#Behold: Albus Fucking Dumbledore

[bonniesfamiliar]

DIMENSION TRAVEL STORY IDEA: Summary: Harriet "Harry" James Potter has travelled to an alternate dimension during a spell gone wrong (Kreacher's actually responsible cuz he cares about Harry since she's the Lady of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black) Harriet knows it's an alternate dimension cuz she finds a newspaper stand and lo and behold, who's on the front cover? Tom. Fucking. Riddle. But not the ugly Voldemort Tom Riddle she killed. No this is young Tom Riddle who grew up FINE AS HELL.

And he's on the front page cuz he's The Minister of Magic and guess what he's talking about.

Dumbledore.

He's talking about Dumbledore.

And not manipulative gramps Dumbledore whose beard is longer than my hair.

No.

We're talking about this one

You know why he's talking about this Dumbledore?

Because Albus. Percival. Fucking. Dumbledore decided to become the epitome of "Be Gay, Do Crime," with Gellert Grindelwald, his husband.

DUMBLEDORE IS A DARK LORD WITH HIS HUBBY

So Harriet is obviously freaking out and does the right thing.

She goes to a pub and drinks her sorrows away in Scottish Whiskey, (Thank you, Minny)

But Harry never makes reasonable decisions so when she finds a quill and paper, guess what she does.

She writes to Misinter Riddle.

But the drama doesn't end there.

Whenever Harriet does anything, whether she writes or talks about Tom Riddle, she doesn't speak in English.

She talks in Pareseltongue.

(Cuz she and tom are the only Parselmouths. I think.)

So Parseltongue.

Harriet writes in parseltongue to the Minister of Fucking Magic on his wrongdoings in her universe.

The letter literally looks like this:

ssss ssss sssssssss ss ssssss s sss ssssssss ssssss sss sss ss ssss ssssssss ssssssss ssss ssssss sssssss ss ss sssssssss and that transcribes to 

"Dear Lord Voldemort, or should I say Minister Riddle, you are an ugly noseless hairless evil snakey bastard in my dimension,"

and cuz she's spiteful, she signs it off with "You-Know-Who"

But the thing is Harriet never mentioned her name or who her parents were.

So when Minister Riddle receives this letter, he freaks out and then does everything he can to find this person.

Not to kill them.

But to woo them.

This kind, thoughtful person has travelled from another dimension just to stop him from becoming evil.

AND THEY'RE A PARSELMOUTH.'

THEY'RE OBVIOUSLY HIS SNAKE MATE. (cuz he killed all of the Gaunts and Riddles so they're not family)

You can bet ur ass he was squealing to Nagini at the thought of having another Parselmouth in the world with him.

He's obsessed.

(He's not tom riddle if he doesn't have possessive issues and his jealousy issues are just as bad.🤭🤭🤭🥰🥰🥰😩😩😩)

Like it's not a want.

It's a need.

He needs the writer of this letter to be with him forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and-

You probably get the idea.

Anyway, 1 year goes by.

Tom Riddle: I MUST FIND THIS PERSON AND MAKE THEM MINE

Harriet Potter: *forgets about even writing the letter* 

Tom is growing more obsessed as the days go by and then he meets a woman at a charity ball held for idk an organisation for potieneers? Potion Masters?

She's chatting up with Lord and Lady Dagworth-Granger cuz she's been working with them cuz they remind her of Hermione and she needed a job.

Anyway, he approaches the couple in hopes of talking to them and Harriet sees Minister Riddle approaching and quickly moves away to head to the drinks table.

And then lets out a breath of relief when she realises he wasn't heading for her.

She schmoozes for a few more minutes before calling it quits and heading out for fresh air.

The party is at the Dagworth-Granger's manor so she goes out to the gardens.

And hears a cry for help.

Her Gryffindor instincts push her to run towards the sound of danger.

But her Slytherin side made her hide behind the wall from where the cry of help had come from.

It was a witch being harassed by two wizards.

One of the wizards was holding her wand, taunting her.

While the other had begun to take off her outfit.

Before it could go any further, she brought the men's attention to her and with a flick of her wrist, Harriet had the men on their knees.

She then walked over to the one holding the witch's wand and grabbed it out of his hand, accidentally snapping his wrist in the process.

She gave the witch her wand back and accepted the shaky hug she received.

Harriet waited until the witch was out of sight before she turned to the men and smiled, watching as their faces fell into horror as they saw the fangs in her mouth.

(I'm in love with the prompt by a post on tumblr where  Basilisk!Harry is hugging Kneazle!Hermione and Dragon!Ron also wants his cuddles. I can't find the person who made it but I've lived by the idea that these would be their animagus forms if they ever performed the spell like James Potter, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew had done to become illegal animagi for Remus Lupin)

Harriet rips into their throats, feeds on them and then turns their bodies into ash with the fiendryfire spell.

She grabbed a mirror from her purse to erase the blood from her face and clothes and began to walk away lest anyone come looking for the wizards.

But, Harriet suddenly slammed into what felt like a wall.

A very warm wall.

Regaining her bearings, Harriet looked up to notice that the "wall" was MINISTER RIDDLE.

AND HE WAS HOLDING HER ARMS.

"Minister Riddle, what are you doing here?" She said pasting a smile on her face.

Shift of POV:

Minister Riddle internally sighed at being stuck in another ball instead of being at home, analysing the letter once again.

He was certain it was a woman who sent it as there was a red lipstick kiss on the paper after it was signed sss-ssss-sss (You-Know-Who)

His thoughts are cut off when Lady Dagworth-Granger asks her husband where Harriet is.

Who is Harriet? he muses but when Lord Dagworth-Granger offers to look in the gardens, Tom leaps at the chance to run away from the party.

He goes into the gardens aimlessly walking around for a few minutes, lost in his thoughts of his mysterious parselmouth when a witch comes out of nowhere and collides with him.

He uprighted her by placing his hands on her arms and looked on curiously as she seemed to freeze in place when she looked up to see that it was he she bumped into.

Tom Riddle is the one to freeze when she speaks.

"Minister Riddle, what are you doing here?" She says an innocent smile on her face as if she had no idea his whole world had just flipped on its axis.

Parseltongue.

She's speaking in parseltongue.

She's his parselmouth.

The one from another dimension.

But he had to clarify so he replies honestly for the first time in his life, in parseltongue, "I've been looking for you," 

"Searching for me? Whatever for?"

A boyish smile widens on his face before he forces it into a polite smile.

"The Lord and Lady Dagworth-Granger have been searching for you, Miss Harriet I believe you are?" He reverts to English to test if she notices the change but she doesn't.

She just replies in English, "Ah, I see. I disappeared for too long with my break from the stuffiness of the ball and yes, I am Harriet."

Harriet, he muses in his mind, no last name to give for me.

She extends her gloved hand for him to shake but Tom riddle reaches for both of her hands and turns them over to kiss them gently and forces himself not to give into the urge of nuzzling into her hands (well not yet at least) and without letting them go, he straightens to his full height to tower over her (giving him a thrill at knowing she was shorter, meaning he could easily pick her up and carry her, be it over his shoulders or bridal style) and replies, "It's a pleasure to meet you, Harriet. No last name?"

(Harriet has been wearing gloves cuz of the 'I must not tell lies' scars that cover her hands.)

Harriet smiles teasingly towards him and his cold heart thaws ever so, "I couldn't decide on a last name and I've decided I like the mysterious aura it gives me,"

Or maybe she couldn't risk using her real last name because she was from a different dimension, Tom muses in his mind, Nevertheless, Harriet Riddle has a lovely ring to it.

Harriet Potter: *staring confused at Tom Riddle as he smiles down at her

Tom Riddle: *Winter would be a lovely time to get married, wouldn't it?

I'm stopping here cuz it's a summary, not a story. Yes, I'm Evil.

Tell me if you like it tho.

I was this close *makes an inch between her fingers* to making this a Soulmate AU story.

Think of the angst that Harriet would go through all her life knowing that her soulmate's words to her are:  I've been looking for you

And it's an alternate hotter version of Tom Riddle, AKA THE BAD GUY WHO MURDERED HER PARENTS 

And think of how Harriet's words had motivated Tom his entire life to do his best to work hard (and cheat death) to live long enough for his soulmate to see him one day at a place be it a library or a gala or a hallway and ask him: Minister Riddle, what are you doing here?

Huh.

Maybe I should make them soulmates.

I need a timeline. fuck.

Um.

Riddle was educated at Hogwarts from 1938 to 1945, and was sorted into Slytherin House, a nod to his ancestor Salazar Slytherin.

Making Tom 34 cuz 1927 is the year Tom was born in if he went to Hogwarts in 1938 which would make him 11 in 1938 and 38-11 is 27 so 1927 is when he was born.

61-27=34 so Harriet is in 1961 but cuz of the time skip tom is 35 years old in 1962

Harriet was born in 1980 

The Second War technically began on 24 June, 1995, though was not officially announced by the Ministry until nearly a year later on 17 June, 1996, and ended on 2 May, 1998, at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, after the death of the Dark Lord.

Which made Harriet 18 in 1998, 24 in 2004, 24 in 1961 and 25 in 1962

 but she deserves peace so the year Kreacher sent her back was 2004 which would make her 24 cuz he's horrified that she hasn't attempted to romance anyone since Cedric Diggory.

Tbh, if he was my bf I would never love again.

But then hubby "I would burn the world down for you and rebuild a new one from its ashes" tom riddle is here and I'm like Cedric who?

But none of them compare to (long list of titles, I'll research later.) Harriet James Potter.

#female harry potter #fem harry potter #tomarry #tom marvolo riddle #harry potter #tom riddle #harry james potter #au! different dimension #dimension travel #harry potter x tom riddle #time travel #au! time travel #cedric diggory #harry potter x cedric diggory #hp #hp fanfic #hp golden era #hp fandom #possible #soulmates #dumbledore x grindelwald #they're husbands your honor

[crystcllise]

cursed child london year 7 cast

the other week i got to see the year 7 london cast of cursed child and i am AMAZED!!! such a strong cast of wonderful performers across the board and i was absolutely blown away with their performances! you can tell they really understand their characters and have really worked on the dynamics and relationships with each other to create a realistic interpretation of these beloved characters!!

as always, i’m always watching the scorbus duos to see the little things they do with each other and i just want to say that ellis and harry’s scorbus is such a delight!!! they’re definitely my fav pair now hands down! such a sweet youthful portrayal of albus and scorpius and their dynamic on stage is so so pure i adored them sooo much!!

i got to meet ellis and harry after the show and ellis knew who i was and hugged me im fine

like broadway, i took some very unhinged notes so behold, read below all my unedited notes on (mainly scorbus) but the year 7 cast of cursed child!

ELLIS ALBUS IS SO SKRUNKLY AND SMALL AND CUTE HELP ME

james sings the end of his lines and it’s SO FUNNY

it genuinely looked like scorpius was leaning in to kiss albus after he tells him to come to the funeral

harry putting his legs up on the desk and trying to touch his toes while hermione is scolding him in his office and she just 😐

BREAD BREAD WHATS WRONG WITH BREAD??? scorpius was very excited about the bread

scorpius’ hand on albus’ chest when the train started

scorpius protectively putting his entire arm over albus’ chest in st oswald’s when amos pulled his wand out

scorpius as harry was the FUNNIEST SHIT EVER THE VOICE CRACKS AND THE LITTLE JUMPS david absolutely nailed the harry!scorpius mannerisms

“WIZZO!” (jump and finger guns) i love one skrunkly boy

scorpius looking so shocked and terrified when delphi grabbed albus’ hand and kissed his cheek

once delphi kissed albus’ cheek, she turned around to face scorpius and both of them look SO REPULSED like absolutely not get away from me

edge of the forest !!! scorpius looked so happy to call albus his best friend and albus was so shocked and so in awe (people in the crowd literally awwwed at it)

albus looking at scorpius so admirably at the triwizard tournament while he was geeking out

i’ve never seen such longing stares in the staircase ballet what the fuck

delphi’s ‘you two you belong together’ was just sooo knowing like jess!delphi is a scorbus advocate

ellis’ hair 🥰🥰🥰🥰

the collective gasp from the audience when albus said he wasn’t a loser before he met scorpius in the library… OUCH

hermione crying after ron said ‘my hermione’ and trying to hide her tears when ron kept talking to her

SCORPIUS AND THE DEMENTORS !!!! harry!scorpius absolutely devoured idk

scorpius’ scream when albus came up in the water SENT ME he squealed to the rooftops

ITS HARRYYY (the highest pitched scream i’ve ever heard scorpius was VERY excited)

hermione in tears after mcgonagall’s office and rose just running into her arms when she sees her crying oh i love them

intense staring in slytherin dorms holy mother of god

the massive scream cry delphi did in the owlery HOLY SHIT it like mimicked the cry of an augurey bird it was SO GOOD i was genuinely scared for a hot second

delphi’s “looOooooooOove” when looking at scorpius and pointing out albus’ weakness oh jess vickers my queen devours every time + albus unable to look at scorpius and scorpius in utter shock

WAIST GRAB WAIST GRAB AND SCORPIUS’ HAND ON ALBUS’ IM COMING UP when albus and scorpius had to hide from lily with the blanket, albus literally just stood behind scorpius with his hand on his waist and scorpius had his hand on top of albus’ it was sooooo adorable

harry crying in his office after talking to the dumbledore portrait and draco walking in, giving a ‘i ain’t dealing with this’ face and turning to walk out LMFAO

“ugh, is that a farmers market?” steve!draco HATES FARMERS MARKETS HELP

scorpius jumping into draco’s arms when reunited :’)

albus and scorpius literally sitting on each other in st jerome’s, their legs against each other and albus leaning into scorpius’ shoulder they’re so :((

hermione and albus are definitely close and i live for it she was so warm and comforting to him in st jerome’s this is all i’ve dreamed of

“and now i think you’re finding wonderful clarity” and GINNY LOOKING OVER AT SCORPIUS GOD SHE KNOWSS

the staring in the final staircase scene and ROSE WATCHING WITH UTTER SATISFACTION

albus’ hand on scorpius’ chest after rose interrupts and brushing it off with a fake yawn HELP

“you good albus?” “mhm” ROSE GIGGLING AND SKIPPING OFF STAGE AND LOOKING AT ALBUS AND SCORPIUS SO KNOWINGLY MY BEST GIRL

the closeness after the hug when scorpius says ‘new version of us’

SCORPIUS DOING FINGER GUNS ON NEW VERSION OF US THEY BOTH DID FINGER GUNS AT EACH OTHER ALBUS DID THEM BACK THEY ARE SO SILLY

scorpius waving, albus waving, scorpius turning to leave, giggling and waving again I FEEL ILL

david!harry completely understands albus’ love for scorpius and you can really tell in the final scene when albus tells him scorpius is the most important person in his life. he catches on throughout the show and it’s really nice to see him fully accept his son’s bond with scorpius and be content with it!!

like mentioned before, such an incredible cast and i am so sad i won’t get to see them again!!! they are truly wonderful and i hope a lot of you get to see them bc they are fantastic <3

#scorbus #albus severus potter #scorpius malfoy #albus x scorpius #albus severus x scorpius #harry potter next gen #cursed child #hpcc #harry potter and the cursed child #ellis rae #harry acklowe

[is-there-gay-in-it]

Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore

Title: Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them series and I guess technically the Harry Potter movie universe as well. technically. 

Category: Movie Series

Portrayed by: Jude Law, Michael Gambon, & Richard Harris. technically.

Status: Side character in the Harry Potter movies. I think also a side character in Fantastic Beasts and Crimes of Grindlewald. Main character in Secrets of Dumbledore. I hope.

Orientation: mlm - NOS

Orientation confirmed: Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore

Check the read-more to see if Dumbledore is alive

and making this post killed tumblr user runawaymarbles

#albus dumbledore #fantastic beasts and where to find them #secrets of dumbledore #harry potter #jude law #movie #side character #main character #mlm nos #mlm #this is me eating shit right now #years and YEARs ago we said albus dumbledore would never appear on the blog #but those wild son of a guns went and did it in six seconds of easily cuttable dialogue #and after jkr revealed her terfy colors #but we are a blog of INTEGRITY #SO #Behold: Albus Fucking Dumbledore #who is one of my favorite harry potter characters tbh but that's beside the point here

[thepinkseat-askthemoonbunny]

That’s right boys and girls, this sums up the character hate that one Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore of Harry Potter fame experiences in a nutshell. 

And quite frankly, it’s sickening.

Albus Dumbledore is, in my opinion the most disrespected, maltreated, shat on and pissed on character in the entire fandom and history of Harry Potter, and I have plenty of evidence to back this claim up. On Tumblr and LiveJournal, it is the WORST I have ever had the misfortune of experiencing. 

Now yes, every character gets love and gets hate. It’s all a matter of taste or personal opinion. It’s just a basic part of fandom life, of course everyone isn’t going to hate the character that you love. It’s natural. HOWEVER, when it comes to Dumbledore, nope. Dumbledore hate is UNNATURAL and terrifying to behold. It’s sad, and it’s sick, and it breaks my heart.

“But Bunny!” I hear you cry. “Everybody gets hate!”

Of course, everybody does get hate. Except Albus Dumbledore. Dumbledore isn’t hated my friends, the man is completely and utterly loathed. Loathed, as in beyond Voldemort loathed. If Dumbledore were simply hated, I could probably be cool with that. But he isn’t. There is not ONE. SINGLE. CHARACTER in this ENTIRE FANDOM that is treated the way that Dumbledore is treated. Even Voldemort doesn’t get shat on so much by everyone. Don’t believe me, look at the list of names they call him. Voldy doesn’t even get insulted to his degree.

. Rancid stain of camel piss

. The White Voldemort

.  Dumb-as-a-door, 

   Pubic louse

  Scumbledore

   Scummywhore

   Dummybore

  Dumbassdore

  Dumbledork,   Dumbledoor, Headbastard, Goat Fucker, Goat buggerer,, Bumblewhore, the Spider, the goat, the Dark Lord Dumbledore, the Light Lord, Dumb-Old-Bore, Dumb-to-the-core, Bumblemore, Bumblebore, Dumblewhore, Dumbfuck, Dumblefuck, Doubledork, Dumbledoof (German for "Dumbledumb") or "M.O.B" (abbreviation for "manipulative old bastard").

The hate that Dumbledore gets surpasses anything that the vilest, nastiest, evilest and most reprehensible characters in the books ever received tenfold. The grudge that most of this fandom holds against Dumbledore is almost personal in nature, as if he fucking DID something to them personally! Now, there are canon reasons to dislike Dumbledore, you don’t have to make shit up just because you are so sadistic and hateful toward a man who exists in words on a page. But most characters who are worse than him are forgiven. They’re forgiven and they have a loyal following. However, Dumbledore is the one that this fandom cannot forgive whatsoever. In fact, they get pissed off that Harry forgives him! Harry, the one who should have all this beef with Dumbledore but doesn’t, he lets it go! But everyone else, can’t let it go. He can’t just be a human being, he has to be lower than Voldemort. He has to be less than a stain of piss on the floor. Nowhere ever have I ever seen the amount of hatred, death threats, revenge fics, torture, suffering, and all manner of evil and loathsome things wished upon or written on this man. Nobody else, not even Bellatrix Lestrange herself has ever been so reviled.

And that’s fucked up.

Why? Why does Dumbledore not allowed to have feelings?! He is LITERALLY not allowed to be redeemed or have feelings! When he tries to help people, he’s being manipulative. When he lets people make their own choices (aka, NOT being manipulative), he’s evil and sadistic. When he shows human emotion, he’s faking. When he tries to keep them in check, he’s cold and psychopathic. I mean he cannot win for losing! Dumbledore can’t even take a piss without somebody trying to accuse him of poisoning the water supply “for the greater good.”

That brings me to another point. The FUCKING Greater Good:

Fandom takes the Greater Good waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too far! It’s only used in every single anti Dumbledore post on this damn hellsite, and for no reason! Dumbledore literally never uses this phrase in the books. Never. He wrote it one time in a hundred year old letter that’s mentioned once in the end book, but fandom once again lost their fucking minds. They are taking Grindelwald’s version of the Greater Good and applying it to Dumbledore. They shout that it’s only Dumbledore’s Greater Good, that the greater good is more power and fame or political clout for himself. When in reality, it’s obvious to anybody with a quarter of a functioning brain that the greater good is saving the world from a genocidal monster, you know the REAL Dark Lord? Remember him? Yeah, that’s what the greater good is. Not any of this bullshit that these rabid haters are pulling out of their ass. Speaking of pulling stuff out of their ass, Dumbledore is the ONLY character to get blamed for literally EVERYTHING.

“Voldemort is evil?! Fuck you Dumbledore!” “Umbridge is a teacher?! Damn you Dumbledore!” “Sirius /The Potters/random people are dead?! Dumbledore did it!” What’s next, did Dumbledore invent AIDS and cancer too? I bet he probably caused the war in Syria too because he was bored. Also he made Russia hack our election! It’s all Dumbledore’s fault! *FACEPALM*

It is so horrible to the point where every time I see a post accusing Dumbledore of something he obviously didn’t do, has no evidence from canon to back it up, hundreds of thousands of notes will reblog shouting hate and death on Dumbledore’s head  and saying “this is why I have trust issues, this is why Dumbledick is an asshole” like this is canon fact. No matter how dubious, no matter how impossible, no matter how asinine, no matter how weird, no matter how ridiculous. If there is a post accusing Dumbledore of sinister motives, people will flock to it. Like, Dumbledore withholding information that you could be your own SK from the Potters so that they’d die. I know, it’s retarded and unprovable but people believe it. Now, nobody knows for sure why Dumbledore is the most loathed and despised character in HP, but he is. Like, beyond Ron levels of hate. If Dumbledore could save everyone’s lives on Earth today, people would sooner burn him at the stake rather than give him a chance. 

“DUMBLEDORE’S VICTIMZ, OMG!” FUCK that! If anything, Dumbledore is the victim here. He is a victim of a special breed of hate that would tear him to pieces if they ever met him in real life, they would chop this man and feed his body to wild dogs and they have never met him. All this vitriol toward a fictional character who has done nothing to them. He can’t hurt you, he never has hurt you, he never will hurt you, it’s not that serious to make death threats to somebody who was never even alive to begin with. Not a fictional character in my twenty one years of living have I ever seen this level of just...such immense loathing to somebody who can never cause you harm. Like what did he do?! What did he do, did he come to life one night and murder your entire family?! Poor Dumbledore, and you wonder why JKR goes so hard for him? He NEEDS somebody to go hard for him, when you have people sympathizing with Wizard Hitler and claiming JKR was cruel to HIM or claiming he has a mental illness, but declaring Dumbledore some sort of monster. Nobody deserves this, people say that they hate James Potter because he’s one of those bullies that drive people to suicide? Well if Dumbledore were a real man, the bullying he receives (and fandom BULLIES him) would drive anybody to suicide. Dumbledore haters however don’t get called James Potters. Now, if somebody can be so hateful and loathing and despise a fictional creation so much, I really do fear for the flesh and blood people that these people dislike. It’s not that serious, it never has been. Dumbledore doesn’t deserve this, I can think of very few people who do deserve this.

.

#long ass post #meta #hp meta #rant #anti hate #dumbledore #albus dumbledore #dumbledore defense squad #poor dumbledore #harry potter #hp #harry potter meta

[goodbye-yellowbrickroad]

ilvermory headcanons comin' at you

-we've all heard about the infamous gryffindor/slytherin rivalry. but that's nothing (and i mean NOTHING) compared to the rivalry between ilvermorny students from new york and the students from new england. i am, of course, talking about the red sox versus the yankees. people have been hexed, they've ended up in the hospital ward for weeks with all kind of things growing out of their ears and their noses, spots all over them that the physician just can't get out. sometimes students even resort to hand-on-hand combat totally free off magic and they just beat the shit out of one another. (additionally, pure blood students who know absolutely nothing about baseball try to make wagers on which team will win the upcoming games and some begin to choose which team they want to root for. both yankees and red sox fans try to bribe their classmates into rooting for their respective teams.) -horned serpents feel very strongly about the oxford comma. -much like the non-magical people of america like to keep up with the british royal family and seem to have a thing for british actors, the magical people of america enjoy keeping up with what's going on over in england. after the students of ilvermorny are still convinced that dumbledore and grindelwald had a thing. -everyone is absolutely appalled every time they hear stories about hogwarts. professors will be talking about the history of magical people, "yeah there was this tournament likes centuries and centuries ago where three wizarding schools would compete against one another for eternal glory or whatever, but a student died so they had to stop." and all the students are all, "oh my god!" "that's terrible!" "someone died!?" "good thing they shut that down!" and then the professors have to say, "yeah, they shut it down, but then a few years back hogwarts and two other dumbass european schools thought it'd be a good idea to have this tournament again," and everything just loses their shit because, seriously, what the shit, hogwarts?!?! -so yeah the students at ilvermorny all agree that hogwarts is fucked up but everyone also kind of wishes they'd been around to meet albus dumbledore because that guy was just wild! -americans love coffee, and that doesn't just apply to no-majes, so of course another big rivalry amongst the ilvermorny students is starbucks versus dunkin' donuts. students have had the walls of their dormitory graffitied with things like "STARBUCKS IS OVERPRICED" and "DUNKIN' DONUTS DOESN'T HAVE COFFEE, THEY JUST HAVE BEAN WATER" and "COOL LIME REFRESHERS ARE JUST GLORIFIED LIME JUICE". the headmaster tries to bridge the gap by surprising them all one morning with dunkin' donuts food and starbucks coffee for breakfast but it just ends in a food fight. (additionally, SOME students from little ol' rhodey speak up one day and point out how good sip n' dip is and for the first time the starbucks fans and the dunkin' fans unite to flip shit because fuck sip n' dip.) -the students of ilvermorny get a kick out of making fun of the hogwarts house names. they'll admit that most of them really aren't that bad, but what the fuck is a hufflepuff?! so then one day there's a transfer student, a british girl in third year of school who went to school for two years at none another than hogwarts before her family moved to america. low and behold, she was a hufflepuff at hogwarts and when this comes up in conversation all of her classmates immediately start making hufflepuff jokes. she just narrows her eyes, sticks her hands on her hips and says, "you know you've got a house called pukwudgie, right?" -there was a lot of discourse between democrats and republicans for a long time, but then trump came along and everyone agreed he was a walking bag of crap, so just about everyone got behind hillary. (additionally, the horned serpents were the ones who started referring to trump as "you-know-who" and "he-who-must-not-be-named". soon all of the students were doing and before anyone knew it, and to their great enjoyment, the professors started doing it too.) -endless. jokes. about. the. wall. trump's statement that "we will build a wall" results in declarations from the mexican ilvermorny students such as "WE WILL BUY A BROOMSTICK" and "WE WILL LEARN TO APPARATE"

#yankees suck! #coffee place #harry potter headcanon #headcanon #ilvermorny #ilvermorny headcanons #american wizards #for those of you who don't live in and around new england we take sports very seriously #the red sox vs yankees rivalry is all too real #my uncle is a yankees fan so i wouldn't speak to him my first 4 years of life #when i did my first words to him were #and for those of you who don't know what sip n dip is #it's a and it's crap #their coffee is gross #i worked there for 3 months #they suck