#.. im interested in how your mind works

[congregation-of-the-spiral]

reblog this w the entity/entities you most align yourself with & why

#im curious to know whats most common #and the reasons behind certain ones #can't imagine people willingly aligning themselves with the flesh for example #so if you do #.. im interested in how your mind works #tma #tmagp #the magnus archives #the magnus protocol #smirke's fourteen #smirkes 14 #tma entities #helix speaks #for me personally its obviously the spiral #mainly cuz i got a lot of Brain problems #that mess w my perception #also a history of hallucinations #and its nice to blame them on me being just a little spooky 🤪 #cuz attributing them to their actual cause #is a Bummer

[thecatspasta]

Every now and again I think about Jon having dissociative identity disorder and I think that just needs to happen. Please he has the childhood trauma for it (Im not talking about Mr Spider I mean his grandmother and parents deaths). I fucking need this. For me specifically and noone else

#I THINK ABOUT THIS ONCE A WEEK AND THEN GO INSANE #open your mind to the possibilities people #i dont even think it would change the story much but i consistently think about how did would work in specific settings #LIKE #IF YOU HAD A SUPER POWER #HOW WOULD DIFFERENT ALTERS USE IT #ITS SO INTERESTING TO THINK ABOUT GOD #anyways. ill be normal now (im not) #tma #the magnus archives #jon sims #jonathan sims #jon tma #garlic breath

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

really wish my one friend would quit flirting with me. and trying to goad me into hanging out more. and assigning us fictional characters that are oh-so-coincidently either couples or with romantic tension. and then interrupting our gameplay to ask me repeatedly if I think they’re “like us” (which they rarely are…). and matching my icon on discord without asking (again, usually by insinuating a couple connection). and giving me random things I do not want and did not ask to receive (and then forcing me to take them???).

#storyrambles #it’s not creepy. just for context. it’s just irritating because I’ve told this person repeatedly that I’m not interested in romance. #this person is also naturally a huge romantic so it is next to impossible to tell whether it’s actual flirtation or just flirting for fun #flirting for fun is cool. I wouldn’t mind that. but if I do it once this person will take that as an invitation to do it an excessive amoun #but yeah after being given 12 roses out of the blue when I said ‘no don’t buy me flowers’. there’s only so many things that can mean #‘it’s nice to see your face you always cover it!’ …I’m masking. because of covid #I’m narrating a game and suddenly ‘I like hearing your voice I should call you every day so I can hear it for 10 minutes’. …no. #‘you have to take the snack I brought you know it’s rude to refuse a gift’ I have never refused a gift. It is rude. But also I didn’t ask. #‘you know this game is one you can play without talking so we can play more often!’ we already play games once a week for usually 3 hours. #‘but it’s not talking so it’s less social energy’ no. that is not how it works. #sorry for the rant im just. tired. #you know those people who are so pleasant to hang out with and then they try way too hard #and that’s actually what makes things awkward? rather than when they’re just being themselves? #yeah. that’s this friend here. #usually I go along with the bit but when I can never tell when the bit is actually a bit #and you insist on me taking on the ‘girl role’ for most of them #I am not going to play along. #UGH don’t get me started on the ‘you’re cute when you’re flustered’ #I wasn’t even flustered. I was trying to do mental math while running on four hours of sleep and he was staring directly at me #it’s uncomfortable. #also. I never want to hear that again. fuck. ‘you’re cute when you’re angry’ ‘you’re cute when you’re upset’ ALL THE FUCKING TIME AS A KID #will I be so cute after I kick you in the nuts? will I? #(for clarity I don’t want to kick him. I want to kick those other people.) #I need a lot of alone time. I really do. I can do 3 hours and then I will be drained for the rest of the day. #‘how did you grow up? did you not talk to your mom for more than 3 hours a day?’ #first of all. that’s different? #secondly we actually regularly do separate things without talking to each other. or go in separate rooms to take some time to ourselves #also I don’t have to be on high alert for if I’m going to be flirted with. so. #ugh. I like him as a friend. I really do. I know this all makes it seem like the opposite. I try so hard to be as nice as possible. #but UGHHHHHH

[bumblesimagines]

I originally planned on doing a quick series with a y/n that would've been Gale Weathers and Dewey's child and had Tara as a love interest sometime in the near future but considering Spyglass/Scream 7 production company both fired Melissa Barrera (Sam Carpenter) for calling for a ceasefire and refused to pay Neve Campbell what she deserved (plus Jenna Ortega dropped out due to schedule conflicts), I won't be doing another series for Scream. I hope nobody's disappointed by this <3

#bumbletalks #scream franchise #how are you not gonna rightfully pay the literal face of your franchise #and painting melissa as a bad person for saying genocide is bad??? #ugh hollywood #in other news ill be working toward getting midnight beach out of sight and mind #once midnight beach is over (which i wont be continuing it into the new season as ive lost interest for the show) ill get to tlou #and i promise #i will do the sansa fic im almost through s5 of GoT #afterward yall might get a the last kingdom fic who knows

[puppyeared]

save me old flipnote studio MVs.......

#im going thru old flipnotes i used to watch years ago and ouggghhg so many good ones #is twenty one pilots still popular.... do people still remember the TRNDSTTER and marble soda meme......... #its like im unlocking some sort of primal part of my brain and everything is coming back to me. one of my biggest inspirations as a kid #i still remember thinking the final transmission lyrics were the coolest thing and watching =TopHat= Bee and Melissa over and over #theres a very specific feeling of longing and nostalgia looking back and watching these again years later #especially when there isnt anything genshin or mcyt and instead its either fnaf undertale eddsworld or another obscure #interest... and not even fnaf sister location its like fnaf 3 and 2. its THAT old. and a lot of oc MVs especially pokemon ocs and furries.. #god but they were so creative u know. i still find it amazing ppl took this little lightbox animation on the fucking NINTENDO DS and #cranked it all the way to 11.. like if u look at the transitions and movement its so fucking fluid its insane..!! HOW DO YOU MAKE THE #CHARACTERS SPIN??? AND CHANGING CAMERA ANGLES??? and keep in mind youre doing this all with a shitty stylus #on a THREE BY TWO INCH SCREEN. you only get two layers you can go up to 29FPS and you only have 999 slides to work with #and 24FPS eats up a lot of that. absolutely insane it literally boggles my mind every time i think about it. AND SOME ARE EVEN FULL COLOR #i forgot how popular EDM was back then too...they were really good for timing beats though so you get a lot of MVs with #strobe last and marble soda. porter robinsons goodbye to a world was also popular with undertale and oc MVs. also a lot of vocaloid #someone made a flipnote abt the warner bros fnaf movie being announced EIGHT FUCKING YEARS AGO. it even used the stay calm audio from #the office.... i wonder how theyre doing now... i love you shitty grainy MV audio.. but i have mixed feelings abt the flashing colors #ppl LOVED animating the sans vs frisk fight. aishite and primadonna were also big ones they were SICK AS FUCK #lots of these inspired my old oc designs.. a lot of my characters had side bangs with one eye covered. animal ears and simple eyes too #now i kinda wanna try my hand at the marble soda meme cause i loved it as a kid lol.. i wonder if i should compare my old and new art here #UGHHHH IM SO NORMAL ABOUT NOSTALGIA. IM SO NORMAL ABT MY SCHOOL BOOK DRAWINGS WITH SHIBA BROWS #yapping #nostalgia

[welcometoteyvat]

arlecchino's official title is "father" when house of hearth members refer to her ......... please just one chance please please

#GOD. me when slightly more masc women #idk i really hope they keep that just bc it would be so nice to have some more canonical gender fuckery as little as it is #i hope they write her well because MAN she's been so interesting so far #. kind to kids; who also end up becoming essentially child soldiers; 'has her own agenda' according to childe.. #thinking back to my own post abt her and house of hearth: seems like she really does care abt the kids in her org (or acts like it well eno #enough . but ahskdjksfjl she could ofc be another person who knows how bargaining and equivalent exchange works. like. save your life for #a debt. win loyalty via small favors that are actually nice things and things she doesn't mind doing etc #think how bai.zhu operates but a lot more ethically questionable #please please let her be a well rounded evil. her design is already so cool (minus the long rat tail ponytail thing :\) #chewing on her and her motivations and backstory for enrichment #genshin spoilers #4.0 spoilers #fontaine spoilers #arlecchino #i hope! they make her self aware enough to know she's doing evil. or not evil but not morally great things . and i sure hope they don't #write it off as 'this for that. food/shelter for doing 'jobs' for me' when the job is literally . murder and spying and all sorts of other #stuff. or ig she can justify it like that but IDK all im asking is that she doesn't get the shogun treatment #teyvat thoughts #ramblings!

[weirdcat1213]

Confuse me like a riddle

Play me like a fiddle

#trigun #trigun stampede #NOT PLANTCEST #NOPE #im just interested in their relationship AS BROS #nai manipulating and gaslighting his twin out of love and vashs reaction to it #ik you cant control how people see your stuff but man #well here it is #now ill go and work on the mind electric ww one #exciting #first time posting edited audio #ALSO SIDE NOTE BUT I REALLY LIKE THE PART THATS JUST VASHS EYE CUZ IM A SUCKER FOR GOOD ANIME EYES #trigun edit

[13eyond13]

.

#how do people casually bring up that theyre gay at work hahahaha #asking for a friend and MAYBE because i find one of my coworkers cute and she is def of the sort of vibe where its like #i could see her being straight or gay both easily you know #anyways how do i just like float that without it being awks you know what i mean #im not one of those obvious lesbians people default to thinking im straight mostly #anyways!!! girl help i am SO BAD at showing interest and availability but #i feel like some groundwork needs to be laid before i flirt you know #and #im not interested in the game of 'oh you dont know what you are yet or youre probably straight but maybe i can change your mind' hahaha #im too old and tired for that now i just wanna meet someone #who knows for sure they like girls #not just like girls but you know... would be happy to spend the rest of their life with a girl #so i gotta find out #and we never really talk about stuff like dating or relationships so its hard to just casually mention it without it seeming forced #actually maybe this is why social media is useful sometimes you dont always have to find out by asking but #unfortunately i dont use it like at all except for shit like this anymore hmmm ooops #p

[waywardsalt]

i. get the vibe that the more mainstream zelda fans are allergic to the idea of liking characters who like. do bad things

#the groups and works i avoid are ones that make characters who do generally questionable things into morally good/perfect people #idk. whenever people get nasty or w/s it seems to be when people ask reasonable questions abt the series’ morality #recent example in mind but like. idk. with more personal/petty examples i feel like people will just sand a character down to being nicer #or more decent to fit some mold and maybe while its still similar to canon its a lot less interesting #idk this is just a mini rant ill delete it later. god forbid we enjoy characters who make bad choices and are mean #idk i dont usually leave my little hole but it feels like the worst zelda fans are deep in purity culture regarding characters #and don’t analyze the text beyond what youre told and never going any deeper bc it would require thought and discomfort #idk ig with [character] (cuz i know thisll get picked ul by tag stuff) i just. dont like how he just gets turned into a decent guy? #like hes an asshole but thats it hes more pleasant than anything? its not not canon but its not interesting. its neuters him #yknow? like hes down for robbing people at the bare minimum shut uo about tax fraud he’s a thief literally in the text #im going off the rails. bht i feel like people lash out at characters who are unignorably grating or morally impure #and sand down the ones whose flaws can be ignored. ofc i feel like the main 3 esp with these last few games get the worst of it #and i can get why considering the issues baked into how this series work but it just makes a lot of things boring

[ban-joey]

sending laser beams to my professor with my mind. kenneth you said midterm grades would b up by this afternoon. it is officially TONIGHT and guess what? kenneth i would love to not be clenching my teeth in my sleep tonight. kenneth i will be sending you a bill in the mail. yes i know its probably a TAs responsibility but i blame you personally. i hate school

#i dont im having a lot of fun (genuinely) but it is often pretty stressful #did find out there are a few folks adjacent to my program doing zoonoses & climate change research so im very excited to chat w them next w #possibly directing my thesis towards one health. social epi gradually becoming less interesting #plus i think my strengths do lie in applying epi to biological concepts so. one health works there #my brain continually trying to get back to lyme disease :( sometimes i really do miss the east coast tbh! #not lying actually i think the number one thing i miss is the amt of vector borne disease research LMFAO #i do unfortunately kind of have a crush on a classmate so that's fine but whatever. grad school. men are nice to me and i lose my mind ig #need to go make out w a hot trans person i think that would solve my problems rn #but also it's nice to be so excited about someone deciding to sit next to me in every class :) #like wow how isolated have i been the last 3 years to be so delighted by like. active signs i have Officially Made Friends. #even if he does live like a block away from my dad and jokes every goddamn day like 'so i saw your dad yesterday' no you DIDNT shut UP #idk yesterday he sat right next to me in a class he usually sits w other people in and it sort of sent my brain off the edge and now im jus #yeah. sitting with this one. it's fine like it's normal. but wowie i do think it's my first time having a Big Ol Crush since (redacted) #a little scary for my animal brain i think but it's okay! #im 25 in like 3 ish weeks and i still get embarrassed about this stuff somehow? stupid. #he's just really nice and always really fun to talk to! i think i had to officially Sit With Myself today bc epi is doing a holiday party #and there's a baking contest and we were talking abt it in class and i was indecisive abt whether i want to participate #and he like fully cut me off and was like oh you should bake something so i can have some :) #and. well fuck now i have to lmao. IM SO EASY IT'S SO EMBARRASSING #good evening everyone. guess this is my journal now. anyway ken rice you owe me twenty dollars and i aim to COLLECT

[sleepygaymerdisease]

images that make me an instant hater

#im not a fan of gold leaf and i also dont like it when people use the price point as clickbait to justify its attention. especially because #it makes people think they need insanely expensive materials to make something 'worth looking at'. idk. like im sure you can make something #interesting with this much gold leaf but to me it's usually just flaunting your status. especially when it's phrased like this for a video. #like wowww congratulationssss you want to be praised for buying expensive supplies and spending a long time on an artwork...... ok. #lots of people spend a long time on art. thats just how it works! also there's been a shift online (mostly in videos) to uplift an artist's #process? like why does that have to be filmable and marketable... it used to be behind the scenes stuff. but now its often expected? #idk. im just having a lot of thoughts rn dont mind me lol #anyway. im a gold leaf hater #anis gaymer moments

[piscadilly]

if you prioritize fakeclaiming and hostility towards nondisordered systems (traumagenics who do not feel like osdd/did are the proper labels for them, for reasons that they might not want to share with you) as a whole or even just towards endogenics, instead of education or just, i dunno, letting people be and curating your own space accordingly by blocking/muting/scrolling past then you hate a deep-seated hatred within you and no amount of bullying will cure that. and being hostile to other types of systems, regardless of validity or not, is not going to make you More Valid or More Real than other systems.

the existence of endogenics (meaning people who say they are endogenic) has no bearing on the demonization that systems have in society and media. endogenics have 0 bearing or influence on how psychs look at us or treat us, and even less so about the "evil murderous alters" stereotype that has been plaguing the world over the years

(note: i do not support the usage of these labels;) this is where the term sysmed (and traumascum) come from, because the above behavior reflects truscum/transmed rhetoric that transtrenders and nonbinary people existing and being themselves are making a mockery of being transgender, and real transgender people with real dysphoria that makes them fucking miserable.

the high intensity focus and idealization of having to BE disordered (read: miserable and dysfunctional in day to day life) that some did elitists practice and spread around is alienable towards very real and very valid systems that ARE traumagenic. it also ignores that part of recovery is about mitigating the dysfunction, achieving better communication, and for some; final fusion.

shit like "if you experience/do not experience abc/xyz then you are a fake system" does nothing but harm traumagenics, both disordered and nondisordered, who may be experiencing varied symptoms that are still within parameter for being a system of some type. then you can see how terms like sysmed/traumascum get started? because it is almost, ALMOST, a 1:1 of how transmeds behave.

endogenics at the end of the day are not fully affected by this rhetoric, like sure, it hits them, but it's also reminiscent of the meme about a targeted statement gets bounced off a mirror onto another party. it hits them, but it's also bounced off and hits traumagenics as well. by making weird societal structural rules about what makes a system real or fake (that aren't even fully backed in science, psychology, or research) you are gatekeeping a whole slew of people from being in the system community at best, and directing vitriol and harassment towards Real and Actual systems at worst. for no reason other than their system is not a 1:1 recreation of your own. and if you think that last bit is a strawman, then you have not seen what i've seen and i hope you never do.

tl;dr either educate endogenics or people you suspect to be endogenics, AND people who are new to system shit, or just leave them the fuck alone. if they are faking then can learn from it on their own, if they have trauma and don't realize it, again, they can learn on their own. or somebody else well meaning can come along and inform them. harassment and gatekeeping is the exact opposite of helpful and you make people who are supportive of endogenics or neutral on the matter (like i am, the latter) scared of the larger community. you will also end up making newly realized systems who don't know their way around system stuff yet scared to fully research the matter and make their own informed opinion.

if you cannot spare the time, energy, and spoons to educate then let people be stupid or elsewise in their own spaces. somebody else will come along in your stead to educate eventually.

#if u try to engage me in syscourse im biting your face off and making a public example of you #putting the dnr thing on bc i do not trust anybody on this site #more on the transmed comparison others make; endos are not making a mockery of traumagenics and they are not taking therapy resources away #from traumagenics #WE DO NOT FULLY UNDERSTAND THE BRAIN AT THIS POINT IN TIME AND WE MAY NOT EVER #we should be researching the existence of endogenics to see if its even POSSIBLE instead of writing them off entirely because they do not #have did or osdd #anything less than that is anti-science and anti-progress to me! #i want to understand how the mind works in a deeper and more meaningful way #i want to know why endogenics are endogenic #i want to know if there can be systems without trauma FOR SURE #i want to understand why there is a cut off age for forming the ability to BE a system #i want to know how this applies to autistic people who sometimes have a younger mental age and development pattern #i want to know everything honestly #if you disagree with me wanting to know these things from an interest in psychology viewpoint or me being endo-neutral then #perhaps we should part ways #not everybody who is pro/neutral-endo are faking themselves and if you think that then genuinely fuck you

[orcelito]

Honestly the store has come a long, long way since last January where we were legitimately going to hold a store-wide strike b4 the boss and then-manager panicked and started holding meetings with all of us to try to figure out what to do about it

It's still a workplace, but our current employees r in general much happier and content. + there's a better community in general. It's nice to know I had a part in making this happen.

#speculation nation #i was starting out in a higher position back at the start of the year. but really freshly starting out. #and it wasnt assistant manager. it was lead supervisor. essentially a go between of supervisor and assistant manager #and then all this shit happened and Then the then assistant manager ended up being incredibly nasty towards me #and i put in my two weeks fully intending to leave b4 changing my mind on the very last day bc my tax return was delayed #and i didnt have the monetary security i needed to quit lol #manager gave me the assurance that i wouldnt have to work with the assistant manager. and it was good enough to last until she left. #ive had my insecurities regarding the now manager in training. mostly about what she thinks about me #but i think she does like me. boss told me today that she spoke up for me on my level of effort around the store #since im kinda bad at messaging everything i do lol he doesnt see it like he sees her efforts #but she sees it. and she stood up for me. #she also spent a good half hour ish the other day info dumping about the ateez universe lore. and it was so fucking endearing #me being like 'i have no personal interest in this but you seem so excited and i am really happy youre this comfortable with me. go on' #and especially with her being promoted to manager... makes me feel less bad about how much i do comparatively #im still gonna try of course. but im going to assume she will be paid more than me. bc she will be doing more than me. #as it stood my wage was actually a little higher than hers due to seniority. and it was making me feel pretty guilty #and i was soooo anxious about her possibly leaving after graduating college & the responsibility for the store falling onto me #but i can remain in a support position while she takes up the mantle of manager. and i am so much more comfortable with that #yea it feels a lil weird to be like 5 years older than her with like 5 years more seniority working here & her being higher ranked #but i can manage that lol. im happier not having too many responsibilities thanks #there r things we need to improve on with the store. but overall things r so much better #makes me feel like i can actually breathe easy for once. maybe at least a little bit.

[chesyboiga]

i miss my dad but i need to keep reminding myself that yesterday doesn’t matter, tomorrow doesn’t even matter until it happens, i just need to focus on the here and now and the present moment, and make the best of what i have now, bc its all we ever have ;_;

#love u dad #txt #truly if there’s anything wrong it’s really smth wrong im feeling and experiencing inside of myself which i can release #;___; #grief is a lot. hard isn’t the right word cause i dont mind if something is hard i work my ass off. grief is just very much and esp emotion #i really miss my dad bc if i had anything to say he would always listen and be interested in it and care about it #whatever i did or thought he was genuinely interested in it #that love is irreplaceable #u are so privileged until u lose it and realize just how significant it was to you and your whole life and daily experience #still surreal to me #i really really love you dad #im not afraid of pain. pain is temporary. loss is far greater in depth and impact which is felt and persists #i can withstand anything #fear may be our greatest enemy but it is also a total illusion #if i can withstand pain and loss and i must because this is just where life has lead me then i can withstand anything #also reminding myself that my loss is MY loss and it is not my dad’s… i am truly happy that he is free now TT #if i lose then it must be because i have so much more to gain and space must be cleared for it #personal

[actualtoad]

i have a bad stomachache again today

#…anxiety? #it doesn’t really feel like my period anymore it feels like im just scared #being mentally ill feels so stupid especially when there’s so many layers like this because it’s like #idk. when i get just regular anxious i always feel like. man. of all the things my brain could be worrying about #like i could be having a bpd spiral right now and the most interesting thing my mind wants to do is give me an unexplained stomachache???? #i’ve been fully tangled in delusions multiple times this week and my brain is like. hey have a tummyache?? #and it’s like. i don’t count it as real mental illness but dang if it’s not contributing to my bad mental health. so i should shut up #and deal with the fact that some of my brain problems are harder to reckon with than others #it’s probably silly and strange that i feel like delusions are more reasonable than regular dread but like. this just feels so dumb #okay so um #nothing to do first hour. second hour work on project. third hour sew my jacket. fourth hour movie worksheet. fifth hour movie worksheet #and i have three and a half cards to give. one of them i’ll give today #the thing is im literally giving my chem teacher a two page letter about how awesome he is but im still nervous about him #like there’s a lot of things to be thankful for but im still just a little off put by him being so friendly? #and so i kind of just feel weird giving him a card. idk. but i don’t want to not recognize how helpful and understanding he’s been so i will #the other cards are less of anything it’s just around three sentences per teacher of: listen i know i don’t turn in enough assignments but #i think you’re rad. love how you do [a] and [b] in your class #mme peterson’s is going to be a little longer and also en français but otherwise still a little boring #but mr hidaka’s is two pages long thanks him for everything says there’s no way it’s a full goodbye and that he makes me feel safe #which is true when im around him just not when i get home and THINK about him and so idk. but idk. he’s a nice guy. whatever #im giving him his card today the other people are getting theirs on the last day. but also his isn’t really a card it’s more of a letter #they’re all letters actually. just some of them are very short letters. but none of them are really cards #anyway i have to do my dumb PROJECTS and not fail my CLASSES and there’s not that much left but it still feels like so much #also i had to fall asleep last night with the fake sounds of a fireplace to drown out screaming parents. so. not doing the best at home #but. i should start getting ready for school. im just kind of here #me. my post. mine. #delete later

[rainbowbeanstyles]

.

#i hate how easy it is for someone to influence my thinking! #stop it brain! #you're so weak! #example: i have never given it a second thought if i start losing interest in something #or i just dont give it too much attention #and now i have read so many posts about ppl getting scared or SAD #and now my mind goes: oh youre losing interest WORRY #no bitch! its ok and completely normaaaaaaal #im calm #AND i need to stop seeking that shit too #me looking through blogs I DONT EVEN FOLLOW #im speaking to myself. slapping myself #public diary amirite #but like its still happening about other things so i gotta work on it #excuse me im done