 237. What relationships matter the most to you? How can you maintain and improve them? 238. What is your favourite room in your home and why? 239. Do you believe in the afterlife? 240. ‘Inside my bag’ list. 241. How often do you leave your comfort zone? 242. I am happiest when… 243. Cold or hot? 244. Do you believe one person can change the world? 245. Describe a time when you were brave. 246. Favourite Games List. 247. I’ve been putting off… 248. List ways to relieve stress? 249. When do you feel underappreciated? 250. Define your personal style. 251. List 8 things that you enjoy. 252. Did a teacher ever have a profound effect on you? 253. Three things I value about myself are…. 254. Random Facts About Me List 255. What role do you play in your family? 256. List sports you love/hate. 257. What would the title of your biography be and why? 258. A promise you have broken? 259. List the emotions you’ve felt today. 260. What effect does music have on you? 261. Favourite poem. 262. Doodle here. 263. Favourite piece of jewellery. 264. List 15 characters from books. 265. Are you hard on yourself? 266. Summarise the day in one sentence. 267. If and when I raise children, I’ll never… 268. Write about your first kiss.  Was it everything you wished or hoped it would be? 269. Book review. 270. What does family mean to you? 271. Your favourite photo of you. 272. List of things that annoy you. 273. How productive are you? 274. What was the title of the last book you read? 275. List 6 things you love about Summer. 276. Doodle here. 277. What would you do if you knew you could not fail? 278. What did you learn today?  What did you learn yesterday? 279. Shuffle your iPod, list first 10 ten songs. 280. Make a list of 30 things that make you smile. 281. I couldn’t imagine living without… 282. What would you do if you could travel into the future? 283. Quotes that ignite something in you? 284. I really wish others knew this about me… 285. Your biggest achievement? 286. I feel happiest in my skin when… 287. Organised or organised chaos? 288. List of everything you’d like to say no to. 289. Who inspires you? 290. List your top 10 movies. 291. Write the words you need to hear. 292. List your responsibilities. 293. What is your favourite holiday? What makes this holiday special? 294. Why you get up in the morning. 295. Tea or coffee? Why? Favourites? 296. What do you want to know about yourself? 297. List of House Rules 298. The biggest headline of today and your feelings on it. 299. My best birthday was… 300. List of things that make you worry. 301. Land or Sea? 302. My imaginary friend growing up was… 303. List 10 songs. 304. What is your passion? 305. What kind of day have you had, and why? 306. List of favourite subjects at school. 307. Most romantic date you’ve been on? 308. Tell about an event in your life that has caused a change in you. 309. Best thing that’s happened this month? 310. What’s the Most Memorable Thing You Ever Got in the Mail? 311. List of friends’ names. 312. What are your most prized possessions? 313. Favourite type of weather? 314. Who has had the most impact on your life? 315. List of favourite snacks. 316. What song have you listened to today? 317. List 6 things you love about Autumn. 318. Your feelings on war. 319. What are all your thoughts on god? 320. Make a list of 15 escapes you would like to indulge in. 321. What is a mistake people often make about you? 322. What makes you a bad person? 323. How your parents met. 324. What kind of day are you having, and why? 325. Favourite family photo? 326. I was most angry when… 327. List 10 skills you bring to a work environment. 328. What were your favourite picture books when you were younger? 329. A-Z list of things you’d like to try. 330. If you have brothers or sisters, how are you similar to them or different from them? What about with your friends? 331. What song was No.1 when you were born? 332. List of favourite childhood shows. 333. Do you follow fashion trends? 334. Your favourite season? 335. Can you be alone with yourself? 336. List of favourite magazines. 337. Your beliefs about Karma. 338. What’s something you disagree with about the way you were raised? 339. Growing up, what did you really want but never received. 340. Favourite lyrics? 341. Is love at first sight possible? 342. List 12 shops. 343. Have you ever been in love? 344. Favourite month of the year? 345. Do you have any family traditions? 346. Is Christmas a big holiday to you and your family? 347. Favourite Christmas images. 348. Who is someone you miss? 349. List of names you will by buying gifts for this year. 350. What are you planning to buy as a gift this year? 351. What’s the best gift you’ve ever given? 352. What’s the best gift you’ve ever received? 353. When did you stop believing in Santa? 354. Favourite Christmas song? 355. What are your initial thoughts when you hear the word ‘Christmas’? 356. Your Christmas shopping list? 357. Favourite Christmas song? 358. Favourite Christmas memory? 359. What does Christmas mean to you now? 360. How was your Christmas? 361. Do you celebrate Boxing day? 362. Would you change anything about this year? 363. List things you’ve learnt this year? 364. What have you achieved this year? 365. What do you want to achieve next year? 366. Things I am looking forward to next year…

[rightinthejessticle]

I'm sort of dating someone that looks kind of like Adam Scott. Whenever I see parks and rec gifs I think about this dude. It is only making my sexual frustration worse.

[rightinthejessticle]

#meme #vintage meme

[rightinthejessticle]

I was just thinking how fortunate I am to have the mother that I do. She has always supported me in absolutely everything. Every decision I've made, she's been there to encourage me to do what I think is best. In high school, when I first started to acknowledge that I may be bi, I told my mom. I felt like I needed to tell someone. I was scared, but after I told her she said "Well, I'm not entirely sure what that means, but I want you to help me understand. No matter who you're attracted to, I'll always love you and be by your side." We never talked about it again directly, but it was comforting to get it off my chest. Recently, I decided to finally confront the mental health concerns I've been having for the better part of 10 years. I learned that my depression was much more serious than I previously thought. I was scared to tell my mom again, but inevitably, I couldn't keep it from her for long. She thought about it for a few days and called me. She apologized for not reacting right away and said that she just needed some time to think of how to respond. She told me that she didn't understand what clinical depression was and how people lived with it every day and it didn't just go away. She told me that she was always there for me and if I needed anything to call her (which is nothing new). She said she would be patient and if I wanted to talk to her about anything I could. I desperately wish I could tell her how important she's been to me and how she literally saved my life. Whenever I would be in my very low lows and get very suicidal thoughts I would always think of my mom. I cared more about staying alive to keep my mom happy than for my own sake. I'm worried if I tell her this, the good intent will be lost in the context of suicidal thought. My mom is a tough woman who has been through a lot and I could never do anything that I know would hurt her. 

I am incredibly thankful for my mom. 

#personal #mom appreciation post

[rightinthejessticle]

My closest friends are in serious long-term relationships so whenever I try to talk to them about how I like this boy but I don't like the talk-and-hang-out-all-the-time-but-aren't-actually-in-a-relationship-yet phase they're just like "Wow. What's that like? I've been dating this loser since the beginning of time. Can't help ya buddy." So. That's my life update in the realm of problems that are not actually problems at all.

#personal #dating #tinder