#BEST THING RHAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

qualityrain · 10 months

Note

I like to think that owl is one of those people who like sending random memes to ana while ana has no idea what they mean cuz of child soldier training, owl would explain in detail about each and every one of them. Surprisingly, ana never got bored of it.

Also, Idt owl had any friends outside of his sister before he met ana. I mean, just look at him.

YOURE SO RIGHT

The untapped comedic potential of owl being like the only guy who knows the real world and not confined to just valkyrie school and honkai which means he knows MEMES. and how i think vine was popular in 2015(idk it still exists to me!!!!) so imagine explaining why road work ahead yeah i sure hope it does is funny. ok unrelated but i think he would use those shortform words too cos iirc in the enemy archives right in cn he says 1 and its translated into ok in english and i was trying to find out what it means because i do not know any chinese slang and i still dont know what it means and i fell into a rabbit hole of like cn number slang or smth like idk 995 is like help me because it sounds like 救救我 ANYWAY yeah owl also explains shortform words in detail 👍 if only he was still alive lmfao the slang nowadays r crazy what is idgafpilled in an okokokokcoded economy he wouldve been so insufferable

i actually think owl had friends LMFAO. I think hes naturally quiet but a good talker and its advantages to know people i think he doesn’t actively reach out to people but doesnt mind being talked too and probably gets included into groups also cos hes funny. hes not a popular kid he has a normal amount of popularity where hes not peoples first choice in a group but maybe like 6th choice yk. idt he was particularly close with anybody tho.

#none of this makes sense because its 12am and im gojng crazy #i call owl funny and by rhat i mean he says stupid shit kike why woukd u bring up zombies iN A LIFE OR DEATH SITUATION #i say friends in the context of like. school. because idk anywhere else man #idk how to say like owl does vibe like a pathetic wet animal that doesnt have friends #esp how he is w ws #but like i think. like to me. owls just like. a random guy. any guy on the street.#like he has friends a normal amount yk i think ana woukd be his like only close friend tho #like to me the way he acts in ws is like. everybody is literally dead his family his friends everybody in the community #like everybody he ever cared about like a little superficial amount is very dead #like hes very much alone i think he just doesnt care anymore #ok all rhis is subject ro change in mt head if i rhink abt it more when im sane and normal #but the “you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me” line? Yeah idk #shaking my head to fit that line to make sense to my brain #like idk i ignore like 60% of canon lore because i do not get love at first sight #idk its so 8:)/&!;&/!:&28: UH #i think its because he had to do everything himself depend on himself for other ppl when somebody does smth big for him hes like #Wow! Coolbeans!#bro ive been thinking abt rhis in my gp paper and its like mental block idk shit man #asks #putting a keep reading here because rhis is cringe and im Ashamed TM

1 note · View note

luveline · 3 days

Note

I would dieeee for some more of Spencer and bombshell after her getting injured😭 him taking such good care of her, the BEST doctors, researching every single option😭 reassuring her rhats shes just as pretty😭

—Spencer looks after you while you recover from a brutal injury. fem!reader, 1.1k

Spencer thinks it’s one of the team's more gruesome injuries. Hotch has been stabbed to mince meat and Emily half-killed, Elle got shot, and he’s had his fair share of violence, too, but he can’t imagine the horror of being hit in the face with a hammer. The pain so close to your eyes, your teeth, your brain, the fear and the sudden crack. He feels sick whenever he remembers the sound, and he was sick the first time he dreamt about the way you cried as it happened. Your strange yelp, the immediate drop to the floor.

Spencer never hit somebody as hard as he did that UnSub. His gun whipped out possessed across the UnSub’s face, and then drove forward into their nose with a stomach turning crunch.

They’re in custody, and you’re in bed recovering with some of the best doctors in the world. Spencer thinks you both won this round, even if it doesn’t feel like a win right now.

“Shh,” he whispers, “shh, shh, it’s okay. It’s okay, don’t cry.”

You cling to his chest as though worried he’s going to move out of reach, sobbing. You’re careful not to touch your face or his chest, the soreness too much, but the rest of you is clinging to him. You don’t have to worry, he’s not going anywhere.

“Please, it’s okay,” he says, the tip of his nose to your forehead. “You can have another dose in twenty minutes. Just twenty minutes.”

He supposes the pain reminds you of the full extent of the injury, your jaw fractured in two places, your gum traumatised, your face more bruise than anything else. You hate your appearance being out of your control, it’s making you panic —he can feel you shaking.

He’d sat down with your drink to find you already crying, he couldn’t have been gone for ten minutes, but it was long enough for you to fall deep into the throes of hysteria. You’d grappled for him as he sat down to hug you, your face hidden ever since, and now the shakes have started. He’s hopeless.

But Spencer’s willing to do anything to make it better. “Can you tell me what’s upsetting you? Please?” he asks.

“It’s–” Harder sobbing, your tears dripping down from your chin to wet the thigh of his pants.

He has to calm you down.

Since you met Spencer, you’ve been the comforter. He can’t count how many times something has hurt him and you’ve rushed to save him. You’ve hugged and held and kissed him into smiling, you’ve never let him down, you’ve forgiven him after a hundred stupid mistakes, so Spencer doesn’t care that you’ve been inconsolable for days. He really doesn’t mind that he’s had to look after you this attentively. It’s his pleasure, and he’s getting better at it.

He presses a few soft shushes somewhere in your hairline, his hand rubbing a circuit into your back with a firm pressure that never tips into roughness. He does it until his palm is numb. He could paint the slant of your back from muscle memory, fingers tripping down the creased fabric of your pyjamas, pulling back up to your neck. He’s never felt such tender sympathy. He hates that you’re in pain, but he doesn’t hate getting to rub your back. This is surely boyfriend territory.

“You want something to drink now?” he asks quietly.

You open your mouth to answer, sighing in pain momentarily. “Uh, yeah.”

“Did you want the straw?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.” He can’t force himself away. “You okay for me to move you?”

“Yeah.”

You can’t be blamed for short answers.

There are surgeries to hold your jaw together when it breaks, and while you were unconscious (shock, rather than head injury), Hotch consented as your next of kin for the doctors to make sure things wouldn’t get worse, but it was Spencer who had to advocate for you afterwards. They’d wanted a metal connector to prevent dislocation. Spencer knew this could mean another scar, so he said no, because you might’ve said no had you been awake, and they should’ve asked you anyways.

When you did wake up, you were vehemently against it. Which is fine, you can heal without it, but it’s scarier to do it unaided. Your jaw could dislocate if you do something wrong, which is not only horrifically painful, but a painfully horrific injury to have. You talk quietly. You take small mouthfuls of soft foods.

Spencer looks at you now, tearstained, back arched like a kicked dog, and doesn’t know what to do. He wishes he were the one who got injured instead.

He takes the hospital bed controls into his hand and presses the button to make the top of your mattress elevate. Tomorrow, they’ll send you home, and Spencer will have to construct a nest of pillows for you to sit in while you recover, but it’ll be worth it. Things won’t feel as intimidating when you’re in your own bed.

“Lean back, beautiful,” he says.

Your smile is a straight line with eyes lit up. “What for?” you ask.

“Comfier. Less stress on your head.” You lean back. “Oh,” he adds, “and so I can get a better view of you.”

Your eyes get impossibly brighter. “What do you think?” you murmur. Your voice sounds scratched to death from crying, tight from holding your mouth a certain way, but pleased anyways. It’s just as pretty as it always is to him.

“You’re the prettiest girl in the world,” he says, reaching out to cradle your waist, his hand moving up and down the side of you tenderly.

You have a bruise from under your left eye and bleeding down your neck, and you haven’t slept right for a few days, but you’re undeniably beautiful in Spencer’s eyes.

You’ve been the most beautiful girl in the world literally from the day you met onward, with as much to do with your heart as your lovely face. He should tell you that, but he doesn’t.

“Can I have water now?” you ask, covering his hand with yours.

His confidence wobbles. “Oh, yeah, sorry. Sorry.” He grabs your drink, water spilling down the side to wet his hand.

“Please don’t make me laugh.”

“I’m not trying to,” he says pathetically.

He holds the cup of water to your face and you guide the straw between your lips. Spencer’s sure he’s been in love with you forever, and it’s all but cemented now.

#spencer and bombshell reader #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid oneshot #spencer reid scenario #spencer reid drabble #spencer reid fic #spencer reid fanfiction

1K notes · View notes

amoremainslayer · 25 days

Note

i definitely see gunwook as someone who will worship his partner like his whole existence just revolves around his partner he's so so lovely 😞😞😞 and sex with him is purely about YOUR satisfaction he doesn't care if he gets to cum or not he only cares about making you feel good!!!

- 🍓

Anon you just get me☝️

Gunwook is a SIMP and you can't tell me he isn't. As soon as he falls in love with someone his whole life evolves around them. Did they eat? Are they sleeping? They would look cute in this. Should I buy this for them?

He is the pure definition of simp. His members would be DONE with him because the only thing he talks about it YOU.

I feel like he'd definitely be big on acts of service. But the SILENT way. Not saying he's silent about it, but he'd do those small acts in silence just because he cares so much about you.

Be it blowing on the food before feeding you or adjusting the pillow before you sit down, a part of his attention is always in you.

He's very similar in your intimate live. Whenever you two are intimate, his attention will be on YOU and YOU only. He'd spoil you rotten to the extent that you'd have to beg him to let you do something for him in return bc you feel guilty.

He would always have the goal of giving you the best experience ever. I think he would enjoy slow sex, giving kisses all over your body while his hands stroke along your waist, hips and neck.

He wouldn't care if he didn't get too cum, seeing you climax multiple times because of him is satisfying enough for him.

I think the only exception is when he's mad abd needs to let our stress. Be it because work is stressing him or because he became really jealous (which is a rare sight since he doesn't get jealous easily).

He would be rougher than usual, his lips hungrier and his hips pounding into you more aggressively. But rhat only happens rarely, so be prepared to be pampered rotten by gunwook🤞

#zb1 x reader #amoremainslayer #park gunwook #gunwook x reader #zb1 smut #amore's thoughts💋

145 notes · View notes

br1ghtestlight · 6 months

Text

zeke and jimmy jr are so fucking stupid. immediately a 10/10 episode just for tankbottoms (tank tops for your bottom™️)

THEYRE SO FUCKING STUPID THERES TEARS IN MY EYES..... if anybody ever hurts these boys ever in their lives i dont know what im going to do. probably cry about it

BABYYY ZEKE HES SO ADORABLE 😭😭💕 love how squished his face is. he's Three apples tall snd very very small

Hey guys :D love how she's dropped the "hey jimmy jr!!! ZEKE." thing and started being normal about greeting them. sorry we're not even a minute into the episode i just love these kids so much they're sooo sweet and so stupid. accurate middle schooler representation

jimmy jr and tina talking :') they're buddies. love that he's already explained this tankbottoms idea to tina and she Does Not Like It

HEY GENE BROWN EYES MENTION!!! always love to have rhat confirmed

oh that jimmy pesto impression is UNCANNY. aww why are they fighting they were sorta kinda becoming friends. not really but in my heart they were after the christmas episode and them racing cars together

"aahh im bored' oh so he's literally just gay? is that what this is?

JIMMY PESTO SAYING ITS BEEN SLOW AT HIS PLACE LATELY LMAO i wonder why that could be!! surely no real world events coincided with that happening!!!!

jimmy pesto is so stupid i missed him so much. i missed ur stupid stupid handsome face SO MUCH u idiot. kisses him

YOU GET ONE PACK OF RATS COVERED IN ROACHES 😭

love how he's Literally just trying to be friends with bob and bob is like. can you leave? could you please leave?? there's something going on here not even gay people have a word for. this is a brand new type of interaction

"our rats and roaches dont get along" "aah well you're lucky"

"right that was ALMOST a normal conversation but you're you soo you said that" *fart noise* "THATS YOU" why is jimmy literally the equivalent of a boy teasing a girl he has a crush on on the playground bcuz he likes her and doesnt know how to show it. what is their PROBLEM

aww louise reading the burobu magazine 🥺🥺💕 sorry this is relevant to a fanfic im working on. also love these new views of the playground thats also great to have (also for the same fanfic) (there's a lot going on in this fanfic)

jimmy jr is so fucking stupid and literally my baby boy. ACTUAL love of my life. he's so dumb <3

"teatherball? oh my god. another TB" there's literally zero braincells in that boys head this is already one of my favorite jimmy jr episodes. also zeke getting jealous that tina is spending time around a boy who hates zeke?? kinda cute. he liiiikes her :) i think he's also just terrified of will but i think he's also a little jealous maybe. zeke contains multitudes

"I just, uh, don't want to have fun... like that. With a bunch of balls in my mouth."

"Fine. Some people are just more open to new ideas."

presenting this conversation with no context. AND jimmy pesto being gay in the background bcuz of course he would be

okay well im already assuming this b plot is gonna go in the direction of jimmy pesto copying bob bcuz business has been slow for him and he thinks bob is generally a better cook so if he copies him maybe he'll get more business too. which is ADORABLE and reminds me so much of the christmas episode where jimmy pesto recommended bob's food bcuz it was so good. also if jimmy thinks that bob is copying his business FJDMDJFKDKDSJ reminds me of a past episode i cant remember the name of but like better.... bcuz they're gay and stupid

gene is a sweet boy <3 sweet song and moment. love that him and louise are just always hanging out together

ohh jimmy jr he's so sweet 😭 he loves zeke so much its adorable. i know there's nothing anybody could do or say to make him stop loving zeke or wanting to be his friend and its actually really cute. he's been great in this episode

"My sweet best friend. My sweet, sweet Zeke..."

love jimmy jr being just as heartbroken over somebody being mean to zeke as i am FJDMDJDKSKS he's literally DEVASTATED by this news. who would bully zeke he's literally a baby? just a baby boy??

"I don't like bullies. And I especially don't like them at our school. And in our sister's grade. I mean, what if he makes Tina pee and embarasses her? She's already fighting an uphill battle."

louise is both very sweet and protective and also VERY funny lmao SHES ALREADY FIGHTING AN UPHILL BATTLE

love jimmy jr louise and gene's dynamic in this episode. they care so much about their babies (zeke and tina) its cuuute

"i feel bad for zeke too but i just dont think aggression is the answer" coming from the kid who got his ass beat by a nine year old. on MULTIPLE occasions

love mort ordering the burger of the day like he has a gun pointed at his head FJDMDKDKSKSS also mort and teddy getting along!! yay!!!! big win for the tedmort shippers in the fandom

"Zeke... I just want you to know that I'm here for you and I care about you." when did jimmy jr get all emotionally mature??

WOLLY BULLY

"I get why you wouldn't want to tell me, because I'm one of the cool kids..." gonna need a citation for that one jimmy jr

if there's one thing louise is gonna do its ignore EVERYBODY telling her not to do something for revenge and do it anyway. like girl u gotta know when to let something go i know you're protective but FJDMSKSDKDK

"whats going on down there" dont even worry about it rudy

i love school episodes they're so silly. still a 50/50 chance zeke WAS the bully vs being bullied and this is a misunderstanding but either way this is very fun and i love seeing all the kids hanging out at recess and lunch etc

tina has had like three lines total in this episode where IS that girl

"i was the bully" yeah i figured since this episode still has half the runtime left and no other possible way this conflict could go LMAO but on that note its kinda sweet that he's made friends and a life for himself at wagstaff and he's not mean to kids anymore. he's a good kid in his heart & he always was

NOT THE APPLE JUICE 😭😭💔

not tina crushing on will in the background.... its not ur episode girl get outta here

"i can see that" rudy is there something you'd like to share with the class 🤨🏳️‍🌈

"SORRY me spraying juice on you wasn't bullying! That was just an accident." POOR GENE he's so worried about upsetting someone or hurting their feelings

BABY ZEKE COMPILATION TJIS IS A BIG MOMENT FOR ME gonna need to screenshot this after bcuz he's so small. maybe the smallest boy in the whole entire world

"i was always the new kid and it wasn't easy making friends" 😭😭💕 AND NOW HE HAS TINA AND JIMMY JR GENE LOUISE RUDY and even tammy and jocelyn (kinda sorta) and he doesnt need to be nervous anymore..... he has a home and he's never going to leave. sorry brb im crying i love zeke and their littlr friend group so much

BETWEEN THAT AND MY IMPULSE CONTROL ISSUES I JUST STARTED WRESTLING KIDS sorry zeke is many things but he is NOT smart thats why him and jimmy jr are two peas in a pod. not a braincell between them

HE JUST HAD A LOT OF NERVOUS ENERGYYYY okay adhd zeke is literally canon now. to me. like i dont care what the episode says thats true now in my heart they basically said it

and then i kept trying to make them laugh :( zeke noo he's such a sweetheart and a good kid. he never had anybody who LIKED him before who really saw him for who he was until jimmy jr and their friend group. sobbing. I HAD A GROUP OF FRIENDS AND A NICKNAME IT WAS THE FIRST TIME I FELT LIKE I REALLY BELONGED....... CRYING SOBBING THROWING UP ETC

ive been told i have the perfect neck for headlocks. okay thank you rudy

jimmy jr is soo emotionally mature and thoughtful in this episode. TINA WHAT ON EARTH R U DOING IN THIS EPISODE she didnt even react to zeke's story bro. its so over

like a little italian squirrel :)

"Linda's right, Bob. And my therapist would say that you should focus on your own happiness and not compare it to other people's."

"Your therapist is an IDIOT!"

"You take that back, Bob! Do not speak of Doctor Marjorie that way. That woman has put up with SO MUCH in her life! The balls haven't always rolled her way!"

😭😭??? this was so funny lmao. also love how casually teddy mentions his therapist (throughout the entire show!! she was mentioned in his first appearance) and how normalized it is. like yeah he has a therapist and he has mental health issues & trauma and its just something he casually mentions

also mort always talks about ordering the soup at bobs burgers but we've NEVER seen soup on the menu or anybody else eating soup there what is up with that?? does bob make the soup especially for mort??? what is going on there. so many unanswered questions

"Look I don't know what THIS is..." *gestures vaugely to bob and jimmy pesto* Thats literally exactly how i feel whenever i watch an episode with them now. i dont know what the hell is going on between them and quite frannkly thats none of my business!!!

"im not SHRIEKING!!!!" he shrieked

"Zeke! Listen. We've all done things we're not proud of. I used to tell Andy and Ollie that there was actually only one of them. It messed with them for weeks. The point is... we recognize our mistakes and we learn from them. It's how we grow."

ONE we got a big brother jimmy jr mention HELL YEAH‼️‼️ love him tormenting andy and ollie he's such a terrible big brother (affectionate) and TWO in my head this is kinda jimmy jr apologizing for how he's fucked over tina in the past?? maybe im literally delusional about them but him admitting he's done things he isnt proud of and that he's hurt people before. cmon. thats gotta be about tina right. just lie to me at this point

JIMMY JUNIOR LMAOO he's literally so silly in this episode im obsessed with him

WHAT THE HELL WILL??

did zeke make fun of will for being a dancer lmfao thats why he wanted jimmy junior to leave right. he doesnt want jj to hate him

HE MADE FUN OF MY LISP 😭😭 no thats literally actually worse bcuz jimmy junior's lisp is soo. god. but zeke loves jimmy jr so much i know he would never do that to him. he literally LOVES that boy so goddamn much

YOUR LIPS FJDMDDJDKDKDD THEY LOOK FINR TO ME. somebody needs to sedate me im gonna become a jimmy jr fan account after this episode

JIMMY JR NOOOOOOOO ZEKE LOVES U HES UR BEST FRIEND. if they stop being friends after this episode im killing myself. like it would be so over for me. couldnt live after that theyre besties. theyre BESTIES

imagining if this was jimmy jr instead of will and actually literally crying real tears over it

I DONT EVEN THINK I WANT TO DO TANKBOTTOMS WITH YOU ANYMORE. thats literally worse than divorce whats even the point

"I mean, a lot of people don't know this but I have a speech impediment."

"Huh."

"Really?"

"Ooh I never noticed..."

"Yeah. I worked through a lot of it but sometimes it still shows up."

love this dumbass autistic boy. he's my sweetheart angel i would die for him 1000 times over and over

I THOUGHT TINA WAS GONNA ASK ZEKE TO SHOW HIS BUTT SAYING "I mean you could...." i was like ooohkay tina sure. okay

aww bob is so smart. and cool

JIMMY JR HOLDING ZEKES BACKPACK FOR HIM sorry idk why i thought that was so cute. gonna need a screenshot of that

LOVE GENE AND LOUISES EXPRSSSIONS IN THIS SCENE sorry okay im paying attention to their gay little fight too ig

AWWW HAHA ZEKE IS SUCH AN OLDER BROTHER this scene is so cute. him teasing gene and louise <3

THIS EPISODE WAS SOO ADORABLE OMG i loved jimmy jr in this episode and his friendship with zeke. maybe my favorite episode this season?? its hard to say bcuz all of them have been so enjoyable and good but i love school setting episodes and zeke is such a good character. the subplot was also really good w/ jimmy pesto although i will NOT be letting bob forget what happened between them in the christmas episode and when he brought jimmy pesto his pain meds. he might forget but i will NOT. they were seriously for real gay there

#txt #bob's burgers #episode review #10/10 episode loved it 😁

15 notes · View notes

i-luvsang · 10 months

Note

honestly it's so many new hair colours at once it's insane tbh. LIKE I LITERALLY WAS ABOUT TO GO TO SLEEP AND I SAW THE NOTIF OF SAN HAVIGN RED HAIR?? AND I WATCHED THE VID AND I SAW YEO AND I WAS LIKE HUH WHAT COLOUR IS RHAT?? it's an hour later now i rlly need to go to sleep after this. also god i'm gonna miss jonghos hair so much but the hair he has now kinda matches my hair rn so idm 😭 and argh san's red hair... i'm so obsessed with red hair i hope the next member with red hair is gonna be yeosang.. now that i think abt it he's the only member that hasn't had red hair i think?? besided yunho but he had the red stripes so idk.. ANYWAYS YEOS NEON HAIR ARGH and tbh i get you 100% i'm not rlly a fan of neon hair either. but yeo?? GOD HE'S ROCKING IT i'm convinced he can pull anything off. and i'm also curious how it's gonna fade. honestly i think his hair might lowkey glow in the dark.. imagine at the concert you can just see his green hair when the lights are still off.. that would be so funny omfg. but him and taeyong are the only men who could ever pull off neon green hair like that. honestly yeo probably saw me looking at tae a lil too long and he was like... SURPRISE! and it indeed was a surprise :,) also... i don't think i'm ever just gonna have one bias when it comes to nct. i've been listening to their music for a long time and know a lot of the members but i was always intimidated idk why. but so far my faves are taeyong, jaehyun, xiaojun and haechan so far. like idk they are just so atsggs. anyways that was my crazy ass rant about hair colours and nct?? i'm gonna go to sleep now bcs it's so late. i might be right back here when i wake up if they happen to drop selcas and i survive it. thanks for listening to my insane rant, you are the best <3 — 🎧

YEOSANG BETTER BE THE NEXT WITH RED HAIR I WILL NOT DIE A HAPPY MAN UNTIL I SEE IT !!!!!!

like i don't like it per se but like you said yeosang is LITERALLY ROCKING IT LIKE HOW EVEN HE STILL LOOKS SO GOOD LIKE. HES INSANE I LOVE HIM

NO BC IT EVEN LOOKS LIKE ITS GLOWING IN THE PICS AND ITS BROAD DAYLIGHT I CANT IMAGINE HOW BRIGHT ITS GONNA LOOK DURING THE CONCERTS!! and yeah i'm also super curious abt the fade honestly i think it's gonna be good but idk i'm sure they'll tone it n stuff or whatever you do to keep hair looking not nasty after dying it a bright color

yeah yeo said look at me not him i can have neon green too !!!

very valid faves so far !! good thing you're staying clear from my mans renjun <3333 JK LOL good luck with haechan he's fuckin insane i hate his ass i'd fight him any day he's my og arch nemesis (i don't hate him i swear we just have beef with each other !!)

but OFC !! thank you for sending me your insane rant i love to hear it i love love love it all <33 YOU are the best babe !! and yeah!! get lots of good rest !!! i hope you sleep well and i will talk to you later my darling <3333

#［ my darlings %.#［ messages %.#［ 🎧 anon %.

0 notes

bibblelevi · 2 years

Note

Hey sar, just here to marvel at your genius!

Chapter 11, wow– I honestly have no words. I have the chapter open again and I am just saying whatever comes because my brain after reading it was just MUSH from all the angst and emotions.

I truly feel your interpretation/characterisation of levi is the most accurate I have read in a LONG, long time. SS is definitely within my top fanfictions ever tbh. I have no proper words to describe how much I loved this chapter apart from screaming and foaming at the mouth and spamming my other moots who haven’t read this to go read thIS FIC RIGHT TF NOW.

Gosh, we love a good Levi-centric chapter, don’t we? I mean, yes, the reader was absolutely present, but I love it when you hurt me with how accurately you describe the workings of his mind. They leave a long-lasting effect. His brain always tries to govern his heart. That’s just something he has had to do since he was a child. There was no time for feelings, no time to not worry. He could never not worry, never not care - but he also never had an outlet. He used to it festering for a long time, and after the Battle of Heaven and Earth, he could finally let go. And even then, in SS, which takes place only three years after… It's still hard. And I feel, in the perspective of mental health or even psychologically speaking and considering who he is as a person, I am so glad - I know it sounds strange - to see him struggling still. Glad, because it’s accurate. I have read fanfics - and I am not going to name and shame - where he’s fine and dandy in his little tea shop in Marley and that just wouldn’t be the case. He loves the teashop - he’s entitled to - but you writing him at struggling with peace - something he has longed for for years - it’s realistic. Painful, raw, but realistic.

Levi coming to his breaking point - or to a breaking point of some description - was so sad. It was definitely bound to happen. And I’m sure in the next chapter, given what you have told us is gonna happen in chapter 12– I’m sure we’ll see more depressive Levi. His tears– oh Sar, his TEARS. I was tearing up too. I’m glad they all came out, even if it was because of sex, because the poor man was so pent up (sexually yes, but I have yet to come across a more emotionally constipated character.) Istfg it’s like, “ah yes i have expressed one (1) feeling today, that’s enough” like BRO. The reader caring for him in the bath

“An unexpected tear escapes the corner of his eye, and you reach up and wipe it away, the water melting into the pad of your thumb. You want to tell him everything’s going to be okay—that’s he’s wonderful, and you know he’s trying his best—but you know he wants to pretend like he’s alone, and that you’re not seeing him come apart like this, so you stay quiet, continuing to wipe the tears as they come.”

This paragraph just kills me. The poor man. I am so in love with him, and I am in love with how you write.

AND FUCKING THIS–

“All I’m saying is—” He turns his gaze back towards the faucet and catches his reflection in the silver, “if you wanted to kiss… or fuck… anyone else… I wouldn’t like it.”

THATS IT HE SAID ILY. THATS THE CLOSEST WE HAVE GOTTEN TO ILY VERBALLY (i say verbally because literally 95% of this guy’s actions are out of love for reader, VERBALLY THIS IS SO CLOSE.)

Sar you are a genius and I can’t wait to be hurt again 😭😭😭😭

CECE!!! The fact that you had the fic open on another page as you typed this AHHH WHY DOES RHAT MSKE ME SO EXCITED!!

It was so fun to write something Levi-centric. I don’t consider myself like, a master of his character or anything, but it’s kinda fun to pick apart a brain and try to write their responses to the things around them/figure out why they are the way they are/etc. Lowkey like a character study?

Also, I am a SICK person because I love writing about men crying. I love their tears. I love their emotions. Because I think at heart Levi’s actually really sensitive okay :(( LIKE I JUST LOVE A GOOD SENSITIVW MAN WITH A BIG FAT HEART OKAY

AND FINALLY YES THERE’S SOME EXCLUSIVITY GOING ON. This way, they both know neither of them wants anyone else (at this point in time). They might as well be together honestly.

Thank you for reading cece :)) I’m always excited to read what you thought about the chapters and such

#why do i find exclusivity so sexy but minus the gf/bf part #like thats so hot to me #silver soul asks #you got mail!#moots: cece

11 notes · View notes

robinrequiems · 3 years

Note

the “right person, wrong time” cliche has always been my favorite! it’s either completely heartbreaking or the cutest shit ever 😭

sorry in advance😔

• as they grew up together, they got close. but then jon went to the future, turning 17, 2 years older than damian who was 15.

• but it didn’t change anything for them, they were still best friendS, they did missions together and still went by as the supersons

• but then damian started liking jon, he does not know how

• it happened one day and Damian never thought it would. damian thought that he would never fall in love like this, rhat he would not have this feeling

• he loved it, the way his heart fluttered when he saw jon, the way he always went red when jon just simply brushed his hand on his shoulder

• dick said it was cute, on how Damian went on and on about jon for hours on end, his friends found it annoying

• screw them

• damian planned on telling jon, it was the perfect day,, they were eating ice cream after their patrol, he told dick he was doing this too, his brother cheered him on too

• and then it went to shit and all he felt was sadness, his heart broke, and he lost a part of himself, he was not rejected, but he wished he was, it would have been better than this

Jon & Dames: hey I have something to tell you!

Jon & Dames: oh you first

Jon & Dames: no you first!

Dames: you go first

Jon: alright fine! I got an invitation to join the legion of superheroes!

Dames: what?

Jon: yeah! They want me to be the Superman of the future!

Dames: you aren’t taking it, right?

Jon: what?

Dames: you should stay here, you shouldn’t go

Jon: what?

Dames: come on, jon. be serious here. all they want you for is your powers, just because your dads Superman, they don’t actually want you

Jon: how- how can you say that? Of course they do!

Dames: do they though?

Jon: I can’t believe you! Why aren’t you happy for me?

Dames: should I be?

Jon: yes!

Dames: oh

Jon: I’m taking it, I can’t believe you. I can’t believe my best friend doesn’t believe in me.. I believed in you for so long.. and you do this to me? I..

Dames: where are you going?

Jon: I can’t be around you right now, I’m sorry. I gotta go home

Dames: but I-

Jon: no.

• jon didn’t listen to damian or let him say what he wanted to say

• damian doesn’t think he would have said it anyways, it was stupid of him to even think that would happen

• there was a party for jons send off, damian went. but didn’t bother to talk to jon abd instead disappeared. he found it that it was easier to disappear into the shadows, it’s what he’s good at anyways

• he’s always been good at it, he can go days with disappearing too, just disappearing without a trace with perfected ease, even going and hiding from the great batman

• jon saw damian, but his heart hurt, the way damian said everything during their fight, how his facial expression, like it didn’t matter. it mattered to jon

• why didn’t it matter to his best friend?

• jon thought damian would have been happy for him, but he wasn’t

• he felt like he lost a friend, his parents were supportive, as were his other friends

—

kathy speaking to damian after jon leaves:

“Why the hell did you do that, asshole?”

“I’m an asshole, obviously.”

“Quit using anger to cover your emotions, I’m an empath, dumbass.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Oh. Why did you do that?”

“None of your business.”

“I’m also a telepath.”

“Go inside my head, I dare you. You won’t find anything, all you’ll get is a headache.”

“Damian, I’m asking this as a friend—“

“We aren’t friends.”

“Whatever. You care for jon, why did you push him away?”

“I.. it was easier.”

“Easier?.. You—“

“Don’t say it.”

“I’m sorry.”

• he hated when people pitied him, he didn’t need it. so he just got up and left

• damian then disappeared. only leaving a few notes behind.

• Richard,

I have unfinished business I must take care of. Don’t look for me, you won’t find me. I will come back once I complete everything. I’m okay, I promise, but I need to get away right now. I love you, just tell father one thing, because I’m petty ( your words, not mine ) and won’t write him a note. Fuck you.

• Jon,

I’m sorry. For saying that they didn’t want you. They clearly did since they sent you an invitation. They don’t just send anyone that, I hope you get this before I return, but who the hell knows anymore? Maybe you will read this to me when I return. Richard is to give this to you if you do come looking for me when you end up coming back to the present.

I wanted to tell you something, I should have gone first, maybe it would have influenced your decision. Maybe you would have stayed. Stayed for me. I like you. That was why I insulted you, I thought that maybe you would have blown up back, it was easier for me. You always just laughed when I used anger as a wall to separate my emotions from everyone else. But you didn’t realize it then since I’m an asshole.

I liked you. A lot. I was planning on telling you, but I didn’t. It wasn’t the right time. I think it was stupid of me to bother, but right now— at least the time I’m writing this, I’m going somewhere. I have something I need to do, things I need to wrap up. Sins to atone for. And league’s to destroy. See you soon, Sundance.

• ric never happened, and alfred is still alive, he told his goodbye to alfred in person because he went and found his mother. Lazarous tournament; weird as hell, huh? And went to destroy it. He was also on a mission to destroy all the lazarous pit.

• sorry grandpa 😘

#cliche asks #damian wayne #damijon #right person wrong time #jon kent

30 notes · View notes

queencryo · 2 years

Text

ughhhh i had an amazing dream abiut a dating sim visual novel.

its a 100% sincere dating sim for most of it, except at the very end it shifts very abruptly to straight-up horror as you desperately try to save... anyone, really, up to and includin yourself, from what is coming. which is, i think, either an expelled student (magic academy setting), or a game idea rhat was partially implemented before being abanxoned (or both), twisted and corrupted. they were... horrible to look at, as the player.

There was a crossword, which wasnt mandatory to fill out, but WAS the only way to find out some world information someof which was incredibly useful (60ish % of the crossworx could be filled out in any given run jyst with the info you were given). On ny second run, I found the horror's crossword, same format as mine. Some of the answers were right, but it looked like at some point they had given up and started guessing violent and spooky things. Interestingly, what appeared to be a correct answer (matched its space, natched the things around it), to the clue 'the best way to harm malevolent ghosts' was 'inhale', which is what id been taught in magic class and what id tried against the horror in my disastroys first run. It hadnt worked. Next to it was an X in the same pen the crossword qas filled out in, and the words 'WRONG. Threaten. You have to nake it afraid'. Cool

oh yeah, my first run. I wasnt really going for any route, but i did axcidentally get the sporty girl romantic interest expelled. She ran right out in her gym uniform, and none of us ever saw her again. Shortly thereafter, i went to my room to finish some homework. Afterward, the school was just aviut empty. Classrooms torn apart, doors wrenched off their hinges. I went downstairs to look onthe first floor: there was two people there. One was trying very hard to open the stairs door which was blocked, the other was walking toward her. I unblocked the door, and the girl pushed past me and ran upstairs. I saw there was blood on the floor down here. Gets fuzzy here, but basjcally this other person was the horror. Their art style became radically different (kind of like trevor henderson's?). I dont rememver much dialogue here, beyond that 1: everyone had died horribly 2: i died horribly 3: i didnt know *why* 4: i had gotten one of he worst endings, which is pretty easy to get actually 5: the only survivor was the sporty romance interest. 6: i tried go INHALE at the horror (which is supposdd to make it so mad about being dead thag it fries itself intednally??) but it. didnt work.

And so things end. Tried a second run, didnt get very far before I woke up. I dont thinj anything was wrongbor had changed, except that my player character/me was 1: aware of what had happened 2: kind of chill avout it

game took on a little more of a mystery vibe from then on, and i got a second crossword! this one was mostly about mystery ckues, and sometimes whsn i learned something it would autofill in the mystery crossword. I assume there are some clues that could only rsally be found by deduction / using that crossword. Still optional tho.

This wasnt in the dream, but i do find it interesting if romancing someone actually mafe them MORE likely to die, harder to save. ig because the horror hates you.

Anyway this game sounds dope as fuck ngl.

#dreams

2 notes · View notes

toindeedbe-agod · 4 years

Text

so. neil motherfucking perry.

his father is forcing him into a career path bc of his own shortcomings as a youth and his mother looks idly on. she'll support her husband no matter what and the blind loyalty alienates her from neil.

neil would see her as an enemy no matter what, because she never helped him. she never saw him. she never spoke up for him.

she'll wonder what happened to her perfect little boy, wonder why she just doesnt get him anymore, why he never seems to be around, while his dad yells and doesnt understand.

neil feels stifled at home, and welton. is rhat thw name of the school i can only think of hellton. is his escape- if only a little bit.

he plays along with the boys, calls it hell and boring and hes so conflicted. an escape from his dad- a little. but he's only there to fit into his dads plan, so can it really be a safe space?

the rest of the poets are what make it feel most like home. they get him. they want to strike out on their own and have fun and not go into the family business even if theyve resigned themselves to it at this point

neil is constantly searching for an escape. its why theatre has always been so enchanting to him. no better way to forget your troubles than to become a new person entirely.

mr. keating is pretty much the complete antithesis of his dad. he encourages him, he basically tells him to start up the society again (a complete reverse of his dad telling him to drop newspaper (?) even tho neil enjoys it), tells him to think for himself and to live for himself, to take control of his destiny.

and thats why he looks up to keating so much. thats why he tries to emulate keatings spirit with the other poets, why he tries to stick up to his father like keating has stuck up to the rest of the faculty, etc.

todd is also a major point of neils character arc, bc todd grounds him. hes the logic, the reasoning (even if the majority of it is anxiety fueled overthinking), the thing that brings neil back to reality (see. the flying desk set scene.)

but ALSO. neil is an example of . things .

look he literally is like incapable of finding a balance. he cant rebel quietly, with just the socieyy, he has to sigm up for a play and forge a letter and back mr keating. but he cant stick up to his dad when it matters, he just backs down. he doesnt like listening to other peoples ideas, when he has an idea he sticks to it. i fully believe that during the argument, when neil is like "ask me how i feel" or whatever and then he just sits back down is EXACTLY the moment he decides to kill himself. the rest of the argument doesnt matter, he'll be dead in a few hours anyways. he doesnt argue with his mom, he doesnt want to waste the effort.

he figures that he has spent a lifetime being told what to do. told exactly how his life is going to go. and in that moment, when his ways to escape are taken away, when he cant cope and he'll never be able to see his friends again, he decides to take control of his life.

hes only done it so many times before, by recreating the dead poets society, by befriending todd and helping him become better, by joining the play, which were all some of the best decisions hes ever made.

so surely, the trend will keep.

people listen to his ideas, listen to Him, often unquestioningly. he knows he makes good decisions, has truly yet to be done wrong.

so definitely, he should do this.

its the only option.

its the best decision.

#its 4 am im sorry if this is incoherenr 👉👈#im sleepy ill fix it up later #that means yall shouldnt go Crazy alright #c: neil perry #post: analysis #vin.txt

60 notes · View notes

archived-gtronpa-account · 4 years

Note

Ok ok hear me out, Shuichi having 2 calm down a borrower after they’ve been caught by Kokichi

I'm,,, wheezing,,,

Alrite if the borrower is so scared I'm assuming this is going with a villainous Kokichi? That's not my fave trope but I can go with that

Mmmm maybe maybe gimme a sec,,, ohhh okay I got it here's what I'm thinking:

Shuichi knows something weird is going on in his apartment. There's odd supplies and bits of food missing, since he lives alone then there must be something or someone stealing all rhat. Obviously it can't be rats or some run cause they wouldn't steal pins and bottle caps, it has to be a someone. But why steal those things and such small quantities of food? Is someone toying with him? He checked with his neighbours and no one reports hearing or seeing anyone intrude in his apartment. So it's safe to say Shuichi is really creeped out but also very, very intrigued

Eventually he makes his lil investigation and the best conclusion he comes to is that it's one of those tiny thiefs he's read legends about in shady websites. It sounds really stupid but it's the only fitting conclusion, besides, does it matter if it's so carzy? Not really. His life is already so stressful he needs some wonder and fantasy, so he just goes with it and starts jokingly believing in the little people in his walls, sometimes outloud saying stuff like 'Hey right now I'm not in the kitchen so if you want to get some food now the coast is clear' or 'goodnight little people or person have a safe stealing trip' and 'by the way little people if you need anything just tell me okay? I'm leaving the cupboards open I bought some groceries today hope that'll be good enough'. He doesn't believe that one second, but he finds it really fun and a nice way to escape from stress, thinking there's someone listening to him.

Though, he does tell Kokichi about the weird occurrences in his apartment and jokingly mentions it could be tiny thiefs. Kokichi takes that much more seriously and takes it as a challenge and a game to understand what's going on at Saihara's place.

When Shuichi is gone, Kokichi lockpicks his door and gets in (Saihara already knows about his lockpicking, and Kichi even snuck in to surprise him a couple times, so it's alright) and coincidentally (more like by the power of scriptwriting ease) the borrower is out borrowing at that time.

Pif paf poof! Kokichi jumps at the little fella before he can get away, plucks him up in a fist and sticks him in his pocket and leaves like the thief he is. No more problems for his friend Saihara.

Now, I think Kokichi is the type who always wants entertainment. Either he'll be the one entertaining large groups and people he's keen of with his antics, or pushing the buttons of those he finds boring. Going further with this to make him the villain here, he'd be curious about the weird lil guy he found but also think they'll be too weak and boring if he doesn't mess with them.

He'd defo enjoy manhandling the hell out of the lil borrower at first, playing games with it and making it do tedious parkours n stuff or hang them where they can't move a muscle, like those little rain doll things Japanese people hang to their umbrellas and elsewhere for good weather? Yea like that. Nothing to actually physically harm the lil guy, but he'll push them to their very limit and keep them weak and exhausted.

Oftentimes he'll 'forget' to lock them up at night and make them think they can escape, only to catch them at the very least second, 'It's a lie!' and yoink them up and lock them again or sleep with them trapped in a loose fist. It happens many times and each time the borrower knows it's a trap but tries anyway, and each time they get caught they despair more and more.

The times Kokichi actually tries to act like a pure villain is when he's interrogating the borrower. Who are you, what are you, why were you at Saihara's place, why do you hide and steal... Etc etc. He does that dark face thing and brings a finger down on the borrower's torso gently pressing on it taunting them. It's pathetic seeing them pinned down and struggling to fight even one finger.

Needless to say, Kokichi's fun is hell for the poor borrower. Plus, being already super afraid of humans, their experience with Kokichi is borderline traumatic.

Meanwhile, Shu notices the little stealings stopped. He's kinda sad about it and still talks to his walls like 'hey little people are you still here? Hope I didn't anger you or something please come back' but ultimately doesn't dwell on it and keeps his focus on more important matters.

One day he needs to get back something he lent to Kokichi, who's lot home. He needs it really urgently so he just uses the spare keys kichi gave him (yea I'm just assuming they're that good of friends) and quickly goes in his room to get it, but as he's leaving he hears a weird little sound, something like a whimper. For a second he thinks Kokichi is hiding under his bed or something but the sound seems like it came from his desk. He gets closer and inspects it and sees a flash of movement from a drawer that's cracked open. His curiosity is piqued and he takes a look in...

And finds a terrified little guy.

Shu's mind short-circuits for a second, unable to process the scene before his eyes. It gets worse when the weird tiny person speaks 'Why you- why are you here? Did K-Kokichi let you see me?'

Shu is super taken aback and stutters a quick no, and sees the little person scoot back, fear clear in its eyes. He realizes he looks like an intruder or a thief.

'Ah- I don't want to hurt you! I'm kind of lost here though, who are you? Why are you like this... And in Kokichi's drawer?'

For a moment, the tiny person doesn't speak or look at him in the eyes, deep in thoughts and reluctant with fear, but then they speak.

'Shuichi, y-you have to help me... Kokichi kidnapped me- I don't want to be here! Please help me!' and despite seeming terrified of Shu, they seem desperate.

Shu is now 10x times more lost. The situation is as confusing as a dream, but what matters at the moment is to help and reassure the scared little person. He's really not sure what to do, but first it'd be good to get them out of that dark and cramped drawer and go back to his place and try to figure things out.

He doesn't really know if he can grab the lil fella, so he takes his cap off and lets them climb in then holds it up to his chest to hide the tiny guy while he walks in the streets. He's not the best at comforting but he does mumble a few apologies and reassuring words to let the tiny person know that everything is fine. It's a little unnerving for the borrower to hear Shu talk to them again like he used to- except this time, Shu knows they exist. Either way, it helps bring some comfort.

Shu bumps into Kokichi on his way out and freaks out, but tries to keep his cool.

'Saihara~ did you need something at my place? You should have called me you know? It's very rude to go inside people's houses while they're away, also super illegal. Gasp! Did Saihara finally succumb to the temptation of crime?' his tone is teasing and playful, but there's something of an edge to it, and his big, bright smile seems too forced to be genuine.

'ah, yeah but it's alright I got it now-'

'what are you hiding in your cap?'

Meanwhile the borrower can hear shu's heart pound too fast, or maybe that's their own heartbeat. They don't want to be caught by Kokichi again.

'Nothing- really, I just took it off since it's a little hot outside'

'you say that while wearing a hoodie? Saihara would never ever take his cap off! What are you hiding?' his face goes blank and serious. Before he can be stopped, he reaches for the cap and tilts it to see the tiny, shaking fella inside.

Now, Shuichi isn't the confrontational type, but the tiny person just looks so terrified and pitiful, all shaking and wide eyed. He smacks the hand reaching for tiny person harshly and brings the cap and the tiny fella closer to his chest, then sneaks another hand in to brush against their toothpick-like arm in reassurence. He frowns and tries to question Kokichi, but the shorter guy takes the lead and speaks first.

'oh, I see you found my little friend!'

'i would hardly call them your "friend" seeing how scared of you they look'

'aww, so mean! They're scared of everyone, not just me! Besides, you should be grateful, Saihara, I got rid of your apartments's problem and fixed them! Now you can be sure they'll never try to mess with you again. Ah, but if you want your problem back, I don't care. They were too boring anyway' his tone is venomous, and there's a finality to it. Just like that Kokichi walks away, whistling a tune like he'd just been talking about the weather, that seems so over the top for him that Shu gets the feeling he's pissed but is hiding it. Shuichi really wants to grab his shoulder and stop him to confront him, but the shaky person clinging to his hand is more important at the moment.

He goes back to his apartment in a rush and carefully sets the tiny person in his bed since it's the most comfortable surface and the poor little guy seems exhausted. He's not really sure what he should do so he leaves to the kitchen to make some tea and clear his mind.

He goes back to his room and can't find the small person! He freaks out and starts looking for them- but then a thought pops in his mind, he remembers how he'd thought there could be little people living in his walls, and it just clicks that if the person knew his name and somewhat trusted him then maybe, as crazy as that sounds, they could be the little thief in his walls?

After a moment of thought, it doesn't sound that crazy after all. Shuichi sighs and sets the cup and thimble of tea on his desk, then looks around the room and thinks of what to do in that situation.

'Um,' he feels self conscious, talking to the walls again but knowing this time that there's someone listening, 'i know you're really scared right now, I would be too if I were you. I'd probably be even more scared than you- I know I would never have trusted some giant stranger to hold me and help me get out of a bad situation, that was really brave. So, uh... Thank you for trusting me back there, I'm glad I could help. I don't really have the right to ask that but... please, don't be afraid of me. If you don't need my help anymore then I'm really happy, but it would kill me to know if you're hiding while you need help. I know I must look really scary to you, really really scary, but I promise I only want to help. So, um, please don't hesitate to come if you need anything.' he exhales and feels his face flushing. The words sound cheesy on his tongue, but he is being as honest as he can be.

He doesn't expect it to work though, so when he sees a tiny head poking from behind the pile of books on his desk, he feels the tension in his limbs evaporate and a warm feeling blooming in his chest. Being so shy, people don't think he is reliable, so he's glad to see someone so scared of him still put some trust in him.

The borrower takes a few steps closer and nods 'alright'.

Then there's a bit of an awkward silence as neither knows what to do next. Shu remembers his old plans and carefully pushes the thimble closer to the little person.

'ahh, i made you some tea. It must have gotten cold now though, sorry. Do you want me to hear it up again?' and he leaves to do it, stops at his bedroom's door, thinking that if he leaves the little person again they might try to run off, but he pushes that thought away.

He's gals and relived when he gets back and finds them sitting in the middle of his desk, nervous but present nonetheless. He feels too intimidating and large and monstrous so he kneels on the floor to be more at eye level with the tiny person.

'we can talk if you want, or we can just be silent. Either way is fine with me' he doesn't want them to feel pressured, poor little thing already seems too scared and fidgety. He's afraid to loose whatever silver of trust they have in him.

The borrower is silent for a while, sipping at their tea and stealing a few glances up at their old bean. Living alone, their bean had been their only company. Not to mention that he was so nice when he talked to them in the walls, not even sure someone was listening. It had been unnerving, but also a nice change from the constant silence and loneliness. The borrower feels a bit more at ease and slowly opens up about what happend and who they are.

They're a little quiet, stammer a lot and speak so fast most of their speech doesn't make much sense and is hard to follow, but Shuichi patiently listens anyway, until their words slowly fade to small sobs and quiet sniffles.

Shuichi's heart tightens at the sight. He doesn't know how to comfort a crying person, but he has to be there for them, so he slides a finger on their back and rubs it in gentle motions. He doesn't do anything more and lets them decide whether or not they accept the gesture, thinking the touch may discomfort them. he just doesn't want to overwhelm the poor fella.

Shuichi is usually the one to rely on others, the role of a strong and supportive person is foreign to him so he's bit at a loss for words, but he does clumsily promise he'll protect them and make them happy.

(shoot! This got much longer than I planned but eh, at least I kinda like how it turned out it was worth spending a while on)

#gtronpa #oh by the way i hope this wasn't a writing request cue if it was them ooops i just f'ed up sorry #aaa please people if you wanna request a oneshot do precise it!!#giant!shuichi #giant!Kokichi #i guess #drv3 #gt #danganronpa #idea #headcanon

22 notes · View notes

of-faunsandyellowflowers · 4 years

Text

Personal post...again

Tw: rape, eating disorder

And I'm sorry this is long but I need to get this out.

I think the biggest thing that hurts me with my mother is the fact she disregards what I tell her as exaggeration, or that I do it for attention.

It goes back to my teen years.

Middle school was awful for me. Honestly, all school was. Growing up autistic but not knowing you're autistic is....hard. it's even harder when you've got a shit load of trauma and other issues to deal with to.

When my mom found out I cut myself, instead of trying to understand why I did it, she lectured me on how she coulsnt understand why I did that because shes never felt that way. Now, I'm not saying she couldnt be upset by it....but it wasnt somethibg I was proud of. And when she told me I must be doing it for attention, I knew I probably wasnt going to be able to tell her about the things that happen in my life that are hard kater on...even though I really needed someone. It's not like she wasnt EVER there, but the really really big things....it wasnt talked about. And when it wasnt talked about, it wasnt believed.

The time I told her I was raped, barely 15, and then a few years later finding out she didnt believe me. Her reasoning? Because right after we went to dinner i was 'happy'. And that the years after I was 'sexual' with guys. Because people who are raped are supposed to be sex repulsed and numb.

I was incredibly numb. However, I've learned how to mask. Much like I've learned how to mask my autism.

Instead of taking the time to ask my counselor what coping looks like for trauma, she assumed that it wasnt that bad and determined I just wanted it and that the guy never called me back. She assumed rhat since I said I didnt want dad to know, that I didnt want anyone to know....that it must not have happened because you 'tell' a parent these things.

She only figured out I wasnt lying after having a heart to heart with my aunt and my aunt chewing out my mother for not doing more.

Then got mad I never wanted to go to the cops.

I still, dont think I would have wanted to go to the cops.

The emo kid (me) vs the star mormon football player? In a very mormon town with mormon cops? Yeah. I dont think they would have believed me.

And look, I understand that it's hard for a parent to hear that, but the lack of support I received due to my mom always deflecting it to 'it cant possibly be that bad' on top of me not even knowing I was autistic so it was incredibly hard for me to express things.....I'd say that the person going through trauma, twice in the same 15th year...is worse. And the years to come with me battling my own turmoil, keeping things in, her butting into my life to 'help' in ways that didnt help. It was based on what she believed was correct, and not what I felt I wanted in order to express myself.

Years following I developed an eating disorder which caused me to binge large amounts of junk food, hate myself after, and starve myself. I still struggle with it, but now I just dont really eat.

Instead of asking WHY I did this to myself, I got shouted at, scolded and accused of stealing money, or using hers to get things.. Instead of understanding I had an eating disorder, it was determined by my own mother that I probably was just a liar and manipulator.

The money stealing is funny too, because I hid my tattoos from her for that very reason. By that I mean, the accusation that I stole money for it when I actually saved up to get them.

I deflected whenever someone would ask me about my eating habits and would say I wasnt doing that because 1. I was terribly ashamed of the fact I was binge eating. 2. The sheer mention reminded me of my trauma and the lack of support I had in that. 3. Because if I talked about it, I remembered why I did it, and that wasn't something I wanted to talk about at all

I became incredibly hypersexual after my trauma as well. The reasonings for this are complex, but the main two being that I didnt understand the context of how to get someone to like me, beyond sex. It was basically a way for me to control the situation I didnt have control of before. Much like...trying to redo losing my virginity by just saying yes. Becayse if you say yes, it cant possibly be rape right? On top of still not understanding social things as well.

Not all people who experience this form of trauma are sex repulsed.

And like my now therapist said, me being happy right after was a way my brain coped. When something like that happens, your brain tries the best it can to cope. And that's how I coped. By faking. Which I was already good at with my masking.

Then, I got mono. This turned into a chronic thing. I already had all this mental stuff to deal with. This turned into chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia. My immune system is shit. I do not rest. No support on that. The years to follow have been me figuring out what the hell's wrong with me, and my mom being wishy washy on what's real and what's not because 'if you really had that then the first doctor we went to would know'...without realizing that for many people it takes years to get diagnosed with things.

To this day, it's the same.

My mom brought up my trauma yesterday. I told her that there was more than just 2, but I wasnt going to talk about it because I didnt feel comfortable. She reiterated that I couldnt be mad at her for not believing me at 15 because 'it was hard for me to hear that abd you were happy and very promiscuous after and manipulated my emotions a lot'.

I think I have every right to be upset when someone doesnt believe me at 15 that I was raped. I think I have every right to be upset at the sheer accusation that I would LIE about a traumatic experience....that my way of coping god forbid be different than your own standards.

Beyond that though, I'm just tired.

I'm so tired of the constant wishy washyness. The constant arguments we have because she wants to make everything about her, and while I love my mother, its incredibly invalidating to state that I'm chronically ill and to be told 'you're only 26, I'm 63, get over it', then the next day be understanding. Theres so much I could get into with all this but the AMOUNT is overwhelming.

Hell, for a solid month I didnt talk to her because she stated the reason I came out as non binary was for attention. And she sidnt get why I wouldnt talk to her.

Can you just pick a fucking side? I need you to just support me instead of throwing things like 'well I have a hard time believing you because you manipulated me as a teen' when I never did that.

Theres so much I could go into. I'm just tired. The constant wishy washy, the constant blame on me and then to turn it into 'oh then it's all my fault' when I never said that.

Just fucking accept that my life isnt going to be how you pictured it. And I'm sorry that im not an easy person to understand, but it just feels like you never tried. It was always let's do it my way, and when I finally sidnt want to do that, I get punished

Im tired. I just want it to end.

And no, I cannot move out. I have no where to go. I have no money. I cannot work as much as I'd need to get enough for my own place.

The best I can do is to try to cope with the constant invalidation. Cling onto the good times. My mom isnt a bad person, and I dont think she really UNDERSTANDS how much shit affects me. I just wish shed put aside her own emotions and face reality.

#personal #rape mention #eating disorder #autism

7 notes · View notes

ascending-entropy · 4 years

Text

I really hate my emotions right now.

I have been really, really stupid lately. I probably made the worst decision possible under my circumstances concerning that tall and intelligent one with the glasses that caused me to double-take.

Again, I've been stupid. I'm not particularly sure what I feel for him. I don't think it's love, (ew, the L-word) since we've barely spent over 45 minutes talking. It's something pretty strong, though. It was ridiculous how quickly this paranormal state set on. I was having a left-brain right-brain civil war. Two things remains a constant in my life for me: music, and math. Math doesn't worth on humans, they're too unpredictable. Physical chaos theory. Emotional explanation with figures is a lost cause. With what little I had, I figured out exactly how i felt about him, without putting it into words.

youtube

I'm a writer, and you'd figure that words should come easy. That's bullshit. I barely know a thing about this kind deep of writing. I'm not even sure why I'm doing this now, honestly. The music explains it in much better detail than I could convey. That music is how he makes me feel. Hopeful, maybe? He just makes me happy.

Beyond the point that getting so attached to someone so quickly is stupid, all my friends hated him. The absolutely hated him, and I don't think he liked them either. I think he saw them as the enemy: pretty girls with friends- while he: the loner math whiz who was supposed to be picked on by their type. I believe he was afraid. Nobody gave him the chance, and he refused to open up to them. Meanwhile I listened to what he had to say, and he was polite, humerous and very very passionate about his number theory. He was a completely different person. Strange, but delightful in every aspect.

Actually that might've not been stupid, giving him the chance. It turned out well. He was happy I suppose that really-- the most stupid thing was what my "gut" (most people would say heart but rhats goofy) wanted with him, protesting against what my head knew could never, ever happen. I could not talk to it, reason with it or get it to change how it felt. I grew frustrated, trying to remove any positive feelings around him from my system by researching the very thing that would forever keep us apart: the way of the Jehova's Witness, and how's they death with Atheists. I kept trying to scare myself out of it, again and again, telling myself "by walking away, you'll have dodged a bullet." It worked for maybe an hour or two...but those damn emotions kept coming back again. After a while I reluctantly accepted vague facts about my emotions, but suppressed them to the best of my ability.

And now here I am, a month or two after meeting him. I haven't been able to see him since due to the break, and how the counselor that connected us isn't helping me any longer. I fear growing a part from him. I don't want him to go. I'm never going anyone that smart or witty for 20 more years. I dont want to let him go, even though I know we can't ever be together like my miserable gut wishes for. I don't care.

Stay.

#vent #will probaably delete later #haha you caught my aj #dont tell holly #ill do it on my own #help

1 note · View note

renee-writer · 5 years

Text

From Gladiator to Knight Chapter 9 A Change of Name

Jamie Claire Pollux(Paul) Tianna

Jamie

Something occured to me when Claire asked us to wait outside. Pollux may not have a last name. I turn and ask him.

"Pollux, did you have a last name in Rome?" He looks at me and frowns.

"You mean like a surname?" I nod. "No, I was just Pollux."

"Ye need one here. Would ye like to take Claire's and I's? Become a Fraser? Tianna would be to after ye are married."

Pollux

I am awed by his offer. To take his name and give it to my wife. To be made a member of the family. It is an incredible thing.

"I would be honored to take your name. Can I," I hesitate a moment," I would like to change my first too. Get rid of the slave name. Get completely rid of the violent past. Start fresh in this time with my wife."

"How about Paul? Tis close to your name and won't stand out here like Pollux would." He offers.

"Paul Fraser." I say aloud. "I like it. I really do."

"We will see if Merlin can do a naming ceremony before the wedding."

Claire

Merlin and Tianna get the dress hidden away as I watch the men. They are deep in conversation about something. Seems serious but they both seem happy. Nothing amiss then. I call them back in. Jamie comes up to me.

"All okay?"

"Everything is fine." And I give him a smile.

Merlin had brought meat back from the castle and made some stew. Wa all rest as it cooks. It seems that we can't catch up on sleep. Merlin rouses us when it is done.

Jamie

As we eat, I ask Merlin if he minds doing a naming ceremony before the wedding. I explain how Pollux doesn't have a surname to offer his wife and wants to let the past go by also changing his first.

"We can do it easily before the wedding. Would you like a sunrise or sunset cermony?"

Tianna

All eyes turn to me. As the bride, I guess it is my choice. I am still mauling over Pollux changing his name but, answer anyway. "Sunset. Claire is no morning person and the sunset will be so pretty."

"Sunset it is." He turns to Jamie," I know all their stories. What is yours?"

Jamie

"Weel I am a Scot. Ye probably got that already. Was raised on an estate called Lallybroch. I lost both parents before I reached manhood. My mam when I was ten in childbed. My da when I was seven and ten from a shock. An older brother, William, when I was a mere wean. I have a sister Janet( who all call Jenny), a brother-in-law, Ian, and their wean, Wee Jamie. Some uncles, an aunt, a cousin or two. And Claire." I squeeze her hand.

"What time are you from?"

"Oh, 1743 was when we came through. I intended to just sent Claire through, back to her own time. Ye see, their is this redcoat captain named Jack Randall that...he is evil and a threat. Caused my da's death. I dinna want to but thought it best. I wanted to take her to Lallybroch. Take myself too. Twas where I intended to head to after seeing her safe. There had been a price on my head. Accused of a murder Randall committed." I wave off the thought of him," ahhh now I dinna ken when I will be able to take my wife home. If ever."

"You will get there when you are mean't to. Have faith."

Tianna

As we prepare for bed after Jamie's fasinating story, I ask Pollux what name he had choosen. He beams at me.

"Paul Fraser." He proudly states. "Jamie has offered his surname." I am as amazed as he is. To share the name of our friends. We snuggle together, the last night before our marriage and drift off to sleep.

Claire

"What name did Pollux pick?" I ask my husband as we prepare to bed down an the floor once again. Oh, do I miss beds!

"I offered him ours. Do ye mind?"

"No, not at all. What a lovely gesture. And his first name?"

"Paul. Tis close to his own."

"Paul Fraser. Quite lovely. Paul and.Tianna Fraser." I look to them and smile as I cuddle into my husband. I have a dreamless night.

Tianna

I wake up thinking,' It is my wedding day!' I am filled with both excitement and trepidation. A bit relieved by my talk with Claire but still... I get up and head outside for some fresh air. I watch the sunrise and feel Pollux's arms come around me.

"We are to be married today and I have yet to tell you that I love you. I do, you know. Very much."

"I know." The last of my tension melts away."I love you too." He turns me around a kisses me. It does all the things rhat Claire.said was to happen before he enters me. And, it is just a kiss. I know rhen that all will go well with the wedding night.

Jamie

It is soon noon and time for the naming cermony. Merlin calls us all outside. He stands Pollux in the courtyard in front of him as we gather behind.

Pollox(Paul)

"Pollux, you no longer wish to be called thus." Merlin states.

"No."

"And what would you wish to be known as?"

"Paul Fraser." I proudly state.

"Then let it be so. Pollux of Rome is now Paul Fraser of England." He announces. A cheer goes up in front of me. "Shall we toast?" Merlin produces a.bottle of wine.

"Isn't that for the wedding toast?" Claire asks.

"I have something. Don't worry." He fills five glasses and hands them out. "To Paul Fraser. May he always honor his name." We click glasses and drink.

"To my mate, my brother, my.fellow traveler. May you be as strong and courageous as the name ye carry." Jamie offers. And I let the first tear of the day fall. I see Tianna do the same.

Claire

As I help Tianna into her wedding gown, I can't help flashing back to my own wedding. I was hungover and terrified. At least Tianna wants this. I wish I would have felt the same at Jamie and I's wedding.

"You are so beautiful." The dark green flatters her pale skin and black hair. It fits perfectly and I am amazed. My borrowed gown had been much two tight. Hers flows on her body like it is made for her.

"I am sorry I don't have flowers for you." I tell her.

Tianna

I don't know how to express myself. This day. My wedding day. I look at her through a sheen of tears.

"I was a slave. Property. Forbidden to marry. You gave me a purpose. Made me a healer. My father got me away. Po..Paul is given me his name. A name your husband gifted us with. I don't need flowers." She hugs me close as we both cry.

Paul

As the sun sets, I hold my bride's hands in mine as we listen to Merlin.

"Paul, Tianna. You wish to be married?"

"We do." He smiles.

"Repeat after me. I Paul take thee Tianna. To have and hold. In sickness and health. For richer and poorer. Til death part us." I do and so does Tianna.

"Do you have a ring?" Tianna slips her father's off her right hand and hands it to Merlin. He speaks a prayer over it and hands it to me. I slip it on her left hand.

"I pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss her." I do with enthusiasm.

Jamie

I watch the ceremony with a lump in my throat. I can't help picturing my own wedding to Claire. Feeling her hand tremble in mine. She didn't want to be there. Though now she does, I wish she would have been as happy as Tianna is.

"Mr. and Mrs. Fraser." Merlin introduces them. He then turns to Claire and I. "And a blessing on your union too."

Claire

Jamie and I just grin at each other and then kiss ourselves. That Merlin knew to do that is extraordinary. It is like he read both our minds.

"I will be right back." He slips into the house and I hear a very distinct 'pop'. But it couldn't be, could it? It was. He returns with a bottle of champagne.

"How?" And then shook me head. "Time travel, right?"

"Yes." He passes out glasses and fills them. "To the couples Fraser. Both new and old." We all drank to that but everyone but myself and Merlin made a face. I laughed and took Jamie's, emptying it in one swallow.

"The last time I had this was the end of the war."

#my writing #jamie and claire #outlander fanfic #cannon divergence #from gladiator to knight #the knight one #a change of name #a wedding

16 notes · View notes

sadstonershawty · 3 years

Text

what the fuck

like what the actual fuck

i don’t even know what else to say lol just what the fuck

how am i even supposed to believe that shit? it’s the fact that you say your lie so confidently. and i know it’s a lie. i just want you to admit you fucked up really bad. you admitted you fucked up but. you’re telling a half truth. to spare my feelings ? no i think that’s what i’d like to think and what he’d like to think he’s doing. maybe he actually believed it wa as joke. that he was so drunk his sober self convinced himself that it was some sort of joke. but it’s not. and i can’t believe him. if he can’t admit that he just did it on his own accord we might just have to break up honestly. if that isn’t already a thing. like rent is due tmrrw absolutely and i don’t even know if i’m gonna have this apartment in a week lol. it just hurts. very bad. gut wrenching. like i wish he hadn’t done that shit. i just wish he fucking hadn’t. i can’t wish i didn’t see it even tho i do but i’m glad i did. although it does make me question how much this has been happening without me knowing. or if it’s genuinely the first time. i think it is because i would’ve seen SOMETHING indicating this shit.

that’s why i think if he can actually fucking admit he did that himself and it wasn’t some sort of joke, then i think we could work past it. and i could eventually build my trust up again. it’d b hard but we could do it. that’s really only if he does that tho and even still shit was so fucked tonight idk if we can come back. like idk how i can just forget that shit he said to me. all the things he said to me.

what scares me is that maybe the person i thought kaleb’s “true self” is (even tho his bad parts are just as equally him), maybe doesn’t exist. like i’m realizing the possibility that wonderful kaleb is actually what the facade is. idk. not really my place to say anyways.

and the ducked up part is i think i realized even tho i be saying so offhandedly that he’s not gonna change that’s just his capacity blah blah blah , i think (1) based on this past like 2 weeks where kaleb has rlly acted diff in an amazing way and (2) just deep inside of me, i believed that he had changed ? idk maybe he has i don’t think people change overnight esp w ego responses, like i still catch myself engaging in stupid shit like that. but i think i’ve always deep down believed that he could change. maybe i tried to make myself think he wasn’t going to and said that shit so stoically bc i wanted to believe i thought that. when in reality i think i did believe that my love could change him or whatever. same shit, diff guy.

but that’s what hurts, is i don’t wanna let go. however i know that there’s a point where i absolutely cannot continue things bc it’ll lead to a potentially messier break up bc i’ll still feel a type of way. this is my fuckinf best friend dude. i lost my friends. even before when i had them it’s like THIS is my best friend. this is the person i love w everything in me. my heart overflows w love for him. i want him to change those things. i do. because i want to be w him. but it seems like this shit isn’t clicking sometimes when it rlly fucjing needs to be clicking lol. idk shit was p heated tonight tho so that’s why i’m gonna see how things pan out tmrrw bc i think he’s gotten a LOT better abt coming back to stuff and clarifying/apologizing for the bad parts ykno. i know i’m right to feel this way tho. that’s why i’m not wavering. my heart is on this path because i know it’s the right one. i know me staying true to myself and my feelings is the only way now. it’s too uncomfortable otherwise. i’m starting to lose it.

i just want things to be okay. i just want to feel his skin on mine and kiss his lips and hug him. and i want him to hug me back and tell me all those things again abt how proud he is of me and that i’m the best thing that ever happened to him. i’m scared it was all a lie. i love him so much. that’s all i can feel at this point. is how much i love him and how sad i am. i feel it running through my body and truth be told i hate it. i want to run away from it. i wanted to scream, cut my skin open, do anything to let the pain out so i wouldn’t have to feel it or hold onto it anymore. i think i rlly wanted to find something that he’s cheating and then i did find some fucked up shit and now i really wonder why i ever wanted that lol. i know WHY i did. but it’s like did i think it wouldn’t hurt? did i think i’d be able to just cast him out? no lol. absolutely not. this pain fucking sucks. pain like this has been diff for me. it just hurt my heart , i felt the pain in one precise location. this time it’s like the pain was just coursing through my body almost like real physical pain. it fucjing SUCKS . i want to sleep but i feel like i can’t. fuck my life. hard to not be down on urself when u lose 98% of ur friends, and u and ur bf are the closest to breaking up as ever (just when things were going good and actually looking up n i thought wow nice this is the one thing i can hold onto and know is real type shit) within the span of ....like 2 weeks? a week? super cool lol. the universe is really tearing my shit DOWN. i know and accept its all for a reason and purpose, but it’s hard to have faith when shit is so fucking awful lol. i don’t even have “bad days” fr anymore, i’ve gotten so good at making sure i know deep down that a bad or annoying thing does not equal the whole day being bad. rhat there is always room for better shit. but when it’s bad thing after bad incident after another bad thing it’s like GOD FUCKING DAMN CAN I HAVE FIVE MINUTES. FIVE MINUTES TO BREATHE AND CATCH UP W THE LAST DISASTER.

it will get better. i think. it will but. idk. it will i guess lmao.

0 notes