#(i doubt im doing all that but i need this thing to not look like scrap metal)

[medusavsviperz]

Hi!!! I love your content so far, it's amazing ♥. If requests are still open could I ask for In heat/Mating season Dogday or Catnap x Fem!Reader?

Mating Season

warnings:smut,cussing

relationships: in heat!dogday x fem!reader

writing type: second person

genre: smut

it was spring in the playcare. all the children were running around, laughing, playing, really anything they could do. it was also the first spring since youve been dating dogday. wait- speaking of which, where is he?

you wandered around the center plaza of the playcare, asking around to see if anyone has seen dogday. you begin walking up to hoppy, who was playing soccer. "hey hoppy, have you seen dogday?" you ask, seemingly worried. "nah, usually he's with the other kids." hoppy seemed to he focused on her sport, so you decided to leave her alone. you turn around and faceplant right into bobbys chest. "shit.... sorry. what about you? have you seen him?" you were quick to question, obviously embarrassed. "sorry toots! haven't seen him either, have you checked his house?" bobby would respond, after you bumped into her. "oh, no actually, thanks! ill go check that now." you mutter, running off in the direction of dogdays house. as you walked on the street where all the critters lived, you couldnt help but notice how eerily quiet it was. usually kids would be hustling through there, but not today.

as you walk up to dogdays house, who was on the very end, you cant help but notice how all of his windows were blocked out. usually he would have them open, obviously for sunlight. you decide to ignore it, softly knocking on the door. a bunch of rustling can be heard, along with a few whimpers every now and then. suddenly, the door is opened, revealing a slightly different looking dogday than normal. his face was flushed, he looked like he was sweating, he was shirtless, and god... his sweatpants were loosely hanging off his waist, showing his hip dips. your eyes wander for a second, before returning to dogdays half lidded gaze. "puppy? are you alright?" he doesn't respond, instead he grabs you by the arm and pulls you into his house. he makes sure to close and lock the door, before staring you deeply in the eyes. "if i tell you something, do you promise to keep it a secret?" you nod, your seemingly confused gaze still wandering. "you know what spring is for animals right..?" he asks, looking off to the side. "dogday where are you going with this..?" you ask suddenly. he sighs, closing his eyes for a second. "its mating season angel." his eyes dart back and fourth between yours, looking for even a hint of discomfort.

"oh.."

"thats why ive been so distant recently. i didn't want to make you uncomfortable." he mutters, resting his large hands on your shoulders. it was your turn to be silent. instead, you kiss him softly, before pulling away. "it doesn't make me uncomfortable. and I'm willing to help you if you need me to.." his body goes tense, and his eyes widen. he can feel his arousal growing. it was already high to begin with, but seeing you, and all your glory, made him all the more needy. "angel... are you sure..? we haven't taken this step in the relationship yet." he was right, y'all haven't had sex yet. but it couldn't be that bad, whether you were a virgin or not, you doubt he would hurt you. "i'm sure dogday. im ready to take things a step further." neither of you had seen each other naked, but there was a first for everything yes?

he slowly but desperately nods, leaning down to kiss you passionately. his tall frame looming over yours as he does so. his hands slide down your waist, grabbing and groping every curve he can. his tail was slicing through the air so fast, that you could literally hear it. he gently lifts you up, and parts the kiss so he could see where he was walking. his vanilla scent wafts in the air, taking up every space it could. he finally makes it to his bedroom, softly setting you down on the bed. he looks at you with loving eyes, kissing you softly, and pulling away. he lets out a shaky sigh and reaches for the waist line of his sweatpants, staring you in the eyes as he does so. you look down in anticipation, in all honesty, you would think about how he would look naked quite often. embarrassingly often at that. he slowly pulls down his sweatpants, revealing his all too hard erection. you stare in awe at his massive size, reaching out to touch the tip with one of your fingers. "ohh...my god.." he whispers, more to himself than anything. he gently pushes you onto the mattress, and pulls your shirt over your head. he practically starts drooling at the sight of your perky breasts staring at him. his hand grabs a hold on one, gently massaging it. his other hand, reaches for your bottoms and tugs it off, leaving you in only panties. "you're perfect." he lets out a soft whimper and starts pulling off your panties with both hands, gasping at the sight of your glistening pussy.

he inches down onto his knees, using his large hands to push apart your thighs, holding the back of your knees in the air. you can feel his hot breath on it as he looks up at you for permission. with a slow nod, he licks a long stripe from your hole to your clit, sucking gently. whimpering as he hears your gentle moan. his hands move from gripping the back of your knees, to gripping your inner thighs and pushing them apart for better access. at this point, his muzzle is soaked, and he's desperately eating you out like a starved man. you were approaching your first orgasm of the night, and he was needy for it. honestly, he was making more noises than you were. finally, the knot snaps, and you cum, he pulls away for a second to watch it ooze out of you, before diving back in and suck you clean. once he's finished he stands back up, leaning over you and crawling on top of you. he leaves pepper kisses all over your breasts and neck, and lands a kiss to your pretty lips. you can taste yourself on his mouth and tongue. "d-do you think it will hurt?" you ask wearily. he nods slowly, wincing a bit. "a little. but ill try to make it easier." he says, rubbing smooth circles on upur lower stomach. you slowly turn on your stomach under him, so he crawls off to let you get into position. he watches in awe as you get on all fours, breasts pressing against the bed and ass in the air, showing everything you've got to him. "you're such a pretty girl..." he mutters, sliding a hand to gently massage your ass cheek. he moves into position behind you, gently leaning down so that his chest is pressed against your back. you can feel the lengthly tip caressing your entrance. you squeeze your eyes shut, scared for the pain. he pushes in at an agonizingly slow pace, reaching his hand around to rub your clit with soft motions. he gives it a few minutes before he starts thrusting. his pace was still slow; but god did it feel good. you moan loudly into the pillow, his length filling you entirely. you almost let out a giggle, because you can practically hear his tail wagging and slicing through the air.

he begins kissing you on the back, trailing it up and to the back of your neck. he pushes your hair to the side, and bites down gently on the skin. you let out a slutty moan, urging him to keep going. he bites slightly harder, your moans egging him on, as his pace quickens. his balls started smacking your clit just right, and his dick was hitting your g-spot with ease. it wasn't long before you were cumming again, clenching and unclenching around his cock. you notice how his thrusts get more sloppy, signaling he was close. he was letting out slutty whimpers constantly, his heat only making him all the more aroused.

"where do you want it angel...?" .... "inside." his hips still, and he seems confused. "uh? are you sure..?" he asks wearily. "fuck... please dogday." you whimper. his pace starts going faster than ever, skin on skin slapping filling the room. soon, he was a whimpering mess, his load shooting deep inside of you. he still managed to rub your clit, though his hands were shaky, it made it all the more better. one you were both finished, he gets up, not before watching the cum ooze out of you, then he walks to the bathroom to grab a rag. one he returns, he starts wiping you and himself down, cleaning up the remaining mess. "we can get a shower in the morning." he says while flopping down next to you. "definitely." you sigh, snuggling closer to him, and drifting to sleep.

mating season, wasn't over.

#poppy playtime #ns/fw #dogday #deep sleep #dogday x player #dogday x y/n #dogday x reader

[ceasarslegion]

The DNI that made you do math to use it?? 👀👀👀

Youre the first one who asked, so you get the answer.

This person was one of the other two weirdos from the Half Life RP discord server i teased at in this post earlier this week:

Once again, i want to disclaimer that this is not a callout post, I will not be giving any details that could be used to identify this person, and I will not be posting screenshots this time because they are still active on tumblr afaik. I dont want this to be used to bully anybody, this is just meant to be my personal experience with my specific side of this story. You can DM me directly or throw in a private answer request in an ask if you want screenshots, but only people i already know and trust not to cyberbully them will get a direct link to the DNI. The person in the story I linked is no longer active anywhere online, which is why I provided screenshots in that story.

And before i lay out the DNI details, I just want to say... there is a FINE LINE between requesting accommodations for a mental illness and infantilizing yourself. I can handle the former just fine, I will do all I can to help, but if you're a grown-ass adult babying yourself and then going "waa im autistic i cant do anything" i have ZERO tolerance for that. Buddy, I'm autistic, and I'm telling you to grow the fuck up.

Yeah, this person was one of those. They were over 18, and had public breakdowns about how everything was just soooo hard for them and everybody else was being problematic and ableist for *checks notes* asking them to wait in a line that was a little long for a new phone plan. Real example, they were screaming and crying in the vent channel because the line at a verizon store was a little long, and implying their father was ableist for asking them to wait for 20 minutes. Buddy, there are some things you JUST need to deal with in the real world regardless of whatever mental soup you have going on. If your autism is that bad, the solution is looking into things like noise canceling headphones, sunglasses, etc. But the world will not stop having lines that you just need to wait in sometimes because you dont like them.

I know that sounds harsh, but they werent exactly the type of person im willing to give the benefit of the doubt to. The majority of their problems were entirely their own fault, and they were clearly enabling and feeding the harder parts of their autism rather than doing anything in the way of learning to cope with it. I am terrified of spiders, like full on panic-inducing terrified of them, but I throw hands at them instead of running or freezing up. One time, I posted a photo of this gigantic-ass spider that was in my dorm room after I screamed and squashed it with my heavy duty winter outdoor patrol boots (im a security guard, not a cop, before anyone draws the wrong conclusion from that), and they proceeded to vague about me IN THE SAME SERVER about how problematic and insensitive i am for triggering their arachnophobia. My brother in christ when did you ever say you were triggered by spiders? Do you expect me to read your fucking mind?

Another instance was when they asked for the role to access the nsfw channel. They were over 18, so it was granted. They then got mad at us whenever we got horny on main in the sex channel because they were only there for the dirty jokes (that were posted in the main server anyway because none of us consider JOKES to be inappropriate). They literally asked for the sex channel role and then claimed we were being problematic because we talked about sex in the sex channel when they were uncomfortable with sex. And they had borderline puritan attitudes around sex. They acted like sex was icky and gross and should never be discussed around them lest it corrupt their pure innocent soul. Yeah thats your own fault chief, grow the fuck up.

Some lightning round stories: they broke up with their boyfriend purely because he liked "irredeemable media" and when said boyfriend said they were being a total dick for that, they proceeded to whine and cry that he was actually being abusive and terrible for being upset that he was dumped over the fucking movies he liked of all things. They once sat outside their little siblings recital and complained that their parents were problematic for not charging their switch enough because it died at the same recital they couldnt be assed to sit in for because "waaaa its too boring and thats bad for my autism." Didnt even TRY, just sat outside the door playing switch and then complained that their parents didnt charge their switch enough. Can you not plug something into a wall your damn self.

Needless to say, i didnt like them very much. I can handle legitimate accommodations, but they were just so self-infantilising that they gave the rest of us a bad name. Your autism is not an excuse to act like a fucking baby. You are not made of porcelain, you will not shatter at the slightest touch, being uncomfortable is a part of life youre going to have to deal with. Its not your autism at this point, youre a grown-ass adult who throws a tantrum when the line is a little long. GROW. UP.

Now that that rants over, lets get into what the DNI on their blog was like, because this behavior from them that I just outlined really contextualizes it.

Their DNI had two tiers. The first was "red flags," which meant that if you met any one of them you apparently werent allowed to interact. Of this included your typical nazis, pedophiles, terfs, and... beastars fans. No word of a lie. Being a fan of beastars was apparently just as bad as being a nazi. What did my boy legosi do to you? (Side note: i am forever enamored with how these people seem to think that theres people out there who both self-identify as nazis and would respect a DNI. I didnt even respect that DNI. I didnt interact with them because i thought they were a terrible person, but i did not take that DNI seriously. I was openly posting about beastars in the same server LMAO) and it wasn't just beastars, there was a ton of media that i didnt even know had discourse around them that they listed as red flags if you ever touched. Amazing.

The second tier was "yellow flags" which meant that you werent allowed to interact if you met any 3 or more of them. Here was mostly media, including homestuck fans, neil gaiman fans (WHAT DID NEIL DO TO YOU), and harry potter iirc. (WHY DID YOU SINGLE OUT BEASTARS?? WHAT DID MY BOY LEGOSI DO TO YOU) my favourite part of this though, was that republicans were listed under yellow flags. Apparently its worse to be a beastars fan than a republican. We arent gonna fucking make it

#ramblings

[crescentfool]

having the hc that minato is ace is incredibly funny sometimes when you think about how ryoji is oh so very bi because it's like. "ah. death stole my ability to be attracted to people," in the same way that ryoji stole minato's eye color and energy level. like wow, thanks ryoji, you just keep finding things to steal from minato!

#persona 3 spoilers #minato arisato #hc and au nonsense #lizzy speaks #happy international asexuality day to my fellow aces out there i hope you know that you are loved!!! 🎊🎉🥳 #i like viewing minato with the lens of him being gay / ace. esp bc it stems from my own experiences so it's fun to look at- #him from that perspective even if that's not what was intended by atlus y'know? #and im sure others have other hcs from me that are informed by their own life experiences and i think that's great ^_^ #something that i found interesting while playing FES was how. stilted? minato's animations felt when hugging the girls #you could definitely go with the perspective that it's a graphical limitation or they didn't have time to polish the animations #and that's def true!! but sometimes i see the hug @ yakushima beach + the other hugs and then i compare it to the sou/yo hug in p4 #and there's like... a noticeable difference to me with how intimate and close together the hugs are... #that said i do know that the animations for reload are updated and the hugs are much more natural (good on them tbh!) #the other thing is (pensive sigh). the way you couldn't reject any of the girls when doing their social links in FES #objectively speaking i'm glad that they did away with that and i like how the rejections were handled in reload. it feels naturally written #but also a part of me enjoyed looking at the “hey atlus what the FUCK” moment and thought of how to interpret it differently #specifically with the idea of minato having like.. little to no autonomy and kind of going along with the relationship #it kind of reminded me of myself tbh with like going along with the rship without considering what you want bc #it's what others want or expect out of you... LOL. i dont think atlus intended for someone to interpret it this way but #eh i think that's the fun part of hcs and looking at characters with certain lenses! #regardless of how you perceive minato i do think there's something to be said about him being the kind of guy who molds himself- #into someone that is needed. not wanted. but needed. important distinction here. #the one caveat my brain runs into when im like “minato is ace!” is when i remember thanatos exists and i go #“you know what these ideas can exist simultaneously” GKLHFHDFHD when in doubt schrodinger's headcanons #anyway that's all i've had this thought in my brain in awhile and haven't sat down to share it properly until now 👍 #have an excellent weekend everyone !!! lizzy loves you all lets all nurture our inner yippee!!! 🥺💙

[jorrated]

i have everything in me to be a sonic movie hater, but i think my expectations were simply too low to even evoke emotions in me like anger

#reread the notes i made after watching the movies #i do not stand by them #but also like. #god i just cant bring myself to feel anything for the movies #i see people losing their minds over some of the sonic 3 leaks #and i looked at them and i was like: okay..... #feels too safe and corporate like damn #i just know theres going to be copaganda somewhere in the movie #there is going to have some military justification #i doubt maria is going to be explicitly undeniablyy shot #im saying it now. Theyre going to pull the 'actually ONE guy was really bad and was angry and shot maria #but hashtag not all cops shadow you need to forgive earth' #man.................. #im super bitter today but i have no expectations for the movies #and the thing is theyre both so mid i cant even bring myself to actually hate them

[mikkouille]

wait actually connecting the dots was the guy telling us the fight would go well when we were half a party of first timers also the one who forgot to lb3 us like bro was a tank one of em. jffjjssn he forgor.

#the one guy who does know the fight gjdjsjsbsbsbd #no one doing trial roulette at midnight we were all here to discover it #actually the coach review im doing in my head is critical again i realised i once more forgot to hit SSS like i have to figure out a spot on #the hotbar for me to remember #ok authors notes and definitions ¹LB for Limit Break: staple of FF big ability that you get to use after certain conditions #in this case for the time spent in the fight (+other little things but mostly its about the time spent). in the context of this tale #a protective one was needed to supershield us from death. hence 'tank lb' speaking of ²Tank: one of the three key roles in a fight #alongside Healer (self explanatory) and dps (damage-per-second– hence damage dealers) the tank is solid and takes hits #so that the others dont have to. its sturdy and healthy and looks particularly yummy tovthe enemies to make tjem want to hit Just this guy #in this specific story there were Two tanks #one of them seemingly having knowledge of the specific fight we embarked on #the other likely not. neither of them activated the special limited use bug spell we needed to survive though (only they can) #and for ur curiousity dear scientual i play as damage dealer. so that i cant be the bearer of thus sort of mistake ever 👍 #though granted dps also could do LB fumbles in this specific fight apparently. twas the fight disclaimers on the guides jdjfjfd #'do NOT cast dps LB UNLESS the boss himself os casting something or else he'll activate invulnerability and make it all useless' #+8second of invulnerability??? bro i just elected to not even try it even before the fight went. awry. #even tho technically my position is good for damage lb its ok given how it went i doubt anyone would mind that no one hit the lb gjdjsjsjsks #to be fair its one of these situations where its better left to the healer in case all goes wrong again #(author note damage lb does big damage. healer lb does big heal and if maxed out on its capacity can even ressurect anyone dead) #(hence. given the struggle. it was better off being theirs even outside of the odd conditions of the boss turning invulnerable) #dont think anyone used it tho #its ok.

[frecklystars]

i dont know what's wrong with me but i always feel so sad and heartbroken when i see Colt.

like i feel so overwhelmed with love for him but i really cannot imagine him loving me back. like. like. he's everything. and i'm just keri. y'know.

augh. it feels... impossible. like i am not Good Enough for him. he would not look twice at me. i didn't used to have this problem until i was abused for so long and now it's like... i cannot imagine receiving love unless if it is through violence. oogh. hurts my heart like a motherfucker. i miss the old me.

#before this year happened i was always SO 100% ready to self ship #i would look at ANYONE. any any ANY character in the WORLD #and i'd be like. oh they'd love me!!! no doubts in my mind whatsoever. they LOVE me!!!! even the worst villains ever!!! #BUT nowadays im constantly like. ok i am not good enough. i am not pretty enough #i am not [insert word here] enough no matter what i'd do to change my appearance or personality to fit someone's desires #i *never* used to look down on myself THIS often and to THIS degree #now i genuinely believe that i cannot be loved unless it is through violence #or that im only desirable if im in a vulnerable position where im in pain or hurting bc i was told it made me 'cute' #and like?? it's stupid? they're fictional? why can't i just... stop thinking that lowly of myself? #my abuser is gone so why am i still believing all of the things they said to me?? #i want Colt to love me for Me. i want Ken to love me for Me #but i also feel like. im unlovable to them unless if im useful or... bleeding or beaten up or something. christ #TF f/os are gone. out the window. i lost them. and im so scared of losing my Ryan F/Os too when i need them so badly #idk how to be myself bro i dont know where the old me is!!! #im being stupid im sorry i just gotta throw this into the void 😭 #vent #delete later #abuse mention

[masteroffakesmiles]

Persona 5 Tactica spoilers (somewhat)

Plus I'm overanalyzing characters so if you don’t wanna read this then please skip. Don’t come to me saying “it’s just a video game, calm down”. LEAVE IF YOU DON’T WANNA HEAR THIS.

Okay, even though I’m not in the p5 fandom anymore, I’d like to point out that the Ryuji bullying has been toned down a LOT in this game, and now it just feels like friendly banter between him and his friends. I love it so much. And the fact that Ryuji talks back more to Morgana gives me serotonin. (More in the tags)

#Look you need to understand #their dynamic in the base game was complete dogshit okay #After seeing Morgana give him so much crap for no reason it’s nice for Ryuji to bite back #I’m not saying Ryu didint do that before but it’s a lot more common in this game than the others #I’m overanalyzing a comic relief character and if you don’t wanna hear that then please leave #Ryuji sakamoto #persona 5 #persona 5 tactica #but please Atlus I’m begging you don’t make another game because 1 I’m tired of 5 and 2 I’m tired of seeing best boy be bullied in any game #Like Morgana made me so mad in p5 okay let me have this #Not related to Ryuji and Morgana but all the characters in this game aren’t flanderized down to their quirks #Like Haru only being a classy lady who likes to use her axe #Or Yusuke going ART ART ART and I want food #And the only thing Futaba would talk about is video games and tv show references #Q messed up the p3 and p4 gang BAD #IM LOOKING AT YOU PQ TEDDIE #morgana #No the characters are written very well here and I love it #I had my doubts when they made ANOTHER chibi spinoff game but no

[lemongogo]

i need 2 stop drawing static stuff . white bg . front facing pose. <will do it again

#i looked thru my media tab 2day .horrific #WHERES THA PURPOSEEEE E #there doesnt have 2 be any . of coursies . #but thats smt i want to work on rly hard T_T 2024!!!!!!!!! #smth smth reflection but i am happy with what ive done in 2023 #definitely havent finished as many things as id hoped but thats okay.kind of touched on it w that one trgn comp a few months ago #but i tried 2 be more confident in areas i wasnt so sure abt before and it paid off in a way that im happy with T__T❤️ #like despite all my gloom & burnout and artblock . i had a lot of fun . and im rly fortunate that ive been able to meet the nicest ppl #through it T__T #idk what jm talking abt anymore but j think . i am happy w the direction im headed in and i just need to work harder now on variability #and concept and composition. not rly sure where to start but i think compiling some of my favs in a single place #and studying them will help. :3.. AND NOT GIVING UP A SKETCH IF ITS FRUSTRATING ATM😭😭😭😭 #some of them ..that one w meryl and vash . i ould not for the life of me figure out and i was like soo done w it #but then i was likeno OK just do it who cares . and then i found a workflow that worked and it WAS SOO MUCH FUNNN AND I STILL RLY LOVE HOW #IT TURNED OUTTT .. #and the one w knives . the beautiful universe one . i rmbr being so annoyed by a similar attempt that inwas lkke fuck it im just gna use the #biggest brush ever and play arnd with stuff bc its not gna see the light of day and fhen j agonized abt sharing it and everyone WAS SOOO #NICE TO ME !!&2&2 LIKEEE it was one of my earliest trgn pieces so kind of new 2 da scene and lkke . idk man it helped me enjoy my art from #an outside perspective after struggling w the doubt and its now one of my favorites ever too … #ORRR .. the vash and wolfwood one w the silly blue sky bg .. the textures were so mindless and fun #or the elendira . SOOO MANY FUN ELENDIRAS.. the perspective nail gun one is still a fav bc i shy away from perspective bc its hard as shit #but it worked out and i luv it tew . #sory anyways . very happy. and thankful^__^ ik when j post stuff like URRG MY ART!!!it mostly jst comes from .like GAAH want 2 push myself #harder bc i know itll be fun once i get 2 where im going T_T #anyways if u got 2 this point u r lkterally angel my angelll~ hamtaro pic #tys

[pawphin]

long ramble in tags tldr: kindness rules

#was it genocide that got them to the human world or was it her kindness and promise at the expense of her past #who was ultimately the reason the goldy pond kids were able to survive and escape #who got stabbed by a demon and was in a coma for four weeks trying to protect her newfound family #ultimately shifting his perspective on humans and hunting in general and becoming a driving force in their efforts for freedom #who became best friends with the literal ''evil blooded girl'' and was able to come up with a sound solution to demons needing human meat #in order to maintain their forms #do you think norman would be happier knowing he had to be the sacrificial lamb killing children with his bare hands and fully executing it #do you think ray would be happier if emma had simply let him die instead of giving him a firm dose of reality and helping him to #live a life full of love and support and kindness #of course she isnt perfect and i most definitely would change a lot of things if i could but this is just one of the many comments i see #when youre blinded by hatred you cant think objectively #i understand that norman went through freakish amounts of hell but to put it in my perspective: if i were a demon #i highly doubt that i would fully understand how intelligent humans truly are #you know those videos of people boiling crabs alive and saying ''it doesnt hurt them'' #there would probably be a lot of rhetoric around that nature and all i would know is eat human fingertip = go play tag #so why would my parents deserve to die? what difference is there between cattle like pigs and cows in our world to humans in theirs? #anyways. im sorry for liking stories where kindness prevails and opens doors to opportunities previously thought imaginable #i hate constantly seeing this stuff when looking up tpn and it irks me it really does

[terroristiraqi]

oh i wish feelings would go away

#p #need to unregister from the class we signed up for together lol #unless i need it in that case he can leave #i do care about him but he was just exhausting me constantly #just being immature and not to my standards. which like fine i have high standards for ppl whatever #but just not being realistic at all. then has the gall to call me immature and call this 'tv ahh shi' #genuinely burst out laughing at that one #he loves me sure. #i realized i kept dreading calls or trying to ignore his texts and avoid him essentially #didn't see him for a month and we kissed day after eid and there was nothing honestly #none of the spark or the feeling that was there before #alhamdullilah. i came to my senses even tho 3 weeks late #he says he doesn't hate me. 'you're the only one who can break my heart'. direct words #he's upset no doubt. blocked him on everything #i think he thinks i'll come back i mean i came back twice #but khalas. sneaking around and lying and the excuses i keep giving to my family. it's exhausting #on top of me being already iffy about him. i'm 18 man i have so long to find someone #he was a lousy boyfriend a lot of the time. didn't make up for the things he said he'd make up for #he did get better but im not entirely sure since we didn't see each other for a month #all i need to do is look at the bright side of it all. i have so much freetime now. i can do what i want. i don't have to apologize for #every little thing. i feel more relaxed. i don't have to check my phone as often. i don't need to make excuses for someone else #alhamdullilah alhamdullilah alhamdullilah

[comradecowplant]

so things are not going well with my new elderly socdem friend unfortunately.

#she said this RIGHT after talking about how bad yt misinfo is... which she followed up w SO I WAS WATCHING A YT DOC ABOUT WW2 & LEARNED THIS #youtube 'historians' are literally the most fascist breed of youtuber. avoid the vast majority like the plague lmao #i asked if the video was sourcing the hollow dahmer & the black book of communism & she didnt seem to know what those are lol #to her credit i told her straight up that she was incorrect & she at least faked being curious about doing more research but i am doubting #she also 'learned' that lenin killed trotsky lol get your propaganda right lenin was dead by then STALIN icepicked him <3 #anyway im making jokes bc the worst part was a different conversation where she spoke positively of israel #THAT'S gonna be the one to ruin our friendship. fuck you & your war tourist friend who fought in the 1960s landgrabs that youre now #telling me as if this is a cute story. nahhhh lmao i looked her straight in the eye & said i will NOT debate this #so she dropped it like the true enlightened centrist most socdem cowards are and i kept cleaning her house quietly #turns out You & Me We're the Only Ones Around Here Who Aren't Complete Fools was premature *kicks the poorly rendered gravel sadly* #shes otherwise a nice lady & i know i need to be more flexible in order to hopefully change ppls minds... #but also when people say awful & untrue things it makes me not want to talk to you 🤷‍♂️ srry 2 b a freak like that #also i know shes not transphobic but i havent sniffed her out well enough to know if shes safe to come out to #so its hours of misgendering (which isnt her fault she doesnt know) bc shes obsessed with neoliberal feminism and inappropriately brings #gender into conversations that it does not belong in #'did you know all the countries that handled covid best were ran by women?' 1) untrue 2) dont care finland still sucks #she also tried to tell me that european rich people learned to be nicer after the french rev & thats why europe is better than america... #girl shut up we learned how to be so good at racism and capitalism BECAUSE of europe. there is no such thing as a good rich person!!! #i pick my battles (genocide & anticommunist genocide revisionism) so i let her cook w that one & was not left convinced as you can imagine #ANYWAY rant about today's weird day done. gonna smoke weed & rim some skies 🥵 while listening to the Khrushchev Lied audiobook i found 😘

[waywardsalt]

ive spent like 20 minutes trying to world this eloquently but i give up; im a big fan of linebeck just. not being capable of watching over kids not the person to be the guardian of a group of young people he struggles to take care of himself at times and has so much shit going on that it takes about one conversation with oshus for the old man to realize that this guy is. not doing great

#this was gonna be like. a jokey post at first juxtaposing oshus’ expectations vs reality with linebeck but im too emotionally drained #so real linebeck talk in the tags bc idk if ive actually talked much abt like. the specific as on why. iwrite and see him the way i do #likr. off the bat i put him at like 19 in ph and im too fucking tired and just. done rn to justify that like whatever kill me if you wish. #like. hes. been throught a lit hes been abused neglected used ignored hurt ridiculed violated deceived hes so fucking tired #hes worn down over the course of ph it causes him to finally like. express his anguish over what hes been theough its cathartic #hes getting pushed but talking to oshus and being around link loosens him up and he fucking. cries properly yknow #he cries about everything and the last bit of ph hes kind of an emotional wreck but hes finally letting himself feel all that shit #he cries he struggles to articulate himself he has a violent public meltdown as he becomes fed up with his reputation #and it all culminates in bellumbeck just. being a really raw examination of what hes been through and how he feels and what to do now #he hates people he has people he wants to kill people he wanted to kill but after bellumbeck its just. hes tired. hes processed everythjng #and then he needs the post ph crew and everyone they meet along the way to just. be a fucking support system for the first time ever #like post ph hes rhe captain he runs the ship he keeps everyone in line he can do that. but hes softer more vulnerable more self doubting #hes kinder and more hesitant but trying new things and being more openly passionate abt his interests #and he keeps working through his trauma he finds out what else it causes problems for and everyone. supports him #hes not capable of like. being any kind of parental figure to link in ph his perspective on like. how to handle kids is fucked #because his perspective on what a normal childhood should look like is kind of a mess #his perspective on relationships is murky on love on adventure on self expression but post ph hes just. free. tired but free #he manages to take naps the group helps him eat properly he learns his physical boundaries and actually does what he loves #idk. im just. man idk. its still measy but like. my version of linebeck is. i really hate the idea that its so out of character its not him #like. idfk what to even say abt that. idfk what ‘in character’ looks like when you hc a character to be masking in canon #when you hc them to be lying and covering things up and just. subdued bc theyre working on stuff #that they lie and exaggerate their own traits on purpose but let the truth through some cracks like what rhe fuck then #i hate it bc i dont see anyone else think of linebeck anything like this so im scared im fucking wrong somehow #im tired. i recently learned that one of my cats has been burrowing under and chilling under a blanket we cover a couch with #its very cute

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#it is truly so wild to go from feeling miserable and hopeless all the time for... lets look at my excel sheet #the last 23 days. then to suddenly rocket up to smiling to myself all day. the world is so fucking beautiful #for no rational reason aside from what i have to assume is a chemical shift in my body #like is this what happy ppl feel like all the time? its truely so crazy. have i always been like this? #did i not notice this was a thing? like ive definitely noticed it in the last year but like ??? #my suspicion is that it doesnt actually last long enough to b considered hypomania but like idk i should see a doctor probably lol #u would think being happy would make it easier to do things but i just keep forgetting to do them and just like spacing out lol bc rn i #feel chill. even tho i need to make a list of the shit i gotta do by Friday. bleh. but idk it makes being in thr lab so much nicer bc i #mean. i still dont give a fuck abt what im doing but im like fuck it this isnt gonna b my problem in like 2-3 months. even tho im sure ill #still have to write up everything. but idk. it also makes it easier to b like. ok so i kno what my problems r lets plan yo make things not #so horrible so u dont just live a miserable life and then like die having lived a life of fear. like its so crazy how much easier thst is #to do rn??? well see how long it lasts but yea v strange. wish i could control my fucking focus tho. like that would b great #its like the fucking painting of hypnose. my focus is like a lighthouse wildly swinging its light around until it sometimes blasts me in #the face. like not helpful. i need to b able to do things. #i guess the weird thing rn is thst while i feel happy. i also have this like simmering fear of irrational things. like when i used to live #in my parents basement and i was terrified of the dark rooms down there at night. like that kind of childish baseless fear #but like im in i tiny tiny apartment lol like bro what r u scared of??? silly silly silly #idk hopefully it holds out the whole rest of the week and then i can travel and see my parents like !!! yo !!! happy vibes :-D #that would b kinda unhinged lmao. i doubt itll last thst long. its already slipped from this morning so we shall see #unrelated

[caffeinatedopossum]

People be like ">:( HEY don't do that it's rude" whenever I correct them which kinda makes me wonder how polite normal people are handling The Inaccuracies™️

#geez sorry for helping you not look like a fool i guess #this pains me greatly. if im wrong i need people to correct me #obviously theres a range of ways to correct someone and some of them are more dick moves than others #but like. if i just pull you aside and go hey so uh i was just wondering did you know thats misinformation? just making sure #and people get all angry and defensive?? like i wasnt accusing you of lying sir but im second guessing that assessment now #like i understand being upset if i publicly humilate you because yeah thats upsetting for me too but why is it upsetting in private #im not judging you. literally you have to be wrong about some things in order to learn and boy have i learned some things #like you dont know what is until you know what isnt right #hmm perhaps other people do not care if they give misinformation as long as they look good....? #idk that seems really fucked up though and i wanna give people the benefit of a doubt

[hobisexually]

x

#i! feel! so! disconnected! from everything and everyone #and it’s so god damn annoying #I either feel nothing at all or everything at once and I can’t balance it #but if I take the time to sit with the things I’m scared of I’ll just keel over I don’t have time for it #Im just on autopilot moving ahead #because I have to! if I don’t my fear will win from me and that will Not be pretty #and that’s what I’m so upset about like I didn’t get something I really wanted #and it’s fully because of anxiety but the alternative is WORSE #and the people involved don’t KNOW I have anxiety but I can’t tell them either because it will make them look at me differently and I can’t #afford them to. I can’t let that happen and I think this is the first time I’m realising how much it holds me back even after uni #and I’m so angry over it dndndnd so so so angry and if they KNEW how much I had gone through no one would ever doubt my ability to — #bounce back and take charge of a situation ever again. they’d know I can do that. But it’s too private to share so now it’s up to me to #BELIEVE it and just show them but it takes so much out of me every time #and if it weren’t for the pandemic I would’ve been much further along and if it weren’t for my fucking burnout I’d have been further along #and it weren’t for my Fucking dad I’d be further along. I’m just so mad #so mad that I have to undo and tackle so much when people just sail through things but for me EVERYTHING takes effort #also I have not seen or spoken to my dad since December and I have a wedding he’s attending and I can’t get out of it #and I constantly pingpong between ‘its for the best I broke off contact I needed the space to heal’ and ‘I am a horrible person for taking #his only daughter away from him instead of talking’ #but I’ve TRIED the talking and he just never LISTENS????? and made me feel so unsafe in this world at all times #I’m constantly trying to undo all that and it’s exhausting and no one gets how much effort that takes and I can’t tell them either #like. not gonna unload my trauma on people but if they KNEW they’d get why I don’t always react optimally to things the way they do #aaarffggHhhhHHHhHhhh #also I’m not even enjoying festa I’m not tuned in at ALL and that’s also deeply upsetting but there’s no other way atm #Also. did a thing in PFPT today that. I feel complicated things and I’m just upset about the way my life’s been until now #its making me feel worse than I was expecting #oh AND I was on a trip with friends I’ve had for 16+ years and they all were so happy to be together #felt so connected with each other and it was familiar and safe and lovely they said #meanwhile I cried at 3am in the bathroom because I had never felt more alienated from them ever #I know who /I/ am and what I want and don’t want but the dissonance with the rest of the world….. what the fuck man. What is my place even

[collecting--stardust]

This semester's summary: existential crisis, existential crisis, existential crisis

#ah and 💸💸💸 #so im always good in words compared to action so theory is not bad but my skills is lacking #im aware of it but im always a bit slow to catch up and all and that's one of my biggest insecurity #anyway today we had our last review skills session and i was unfortunately standing nearest to the trolley #so i was selected to do the tracheostomy suctioning and boy thats one of the skills that im really bad in #and i was struggling so bad and im shaking and my group has the top students and while i give no fuck you can see how they judge me #and the person in charge for that section is a master student who is having her assessment and i really dont want her to get bad results #so more panic and insecurity #but throughout the session she still guide me patiently and even say like its okay youre doing great and all #and by the end of it i got the grip of it but i was so upset with myself and regret everything #but then she lightly touch my arm and said its okay youre doing really well when i obviously fucked up #and then i just.. cried #what a good thing i wear a mask because two of my course mates are tested positive today because damn #and i keep on pretending to wipe my glasses when i was actually hiding my tears like damn this is embarrassing #but... i really want to thank her personally but i cant even talk just now and i dont even know if i will meet her again #because i really am doubting myself lately and that word is really comforting and i really needed to hear it #god 2nd year sucks i didnt even cry throughout my first year even when i did the worst presentation of my life and look like a dumbass #i always rant here you guys must be sick of me lol #personal.txt