#(im doubting myself again as you can see)

[starwikia]

suicide cw

look i have been in this area before mentally. it sucks and i wouldn’t wish this on anyone. but, and this is going to sound callous, but i don’t feel any sympathy for james somerton. even if i hope he’s like. not dead. But thats all the amount of goodwill im willing to give him. The more i think about this really, the more angry i am. 

ngl this entire situation is another example of how white people weaponize their mental illness to avoid consequences. Im seeing it in real time.

this man has a continuous habit of using self-harm as a get-out-of-jail-for-free card. in both of his apologies, he has worded his supposed attempts in ways that were clearly meant to guilt people who displayed his plagiarism and overall horrendous history of racism and misogyny. i say supposed because, while i’m not saying those are lies and this would he such a fucked up thing to lie about that i don’t want to think he has, unfortunately, it’s been proven again and again that his word can’t be trusted, as he’s known to lie to try get out of consequences. Hes a proven liar. him lying about this is actually the best case scenario, because no one should go through this entire situation, wouldnt wish this on anyone, but you can only do this so often before people stop sympathizing with you. is this callous? Yeah, but like. I’m actually fucking angry he cant straight up take no as an answer. that this is how he reacts realizing he cant be one of the Cool Kidz™️ on youtube anymore. he acts like he DESERVES a career, like its not a privilege hes lost due to his own actions.

He lied about apologizing and forgiving people, he lied about giving the money to hbomberguy to give to ppl he ripped off (yknow, instead of doing it himself), he lied about the jessie gender situation and rewrote the narrative to make it so he isnt the bad guy, and hes the victim all along actually!

you can’t tell me that supposed last message of his isn’t meant to be a 13 reasons why esq attempt to deflect the blame “look i’m going to kill myself and it’s all YOUR PEOPLES FAULT for not letting me achieve my DREAM of being filmmaker IN PEACE!!! I just wanted Nick’s (the guy who I have thrown under the bus again and again) portfolio up!! Im just being a good friend dont you all FEEL BAD” he refuses to take ANY ACCOUNTABILITY of any of his actions and he IS STILL trying to shove the blame over to other people again.

it’s also pretty ironic people are like “uhhh well hbomber’s fans harassed him!!!” like hbomber outright told people NOT to HARASS JAMES!!! ALSO acting as if james doesn’t have a very real documented history of STRAIGHT UP sending his fans to harass and threaten smaller creators, more notably women, trans, and bipoc creators. especially after he’s stolen typically very personal anecdotes so he could profit from them. so why can he do it but the second people are like “hey this guys an actual piece of shit.” and he can’t handle it suddenly people are trying to white knight his shit? like no he doesn’t get that. he doesn’t get that at all just because he couldn’t handle the consequences of his actions. 

what? were supposed to stay quiet about a man profiting off of other minorities because he wanted to be the spokesman for all gay people? people tried to solve this on a smaller, more private scales for YEARS and he kept doing it. it was clear that the giant public video was the ONLY way to get people to notice. HE WOULDVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH STEALING 87 FUCKING THOUSANDS WORTH OF DOLLARS. HE CANT HANDLE THE FACT HE CANT GET AWAY WITH IT. 

am i supposed to feel bad for the guy who basically threatened a trans woman with the police? i don’t care what anyone says, it’s so fucking obvious that he threatened jessie by implying he was getting the police involved in their conflict. what am i supposed to act like that didn’t happen? are we supposed to pretend like he didn’t glorify nazi’s and outright said that gay people made up a good chunk of the nazis? That he didnt say america joined ww2 bc they were jealous of the NAZIS. WHAT WOULD POSSESS YOU TO FUCKING SAY THAT. but then? He gives women (not even women most of the time, he misgenders nonbinary ppl constantly) shit for writing mlm. are we supposed to act like he doesn’t straight-up sees himself superior and better than people of color and steals their works to put himself on a pedestal? Are we supposed to act like he didnt spit on our elders by saying “only the boring gays survived aids” like man! Fuck you! He BLANTANTLY MAKES UP HISTORY TO PUT HIMSELF ON A PEDESTAL!! HE ACTIVELY TRIED TO REWRITE LGBT HISTORY TO SUIT HIS FUCKED UP NARRATIVES!

yes this sucks ! no one deserves this but no one should be making him a martyr. Thats what he fucking WANTS! He wants to be immortalized as a victim!! (again, supposedly, it was reported hes alive but its not confirmed).

The shit he got isnt near the amount of fucking callous behavior hes done again and again. Again, to drill this point, EVEN IF HE DIDNT CALL THE POLICE HE THREATENED A TRANS WOMAN INTO THINKING HE DID!!! The fact he tried to use a head injury to justify years of the outright ghoulish shit fucking astounds me. Why the fuck did anyone in his life thought it was a good idea to let him TRY to come back. in the end, he had options. he didn’t need to try to make a comeback. HE DIDNT NEED TO FUCKING LIE OR IGNORE THE SHIT HE WAS CALLED OUT ON the reality is, he wanted to come back thinking he could shove it under the rug, was told that no dude, you’re not allowed to be a youtuber anymore. you’re done. you need to move on and went full nuclear. it’s not on anyone’s hands but his own. HES BEEN DOING THIS TO HIMSELF!! But nah man we cant call his shit out bc hell may or may not kill himself. Fuck the other minorities who have the same issues but worse and sometimes BECAUSE of him. This is going to SUCKKKK so bad when other ppl, specifically white gays, are going to weaponize this shit to get away with their stuff.

#warning: do not read this post if you want me to be nice to james somerton. i am extremely mean in this post. #before anyone accuses me of shit i legit never contacted him myself or anyone involved. i am someone who witnessed this behavior repeatedly #again. i hope hes alive and well. the fact is him lying about this WOULD BE THE IDEAL SITUATION. BC NO ONE SHOULD GO THROUGH THAT. but. #he HAS to forever be the victim in his eyes. attempting doesnt automatically mean youre free of sin. #its just terrible to see that regardless whether or not he did do it #its very clear his attempts to run away from his consequences are working on some people #we need to acknowledge that if your shitty ex friend can weaponize a threat to kill themselves #so can this internet person after being called out for horrendous shit #like what was the alterative? what were people supposed to fucking do? be nice about it? #yeah as if poc and trans women arent historically given shit for being 'too mean' about wanting justice. #this isnt just the plagiarism this is the fact a white dude has been parading himself as THE speaker for the gays(tm) but has been using hi #gayness to shield himself from his misogyny racism transphobia and antisemitism #its very clear regardless this means that ppl r going to side with him and then give him benefit of doubt #if you cant handle the heat stay out of the fucking kitchen dude. this is the consequences of your fucking actions. #hes a disgusting person who cant handle being told no so hes going to drag everyone down with him #like. idk this entire situation is frustrating to me. #its also frustrating ppl trying to be moral abt it like 'see! i knew this was bad all along!' no you didnt. shut it. #for the record im like mainly talking abt twit watching those spineless uwu cutesy ppl basically saying hes done noting wrong #oh and also alt righters who are clearly weaponinizing this where u know they wouldnt give a shit if a right ytber did this. #james somerton #idk might delete this later its just. ugh...

[collecting--stardust]

This semester's summary: existential crisis, existential crisis, existential crisis

#ah and 💸💸💸 #so im always good in words compared to action so theory is not bad but my skills is lacking #im aware of it but im always a bit slow to catch up and all and that's one of my biggest insecurity #anyway today we had our last review skills session and i was unfortunately standing nearest to the trolley #so i was selected to do the tracheostomy suctioning and boy thats one of the skills that im really bad in #and i was struggling so bad and im shaking and my group has the top students and while i give no fuck you can see how they judge me #and the person in charge for that section is a master student who is having her assessment and i really dont want her to get bad results #so more panic and insecurity #but throughout the session she still guide me patiently and even say like its okay youre doing great and all #and by the end of it i got the grip of it but i was so upset with myself and regret everything #but then she lightly touch my arm and said its okay youre doing really well when i obviously fucked up #and then i just.. cried #what a good thing i wear a mask because two of my course mates are tested positive today because damn #and i keep on pretending to wipe my glasses when i was actually hiding my tears like damn this is embarrassing #but... i really want to thank her personally but i cant even talk just now and i dont even know if i will meet her again #because i really am doubting myself lately and that word is really comforting and i really needed to hear it #god 2nd year sucks i didnt even cry throughout my first year even when i did the worst presentation of my life and look like a dumbass #i always rant here you guys must be sick of me lol #personal.txt

[deeisace]

Where is that one meme sorta thingy that's a crying cartoon blob

I am a crying cartoon blob :(

#just to be reallll tmi again sorry you can leave if you want im not forcing you to read about my problems #there will that be enough that this is behind the 'see all' bit i doubt it anyway #we continue! #anyway i might actually be quite ill somehow cs like. blood tests an stuff about other stuff #anyway i won't know anything until next week at least #and we are not thinking about that! #what i am a crying sad cartoon blob about rn is that im slowly being driven insane by not being able to masturbate. just to be blunt. #words for that are always a lil weird i think but 'masturbate' is also like. wow. okay. y just said it. #anyway i can't cs ive been bleeding for over two months now and just that on its own is a turn off obvs #but also now apparently just being turned on gives me a stomachache :( #i would like to fuckin do smth about it but i can't cs of all the theoretical death thoughts and now im sore as well :( #:((( #:'((((( #anyway im gonna distract myself with longwinded italian supernatural crime dramas bye now

[rosecreates]

Here's the list of main romances I can see for my unholy BG3 OC trio. I will note I have only done Astarion's romance so I don't know much on how the other romances go but from just the characters themselves this is what I can see. This is not in a particular order I'll note, I'm a huge multishipper after all.

Sylve: Astarion, Shadowheart, Gale

Raven: Shadowheart, Wyll, Lae'zel

Nimue: Astarion, Karlach, Gale

#{oc ramblings} #{oc: sylve} #{oc: raven} #{oc: nimue} #in hindsight tbqh now i am actually less inclined toward raven x astarion even if i can most definitely still see it #im still developing raven so i cant be 100% sure but with how things are looking they'd possibly be a bit toxic to one another #which a-ok to explore for me but im also a lil less-inclined cause of it #ive ofc spoiled myself so i know how things go at the end with astarion's romance and raven depending on her character development- #would DEFINITELY be super like 'yeah go ascend go kick cazador's ass and gain power!!' because like #as a drow she absolutely equates power = freedom. thats how it was for her. she was only able to have a better life after gaining power #and astarion i doubt would be so inclined to dissuade that worldview. what he'd definitely dissuade though is the worldview of #drow society. he'd i'd say would come @ her like 'yeah you were fucking abused you know that right?' and she'd just stare at him like #'wdym i was abused ive lived like this for 250 years and been a-ok' and like he'd see himself in her cause of that i'd imagine #he was at least always well-aware that he was being abused. raven has NO fucking idea. like shes always had doubts but like. she doesnt- #know that what she thinks is normal is actually so fucking NOT normal. like shes always kinda wondered why things are like this- #but she knows nothing beyond drow society. so she thinks this is just how the world is and that the surface is way worse. #but shes getting the chance to realize no actually drow society is hellish and is not normal. which makes astarion x raven fascinating- #but could easily spiral into toxic because again i dont think astarion would fully go against the notion of power = freedom? #because thats why he wants to ascend. he thinks he NEEDS power to be safe. both him and raven's conflicts have a crux of- #thinking they need power to be safe. its just that raven's conflict has her faced with the idea of GIVING UP power she worked so hard for- #whilst astarion is about not giving in to the temptation of power and learning of what he actually needs in order to heal and thus breaking #the cycle of abuse that has been perpetuated for so long. #its fascinating but again these two could so easily end toxically. and depending on how i develop raven it could end worse than i already- #think they could since raven is still a WIP and im thinking of ways to tie her into things more. might end up changing her noble house- #since mizzrym i went for cause it seemed like a good grab but it seems to have a lot less info on it? i needa do more research #but yeah. stuff's wild KJNFKGJBGF

[rudescape]

hell o

just gonna vent in the tags real quick

#sometimes i miss this place #ive had this account since i was like...13? 14? #im 27 now which is hard to believe #i remember venting on here constantly as a teenager about how i didnt see myself living past like 19/20 #now im just a random adult person floating around in obscurity #ive been debating on permanently leaving the internet for all reasons other than pure and deliberate research #and i honestly just might do that #but i logged on here yesterday again #which makes this like....the second or third time ive logged on within the last couple of years probably #i dont keep an eye on these numbers but i can tell you how easy it is to scroll down to posts i reblogged in 2018 #which says enough about how little i check in on here #anyways...it got me thinking about this site and all the memories i made on it #you may be thinking it isnt that deep and thats being generous considering the strong doubt in me that anyone is even reading this at all #but yeah you'd be right #it isnt deep #all it comes down to is nostalgia in its purest form #and a part of me knows that i wont just suddenly start posting regularly on here again #but in this moment i can only hope to feel a connection with something that used to bring me relief from my real world pain #its time to shut up! its time to shut up!! #goodbye

[ugotcooneycrossed]

get her back! • leah williamson

w/c: ~1.2k

leah williamson is the most frustrating person you've ever met in you're entire life- and you are without a doubt, 100% infatuated with her

a/n: inspired by the idea that boyfriend leah would be so toxic and iwl id happily accept it

------------------------------------------------------------

you’re on a trip with some of the united girls in ibiza- an after-season holiday before the world cup, which turns into you being dragged through crowds and running into what seems like the entire super league.

you properly meet leah there- you’ve crossed paths before in the season of course, it’s hard not to, when you’re trying to score and the blonde absolutely bodies you out of nowhere.

and much like during games- she crashes into you, only this time her drink spills all down your front, and her hands reach out to grip your arms to stop you from falling back.

“sorry ‘bout that sweetheart.”

she’s smiling at you while she says it-  eyeing you up and down, her eyes twinkling with something. and your brain short circuits at the sound of her voice- your mouth going dry at the sight of her abs on full display.

“hey- you play for united yeah?”

all you manage is a nod- brain too preoccupied with the way her thumb brushes your arm occasionally.

“cool- i’ll see you around.”

she winks at you and disappears into the crowd again.

you stare after her- mouth open slightly and cheeks flushed.

“what are you doing standing there like a fish mate?”

Tooney jumps on your back- her arm wrapping around your neck.

“ewww- you’re all sticky too, what’s wrong with you?”

“Tooney- i think im in love.”

-

you’re out at dinner with the girls later that night- and they’re all having the time of their lives making fun of you for your little crush on the England captain.

“you know- if you wanted to make the senior team so bad, sleeping with the captain is a sure-fire way to do it.”

Ella and Mary high-five- their laughs booming, as they fall off their chairs, while you slink further down into your own.

“you know- i really, really regret telling you this.”

the two ignore you- too busy laughing, getting louder and louder the more you complain. 

Alessia pats your thigh, smiling at you sympathetically.

A voice calls out over Mary and Ella’s laughing.

“right- what’s so funny then?”

Leah appears on the other side of the table- arms folded over her chest, and eyebrow quirked up in question at the two rolling around on the ground.

“nothing!”

you’re quick to interject, shouting way too loudly and averting your eyes from everyone when they stare at you.

“hey lee!”

Alessia gets out of her chair to hug the older girl, and the others follow her lead.

you stay in your chair though- eyes on your lap, hands gripping the chairs armrests.

you can feel eyes burning into you and you get up- announcing to everyone you’ll be at the bar.

you take a moment to catch your breath as you walk over, giving the bar tender your order and fumbling around for your card.

when you go to tap your card to pay for your drink, a hand reaches out before you can- a sleek black card shines at you and you follow the arm to see the face of leah williamson, smirking at you.

you finally look at her, she’s dressed in a black suit- her shirt barely buttoned, sleeves rolled up, ring clad fingers twirling her card.

“what’s your poison?”

“huh?”

she nods to the drink in your hand.

“oh- uh-“

she cuts you off before you can speak.

“i’m more of a whiskey girl myself, I must say.”

you nod fiddling with your drink.

“what’s your name anyway?”

Leah looks at you up and down- taking a sip of her drink.

“(y/n).”

“cute- look i’ll be honest, i find you very attractive, so, want to come back to my room?”

-

you wake up the next morning to a shirt being chucked at your head, taking it off you see leah lent against the doorframe, brushing her teeth.

“you should probably go soon.”

she disappears back into the hall without another word, and you throw your hands over your face groaning.

-

you’ve dug yourself into a grave- and every time you think of Leah- it gets deeper, and deeper.

well, maybe not when you think of her- ‘cause you’d have definitely fallen through to the other side of the world by now. but when you think too much about her- it some-how spirals into you sending her a text, and Alessia’s disappointed face as you abandon whatever you were doing in favour of ‘just one more kiss.’  

stupid leah- with her stupid smirk, and her stupid voice, and the stupid way she knows exactly where to kiss you to make you weak in the knees.

stupid leah, and her stupid car, picking up stupid you.

-

“i hate her!”

thrashing around on top of Alessia’s bed you grab her pillow to scream into.

“do you?”

“yes! i do! she’s so frustrating. one minute she tells me i’m the ‘only one’- then i find her making out with other girls?! she only ever calls me when she wants something! i tried  to tell her Lessi i promise- but when she does that stupid little smirk- oh my god! i can’t take it!”

“then why keep going back to her?”

-

you don’t make the squad for the world cup- it’s not exactly a surprise but it still stings a little. another year of “oh, it’s all right.” and “next year you got it!”

swallowing down the hurt you end up going out with the girls to celebrate anyway- throwing your arms over Alessia and Mary you kiss their cheeks.

you're about two drinks and four shots in- when you’ve been left alone at a booth, with no supervision you pull out your phone and text leah.

you hear a voice clear their throat- and you blearily make out Alessia in front of you.

 “don’t tell me you texted her?”

“… no?”

-

“i hate you.”

your breathy voice wavers- brain foggy with the way leah attacks your neck, the older girl’s hands gripping you- one hand tangled in your hair, the other holding your hands together, pushing and pulling you in any direction she pleases. her lips curl into a smirk against your neck and she stops kissing you, and pushes you completely away from her.

“hate me huh? guess we can stop this.”

“no.”

“no?”

you glare at the shit-eating grin spreading on her face- grabbing the front of her shirt and yanking her closer to you.

“no.”

-

leah is fuming, and you’re loving it.

with mostly everyone gone in Australia- you’ve gravitated more to the blonde, much to Alessia’s disappointment, when she saw both of you making out in the back of Alex’s story one night.

tonight though- you’ve been flirting with this one girl, running your hands up her arms, giggling and squeezing her biceps.

you can see leah in the back- jaw clenched, her angry pout fixed on her face.

you don’t even know the other girls name- you just know she’s helping you make leah very, very jealous.

when you go to the toilets- leah follows behind you, slipping in and pushing you against the door.

she doesn’t speak- only gripping your face with one hand and shoving it to the side, while the other feels you up, she attacks your neck, sucking and biting.

“shut up.”

you smile.

"i didn't even say anything."

-

you wake up the next morning alone again- your neck mauled and dignity only slightly gone.

you find a note on your bathroom mirror.

‘you’re mine. don’t forget it.’ – l.w

#leah williamson x reader #woso x reader #woso imagine #woso

[rae-dabae]

VOID JOURNEY❤︎︎

( long post ahead‼️‼️)

Y’all……. A HOE DID IT!! I ENTERED THE VOID!!!! but i didn’t manifest anything :(((. So basically i don’t really even remember much from last night all i remember is falling asleep and seeing complete blackness. Now i’ve been to the void tons of times without know i’ve been there. @b4ddprincess realization void post OPENED MY FUCKING EYES and got me to realize what the void ACTUALLY was. That darkness you’re surrounded by when you fall asleep and you can’t move or speak or do anything else but literally exist. When i was like 10 i woke up in the void without and it was completely dark but i wasn’t scared n shit it was really REALLY fucking peaceful and i just kinda stayed there. I always thought that darkness was apart of the dream i was supposed to have but once i realized THAT was the void……..🤦🏾‍♀️. Now i went through a wee lil phase of looking for methods n trying them out n them not resonating with me at all. I was stressing myself out BUT I KNEW that the void was easy because I’ve literally been there tons of times. Doubts were eating me alive and really fucking with my confidence and making doubt if I’ve even actually entered the void(we literally enter the void every time we sleep so basically we always are in the void). After like 3-4 weeks of me repeating the same cycle of believing i can enter, not entering and repeating the same old story over n over again. I had enough and started to slowly pull away from obsessing over the void and I focused onward what i wanted. The entire point of me even entering was so that i could manifest ALL my desires at once. I decided to find something that I personally liked and believed i could succeed with. I like sleep methods the best because they’re the most relaxing for me. I like Sats/ Lullaby method but i every time i would try it i would think “ oh it didn’t work because i didn’t affirm long enough lemme try again” so i was secretly fucking myself up because i had made up this assumption if i didn’t affirm long enough I wouldn’t get in. There was one “method” that i likes the best and it was commanding/ ordering your subconscious to take you to the void. I decided to test it out to see if you can really manifest anything just by commanding your subconscious and GIRLLL….. it works. One sunday afternoon i was heavily dreading going to school and just was NOT feeling it, so i decided to test my subconscious and see if it could cancel school for me or just get me not to go without begging my parents or faking sick. I went “ Hey subconscious, im not feeling school tomorrow, cancel it for me” and after that i forgot about it. Later that night my school posts on instagram that someone threatened to BOMB OUR SCHOOL and tons of kids were protesting they cancel (being the piece of shit trashy stank ass school they are they didn’t cancel). All my friends were protesting not going cuz im not tryna get Bombed frl. I called my mom about it and she told me I didn’t have to go to school if i didn’t want to. Then I remembered what i told my subconscious and i went “ DAMNN subconscious i know i said i didn’t wanna go but BOMB THREATS??”( i don’t think I manifested the bomb threats because as much as i dread that place i would never even try doing that) that was the test that proved to me that subconscious really will do anything you tell it….insane. BACK TO LAST NIGHT ( i got distracted Srry) i commanded my subconscious before going to sleep to wake me up in the void but because of my loud ass african mother i couldn’t sleep so i waited until i felt tired and fell asleep. When i woke up i was still in my bedroom and i had thought i didn’t get in but then i tried remember if i dreamed last night and i didn’t remember having one. Actually i remember just being in complete darkness for a while then the rest is blurry. Then it hit me. I ENTEREDD. I know i had entered because it was the same feeling i got when i was 10 and entered. Anyways now i know how to enter and what works for me so STAY TUNED FOR A SUCCESS STORRYYY!!!( ill get into full detail and give some advice)

💕💕Bye my lovess!! 💕💕

#law of assumption #void #void state #void success #manifesation #neville goddard

[shittyakechiweekly]

Thinking about Akechi and philosophy again. Particularly his mention/very superficial glaze over hegelian dialectics. It's really weird to me that some people seem to go "he misquoted hegel sjjsjsjsjkaks" and then give an explanation of dialectics that shows that... they don't fuckin understand dialectics fully themselves.

Which is understandable considering Hegel was an idealist and idealism tends to require some weird logic to understand. (Akechi seems to in canon reference a lot of idealists which is hhhh, so I depict him as a materialist out of spite) I also haven't fuckin read Hegel myself, so I can't perfectly explain hegelian dialectics. However, I can sure explain dialectical materialism to an extent cause i've done my homework there at least. And like having an understanding of dialectics in general is a key part to understanding that crap. So I look at this quote right

this one? and im like well, in explaining dialectics he aint fuckin wrong. Now did Hegel explicitly state this? Idk, i don't feel like cracking open the 300 pager that is The Phenomenology of the Spirit right now. It's 1AM. And if he didn't, that is okay. Look, Karl Marx didn't fuckin explicitly explain dialectical materialism either. We still credit it to him though, since it is the method he designed and used. Also if you're wondering where thesis and antithesis comes from, it's from Kant. Kant is one of the many that influenced Hegel.

Moving on to the actual paraphrase. Again, Akechi ain't wrong. Contradiction exists in all things, and yes to advance you must resolve the contradiction. This is where people who bring up the "Akechi forgot the synthesis!" get kind of on my nerves because he didn't. One cannot have advancement(synthesis), without resolving the preexisting contradiction (thesis and antithesis). Hell! even if you ditch the idea of synthesis, he could still be right about dialectics, just not hegelian dialectics. Akechi uses the term advancement, which allows us to play with the possibility that maybe his approach to dialectics is through marxist dialectics. A synthesis, in the constant motion of the dialectic, would become another thesis with it's own antithesis and then fuse into another synthesis. The pattern continues. In dialectical materialism, we see that 1) multiple contradictions can exist simultaneously, and 2) That change occurs not by fusion of the thesis and antithesis, but when the intensity and opposition of the contradiction grows until it bursts into a new contradiction. Although, Akechi is talking about hegel to paraphrase the general concept of the dialectic, and could be purposefully using "advancement" instead of synthesis to highlight the constant motion of the dialectic, but maybe to obfuscate what kind of dialectical method he puts more stock in. Dialectical materialism can kind of be like dirty word in philosophical spheres because it is marxist. I doubt the writers for the game could get away with it either, considering the kind of ending message the game was given.

But also like I doubt the writers did a super deep dive into dialectics. And it would be kind of weird to have a game where there is literally an immaterial world based entirely on thought, start using a materialist dialectical method instead of an idealist one. Even then for a simple throwaway comment about dialectics, it is still accurate enough.

Anyways, I'm not a philosopher. I'm a sociologist and an artist. My fiance is the philosopher, and I fully expect them to correct my ass on some parts in the replies if they see this post.

#akechi goro #p5 #ahhh hegel #This fuckin quote is a big part of why I think me and my fiance got together #cause i mentioned hegel and they were like #“you know hegel?!?!?!” #but yeah #long post #i need to sleep #persona 5 #goro akechi

[socpens]

Please never play Garten of Banban again

i dont know if i will. i love looking at popular things, especially if they're related to horror, because i'm really curious about what it is that makes things accessible on a wider scale. after playing 4 garten of banbans i can say its not any deeper than bright and simplistic monsters appearing in youtube content kids & teens watch. if you look at feenaf, or baldi, there's more there than just their aesthetic, both in terms of gameplay/design and the reasons they exist in the first place.

i try hard to give games i stream the benefit of the doubt and not bad mouth them too much. i dont care about bad mouthing things, i think a lot of things suck and will voice that whenever i want, but doing it for hours in front of 1000+ people can easily snowball into a really putrid energy. so its partially because of that. but also because i know making anything is hard. so on stream i probably appear very charitable when playing these kinds of games but ill always give my honest opinion at the end.

and with garten of banban it was that with each iteration it becomes more and more clear that each game exists only to lead into the existence of another. in a way that, with each iteration, becomes more and more disengaging because of how obvious it is. im not gonna shit on people getting that bag, ride the wave if it comes you gotta pay the bills (also who tf is buying these games?? it aint kids, my laptop could barely run the game and they're just gonna watch markiplier play it), but after the 4th game ending exactly where i thought it would and greeting me with a screen telling me to buy not the 5th but the 6th garten of banban was just whatever straw i needed to just not even be curious anymore.

like in a way the games broke my curiosity, and ive always prided myself on going from being very cynical and negative towards anything popular in my early 20s to having some kind of curious optimism as i've gotten older. so for it to break that is honestly super sad but also a wild feat. the progression of the garten of banban games has made me more cynical about art as consumer product than any amount of call of duty games i think because of the audience, the scale & the rapidity of it all

anyway we'll see when 5 rolls around if apillabode meets choo choo charles maybe ill play it.

[silverflqmes]

sephiroth x reader where he meets this amazing girl (note: you) and she cooks him a homemade meal but he freaks out because he doesnt understand how to take it properly? but he starts crying of joy because he's happy to take it since he read about how moms treat their kids and he just kinna finds solace in this girl and wants find her again but obviously shinra keeps having other plans until finally one DAY she comes back again and you can decide what happens next :)

໒⦂ 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔.

notes. i may have indulged a little ( a lot ) here, anon.. but i hope it’s somewhat okay.. brb i might have to ugly cry after this.. he makes me so😿 IM NOT NORMAL ANYMORE SOBS

genre. hurt + comfort

tw. discussion of bad eating habits.

sephiroth x gn!reader

the water came to a boil as you threw in your spaghetti, twisting the knob on low for the sauce you’d prepared.

sephiroth would be home any minute and as a reward for working as hard as he did everyday, you had taken it upon you to prepare his most favorite meal for him. it wasn’t too hard to cook, luckily, but hopefully it tasted good.

you allowed the pasta to come to a boil, taking the time to set the table nicely. while sephiroth wasn’t one for the fancy shit or grandeur, you wanted to provide him with a good ambience. he deserved it, anyway.

on a trip to sector five, you’d managed to score a dozen of flowers from a sweet girl zack was interested — aerith, as you recalled. somehow he had started her on a business with her rare blooms, it was creative and cute that he’d made the time to do that with her.

while passing by him, he had urged you to buy some to help her start out — which you were happy to do. certainly when they made the perfect centerpiece and smelled pleasantly.

the bubbles began to surface in your absence, a jingling sound entering your ears once you’d returned to turn off the heat. sephiroth was home!

a smile lifted the corners of your mouth as you wiped a bead of sweat from your forehead before walking up to the door when he emerged. “welcome home, sephiroth!”

his face that was colored with exhaustion instantly contorted into one of ease, lips curling at the sight of you, his precious partner. were you waiting for him? how adorable.

the first class SOLDIER leaned in closely to your face and bestowed you with a chaste kiss, chuckling softly. “thank you, y/n. it’s a lovely sight to find you here,” he continued, holding your cheek in his gloved hand before looking behind you. “i see you’ve been busy.”

your cheeks burned at his words, a fuzzy feeling finding its way to your chest as you let out a sheepish laugh. “a-ah, i may have helped myself to your kitchen.. i hope you don’t mind.” he wouldn’t mind, he never did — but you still felt the need to say so.

his thumb rolled over your soft skin, a sound of amusement tumbling past his lips. “not at all, might i ask what you prepared yourself?”

blinking, you then proceeded to quirk a brow before snorting. “i composed a gourmet meal for the both of us, featuring candlelight and flowers. up to your standards, mr. first class?” you joked, to which he rolled his eyes, playfully.

“you treat me as if i were royalty.” sephiroth turned his head away, failing to suppress the small lift to his rosewood appendages.

you took ahold of his leather clad hand, snickering softly. “the best way to treat you, according to your dearest lover!” came your cheery response as you tugged him forward. “now come on, i doubt a battlefield has a scheduled lunch or dinner time!”

the silver haired male couldn’t argue with that reasoning. some missions went without food for long periods of time — just another thing he’d learnt to bear over the years. the human body could go weeks without alimentation, and he was no stranger to being denied or prevented from having a meal.

however, upon meeting you and having explained that reasoning to you early into your relationship.. he was met with quite a different perspective. while the SOLDIER found eating to be secondary — something that he would indulge in if the time and situation was right, you.. stressed it.

it had come as a great shock when he would announce he’d only had breakfast for the entirety of the day — which was basically just a bar or shake.. the bare minimum, in other words. frustrated, you’d scolded him that very evening before falling into a routine of meal preparation.

you didn’t care if he had to show up with this cutesy lunch box in a den of SOLDIERs, but it better have been emptied or so help you.

sephiroth had been greatly confused by your concern, and quite frankly — still was, however he understood where you were coming from ( despite lacking the same care for himself that you showed him ), and ate every last bite.

“i suppose i have to agree with that.” the long haired swordsman finally answered, bringing his steps to a halt before your work.

it wasn’t like you hadn’t made him food before, but this time felt different. you always put your all into everything, though this felt extra, extra special, somehow. perhaps, being cooked dinner was more.. intimate?

you patted his armored shoulder, grinning. “good! now get comfy while i get your plate ready, i used up the wine for the sauce.. so um, just water for tonight — but you need it!!”

with that, you had dashed back over to the kitchen, leaving behind a chuckling sephiroth. he’d never seen someone be so serious over dinner, it was silly. and yet, endearing all at the same time that you cared so deeply for his health when everyone had taught or treated him otherwise.

“are you certain you don’t require my assistance?” he inquired, leaning back in his seat to see if you were managing.

a laugh echoed from kitchen at his expression of concern. “nope! you just sit tight, on my way over now!” you assured, picking up your bowls and a basket of freshly sliced bread before making your way to the table.

despite your dismissal, the cat eyed hero made his way over to help with the placement, not wanting you to struggle any longer. you’d gone through great lengths for him today after all, it was the least he could do.

as sephiroth sat across from you, he was finally given the chance to take a look at what you’d put together, blinking in surprise.

“seafood pasta..?” he couldn’t remember the last time he had it. “how.. did you know?”

picking a piece of bread, you found yourself winking, suppressing a giggle. “i may or may not have asked cissnei.. given her network of information.” you smiled sheepishly, grabbing your silverware. “i hope that’s okay with you- i just wanted to make something you really, really liked!”

the first class SOLDIER was quiet for a moment, a strange warmth bubbling in his chest.

subconsciously, his hand lifted to touch where his heart had been, if only to find out what that strange feeling had been. “you.. you did that, for me?” his voice had almost come out in a weak whisper. the mako hued male was soft spoken to begin with, but this held more vulnerability than the other times.

an eager nod was the response he’d received, and despite his desire to question why, he took it as his cue to pick up his silverware, twirling the spaghetti with his fork. it.. had been a long time since he’d had his favorite dish, and homemade.. was a first.

as he tasted your work, he almost melted at the flavors — the nostalgia of it all. and yet.. it somehow was even better than any other occasion he had ordered or cooked it himself.

was it.. because you had made it specially for him? how odd, that the cooking from a specific person could affect the outcome so drastically.

“how is it?” you finally spoke up, curious to hear of his thoughts. “the seafood was a lucky find, i’m hoping it’s good and that i didn’t get scammed ahahaha..”

given midgar’s inland location, fish.. wasn’t something commonly sold, and if it was — it certainly would have costed a pretty gil. had you really gone through all this effort, just for him?

sephiroth swallowed the next bite he took, inclining his head. “it’s wonderful- nobody, i realize.. has ever done something like this for me before — or gone through as much trouble as you had to do this for me..” he spoke up in acknowledgment, feeling his eyes soften.. and blur?

why was his vision — was he.. crying?

the silver haired SOLDIER raised his gloved hands to brush the corners of his eyes. fresh tears, yes. he’d almost forgotten the feeling.

“seph-?” you blurted, getting up from your chair before rushing over to him. “oh no- is it bad?? are you having allergies — i didn’t put anything spicy in it.. a-ahh, i don’t have an allergy pen..” you panicked, dashing over to your purse before feeling a hand grasp your own.

your lashes fluttered in surprise when you were suddenly pulled into firm chest, silver draping over you as a pair of strong arms encircled your body.

“s-sephiroth?” you called out softly, worry in your voice as you rested your hands on his back, reciprocating the embrace. “everything okay? you’re crying..” you added quietly, frowning. did something happen?

he sucked in a breath, shaking his head. “i apologize- i didn’t mean to bring you anxiety with my sudden reaction.. the food was lovely, truly, and i.. could not be more grateful for it.” shinra’s hero began, relenting his grip a little. he didn’t want to hurt or bruise you after all with his strength. “i guess i was just.. taken by surprise, is all — being treated in this way is still.. rather foreign to me.” he admitted, attempting to even his voice out.

but you were patient, and listened to the best of your extent, at last understanding what he meant.

your boyfriend spoke little of his past, but the few things that he’d felt comfortable enough to elaborate on.. had been horrible to hear- it made your heart ache terribly in your chest.

“oh sephiroth..” you whispered gently, sliding your fingers into his hair comfortingly. “you’re okay, don’t apologize.. i was just worried since shellfish allergies are common..” you exhaled, panic dissipating. “i’m just glad you’re not sick.. but hey, you deserve this- alright? you work really hard everyday, you have been all your life.. this is the least i could do.”

he felt himself calm down gradually with your words, breaths slowly coming out more even. the male hadn’t planned on breaking down so suddenly, and while he felt bad.. you assured him that it was okay to react and feel as he did.

what.. made him so special to you? to go to all these extents for him and yet disregard all your efforts all at the same time..

“the ‘least’ you speak of hardly covers all that you do for me, y/n.. despite finding myself undeserving of your kindness.. i am forever grateful to be wanted and cared for by you — to be looked at in the way your eyes view me.. rather than the usual contempt and obsessive fascination scrutiny that i am met with.” he spoke after a brief silence, wanting to translate his feelings into words as best as possible.

they nearly had you melting, and out of pure adoration, you brought your lips at last to his. a reassurance that you had understood every bit of his feelings and that you had returned them all in full.

“you are every bit as deserving, sephiroth, as am i of you.. and i’ll always, always care for you. to me — you are everything, and worthy of all the love in the world.”

notes. screaming crying this is a little rushed towards the end but i hope it’s decent enough anon! my illiterate ass did not read the last bit of the request.. so i didn’t include the shinra bit😭 hope it’s okay!

↳ return to main masterlist . request rules . send an ask

#— ; 🏹 ) final fantasy vii fics. #final fantasy 7 imagine #ffvii #final fantasy sephiroth #ff7 #sephiroth #sephiroth x you #sephiroth x y/n #sephiroth x reader #sephiroth x gn!reader #final fantasy 7 x reader #final fantasy vii x reader #final fantasy vii #final fantasy 7 #final fantasy 7 crisis core #sephiroth ff7 #sephiroth ffvii #sephiroth crescent #sephiroth imagine #one winged angel

[syoounn]

✿Reminds me of you~

•Giving your husband some flowers~

•Characters: Chuuya, Sigma

Part 2

`*•.¸,¤°´✿.｡.:*`*•.¸,¤°´✿.｡.:*`*•.¸,¤°´✿.｡.:*`*•.¸,¤°´.•°

✿ Chuuya

You were walking to go home as you spotted a flower shop as you said to yourself why not to buy your husband one?

You decided to pick red roses since he loved them and suits him a lot.

After an hour of waiting, your husband as it came home tired and exhausted from work. "I told you, doll, you didn't have to wait for me."

You excitedly hugged him and wanted to see his reaction you're about to give to him.

"I have something to give you..! and a consideration for being a lovable husband."

Chuuya’s eyes opened softly at your words. He was interested now, but he had to ask. His eyebrows raised as he looked at you, a playful smirk coming on to his face.

“Now you have my attention, Doll. What’d you wanna give me~?”

You get the boquet of red roses and giving it to him with a smile

"Ta da..~"

Chuuya’s eyes widened at the sight of the beautiful bouquet of red roses. A thoughtful gift? Such a loving gesture? From his wife? He felt himself growing flustered. He had to stay cool. Had to…

“You got these… for me?” He murmured, his hands reaching out to clasp the bouquet. He then took a long sniff of its potent scent, the roses giving off a lovely, calming and sweet fragrance. A smell that would always be associated with you and you alone.

“Thank you… Doll, but why this suddenly? Just for being a good husband? Isn’t that just… what I’m supposed to be doing?"

"Of course im giving it to you cause i love you..!" you said.

He chuckled and as a blush getting more visible to his cheeks.

"I love you too, doll..." He said and planted a kiss from your lips.

Seeing him with the bouquet of roses making your heart melt... this is such a memory from both of you that impossibly can not forget.

`*•.¸,¤°´✿.｡.:*`*•.¸,¤°´✿.｡.:*`*•.¸,¤°´✿.｡.:*`*•.¸,¤°´.•°

✿ Sigma

It's finally the day you're going to visit your husband at the Sky Casino, You were all prepared to meet him as you just hope that he's not overworking himself again.

You arrived at the Sky Casino as you forgot something. Right..! Your gift for your husband... you were panicking as you remember you left it on the doorway as you got distracted seeing your sunflowers that you planted grew. As you have an idea to give him something the way you view him.

Finally, you and your husband meet up as he looks tired and worn out. "Dear, i missed you..." He said as he hugged you.

You hugged him back and feeling each others embrace, Sigma felt warm and safe. This is all he could ever want.

"I wanna give you something," you said.

Sigma’s eyes seemed like they would light up at the mention of getting a present.

“Really? What is it?” He asked in a quiet and loving voice.

You gave your husband the sunflower as his eyes widened as he was fascinated by the sunflower.

"Is this... what you planted last month?, It really bloomed beautiful."

"Mhm.. it really reminds me of you..."

You could see the blush that spread across your husband's cheeks, as he said.

“It does? How so?” He asked in a quiet voice as he looked at the sunflower, then you with those grey eyes of his before a small smile spread across his lips.

"Well... even the appearance is not that similar to you, but the way you always make me positive and love me makes me even fall for you even more"

His cheeks turned even redder as he looked at you.

“I-Is that so…?” He asked in a soft and barely audible voice as he blushed. Sigma would then look at the sunflower as he smiled back at you.

“So… this little flower resembles that…?” He asked with a slight smile as he held the sunflower tightly.

“…You know… whenever I have doubts about myself or the casino or sometimes I panic… sometimes even when you are not around… I can hold that flower and remember how much you love me… how much you support me and make me feel special…” He said as he looked at the sunflower with warm eyes.

“…I don’t say this out loud very often… but… I really do love you a lot.” He finished as his lips parted in the softest and cutest smile you've ever seen...

I-.. I love you too. You said, smiling back to him warmly.

As now both of you were flustered by those words you've exchanged to eachother. You were really glad to marry him.

`*•.¸,¤°´✿.｡.:*`*•.¸,¤°´✿.｡.:*`*•.¸,¤°´✿.｡.:*`*•.¸,¤°´.•°

#bsd x reader #bsd x gender neutral reader #bsd fluff #bsd x you #bsd x y/n #chuuya x reader #sigma x reader

[lunargrapejuice]

sephiroth + "it's getting crowded. here, hold my hand." and/or "i will never let you go."

p.s i adore how you write sephiroth sm i will always eat it up ravenously thank you <333

ahhh thank you so much lovely!<3 i wrote one but i'm still gonna write the other because i can't help myself with this man hehe🤭🩷 i hope you enjoy this one🥺 it got kinda long im sorry ahh again i could not help myself😵‍💫

🌙 prompt event

i will never let you go prompt

"it's getting crowded. here, hold my hand." | sephiroth x reader with no pronouns used

tonight the moon seems nothing more than a dim light in the distance against the bright city street that is busy with midgar citizens despite the late hour. booths and open storefronts line the street for as far as you can see, public security having blocked off the area so no vehicles could get through and people could wander the bustling night market freely. the scent of sweet and fried foods fills the air, accompanied by the chatter and giggles of everyone around you but it all feels dull against the butterflies in your chest that hadn’t stopped for a single moment since the start of your walk home.

but how could they when sephiroth had waited at the office in order to see you home safely and had kept close since you left the shinra building? you could feel the heat of his body, his long strides slowed in order to keep next to you but it’s a comfortable pace as he walks on the side of the walkway closest to the street and crowds of people.

with how broad his shoulders are, anytime you look up at him, he takes up your whole world, making your cheeks burn at the reminder of just how beautiful he is and how close he actually is to you. one sway of your hand to the right and your fingers would be brushing against his. you could reach out and move his long hair away from his face to give you a better view of those cat-like eyes that have always captivated you. but you don’t and instead let yourself fall into a comfortable silence when your mind runs away with thoughts of how it would feel to card you fingers through his hair, touch the tender skin of his cheek-

before you can get too far away from the reins you normally keep on your feelings for him, your attention to your surroundings come back just in time to see someone running in your direction a little too late for you to move out of the way, their eyes not in front of them and instead of the person jogging beside them. your body tenses, your eyes closing and you draw in a quick breath as if to prepare for the impact and the crash to the ground.

while you do feel the world around you move, there’s no force to the ground and instead of a harsh clashing of bodies, it’s as though you’re being gently tucked into one. the smell of leather and flora fills your senses and you know without a doubt you’re against sephiroth even before your eyes open to confirm it’s true. he had moved so quickly you are only now registering the arm around your middle that keeps you pressed against his body and when your eyes flutter open to be met with his worried ones, light brows knitted together in concern, you’re glad for it as your knees wobble.

he feels the shift in your body weight and easily adjusts his hold on you so you don’t lose your footing but hopes that you don’t hear or feel the way his heart is rapidly beating in his chest with how it feels to have you pressed into him. it certainly gets no better when you look up at him with eyes that sparkle in the street lights. but to his surprise, despite the overwhelming bursts of electricity firing off like fireworks in his chest, he’s able to speak.

“are you alright?”

slow to pull away, regretful that you have to, you feel his hold leave your side only when he knows you’re steady on your feet. your nod your head and the smile you wear is hiding your embarrassment. “ah - sorry about that.”

“it’s fine,” he chuckles, low and sweet, and the melody of it stops your worries in their tracks. all you can focus on is his handsome face in a soft, almost boyish, expression you quite like on him. “distracted by something?”

your cheeks burn and you’re unable to meet his eyes. yes but you’re not able to admit about what. “i guess so,” you try not to think about what was keeping your eyes and your mind occupied, what it felt like to be in his arms, pressed against his chest, just moments ago even though the feeling of him still tingles your skin everywhere your bodies connected. “theres.. just a lot going on out here. i think i’m a little used to the quieter walk home.”

it wasn’t entirely a lie. normally this street was empty on your way home and anytime sephiorth walked you it was just the two of you. you think you both prefer it that way considering how many eyes have looked sephiroths way tonight. you’re thankful they at least have been too busy to stop the famous war hero. or perhaps too scared to with how intimidating his presence felt to most. 

a feeling that wasn’t in your personal repertoire of emotions for him.

oh no, there was nothing close to intimidation or fear when he closes the distance between you, one step that puts you impossibly close as a couple walks behind him and takes a double look back. you hear them whisper his name amongst themselves but his focus is only on you. you’re unable to discern the emotions swirling like mako in his eyes but a part of you wonders if they are mirroring your own.

sephiroth knows this is just a crowd of citizens, not a battlefield or enemy territory, but there’s a deep need within him to protect you, keep you as close as possible so you don’t have to worry about anyone nearly crashing into you again or touching you if you don’t want them to. 

he’s been keenly aware of everyone around you, not normally liking being in such large crowds to begin with and wanting to ensure your safety always, but a part of him is also thankful for them tonight. at least in the sense that he might not have given in to his want to hold you had he not needed to in order to keep you safe. such intimate and tender moments are not something he is used to in the slightest but he craved it with you and the desire had only grown each time you touched. 

now was no exception - goddess it had only made it amplify to the tenth degree. he hadn’t wanted you to step away from his chest that caught your breath on his exposed skin or to be away from the softness of you in his hold. and you’re still here, right in front of him, right within his grasp, so close he could easily lean down and capture your lips.

it takes all of his strength to fight against the heart in his chest that aches for you but even in his seemingly infinite might, it still somehow gets the better of him. if only a bit.

“it's getting crowded. here, hold my hand.”

in your speechless state, all you can do is nod at his words as your cheeks burn and you take his offered hand. the leather of his gloves feels clean and his hand easily encases your own with its size but you also can’t deny how utterly perfect it feels and give it an experimental squeeze at the first step you take back down the street, hoping this walk home will last much longer tonight.

♡♡♡♡♡

main masterlist

#final fantasy vii #sephiroth #sephiroth x reader #final fantasy vii x reader #final fantasy x reader #final fantasy 7 #ff7 #ffvii #ff7 x reader

[aikatoru]

hi bby !!! wanted to request if u could write smth angsty where reader has a bad experience with relationships and geto or nanami (or any jjk character u prefer !!) helps experience what love is again (it sounds a lil corny im sorry 🥲 but the plot is based of a poem i made jajejajww)

thank you bby and have a nice dayy !!! 💛🩷

Someone You Love Note: (Hope you like it Riri!!)

Nanami x female reader angst

Word count: 1.5K words.

Warnings: Angst, cheating, kissing, making love, unprotected sex, pulling out, aftercare.

Summary:

When you found out your boyfriend cheated on you, you swore to never love again but fate had other plans when they intertwined your path with Nanami’s.

(Not proofread so please be kind)

Tagging: @planetoshun

Dividers are by myself

Love has always been such a funny little thing. The very word fascinates you. It’s just a four letter word and yet it carries so much weight. It can make a heart flutter, butterflies appear in your stomach and a smile form on your lips, as you hear your boyfriend told you that he loved you for the very first time.

It made you dizzy and filled with tremendous joy and in your daze, you pulled him in for a kiss. In that moment that was love, cause that was all you knew.

You never once thought that someone could just throw “I love yous” so easily, never once doubted him. In your naivety, you believed him as he held your hand and told you that you were the most beautiful woman in the world, you believed him when he told you that you’re special.

You let him make love to you, cause you were in love. He told you that you’re the best he’s ever had and you believed him. You let your guard down because you believed that you could trust him.

He was your everything. He made you feel safe and loved, he made you feel okay to be emotionally dependent on him. He was your best friend, until he started getting distant.

He stopped answering your texts as often and miss your calls a few times. Started coming by in the dead of the night, always wanting one thing, sex. And you would always give in, because you loved him and you thought he loved you.

It was only when he completely ghosted you, ignoring all your texts and calls, never once coming to see you, that you started to doubt. And yet, you held hope that he still loved you, so you went looking for him.

Hope came crashing down like a ton of bricks as you watch your boyfriend smiling and talking with another woman, reciting the same words he had once said to you on your dates, telling her the same “I love yous” you’ve always loved hearing.

Tears quickly formed and flowed down uncontrollably and you left, afraid of getting spotted, afraid of what he might think if he were to see you like this, because even after all that, you still care what he thought.

Yes, Love was a funny little word. And at that point you were done with it.

No longer will you love again, you swore to yourself.

But fate had other plans when they intertwined your path with Nanami’s.

He was overworked and sleep deprived. You had met him in the bar where you worked, nursing a glass of beer one night. He had just been staring at his glass the entire time and so you felt the urge to ask him if he was alright.

He snapped out of his thoughts and cleared his throat as he nodded and told you that he was fine, grabbing his glass and taking a large swig.

He ordered two more beers and a couple of shots. By the time he was done, he was stumbling all over himself, struggling to stand even. You managed to catch him just before he falls over. You tried asking him where he’s staying but he couldn’t form a coherent answer, your boss told you to just leave him on the bench outside but you refused and dragged him back to your apartment.

Nanami wakes up with a raging hangover the next day, his head was pounding and he looks around not recognizing where he was, slowly getting up to look around, only to find you in nothing but an oversized t-shirt…if you were wearing shorts it did little to cover your exposed thighs from his wandering eyes.

Your back was facing him as you were cooking in your small kitchen. He cleared his throat to make his presence known and you jumped, a little startled from it. Turning to face him, you gave him a small smile telling him that breakfast was almost ready and to take a seat at the table.

Fascinated by the unknown, he decided to not question it and just do as you said.

After a while he was greeted with a plate of pancakes and a glass of warm milk as you took a seat in front of him. You pass him an aspirin and he said a simple thank you before downing everything, he was hungry, he hadn’t eaten anything since last night.

You watched him eat in fascination. Taking small bites of your own plate, you didn’t quite realize just how good looking he was, you didn’t get a very good look last night.

When he was finished eating, you giggled as you told him that he had some syrup on the side of his mouth. He tried wiping it off but didn’t get it so you offered to help, leaning over the table, reaching out your hand to gently wipe at his mouth, but you lingered there, hand still resting on his face, eyes meeting his, searching, for something you’re not quite sure until finally someone leans in and your lips meet in a tender kiss.

And there it was again, the butterflies. That damn awful feeling again. It was addictive and that was how you find yourself spread out on the table getting fucked by the stranger you had just met last night. Dirty plates crashed on the floor as you continued your sexcapade.

You gasped as his cock pounded into you, scratching up his back, you never had someone as big as him before and the stretch was absolutely delicious.

He couldn’t help but rip your shirt to shreds desperate to see more of your skin, kissing every single inch of your expose flesh.

It was all so good, you were so good and he wanted more, he wanted you. Your tight wet pussy was so inviting as it squeezes around his thick girth.

His hips meeting yours in a sinful manner, his tip bruising your cervix with every thrust, causing you to squirm and moan in his hold.

But the lewd sounds of your increasing slick was a dead indicator that you were enjoying this just as much as he was.

You couldn’t help but scream as you hit your climax, walls squeezing, creaming all over his cock. Nanami chokes, quickly pulling out to spray all over your stomach.

Pumping his cock a few more times to coat your pussy in his cum.

After the high wears off, Nanami was the first to get up and head to the bathroom, coming back with a wet towel to clean you up. And after that he carried you bridal style to your bedroom, lying you down on your bed, getting you under the covers and spooning you.

It was funny, it was strange. You had just met this person and already you felt like he has done so much more for you, than your ex boyfriend ever has. Or probably you were just not used to aftercare.

But being in Nanami’s arms made you feel safe and you find yourself falling asleep sooner than you’d expected.

And that was how your relationship started, you found out that his name was Nanami Kento and that he was a salaryman with crazy work hours and a measly pay, when you had questioned why he continued working there, he kept quiet about it and you didn’t want to push him. You were not one to talk after all, working as a mere waitress in a bar. It wasn’t exactly first class either.

Since you both weren’t making much money, you couldn’t afford to go on much extravagant dates but what you both lack in money was more than made up for in sex.

You literally spend almost every single night fucking each other like rabbits, never getting enough of each other. How could you when Nanami Kento was a fucking menace. Always acting so gentle and sweet but rutting into you so aggressively leaving bruises in his wake.

You started spending more and more time together and on one lazy Sunday afternoon, while you were lying in bed and Nanami was stroking your hair, you finally confessed, telling him that you love him. And you didn’t miss the way he paused in  his movements and sighs before giving you a smile, asking you if you were hungry, diverting the conversation.

Maybe you should have taken that as a warning sign, maybe you should have seen it for what it was, but you were so blinded, so wanting to be loved that you overlooked it all.

And maybe that’s why one day, he stops contacting you altogether. No calls, no texts and no more coming over.

At first you thought he was just busy, maybe work just got way too much for him so you decided to visit him at his workplace, only to find out that he’s quit his job and no one knows where he went.

It was as if he was a ghost, there was no trace of him except for the scent he left on your sheets. And as you sobbed on your bed, wrapping yourself up in the blankets that smelled so much like him, trying to remember what it was like to have him hold you…you couldn’t help but wonder if he was thinking about you too even for just a second…

…left to nurse your broken heart once again, you were just getting used to being someone he loves.

The End

© Aikatoru - I do not give permission to plagiarize, translate or repost any of my works.

#aika writes 🤍 #aikatoru blog #nanami kento #jjk nanami #nanami x reader #nanami smut #nanami x reader smut #nanami x reader angst #jjk x reader #jjk angst #nanami angst #nanami x you #nanami x y/n

[its-warm-in-here]

Teeth

Oh hell, I'm writing again. Let's see if this has legs, maybe I'll write a follow-up.

Alastor x !DeerDemon! Reader

Warnings: imbalance of power, cannibalism

The fact that he’s humming is the opposite of comforting. 

Alastor’s room was, even compared to the rest of the hotel, bizarre. The whole foyer resembles a hunting lodge, complete with roaring hearth, mounted antlers and furniture made of bone. Nervous, you shift from hoof to hoof in the entryway, tail straight up and hair on end. If you crossed this precipes, you’d be in the lion's den. No matter how much he resembled other cervid sinners. This demon had killed and devoured countless others, and based on his furnishing, he had a particular fondness for deer. Instead of ending in a wall or window, the back of the room gives way to another realm.  Like someone had punched a forest into the inbetween space of the hotel walls. You wonder how far back it went, or if there was even an end. 

A staticky wail from the gramophone snapped you back to reality. The sound gave way to easy jazz and Alastor turned the music down a bit, that ever-present smile playing on his wide mouth. “No need to be shy, my deer. This shouldn't take more than a moment.” With a lip worry, you hesitate. Sure you’d said yes to this, but you’d expected a quick bite, just a sample, not whatever this performance was. Was he trying to put you at ease? Because he’s failing spectacularly. “Besides, it's quite rude to linger in doorways. Especially when you’ve already been invited in.” 

With one last breath, you step into the room. Its distinctly cooler than the hallway even with the fireplace. It is probably due to having a literal forest embedded into it, but it makes you shiver. Still humming, Alastor loops around, shutting the door behind you and ushering you further into his abode with a hand at your waist. “I just...have never done anything like this before,” you mumble. He seats you at one of the two chairs. You’re pretty sure that the leather is elk hide. You hope it is an elk at least. Elks are assholes. 

“Neither have I. Invigorating, isn't it?” Alastor chirps. Once more, he circles around, stripping that ever present, pinstripe coat off and draping it over the opposite seat. It catches you off guard, you’ve never seen him without it. Hell, you doubt that anyone in the whole hotel had ever seen him without it. Though, Alastor is hardly vulnerable. If anything, you’re even more unsettled than before. As if this was a relaxing experience for him. It's just a quick glance, just before he turns to face you, but you swear you spot the tuft of a red tail at the top of his trousers. That makes your stomach twist. Since arriving in the Pride Circle, not once could you have ever considered consuming another conscious being, let alone one that was alive and in the same vein of sinner. 

Yet, Alastor seemed to revel in it.

Bouncing your knees, your hooves send a steady tapping rhythm through the room. “I don't know if I'd use those words exactly.” 

“No need to be nervous. Im not set to devour you whole,” his hand comes to rest over your clasped fingers. The bouncing halts. “Never in all my time in Hell have I seen a sinner with quite an impressive regenerative ability. A little nip here-” fingers tuck your hair behind your ear, exposing the junction where your neck met your shoulder, “-will heal up in an instant.” 

You rub the skin he’s touched, finally meeting those red eyes of his. “There’s a bit of a difference from getting hit by a drunk driver, peeling myself up like road kill and letting an overlord munch on me though.” Alastor’s eyes flash. This activity excited him far more than it should in your humble opinion. 

“Well, if its boundaries that worry you, we can always make a deal instead, hm?” he leers, knowing full well that the deal might give some ground rules for whatever this fucked up relationship was, but would give him even more sway over you. 

Jerking back, you jab him in the chest, “We’re starting with one bite. Don't push your luck, Alastor.” 

He smiles, stands, then shrugs, “Well, let's get started then.” 

With a huff, you undo the top few buttons of your dress shirt and half yank off the sleeve, wanting to avoid any unnecessary mess. Cool hands close over your shoulders and the skin to skin contact makes you jump. For someone who hated being touched, Alastor sure loved to make others uncomfortable using his own. There’s a flash of teeth and you feel the fringe of his hair at your cheek, then a moment of hesitation. It's in that you realize he’s smelling you. Anyone else this could be intimate, romantic even, but the underlying motivations are all the wrong kind of carnal. “If we're doing this can we--” 

Alastor bites down, sharp teeth cutting deep into the meat of your shoulder. It's a sharp pain and a cry builds in your throat. You press your palms flat to his chest, ready to heave the Radio Demon off with all your strength. There's a swift pull at your flesh. You try to scream, letting the pain out, but Alastor’s hand closes over your mouth, muffling the cry. Scrambling  further back in the chair, you try to cover the new wound, but Alastor still has you in a vice grip. His eyes are gently closed as he chews, small noises of pleasure like someone enjoying the first bite of a luxurious meal. God, it makes your stomach turn. The sheer amount of delight he was getting from literally eating you alive. 

Still you can't help but wonder... How... do you taste? 

The vial thought is pushed to the side the moment Alastor leaned in for seconds. “Whoa, hey!” you shove back, “One bite, we said one!” His teeth are already primed against your shoulder, pricking torn flesh, but he retreats, smug smile spread firmly in place. Best you can, you glance at your shoulder. It's a jagged bite, stretching from the line of your collarbone to the top of your trapezius exposing muscles and tendons. But not deep enough to reach bone. The wide gash is already beginning to knit itself together and the pain is fading with it. Letting out a breath, you fall back in the chair.

“See? That wasn’t so bad,” Alastor teases, tracing his thumb over the edge of the wound, threatening to jab the digit in. You swat his hand away and shoot a glare up at him. With a huff, you yank the sleeve back up and do your best to ignore the self-satisfied overlord. 

“That hurt, you know,” you snap, righting your outfit.  

“I barely broke skin!” Alastor insists with a sing-song voice, “And I doubt my nibble was much worse than that oncoming truck.” His tongue traces the line of his teeth. “That was quite a toothsome treat, my deer. Maybe next time we could make a full meal of it.” 

“Next time...” your mind wanders to how much that could hurt and if there even should be a next time. The words are under your breath but his ears prick up at the utterance. 

“If you’re interested in continuing with this little arrangement, that is,” he interjects.”But what kind of a deal maker would I be if I didn’t hold up my end of the bargain.” Right! The whole reason you’d agreed to this whole verbal agreement in the first place. You hop to your feet, a playful smile spreading over your face. “So what’ll it be? Now, don't expect much from our little understanding, but I'm a man of my word. One simple request that is in my power, is yours.” Alastor gives his microphone/cane a twirl before his gaze narrows, testing you.

Lots of things spring to mind. A bigger room at the hotel. A dance. Something to prank Angel Dust with. All the while you ponder, Alastor stoops, bending at the waist to make sure you knew you were being watched. A mistake on his part. Staring him dead in the face, you match his cheshire cat grin. “That's because I did this as a favor. I don’t need anything.” 

“Come now, I’m offering this as a courtesy.” 

“Afraid I'd hold something over you, Alastor?” you tease. He’s dangerously close now. Smug. Your lips twitch, but your smile stays glued. The miniscule respect he had in this moment would evaporate the moment it fell. “Well, I suppose there is one tiny thing I do want.” 

Your hands dart to the top of his head, and fingers close over his ears. They are stiff but bend with a bit of pressure, and the fur is soft even as it bristles at your touch. For a moment, a breath is held and Alastor does not react, frozen in place. Then the world around shifts. Darkness closes in tight and any breath leaves the room. The gramaphon's soft music swells to an ungodly static. The corners of Alastor’s mouth twitch into an impossibly broad, neon grin, and the air around you buzzes with raw energy. The red of his eyes deepen to pitch black aside from two pinpricks of dial shaped irises. He does not move, but his shadow shifts, reshaping into something awful on the wall behind. In this moment he could snuff out your hellish existence. 

Oh, to wield such power. 

And you let go. Arms go up in surrender and you retreat a few steps. “And we're even.” 

Just like that, the room snaps back. The strange cold ebbs away as pine and fire rush back into your nostrils. Your host relaxes, stepping back towards the exit and leveling a judging eye. It's a quick flourish, and his jacket is back in place. All the walls are back up. Alastor's face turns down just a touch before settling to a sly smirk and then he bends in a half bow. Not low enough to make you feel respected, but enough to put an end to the interaction. Your smile turns to pride as you mime the gesture. “That was surprisingly pleasant, all things considered,” you muse as you strut past him. Alastor may have finally gotten a chunk off you, that’d been something he’d been craving since you’d arrived in this place. 

But you’d gotten something no one else ever had and lived. 

Before you can step out of the room, Alastor’s hand closes over your forearm and you freeze. Terror courses through your veins. While there was no killing in the hotel, that didn't mean a powerful overlord couldn’t trap you in some pocket-torture dimension for overstepping. “I would suggest keeping this little exchange between us, hmm?” Nails bite into the meat of your arm, almost as sharp as his teeth. That grin is ever present, but the smile doesn’t reach his eyes. A threat. 

You chew the inside of your cheek. Sure Charlie and Vaggie allowed for a few vices in the hotel, but this would probably be at the bottom of their list for team building activities. “Understood,” you say with a curt nod. 

Alastor’s fingers drum once and he releases you. “Lovely,” the charismatic note bounces back into his voice, “Now, what do you say to some etouffee? It might be a bit early in the day but after that little appetizer, I’m positively ravenous for something more substantial.” With that, he sweeps past you into the hall.

#alastor #hazbin hotel #radio demon #alastor x reader #reader is a deer demon #alastor is a cannibal #dont like dont read #this is kinda gross #but so is the radio demon #sorry not sorry #asexual Alastor

[kvtie444]

⋆‧₊˚ TEACHERS PET pt. 5

A/N: ALL CHARACTERS ARE OVER 18!! ehh not proofread lol

Summary: Reader has a new teacher and finds herself falling for him blahblahblah teachers pet by melanie vibes xoxo

Warnings: nsfw, swearing, mentions of struggling/mental health,

master list with other parts here !!

・₊✧⋆⭒˚｡⋆

Reader pov

From Matt

Can we talk, please?

I'm sorry.

I’ve left him on opened for nearly 2 weeks now, skipping all of his lectures. I feel like shit. I mean this whole situation was ridiculous, no way did I actually believe my teacher was catching feelings for me. 

Im laying in bed, my laptop propped up on my tummy whilst im eating popcorn, when I get an email notification, from the school board. Shit. I click on it.

Dear: Y/n L/n

Please consider this a letter of warning concerning your continuing attendance problems. Attendance records indicate that since 02/12/23, you have used a total of 13 days on leave.

This letter shall serve as a written warning, that if excessive sick leave usage continues, you will be placed of a medical certificate requirement. You may also risk facing permanent exclusion. 

We would like to speak to you on 20/12/23 in class 1W 3.30 to discuss this further.

Thank you.

I need to get my shit together.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

The next day arrives, and I reluctantly make my way to the class, anxiety gnawing at me. The school board meeting is scheduled for today, and the thought of facing potential consequences weighs heavily on my mind.

Entering the classroom, I nervously scan the room, and to my surprise, Matt is here - just Matt.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, a hint of tension in my voice. "I need to be here. I am your teacher, aren't I?" he replies, his tone calm but with an undercurrent of concern.

The tension in the air is palpable, and I can't shake off the feeling that someone knows about my affair with Matt. The paranoia sets in, making every glance and whisper feel like a potential accusation.

The minutes tick by slowly and in silence, me and Matt sharing an occasional glance, and when the door opens, my heart skips a beat. Two figures enter the room - a stern-looking woman from the headboard and another person who turns out to be a representative from the school's administration. Panic sets in, and I can feel the colour draining from my face.

The stern woman from the headboard steps forward, her eyes fixed on me. "Y/n L/n, is it?" she questions, her tone authoritative.

I nod, my throat dry, unable to form words. Matt shifts uncomfortably beside me, his eyes darting between me and the approaching figures.

"We're here to discuss your attendance issues," the administrator states, flipping through some papers. "It has come to our attention that your frequent absences are jeopardizing your academic standing."

As they continue to speak, my mind races. Do they know about Matt? Is this about our affair? I try to maintain composure, avoiding eye contact with Matt.

"We understand that personal matters can affect attendance, but it's essential to find a balance," the stern woman adds.

I nod again, managing a weak response, "Yes, I understand."

They go on to suggest counselling and support services, and my mind starts to ease. Maybe this isn't about Matt. Perhaps they're genuinely concerned about my well-being.

However, as the meeting concludes, the stern woman fixes her gaze on me and says, "We hope to see an improvement, Ms. L/n. Remember, your education is crucial."

The relief is short-lived. As they leave the room, Matt leans towards me, his expression a mix of concern and confusion. "You okay?" he whispers.

"Mhm," I reply, trying to sound convincing, but doubt lingers in my voice.

"Are you sure?" he persists, scepticism in his eyes.

"Yep," I repeat, unsure whether I believe it myself.

In the aftermath of the meeting, Matt's concerned gaze follows me as we both exit the classroom. The weight of the unspoken truth hangs between us, making the air thick with tension. I can't bring myself to meet his eyes, fearing that he might see the panic and uncertainty that lingers in mine.

"Hey," he speaks up. I turn my head to look at Matt, who nods, motioning to the left. He grabs my hand, pulling me through an archway and behind a secluded column.

"What's up with you, Y/n? Why haven't you replied to my messages?" he asks, his blue eyes looking down into mine. I look away, but he brings his free hand up to force my jaw to face him. I meet his gaze before speaking up, "I'm talking to someone else," I lie straight through my teeth. I wanted to make him jealous, wanted to piss him off.

"Oh?" he coos at me, slightly tilting his head. "Who?" he asks, walking forward with me, pinning me against the wall, our chests practically touching.

"Some guy from this frat house," I think quickly. A small hum leaves his lips before his head cranes down, kissing my neck softly, his hot breath sending chills down my body.

"Thought you said you only liked older guys," he mumbles against my skin. My eyes flutter shut, and my hands instinctively go to his hair.

"I didn't-" I gasp as Matt bites down against my neck, sucking harshly. "I didn't say exclusively," I whine.

"Does he make you feel as good as me?" he mumbles, kissing down my collar, looking up into my eyes through his fluffy hair. I bite my lip to contain my small moans. He bites down again, urging me to answer.

"No," I whine.

"Good," he mumbles against my skin before coming back to my lips and hungrily kissing me, his hands tight on my hips. My nails rake down his chest as his knee slightly parts my leg, rubbing against me, causing me to moan against his lips. What the hell am I doing?

I pull away. "Matt," he looks down at me, shit he looks so good when his lips are all pink and plump after kissing me. I gently push him away. "I can't do this," I say, putting my hands out and walking ahead. He scoffs slightly behind me as I walk ahead.

Matt Pov 😌

I watch Y/n walk away, her silhouette fading into the distance, and guilt washes over me like a relentless tide. No matter how hard I tried to make her hate me, we kept gravitating back towards each other. I couldn't deny the electrifying allure of our connection, even though every rational part of me screamed that it was wrong.

But now, worry consumes me. She's gone off the grid, skipping my lessons, and her grades are undoubtedly plummeting. I can't stand seeing her spiral like this. As much as I've pushed her away, there's a haunting realization that her well-being matters to me more than I let on.

The mention of the frat boy was an obvious lie. Selfish as it may sound, I know she's whipped on me. I treated her poorly, spoke to her like shit, yet she still sought me out. It's a toxic cycle we're caught in, and I'm complicit in it.

I sigh heavily as I make my way to the car park, unlocking my car. The rain looms in the distance, and another wave of guilt crashes over me. She's probably walking home in the downpour right now, and the thought twists my stomach in knots.

A sudden impulse guides me to text her,

From Matt

Need a lift?

From Y/n

yh

I sent her my parking spot, she approaches the car, raindrops cascade over her, framing her figure in a glistening silhouette. She enters the car, and I can't help but notice the weariness in her eyes.

"Thanks," she mumbles, avoiding eye contact. The air in the car is thick with unspoken words, and the rhythmic patter of rain against the car roof creates a cocoon of intimacy.

"Y/n," I start, my voice low and sincere, "I can't keep pretending like this is okay. We need to talk about us, about what's happening."

She nods, "Matt, I really like you. Like a lot. But you're such a headfuck. I mean, one minute you're literally all over me, making me feel like the happiest girl in the world. Then the next thing I know, you want nothing to do with me. It makes me feel used, and I hate you for it. But at the same time, I can't stop myself from crawling back to you," she confesses, her wet hair clinging to her skin as she looks up at me, vulnerability in her gaze.

I lick my lips, taking in the weight of her words. She's bared her soul, and the honesty cuts through the tension. I sigh, unable to deny the truth, "I like you, Y/n. You're smart, funny, pretty, and just overall an amazing girl. But this can't work, as much as I want it to. I tried to push you away, and look how far that got us. Y/n, do you realize how fucked this situation is? I mean, I'm your teacher," I emphasize, my tone unintentionally harsh.

"No shit," she mumbles, her gaze shifting away, focusing on the rain-splattered window.

"Hey," I say quietly, attempting to regain her attention. She turns to look back at me, her eyes searching mine. It's a critical moment, and I have a decision to make. Keep seeing her, make her happy, but risk everything. Or break her heart and face her almost every day in my lectures, knowing how much I hurt her. Shit.

"Do you wanna..." I take a pause, feeling the weight of my words. Do I really want to do this? Yes.

"Do you wanna go out with me sometime? Like a real date?"

・₊✧⋆⭒˚｡⋆

tag list !!

@iloveneilperry @bernardenjoyer

@daddyslilchickenfingers

@mbbsgf @sturnvilmed @sturnphilia @s1urnioloslvr

@mattsbratt @mangoposts @christinarowie332

@recklesssturniolo @bluesturniolo333

@flowerxbunnie @kenzieiskoolaid @pepsiskiess

@poopydroopt @byechristopher @solarsturniolo

@m6ttsturniolo @lustfulslxt @stardustmf444

@thankyounextt @glossyfx @bellasturniolo @justurniolos @cl0esblogg @strumbolisworld

#chris sturniolo #chris sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo x reader #angst #nick sturniolo #fluff #imagine #smut #matt sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #spotify #christopher sturniolo #daddy frank #hear me out

[beepboopkek]

— I will always come to your aid (AFAB!Reader)

AMAB!Reader has also been posted! including: Jing Yuan cw: !!NSFW!!, afab!reader, grammar and spelling errors possible, pwp but barely, hinted that reader has a s1ze k1nk, f1ng3r1ng, reader is a little sarcastic, still spreading my Jing Yuan is a Bastard (affectionate) agenda, masturbat1on, getting caught masturbat1ng, d1rty talk, cum eat1ng, no use of y/n, reader can be interpreted as the trailblazer but they are NOT stelle/caelus, safe sane and consensual w/c: 2k a/n: people liked strip starchess so much so here is another one of my brainrots... i dont usually like this troupe that much but i find myself excusing anything and everything for jing yuan so here we are. for my male reader likers i got u, its being posted right after this so you guys can enjoy too :3. also just remember that this is NOT stelle/caelus, its the you haha, i dont like shipping the raccoons with anyone as a personal pref so im just making that clear :3. anyways same warning as last time this is like my third time writing smut and also english isnty my first language. enjoy!!

The crisis on the Xianzhou Luofu was mostly over.

Which meant you had to leave the man you had fallen head over heels in love with.

Well— love may be an exaggeration but you weren't fucking around when it came to him.

Jing Yuan.

Your eyes had been hooked onto him the second you two met, his pleasant smile, his calm demeanor, his body—fuck, everything about him enamored you.

You could only wish that there was some other universe where he reciprocated your feelings.

You departed with a respectful nod of the head, despite wanting to smoosh your face between his pecs and cry about never getting to see them again.

The only hope that you did have though, was the jade abacus he had gifted you and your companions.

“No matter how astronomically distant you are, The Luofu Cloud Knights will always come to the aid of the Crew, whatever your need may be.”

Of course, his next sentence was to not use it for trivial matters when he saw March’s reaction, much to your amusement.

There was a discussion on who should keep the jade abacus, March being ruled out first much to her annoyance.

It landed between you and Dan Heng and given his history with the Xianzhou Luofu, he handed it to you.

That's how you ended up here, standing in front of your locked door with the abacus in your hand.

What if you grip it— You need to rinse your brain with cold water at this point…

You flopped onto bed, letting the exhaustion of the day seep into your bones as the plush blanket and pillows surrounded you.

You threw the abacus to your side, you'll take care of it later, not like you're gonna need it right now anyway.

Your mind flooded with images of Jing Yuan, his voice and everything you had been through together.

Fuck.

Your hand drifted towards your pussy, already feeling some wetness gathering at the thought of what you were about to do.

— Touch yourself to the thought of the General of the Cloud Knights on the Xianzhou Luofu, one of the most powerful beings to ever exist in history.

You shook your doubts away, he's just Jing Yuan to you.

You took off your shorts in record speed, tossing your panties along with it.

You never really touched yourself that often so you tried to imagine your hand being his instead.

You rubbed your clit, gasping at the cold touch of your fingers on the warm flesh.

How would he touch you?

He'd take his time, surely. He's not one to rush things— He'd work you open slowly for his cock—fuck, you're sure it's in proportion with how goddamn large his body is.

You moaned as you inserted two fingers inside you. You wanted to imagine Jing Yuan doing it, really, But, you also wanted an orgasm quickly so you can sleep. So, you just decided to go with imagining his voice talking to you.

You pistoned your fingers in and out, curling them at the spot only you could reach with your much smaller hands.

It was too intense, the thought of his deep voice guiding you through was enough to get your orgasm to graze along the edges of  your belly slowly, building up to be a strong one.

You grabbed the blanket next to you, gripping it tightly as you whispered Jing Yuan's name and continued thrusting your fingers inside you.

You swear the normal part of your brain recognised you gripping an object while gripping the blanket as well but you were genuinely too out of it to care in the slightest.

You're just about to orgasm when everything in your room rattles, as if there's an earthquake. 

Which should be impossible considering you are literally on a massive train that travels through space.

You let go of the blanket and sit up in shock, looking around to see what happened.

…With your fingers still inside you.

“Followers of the Nameless, I am here to assist you, tell me about the situ— Oh.”

You blinked.

Jing Yuan blinked.

Oh. Fuck.

You scrambled, ripping your fingers out and slapping your lower half with a pillow.

“J-Jing Yuan I-” 

You gulped, trying to calm your racing heart, you just got caught masturbating by your crush.

Life is going great.

Your cheeks and ears were beet red now, opening and closing your mouth as you tried to say something, anything to get you out of this situation.

Jing Yuan was just as surprised, if not astonished, by the scene that had unfolded in front of him.

He was finishing up some paperwork that Lady Fu had so kindly delivered to him in the Alchemy Commission when suddenly, the jade abacus he had clipped to his belt loop started vibrating.

Not one to panic, he quickly unhooked it and got it closer to his ear, so that he could hear what the Express were asking of.

What he didn't expect was to hear the voice of his crush, the one that he has acquired after decades of not entertaining any romantic relationships, whispering and calling out his name.

Okay, maybe now he should panic.

Without a second thought, Jing Yuan summoned his weapon and gripped the jade abacus back, signaling it to teleport him to your location.

Paperwork be damned he would rather lose a hundred years of his life if it mean you would be safe.

That landed him here, in front of a half-naked (and very surprised) you.

He dissolved his weapon into thin air and folded his arms against his chest.

“Well, this is a surprise.”

“Wow, you don't say.”

Jing Yuan raised an eyebrow at your tone.

“S-sorry, I don't know how you got here.”

An interesting turn of events.

“... Did you not call for me?”

“No, Why would I? Even if I did, how did you just…magically appear here?”

“Oh, dear.”

“What?”

“The jade abacus. I think you… I think you gripped it while you were…busy.”

He looked into your eyes and back down at the pillow that was barely covering your lower half.

“The jade aba—” 

You cut yourself off, turning to your side to where you had thrown it, only to find the wretched object to be in the center of your crumpled blanket.

“Fuck.” 

“Jing Yuan— I am so, so , so, sorry, I swear this was an honest mistake and I'll—”

Jing Yuan cut you off with the raise of his hand. “I forgive you.” “Really? Great let me j—”

“On one condition.” Of course there’s a catch. You sighed begrudgingly.

“What do you need help with?” “Quite the opposite, actually.” Your eyes widened but before you could let out your protests, Jing Yuan spoke up again. “You let me help you finish.” The gall of this man.You’re still going to take the chance that he doesn’t know what you were doing. “Finish what?”

You tried to sound innocent but your voice came out breathier than you wanted it to be. “Dont play coy now, you know exactly what I mean.” Your face burnt in embarrassment as you looked away. Jing Yuan dragged your desk chair and got it to the front of your bed before sitting down and making himself comfortable, propping one leg on the other and leaning back. “Go on, show me exactly what you were doing before I got here,hm?” “I can’t.” Jing Yuan paused, shit, had he misread the situation? Maybe he should—

“I can’t do it without you.” You had covered your red face at this point, way too embarrassed to look him in the eye while speaking. Jing Yuan just about lost it at that, abandoning all doubt and pouncing on you, grabbing your face to take you in a devouring kiss. He threw the pillow covering your bottom half in a random direction, quickly pecking you on the cheeks before pulling your hand over his. “Guide me.” You nodded shyly and pushed his hand towards your dripping pussy again. Fuck. His hands were just the way you imagined them. Warm and big, enough to hold your own two hands.

His hand (under your guidance and insistence) cupped your pussy and grinded the heel of his palm into your sensitive clit. “I’ve barely touched you, were you this wet while we were talking,hm? Did it turn you on to have me catch you in such an embarrassing state?” Jing Yuan whispered in your ear as he hovered over you and you thanked every aeon known for this opportunity because fuck, your imagination did not do any justice to how good the general was. Jing Yuan dipped the tip of his finger in your core, not entering but adding just enough stimulation for you to feel something there.

“Answer me.”

“No, I swear I didn’t, Jing Yuan, please—”

Jing Yuan smiled, he didn’t know you would be this easy to subdue.

He gently thrusted his finger inside, watching your face for any discomfort or resistance.

But, he was only met with your blissed out face, as you gasped in pleasure from his ministartions.

“Were you able to reach here?” He curled his finger upwards, hitting your sensitive spot just right.

You threw your hand over your mouth, pinching your mouth shut and praying, once again, to all the aeons you knew that the other passengers on the Express were dead asleep and couldn’t hear you. Granted, your room was the last in the carriage and had a decent amount of sound proofing but, you were still not risking it.

Your snapped out of your worries when Jing Yuan pushed in another finger alongside the one that was already in you.

“It looks like you’re getting distracted, maybe I’m not doing my job well enough?”

“N—Fuck, Its good, I’m sorry—Shit—”

Jing yuan simply kissed your head affectionately like he wasnt fingering you to hell and back right now and picked up the pace of his fingers.

Your hand was just gripping his wrist and you werent sure if it was to egg him to continue or get him to slow down and stop.

Maybe both.

Your head rolled back on the bed, exposing your bare neck to Jing Yuan as he immediately took the opportunity to cover your neck in kisses, Aeons be dammed. There's no way hes letting you walk out of this room unmarked and not carrying any proof of the evening you spent with him.

You gasped as your orgasm finally, finally overtook you. You shook in the general’s grasp as he continued thrusting his fingers in and out, drawing out the pleasure.

Taking his soaked fingers out, he popped them in his mouth, savouring the taste while you recovered from the intense bout of sensations you just went through.

You propped yourself up on your elbows again, looking at Jing Yuan owlishly as your head cleared from the horniness.

Jing Yuan only smiled at you before holding your head and kissing your forehead again before gathering you in his arms.

“Call me old fashioned or old but I do believe in the proper process of courting someone and,”

He looked into your eyes as he cupped your face in one palm and brushed the thumb along the seam of your chin.

“I think we skipped a few steps.”

“Yeah, no shit, general.”

He laughed at that, his chest shaking as the deep sound rumbled from his throat, you blushed again.

You were in the arms of the man you’ve wanted to kiss since you stepped foot on the Xianzhou ship.

You covered your burning face with your palms again as Jing Yuan’s laughter died down into little chuckles.

“We did all of that and youre getting shy now?”

“Shut up. You have no idea how much I’ve wanted this.”

“Wanted what? To get fingered by me?”

“No! — I mean that too, I guess, but I meant being held by you! Stop playing games, Jing Yuan.”

Jing Yuan only laughed as he took his free hand and grabbed your hands, turning them towards him one after the other and kissing the palm.

“I jest, I jest. But, I must stay here for the night. I’m afraid I cant travel back to the Xianzhou Luofu seeing as we aren’t closeby.”

You smiled.

Jing Yuan’s eyes twinkled in mischief right back at you.

“Be my guest.”

#jing yuan #jing yuan x reader #honkai star rail smut #honkai star rail x reader #jing yuan smut #jing yuan x you #afab reader