I am an empty house,
on a lonely hill,
boarded shut.
Beloved,
do you still
remember
how you climbed the garden wall
and,
with bleeding thorn-torn hands,
drew out the key you wore
around your neck?
Such a heavy weight to bear around your neck.
Such a heavy wait to bear.
Beloved.
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Kept giving my best and best
for years and years,
only to be devastated
in return.
I’m so tired of the taste of
copper and salt.
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Maybe if I had loved you the way you wanted,
instead of the way I needed,
the hungry maw in your chest
wouldn’t have
devoured us
Whole.
Does your mouth taste of
sadness
or
greed?
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We stood
back to back
for years
before
we realized we had
been turned
away from each other
all our lives.
(Beloved heartbreak,
beloved soul,
beloved broken glass
I need to make me whole.)
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I loved you in all the ways that mattered:
The clasp of my hand when it lifted yours;
The curl of my lips to hide a shared joke;
My ever present self at your back.
I love you
But
You don’t believe me
As
Those words can never cross my lips.
Dear one,
The vow I’ve never had the courage to say,
Burns eternal -
Eating up the last one I ever said aloud.
Don’t leave me.
I am too weak for goodbyes.
I do not know who I am
Without you
Beside me.
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I never told you but
I kept a small box
of keepsakes from moments
I treasured.
When the dust cleared and the box was
returned to me,
I opened that box and saw
all the pieces I saved of you.
Every memento I kept
was a glowing reminder of
my love for you.
I buried them in the sand -
all those bits of happiness -
tilted my head down and
watered them with my
tears.
Let them blossom in the
heart of the dessert
and let me
burn
under your unforgiving wrath.
(“I still love you,”
is the secret
that blooms between them.)
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I cried.
Later on with just the
moon and stars to watch me
(the same stars we cradled each other through fire and hurt)
I cried -
for me,
for us,
and,
most of all,
for You.
You,
who are what I made you to be.
(Everything but
mine.)
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My
starlight in a bottle boy,
burning up from the inside.
My beloved supernova.
Finally come to end it all?
Finally going to let us rest?
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