#2020 is turning out to be a horrible year.

[literary-illuminati]

2024 Book Review #20 – Foundryside by Robert Jackson Bennett

I’ve in theory been a big fan of Bennett for a couple years now, having adored American Elsewhere when I read it. I say ‘in theory’ because I had not actually followed that up by reading any of his other stuff until I happened to see him doing an AMA on r/fantasy and was jolted to go put something of his on hold. The most convenient option was Foundryside so, here we are.

The story follows Sancia, a former slave-turned-magical-experiment who now uses her rather inconveniently always-on sort of object empathy to be a really excellent thief for hire in the hopes of earning enough cash to pay some black market surgeon to make her normal again and then stay quiet about it. That price tag lures her into accepting a job for an eye-watering amount of money from what it clearly one of the merchant houses who rule the city – which she discovers to be an ancient relic, a key that can open any lock. And talk to her. And revolutionize the entire industry of enchanting upon which the city’s fortune and empire are built. She correctly assumes that there’s no way they’re planning to let her live after turning it (him) over, and things spiral out of control from there.

It’s fundamentally a heist story, with all the main action setpieces being about breaking into places and stealing things. And like all good heist stories, the protagonists are totally incapable of winning through anything like brute force, and have to be clever bastards about it – sneaking past guards, not slaughtering them in the night. Those heist sequences are all vividly described and just a lot of fun, almost worth the price of admission on their own.

So this is the rare story where calling it ‘magipunk’ is both accurate and helpful. Which is to say, it is almost literally a cyberpunk story translated into the idiom of vaguely-early-modern fantasy city states instead of corporate arcologies. Scheming oligarchs, overmighty corporate states, miraculous technologies that are only felt by the underclass as news ways of being oppressed and objectified, the works. The most triumphant and hopeful part of the ending involves the founding of a worker’s coop that doesn’t get immoderately crushed. Notably useful and plot-relevant enchanted items include a listening device, trackers, and a powered gliding rig. It’s only when you really get into it that the magic starts feeling at all magical, is what I’m saying – you could translate almost all of this into Cyberpunk 2020 terms in a couple of hours. I think it’s quite fun.

Sancia’s whole backstory – a slave on one of the plantations supplying the city with food and spices, taken as a subject for bloody experimentation in creating perfectly obedient magical cyborgs, surviving and escaping because they got sloppy with occult grammar and reality interpreted ‘be like object’ as ‘be like [INSERT NEAREST OBJECT HERE]’ – is fun on a few different levels. The story definitely leans into a running theme of the reduction of the powerless and subordinate to literal objects and tools wielded by those who control them, both metaphorically and literally. But also there’s an absolutely great beat where she’s explaining her story to the rest of the main cast who are all horrified and disgusted that anyone would do such a thing. To which she reacts very angrily and goes ‘you know that isn’t, like, worse than the whole rest of the chattel slave economy, right? More people get horribly tortured to death as part of everyday operations than creepy magical experiments?”

Sancia as a character is just a lot of fun to spend time in the head of, honestly. Her relationship with Clef (the magical key, the more literal example of being objectified and insturmentalized by one’s masters) is the core dynamic of the first ~half of the book, and it absolutely carries it. Though in the final act it then runs into the very common action/adventure story issue where she starts talking about this guy she’d known for barely a week like a life-long friend she’s shared more good times than she could count with. Entirely forgivable but like, it does stand out.

There’s this whole subtheme of, like, futile misogyny running through the text? It’s never explicitly brought up, and the only character whose actually vocally sexist on the page is the asshole philistine moneygrubbing abusive husband wannabe-coupist you’re clearly supposed to hate. But it’s a repeatedly mentioned point that the culture of enchanting grew significantly more patriarchal in the previous generation (for unstated reasons, possibly just the one epoch-defining genius being a misogynistic ass) and that this was very bad for the career prospects of several major characters. Despite this, important women in the story include a) half the main cast, b) the only competent and attentive head of any of the four merchant houses and c) the enchanting-prodigy wife of aforementioned sexist asshole who turns out to have been feeding him every useful idea he ever had until she could kill him and scoop up everything he’s gathered. This is one of those things that amuses me because it’s clearly deliberate but is never directly mentioned.

This is also one of those books that’s queer rep not in the revolutionary groundbreaking it’s-a-core-part-of-the-tezt way, but in the ‘wow isn’t it great how normal and unremarkable queer representation is now?’ way. Like, Sancia is gay, which is one of remarkably few things about herself she never expresses a single moment of angst, anger or self-doubt about, and she has the sort of C-plot romance subplot every adventure story is obligated to (right down to agreeing to go out for a drink if she survives the last big heist), but with a woman. Her sexuality otherwise basically doesn’t matter. When people ask for queer SFF book recommendations I’m never sure if offering stuff like this is missing the point or exactly what’s desired.

As mentioned, the only other book of Bennett’s I’ve read is American Elsewhere. Which was an absolutely horrible way to set my expectations going into this. Foundryside is fun adventure fantasy, but it has far fewer literary pretensions. The prose is incredibly readable – it’s absolutely a page turner – but that’s basically all it aspires to be. Elsewhere had several different passages I stopped and reread just for the pleasure of it, Foundryside I went back and reread only when I skimmed past some important detail and got confused.

But it’s a really fun fantasy heist story, and the sequel promises to be about a rampant artificial intelligence clockwork djinn which turned against the ancients who made her. So I’m sure I’ll get to it sooner rather than latter.

#book review #foundryside #robert jackson bennett #sff

[gregmarriage]

me as a kid being like ‘i wanna stay home all day and do whatever i want!’ and adult me being chronically ill, disabled and bed ridden ✌🏻

#like be careful what you wish for kid #sisters to me at 2020 new year’s being all ‘i just want something interesting to happen!!’ #i think you can see where this is going #like yeah something ‘interesting’ did happen #a global pandemic happened and you got really sick and hospitalised multiple times #more times than you ever have in your life #august isn’t just my birthday month anymore #it’s also the anniversary of being getting hospitalised for the first time and all the horrible shit starting up #which is fun #like i’m turning 25 this year and then like 3 days later: trauma time!!! #it’s been four years this year #actually quite sickening #four years ago i was physically healthy #this shit really does just come out of nowhere sometimes and completely changes your life and you just have to deal with it #because you can’t change it no matter how much you might wish for it #all the people thinking they’d never get disabled #neither did i #no one expects to be 21 and stuck in a hospital bed #i’ve blacked out most of that time #like i genuinely don’t remember most of my 20s #even the non traumatic stuff #my brain just decided to get rid of it #and i can’t tell if my personality is bred from trauma or just bc i’m in my 20s now #it’s so hard to work out #bc i’m unsure if ppl who knew me before would even recognise me #have i changed or am completely the same? #i suppose being recently manic has left me questioning a lot of things #i’m basically revisiting a lot of stuff in an attempt to better cope and understand my triggers etc so i can better deal with the next one #honestly my brain has blacked so much out i don’t even remember having manic episodes #even tho i basically know i did

[soulemissary]

my sheer inability to keep track of time lately has been bothering me though bc i only keep track of time when i'm somewhat in my own head which means that whenever the days start passing by fast i can't talk to [REDACTED]

#wandertext ♡ #and then i'll realize randomly that ive had radio silence and be pouty about it. thats the only nice thing abt this time of year #that and the fact that i can somewhat enjoy it this year due to 1. not being awkwardly inserted into other ppls families #and 2. not being in mental crisis! #i am in a state of general distrust about it since it is not yet december but last two years were really bad so the bar's set low #turned into a robot last year and 2020 well. Well! #things have gotten better in a lot of ways. period of reflection #i remember very. very little of this year. mostly because it was unremarkable. #i worked for almost none of it and spent half of it in a state of near daily fear for my and my family's safety so. unremarkable #but we're getting close to the point where we'll have a rest from all the constant scrambling and panic and other things. #and if anything goes horribly wrong we have the means to get out. not cleanly but that is not important #it seems vitally important to me to actually estimate the 'get the fuck out' cost and ensure i have it at all times #unremarkable year. unremarkable place. unremarkable life #repetition #something to flip over and forget about. we will not live like this again and that is what matters. #how did me talking about norton turn into this i wasnt paying attention

[yonpote]

ok heres how i split up the dnp eras (loosely based on dan's timeline in his interview w anthony)

2009-2011: the Sillies era :3 dan refered to it as being a dumb teen just posting cuz he was bored, which is like, thats what all of youtube culture was at this time. they met and like fell in love or whatever you know the lore dont you. phil moved from his parents home to his first apartment in manchester, and dan technically moved to uni but really he moved into phil's apartment to take advantage of his washing machine and ps1 and. yknow. other stuff. they officially moved in together in 2011 yippee hooray, the phanchester apartment holds a special place in my heart

2012-2013: THE SHIFT. they started getting Serious about youtube as a career, doing more stuff w the radio, superamazingproject started in 2011 but THE SHIFT is very easy to observe when you compare the first season of sap to the last season. ALSO. they were NOT A DOUBLE ACT AND NOT GAY 🙄. it could also be called the No Homo era lmao idk this is when a lot of shitty things were happening wrt leaked information, harassment of their families, and just generally becoming more in the spotlight especially while still in the closet being a horrible experience. but also, they moved to london and got cool opportunities with radio stuff and were starting to actually make a living on this shit.

2014-2016: Peak Dan And Phil™ Era. at the height of their popularity. they realized oh shit, we ARE a double act and not only does everyone enjoy us best as a double act, WE enjoy working together. tabinof, tatinof, dapgo, still doing the radio every month up until they start touring, 7 second challenge app, gamingmas, what the hell DIDNT they do during this time period (what they didnt do was uhh take care of themselves and not overwork and not blur their work and personal lives so much to the point where they felt like the whole apartment was a film set.)

2017-2018: Gay Softlaunch Era (aka post-baking aka glass closet) the baby steps toward authenticity, moved to the double apartment to separate work and life, ii's whole theme, dan talking abt depression, phil getting the quiff, both of them being gay as hell in every way other than saying it explicitly. important things of note: TRUTH BOMBS dropped, Interactive Introverts happened, still uploading gaming vids and honestly by the end you could feel their fatigue. and then they hiatused dapg.

2019-2022: ok these four years each feel like whole eras in themselves, but also theres an overarching theme. THE GAY ERA.

2019: im gonna futher split this year in half. first half- dad left to buy milk so other dad is taking care of us. rough six months for dannies im sure. important phil thing of note- he changed his film set from his "bedroom" to a fairly basic but cute shelf backdrop. honestly prob didnt wanna keep pretending that was his bedroom considering.... second half- DAN AND PHIL GAY. dan uploads his magnum opus. phil comes out via tweet. they go to japan and its really gay and it's The Trip to japan for them like yes they first went in 2015 and again in 2023, but Japhan 2.0 Was The One. what does this mean? proposal? anniversary? idk exactly but it was gay as hell dude and theyve talked about that trip with such love in their hearts.

2020: Phandemic (sorry that was bad) but also where tf is dan again? even with the big C-word happening, it was business as usual for phil, regular vids but make em gayer, caught a pigeon nbd, and end of the year introduces the Stereo app show Phil and Phriends where he's had chats with pj, louise, his brother, seth everman?????, and finally. dan reappears. they reveal that they bought and FULLY PLANNED a house together and are ready to move!

2021: they don't move house for another like six months! basically their house was (and is??) still being worked on AND they were in lockdown AND turns out at the end of last year, they were kicked from their Life apartment and were now living in the Work apartment so you can imagine what all of this can do to their psyche and lowkey they were getting sick of each other like it wasnt just bordering on phivorce it was nearly Phurder. Phidow. but to fill the time so that DOESNT happen, my favorite fucking thing ever happens: Lockdown Lads (and all the other names). the first taste of what a dnp podcast would sound like, with the added bonus of chaotic listener interaction. oh yeah also dan wrote a mental health guide book whatever (IM KIDDING I REALLY LIKE YWGTTN I WROTE LIKE TWO REVIEWS ON IT NOW) and they finally become Homosexual Homeowners. theres quite a bit more dnp content this year, dan being on phils channel a bit more, the phodcasts, dan's gay and not proud special.... oh yeah and hometown showdown i guess AND TEXT VIDEO 2!!! my favorite and my namesake!!!!!!!

2022: Prophecy Year..... but they didnt get married. dan returns with another longass video to say: hey i hate being a youtuber and also youtube majorly fucked me over. but also fuck that im gonna do a weird talk show and ALSO GO ON TOUR WITH THIS APOCALYPSE THEME! phil actually... slows down this year. more dan uploads than phil somehow??? but also Dan Is Leaving me is posted and i go completely insane and become the deranged individual you see today. WHICH FINALLY LEADS US TOOOOOO

2023-present: The Unhinged Era. dan's tour was a huge Emotional success for him but uh not without its hiccups due to management and all that and i think he and phil finally realize. Fuck It Who Cares. dan flies back to england FROM AUSTRALIA to make sure he can be with his future ex-husband on his birthday. CAKE HEART EMOJI. YELLOW PLAID SHACKET. they go on a gamer date and post a picture of playing footsies in a cab. THE PHUDE HAPPENS. they go to japan again and while this one will never be The One it was still a well earned holiday this time with bryony! and they took a bunch of very cute film camera pictures.... THIS IS ALL JUST THE FIRST HALF OF 2023 BTW. in phil news, he talks about going to therapy and figuring out how to manage his anxiety!!!! he changes his hair again!! he hires an editor, phan is his otp, he teases about the gaming channel a couple of times but so many of us already dropped any hope of that returning- OH WAIT WHAT THE FUCK?!!!? HUH!??!? they returned, and more chaotic than ever before. the gayness upped to the max, the Weirdness on full speed, the Horniness at Very Scary Levels Oh God Stop Talking About Dogging, phil can swear uncensored now???? and this energy has continued into today...

#the shift #softlaunch #myrambles #phan

[why-animals-do-the-thing]

To continue the theme of "wtaf is up with that sanctuary that feeds bears Twizzlers and camels Mountain Dew", here's another recent social media post I find rather concerning. Who the heck is giving cheetah - vulnerable animals with a very small population - to a sanctuary that is rabidly, openly anti-zoo and anti-conservation breeding?

The reason this stands out to me so much is that there just like... are not cheetah in sanctuaries in the US. Most cheetah in the US are part of a breeding program, either AZA's SSP or ZAA's AMP - it's not common to find them in even unaccredited zoos, much less newly moved to sanctuaries. Of the 400-some cheetah I found doing the big cat census in 2020, there were less than 10 in facilities that branded themselves as sanctuaries. So where did these cats come from?

What's more, okay, there's no trace of these ladies on social media before now. The Wild Animal Sanctuary is normally very open about their acquisitions, and no facility they've gotten animals from since their last USDA inspection has had cheetah. I haven't heard about any imported cheetah recently either, which is another thing you can check for this facility, because the majority of their rescues are imported from all over the world.

There's another weird thing about this post, too. Look at the language. It's all very "here's a cheetah! they're very happy outdoors in their nice habitat." And if you're not facility with this institution and their messaging, you might not catch why that's odd. This facility emphasizes, in every post they can, that their animals are rescued from horrible no-good very-bad abusive situations. Normally they name and shame if they can, or talk about how they came from the cub petting industry or private exploitation or such. There's none of that in this post, and it stands out because of it - especially because it's the first time these very rare, very charismatic big cats are being shared with their audience.

So where the heck did these cats come from?

Whelp.

Turns out the answer is AZA-accredited zoos. And whew, man, does that raise some questions.

Luckily these girls have some pretty distinctive names, so I was able to find them in the international and regional cheetah studbooks pretty easily. For both cats, the most recent listing in the studbooks was at AZA-accredited zoos in Texas: in 2020 Dahlila was living at Caldwell Zoo, and in 2022 Jaina was at Fossil Rim Wildlife Center.

Now, we don't know for sure that Caldwell and Fossil Rim are the facilities that chose to dump their cheetah in a sanctuary. There's some important context to know about exotic animal ownership and how animals leave AZA SSPs. General practice is that large charismatic mammals aren't bought and sold at AZA zoos, especially SSP animals, so animals sent out to other facilities for breeding or exhibition are moved around on loan. Sometimes their ownership changes with the transfer, but not always - it really depends on the species and how much control each facility wants to have over their animals. On top of that, the ownership of offspring sometimes alternates by litter or individual between the institutions that own the parents. When they're part of a cooperative breeding program none of that matters very much because all the animals are managed as a single population and moved as required for breeding and to fill empty display spaces. Where it's relevant is when an animal is removed from the SSP population - at that point it's totally up to the facility that owns it to choose where they live, as long as they send them somewhere AZA agrees is providing a reasonable standard of care. (This will be important in a little bit.)

So what we can tell from this situation is that Jaina and Dahlila were, for some reason, probably excessioned from the SSP in the last couple years. And whichever AZA facilities owned them decided to send them to The Wild Animal Sanctuary instead of finding a display-only placement at a zoo or safari park or similar facility.

Since I started writing this post, TWAS confirmed the origin of these girls in a Facebook comment.

I have real concerns about what appears to be an emerging trend of exotic animal exhibition facilities using sanctuaries as a "dumping ground" for their elderly or extra animals, in order to prioritize space for breeding or more desirable animals. I can't prove it yet, but there's been just enough weird transfers to have caught my attention. (In some cases, there's a good reason - sometimes all the habitats designed for the physical needs of elderly animals of a certain species already are full, and it's better for them to go somewhere they can exist more easily rather than trying to retrofit their current habitat - but it isn't every case). And here's the thing: many sanctuaries, like TWAS, message about how they have to exist to take all the discards from the zoo industry. In recent years that hasn't really been accurate, and historically, it did happen but not as commonly as it's portrayed. So... if that's true... and it's a bad thing... why are sanctuaries encouraging it by taking the animals zoos are transferring out to free up space? You'd think they'd want to say "find space in your own institutions and only call us if there's a crisis." (Money. The answer is money. Every new intake is used for marketing and drives additional donations.) Heck, why are zoos playing into that narrative, when they're frequently rebutting attacks claiming they discard the animals that aren't useful or aesthetic anymore?

All of this actually makes a lot of sense given how short on space all the AZA SSP programs are. Both in general, and for big cats, there are not enough spaces across accredited zoos to hold all the animals needed for sustainable populations. (This is why AZA just recently re-imagined their SSP programs, which is a whole other complicated mess that I am working on a writeup about). Recent political shifts within AZA corporate leadership have also discouraged collaborations between AZA-accredited zoos and non-AZA facilities, so while 20 years ago it would have been fine to move extraneous / non-breeding cats to smaller unaccredited facilities for display, that's less of an option. Which leaves sanctuaries as kind of the only politically appropriate option. This would also explain why the text of the post is so weird: there's probably a contract in place to prevent using their images to bash zoos.

The problem with sanctuaries as a solution for housing extra animals is, well, the quality of care they provide. If you haven't seen me say it before: sanctuaries are as varied in their expertise and function as zoos. In the case of The Wild Animal Sanctuary (and their other facilities, like the Refuge these cheetah are at) everything I have learned about them indicates that their animal care is highly questionable. Which is a problem, because - as mentioned earlier - AZA-accredited facilities are required to follow a responsible population management policy, which means ensuring that animals they send outside of AZA go somewhere that gives them high-quality care.

TWAS is an organization that prefers to feed big cats at multiple facilities frozen meat puree "frisbees" by chucking them over the fence. They don't have any way to separate co-housed cats to prevent conflict during feeding or resource guarding, because they don't build their enclosures with any sort of shift or lock-out areas. It's also unclear how they remove food waste without a way to shift animals out to go find it. (For bears they drive in on a truck into the habitat and then go on foot to clean, but I don't know if that's done with the big cats once they’ve been released from quarantine pens.

(These are my photos of food in carnivore habitats at TWAS this summer. Given the pest accumulation on the meat frisbee and the fact that I visited early in the day, it seems probable it was at least a day old.)

This is an organization that is ethically against training their animals for any reason: it's literally written into their statement of purpose as a “true sanctuary.” It's also described below, in a recent book published about the facility.

That policy means these cheetahs will not have a recall behavior, will not be trained for medical examinations or as a way to lower stress for procedures, and will not get the mental enrichment and interaction they're used to from regular training sessions. According to the book, medications are delivered on a long spoon / tongs tucked inside the cat equivalent of a pill pocket. (Which anyone with a pet cat knows falls apart as a plan if they're sick enough to not feel hungry).

I'm pretty sure there's no heated shelter for the large carnivores or bears at TWAS. The main shelter for animals at the Sanctuary is single-entrance concrete culverts buried underground far enough they're supposed to maintain a constant temperature all winter.

Sounds nice in theory, but with no second exit animals can get trapped down there, and there's no way to monitor them when they're inside. I don't know what type of shelter the Refuge provides, but it probably isn't much different. Even the quarantine spaces - smaller outdoor kennel-type pens with three exposed mesh panel walls - have no heat, and just an above-ground culvert block for them to curl up in. While cheetah are surprisingly adaptable to cold weather, winters in Colorado can be very harsh for prolonged periods of time.

As far as I know, most of the animals at facilities TWAS runs don't get regularly changed, novel enrichment. I've certainly never seen much in the habitats other than climbing structures when I've visited their main facility over the years, and most of their messaging around “toys” is semi-permanent furniture like giant telephone wire spools or a suspension bridge for climbing. I think some of the bears get balls? The messaging from TWAS is that their animal care is better because it's close to a natural life in the wild. Animals can be animals! When returned to their wild roots, animals shouldn't need anything from humans and are happier that way, etc.

When animals come to the Sanctuary (or the partner facility, the Refuge) they're literally chucked into a big fenced-off piece of land and left out there to "be cats" without human interaction except for feeding time and observations. Which is the polar opposite of what these cheetah are used to! AZA cheetahs, even those that aren't program animals, are intensely managed. They're used to regular human contact, frequent training, and constant enrichment. So what's "normal" for a wild cat is a far cry from what these cheetah girls have always known. That's not better - that's a loss of quality of life.

I don't understand how moving animals to places like TWAS is in line with AZA's Responsible Collection Management policy. I don't understand how AZA facilities think the type of husbandry the facility describes providing is acceptable. If another zoo utilized half the same care practices, they'd be drawn and quartered by their industry peers as well as by the public - and rightfully so. I don't understand why anyone wants to send animals there, based even just on what's easily observable. I don't have more information or really a conclusion, just that’s what's observable from an external vantage point is upsetting as heck and I worry for those cheetah girls.

#big cats #cheetahs #animal welfare #sanctuary politics #zoo industry politics #animal care #AZA #long post #this originally said cheetah are highly endangered which was a fact checking error #updated it to reflect that #bug tw

[pinkch3rie]

lolita as a novel is a perfect example of how powerful rich white men can get away with heinous crimes, and the structure of the book itself supports that because it gives us an direct insight into the inner thoughts of one of these men and just how much mental gymnastics they do to justify everything. and i feel like despite what ppl believe(wrongly), this book is inherently anti pedophilia because it dismisses the common claim that it’s the young girl’s fault that something bad happened, and why so many girls who have had similar experiences find comfort in it, and in dolores as a character. this is why, on top of many other reasons, the centering of white girls is so heartbreaking to see in the coquette community. the themes in lolita deal with the sexualization and abuse of young girls, which girls of color, specifically Black and indigenous girls experience disproportionately higher compared to white girls. so of course more girls of color are going to find comfort in a community that when done correctly and with good intentions, give power to dolores haze and girls who have experience with csa/sexualization/inappropriate relationships with older men. but so many of them are turned away from it because they don’t feel comfortable in a community full of mean rich white girls. i know for a fact that if i haven’t discovered coquette in 2020/2021 as a 17 year old who was just coming to terms with some of the horrible stuff i went through, i would’ve spiraled so much once i left home for college, and to think that there’s a girl of color out there who could’ve really benefited from a community that acknowledges the dark sides of girlhood but stayed away from it bc she thinks it’s for white girls only breaks my heart.

#coquette #coquette aesthetic #coquette community #mine #lana del rey #lizzy grant #lolita1997 #american lolita #vladimir nabokov #dolores haze #nymph3t #nympette #nymph aesthetic

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I sent a strongly worded message to my ex and blocked her?

background. i (28x) dated this girl for 3 years (she is now 32f) from 2017-2020. i was also the one who initiated the break up. it boiled down to i didn't see the relationship being endgame and wanted to focus on my life moving forward while still searching for The One. dating her was getting in the way of me going to grad school, because she was emotionally draining and i'm the sort of partner that puts too much of myself into relationships. in the end, i'm proud of putting my foot down when it came to insisting i couldn't be her therapist and that we would do better separately.

i did not harbor any bad feelings towards her even if by some definitions she emotionally abused me or spat some red flags at me. i vented to a couple of close friends like a normal person, and i offered the chance for her to reach out to me (because when we started dating it was very very important to her that we be able to remain friends and i had no issue with that.)

i had no issue with that until a couple of months ago. a new acquaintance admitted to me that she had also dated this girl, and began describing some of the horrible things my ex had been saying about me.

i don't care if she doesn't like me. i don't care that she vented about me to her friends. i do care that she lied to me to people who were also my friends in order to make me look horrible and basically turned those people against me.

some lies were just subjective, like saying i treat my parents horribly despite them treating me extraordinarily well. some were demonstrably false, like claiming the car i drove 9 hours to visit her in 2018 was bought "at the end of our relationship" (reminder: 2020) and making up untrue details about how spoiled i am and how it wasn't good enough for me and i hated it.

they were so blatant i was able to send my new friend screenshots disproving one of the things she said about me in literally a 5 second search in our discord dms from 2019. (she said i called her aromantic and this offended her and i showed screenshots of her using this label for herself so obviously i thought it would be okay?)

anyway. i can't stop thinking about this absolute betrayal. she wants me to be another of her abusers so bad, she's literally ruined at least two friendships i had previously, just because she loves to share information about her life and i'm more of a private person.

i want to leave her a mic drop where i tell her what a raging cunt she is (in more eloquent words) and block her before she even reads it but i know it's insanely petty and my therapist probably wouldn't like it. i just need some kind of closure to get this out of my mind. wibta?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[ckret2]

I need to know: how you think bill would be in chat if he ever got the priviledge to get a phone or use a PC?What social networks would he use?

Types in all caps at all times. Punctuation optional. If someone asks him to turn off caps he instead doubles the font size. He can do this even on sites/apps that don't allow you to change the size. He won't say how.

Considering this is 2013? He's probably a pioneer in spreading misinformation and bullshit on twitter. He's one of those "MANIFEST LOVE and $$$ get your DREAM JOB through the POWER of the LAW OF ATTRACTION" cultish New Age grifters making money off a website selling self help PDFs. He's building an internet cult.

Anyone who knows him IRL gets to hear him laughing about how stupid his followers are. However it sounds like he kind of buys some of his own New Age BS to a degree that worries people.

He gets in stupid drama and then spends all night digging up something to cancel his opponent over and sic his followers on them, not because he thinks he's justified, but sheerly for the thrill of the hunt. It makes him feel powerful. His twitter has been banned four times. People run webpages dedicated to documenting his heinous bullshit. He reads them regularly.

He's waiting til 2014 when bitcoin prices drop to like $50, buying as much as he can, spending six years waiting, and selling them in 2020 for like $69,000. He runs a blog telling people to buy crypto. He can actually foresee when the prices are going to peak and fall. He doesn't share this info. He makes bank himself and gleefully ruins everyone else's finances with no regrets. (He would encourage Mabel to buy and tell her exactly what day to sell.) (He would not tell Dipper when to sell.)

He hangs out in doomsday prepper forums so that he can make up new conspiracies and see if he can make everyone even more paranoid.

He's got a youtube channel that's a mix of all of the above BS. New Age self-help buy-crypto buy-gold our-universe-isn't-real access-the-higher-planes doomsday conspiracy mishmash. You can imagine the viewers he attracts. He disdains them all and tries to make them worse on purpose. Never shows his face, every video is a slideshow of psychedelic & pseudo-religious art (mostly stolen) with a voiceover and mystical-sounding music.

Mabel gets him on tumblr, because if Mabel has any social media of course it'd be 2013 tumblr, and probably a deviantart. She's posting her art and really badly photoshopped gif edits of her favorite cartoons and musicians, and generally acts like a normal person online.

Bill's tumblr is completely divorced from all his other horrible online activity. All he posts is cryptic rhyming couplets and terrible local photos of things that fascinate him. The photos could be anything from a car with a really sweet flaming paint job to a stunningly beautiful double rainbow over pine-covered mountains to a literal pile of dog shit because he thought it was interesting how it was drying out unevenly. Once he gets investigated for arson because he posted a picture of the house in flames within three hours of the crime. (He was, in fact, guilty, but he wheedled an alibi out of friends before they knew what he was being investigated for.)

He has like eight followers. The only content he reblogs is Eye of Providence images and pyramid images, which he tags #LITERALLY ME and thinks he's hilarious for; and also every single thing Mabel posts without exception until the end of time.

#anonymous #ask #bill goldilocks cipher

[byrhop]

Will Byers character study and what bothers me about his common mischaracterization

I hate when people are talking about Will as if he is this fragile kid whose personality is 100% based on being completely selfless, quiet and figuring out who is.

In my opinion this couldn’t be furthest from the truth.

Will is a good person which will often make him very selfless, but he also isn’t afraid to call out people when he is being treated badly. He is very honest and his honesty can be a little harsh sometimes, but that harshness will never come out of nowhere.

Will might be quiet with people he doesn’t feel comfortable with and that’s a result of a lot of trauma from the way he was treated over the years, but Will Byers is not quiet. When you take a look at A LOT of his scenes he's quite reactive and will always jump into a conversation to make a point if he feels necessary, he'll never stay quiet.

Yes, he is an introvert and he won’t really be the chattiest person with everyone around him and won’t be the first one to talk and lead conversations in a group setting, but that doesn’t make him a fragile quiet kid who won’t speak up. As the seasons go on you can notice him relaxing a bit and showing his personality more comfortably.

And don’t come to me with “ummmm but Lucas said he’s always quiet in s2”. Yes, a kid who’s been through a horrible traumatic experience recently and is currently being possessed and having horrifying visions is going to be this happy, chatty, cheery guy who is going to act himself? Yeah I don’t think so.

Another thing that honestly bothers me is when people say that Will’s main character arc is figuring out who he is. I personally don’t think that’s true at all, maybe just a small part of it.

Will out of all characters is maybe most aware of who he is and what he wants. His arc is more about realizing that he is allowed to have all of that. If you look back at the show we’ve never seen Will being uncertain about his interests or pretending to be someone he is not, he’s always been pretty true to himself and was never really ashamed to show it.

Even when he destroyed castle Byers and called it all “stupid”, that wasn’t him giving up or getting discouraged from continuing being himself. It was just a completely valid hard emotional moment after a reminder that yes he is different, yes half of his childhood has been taken away from him, and yes his best friend, one of the rare people who never questioned him and was always by his side, just hit him where it truly hurt.

Did he give up after that and tried to be “normal”?

Absolutely not, he continued and was even more sure of himself in s4.

Him refusing to adapt to the norm even tho he was aware from the very beginning that he was different is part of his journey. That’s why I wholeheartedly believe that his arc in the show was never even shown as the process of figuring himself out.

Will realizing he is gay happened off screen and s4 literally started with him carrying a project about Alan Turning. Trust me, he is already very well aware of who he is and what he wants. If you catapulted him into 2020s he'd be unashamedly waving that pride flag since he was like 13. He just happens to live in the 80s and believes that who he is and what he wants isnt possible and he is convinced he’ll never have what others do.

Accepting that he deserves happiness and has a bright future in front of him is what his final arc is going to be about. Realizing that he is surrounded with people that love him no matter what and is indeed capable of proving wrong all those people who treated him horribly over the years and is allowed to have his voice heard is what is going to make him fully grow into his own.

Will Byers is a complex, mentally strong character that never gives up and exactly that is his biggest strength.

#thank u if u actually managed to read all of this #i love him so much #he means the world to me #he can also be petty af and that’s why we love him #will byers #stranger things #byler #jonathan byers #mike wheeler #analysis

[junk-thrillz]

The more I think about it the weirder it gets; 'it' being the fact that I've literally been characterizing Cody 99% close-to-correctly this entire goddamn time.

Like, okay. I take characterization seriously. I love character analysis, and before I write literally anything about any Paranatural character I like to take my time to work through their character and just. Turn them around in my head. I even do it for characters like Violet, who I know like the back of my own hand. But despite this I am not immune to Fanon Brain, and it's just a fact that the more time you spend with a character in your own head and not in the original media they come from, the more out-of-character your interpretation of them is going to get. I haven't missed a single Paranatural Friday since I first got into the comic but I also don't reread the comic in full every week of my life, yknow? So yeah, it's cool, it's fine. Maybe my interpretation is a bit off, I thought, maybe it's a bit inaccurate for the sake of my insane wacky au's, or whatever, but THEN

But then these past three updates have basically grabbed me by the shoulders and??? Told me 'Oh yeah lmao you know how you've been doing Cody's character for LITERAL YEARS for the sake of veeerry dramatic fanfiction? Yeah LMFAO that's all canon you were right all along' LIKE HOWWWW AM I SUPPOSED TO DEAL WITH THIS?? Every single little exaggeration of his traits turned out to just be. Completely accurate. He's dramatic with a penchant for theatrics and wears cute outfits (when in the comfort of his own home) and he's very outwardly blasé about his own horrible circumstances and his mask is so fake that even in a comic where literally everyone is a fictional character his character ESPECIALLY doesn't feel real and he moves like some sort of anime girl in a visual novel, and THE BODY HORROR????? I GOT THE BODY HORROR RIGHT TOO??? Like okay I didn't predict the heart scar but body horror Cody is a staple of so many things I've written for this godforsaken comic and I FEEL SO VINDICATED. I don't know how to deal with the fact that I accidentally out-of-character stumbled my way into the right characterization. 2020 junk-thrillz would be rolling around in zir grave by now if ze knew what would happen in the future. I think I need to go lie down

#paranatural #pnat #cody paranatural #junktalks #i use that tag so inconsistently but this is rambly enough to the point where i feel like it deserves it #obviously i didnt predict everything and of course a lot of my characterization has been the exageration of canon traits we've seen from hi #in like chapter 5 or whatever #but it's still just a bit too on-the-nose for me to not be a bit insane about it

[cock-holliday]

Getting notes again on my anti-TLOU2 posts and just kinda laughing to myself reminiscing about how that game came out in summer 2020 during a peak in the pandemic, the height of the George Floyd Uprisings, a spike in nazi rallies to combat, and was right before another wave of demonstrations for Palestine in response to Israel’s annexation plans.

It’s the only game I ever pre-ordered (cause even games I desperately want aren’t worth $60), and it arrived on Juneteenth, one of the only days all summer (and then all fall) we didn’t have a march or cop fight cause it was a block party/community fundraiser and temporary pause in the brutality we were facing. (Not that cops didn’t show up trying to intimidate everyone.)

To download the game while I was out and come back to play that cruel cynical shitfest over the weekend was just…funny.

I was so mad, and I’m still mad 4 years later but fuck it was so tone deaf about everything it’s almost hilarious.

The lawlessness of a plague permitting people to give in to their evilness during a time where being abandoned by the government showed how many orgs and communities stepped up to protect and feed and clothe each other was funny, how strangers didn’t turn on each other, and how any additional cruelty was only amplified where it already was—among the privileged—was funny. State violence and rebel violence being equally bad while cops were brutalizing us and our neighbors was funny. A message of hope being naive and the reality is grim and dark is soooo funny like Druckmann doesn’t know what the fuck he’s talking about at all.

Over my near-30 years I’ve seen a lot of violence, a lot of horrible things, I’ve been brutalized, I’ve come extremely close to death a few times, and thought I was going to die a few more. I’ve been in the thick of things and seen unimaginable cruelty and neglect directed at myself and especially at those I’ve worked with/for, and the childish perception of evil never reflects reality.

In prisons, the biggest evil is the prison staff. A cop calmly dragging someone away is so much more evil than the person wriggling in cuffs. A politician signing a piece of paper will kill more than any dipshit stockpiling guns. Real evil isn’t a result of ‘human nature’ it is the result of systems of control and oppression. It is the result of systemic brainwashing of 1. those with legitimate grievances 2. those who are groomed to feel entitled/superior.

Reducing this story to baby’s first moral quandry is so bizarre.

The fact that people think part 2 was some highbrow thinkpiece because it’s depressing are such clowns! Humanity is evil, resisting state violence is evil and naive, all violence is equally bad regardless of motivation, anyone who does violence actually needs punished, redemption and recovery isn’t possible because human nature—like do you have any more tween genius insight for us?

Israeli propaganda really liquifies your brain I swear

[yangsgirlfriend69]

I made it onto the Indie Bestseller list by posting on TikTok. Don’t do what I did.

IDK how to use tumblr but here are some thoughts

Maybe I should wait to write this, to have a little distance from publishing my book. When I see authors who are at the same place I am — a week and a day out from publication — their captions often sing the praises of their publishers. They’ll mention how grateful they are that all their hard work paid off, that the years of writing and editing and blood, sweat, tears, or whatever other bodily fluids they put into their manuscript were worth it for the moment the book came out.

For me, it wasn’t.

#

The writing process for How to Excavate a Heart was liberating. I came up with the idea while driving to a Long Island Panera (where all good ideas are formed), and started outlining it while eating their dubiously-sourced mac-and-cheese.

I then proceeded to, as I texted verbatim to at least three close friends, “fart out the novel.” I wrote it in about six weeks while on a train trip visiting family and friends, and I cherished every moment of the process.

That was in late 2019/early 2020, and it was the last time my feelings about the book were purely positive.

How to Excavate a Heart (HTEAH) sold in the late summer of 2020, to be published in Fall 2022. I was more focused on my debut novel, Almost Flying, that was slated to come out in the summer of 2021. Which it did, though if you didn’t know it existed you certainly wouldn’t be alone. It earned a Stonewall Honor from the American Library Association, and I think the week that happened it crested to a new high of 20 copies nation-wide or something depressing like that.

Needless to say, I was frustrated by what I saw as lack of support from my publisher, and was determined to not let the same fate befall HTEAH. I was already fairly active on TikTok after originating the Laura Dern Sitting Challenge (my one true claim to fame), but I had heard that TikTok was generally not a fruitful platform for authors, or that, even if authors were popular, it didn’t translate to book sales.

So of course my first thought was, “Why don’t I push this boulder uphill and see what happens?”

So I posted my first TikTok about HTEAH in February of 2022. It flopped in an expected way, but I continued to post about it consistently, and, over time, amassed a small following. The HTEAH hashtag grew (almost all the videos on it were are still are my own), and I was thrilled that people were hearing about my book.

At the time of writing this, the hashtag has over two million views, and I can directly trace over 1,000 individual sales/preorders of my book to TikTok and TikTok alone.

Here’s the price I paid: My girlfriend has watched my mental health slowly deteriorate over this time. She’s seen me quit writing to focus on promoting this book, for the small chance that, I don’t know, someone might care. And now some people do! Hooray.

I spent nine months promoting a book to get it to the sales that it might’ve gotten if my publisher had supported it. Or maybe not — I have no way of knowing. All I know is that if I hadn’t posted about the book on TikTok, you wouldn’t be reading this. It wouldn’t have gotten on the Indie Bestseller list. It wouldn’t have made the Indie Next list. It wouldn’t be a book box pick.

And I wouldn’t be so burnt out I can barely get up from the couch. I wouldn’t be depressed from staring at my phone all day.

Maybe if I hadn’t done all this, I’d be able to write again, to turn in work on time. To live each day without the fear that I’m not doing enough because if I don’t post a TikTok my book will sell horribly like my last one and then that’s it, I’ll be a failed author before my 25th birthday.

What a healthy mindset, huh?

So sure, if you post consistently on TikTok for nine months before your book comes out, enough people will buy your book that you might make it onto a list. But please, I beg of you, don’t. If your publisher doesn’t support you enough to give you marketing, don’t do it yourself. You cannot be an entire team. You cannot be your own publicist.

I am one person. And now I’m done.

Anyway, you can buy my book at excavateyourheart.com and you cannot find me on social media anymore (except maybe tumblr apparently). Stream Loneliest Time by CRJ.

#sorry everyone

[not-goldy]

I use to think there was no way Jikook would ever come out. Together or even as individuals. Now I think its looking more and more like they will after MS and the reunion. I am leaning toward Jimin for sure, which is funny, cause I always said Jimin probably wouldn't because he's so OT7 and worries about BTS and he knows it would most likely harm his dad's business and his dad just opened a new place, but I can't see Jimin's dad being super damn selfish and telling him to stay in the closet to protect his business. Maybe to protect him, but not his business. He sees what his son goes through daily. The lies, defamation, slander, accusations. Called a queerbaiter and predator. And not sure how true this is, but this buddy system thing apparently has JK solos trying to research who the guy is standing next to JK, just to get goods on JK in the military and of course Jikook gossip, they are so mad and desperate. Not sure if that is true, but if so, Oh the SK government gonna snatch these MF's bald if they really track down these soldiers families and start harassing them. They don't even realize how fucking horrible that makes JK look. Tkk joining in as well. None of them have respect for JK. it reflects so bad on JK to try and involve other soldiers in their vendetta's and unfortunately for JK there are clout chasing people out there who will give up his privacy. He is gonna be so fucking humiliated and embarrassed if this turns out to be true.

Jimin probably knows at this point he is never gonna be free to live his life with Jk or his members or anyone for that matter, without harassment, unless he speaks his truth, which he's been trying to do for years, without out right saying it. Even if it means leaving korea and going somewhere else. Maybe Japan or even America who knows. Same with JK. I too think he will. In fact, JK has probably already been talked off the ledge by Hybe and Jimin not to out them, when he gets in his fed up moods. You can tell both are increasingly getting more and more frustrated. They even resorted to being private & working in silence, but BAM, when they wanna come out swinging, they damn sure do. The swing and knock fucking heads off. So I think its looking more and more possible that they aren't gonna hide much longer or at the very least make that glass closet even more clearer and stop putting restrictions on themselves after MS. I feel it in my gut. These so called fans are pushing them to their breaking point and its been brewing. Their public, we don't give a fuck about your feelings, private trip to Japan and now enlisting together was just the start. Wait and see if Jikook don't free themselves from this fandom. or I could be wrong and nothing will change, but I kinda think there will be change of some sort.

Jungkook got bad rep for the longest time for being "an asshole" "shitty" "fuckboy" with zero social skills- which time and again he's proven that's not the case. Being introverted don't mean you hate humans.

It's nice he's making friends in there- as he should. That is IF that's his even friend. I expect Jimin has made friends in there also. However Jimin is a private person who isn't going to expose his friendships accidentally. He can be guarded. Also, he's a Libra, he has the gift of foresight to know people would try to use whoever he's close with to get to him in there- like they doing with JK.

It's a shame these people can't live normal lives, smile at someone, stand next to someone, be polite to without all manner of theories being written about them assuming all sort of things about them and the poor stranger.

Jimin is growing, maturing, setting his priorities straight and since 2020 we've seen him gradually choosing his relationship, prioritizing it and making conscious decisions with that in mind.

Personally, I'm happy there aren't at cross purposes anymore and seem to be moving in the same direction in life.

I won't make any predictions for now, just observing and appreciating their bond, it's beautiful to behold as it unfolds. There's not much chaos within their relationship not much turbulence.

I want to see it to the very end. That's why I keep following their journey.

I want to see how they navigate a 7 way dynamic when they come back together as a group with the growth that's taken place in each of them.

Fully coming out is off the table, but they could surprise me who knows. We in uncharted territories here.

If Jikook do come out they will shock the skin off my bones honestly. That said, I'm still rooting for them.

[rip-us-xoxo]

Tightrope- George Weasley x Reader (REPOST)

Posted  OCTOBER 20, 2020 

Reposted APRIL 16, 2023

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Warnings- it gets pretty angsty, but it ends up good :)

Song- 'Tightrope' from The Greatest Showman

Italicized= Flashbacks       Italicized, bold= Song Lyrics

Enjoy!😁😁😁

——————————————————————————

You looked up at the clock, it was 7:30 pm. “George promised to be here 30 minutes ago,” you sighed sadly. He’s been doing this for the past few months. He promises that he’ll be home and then doesn’t come home until much much later. He and Fred have been really busy with the shop lately, and you understand that it’s their dream, but sometimes you want to see the love of your life, you know?

You sat up and looked at the dinner you had prepared for you two, and you looked down at your dress that you decided to wear for him. You groaned and sat down at the table, eating your meal by yourself.

“I’ll be home by seven love!” you mimicked Georges’s voice, “Bullshit, it’s all bullshit!”. You stabbed your fork down and kept eating.

After you finished, you sat your dishes down in the sink and turned on some music. “I might as well dance, even though I have no one to dance with. But, I’m used to it at this point,” you whispered to yourself.

“Tightrope” from The Greatest Showman started playing. “This explains my life right now,” you chuckled sadly then started singing, “Some people long for a life that is simple and planned. Tied with a ribbon. Some people won’t sail the sea ‘cause they’re safer on land. To follow what’s written. But I’d follow you to the great unknown. Off to a world we call our own,”.

You thought back to when you and George were talking about your future during dinner one day at Hogwarts. When you mentioned getting a job at the ministry he said that that was boring and no fun.

“What do you mean that’s "boring and no fun”?“ you asked. "I want a job where I can have fun, sure, it might not pay well. But it’s a lot better than getting an office job where you’re bored out of your mind. And besides, it’s fun to have a little risk!” George exclaimed, “What’s the fun in having a life that’s planned? It’s so much more fun to not know what’ll happen tomorrow! It’s fun when there’s some unknown to your life, it makes it exciting!”. “Well, I guess wherever you end up, I’ll end up,” you sighed dreamily and leaned toward him. “We’ll make the world our own,” he whispered and kissed you.

Your heart fluttered at the memory.

“Hand in my hand. And we promised to never let go. We’re walking a tightrope. High in the sky. We can see the whole world down below. We’re walking a tightrope. Never sure, never know how far we could fall. But it’s all an adventure, that comes with a breathtaking view. Walking a tightrope. With you, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. With you, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. With you,” you sang.

You tried to be optimistic about all of the time George has to spend at the shop because you know that one day it’ll all be worth it. But, it really doesn’t seem like it because it’s been months of this and it doesn’t seem to be getting better. At some point, the shop could completely crash and you two would be screwed. But on the other hand, it could work out amazingly and you two could be set for the rest of your life. You never know, you guess.

“Mountains and valleys, and all that will come in between. Desert and ocean. You pulled me in and together we’re lost in a dream. Always in motion. So I risk it all just to be with you. And I risk it all for this life we choose,” you sang and remembered to when Fred and George were trying to convince you to leave school with them. Mainly because George couldn’t imagine not being with you for the rest of the year.

“Come on, Y/n! Umbridge is the worst and we could get out of this hell-hole, away from her and her horrible ways,” Fred tried convincing you at dinner. “Please, Y/n, we’ll live out our dream of making the world our own! No more school, just you and I,” George said and grabbed your hands, “Along with me!” Fred butted in which made the three of you laugh. George gave you pleading eyes, “How can I say no to you? Fine! I’ll do it,” you agreed which made George ecstatic.

A few weeks later, you left with the boys making their grand exit and you flipping off Umbridge before flying away with George. And with that, you didn’t finish school. Meaning, that you couldn’t get a good job. You were dependent on your job at a small bookshop and the joke shop.

“Hand in my hand. And you promised to never let go. We’re walking a tightrope. High in the sky, we can see the whole world down below. We’re walking a tightrope.Never sure, will you catch me if I should fall?”.

At this point, you felt alone. Even though George came home every night, you were asleep and when you awoke, he was gone.

“I promise that no matter what happens with this shop, I’ll always be there for you,” George said as you two were walking down Diagon Alley. “Promise?” you asked, “Promise,” George reassured. As you started walking away, you felt that George wasn’t walking with you. You turned around to see him on one knee, “Y/n Y/m/n Y/l/n, you make me the happiest chap alive. I know that that’s cliché, but it’s true. You’ve supported me in my dreams and I promise to do the same, for the rest of our lives. Which I guess brings me to the big question. Will you marry me?”. You stood there with tears in your eyes before jumping up and down and screaming, “Yes! Yes! A million, bajillion times yes!”. He slipped the ring on your finger before you both shared a passionate kiss.

You looked down at the engagement ring on your finger, “Well, it’s all an adventure. That comes with a breathtaking view. Walking a tightrope. With you, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh,”. You then thought back to the Yule Ball.

“With you, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. With you,” you sang while spinning around acting like you were dancing with George.

He had asked you to go with him the moment you heard of it happening. You wore a gorgeous gown and you looked perfect, just like how your night went. You and George danced the night away and nothing else mattered except the two of you being together.

The music in your kitchen had engulfed you and you felt like you were in the great hall dancing the night away, just like that night. “With you, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh,”. The music then stopped, bringing you back to your current reality. Your dress immediately stopped flowing and you looked out of the kitchen window. You were at home, with no George insight.

“With you, ooh-ooh-ooh. With you,” you sang while walking toward the counter so that you could lean on it since you were now tearing up at your current situation. “Oh Georgie, what happened to us?” you whispered to yourself and leaned over, sobbing, “We used to be madly in love, and now we’re not. I just want it to go back to the way it used to be,”.

You turned around and wiped a few tears before seeing George standing right on the opposite end of the kitchen. “Oh, hi love!” you exclaimed and wiped away your tears. He didn’t say anything back, he was just standing there sadly.

“How much did you hear?” you croaked out, starting to cry again. “I heard that we’re not as in love as we used to be and that you want things to go back to the way they were,” George said quietly.

You couldn’t keep it in anymore. You let out a sob and walked over to George, falling in his arms. “I just- I just, I miss you all the time. You’re never home and- and I feel like we’re falling out of love for each other,” you sobbed, “I mean, this is the first time we’ve touched in weeks,”. “Don’t say that love,” George cooed.

“But it’s true,” you sobbed, “we’ve been engaged for a year now and we haven’t even been able to plan the wedding because you’re always at work. I feel like you don’t care about me or this relationship anymore,”.

George didn’t say anything, he just looked down. “Do you not care about me anymore?” you said angrily and pulled out of his embrace. His head shot up and he started rapidly shaking his head 'no’. “No-no, I care about you a-a lot,” he sobbed.

You shook your head, not believing him at all. “I-I really d-do!” George cried out and reached out his arms to grab you, but you backed up. He watched helplessly as you walked past him and to the couch so that you could sit down. “I don’t know if I can believe you anymore, George,” you spat his name out like venom.

His heart broke when you called him by his name, you never do that. You always called him 'love’ or 'sweetie’, really anything except his name. “But you can! When have I ever lied to you?” George asked and ran next to you on the sofa, dropping to his knees in front of you. “When you said that the shop wouldn’t stop you from being there for me!” you sobbed.

He looked like he was about to say something, but he couldn’t say anything. You scoffed and stood up, walking to your shared room, and slamming the door. “Wait, Y/n! Wait! Please!” George pleaded and banged on the door.

You just sobbed and slid down the door. He was on the other side leaning his head against the door, banging it occasionally, and sobbing. He felt horrible and so did you. But, you couldn’t do it anymore; waiting for him every day, not knowing when he’ll get home, or eating dinner by yourself every night.

You. just. couldn’t. anymore.

You stood up from the door, which George heard. You grabbed a bag and walked over to your dresser to pack some clothes. You weren’t going to leave him entirely, but he needed to get it through his head that you didn’t deserve to be treated this way.

“Y/n!” George sobbed, “Open the door, sweetheart!”. You just wiped away your tears and kept putting clothes in your bag. “Please!” George sobbed and banged the door. You breathed out and walked over to the door, opening it. He slightly smiled when he saw you but it immediately dropped when he saw the bag in your hands.

“Y/n, what are you doing?” he asked. “Leaving,” you simply stated and pushed past him, “not for a long time, but enough time for you to figure yourself out,”. “But you don’t need to go away! I love you, isn’t that enough?” George asked, you just jerked your head around to look at him.

George breathed out, “I know that I’ve been at the shop a lot and I know that we haven’t planned the wedding at all. I just-”, “'You just’ what?! You just have a lot of work to do which makes you just forget all about your fiance?! The love of your life?!” you screamed.

“But I haven’t forgotten about you! Look, I know I screwed up, but pleas-please don’t leave. We’ll figure it out together, we always do!” George sobbed. “We haven’t been doing a lot together lately. It seems to just be you with me trailing behind,” you spat.

“I didn’t know you felt that way and-and I’m sorry. But, I’m begging you, please don’t go. You’re the one thing that’s been keeping me going these past few months,” George pleaded, “when I come home and you’re asleep, I love to hold you close when I get into bed. It’s calming and makes me forget all about the stress of running the shop. On my breaks, I always look at the picture of us at the Yule ball that’s on my desk. I have the little friendship bracelet you made for me when we were first years in my pocket with me at all times,”. He pulled a tiny bracelet out of his pocket, and sure enough, it was the charm bracelet that you gave to him all those years ago.

“You’re the one thing that’s kept me from losing it, so please don’t go. I’ll fix it- we’ll fix it- together,” George said and walked slowly up to you.

You stood there for a second, taking everything that he said in. It was the same for you too. Even though you never saw him anymore, he was the one thing that was keeping you from leaving him completely.

No matter what happened between the two of you, no matter how bad it was, your love for each other always shined through and brought you two to your senses about the fact that you both loved each other and there was nothing that could change that.

You dropped your bag and ran to him to hug him, nearly knocking him over. “Oh, love. You don’t understand how much I love you,” he whispered and kissed your temple. “I love you too,” you said, “Really?” he asked. “How could I not?” you giggled.

He smiled so big that it made your heart swell with happiness. You two quickly locked lips and stayed there until you both were out of breath. “I love you so so so much, and I’ll never let you feel that bad again,” George breathed out, “I love too, ginger,” you giggled, making him smile even bigger if that’s even possible. You two then shared another passionate kiss.

You two really were walking a tightrope. At any moment everything could come crashing down, but then again, life with George was exciting and unexpected. As long as you two kept your balance and kept loving each other, you would keep walking along that tightrope effortlessly and your life would be magnificent.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

xoxo

#george weasley #george weasly x reader #george weasley x y/n #george weasley imagine #harry potter characters x reader #harry potter fanfiction

[nicolesainz]

Fearless (BC 21)

Ben Chilwell x reader

Prompt : it’s Valentine’s Day and the new Chelsea video gave me inspo

warnings: tooth rotting fluff

“Cause I don’t know how it gets better than this, you take my hand and…AH!” I feel someone nudging me out of nowhere, while I was doing free kicks on the pitch.

“What are you listening to there?” Reece smirks at me, knowing my full-blown obsession with Taylor Swift.

“Since you already know, why do you ask?” I roll my eyes at him

“Because instead of singing lovey-dovey songs, you should go up to him and talk” he grabs my phone and shuts Spotify off

“uh hey! Rude!” I take my phone back and shove it in my jackets pocket

“Come on, Y/N. It’s better to talk than just simply sit here and keep looking at him. Plus, you don’t know what’s going to happen! Maybe something good!”

“Or, things could go completely horrible and he will hate me for the rest of my life” I panic just at the thought of talking to Ben.

I mean, of course I talk to Ben. It’s not like I avoid him completely. I’m m just getting all shy and nervous around him, whilst things doesn’t occur with Kai, Mason or Reece.

Ben is different. He’s the first guy I met when I signed for Chelsea. We arrived at the team the same time. 2 years ago. I knew Reece before signing for Chelsea, so practically Ben was my first interaction with a Chelsea player.

He may not seem as energetic or enthusiastic like Mason is, but I guarantee you, he is extremely fun, sweet and charming! Always cares about everyone and wants to help whenever he can and is possible.

But the reason I fell for him, isn’t one of these. During the first outing of the two teams, everybody was drunk. Barely could think straight. We decided to play truth or dare. Me, the fool I was, thinking it would be an innocent game, decided to play.

Flashback, 2020

“Guys guys, hush now. My turn” Jorginho tried to calm everyone down, wanting for this turn to finally come.

After a few seconds everyone was silent, focused on what he was about to say

“Who to pick. Who to pick. AHA! Y/N!” Uh oh, I thought to myself. This wouldn’t end well

“Truth or dare. And please say dare! You’ve been saying truth all night. Be more active” he complained, to which, my cheeks turned red and so did Ben.

“She can do whatever she wants. It’s a damn game. If she doesn’t feel comfortable doing anything, she won’t!” Ben sharply replied to his teammate and earned a lot of “ohh’s” and “wow’s” by the other people in the room.

“Uh, I’ll do dare. It’s alright Ben! Don’t worry” I looked at him with a sympathetic smile on my face.

“FINALLY! Okay um” he pauses for a moment, trying to think on what he wanted me to do as a task. His eyes darted back and forth between a bottle of vodka and Ben. Finally, his last look was focused on his teammate. Crap.

“Okay, so, I dare you to play ‘7 minutes in heaven’ with Ben” I couldn’t believe the words coming out of his mouth. It would have been so embarrassing.

Ben and I looked at each other. His eyes were talking with mine, trying to get a message through. Thankfully, we got up and left the room, being applauded by everyone else. I wanted a hole to open underneath me and disappear.

Ben guided me to one of Pulisic’s guest rooms, since he was the one hosting the party. He found the key and locked the door, so we wouldn’t have any unexpected visitors.

“Look, 7 minutes in heaven is a very tricky and risky game so we won’t do that. I won’t allow it. I don’t wanna do this to you. Put you in a situation you may feel uncomfortable.” He explained with a soft look, comforting me.

“Oh okay. We will do whatever you want, I don’t have a problem really” I reply quietly with my head lowered.

“All I want for you, is to once do whatever you want and not listen to others. If you wanted to say ‘truth’ at the game, you could have said so! No one should force you to do anything you don’t feel like to” his fingers under my chin, lifted it up, so I could look deeply into his eyes.

I wonder if you know. I’m trying so hard, not to get caught up now…

His eyes were sparkling under the light of the moon that was coming inside the room. The whole house went quiet. Everything around me stopped.

I felt Ben’s thumb caressing my lower lip, whilst his other arm was tangled with mine. My heart was beating faster than any other moment in my life. Not even when scoring, I haven’t felt like this.

“Do I have your permission to kiss you?” He leaned a tad forward as he was waiting for my answer. A rational me would have probably said no, but the drunken me wanted to feel alive.

I nodded my head as I left a soft “yes” escape my mouth. This could have been louder if I wasn’t so addicted to the way he was looking at me.

Ben’s lips were perfectly attached to mine. It wasn’t rushed or lusty. It was sweet and genuine. We poured all our emotions to it until there weren’t any left.

End of flashback

“For the love of god, go talk to him. Why are you being so pessimistic?” Mason whined in my ear as we were walking towards the meeting room.

“I will talk to him whenever it feels right. It’s my own decision”

“Oh great! So around never? Because it’s already been two years Y/N!” He lightly shouted, which made the people walking in front of us turn around.

Kepa, Marcus and Ben all turned their heads to look at a worried Mason screaming at me and nervousness started kicking in.

Ben looked at me with a confused look “All aright here, mate?” Asked his fellow footballer

“Yes he’s of course. I was looking for you two, I need to speak with you. Would you mind Chilly?” Mason wrapped his arms around Kepa and Marcus’s shoulders and led them away from me and Ben.

“Why was he yelling? Did he do something to you?” his voice was full of concern

“Oh no no! Just having a heated discussions that’s all” I could even look Ben in the eyes.

“Who does he want you to talk to?” That question caught me off guard.

“A guy, but right now it’s not important” I said quickly, wanting to move on from this topic.

“Oh a guy! Do I happen to know him?”

“Maybe” great! I should have stayed silent.

“I’m sorry for interfering. It seems like you don’t want to share more, so I will stop asking” Ben walked in a faster pace than before.

My hands shake, I’m not usually this way but you pull me in and I’m a little more brave

“Wait Ben! Please stop!” I shout and he stops at his tracks.

“Why have you been avoiding me Y/N? Have I done something to you?” why do all his questions catch me off guard today?

“I love you, okay?” I blurt out, squeezing my eyes shut, not wanting to see his possibly frightened reaction.

“Y/N. Can you please open your eyes?”

I do as he says immediately

“Why didn’t you say so earlier darling?” wait what?

“What do you mean by that?”

“It means that I love you too, actually had for quite some time. And it hurt me to death, seeing you avoid me and only hanging out with Mason and Reece” Ben confessed and the feeling I had in my stomach two years ago when we were alone, came back.

“If I could, I would smile like a fangirl but I’m too shocked right now” I say lightly chucking

“Then I want to see you smile love. All the time”

“Ben, I am so sorry for avoiding you. I truly didn’t want to hurt you in any way!”

“I think you just made up for all the pain I was feeling. And please, never leave me alone again”

“Never chilly. Never”

#ben chilwell #chelsea #ben chilwell x y/n #ben chilwell x reader #ben chilwell one shot #ben chilwell fanfic #ben chilwell fluff

[fullscoreshenanigans]

Is CloverWorks entirely at fault for TPN S2's mangled production?

I see so many people default to blaming CloverWorks for being the sole arbiter of S2's horribly disappointing production (sometimes Shirai is added into the mix too, especially by anime-onlys), but every time I do I'm genuinely asking the question of whether that's true and where they're pulling their information from.

I'm not involved in the animation industry at all so I'm interested in receiving input from people who are more familiar with it, but my understanding is the people in charge of the decision to truncate S2 would be The Promised Neverland Committee listed at the end of the opening credits.

(I could not find a single video of the English dub that aired on [adult swim] for the English credits of S1, so a screencap from the Japanese credits)

TPN Committee is comprised of the following entities: Aniplex (Distributor), Fuji TV (TV Station), Shueisha (Manga Publisher), Cygames Anime Fund, Dentsu (ads)

(Sources 1 | 2 | 3)

kViN from Sakugabooru details what a production company is in this post:

"I personally find it enjoyable to see who is involved in a show, and as you’ve seen there is plenty of information to draw from that. Animation production studios are listed in the credits for each show, so it’s understandable why audiences would imagine they have a ton of influence over a production. It’s even natural to think that the company that is actually manufacturing something would have great input! If you start paying attention to these committees though, you get a clearer picture of the finances of production and how each show is actually made rather than assume that studios that often don’t have much of a say are in charge of everything."

And CloverWorks is the more prominent name, especially for English speakers watching the subbed version of the series.

This is also something that Geoff Thew brings up in the last seven minutes of this video around the 18:50 mark:

"I'd bet good money that the last credits were supposed to roll right after that big stone door slammed shut, and I'd further wager that a combination of fan reactions to and dipping ratings for early episodes is what caused the production committee—who are the ones who actually have final say in this, not Cloverworks or even Shirai—to cut their losses and turn that cliffhanger into a skeleton of a conclusion."

I disagree with him on them making the call to retool the series during the clipshow episode between S2e05 and S2e06 though. It doesn’t seem like they had enough time to do that when a single episode of animation takes on average nine months to complete, even with the ridiculous crunch they seemed to be in. My guess is it was made back in early 2020 after Shirai made everyone involved in production aware the manga was ending that year, with the pandemic potentially factoring in to a degree.

He also mentions this a bit earlier:

"It's just such a slap in face to anyone who ever gave a shit about any version of this story. Including the people telling it, apparently, since neither of the anime's screenwriters nor mangaka/series composer Shirai wanted to take credit for the last two episodes. They probably didn't have much say in how it all went down. That's important to keep in mind before you start yelling at animators or even studios on twitter. I guarantee that every adaption that hurts you personally was ten times harder on the people who actually had to make it. As hackishily slapdash as this finale is, a lot of people probably slept under their desks to get it out the door, if they slept at all."

I always come back to this tiny addition toward the end of S2 episode 2 as an indication that on the creative side of things, in storyboarding and animation at CloverWorks, the care was still there at some level.

It was just squashed down in order to cut and condense 146 chapters into 11 episodes for a production that, as ZersEditor puts here, was "bleeding money."

But CloverWorks is less to type out, so they get the majority of the ire over a tragically butchered production in casual conversation.

#The Promised Neverland #Yakusoku no Neverland #TPN #YnN #約束のネバーランド #約ネバ #Kaiu Shirai #CloverWorks #FSS Chatter #TPN S1 #TPN S2 #TPN S2e02 #Long Post #I'm not trying to portray CW as a saint of a studio because again I'm not involved in the industry so I don't know all the nuances to it #and this production of theirs is the one I'm most familiar with‚ with the other one being S×F for comparison #and like Ruby's pointed out in another post I can believe they're complacent in the lightening of skin tones for characters of color #as part of a larger industry-wide trend which is still shitty and should be critiqued #but I don't think they're the only ones guilty of this #so it kind of deflates me a bit when I see people comment on my posts taking a dig at CW #because it feels like a pithy comment of misdirected ire when the body of people actually at fault #get to continue on with their business of utilizing stories as investments to build up portfolios #instead of any genuine interest in a series' story or artistic merits #so then I kind of zone out even if I agree with the spirit of the sentiment of grieving over a series you care about #like “is it their fault? is it? are we talking about the same thing/on the same page here?” #tbf people are probably making more productive use of their time than I am #after delving into this for a sense of personal closure on how S2 turned out the way it did lol #but if anyone has any further reading on the subject or personal insight and feels like sharing I'd be interested #either in CW's favor or against