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nobodysdaydreams · 8 months

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Sticky is an underaded character and he dosent get enough development or personal time in fanfiction

Thank you Anon, because not only do I agree, but I come with a few fic recommendations.

So, I actually will rant a little about this because while I do like the way Sticky was portrayed in the show, there were two things they changed about his character that I initially didn't like. The first was that they made him the one getting sucked in by the Whisperer, whereas in the books, I remember reading about Reynie being just as tempted, and it seemed like they were trying to say that Reynie was strong enough to resist it and that Sticky was the one that gave in easy. However, I did come around on this one, because I do think they used their choice well to establish parallels between Reynie and Sticky and the Benedict twins as well as demonstrate that Sticky's anxiety makes him more vulnerable to the Whisperer, both to the negative fear of the Emergency and to the good feelings offered during the sessions. And in season 2, Reynie was the one who was insecure about the letters while Sticky resisted Curtain's happiness. The show really showed Sticky not necessarily overcoming his anxiety (through force of will), but learning to manage it and use his talents to his advantage and I really like that they did that. It was a good arc for him. And it's sad that he's not a character that's focused on as much in fan fic, because I think there's a lot to work with there.

But the second thing that I didn't like about the show's change that I still don't like is that they took away the book's big scene of him realizing his parents still loved him and spent all their money trying to find him and replaced it with an off screen conversation with his aunt. The other kids got nice family reunion scenes, Sticky deserved his too! And I'm still don't like that they did that. I do understand why they did it though. The show includes more of the adults and their plotlines and perspectives, but the show also needs to balance that out with the kid's stories. Adding Miss. Perumal to the group is one thing, but adding the Washingtons as well would have been a lot of adult characters to find screen time and story lines for. So I get why they made the change, but I still think they could have done a little bit better with it.

Now onto my recommendations (I apologize in advance if you've already read this, but please, if anyone else has any to add, please drop them below):

The first, and probably the best Sticky fic I can recommend is "I don't wanna know I'm not capable" by @sophieswundergarten. It has one of the best portrayals of OCD and anxiety I've ever read in fic, and it's a perfect Sticky centric fic. If you haven't read it yet, trust me, this is the one.

Now, if you're in the mood for a Sticky centered fic that is a bit lighter and has him interacting with the other kids, I wrote one called "A Joy to Obey". The premise is that the other children discover that Curtain did something to Sticky and try to help him out of it. I'm being vague to avoid spoilers.

Finally, if you are still as upset about Sticky not getting a proper on screen emotionally intense reunion with his aunt as I am, I've written about that too in my SOS fic. It's a 200k+ word WIP that's consistent with canon and explores the possible backstory of what happened to SQ's birth parents and how Milligan and Garrison ended up working for Curtain. But don't worry, you don't have to read the whole thing. I've included the relevant portion under the "Keep Reading" (for more context, this snippet comes from chapter 16 of SOS if you want more context, but hopefully this shall suffice).

Thank you for sending in this ask. Sorry if my response was overwhelming, but please know I agree 100%, and hope you have a lovely day! 🥰

My SOS Chapter 16 Snippet:

“Sticky” said Nicholas ducking his head into the room, “Could I speak to you in my office for a moment?”

“Uh, sure Mr. Benedict,” said Sticky, getting up and walking across the hall to Mr. Benedict’s office.

Once they were comfortably seated, Nicholas sighed and began to speak.

“You’ve been very brave Sticky,” complimented Nicholas, “and I am immensely proud of you. And I want you to know that I believe that after what you and the others have accomplished that you deserve to return to lives where you are loved, respected, and valued.”

“Um, thank you Mr. Benedict,” said Sticky, “So um…what exactly did you have in mind?”

“Your aunt is here,” Nicholas explained awkwardly, “in the next room.”

“Oh,” said Sticky after a pause.

“Yes,” said Nicholas, “And I understand that the two of you have a complicated relationship.”

Sticky nodded silently.

“And…your uncle is here too,” added Nicholas carefully, “though he and your aunt thought it best if he waited outside in the hall. So that you and your aunt could speak privately if that’s what you want.”

“If…if that’s what I want?” asked Sticky, “So… you’re not going to make me go back to my aunt? Or even talk to her?”

“No,” Nicholas answered. “I know what it's like to have difficult family relationships. And if you don’t want to speak to her, then I certainly won’t force you.”

“Oh,” said Sticky, who was beginning to feel a bit confused. “But…wouldn’t that be why you invited my aunt here? So that she could take me back?”

“We didn’t invite her,” Nicholas replied, “She found us. Or rather the private investigators she hired to look for you found us.”

“She…hired people to look for me?” repeated Sticky in shock, “But, she and my uncle, they only wanted me for money, they didn’t really like having to take care of me. It was just a responsibility they got saddled with after my parents died. Once I stopped making money for them, they had no reason to keep me around. I heard them say so myself; they wouldn’t spend any money to look for me!”

Nicholas sighed and looked sadly at Sticky, this poor boy, whose family had already been so damaged by parent’s deaths. He didn’t deserve to be treated the way he had, and it was hard for Nicholas, despite knowing it was irrational to blame himself, to not feel some of the responsibility for his role in creating the Sender.

“Ah yes,” said Mr. Benedict, “You see, Sticky, I’m afraid that my brother’s Emergency had many devasting and anxiety inducing effects. Ones that I suspect to have had great influence over your aunt and uncle. My brother’s messages were very specifically designed to increase anxieties. In children, this usually presented as generalized anxiety, social anxiety, or even irritability, but in many adults, it manifested in financial anxiety. Concerns about layoffs and the ability to make ends meet. To put food on the table.”

“Oh…” said Sticky, processing what Mr. Benedict was saying. “So…when she kept making me do those games shows…she wasn’t being greedy, she was motivated by fear? But I made so much, surely, we had more than enough money.”

“It was an irrational fear,” Nicholas acknowledged, “and I’m afraid that your aunt and your uncle’s decision not to look for you was also heavily influenced by my brother’s messages. He wanted to make sure that no one came looking for anyone he had brain swept, and in order to do that, he needed to make sure that while he increased people’s general feelings of anxiety, that he also made them uncharacteristically calm and complacent about the disappearance of their loved ones. I believe Reynie mentioned that the two of you were instructed to deliver those messages?”

“…the missing aren’t missing…they’re only departed…” confirmed Sticky with a nod, remembering the words that he himself had spoken into the Whisperer.

“Yes,” said Nicholas, “and once the effects of the Emergency were removed a few weeks ago, thanks to the bravery of you children, your aunt and uncle immediately set out to look for you. I must say, I’m quite impressed with their ability to track us down, we’re still taking several measures to stay as hidden as possible, so they must have spent quite a bit to hire some skilled professionals. But Sticky, I want you to know that I don’t believe that the role that the Emergency plays in your aunt and uncle’s behavior in any way excuses it or absolves them of any wrongdoing. And from what she’s told me, neither does your aunt.”

“You spoke to her?” asked Sticky.

“I did,” Mr. Benedict confirmed, “and we agreed that we both want the decision of your future to be left up to you. If you decided that you never wanted to speak to your aunt or uncle again, they would respect and honor that decision. As would I. However,” added Nicholas with a pause, “as someone who has some personal experience in this area, the decision to cut contact and ties with family, especially one’s only living biological family, is a very big one. One that should not be taken lightly, and one that should be carefully thought about and examined, with all factors considered. Which I why while I don’t believe the Emergency’s influence excuses your family’s behavior, I still thought it was something that you might like to be aware of before you make any final decisions.”

“Thank you,” said Sticky, who was still taking everything in, “I’m glad you told me about all that. It’s good to know.”

“You’re very welcome,” answered Mr. Benedict.

“Can I…” said Sticky with some hesitation, “Can I see her? I have some things I think I might like to say.”

“Of course,” said Nicholas, pointing Sticky towards the room where his aunt was waiting for him. “But as I said, the decision of whether you want to say those things is up to you. If at any point you want to leave, we will respect that.”

Sticky nodded and stood in front of the door before turning back to Mr. Benedict.

“And um…Mr. Benedict?” he asked.

“Yes Sticky?” Nicholas replied.

“I’m glad I got to talk to you about this,” said Sticky hesitantly, “because I know you understand. Family is important, and I’m um… I’m sorry about yours. I know it hurts. But what happened between you and your brother… and the Emergency…it isn’t your fault. He made his own choices. Just like my aunt. Even if there were other factors.”

Nicholas nodded.

“I know,” he assured him, “thank you Sticky.”

Mr. Benedict didn’t entirely look like he believed what he was saying, but Sticky didn’t have the time to press the issue.

Nicholas walked down the hall to rejoin the others, giving Sticky the privacy to make his choice.

Sticky took a deep breath and opened the door.

His aunt looked up the moment she heard the door open and let out a loud relieved gasp.

Sticky hadn’t been sure what exactly he was to expect when he opened the door, but seeing his aunt looking the way that she did was certainly shocking.

Of course, once the Emergency ended, Sticky immediately noticed the changes in the people of Stonetown. They were nicer, friendlier, and they weren’t as despairing or irritable anymore. But seeing those changes in the general public was one thing, seeing them in someone he knew…that was another. Sticky couldn’t recall ever seeing his aunt act this way before. She seemed to really be looking at him, not as a tool or as a burden, but as a person, and even someone she might actually care about. In fact, were a stranger to walk in, they would probably believe that Sticky’s aunt was a concerned and relieved parent. She looked like she’d been worried sick and was almost on the verge of tears.

“Sticky,” she whispered, “Are you alright? Are you hurt? They…they told me that you went to that island to stop the Emergency and that horrible man made you sit in a room where he... hurt you somehow and I…”

Sticky’s aunt was really shaking now, and Sticky was still so shocked to see her acting this way that he instinctively walked forward and gave her a tentative hug, not knowing what else to do.

“It’s okay,” he comforted, “I’m fine. I promise.”

“Oh,” she gasped, before lowering her head.

“Sticky…I’m sorry,” she choked out, “I shouldn’t have used you like that; I don’t know what came over me. If your mother could see me now, she’d probably think I was a monster. And she’d be right. But I want you to know that I’m sorry, and that I’d be willing to do whatever it takes to make up for what I did to you. That is if you still want me in your life.”

Sticky was surprised. He could vaguely recall his mother saying that she and his aunt were sisters and best friends growing up, but his aunt had never mentioned either of Sticky’s parents since their funeral. And she never apologized. It was so unlike her.

Or, Sticky thought, remembering that he had never really known his aunt before the Emergency began, maybe this was like her.

Sticky remembered his time at the Institute. The hold that Dr. Curtain and the Whisperer had on him, how hard it was to break out of it, and the way it made him act. He’d snapped at Constance, he’d said such awful things to Reynie, and he hadn’t even been worried about Kate when she ran off on her own and fell off a cliff. If someone had only known him during that time of his life, they’d probably think he was terrible. And while Sticky knew he was responsible for all of those things he said and did, he still was grateful that his friends had been understanding. And that they’d held out for the real Sticky to return.

He supposed he could try to show his aunt the same courtesy.

“I do want you in my life,” Sticky answered.

His aunt looked up at him, surprised, but grateful.

“Oh Sticky,” she whispered.

“But I’m still really hurt. And it’s gonna take some time,” Sticky cautioned.

“Oh of course, of course,” his aunt nodded, “I understand.”

“And I don’t want to do game shows anymore,” Sticky continued, “I know I made a lot of money off of them, and I know I was good at them, but we have more than enough money now. And I want to do more with my gift than win silly competitions. I want to make a difference. I want to help people.”

“Sticky,” his aunt answered, “I want you to do what you want, you deserve that, but these dangerous missions, I can’t let you put your life in danger again, I’d never forgive myself-”

“I wouldn’t be going on anymore missions,” Sticky assured her, “The Emergency is over, and Mr. Benedict doesn’t want us in danger any more than you do. I want to go to the Boatwright Academy. It’s a boarding school that’s designed for kids like me. It’ll give me the opportunity to use my gift for something more.”

Sticky handed his aunt the brochure.

“So far away from home,” his aunt noted, “Is this really what you want to do?”

“It is,” Sticky confirmed.

“I see,” said his aunt, “well, your uncle and I will have to talk about this. He’s just outside, we didn’t want to overwhelm you, but…I think that would be fine. But you have to promise me that you’ll call home every week. And no more dangerous missions or adventures of any kind.”

“I promise,” confirmed Sticky, turning to let his uncle in.

“And Sticky,” his aunt added weakly.

“Yes?” asked Sticky.

“I really am sorry,” she repeated sadly, “For everything. And I’m sorry if I keep saying it for a while.”

Sticky nodded.

“It’s okay,” he replied as his uncle entered the room.

Sticky knew that he shouldn’t be surprised to see that his uncle looked about as changed as his aunt, but he was surprised all the same. His uncle had never taken much of an interest in him at all (beyond his aunt’s desire to drag him onto game shows), but now his uncle seemed to be attentively listening to Sticky’s explanation of what he wanted to do with his life and seemed to agree with what Sticky wanted.

At the end of the conversation, Sticky left the room feeling happier and lighter. It was going to take some time to repair his relationship with his aunt and uncle, and he might never really be able to forget what they did to him, but still, his aunt was his mom’s sister. The last living relative Sticky had. And Sticky was glad that their relationship seemed to be moving towards a better place.

As soon as Sticky left the room, his uncle put his hand gently on his aunt’s shoulder.

“I’m proud of you,” he assured her.

“I’m not,” she muttered, “We hurt him enough already. Now we’re letting him go to a school so far away. Suppose that man who caused the Emergency decides that he wants revenge? And we’re not there?”

“Then the authorities will handle it,” Sticky’s uncle comforted, “I’m sure the school is perfectly safe. And it’s the perfect place for a boy with his talents. He wouldn’t be satisfied doing those game shows forever, even if it did bring in a lot of money.”

“It was never just about the money,” Sticky’s aunt sighed.

Her husband nodded.

“I know,” he confirmed, sitting down next to her.

“It’s just…game shows are safe,” she protested, “They could make him enough money to live comfortably with no risk involved.”

“But that’s not a life he’d be satisfied with,” Sticky’s uncle repeated.

Sticky’s aunt sighed again and look towards the door where her nephew had exited.

“He sounds just like her sometimes,” she noted sadly, “To the world she was my brilliant big sister, but to me she was the kindest person in the world. She could have been arrogant about how much smarter she was than everyone else. She could have made me feel as small as I felt when I stood next to her. But she never did. All she’d talk about was how much she wanted to make a difference and help people, just like Sticky.”

Her husband nodded emphatically. He’d heard this before and knew just how hard this was going to be for his wife.

“And look where that got her,” Sticky’s aunt continued. “I suppose I’m partly to blame. I should have been more insistent. I told her doing those kinds of jobs was dangerous. That there were so many other things her intelligence could be used for. But she never listened. “Good people need to be brave enough to stand up and do the right thing” she’d say. I thought that once she was in that chair, since her illness had gotten so bad, that maybe she would stop…”

Sticky’s aunt paused to choke back tears as her husband carefully put his arms around her.

“…but she didn’t. And I told her it was a bad idea, but she insisted she’d be fine, that it was just desk work. I think that might have been the only time that I was right, and my brilliant older sister was wrong. Growing up, sometimes I’d think it was insufferable how she was always right about everything and sometimes I’d wish that she would be wrong about something just once, but I…I just wish she could have picked any another time to be wrong. She was stronger than I ever was. She would have fought through those messages. She would have stopped at nothing to find Sticky, while I…I…”

Sticky’s aunt really was sobbing now.

“Hey,” her husband said, hugging her to his chest, “You can’t punish yourself forever. And you can’t blame yourself for what happened to your sister. It wasn’t your fault.”

“But it is if I let her son walk down the same path she did!” Sticky’s aunt protested.

“You’re not letting him do anything,” Sticky’s uncle objected, “This is his choice. Whether we agree with it or not, the boy is growing up. He has a right to start making his own decisions about his future.”

Sticky’s aunt looked up at him.

“And” her husband added carefully, “he has a right to know what happened to his parents.”

Sticky’s aunt shook her head.

“We can’t talk to a child about things like that,” she protested.

“He won’t be a child for much longer,” Sticky’s uncle pointed out, “and after all he’s been through, he deserves the truth. Ugly as it might be.”

Sticky’s aunt thought for a moment, took a deep breath, and nodded reluctantly.

“Maybe after we let him get used to his new school, make some friends, get our relationship with him in a better place, and figure out our new normal, we can sit down with him and try to find a way to talk about things,” she suggested.

Her husband smiled comfortingly and hugged her.

“I know it’s hard,” he admitted, “but I’m proud of you. You’re doing the right thing. And I’m here for you. And for him. No matter what happens.”

Sticky’s aunt returned the hug.

“Thank you,” she whispered before drying her tears and doing her best to look presentable.

The last thing she needed to do was draw unnecessary attention to herself.

She’d hurt her nephew enough already.

#long post #I hope you like this snippet!#sticky washington #Bods Answers #mbs fanfic #tmbs fanfic #the mysterious benedict society #mysterious benedict society #tmbs

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princess-dirt · 16 days

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Long Rant, please ignore... or don't

Growing up, my mom would tell me how handsome I was, how I'd have to be careful with girls because of how many I'd have to deal with. She told me this as early as elementary school.

Of course, she couldn't have been more wrong. I grew up with undiagnosed adhd and likely autism. I had social anxiety and horrible self-image issues. I never cared how I looked, but hated how I looked. I was socially awkward and could barely talk to girls. That's to say very few girls ever approached me.

I was thinking about this, and only now have I really connected the dots. The patriarchy and heteromormativity of the world fucking sucks. Like I grew up and every good thing about my appearance that my mom would say never materialized. No wonder I suffer so bad from self-image issues. I had my mom pushing it down my throat that I should have a girlfriend, but also to be careful of girls, but also that they'd be all over me, but also that I have to make the first move since I was a guy.

I think the worst part about all of this is that when I was in high school, the lack of any romantic relationship really fucked with me mentally. I already had a pretty shit childhood, so it was frosting on the cake. It got so bad I fell down the alt-right pipeline and was a few months away from becoming an incel.

But I watched MLP. This show was the first time I was ever really taught empathy, and it changed my life. Fast forward senior year, and I've been experimenting with how I look. I have alt and queer friends, I'm learning about myself.

I spill my heart out to my mom about everything and how trapped and hopeless I felt about relationships. Like 20 minutes she listened to me. I was crying and desperate for any bit of advice from my parent.

"So are you gay?" My mom asks sounding almost annoyed.

Which leads to me begging her to listen to me and to take what I am saying seriously.

"Well, how do you think I feel?" She says now sounding angry.

This same conversation happens a half dozen more times. Each time I become more desperate for any hint my mom cares at all.

"You just need to approach them and be nice."

"You should try harder."

"Are you calling me a bad mother?"

"I didn't raise you this way!"

Now, both of my parents are brainrotted by Fox News. My dad is mentally ill while being the most toxic man ever, never being emotionally available for me ever. My mom still thinks I just need to try harder and that girls will just throw themselves at me. Her state of delusion is horrifying tbh.

It sucks because they will both die never having known their son. They'll die never knowing I use he/they, never knowing I'm pansexual, never knowing I crossdress, never knowing I cosplay, never knowing me, the pansexual nuero divergent femboy. And I don't feel bad over it.

I know my story about this kind of shit is way more common that I'd like. I've seen tik toks with very similar events I've mentioned with 100s of 1000s of likes and comments.

To think a generational gap could have such destructive consequences. My only solace for this is that I was able to overcome their horrible parenting.

It seems to me that as each day passes, the only way I'll remember my parents when they are long since dead is the mental scars they've left. I hate it, but I love my parents. They tried their best, but their best failed me and my 3 brothers horribly.

Anyways, back to watching Vampire Dormitory. It's a gay ass anime about some twink and a vampire.

Edit: finished episode one, the Twink was girl. I feel so betrayed.

#long fucking rant #adhd brain #adhd

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pocket-size-cthulhu · 11 months

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The Internet is getting worse every day and i hate it. I'd rather go out and have friendships with people in real life. With people i can see and hug and eat with.

But spaces to do that are dwindling and people i can enjoy spending time around often prefer to spend time together online.

If i didn't have to work so much (40hrs/week is a lot!) for my living, I'd build and maintain social sites for fun. I think it would be cool and also it would feel good to facilitate a nice space for people. I feel like there are plenty of nerds who feel the same.

But i do have to work so much, which means if I'm putting my brain to work i want to be paid for it because the amount i can output ever week is limited and after 40 hours I'm almost completely spent. And i have a family and friends and hobbies and stuff i also want to give attention and energy to.

I wish we didn't have to work so much. Maybe if i didn't work so much I'd have more energy to bear the anxiety i experience when i go into social situations (and the more i bear that anxiety the less intense it becomes, so i can do it more). If i didn't work so much maybe i wouldn't feel like my life is nearly spent when I'm not even 30 yet. Maybe i could have meaningful connections, do normal 20s things, develop skills and have hobbies. Maybe i could overcome my fears and hangups. Maybe i could learn to do some good in my community, put down roots and learn from people who are older than me who have lived fulfilled lives. Maybe i could lend more of my time to helping my neighbors.

I really want to be involved. I believe in strong communities, i believe that fulfillment can come in any and every stage of life, i believe in doing things that are nice for the sake of it, i believe that given the opportunity people would build beautiful and useful things for free. But we don't have time or energy for any of that. Because we're working.

And what can you do about that? Some people at my work have pushed for a 4-day workweek but execs aren't willing to consider it - and why?? It would literally be better for everyone. Everyone in the department i left just over a year ago is burned all the way out. What right does work have to ruin your mental health? Why do people find grind culture so alluring?

The other day someone at my work got recognized for excellence in their role. Someone praised them for working even while they were sick, to the point that they were on a call and muting themselves to throw up, then unmuting to continue the call. That's not typical at my workplace at all, nor is it expected thank goodness, but the fact that they were even praising that disgusted me. They should have ordered her to get offline and go throw up in peace until she felt better. How can you see that as anything but dystopic? Someone's putting work above her literal health and that's not ok at all.

Exponential growth is just so unnatural. Like it's cool if you have a big market and you grow a lot for a while. But why do you need to be growing year over year? Is it not enough to maintain? People talk about plateauing like it's a bad thing, but if you've got a good thing going, really genuinely why do you have to look for ways to Make More Money With It? Can't you find fulfillment in the fact that you've provided a service people like and are using?

Like if you were the CEO of Twitter, that would suck for a lot of reasons, but it would also be nice knowing you provided a platform where lots of people learn new perspectives, get news quickly and form communities that sometimes even go on to become real life friends. That's super cool. Why is business always about profit and never about people primarily?

It's Friday. It's been a long week. Instagram just showed me ads between someone's posts that i was scrolling through - they've never done that before. I'm just tired of it all. The counterfeit world in my pocket makes it harder to go engage with the actual world outside my own 4 walls. Ugh.

#ramble #long post #capitalism sucks #capitalism #tw vomit

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dabislittlemouse · 9 months

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Let's get into it then. I'll try to tread carefully. Let me know if im overstepping boundaries. Lately I've noticed that I get way too involved with the lives of fictional ppl. I mean we all do to some degree, right? That's why we're here on your blog, cuz we love Dabi but I'm wondering if it's unhealthy. I don't have many ppl in the real world that I'm particularly close with so I suppose I use fictional characters to fill a space inside me im missing. When I watch a show or read a book where the characters are going through it it literally effects me like im watching my own loved ones struggling. It effects my mood, triggers my depression. Somedays it feels like i don't even want to get out of bed. I don't want to face the real world. I struggle with crippling anxiety so bad that I cant handle when ppl brush my shoulder or stand too close behind me. My skin crawls and bones feel like their shifting beneath my skin. I've always been bad at handling social interactions, I think that's why I cling onto fictional characters. I can love them from afar. I can put my whole heart and soul into loving them but not worry about the social aspects that I struggle with. I cant talk to them, I can't touch them. This person will never hurt me, their not real.

(Sorry if this is too much. Just wanted to talk, not make you uncomfortable.)

-🐺

I get what you mean, I used to be like you too until life forced me to go out there, get a job, and in a way or another meet people and have social interactions.

It’s not a bad thing to seek comfort on fictional characters, I encourage it because its better than to be hurt by someone in real life. And we love them as if they were real, and our feelings are valid, thats why we get upset when something happens to these characters, because it’s not that we just like them, we literally love them. Not everyone puts their whole heart and soul in a fictional character like we do, and that is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because we have a source of happiness no matter what happens, our fictional hubby is there for us. And a curse, because we completely escape reality and one day life will throw us out there and we won’t know what to do.

But it is best to think it that way, if something bad happens to that character which will affect your mood since you’re deeply attached to him, then you just remember that he is not real. None of it is real. Which means, you can also create your own reality with this character, something different from canon. If this character dies for example (well thats a hard one to get over it), i think its best to create your own world with a different ending, maybe write a fanfic, or draw something, or just discuss it with someone. After all, just because its creator said “this character dead”, doesn’t mean you can’t create your own fantasies where he survived. Because it’s in fact unhealthy to get heavily affected by a character’s tragic story, I’ve experienced it too with Dabi, literally crying whenever something bad happened to him.

I’m a maladaptive daydreamer and I tell you, I used to constantly daydream just to not face reality lmao. And I still do. But I noticed that just like you, I didn’t even want to wake up in the morning in the following day. Didn’t want to do anything and my mental health was worsening because I was used to staying in my own world, in my comfort zone with my fictional hubby, that made it so hard for me to actually go out in real life.

But in a way or another I got over it, now I can both manage real life and my daydreaming, I don’t let it consume me because if I do it again I just know it will ruin my life. It sucks to be an adult, but its part of life now, I’m not a teenager anymore and I gotta go out in the real world and learn how to survive.

Though your case seems a bit more harder than mine, because anxiety wouldn’t be this severe on me. I highly suggest you see a therapist that might help you to overcome all of this, because anxiety is a real bitch.

You don’t have to force yourself for any social interaction, people drain you out sometimes, and I’d rather stay alone than be constantly social with people. I just get tired quickly and I’d rather just talk with one good friend that I’m close with. Do you have internet friends? Maybe you can start by making internet friends, before you go out there and make irl friends which can be more intimidating since you gotta see them in real life etc etc. I don’t have many people irl close to me either, just one friend.

I don’t know how valid my response is but this is my perspective on it. My therapist said that this will all pass one day when I told her the same thing, that I don’t have to force myself to stop thinking for this character just because it’s unhealthy. It will all go away that’s what she said (well not on my watch I’m not letting Dabi go)

#B’s inbox🦋#🐺anon

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thebangtancloud · 2 years

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Hi, i saw your post about tinnitus from February and i am going through that right now too, it began two weeks ago and i cant concentrate on anything. it sucks. do you mind sharing what ended up happening or helping in your case?

Hiya, I'm so sorry that you have to go through this, but this isn't the end (when it always feels like it is), so trust me on this. This is going to be A LOT to read, but please don't skip anything. Brace yourself.

Consult an ENT specialist.

This is, of course, the scary part, and it needs to be done first. I stalled and put off visiting an ENT for the longest time, leading me to not take things seriously. I continued to abuse my ears by using headphones (which I still do sometimes, and it's not something that I'm proud of). When I visited the doctor, she checked my ears through a physical examination and said that my ears were physiologically normal. When she performed a crude test to check my hearing (for possible hearing loss), I passed two out of three of the tests, one of which I couldn't hear the sound when she placed the tuning fork on the top of my head. She tried it thrice because I was really anxious the whole time and thought that I was not paying attention - but turns out I couldn't hear the sound that is normally transmitted through the skull. She then confirmed that I have tinnitus, which is the only important part. Of course, she told me to visit an audiologist and get an audiometric test (which is done in a really professional setting with headphones and leads that would be placed all over your head to determine if you have any kind of hearing loss and if yes, then to what extent).

Remember, the rest of the steps, although safe to take, is not entirely necessary, in my opinion. The tests would be expensive and multiple visits to the ENT would be required and ultimately you're left with what almost everyone tells you: Tinnitus can't be cured.

I didn't take the audiometric test. I've watched a shit ton of videos about people and how they've dealt with Tinnitus and all of them have said that any and every kind of medication is useless. The ringing doesn't stop. Which is quite true. So all you need to do is just go to an ENT for an official diagnosis of Tinnitus. The most important thing is to tell you that your ears are not internally damaged. Please, I emphasize, don't skip this step, because if the delicate structures of your ears are damaged (which could be due to any kind of physical trauma), you'd have to undergo treatment for that.

It takes time to accept it.

You've been experiencing it for two weeks and you say that you can't concentrate on anything, which is normal. Let me just tell you that. I don't want to sugar coat things and make you feel better instantly because when I was told sweet things, it only made it so much more difficult for me to overcome. The only assurance I can give you is that it does get better, over time. The first few months - yes, months - will be very difficult for you. I still struggle, if I'm being honest. I feel afraid and anxious (which is why I had visited a doctor for my anxiety because my health became so bad due to the anxiety to the point where I passed out thrice over the course of 1 week). And...it's okay. You will feel afraid. You will feel nervous. You will feel anxious. But friend, the only way out is to give yourself the time to accept it.

Dear, there is no running away. I may be young, but I've faced my own fair deal of shit. I'm exhausted. I'm tired of running away. The only thing I can offer to you is... don't stop fighting. Don't run away, run towards your problem.

How to make your mind learn to accept it:

This is going to sound crazy, but do exactly as I say. I watched this in a youtube video where a man explained how he accepted the fact that he has tinnitus and has actually been healed, but I couldn't find that video after the first time I watched it. Here's what you need to do:

Sit in a room, alone. And turn off the fan/ air-conditioner (basically anything that is a source of sound). This will sound tormenting, let me warn you. People who've just begun to experience ringing in their ears will do anything and everything to try and cover or muffle the sound of the ringing. Be it turning the fan on to the highest speed, keeping the AC on so that the hum of the machine would cover the sound of the ringing, play music in the background while sleeping.

But remember what I said? Don't run away, run towards your problems. Don't try to cover up the sound, accept it.

Sit tight, and let the ringing happen. This will be torture for the first ten minutes, but tell your mind that you will endure it. You will hear nothing but the ringing, and it will be loud. You need to train your mind, and it is capable of being trained.

You must've heard of these things: Sit in a room that smells bad and you will get used to the smell. Hang upside down and after a few hours, the world will look straight and not upside down. This is quite true. Your mind has an excellent capability of adjusting to the situations it's been put into. So this is how you train your mind.

Let yourself listen to the sound of the ringing. I don't even know how, but this worked for me. And remember, it's okay to feel weak during this time of training. I've spent hours crying and sobbing and banging my hands over my ears to muffle the sound of the ringing, and it's okay to express these emotions. It's okay to break down.

Many people say that the ringing is actually a defense mechanism. Your brain thinks it's in a state of danger and the very common 'fight-or-flight' response kicks in. What you need to do while you sit in absolute silence is tell your brain this: "I'm not in danger. I'm safe. There's nothing wrong. You can relax."

It sounds stupid, I know. But it works. I don't know how, but it works. Remember, your brain doesn't always need to perceive danger visually to feel the need to trigger a fight-or-flight response. There are various types of stressors like physical, chemical, biological, and even emotional stressors. When there is an imbalance in your body, your brain thinks something is wrong. In the case of tinnitus, exposure to loud sounds for a long time can put a lot of stress on the delicate structures of your ears, and makes your brain begin to 'fight'.

So as I've mentioned earlier, you need to train your mind into thinking that it doesn't need to fight. That it's okay to calm down. Even if it feels stupid, talk to yourself. Your mind will thank you later.

What happens after this?

Well, your brain accepts the ringing as a part of you. And what happens when something occurs that is perceived as a part of you? Nothing. It doesn't feel the need to fight back. It might not even make sense, but the sound of the ringing drastically lowers. Sometimes you won't even hear it.

When the ringing starts, you'll automatically think, "Oh shit, I can hear it." This is normal. I've faced this almost 500 times a day when I initially began to experience the symptoms. But when you go through this period of training, as soon as this thought occurs to you, tell yourself to accept it.

"I can hear the ringing. It's okay. Nothing is wrong. You don't need to fight."

Tell yourself this. I really really hope you believe me, the ringing does get lesser. You will get better.

Focus on your diet and exercise.

This...if I'm being brutally honest, does not help with tinnitus. It's not even related. You're doing this for your mental health. Tinnitus is such an issue, that the symptoms never stop. You hear the ringing 24/7 and there's not even a moment of relief. I've literally begged God to just give me a moment of peace, a moment of absolute silence without this stupid ringing, but it doesn't happen. No one understands the trauma. No one.

This stress can lead to a lot of anxiety. As I've mentioned before, anxiety can take a toll on your life in ways you've never thought possible.

So, focusing on your diet, eating healthy, and regularly and frequently exercising is something that you're doing for yourself. It's an investment that will yield profits later that you'll really thank yourself for.

Meditation and Prayer:

If you're not a spiritual person, meditation should help you as well. Faith is something that can work wonders. If you are, remember that God has given you this battle to fight for a reason. You'll be placed in situations all alone and that will make you remember that you need no one but God. God is capable of healing. God is capable of comforting. God loves.

Have faith that God can and will heal you. Because this helped me.

Dear friend, I want you to know that it does get better. I can't stop telling you this. It's only been a few months for me but the ringing has already reduced quite a bit to the point where I can study and write without even being bothered by the sound.

You're going to be okay.

You will be okay.

And why okay? You'll be better than that. You won't just survive, you'll thrive.

I believe in you.

If you ever feel alone, message me. We can talk about anything and everything. Don't hesitate.

#tinnitus

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zerodaryls · 1 year

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this is probably an unpopular opinion but I really think a lot of phobias could be overcome if people took the time to intentionally trigger themselves (i.e. exposure therapy).

before I go any further, I'm not fucking saying that triggering other people's phobias is okay. I'm not saying "I'm intentionally not tagging topics that are widely known to be triggers because y'all just need to suck it up and cope". if you trigger someone on purpose you're a fucking asshole.

but I do think that we coddle ourselves too much, especially in online spaces. I've seen trigger lists on Discord servers that are a mile long. and I know a lot of triggers pertain to PTSD and other issues, and that's totally valid and not something I'm qualified to address. but that's not what I'm talking about here.

I'm talking about certain types of irrational phobias (not things like an intense fear of assault, or other phobias that are based in more realistic concerns -- I've got those, too, and I doubt that "exposure therapy" would help anyone get over those fears; that's what professional therapy is for).

I'm talking about things we have no real business being afraid of, lol.

like, for me, it was spiders (and many other types of bugs; still working on learning to be okay with some of them!)

I think a lot of trigger lists end up serving as a way for people to just keep reinforcing and living in their irrational phobias.

but like...

a phobia is not a life sentence!

estimated reading time under the cut: 4.5 minutes

I swear some people cling to phobias like it's a core part of their identity. I know I did that to an extent with my arachnophobia.

but I'm happy to announce that I'm not afraid of spiders anymore.

I actually really fucking love them and am constantly looking around my home to see if there's a new spider buddy chillin' on the wall.

and before anyone comes in with their skepticism and tries to say "oh then maybe you just never really had arachnophobia to begin with", I know myself and my experiences best. I had arachnophobia.

if someone so much as talked about their own experiences with spiders, I would tense up.

on multiple occasions I would end up shaking and unable to sleep if I spotted a spider anywhere in my home, let alone in my room.

I once abandoned my apartment for an entire day and stayed at my mom's house because there was a big hairy spider outside. it wasn't even in the apartment! it was on the balcony! I rarely even went on the balcony, but I was so fucking arachnophobic back then that I was paranoid that this 8-legged buddy would somehow manage to squeeze in through a crack in the door and... honestly idek what I was afraid would happen after that... it would be in my home?? so??

yeah, I definitely had arachnophobia.

even just photos or videos of spiders triggered me. my hands would literally start shaking if I saw a picture of, like, some Big Boi Spider on a wall in Australia or something, lmao. I would get heart palpitations. I even teared up a few times. and mind, this was in my 20s. I was an adult crying over an image of a spider.

eventually I realized how much my arachnophobia affected me, and I remembered some cheesy Pinterest quote about "interrupting anxiety with curiosity" or something, and I decided to give it a try.

I decided to become curious about spiders. when I would see a spider, I'd ask, "what kind of spider is that?"

I started googling descriptions of spiders when I encountered them, and trying to figure out what exact species I was looking at.

it was uncomfortable as fuck the first dozen or so times. I still experienced extreme anxiety. but I kept at it, and reminded myself to be curious. what was it that I was actually afraid of? how realistic was that fear? is that type of spider even venomous? what does their venom do? are they likely to bite, or do they avoid humans as much as possible? (fun fact: very rarely will any species of spider bite a human just for funsies. they straight up don't want to fuck with us!)

you can show me just about any picture of a spider at this point and I'm good. I will even seek them out! I follow a bunch of spider accounts on social media and my suggested posts are at least 50% videos of freaky lil bugs (affectionate).

my dad bought me spider stuffed animals as gifts for my birthday and Christmas. he said he never imagined that I'd want something like that in my life. neither did I!

if you'd told me even just a year ago that I would overcome my phobia of spiders (and moths! nearly forgot about how much moths used to freak me tf out), I wouldn't have believed you.

but here I am.

my next mission is to conquer trypophobia. and I'll be honest, I'm not looking forward to it. I fucking hate seeing clusters of holes n' shit, it really freaks me out. but because those kinds of patterns aren't always avoidable, it'd be really great if I could encounter them without having a panic attack. so, I'm going to be forcing myself to look a little longer every time I see that shit.

ditto pregnancy; I've had severe tokophobia since I was a teen. it's not fucking contributing to my life, and now my best friend's wife is pregnant, and I wanna be able to cheer them on during this exciting journey! I don't wanna be grimacing every time they share updates! they're gonna be moms, for fuck's sake, and my dumbass irrational fear has no business getting in the way of that joy (especially since we need more examples of queer joy and queer families to celebrate right now)!

so, the tokophobia's gotta go. any fear I encounter in myself, I want to do my damndest to work through it, not avoid ever being triggered. I want to have more confidence in myself than that.

and yeah, I know, not all phobias are the same. and I'm sure we can come up with dozens of excuses to wallow in our fear.

but like. I truly believe that Fear is enemy no. 1 in life. that behind every evil thing humans have ever done, you can usually track it all back to some underlying Fear that they hadn't learned how to cope with.

and obviously I'm not saying that your fear of bugs or holes or pregnant people is going to make you commit atrocities, lmao.

but like. for me, personally, seeing the damage that fear does to the human spirit... I don't want that shit anywhere on me.

I want to go through life knowing that I'm bold and brave and that I consistently choose to stare my discomfort in the face and tell it that it doesn't have power over me.

if I'm gonna have a phobia of anything, it's gonna be fear itself.

#really didn't mean to quote FDR at the end there but oh well. lol #also ended up rambling far longer than I intended this post to be #but what can ya do. ADHD / autism and I got a lotta thoughts.#anyway. I gently encourage y'all to join me in the fight against our own fears.#we're bossass bitches and nothing has the right to hold so much power over us #empower yourself dude. you're so much stronger and more capable than you realize. I promise.

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aroaceconfessions · 3 years

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It isn't that much of a factor irl because you usually get to know someone before you learn their sexuality, but online I can't interact with anyone who mainly posts wlw content.

I'm an afab, not exactly cis, but definitely a woman. Since I found out I was Ace and then aro, about 8 years ago, I've been through so much harassment from rads, most of them lesbians, (and the contrary too, so many lesbians I've met online are also rad or goes in a political lesbianism world view) in every social media, to the point it just became a trigger. I can count on my fingers the times when I had a positive interaction with one of them about orientation and the community and specially feminism, on this topic I have always felt so belittled (including irl for this one, with casual "reminders" that I'm less capable of fighting for our rights than a lesbians is because I don't love women like they do and stuff like this).

I can't control my reaction, I just rush pass, I never had such problems with multi attracted wlw but I still have that fear of interacting with that part of fandom, and I'm in fandom a lot so I really wish I could overcome it. It's worse because I can't tell this to anyone, is not like I can put on my dni "lesbians", I know it's not all of them, it's mainly the rads, but sometimes it just gives me anxiety, my mind tells me to be careful, to not let them know what I am. So I just suck it up and have these little anxiety crisis.

Recently on Twitter a certain person used the d word and people were complaining that not many were holding this person accountable for it but I count even RT, it's just getting worse since I got into my local kpop stan twt (which is filled with rads, for some reason), there's a voice in my head that always tell me to stay safe and away. I've gotten everything, from the casual dismissal, saying I'm traumatized, in the closet, a psychopath, being made fun off, to being sent explicit content and group harassment. Logically I know most people are not going to be asshole, but anxiety isn't logical.

I'm not looking for anyone's advice, I think the only thing that would help would be blocking every single rad and aphobe and just having a new experience with mono attracted wlw to erase the past but I can't force myself through that atm. I just wanted to vent since I've been stressed lately and all my smaller triggers have gotten bigger and the big ones makes me feel like dying so I can't have these little things becoming worse, I thought maybe if I talked it would relieve it all a bit and tone it down as well.

#aromantic #asexual #aroace #radfems #aphobia

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rosie-posie0777 · 2 years

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vent post #1: habits I've developed as the child of a controlling, emotionally abusive parent

lying impulsively. it's not a "pretty" symptom of trauma but it's true. to protect my own sanity i learned how to come up with a lie straight in front of my mother's face in 0.00047 seconds and unfortunately i can now do the same to you if i feel even vaguely threatened

i clear my search history and use incognito tabs EVERYWHERE for ANYTHING not related to school/other official stuff

"minimal disclosure policy" i don't tell anyone shit unless they need to know or unless i trust them a lot

when i hear someone coming up the stairs, i yell out of my room to make sure it's my sister and not my mom, even if i'm not doing anything i wouldn't want my mom to see

before i get in the shower/leave the house without my mom/go do anything where i can't keep an eye on her i always make sure i haven't left anything around for her to find

i never leave anything laying around - it'll get taken or i'll get in trouble for it somehow. and i keep my stuff neat so even if there's nothing to hide i can tell when she's searched my room

i destroy receipts unless i'll need them or it's something she knows i bought. but if it's something i didn't explicitly ask about beforehand, sometimes even if it is, i destroy all the evidence, even if it's just to make sure she doesn't discover a new thing to take away if she gets pissed

even if i'm doing something completely normal around people i trust, i ALWAYS feel uncomfortable if they can see my phone/computer screen

swearing gives me anxiety

i often imagine i'm being secretly recorded or watched. sometimes i'll just be having a normal conversation with my sister in my room and start to sweat because what if she's outside on a ladder looking in my bedroom window

changes of plans also give me anxiety because if my mom changes her plans, it could result in me getting caught

just writing this is giving me a stress stomachache. what sucks is that when i'm finally able to move out, i honestly won't give a damn. i'll start an onlyfans for extra money. i'll write smut fanfiction to overcome sexual trauma to my heart's content. honestly, i don't care what people know or think about me.

except for her. if she knows? it's the end of the world.

i won't even feel safe once i'm moved out, once i have my own house with my own key that i don't have to give her a copy of. because i will never be able to do anything under my own name that she doesn't approve of without her finding out. and even if she can't punish me for it anymore, that's literally an unbearable thought.

how do i get over this?

#emotional abuse

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archived-brokentoys · 3 years

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anonymous sent:

Ooc: Thank you for your reassuring words! I hope that I will overcome my anxiety one day. I came across your blog when I was browsing the Tumblr site to see if there were any fanarts and fanfics about Edward. I remember that I saw one of your drawings about him having a cocaine powder on his nose and I got curious about your blog so I decided to check it out. I was surprised to find out that Edward was addicted to drugs in your portrayal at first because I remembered I never saw him doing drugs in the comics; in the animation series; or in the Arkham games. But when I discovered your headcanons about him it encouraged me to learn more about drug addiction; child abuse; and mental illnesses. I was also amazed by your writing and roleplaying skills when I looked at your threads! I was nervous to send an ask to your blog but I managed to have the courage to send an ask as my OC Luna to Edward. (Luna) 🐰

Fun fact! My idea of Eddie being a drug addict actually came from Arkham! Why? Because I thought he behaved like a crackhead. (I know some irl, so I know how they act.) And also because I noticed how much... older he looks in City compared to Origins.

Hard drugs can make a person AGE fast. Such as give them premature wrinkles. And then, it just makes so much sense for Eddie to be on drugs, because think about it... he's a traumatized mentally ill guy who grew up in poverty. I KNOW many people like that can end up on drugs... because they think it helps them with the trauma and mental illness. I totally understand. And in G0tham? I'm sure it's EASY to get drugs. So, it just makes too much sense to me. And THAT'S why I portray Eddie as a drug addict.

And if you don't know yet! In the latest issue of Catw0man, they REVEALED Eddie as a drug addict. Though, I believe they were implying he does meth, while my portrayal mostly does cocaine and heroin (though, isn't afraid to do more... those are just his favorites.) And y'know... I've been saying for an entire year, he does drugs! So, like! Feels like I was able to predict things! Though... I think he may have done drugs in G0tham? I'm just... not too sure on that, 'cos I never watched it, and I'm not sure if I will.

Anyways, thank you SO very much! I especially get insecure about my writing?? Sometimes it feels very clunky... and that my vocabulary isn't strong or varied enough. And I suck at describing actions beyond dialogue... and I fear I might get boring with my writing. So thank you!! And I'm very glad you did! I really do appreciate your messages. I may be a little slow at replying to 'em. But that's because I get quite a few messages/threads/whatever, and I want to reply to 'em all, y'know?? But thank you!

#GENERAL: OOC #GENERAL: INBOX #drugs //

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moony-artnstuff · 4 years

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Hey, I just wanted to say thank you for your reply to my vent post. It... really meant a lot, and really did help. I've been to 6 different schools by now, and I've always struggled with anxiety and going to class. A big reason I left my last school was because the assistant principal openly told me that she had never seen a case of anxiety as severe as mine before, that I was "untreatable" and that I should drop out because “It’s just not worth it anymore”. I’m trying to prove her wrong and get my highschool diploma, but I’m already behind on credits and still have such bad anxiety that it’s difficult to make it to class. I constantly think about how successful and wonderful I could be if I just didn’t have anxiety, if I could just suck it up and face the music like everyone tells me to. My parents don't really do mental health days, and my dad doesn't understand why I can't just deal with my anxiety like he does, so I feel very hopeless because I can't drive and they keep me dependant through control, so that's a big part of the suicidality. I guess this turned into another vent, but I just wanted to say thanks for being so kind. That’s a very rare commodity that I just don’t have much of, so it really means more than you could ever know. I hope you’re doing well.

Hi darling!

Okay first of all I think it's so awesome you decided to prove that assistant principle wrong, because she IS wrong. Your anxiety is not untreatable. It never is. It might be very difficult to overcome it/learn to live with it in a way it does't corrupt your daily life, but it's never impossible. Also, saying that "it's just not worth ot anymore" was the worst possible advice she could've given you. Like wtf. Sure, maybe things aren't going well right now, and yes attending class is not something that's easy for you to do, but that doesn't mean that can't or won't change??? I've come to believe that with the right help (and 'the right help' can be different for everyone, some need therapy, others don't, etx.) Anxiety can be overcome, or at the very least made manageble, but things like that take a lot of time and effort amd the fct that people treat you the way they do isn't really helping.

As for your dad, anxiety is a spectrum. If he's capable to just 'suck it up' and do his thing then good for him, but that doesn't mean you can do that too, and that doesn't mean your a bad person, it just means you fall on a different place on the spectrum.

If it's alright for me to give a suggestion, I think it would't be a bad idea to reach out for proffesional help. Your parents clearly won't do it for you, but you still need it. There's a lot of things on the internet, so you don't have to leave your house.

I wish you lots of love💕

- Moony

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mr-entj · 5 years

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Hello, Mr. ENTJ. Have you ever been depressed? How did you manage to come out of the rut and find the will to live on? I realize that this is a personal question, and you don't really have to answer but it'd help in understanding different paradigms and help someone who else who is struggling. Thank You

Combined with the following asks:

I’m confident, but insecure at the same time. I have a history of abuse and I know that this insecurity does not belong to my personality. It is a issue of my childhood that from time to time I repeat again. Depression has deprived me of continuing my development and now I feel that I am a younger person trapped in an adult’s body. I was wondering if you’d know how to help me? - (intj female)

Hey! How are you? Btw it’s always a pleasure to see you active again as you have such a cool blog :) Send your doggo my love :) Just wanted to ask - how do you cope with depression and anxiety? I have a lot of bad mental health spells that I can’t seem to deal with, but I’m wondering if it’s a type issue as I’m an ISFP… Like what do you do when you’re in a rut and feel bad about everything? Thanks 🙏

I feel so stuck, I’m almost 30 and I don’t have anything going on in my life. I got back to school but I have no direction, I feel lost, and I feel like I’ll never make it, like I’ll never become the successful woman that I wanted someday to be. I cannot focus, I cannot think, I feel in a rut.

Lately, everything in my life is going wrong. It's all snowballing, and it's making me exhausted everyday and mentally and physically fatigued. What so you do to get back up on your feet when you barely have the strength to open your eyes?

Of course I’ve been depressed. Depression isn’t an MBTI issue, it’s a mental health one, and it’s something most people go through at some point in their lives so none of you are alone in this. On failure and rejection, I’ve written about my experiences here. On depression specifically, I didn’t suffer from a chemical imbalance so my triggers were very specific and identifiable (but personal and unique to me). I solved it by addressing the root cause of the issues head on.

First, usual Tumblr disclaimer of: I’m not a mental health professional, obviously go seek professional help if you have the means to, etc. etc. You all already know the deal. Moving on.

What worked for me:

1. Do damage control. For example, if the root cause of my depression was low grades in math then I’d finish the semester and pause taking math classes until I figured out how to do well in them. Even if I didn’t have a solution at that very moment, I could at least stop the bleeding and avoid a bigger GPA drop. This helped me feel slightly better because even if things were bad, they weren’t as bad as they could be. Bad is better than worse.

2. Suffer. I mean exactly what I just said– I suffered– I let the hurt in. The reason I did this is because I’m a stubborn person with the tendency to “power through” obstacles even if I was unwell. I forced myself to have an internal come-to-Jesus moment so that I could acknowledge:

I was unwell and I wasn’t in peak form which was affecting all areas of my life

My current condition hurt, it sucked, and it’s something I didn’t want to stay in

The more I acknowledged it hurt, the more I was motivated to find a solution. We all can’t be Mother Teresa, sometimes getting fed up with bad shit and getting pissed off is the spark that triggers transformative changes. I ran with that. Wood, coal, electricity, or gas– the fuel of choice doesn’t matter– as long as it propels the vehicle.

3. Reconnect with my support system. Isolation is killer because it leaves you alone in a room with negative thoughts and a compromised mind completely unchecked which is the equivalent of locking yourself in a room with a pack of crocodiles and expecting not to get torn to pieces. I’m a naturally independent person so for me to reach out to friends and family with a, “I’m not feeling well. Can we spend time together?” was a huge signal that I needed help. I spread my time with many different people so that I didn’t feel like I was annoying one specific person with all my crap. This helped do a few things:

It distracted me from negative thoughts and provided temporary relief which gave me a chance to recharge my batteries and regain strength

It gave me a sounding board for my thoughts and feelings which helped uncover previous blind spots and encouraged brainstorming of solutions

It reminded me what “normal” looked like, it showed me what a normal functioning person looked, talked, and acted which gave me a baseline goal to shoot for

4. Gain perspective. I gained insight, inspiration, and motivation from reading about and talking to people who had overcome immense challenges. Their lives and their struggles could be completely different from mine but just to hear that someone somewhere went through a horrible thing and made it through gave me something more important than data– it gave me hope. I read about the Louis Zamperinis and Malala Yousafzais of the world which helped me find my fight.

5. Build confidence and happiness through small victories. The problem with depression is that it drops you in this huge mental ditch and places the exit at the top of a mountain far from reach. It kills confidence, it demoralizes, and it creates despair that you’ll never get out of it. Don’t aim for the top of the mountain in a weakened state; start small, start slow, but start.

For me, that meant doing small and “basic” things that were a struggle when I was depressed, I was able to derive a sense of accomplishment from doing something that I hadn’t done the day before. It was anything from sticking to a basic grooming routine to eating 3 meals per day to beating a dungeon in a video game to writing a new chapter in one of my stories. The point was that if I could do a small thing, I could do a bigger thing, and then a bigger thing, and eventually tackle the biggest thing. Remember that if you can’t run, you can walk. If you can’t walk, then you can crawl. But keep moving forward.

6. Attack the root cause. This is the final boss fight in the game of depression. It’s where you stare down the thing that’s been haunting you all this time, hit it where it hurts, and knock it out. For example, if being overweight is a source of depression, then attack the root cause and make some dietary changes. Eat one less cut of meat per day, trim portions by a quarter, drink one less bottle of soda, etc. Set small goals to win small victories. Losing one pound will become losing two pounds and two pounds will become three pounds and so on and so forth.

Remember that it’s not instant, it can and it usually does take time to fix. If it were easy, it’d be fixed a long time ago. It’s a process, it’s a long-term commitment, but it’s doable. Learn some patience and derive joy from the small wins. The goal is to build momentum to put distance between you and your depression until you eventually achieve escape velocity and emerge victorious.

#depression #depressed #anxiety #mental health #health #personal health #faq #personal

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saltandstranger · 5 years

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Slow Down You Crazy Child

Unblocking the block

Hmmm. Imagine there's a thousand puzzle pieces all laid down in front of you. On the side, you have the picture of what the finished product is supposed to look like, but you can't seem to figure out which piece to lay down first. So for the sake of starting, you take one puzzle piece, put it down, then take it out again because you feel like it's not the right piece. You start over. This time, you carefully mull over the piece you're going to be laying down. You've got a couple of options, you check the picture, try to figure out the color patterns, shapes, and sizes to somehow build a strategy, but you still can't seem to figure it out. You're frustrated but motivated at the same time.

Somehow, this is what a writer's block looks (feels?) like. (Insert 5-day gap right here)

I began writing this post nights ago while I was on a jeepney ride home. And I was trying to finish this up just while coincidentally I am, again, on a jeepney ride home. Obviously, I wasn't able to meet said [internal] deadline hence here I am lying down on my bed at 00:05 AM on a Saturday getting it done!! I lost some of the words I intended to write down so I'm having to fumble around for new ones to try to recollect my thoughts. Where was I again? Oh yeah, still here tryinta write about how to unblock this writer's block!

So I'm going to tackle this like it's a science project in essay form. Haha. In my own opinion and personal experience, a writer's block... Sucks! It's counterproductive and frustrating, but motivating when dealt with correctly.

So, I've looked into my personal writer's block moments and here are a couple of reasons (theories perhaps?) of why this phenomenon phenomenates (is that even a word? If not, it should be) and some tips to counter it.

1) Excuses

This could be very broad but I'm just going to throw it all here. Lots of excuses escape our system: "I don't have time to write", "I don't know where to start", "I can't write right now, I'm hungry", "I have other things to do", "I'm not that equipped", "I don't think I can do it." Excuses ekshmyuses (Sa tagalog, excuses mo mukha mo).

I get it, believe me I do because this is prolly my top reason for my writer's block. It's so easy to put off writing because it's something that you can do "during your free time" but what if- WHAT IF instead of writing to kill time or writing during your free time, you free your time to write? I think you've got to view writing as more than just a hobby or activity. It's essential to your sanity. It's essential to the advancement of the plan of God because yes, mmhmm, your writing has a purpose much greater than you can imagine because, to put it simply, words have power. This "hobby" can actually change lives if you really think about it.

And if your excuse is that you're afraid, then by all means just do it afraid. Hey, if fear is not an issue (and it's not, trust me), ask yourself this- how would you begin? See, your greatest critic sometimes is your own self... Be patient with yourself Patience is one of the secrets of your growth process as a writer and as a person altogether.

You can make up a lot of excuses, but none of them will get you anywhere near the starting line let alone the finish line. So scratch out all the items that are hindering you from starting, continuing, and completing the work.

2) Exhaustion

I think the number one enemy of inspiration is exhaustion. This is one of the easiest traps to fall into, but it's also one of the quickest to beat.

It should be instinctive for us to rest when the first blows of exhaustion kicks in, but in a fast-paced world, we could sometimes push ourselves to the limit until exhaustion turns to emotional exasperation. You've got deadlines, but also a family to feed, chores to complete, et cetera... And the next thing you know, you are having a creative breakdown because you're tired and stressed out emotionally and physically. There's only one formula for this: TOTAL REST.

Go on. Go somewhere you've never been to. Go someplace familiar and comforting to you. Rest but remember: don't isolate yourself. And I'm not just talking about physical rest (which is of no lesser importance nonetheless). But there's a rest that you can experience, one which you can never exhaust- and that's resting on God's Grace.

P.S. Take it easy on the caffeine- sometimes, it ain't even helping anymore. Take a day off. In the words of Billy Joel, "Slow down, you crazy child. It's alright you can afford to lose a day or two..."

3. Expectations

Here's where it gets tricky. Expectations can either move you or limit you; build momentum or stop it and it all depends on how you handle pressure. Oftentimes, expectations could put unnecessary pressure on you and that could be because of performance anxiety (kinda like stage fright). Worrying about what people think is counterproductive. Yes, I get that we aim to be excellent; We want to be and we should. But when impressing people becomes a priority over creating something that will impact and inspire them, then you might need a change of perspective. Remember, aim for Godly excellence, not worldly perfection.

Dear writer/creative person/any human being on planet earth, just be yourself (though careful that this doesn't become an excuse to settle... I think that's for another write up). Be who you are created to be. No one else can do you. When expectations (either internal or external) become the wall you hit, look up. See that you have an audience of One. You're not performing. As long as you are alive and breathing, you're bound to make honest mistakes along the way and that's okay!

And hey, from my personal experience, the best way to learn how to handle expectations is simply just to understand that it's [not in your own strength] for it is God Who is all the while effectually at work in you [energizing and creating in you the power and desire], both to will and to work for His good pleasure and satisfaction and delight. -Philippians 2:13

So there. Excuses, exhaustion, and expectations are some of the reasons why I personally experience writer's block. This could be relevant to you too. If you're feeling like you're stuck, not just creatively speaking, but even about life in general know that you are never alone! You can overcome. There is hope. And there is always fresh Grace and fresh strength for you to keep on going, creating, writing, designing, dancing, leaping, living, and breathing.

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minblush · 6 years

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Leave mimi alone. If you could get over your jealousy for one second you would see would a sweet person she is. I follow her because she doesn't look for fights unlike blogs like yours. Yet there are fights on her blog cause of people who don't have anything better to do like you.

so it’s been a while and i finally worked up any sort of courage to address all of this and i will do it under this one ask because out of all the ones mimi’s “fans” sent me, this one was the most civil

i’m still shocked that i got so many people attacking me over rightfully calling mimi out, and ofc there is no jealousy involved, i guess i just don’t understand why she is the blog that anyone would want defend, like let me summarize

she only gets notes because she is fast with her updates, why is she fast? she just takes updates from twitter and twitter translators a lot of the time without crediting and without any factchecking herself

she spreads unverified information and rumours because of it and got into trouble because of it more than once

she posts sasaeng information and photos taken outside of official schedules in the boys’ private time despite being criticized for it (like the jikook vacation)

she also still has the fact that she “stalks” the boys in her bio, even though i know for a fact people told her many times it’s inappropriate in the context of the fan culture in korea

she is very ignorant about mental illness (the post where she claims that jimin suffers from depression and was saved from it by jin as a fact is still up btw), the entertainment business in korea, colorism and racism (she thinks “reverse racism” is an actual thing lol) and she spreads her harmful opinions by writing essays about it to her large following

what bothers me personally a lot as a gay person, she is one of those obnoxious delusional shippers and normalizes that behaviour to her followers and also fetishizes gay men to a really ugly extent (i’m not talking here about normal shipping BTW I SHIP LOWKEY TOO, it’s about boundaries though, i’m talking about writing conspiracy theories and fetishizing, FETISHIZING, treating sexuality as a joke and treating it like a commodity, direct quote from one of her very “funny” posts: “BTS is gay ! Shippers : Of course. Why would I stan straight boys ? Who does that ?”)

(and yes as someone said in the tags, apparently she also did make racial jokes and jokes about north korea etc, but i haven’t seen those myself, only saw people mention it second hand so since i don’t have receipts i wasn’t going to include it initially)

and that is all before the jonghyun issue, which i feel like is kind of a culmination of a lot of what i dislike about her blog

she didn’t wait for an official confirmation from SM and immediately started posting about his death, all actual fanbases of jonghyun and shinee waited until after the confirmation to actually post about it, because can you imagine if it wasn’t true (no matter how real it may seem?), just like other actual bts fanbases most of these serious blogs wait for official confirmations for anything, unlike mimi who just jumps on any opportunity for notes and for her to be the news bearer. you could see people asking her to wait until the confirmation in the notes of her first posts, BUT SHE DIDN’T LISTEN, instead she let her posts spread and only added confirmation much later when it came out (which is what she does in general, spreads rumours / unconfirmed info, then when confirmation or denial comes out she edits the post and apologizes in some extremely lowkey way, despite her getting the heat for it she keeps repeating the same pattern)

her posts were made from the point of view of a bts fan instead of a human being, she was extremely tribal by saying things like that “as a bts fan, as an army” i offer my hand to shawol etc, “jonghyun took care of bts”

then she made her post about saying how we should be grateful the boys are under BigHit and not SM, because bighit supports the boys in expressing themselves about mental illness and provides help for them, blaming the company and the entertainment business for jonghyun’s death, showing her complete ignorance, not only do we not know what bighit is actually like behind the scenes (do people not remember the scandal where one of the managers hit jungkook on camera?), but the issue is that this didn’t apply to sm anyway… because…jonghyun was very outspoken about his issues with mental illness, so were other sm artists like taeyeon or leeteuk, there was/is even a support group for idols under sm that these guys as well as others like onew or yoona were a part of

and depression isn’t that simple, jonghyun had friends and outlets, but if anyone has ever been depressed or suicidal, then you as i would understand that sometimes that doesn’t matter, depression is a serious illness and the illness just won in this case, this is an opportunity to spread awareness about the illness, to urge people to seek treatment as well (jonghyun sought it himself) not try to analyze and pin it on any company or any circumstance

yet mimi linked jonghyun’s death to being oppressed by his company, by having to hold things on the inside, as if he didn’t talk about it candidly and didn’t express himself in his music

what i also found distasteful but i also can’t prove anything and people grieve differently, i still raised my eyebrows because when she lashed out at people who got rightfully angry for her for using this opportunity for notes and to make it about bts and bighit, she revealed that she was upset and cried because she thought about how it could’ve been “one of her idols” that this happened to and that she didn’t even know shinee that well… she was very coherent up until that point, but when people called her out she started to cry and be very emotional and started to talk about how she had liked shinee since debut and jonghyun was her favourite (so she has been following them for like 10 years? that is longer than i have been into kpop and i am OLD and have liked shinee since 2009.. so she’s been a fan that long and doesn’t even know the basics of what jjong was like and what he dealt with?) and then went onto analyze his lyrics and talk about how she should’ve known, and her blog transformed into other people consoling her despite her being the person that upset so many people with what she had done… that stuff doesn’t add up for me, but that is just speculation since grief is different for everyone etc, it’s just something i personally can’t buy considering how she behaves online a lot of the time

she said she was sorry without actually acknowledging what she did wrong and after people defended her vehemently she actually changed her tune and started to say things like how it was a misunderstanding and even asked her followers to approach any people who were still “misunderstanding” and let them know, which,,, what even? i suppose i’m party this to thank for all the people that told me i was an ugly/jealous loser that should delete and/or die

and despite her being like this, despite her never learning from her mistakes, people still keep defending her and attacking people that call her out, and why?

i would agree if it were one mistake, everyone always says.. let’s educate her instead of attacking her, let her learn from her mistakes, that’s what life is all about, right? i agree, people grow from their mistakes

but.. SHE NEVER LEARNS! she keeps repeating the same things, no matter how many times she gets in trouble, and you guys keep enabling her, i think it’s this culture of fans stanning other fans that creates toxic behaviour like this, why would she change? why would she learn? why would she start and mature, why? when she has so many people telling her that it’s okay, that she is right and everybody else is wrong everytime she messes up? i think people that send me those messages are complicit really

i just wonder, what will she have to do for you guys to see that she isn’t someone worth sticking up to to this extent, because due to this environment, she won’t learn?

is she the hill you guys want to die on?

i often see people saying that she does a lot for the fandom, but? she doesn’t actually do anything special, she basically takes from others and profits from them, if you follow actual update blogs that do their homework, like allforbts, ktaebwi, sweaterpawsjimin, or vlissful on twitter, you will see the difference right away.. those are the people that do work for the fandom, she redistributes and doesn’t even thank those that did the work, there are people that spend dozens of hours translating and researching, books worth of content, people that paid for japanese tv subcriptions so they can record those shows for you, those are the people that do a lot, reposting tweets, anyone can do that (and a lot of people do, which is fine as long as due credit is given, what i’m saying is… it isn’t special and doesn’t require any effort at all, so why worship someone for like… doing the bare minimum? and sometimes not even that?)

why would you guys go to such an extent to then attack people that called her out, and rightfully, you guys would tell me a person with depression and an actual fan of jonghyun, that “if you care about jonghyun so much why don’t you join him”

over mimi? over someone who acts like all that i described? is that worth it… i don’t understand this cult-like mentality, even if she were an actual angel that did save the fandom, what in the world would make this okay?

i now have anxiety every time i try to get on tumblr and will have to work to overcome it because you people told me to die over calling HER out while going to her and telling her how everyone else sucks and she is a lovely angel…

and why she doesn’t pick fights? i talked to her in the past and let me tell you… she is stubborn and won’t change her mind and when she sees she can’t out-argue and manipulate the person SHE BLOCKS THEM and doesn’t let them express their views on her blog, no she only lets views that paint her as a victim there, she doesn’t let her followers see any validand CONSTRUCTIVE criticism

that’s why she seems like she is above it, like she is only nice and the angel and people like me are scum for ever saying anything, she is very smart about that aspect of things. but she isn’t above criticism (and neither am i), she is a human being like me or you :/.

i’m not telling you to hate her or attack her, don’t please.., i’m just asking you to see her for what she is, someone who is notes and attention hungry, someone who refuses to learn from her mistakes and someone who actually flaunts her ignorance, please give your time and attention and thankfulness to people in the fandom that aren’t like that :( and mostly, don’t go around telling people that call her (or anyone) out to die like.. please?

if she wanted to defend herself she could always talk to me, or anyone, or address it in a constructive manner, instead of relying on her followers to do that for her while publishing dozens asks on her blog that praise her and tell her how everybody else is wrong

she isn’t a celebrity, she can speak for herself

the fact that she chooses to deal with things the way she does says it all, right?

just…please reconsider stanning other fans, it creates all this toxicity, nothing good comes out of it, that is mostly what i wanted to say

and she specifically isn’t worth all the hurt

thanks

#ask #anon #it took me so long to address this and i know no one will care at this point but #i had so many asks attacking me and i feel like tumblr isn't even safe for me anymore #and all over tHAT BLOG? really ugh

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