[…] I became more relaxed with my identities, and they became looser. The notion of femme and trans became looser for me too, as they started to flow into one another. The lines became blurred for me between the identities “trans” and “femme” and among other group identities for which I have felt an affinity, such as “drag king,” a group that I always loved for their playfulness with gender.
Overall, my borders faded. Now I find that the terms I used to use to describe myself are having to adjust too. Basically, I use trans femme for short, but if we are going to be accurate, perhaps it would be more like “stopped-pretending-to-be-male-to-queer-femme-female.” And of course we could pop in “occasional drag king” …and “genderqueer” …and a few other things too.
Oh come on, I am just your basic modern woman, trying to have everything.
from “Not so Much ‘MTF’ as ‘SPTBMTQFF’: The Identification of a Trans Femme-inist” by Josephine Wilson
published in Visible: A Femmethology, Volume 1 (2009)
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authors note; hi again!
firstly i just wanted to thank you for the love i got on my two other stories. I am beyond grateful!
I decided to try something different today, that I just made up in my head. I do not believe anyone has done this before me, which is why I say "I created it".
Basically, I spin a wheel with a bunch of fictional characters' names. When a random cc has been chosen, I shuffle my longest playlist at 18h and 3min and make a ff based on the song and character. If it's wished that i do a specific character from a fandom and then randomize a song / a specific artist / show / other way around, i'd love to do so! I’m also going to include the fandoms i am (currently) in, so that requests can be made! im not sure how to make a masterlist 😭
character: Jackson Avery
ship: Jackson x reader, y/n used.
song: I'm your baby tonight by Whitney Houston
pronouns used: she/her
warning: not really a warning but please dont cringe at the slight stuttering 😭 also did not read this through, sorry if there is any mistakes!
y/n started her internship at Seattle Greys, while Jackson started his at Mercy West. When Mercy West was shut down due to economic climate and they merged to form one medical facility: Jackson and y/n grew incredibly close incredibly fast.
From the second she lied her eyes on her, she went out of her mind completely.
She never even believed in love at first sight, but it was like black magic was done on her and she wasn't able to escape it. It being the constant blushing once he pushed her jokingly in the arm - the nervous laughter any time he 'recommended' a guy for her to date. The rapid heart rate - it's getting harder and harder to hide.
Y/n had been ignoring him for a while now, going on the second week. However, he knew something was up, and he was definitely not the first one to notice around the hospital.
He had pulled her into a supply room, hoping to force something out of her.
"I know you've been avoiding me, y/n."
"Wh- What?"
"I know you've been avoiding me. Why?" Jackson repeated, placing both his hands on his hips as he looked down at the shorter woman.
"I haven't been avoiding you." Y/n could feel her heart beat increasing already, and how it beated harder. Not only was she caught in HD quality, but they were also standing incredibly close.
"Then why do you always walk off when I come around, then? And ignore me when i try to talk to you?"
"I .. " She started, shaking her head and looking up to the ceiling, trying to think of something to say - buying time, if you will.
"haven't done any of that."
"You are really starting to piss me off here." He squeezed his eyes half shut for only a second while finishing up the sentence. it's true. The constant ignoring not only made Jackson pissed off - but upset too. They were practically best friends, and he found it weird that this would happen with no warning what so ever. He knew he hadn't done anything wrong. He had even gone to Mark for advice, and he agreed.
Y/n just sighed, looking down at her shoes.
"I think you know why I've.. ignored you."
"Oh, so now you admit to doing it?" Jackson removed his hands from his hip, transferring them into a cross in front of his chest.
y/n looked back up, straight into his eyes before shaking her head. It wasn't a 'no' shake, it was just a shake. Her mouth was opening, but nothing was coming out.
"Seriously?" He said, getting even more annoyed now. It was raining heavily outside, fitting the mood very well.
Y/n's mind is suddenly paralyzed with apprehension. She didn't know what to say - what to do.
"I just,"
"What?" Jackson interrupted, knowing it would be a long pause either way.
"It's just that-" She slid her bottom lip in between her teeth. She was wondering if being honest would be the bwst - or if blowing this off like it was nothing was. She felt .. conflicted, like maybe staying here instead of pushing him out of the way and leave was stupid.
“Ah, you know what Jackson… I can’t remember why. Sorry… Must've just been a busy couple of days." She laughed nervously, which caused Jackson to furrow his brows. He could tell there’s something more than just a busy couple of days, and he was definitely going to push it further.
"Days? It's been two weeks! We're friends, but in this hospital we are professionals first and how you've been acting lately has certainly not been professional."
"Fine. Fine!" By the first 'fine', Y/n's hands were up in the air like someone was pointing a gun. By the second, her hands were thrown down and slapped her tighs.
" I like you. I like you a lot. But because I'm a professional, I can't ... Be around .. You." Y/n looked at the floor by the end of the confession, not wanting to see his reaction. She was shaking her head, too.
Jackson was still. He didn't say a word, just like y/n before.
"Oh, come on. Now you're quiet?" Once again, she laughed nervously.
Jackson sighed, putting his arms down as he straightened his back - before he impulsively kissed her. He kissed her as he put his hands on her face. His nose was pressed up against the bit of her cheek that he wasn't holding, as his head was leaning a bit to the side while doing all this.
A few seconds of doing this, he pulled away. Only a few centimeters, close enough to kiss her lips again.
"It's okay, keep going." y/n said, pressing her lips onto his.
They might not get married - have 10 kids - buy a beautiful house together and live happily ever after, but he's hers for tonight.
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( . @hxartbreaker )
“okay, but did you know that one fourth of all your body’s bones are in your feet?” as jo leaned back in her seat, there was a sense of pure delight and almost a childish joy as she looked at the person before her. she would just spit these medical facts on anyone that asked, or didn’t ask for that matter. it took her mind off of the fact she needed to keep cramming for her residency questions tomorrow. “it’s not like you needed to know or anything, but now you know. and knowledge is power right?”
“i did know that, actually.” they smiled a bit, lifting the book she was holding, revealing the cover as a medical textbook. “is there a reason you’re telling a random stranger slightly disturbing medical facts?” she could acknowledge it was certainly a weird one, even if they themselves found it fascinating to think about.
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she would recognize his voice anywhere. it did not matter how much time had passed or how old they were, his voice was burned into her memory forever. she supposed that was normal, given how important he had been to her. not the first love, but the one which was supposed to last forever. funny enough, despite the certainty that she would never be able to forget him, jo never thought she would ever see him again. foolish girl, she should have known he would show up right when her scars are healing. it is how her life works, a new heartbreak after the next. not to mention, this had been his home long before it had ever been hers. meredith is here, amelia is here, their kids are here. he is uncle alex and she is still just the outsider / that feeling never quite made so much sense as it does now.
seeing him hurts more than she dares admit. it should not be this hard. after all, josephine has moved on. right? yet she still spent hours of walking around the hospital to avoid him. until they are stuck in an o.r. together and she just knows he wants to talk to her. the thing is, the brunette does not feel the same. he had written his letter and ripped her heart from her chest. he had left to be with his perfect family. hadn’t all that been enough? at the same time, masochist she is, jo wants to know how he is ( if his new family is everything he wished for and more. ) it is the only reason why she stays, chocolate hues drilling a hole into his skull while he waits to operate on the newborn she is about to deliver with carina.
but then the procedures are over and alex starts speaking to her. his words would be romantic had they not been laced with guilt. and jo listens, at first. even in my worst times, you could see the best of me. the words are enough to bring a scoff out of her. she cannot do this. not now. it is not fair. ❝ that was before i knew the worst times would involve you abandoning me, ❞ she does not want to hurt him, not anymore. the woman is just tired of the alex-shaped hole in her chest that never seems to heal completely. she deserves an apology, and he deserves to listen to whatever she has to say about him leaving.
arms wrap across her chest, a childish attempt to guard her heart. seems pointless, when it had been his to break for so long. ❝ what do you want, @mysahs? how is izzie? still in kansas with your children? ❞ she is not going to cry. she refuses to, at least in front of him. yet that does not stop the tears burning in her eyes. ❝ if you are here to explain, you are a few months too late. ❞
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