stardust-in-my-mind-blog

[stardust-in-my-mind-blog]

Louise Glück, from "Persephone the Wanderer", Averno

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watercolor pencils

I'm learning how to paint again

first I sketch with the pencil

soft at the tip with hard pigment

if I press too hard the tip breaks

it teaches me to be gentle

even if there is passion in my intention

the water I dip my brush into

it brings chaos to the composition

the droplet kisses the lines of my sketch

the water floods and the paint becomes wet

I try to manipulate it

keep balance and harmony

and end up smoothing everything

a muddy mess of paint and water

no contrast and I lose the drama I drew

it's frustrating

but I'll practice the skill until I'm satisfied

moving on is difficult

each step forward feels like

I'm sacrificing something I thought I knew

I'm still learning how to tell the difference

between a sign from the universe

and the teasing aspect of my imagination

sometimes it all floods together into a mess

like my emotions and the chemistry of my body

it will all end up okay

or as okay as it takes to let go

when you cut things off so qucikly

you end up carving away the composition

you remove the depth

the trust that makes it easy to continue

trusting myself is the hardest lesson

but I'll make friends with my shadows

and the contrast will realign

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 ― Maggie Nelson, Bluets

[text ID: Do not, however, make the mistake of thinking that all desire is yearning.]

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sweet as rain

he told me that if the warning

to not play with fire was a person

I embodied it

because he has third degree burns

the pain is so deep his mind can't even find it

I told him I was a water sign

he told me I bathed in lava

he makes some fair points

my favorite thing to do

is dissolve myself into elements

and fall haphazardly to the earth

puddle in some kind of beautiful mess

though I think you like that feeling

of stepping forward and finding only depth

the earth disappears and sinks

I don't like to consume

but if you push me into darkness

I'll draw you back to me

with a heavenly glow

toward my void that has smiling teeth

I love the anglerfish

the three hearts of the octopus

formless dance of the jellyfish

these waters aren't troubled

but they can be

brought to a boil for your benefit

or the zero sum game of a trial

how far are you willing to walk out to me?

I am spring like the water of a season

or like the springs of clockwork

mechanical and curious for new rhythm

I collect and harbor creative energy

release it when inspired

coil again back to my original form

I'm so flexible and adaptable

I wonder what kind of gear you'd be

what cause and effect we'd dance

I'll play the bells and bring out the birds

just tell me the time to be there

let's compare our natural devices

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You start in April and cross to the time of May

One has you as it leaves, one as it comes

Since the edges of these months are yours and defer

To you, either of them suits your praises.

The Circus continues and the Theatre's lauded palm,

Let this song, too, join the Circus spectacle."

- Ovid, Fasti (V.185-190, CE)

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personal work | oil and wax, powdered lead glass, 24k gold, rough opal, cut and polished opal, crushed fire opal, gilded porcelain

The Pale Horse is done! \0/

i am REALLY happy with how this turned out. and the original has a shimmer i wasn't able to get in the photo.

enjoy!

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Taylor Swift, I hate it here

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dark rituals

I sacrificed my love for you

I drew the blade over my own throat

thinking everyone would be better for it

if you did what you said you were willing to

I'd have taken you away from everything

your city and friends and life

like you'd once told me

your father did to your mother

and I couldn't let that cycle repeat itself

your liberty was far more important

than my happiness at having you

I could have ruined you

I would never want to ruin you

you're my favorite presence

my favorite experience

I knew who you were the moment you smiled

I was lost without seeing you

I was finished the moment I heard your voice

one time you told me to come to you

it's so silly because you'd said

the same command to your parrot

and I remember feeling jealous

and find it so strange

no one can make me jealous

but then there was you

every day the clouds drift in different way

I try to notice as often as I can

we marvel at the sunsets and sunrises

but the sun always gives the same colored light

it is the clouds that become prisms

bringing us filters and color

even the timing of the winds that day

but we notice the fire

worship the sun

not the aether of a cloud

rain rain go away

but still she comes

if she'd listened to the songs

the earth would be rather thirsty

I promise I'm letting go

releasing dreams and poems

respecting the peace you needed

the silence you think in

all my favorite love songs are so melancholy

and my brain thinks in music

I don't regret the choice I made

to spare you from the consequences of my choices

but I think out of a life I'd never change

I'll always regret losing you

I accept it and my part in it

let the stars fall from my palms

if they won't fall out of my heart

I'll use the glowing shards of something

beautiful and rare

to guide my steps toward

whatever the fuck is happening next

and keep you in the songs I sing

until you fall away

like each full moon

#full moon #moon #sailor moon #night sky #moon knight #the moon #spilled ink #spilled thoughts #spilled poetry #spilled words #letting go #emotions #life #life lessons #regret #healing

[stardust-in-my-mind-blog]

wishing well

sometimes when I draw from my heart

these memories and feelings I recall

place them into words and poetry

I wonder if the inspiration will stop

I wonder if each poem is me

drawing out the poison that love can be

out of my bloodstream from the heart delta

does this mean you'll eventually disappear?

just like the arrow plucked from the body

when you take it out blood swells

if you're not ready for the cascade

you'll bleed out

am I bleeding you out of me?

there's so much poison and violence

in this stormy heart of mine

I love it but I hate it

sometimes I still don't know who I am

somedays I still feel like I'm

waking up in someone else's dream

each day I listen to my heart and soul

figure out what steps to take

on this foggy path under a pink moon

everything is inside of me

which makes it difficult to navigate

because I have a lot of everything

I think faith and hope are the only things

keeping me walking

I'll be okay

I'll be okay

#spiritual #spirituality #spiritual awakening #spiritualgrowth #spiritual journey #spiritual disciplines #shamanism #mysticism #spiritual growth #meditation

[stardust-in-my-mind-blog]

can i make a confession

one time I asked you

wine on my breath

swimming warmly in my veins

I asked you if

you'd ever danced with

the devil in the pale moonlight

I heard your laughter in my mind

the sound was like how

the stars show us the light

of a past we love to remember

tomorrow there is a full moon

a pink moon in scorpio

fire and water

I think it might be my moon

I wonder what is going

to hatch from that glowing egg

maybe it's that devil

we should dance with it

#scorpio #scorpio sun #princesscore #full moon #moon phases #crescent moon #night sky #mooncore #moon #astrology

[stardust-in-my-mind-blog]

the forgotten mug

there once a boy I liked

and for Christmas I arranged for him

a delightful little package

knowing he didn't celebrate the holiday

also knowing he'd feel joy in spite of himself

when he opened it up to receive the little thoughts

it was painted like a Ouija board

I included my favorite packets of tea

elderberry and mint

lavender and hibiscus

I put it all together and noticed the mug

had also painted on it goodbye

we fought that day

you never think it's the last conversation

especially when the sentiments exchanged

are far less than the spirit of the season

I finally put it away

maybe I'll use it for myself

in a new residence

where I slowly build a new life

they say the past is a lighthouse not a port

to get too close to what you once knew

is like choosing to dash yourself against the rocks

but to be honest my last two relationships

were earth signs with a need to control water

I took their swords and melted them into

the mountain of doom within me

reforged them and redesigned them

to benefit me

so now I'll become lady of the lake

fight me in the water

let's see who drowns

[stardust-in-my-mind-blog]

water darkness

did you know that crystal

has light reflected

in its shadow

crystal is a prism

separating the energy of the wavelength

into different elements and colors

maybe that is why light is a song

and our hearts light up

no matter what color they are

[stardust-in-my-mind-blog]

The Working Girl, Daniel Varoujan (translated by Alice Stone Blackwell)

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dryads

if in the aether I am a dryad

then another ex husband in the yard

I now hate to walk barefoot in

using his new woodchipper in the morning

on the branches he dragged off other trees

with a pleasure only a predator consumes by

shows me that my internal world

is being reflected quite cruelly

in my external world

and it's time

to reabsorb

to realign

to fucking learn how to gain

some upper body strength

even if I feel so stupid

learning how to use the weights

yesterday I jumped into the waves

the water was warm and wild

I sank to the bottom

held my breath

my arms like wings around me

my soles pushed me upward

I flew in water to the surface

I breathed

I spun and twirled in the space between

air and water

am I all soul and subtle fire?

I fall into the waves

I feel into the waves

they carry me on their current

I twist and turn my back to the surface

I float in my corner

lulled into my the ebb and flow

the world is not water and trees

mine is not yet my sacred forest

though I'd be far more comfortable if it was

it is time to turn the bitches back

to biting the hand that hurts them

and like Diana I will let you watch me bathe

and then turn you back into the stag

when you think my favor

was something to take for granted

for I am the leopard that sinks my teeth into

the weak neck of a deer

so warm when alive

so limp when I drag them up the tree

consume and regain my energy

grow a few new spots

or alternate between

the fire and ice and black

of a tiger's fool in a tiger's gaze

is this transition?

is this transcendance?

is this becoming who I really am?

or am I just seeding a field of more poppies?

only time will tell

and time is fucking annoying

because I punish myself

when I don't make the right choice

in the future

when I look at my past

I thought I was learning everything

but I was avoiding experience

because I wanted to be everything

for everyone else

and now I have to be everything

for myself

and I've always had to be everything

for myself

so it doesn't feel like growing

it's just confusing and painful

so like everyone else

because my expedience isn't special

or even new

I have to get my shit together

I have to fuck around and find out

and I'm surprisingly angry about it

and there's energy in anger

and I know at least

how to use it

when I figure out how to focus it

shit gets done when you're mad

[stardust-in-my-mind-blog]

neutron heart

I almost did it

broke the unholy silence

my psyche found this image of you

you're wearing a robe of black

it's from the back

you're holding your arms back

your left hand holds your right wrist

did you know I often stand the same

in my robes of red

holding my left wrist behind my back

what are we holding back?

why are we holding back?

you never told me

just told me everything

I didn't think you saw

when you looked at me

because when you last spoke to me

you were actually talking to everyone

who ever hurt you

how did I hurt you?

you never told me

I recognized you in the image

I know the back of your neck anywhere

yesterday I found myself

daydreaming about running my fingertips

down the copper warmth of your skin

over the indention of your spine

over the soft brush of your hair

do you remember when I sang you to sleep

driving down that starry highway

how many lifetimes have we been in love?

is this the one you don't want to be?

you never fucking told me

I have sent lightning

to the overgrown prairie winter left me with

the golden dead burned magnificently

I danced in the flames of holy righteous fury

I sang to you as true love to the war of my systems

I brought no one back to the sacred forest with me

the fire burned off whatever careless armor I divined

I am made of moonlight and starlight and sea

I want the light of me to shine on your surface

I want to teach you how to swim my depths

you named your soul for the sea

but the reality of it meant fire

we would fill an entire sky with diamonds

our collaborative talent and intentional strategy

has this subtle interplay and chemistry

that we could make the world believe in

but first you must believe in me

and I don't think you do

or at least believe that I could want you

and secretly I believe the same

it stifles me like a candle in the wind

so the silence survives between us

another day in this time

within an hourglass glued to a table

we're more comfortable ignoring

and give more daggers to those

who benefit from bleeding out

the fears we nurture

in our own darkness

and playful chaos

I love you

maybe it'll kill me

[stardust-in-my-mind-blog]

accurate

Seeing the Body, Rachel Eliza Griffiths

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did you know

that I see you as an

apprentice learning his noble trade

to bring stories from all voices

to the eyes of eyes and minds

desperate to be inspired

to change their own little world

not even focused on the big one

to be brave enough to

challenge and pioneer

his own solitary life transition

to find his fortune even

after many told him he wasn't

worth the seeking of fortune

I admire you

I admire your mind

I admire everything about you

even the way you move

and animate your emotions

and I also think

you're very stupid

it is gross