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ncisfranchise-source · 9 months

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Although NCIS was well liked from the get-go, not even an elite investigation could have foreseen the show becoming a hit that would span decades and launch a franchise.

It began in spring 2003 as a backdoor pilot for CBS’ sturdy military-law procedural JAG. Co-created by JAG mastermind Donald P. Bellisario (Magnum, P.I. and Quantum Leap) and Don McGill (Numbers, CSI), NCIS follows special agents from D.C.’s Naval Criminal Investigative Service, led by Mark Harmon as Leroy Jethro Gibbs. The show’s initial core cast included Michael Weatherly (Tony DiNozzo), Sasha Alexander (Caitlin Todd), Pauley Perrette (Abby Sciuto) and David McCallum (Ducky Mallard). Twenty years later, the series continues to thrive, as it stands as CBS’ No. 1 broadcast drama for five straight seasons and has launched four spinoffs, with the first international entry, NCIS: Sydney, debuting this fall on the network.

In celebration of the series premiere that aired Sept. 23, 2003, The Hollywood Reporter sat down for an oral history with the creative forces behind the show’s impressive run. This includes Bellisario and McGill, in addition to fellow executive producers Charles Floyd Johnson and Mark Horowitz, CBS Entertainment president Amy Reisenbach and former presidents Nina Tassler and Glenn Geller, CBS Studios president David Stapf, former CBS head of casting Peter Golden, casting director Susan Bluestein and others.

Among the topics discussed include how Harmon stood out among a high-profile list of potential candidates for Gibbs, the circumstances surrounding Bellisario exiting the show, the much-discussed — and sometimes controversial — departures of its initial stars and more recent additions like Cote de Pablo (Ziva David), the politics of its viewers, why NCIS would be much different had it launched on a streamer and how it gets fans to keep coming back amid all the changes.

“CASTING WAS VERY CHALLENGING”

Donald P. Bellisario and Don McGill created the series as a two-episode backdoor pilot to air during their show JAG. There was a lengthy list of names considered to play the show’s leader, Leroy Jethro Gibbs, before Mark Harmon landed the part.

Charles Floyd Johnson, executive producer on JAG and NCIS: Because JAG was so successful and had gone nine seasons, the network and other people were saying, “Don, you should really spin it off into something else.”

Donald P. Bellisario, JAG creator and NCIS co-creator: I took two JAG episodes and worked NCIS into that. JAG was the springboard for it.

Don McGill, JAG producer and NCIS co-creator: Don Bellisario gave me my first job on JAG. I had been working on JAG for a couple years when he said he wanted to create a show with me, which was kind of a shock and surprise, but I was super grateful for the opportunity.

Mark Horowitz, JAG director and NCIS executive producer: The show was originally pitched as Law & Order in the Navy. First, there’d be some crime, and the NCIS agents would investigate it — the cops of the Navy — and then the JAG people would come in and try the case. Don played with that idea for a little while, and then he just said, “We’re not going to do that. It’s going to be two completely separate shows.”

Johnson: When the two-parter was finished, the strength was really the first half-hour with the investigation. And Mark Harmon just made a big impression. They started testing it, and the first half-hour tested so well that [then-CBS head] Les Moonves said, “Why don’t we just make it all investigation?” So that’s how it came about.

Amy Reisenbach, CBS Entertainment president: You’ve got to give so much credit to the writers. They wrote real people.

Johnson: I know Harrison Ford was a name that everybody thought about for Gibbs because he was so perfect. But I don’t think it ever got further than, it was a name thrown out.

Peter Golden, former head of CBS casting: [On] Harrison Ford — when you sit down, and you have an initial conversation about casting, no name is off the table. Back in the early 2000s, the Harrison Fords of the world [rarely did TV]. But that didn’t mean you didn’t put them on the list.

Susan Bluestein, NCIS casting director: I don’t remember Harrison Ford. There were names like Alec Baldwin, Chris Cooper, Clive Owen, Kevin Bacon, Tom Berenger, Val Kilmer, Charlie Sheen, Aidan Quinn, Patrick Swayze. We did not make offers to those people. We just investigated.

Johnson: I remember Scott Glenn was mentioned, and he was considered very strongly.

Bluestein: Scott Glenn, yes. And Scott Glenn was also being considered for the role of Ducky. There was a lot of discussion about Scott Glenn, and ultimately Scott Glenn passed. And other people passed for Gibbs.

McGill: Andrew McCarthy at one point was in the mix for Gibbs. He and Don Bellisario met and talked over the role.

Bluestein: Casting was very challenging. I cast Mark Harmon to play John Dillinger in a movie of the week in 1991, and he was terrific. Mark had been on my NCIS list from day one. I always felt like Mark really had the gravitas for this character.

Golden: Susan said, “What about Mark Harmon?” Mark was a big deal, and everybody thought, “We’ll make an offer to Mark Harmon, and when we don’t get him, let’s go through the list of who else we could get.” Mark had a meeting with Don Bellisario, and they hit it off, and Mark agreed to do it. All of a sudden, the show took on much more importance in my mind.

Bluestein: Don wasn’t completely sure [about Mark]. He hadn’t seen a lot of Mark’s work. I felt like I could turn that around.

Bellisario: The kind of character he played in other roles made it fit for this.

Johnson: Sasha Alexander wasn’t in the two-episode pilot. It was an actress by the name of Robyn Lively [who is Blake Lively’s older half-sister]. They liked her, but they didn’t think she quite worked. And so when the series got picked up, CBS said, “We’d rather move on.” And then we went in search of a character, and Sasha came in at the last minute. I loved Robyn Lively, but those things do happen.

Glenn Geller, former CBS Entertainment president: Don Bellisario really understands the particular attributes to put on a character that make them stand out. They are kind of stock characters, but he always infuses it with some attribute that really makes them special.

Johnson: I think Jennifer Aniston was available at the time, and her name was floated.

Bluestein: I don’t remember ever offering it to Jennifer Aniston. Jennifer Aniston could very well have been a name that we discussed.

McGill: Don Bellisario said to me he wanted the show to have a lot of humor, which is where the Abby character came from. I was a huge fan of CSI, and I loved the Greg Sanders character. So I thought creating a quirky lab character, and pushing it a little bit further, would satisfy Don Bellisario’s mandate to bring humor to the show.

Golden: Personally, I loved Pauley Perrette as an actress, but I thought, “Boy, this does not feel like someone who works in a lab.”

Bluestein: I loved Michael Weatherly. But he happened to not be available because he was in Australia [playing Robert Wagner for ABC’s] The Mystery of Natalie Wood. Don was also going to Australia and had a place there, and they went out to dinner. And, of course, later on Robert Wagner would end up playing Michael Weatherly’s father in the show, which was really ironic.

Golden: Pauley Perrette, David McCallum, Michael Weatherly, they all came in and read, and when they read, it was undeniable. And I don’t want to underestimate how great Rocky Carroll (Leon Vance, who joined in season five) was.

James Whitmore Jr., director on JAG, NCIS and three spinoffs: When they cast David McCallum as Ducky, the studio said, “No way, we’re not casting this old character actor in the role.” And Don [Bellisario] said, “If you don’t, we’re not doing the show.” He was that serious about it. The studio went with it, and of course, David McCallum is gold.

Golden: I think it was because David McCallum was British. The feeling was, “Can you do that?” This was such an American show.

David Stapf, CBS Studios president: I felt like the show was probably not going to do as well globally because it was about an American unit of the military. So why would other countries embrace it? But I do think back to the universality of good versus evil, and caring about the people.

McGill: In that first year, understandably so, the CSI folks were not too happy about us bringing out a show called NCIS — a crime show with forensics. So it was decided that, at least in that first year, to differentiate, it was called Navy NCIS, which is a little bit redundant. But it assuaged the concerns of the folks at CSI.

Nina Tassler, former CBS Entertainment president: The show really was so strong out of the gate. You had incredible chemistry between the cast, and there was a tone and a sensibility to NCIS that other procedurals couldn’t quite hit.

McGill: I developed the show with Don, wrote the two-hour backdoor pilot out of JAG, and then I wrote a couple of the first episodes of the season. Without going into stuff I’d rather not talk about, Don and I had a falling out. Our relationship became strained. He saw things differently from me. Since he was the boss and a very successful producer, I thought it was best for me and the show that I leave and move on, which is what I did.

“HE’S A VESUVIUS OF A MAN”

The series got off to a solid start but didn’t flourish in the ratings until the third season, which followed the shock of Sasha Alexander getting unexpectedly killed off at the end of season two. In the early years, the show had an arduous shooting process, with Bellisario known as a perfectionist. He exited in 2007.

Golden: We were only able to make a deal with Sasha for two seasons. She decided she wanted to move on to other things, and that left a gaping hole because she was an important part of the show.

Johnson: In year two, Sasha went to Don and said, “I love this show, but I just can’t work this hard.” We were doing long hours. I don’t think she wanted to leave the show — she just wanted a lighter workload. Bellisario was always a writer who went for the cataclysmic. He went, “Well, what if we kill her off?” Everybody goes, “What?” And he went to her and told her, “Good news — your workload is going to be lighter. But you’re going to die.” (Laughs.) It was the very last minute or two of the show — the shot through the head. That’s always been one of the more shocking things on the internet of endings that you don’t see coming.

Bellisario: I wanted to do a shocker, so that’s what I did, and people didn’t expect that at all. It came out of nowhere.

Horowitz: We’ve had a number of circumstances over the years where we’ve had to keep a secret from the audience, and that was the very first one. Only one script page of her being shot was ever printed, and they read it in person, and it was returned every time. The film was broken off from the rest of the film shot for that day. Also, we actually shot an alternate ending. Even my wife didn’t know. (Laughs.) We were watching the show, and [Caitlin] got shot, and she just jumped out of her chair.

Geller: I wasn’t surprised when the series ended up on the air, but I don’t think it was really NCIS in its first season. It took a couple of seasons to really become something.

Horowitz: At the end of their third seasons, both JAG and NCIS were sold to USA Network, where they started running them 24 hours a day. That’s when the network ratings went up, and we moved up to this No. 1 position.

Bellisario: I didn’t realize [that it was a hit] for a while, but when I did, it was a great feeling. I shouldn’t say it was surprising because it was a good show, so I knew it would do well, but I was a little bit surprised by it.

Johnson: Bellisario was very creative and wonderful, but he was a tough taskmaster. I got along with him, thank God, or I don’t think I would have lasted that long. But the reality was that if he didn’t like a script on the day that we were getting ready to start to shoot, he would just tear it apart. He would just start all over again. You’re looking at it, and you’re going, “Oh, God, the cost of this, the budget, nobody’s going to know their lines.” But that’s who he was. His feeling was, if it’s not a good script, you can’t shoot it. But ultimately, down the line, that caused problems with the cast and with Harmon.

Whitmore: Don’s a volatile character. Like a lot of creative people, he’s a Vesuvius of a man. We had done a bunch of Quantum Leaps together, and then I had done a pilot with him that had not gone well. I just said, “I don’t want to do this anymore.” So I stopped working with him. But he did JAG, which was very successful, and I did a couple of those. Then I was doing 24, and Don loved that show’s style. He wanted me to come over [to NCIS]; against my better judgment, I said, “OK, I’ll work for Don again.” I started with the eighth episode of season one. I got hooked immediately, and I kept coming back.

Johnson: Mark Harmon is a lovely man, but he has a very strong, male, no-nonsense point of view in terms of who he was. I think that’s what drew Bellisario to Harmon, and he may have seen some of his own personality in Harmon as well. Harmon had a reputation in terms of his work ethic of always being on time, always hitting his marks and always being supportive of his crew.

Horowitz: Mark Harmon is an extraordinary actor, a wonderful human being and a wonderful person to work with. He was the captain of the acting team.

Johnson: Eventually, actors felt like they would get two acts or one act, and they didn’t know what their arc was for the show. They couldn’t figure out their lines. It was a very complicated show in the beginning. And so when we got to about year four, Harmon just felt like it was too hard. He never said to anybody, “Get rid of Don.” He just said, “This is too hard to work this way.” Eventually, the network went to Bellisario and said, “Maybe you should work from a distance from it and not be quite as involved in terms of the way you work.” And so Bellisario, by the fifth year, was gone.

Bellisario: It was just time for me to move on and do something else. I had done enough on the show, so I stepped away. It was my decision.

Johnson: I was in the middle a lot. I was able to walk the line, and work with Harmon and work with Don. It was not easy, but I was able to do that. I sometimes felt, when the train went off the track, I was the person who had the responsibility of getting it back on and keeping everybody together. But I have great respect for Don. Without him, there would be no NCIS. The two strongest people who got that show up and running in terms of keeping it what it was, would be Bellisario and Harmon.

Whitmore: Mark Harmon is just a solid pro, committed to the work. He is completely creative, never stops working, never stops supporting the other actors, demands everybody showing up there ready to go, just like he is. He doesn’t mess around.

McGill: I just know what I was reading in the trades. (Laughs.) I know that Mark was not happy, and that he and Don, their relationship became strained. I don’t know much that went on behind the scenes because I wasn’t there. It’s just one of those things that happens, the classic Hollywood creative differences.

Bluestein: I always had a special fondness for Don because he was very, very good to me. I was always very grateful to Don.

Horowitz: He was definitely the leader — the creator of the show — and I think there was always a question mark in people’s minds: How would it proceed?

Johnson: That was hard for all of us to believe because he had always been so intricately involved in every show, and he established so much of the pattern of the characters. I became the showrunner for a while with Shane Brennan, but I wasn’t a writer per se. Eventually, we brought in a couple of writers to run the show from the creative standpoint. But I was very lucky. I had been there for so long and had great relationships with everybody, so I was able to stay on and be a useful producer for them. Obviously, it worked because I’m still there. (Laughs.)

“WHEN COTE LEFT, LITERALLY THERE WAS A RIPPLE IN THE UNIVERSE”

After Sasha Alexander’s departure, Cote de Pablo joined the series in the season three premiere as Ziva David. Her exit in season 11 presaged a number of high-profile goodbyes, including those of Michael Weatherly, Pauley Perrette and Mark Harmon.

Golden: Susan delivered Cote de Pablo, who was just a home run. I remember she walked in the room, and we all were like, “Oh, my God, who is this woman?” Which doesn’t happen now that much at network tests.

Bluestein: I had loved Cote for a long time from a series called The Jury. She was just so unique, and then she read with Michael, and the chemistry was instantaneous.

Golden: I’m not sure Don Bellisario was 100 percent on board [with Cote] right away. Not that he didn’t love her, but I think he had another choice that he felt was righter for the role. But everybody was so enthusiastic about Cote that he came around.

Geller: The first time I met Don, we had lunch in 2006, and he actually talked about the character of Ziva the entire time and why she was going to be so popular.

Horowitz: In the beginning, she wasn’t necessarily as popular as she was when she left. I just remember thinking, “Huh.” It took time for the audience to be involved in the relationship between she and Tony and really appreciate her kickass status.

Johnson: With Cote, I think she had gotten to a place where she wanted to move on. She did eight years on the show, and I had a conversation with her about a year or two before she left, and she said to me, “I don’t know if I want to do this forever, and at some point, I think I might leave.” And I said, “Oh, Cote, please, come on. It’s such a successful show. What are you going to do? You should ride this horse all the way to the gate.” And she said, “No, I don’t think so.” So I didn’t believe it.

Tassler: When Cote left, literally there was a ripple in the universe. But again, the show found its way forward.

Johnson: Emily Wickersham (Eleanor Bishop) came in, and hers wasn’t an easy transition from Cote de Pablo because Cote was such a strong character. Audiences liked [Cote], but eventually Emily won out. But I remember it was a little bumpy with her, where you’d get mail, and people would go, “She’s no Cote de Pablo.” Well, we wrote her very differently for that reason.

Golden: I was really thrilled that Maria Bello (Jack Sloane) went in for a while. Maria was somebody who we were always trying to get to do something. We needed that female lead because Cote was leaving, and it just worked out.

Geller: When Michael Weatherly left, my entire goal was to get him to stay on CBS, and I did. I was thrilled because I knew America loved DiNozzo, and I wanted him to be a part of Bull. When a series loses a major character like that, there’s always a hole. But the writers always managed to really find a way to not plug the hole, but to massage the characters and the relationships so that you were being introduced to new ones, and you still got to love the ones that are there.

Horowitz: When Michael Weatherly left, I thought, “We’re done. How could we go on?” And yet Wilmer Valderrama (Nick Torres) comes in and creates his own persona, and he’s got his own thing.

Johnson: In Pauley Perrette’s case, there was an incident with the show with a dog. The dog was Harmon’s, and apparently the dog bit someone. Pauley was a huge, huge SPCA [Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals] animal person. And then the dog kept coming with Harmon, and she felt it wasn’t safe for the show. By the end of that year, she just felt like it wasn’t working for her anymore, and it was time to move on.

Whitmore: Diona Reasonover (Kasie Hines) is wonderful and brilliant, and the work is great. But you walk onto that set sometimes, and you miss Pauley.

Geller: Pauley Perrette made Abby one of the most beloved characters on television in the 21st century.

Johnson: There’s a joke sometimes where people would say, “You never know who’s going to survive on NCIS.” Because Lauren Holly (Jenny Shepard) was there, and she went that way, and a couple of others. And some fans complained that it was always women who went faster than the guys. But it did keep audiences’ attention. Lauren Holly had signed on, and she didn’t expect to stay there forever, but I don’t think she expected that she was going to leave that way.

Horowitz: Gibbs lost the love of his life — she was killed, and he’s never found anybody he ever loved again. Throughout the course of the series, we would introduce potential female suitors, and those were always met with disdain [from fans]. (Laughs.) That happened consistently. None of them were good enough for him, and we always thought that was very funny.

Johnson: There was a character that Muse Watson played where he was an old NCIS investigator who would come and go. He loved the show, and he’d come in two or three times a season, and he ended up getting killed. I know he was very unhappy. (Laughs.)

Horowitz: In the last scenes of an episode, if people were moved emotionally in some way, that’s the feeling they’d be left with. Sometimes that involved getting rid of somebody that you really liked. Gibbs’ best friend, Mike Franks (Watson) — terrific actor. He did a bunch of shows with us. Well, yeah, he didn’t live real long.

Johnson: We thought [Harmon leaving] was the death knell. Coming in at 6:30 a.m., five days a week, and being the major character that was the linchpin — that’s pretty tough, and he did it for 18 seasons. He had just gotten to the place where he was getting close to turning 70, and he wanted to spend time with [wife] Pam [Dawber] and his kids. So he was leading up to it. It started probably [with him dropping hints] around the 15th or 16th season. But he was so loyal to that crew and so supportive of the show. He was very proud of it, and he stayed on longer than he even intended.

Whitmore: When Harmon was talking about leaving, and there was this chance that he might not come back, I said, “How are they going to replace this dude?” And they brought in the one guy that could do it, which was Gary Cole (Alden Parker).

Johnson: In the end, we hit gold with Gary Cole. There were a lot of names bandied about. When everybody finally decided we’d make an offer to Gary Cole, we didn’t pitch it to him as, “He was going to become the new Gibbs.” We pitched it to him that he was going to come in and wasn’t sure he was going to stay with the team, so that he didn’t have to feel like he was stepping into the shoes of someone who had been there for 18 seasons.

Horowitz: When Gibbs was in charge, he was the leader, and everybody was pretty much under him. When the Gary Cole character came in, it loosened up a little bit and allowed McGee (Sean Murray) to become a senior agent, and they have a little bit more authority. So it gave room for other possibilities.

Johnson: David McCallum doesn’t do that much in the series anymore. David [just turned 90], and he lives in New York. He may come back and do four or five episodes. It’s much too hard on him now, and I think he’s ready to retire. But he was amazing from the day he came on.

Horowitz: Gary [Glasberg, the executive producer who died in 2016,] was just an extraordinary talent — really talented writer and just a wonderful, wonderful human being. I look at him every day, and I think about him every day. He was such a great leader of this show and sorely, sorely missed.

“I SOMETIMES FONDLY REFER TO NCIS AS CHOCOLATE CAKE”

With NCIS renewed for a 21st season and CBS set to air its fourth spinoff and first international one, NCIS: Sydney, the franchise keeps going strong.

Horowitz: You could absolutely say that the show is popular amongst people who perhaps are politically conservative or live in more rural areas. But at the same time, we’ll go on a college campus, and everybody there watches the show, even in Southern California. Obviously, I think it’s more popular in the central states than on the coasts.

Johnson: During the Trump years, we just decided most of the time to stay away from the whole political thing, and we didn’t talk much about the president. We would talk about Secretary of Defense, Secretary of the Navy, that kind of thing. We veered away from that as much as we could.

Horowitz: We did an episode where Gibbs went to speak with Michelle Obama, and we shot it in the White House with her about a real-life program that helped military families to find doctors and housing. It was a very positive thing, and it really came out great, and she was fantastic. Some people really reacted very positively to the show, and then other people did not like seeing Michelle Obama on the show. (Laughs.) So we didn’t really dive into politics that much.

Diana Valentine, director on NCIS and two spinoffs: NCIS didn’t start getting these numbers and becoming the big hit until season four or five, and a lot of times [now], studios and networks don’t let a show find its audience before it gets pulled — even more so with streamers. A streaming show would never go 21 years like this show has.

Reisenbach: [On whether starting on broadcast helped its legacy:] A hundred percent yes, in my opinion. It does touch so many viewers coast to coast and worldwide, and that really is because of the platform that it got on CBS, as well as how well it did when it went into syndication around the world. But it all started on linear, and that does have a lot to do with its longevity and success.

Tassler: NCIS was perhaps one of the cornerstones in helping shape the trajectory of the network. Even during its success, it never rested on its laurels.

Horowitz: I sometimes fondly refer to NCIS as chocolate cake. Everybody knows what chocolate cake tastes like, but you still want the chocolate cake.

Bellisario: It’s not so much about the stories. It’s about the characters and their relationship with each other, and that connects with viewers.

McGill: I don’t think it’s necessarily the kind of show that was out to get awards. It was really a show that was out to get eyeballs, and so I’m not surprised that it wasn’t ever really in Emmy consideration.

Johnson: I have been threatening to leave the show for a couple of years myself. A lot of people, including me, got force majeure’d this year, so my contract is ended. Everybody’s concerned about budgets and all this crazy stuff, so I may be just one of the casualties since I’ve been threatening to leave. So I’m just waiting to see. Once they do finally decide to find a solution [to the strikes], I think the landscape is going to change a lot.

Stapf: Speaking as the studio, I think it can go forever.

Reisenbach: Speaking as the network, I concur. I mean, it’s the No. 1 show.

Tassler: When I was at the network, we always used to say, “I’d much rather take ratings over reviews.” I’d much rather have a really devoted fan base, and that’s what that show has.

Johnson: We have not been told by the network, “Wrap it up at the end of the 21st year.” So I think it’s open-ended. We are proceeding as if we’re going to continue.

#ncis #interview

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andrewmoocow · 2 years

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Little Homeworld Life chapter 10: From Russia with Hate, Part 1 (originally published on October 17, 2022)

AN: And here we are at our first, and only, big two-part episode of Little Homeworld Life chronicling the return of Jones, Bane Jones. Agent 00014 was a character I thought would be real fun to tackle again, and lo and behold, he not only gets one episode to himself, but two! Speaking of James Bond, this special episode shall take elements from Bond movies like From Russia with Love, hence the title, and The World is Not Enough. If you've seen either of these films, you might get a good idea of what will go down. Now that we have introductions out of the way, let's move on.

Synopsis: Bane Jones arrives at Little Homeworld to recruit Lapis & Amethyst against an alliance between Francis von Bowling and The Sickle.

Cast:

Jennifer Paz as Lapis

Michaela Dietz as Amethyst

Pierce Brosnan as Bane Jones

Estelle as Garnet

Deedee Magno-Hall as Pearl

Uzo Aduba as Bismuth

Shelby Rabara as Peridot

Christoph Waltz as Francis von Bowling

Diedrich Bader as Lennie

Wayne Knight as Milton

Amy Sedaris as Teal Zircon

David McCallum as G

Paget Brewster as B

Corey Burton as The Banker

Noël Wells as Black Rutile

Featuring Vladimir Mashkov as The Sickle

With Andrey Batt as Konstantin

Edward Furlong as Pavel

Seth Green as Leo

And Olga Kurlyenko as Tina

In an undisclosed part of Europe, the World Defense Agency's finest agent Bane Jones was on another mission. Under the orders of his superior B, Jones was assigned to meet with a European banker and discuss some recent unfortunate events that had befallen a fellow agent of the WDA on the line of duty.

"Ah, Mr. Jones, I was told to expect you." The banker greeted Bane as the agent walked into his office. "So nice of you to come on such short notice."

"Well, if you can't trust a banker, what has the world come to?" Bane dryly answered as he sat down at the banker's desk. "Now then, I trust that you have intel on the death of Agent Craig?"

"Ah yes, that one." The banker replied as he pulled out a cigar to smoke. "You recall the Crystal Gems that everyone has been talking about lately, correct? I can't seem to go a day without reading about them in the news."

"Why yes, I do." Bane responded with a smile. "Lapis and Amethyst are good friends of mine who helped me take down P.H.A.N.T.O.M in Los Diego. Wonder how they're doing these days?"

"Well, that's why I asked." The banker continued. "Word on the street is that von Bowling and his two cronies managed to escape prison, yet again, but this time they had a little help."

"Of course von Bowling escaped again." Bane rolled his eyes in annoyance. "We have got to find a way to lock him up for good and ensure he stays there."

"Back on subject, it would seem that those Power-Hungry All-National Team Of Madmen has allied with the Russian crime lord known as The Sickle." The banker revealed to Agent Jones, much to the agent's alarm.

"The Sickle, you say." Bane wondered as his eyes widened and his eyebrows arched. "And what could those two be doing together?"

"Unfortunately, that was all your friend could gather before his life was forfeited." The banker added morosely before he and Jones discovered a small red dot on the banker's forehead. "What is that, a ladybug?" Smacking at the dot caused two more to appear, much to the banker's horror. "What the? Oh no!"

"Get down!" Bane yelled to the banker, but it was too late. Three bullets were fired at the banker, killing him as his three killers revealed themselves. They were three men in black military garb, one fat, one short, and one lean. These three crooks were quite different in looks, but all of them seemed equally mean.

Though Mr. Jones was briefly horrified by the banker's sudden death, he kept a cool head as he pulled out his gun. "And who might you three be?"

"Ah, Bane Jones, so glad of you to visit." The tall one that Bane immediately deduced to be their possible leader declared warmly, even though he and his cronies had just committed a brutal murder. "Allow me to introduce myself. I am known as Konstantin, and these are my associates Pavel and Leo."

"It seems fate has conspired for us to meet, Mr. Jones." Pavel, who was shorter than Konstantin but far taller than Leo, added. "We originally plotted just to take down that banker and leave, but unfortunately, it seems you just had to get in our way."

"And what a surprise too!" the dwarflike Leo exclaimed. "As I'm sure you already know, our boss, The Sickle, has allied with your old friend Francis von Bowling not just to take you out once and for all, but to destroy those infernal Crystal Gems you're friends with too! I mean, how could you?! Selling out your entire species for those alien cretins who have doomed the Earth more times than I can measure my height!"

"I can assure you, the Gems are good friends and trusted allies of the World Defense Agency!" Bane exclaimed as he prepared to shoot one of the assassins down with his pistol. "Now, I'm normally a gentleman, but hearing such hateful words about my friends makes me very uneasy. And you won't like me when I'm uneasy."

"Challenge accepted, Mr. Jones." Konstantin said while dropping his gun and throwing his fist at Bane's face, but 00014 calmly caught it in his hand before twisting Konstantin's arm behind his back and tossing him into Pavel & Leo before running away from the three assassins.

"Stop him!" Konstantin yelled before the three gunmen gave chase. Bane made a diving leap out of the deceased banker's office that would usually kill any ordinary man, but years of experience have turned Jones into anything but ordinary. Sticking a perfect three-point landing, Jones raced through the streets to escape his pursuers, catching the attention of bystanders as he kept running.

"Terribly sorry, short on time here!" Bane exclaimed as he ran faster away from the three assassins as soon as the trio began catching up to him in an alleyway. However, the chase ended rather anticlimactic as a phone started ringing, and Konstantin picked it up.

"What is it?!" Konstantin yelled to the caller, whom Bane assumed to be The Sickle. "Oh my, already?!" he responded to his boss. "We'll be back shortly." Hanging up, he, Pavel, and Leo turned to face Bane. "We really hate to cut this short, I'm sure you were very excited to have an epic chase sequence, but we have to cut and run. The boss is expecting us."

"But don't you worry, we'll be seeing each other again soon!" Pavel laughed evilly.

"Come, my brothers, we must return to The Sickle at once!" Leo said as they marched out of the alley, leaving Bane alone to contemplate what had just happened.

"Whatever that Sickle fellow wants those three to do, it can't be good." Bane mused to himself before he heard a pair of high heels approaching him. Turning around, he discovered a beautiful Russian woman with pale skin and a goth-like fashion style consisting of a black blouse, navy blue miniskirt, a pair of black heels, a gold belt of crimson jewels, and short violet-dyed hair. "Pardon me, miss, but I'm afraid this might be too dangerous for you. Allow me to introduce myself. I am-"

"Jones, Bane Jones, I know." The woman said in a sultry Russian accent. "Your reputation precedes you, sir. Call me Tina, daughter of The Sickle. And I believe I could be of assistance to you."

"Daughter?" Bane gasped at the news that The Sickle had a daughter. "Hm, never heard anyone say he was a family man before."

"That is beside the point, Mr. Jones." Tina replied nervously. "My father has devious plans for you and your friends, but I believe I can be of assistance to you. Please, take me to your American masters so we can work together to stop my father and von Bowling!"

"I can see you're desperate, Tina." Jones responded, though he started getting a little suspicious of his new ally. "Okay, I'll bring you back to America, but you must promise to behave yourself. There's no telling if P.H.A.N.T.O.M or The Sickle are still watching us."

"Oh, you are most kind, Mr. Jones." Tina said before kissing Bane on the lips and almost leaving him behind in the alley. But as Jones began following Tina, he continued acting suspiciously toward her and started making a call.

"Good day, 00014. How was the mission to the Czech Republic?" Bane's gadgets provider G asked.

"Not very well." Bane replied morosely. "The banker became a casualty, but I did gain a new ally in the daughter of The Sickle. However, I feel like I must keep an eye on her while bringing her back to headquarters."

"Hm, sounds a little odd." G said. "I don't think we have any records of The Sickle being a father in our criminal database, but I don't really mind. Regardless, we should run a few tests on her to make sure she's telling the truth."

"Understood. See you again soon." Bane nodded before hanging up.

"Hey, what's keeping you?!" Tina called for her new companion from afar. "We're wasting daylight here, as you Americans say!"

"Don't mind me, dear, just making a call!" Bane hollered back as he walked towards Tina before taking her hand, and the two began planning for the return to the United States.

Meanwhile, in America, a couple of Little Homeworld Gems had gathered around Lapis Lazuli and Amethyst as they excitedly listened to a story the two were telling. "And then we were tied up and hanging over a shark pit while the villain had his cyborg wolf watching us!" Amethyst eagerly recounted.

"The wolf had, like, a surveillance system built into his nervous system, so that Francis would watch us die." Lapis added. "But thankfully, we found a way to get out."

"Ooh, tell us, tell us!" Teal exclaimed before Garnet, Pearl, Peridot, and Bismuth appeared behind her. "Hey, guys!"

"So what's all the commotion about?" Pearl asked about the gathering.

"I've been hearing rumors that Lapis and Amethyst once met a secret agent and wanted to know if they were true," Teal explained. "so I gathered up everybody spreading those rumors so they can learn they were right all along!"

"We all certainly had a fun time in Los Diego." Garnet smiled. "Maybe you'd like to hear our stories too."

"Yeah, like how Pearl got roasted by Neil Michaels!" Peridot exclaimed, embarrassing Pearl in the process.

"Or how this neckbeard stole a superpowered air freshener!" Bismuth added before she saw the faint shape of a helicopter approaching them. "Hey, what's that supposed to be?"

"Wait, is that a helicopter?" Peridot asked as the shape got closer to Little Homeworld. "What could it be doing here?"

"One second, guys, I'll fly up and check." Lapis said before she spread her wings and flew up to get a better look at the approaching chopper. To her surprise, the vehicle bore the initials WDA, indicating to her that an old friend was coming to visit. "Wait, Bane?!"

"Good day, Lapis, fancy seeing you here." Bane greeted the water Gem as he pushed open the helicopter door. "Bet you didn't expect to see me visiting, eh?"

"We were just talking about you!" Lapis responded over the chopping of the helicopter blades. "What brings you here, Mr. Jones?!"

"Just allow me to touch down so we can talk!" Bane responded before turning to his pilot and silently ordering him to bring the helicopter in for a landing while Lapis flew back down to the ground.

"Well, what was up, other than that helicopter?" Amethyst asked Lapis.

"It's Bane Jones, he's coming here!" Lapis exclaimed eagerly just as the helicopter landed behind her. As soon as 00014 stepped out of the chopper, he was quickly surrounded by Gems wanting to ask him questions.

"OMG, it's Bane Jones!" Teal Zircon cried. "I can't believe it, I'm meeting Bane Jones up close!"

"Please, ladies, one at a time; I'm here on business!" Bane chuckled as he tried to escape his crowd of fangirls and meet Lapis & Amethyst again. "Good day, girls, I'd love to stay over for a chat, but I'm on a new mission."

"Ooh, which one is it this time?" Amethyst asked. "Are we going into space, Japan, the Caribbean, Korea?!"

"All in due time, Amethyst." Bane answered before turning to return to the helicopter. "Come now, we'll explain everything at headquarters."

"Wait, Mr. Jones." Pearl stopped the agent in his tracks. "I don't think we ever got the chance to properly introduce ourselves, so would it be alright if me, Garnet, Peridot, and Bismuth came along with you?"

"I don't see why not." Bane agreed to Pearl's suggestion. "We'll need all the help we can get against our latest threat."

"Cool, spy adventure." Garnet grinned happily.

"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's move!" Bismuth exclaimed as she boarded the WDA helicopter.

"Don't think I have much else to do this weekend." Peridot added before turning to Teal. "We'll be gone for a while, you guys. Try not to burn the place down while we're gone!"

"We promise. Bye now!" Teal responded as the Gems took off with Bane Jones on a new adventure in the helicopter.

A couple of hours later, the Gems had returned to Los Diego, and not much had changed since their last visit. Convention season wasn't in full swing yet, so there weren't as many people dressed in costumes based on their favorite shows, movies, games, and comics littering the city streets. By the time the Crystal Gems were taken to the World Defense Agency's headquarters, they were welcomed by its staff with open arms.

"So glad they accepted your summons, 00014." Bane's boss, B, said as she shook each of the Gems' hands. "It's a pleasure to meet you all. I am B, head of the World Defense Agency. I'm sure you're already familiar with Mr. Jones and our gadget expert, G."

"The gadget expert is named G, how fitting." Garnet commented. "So, tell us what we're here for, ma'am."

"Glad you asked, Garnet." B said as she and G presented the Crystal Gems with an image of a newspaper headline reading "FRANCIS VON BOWLING BREAKS OUT" along with security footage of the leader of P.H.A.N.T.O.M and his two minions Lennie & Milton receiving some help in breaking out of prison. "A few months back, the fiendish criminal mastermind Francis von Bowling escaped confinement once again, but he's got help this time."

The security footage was replaced with a mugshot of a large, heavyset Russian man with a large beard. "This is The Sickle, leader of a powerful Russian crime ring who has had frequent collaborations with von Bowling in the past, dating all the way back to the fall of the Berlin Wall." Another photo was displayed, this time of younger versions of the two criminals shaking hands with each other dated to 1989. "It seems the two are working together again, but who knows why?"

"Probably revenge." Amethyst answered. "I mean, we did kick von Bowling's butt last time we saw him."

"Yes, it's pretty obvious what Francis's goals are, but we have no idea what The Sickle is plotting either." G added. "Luckily, Mr. Jones found a new partner who should be able to assist us." This was when he cued Tina to enter the scene. "Gems, I'd like you all to meet Tina, daughter of The Sickle."

"Hello there, Crystal Gems." Tina greeted the Gems. "I have heard much about you from my friends back in Russia."

"Yeah, it turns out not many people like us there." Bismuth responded. "Something about violating their ancestral grounds for our own devious ends."

"Yes, if we work together, surely we can improve your reputation there." Tina stated, though Garnet looked rather suspicious at her claims. "Is something the matter?"

"It's nothing, Miss Tina. It's just my future vision giving me some ominous warnings." Garnet replied awkwardly. "Something about dark magic and nuclear weapons." Tina's eyes widened in horror before nervously scooting away from Garnet. "Wait, come back!"

"I have my suspicions as well, but I suggest we try to keep an open mind." Bane proclaimed. "Who knows, maybe she could be on our side."

"Maybe you're right, maybe you're wrong, Mr. Jones." G agreed with the WDA's top agent. "But in the meantime, pay attention, everyone!" He turned around to begin displaying the gadgets Bane would be using for his mission. "Allow me to introduce to you the devices you shall be equipped with on your assignment."

"You call those gadgets? Ha!" Peridot laughed derisively. "I once managed to hack televisions all across the country with just one communication tower! It was some very advanced technology, more advanced than your pieces of metal!"

"Someone's a little braggadocious." G wryly chuckled before presenting what seemed to be an ordinary pen. "Observe, this explosive pen." With a click of the button, the pen started beeping, and G tossed it at target on a nearby wall before it combusted. "I guess you could say the writing was on the wall."

"Leave the sassy one-liners to me, thank you very much." Bane chuckled at G's joke before his gadget provider displayed another gizmo.

"For someone who wants to look both stylish and deadly, I present this razor-brimmed derby hat." G proclaimed before throwing the hat at a few training dummies, slicing their heads clean off with little mess before it returned to his hand. "And over here, there's-"

"Um, is that a human nipple?" Pearl asked regarding a near-perfect replica of a human man's bare chest. Only there were not two nipples, but three.

"Ah yes, the golden gun incident." B declared flatly. "Our target was born with a third nipple that time; thus, this was designed so Mr. Jones could disguise as him."

"Can I take it?" Amethyst asked as she began taking the prosthetic nipple for herself. "This will make me a fortune online!"

"Go ahead, do with it what you will." G said before he continued with his demonstration. "Now, as I was saying, over here, this weaponized wristwatch has seen a lot of use before." He pressed a button that caused a multitude of gadgets to spring out of the clock face. "It has a variety of uses. It can cut wires, burn through metal with a laser, defuse electrical devices, all perfect for getting you out of a jam."

"Looks more like a Molex." Garnet said as she examined the watch manufacturer's name along the rim of the watch.

"They were kind enough to provide us with one to modify." G answered before revealing the last gadget on the itinerary. "And finally, our crème de la crème of the division's gadgets." He pulled out a set of car keys and pressed the unlock button, causing a very stylish-looking car to appear. "I've been making some modifications to your Rumbakini Tormenta lately."

"No way, a Rumbakini Tormenta?!" Bismuth gasped in awe at the cool car in front of them. "That's one of the sleekest cars in the world of automobiles, and here it is for me to tinker with!"

"Pace yourself, Ms. Bismuth. That is very valuable to Mr. Jones." B tried calming Bismuth down. "Care to give us any specifics, G?"

"With pleasure, madam." G replied. "I employed some Gem technology recovered by the government to modify this vehicle. Now it can fly, can become bigger on the inside, fire lasers from the headlights, and the wheels can cling onto most surfaces too."

"So cool!" Amethyst squealed in excitement. "Come on, guys, onwards to Russia!"

"Someone's a little eager to start the mission." Pearl laughed warmly as the Gems began boarding the Tormenta. "Hey, has anyone seen Tina anywhere?"

"Oh, sorry, my friends!" Tina exclaimed as she hurried towards the car. "Sorry, had to go to the bathroom and you know how much trouble those can be!" she awkwardly laughed, causing the Gems and Jones to stare at her in confusion. "Anyways, shall we depart?"

"Yes, let's." Garnet coolly agreed before Bane turned the car on and activated its new flight mode so it could fly off toward Russia.

"So you say that Jones knows now?" The Sickle grimly asked his three subordinates in his headquarters in the coldest parts of Russia. "I asked you to merely terminate that banker, and this is what happens?! Honestly, you three are just as incompetent as you are efficient."

"Please forgive us, boss, but now he's coming straight to us!" Konstantin exclaimed. "He'll walk straight into our trap now!"

"They are indeed correct, my friend." Francis von Bowling agreed with Konstantin while nursing a wineglass of gorilka. "Thanks to our spy on the inside, we know Mr. Jones has allied himself with the Crystal Gems against us."

"The Crystal Gems." The Sickle growled with his chin resting on a fist. "Once I see those foolish rocks, I shall make them pay for what they have done to me!" He then looked to his three assassins. "Konstantin, Pavel, Leo, bring them to me at once! Alive or otherwise!"

"Same goes for you too, Lennie and Milton." Francis said to his two lackeys, the ratlike schemer Lennie and his large, childlike partner Milton. "I want to see the blue and the purple ones again, in particular."

"Oh yes, boss, those Gems won't know what hit them." Lennie cackled while evilly rubbing his hands.

"Yeah, it'll be cool to see those Gems again!" Milton chuckled oafishly. "We won't fail you this time, boss!"

"I hope so." von Bowling replied. "If all else fails, we can rely on our mole to finish things." He then turned to some of his scientists experimenting on some highly advanced technology far beyond human comprehension. "But in the meantime, these mechanical limbs we found underwater should prove useful to us."

"Indeed it will, Francis." Black Rutile declared as she emerged from the shadows, much to von Bowling's alarm. "Oh, pardon me for the intrusion. You may call me Black Rutile, a fellow enemy of the Crystal Gems. I followed you from the Galaxy Warp to Russia because I need some help."

"What kind of help?" Francis asked suspiciously of his new visitor's motives.

"Help to build this dimensional portal, of course!" Black Rutile proclaimed as she unveiled some holographic schematics of the Vortexxer. "I think you and your little organization might have just what I need to keep it stable, and wouldn't you know it; you have almost everything I could want! So how about we work out a little deal? If you give me all the parts for the portal I need, I shall help you terminate the Crystal Gems once and for all."

"A rather tempting offer, miss." Francis smiled and shook Black Rutile's hand. "Just say the word, and I'll be there."

"Are you sure we can trust you, Gem?" The Sickle asked suspiciously. "How do we know you're not like the rest of your kind? You did broadcast your face to the world not too long ago."

"As I said to Francis here, I am just as much a victim of the Crystal Gems as you are." Black Rutile proclaimed, her declaration striking a chord with The Sickle before the Rutile brought up his criminal record on her visor. "Isn't that right, Nikolay?"

"Oh, you're good." Nikolay smirked at P.H.A.N.T.O.M's new ally in surprise and admiration of her skills. "I like you, stranger. Black Rutile, your name is?" He then offered some of his gorillka to Black Rutile. "I feel this shall be the start of beautiful friendship."

Elsewhere in Russia, the Tormenta finally landed in the streets of Saint Petersburg, followed by Bane disembarking with Tina and the Gems. "Be alert, everyone." Bane advised his female companions. "As you said, the Gems don't have the best reputation here due to past events."

"For crying out loud, one giant portion of the world gets wiped out to make room for a Galaxy Warp, and yet they blame the closest ones to the real culprit!" Lapis complained as the group left the alley the Tormenta was parked in to search for The Sickle. Along the way, the Gems discovered how much their technology influenced Russia to become slightly more steampunk than they expected. But they were also forced to be victims of all sorts of prejudice from the locals.

"You colorful killers may have won over the Americans, but we will never forget what you did!"

"Aliens go home!"

"Quit tearing our planet apart!"

"That pink beast would've been the death of us all! Hugging will change nothing!"

"Filthy lesbian rock humans!"

"Just don't pay any attention to them, gang." Garnet advised her teammates. "They only want to make us mad."

"Still, there are still so many things our people have yet to atone for." Pearl replied. "The Crystal Gems may have saved the Earth all the time, but we're just a small group of Gems doing good for the Earth. They probably just think we're a credit to our race at best."

"Whoa, no need to go that far, Pearl!" Amethyst cried while deflecting a bottle of vodka being thrown her way without even looking. "What, you really think that because we're not like them, that means we must be evil?"

"I mean, I stole most of the ocean to return home." Lapis agreed with Pearl. "Which led to hundreds either dying or nearly going out of business."

"Don't get too bummed out, and let's focus on the job at hand." Bane said before turning to Tina. "Now Tina, where do you think we'll find any information about The Sickle?"

"I believe we shall find our answer at the Royale Casino." Tina answered while gesturing to a nearby casino flooded with shady characters. "Number one wretched hive of scum and villainy in all of Russia! I have no doubt in my mind he might be there!"

"Well, how about that?" Bismuth remarked proudly at Tina's observation skills. "Come on, girls, let's get in there and find our crooks!"

"Indeed, let's get a move on." Jones said as the gang walked towards the Royale Casino, while Tina slagged behind to make sure none of them heard what she was going to do.

"They have taken the bait." Tina said into her phone. "Bring the boys out immediately."

Just as everyone expected, the Royale Casino was filled with criminal lowlifes in addition to regular people spending their money on slot machines, card games, dice games, poker machines, and roulettes. And just like outside, many of the Royale's visitors were incredibly wary of the Gems that had just arrived.

"Okay, everyone, spread out. One of these crooks must know where he is." Bane commanded his ladyfriends as he, Tina, Lapis, Amethyst, and Garnet walked towards a big poker table in the center of the room. At the same time, the other Gems interrogated the casino's visitors.

"Excuse me, sir, can you tell me something about someone called The Sickle?" Pearl asked a gambler who was cleaning out his opponents at a game of craps.

"What's it to ya, pointy?" the gambler scoffed while flicking Pearl's nose. "I don't fraternize with your kind."

"Well, I never!" Pearl snapped at the man and stormed off in anger.

"Pardon me, but I must request that you bestow upon me information relating to The Sickle if you please." Peridot politely asked another lowlife at a slot machine.

"I would if you sounded less like a nerd." The slot-puller replied disdainfully. "Now, shoo little girl, I'm on a streak here!"

"Hey comrades, any of you got any deets on The Sickle?" Bismuth asked in her best attempt at a Russian accent as she stepped up to a roulette table.

"The Sickle, eh?" a shirtless, muscular man in a pair of red trunks with a big beard and scars all over his bare & hairy torso answered. "Maybe we could give you some answers, if you beat us at roulette."

"Game on!" Bismuth declared as she pulled out a wad of dollars left over from the trip to Los Diego and handed it over to the croupier. "I'm betting a hundred dollars on 17 Black!"

"Thank you." The croupier responded while taking the cash, Bismuth not telling whether he was unaware a Gem just placed a bet or didn't care as the ball began rolling around the roulette wheel. "No more bets!" It was this close to landing on the spot that Bismuth had bet on, but unfortunately for her, it landed on 23 Red instead. "Ooh, sorry milady. Better luck next time."

"I must admit, you were good gambler. For Gem." The muscular man complimented Bismuth as she walked away.

Meanwhile at the poker table, Bane, Lapis, Amethyst, Tina, and Garnet were playing a high-stakes game of cards against a dozen other seedy opponents, each varying in skill and menace. While Bane played his cards right, both figuratively and literally, and the Gems were doing moderately well, Tina seemed to have no idea how to play.

"Oops, silly me!" Tina declared as she discovered she had yet another bad hand. "I do not seem to be good at this game!"

"That's a real shame, Tina, because watch this." Garnet declared before she unveiled her cards. To the alarm of everyone around her, the fusion had a royal flush. "Read 'em and weep, boys."

"Impossible!" Bane gasped at Garnet's hand. "How did you get a royal flush so easily?!"

"Future vision." Garnet boasted. "Been using it to cheat at cards with Amethyst and Greg for years."

"I knew it!" Amethyst exclaimed before they heard the doors open, followed by Konstantin, Pavel, and Leo stepping into the Royale Casino.

"Okay everyone, stop what you're doing now!" Konstantin commanded the casino's visitors while arming himself with a gun that looked like reverse-engineered Gem technology. "I want everybody on the ground except for anyone with unusual skin color! And no, I don't mean that kind of unusual skin color!"

"It's those assassins that killed the banker again!" Bane exclaimed as the gamblers scrambled around the casino.

"Hey, wait a second. Those weapons they're holding look a little familiar." Amethyst said as the three gunmen drew closer to Bane and company, followed by the other Crystal Gems racing to stop them.

"Are those my limb enhancers?!" Peridot gasped at the trio's firearms. "How did you get them?!"

"Found them in the Tunguska Sea near some big rock formation." Leo revealed to the group, causing Garnet and Pearl to all look at Amethyst. Last they remember, Amethyst was the one to dispose of Peridot's limb enhancers after they finally poofed her by dumping them in the ocean.

"Oh, come on! How was I supposed to know someone was going to confiscate them?!" Amethyst cried before the Gems were all held at gunpoint.

"Now then, our boss has some very special friends who want you taken out for what you did to them." Pavel declared. "So either turn around now and leave or else things will have to get ugly."

"Wait, everyone please!" Tina yelled as she got between the two groups. "Boys, boys, we can resolve this peacefully as long as you let my friends go."

"So that should be our cue to run?" Bismuth asked.

"You bet." Lapis responded flatly as Bane and the Gems ran out of the casino. But as soon as they escaped however, Tina immediately changed her tune.

"Thank you, boys, for that marvelous introduction." Tina smirked at Konstantin. "Anyways, you remember the deal I made with Bowling, right?"

"Yes, here is that book you wanted." Leo answered while handing over a strange grimoire that emitted a sinister energy from it. Tina just smiled evilly as she opened the book and began reading through its pages.

As soon as Bane, Lapis, Amethyst, Garnet, Pearl, Peridot, and Bismuth escaped the Royale Casino, they ran for the Rumbakini Tormenta and immediately began racing through Saint Petersburg in order to get as far away from the three assassins as possible.

"Thank goodness Tina bought us time!" Pearl exclaimed as the car sped through Russia. "I just hope she'll be alright."

"Who knows if we'll be alright, though." Lapis said as she poked her head out the window to discover numerous police cars driven by P.H.A.N.T.O.M goons chasing after them. "Quick, Bane, step on it!"

"Well, it's 37,500 miles to America. We got a full tank of gas and multiple gadgets, it's getting cold, and none of us are dressed for the weather." Bane declared.

"Hit it!" Amethyst yelled as Bane stepped on the gas, making the Tormenta go even faster. But unfortunately, the P.H.A.N.T.O.M cars started going faster as well. "Talk about putting your pedal to the metal, am I right?"

"This is no time for puns, Amethyst, we need to think of a plan!" Garnet yelled.

"Why don't we ask those fellows in the nice suits?" Peridot suggested while spotting a pair of men in matching black suits, fedoras, and sunglasses driving in a beat-up sedan. "Excuse us, but could you lend your assistance? We're on the run from villains here!"

"We'd love to stay and chat, but we're on a mission from God!" the first man declined the offer.

"Our Lady of blessed acceleration, don't fail us now!" the second man yelled as his companion drove the car away from the highway, which gave Peridot an idea.

"Wait, Bane, we need to go off the road!" Peridot yelled to the secret agent. "Just like those rad dudes in shades!"

"Well, I'm willing to give anything a shot once." Bane shrugged in agreement before swerving the car off the highway and into the Russian wilderness. When the P.H.A.N.T.O.M troops attempted to follow, all that did was turn them into a big car pileup along the side of the highway—all except for one.

"That little gremlin must have been watching too many movies!" Lennie cursed as he and Milton became the last members of P.H.A.N.T.O.M chasing after 00014 and the Crystal Gems. "Step on it, Milton, quick like a bunny!"

"Yeah, quick like a bunny!" Milton replied and made the police car start catching up to the Tormenta. "You ain't getting away this time, Bane!"

"On the contrary, my friends," Bane smirked and pulled out a pen. "you'll find that the pen is mightier than the sword or the automobile!" He then clicked the button and tossed it straight into the inside of Lennie and Milton's car.

"Uh, what's the pen gonna do, squirt ink all over us?" Lennie asked. His question would soon be answered as the pen detonated in his and Milton's faces, completely incinerating their police car and causing severe damage to the Tormenta in the process. Surprisingly, von Bowling's two minions managed to survive the explosion. "Okay, question answered."

"This ends now, criminal scum!" Bane declared as he pointed his gun at Lennie and Milton's faces while the Crystal Gems surrounded the two thugs. "Just tell us what your boss and The Sickle have planned, and maybe, just maybe, we'll go easy on you."

"Oh, so now you want to know?" Lennie coughed spitefully. "You know, you could've just asked earlier! Okay, fine, you got us. Our bosses are gonna start World War III and blame the Gems for it. Ya happy now?"

"Wait, World War III?!" Bismuth yelled in horror. "How could they do something like this?!"

"Easy, they wanna get rich." Milton answered innocently. "Once we frame you guys as terrorists, the bosses will be hailed as heroes by nuking your Little Homeworld friends and becoming rich from selling weapons. Pretty basic goals, you know?"

"Basic, but very personal." Lapis cracked her knuckles and prepared for a fight. "You messed with the wrong Gems, you guys!"

"If you want to harm our friends, you'll have to face us first!" Amethyst exclaimed and pulled out her whip, followed by the rest of the Gems pulling out their weapons in anticipation of the fight. Suddenly, however, a third party was about to come into play.

"Enough!" the familiar voice of Tina declared as she stepped into the clearing, her blouse turned into a unitard, and her mini skirt switched with a blue cloak. "Bet you didn't expect to see me here, Crystal Gems."

"Tina, is that you?" Amethyst asked. "Love the outfit by the way. What are you, some kind of sexy goth sorceress?"

"Oh, I am not just any sexy goth sorceress." Tina answered. "My name is actually Rasputina, descendent of the Mad Monk Grigori Rasputin, the innocent man you failed to save from Prince Yusupov! And now, I am here to avenge him by destroying all of you!"

"Okay, didn't see that coming." Lapis declared in shock.

"I certainly did." Garnet added. "Future vision, after all."

"So, you were plotting behind our backs all this time." Bane scowled at Rasputina. "I bet being The Sickle's daughter was part of the act too!"

"Indeed it was, and now I have you all right where he wants you." Rasputina smirked seductively before pulling out the grimoire that Konstantin, Pavel & Leo gave her and reciting a spell. "Klaatu barada nikto!" The resulting spell trapped Bane and the Gems in a dark forcefield that began causing them unending pain as Rasputina turned to contact her superiors. "Master, it is done. Mr. Jones and the Crystal Gems are ours. Awaiting further orders."

In Loving Memory of Robbie Coltrane, aka Valentin Zukovsky and Rubeus Hagrid

March 30, 1950 – October 14, 2022

I think that might be one of the most shocking endings I've written for this series in a long while. Tina turns traitor, the Gems and Bane have been captured, and none of them know yet that Black Rutile has made a deal with Francis and The Sickle! How can they turn this around? You'll just have to tune in next time for the second part of Little Homeworld Life's first and only two-part episode! Same Gem time, same Gem channel!

#steven universe #steven universe future #fanfiction #steven universe alternate future #little homeworld life #lapis lazuli #amethyst #bane jones #garnet #pearl #peridot #bismuth #black rutile

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