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solarpunkani · 11 months

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"Oh no, someone's attracted to the aesthetics of my -punk movement but doesn't know the praxis and history behind it like I do--"

OK. Tell them. Make it a teaching moment. Everyone who's in your movement learned the background from somewhere at some point, maybe this is that point for that person. Give them a jumping off point that they can dive into later.

"Oh but I shouldn't be responsible for teaching baby -punks about the history and the how-tos and--"

OK. Then don't tell them. You don't have to be responsible for teaching people with a budding interest in your group the ins and outs and how-tos. That's fair and valid! It can be a lot of work. Someone else will handle it

"But I'm annoyed that they would try to claim to be part of/be interested in my community without knowing all the details that I know after being in it for months/years/decades, they're dumb, they're posers, they're--"

OK. Then don't engage with them, if it's that bad. Maybe someone else will come around and tell them the history, maybe they'll pick it up on their own, maybe they'll just enjoy the fashion elements for awhile.

"But they shouldn't claim to be part of the -punk community if they don't know the--"

I feel like we have a few options here. People can either talk to them, share the history, share the values, share the praxis. Or they can just chase off anyone who even thinks about dipping a toe in their community, and then wonder why it's dying off later down the line.

I dunno, maybe I'm too naive and patient or whatever. But if people are entering your -punk spaces without knowing The Rundown of what you feel they need to know, maybe being nice about it and informing people instead of immediately assuming stupidity and malicious intent could help you make a new friend. Even the loudest voices in a space had to learn from somewhere, and not everyone has the luxury of being in the space as the History was Happening--whether it's an age thing or a not being aware of the space thing. Or maybe I just don't see what the big deal is behind people hating people who like the aesthetic of something and don't know the behind the scenes history about it yet.

Because I believe in the word 'yet.' No one comes into this world knowing everything about everything, and we're all constantly learning new things. I'm not gonna degrade someone and call them a poser for not knowing what I know. Because if it were me, interested in a scene but getting chased out and called a poser? I wouldn't hit the books and study up, I'd go 'that fuckin sucks, those people sucked' and then avoid anyone and anything having to do with it.

So chase people off and call them posers if you want. But if your community starts dwindling, don't be fucking shocked.

#out of queue #ani rambles #punks and posers #i cant even call this a 4am hot take because its 7pm but like #idk i keep seeing posts about like 'how DARE people think I bought my punk clothes how DARE they not know the how-tos and DIYs'#or 'ugh people only care about the ~aesthetics~ of my movement if you don't know shit get out of here' and like #maybe I'm just a shy ass introverted nerd whos scared of social rejection! but I avoid that shit like the plague #so if someone were to reject me based on not knowing about something I'd never even heard about? something i was JUST getting into?#there's a high chance I'd just scram and never look back. i don't wanna be the one who causes that emotion in someone else #granted this is coming from someone who STILL doesn't know how to make her own patches or worked up the courage to do direct action praxis #outside of offering neighbors to my tomatoes and trying to talk to people about what I'm passionate about #but still imo unless someone's a malicious intentional bad actor i dont see the point in scaring newbies off #thats how movements die imo #i know this is my solarpunk blog but its not a solarpunk specific thing #i think the main post that inspired this was about store-bought versus self-made spiked leather jackets #which honestly just feels petty to me but who knows.#might delete later

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moonlume · 2 months

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tumblr said draw something bad so I did but I'm mad I still didn't feel anything

#man i started tagging this and i cant even bring myself to do it. hashtag art hashtag illustration hashtag capitalism.#sorry to be sadposting... tumblr is the only place i can admit ive actually been really really struggling with my love for art...#i should be grateful. i should be thankful for the fact that i can do art as my job. i shouldnt be whining about it like this.#but theres a hole in my soul where my joy for creating used to be and i dont know how to fix it. i want to love to draw again.#its been like this for probably over a year now and i dont know what to do. i cant abandon everything ive been working on for 7 years.#im also unemployable. so its not like i would dare to quit moonlume...but i just want to find joy in it again...#but capitalism has dug its wretched claws into my skull so badly that everything has been feeling incredibly soulless. i hate it.#anyway. might delete this later. its unprofessional but this is the one website where i can let go of professionalism for 5min and be human.#i dont hate what i do and i really am thankful..i just i wish i wasnt so stressed about making everything look good and perfect and sellable #but at this point its subconsciously connected to my survival that every time i think about drawing i stress myself out before i even start #ugh idk. neither here nor there. cant quit but dont feel connected to my work but cant change what i do or i will alienate my audience 👍

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cishetlessfashion · 2 months

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Ok so uh this is kind of embarrassing for me but I'm questioning being objectum... I've always been posic (Perception of Object Sentience, Individuality, and Consciousness) bc I become very attached to objects, especially plushies and toys, consider them friends and family, etc I had strong crushes and toys when I was a kid/tween, that faded as I became a teenager and I didn't experience it again until I was an adult, so I just figured it was a phase and didn't think much of it again... Until I got that Gloomy Bear plush backpack I showed on here, Salmon, I uhhhhhh think I might have a crush on him lmao, maybe even be sexually attracted to him, but I have kind of a mental blockage from trauma/low sex drive/probably grey asexual so that's more complicated for me to figure out I have a boyfriend of 5 years and Idk how I would bring this up or explain it to him, we're polyam, and Salmon is just a plushie, so I could just not disclose this to him at all, but I love him and would like to involve him in my personal life, so if Salmon ended up becoming my partner I'd ideally like to let him know about that... Honestly idk why this is so embarrassing for me to discuss with friends and loved ones, I already told them I'm into monsters, generally identify as non human, have xenogenders, and a bunch of other weird shit going on, but idk having to admit I'm questioning my sexuality over a backpack just seems so ridiculous rvuneisfjudifisjjsjfoaz Idk I guess for now I'll just enjoy Salmon's company and try not to worry about it

#idk the ask box is open if u wanna give me any advice or reassurance lol #or ask me questions #might delete later depending on how embarrassed i feel #ugh my stomach hurts writing this and its like why... hes just a plushie lol so dumb #objectum

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lethiepie · 29 days

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some of my friends happy abt rwby hype and im just :|

#sigh.#idk i guess im just holding back on the excitement cuz. it doesnt mean anything #like #its not confirmation of v10 ACTUALLY happening. nor somethting we didnt know cause..#at least for me. it wasnt much of a surprise abt the cahracters reactions #COUGH COUGH RG CANON COUGH COU-#Not but fr tho. we ALL knew thats what was gonna happen. oscar is having a crisis???? no shit sherlock #i did get excited to see more of nora and ren's perspective too. i know its just an animatic that might even be changed if v10 happens #but #sigh idk. i think im just trying not to be so hyped up abt it etc etc #but anyways oscar thinking abt ruby is so bittersweet like ugh yes thats my ship right there but oh the angst 😭#might delete this later akshwkqk sorry for rambling

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fandxmslxt69 · 1 year

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Sex is great and all but have you ever sat there trying to WRITE a sex scene with one of your favourite characters but your brain Does Not Want To Write but it hasn't been wanting to write for MONTHS so you feel like it's all failing

yeah.

i thought so too.

#i told myself this loki smut would be done very quickly #mind you its all planned i just have to WRITE it #its been sitting in my drafts for god knows how long #adding 2 words every few days.#then going back #erasing them bc it doesnt sound write.#who. let it be this hard sometimes.#UGH.#rambles #might delete later idk.

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biohazard-inevitable · 2 years

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Fellas is it gay to have a crush on your queerplatonic?

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sandycookie · 7 months

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ugh...sometimes i feel like my writing just degrades into something flat and uninteresting...

#idk why but dialogue esp #not the dialogue itself but all of the descriptor if you get what i mean #its just #ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh *throws table*#i know im capable of like not writing flatly because i just wrote a narrative piece for college that my prof really liked #maybe its because ive been writing this for a while? or maybe im just following the game script too much?#ugh idk #maybe i should get a beta reader but idk who id go to cuz i dont have a lot of moots or anything in the twst fandom #not to mention id die of embarrassment if i gave a fic this personal to someone i actually know #sandy blabbles #might delete later #just rambling

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bluesylveon2 · 10 months

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for the 500 follower special, idia + 75?

I love how all of my gamer knowledge reappeared as I was writing this lol.

Prompt: 75. I’m an insomniac who calls my best friend at 3am except I misdial on my landline and I tell you all about my nightmare before letting you talk and now I’m mortified but you don’t hang up (I changed it a bit)

Note: Modern au. Fainaru Fantajī XV is Final Fantasy 15 but in Japanese. I was gonna use FFXVI but idk how the story goes and I might just watch it on Youtube lol. I DO know the story for FFXV and I love it so much

Word Count: 959

Warnings: not beta read and possible OOC characters

500 Follower Event

Idia's day typically goes as follows: 1. Wake up, 2. Collect his dailies, 3. Stream in his room for hours (while snacking during it). 4. Use the bathroom. 5. Eat sweets, 6. Stream again. 7. Stream. What's sleep anyway?

Idia sighed after setting his headphones down. He just finished playing the latest Fainaru Fantajī XV game since its release. His body ached from the long sitting position, but it was all worth it for him. The story was good, and the gameplay was phenomenal! Idia needed to tell someone about it!

Usually, he would rant about it to Ortho. Still, his little brother was currently out of town because he was starring in a movie with the Vil Schoenheit. Idia was proud of his brother and wanted to keep his much-needed rest.

Idia grabbed his phone and sorted through his list of friends.

Azul? No, he would only talk about board games.

Riddle? No, they both had a mutual dislike for one another.

Cater? HECK NO! NO NORMIES! (Idia made a mental note to delete his number later. How his contact information got on his phone was a mystery.)

Lilia? Idia's eyes widen. Yes! Lilia was perfect! They both share a love of games and often play co-op together. Surely he would be awake at, Idia glanced at the time, 3 am! Idia quickly typed his number, too excited to click on Lilia's number, and brought the phone to his ear.

"Hello?" A clearly feminine voice replied, but Idia had already started his passionate ranting.

"Lilia! Did you get to play the newest Fainaru Fantajī XV game?"

"Who is-"

"I love the open world concept, and did you see the Regalia? That car screams luxury, and it has to be my dream car. I need to get one ASAP. That would show those lame normies I deal with, ugh."

"Lilia" laughed but continued trying to speak, "That's nice, but-"

"And the chemistry between the main characters! Luna was pretty, I guess? Lowkey women still scar me after the whole Eliza incident." Idia shivered at the memory of his "self-proclaimed" (and crazy) girlfriend (it was one-sided, and Idia didn't consider her his girlfriend anyway) in high school. Never again. "But the bond between Noctis and the other guys was top-notch! It made the gameplay even better!" Idia sighed and leaned back in his chair. "If only Noctis survived to the end, ya know? I guess the developers loved angst. The song choice at the end was the cherry on top. I actually shed a tear."

"Uhh, that's very interesting, but who is this?" "Lilia," asked, and Idia frowned. Now that he was partially done with his rant, he noticed the strange pitch in his friend's voice.

"Lilia, it's me, Idia. You know? The super cool guy who you spend playing League with. Are you sick? Your voice sounds off."

"I don't know a Lilia. My name is Yuu, and no, I am not sick. I am very healthy." Yuu's voice replied, and Idia froze. OH NO, NO, NO

"YOU'RE A GIRL?"

He could imagine the stranger frowning and thinking he was some creep. "Yes?"

"Eep!" Idia squealed and immediately pressed the big red "end call" button. He threw his phone at his bed, jumped face down on his bed, and groaned loudly. "Stupid, stupid, stupid! You just embarrassed yourself in front of a stranger! In front of a girl!" Idia was ready to bury himself in a hole.

Idia's phone rang just as he made the decision to do it. He groaned at the annoying ringtone, picked it up, and brought the phone to his ear without checking the caller ID.

"Hello?"

A female voice laughed. "You hung up on me, Idia."

"Ah!" Idia screamed. He looked at his phone and raised his finger to hang up the call.

"Wait! Don't hang up!" Yuu exclaimed, causing Idia to freeze. He slowly brought his phone back to listen. The girl sighed after a minute passed. "Look, before you hang up again, I wanted to say that I love that game too."

Idia blinked, and his mouth opened in shock. "Y-you do?" he managed to say and wanted to facepalm.

Yuu laughed. "I'm not far into the game, though. I got distracted by fishing and playing with chocobos."

Idia felt himself relax, and he laughed with Yuu. "They are adorable. I liked racing them."

"Me too! Hey, Idia, can I ask you something?"

"Uhh, sure…What is it?"

Yuu sighed, and Idia could hear some shuffling on her end. She was probably adjusting herself to get comfortable. "Can you tell me more about the game? I need some help getting through it and would like some advice."

Idia felt a smirk grace his face. "Of course, you would need my help. I'll help you beat all the bosses with 0 deaths. You're good to talk for tonight?"

Yuu chuckled. "Yeah, I don't have anything planned. Oh great, Idia. Give me your wisdom."

Idia ended up not sleeping that night but made a new friend instead.

Bonus:

"I heard the Child of Man made a new friend." Malleus looked up from his Gao Gao Drakon-kun to speak to his father.

Lilia paused his game and turned to Malleus. "Oh? Did she say who?"

Malleus nodded. "It's actually your friend Idia. The one you often play games with." He said and gestured to the monitor that currently had Fainaru Fantajī XV.

Lilia smiled, feeling happy for his friend. "What a coincidence. It is a small world, after all."

Malleus nodded and smiled, thinking about Yuu's happy rant that morning after staying up to talk to Idia before passing out from exhaustion. He was also delighted for her that she had met him. "Indeed it is."

Disclaimer: I do not own Twisted Wonderland and its characters. Those belong to Aniplex, Walt Disney Japan, and Yana Toboso.

©: This story belongs to bluesylveon2 2020-23. DO NOT modify, republish, or plagiarize my work.

#twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #twst #twst x reader #idia shroud x reader #idia x reader #idia x yuu #idia shroud #thank you again!!!#bluesylveon 500 follower event

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hikennosabo · 6 months

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trigun multiple bullets random thoughts

if you thought you saw the last of me in the tag... think again!!!

let's fucking goooooo... it's been a little while, so i feel like i'm rusty LMAO...

showdown with the dodongo brothers at honeycomb village (parts 1 & 2):

wow that's a mouthful of a chapter title. anyway.

seeing manga vash with fully blonde hair is... a little strange, now.

OH, SAME WITH SEEING WOLFWOOD... y'know... alive... i fucking MISSED HIMMMMMMM (<- i literally just saw him, i've been rewatching 98 again)

this is so fun i love it so much

oh there are SO many good expressions but if i post them all i'm sure i'll hit the image limit

vash's pout is so cute and funny but i NEED to draw attention to meryl in the corner... i love her sm

vash is twiddling his thumbs... he's so cute...

well these sure are names

even in the black-and-white manga... even though her hair was brown on the color page... we STILL get a blonde milly jumpscare?!?! really?!?!?

AAHHHH... HIS SMILE.... TOO BRIGHT......!!!!!!

they're so silly :( i missed this... waaaah...

oh my goodness, i am in LOVE with this page.

i love wolfwood scolding vash too, lol. it's a conversation they've had many times before, but it feels... idk, lighter than usual?

i love this page soooo much... their expressions are cute. i'm getting "he's an idiot, but he's MY idiot" vibes from wolfwood, lol :') they're in love your honor

and the cliffhanger reveal... i don't have that much to say about the plot tbh... hmmmm, i'm not separating these chapters in this post anyway.

they :)

it wouldn't be a nightow action scene if it was easy to follow, but i'm glad i examined this page in detail instead of letting my eyes just pass over it because

i LOVE this panel... the one in the middle of the spread is great too but i LOVE the angle of this... vash reaching over wolfwood to shoot, while wolfwood shields him... ugh... thank GOD for vashwood

oh my god...... he's so cute.......

GIRLLLLSSSS I LOVE YOUUUUU

OH YEAH, VASHWOOD, BABEY!!!!!!!!!! vash holding on to the punisher... :D

is vash shooting the rockets so they change trajectory... that's so fucking insane. i love it

THE SILLIES

man this was a fun one. i loved seeing vashwood being a battle couple again and just having a relatively low-stakes/light-hearted romp was a really nice thing to read after the horrors. which i am now a few weeks removed from, but they still haunt me...

trigun: the lost plant:

as someone who had (has!! i still love it!) an enduring dr stone obsession in 2021-2022, i am IMMUNE to boichi's art!!! this is significantly hornier than dcst though, not that i'm surprised in the slightest, dcst does have its own horny designs/moments unfortunately... this is the difference between shonen and seinen i suppose--hold on, that's not what this post is about!! *deletes entire other paragraph talking about dr stone*

60 years post-canon... vash's lifespan has been significantly shortened, but i do wonder how much he has left in him. he lived 150 years without any visible black appearing in his hair, so even if he has just a few strands of blonde left, they might last him a long time... well i don't think any of these stories are canon anyway so it doesn't matter LOL

as far as the plot goes...

the explanation for how plants produce matter is interesting but why did it manifest as a child and why is it a black hole and why this specific plant and how did vash even--oh, WHATEVER!! i suppose there is a reason boichi was the artist for dr stone and not the writer.

very cool to see vash drawn in boichi's style though! it's pretty similar to the early dr stone manga, even though dcst came 5+ years later... and the art style of dcst changed over time, although--wait, no, that's NOT what this post is about!!!

the denizens of the sand planet:

okay, this one is by... *googles* wait, this is the guy who did lucifer and the biscuit hammer?? and planet with??? HUHHH... i've only watched planet with, but i've heard VERY good things about biscuit hammer (manga)... anyway

this is a cute story. the found family is cute.

okay sorry this doesn't matter but it is bugging me (ha) a bit. these post-canon stories don't like... actually show us how the world changed after the battle. because it's something i've been wondering about... like, they show a guy cleaning a plant bulb, but would there even be any plants left in bulbs at this point?

and like, this...

wouldn't the exploitation end. like i suppose plants would still get "worn out" eventually, but i would expect more of a symbiotic relationship at this point. so what's with this imagery?

I'M OVERTHINKING IT!!!!! OKAY!!!! JUST ENJOY THE CUTE FOUND FAMILY STORY!!!!

les enfants:

i. am. in. LOVE!!!! WITH THIS ART STYLE!!!!!!

THEY ARE SO FUCKING SHAPED!!!!!!

legato?!?!?! :D :D :D :D :D

ohhh i love this redraw!!!!!! oghhhhhh!!!!!! oooooooogh!!!!!

i love this art!!!!! i love this art!!!!!!

EVERYBODY SHUT THE FUCK UP HE'S SLEEPING!!!!!! ohhh i love this. i like the wording too. "decided to slumber"... he's fucking eepy. he's cozy.

ALSOOOOO

RAZLO (i'm assuming)!!! HE'S SO FUCKING. SHAPED. his GRIN!!! IS SO FUNNY. i'm in tears... i love him...

WAAAHHHH COUCH JUMPSCARE... I DONT NEED THIS WHEN I'M EXPERIENCING SUCH JOY GUSHING OVER THE ART...

the art outside the storybook is also lovely, it's very detailed and delicate...

i would like to believe merylmilly got married and grew old together... yeah...

DUDE, I'M GONNA CRY...... vashwood image... this is a really lovely story. definitely my favorite of all of them.

milly/meryl satellite tv:

so they chase him around for 24 hours straight once a week... poor vash LOL

hey hey hey hey hey this is supposed to be a silly goofy fun time why are you showing me this. i'm so sad. i'm glad the family is being fed at least.

i always assumed that "eriks" was a name vash chose for himself but this is way funnier

there is so much going on here

LIVIO LMAO......

yeah that was very silly

raijin: rising:

incredibly jarring tone shift from the previous story lol... i really enjoy the rai-dei focus though. he's cool but he didn't get a backstory in the manga so i appreciate this a lot. i wouldn't mind more stories like this focusing exclusively on side characters tbh.

it gets pretty brutal... i don't know what to say about this story besides that. it's an interesting look at what could've made rai-dei the way he is.

cutting is fighting:

we're ending this not with a bang but with a whimper... swapping meryl in for the haircut scene is... blegh. whatever. and they exaggerate her crush on vash too much. like yeah she's kind of tsundere in canon (moreso in the anime imo) but she's not a teenager yknow? the satellite tv story did that too but that one was supposed to be goofy and exaggerated so it was whatever.

the most interesting thing here is the lack of dialogue. that's a fun creative choice. and i like the gag with vash's hair being too nasty to comb LOL... and the haircut options. that's all...

overall i'd give this a... 6.5/10? 'les enfants' was definitely my favorite by far and nightow's story was a lot of fun too. the others ranged from "meh at best" to "sure, it was good" lol. i liked seeing the different art styles... i don't have much else to say.

#trigunbookclub #trigun talk #june speaks

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pftones3482 · 4 years

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There’s this level of anxiety that I don’t see talked about very often that I think specifically ties back to growing up poor where, when you try to learn new things that people you care about already know, you feel embarrassed and stupid.

I know we as a society have a huge problem where once you become an adult you’re expected to know everything, even if the thing in question might not be something you’ve ever been required to learn (i.e, “What do you MEAN you don’t know how to change a tire, that’s so easy!” to someone who’s never had a flat), but this is a little different. This relates specifically to privileges that you just don’t have when you grow up with very little money.

I’m going to use this example that I personally go through. Bear with me.

Growing up, we could not afford video games in my house. About the only ones we had access to were free online computer games we could play at the library (Webkinz, Club Penguin, Poptropica). My only exposure to video game consoles like the XBox, the Wii, etc was what I was able to play at my friend’s houses once in a blue moon.

Because we didn’t own those gaming consoles, I never learned the basics of playing on them. I don’t know how the controllers work, I don’t know what most of the games look like, I don’t know how to jump and crouch and fight. I still generally can’t afford gaming systems, and I don’t really mind because I don’t have much of an urge to own one anyway, but most of my friends do, and occasionally when we get together, someone will pull out Mario Kart.

And it’s humiliating.

It’s humiliating being an adult who doesn’t know the difference between A and B. Who doesn’t know how quickly to move a controller to turn a vehicle without falling off the edge of the track. Who isn’t sure what screen to look at.

“But that’s fine! Your friends don’t mind, they’ll be happy to help!”

And they are (if they aren’t, get better friends, for gods sake). But, from my experience, when you’re the only one who doesn’t know how to play, no one wants to sit through a tutorial level. You get tossed in and get three or four people from around you telling you different things. “Hit A to jump. B to duck. Toggle to run” when you barely know what you’re supposed to be doing in the game or even what the game IS.

So you get frustrated, and you can’t say it’s because you’re humiliated, because it’s such a dumb thing to be embarrassed about, and you just pass the controller off to someone else and say something like “I’m just not good, someone else go.”

When you don’t grow up with something, you don’t have the same innate understanding of it that everyone else seems to. Some people are okay with that, and they don’t mind the trial and error of learning. But some people, especially with anxiety, and ESPECIALLY with anxiety about people leaving them or being annoyed with them, feel stupid.

I lied to people about being poor all the time as a kid. Told them we didn’t have video games because my mom thought they were too violent. And while I’m no longer embarrassed to tell people about my family’s poverty and all the struggles that came with it, that embarrassment has stuck with me in the form of feeling like an idiot for not knowing something so “basic” as how to play Mario Kart.

This can apply to other things, too - not knowing how to run a load on a “normal” washing machine because you’ve only used laundromat washers, not knowing how to make a home cooked meal because frozen ones were cheaper, not being able to drive because you were too poor for lessons and your parents didn’t have time.

This is something I don’t talk about almost ever, especially not with people I know irl, because again - that genuine fear of being thought of as stupid is right there. It’s irrational, and I’m aware of this, but that doesn’t stop it from surfacing.

TL,DR: When you grow up in poverty and can’t afford things/experiences that most other people can, it results in this crippling, humiliating anxiety of being seen as stupid by your peers because you don’t know how to do something that everyone else seems to be able to.

#anxiety #video games #might delete later #idk this is more a ramble than anything #my posts #i think with animal crossing all over the place something in me just snapped #bc i want to play but i don't own a switch and also even if i did i'd have no idea how to use it and its embarassing #it's also embarrassing that i forgot the second r in that word ugh #anyway if you need me i'll be avoiding all contact with humanity

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ftmk · 3 years

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dont mind me im just gonna vent in the tags rq

#one of my oldest internet friends is staying with me till next saturday visiting #and i adore them with my whole heart. but they will not shut the fuck up about our other friend #and im like 400% sure they have a crush on him which is fine and all but #its. uh. really annoying and ive been the most unimportant friend in my friend groups for my whole life #and i thought this might be different but i guess not #they keep talking about how they miss him and want to hang out with him which is fine and understandable but my shitty brain just #immediately responds with 'im not enough for them'#which sucks a lot and makes me feel like shit #but im not going to say anything !!! because i invited them up and theyre here till next saturday !! and im just. ugh #i guess im just sad #idk #anyways. if you read all this please like the post so i know #delete later

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solzare · 3 years

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trying to shake off the seasonal depression by playing games that i like but it’s hard because i just want to burst into tears lol

fdgjkhfdjkghfdkg : (

#mod talks #delete later #///vent tw////#tw vent #thanks adhd pretty sure most of my depression is because of my adhd and my inability to do anything but sit here #and of course my psychiatrist wont let me take adderall again because i had a bad reaction one time #she just upped the dose of my meds that arent a stimulate and shes not listening to me when i said im still have trouble focusing : (#when the call ended i burst into tears lol #please i just want to try another stimulate adhd medicine it helped me so much for the first couple of days #even though the crash was awful and i was depressed for a couple of days #but it was so nice for my brain fog to clear #idk im just rambling at this point #im just.... ugh #im still depressed over losing my dad even though we werent close #and losing two of the cats that were closest to me #and now one of them might have a slipped disc and its just hgfdhjfkdj '; _ ;#i hate 2020 and im already starting to dislike the start for 2021 even tho its only been 11 days #i both love and hate having adhd

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kirishwima · 4 years

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honestly,,,hearing some stories sure makes me realise how thankful i am that ive got the father that i do

#i heard some childhood stories of my friends w their dads and their behaviors and im like...this sounds horrible tf #i honestly always got along with him he's never been emotionally unavailable #he's really blunt and emotionally stunted like well...most men #but i know he loves me unconditionally and he honestly proves it #he knows of my sexuality even tho i havent told him and hes absoloutely cool w it #he never undermined my depression minus that one time w self harming bc he probs didnt know what to say #and since he's an obgyn i never felt embarassed or awkward talking about periods and shit in front of him which is...so crazy to me #like i have friends who are too embarassed to say they have their period in front of their dads?? or ask them to buy them pads and im like?#or my friend a few days ago she said the wildest thing im still thinking of #she wears clothes around the house and never shorts or pyjamas bc 'her dad might see her' dude its your DAD #there should be no issue of him seeing you in your shorts or pyjamas or without a bra its the man that raised you #there shouldn't be any embarassement or shyness as in like...what you might offend him? or he'll sexualise you? his own kid?!#im NOT saying this doesn't happen it does what im saying is it shouldn't!!#no matter what i wear my dad is always my dad and im his kid that's that like..ugh i wish all dads were good man #anyway idk where i was going with this lmao i miss my dad ;; my mom too i guess #we're really similar in character w him so i miss just having coffee w him and chatting or reading books and stuff #burrito talks #delete later

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transaurus · 5 years

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Me, wanting to talk to my ex and be friends again even though most of our conversations were pretty pointless the last few times we talked and he's probably forgotten about me by now? It's more likely than you think

#he was great to talk to #and like #we had so much fun together #and i want all of that back you know #but what if its awkward?#what if he hates me?#everything ended kinda weirdly i guess #it sort of went from hating each other to trying to fix things to just drifting #and ugh #idk why he matters so much #i dont get why i dated him #i do get why i became friends with him #i just want that back #ansh shouts into the void #personal #might delete later

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transgirlcharlie · 5 years

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ok but the 'mac is in love with dennis & doesn't care if dennis is an asshole & treats him bad because he doesn't want to lose him' thing is TRUE but it makes me depressed and remember my ex relationship with my own sociopath and it actually makes me cry?????? like i just read a post talking about it and i currently have real tears

therefore i despise denis and this ship & i will not be talking about macpenis on my blog. goodnight

#im 2 emotional guys sorry i hate this ship n that stupid lizard man #no offence but how can u ship this is just makes me feel real bad #ugh #bye #i used to ship it though as i was first watching it but then it got bad.#personal #i might delete this later idk #i just wanted to tell yall why i dont ship this n will not read or reblog stuff with this ship #i might post stuff with this ship tho #if i agree and its not too bad #i just have to be careful #also i do have a macpennis yt playlist with fanvids in. btw. i made it before #and it only still exists bc those r the only sunny fanvids i can find #oh great now im kinning with mac fuck charlie is supposed to be my kin

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