TMA SPOILERS AHEAD:
I think it’s time for an Annabelle Cane retrospective because I will. Never. Be over her.
She is the neglected (Jon parallel) youngest child of a large family. She ran away (Jon parallel) in a bid for attention. Mother of Puppets marked her (Jon parallel) through an incident involving an old woman, a place she wasn’t meant to be, and a giant motherfucking spider (Jon parallel).
Years later, she’s at Surrey University. She’s probably a psych major, probably nice to janitors, definitely has an eccentric sense of style. (I heard her character description for the first time— heard “vintage clothing store exploded on her”— and that, I think, is when I began to fall for her.)
She volunteers to participate in a crackpot experiment, the details of which she knows very little. (Was there a control group mentioned? No. There never is when it comes to testing “psychic abilities.” Were the other participants made to sign NDAs so they couldn’t disclose details of their part of the so-called experiment to the public or to Annabelle, leaving her suggestible, and thus making the whole enterprise susceptible to producing skewed results? Evidently not.)
Through this “experiment,” she becomes a receptacle for fear, a vessel for the essence of the Web. Of course she does! She has some severe mommy issues, as established in the statement she left in the house on Hilltop Road, and the Mother of Puppets has decided to treat her like the favorite daughter she always wanted to be. It is an ideal arrangement for both parties.
Now she feeds. She nearly dies. Her apotheosis is a resurrection. She is full of spiderweb. She escapes; she disappears.
Onto the creation of Chelicerae. She functionally becomes a serial killer. She fills people up with spiders.
She finds her brother in the ranks of the Mother of Puppets’ forces, Neil Lagorio, and catalyzes his final transformation into the spider monster in Creature Feature. (That’s either him or the director, but I lean towards the former.)
She uses every means available— the internet, entertainment industry, her own skill at interpersonal manipulation— to instill the fear of helplessness, of futility, of autonomy being denied or never having existed in the first place, in the hearts and minds of mankind. She does all this in order to engineer an end that benefits her. She becomes the epitome of selfishness and of cruelty, but also of cunning and resourcefulness. She possesses a foresight of such clarity it seems as if she’s become the Web’s prophet. She possesses qualities of a folk hero, a demigod, a biblical figure. (I am as in awe of her as I am delightfully frightened.)
When the end comes, she is prepared. She has accounted for all possible outcomes. Only one variable remains independent: the plus-one to her parallel— the one card she was never able to play, the piece she could never take for herself. That’s because Martin Blackwood is an active participant, not a pawn. By the time they finally confront one another face-to-face, he knows the rules of the game almost as well as she does. Both he and Annabelle have always moved in the shadows, but his intent was to be underestimated and hers was to inspire fear, and he does not fear her (not like he feared his mother, or being unloved, and he has conquered both of these).
So she doesn’t fill him with spiders. She grows, she changes, she adapts. She becomes truly monstrous; her physical form at last reflects her inner self. She places her bets, plays the last card up her sleeve, and waits for her opponent to make his move.
And she wins.
(Marry me marry me marry me you can have my heart I would treat you so well Annabelle pretty please marry me marry me—)
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MAG 197
MARTIN: Oh. Wonderful. I can’t wait to attend the Annabelle Cane Show.
ANNABELLE: Huh! You know, I did consider it once.
MARTIN: Excuse me?
ANNABELLE: A TV show. Reaching out into the homes of millions, giving the more vulnerable ones a subtle nudge towards terror. Probably something for children. It never went anywhere, of course. These things rarely do.
MAGP 10
GERALDINE: Who came up with the name “Mr Bonzo”?
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The Magnus Archives Dashboard Simulator
🕷️ arachnophobia-incarnate Follow
Oh my god oomfies you’ll never believe what I just found
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HELP THERES A DOG ON MY DESK???
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HELP I JUST LET MY DOG INTO MY BOSS’S OFFICE??
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LITERALLY WHO ARE YOU
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LMAOOOOO
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🪱 residentwormgirl Follow
I think there’s a wasp’s nest in my attic. I’m gonna go check it out.
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Do you hear that
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This is kind of a bop actually
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op? op are you ok
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🎭 reliable-down-to-earth-nerd Follow
going on a date tomorrow! 😀
🛶 timtimothy Follow
haha what.
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can you repeat that op
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op?
🛶 timtimothy Follow
op can you repeat that
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I love my job. Everything just goes according to plan exactly how I want it to.
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Hi
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hey sorry for this but you wouldn’t happen to have seen a lead pipe lying around would you?
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does anyone have any skin? For no reason whatsoever of course. Like if you just have it lying around. Out of use.
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why do you need skin
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wouldn’t you like to know, door boy
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is there wifi down here
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no
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HELLO?? HELLO CAN YOU HEAR ME??
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I CAN! I CAN HEAR YOU
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Oh. You.
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What. What does that mean
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I can sense a promotion coming soon I’m so excited !!!
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are you SERIOUS
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I’m going to kill that old man with my bare hands HOW DARE HE DO THIS TO YOU QUEEN
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WHYYY IS THE SKY LOOKING AT MEEEE
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my bad
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jon when annabelle cane told him that nobody is making him want to forcibly compel statements out of innocent people and that all his actions are his own
[ID: A tweet edited to be by jon sims @/lucipur which says "Finally caught the dipshit that's been ruining my life." Attached is fanart of Jon Sims from The Magnus Archives, shown in a mirror and angrily pointing at his reflection. He's holding a cassette recorder like a phone. End ID]
thank you @princess-of-purple-prose for the ID
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Annabelle Cane is the amalgamation of gothic fashion and 80s power suits
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