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arotechno · 2 years

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thinking about my last reblog as representation has been on my mind a lot lately. this is by no means a phenomenon unique to aros nor is it unique to the queer community at large but it's definitely an issue that we have to deal with a lot by virtue of not having a lot of representation to the contrary.

a lot of probably well-meaning writers/artists will "include" aromantic characters in their work, but it's often a side character in a large ensemble cast of different queer characters, and even if the character is referred to explicitly as aro in canon it often rings very hollow when they are an unimportant character or their aromanticism has absolutely no bearing on their existence whatsoever.

don't get me wrong: i am all for representing characters whose story is not ABOUT them being aromantic. i don't need nor particularly want every canon aro's story to be an aro story. but the truth is we don't have many aro stories at all. in fact, most of the time the only people willing to tell our stories is... us, and while i certainly have reservations about alloromantic people writing aro narratives without the proper research, it would be nice if more people cared about us enough to put us in their stories in anything more than an extremely trivial, tokenizing way.

i think a lot of it stems from people's extremely basic, trivial, and oftentimes patronizing view of aromanticism. so many people think they can just say "aros are valid!" or write a shipper-on-deck aro side character who loves their friends and they've, like, solved arophobia or something. most people don't want to listen to us or our stories and so they don't think there is anything deep or meaningful about aromanticism worth exploring. that's a separate rant for another time i think but the point is people will toss in a throwaway canon aro for representation brownie points and they think it makes them a hero. and unless they're written by an actual aromantic or someone who at least has done a LOT of research they tend to be pretty mediocre anyway.

this is probably a hot take but honestly if you made me choose between a tokenized side character confirmed as aro on-page/on-screen and an aro main character with a solid character arc that actually reflects what being aro is like but isn't ever called aromantic in the source material, i would choose the second. obviously in a perfect world we'd have it all. aromantics deserve stories written for and about us and our identities by creators who are unashamed and unafraid to use the word aromantic and represent us authentically. but if people think all it takes to do good representation is to use the word, well... the word isn't everything. aro representation is not an arcade token you can trade in for a prize.

#sorry this is kind of disjointed #but idk someone had to say it and i'm glad we're starting to talk about this!#aro rep is not some one size fits all thing you can squeeze into a meaningless side character...#...and then use to promote your work as having Aro Characters when it's like. straight up a romance novel and the mc has like an aro friend #i don't have a real life example of that one it just seems like it probably exists #i think perhaps koisenu futari made me greedy and you know what GOOD #i want good aro rep and i want it plastered across tv screens worldwide #i'm tired of begging and scraping what little i can off of accidental aro coding #sigh. anyway #aro #aromantic #aro representation #aro characters #long post #op

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oldtvandcomics · 5 years

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I've seen some posts going around about Crowley/Aziraphale being queerbaiting in the Good Omens series. I'm afraid I will regret writing this, but I have OPINIONS, said opinions being less about Good Omens and more about Tumblr not necessarily understanding the way audiovisuel storytelling and the queer community work, and maybe it's worth taking a moment to think closer about these things.

Spoilers for Good Omens (2019) and some allusions to the Discourse below the cut. Also, long post. You have been warned.

I probably should say here that I liked Good Omens, am myself aro ace, and am of the opinion that Crowley/Arizaphale is canon. So yes, personal bias exists, although I am going to do my best to be objective. Also, I haven't read the book yet, so am only going to be talking about the series.

(Ignoring hereby that they are supposed to be agender. It is a very good series, but they really, REALLY should have found a way to include that piece of information.)

This is a surprisingly complex question, that can be boiled down to three different problems: First, the way people analyze audiovisuel stories (in this case, television, but the argument also stands for movies), second, the term “queerbaiting” not being clear enough and also used too broadly, and third, people's still too narrow view of what is and isn't queer.

In this order, I am going to start with the way tv (and movies) work. It is the least controversial.

One of the things that I love about tv so much is just how complex and layered it is. There is what is directly said and shown to happen, but than there is the music, the acting, the costumes, locations, camera angles and editing, all of which have their own language and add something to how we will see a story. If you watch Good Omens, you'll notice that the exact nature of Crowley's and Aziraphale's relationship never is directly addressed or them confirmed to be queer. However, you will also notice the way they keep looking at each other, the fact that romantic music plays in the background for an awful lot of their scenes together, that they do and say things on a regular basis that goes further than the normal limits of a friendship, and the list goes on. This show is as clear about them loving each other very, very deeply as it possibly can be without directly talking about it.

This, of course, leads us to the question: What is and isn't text? What level of queercoding counts as representation? And this is where things get a little more complicated, because there IS NO clear line. People usually say that it doesn't count, unless the correct term is used. Which makes sense, given everybody's tendency to just... Idk, make a movie about somebody fighting his ex without ever telling us that he is, in fact, his ex, and than hope that they can get away with either the queer fans doing all the hard work of reading between the lines, or just write a couple of tweets about how they're totally gay and get credit for the representation.

Seriously, people, don't do that. If there is a way to use the terms, do it.

But there is a gray area. Welcome to Night Vale never labeled Cecil's orientation, yet we still know that he's gay. That scene they cut from Thor: Ragnarok of Valkyrie leaving the room of a woman? It never said that she was bi. I mean, I haven't seen it, but from what I know, I'd bet A LOT of money that, had they included it, people still would have complained about it not being clear enough. We still act as if including it would have confirmed Valkyrie's bisexuality. What about period pieces, set in times when certain labels didn't exist yet? And, finally, what if a relationship would actually benefit from being left vague and undefined?

There is no clear answer to this. It's a gray are, so feel free to just sit around and think about your own opinion on these things.

Which leads us to queerbaiting: Creators playing up the fact that they MIGHT have a queer character or relationship in their work for publicity, without ever planning to include it. It's a thing that happens both inside and outside of the story. In practice, this usually looks like putting in a lot of subtext between two same-sex characters, including suggestive scenes in the trailers, and going in interviews “well, they could be, it's an ongoing series, you'll just have to wait and see. ;) ”.

Queerbaiting is a VERY vague and very popular term, that is used very broadly, even in cases where it isn't exactly accurate. It is not exactly easy to tell what is actual queerbaiting, and what queercoding because Higher Powers wouldn't let the creators include openly queer characters in their work. Than there is of course the cases where queer characters are kind of there, but it's a blink-and-you-miss-it thing. I've heard the term “queercatching” used for that in a video. Also, queerbaiting is an accusation people like throwing around every time a show disappoints them by not making their OTP canon. (Stop doing that, PLEASE!)

In this context, it is understandably difficult to say if a certain ship is or isn't queerbaiting. However, I would argue that Crowley and Aziraphale are not. I haven't seen all the promotional things going on, so no idea how big of a selling point their relationship was. But I do know that everyone behind the scenes seems to agree that those two love each other very, very deeply, and the show itself isn't trying to hide it. On the contrary, it goes out of it's way to draw our attention to it. To anyone who is watching halfway attentively, it is going to be very, very clear that what those two have going on is NOT straight.

Which leads us to our final point: What is and isn't queer.

Oh dear. It is a topic that is still hotly debated within the community (at least on Tumblr), mostly by people trying to exclude certain orientations or keep other people from using certain terms.

Queer is an umbrella term used for members of the LGBT+ community, meaning “not straight”. It may refer to gender identity, romantic or sexual orientation, and things that don't quite belong in any of the boxes we have. The beauty of the term “queer” is exactly that it is so huge and so vague that it exceeds all boxes and definitions. A really handy thing to have, if you want people to know what you're talking about without needing to give them an hour-long vocabulary lesson first.

Please note here that so far, I have avoided using any labels for Crowley, Arizaphale, or their relationship. Please also not that while I did say that they love each other very deeply, I never used the word “romantic”.

Because here is the thing: I really don't think that they're gay. Or bi, or pan. Or anything else, really. They, and their relationship, like the term “queer”, fall outside of any predetermined categories. It is just, really, really, really clear that what's going on isn't heteronormative.

I have seen many aces being happy and feeling seen and seeing themselves in Crowley and Aziraphale in Good Omens. I've also seen many aros think the same thing. Because here is the beauty of it: We only know that they love each other more than anything else in the world. It is never said that that love is romantic.

I've also seen many allos completely miss this point.

Asexuality and aromanticism, as is to be expected from orientations that are defined by the lack of something, are still very invisible, both in RL and in fan circles. While we do have our own spaces and our own little community, mostly we are just there between our allo friends and... kind of stand and wait in a corner while they are busy with the sex and romance our society is constantly throwing at all of us. Being ace and/or aro is often confused with “being celibate”. We don't talk enough about what sexless or romanceless relationships could look like. No wonder so many people missed it when they saw one in Good Omens.

The queer community is STILL very strongly sexualized. And this is a problem, because while sexual attraction IS an important part of being queer, it is also not the only one. Queer people are still queer if they are not having sex. They are queer if they DON'T WANT TO have sex. They are queer if they don't enter romantic relationships. There is nothing straight about the close bonds aros can have with their friends. There is nothing straight about having a friend be the person you are emotionally closest to, close enough to openly beg them to run away together. Multiple times.

Queerplatonic or quasiplatonic relationships are the ones that are a bit difficult to define, because they are somewhere between “friendship” and “romantic relationship”. What they look like depends really on what the people involved want them to be like. Some live together, others don't. Some do things together that are usually considered to be romantic, others don't. Some kiss or have sex, others don't.

So far, I haven't really seen anybody really talk about the existence of queerplatonic relationships outside of ace and aro circles. And while I aggressively headcanon Sherlock Holmes and John Watson being queerplatonic, this was the first time that I've really seen an actual relationship onscreen that can be easily, or even best, read as being one.

But almost by definition, this means that it has to be vague, and subtle, and floating around somewhere around the lines separating friends from romantic partners. As such, I think that Good Omens did a really good job, giving us a relationship that is so obviously loving but also so beyond easy descriptions. However, this also means that it is easy to miss and end up feeling baited.

The problem is, I'm not sure that they COULD have done it better. Any explicit discussion about Crowley's and Aziraphale's relationship would have felt forced and out of place, and the term queerplatonic isn't enough known, they would have had to follow it up with an explanation of what that even is. And it isn't as if they could have made it any clearer how much they love each other as they did.

Some people say that they should have kissed onscreen.

Betty and Veronica in the Riverdale tv series kissed, and we all still know that it was only queerbaiting.

And isn't that, wouldn't that be, in the end, reducing queerness once more to the sexual bit in queer relationships?

I don't know. As I said, there is no clear answer, and in the end of the day, everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

I suppose, the best I can say is that what Good Omens did with Crowley and Aziraphale is very beautiful and well executed and also undoubtedly queer. It is, also, not enough. We still live in a time where we don't have much representation, and therefore all collectively jump on anything we can find. As long as this is the case, people will always be unsatisfied with everything. We need more. More explicit, more sexual, more romantic, yes, but also more quiet and subtle and undefined loving ones.

Anyway. I just had to write my opinion on this, because I REALLY didn't like what looked like a group of people dismissing a queer relationship because it wasn't sexual. This isn't even about Good Omens, not really, more about Tumblr being generally Tumblr and not seeing nuance and not thinking things through.

So... Please learn how to properly analyze audiovisual stories. Please be more careful and think a little before you start throwing around the term “queerbaiting”. And, please, PLEASE take a minute to think through if what you are doing isn't in fact sexualizing queer people and excluding parts of the community because of a too narrow definition of queerness.

And finally, PLEASE leave Gaiman alone. One, he has no obligation towards you whatsoever, and two, this was originally a thirty year old book that, three, he co-wrote with a now deceased friend. Being critical of media is one thing, and obviously, Good Omens isn't perfect. But... Just think about what you're doing before you do it, ok?

#good omens #crowley/aziraphale #my opinion #long post #queer representation #queerbaiting #queerplatonic ships #asexual #aromantic #aro / ace relationships #it's not many people who said it #and there are always some idiots who don't agree with me #in the end of the day #it's up to personal interpretations #but this is a bigger and more structural problem #and good omens just gave me such a good reason to talk about it

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aroworlds · 6 years

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i'm a mod on an aro-ace blog which, if i am not there to reblog aro posts, mostly focuses on the experiences of aces and the ace community. i'm scared of reblogging aro posts even though no one (of the mods) has said anything about what i should post/not post. i think maybe i'm scared of inconveniencing aces (and aro /aces/) with aro content. i haven't contributed with aro content in a whole year bc of this fear even though i want to be aggressively and unapologetically aro

I wish I could sit a few well-known ace community bloggers down and show them the asks I get on this blog–sit them down at my desk, hold their heads straight so they can’t look away and then make them scroll down this Tumblr to see what you’re all saying. I wish this so much, anon, and it pains me that the best I can do is support and validate. Our conversations do matter, but these words remind me that our fight will be won in tiny, grudging steps, not the sweeping change we desire and deserve.

Anon, your feelings are not irrational: this isn’t an overreaction to attitudes that don’t exist, and I think it’s important to hold onto that. It’s too easy to feel like our fears aren’t valid, that it’s our own anxiety holding us back, and that isn’t the case here. This has happened because the ace-spec community as a whole has failed in its support of most folks who identify solely, predominantly or significantly as aro-spec. (Essentially, anyone who doesn’t or can’t centre the ace as first and foremost.) This failure to support doesn’t need to be explicitly voiced as antagonism–a silencing of aromantic and aro-ace experiences and conversations versus the centering of alloromantic ace experiences and conversations in ace spaces does this with remarkable effectiveness, no individual person needing to voice explicit aro antagonism or erasure. You’re afraid because ace-spec and general a-spec spaces, at least in recent history, have not been encouraging and supporting of unapologetic aromanticism.

In fact, because this isn’t explicit hatred, much of the time, it’s so much harder to answer. We feel like we’re responding to something that isn’t there; we feel like the anxiety is irrational or unsupported. If we are included at all, it’s only in ways that don’t threaten the narrative of alloromantic asexuality being centred and paramount, and when we question this centering and the resulting forms of aro erasure, we don’t get hate from much of the ace community–we just get ignored.

As someone who had my sister refuse to talk to me or look at me or treat me as a human living under the same roof for six months and more, being ignored isn’t a kindness. It’s damaging and traumatising. It’s just damaging in ways that are less visible and less understood, ways that lead to anxiety and uncertainty, ways that make it so difficult to step up and speak. When you have no assurance of an audience, you learn not to speak at all, and finding your voice after such silencing (especially while such silencing continues) is a difficult thing. I’m still struggling with it, and that might not seem real, given the words I spend on this blog, but I’ve spent three weeks now not publishing a finished story in part because I am so afraid of speaking and so afraid of the consequences.

Anon, if you don’t feel safe in being aggressively and unapologetically aro on the blog you mentioned, don’t. Your safety comes first, always, before activism and community building. You aren’t causing other aros harm by first looking after yourself: this situation is not of your making and you are not contributing to or enabling it. Activism–and this is activism–never comes before your comfort and safety, and it is truth that engaging in it opens us up to harmful responses, often lacking the ability to easily bear them because of the pain that drives us to activism in the first place. Not all of us, for thousands of reasons, have the ability to bear this, and that makes nobody any less of a person or an aro-spec. In a world where to be who we are is a hundred shades of wrong, just existing is a radical act, and I swear to you that is always, always, enough.

You are not less boldly, defiantly aro because you have been forced into a situation where it is unsafe to express yourself. Your aromantic pride is not less because you can’t speak it, and I have no time for anyone who believes otherwise.

If you’d like to start increasing the aro on this blog, though, start small. Start with really safe pieces to reblog like aro-ace characters, pride art or positivity, and introduce these more slowly onto the blog–one each day or every couple of days, say. Start with media least likely to be deemed objectionable and slowly get your followers (and co-mods!) used to seeing this content. You can then, still slowly, start throwing some aro-specific pride media and positivity, some allo-aro media, some aro-spec identity posts, some aro experience posts, etc, still focusing on content that leans towards positivity and pride. At the same time, you can start increasing the frequency, balancing out the more aro-specific works with pride and positivity pieces. When this has become normal blog fare, you can try a few of the less overtly frustrated-with-allo-ace posts about aro-ace erasure (if appropriate for the blog, of course) and work your way up towards real aro-spec community conversations (if appropriate for the blog). The same applies for your original content, anon–start small with pride art or positivity posts, let your followers grow accustomed to these and then start slowly feeding in posts that address aro-spec identity and experience, like stories or creative non-fiction posts, later building up to conversations on erasure.

A shift straight from everything ace to posts about aro erasure in the ace community risks ruffling feathers amongst followers and mods. That this risk is real says how much aro erasure is accepted and unconscious (oh, amatonormativity!), and nothing about the approach I’ve suggested is right. This is another case, anon, where we’re looking at a long, slow battle, inching our way towards progress. It involves a great deal of patience and hand-holding, both of which are so difficult, but I think it’s the best way of making change with the least (not none, just least) chance of hate or antagonism.

(If you never want to post anything difficult and just stick to media and characters and positivity, that’s also appropriate. You get to draw the line, always, on the kind of media you reblog and the conversations you have. Promoting positivity or identity exploration is absolutely an act of activism and it is no less empowering or vital an act than those of us who talk about erasure. I don’t get to have conversations without the work of folks who, through promoting positivity and 101 content, allow people to understand they are aro-spec; I’d be nothing here without those bloggers.)

I’ll stress again, anon, that if you can’t do this, for whatever reason, that is absolutely fine. You are no less aro-ace for keeping yourself safe. Your comfort and safety always becomes before activism. If you feel able to take that first dangerous, difficult step, though, this is how I’d do it. I’ll mention that this blog, today, has a very different timbre from its beginning; I never imagined having community conversations of the sort that we’ve found ourselves needing. Starting with safer things like media content or positivity is an important part of allowing bloggers, mods, followers and the blog itself to grow and develop–gradually and organically. I see no reason why this can’t happen anywhere else.

Good luck, and please know that whatever you do, anon, you are already and always aggressively and unapologetically aro. You wouldn’t have sent in this ask if you weren’t.

#anon #ask #aromisia in the ace community #aro antagonism #aro erasure #aroace erasure #broader aspec discussions #acespec community frustrations #aroace #not media #text #discussion post #aspec community #long post #very long post #personal #abuse mention #I will essay at you #mod chatter

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lgbtcrashcourse · 6 years

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Pride Month Lessons Syllabus

A month long crash course in gender, sexuality, lgbt+ history, culture, and activisim.

The lessons cover guides and places to look when exploring personal identity as well how to talk respectfully to and about people who aren’t cis and/or straight.

Week 1: Gender

Day 1: what is cis

definition

am I cis? Are you cis?

Day 2: what is gender?

gender expression

gender roles

historical gender

gender identities

meaning of gender

Day 3: what are pronouns?

some historical pronoun facts

how to refer to people

importance of pronouns

how to learn about and practice pronouns

Day 4: how do you know what gender you are?

lets go more in depth into what gender means

how people figure out gender

some terms that are helpful

some further resources

gender diagram

images of people with different genders

gender testimonials

Day 5: Trans and non binary folk and how best to talk to and about them respectfully

what do you do if you don’t know someones gender? Or there pronouns?

trans and non binary identities and how you to talk and think about their gender

when you should ask people for their pronouns

pronoun hints tips and tricks

pronoun practice recap

dead names! How to talk about people in present and past tense.

Transition

what is it

what does it mean

social vs. hormonal vs. surgical

how to talk about someone who has transitioned, will transition, is undergoing a transition, or doesn’t plan on transitioning (she’s been a woman the whole time,)

Day 6: recap

what is gender (diagram)

A person is the gender they say they are. Take and conceptualize it at face value. If someone regardless of appearance, says they are a woman, then they are one. etc.

correct pronouns

some genders and definitions

how to conceptualize gender identity

a brief discussion about a current trans person in which we test how you’ve improved on things like not dead naming, understanding gender identity, and correct pronouns

Week 2: Sexuality

Day 1: what is sexuality

major sexualities (LGBQP lesbian, gay, bi, queer, pan, poly sexual, ace, aro etc)

romantic vs. sexual attraction (when it matters and when it doesn’t

some quotes and feelings from People with different kinds of attraction

Day 2: what sexuality am I?

what sexuality are you?

a complex description of what attraction is and how you know.

Day 3: gender and sexuality

how these things are related and not

a deeper dive into terminology i.e. sapphic, vs. lesbian vs. wlw, vs. nblw, vs. queer etc

Day 4: best practice when talking about sexuality

Chosen labels

speculation and labeling others :/

alphabet soup

Queer —> a complicated issue

slurs and reclaiming of slurs

who can you tell vs. not tell

Day 5: heteronormativity and microagressions

not seeing yourself in media

bad representation

censorship

youtube and the ad controversy

Tumblr and the adult content controversy

shielding children from basic understanding of who they are as people

death by 1000 cuts

at work, out and about

what not to say

Day 5: recap

what is sexuality

best practice for labels

heteronormativity and smaller forms of less apparent discrimination

censorship and its ramifications

Week 3: History and Activism

Day 1: important historical figures that happen to be gay

newton

ann frank

shakespeare

da vinci

etc.

how we talk about gender and sexuality throughout history when it wasn’t explicitly stated since these people are no longer alive to tell us themselves

Day 2: sexuality throughout history

origin of homosexual and heterosexual as words

origin of queer, lesbian, gay, bisexual, and asexual

famous gay and non straight folks and how they contributed to lgbt+ history

art and literature

Day 3: gender through history

gender and colonialism

historical trans and non binary figures and how terms and understanding evolved

how advances in medicine helped inform the lgbt+ community

mental illness vs. de medicalizing lgbt+

art and literature

Day 4: lgbt+ movements in the US and abroad

Day 5: activism

current struggles

in the US

housing for homeless youth

gender recognition on ids

the right to use the restroom

you can still get fired for being gay legally in most of the US. The cake case and the ruling happened and thats not great

gay adoption

conversion therapy

globally

history of the movement

activism in art and literature

Day 6 Recap: how has the history of lgbt+ culture impacted modern day

How do we talk about historical lgbt+ folk

How has our understanding of gender changed with time?

How about sexuality?

what are some current lgbt+ movements?

Week 4: Culture and Recap

Day 1: the modern lgbt+ community

how we talk about each other

celebrities and how we talk about lgbt+ who are famous and out (or not)

current issues, concerns, and controversy

lgbt+ folk and the media

good representation

bad representation

queer coded characters

why” he’s gay but its never mentioned in the text” is unhelpful

one lgbt+ person alone is unrealistic because we Find each other even when we don’t know what we are yet

censorship

Day 2: the role of the ally

we need you:

help fight for rights

defend us when we aren’t in the room

promote lgbt+ folk in the workplace

gain a comfort level with lgbt+ issues

teach this comfort level to others

when writing, creating, watching, or sharing media consider lgbt+ representation

the most important thing to learn is to keep learning.

No one is unproblematic.

Being willing to continue to listen to lgbt+ folk and continue to learn new things is the most important and helpful thing you can do.

Day 3: gender recap

Day 4: sexuality recap

Day 5: history and activism recap

Day 6: Test

2 parts

1 part exam with write ins and multiple choice

1 part conversation where we talk about lgbt+ folk and issues

You will be marked on your correct knowledge of best practices when talking about people that aren’t straight and/or cis. And also on your knowledge of history, culture, gender, sexuality, and activism of the lgbt+ community

Day 7: debrief

your questions, comments, and concerns

any final things you want to learn

my advice for areas to keep studying up on

any further resources I have to give

suggested further topics/ info to research

#long post #pride month lessons

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graciecatfamilyband · 7 years

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Your response to that anon was fabulously well-reasoned, but I'd like to point out, just to help broaden the understanding, that heterosexual definitely does not have to equal heteronormative? Heteronormative means the portrayal of heterosexuality as the 'normal' kind of relationship, the default (and most importantly, *preferred*) kind, which is obviously problematic. Unless I misunderstood what you were saying; in which case, my apologies.

Sl-walker, my fellow Bail fan! Thanks for contributing to the dialogue in such a constructive way!

You are certainly correct in your definition of heteronormativity, and noting the real differences between heteronormative and heterosexual.

My position on this, to be real with you, is kind of all mixed-up, and draws from sources that aren’t necessarily particularly academic. I think there’s a lot of room for disagreement on this. It’s only something that I’ve begun thinking about in this way recently, so I sure as s*** could be wrong on this one lol.

For the sake of discussion, here’s where I was coming from:

Definitions are fluid, and at some point heteronormativity stopped being applied to society as a whole exclusively, a concept which affects individuals and their relationships and plays out on those individual levels (the relationships they choose to be in, how those relationships play out, and how society treats those relationships) that can be observed in people’s attitudes, expectations, and reactions towards relationships, and began to be applied to relationships themselves. (Tumblr? Did Tumblr do this? It sounds like something Tumblr would do.)

Maybe I should have said that heteronormativity shouldn’t be applied to relationships, full stop, but of course sometimes it can be useful for LGBT and asexual/ and/or aromantic people to use that lens to examine their own lives/journeys/understanding/relationships as well as for allo-cis-straight people who want to examine how they came to understand their sexuality/how it was treated and reinforced from an early age/how that might differ from other experiences. And I certainly see the appeal of reading something written in horribly 1950′s gender stereotypes and being like, “ugh, the heteronormativity oozing off this page is cringe-inducing.”

I was trying (poorly? unnecessarily?) to combat this idea I’ve seen floating out there in some spaces that heterosexual relationships can be written to be “non-heteronormative”, as in, “Oooh, look at this super non-heteronormative heteropairing” or “Sure, I write heterorelationships, but they’re not heteronormative.”

I think the way to write non-heteronormative relationships is to write LGBT relationships and/or characters.

If you’re going to write a hetero relationship (and Goddess knows many of us will/do, including yours truly), it is great to attend to issues of gender and to let both the individuals and their partnership be real, full and “breathing”, without constraining them with “traditional” gender roles and gender-based relationship hierarchies. I prefer to read such hetero relationships myself, I seek to do this in my own writing, and will always encourage this.

But is non-heteronormative the best word for this?

To me, to set out and say “I’m going to write non-heteronormative straight cismale and straight cisfemale” or even “How do I make sure my persona real-life heterosexual relationship isn’t heteronormative” (both of which I’ve seen) is missing the whole purpose of the concept of heteronormativity (and is therefore folly! Folly I say! LOL it seems like the right word, I apologize for the grandeur…).

Now, just because the relationship is heterosexual doesn’t mean the writing itself is heteronormative or story itself has to inherently “promote” heteronormativity, although I think PLOA was absolutely heteronormative.

And this gets all sorts of crazy- to the point of this position possibly falling apart- when you note the LGBT authors who are writing hetero pairings in one way or another. I’m uncomfortable waving a hand over such pairings and declaring “heteronormative”, when the work itself is so clearly non-heteronormative and/or is playing with assumptions about heterosexual relationships that is informed by a different lens and experience. But still, to me, it feels weird to say these pairings themselves are “non-heteronormative.”

And again, I think it gets into really murky territory when one thinks one can combat heteronormativity with heterosexual dyadic pairings, because the majority of people doing this are not LGBT or gender studies people playing intelligently with the ideas of heteronormativity. In fanfiction and, I think, in “regular” fiction, even in, Goddess help us, nonfiction, “heteronormative” used in this way quickly turns into “what I, the writer, see as conventional.” And then “non-heteronormative” turns into “things some people might see as unconventional or deviant” - which is, to me, reinforcing the idea that LGBT identity and queerness are unconventional or deviant - which is, to me, a view that is heteronormative AF.

This turns into equating queerness with a) kink, and/or other behaviors that may OR MAY actually co-exist with queerness or may co-exist just as easily with straightness, that aren’t linked to that kind of sexual orientation at all and/or b) truly unhealthy behaviors such as abuse.

I promise, there is someone out there who thinks 50 Shades of Gray is non-heteronormative because there are sex acts outside the expected cultural norm for a heterosexual couple. Yet of course the whole thing is steeped in cultural gender expectations, terribly unhealthy relationship dynamics, and unhealthy/safe/poor representation of what BDSM is actually like in responsible BDSM communities. Yet this kind of 50 Shades dynamic is exactly the kind of thing I see in some pockets of the fanficton community when it comes to “non-heteronormativity” so I’m very wary.

Eventually, this kind of “non-heteronormativity” also becomes an excuse for blotting out LGBT relationships- sure, this is a hetero pairing, but not a heteronormative one! Why can’t LGBT and aro/ace people be happy with that kind of representation?

Let’s call kink kinky, rather than non-heteronormative.

Let’s call subverting gender roles/expectations in heterosexual pairings just that, rather than non-heteronormative. And let’s be specific about what we mean with that, because usually characters subvert in some ways but not others.

And so on.

AND PLEASE, let us call unhealthy relationships and unhealthy behaviors, UNHEALTHY rather than “non-heteronormative”!!!!

It is certainly possible that this is NOT where the anon was coming from at all, that they saw the issue of heteronormativity in PLOA and in Leia’s “sexual awakening” as much as it was hinted at in the book as 100% entirely separate from the issue of what kind of man a straight-written Leia ended up with.

But still, to me, that anon ask (and I could be wrong) felt like it contained the idea that an “angsty” relationship (especially one where “angsty” means “teen/adult” or “promoter of democracy/fascist”) is almost like a substitute for an LGBT relationship or orientation. That is troubling to me and what I sought to push back against with my use of the word heteronormativity/my statement that it shouldn’t be applied to hetero pairings.

#heteronormativity #discourse #goddess help us #politeness reminder in effect until 9pm EST (year 3795)#sl-walker #Asks!

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aroworlds · 6 years

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Aro-Spec Artist Profile: Signe

Today’s awesome aro-spec creator is Signe, better known to aro-spec Tumblr as @fluffyllamacorn!

Signe is a busy aroace writer, visual and textile artist! She writes for the Young Avengers, The Shadowhunter Chronicles/Shadowhunters, Hawkeye Comics and New X-Men: Academy fandoms in addition to developing diverse original fiction. You can find her growing collection of fanworks on AO3 under the name FluffyLlamacorn and her gorgeous art at @llamacorn-productions.

She also posts and reblogs fashion and accessories at @clothing-inspiration, and some of her cosplays can be seen throughout this post!

With us Signe talks about her passion for textile arts and how they allowed her to reclaim her femininity, the importance of non-romantic relationships in creative media, the difficulty of writing kissing scenes, and the need for works and discussions that celebrate our aromanticism. Her love of making, crafting and designing just shines through this post, so please let’s give her all our love, encouragement, gratitude, kudos and follows for taking the time to explore what it is to be aromantic and creative.

Can you share with us your story in being aro-spec?

I just sort of … never cared? I’ve never wanted to get married and have children, and I never really had crushes growing up. I partly figured that was because I was surrounded by assholes who weren’t worth crushing on, but even when I graduated and moved to better schools where I actually had friends, I still didn’t care. I’ve always had a lot of confidence, so I’ve never bothered feeling insecure about not dating. I spent a while identifying as a straight person “who doesn’t care about romance” before eventually identifying with the ace and then aroace identifiers after having known them for a while, but there was never any big moments in the journey that really stand out.

Currently, I see my aromanticism as more important to my identity than my asexuality – being aro is what I do, while being ace is what my body does – but I also don’t really see them as separate. It’s hard to put into words because it requires cementing some stuff that I don’t mind leaving fluid, but while my lack of attraction is a package deal, it’s the lack of romantic attraction that defines my lifestyle the most. I know which I would choose if I had to, but I prefer not having to. That’s the only good thing about the ace discourse: It’s made me very protective of my ace identity again after having let somewhat go of it after I came to identify as aro.

Can you share with us the story behind your creativity?

I’m the type of person who has a thousand different hobbies and therefore doesn’t have time to actually do any of them. The three I care most about are writing, drawing and textile work.

I’ve always told myself a lot of stories. Walking home from school, I would develop my stories, acting out scenes in my mind and developing huge universes. When I decided to share them with the world, it was initially as comics. I drew a lot, so I had developed the characters’ visual identities along with their personalities. While I’ve switched to planning my stories as books, drawing and writing is still pretty linked in my mind and I can’t imagine creating a character that I don’t know how to draw.

I got into textile work through cosplay, but have spread out into knitting, sewing, embroidery, cross stitch, weaving, crocheting, bobbin lace… Pretty much everything I can get my hands on, which is why I give it such a broad name. (This is part of my too many hobbies deal!) I love everything about textiles, from the look and feel of it, to how many different things can be created out of one simple material. Looking at clothes and knowing not just how it’s been sewn, but also how the fabric was made, is so cool. Creating things from scratch can make me feel like something akin to a god, recreating this corner of the universe as I see fit. A big part of my love for textile work is also reclaiming my femininity in a way that’s so different from the girly girl image I was taught to look down on as a girl. This is a way to enjoy being feminine that doesn’t force me to embrace things I don’t enjoy.

One thing I’ve realized recently is that I love the freedom to design my own work. My cosplays have moved further and further away from canon, from human versions to characters without a firm design or completely redesigning a canon design. On the other hand, I rarely feel the need to sew completely original things, and without the built in deadline of a con, I’m not very likely to get it done. I tend to rarely do the things I can just do whenever, but I’m getting better at that.

Are there any particular ways your aro-spec experience is expressed in your art?

It’s easy to spot in my stories. I have a lot of a-spec characters. The two main characters who were specifically designed to get most of my heart – Shizuka, the shy girl who didn’t know how to make friends, and Diana, the confident girl who’s never cared what anyone thinks of her – both ended up being a-spec even though I created them long before I started identifying as aroace. Shizuka is demi and I don’t know whether it’s sexually and/or romantically or if it even matters. Diana ended up being aroace because I was thinking about her future and my mind nope’d out of the possibility of her ever dating. I also made a conscious choice not to include much romance until I got interested in queer love stories and that sorta fell by the way side. Even then, I try to keep the love stories from being the only defining feature of the stories and the characters involved in them and never to devalue other types of relationship. You will never hear the term “just friends” in my work unless I’m trying to make a point about the person who uses it.

(This is not to pass a value judgement on anyone who uses that expression, but to help normalize language that doesn’t devalue platonic relationships.)

What challenges do you face as an aro-spec artist?

The recent anti-a-spec discourse has made me worried about posting about aromantic things too publicly, as aphobic comments and opinions seem way to commonly accepted these days.

Also, writing kissing scenes. What the hell. “And then their mouths squished together for a little while, which apparently made fireworks go off in their brains.” Like. What? Why does society think this is the epitome of every relationship?

How do you connect to the aro-spec and a-spec communities as an aro-spec person?

Building communities about a lack of something is always hard. Once you’ve written the first story about being aro, it can be hard to write the next one, unless you consciously try to write about a different way of being aro-spec. It’s also a hard orientation to include quickly as being single isn’t as clear an indicator as having a romantic partner of the same gender. While I follow a bunch of aro-blogs and I have a bunch of a-spec friends, I wouldn’t say I’m strongly integrated in the a-spec communities on Tumblr.

Part of it is that most content I see is validations that every sort of aro is alright. I see a lot of content aimed at people who feel bad. That’s important, definitely, but I don’t need it. I’ve always known I’m amazing, both independently of and intersecting with my aromantic identity. I’m interested in work that celebrates being aro, work that doesn’t say I’ll be happy “even though” I’m aro, but “while” I’m aro, maybe even “because” I’m aro and don’t need to waste my life on amatonormativity. At the very least, work that spends more than a sentence on reassuring me. I see a lot of content that implies the basic state of an aro-spec person is sad, and I object to that idea.

I have also recently seen a whole lot of posts about QPRs and that’s really cool! I’m happy to see they’re becoming more and more accepted, at least in some circles. I’m less happy to see them become so prominent and so expected that they start feeling like a new shape of amatonormativity. It’s not that bad right now, but I definitely got allo aces saying “at least we can still feel love” vibes from some QPR posts earlier this year. Because here’s the thing: I’m aroace. I won the lottery. I don’t need to define myself by relationships to other people.* I refuse to take another label that sounds like I don’t want friends because of people pushing QPRs to be the new norm. Again, I’m super happy QPRs seem to have become more accepted, just please don’t present them as something every aro-spec person is interested in unless we specifically opt out.

There’s also the question of what kind of aro stories should be told. I mean, as many as possible, obviously, but that’s going to take a while. But the whole deal with being aro-spec is to have less interest in romance, so too many stories that focus on the lack of it become … counterproductive? I think the Jughead comics are pretty perfect in that regard. The main character is aroace and there are several stories that’s hella important to, but mainly it’s just about him going on adventures with his friends.

(P.S. I hate Riverdale. I’ve seen two different Jughead cosplays these last two weekends, but I didn’t dare fangirl, because what if they were based on the wrong version?)

Honestly, my main way of interacting with the a-spec community is befriending people at random and later finding out they’re a-spec. It’s … almost a superpower? It’s pretty great.

* No one needs to define themselves by relationships to other people, but I imagine it’s much easier when you don’t feel the desire to.

How do you connect to your creative community as an aro-spec person?

I don’t feel very connected to creative communities, but that’s more because I’m not very good at reaching out and promoting myself unless I know I have exactly what’s being asked for. I mainly stick to one or two people I can bounce ideas off of for my different projects before I post it and hope it finds an audience. It might also be because I’m juggling so many things and don’t spend enough time on the social connections needed to connect with a community.

How can the aro-spec community best help you as a creative?

Feedback, feedback, feedback! I love it! I live on it! Telling me you like X or Y part of my work can keep me floating for days and makes me so much more motivated to keep arting! So please, check out my art and leave a comment and/or share it with your friends/followers, if you like it.

(Also, if anyone has good tips on how to reach a larger audience, let me know.)

Can you share with us something about your current project?

I just finished my newest cosplay, which is Lup from The Adventure Zone in her lich form! I had a lot of fun designing her – the podcast doesn’t have very specific descriptions and the creators encourage fans to come up with their own designs – and got a lot of positive reactions at the con last weekend. I went for a very non-human design, including hiding my face, and added a bunch of fire details to reflect her evocation magic. I would have added more, but then my sewing machine broke in the last second, and I had to finish everything by hand, so I just aimed for the basic version. I’ll be updating her for the next con and will have much more fire with me then. I have yet to finish editing the pictures, but they should be up soon.

Have you any forthcoming works we should look forward to?

My next project, one I’ve alluded to a couple of times in this profile already, in fact combines all three of my passions. I was considering cosplaying Pixie, one of the underrated students from X-Men, relegated to the background since their series ended, but I kept bumping up against the problem that her uniform was just too … generic to be fun. Besides, what’s the point of cosplaying the pink girl, and then not getting to work with pink fabric?

So I just redesigned her and gave her an individual outfit. And then I decided to redesign all of her teammates. I wanted them all to go together, but still keep an individual feeling, and I achieved that by giving them a rainbow theme when they’re together. Obviously, the next stop was figuring out a story for that to take place in, of which I’ve posted the first chapter. The idea is that they get out in their bright colors and visibly help everyday people with everyday problems to stop people from hating and fearing mutants and maybe actually making a positive change, unlike all of the superhero battles that don’t get anyone anywhere.

The project has three parts: Individual drawings for every member where I develop their outfits further, chapters of fic describing their adventures and a cosplay that I aim to finish for Genki in August, the next big con in Denmark.

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