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kikyan · 2 years

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Yandere Heartslabyul Headcanons

TW: Dark content up ahead!! Yandere headcanons means yandere content y’all! Mentions of abuse and violent acts either towards the reader or the character!! Mental instability, gaslighting, manipulation, etc. This is your TW please proceed with caution!!

BANNER MADE BY @herestrish DONT STEAL YOU FUCKERS MY BFF WORKED HARD ON THEM

DISCLAIMER:

These are my interpretations of his/her/their persona and none of these is 100% accurate. I don't condone any of these actions in real life and all of this is purely fictional and should be taken as such! Underage characters will ONLY be given SFW headcanons, please respect this decision!

Riddle Rosenhearts

I want to try a different headcanon format, so this may get messy. I’ll start with another disclaimer, again my personal interpretation and this ISN’T canon, so don’t come after me, anyways let’s head on to his rating and his common traits. Riddle is a solid 6/10 because of his mommy issues but because of how strict he is. Common characteristics include, over-protective, obsessive, clingy, and possessive. Let’s break it down!

Riddle is a strict character; he was raised to be a perfect role model by his mother, which meant having to give up his childhood. While he strives to make up for the damages and live his teenage years peacefully, it’s hard to break out of a routine. He’s obsessive. He monitors and observes your behavior, writes down your reactions, your likes and dislikes, who you’re hanging out with and any information you can offer, he knows. It’s more to get a feel for your character, who you are and how to react. He’ll know what tea you like and he’d serve it when he invites you to his tea parties, offers to tutor you when you fail an exam from a class you don’t share, and more. At first it’s nothing extreme, just normal conversation and small things that make your heart swoon!

Over-protective and possessive, they kinda go together with him. You’re new to this world and he knows that others aren’t so kind. He trusts Ace and Deuce, but he can’t trust the others not with a task this great! “Word of advice, they belong to a bad crowd, you shouldn’t associate yourself with them if you want a quiet life here, [Reader]”. Are you going to scoff and not listen to Riddle’s warning? Absolute;ly not! He’s housewarden for a reason and sure he’s uptight, but he doesn’t mean any harm and he’s just looking out for you! Riddle wants you to be successful and gleam in well deserved praise and attention, the type to push you a bit to study and participate while lightly scolding your wrongdoings and correcting your mistakes.

He’s not a concrete pillar though, he can be broken down so it’s only around you and maybe Trey where he reveals his real emotions. He may not look it, but he gets excited when you remember what he likes, when his birthday is, and small quirks he has. He really does appreciate being treated like an equal and being doted on, it’s a nice feeling. After being there for someone in more ways than one it’s nice to be treated the same (I know the feeling, I’m the mom friend-). Since you’re the only few he’s comfortable with, he’d want your attention on him. He wants you to notice when he’s feeling down, he wants you to praise him, he wants you to see him. He can be clingy, often making up tasks for you to help or to keep your attention away from others.

He doesn’t seem too extreme, but he’ll be mentally exhausting. Let’s say he manages to be with you, after all that fighting, crying, screaming, arguments, he breaks down. He won’t snap and resort to physical violence, no he’ll just break down crying. Why don’t you see what he’s doing for you? You’re his best friend, he loves you, he doesn't want to fight! Sorry to say but he gives me the “you don’t love me I’m going to fucking hurt myself!” vibe, if pushed to those limits you know. After everything he’s been through won’t you give him another chance? Maybe see it from his perspective?

Trey Clover

Trey is an 8/10 on my scale and before you all go, “Woah that’s way too high” lemme explain. The main characteristics are manipulative, overprotective, and possessive. Given Riddle’s backstory and how Trey and Chenya played a role in it, I know that Trey really cares for him but it’s tiring. He’s the mom friend and as someone who is the mom friend, it’s hard to be that person you’ve presented yourself as without hurting someone. Everyone turns to Trey if they need help, all the kids who are upset with Riddle’s ruling turned to him for comfort, and even seek his guidance. He has an older brother vibe to him and he hates it. Good old caring and reliable Trey, he can’t be truthful and has to keep the nice guy facade up, he can’t just blurt and say “it’s your fault” or “well what did you expect when you’re so stupid”.

He’s overprotective. He cares for you, will bake you sweets, and accommodate to your liking. Walk you to class, pick you up, help tutor you, and assist you in your tasks/needs! He’s such a good, reliable friend. Is that all he is to you? He’s tired of it, really! While he means well and your safety is his number one concern, he can’t help but notice that you’ve been so ungrateful as of late! Sick of the, “You’re like a brother to me!” and “Trey? Oh yeah, he’s my best friend!” With that behavior he rather just let you fall, let you fail, and let you starve.

Possessive. Trey sees you as his and guess what, you are! He’s always by your side scolding you and helping you, of course people are going to get the right idea and think you’re dating. It hurts him really when you deny all these claims and brush him off as anything but your partner. His hand is always on you, he’s always grabbing your hand and kissing your forehead but these are just gentle familial touches right? Cater sees his frustration but he doesn’t really care, it’s what he deserves mr “yeah, you and me are tight, but Riddle and me are tighter”.

Manipulative. Honest to God, he’d gaslight the fuck out of you. Lying to you non-stop, sreading rumors, making you feel so dumb. Straight up he’s mean, because he’s tired. He’s tired of the sugarcoating, the “no you’re okay, here I’ll help!”. He’s a ticking time bomb, he’s waiting to just shout “that’s common sense why don’t you know that?” Spreading rumors, “yeah they belong to a bad crowd, better avoid them!” oh actually. . .”did you know they said this about you?” Lying non-stop to make you feel bad, “Oh, Professor Trein actually said the report was due yesterday, you’re so forgetful, [Reader].” or “The recipe never called for that, what would you do without me, [Reader]!”. You become so dependent on Trey, you can’t even think for yourself. It all went according to plan.

You know that trope where the unusually calm person is only calm because they manage to release their stress from committing some violent crimes? I think that fits Trey. Which is why I say he'd be a sadistic yandere. He loves to see you cry, to see you beg for him! Even after seeing the real him you’re so stupid and helpless you crawl back to your attacker because you don’t know how to help yourself. He loves the thrill, the thought that you trust someone so willingly only to risk finding out that they’re the ones who hurt you! I think that he's not above permanently scarring you or hurting you. Yeah he’s tired of being the one who always helps, the one who everyone can turn to because it’s far too much for him! So be a good darling and go along with what he says! Be so submissive and willingly, don’t try to escape because it won’t end pretty. Second chances are hard to get and you can bet your ass that the punishment for slipping up is quite costly!

Cater Diamond

Cater is a 10/10, he’s not at all stable babes RUN! Why do I say this? Hear my ass out, please! The main characteristics are sadistic, manipulative, clingy, and obsessive.

Starting off strong and basic, social media is what many people have. Bet your ass he’s your first contact on your phone, the first one who added you on the social media platform, and he’s checking that shit. Anything, any information that could have been leaked by friends, other followers, etc. You like a post from a favorite artist? Omg, he likes them too! What a coincidence, not like he planned that or anything. He’s the type to follow you around, maybe even talking to some classmates about you. Most definitely take pictures of you and hang them across his room, sure he has those nice cute ones that he took at the photo booth with you! He also has photos from when you fell asleep on his shoulder during a study session, photos of you eating at your dorm, in class, and asleep. Those are hidden from wandering eyes of course! Maybe he has a secret stash of other photos, who knows?

From what I gathered from his backstory, he’s just like me fr. He’s a people pleaser and it’s gotten so bad to the point he adapts to others and caters to their needs rather than his own. Since he’s always changing to please others, he doesn’t have a personality of his own. I wanted to say that he wants to be his true self around his S/O but how could he be if he doesn’t even know which one is the real him? This is where we start going downhill fast asf. Clingy. He’s the other woman, not just with the Trey situation but he tries so hard to be what others expect of him and he’s not even that well-loved in his community. He’s just a funny, lazy upperclassman who probably needs help studying because he’s always on that damn phone! Not you though, you see through that quickly. His smiles are practiced, his words are smooth and cunning and he can get what he wants with his social skills. He’s super reliable and has so much potential that others see him as, which is why he’s so manipulative.

Cater brushes off comments with a joke, he’s praised in areas he excels and laughed in the one’s he doesn’t do the best in, you wouldn’t be able to tell that he’s just an empty shell. His S/O is wrapped around his finger, sure he’s a sweet boy who would take pics with you, proudly flaunt you out in public as HIS, offer to help you study, and take you on sweet dates. You have long and meaningful talks and he gives out the best advice. He’s always there to lend an ear and a helping hand! So what’s the issue? He sounds amazing so why am I rating him so high? Now I know this isn’t a usual headcanon that I tend to give out, but I feel as if Cater is mentally unstable, bipolar if you will. He doesn’t know the real him, some part of him wants to cherish you and be a super sweet photogenic couple and the other side of him wants to keep you hidden and locked up. He wants to console you, but another Cater wants to hurt you. See those cute expressions you make when you’re in pain. It’s like whiplash, he’s a ticking time bomb that is so unpredictable. When he sees what he’s done, he’s in a state of pain. Apologies are being screamed at, he’s so sorry you don’t deserve this and he doesn’t deserve you but please don’t leave him it won’t happen again, you understand right? Better keep your guard up because who knows, what if this Cater isn’t the one you know and it’s one you should fear? What if the Cater you love doesn't manage to snap out of it in time? You know what he says, “Cay Cay’s gonna slay slay”.

Deuce Spade

He’s not too bad, Deuce is around a 5 or 6/10, he’s better than all the other ones here. He has the usual characteristics, protective and possessive. Those are his main points, he’s not a bad guy he just has his moment you know? Starting off, Deuce is someone who unlike the others, knows he’s not perfect but makes an attempt to get better. His mom was a single mother and he helped her with chores and fixing things here and there, taking the role of man of the house. Good thing is that he didn’t pick up some toxic masculinity trait! He’s protective alright, someone is picking on you? Call Deuce right up and he’s there! Ready to defend your honor. Do you need a favor? He might not be the best but he’ll try his best!

His hard work was never reflected with the end results, so I feel as if he was a burnout kid young you know? What's the point in trying if the results are the same? With that being said, I feel like he couldn’t come to terms with the results and so he started acting out to give a reason to his behavior. He tries hard every day, surely his bad grades are from him skipping, not because he’s a slow learner right? After what he heard his mom say he wanted to clean his act up and so far, though he’s not perfect and has outburst sometimes, he’s a great person where it counts. That’s what matters :))

He’s possessive, though I see him as the type to get quiet and flustered when he’s with his S/O, he’d care for them. You never gave up on him, treated him the same and were there for him every step of the way, [Reader] you’re going to get treated like royalty for sure with him! Everyone knows that change doesn’t happen automatically, so while he doesn’t mean to get violent with you, he can get a bit rough. Sometimes his hold on you is too tight to the point where your wrist begins to hurt. Maybe his hug can get a bit too rib crunching, he’s just so scared of losing his only love, aside from his mother of course!

He may be too over controlling, he’ll see any slight disturbance as an attack against his life, his S/O, and his relationship. This is when Deuce goes back to his roots, he goes back to getting into fights and leaving the other party black and blue. You’re staring in shock, Deuce is covered in blood and his own wounds that don’t come close to rival those on the receiving end. When he looks at you with those crazed blood-lust filled eyes, you can help but flinch a little and that’s when he comes back. Surely, you’re not scared of him, right? You know he’ll never hurt you, right? Of course you do! So tell him [Reader], why are you rejecting his love for you?

Ace Trapoola

Ace is a 7/10 no questions asked, he’s better than most but he’s stepping into that dark side fast. The thing with Ace is that he’s honest. Not using the “I’m just honest” disguise to be mean. He really is honest, he says what he means and what he thinks at the moment regardless of the consequences. I thought he was a badass when Trey was telling them Riddle’s story and asked them to be understanding. Ace told Trey heads up, “So it’s your fault.” When I tell you I was SHOOK. Ace was right of course but it was so unexpected of him to say! Regardless, he’s mean. He’s not trying to be (not yet anyways), he’s just honest! Manipulative, possessive, overprotective.

Aside from telling the truth as straightforwardly as possible, ironically he’s a good liar when it benefits him. Filler content aside, let’s bffr. He’s the type to bully/tease his S/O because he thinks their reactions are oh so cute! I like the idea that Ace was your first best friend and nothing says true friendship like hating each other in the beginning, enemies to lovers fr. The teasing can be something light like laughing at you when you say the wrong answer during a lecture, “You can be serious? C’mon the answer is so easy, you’re so stupid!” It can escalate to something more extreme like laughing at your outfit, “Seriously, you’re wearing that to a study session? You want to fuck your partner or something?” When he’s jealous, he gets worse. Yeah his honesty was a bit harsh, but now he’s just plain old mean.

Possessive. You’re HIS best friend. You’re HIS s/o!! Would he really skip out on class just to hang out with you? Don’t be silly, yeah you’re fun but he’s got way better things he could be doing right now (no he doesn’t). He’s so much more than what he presents himself as, just look at him damn it! He’s not the best friend who stands on the sidelines, he’s the best friend who turned into your boyfriend.

Most of all, he’s manipulative. I’ve placed a TW at the top but here is another. Ace is the type of person who is not above lying and paying people off to mess with you so you crawl back to him. He’d pay people to bully you, call you mean names, make you feel like shit, maybe even physically harm you. Sometimes he swoops in and plays hero, just so he can rub it in as a “see you need me!” Sometimes, he doesn’t show up but watches from the sidelines to see you cry and beg for them to stop hitting you, because he enjoys how after the whole situation he’s the first person you turn to. He wants to be your number one, [Reader]. Doesn’t matter how low he needs to go, you’ll see how all you need is Ace.

The type to gaslight you and make it seem like you’re the one with the problem. The type to bring you to your lowest point, but while you hate him and want your space, he’s the first person you run back to. He’d be the type of person to bring your self esteem so low, but remind you that while yeah you’re a shitty person, he’s the only one who’d want you. Sad thing is, he’d put on such a convincing performance you’d believe him. Who would love you other than Ace? Nobody. Ace is all you have. That’s how he likes it.

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harryjpotter-shitpost · 10 months

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I can give Dudley the redemption arch because he was a child following after his parents (very abusive behaviors) but people are really defending Petunia and Vernon???? What the fuck?? Like it pretty much says in the first sentence of the whole series that they’re assholes! And it is canon that both Vernon AND Petunia were physically, emotionally, and mentally abusive to Harry until the last moment he left private drive.

The only reason I can give Dudley any kind of redemption or forgiveness is because we see him change in the books after the Dementor attack. I don’t think he and Harry will ever be close or very friendly, but I can see them having a civil relationship at least for their children. Or even just to make up for their shitty childhood that they shared together, as Dudley was also abused too. But this would definitely be after years of therapy and trying to make amends, it wouldn’t happen until many years after the war was over.

You would be surprised on how many posts I’ve crossed where people almost worship Petunia and say that Vernon is the one who forced her to hate her sister!!!

I believe that Dudley deserves redemption cause as you said he was a young person living in a very toxic environment. However, I’m always rather conflicted on how his relationship with Harry is post-war. I’ve read a few fics that had different perspectives on what their relationship have come to, and they’re all very interesting! But I’m not set out on one opinion. Sometimes I think Harry would try to leave it all behind him, but sometimes I think that maybe they’d reconnect as Dudley was obviously a very huge part of Harry’s life (even though it was horrendous) and the same goes the other direction. But I’m sure of one thing; I don’t think they’ll ever have a “close brotherhood” kind of relationship. Maybe sending presents over the holidays or reconnecting every few years, but never close, yk?

But anyways let me get back to my rant about Petunia. It’ll be under the cut :)

CW: mentions of abuse

Let’s get one thing straight: Vernon did not make her hate Harry nor was he pulling the strings in that house and the abuse regarding his nephew. It was Petunia. She collected ALL the hatred in that house and made sure it was taken out on Harry. Why? Because she’s a petty, small-minded and disgusting woman who abused the power she had over a child. All that to let out some of the childish jealousy she had against her DEAD little sister.

Here are some quotes from the books to use as a starting point:

“Mrs. Dursley pretended she didn’t have a sister,”

“They didn’t want Dudley mixing with a child [Harry] like that.”

“she [Petunia] always got so upset at any mention of her sister.”

"He [Vernon] cleared his throat nervously. ‘Er — Petunia, dear — you haven’t heard from your sister lately, have you?’ As he had expected, Mrs. Dursley looked shocked and angry. After all, they normally pretended she didn’t have a sister. ‘No,’ she said sharply.”

“Mr. Dursley wondered whether he dared tell her he’d heard the name ‘Potter.’ He decided he didn’t dare.”

“‘Harry’ [Said Petunia]. ‘Nasty, common name, if you ask me.’”

So these quotes are from the first chapter of the first book (Philosopher’s Stone).

As you can see, pretending the Potters don’t exist is a mutual decision from both sides and it seems that Petunia is more bothered by the mention of her sister than Vernon is because when he tries to bring up the Potters his main concern is upsetting Petunia. Never once does he mention his own disgust with them when trying to bring them up. No, it’s Petunia’s reaction he’s worried about. This doesn’t seem like a behavior of someone who is forcing his wife to hate her sister.

If anything it seems to me that Petunia have explained to her husband how much she dislikes the mention of her sister (and her sister’s entire family too) and so Vernon got the memo that the Potters should never be brought up. Which shows that Petunia is the one who fuels the hatred for the Potters in their household.

Now I’m not saying that Vernon is completely innocent, no he’s hates the Potters too. But his is more personal. After the whole double date incident when he felt that James was taking the mickey out of him and undermining his power. A bully like Vernon who likes to show off his money and power being insulted by a teenager made Vernon hate James’ guts.

“…James was amused by Vernon, and made the mistake of showing it. Vernon tried to patronise James, asking what car he drove.”

“Vernon could not tell whether he was being made fun of or not, and grew angry. The evening ended with Vernon and Petunia storming out of the restaurant.” -Pottermore

And I think that Vernon usually likes to pretend that the people he hates don’t exist, he’s way to high to be bothered by a cocky teenager who ‘doesn’t have a future’. He feels way too superior. During his wedding he made sure not to give James any attention, but made sure to return the humiliation he felt during the double date.

“Vernon refused to speak to James at the reception, but described him, within James’ earshot, as ‘some kind of amateur magician’.” -Pottermore

After Vernon obviously felt satisfied with his comeback, he never gives James a glance.

That’s why when mentioning the Potters he doesn’t even mention the double date incident because technically who’s that James next to him?? No, his wife’s reaction is the main concern.

And that’s the difference between the hate Vernon has towards the Potters and Petunia’s hatred. Whereas Vernon hates James specifically for undermining him and his money and power, Petunia hates them all because she ‘knows’ she’s less superior and special. This fuels her jealousy and anger towards them.

Therefore; Vernon’s ultimate superiority and Petunia’s ultimate loathing.

And you can see that Petunia already has it out for Harry even though she hasn’t met him yet; calling his name “Nasty”. Now I know some of you might interpret her sentence as Petunia criticizing her sister’s choice of names, but if that was the case she would’ve claimed the boy’s misfortune of having such a name or the kid’s misfortune on having parents like the Potters. But no, she mainly focused on the child. Which gives the impression that she’s disliked Harry the moment she knew about him.

“she [Petunia] received from Lily and James the announcement of Harry’s birth, and after one contemptuous look, Petunia threw it in the bin.” -Pottermore

These things sets the foundations for her dislike towards Harry. So when the moment comes where she actually meets him, he will be connected to the ‘detestable’ announcement and the ‘nasty’ name.

Then the times comes where she has to handle that child’s responsibilities and raise him.

And she did take him in, no one’s denying that, but this happened:

“She did it grudgingly, and spent the rest of Harry’s childhood punishing him for her own choice.” -Pottermore

She spent the rest of Harry’s childhood punishing him for her own choice.

She took him in. She hated every single moment of having to raise him. So she made sure he was punished for it.

If that is not abuse as some people like to say, then what is exactly???? Punishing an innocent child for taking him in? Are you guys serious?

That’s why her character disgusts me so much. I cannot stand her at all. Because if anything this is a psycho level of behavior. A sane person wouldn’t dream of hurting a small animal let alone a child. Her nephew.

And as for Vernon’s hatred towards Harry it stems out of the humiliation he felt when he met James. The fact that Vernon made sure to return that humiliation during the wedding satisfied Vernon and he didn’t have to think about James anymore. But Harry ( the carbon copy of James) serves as a constant reminder of that feeling, so his hatred towards Harry stems out from his injured masculinity. As Pottermore says:

“Uncle Vernon’s dislike of Harry stems in part, like Severus Snape’s, from Harry’s close resemblance to the father they both so disliked.”

So ya this is my rant about them. Sorry if this is all over the place, English isn’t my first language and this topic pisses me off so much🙂.

And I’d like to conclude that I hate them both, but hate Petunia at tad bit more :)

#cw abuse #the Dursleys piss me off so much #harry deserves better #that poor thing was punished for nothing #don’t let me catch one of y’all defending petunia #I’ll genuinely loose it #she’s one of the most vile women #i could write more about this topic #but i think this is too long already #golden trio #4 privet drive #petunia dursley #vernon dursley #aunt petunia #uncle vernon #harry james potter #dudley dursley #harry potter #harry potter series

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anotherkindofmindpod · 6 months

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(deep breath in) Thank you so much for this episode. Really outstanding. Also you are going to get me fired because I did this instead of working. :)

So, the dive into the question of Jim’s corporal punishment and how it is framed has really gotten to me. Apologies for the rant.

I think ML acknowledging the corporal punishment in the way he does is actually quite revealing—a little bit about him, but this is also a generational thing.

He knows it’s a topic other writers have brought up and he (however reluctantly) accepts that it has played enough of a part in the Beatles book world that he must at least touch on it. But he chooses to do so in as glancing a way as possible and with a nod to Mike’s comic narrative voice. Yes, there was physical punishment in this house, but it’s the 1940s/50s and that’s the way it was and we (including the kids involved) can all look back on it with rueful humor.

And look, I get it. Mike’s comic candor in the 1960s places his and Paul’s experiences squarely in a long tradition of what I think of as “bragging rights” stories of childhood crime and punishment. My experience of my own older relatives aligns with how Mike narrates what to us are pretty awful events. The stories people in my parents’ and grandparents’ generation would tell—and tell laughing—about what outrageous things they did as kids to get themselves into trouble and how awful the punishments could be, were many and varied. The more ridiculous the hijinks, the worse the punishment, the better the bragging rights.

I’m guessing like most people of their class and generation, Paul and Mike grew up with a kind of affectionate “it sucks when the grownups start hitting, but meh, that’s life, amirite?” attitude they would have picked up from members of their own family and from their peers. 95% of all stories dealing with corporal punishment written or told before 1960 reflect that attitude. Mike narrates their childhood stories in exactly that vein. Paul does too in a limited way: but only about his teachers (who are outside the family circle of loyalty that you rightly point out).

All of which is to say—and you make this point in the episode but I want to emphasize it here as well—that it is doubtful that any concept of abuse or of equating anything that went on in their home with abusive behavior ever entered their heads at the time—which to me is why Mike can talk about it in the way he does and why Paul doesn’t mind him telling those stories. I think it’s less (at least in the 60s/70s) about either Paul or Mike trying to slip information to the rest of the world than it is a genuine belief that these are amusing and typical stories.

The quote you offer about Ringo from 2015 being surprised to discover that his childhood was not as rosy as he remembered it is hugely instructive. Even after experiencing a lifetime of better conditions, it still took an outside perspective to make him reconsider how he’d framed events and circumstances. To apply this to the McCartney family, Jim’s reliance on corporal punishment was standard, so already the kids are going to frame his behavior as normal. If his actions were in any way different or more extreme than other parents, how could they judge that? This was the water everyone was swimming in at the time.

To be clear: I’m not saying that there is an “acceptable” level of corporal punishment and if we can say that Jim stuck to that level, then everything’s cool by 1950s standards and we should leave it there. But I think that’s exactly what Tune In IS saying. I think ML uses Mike’s comic tone as evidence for how not-a-big-deal this aspect of their childhood was which gives him permission to sidestep it. And if earlier Beatles writers spent time detailing Jim’s actions, then they, like Mike, are utilizing the stories for a touch of period charm, not to take a deeper or more nuanced look at Paul’s childhood. And he’s right. It isn’t like previous authors framed this as a Topic, just colorful background.

So, ML chooses to nod to the fact that previous writers have dealt with this, but since we in the 21st century don’t find stories about children being beaten nearly as “cute” as earlier generations did, he eschews going into detail, perhaps thinking that by not including these details he’s being tactful (like it is retroactively embarrassing to Mike and Paul that we know these things), or at least reflecting a more modern sensibility.

But as you point out, this is where we run into trouble. We DO know these things. Can’t un-know them. And we have the advantage of years of research on the adverse effects of corporal punishment that tell us there is no “acceptable” level of violence against children. And yes, while both Mike and Paul make light of this topic in the 60s and 70s in their different ways, we also have the fact that Paul brought it up in a more complex way in discussing his “showdown” with his dad. Whatever they felt at the time, isn’t it worth exploring how either the people in this history or how society at large view this topic NOW? Isn’t the advantage of writing a book about past events that you can explore these experiences in a larger context?

Late WWII / Boomers are a tricky generation on the question of corporal punishment. A lot of them grew up in homes where this was common, silently certain they would not use physical violence as parents themselves but also absolutely not thinking of what they experienced as potentially damaging. And they would be offended on their parents’ behalf if you framed it that way. If I were to guess, I suspect that’s where Paul and Mike live—and perhaps a lot of readers in that generation? I may be being presumptuous here—in that weird headspace where you get to the point where you have enough perspective to know a loved one’s actions were Wrong but to hang a weighty label like “abusive” on that person or on their actions feels equally, perhaps profoundly, Wrong. If nothing else, it exposes that person to a characterization you maybe don’t want them to have. And for outsiders to do so is just going to shut down the conversation.

I think ML is absolutely right in his overall takeway that in the end Paul’s view of his family settles into one of a safe and stable place. It is where he feels loved and known as “Paul MacCartney” instead of “him.” I think overall, the support system they provided (and still do) gave him more emotional resources to draw on than John had when they faced similar tragedies. And Jim is not a villain in this story. One of my favorite early Beatles stories is Jim bringing Paul lunch sometimes at the Cavern Club—it's such a sweet dad thing to do. Jim is good people. Most of the time.

But the idea that it was always that simple, or that getting to that place of security wasn’t a journey with failures and pitfalls and significant effort, is demonstrably a failure to engage with the facts as we know them. And it denies Paul (and Jim for that matter) the “reality” of growth and struggle and change.

(deep breath out)

Thanks for this, Anon! We've already said plenty in the ep, so we've nothing to add to your great commentary here. Thanks for listening! ❤️

#AKOM #Fine Tuning #Shells & Barriers

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wen-kexing-apologist · 3 months

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HA! GOTCHA! 3, 11 and 18

Ooo, good choices, these options are really going to necessitate some thought on definitions for me.

3- Childhood Sweethearts

Okay so for me the first question is, what counts as childhood? Did they have to have declared some type of romantic feelings for each other when they were kids? Do we consider any couple that came together in high school to be childhood sweethearts, because that’s normally how I see that terminology utilized in real life? Do we count childhood sweethearts to be people in adult relationships where we find out later that they met as children (lol, no.)

I regret to inform you that I might just have to give this to

Cutie Pie

I am thinking about the shows I have seen where the couples met as kids but are adults now, and there really aren’t that many. I won’t consider high school BLs in the childhood sweethearts category because I am a happy for now kind of person and getting together in high school does not equate to being together forever. That leaves me only a handful: I Can’t Reach You, My Only 12%, Bad Buddy, I Told Sunset About You, and Cutie Pie that really give me an established childhood relationship and then some level of time skip to an older period in their lives. Of that list I feel like I Can’t Reach You and My Only 12% are much more in the friends to lovers camp, ITSAY is a friends to enemies to lovers kind of deal, and Bad Buddy is it’s own special brand of enemies to lovers. And in all of those cases there is one character that is aware of their feelings for much longer than the other.

So it is Cutie Pie for me because Lian and Kuea both loved each other their entire lives. They’ve been engaged since they were children, and even though Kuea is constantly searching for where he left his last brain cell and that gets in the way of him seeing how much Lian loves him, it cannot be denied from an outsider perspective that those two have been in love their entire lives. And honestly, I don’t think Yi and KonDiao are any different in that regard. The love for both couples has existed forever, the tops just have to learn to use their words.

11- Forbidden Love

If I were to go obvious for the Forbidden Love trope, the answer would be Bad Buddy absolutely no contest, but I AM GONNA GO NONTRADITIONAL HERE MUAHAHAHA

He’s Coming to Me

He’s Coming to Me is one of the strongest BLs I’ve seen. It makes me sad to no end that this show gets so little attention and that its distribution got fucked with because I think everyone who hasn’t seen this show should watch it and everyone who has seen this show should watch it again. I consider this a (non-traditional) forbidden love because by all accounts it should not happen. Med is dead and Thun is alive, and they spend the entirety of the show trying to help Med move on, and for most of the show Med and Thun literally cannot touch. I consider He’s Coming to Me a subversion of the standard forbidden love trope because of how incredibly queer I consider the show to be. Thun spends years hiding his powers, pretending that he can’t see Med, pretending to be normal for years, until one day he has had enough. But once he stops giving a shit, once he starts interacting with Med in public? I cannot for the life of me get the image of all those other people’s face out of my head. I think probably too often about that scene where everyone is looking at Thun with the utmost judgment and I just can’t think about it as anything other than two people who are not supposed to be together, choosing to be together anyway, for however long they can, until reality catches up to them.

18- Slow Burn

Hmmmm. This is hard because I feel like all of the BLs I’ve seen are too short for a real slow burn. So for the sake of this game, I am considering my slow burn to be whatever show drove me fucking crazy yelling at the screen and wanting at least one character to get their fucking shit together. So I am giving it to

I Told Sunset About You

This would probably constitute as a non-traditional option as well, but holy fucking shit the way I needed Teh to figure his shit out, stop being a coward, and just commit. My favorite type of slow burn is the one where the characters are generally aware of what is going on but they have to fight with themselves to get to the end goal. I think that has a tendency to play better than some late in the game romantic realization. The tension that keeps building and building and building only to shatter right before its crescendo is really what does me in. Oh has known he has feeling for Teh for fucking ever and Teh wakes up decently early to the fact that he has feelings for Oh, but then it is still like pulling fucking teeth, while walking through fucking molasses, to get to the finish line where Teh finally asks Oh to be his boyfriend. This show is such a slow burn for me personally that not even the little admission of Teh’s feelings in the hammock, nor the kiss in episode 4 is enough for me to feel like we have reached the end of the slow burn. I think it is my favorite slow burn because where normally an admission or a kiss from the more hesitant person would mark the end of the burn, Teh saying he has feelings for Oh, Teh rubbing up on Oh in episode 3, Teh making out with Oh in episode four, none of those feel like the resolution point in their quest to get together.

BL Romance Trope Ask Game

#cutie pie the series #he's coming to me #i told sunset about you #itsay #ask game #bl ask game

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hetalia-club · 5 months

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I just have to spill my thoughts here for a second about my personal life for my own sanity. feel free to happily ignore and scroll by.

Good news everyone :D I just dumped my toxic emotionally abusive boyfriend. Terrible News everyone! :DDDD He was also my best friend and childhood best friend so isn't that great!? :)))

We were supposed to go to Sicily together in May...Why did I DO THAT!? I spent 2k on my plane ticket...the room is reserved... Do I like just not go to Italy now? Do I say F it and just go by myself? Do I try and quickly beg someone else to go with me who's okay with spending at least 2k on a plane ticket? Which would be no one in my life, maybe my parents would but idk what they got going on. I really wanted to go. Why could I have like just not waited until after that? We share a friend group and they are all more his friends than mine. So I just like isolated myself for no reason.

Sorry to dump this here and no I don't expect any of you to have the answers or do anything with this information.

These past few weeks for me have been really rough and I just made it somehow worse.

He distanced me from all my former friends who have all like moved on and have families and whatever and who I have not spoken to in five years so all I have right now is my family and work 'friends' I don't even like. I'm going to have to live with my parents for who knows how long because it was his house he had all the money in our relationship. He convinced me to quit my good desk job with benefits to work part time as a barista so I could clean his house and cook for him. But he also put up with all my weirdness and was fine with it.

Like when I say I have no idea what to do I truly mean that.

again I don't want anyone to feel responsible to do something about how I royalty screwed up my life. It's no ones fault. I shouldn't have let him isolate me so much from my friends and former life but TOO LATE NOW! I just need to stop being with men who have brown hair and brown eyes but are objectively terrible.

My only silver lining is that I was the one to end it. Which if anything am proud of myself for that because I have never broken up with anyone before and I normally just deal with whatever people do to me no matter how terrible and mean they are. I just have always forgiven him and everyone else.

But when some dude bro sits you down and asks you to "List reasons why you deserved to be loved by him" it was just too much. Like that might seem petty but I am sick of being the 'pretty girlfriend' I am so tired of having to dress to the 9s to go out and be expected to be perfect even if we're just going to a F*ng dive bar where I get stared out for dressing like I'm going to a club. Where he gets to look like a diarrhea stain who can't be bothered to wear a shirt that's not wrinkled or shave his scraggly beard. Why he thinks I should make a list of MY worth as a human being in his eyes. When he is average at best!? Like I'm not a 10 I'm not perfect I'm not delusional, I don't think I'm the hottest girl in the world or gods gift to man kind. But I'm out of his league, I do know that!

I always tend to cling to Hetalia harder when my life is falling apart around me because that's sort of just what I've done since I was a teen. I've never been in a healthy relationship with someone who actually likes me and Hetalia has always been there for me. Which is why I have been making a lot of content lately, it's been a distraction and I'm sorry if I've been bugging people with how much I've been posting. That's not been my intentions its just my coping mechanism and it's better than drinking...

This is the only social media I have that he's not on. I don't hate him enough to block him. I do still want to try and be his friend at some point if that's possible. I love his family and they love me and it's going to be so upsetting to see them again from a different perspective.

I'm okay...It's just been really rough lately...And I somehow just made it worse.(No I'm not going to hurt myself or anyone, don't even worry about that.)

#hc talking smack #i'm going to start dating men over 60...#i am one of the few fortunate people in this world who have wonderful parents thankfully. if not idk what i would do tbh...#i know they would never turn me away or kick me out in a million years #and i do think they will come to Italy with me if i ask “pretty please” they may even fund it if i seem sad enough

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vorbarrsultana · 1 year

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incomplete list of things that destroyed me today:

maxim's raistlin. his mage is a ball of bitterness and determination which only heightens the sense of tragedy — for this raistlin there's no other ending but "the lord of nothing". i also feel like this raistlin is played like a smartest raistlin because he gets so, so frustrated every time he has to explain something. in "by takhisis, i'm surrounded by idiots" kind of way.

irina's crysania. she's the softest. most naive priestess i've seen, and it was so heartbreaking to watch her completely shatter in istar scenes.

(and the most forceful raistlin and most gentle crysania were fascinating together)

DALAMAR. he was amazing? wonderful? extra charismatic?? 1000/10 the dark elf we love? i also loved how much of a performer he was today. this dalamar enjoyed every minute of playing conclave like a fiddle. and the way his demeanor changed completely every time he shared a scene with raistlin? delicious.

caramon broke my heart. the end.

no, not the end. THE SCENES. so many wonderful interactions.

literally one of the first phrases was "shalafi?", and during the meeting in the temple dalamar and crysania simultaneously reached for raistlin while he was coughing on the floor....

then the tavern, and bonus tika and dalamar interaction?? priceless, i love it. they were very snarky.

also, caramon kneeling before his magnificent wife? as he should.

raistlin treated crysania like she was made of glass during "the prosecutor", and i really liked it! or maybe i'm used to other mages just dragging their priestesses in less gentle manner.

"the temptation by compassion" hit really hard BECAUSE this crysania was the softest. someone hug her, please?

THE ARENA. caramon's "what the hell are you?" after the minotaur had appeared was priceless. and raistlin was anxiously fiddling with his fingers, see, he loves caramon, and gets angry with himself for that, and takes that out on his brother. get this mage some therapy.

the group hug during the fall of istar was hearwarming and painful at the same time. we can't have nice things, right, raistlin?

also, ALSO. maxim and ksenia (as takhisis) sounded eerily similar when they were sarcastic. "isn't that just the echo of her words", hmmm?

then the childhood of the mage which was fantastic because raistlin was ANGRY.

"sedution" was so soft. and i've counted three raistlin and crysania kisses in the show!

"the lullaby" shattered my heart. it's interesting choice to have caramon sing it to raistlin's mantle because the brother he grew up with isn't here anymore. it's over.

(crysania sang her oath to raistlin's mantle too which is fascinating? she binds herself to the idea of raistlin that's in her head, not the real man.)

THE TRIAL BY FIRE WAS THE BEST SCENE. so many amazing little moments. raistlin, who started singing it very professionallyTM, turning to crysania the moment she laid her hand on his cheek and just going with it?? wow. AND THE KISS.

etherius's abyss is the most terrifying version of it, fight me.

(and maxim looked very small there, GIVE THE MAGE A HUG)

"the denial" was heartbreaking and inevitable. the only possible conclusion for this raistlin. the vocals on "the price is not too high!" though? you had to hear it.

and the final eight lines of "the lord of nothing" (after raistlin dropped on his knees) looked visually stunning from the audience perspective.

in conclusion, i'm so very not normal about them.

#the last trial #dragonlance musical #raistlin majere #crysania tarinius #последнее испытание

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chaoticornot · 2 years

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Wishlist season 6

This is my very late rendition of what I want to happen in season six of 9-1-1. I haven't watched anything yet, so it's spoiler free.

- Eddie is in therapy. What I mean is I want to hear about his therapy and that he is still going and maybe even seeing a little bit of it.

- I want Chim to apologise to Buck about punching him because that was out of line, and it was never acknowledged, even though I think it was a lot for Buck, emotionally. Or at least an acknowledgment that it happened and that the team and Maddie are aware.

- I want the team to find out about the will and their reactions to it.

- I want more poker nights with Buck, Maddie, Josh, Hen, and Chim because it's fun.

- I also want Eddie hanging with the girls, trying new recipes, and just having fun and self-care, yay! And with the girls, I mean Karen, Linda, and May, even if she is off to college.

- About May going off to college plus Harry being with Micheal. I am curious to see how Bobby and Athena's relationship is going to progress because they always had the kids there and worried about them, so how different is it without them?

- I also need more detective and detective Wilson. I love them. More pleaseee. Just cute, no angst.

- Uncle Buck (Jee's)/ dad Buck (Chris's)

- I also always need more Chris. Always.

- I want Maddie and Chim back together, but I feel like they need to talk about everything that happened and why it happened the way it did and for them to slowly work their way back to each other.

- More team hangouts

- Carlaaaa!!!!

- One thing I am not sure about is wanting more of Eddie's childhood because what they did in season 5 with Eddie's family was bullshit, and I don't want that to be made worse. Like, I want it only if it follows my idea of canon otherwise, never mind.

- Also, I DON'T want anyone to die.

I know Chris growing up is a theme for this season, and everything under here has something to do with that.

- I want Eddie to explore himself and do things that he hasn't done before and normally wouldn't do but has the freedom to do so now. Also, partly because I don't think he was able to when he was younger. Maybe go clubbing, meet new people, and not tell anyone about it because he is a bit ashamed but also kind off wants to figure it out himself first. And maybe a bit of Buck is angsting over the fact that Eddie is not telling him something. Not incredibly angsty, though, just a little for spice.

- I think Eddie is going to struggle a lot with Chris becoming independent for multiple reasons. One is because of Chris' cerebral palsy. He wants to protect and help him, but he starts to realise that he can't always, which is hard. Second, I think he is going to doubt his worth as a father, specifically. I think he feels that he already missed so much of Chris's life, and he wants to keep him close to himself a little longer. He is going to second guess all his decision, especially if Chris is going to get emotionally hurt.

- I just know that Eddie is going to talk to Buck about and Buck is going to try and soothe him and help but internally Buck is just as freaked out about it as Eddie. So they are freaking out together. Buck rants to Hen about Chris growing up because Hen is in that same stage with Denny. Also, someone needs to address that Chris is looking more like Buck, every day.

- I also need more domestic Buckley-Diaz family moments. They heal my soul.

- And last but not least, maybe unpopular, but I don't want Buddie to get together yet in the first part of season 6. The reasoning is that of the Eddie thing (hoe) and because I love a slow burn and because I want to see everyone being done with them being oblivious, and I want outsiders' perspectives on their situation. Like the PTA mums. I also want Chris to just tell people that he has 2 dads but that they are not married but should be and will be if Chris has anything to say about it.

Also, I want the love confession to be this beautiful, small, peaceful moment. For example, Eddie accidentally kisses Buck, goes on with his day, and then somewhere realising, oh shit, I kissed Buck, and then I want him to go back home to a sleep rumpled Buck and then a confession. Or cuddling in the same bed because of nightmares, and then waking up next to each other and then a love confession. I'd rather it not happen when one of them just almost died. Anything but that.

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heligan · 1 year

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I am thinking, on this fine winter evening, about Raphael’s halfhearted belief in heaven because he thinks it’s a better thing to believe than the alternatives. How does the Catholic idea of having a fixed point of death after which he can go to heaven, hell or purgatory match up with the knowledge that he doesn’t die in the sense that other humans die, because there’s no moment in time at which he becomes dead but rather he slowly becomes less and less alive?

(Cut because it’s a bit long)

There’s clearly a progression from being alive and human in all ways except physically - ‘just the same; his colours all gone but just the same’ to unmoving and unresponsive like the markayuq in the graveyard, to wearing down until they are only distinguishable from normal stones if you know exactly what to look for, but it’s unclear whether there is an instant in which a markayuq becomes definitively dead.

In chapter twenty-seven Raphael does refer to the markayuq in the house and graveyard as ‘nearly dead’ but there’s a few reasons why I think this might not be an accurate description. Raphael has spent his entire working life thinking about and dealing with death from a Catholic perspective, having not had a chance to interact with anyone from his home since childhood. There’s also the fact that there is only one markayuq in a generation at most, so although he seems to be an expert on them from Merrick’s perspective (not that the bar for that is high), there was nobody to teach him properly so it’s quite possible he doesn’t know as much about the markayuq as he should. In the same chapter he finds out for the first time that markayuq talk to each other and that St Thomas used to know Atahualpa, the last Incan king. Even if he is aware that the end of a markayuq’s life is more complicated than just dying, he’s speaking to Merrick and therefore could be referring to the decay markayuq undergo as death for simplicity, which certainly aligns with his own attitudes towards inter-cultural translation.

Incan attitudes towards death, however, make a lot more sense in conjunction with the idea of markayuq not having a fixed moment of death. Markayuq used to guard the Incan kings both while they were alive and after death at their tombs, and so the view of them decaying over time matches the view the Incas had of death, also not as a fixed moment but as a linear progression beginning with the decay of the mind and body in old age and ending with ‘social death’ - when one is forgotten by the last living person who remembers them. A person’s heart stopping, or consciousness leaving them, are just one step along the way - and even these two often occur at different times. Incan kings especially were viewed as still being active in society after their physical death and therefore still alive in other ways; their bodies were mummified to preserve them and their panaca (some particular relatives) would make social and political decisions on their behalf which would be taken into account as if the king was still alive [1].

It makes much more sense to have kings who slowly became less alive as they become older, new kings reign and their influence in the courts wane, guarded by markayuq who also become less alive as they spend longer and longer asleep and their stone bodies are worn down by the elements than it does to have markayuq who die and go to heaven. Raphael is, however, as Merrick puts it, one of a ‘new generation of hispanicised markayuq’, and the only one who holds a belief of the afterlife which is not only different to every one of his peers but also is at odds with the very nature of his existence.

Raphael thinks of his own belief in heaven: ‘it wasn’t belief of the mathematical, reasoned kind, only the sort that arises when the alternative would mean becoming one of those men who worked like machines and never spoke to anyone, old at forty.’ but that’s an understatement! His alternative is slowly losing his ability to move and think after watching everyone around him be buried, accompanied only by people who consider him an outsider in his own culture, no more kings to guard on their own paths to being forgotten until his body eventually becomes building material for the Spanish, yet never truly dying.

No wonder he wants to believe in heaven.

[1] Rostworowski Tovar de Diez Canseco, M. 1988, Historia del Tahuantinsuyu

#i am not a catholic so if anyone has more to add about it. please do #you know something is wrong with you when you have to start putting references in your fandom posts #the bedlam stacks #raphael tremayne #dear GOD i am SAD about this man can you tell??? can you guys tell???

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erigold13261 · 1 year

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Would Yinu ever acknowledge her mom was abusive or will mama realize this herself? Personally, I believe even if Yinu were to realize this, she would never say that. Reason 1. Yinu is emotionally intelligent. She knows that if she should call Mama out, mama will make an entire shitshow about it, and have her mental state worsen even more. 2. Yinu herself is gaslighting herself into believing she was the bad person. For being born.

(Dang I love and hate mama so much. So much so that I made an entire fix it au that is all about having papa get some cyborg tech to get his illness healed via Neon J, and the three of them start dating, and DJ starts dating them too. Yinu with four parents and a bunch of support is the best.)

I don't think either will realize there was any kind of abuse without some kind of outside interference like therapy or a friend telling Yinu that what happened during her childhood was "no normal" and abuse to some degree.

If she does figure it out she would probably find a controlled environment and talk with Mama about what happened. Maybe with Neon and DJ around to help her talk about this stuff.

I don't actually think Mama (at least OG Mama) would make a shitshow about this. She would say that she never meant to hurt Yinu and that she was so sorry for everything. She would listen to her daughter and try to be a better mother. The two would work through their issues and probably start family counseling because Mama didn't realize what she did.

Maybe at first she would deny that any of that happened because she doesn't remember it, or remembers it in a different way, but that is why I think it would be good for Neon and Dj to also be there with her. To ground Mama and tell her their own perspective of situations they have seen with their own.... eyes? (you know what I mean).

I also don't think this would be Yinu gaslighting herself. At least not entirely. It is more like she had no outside insight on how a healthy relationship between a kid and parent should look like. She was surrounded by adults and teens (teens who didn't even talk with their parents most of the time), so she had no real idea of what a normal childhood is.

Her childhood of losing a father, having plant powers, and working for a music company were all super normal to her (and probably any other child musician she might have known). So that might be a form of gaslighting, but I think it is more just her not even knowing her childhood was not normal or okay.

As for the Papa thing, I can see Papa as the type to not want to get cybernetics at all. At least not at the time of his disease. If he somehow met Neon earlier or lived long enough to meet Neon then I can see him changing his mind by having things explained to him from someone with a perspective of having a LOT of cybernetics.

So I can totally see Papa getting a new heart (I think that was what was wrong with him. I remember seeing something about it in like the news sections of the games but can't seem to find it now. Like Yinu having a charity to a heart hospital or something. Whatever) and afterwards bringing Neon into his and Mama's life.

I don't know if Papa is monogamous or not, but I can totally see him letting Mama date Neon if she wanted to as he knows she is polygamous. Which would then lead to Neon at some point dating DJ so that Mama and Papa can have more alone time when Mama and Neon aren't dating.

But then Papa catches feelings for DJ and those two date a bit, or at least snuggle together while DJ talks Papa to sleep or Papa plays his piano by the couch while wrapped in DJ's arms and play DJ to sleep.

Yinu just happily living with 4 cool parents now who can help her in any kind of life situation. Also gaining an extra set of grandparents from DJ as I don't see Papa's or Neon's parents coming into the picture (especially not Neon's). Like omg! DJ's parents would LOVE Yinu so much and absolutely learn LSM for Papa and just welcome the Spinose family and Neon into their lives with open arms!

Oh this is way too cute!!! I love this idea you gave me so much!

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desertdragon · 6 months

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🌑 New moon - Who is your most mysterious character? Are they different from what people assume?

☀️ Sun - Who is your most cheerful and positive character? Why are they like that? c:

XIV Charas obviously | @pettyeti

Sun:

Lewena was designed on purpose to be the sunniest one of the main six for a few reasons. It was the first thought I had for her, a go lucky person who by appearances can pass for your typical cheery girl character who's in touch with nature and sees little fault in others. I saw this a lot from other people and media because that's how women are expected to be usually. It also shapes her first impression as the harmless white woman you'd expect to see after its been portrayed over and over other places. But I'm tricking you on purpose.

Then while she can be that thing, her subversive traits would be a pragmatic ruthless capacity on top of her raw power. The one that looks and acts the least like power means anything to her should have the most terrifying relationship to it (which snowballed into making her stronger than Vaste at her fullest potential), while still taming it through kindness. Also I thought a bimbo looking white girl for a token white in the group would be funny. Similar to Vaste in the sense his original concept was someone completely incompetent at it becoming WoL.

Plus there had to be someone in the group besides Gan who could best show Vaste to believe in herself through an upbeat example. Whereas the other three (Weyd, Syv, and Mercuo) can do that but, they center better on a serious air of support as opposed to whimsical.

Her backstory wasn't made with the goal of why she's cheerful when we meet her, but it did become part of it I guess. Everyone on the GoTs had to suffer because of fate to become sympathetic to Vaste, and Lewena's represents the wanting to find happiness as well as pretend to be happy after trauma in order to fit in. As well as in order to try moving past what happened. She also never really grew up in a sense, because there were fifteen years of increasing community alienation and realizing her parents didn't love her. Then two years of slavery. Then half a year in Ul'Dah's slums, before at last by chance Weyd rescues her.

She never got to have a normal childhood or process the entirety of what's happened to her, like the five others. Then of course at the start her and Weyd have strains on their mother daughter relationship that ironically can only get better because she developed her happy positive seeking facade. Over time she comes to fully believe it, and doesn't revert to childlike behavior when afraid anymore.

Her cheerfulness at times can become arrogance. It further makes gives her a disturbing feel when she keeps it in her body horror forms for each of her powers. Unlike Vaste who tries rejecting power and suppresses herself, Lewena has bonded with and accepted what she is, like her mother. The Primals aren't parasites the way Vaste views her Hydaelyn enhanced body, they're friends sharing a home in her flesh. As long as they pay that symbiotic relationship respect, Lewena has no reason to turn on them, and no reason to not also show them pep. This on top of wanting her aether reserves endears her to the Primals too; she's not the mortal agonizing over it they'd expected. Her positivity gives her that steel spine to accept them, and it earns their respect in a way.

The thing that isolated her as a child isn't to be cursed but celebrated. Which now that I think about it is close to Gan's perspective toward himself after how he was treated for his skin and heritage back home. Both being opposites to Vaste who fixated on being outcast for those things. Though in terms of powers I think this difference has a lot to do with Lewena coming by her power naturally instead of being forced.

She loves dance too, and the first thing I could think of for that was someone being happy. It makes her feel safe.

Full Moon:

Syv. Because he's the one I've least thought about. Lmao.

But I was thinking about this, he would be the most mysterious because his past haunts him. He's loud and friendly and loves being involved but if you're paying attention, he keeps people at an emotional distance. He can entertain and be an ear or a shoulder to cry on for others, but they're so busy seeing how he takes care of them to realize it's a one way street. He doesn't reveal his past much if ever, and if it comes out he can spin it to make everyone brush what he revealed off.

He's good at distracting you into thinking you know him long enough that unless you're perceptive, you'll think you do know everything there is. He appears simple, because while he does want to atone for his family and his personal sins, he's still hung up on the shame that past entails. He can acknowledge it but he struggles to confront it by admitting anything directly. So only a handful of a handful of people have any idea of the truth at first. Even fewer realize there's a truth they're missing to begin with.

The loud party animal and guy who always has it together really doesn't because he can't yet deal with vulnerability in himself.

#hc #to live this way

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shoujosekaii · 1 year

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Onee-chan no Midori-kun (Midori Loves My Sister)

姐姐的翠君

お姉ちゃんの翠くん

Chapter 9

This chapter is mostly from Ayame's perspective and his thoughts!

Ayame narrates: For as long as I can remember, she has been my neighbour. To me, Sui-chan is not just a childhood friend but also family. We're as close as siblings, and all this time, she's always been special to me.

There's a flashback to Ayame's memories of kindergarten. A game character called Misaki says on Ayame's gaming console screen, "This is a secret between Ayame-kun and I, okay? <3".

Ayame blushes lightly upon seeing the dialogue and thinks to himself, 'A secret between the two of us… Misaki is such a tease~~ (I like her so much…!!)'. He trembles in exhilaration.

Two of Ayame's classmates notice him and one of them goes, "Ah, Mizukawa, you're playing games again."

Ayame (looking up from his game): Saeki, Satake. Saeki: What are you playing? Ayame (holding up his gaming console): It's 'Unending Love - The Promise We Made Under The Tree". Saeki, Satake: Huh? What's that? Ayame: It's a bishoujo game. Satake: Bishoujo…? Ayame: It's a game where you can date adorable girls and at the end, promise to love each other forever. A game where one can simulate being in love. Even though it's called a bishoujo game, the game has many educational concepts about life too, not just on love - I really enjoy the love stories, though. Saeki/ Satake: Gross. Ayame: …Eh? Saeki: Why would anyone date girls in games? That's ridiculous. (Games like Fortnite are much more interesting.) Satake: Girls in real life are much cuter anyway, don't you think?

Ayame looks at Misaki in his game console and thinks about what his classmates said: Gross.

A while later (we're still in Ayame's memories), Sui goes, "Somehow, it feels as if you're listless today, Ayame."

A: Really? S: Yeah. It's unusual that you haven't touched your games even once. Usually, you'd be so quick to throw your homework aside and start playing your games. A: …It's nothing. It's not that I'm feeling listless. It's just, am I gross? S: What? (What's with that?) A: …At the kindergarten yesterday, when I was playing Unending Love, Saeki said that I was gross. I'd never given these things much thought before, so now I think that if there are people who find it gross, maybe it'd be better if I hide the fact that I enjoy playing bishoujo games.

Shaking with dismay, Ayame continues, "It's all my fault. Not only did I get belittled by them, my beloved character got insulted as well…!"

S: That's gross! A (staring at Sui blankly): Indeed, Sui-chan also thinks this way, huh… (You just kept mum about it all this time…) S: No, I'm not saying that you liking bishoujo games is gross. I'm saying that you thinking that way is gross. A: Eh… S: If your liking bishoujo games causes great inconvenience for others, that would be bad indeed, but Ayame, you don't do anything of that sort. Even if others speak ill of it, you should proudly enjoy what you like. Doing this is more like Ayame's style.

Ayame looks at Sui, touched by her words. Sui angrily huffs and continues, "Anyway, you don't need to bother yourself with the words from a classmate like Saeki, whom you're not even that close to. Even though it's normal that not everyone understands this hobby, he is even more gross for being so nosy and disparaging it to the person's face!"

Ayame blushes lightly and says, "…Sui-chan, you really like me, huh. You got so mad on my behalf."

S: Huh?! Ewww! No way! I just don't like Saeki! It's not because I was doing it for you! Don't get me wrong! (I just really dislike that kind of person!) A: Oh---? S (tugging on her ponytail shyly): Also, we're childhood friends, aren't we? Isn't it to be expected that I'd take your side?

Ayame remains silent but blushes more as he looks at Sui being shy. She angrily cries, "Anyway! I'm mad, not because I like you or anything, got it?! (Don't you overthink it!!)".

Ayame thinks to himself, 'Tsundere…' and a metaphorical arrow shoots through his heart (he loves it).

Ayame narrates: Come to think of it, it most likely started from then. He recalls his younger brother's comments: "Say, onii-chan, why do you like tsundere types so much? You weren't like this last time."

Ayame thinks to himself, 'The type I like isn't tsundere; instead, it's…'

We come back to the present. Ayame opens his eyes. He's on his bed. He sees Sui's back, and goes, "…Sui-chan?"

S: Ah, sorry, did I wake you up? A (sitting up on his bed): Why are you here? S: I'm visiting you since you're ill. (Aoi opened the door for me.)

Ayame looks at the clock and it says 5.23pm. He thinks, 'Eh, it's already evening. I slept for so long… and I dreamt about stuff when we were young.' He removes the fever tab on his forehead.

S: How are you feeling? A: Ah- I'm fine. I slept a lot, so I'm feeling alright now (my fever has subsided too). S: That's good, then. However- If you weren't feeling well yesterday, you should have just told me straightaway. I got such a shock when I saw your text this morning. (To think that full-attendance-Ayame would call in sick.)

We see Ayame's text to Sui earlier this morning saying: "I've got a fever. Gonna call in sick."

A: Yesterday? S: When we were having the barbeque, I felt that you were being strange, Ayame. Your face was red too when we were playing with the fireworks. You were already having a fever since then, weren't you?

Ayame pauses for a moment, looking at Sui as she folds her arms at him. He then answers, "Yes, that's right. It's exactly as you said."

Sui sighs and huffs, "Why didn't you say so, then? (Well, it's good that you're better now, though.)"

We see Ayame's thoughts: …Truthfully, it's not that I fell sick or anything. This feverish heat that I'm experiencing was most likely caused by yesterday's shock and confusion - a teething fever of sorts.

We see Ayame and Sui's interaction from the fireworks: Ayame saying that it's nothing and saying to Sui to just play with the fireworks. Later that night, Ayame lay in bed thinking about it so much that he got brain-fried and developed a fever.

Ayame thinks while recalling his actions from the fireworks yesterday (in particular him suddenly holding her ponytail), 'Thank goodness she was somehow able to justify my strange behaviour yesterday all by herself. Back then, my body simply acted on its own before my brain could react. I also noticed that my face had become very red and heat up.'

Ayame narrates: All this time, I've always thought of you as special. However, I never imagined that these feelings would subconsciously develop and change, such that I no longer want to be just childhood friends.

Ayame continues thinking to himself, '…It should be fine, right? To comprehend these feelings in this manner.' His heart is pounding quickly as he ponders, 'I don't have any experience with 3d girls so I don't have any assurances, but this should be correct, I hope??'

Meanwhile, Sui is calling out repeatedly to get Ayame's attention: "…Ayame! Ayame!" She has climbed onto his bed in front of him, surprising him. She says, "You're actually still having a fever, aren't you? I called out to you several times but you continued to just stare into space."

Ayame weakly denies it while thinking, 'She's so near.'

Sui reaches a hand out, goes close to Ayame and places it on his forehead to check his temperature. She asks, "Ah, are you still having a fever? Your face is red too."

Ayame is blushing from the close proximity to Sui, but he answers (while tucking himself back under the blanket), "Uwh--- …Yeah, I think I feel the fever coming back. I'll sleep a bit more."

Sui replies, "That's good, that's good. (I'll go back home, then.)"

Ayame thinks to himself, '……Yup, I can't deny it anymore. This is, for sure, a 3d romance…!' His heart is beating quickly as he continues blushing to himself. 'My heart meter for Sui is definitely already full.'

Suddenly, Sui asks, "Oh, right, since you're like this, shall we cancel our weekend plan to visit that themed cafe?"

Ayame's eyes widen upon hearing that. Sui continues, "Well, I guess it's better for me if we cancelled it."

We see a little thumbnail flashback of Ayame telling Sui, "I want the Rika coasters, so go with me to the themed cafe next week. (There'll be maid cosplays for a limited time!)" and Sui responding with, "Tsk, again?"

Ayame instantly sits up. He tells Sui firmly, "We must go! Leave it to me, I will make sure that I'm fully recovered by the weekend."

Sui gives a sideways glance and replies, "Eh- I thought that I could skip out on something troublesome."

Lightening up, Ayame thinks to himself, 'Wait a minute, isn't this skipping to the date scene?"

It's the weekend and we see Sui and Ayame at the themed cafe. It's filled with guys. There's a voice in the background saying, "Thank you very much for visiting us today <3 Love <3 Cafe! I'm not that happy about it, ok!?"

Ayame (trembling with happiness): Rika… Sui: Every time we come, I feel like I don't belong. (So awkward.) Anyway, which character's coaster design do you hope to get the most? A: I'll be happy with any character, but getting Rika will be the best! (Rika is his favourite character in his games - Tsundere underclassman, Kusumi Rika.)

Ayame seriously explains, "I hope to set aside my part-time job earnings for next week's figurines, so hopefully I can get the coaster on my first try… in the worst case scenario, I at least hope to get it on my second try."

Sui answers, "We've already ordered 2 dishes and 3 drinks. This should be good enough, right?"

Thumping the table with his fist, Ayame exclaims, "You're too naive! This time, they're giving out the portrait and cutie versions of each of the five members. In total, there are 10 types of coasters possible to obtain. If I use that kind of flippant attitude, Rika will never come to me…!"

Sui blankly replies, "Ah- I see. Well, if we have to order another 2 drinks, I can still finish them. In any case, just hurry up and satisfy that consumerist side of you." She confidently says, "I still have some celebratory money from my aunts for getting into high school, so I still have deep pockets."

A: Eh? Usually, you'd always say to stop because whatever would be fine. What's with you today? (Not that I intend for you to help me, though.) S (looking away in embarrassment): Nothing much- After all, you've been patient with me and listened to so much of my problems regarding Midori-kun. Therefore, I don't mind doing more for you this time.

Ayame is surprised into silence upon hearing Sui's words. He thinks, '…Ah, really?'.

The moment is interrupted by the waiter, who has brought over their drinks. "Thank you for waiting~ May I know who ordered 'Rika's Tsundere Lemongrass Drink'~?"

Ayame answers that both glasses of the same drink are his. The waiter then serves Sui's drink, saying, "As for you, this is 'Himeno's Little Devil Chocolate Milk Tea'. Here you go~"

Sui wonders to herself if the waiter is a closet otaku while she thanks him for the drinks. The waiter also serves the coasters and then leaves. Meanwhile, Ayame is observing Sui and thinking, 'Even though realizing my feelings has made me beside myself with excitement, this romance has been over since the beginning.'

Reaching out to the coasters (which are currently face-down), Sui says, "Alright, Ayame.", causing him to snap out of his thoughts.

Sui asks, "Let's flip them together on three?".

Ayame tells himself that he needs to focus, while responding, "Ah, yes."

A: Are you ready? S: Yup. A, S: One, two, flip!

The two coasters are exactly what Ayame wanted! Both Sui and Ayame's eyes widen in surprise, and they both look at each other, exclaiming, "Rika!"

A (happy): Eh, my Rika set is complete…! S: Isn't this great? All in one go! A (trembling with excitement): Wah~ S: I don't have an interest in this, but this still makes me happy, getting what Ayame wants…

Ayame gazes at Sui. When she notices, she blushes instantly and immediately gets embarrassed, saying, "Ah! W-well, it's lucky that I don't have to spend any more money on this kind of thing!"

Upon witnessing Sui's tsundere behavior, we see Ayame's heart meter shoot through the roof. He trembles with emotion, thinking, 'Sui-channnnnnn, ahhhhhhhh, this reaction is simply too wonderful…!!'

Sneaking a peek at Sui, who has embarrassedly decided to start sipping on her drink, Ayame thinks, '…After realizing my feelings, I now understand that it's not just the tsundere part that's special. The way she has no interest and outwardly shows reluctance, yet is still willing to accompany me… when I'm together with her, I feel really happy. It's simply not enough to assign just one love meter to represent my feelings.'

Still blushing and looking at Sui, Ayame thinks, 'If I were a character in my games, I'd be so easily conquered by Sui…'.

Sui notices his gaze and asks, "What? Do you have any complaints?"

Ayame's heart meter fills up all the way again. He tells Sui, "Don't look at me with that sideways glance anymore. (My heart can't handle it.)", to which Sui answers, "What?".

Ayame thinks to himself, 'Even though this romance has been over since the beginning, this feeling of love can't be changed, after all. Why wasn't I able to realize my feelings for Sui-chan earlier?'

Later, Sui and Ayame are on their way home and Ayame is glowing from happiness and satisfaction. He says, "Ah- I never thought that I would be able to get Rika in one try. Both her portrait and cutie versions, too. I'm so lucky."

Looking over at Sui, Ayame continues, "It's all thanks to Sui-chan for accompanying me that I was so successful."

Sui looks at Ayame, then folds her arms and looks away, saying, "What's with that. Even if you butter me up, you won't get anything out of it."

A: Yes, yes. Even so, with this, I can save some more money for the figurines next week. S: Yeah, yeah, that's great…

Sui trails off as she gets distracted by something, and stops in her tracks. Ayame notices, and asks her what she's looking at.

Following Sui's gaze, we see that it's someone whose profile looks like Midori, across the street. Ayame watches Sui as she looks at the person.

Then, Ayame covers Sui's eyes with his hand, telling her, "It's not Midori-kun, you know. That person."

S: Ah, what? I know. (Take your hand off.) A: Then why were you staring and standing still? S (swiping Ayame's hand away): I wasn't staring, okay? (You're annoying.) A: You were. S: I wasn't. A (firmly): You were. You were looking.

Sui looks at Ayame painfully, then relents and admits, "…I just thought that his profile looked a little like Midori-kun. That's all."

Ayame falls silent and narrates: …You're right here with me, and Midori-kun isn't even here. Yet, your thoughts are filled with Midori-kun. No matter how much you think about him, it will only bring you pain.

Ayame painfully thinks, '…Really now. Why wasn't I able to realize my feelings sooner? If I had realized my feelings earlier, perhaps I might have been able-…'

Ayame reaches out and grabs Sui's wrist, surprising her. She asks, "Ayame?"

Looking seriously at Sui, Ayame says, "…Shouldn't you just forget about that person and fall in love with me instead?"

Sui and Ayame gaze at each other, Sui with a surprised expression and Ayame with a serious one.

Breaking the tension, Sui goes, "What did you say?"

Snapping to his senses, Ayame goes, "……Weird."

They continue looking at each other awkwardly, and one of them goes, "Eh?"

#onee chan no midori kun #spoilers #manga #shoujo #romance #romance manga #love

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therealvalkyrie · 3 years

Text

exactly the spring

Pairing/setting: Ushijima Wakatoshi x Fem!Reader, college!AU

Summary: Reserved biology student Ushijima finds himself falling in love when you, an adorably disorganized art student, wander into the greenhouse.

Word Count: 3.4k

Warnings: fluff, kissing

AN: Hi!! So, the inspiration for this one sprang from the beautiful, sexi brain of Emme ( @doinmybesthere ) way back in MARCH ahem anyway, it's done! I hope it's just as soft and intimate as you envisioned<33 Also, big shoutout to my beautiful friends Arobi ( @daqueenobooty ) and Cee ( @spacelabrathor ) for being wonderful betas and giving me such kind comments:) I hope you enjoy, and as always don't be shy about leaving comments or coming to chat! Be kind to yourselves and others. ~valkyrie

p.s. check out this amazing art that @/54prowl made of plant boy ushi!! :D

Plants don’t talk back, Ushijima learned as a toddler. He’d babble to them in nonsensical phrases as his mother worked in the garden, and they’d only sway in the wind and listen, waxy under his chubby fingers.

A volleyball doesn’t talk back, either, not even through its bounces and echoes on hands and hard surfaces. It doesn’t listen as easily as plants, but can be herded and shaped like putty into a winning thing if you touch it right. This, Ushijima learned at his father’s hand and carried with him through childhood and adolescence.

The joy and puzzlement of you is that you do both. You listen so intently and openly with your steady eyes and soft body as the words pour out of him. And then, you reply. With your clear voice and new perspective, you offer something new. You offer companionship.

It was the second week of spring semester that you wandered into the greenhouse, eyes lit by the sun and sketchbook under one arm. Ushijima was repotting a large fern, dirt up to his elbows as he kneeled on the floor. He barely gave you a second glance, preoccupied with nestling the plant’s root system comfortably.

You settled a short distance away, crossing your legs to sit on the tile floor in front of an orange tree to sketch its still-closed flower buds with charcoal pencils. He kept working as you did, the sun sliding across glass, shadows shifting into the early evening of winter. When the sun was threatening to set over the city skyline — even with the greenhouse where it sits on the roof of the biology building — he turned to tell you he was closing up, only to find you gone. In your place, sitting on the wooden table that held newly planted basil and sage, was a drawing.

It was a single branch, detailed in shades of charcoal down to the last dewdrop. At the bottom, looping handwriting scrawled, “thank you for the peace.”

That night, he tacked it up above his desk in his dorm next to the postcard from Tendō and hoped you’d come back.

And you do, a couple of days later, on a Saturday. He looks up from where he’s filling in the logbook, this time, catching your gaze and holding it for a moment before you break away to survey the room. Today, he thinks you looked breathtaking. You’re wearing a long, flowing skirt and a sweater that makes him want to feel how soft it is, and how soft you are in it, and by the time his brain catches up with his thoughts, he’s been staring too long and your eyes have wandered back to him. It’s raining, today — it never really snows in this city, he’s learned — and shadowy droplets play across your face as they drip down the greenhouse’s arched glass ceiling, highlighting the curve of your cheekbone and making your eyes glow softly.

He clears his throat and looks back to the thick spiral-bound book on the table before him. Sometimes, when he meets people for the first time, he knows he can come across as intimidating. That worked out for him in high school and on the volleyball court, but in his adulthood, it’s been more of a hindrance than a help. It makes it… difficult to make friends here, where he doesn’t already know anyone.

And the last thing he wants is to scare you away. The last thing he wants is to break the peace you’ve apparently found here.

Which is why he barely dares to breathe when he looks up to find you approaching him where he’s perched on a sturdy wooden stool.

“Hi,” you smile and lilt, and god if it isn’t the most beautiful word Ushijima’s ever heard, if it isn’t the prettiest smile he’s seen.

He doesn’t respond, doesn’t want to scare you away.

“Uhm,” you start again, when the silence makes it clear he’s waiting for you to speak, “I have an art assignment,” you start digging around in your shoulder bag as you speak, “to draw a, um, what’s it called?”

“I don’t know.”

You pause in your rifling and pin him with such a sunny smile it makes his knee start bouncing. And you laugh, too, which officially replaces your “hi” as the most beautiful sound in the world.

“Ha, you’re funny,” you resume digging, “it was um, pretty leafy and... tropical, I think? Oh! Here.” Triumphantly, you produce a wrinkled paper from your bag. It’s the first imperfect thing Ushijima’s found out about you, that you’re shit at keeping your belongings organized, and he files it away for later reference. You hold the paper in front of your face and squint slightly to read in the shifting light. “Canna indica.”

Canna indica, native to tropical climates, notable as a minor food crop for South American Native populations for thousands of years.

“And I was told that you have it, here, in the greenhouse.”

Ushijima nods and finds himself relieved that this is what you’re asking him. Plants, he can do.

“We do. Would you like me to show you?”

“Yes, please,” you also sound relieved, like he’s provided the solution to every problem you’ve ever had.

He unfolds himself from the stool, setting down his pen as he goes. You take a step back and look up at him mildly, as though you hadn’t realized quite how huge he is.

“This way,” he indicates, leading you deeper into the maze that is the biology department’s greenhouse. The winding path back to the tropical room gives him a moment to sink back into the earthy peace of being here, even if now there’s someone sharing that peace.

The temperature change from the warm main greenhouse to the balmy tropical room prompts Ushijima to shed his flannel outer layer, hanging it on the nail hammered by the door while you step in behind him.

“Whew,” you exhale, shrugging off your soft cardigan as well, “it’s hot in here.”

Ushijima hums in agreement and tries not to look too hard at the patch of skin revealed by your cropped tank top. Canna indica isn’t too far into the room, so he just gently moves past draping leaves and ceramic pots.

“Here,” he stops, holding back leaves for you. He stops breathing again when you duck under his arm and end up so close in the narrow aisle that he can smell your shampoo. The moment passes, and he can breathe again when you breeze past him and squat down to peer at the bright, waxy red leaves of your subject.

“Beautiful,” you murmur, and he silently agrees.

You’re leaning so close to the plant he’s afraid you might topple over when you make a noise of realization and sit back on your butt to rifle through your bag once again. Ushijima knows he should probably leave you to it, but he’s glad he waited just an extra minute when you pull out a pair of glasses and pop them on your face. Adorably.

“That’s better.” You’re looking back at canna indica, now, at a normal distance.

He’s figured you’ve forgotten he’s there when you start to pull out pastels from your seemingly bottomless bag, so he turns to leave you.

A soft, “hey,” calls him back to you, however, and he’s met by your face glowing eerily in the shifting rain-light. “Thank you for your help.”

“You’re welcome.”

When he locks up that afternoon, he finds another charcoal drawing waiting for him on the table near the door, this time of his favorite agapanthus africanus. No note, this time, but he attaches all the sounds he heard from you today in its place. He also finds your cardigan forgotten next to where you were sitting and carefully folds it for when you come back.

The drawing joins the orange branch on his wall-- an odd starter garden, he thinks, but all the more precious because it came from you.

The next time he sees you isn’t in the greenhouse, but instead at a cafe a couple of blocks away, two weeks later. He’s walking past, gym bag slung over his shoulder, when he hears your laugh ring out across the outdoor seating area. His eyes find you, head tipped back in sending peals of mirth into the lively spring air. It’s the first truly warm day of the season, though you and your companion are the only patrons sitting outside, and the sun catches on your glasses sat atop your head.

Your friend says something apparently hilarious, because your giggles redouble, and an honest-to-god snort pushes out of your nose. Ushijima catalogues it in his ever-growing list of sounds you make, and pauses at the crosswalk, halfway turned back to keep one eye on you and one on the light. If you were alone, he might’ve approached you and told you that he still has your sweater in the greenhouse, waiting on a shelf between succulents, but he doesn’t want to interrupt your— date?

He isn’t sure, but the person sat there with you seems like someone you might date. Clearly also an art student, judging by the carefully disheveled blue hair and combat boots. Are you the type to date someone with blue hair? Unlikely, he decides. You seem too… bright. Too floaty to be so concerned with looking like you don’t care how you look.

Ushijima’s still debating whether you find blue hair attractive when the crosswalk light begins its countdown and he starts across the street. And he almost makes it all the way across, too, when a voice calls—

“Wait! Hey!”

He turns partially because it sounds urgent enough that it might be an emergency, and his grandmother would roll in her grave if he remained a bystander to some horrific accident. But it’s you, standing up from your seat and waving him back over. He glances at the crosswalk countdown, which lights up red as it ticks from four to three, then turns and jogs back towards you, waving a hand apologetically to the cars waiting at the light. You meet him at the metal fence around the cafe seating area, and now that you’re standing, he can see you’re wearing a yellow sundress that cuts off at your calves and drapes over your hips like the fabric was spun from pure light.

“Hello.” Ushijima talks first this time because if he doesn’t refocus his brain on something else he knows he won’t be able to stop staring.

“Hi! Sorry about that, uh, and I’m sure you have places to be, but, um, did I leave my cardigan at the greenhouse? I can’t find it, and I know I have a tendency to forget things, so,” you finish with a laugh, one hand fiddling with the rings on the other.

“Yes, you did. I put it on a shelf in case you came back.”

“Oh! That’s great!” You sound relieved, and Ushijima’s suddenly very grateful he didn’t take it down to the bio department’s lost and found like they’re technically supposed to. “Is there maybe a time I can come pick it up? When you’ll be there?”

“I’ll be there all day tomorrow, opening at nine.”

He can’t tell if he sounds a little too eager, and he’s about to soften his meaning by telling you that they’re open today, too, and anyone can hand you a sweater, but you’re already smiling big and sunny and telling him,

“I’ll see you at nine, then. Do you drink coffee?”

He doesn’t; his coaches have always told him that caffeine can only harm his athletic performance.

“Yes, I do.”

“Then I’ll see you at nine, with coffee.”

Ushijima says goodbye and turns to wait at the crosswalk again while you swirl your way back to your seat and pick up your conversation with your friend. He can feel two pairs of eyes on him as he crosses the street, red numbers blinking down from ten, and can’t help but turn to look back as he steps onto the opposite sidewalk. Where your friend tactfully looks down into their cup of tea, you catch his eye with yours and wave. He lifts his hand halfway in a goodbye before an eighteen-wheeler stops at the intersection and blocks you from him.

Ushijima’s normal work attire is typical of an average agricultural biology student accustomed to being up to their elbows in dirt every day: practical cargo shorts, dirt-stained but sturdy sneakers, a “plant dad” t-shirt (a gift from Tendō when they’d said their goodbyes and gone away to college), and a soft cotton flannel. He’s usually satisfied with this for his shift at the greenhouse, expecting to be mud-covered at least up to his wrists by the end of the day.

But today… Today, he pauses in the dorm bathroom to scrub his face raw, and he clips and shapes his nails like his mother used to do for him every Saturday. He normally only does it before tournaments, now, and it calms his nerves to feel prepared for a Big Event, even if that event is only handing you your gently pilled cashmere cardigan and receiving a coffee he won’t drink in return.

The air that morning is heady with spring, earthy and alive, reminding Ushijima of lying beneath the hedge along his mother’s garden to pass notes to the girl next door. He was seven and she was nine, so naturally she knew everything he didn’t. She knew about the planets and why worms live in dirt and how to spell the word “catastrophe,” and Ushijima would’ve bet his whole weekly allowance that she was the coolest person in the world, if he knew what betting was. (She did, and once bet him half an ice cream sandwich that he couldn’t climb the oak tree in his backyard all the way to the top. He did, and then twisted his ankle on the way down, and she brought him an ice cream sandwich every day for a week as an apology.) She was all shiny, long black hair and dark eyes and fast words, nothing like the spring blooming around him.

You, on the other hand, are exactly the spring.

He stops at his favorite pastry place on the way to work to pick up two fresh cream donuts. The line is just dwindling from the height of the morning rush, so he manages to make it to the biology building just five minutes before he normally does.

Morning sun sends rainbows through the automatic misting spray as Ushijima unlocks the greenhouse door, letting a burst of humidity out into the rest of the building. The spiral-bound log book is there on the desk, a thick parchment bookmark sticking out from where whoever closed last night marked the page.

Ushijima places his backpack and pastry bag on the desk and reaches to hang his key on its hook just when there’s a knock on the door.

“I know I’m early,” you start, edging your way into the room with a paper coffee cup in each hand. “But I saw it was already open, so...”

Ushijima smiles despite himself. In their second year Oikawa Tooru had told him that his smiles can be unnerving, but he can’t help it right now. You look so lovely today, in jeans and a silky tank top, with a certain morning tenderness in the way you hold yourself.

“It’s okay, come in. I just need to check the temperature controls and I’ll be done opening.”

“Sounds good,” you reply, smiling back.

As he makes his way to the temp controls on the Southern wall, you perch on the wooden stool and set down the coffee.

With his back turned to you for a moment, you allow yourself to slouch, planting two hands on the table and stretching your shoulders with a sigh. It’s earlier than you normally get out of bed, let alone actually leave your apartment, and you can already feel a quiet exhaustion setting into your bones.

But this is worth it, you remind yourself. Worth it to talk to the beautiful boy with broad shoulders and gentle hands.

He’d been unexpected. That first day in the greenhouse, you’d sat down with the intention to calm down from a tedious school day and nothing more. Your hands had moved of their own volition on that second drawing of the orange branch, scribbling out a hasty message that made your cheeks burn. But he was so present that day, in the corner of your eye but staying respectfully out of your space. And you’re not blind -- you saw the muscles under his shirt as he lifted an entire small tree in its pot. You saw the startling shade of green his eyes took on in the sun. You saw it all, and it drew you back, and now you’re here.

When he joins you back at the table, leaning back against it to face you, you stick out your hand and offer your name.

He looks at it for a moment, then back at you.

“I just, uh, realized we never properly introduced ourselves,” you explain, with a hesitant smile.

He smiles again and your heart thuds, then his big hand engulfs yours and he shakes it firmly.

“Wakatoshi. It’s nice to meet you.”

You learn in the following weeks of coming to the greenhouse that Wakatoshi doesn’t like coffee. But he does like tea and donuts, so that’s what you bring him on the mornings you can find it in you to wake up before nine. You sit with him in the greenhouse, talking and listening as he records data and waters plants and sits next to you on the quilt you’ve fallen into the habit of bringing. The occasional professor or student comes through, and you get to watch Wakatoshi show off his brains when he leaves you to help them.

There are several things you learn about him over those weeks. Number one: he never minces words. Two: he prefers grapefruit chapstick over anything else. And three: he kisses like it’s his last day on Earth.

You discover number three late one night when you decide to drop by after class, shooting him a text to make sure he’s still there. Today he’s closing instead of opening, and you missed spending your morning with him.

The city lights cast a different kind of glow at this time of night. They add a distance to everything that’s palpable as you drop your bag by the door.

“Toshi, are you here-- oh, hi.” You turn the corner to find him closing the door to the supply closet.

His cheekbones are highlighted briefly by a billboard outside flashing red.

“You should get some sleep.”

“I’m not tired. And I wanted to see you.”

“You wanted to see me?”

He takes a step towards you and you have to tilt your head back slightly to keep your eyes on his. They’re leaf green and unreadable.

“Yeah, uh,” you wet your lips with your tongue, “is that okay?”

“Yes.” He pauses for a long time, then, watching you carefully in the neon glow of the exit sign. His hand shakes as it reaches up to push your glasses from your face onto your head.

Without them, he looks fuzzy and soft around the edges.

He says, “Can I kiss you?” and it feels like there’s a bird trapped in your ribcage.

“Yes. Kiss me.”

Wakatoshi kisses nothing like you expected, all tongues and teeth and heavy fingers in the dip of your waist. He growls when you gasp and mewl against him, sucking on your lower lip as your hands find purchase in his shirt. He kisses you so absolutely breathless that you think you might pass out. Your knees buckle and you pull away, gasping with your eyes closed for a moment until you come back to yourself.

“Are you alright, little one?”

The endearment makes your cheeks flush with heat and your eyes snap open.

“Yes, I’m alright. Please do it again.”

And so he does it again, and again, and again until you find yourself bringing him home with you on the last bus that goes towards your neighborhood. He’s standing in the aisle, one hand wrapped around a pole and the other wound around you, who’s standing in front of him. He keeps you steady as the bus rounds a corner.

That night, you bring the peace of the greenhouse into your home, and the only thing you find yourself wishing for is that it never leaves.

#ushijima wakatoshi x reader #ushijima x reader #ushijima x fem!reader #haikyuu!! x reader #haikyuu!! fanfic #hq fanfic #valkyrie writes #exactly the spring #haikyuu fluff #ushijima fluff #don't look at me i'm posting this early bc i'm IMPATIENT #*sobs*

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chainofclovers · 3 years

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Ted Lasso 2x10 thoughts

GOOD GOD.

“No Weddings and a Funeral” is like being hungover but also coming out of a hangover. Having a terrible cold but also feeling better and appreciating every breath that comes through your nose. Embarking on an organizational project and accidentally falling into a photo album and crying about the pictures and organizing almost nothing tangible but making a few things more clear in your brain.

So much of this episode is about the AWFUL POINTLESSNESS OF DECORUM. How loud is too loud when you’re drinking stolen wine and shrieking about sex in a church right before your father’s funeral? How should you feel--thirty years later, as an accommodating, anger-averse person--about having been too angry to attend the funeral for your father who killed himself? What expression should you make when you show up really late to a different funeral? Why must you wear uncomfortable shoes just because someone died? What happens in your mind between standing up to give a eulogy for a man you’re still angry with and choosing to Rick Roll your mom and everyone else as an act of complicated love, humiliatingly incomplete until someone else starts to sing? Should you worry about your therapist seeing your normally tidy flat in a full-on state of depression mess? Is it okay to be offended that your boyfriend is so uncomfortable about death that he can’t stop making morbid jokes? Should you care about other people caring that you’re crunching an apple in church or squealing with joy to be reunited with a friend you’ve not seen in awhile? Are you obligated to explain your behavior if your kid doesn’t understand how you could stay with someone unfaithful? How far behind the counter should you sink when your [undefined relationship person]’s mother has just let you know she can see your dick through your underwear? Is a funeral reception an okay place to find a hookup? Is a funeral reception a decent spot for a break-up? Is a funeral reception a good time for a love confession when you know the person you’re confessing to is happy with someone else? And who do you make eye contact with when you can’t look directly at the person asking you if you’re okay when there’s so, so much about you she doesn’t know yet? Even if--for this tiny little moment within a vast swath of many okay and not-okay moments--you’re honest when you tell her that you are?

I fucking adored this episode because it answers all these questions very simply: Show up. Show up for yourself. Show up for your friends. Try not to harm yourself. Try not to harm your friends.

I love that this episode is about the messiness of adulthood and the things we bring with us from childhood and that it takes place partially in Rebecca’s childhood bedroom, and in Ted’s childhood memories. Dwelling in those places (whether physically or mentally) isn’t an automatic recipe for regression, but it does get everyone closer to the things that made them who they are, to the unresolved and half-buried parts of them that still make them tick today.

Forever obsessed with every single detail about Rebecca’s childhood bedroom.

Forever obsessed with Deborah’s decision to Rick Roll herself every single morning of her life.

Forever obsessed with Rebecca’s decision to Rick Roll her father’s funeral as a way to not have to make up a single word about her father and to do something very vulnerable and kind for herself and her mother and everyone.

Forever obsessed with Ted’s decision to Rick Roll Rebecca Rick Rolling her father’s funeral.

Forever obsessed with an entire found family backing it up.

I love that it is Isaac’s leadership that ensures every single member of the team attends the service for Paul.

I am very, very interested in Jamie’s love confession to Keeley because I do think it will spark some reflection in Keeley but I do not think it’ll go the cliched love triangle route.

Each scene with Rebecca and Sam struck (for me, a human being sharing a subjective perspective on the internet) the tender-awkward-beautiful-stressful chord I was hoping it would. I think it’s wonderful that Sam is honest with Rebecca about how difficult it is to keep their relationship a secret, and I love that Rebecca has a million mostly-unarticulated reasons for why she’d much prefer the secret to continue. I like that Sassy, Keeley, and Nora respond to the revelation as friends; they might be tempering their judgments in part because they’ve all gathered to bury Rebecca’s dad, but I don’t think their reactions would’ve been that different even on a happier occasion.

While there are a million and one different reasons why a continued relationship between Rebecca and Sam could cause serious ethical problems, I really love that when people share big news on this show, the people who care about them generally react by trying to see why the person is doing what they’re doing. Doesn’t mean they shouldn’t also hold each other accountable, but in my book it’s OK that Keeley’s first reaction was to feel happy that her friend is having some fun.

Also everyone has been making weird judgment calls this season, and this episode felt like a moment of real breakthroughs in terms of people telling the truth about things that happened to them and leaving themselves open to honest responses from others.

September 13, 1991. It’s so tenderly, beautifully, overwhelmingly meaningful that there’s still so much Ted and Rebecca don’t know about the things they have in common in these parallel lives they’re leading. The scene between Sarah Niles and Jason Sudeikis is so beautifully acted, and so is the scene between Hannah Waddingham and Harriet Walter. The way they intertwine to communicate that Ted and Rebecca basically lost the ability to trust their fathers simultaneously, from an ocean away? In the hands of lesser storytellers, it would feel too perfect a mirroring, but here it feels heartbreakingly imperfect. All the things they still don’t know. All the questions they try to ask each other. All the things they don’t dare ask yet. And then the storytellers are holding a candle up to all of it and letting the audience bask in the glow of this connection even if Ted and Rebecca can’t fully understand it yet.

I am so proud that Rebecca and Deborah were able to embark on the beginnings of a conversation about the ways Deborah and Paul’s relationship might have resembled or not resembled Rebecca and Rupert’s. It feels possible that they could get to a point where Rebecca truly internalizes her mother’s pride that she broke a cycle by leaving Rupert, and could maybe even understand why her mother made the choices she made. I love that in the final scene, they’re still relying on their old mother-daughter conversational patterns—the frustrations, the snippy shorthand, the passive-aggression. Mothers and daughters!

I am also proud that Ted—albeit via a joke about Sharon charging him for the house call—indicates that he understands the value of Sharon’s work. He’s changed a lot, all in realistic ways for someone who loves learning and really does want to meet people where they are and appreciate them. I’m very moved that instead of putting himself in a real harmful situation by showing up to the funeral on time at any cost, he did what he needed to do to take care of himself and accept care from someone else. And then Sharon’s suggestion that he think about things he loved about his father? And the way he’s able to share a positive memory of Rebecca’s own father at a time when she really needed it? Gosh.

Awkward, undecorous transition from 1991 to present-day incoming...but SASSY! She’s just, like, a whirling dervish of loyal friendship and not giving a fuck and penis size discussions and being casually, delightfully cruel to Rupert, who so deserves it. Rebecca was going on a real face journey when Sassy goes off with Ted at the end, and I’m sort of *eyes emoji* about all of that, but I continue to feel like Sassy is the most imperfectly wonderful friend-from-the-past kind of person and I love everything she and Nora get to do in this episode.

Keeley saying “That baby is whack” might be my favorite line in the episode? Maybe the whole show? Not really but really.

FUCK YOU, RUPERT. Bex and Diane, y’all are fine. And I truly feel for Nate...whatever scheme he’s getting suckered into. Whatever insecurity Rupert is preying on. I want Nate to go to therapy, too.

I feel like it was an unpopular opinion at the time, but I loved Rebecca’s 2x1 revelation about vulnerability and fear of getting hurt and needing to let someone love her. Sassy doesn’t always word things in the most nuanced way, but I think there’s a real possibility that she did ask Rebecca to really consider what it means to feel either safe or unsafe with a person but to know that in either circumstance, that person could end up causing her pain. Standing in that closet with Sam, managing to make it clear that she’s not asking for a break because she knows he will hurt her but because she has to figure out how to be with a wonderful person who could cause her pain...the growth, man. Makes me emotional.

I emerged from this episode feeling, of course, stunned by all the amazing parallels and revelations and beautiful acting and Rick Rolls and just, everything. I also emerged feeling sad/raw/tender because messiness and decorum and growth and coping mechanisms and death and dramatic irony and not knowing things about people and not knowing what you don’t know...it’s a sad, raw, tender place to be.

To quote a guy who got a whole sitcom (lol) named after him, life is real hard.

#ted lasso #ted lasso s2 spoilers #meta by me #ted lasso 2x10 #a lesbian watches ted lasso #lotta feelings in here y'all #cw suicide

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bnhaficsforthesoul · 3 years

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just some hawks headcanons

he loves doing your eyeliner and loves when you point out how good he is at it

he’ll do cool designs too not just normal eyeliner and if you ever wanna do his eyeliner he’s so down (but if you’re not super good at it he will playfully make fun of you, while giving you little tips here and there it’s cute)

he’s such a morning person it’s annoying at times, but it’s generally because he’s been working nonstop for years on a schedule that had him up early

but on the bright side, if he has time before he has to go to work, he’ll make you breakfast and you’ll get wholesome morning cuddles before he goes

or if it’s a day off you’ll wake up to him pressing soft kisses all over your cheeks and nose and jawline and a few stray ones on your lips while he whispers ‘come on baby, time to wake up’ all pouty like

he likes to sleep on top of your chest, mainly because it’s easier for him to sleep on his stomach cause of his wings, but he’ll wrap his arms around your waist tightly and bury his face in your chest or neck

he also nuzzles into you a lot, both asleep and awake, he thinks its comforting

he wants to stay up late with you so badly because he’ll take essentially any time he can get with you, but no matter what he wakes up early so he knows he needs to sleep early too, would probably knock out at midnight at the latest anyways

he whistles all the time, he hums a lot too, he’s got a pretty decent voice

his hair, while it looks good, is probably pretty tangled and messy all the time since he’s always flying around, so he’d love it if you helped him brush his hair gently

also he loves when you help him take care of his wings, he’s kinda hesitant to let other people touch them because they’re so sensitive but if you’re gentle then he’s ecstatic

when you kiss he lets out little hums from the back of his throat

whenever he gets hurt doing hero work he tries to stay away from you until his injuries dont look bad/he can function fairly normally, one reason for this is that he doesn’t like being seen as weak and vulnerable, he likes people thinking he’s indestructible almost, especially you, and the second reason is that he hates worrying you. he’s so thankful for you and just wants you to be happy so he hates worrying you in any way

but you will catch on eventually, and he begins to grow out of this when you start taking care of his injuries and coddling him a bit

at the beginning of the relationship it was kinda rocky in an emotional sense, he was physically there and from an outside perspective everything seemed great considering how busy he is and all that, but you knew there were some barriers there that took a while for you two to communicate about

thing is you’re likely keigo’s first relationship, he’s never had the time or care to even think about one but you came along and he just couldn’t resist, but he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do outside of things he’s heard and he still isnt sure how much trust he should give you

and he knows there’s something up, but he’s still careful about bringing it up, sometimes he thinks that maybe it’d be better for the both of you if you broke up but he knows he’d miss you and doesn’t want to

so eventually you’d have to bring it up, just ask him if things are okay and help him to understand that you’re there for him and that even if it takes time you want to learn about him - even while dating it could take a bit to fully earn his trust, but through various vulnerable moments he’d begin to open up more

he’s insanely protective of you, he tries not to let the media know too much about you if you’re not a hero, and even if you are he tries to make sure your relationship isn’t made into this huge publicity thing - and if anyone ever bothers you he isn’t shy to stand up for you and hurt somebody, he cares more about you than his reputation and he’ll deal with the consequences later

he’s jealous in a possessive you’re mine kind of way, but he does like to show you off, it’s just he has kind of a look but don’t interact policy, as soon as someone tries getting too friendly he’s backing them off, but he loves people knowing that youre with him

if you’re a hero he’ll definitely try to work with you often if your quirks allow it (mainly meaning if you have a quirk that has you out on the field capable of doing intense fighting rather than a quirk that would keep you in a different field than him)

he can be extremely touchy but he can also have moments of not wanting to be touched at all, sometimes he feels better being in his own space, he doesn’t like feeling crowded even if it’s just you, but during these times he’ll still want to be around you, maybe even having your pinkies laced but that’s it

he ruffles your hair all the time

he probably loves going to the park late at night to play on the playground, he likes a lot of more ‘childish’ seeming things mainly because he didn’t have a normal childhood, but he’d love running around the playground with you

asks you to race to who can swing the highest faster and then uses his wings and cheats (he’s probably caused the swing and him to swing around the actual pole at the top doing that before, his life flashed before his eyes, he never did it again)

he absolutely loves carrying you around while flying, if you’re afraid of heights or just don’t like it he understands but if you’re into it then he’ll do it all the time, he thinks of the sky way above the clouds as a safe space where it’s just him and his thoughts and no problems, and he’s so happy to bring you there - now it’s just you two in the whole world and he wants nothing more

he has dreams of just being able to live freely with you, going around the world just being happy doing whatever you want, maybe eventually settling down, doesn’t matter where - he’s not all too sure if it’ll ever happen since it feels kinda impossible to him to have a life where he isnt stuck doing hero work, but he craves it a lot

if you don’t want to get married or have kids that’s perfectly fine, keigo would be happy either way, but he probably dreams of those things too - he seems like the type of kid who imagined a pretty wedding with the love of his life one day, and he just knows that if it’s going to be anyone it’s going to be you

always flirts with you super confidently, tells you stupid pick up lines as if you weren’t dating, but if you ever turn that back on him he gets super flustered

he’d probably cry if you ever pointed out how beautiful you think he is, like his face and body and everything - it’s not that he’s never been told it before, he’s literally a model, he knows he’s attractive, but he probably thinks people view him more so as an object to look at rather than actually appreciating him, so knowing how much you love him for him means so much

it was a big thing for him even just telling you his name, everyone (at least for a while) only knew him as hawks, so if you start dating before his name was made public, it’d take a lot. he’d probably do it before asking you out, but he was still very nervous about it. he probably only told you his first name at that time, his last name came later, maybe even into you dating

though he instantly fell in love with the way his name sounds coming from your lips

there might be a lot of petty arguments, he can get agitated fairly easily when he’s been working a lot which is most of the time, and at the beginning of the relationship he didn’t know how to talk this through and would get annoyed by little things - he’s gotten better at it over time though and now he calms down quicker and talks to you about it

would think it’s funny if you bought any stupid merch of him - he walks in and you have a blanket covered in his face and you’re wearing shorts with his hands on the ass, he’d think it’s hilarious.

#for anyone that reads tags #i know ive basically died but i wanna come back so i'm gonna try #im probably gonna clean out my inbox too #so sorry if i delete yours it's just a lot of the requests idk how to answer and theyve been there for months now #also - i gotta come clean #shinsous not my fav anymore :( i'm still in love with him but stupid keigo came and demanded my hand in marriage or whatever #but idk how to rebrand my blog so hoe for shinsou stays for now #anyways #hawks #hawks headcanons #hawks x reader #hawks fluff #keigo takami #takami keigo #keigo takami x reader

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not-enough-teeth-and-treasures · 3 years

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An Autistic’s Perspective on Tears of Themis’ Representation (spoiler alert: it’s bad)

Before you read, I should warn you that there will be spoilers for Chapter Five! Read at your own risk. Also, trigger warning for discussions of ableism and harmful disablility stereotypes. I get pretty heated as well, so if you’re not a fan of swearing and stuff, then it might be best to skip this.

So, I was debating whether or not I wanted to talk about this, mostly because this game doesn’t do anything new in regards to the perception of autism in media. Unfortunately, it ends up leaning into a lot of not great tropes and goes into “what the fuck that’s incredibly offensive territory” waaay to quickly. So here I am.

The most prevelant character with autism (or who we start out thinking has autism. Don’t worry, I’ll get to that) is a small, supergenius child (a boy as well *sigh*) is so overdone at this point that there aren’t many new criticisms I can say. The stereotype of autism presented in media is overwhelmingly extremely intelligent (usually with sciency or math based interests) men with no ability to socialize or be kind to others. This not only paints autism as a disability that effects men primarily (which creates intense stigma around AFAB autistic people and makes it harder for us to get diagnosed or believed), but also creates this expectation of greatness. Autistic people are often held to superhuman standards, which further others and dehumanizes us in the eyes of allistic people. The vast majority of autistic people are not savants, and that it perfectly fine.

But all of this is pretty standard. The red flags started popping up when it was revealed that the autistic kid, Hugh, doesn’t actually have autism and is faking it in order to keep people from asking hard questions about him or trying to pry into his life (which is full of secrets). I’m definitely not a fan of perpetuating the idea that people fake diabilities in order to manipulate people, so this plot twist was not my favorite. However, it wasn’t really enough to inspire me to write a whole ass essay about the representation. And then I got to the fucking text conversation with Vyn.

Here is where I’m gonna put a trigger warning for talk about eugenics, curing autism, ableism, and basically just a fuck ton of awful shit. Fuck, this makes me so mad.

So, I went in and took screenshots of both options just to see, and all of them lead to terrible bullshit. Lets start out pretty light with the MC and Vyn discussing symptoms.

This is a pretty limited and honestly incomplete explanation of autistic behaviors. These can definitely be symptoms, but they’re heavily overcovered and really basic. A lot of autistic people don’t have these symptoms, and it would be really nice if more media branched out and covered more of the spectrum. However, considering they don’t do anything different in any other areas, I’m not surprised.

Also not a fan of Vyn’s use of “abnormal.” It has some very negative connotations and is a bit insulting, honestly. These behaviors are perfectly “normal;” they’re just not as accepted by neurotypical people. Plus, no behaviors can really be labeled as normal because humans are complex and different.

That was the easy shit. Let’s get into the truly awful garbage.

This is treading into ABA territory here. For those of you who are unaware, ABA is pushed as the best autistic therapy, but a large majority of autistic adults consider it to be abusive and unhelpful. This is mainly because it seeks to “correct” many behaviors that are helpful for autistic people. It seeks to surpress stims (which are behaviors that improve the mental health of autistic children), force us to talk (as opposed to letting us use sign language and technology), and more. This harms our mental health and makes us ashamed of who we are. These behaviors do not need to be “corrected.” We don’t need to act “normally.” All this therapy does is make us more palitable for neurotypical people, and it’s bullshit.

It also doesn’t help that ABA was pioneered by Ivar Lovaas, a man who did not believe autistic people were human. He developed ABA as a way to “build a person” using harsh punishments such as withholding affection and ELECTRIC SHOCKS. If you think this is a think of the past, you’d be wrong. Electric shocks are still being used to harm disabled people. Look up the hashtag #StopTheShock to learn more and help push for legislation that bans this practice.

Oh, and did I mention Ivar Lovaas also inspired gay conversion therapy? Because he did! So yeah, fuck ABA and fuck Vyn for performing it (god damn it, Vyn, I liked you a lot).

And now, onto the eugenics. Fuck my life.

FUCK! THIS! BULLSHIT!

I am so tired of autism being treated as this horrific disease that needs a cure. I had a perfectly fine childhood. Yes, it was hard at times, yes I got traumatized, but a large part of that was due to ableism and abuse from teachers and peers. A large reason why autistic people suffer is because the world is not built for us, and we are often denied accommodations that would make our lives better.

It is beyond offensive and disgusting to suggest that we would be better off not existing than “suffering so much” because of autism. Because that is what this game and everyone else who thinks there should be a cure is suggesting. There is no me without autism. it literally affects my brain structure. You are wishing for a completely different person when you tell me that autism should be cured.

Now, I’m not going to get into the horrible consent issues that arise from talks about a cure, including genetic editing, fear mongering to parents so they think abortion is the only option, and straight up Nazi style eugenics. I do not have the spoons to delve into that exhausting discussion. But if you want to know more, then there are so many incredible autistic people who have written blogs, Twitter threads, and more about why a cure is a terrible idea.

Oh, and if you’re going to come at me with the “severely autistic people should be cured” bullshit, don’t bother. There is no such thing as “severe” autism, first of all, and second, non verbal autistic people (which are who people think of when they talk about “severe” autism), largely don’t want a cure. There have been so many surveys of tens of thousands of autistic people, and the result is that the overwhelming majority do not want to be cured. We want support and proper accommodations. Listen to us.

So, in conclusion, fuck this text conversation and it’s ableist and offensive bullshit. I really wish ToT had stayed away from autism, or at the very least did not touch on therapy or a possible cure. For a game that is about genetic experimentation on children and how bad that is, it sure peddles a lot of eugenics.

Fuck, this text conversation actually made me ill and I hate that. I’m so done with constantly trying to prove to the world that I am a human being who deserves to exist. I’m gonna go cuddle my service dog now.

#tears of themis #vyn richter #autism #autistic perspective #autism representation #seriously can we stop treating my disability like a disease? Is that so fucking hard?#i don't need a cure #i deserve to exist #aba is abuse #autistic people deserve to exist #hugh tears of themis #tot #tot vyn #god damn it vyn I simped for you

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