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#and the people involved don’t KNOW I have anxiety but I can’t tell them either because it will make them look at me differently and I can’t

sykestarot · 6 months

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what's holding you back? how should you move forward?

1-2-3 (left to right)

I do not own any of these images

Hi guys I felt this was the message that needed be heard this week and some of it got very specific. Lmk what you think! Thanks for stopping by ily!!

Pile 1

“it consumes my mind, it consumes my soul, it wants my life, it wants complete control” (8 of cups (rx); 8 of wands (rx; The Emperor; The Hermit; king of wands; The Star) This pile might struggle with mental health issues, such as depression or anxiety. When channeling your energy pile one I had a heavy chest and a hard time breathing. You could be pushing yourself too hard and not taking a break. Or avoiding taking a break because then you’ll see how much pain you’re in. Either way I feel very heavy energies with you. I see you feel stagnant in your life, but this is because you refuse to make changes because you feel comfortable in the routine or cycle you’re in. I’m also seeing for some of you, that you went through something hard recently and you’re keeping yourself hidden due to fears of it happening again. This situation led you to forget how much power you hold and how truly beautiful you are. I think you might expect life to happen for you, even though you’re not really leaving your house. Sometimes we have to make things happen for ourselves, although I do understand not wanting to because of the fear of the unknown. The advice that the cards give you is to remember how you sparkle. I feel like your current energy is the song I channeled but the energy you need to embody is bejeweled by Taylor Swift lol. Two very different energies. Spirit is telling you to lean on them and let go of the past, because holding onto that is only going to make your journey to the top slower. I’m also not sure if this situation involved a betrayal but spirit is also letting you know that two people’s perspectives that may differ on the same situation can both be true at the same time. I also see in this advice that this is a journey you have to go on alone. I understand how daunting this may feel but I promise you have the strength and the resilience to get through this. I keep hearing “I wish you could see the way you shine”. Signs: August; the number 8; 8 mile; Eminem?; blue sapphire; stardust the movie; Aquarius; girl in red?; insomnia; overthinking; stripped socks; dark room lit up by tv; “remember who you are” - lion king

Pile 2

"Je te laisserai des mots" (2 of swords (rx); 3 of swords; The High Priestess; The Empress (rx); Justice (rx); 8 of wands (rx)) Hi Pile 2! I feel like for you guys you recently went through a breakup, possibly with your first love, or someone you thought was your forever. Maybe you guys were on and off for a while and you really believe this person will come back. I see that in terms of what’s holding you back is that you don’t believe that you can live without this person and that’s not true. I see that you would’ve given this person the world. I hear that quote where one person says “you were a wonderful experience” and then the other person says, “you, you were everything.” And I feel like you’re the one saying that the other person was everything. Perhaps you're an artist and this person was your muse and without them you feel like you can’t make your art anymore. I genuinely feel empty channeling your energy. I see that what’s holding you back is the idea that this person was the only reason you were successful, which couldn’t be further from the truth pile 2. You are worth so much more than what you create. I also feel that you only value yourself by how much you create or do and that you punish yourself for not meeting a certain quota. But because of the loss you’re going through right now you’re not meeting quotas because you’re hurt not because you are an unproductive being. If you leave this reading with one thing I hope that it is that you are worth so much more than just what you create. As far as advice goes for you I see that you need to place trust in the mysteries of life. Most times you don’t know what life has in store for you even if you think you do. Place trust in your heart and your gut feelings. Rest when you feel you need to and create when you feel the need to. I also see that your inner monologue could be hurting you, the pessimism in your mind could be keeping you in a cycle of self hatred and unproductivity and they're working hand in hand to keep you stagnant. Try to think more positively and be gentler with yourself and you’ll see progress almost immediately. I’m also seeing that when you step back and see the bigger picture you’ll find that everything happens for a reason, and almost every ending leads to a new beginning. I believe in you pile 2 you can do it!! Signs: 222’; piano; marble; fine arts; french?; museums; pine scent; guitar; the color blue; long distance; wishing on stars; turn back time; Romeo and Juliet; “it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all” ; paintings; indie

Pile 3

“keeping me from who I need to be, distracting me from what I need to do” Pile 3 I feel like for you what’s holding you back is your inability to admit that you are wrong about something. For you I see you continuing to try to do something that isn’t working and probably hasn’t worked for you either ever or for a long time. I see that for you your destiny holds much more than what you are doing. I see that you are going down a path that is filled with obstacles and you believe that it’s because it’ll give you a better success story when these obstacles are not even obstacles there more like road blocks. I see this pile is more of a career pile. I also feel like I can hear you while reading this immediately going, “pfft this isn’t for me”. If you thought this at all then this pile is exactly for you. I don’t know if someone told you that you wouldn’t make it in the line of work you’re in but I do see that you took that and made it the fire that lit you up. For most of you though this is a job that you can make it in but it won’t fulfill you in the way you think it will because at the end of the day I believe you don’t actually enjoy this job. SO if you feel like your life is stagnant or staying in the same place it’s because this career isn’t meant for you. I feel like you also know what career is meant for you and you’re being super stubborn. I also feel like when you talk to people you’re close to about your job issues they immediately bring up your other option of what you could be doing. Like if you’re a lawyer and it’s draining you and you tell your friend and they immediately go “oh what about the art you used to make you know you were great at that!” I also feel that this irritates you lol. I feel like you know and are aware of it at the very least. The universe has been sending you signs about this for what I believe could be years. But you do what you feel is right for you. As far as advice goes for you pile three I see it’s time to heal. Perhaps the reason you're staying in this job is because you feel the need to get recognition to stick it to the person who told you you couldn’t. That’s not necessarily the healthiest behavior for ourselves. I also see that you need to start thinking of laying something solid down for the rest of your life, so maybe this job is also not letting you provide for yourself or others and on top of all of that you don’t enjoy it? I think spirit wants you to think in long term goals and does this job or cycle let you pursue those? Spirit would also like you to know that you aren’t alone. I really heavily feel that given the opportunity your friends would love to support you in any endeavor and are probably rooting for you to leave this situation. So go ahead and reach out when you’re ready to leave!! Many people love you and only want the best for you, remember that. :) Signs: October 6th; October; June; pumpkins; hammers; carpentry; wood?; post malone; trinkets; working with hands; toxic positivity; hard helmets; hammers; beer; heinekens

#pick a card reading #reading tarot #tarot reading #spiritual #tarot #spotify #pick a card #pac #spirituality #channeling #pick an image #pap #channeled message #channeled song #divination #law of attraction #Spotify

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altbite · 1 year

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König Headcanons

Personal headcanons I have for this teddy bear

Some of it is Konig x GN!Reader

(also a lot of it is inspired by what i've seen plus my own experiences with anxiety) (a lot of this is just ideas i love)

____

The first time you meet him, he is like a statue. Doesn’t really move and when he does, he is surprisingly quite despite his size.

Doesn’t talk much either. At first you thought he was kinda like Ghost: tall, quiet, bit of a dick. Kind of like a Ghost knockoff but taller.

You glanced over at him A LOT tho. When he came into the room, you were the first to set your eyes on him and the last to stop staring. He noticed occasionally because he would glance at you, and like two awkward birds with anxiety, you both looked away at the same time, pretending you didn't see the other. This happened a lot

Eventually, you started giving him a passing smile if he walked into a room or walked by you. For a while, you didn’t know if he even acknowledge you but then he started nodding at you when you smiled at him.

The first time you heard him speak, his voice surprised you. It was a simple “Yes sir” to Price.

You were a flirt in the task force with almost everyone except Price. He was too much like a dad to you. Konig often saw you openly flirt with everyone, and found it..interesting, because to him and towards him you were a shy person.

You were slightly intimidated to flirt with him, because you haven't even spoken to him yet. But you'd be lying if you weren’t dying to flirt with him.

When you did speak for the first time, it was on a mission and you thanked him when he covered your ass. You don’t know if he said anything in return but you’d make note to bring it up again.

Back at base, you saw Konig in the kitchen making coffee. You walked over and started small talk, because you so desperately can’t hold a conversation with a stranger and even the small talk felt weird. You thanked him again and he actually spoke to you.

“You know, for a big guy, you aren’t that scary”, you said and walked off, leaving him somewhat speechless.

After that, you had no issues speaking to him and he eventually reciprocated it.

One day, you were hanging out with the other guys in the kitchen, and lowkey flirting with Soap, Konig silently walked by and you made a point to comment. “See Konig here, is just a oversized teddy bear”, to which the guys chuckled at and Konig felt a little flustered.

Your nickname for him was now going to be “Bear” but you made sure no one else would use it because it was your nickname for him and only yours. Konig never commented on the use of it but every time you called him that, he would blush a little (not that you could really tell)

You are a fan of horror movies and tend to watch them in your down time, and one night you managed to convince Konig to join you for one, even tho he stated he is scared of horror movies. You told him you would protect him from any monsters and gave him a extra extra large blanket so he could wrap himself in safety.

He did not enjoy the horror and you laughed at him for it. You let him put on a movie of his choice after so he could get the spooks out of his body. he always choose a rom com, which you weren't a fan of. Doesn’t mean you both didn’t cry at the ending.

You two established movie nights, usually after missions and rest days.

If there was candy/sweets involved, you always made sure he got the last piece. If you were leaving the room or diverting your attention to someone else, you would hand him a treat and say nothing. He always appreciated them.

At first when you flirted with him, he was taken a back. People didn’t often talk to him as much or he with them, so flirting definitely caught him off guard. But once he got used to it, he would flirt back. He would act so smug when you got flustered and turned away from him, starting a conversation with the closest person or leaving the room.

He is a cat person. Sure dogs are cute but he would rather have a cat around any day. Preferably multiple cats. If you are also a cat person, the two of you would cry over cats. Every cat you saw on the street you would be like “kitty!!” and try to pet them.

You two together are so chaotic. You strive on impulsive thoughts and often rope Konig in, and vice versa. Price just sighs every time he hears your name together. The sentence “Guess what y/n and Konig did today?” and he knew.

You are both a gamer and board/card gamer. Konig was neither really. You taught him how to play many games using a deck of cards. The others joined in sometimes and it was Konig’s real bonding with the team outside of missions.

His favourite game is Go Fish.

The team started to interact with him more after that game session.

He curses at you in German. Sometimes it scares you, sometimes you laugh your ass off. It depends on the situation.

If you are a sniper, you often nag him about it, especially if you are shorter than him. He doesn’t mind but he does find it annoying sometimes. On missions, you don’t get to team up because you end up fields away, looking through the scope of your rifle.

On multiple occasions, you have stared at his ass. Soap and Gaz bully you for it but they also join in because that man is caked. He is also packing but you never let him catch you staring there.

If you are covering him on missions from afar, you will zoom onto his ass and probably comment on it to him thru comms.

He mumbles curse words and tells you to pay attention. So does Price.

His love language would be physical touch.

Platonically (+ applies romantically as well):

he loves having his arm on your head or shoulders if you are shorter. You make a nice arm rest. You always cross your arms if he does it. Its a killer combo pose.

He enjoys fist bumps and high fives.

Not much of a hugger in friendships.

Slaps your back, either as a good job or laughing too hard and he needs to hit something.

Romantically:

He enjoys cuddles. a lot. He loves to little spoon and lay on top of you. At first he wasn’t comfortable, afraid he might crush you under his weight but you convinced him he wouldn’t.

Not a PDA guy but will hold pinkies.

He loves to give back hugs and nuzzle into you. Kinda just hangs there while you let him and move on with what you were doing.

He LOVES when you just face plant into his chest and wrap your arms around him. You basically are suffocating yourself in his chest and he eventually tries to push you away for you to breathe.

The second option is when you face plant into his chest and grab his pecs and just squish them like stress balls. Will get flustered the first time you do it and when you do it if someone is around.

Since my man is caked, you will touch his ass when you can. You will also slap it any chance you get. He does the same thing to you. He loves your ass in many ways

____

Ah tysm for reading!! I wanted to make a fic for this man but honestly headcanons were easier. I will more than likely make a part two but if you want to see anything added to this, let me know! I will happily obliged. Or if you want something specific send me an ask <3

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nburkhardt · 11 months

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Somebody Loves You, You Got a Friend (part 5)

Other parts: one, two, three, four.

I know I said in the last part we’re meeting the CC boys, but I forgot about this. So we get a bit of what’s happening outside of Steddie’s bubble! (We’re fast forwarding a bit, Steve’s like five-six months along. Also if anything doesn’t seem accurate to real life, pls ignore that oh and the show timeline…don’t look too closely pls 🫡)

Being in a small town is still sometimes stupid, Steve will always say this. Because of how fucking true it is.

It wasn’t too long ago when all the town could talk about was “poor Joyce Byers, her youngest is dead” and then found alive it switched immediately to “poor Barbra Holland, just so young” and now? Now it’s his family.

Thankfully the rumors and gossip is about his father leaving suddenly and not about him being pregnant at sixteen.

Currently he’s hiding his tiny baby bump, because according to the doctors, he’s thirteen weeks along and the other day he noticed his stomach rounding out. So, he’s taken up to wearing a bit bigger shirts and sweaters. Since the doctors and his mom told him scent blockers can be harmful, he’s had to stop taking them.

Instead, he helps mask his scent with Eddie’s scent.

“How you feeling today?” Eddie whispers to him, as he subtly scents him.

He shrugs and notices Nancy and Jonathan staring at him, turning away, “the nausea is better today, I think. Right now I’m really wanting a cheese pizza oh, and a chocolate brownie”

Eddie laughs and pushes him just enough to start walking, “good thing it’s lunch, then?”

They make their way out of the school, Steve hearing multiple people whispering about them but ignoring it. It’s not new that he’s friends with Eddie, plus he isn’t really ‘King Steve’ anymore either. If anything, being popular was a huge disappointment.

As they reach his car, they hear someone shouting Steve’s name. Confused, and not finding anyone immediately, Steve’s a little surprised to see that Nancy and Jonathan followed them.

“Um, what’s up?”

Nancy looks between him and Eddie then narrows her eyes, like she’s trying to figure something out. “We wanted to talk to you about something”

Confused even more, he looks between the other couple before glancing at Eddie, who’s just as confused. “Ok? Can’t you say it in front of Eddie?”

Jonathan shook his head, “uh, we can’t- probably shouldn’t. It’s- it’s about my brother”

That’s when it clicks, it’s about the stupid Upside Down.

Again.

Shaking his head, he hopes they can’t tell his scent is spiking with anxiety. Eddie immediately picks up on it though, “Stevie, we should leave before our lunch break is over, yeah?”

Thank god for Eddie.

“He’s right and I really want some pizza, maybe another time?” He’s lying, there’s not going to be a next time for as long as he can ignore them. He can’t be involved with them anymore, especially with the tiny life growing inside of him. “Come on, Eds”

Eddie gives the other two a blinding manic smile before climbing inside the car and Steve just smiles and then they’re gone.

They drive to the closest diner that serves pizza and brownies.

They’re in the furthest corner of the whole place and hidden behind a wall, giving them the privacy they’ve been wanting. Steve’s not at all hiding the fact that he’s scenting Eddie and Eddie has a hand on his stomach underneath the sweatshirt.

“You know, I was told you can’t feel anything yet. There’s like a few more weeks, then apparently you’ll be able to feel them moving and kicking” he whispers against Eddie’s neck, “have I told you I love your scent?”

The alpha chuckled, “yeah? Your scent is better, it’s even sweeter now”

Shaking his head, he sits up and looks at Eddie, “it changed?”

Before Eddie can answer, the pizza is there. Along with two brownies, which Steve immediately grabs a slice. “Uh yep, I never realized how good this was” he nearly moans at the pizza, then he eyes the brownie and grabs a piece.

“You aren’t-“

Nodding, he puts part of the brownie on top of his pizza and takes a bite. An overly satisfied smile on his face, causing Eddie to laugh and shake his head. They eat mostly in silence, especially since the omega is happily eating the pizza with the brownie on top.

It’s only once they’re back in Steve’s car heading back, when he remembers. “Hey, you said my scent changed. What does it smell like now?”

Eddie lets out a hum, leaning over and taking in his scent before answering, “there’s a hint of I think cinnamon? It’s really faint, I only notice it when we’re scenting each other”

“I’ll ask my mom about it, this is still all outta my knowledge. I knew some of it but there’s things I didn’t know. Like, your scent is overly calming to me? It’s weird, I mean, before even back when you shoved me in my car at that party, I really liked it but it didn’t calm me down.” He explained as he parked but didn’t move to get out, instead turned to face Eddie, “I already knew the basics for pregnancy and all that. But apparently the baby will be able to hear both of us? It’s so weird. This is weird”

Eddie laughed, reaching over to grab his hand, “it’s metal as fuck, pretty boy. You’re growing a human, like right now. I know it’s not what we wanted but, I’ll be honest, I’m so damn lucky it’s you.”

Almost immediately, his eyes start to sting as tears well up, rubbing at his eyes, he laughs before shaking his head. “Please don’t make me cry, you sappy alpha.”

Eddie grins, “Your sappy alpha, princess.”

A Week Later

The Harrington house is quiet and all three people are currently asleep. It’s only eight in the morning on a Sunday anyway.

Steve has his face shoved by Eddie’s neck, arms wrapped around the alpha and their legs tangled together, peacefully sleeping. Eddie’s just as peaceful, with one arm holding Steve close and the other is thrown over his eyes.

Steve’s mom, Janet, is waking up only because of their annoying doorbell going off. She huffs, pulling on a robe and stopping by Steve’s room to see the boys still asleep.

The bell rings again and she sighs, pulling their door shut before making her way to the front door to be met with Nancy Wheeler.

“Hello, can I help you?” She never formally met Steve’s ex-girlfriend. She was too busy helping her ex-husband.

The teen is shocked to see her, clearly and she doesn’t know how to school her emotions yet, because the girl looks disappointed that she answered the door, “uh- yes, i’m here to talk to Steve?”

Frowning, “I’m sorry but Steve is asleep right now, is this important?”

She can tell Nancy’s an alpha that hasn’t figured out a way to control her emotions, because the girl is still disappointed and it seems frustrated, “I just need to talk to Steve, you’re his mom, right?”

“I am, and I won’t be waking him up just for a chat. You can come back later or wait until school tomorrow” she’s just as frustrated, if not more. This is the girl that called her son ‘bullshit’ and she doesn’t ever want to see that sadness and that self-doubt in Steve again.

She watches as Nancy clench’s her jaw before trying and failing to school her face and straighten up, “I’m sorry ma’am, but this is important enough to wake him up. It- it’s about Will Byers and-“

Janet shakes her head and gives a sharp smile, “My son isn’t the police or involved with what happened to Will Byers and I won’t be waking him up just to see his ex-girlfriend.” And promptly shuts the door before Nancy can say anything else.

If she listens closely, she can hear Nancy let out a frustrated huff and walking away.

Shaking her head she doesn’t bother going back to sleep, goes into the kitchen to start on breakfast since the night before Steve mentioned craving pancakes.

The smell of bacon and pancakes is what helps wake Steve up, the other thing is the light kiss on his forehead.

Blinking away the sleep from his eyes, his lips curl into a smile at Eddie, the alpha is smiling at him and he can suddenly feel a hand rubbing at his waist and stomach, “good morning, Stevie”

“Morning Eds” he sighs and leans into him for a few seconds and then he’s bolting out of the bed and into the bathroom, throwing up last night’s dinner. Groaning he feels a hand start to rub up and down his back, “Eddie, I swear I’m never going through this again”

The alpha laughs then helps him up. After brushing teeth and putting on decent clothes, they find his mom humming softly to the radio and busy flipping pancakes. Despite the fact that he was just nauseous and didn’t want food, he wants nothing more than the food his mom is making.

“Oh! Good morning boys” she smiles and turns the burner off before pulling him into a hug with a kiss to his forehead, “how are you feeling, sweetie?”

Shrugging, “just weird, I guess?”

“Yeah, that won’t be changing much” she smiles, “come on, I have enough pancakes and bacon. Would either of you like eggs?”

As they’re eating and having small talk, it isn’t until Steve’s finished his food that his mom looks at him with a pinched look, “mom?”

She sighs and looks at him, “Sweetie, before you woke up someone came over looking for you. She was pretty determined to talk, but I told her no. I just wanted to let you know incase she shows up again”

Confused, he sees Eddie equally confused and before he can open his mouth to ask who, his mom says it, “it was your ex, Nancy, I don’t know what was so important. She said it was about Joyce’s son, but you aren’t involved with them.”

For a quick moment he panics at the thought of Nancy pulling him back in, but he’s been better at standing up for himself other than just relying on others.

He doesn’t bother waiting, he’s determined to stay out of their mess. He has more important things in life.

Eddie’s waiting in the car while he’s standing on the Wheeler’s porch. He takes a quick moment to control his breathing and then knocks on the door.

It’s thrown open by Mike, who immediately glared at him, “what are you doing here?”

Rolling his eyes, “your sister wanted to talk to me and so I’m here”

Mike rolls his own eyes before turning and yelling for Nancy, then he just stands there waiting and honestly just glares at him. It doesn’t bother him, it makes sense. Then before he knows it, Mike’s being pulled away and there’s Nancy.

“You can’t keep avoiding this, Steve. You’re in this now” is the first thing out of her mouth, “are you going to help? The kids almost got hurt without any help and I thought-“

“I went over to that house just to apologize to Jonathan, Nancy. Not to throw my life away fighting monsters, did you forget we’re also kids? I’m sixteen. You’re sixteen!” He’s never been ashamed to fight dirty, “I thought that the supergirl closed that stupid gate, anyway?”

He watches as Nancy’s frustration grows, and he suddenly realizes how much they wouldn’t work at all. Ever.

“It doesn’t matter! We need help and you’re in!”

Shaking his head, he decides it’s not worth fighting and just says, “it does matter and I’m out. I’m not your boyfriend, I’m not even your friend. Leave me alone and I’ll stay out of your way”

And he simply walks away.

—

That’s it for now! I’m sorry for making Nancy into this pushy person but I mean…she kinda is that way in canon? She’s an older sister with younger siblings so of course she doesn’t see that she’s still only a kid too. She’s pretty much like this throughout the whole fic btw 🫣

NEXT TIME for sure the CC boys make an appearance 😌 (just a heads up, the unnamed member is named Grant in this)

Taglist: @spectrum-spectre @itsfreakingbats @mysticcrownshipper @artiststarme @thereindeerlady @justforthedead89 @ronniescontinuum @freyaforestafay @littlewildflowerkitten @zerokrox-blog @callme-keys @maya-custodios-dionach @rajumat @yellowdevilkitten @munsonfamilyband @steddierthings @tartarusfairy @mx-jinxous @zombiethingy @lunaticmarunatic @izzy2210 @carlyv @thelittleclare @estrellami-1 @sierra-violet @grtwdsmwhr @epiclazershark @bookworm0690 @forest-fogg (if you would like to be added to this or the permanent tag list, let me know!!)

#steddie #steddie fic #omegaverse #steddie a/b/o #steve x eddie #a/b/o fic #omega steve harrington #alpha eddie munson #nburkhardt writes #stranger things fic #steve harrington x eddie munson #I should probably start tagging this mpreg lol #mpreg

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aroace-polyshow · 6 months

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HELLO OMG im so intrigued about hw actually and you have been talking about hw ruinene in particular so can i ask about what their history is like. what is their relationship currently. how are they doing. sorry if this question is a bit vague i can always reword it if needed!

FIRSTLY. THANK YOU OH MY GOD i’ve honestly been worried i’ve been too annoying about them dlkjfhjs BUT YAYYY SOMEONE IS INTERESTED YAHOO

anyway this is got SO FUCKING LONG so ramble is gonna be under the cut:

so to answer your question, the short answer is that they’re doing bad :D!! this is a nightcord/wxs swap after all.

for context in this swap au, rui was able to join nene’s theater group when they were younger!! nene wouldn’t join unless rui was allowed to as well, so begrudgingly the members let him join despite not liking him much bc they thought nene would be a good member. rui didn’t really want to join either, cause he could tell the members didn’t like him much, but nene really wanted him to and since didn’t want to stop her from joining, he agrees to it.

rui and the troupe don’t get along too much but they’re willing to deal with him to keep nene around and rui’s pretty content being able to do shows with nene. until nene has that fuck up on stage moment like she does in her canon past, but its made worse when rui tries to stand up for her. picture the wxs main story fight. something like that.

unfortunately the member rui ends up arguing with gets all up in rui’s face and provokes him into shoving them. the guy isn’t seriously injured or anything but that doesn’t matter much because now they have fuel for rumors to spread about him, that they knew they never should have let that weirdo kid join, they always knew he would hurt someone, etc, stuff like that. but nene’s involved too now!! given that she was his friend and ends up being the only one to stick around with him, rumors spread around her as well since not only did she ruin their show, she also hangs out with “that weirdo kid,” so she’s probably just as weird and dangerous. so they’re both stuck in this together throughout middle school. how fun :)

nene’s stage fright and social anxiety after that is fucking godawful. she can’t bring herself to sing anymore despite wanting to SO fucking badly, so she turns to composing as a hobby. she sort of takes on kanade’s role as the shut-in composer. girl is completely petrified of leaving the house. rui still makes robo-nene for her, so she doesn’t have to leave the house if she’s too scared to and can use it to go run errands or something with rui as company. my girl has so much self loathing in her about what happened and berates herself a lot. thinks of herself as horribly pathetic and cowardly. also so much guilt i will get into in a minute

rui meanwhile is really discouraged from doing shows after that. discouraged feels too light for it tbh. he still loves shows dearly but (pre main story at least) he is like. so convinced he won’t ever be able to and shouldn’t even try connecting with people after that. because if all his attempts are only going to lead to him and other people getting hurt, what’s the point? he’ll always be the weirdo kid no one trusts, and he knows he can’t do shows alone, and he’s kinda accepted that he’ll just be forever be lonely and isolated, aside from having nene with him. but that’s not rlly comforting to him bc of how guilty he feels about dragging her down with him.

speaking of which: time to bring up their mutual guilt!! good fucking lord they both have so much guilt inside them and despite how deeply they care about each other neither of them have ever heard of communicating‼️ they are both fully convinced they are at fault for what happened.

nene hates herself bc she feels like she pressured rui into joining, for messing her moment, for not being able to stand up for herself, for making rui do it for her and leading to what happened, and then STILL being so much of a coward that rui has to defend her throughout middle school. she feels like a burden to him and feels so so horribly guilty about it. he made a whole goddamn robot for her because of how scared she is to leave the house anymore after the harassment and she feels she does nothing for him in return.

rui on the other hand feels horribly guilty for making a stupid decision in the heat of the moment and dragging nene’s reputation down with his. he thinks if he hadn’t been there, if nene had never been friends with him, nene would never have gotten so much harassment. he thinks he deserves it all, but nene doesn’t. he’s really protective of her and took most of the heat when the harassment was really rough. he’s fully convinced he did this to her, that it’s his fault and the very least he could do for her is try to help her as much as he can. this is nightcord wxs so of course he wants to disappear but rui doesn’t less because he thinks nene would miss him and doesn’t want to make her sad (he cares so so much about her but bro’s convinced she should resent him for doing this to her, cause he definitely feels that way about himself) and more bc in his head, it’d be fucking shameful of him to try to take the easy way out. like, how dare he leave nene like that, when he’s the one that did this to her. how dare he abandon her when this entire situation is his fault.

nene’s also been the closest one to ever actually disappearing. she berates herself a lot for being too much of a coward to actually do it, to free rui of the burden that is her. she wants to both bc of the amount of guilt and self loathing she has but also just. feels really lost and aimless. like her dream was to be an actress, but she can barely leave the house anymore, so how is she even supposed to do that? like. she’s tired of living the way she does as a shut in. but at least she has music. she finds comfort in composing.

they’ve clearly stayed friends through it all, and they both care so so much about each other, but there’s a sort of wall between them after everything. they still tease each other and hang out together since they’re neighbors, and try to pretend everything’s stayed the same between them. they get better at not being so closed off to each other!! eventually!! but god starting odd neither of them EVER open up to each other. there’s rui who struggles to identify his own feelings in the first place and nene who doesn’t want to bother rui but generally they both just have the mindset of “i can’t trouble them more than i already have.”

when nene starts composing, rui’s really really happy for her. like he sees how miserable she’s been so her finally finding something she seems interested in makes him really really happy. and later once the group is fully formed, being able to do music videos makes him happy too. it’s not quite the same as doing shows obviously, but he’s happy he’s able to tell stories one way or another.

guhh. i hope this made sense and didn’t contradict too much. i’m probably missing stuff. that’s all the coherent stuff for now though. these horribly sad clowns who have never communicated in their lives…i’m insane about them…

anyway, a few miscellaneous facts about them:

nene is fucking ruthless online, especially when it comes to people even being slightly mean to rui.

nene switched to home schooling since middle school, after rui graduated from it.

rui picked out their online aliases, tako (octopus) and kurage (jellyfish). he likes sea animals and thought it’d be funny. nene did not seem to find it funny, but she kept the one he chose for her anyway.

rui’s also gotten really good at video games since he’s played them with nene for so long.

they stay over at each others houses quite a bit, and as they learn to not be so closed off to each other, staying over happens a lot more. if one of them feels like shit, all one of them needs to do is just text the other and no matter how late it is, the other will already be prepared with some spare blankets and maybe a few snacks. they might not always talk, but it’s comforting being in the presence of the other.

they came out to each other as aroace during a sleepover back in middle school. it really just went like:

“hey, rui?” “yeah?” “i think i’m aroace.” “oh. me too actually, i think.” “oh. okay.”

nene got to know mizuki a little bit, since she stayed close to rui during middle school. he introduced them to each other, nene still keeps in touch with them.

they have a hobby of trying new cup noodle flavors and combos together. they have a tier list and everything.

they both get anxious about arguments, but nene especially gets really panicky and nervous.

judas by abuse is hw core hw rui in particular. but there’s good lines that make me think of nene in there too. feel free to ask me for that ramble it’s been living in my brain

feel free to ask more stuff i’m more than happy to ramble

#asks #hollow ☆ wonderland

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skyloftian-nutcase · 1 year

Note

Could you imagine a scenario where pre-calamity champions don’t know about link and mipha being engaged? so they confront them separately telling them they’re so obvious and they don’t know how the other hasn’t figured it out and they try to give them advice on how to tell the others they love them and link and mipha are just standing there like: 🧍‍♂️🧍‍♀️

LOL YES

Link felt a strange sensation, like something was hovering over him. Stretching under the blanket, he slowly blinked his eyes open as sleepiness tried to drag him back under again.

Daruk was standing over him.

Jumping, startled out of his mind, Link scrambled for his sword, wondering if something was wrong. Before he could get very far, Daruk let out one of his earth shaking belly laughs. “Link! Glad to see you awake, brother. We need to talk about something important.”

Link stared at him, half sitting up perched on his arms.

Leaning in as if this were a secret of national importance, Daruk whispered, “You see, I’ve noticed how you’ve been lookin’ at the princess and I just can’t stand by for it anymore!”

“Exactly,” another voice chimed in, and, to his horror, Link noticed Urbosa in the background leaning against a wall, her arms crossed.

Link tried to figure out what in the world was going on. The princess? What looks had he been giving Zelda?? He hadn’t said a word in front of these two in ages, he tried to be as neutral as possible, he wasn’t sure how he had managed to mess this up despite his immense efforts—

“It’s obvious you’ve got feelings for Mipha!” Daruk suddenly said. “You gotta tell her, brother!”

Link blinked. Then he blinked again.

Wait, what? This was about Mipha?

Oh goddess it was obvious??

Wait a second. Daruk had said Link needed to tell her.

So they didn’t know how far it was. That was something.

But now…

“She clearly has feelings for you,” Urbosa chimed in. “You shouldn’t leave her hanging like this. You should be direct with your feelings.”

“Well yes, but like in a nice way,” Daruk added with a gigantic smile. “Take her out for a rock roast! Then tell her how you feel!”

Link’s brain was steadily frying more as he tried to figure out how the heck to get out of this situation.

Straight up saying we’re engaged and have to keep it a secret was probably not the way to go.

Goddess. He couldn’t believe they’d been that obvious. He thought they’d been hiding it pretty well.

But what was probably the most baffling was that Daruk and Urbosa were encouraging it. It would have been almost sweet and reassuring were it not for the complicated Zora and Hylian politics involved. Of course it was the two who did not belong to either party who were fine with it.

Link didn’t even want to think about what would happen if Revali of all people noticed. That champion would probably delight in telling the entire world just to watch Link fall.

So Link sat there, frozen in anxiety and embarrassment, wondering what in the world he should do.

“I’ll even help you out!” Daruk continued, clapping Link on the shoulder. “I got a reservation at the hot spring just for you two! I’ll have rock roast brought to ya!”

“I’ll tell Mipha,” Urbosa added, pushing off the wall and slathering some more elixir on her skin. The volcanic climate was horrific for all but one of them after all. “She needs to be in the water, anyway.”

Daruk rolled away in delight, leaving the Hylian champion and the Gerudo chief, and she walked towards him with a sharp eye and a soft smile.

“Relax, I’ll make sure something edible is available,” she said. “But I don’t coddle warriors. You must tell her how you feel and end this roundabout game of glances and blushes. It’s childish.”

Link shriveled under her gaze and felt a fire in his belly as defiance pushed him once more, but then he settled when she laid a hand on his head.

“Good luck tonight, little champion,” she said kindly, winking and leaving the room.

Link sat there for a second, processing everything, and then sighed heavily, collapsing into his bed once more.

XXX

Mipha had been hiding indoors to stave off the heat as much as possible. She knew she shouldn’t have come to Death Mountain, but she’d wanted to spend time with her friends and with Link. They hadn’t seen each other in months.

What she hadn’t expected was Urbosa immediately cornering her with a sly smile.

“All right, princess,” she started off, her tone firm despite her clear amusement. “This game has gone on long enough. It’s time I teach you the proud way of Gerudo seduction.”

Mipha choked on her spit. “T-the what?”

“Your feelings for Link couldn’t be more apparent,” Urbosa remarked. “The only moron who hasn’t noticed is Link himself. We need to remedy that.”

Mipha tried to stammer a reply, but Urbosa cut her off.

“What you need is confidence,” Urbosa instructed. “There isn’t a single Gerudo woman out there who didn’t win her mate by asserting herself. Respect the voe but do not cower around him. You are the one who must lead the relationship. Tell him you’re taking him to dinner. Tell him how you feel. Then demand his response.”

Mipha felt her face grow steadily redder as Urbosa spoke. Her words were overwhelming even with her engagement to Link, she’d probably have died of this were before they’d sworn to be together.

“U-um,” Mipha stammered. “I—we—”

Part of her wanted to tell Urbosa that she had taken the first step, that she’d presented the armor to Link. She wanted to see the Gerudo champion’s proud smile. But she was too scared, there was too much secrecy in their relationship. So she said, “W-well I’ll think about it.”

“You’ve been thinking about him for almost a year,” Urbosa noted. “It’s time to act, Mipha. And I have just the place in mind.”

Mipha sighed.

XXX

Revali stood in the distance as he watched Daruk push the Hylian champion and Urbosa give Mipha a pep talk. Both recipients were spluttering and trying to dig their heels in, but neither had the gall to stand up to their friends.

Not that it mattered anyway. Revali hadn’t been asked to get involved and he was grateful for it. But he was involved anyway.

After all, he’d seen them. He’d seen them when they were closer to Zora’s Domain, where they’d joined up with Mipha. He’d seen the pair swimming as he’d flown overhead unnoticed. He’d seen them kiss, almost with enough passion to make him blush.

Everyone figured Revali would rather sabotage the relationship than get involved, so no one had asked for his help. But the Rito Champion knew more than all of them combined.

Stupid Hylian, dragging me into his mess, he grumbled internally. For Mipha’s sake, he wouldn’t say anything. But the lonely ache in his chest as he watched the champions conspire, as he watched Link and Mipha’s eyes sparkle when they saw each other… well, it left him irritable, to say the least.

Huffing, the Rito took flight, heading south of the mountain to for a relief from the heat and ridiculousness of the situation.

#you ask skye answers #HOW did this get so long LOL #I might have to post this on AO3 hahaha #Anon this was a hilarious idea I had to write something 🤣#lovely anon #writing #miphlink #breath of the wild #botw link #aoc link #age of calamity #breath of the wild link #age of calamity link #could be either of them honestly #mipha

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foxymoxynoona · 1 year

Text

Tell Me What Changed: The Epilogue

Banner and lines by the talented @awrkive

Summary: Alex and Jungkook have been best friends since childhood –actual best friends. She is NOT in love with him, for real, and wishes people would stop assuming that. Why does no one question if he’s in love with her? Huh? But it might have to do with his successful fuckboy status, while Alex is very much… not that. Which is fine and doesn’t matter! Until Jimin’s impending wedding leaves her eager for a date and willing to put herself out there, and Jungkook can’t believe what happens next.

Fuckboy Best Friend JK x OC

CW and tags: fuckboy behavior, jealousy, pining, heartbreak, angst, bad language, explicit sex, sexy photos, alcohol, f2l, who knows what else I'm making it up as we go

Read on AO3 here or below cut

Previous Chapter | Masterlist

Four years later

“Hm.”

Jungkook nearly ran into Alex’s back as she stopped short in front of an aged metal sign. He pressed his hands on her shoulders and looked over her head at the circle with the line through it over words in a language they didn’t understand.

“That won’t stop me, I can’t read!”

“It’s pretty obviously telling you no,” Jungkook argued. “On what planet does a circle with a slash through it mean yes?”

“It kind of looks like the no parking sign,” Alex countered. “So we won’t park here.”

“Alex–”

“Come on, fuddy duddy, you tired? Besides, that guy didn’t tell us not to,” she said, and set off.

Jungkook hesitated despite the taunting grin she threw over her shoulder. Yes, they had talked to “a guy” –an old man with a herringbone cap and a brown dog with no leash that made Jungkook long for their baby at home. The man spoke Croatian and Russian only, which unfortunately was not on the very short list of languages Alex and Jungkook spoke. After gesticulating and trying various phrases in French, Italian, and German that they’d picked up in the last six weeks, he’d nodded “ein wenig” about the German and the had traded short German vocabulary words back and forth: Berg, Burg, Brücke.

How do we reach that ruined castle we see on that hill? That’s what they’d been trying to figure out.

He’d pointed them up the road, but for all they knew, that meant go to hell and it was just a coincidence they’d seen an opening in the stone wall. He overestimated their German and didn’t seem confident in his own. It didn’t reassure Jungkook one bit.

“There’s a path!” Alex called back to him. “Path means yes!”

Jungkook slowed and studied the “path” she stood so proudly on, a narrow, uneven ordering of flat stones and logs.

When he didn’t rush forward, she crossed her arms under her tits and challenged, “What’s the problem? You said we could find a way up.”

“Yeah…” He fidgeted, hands in his pockets, and tried to see the crumbling stone towers they’d spotted from the road but it was impossible from this angle through the trees. “It’s just we already got in trouble with the cops once since we got to Croatia–”

“We didn’t get in trouble, they just helped us figure out how to pay the fare.” That was true, they had actually been very nice, but it didn’t change that they’d gotten caught after Jungkook had been so confident no one would care about a couple tourists without stamped tram tickets. Oops. He still felt like an asshole.

“I don’t want to go to a European jail.”

“Yeah, me either!”

“They won’t send you to jail, you’ll be all cute and innocent looking and they’ll call your mom, but my tats will get me thrown in the slammer and you’ll have to get the President involved to get me out–”

“I really don’t think it’ll be like that,” Alex snickered. Jungkook didn’t honestly either. The truth was just that his stomach couldn’t handle any more anxiety right now, and getting lost outside a Croatian town during an innocent after lunch stroll only to hike a random-ass mountain to see a crumbled old building and possibly break a leg or get arrested for trespassing was just not on his European bingo card.

She sighed and hopped back down to him. She took his arms and he quickly let go of the things in his pocket so he wouldn’t send them flinging as she shook him.

“Babe.”

“Al.”

“Babe,” she said again. “I promise to do all the talking if we get arrested. I’ll do the blowjobs. I’ll do whatever it–”

“Don’t you fucking dare,” he scowled.

“But I really think it’s fine. There’s no chain across the opening. There’s a path. And I really want to.”

“Why?”

“Because we walked so fucking far on my little stubby legs after you got us lost–”

“Oh, I did–”

“And I want it to be worth it by discovering a cool secret castle.”

“You don’t even know if that’s a castle,” he pointed out.

“The guy said so.”

“Berg and Burg don’t sound different enough for you to know for sure! He might just have been saying ‘you dumb fucks, it’s just a mountain, go to hell.’”

She sighed and pulled him into a hug. He towered over her but she dragged his head down to her shoulder even though it deeply hunched him, and stroked his back.

“Sh sh sh.”

“I’m just tired of castles,” he admitted. “We’ve seen castles in Spain and France and Germany and Italy and Austria and Sweden and Poland–”

“We didn’t see castles in Poland.”

“Oh, was it churches then? Cemeteries?”

He sighed and sank down on a fallen log and spread his legs out. They hurt, and if his legs hurt, he didn’t know how Alex was still standing. Except that now as they neared the end of their eighth week backpacking around Europe, he had learned this was how she was when things went wrong. When their train had broken down in the middle of the night in a small German town in the middle of nowhere, when the hostel they’d booked in Sweden turned out to be an empty warehouse and they had to drag their things through the pouring rain to find a new place and that was right after the boat from Denmark made them so seasick, when the trains went on strike in Paris and they got stranded for an extra two days than they’d planned, when–

Listing them out, none seemed as disastrous as they had felt at the time. It turned out backpacking was fucking hard. Changing countries every three to seven days for weeks on end was fucking exhausting. And as eager as they had been to see as many different places in Europe as they could cram into this ‘trip of a lifetime,’ the castles and ruins and churches and train stations and town squares were all starting to look the same. In Prague they’d gone to visit a Jewish Temple and he’d wanted to weep because at least it wasn’t another fucking church!

OK, that wasn’t fair. He was actually having a really great time overall. He wasn’t some big history buff or anything but it was really cool to see so many of the things he’d been forced to learn about in school with his own eyes. The Mona Lisa was way smaller and the Roman Forum was way bigger. German beer was much better and Prague clubs were so much wilder and Alex loved him so much she’d stayed out all night with him. Europe was so much older than the tourist shit they had in the States. Mostly he cared about the food, and that had been cool, even the bad meals, just to say he had. That was why they’d come to Samobor in the first place, because it was an easy day trip from Zagreb and they’d been bored and googling what to do before their epicly long train tomorrow to Greece –their final destination where they’d meet up with friends before flying home.

“Let it out,” Alex said, taking a seat beside him. “Oh god my legs are going to fall off my fucking body. I may not be able to get back up, I’m serious. Hope you’re ready to piggy back me, beefy buns.”

“I’m tired,” he admitted.

“Me too.”

“I miss my bed.”

“It’s our bed.”

“I miss my mom’s cooking.”

“Mm-hm.”

“And you know what I miss the most?”

“What?” Her eyes narrowed, clearly suspicious, but his answer was innocent and sincere.

“Bam.”

“I know, but he’s having the time of his life with Yoongi and Joon,” Alex pointed out. “He’s their trial baby. They’re spoiling him. He may be pissed when we come home.”

“Don’t say that,” Jungkook glared. “He knows whose baby he is.”

“Yeah, mine.”

“Mine!”

“He takes your side of the bed when you get out in the morning.”

“Yeah to be close to my scent when I have to leave for work,” Jungkook insisted.

“No, because he’s my husband.”

“Our dog is not your husband.”

“It’s ok, l’enfant, you’re still precious to me too.”

“What was that? How did you say that?” he teased. It had been hilarious to learn Alex sucked harder at French than anyone had ever sucked. She couldn’t make anything even close to the right noises. It made so much sense why she had completely flunked it in high school; she’d had to change to Spanish, and she’d sucked at that too but slightly less. Jungkook, on the other hand, had been told several times by French people he spoke his freshly learned sentences like a native. And ok, fine, Alex was correct it was women who had told him that, but it didn’t mean it wasn’t true!

Alex was pouting now at his teasing because it had also been revealed that she really wanted to sound sexy speaking French (alcohol, alcohol had revealed that) and her attempts at a few new phrases in the bedroom that night had not gotten the response she wanted. He’d tried to keep a straight face! Because she looked sexy and cute as hell in the light blue thing she’d picked up earlier in the day at his begging, way too sexy for the low-budget hotel room with its peeling wallpaper and chipped wood furniture, but god her French was awful.

“What are you smiling about? You’re thinking about Belgium, aren’t you?”

“Huh? No! I was thinking about Paris!” In Belgium, her drunk French after they’d spent a late evening in the clubs had made someone think they’d been doing drugs and alerted a nearby police officer.

“Oh, when you laughed at me in the bedroom.”

“I didn’t laugh at you, I laughed at your French. Just give up. You don’t need to speak French just because French girls liked me,” he assured her with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

“Don’t gloat just because they thought you’d be a pretty plaything–”

“I am a pretty plaything!”

“So pretty,” she readily agreed, and reached up to squeeze his cheeks together. “Look at that pretty face.”

“Don’t you… want to play with me…?” he tried to prod her into making a raunchy joke.

“You already got your ‘I fucked in Croatia’ stamp, isn’t that enough?”

He couldn’t help the chuckle. Alex had given him the “Assport” the first night they’d landed in Spain alongside a little stamp that said ‘I did it!’ to stamp each page as earned. “So you can say you fucked your way through Europe,” she’d giggled. “Even if you only get to ride the Alex-rail.” “Rail the Alex?” “Yes, your train can only enter one tunnel.” “You have more than one tunnel. Do I get a stamp per tunnel in each country?” “...No.” “A stamp when I enter and a stamp when I leave?” “Fine, whatever.”

It was hysterical. He loved that in the middle of stressing her hair gray in preparation for their nine weeks away, Alex had taken the time to make something so fucking stupid for him. So, to prove he was a good boyfriend who appreciated her, he’d made sure to fill her in. It. Fill it in. Well, both. Even when it meant shoving his barely hard dick into her pussy the single night they had in Belgium after he’d eaten something on their gastro tour that disagreed with him. She’d suggested a skip but he refused to let Belgium win! Now he’d always remember Brussels as the place with the pissing little boy status and also the place where he’d failed to orgasm. But she’d taken pity on him and let him finish her off with the vibrator and agreed when he insisted they’d fucked: his dick was in her body (however briefly) and she orgasmed. Stamp it.

“Ah, I love you,” he sighed and flung his arm around her shoulder to hold her in place for his sloppy kiss on her temple. She, predictably, squirmed away. Belatedly he added, “But just because I already earned my stamp doesn’t mean I can’t go again. What’s the point of illegally hiking a mountain to look at rocks if you don’t get a handy out of it?”

“Is that why your hand is glued to your pocket?” she teased. “You rock hard in there thinking about the cool rocks we’re going to see?”

He quickly pulled his hand from his pocket. “No.”

“Look if you really don’t want to go, you can stay here.”

“Why are you so determined?”

She pushed up from the seat with a groan and teetered the first few steps.

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “I guess because we’re here, we can see there’s a castle up there, we might as well see it. I mean when are we ever going to be in Samobor, Croatia again? Probably never, right? We’ll literally never be in this place again and I don’t want to live the rest of my life wondering what the castle on the mountain looked like.”

“Or the inside of a Croatian jail cell.”

“Exactly, you get it! I’m doing it for the ‘grams.” She gave him a wink and two peace signs, as if he was taking a photo. “Or at least the stories. This is the kind of trip we’ll talk about for the rest of our lives! I don’t want to say I got all the way here and wimped out!”

That would definitely not be the story. Since landing in Europe, Alex had been more outgoing and adventurous and motivated than he’d ever seen her. At home she’d whine about standing in line at the grocery store for too long, she’d demand a piggy-back ride from the couch to the bed, when their friends would suggest some weekend trip to do something, she’d give Jungkook that look like we would rather stay at home, right? Let’s just stay home. She was a creature of habit, he’d always known that about her, he was like that too.

The addition of Bam to their family lent itself to more adventures as they started taking him on hikes. Alex walked their baby as much or more than Jungkook did –though in his defense, it was because he was working two jobs these days so Alex was around more! He’d love to be walking Bam more. God, he wished he could walk Bam right now. What did it say about him that Alex was ready to hike a mountain just to maybe see something cool –she’d been ready to brave any crowd, any line, any obstacles to see the things you were supposed to see anywhere they visited– and life-of-the-party Jungkook wanted to just go home and walk his dog.

That made him sound like he wasn’t enjoying his time in Europe. He didn’t want to sound like that. He was! It just wasn’t exactly like he’d expected and right this moment he was tired and kind of cranky. He got like that sometimes, whatever! He hadn’t slept well last night; the walls at the hostel were too thin, the mattress was flat, and the sheets were heavily perfumed. He’d lain awake next to her in bed, comforted at least by her deep post-sex snores that she refused to believe, and worried because he was running out of time.

He watched Alex’s back as she hiked boldly up the path and once again shoved his hand in his pockets to fidget with the box that had been nestled there for eleven countries now. Eleven countries without exactly the right moment. What did that say about him that they were on a fucking once-in-a-lifetime backpacking trip around Europe together and there hadn’t been the perfect moment? There had been so many good moments, even great moments, but not that moment. He knew he’d feel it when it was time. He hadn’t felt it yet. He was running out of time.

He ran after her before she disappeared from view; obviously he wasn’t going to let Alex wander off into the wilderness without him. They didn’t have a scrap of navigation skill between them but at least they’d die together. He was her ride or die. That included ill-advised treks up mountains in foreign countries, apparently.

“I can smell that you’re right behind me.”

“Can’t you hear me?” he pointed out.

“Yeah but I wanted to comment on the fact that we’ve been away from home for two months now and you still smell like you just got home from work.”

He grinned and strode around her to lead, “You do too.”

“No I don’t!”

“Hey, it’s fine. I got used to you smelling like stale espresso years ago. The fact I even know what stale espresso smells like is all because of you, babe. You’ve really changed my life.”

“For the better,” she nodded.

“Hm. You think so? You think that’s what I meant?”

She laughed and tried to hit his ass but his backpack shielded him.

“Whatever, at least I don’t sparkle like Edward Cullen.”

“But I smell better than he does, I know it,” he argued. “Besides, you like the perks.”

“Of you playing with bubbles all day?”

“Of the bath bombs I bring home for you!”

“Yeah until I took so many baths I got that fucking UTI,” she laughed. Apparently that could happen. Fucking around so much when he was younger had left him overconfident that he knew everything about a woman’s body; living with Alex the past couple of years –both as roommate and partner this time– had taught him so much more.

“I do appreciate the bath bombs though,” she clarified, misunderstanding his silence. “I guess I’ll miss you coming home smelling so good all the time. You always smell like mall after Verizon shifts.” She paused to debate where the path split, but Jungkook noticed it just went around some trees and converged ahead, so they each took one.

“Maybe I’ll keep working at Lush.”

Her answer was quick, “No. Now that you don’t have to save for the Europe trip anymore, isn’t one job enough to live on? You work so much and if Verizon can’t give you the promotion you obviously deserve then maybe you should quit both places and go to T-mobile or whatever.”

It was sweet. It was sweet that she wanted his time more than his money. It was sweet that no matter what else she teased about, she was always ready to champion his career, to rage about him being underappreciated at his jobs, even when it wasn’t true. It was sweet she thought he’d needed a second job just to pay for the Europe trip. She knew how much money he made. She knew how they split their finances. She knew what this trip cost them each. Did she really not wonder where that extra money was going?! But he believed she genuinely didn’t, or at least didn’t care enough to wonder about the math.

“Look, a handrail,” she pointed out. “They wouldn’t put a handrail there if we weren’t allowed. Doesn’t this whole place have kind of a fairy tale feel to you?”

“If we meet a gnome, my tactic is going to be to convince it you’re related so it’ll leave us alone.”

“God you’re such an asshole,” she laughed and gave him a hard shove that barely budged him.

“It’s nothing personal! It’s survival!”

“Well if it’s a troll, you’ll be right at home.”

“Because I’m… big and strong?”

“Dumb and ugly.”

“See, but that’s not even a little bit believable,” he argued. “No one would think I’m ugly but you’re objectively short.”

“And ugly?”

“No no, that’s not what I said! You’d be so hot to a gnome. I bet he’d fall in love with you. He’ll lock you in these ruins. All the gnomes would beg to orgy you.”

“Oooh sounds kind of like Beauty and the Beast… I could go for that! I have no problem seeing past someone’s cursed, terrible, glittery, greasy, off-putting exterior–”

“Come on, you know the oil makes my muscles pop better in the photos. I get way more engagement on those posts–”

“Mmm, love my slimy boyfriend as long as he’s doing numbers. And the laundry.”

She could tease him all she wanted though because her support had been unwavering. He’d decided not to pursue a full time influencer career after all, but it wasn’t for any lack of encouragement from her. After years of building up his account and relationships with brands, he’d tried to commit to it full time for six months and wound up making almost enough to live off of, but the pressure it had placed on the way he looked and maintaining a certain online persona had driven him into the ground. Hard. Alex had scraped his self esteem back together and held him close to her chest as he eased off and found a healthier balance that didn’t hinge his self worth on how many abs you could see in any given photo. She also bought him a puppy.

Now the contents of his account were more diverse: showing off his cute dog, their hiking adventures, their lazy afternoons cooking and gaming, and sometimes funny things with Alex mixed in with fitness photos when he felt like it. He liked being hot on the internet, he just couldn’t handle it being the entirety of his life. He ended most of the partnerships though occasionally did a sponsored post if it felt natural and good. It had been a dark time for him but a deep bonding time with her. It had made him realize it was time to lock this shit down in a legal way even though she hadn’t ever once asked him about it.

That was over a year ago. He’d been the one to say they should finally make their Europe trip happen as a joint 30th-birthday celebration. He’d taken on the second job to save up the money he needed. And now… now he was waiting for the perfect moment to…

“I think we’re almost there,” Alex announced, veering ahead.

Maybe he was stupid. Maybe that was the problem, he was trying to make something happen that shouldn’t. The same doubts that had bubbled up for the last year did so now, in the quiet of this forest. Alex had never said she wanted to marry him. They didn’t talk about it at all! When people brought up marriage, she made a joke about taking twelve years to even start dating so why the rush. Once she joked about counting down to the day they met Common Law criteria and would earn some legal property rights through that “for free.” If it came up topically, maybe in a movie they watched, Alex would insist she really couldn’t imagine being a bride and also that the wedding industry was a sham.

So it was entirely possible, he considered not for the first time, that Alex didn’t want to get married and was going to turn him down if he didn’t make a compelling case for why she should bother. By now she knew what she was getting with him, so he needed something big to help her understand why this would be good for them. For legal reasons, sure, tax breaks, but also because he just…

“There!”

He realized she had gotten out of sight. Shit. He ran the last leg of the path and joined her in the grassy space preceding what was, indeed, a small ruined stone castle.

“We did it!” she grinned, and threw her arms around him, backpack and all.

“That’s… it?”

“Yeah, but we saw a random castle on a hill in Croatia and hiked our asses up it and there it is,” she beamed. “I wonder what it is though…” She released him and went closer but –to his relief– stopped on this side of the chain draped across the only path into the ruins themselves. Not that there was much space to go.

Jungkook pulled out his phone; his service was definitely better here but still spotty, so it was slow to return search results. In the meantime, he followed Alex along the part of the perimeter they could reach. They could easily see all the way to the other side though.

“Maybe it was like a fort or something,” Alex suggested. “Or a storage house. Weapons or grain or something.”

Jungkook’s phone loaded a page and he quickly shared, “So, there is a Samobor Castle, but this is definitely not it.”

“What?!”

“Look, it’s on the other side of the town.”

“How do you know that? You don’t know directions.”

“Yeah, look, that’s where we got cake, and it’s that way, but we went this way… I don’t know what this is. Google doesn’t know either. This is… nothing.”

Alex looked between him and the ruins.

“Well it’s not nothing,” she defended. “Basically we just discovered lost ruins–”

“They aren’t lost, we’re lost,” he laughed.

“Ok, so? I still think it’s cool! Who cares if it’s not the castle, right? We got to this place all on our own without even good directions.”

“Alex,” he called as she monologued her way to the other side of the castle.

“We saw a place we wanted to be and we went there! That is the spirit of adventure! We–”

“Alex, watch–”

“We seized the– AGH!!”

His warning came too late and he wasn’t fast enough to grab her as she slipped on the rotting leaves and went tumbling down the hill. All he managed to do was overbalance and go rolling with her. It happened so fast, both of them flailing and thumping as they tried to grab each other and brace themselves.

It must only have been a few seconds but felt like ages before Jungkook managed to dig his boots in enough to get traction and stop rolling, around the same time Alex grabbed a tree.

“Oh fuck,” he gasped, crawling towards her as soon as she stopped. “Are you ok? You’re ok, right?”

“I think I’m ok. Are you ok?!” They grabbed each other and inspected arms and legs and faces and heads. Her hair was shoved full of leaves and he pressed all over her skull, feeling for any gashes or bruises.

“You didn’t hit your head, did you? Why are you so breathless?”

“Because I just rolled down a fucking mountain in Croatia!!”

“Did you hit your head? Fuck, we should– we should go to a hospital and–”

“I didn’t hit my head, did you hit your head?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he insisted and felt like it was true. He patted his body one more time anyway. Face, head, shoulders, chest, backpack contents probably crushed now but nothing that could be too badly damaged, pants–

“Shit,” he hissed, realizing his pockets were empty. “Fuck, no!”

“What?!”

“My, um, my phone fell out…”

“Oh shit! Ok, well it has to be here…” He admired her determination as they both looked up the full length of where they’d rolled. They’d disturbed the leaves and low plants and the contents of his pockets could be literally anywhere. They’d never find it. Fuck. FUCK.

But Alex crawled forward on hands and knees and instantly cheered, “Keys! Hotel key, right here. Also put that in your backpack, not your pocket, idiot!”

“Yeah sorry, I wasn’t intending to go rolling down a hill because my girlfriend can’t watch where she’s going.”

“It was a hidden slope!”

“You have to look! We aren’t even supposed to be up here!”

“They could have put a sign or something,” she suggested, clearly predicting his rebuttal, “You would have ignored it anyway!” He couldn’t join her laughter though. His pockets were empty. This was bad.

He crawled slowly back up the hill, trying to look everywhere and not bury his things worse in the search. Finding the key gave him hope but it was also probably the last thing to fall out. His hands trembled with fear that he had just lost several very expensive things. One of which was going to ruin everything now. He couldn’t find the perfect time in Greece if he didn’t have the fucking ring!

“Found it!” Alex cried further to the side and held up his phone in trump.

“Ok great, uh– I lost some other things so just– why don’t you sit over there and catch your breath–”

“What other things? You really want to hunt for a lip balm right now? I’ll just buy you another one.”

“It was a really good lip balm,” he mumbled, not even paying attention to what he was saying. The box was going to be even harder to find, the black would blend in with the mud and dark leaves whereas his white phone case stuck out.

“Koo, forget the lip balm–”

“It’s not about the lip balm. Just sit, make sure you’re really ok before we have to hike down again.”

“Well tell me what else you’re looking for and I’ll help.”

“Just lip balm.”

“Huh?”

He realized what he had said didn’t make sense and stopped to clarify –only to realize she was not saying huh about the lip balm. She was saying huh about the small box she had just lifted from the leaves.

“It’s just a box,” he blurted out. Then, “It’s not mine.” But he could see on her face she suspected exactly what kind of box this was and that it was in fact, obviously, his.

He lunged for her, “Give it–”

She twisted away from him and popped the lid.

Defeated and incapable of facing her now, he reared back and turned away, fists clenched against his forehead.

But he had to see her face; he turned back to her. Every other possible denial or explanation or even a smooth, elegant speech that could save the day, all caught in his throat.

“I just want to,” he blurted out, pre-emptively answering the question he knew she would ask. Why? Why now? Why change things? Aren’t you happy the way we are?

“Want to what?” she asked slowly.

“Um, you know.” He gestured at the ring. “That.” She held the ring up, as if mocking how they were both being so suddenly awkward about such a little thing. But it wasn’t that little, it was actually a really big ruby! He’d looked into lab grown for ethical reasons but discovered they were significantly cheaper, so he’d gone big. Not tasteless big! But it was a rock on her hand, and with the smaller ones lining the band, that fucker sparkled. He knew she wouldn’t like something too crazy complicated because she tended to only wear simple jewelry, and yes, maybe he should have let her pick it out or talked to her first, maybe she would have liked a diamond more, he’d debated it forever–

“Jungkook.”

“I just think we should get married, ok?”

“This is what you’ve been fidgeting with in your –this is what you’ve been stressing about?”

“I’m not stressing! You’re stressing! What are you talking about?”

“I don’t know, the whole trip, you keep having these moments where you just get kind of quiet and weird and then you’re crabby after for no obvious reason. I thought you were just homesick or stressed about traveling but you just felt… off….”

He swiped the box from her hand mid-monologue and quickly shut it. She didn’t wrestle it back but did stand. Their feet slid on the leaves, and he grabbed her arm and dragged her the short remaining distance back to solid land. She promptly sat down right there on the grass and, what the hell, he sat beside her. He didn’t think she seemed happy. Also she had scraped her knee.

“We don’t have to do it,” he assured her. “We can just get another dog.”

“I didn’t even suspect it was this. You never keep secrets from me. Not successfully anyway–”

“Yeah well. I wanted to um. Surprise you.”

“Oh I’m surprised.”

“Are you really though?” he demanded. “Is it really that surprising to you that I want to marry you? I’m not some twenty-three-year-old idiot anymore.” The moment felt too raw and he quickly added, “In one month I’ll be a thirty-year-old idiot, thank you.”

“You’ve been carrying that around this whole time? You’ve had it in your pocket the whole time we’ve been in Europe? Or did you buy it here– no, when would you have bought it?”

He glowered down at the box and crossed his legs, “I brought it with us… I just wanted to wait for the perfect moment.” His insides felt like they’d liquified at this point. She knew he had the ring. She hadn’t reacted some big excited happy way about it. She hadn’t rejected him yet but he felt like they were on the brink of it; that was an old shadow but he could still summon it when he felt vulnerable with her. He didn’t want to have to beg, that would be too sad even for him.

“And none of the moments were good enough for you?” she snorted, sliding her backpack off and dragging it around to her lap.

“No! I don’t know. I thought I’d ask you in some big cool place while we traveled and then every time it just felt like the moment was more about the cool thing we were seeing. The focus wouldn’t be on the right thing. But then the moments in between have all been so normal or exhausting or busy or just not some big– maybe you wouldn’t think it was worth saying yes.”

“You think I don’t want to get married?”

“I know you don’t really care about it! We’ve never really talked about it–”

“Exactly. You never asked.”

“Well I was going to ask–”

“NO!” she shouted. “No, shut up. Me first.”

“What?”

She shoved her backpack to the side and rolled onto her knee and lifted a box –her own box. Her own fucking box.

“Jungkook will you–”’

“What! No!” he shouted and scrambled to mirror her position.

“NO?!”

“Alex, will you marry–”

“Will you marry me Jungkook?”

“Alex.”

“I asked you first.”

“Bullshit you were holding my… are you kidding me right now?” he cackled and fell forward as it fully struck him: Alex had a fucking engagement ring in a white box. On her person. To propose to him. In falling forward he knocked her sideways and they sprawled on the grass, a tangle of laughter. “You have a ring? For me?!”

“Well you were never going to ask me!”

“Fuck that, yes I was!”

“I didn’t know that!” she cried.

“Why wouldn’t I? I’m always the one who asks!”

“Fuck off, that’s not true!” She tried to elbow him but he just twisted her arm away and glared down at her as she insisted, “It was my idea to move back in together. And my idea to get Bam.”

“But it was my idea we should date in the first place.”

“No, I had that idea way earlier.”

“Ok but I’m the one who did something about it.”

“Technically I did something first–”

“What, got a shitty boyfriend who wasn’t me?”

“Yeah. Although I guess you were already doing a lot of somethings–”

“Hey now! Well I said I love you first, so–”

“Ok, well I was doing something about this first!” she defended.

He kissed her. But he started laughing and had to roll to the side so he wouldn’t crush her because the laughter was bubbling out so hard it hurt.

“Did you really– let me see it,” he demanded, taking the box from her hand and tossing his onto her chest.

“Hey, ouch!”

He sat up and wiped at his eyes and opened the white box. The ring tucked inside was dark gray and silver, textured so that it looked like rock.

“It’s hammered meteorite,” she quickly explained. “I figured you can pick out your own wedding ring that you want to wear forever but this looked cool, kind of like the other rings you’ve worn except nicer.”

“Seriously, this is heavy! Wasn’t it expensive?”

“Jesus, not compared this fucking rock you bought. I only got a glimpse and it blinded me–”

“Well open it and look at it again,” he said. But his own gaze didn’t leave his ring yet, the one she’d picked out. To propose to him. “Why didn’t you propose yet, huh?”

“I thought I’d do it in Greece, on the beach or something. But I kept it with me in case a good moment came up. I didn’t realize it was a race but I’m really happy I won.”

“You didn’t win,” he scowled.

“I asked you first.”

“Only because you saw my ring for you!”

“But you didn’t ask me, for all I know it could be any kind of ring in there…” Her speech trailed off as he reached over to pop the box open again. “God, that ring is way prettier than anything I’ve ever worn. I love that it’s a ruby.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, it just feels so… I don’t know. Special.”

He beamed. That was exactly what he had wanted. He wanted her to feel special. She wan’t just any other woman, she couldn’t have just any engagement ring.

“Get ready for my mom to tell you how important red is in Chinese culture as if you don’t already know.”

“I know, I thought of that too when I was trying to decide between a sapphire and a ruby.”

“I like the ruby. It’s sexy.”

“It’s lab grown. It’s not like a blood ruby or anything.”

“Yeah, Verizon doesn’t pay you enough for blood– oh my god, is this why you got the second job?!”

“Not all of us lived with our parents and built up savings for a year.” He pulled the meteorite ring out of its box and slid it down on his left ring finger. He wore rings sometimes but never on this finger. It felt bulky and awkward to have a ring there.

She didn’t even notice, still staring at the ruby ring. “I know but… but you could have asked me with something so much cheaper than this. You could have asked me with nothing! Or a Ring Pop or something!”

“I wanted to give you a reason to say yes.”

“You’re the reason to say yes.” She let out a noisy sigh and shook her head. “So pretty but so dumb.”

He clicked his tongue, “Sure, and I’m a good reason, but you’ve said things against getting married and I thought you’d need some convincing–”

“What things? I’m not against getting married! I don’t want a big fussy wedding but… but I want to marry you, Jungkook. Didn’t I say that in ninth grade?”

There it was. There’s what he wanted to hear. His heart gave a final twist in his chest and settled back into a steady beat, warm and comfortable. His stomach stopped tying itself in knots.

“I want to marry you too.”

“Then let’s get married!” She slid her arms around his shoulders, pulling him into the searing kiss he hadn’t been able to focus on a moment ago. But now he was kissing his fiance, the woman he was going to marry, the woman he already knew he was going to spend his life with but now everyone else would see it too. He pushed her back into the grass, wanting as much physical contact as possible for this first kiss of their engagement. A moment without photos for once in his life; a moment just for them that would live only in their memories. He wrapped his arms around her and rolled with her.

She squealed beneath him and kicked her little feet, “Ok ok, put the rings on already!”

“I’m already wearing mine, you’re the slow-poke.”

“You already put it on? Let me see. How does it feel?”

“Weird. Heavy.”

“I guess you don’t have to wear it… I know men don’t usually wear engagement rings but–”

“It’s pretty fucking rad. I’m going to wear it.”

His compliment was sincere and she glowed. He understood that feeling. He felt the same warmth as he tugged the ruby ring from the box and slid it onto her stubby little finger. He loved those stubby little fingers. He loved the hands that held his back, and arms that wrapped around him again, and the woman who breathed romantically into his ear,

“You put your ring on first so I double won.”

“ALEX!”

“Oh my god, do I have to take your name? Alex Jeon? I think you should take mine. Jungkook Song.”

“Just shut up and kiss me.” He pulled her close and kissed her again, running his thumb across the ruby and diamonds now perched on her hand. Kissed her in front of the ruined castle that was probably not even a castle and just some random old knocked down grain storage Kissed her and tried not to cry with relief because he did not want him crying to be part of their engagement story but it looked like he didn’t have any more say in that than he did the moment she’d found the ring..

He tucked her beneath his chin and held her close as she gawked again at her ring. “I can’t believe this. It’s gorgeous. I can’t believe I have a ring like this… you didn’t have to go this big…”

“I don’t care. I have no regrets.”

“It’s so heavy. It feels so weird to have on… is this going to get us mugged?! Maybe I shouldn’t wear it… but I don’t want to take it off.”

“I think we’ll be ok but I got crazy insurance on it too so if something happens just hand over the ring, ok?”

“Aw, babe, that’s so sweet!”

“I wasn’t being sweet, I just know you’re definitely going to lose it or something. You’re going to call me crying from work because you dropped it in the bean grinder–”

“No I won’t! I’ll never let anything happen to it.”

“Ok well… I’m glad you like it…” He was flustered now and glad she couldn’t see his face. He had worried it would be too flashy for her until the last minute. “And we don’t have to do a big fussy wedding,” he added. “We can just do a courthouse thing or we can elope, whatever you want.”

“We’ll figure it out when we get home,” she agreed. Her kiss on his neck gave him a full shiver. “But um… for our honeymoon…”

He chuckled and wiggled his eyebrows even though she couldn’t see. He was going to really fill up that Assport.

“Yeah?”

“I never want to go backpacking again,” she rushed out. “Don’t get me wrong, this trip with you is awesome and I’m really glad we’re doing this but I’m–”

“I’m so fucking tired!” he shouted his agreement. “I just want to be in one place for a while!”

“Yeah! I’m so tired of looking at tourist sites… I don’t even care anymore! We’re going to see the Parthenon in Greece and be like yep, looks just like the pictures… there it is…”

He laughed and shook her side to side, “Yes yes yes. God I’m so relieved you said that. You’re so adventurous on this trip, I thought you’d found a new thing you love and I was going to have to get used to wearing the same five outfits for weeks at a time–”

“And you still wanted to propose?”

“Yeah! I’m really great, aren’t I?”

She laughed and burrowed against his chest, “Yeah, all right, you’re pretty good. But let’s never do this again. Let’s go to Greece and see the Parthenon and then lay on beaches and that’s it.”

“Yeah, like maybe for our honeymoon we just go to one place and stay there for two weeks. A beach or something.”

“Yeah.”

“Just nap in hammocks and I can watch you toddle around in hot bikinis–”

“I don’t toddle.”

“You do after a few pina coladas. Glad you didn’t push back on the bikini. It’s going to be great. I can already close my eyes and see your tit popping out.”

“It’ll be great,” she at least agreed. “Whatever we do. And this trip has been great! I’m really glad we did this. I’m glad we’ll have these memories of the time we backpacked through thirteen countries–”

“We aren’t spending the night in Belgrade though, we’re just connecting trains, right? So I don’t think that counts.”

“It’s seven hours from Zagreb to Belgrade and then sixteen hours to Thessaloniki–”

“God why did we say we were doing trains everywhere instead of flying?”

“Because we’re stupid,” she laughed. “But we’ve got a private room on the overnight!”

“Oh.” He grinned. “Oh I see. I fuck you on the overnight train, I get the stamp for Serbia– but hey, we pass through like four countries, not just Serbia–”

“I don’t know, that’s a lot of fucking–”

“I think our engagement has refreshed me,” he taunted. “Boyfriend dick was tired but fiance dick is ready to rail–”

Instead of responding to his humor she just gasped, “Oh my god, we’re engaged. We’re meeting everyone in Greece engaged.”

“Yeah? You feel some kind of way about that?”

“Yeah I’m stunned,” she admitted. “I’m so happy, I can’t believe this.” Jungkook felt like his chest would burst open at that point. She said yes! The train rides to get to their last stop would be long, but then they’d have a whole week on Greek beaches with their friends before flying home as a group. And then it was going to be so good to be home. Home with his pup and his fiance.

“I think I have some cake in my backpack! It’s probably squished but we should eat it to celebrate. Should we call home and tell everyone we’re engaged, or just surprise them in Greece? God, I can’t wait to be on the beach as a sexy engaged lady.”

“What does that even mean?”

“You know, bikini, big rock, stud fiance.”

“So you finally admit I’m a stud.”

“I’ll admit whatever you want once you’re Jungkook Song.”

“I am not–” She kissed him and he quit arguing. For now. It didn’t matter, nothing mattered, not the exhaustion or the homesickness or the long train ride ahead. She’d said yes. She’d been wanting it too. In a couple weeks they’d turn thirty and enter a new decade of their lives together, and after that at some point take on the titles of husband and wife as well. Would it feel very different? The thought of calling Alex his wife was good. Really good. He couldn’t wait to call her his wife even if he couldn’t have explained why it mattered so much. It just did.

“Let’s at least call Bam and tell him,” Jungkook insisted.

“Ok, baby. But you know, Namjoon or Yoongi will have to answer the call for him because he can’t work the phone with his big clumsy paws, so they’ll know. And Namjoon isn’t great at keeping secrets…”

“It doesn’t have to be a secret. That’s the point of the big ruby, right?”

“Hello?”

They gasped and turned at the voice from behind them. A man in slacks stood by the path with a walkie-talkie. It looked like a uniform, though not police. Still Jungkook leapt to his feet. The man asked the question they were familiar with now in pretty much any language What language do you speak?

“English.”

“Oh. You cannot be here,” the man told them.

“Ha! I was right,” Jungkook crowed at Alex.

“The path was open,” Alex insisted. “We thought it was ok.”

The man just pointed back, “It is dangerous. You go now. Bye.”

Jungkook grabbed her hand and dragged her along before she could argue further. The man didn’t seem angry or like they were in major trouble or anything, just like they ought to leave. Stupid tourists, he was probably thinking.

Jungkook clutched Alex’s hand in his, distracted by the weight of his engagement ring. He liked that it felt weird right now. It meant something felt physically different, not just emotionally, and he thought it was stupid men didn’t wear engagement rings more often. Why did girls get all the fun? He hadn’t even known he wanted a ring but Alex had surprised him.

“So you want to go to the real Samobor castle?” he asked her as they found themselves back on the road. He knew he was still smiling like an idiot, the flush of getting caught swirling with the flush of a happy engagement.

“No….”

His eyes narrowed.

“Ok, fine, I do! It’s now or never and it’s not going to be as good as the one we just saw but let’s see it and then we’ll take the first bus back to Zagreb and–”

“Ok,” he cut off her persuasive speech. He pulled his phone out again to check the map.

“Really?”

“Yeah. We should make the most of our time even if we’re tired. I don’t want you to regret it later. No regrets with me, got it?”

She squeezed his hand, “I don’t have any. I hope you don’t either.” With a wink she set off.

He tugged her hand the opposite direction, “I will if you go that way, it’s the wrong way.”

“No, the map!”

“It’s not a compass, that’s not north.”

“How do you know?” she demanded.

“Wait,” Jungkook decided, seeing the man who’d chased them off coming down the path. “Excuse me! Can you tell us the right way to go?”

“Ah, my hero,” Alex beamed and just ogled her ring, leaving him to figure out directions to the castle he didn’t even care about.

But actually he did care. He understood enjoying the moment to the fullest. He wanted to see everything too. He really did feel refreshed, like he could once again fully appreciate how cool it was to be walking through a town on the other side of the world from home, hand in hand with Alex.

His fiance.

“Hey let’s take a photo together at the castle and pretend I proposed there,” he suggested.

“No way. I’m going to tell everyone the whole story. Falling down the mountain. How you almost lost the ring. How I proposed first.”

“How you led us to a place we weren’t supposed to go?” he pointed out. “And almost got us killed falling down the mountain?” It was an exaggeration. He didn’t care.

Gleefully she pointed out, “How you followed me up and falling down the mountain?”

“Yeah well… I’ll follow you anywhere, I guess.”

“All right, follow me into the next cake shop on the way. You deserve another piece,” she deigned, and patted his cheek with the hand sporting his ring, the result of all his extra hard work and planning.

“Yeah, I really do.”

“Why did you say it like that?!”

“It’s hard work being your ride or die, Alex. You take me places I’ve never been before–”

“I know! Just think, without me, you’d never even know how much you like prostate org–”

“Heeeey, come on. Why are you bringing that up? We’re talking about cake!”

“Just thinking about what we’ll do if we call it an early night tonight.”

He snickered and assured her, “That’s cute, your little idea, but let’s be real, you’ll be snoring on the bus back and I’m going to have to carry you to our hotel.”

“I seem to remember you were the one who fell asleep after you swore you’d stay awake and made us miss our stop in Austria–”

“Ok but why was I so tired, Alex? Because someone got too drunk our last night in Prague and I was up all night holding her hair back–”

“Yeah what the hell was in those drinks?”

“That you kept ordering?!”

“Well. Oh damn, soon I’ll be able to say ‘well you married me’ as a comeback,” she beamed up at him. “That’s going to feel so good.”

“Yeah. Real good self-burn there. You’re so good at comebacks.”

“Well, you’re the one who wants to marry me, so…”

He let out a noisy sigh and admitted, “You’re right. I’m pretty stupid, huh?”

“Wait! No!”

He leaned down and dropped his voice, “Hey, speaking of cream cake to celebrate–”

“Oh my god, seriously?”

“You’re the one who wants to marry me. Damn, you’re right, that does feel good as an insult.”

“From now on when I want to strangle you, I’ll just gaze at my ruby and remember why.”

“Because you love me,” he grinned.

“Hm.”

“Because you want to spend forever with me.”

“Love my ruby.”

“And me. Say it.”

She rolled her eyes. “And you.” But her smile cut through the playful sigh. She was happy. He was happy. Bam was going to be so happy when they told him too even if he didn’t understand because nothing was really changing, he would just be excited because they were.

He kissed the top of her head and then pulled the bakery door open for her so they could get a celebratory treat on their way to another fucking castle. Every day was an adventure with this one and he looked forward to a lifetime of them. As long as there was Alex and cake, he’d be good to go.

And that's a wrap! Thank you so much for every comment, like, reblog, and moment of your time you spent reading my little story. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing these two! <3

Story Masterlist || My Writing Masterlist

#jungkook ff #jungkook x oc #jeon jungkook x oc #jeon jungkook ff #jeon jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #jungkook fanfic #jungkook fanfiction #jungkook au #jungkok smut #jungkook f2l #jungkooksmut

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whitherwanderer · 5 months

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I have so many fun and ultimately pointless projects right now and I’m excited about all of them but my concentration is Bad! It’s nice to be exciting about things! But it’s also bringing up a lot of anxieties!

I’ve got this custom xaela tribe that me and S&S have been writing since 2019 and I’m slowly throwing more and more information into it as a little worldbuilding exercise. But I’m terrified that people will try to claim it as their own or point out the obvious not-totally-real-world-accurate elements just for the cheap critic shots and I don’t really feel like I can entertain someone trying to give me advice I didn’t ask for.

There’s a Shroud-based horror anthology that’s been living in my head since early this year that I’ve considered fleshing out more and more but I lack the finesse for horror and frankly Shroud RPers can be defensive and I don’t really want to respond to unsolicited criticism about a project that doesn’t really involve anyone else.

There’s the Ala Mhigan V&C dungeon thing I’ve been working on recently too and I’m continuing to poke at it, but frankly I have no idea what to DO with it beyond making it a quick and silly carrd-based choose-your-own-adventure game that also tells a bit of Sif’s story but ??? Would anyone even play that knowing it featured my dumbass OC as the non-combat escort character? Will people be disappointed or mad if I can’t include every Ala Mhigan thing/person/place they want to see or choices they want to make? I mean it’s a CYOA, not a TTRPG campaign, but people sometimes have that “i want to seduce the door” mentality about stuff and you just want to shake them and be like. You’re missing the point.

Also there’s the fact that a carrd based CYOA based on an XIV game mode does not play to strengths of either medium and I would have to accept that either it’s going to be far different from the V&C dungeon structure and therefore more writing-heavy (and therefore more work) since there can’t really be combat, OR some of the choices will be lacking in depth because there’s no combat for choices to have an impact.

AHHHH I am so excited about all of these projects and I would love to DO something with any of them but I always get caught in the same “what will other people think/do and why are my assumptions always that I am going to be tarred, feathered, and dragged through town for the smallest sin” and it is so FRUSTRATING.

Edit: There’s also a five-year show I want to put on with nearly every song I’ve written for Sif since I started writing songs in 2018 but… jfc, do people even want to see that? Is that pretentious? Are people only encouraging me because they want to but they don’t actually care if I do it or not?? I mean, it’s not really a show if there’s no audience…

#[ ooc ]#late night rambling #may or may not be a result of having to take caffeinated meds to get rid of a migraine #i am so excited to work on THINGS #why do they have to come with SCENARIOS #i am a worst-case-planner bitch and this is just how i live tbh #i am overthinking all of this because that is one of my worst traits but #i want to make things GOOD you know??

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soberqueerinthewild · 45 minutes

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I’ve written about this a lot before but it bears reiterating now.

I’ve seen some takes that essentially say Taylor was callous because she broke up with Joe because he “couldn’t get over his depression” and how cruel that is when she said she loves him.

And I think that a lot of the people who think that are identifying with Joe, and empathizing with him and suffering from a version of somewhat understandable main character syndrome. I see this a lot in advice on how to be there for someone struggling with their mental health. It says things like “keep reaching out even if they ignore you. They appreciate it.” “Keep inviting them to do things even if they say no” “Continue letting them know you are there for them to talk to even if they repeatedly shut you out.” And I’m not saying this is bad advice, but it makes it sound like there is one person who struggles with their mental health surrounded by supporting characters who are 100% healthy and able to give an endless supply of emotional energy and that they never have mental health struggles that are impacted by this. (My mental health for instance tanks when I reach out over and over and get rejected because I feel like no one likes me)

From what I can tell from her music (which by the way is the only indication we have that Joe struggles with his mental health, so if we are accepting that premise we need to accept everything else she says about it) Taylor followed a lot of this advice for a long time.

Years of labor locks and ceilings

Pulled him in tighter each time he was drifting away

Always rising from the ashes

There was nowhere for me to stay but I stayed anyways

And she tried and tried until it was having a hugely detrimental impact on her mental health which she relates

She discusses how she had to revert into a dream world because of the impact of it:

I dreamed about it in the dark the night I felt like I might die

She talks about how holding on to the relationship made her feel:

I know my pain was such an imposition

My white-knuckle dying grip holding tight to your quiet resentment

My spine split from carrying us up the hill

Wet through my clothes weary bones caught the chill

She had a huge amount of anxiety about the relationship so much that her friends noticed how it was impacting her

My friends say it isn’t right to be scared every day of a love affair

My friends tried but I wouldn’t hear it/watched me daily disappearing

She got to the point where she wasn’t sure he even wanted her

Every breath feels like rarest air/When you’re not sure if he wants to be there

Is it really your anxiety that keeps you from giving me everything or do you just not want to

I wouldn’t marry me either

Her mental health was deteriorating, so if Joe deserved a partner that would support him when his mental health was struggling, doesn’t Taylor? There’s no evidence that he was able to give that to her and she felt very misunderstood by him

My face was gray but you wouldn’t admit that we were sick

How can you say you love someone you can’t tell is dying

You never read into my melancholia

Nobody noticed my new aesthetic

You say you don’t understand and I say I know you don’t

He don’t understand me

A pathological people pleaser/who only wanted you to see her

Why is his mental health considered more important than hers? One person doesn’t get to call dibs on being the one with mental health problems while the other person is assigned to be the supporting character for ever.

It’s also clear she had hopes and dreams for a future that involved marriage and kids that he couldn’t or wouldn’t give her. So should she should give those up so as not to leave her partner who is depressed and be labeled a bad person.

It isn’t his fault that he’s depressed but Taylor clearly has mental health struggles too and one is not more important to the other. They were unable to be good partners to each other due to this, so ending it was the right thing. Were there better ways to do it, yes! But she was clearly struggling so incredibly much that I for one, will give her grace and understanding

#taylor swift #mental health #tw sucidal ideation

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dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram · 2 days

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Hi! Encampment anon again. It's going okay so far, though the police with visible guns circling us is unnerving even though they just say hello and monitor us (while we monitor them). I'm the same anon from ages ago who struggled finding balance and getting overwhelmed at protests and I think I might still have that problem. Yesterday I was working from 4am to 10pm: some time at the encampment, then distributing meal leftovers to unhoused folks around there, then cooking trays of dinner (1/4)

for the campers, helping design pamphlets, and the in-between periods working on my final exams. But by evening when I was cooking I was extremely overwhelmed by the loud and messy kitchen and couldn’t speak to the people coming to transport the food which felt rude, since I was signing to my friend and she was talking for me, even though I could technically have spoken if I had tried more. I know part of mutual aid is community, but the social part of that seems quite hard, even if I am (2/4)

ready and willing to help. I also missed the two fun things I had planned for the day because of how busy it was, and while that’s fine, I’m also not sure how much time I am supposed to be taking for fun when I have exams as well as all this. People helped me yesterday, a lot, and I helped them, but I feel like I should be helping them more and require less support because I technically could. I also can’t really cut back because I will feel terrible if any of these things don’t get done (3/4)

when I could have done them; if food gets thrown away because no one else hands it out, then the waste of food is my fault. But I know thinking like this is not helping me, so I don’t really know what to do. [Also I don’t know if this is relevant but it may inform what advice you give, a counselor has suggested I might be autistic, though I’m not sure whether or not I agree. Either way, even before all of this began I was struggling a lot to keep things together.] (4/4)

Oh also I just realized that I have not slept much, eaten most of my meals, showered, cleaned my room, or such things since this has all begun (like three days or so). So I definitely need to change something about my approach but I can't figure out what. I just forget to do those things, and if I remember I should, I still don't have the energy to. Sorry for the really long rant, you've just helped me a lot with your advice in the past and I need some more help I think. (5/4)

***********

Oh anon - sending you so much love and solidarity. You're doing amazing - and like I said before - you have everything you need.

When I read this - it feels like what you're asking is what am I doing wrong or how can I be better at it? And the answer is, of course, absolutely nothing - there's no need to be better and also it's not really possible. The difficulties you're facing aren't because there's something unique about you that means that you get overwhelmed after working from 4am to 10pm. The difficulties are the nature of organising in this sort of heightened political moment. All student occupations have been people in them who were exhausted and overwhelmed and not eaten or showered.

Moments of collective resistance in political crisis are not times for intentional improvement (you are of course growing and learning and changing - you can't help it). But the only problem you're describing here is your anxiety that you're doing something wrong. And the only thing that you could work on - is gently telling the voices in your head that there's something wrong with you to fuck off. But it's not really the time - it's far too easy get involved with meta anxiety - you already describe being anxious about being anxious

Does it help if I'm gentle with you - and tell you you're doing great. It's not your fault if food is wasted. It really doesn't matter that you haven't tidied your room. And people who haven't showered for three days are more common and socially acceptable political occupations than most of the rest of society - even when people aren't overwhelmed. You describe yourself as accepting help and identifying when you're overwhelmed and withdrawing - that's incredible and not something I knew how to do when I was your age (and for a long time after).

I remember at a time of intense political crisis getting very worked up about whether I was coping well - and looking back and all I can think of how absurd it was that I expected myself to cope at all.

I will give a couple of pieces of practical advice. Prioritise eating - not eating does make things harder. You describe yourself as giving out food, but not eating. What do you need from the situation so that you can eat yourself? If you can't figure it out - can you talk it through with a friend? Don't let the perfect be the enemy of any sustenance is good here. What do you need so you'll eat some food several times a day?

The other is - do you have any friends (or family - but if I understand that's less likely in the US) who are sympathetic, but not involved? I also have vivid memories of going to a friend's house - five days into crisis organising. Hanging out and then going to a movie. That was really replenishing. If you have someone who values the work that you're doing, but isn't part of it - spending some time away from it all can make a real difference.

I guess what both of these having in common is that they're looking after yourself in gentle ways - relying on other people a little bit. Recognising what you need - but also accepting that this is really hard and it's going to have an impact on you and it's OK that it has an impact on you.

Again sending you all the love and solidarity. Don't apologise for the long rant. I loved hearing from you - come back any time.

#lovely anon #working through the shoulds in your brain #is a long term project #And it will get easier

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wtheckzukasubs · 2 years

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Sharing and gatekeeping in the fandom

This will be long and there’s a big chance it won’t reach those who I wish read it, but here it goes...

Though most should be aware, there have been an abusive use of subtitles in this fandom. Along with that, the fandom have been “outed” in platforms like Tiktok, where it gives over-exposition to our illegal subtitles and streamings.

Yes, making subtitles to a commercial show is illegal. Of course, streaming them is also illegal. However, we’re in a fandom that is hard to access (no subtitles in the releases, the need of specific VPNs or the high costs of using a proxy, shipping and paying for import tax—in my country the latter can be more expensive than the total I’ve paid for the product, when the product isn’t lost in the way). And we’re a fandom, we love our product, we want people to know it, and people won’t if they don’t understand it much less if they can’t have contact with them. That’s why we take these risks.

Why not just share with a friend, who we can trust not to leak us and get us sued/arrested? More than many, as someone who takes meds for anxiety and depression, I know it’s hard to become friends with people, say hello to me and I’ll take days to say hello back because I’ll be freaking about how much I should tell this stranger who wants to talk to me (and why would anyone? Did I do something wrong??). So, if it weren’t for these amazing people sharing there stuff with me, my knowledge of Takarazuka could have ended when I came back from Japan and could no longer have uninterested access to it. I wouldn’t pay my month’s salary on a video of a show I don’t even know I’ll like just to practice my Japanese, as it all started for me. That is why I know the importance of sharing beyond my real friends (there’s also that my non-zuka friends never became zuka friends lol).

However, and this becomes a cycle hard to break from, Takarazuka is a super small fandom. There may be people who will casually watch it, but those who are willing to put their time and/or money into supporting it as well as being involved in group activities only because they like the same thing, that is still a small number. We can have communities on Livejournal or servers on Discord with over 500 people, but how many are active? Even including all those who just forgot to leave the servers when they gave up on the fandom, 500 is still a small number for people all over the world supporting a company as large as Takarazuka.

My point is, we’re so so so small, anything we share is easily traced back. I have never said my name here, and you still know who I am, for example. It’s different from the anime comms who work in large teams, their subs are done in so many steps the translator would probably not recognize their own work. I’m one person. I know my word choices, I know where I tend to do things wrong.

This is not about getting credit or thanks (will never be about getting money). This is about being traceable to people who’d want to do me harm. I’m going first person, but I’m still lucky not to live in Japan (in this aspect only lol) and be the first to get the blow. Some of us, however, either live there or have ties there, which makes them sitting ducks for a lawsuit or at least a very traumatizing cease-and-desist order.

I’m keeping my subs available here. For now, I have weighed the risks for me, and I think it’s still worth it.

But if you are not sharing your stuff, things processed on your computer that could have your fingerprint on it (and probably do), you may not understand the we’re not keeping any gates but protecting our integrity. This doesn’t deny that gatekeeping exists in this fandom. It does in all fandoms. So do foreigners unaware they’re proliferating xenophobia against us foreigners enjoying Japanese media. It’s good to always ask ourselves why the hell we’re reinforcing this or that rule. Some had a reason at a point and lost importance along the way. Some were never meant to exist. Some are so selfish compared to the number of benefits nor following it would generate...

Notwithstanding that, don’t call it gatekeeping so lightly when it does endanger the individual, someone we can name and so could their lawyers.

I feel I had some more to say but I’ve forgotten. And it’s already too long.

Follow the rules of anyone sharing content with you. They’re probably the ones who personally went through the headache of making it happen, and each share to even a friend is increased liability. People sharing around are publicly exposing the very members of the fandom who make it possible to make it grow so we can have more people. The more we get, the more anonymous we become, the harder it is to point fingers. That’s how it’s becoming easier to access. But we’re still not there. We must continue to test limits to increase territory but doing it without risking others.

Lastly, thank you everyone who have alerted me, I’m not in the Tiktok generation and I never search for Takarazuka on Youtube, so I’d never know about it. And thank you all for keeping to the rules of this site.

(If anyone had the energy to read these ramblings and still want to leave their opinions, feel free.)

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beauty-and-passion · 2 years

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Sanders Sides Q&A: learning more

As you all can deduce from the title, this isn't a normal Sanders Sides episode: this is a Q&A, so we will have just funny questions, funny answers, a lot of laughs and zero foreshadowing. Definitely.

Okay, fine, there is some foreshadowing. And the way it has been used kinda confirms what I said in my last analysis: something changed. This series isn't just "funny sketches with funny figures" anymore. The figures are now characters, with names and personalities. And with this Q&A, Thomas is making his public aware of it.

___________

Murderers and lies

[Thomas]: What is your favorite book? [Logan]: Ooh! The Murder of Roger Ackroyd by Agatha Christie. Phenomenal ending. The murderer was— [Thomas]: WHAAAT ARE YOU DOING?! [Logan]: What? I'm providing valuable insight into the novel.

If you never read this book and want to do it, skip this part because, as you can guess, I will spoil the ending.

This book has a narrator, Dr James Sheppard, who becomes Poirot's assistant for the case. At the end of the book, with an unexpected plot twist, we find out that the narrator was the murderer. For the entire time, he used literary techniques to conceal his guilt: he never openly lied, but he didn't tell the entire truth either. He wrote down his thoughts and notes about the case, but hid his involvement. In other words: he is the perfect example of an unreliable narrator.

Agatha Christie uses this literal figure to play a "mind game" with the readers and to emphasize the intelligence of her detective: at the end, Poirot finds out who the murderer was, because he read what Sheppard wrote. So he basically read the entire book, just like us. He has no other information, aside from the same that has been given to us.

But while we were distracted by the story and the plot, Poirot was not, he connected all the dots and found the culprit.

I think Logan likes this book, exactly because of this little “mind game”. In other thrillers, the reader has a passive role and all the narrator does is accompany them to the solution. Here the reader can be involved, if they are clever enough to connect all dots and not trust anyone, narrator included. It is an unexpected change and a nice stimulation for a logical, analytical mind.

In addition to that, we cannot deny the role lies play in this novel. Lies are what kept the story together and offered the plot twist. They are essential for the story. But they are also what hid the truth until the end.

And if we think about this, Logan's words in CLBG are even more interesting:

[Logan]: Given all the variations of dishonesty, lies of omission, lies of commission, et cetera, lies can be fairly difficult to avoid. (...) Very few people are always honest one hundred percent of the time. They're a very rare breed.

No one can be honest all the time, not even a narrator. Lies are difficult to avoid, because they are everywhere, even when they are not supposed to be. Like, you know, during the narration of a thriller.

And yes, lies are very different. Because one thing is the suspension of disbelief: this is a necessary lie to enjoy the story. Another thing is the narrator lying to hide their involvement.

[Deceit]: What you don't know can't hurt you. [Logan]: FALSEHOOD. Knowledge is an incomparably valuable multi-purpose tool that is instrumental in identifying and solving any problem. If you're worried about getting hurt... then seek knowledge; it is our greatest weapon... and our greatest defense.

In The Murder of Roger Ackroyd knowledge is both a weapon and a defense. Sheppard used it to build a complex lie that could have fooled the readers, Poirot shielded himself from that lie by seeking knowledge. And, as Logan says, knowledge can be used to solve a problem indeed - like a muder case.

___________________

Rectifying the mistake

[Thomas]: Are you the same for everybody? [Anxiety]: No, I'm not the same for everybody. I'm Thomas' anxiety. Everyone's works differently. [Thomas]: Yeah, mine's just a little... heightened. [Anxiety]: Exactly. Can I go? [Thomas]: Nah, stick around. [Anxiety]: You never want me to stick around...

Here we can see Thomas fixing the mistake he made in Anxiety’s introductory video. Now we have a clear confirmation that this guy is not the general concept of anxiety, but Thomas’ specific anxiety. And that means Morality, Creativity and Logic are also Thomas' specific aspects, not general concepts.

This gives Mr. Sanders a lot more creative freedom, because his characters do not have to stick to the norm anymore: if they are specific for one individual, they can be the embodiment of these general concepts, but also something more. They can have more functions. And they can do things usually impossible to do (like ducking out).

Also, please notice that this is the first time Thomas asks Anxiety to stick around. For the first time, Thomas doesn't give him the cold shoulder, but accepts his presence. And I love the surprise/confusion on Anxiety's face: it clearly implies that this has never happened, Thomas has never wanted him around.

Something is starting to change.

___________________

Princey, Princey, Princey...

[Thomas]: Princey (...) do you have a prince or princess that you are in love with? [Princey]: I am currently between princes and princesses. I am on a solo quest to help save... myself, for right now.

Oh, Princey. What a bad liar you are. Saving yourself or thinking about yourself? Sure, name me three times this happened. Do you know what I remember of you, my dear "oh no, I am thinking about me, I should love me first?"

[Roman]: I so... SO badly want this. I- I'm desperate for it... but you can't have true love... if the relationship isn't built on truth. (FWSA)

Ah yes, truly the words of a man who thinks about himself only and is not desperately searching for love because this way he can ignore everything else going wrong in his life.

___________________

Time to overanalyze... or not?

Yep, it's time to talk about the songs. Again.

(I will keep it short this time, I swear.)

Thomas asked his sides how they are feeling and they should reply with a song title. The titles have been chosen to emphasize their personalities: so Logic is just okay, Anxiety is not okay, Creativity is confident (I know, I know, it's funny just like this) and Morality is a silly guy. There is nothing else to analyze.

But hey, welcome to the Sanders Sides fandom: we love to overanalyze everything and this is exactly what I will do with these songs.

Before starting: of course there is a very huge possibility that these songs have just been chosen because of their titles. I know that. But I also know that Mr. Sanders likes to hide hints. And one of these songs is in one of the Sides' playlist (and we know by Thomas' own admission that the playlists have meanings and references). So these songs might just be random... but also they might be not.

And if they're not, get ready because some of them are incredible.

---

LOGIC: Comfortably Numb

When I found out what this song was about, it blew my mind.

First of all, it is based on a true story: the singer was sick before a show, so the doctor injected him with some tranquilizer to enable him to perform. Thanks to the meds, he was finally able to go on stage, but he was also suffering the counter effects of the tranquilizer: his hands were stiff, his vision was blurry. However, no one in the public realized that, because they were too excited and kept jumping/screaming.

This leads to one of the biggest themes of this song: the lack of communication between the public and the band. The singer doesn't feel any physical pain anymore, sure, but the medicines didn't give him happiness. He is alone. Other people see him, but no one listens to him.

Doesn't that remind you of anything?

That's not all. If we go deeper, this song can be considered a huge metaphor. Going on stage equals facing society, relationships and everything going on in your life. In order to do that, society pretends you are productive and successful, even when you don't feel like it.

So, in order to satiate that need, you take your medicine. And this medicine can be anything that suppresses your pain, your emotions, your humanity. Because these parts of yourself are not important, when you have to be productive. You cannot waste time dealing with pesky feelings, when there is a job to do.

But refusing to deal with your humanity and rejecting parts of yourself doesn't make you feel better. On the other hand, it makes you numb to everything. You might be physically here, but your own self is not present. You are watching your life from the outside, as if everything is just a show and you are slowly moving away from it.

This is what Comfortably Numb is about. Loneliness, searching for a meaning, inability to communicate, losing of humanity. And these are all issues Logan has. All of them.

And what surprises me the most is that they have always been here since episode ten. Even before Logan became the frustrated, passive-aggressive character he is now, all of his issues have been revealed to us by a goddamn song in a goddamn Q&A.

I refuse to believe this was just a huge coincidence and blame Mr. Sanders instead for being so good at hinting stuff.

---

CREATIVITY: All I Do Is Win

If Logan's song literally smacked all of his issues in our faces, this one doesn't have as much to offer.

The song is about how cool and awesome the singer is. It has a lot of motivational, uplifting vibes, to the point we can consider it a sort of "hymn to himself".

And okay, maybe there is not much to offer, but it can still give us an insight about Roman - or, more precisely, about this Roman. About the Side he was before accepting Anxiety and the wedding/callback thing.

In my Roman's playlist analysis, I noticed the first songs were very focused on how he had expectations to follow and he had to follow them all. A perfect example is Holding Out for a Hero: Roman had to be strong and brave and always ready to fight, never a moment of weakness, greater and more awesome than anyone else.

All I Do Is Win reminds me a lot of Holding Out for a Hero: if the second song listed all great things Roman should do and what he must be to be the perfect hero for Thomas, the first one acts as an self-motivational song. He has to be a perfect hero, right? So he must believe he can do it, he is the coolest and the best and everyone loves him.

But we all know this is not Roman. Roman is not so overconfident, but he is actually very insecure. This makes this song part of the whole façade Roman put on. He must be great and awesome, so he tries to convince himself and the public he truly is, by choosing a song that overflows with confidence as much as possible.

Because no one will suspect anything, if he keeps acting as if he's the best.

---

ANXIETY: I’m Not Okay (I Promise)

I already talked about this song when I analyzed Virgil's playlist (you can find the complete analysis HERE).

What I want to reaffirm here is the connection between this song, what we learned about Anxiety until now and the foreshadowing that is hinted here about his future.

First of all, the line "You sing the words, but don’t know what it means", which connects beautifully to what Anxiety will say in this same episode, when he calls the Core Sides "clueless morons". They think they know reality, but they know nothing. They are clueless.

And, just like they cannot understand reality, they cannot understand Virgil either. ("You said you read me like a book/But the pages are all torn and frayed now"). They think they know him, because they think he is just a bad guy. But he's not. And he is tired of being seen as such. Hence why he is not okay.

Also, if you remember his playlist, the following song was about him ducking out, so this one can be considered a huge foreshadowing of what will come.

---

MORALITY: I Am The Walrus

This song is... interesting.

Honestly, I didn't know what to expect. Patton's playlist has been very difficult for me to put into words, so I supposed this song wasn't easy either.

And it's not. It's very weird.

Let's start from the beginning: "I am the Walrus" is one of Beatles' songs, written by John Lennon and the title is based on a poem called "The Walrus and the Carpenter" which appears in Through the Looking-Glass.

The poem describes how a carpenter and a walrus gain the trust of a group of oysters, only to betray and eat them. In the book, Alice tries to determine which of the two is more sympathetic because was more sorry or ate less, but at the end she just says they are both unpleasant.

A ton of people gave a ton of different interpretations to this poem. Some said it was an allegory of religion, others that it was political.

My personal, very biased, very influenced by Sanders Sides interpretation is that these two are both liars and deceivers and oh wow, what a surprise, once again we have a connection between Patton and Janus. As if there weren't enough in his playlist.

And if we think about that, I would like to add what Lennon said about it:

"Later, I went back and looked at it and realized that the walrus was the bad guy in the story and the carpenter was the good guy. I thought, Oh, shit, I picked the wrong guy. I should have said, 'I am the carpenter.' But that wouldn't have been the same, would it?"

So the walrus is the bad guy. The walrus, the one Patton chose.

I know, it sounds so perfect. There is everything and I can write an endless post about this and the possible implications of Patton considering himself the bad guy and so on.

But do you want to know what the truth is? That this poem has no meaning. There is nothing hidden here. It's just a poem for children.

And believe it or not, but this is also the theme of the entire song.

You heard me right: I Am The Walrus does not have a meaning. John Lennon wrote it during two different acid trips and made this song, by picking a lot of references from everything around him and putting them together. So we have connections to other songs (Beatles' ones included) and references to random stuff like cornflakes or police sirens, nursery rhymes, a ton of writers, even theatrical pieces like King Lear.

I know what you're thinking: why? Why would he write this song? Well, there is a reason. The reason was a teacher from Quarry Bank High School in Liverpool, who made their student analyze the lyrics of Beatles' songs. And so, John Lennon decided to write the most nonsensical lyrics ever. I respect him for such a power move.

Okay, so now we know what this song is about. Now we can ask ourselves: why did Thomas Sanders choose this song for Morality?

Maybe he did it just for the joke: ahah everyone picks an emotion/mood but he picked something nonsensical, what a funny guy he is.

Maybe he did it to send a message to us: do not over-analyze everything. Not everything has been planned down to the smallest thing, some details are just coincidence. It makes sense, considering how much we like to overanalyze everything and how, sometimes, Mr. Sanders has to remind us that coincidences exist too.

But, maybe, there is another reason. Isn't it strange that all other songs are somehow related to the Side, but Morality's is just a message from Thomas to the public? What if this isn't a message from Thomas, but from Morality himself?

Do you remember how his playlist started? With Spongebob's campfire song. A nonsensical song that has nothing to do with anything else. A song that was a red herring and a way to discourage people to dig deeper. Why listen to other songs? Just listen to this one! There is nothing important if you keep going.

I Am The Walrus has the exact same vibes. Why should you dig more and over-analyze everything? There is nothing to see here! Just a happy, innocent, smiling Morality. Nothing to hide here, no issues, no sad feelings.

Maybe this is the reason why Morality picked this song. After all, he already tried to deceive the public once, why couldn't he do it again?

______________________

Just look at them being Youtubers

[Thomas]: If you all had your own YouTube channels, what would their content be? [Logan]: Videos analyzing the themes and pointing out inconsistencies in TV shows, movies, and comic books.

Logan confirms to be the best, because these are my favourite kind of videos. Especially the critical ones and especially if they are well made with irony and sarcasm. I could watch them for more hours than I already do.

[Princey]: Epic fail compilations! ...Of all the horrible deaths my enemies incur after I impale them.

So a channel with your brother, I see.

[Anxiety]: I would make a bunch of videos about conspiracies and cryptids.

So Virgil will be the next Wendigoon? Good taste, my boy. Good taste.

[Morality]: My channel would have videos of me playing with goo and mixing paint! [Logan]: Oh, autonomous sensory meridian response videos! [Morality]: Eh, I'm pretty sure it’s just me playing with goo and paint.

Okay, so he wants to make one of those videos without context that, in five years, will be shared everywhere, people will start making horrific theories and it will become an internet creepypasta? Good for him.

___________________

Anxiety is a nice bean (more or less)

This is definitely my favourite part. I just love Anxiety blasting everyone and the reactions are absolute perfection.

[Thomas]: Anxiety, can you say one nice thing about all of us? [Anxiety]: Oh, brother... Ok. [Anxiety]: Dad, you make Logic furious, and that is fun to watch... even though you're a clueless moron the rest of the time. [Morality]: Aw, ok.

I love how Patton's reaction is just "ok". He himself is the first to acknowledge that yeah, he is a clueless moron the rest of the time. He himself knows he acts silly. I am not crazy when I say this guy is much more mature than it seems.

I also like how Anxiety's compliment is "you are funny", because it's the exact same thing he will tell him during AA-part 2 ("You're a funny guy").

[Anxiety]: Logic, you understand reality better than the other two, and that is very comforting... but you are still a clueless moron most of the time. [Logan]: How dare you.

I love Logan’s reply. The expression, the voice, everything is wonderful and cracks me up every single time.

But also, let's consider Anxiety's words. First of all, he says Logan understands reality better than the other two Sides. He acknowledges that the logic Side has a more complete, mature vision of the world. And even if he tells him he is still a clueless moron, he specifies “most of the time”: that implies there are moments in which he is not, in which he is clever.

Basically, he made him the biggest compliment. He told him he is a mature guy and that it is very nice to have someone like him around, who is clever enough to understand how the world works.

[Anxiety]: Prince, I gotta say, you do impress me... by being a clueless moron ALL the time. [Princey]: Well that wasn't remotely nice.

Princey, my dear, you cannot pretend to not be considered a clueless moron, considering you are still deep into the black/white mentality and acting like a huge man-child :P

[Anxiety]: And Thomas... [Thomas]: Spare me the compliment.

How dare you, Mr. Sanders, to deprive us of Anxiety's insult? I couldn't wait to hear him say something like "you are just a moron, not even clueless".

In order to repent for this, I pretend an episode with just Thomas and the dark bois. Why? Because we need more beautiful insults. So what’s better than Virgil saying he’s an idiot, Remus calling him prude and Janus being his mother and complaining about everything Thomas does?

___________________

What a majestic troll

[Thomas]: What are all of your real names?! (...) [Thomas]: ...Well, that was thoroughly and utterly disappointing! Guess we'll all find out later.

Just look at this man. Just look at him clicking his tongue and winking. He is screaming "Yes, they all have names and I know them! And I (probably) already planned the season finale!".

He is a sassy bitch, I love him for that.

But also: if he already planned the Sides' names and the season finale... does that mean Mr. Sanders already planned the other Sides too? Because in AA part 2, Roman will say there are "others". So, in order to say that line, that means Thomas and Joan already had other Sides in mind.

Let's also consider what Thomas said at the end of the video:

[Thomas]: I hope this helped you get to know the different facets of my personality a little bit better! They are an eclectic bunch. And hopefully, we get to learn a little bit more about them in videos to come!

This heavily implies Thomas and Joan already had an idea of the following episodes, on what would happen, on the Sides that would come. Maybe they were still lacking a more defined outline, but AT LEAST they knew three more Sides were supposed to come.

And that means that, from now on, we will start to see little hints dropped here and there. Maybe they won't all be made on purpose, but they will start to appear.

And that means things will soon get very, very interesting.

_______________________________

A haunting realization

[Morality]: Aww, there's so much cool stuff they've done for us online, kiddos! [Princey]: Oh yeah? [Morality]: There's some really neato artwork of us all AND some writing as well! Say, what is a "ship"? [Logan]: Seriously, Morality, you don't know what that is? It is a craft designed for water travel. [Anxiety]: Even Prince knew that. [Princey]: Yeah, even I knew that. [Morality]: Oh, ok! It does not look like that, but ok.

Morality canonically read fanfictions. This guy, with the face of a puppy and the naive innocence of a child. This guy who has no idea what "adultery" means. This guy who loves dogs more than anything else. This guy read fanfictions.

Just let this realization sink in. Just think of the last fanfictions you saw - yes, that BDSM one included (I know there is, they are everywhere). Just think that this man read it with his own two eyes.

Well, I will just leave you with this little terrifying awareness. Good luck trying to sleep now ~

( Support me on Ko-fi )

_______________________________

TAGLIST:

@willpowerwisps @royalprinceroman @reesiereads @mudpuddlenl @shelby-711 @allmycrushesaredead @aquatedia @sweetkirbi @whatishappeningrightnow @effortiswhatmatters @atlasistryingherbest @bella-in-a-bag @doydoune @miasheer @forever-third-wheeling @mishanthropist @corndot @payte @mcang3l @geekyapollokid @kawaiipotatuh @hypnossanders @idontreallyknow24 @imcrushedbyarainbow @simplyapannightmare @patton-cake @hereissananxiousmess @purplebronzeandblue @cynicalandsarcastic @empressserelene @dubstepbranch @chara-073 @lost-in-thought-20 @arobohamster @book-limerence @andtheyreonfire @ironic-is-a-bastard

@riseofthewerewolf @frog-candy-bee @bosspotato01 @rosesandlove44 @methaley @sololad @firey-alex @sashootkahoot @chewy-rubies @groaaaaan @croftergamer @misty-the-girlflux-mess @thedevilseyes @arya-skywalker @csi-baker-street-babes @queen-of-all-things-snuggly

@virgildarknessdementiaravenway @mishanthropist @dracayd-universe @unknown-artworks @lonelyfangirl453 @starlightnyx @alienvamp-hesitantflowerface @stubbornness-and-spite @alittletoo-extra @averykedavra @iloveeverytjing123 @bookedforevermore @joyrose-fandomer @anachronismes @the-cloud-14 @mihaela-tbg @igonnatalknothing

@thatoneloudowl @grayson-22 @softangryfuckingdepressed @theotherella @boopypasta @nevenastark @varthandi @floofyconfusednerd @nothing-worth-mentioning @mikalya12 @roses-bubbles @cuter-on-the-inside @coldbookworm @orchidstanslogan @snixxxsmythe @frog-candy-bee @holleratyour-buoyancy @alexowlndra @fadingbagelbananapatrol @our-bloody-mari666 @cxsmospooks @riverraysong @sanity-whosshe-neverheardofher @charmingcritter @analogical-mess @emphasis-on-the-oopsie

#sanders sides #sanders sides theory #rewatch #analysis #thomas sanders #logan sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #janus sanders #remus sanders #ts thomas #ts patton #ts logan #ts roman #ts remus #ts virgil #ts janus #Sanders Sides Q&A

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keef-a-corn · 6 months

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This is just me venting

Shoutout to that one person from Instagram that absolutley ruined me ✌️😚

Like thanks babe, I needed to be taken down a peg

Now I thrive with the sheer amount of anxiety I get when it comes to sharing and chatting

Love the way you made me scared to share posts I found that are over a couple months old, or how I get really nervous telling stories that involve anyone outside of the person I’m chatting with.

Love the way you ruined my New Year’s Eve a couple of years ago, making me break down and cry for about an hour because when you told me about an experience I had aligned it with ADHD traits (after being very open about the fact that I have ADHD) and not only did you get mad at me for even implying you have ADHD, but you made me feel extremely insecure about having it myself.

Let’s not forget the way you lashed out at me when I asked you a question about an artwork (it was ‘where’s [X] standing?’ Because the scaling and everything looked incredibly off and I just wanted to understand what was happening)

How about when I got too nervous to share an experience with a creator because I was young, they were older than me, they had more friends, we had been in an argument for about a year, and I couldn’t physiologically take it anymore, then we resolved the issue and you deadass got mad at me.

Oh wait, no.. it was also earlier than that, when you called them something like toxic and I told you that I had never considered them like that before (as in it never clicked for me that they were toxic) and you stopped talking to me and when you did it was just to tell me off- as if I wasn’t the victim in the situation and wasn’t the one that couldn’t recognise how greatly this person had affected me.

The endless uncalled for venting?

OH! How about that time I showed you a drawing and instead of giving any praise or feedback you didn’t mention the drawing and instead asked why I still made Gacha Content, so I gave you a full list on why I do it and your reply was something like ‘Nevermind’ and I asked you why you asked and you still haven’t told me to this day.

What about when I helped you find disgusting CountryHuman art and artists to report, then a few days later you message me saying we can’t be friends anymore if I still like countryhumans, not even just informing me that you don’t like it and giving me the option to leave the fandom or stop being your friend.

Reminiscing on when I got super excited and nervous because I messaged and artist I adored, then we got to chatting and it was super exciting for me, so you actively searched for any reason to hate that artist, and when you found one, I had suggested I can simply ask them to edit the post and remove it, so that it wouldn’t be a hassle, but you kept saying not to bother.

I messaged them anyway, suggesting to remove it and they were more than happy to do so because they’re a normal fucking person who recognised that maybe it wasn’t the best decision, then you got mad at me??

How about when you were super judgemental of my ship [this was countryhumans btw] between Australia and Germany, while you shipped America and Australia. Then my reasoning of just enjoying the places and knowing that there’s peace between them was never enough??

I could never come to you with dramas from my life because you’d either ignore me the whole day, or you’d try to one up me.

Anytime I said anything that upset you, you wouldn’t talk to me for, minimum, an hour, which would leave me stressing and apologising.

These all greatly affected me because now I:

Rarely share and promote posts that are older than a few months, seeing it as me embarrassing myself (I want to get past this, because I know sharing and enhancing with posts are important on platforms)

Get nervous discussing ADHD with people who aren’t diagnosed and feel like I have to purely mention the good things, rather than the everything.

Think I criticise too harshly and feel like no one can use my critics and that they’re useless.

Fortunately I don’t get into a lot of creator drama, but if I do, it takes a while to get support.

Now I get nervous to vent at all. Never wanting to put pressure on being listened to.

I just.. I think about that regularly…

Now I get scared to tell people I’m NOT in a fandom anymore. Never told my ex partner I didn’t like Countryhumans anymore.

Now I get nervous reaching out to creators at all (praise my moots) and have to rely on people coming to me instead.

I managed to get past that one and now have a perspective of ‘if it’s not illegal, go off’

Once again, greatly affected the way I open up to others, even my therapist.

Now I have an incredibly weird relationship with apologising, as it’s lost all it’s meaning.

As I said

Thank you

So much.

I loved experiencing that as apart of being a minor on the internet.

#vent #personal vent #this is just #something I had to make public #they live in my head rent free #and I just..#can’t #they’re a huge contributor to who I am today #them among many #but I never really recognised them as #being bad #for me

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ina-nis · 1 year

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The few people that still reached out to me in the past only did so due to fear of me committing suicide - yes, sure, they “care” about me... but it felt more like a “please be alive, don’t do anything stupid” kind of thing, and lot of life “lessons”, unwanted advice and unintentional toxic positivity.

In the end, this is too much work and stress for people to deal with, so they don’t. I don’t blame them, I would walk away too if I could. Why do you think I’m suicidal?

Now that I started telling people the “truth”, that I’m sick and need to stay away. They’re gone. They don’t bother. Good for them. I wish I had that option too!

Deep inside, I wish I mattered to them. Deep inside, I wish they would pick me, go after me and fight for me, even when I don’t, even when I’ll just push them away because I don’t want anyone to be hurt. Deep inside, I wish I would be chosen.

But the reality is that I’m probably very low on other people’s priorities, and that’s nobody’s fault. I’m just some person they know. And for the ones I’m more than that, I feel like it still doesn’t change things. My wounds are too painful and no matter how close they were to me, it was not, never enough.

There’s no point in my resenting people over some connection or relationship that was either non-existent or superficial at best, but felt like something so profound for me - this is why it feels so one-sided, huh?

But yeah! I have to do this on my own! It’s my own problem after all! Only then, I should let people in, because as I am right now, it will just end up badly for everyone involved with me, including myself. I know that way too well.

Here I am trying to solve an issue of loneliness by myself, using stopgaps and distractions. Trying to fill an evergrowing void inside of me with whatever is meaningful to me, exercise, a good diet and sleep habits, hobbies, going outside, being around other people and animals and seeing absolutely no improvement whatsoever because ultimately, I’m still alone and I still feel alone and none of these things have helped alleviate the loneliness because I need something specific that happens to be... none of those things.

It always and only works for a little while... then I need to try again, or to try something else, and so on... the pain is dulled but doesn’t dissipates, my feelings become numb and the emptiness only grows. My needs remain unmet. My desire has nowhere to go and no one I can redirect it to.

Oh, but I tried... I tried using fiction as a medium, I tried the whole fantasy thing and just using about anything I could think about to cope and to redirect my feelings into something else... art, writing, music, and so many other things...

It’s gone now.

The things that I manage to do now feel mechanical and dull, they feel heartless and empty... it’s so ironic, isn’t it? My creative outlets took a hit when they stopped working as coping mechanisms. I try to look on the bright side here and believe that, ok, this sucks and it’s hard but I’ll not be able to go back into hiding or avoidance anymore - I literally can’t, it’s literally not working anymore, and I tried several times in the last few months - I have no other option but address things.

Being alone and dealing with this on my own is making things worse. And trying to not stay alone, and forcing myself to be around others is full of triggers which make me feel even lonelier, and ends up being worse overall.

It’s like I’m going down a path where things get worse and worse... the only options I have at the moment will end up poorly and it’s just a matter of how fast they will “work”. I have to find more options...

I’m really scared I will not get proper help... I’m scared it will go the “social anxiety” route, or maybe the “embrace loneliness” route. Neither have worked for me and I’ve been trying to do the latter for several years now: it obviously doesn’t work.

My longing keeps me going, and so does my desire to get better. I don’t know if there’s a way out but I still feel like I have not exhausted all my options.

I will see this through the end.

#avpd #avoidance #avoidant #avoidant personality disorder #loneliness #inanis post

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alyjojo · 10 months

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July 🕶 2023 Monthly - Libra

Whole of your energy: The High Priestess

You’re keeping quiet about options in love, probably because you’re already committed to or involved with someone else. There could be more than two, but I only see two. Your person has competition and isn’t even aware of it, you’d like to keep it that way. You’re quietly mulling over who you even are these days…are you still happy with this person? Does this other person make more sense? It’s all working internally, you haven’t made a decision yet, but by the end of July you’ll have decided.

What’s going on in July:

6 Wands:

You’re in a relationship right now, with someone that is stable, loving, successful in their own life and is someone that makes you feel secure when you’re around them. You trust them. But you’re also getting attention from someone else that’s more of a go-getter & a personal achiever. Could be a Leo, that energy is heavy here, their energy is infectious and you love being around them, or you love the attention you get from them, they make you feel really good. And it really has you up in your head. You’re not sleeping well, you’re constantly worried whether your person is going to find out about your…just conversations so far, from what I can tell. You’re not trying to hurt anyone, you’re just trying to figure yourself out. You wouldn’t be tempted if there wasn’t a reason right? To be fair, King of Wands can do that to a lot of people, it’s their gift. They’re charming, attractive, passionate, fiery, and have no issues taking the initiative to get what they want, and they always know what they want. Can be good or bad, that depends on you. While you do love this person’s energy around you, you’re full of anxiety over the person you’re already committed to.

7 Cups:

You’re aware you have options, this person has made their intentions clear to you. King of Wands isn’t used to hearing “no”, and they can be very persuasive or pushy, which makes you extremely uncomfortable, even if you find that same quality attractive when it’s applied to other things. You know you have to decide, and are stalling, because you don’t know. Really, you know, it’s just this person makes you feel good. You don’t seem tempted to a level of recklessness, more like it’s prompting you to ask the questions you need to ask yourself anyway. What do you need that you aren’t getting? What about this person is different from your person? Is this something detrimental to the connection you have, and are you willing to part with it?

8 Wands:

This is a lot of back and forth communication between you and this King. The Lovers indicates you feel an intense pull towards this person, or that’s one of many things they’re telling you. It could feel like a sales pitch coming from this person, they want to WIN. But…for the right reasons? I don’t get any sense of what that person’s feelings for you actually are, just yours. It seems to be after this flurry of love declarations that you pull your energy back altogether. They’ve officially spooked you, by coming on way too strong. And the guilt is getting to you.

King of Wands rev:

In this way I’m getting you not being passionate, or about that in your connections, it doesn’t drive you, which is pushed further with Ace of Wands rev clarifying. This is a very passionate and sexually motivated King, there is probably something said along those lines that makes you nope. Hard nope. You refuse to rush in passionately towards this person, nor to decide on anything impulsively. You may go from a flirty 8 to a chilly 4 rather quickly. You do feel the things they want you to feel, but you may not actually want those things from them. From the person you’re already with.

Strength:

Ultimately you’re deciding to hold back from this person even more, though I can’t see if it’s nail in the coffin type of over…you’re just restraining yourself, your passion & desire, and any impulsiveness. Either until you do decide to leave your current partner, or because you really don’t want to leave your current partner, who does show up as a soulmate. Resurrection here could show that a refresher of the past just between you two could get things on the path you’d like them to be. They may not be a passionate charmer, but their love runs deep, they match your energy 100% and they’re emotionally very mature. Not being spontaneous and impulsive is a good thing, it makes for a longer lasting and meaningful connection, at least where the Cups pair are concerned. Spirit is throwing some temptation your way, but I don’t have a story here where you actually take them up on it.

666 is in your reading through your oracles Joy, Courage, and 6 Wands showing victory, overcoming obstacles, recognition, positive attention and success. However you will decide to apply that to your relationship will being balance and a lot of happiness, like a fresh breeze in your connection. Maybe that’s the purpose for the whole thing.

Signs you may be dealing with:

Leo, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Gemini, Cancer & Pisces

Oracles: ✨

42 - Courage

Have the courage to see the lessons in all situations and face them constructively.

40 - Resurrection

Reconsider a project or recall a person from the past to resurrect an idea.

42 Joy 🎉

We are created in joy. The balance of energy and higher vibrations brings us closer to divine love - pure joy. Joy can be a destination, but it can also be the vehicle that you use to get to that destination. Faith, grace, gratitude, and love all merge together, at different times and in different amounts, to create joy. There is love, growth, tears, change, and self-realization in this card. This card portends a happy and joyous time.

We enter into July as:

Saint Apricot 😇

“I’m sorry that I have to take care of myself.”

Saint Apricot comes to you when you have been (or are about to be) freed from a situation that has you chained. This is a lesson in taking care of yourself. It’s a reminder to not give away more than you can, or it will drain you. We are not giving from a place of love if we are giving only to get. People may not like it when we focus on taking care of ourselves, but it is necessary in order to have a truthful relationship with them. If you speak the truth from your heart, then any guilt you feel is from the fear of being disliked. Feelings of shame come up when we feel we are “bad”, guilt comes up when we feel something we’ve done is “bad”. If another person no longer chooses to be in our lives, due to what’s been said or done in total honesty, it’s not our fault, it is their choice. This signifies a turn in your destiny. You are moving in a new direction towards freedom, and this opens the gateway towards more rewarding relationships in life.

What is to be learned in July:

Royal Purple Brick 🧱

“She resists what she clings to.”

The fear of stepping out, of being abused, has grown so great that you no longer need a wall of fear to prevent you from living - a simple brick will do. Which of course symbolizes that what frightens you is much smaller than you imagine. What we resist, we cannot heal. Royal Purple Brick appears when we are resisting something, and may indicate a loss of faith. This is a sign of fear holding you back in some way and preventing you from moving forward. If you are experiencing pain, holding on tighter will only worsen the situation. Fear may also indicate you’re trying to save yourself from a path that will not serve you! Are you following your true passion? Is it divinely guided?

This can also indicate presently using your energy in a self-defeating way. Use your courage to let go of control and allow Spirit to come in and heal you. The promise of Royal Purple Brick is freedom after surrender. In letting go you may feel some discomfort, but you’ll also allow healing in. The fear of something is always greater than the actual event. This time period will be a life changing experience for you. Accept mystery. Release the brick and be free.

Purple may be a lucky color 💜

#libra tarot reading #monthly tarot #July 2023 #libra #tarot #tarotblr

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rvnwtch · 1 year

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@craftygamerkm1714 tagged me in a tag game thing!!! Here’s some answers!!

1 Are you named after anyone?

Oh this is a REALLY good question. I don’t think so. I think my parents just picked out a name they liked the sound of. (Which I’m glad for. I don’t need to carry on someone else’s legacy.)

2 When was the last time you cried?

Last night because I was listening to this woman tell a beautiful story and it-it just GOT me okay? (which is impressive, I don’t think I’ve cried from a story since Addie LaRue was early released for book of the month) also whenever I read Song of Achilles I cried for the last 16 pages.)

3 Do you have kids?

No. And I don’t know if I ever will. Part of me wants to be a mom so bad but also… I don’t think I have the patience and I think that’s very grown up of me to realize and not sad at all!

4 Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Every word out of my mouth

5 What’s the first thing you notice about people?

If they look upset or not. I’m not judging anyone, I’m just shy and debating how to interact with people.

6 What’s your eye color?

Eye color is the color of someone’s irises! They come in a variety of colors ranging from light to dark. Hell maybe some people have no eye color at all. (Remember that sarcasm question?) That would be very badass of them.

7 Scary movies or happy endings?

I was gonna make up like a super high stakes “I would rather do x,y,z than watch a scary movie!!” But then I decided that was untrue and I don’t want to jinx myself. (The intrusive thoughts started getting me on this one LMAO). Happy endings, when done right, are very nice.

8 Special talents?

I pick up on things really fast (as long as I’m not anxious or being pressured! Or bored.) I’m just a quick learner so long as I’m interested.

9 Where were you born?

In a hospital. Probably in an operating room of some sort.

10 What are your hobbies?

I’ve been trying to figure this one out lately. Outside of ESO and reading I don’t do much. I do Like tarot cards, there are some really fun editions out there. And I can’t say any of these things to people I’ve just met! I need more things to do.

11 Do you have any pets?

On Elder Scrolls I have so many pets that my little sibling heard me talking about getting the free Gallen Wisp or whatever it’s called and shouted “I don’t think you need any more pets.” Which is blatantly untrue. I will not rest until I’ve collected every pet in that damn game. My favorite is the wicker fright banekin (but don’t tell the other pets I said that!)

12 What sports do you/have you played?

I was gonna make another joke and say something like “exercise is for the weak!” But that is like the opposite of true so I’ll answer this one. When I was in preschool I “played” soccer. But the coach was mean and I was like four, so I refused to go to the practice sessions or play in the games. I wanted to do volleyball in high school, but I didn’t want people to look at me (being a high schooler and all!) so I didn’t do that either. And I don’t really regret either of those decisions.

13 How tall are you?

Taller than the tallest mountain peak. I’m so tall that I wear clouds as hats. My goal in life is to always be admired for my pure and authentic height. (Tall for a woman but I will not be sharing anything too identifying on my social media account where I write about video game vampires, Hahaha!)

14 Favorite subject in school?

I’m sure this will come as a surprise, but anything that involved writing! It took less effort than math, and science class has always been hard for me. History was fine, but it had gotten repetitive by high school. I was almost always excited for Language Arts/Reading class. Or any time we got to use class time in the library.

15 Dream job?

Something that’s partially remote. I wouldn’t mind working from home two or three days out of the week and going in only once or twice. I need something that gets me out of the house, but I’m a major homebody with anxiety so… I need to spend time in my room to recuperate. Also important would be something where people won’t yell at me.

I’m tagging @simping-master-69 and

@i-simp-for-fennorian !!!

#Tag game

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