#He doesn't deserve this negativity

[halliescomut]

Apo and Colorism-a rant

So, I am on Twitter, but I'm not in BL/KPop stan twitter, so I didn't see a lot of this, but I saw a couple of BL tiktokers speak about it and it makes me mad and I want to rant about it. I also brought examples. The gist I was hearing is that a lot of garbage people on Twitter were making negative comments about Apo's darker complexion. I'm well aware that colorism exists everywhere, but I know that it is also especially prevalent in Asia as a whole. Thinking about this and feeling so sad that anyone would even think of being mean to sweet gorgeous bean, Apo...well it made me mad, but it also made me realize that most of my fave pics of him have been candid. So then came a Google rabbit hole and 2 days of research, and y'all, I think the evidence is clear. I'm gonna try and give this some flow, but it may not work out that way.

I'm gonna start with magazine covers, because from what I saw they are the most frequent culprits of this type of photo editing. Like this is clearly not the Apo we know and love. The Men's Health is from 2015, but the other two are fairly recent.

Vogue Thailand released their cover and interior photos very recently. On the cover Apo, is clearly much paler than in the inside photo. Honestly, even Mile looks much paler on the cover vs. the inside photo.

I also have this comparison, which is the Vogue Thailand cover and an inside shot from Unique magazine. Since it's a similar-ish pose with Mile's hand partially in front of Apo's face. There is the difference between studio light vs natural light, but I feel like you can definitely see the difference. Also consider that Apo in the Vogue cover is lit to cause deeper shadows around his jaw, were he evenly lit he would look even paler.

We also have these covers from Kazz magazine, which are especially odd to me, because both Apo and Mile are made paler on their shared cover, which is a bit of an odd choice. this is also the cover that made me realize that Apo is edited paler more often when he's in a photo with Mile, which just gives me some weird vibes.

Their interior shots are a mixed bag, based on what Kazz posted on Instagram.

Kazz also posted a video from the shoot, which I think helps some to put things into context, because most people's complexion will change depending on the season and sun exposure. Just because a cover is released in October, those pictures could have been taken in June, etc. But we do have live footage of the day of the shoot.

But I like I said, I did notice a lot of more complexion editing on covers vs interior photos, but there was one magazine that just said nope, all of them will be edited so pale...and that was Madan. Seriously, that pastel should bring out Apo's warm complexion, but he's as pale as Apo here.

the next magazine I have is Posh, which is kind of a mix. The cover and some of the inside shots are black and white, so that does change how easily you can see complexion differences, and I don't think it egregious here in the black and white photos. However, the color photo is lit to make Apo's face as pale as possible, and then possibly edited further. Look at the difference between his face and his arm...it's massive.

Here is a studio pic, though candid that I pulled from Apo's Instagram, and I just took down all the color saturation. You can still tell that Apo has a darker complexion that Mile.

So now let's talk about some magazines that did a little better. We have Unique, which is guilty of paling Apo down on the cover, but the interior photos are MUCH better.

And the one of the best that I found was Mangu. Now these are shot outside on location, meaning that you're not blowing out everyone with studio lighting, but photo shop still exists and they could have easily done more tweaking to his complexion.

Best magazine shoot is L'Officiel. They really captured the gorgeous warmth of Apo's skin here. Like just *chef's kiss*.

Now, magazine are bad, but advertisements were so much worse. Here's just a couple pulled from Apo's Instagram, I've matched them with various candid photos from his Instagram as well, to show the difference. It does not escape me that two of these examples are a for a beauty brand/product. This first set is done with studio shots for comparison, since lighting will affect the overall color/tone accuracy of a picture.

And then we have a comparison between ad and exterior candid photo, in good daytime light, so pretty accurate as far as color/tone accuracy.

Now...I am American, and to be honest the majority of my experience with colorism comes from conversations specifically around and with black women, so there's going to be differences. I did try to find a shot/ad/magazine that was specifically American (or even western-media) based, but the best I found was an interview with Teen Vogue, which used pics that were provided by BeOnCloud, they didn't take any of their own photos. But they also did not edit them in a way that altered Mile's or Apo's skin tone.

I just want to end this to say, that I love Apo, I think he's adorable and beautiful and he seems very kind. It hurts my heart to see him given any negative feedback that's based around his darker complexion. So, if you see this shit, especially in local to you media, whether it's Apo or anyone else, call it out. Question it, be vocal about it. Because these 'creative decisions' are going to keep being made.

So....

#apo nattawin #kinnporsche #colorism #colorism in media #colorism in advertising #mile phakphum #vogue thailand #mens health thailand #madan magazine #kazz magazine #mangu magazine #unique magazine #l'offciel magazine #kinnporsche the series #seriously this makes me so sad and mad I'm smad #Apo is gorgeous #duh #He doesn't deserve this negativity

[anarchy-and-piglins]

Sometimes I think about how c!Tommy literally stole the axe of peace for no fucking reason despite c!Techno asking for it back in an honestly rather civil way right after Tommy literally turned his back on Techno to be murdered by an angry mob (a mob that Techno minutes before said he'd fight for Tommy's safety if needed) which is just like... a jackass thing to do... and then I think about that one c!Techno hating inniter who tried to justify that because 'Techno didn't deserve the ax' LMAO

#delete later #like this is not c!tommy negative bc I don't think tommy is a terrible person for doing that and nuance and blah blah blah #but more so illustrative of how some inniters want to justify EVERYTHING cTommy did and can't accept that he did bad things or jerk things #like you can't steal something because you decide somebody else doesn't deserve it that's so fucking funny #me walking into your house like “hello I don't think you deserve this wallet”

[ssaraexposs]

I'm glad that Atsushi's not imagining the headmaster anymore, and he's picturing Dazai, a hopeful and encouraging figure for him, but... this is still very unsettling

#i know dazai's supposed to be encouraging here but #look at atsushi's face #he doesn't look surprised or comforted #he looks deeply distressed #maybe because he's used to hearing the headmaster's negative words #he literally flinched #poor atsushi :( #atsushi still needs therapy #atsushi deserves love #bsd #bsd s4 #bungo stray dogs #dazai osamu #atsushi nakajima

[scopop08]

I hate weighing in on drama, and I hate Dream for a multitude of reasons, but the fact that he announced a 'multilingual' server just two weeks after Qsmp with literally no previous indication that he was interested in creators from other communities in different languages? And die hard dream fans are tearing the Qsmp apart because of the semantics of 'multi' vs 'bi' lingual?

These projects can't "coexist" when it's obvious one of them is attempting to ride the coattails of the other and overtake it.

It's so sad how Dream saw Quackity being praised for breaking barriers and uniting communities and instead of supporting another creator, only thought "hey, I can do that too."

#sorry but when has dream ever shown any kind of interest in other languages?? #or content creators from those communities? #this is so out of the blue that the mental gymnastics to not see how it's a blatant copy are insane #I've said it before I'll say it again Dream is not a good person and he doesn't deserve his platform. #he constantly shows it in his behaviour towards other creators #no matter what his legion of impressionable young children on Twitter think #dreamwastaken #united smp #qsmp #quackity #discourse #dream neg #dream crit

[woennix]

Its bothering me so much how a lot of people are misrepresenting qTubbo and his perception of qCellbit after his conversation with qPhilza so I'll just say something:

A lot of people see him as hypocritical because he gave qCellbit info in the past and now doesn't trust him with the new info. To that I'll just say you can dislike that fact, but it makes perfect sense for his character to have acted as he did, at least as far as I know. I'm completely open to being corrected if I'm wrong tho!

The reason it makes sense is quite honestly because when he gave info to qCellbit, he didn't have any reason to not trust him. qCellbit clearly is the most involved in solving everything in the island and the best at it, qTubbo could see that from the very start, and he also saw him as very trust-worthy because of that, that has changed tho.

Since they haven't spoken that much lately and he has been seeing the whole "employee of the month" thing he is started to have his suspicions. Which make sense! qCellbits face is plastered all over the Federation offices, and if you don't have all the context on how that happened, it looks extremely sus!

And let's be clear, he never said qCellbit can't be trusted at all. He said that he didn't personally trust him enough to go to him with all of that information. And yes, that implies THAT specific information, not every single clue or thing ever that qTubbo sees.

I need to get this out of my system bc the things I've seen people call qTubbo just bc he isn't trusting qCellbit (for now, I think he can be very easily persuaded into doing so tbh) are completely absurd, especially the ones diminishing how smart his character is, when every single mistery and puzzle he has solved it so quick and is generally very on point on his opinions on people.

Ig all I mean to say is, you can disagree, dislike, and generally feel however you feel ab his character, but it is kind of unfair to diminish his whole character as dumb just bc he has had a wrong impression of another character, ESPECIALLY when afaik it does make sense for him to feel that way.

#qsmp neg discourse #qsmp tubbo #qsmp cellbit #i will say tho that qCellbit is overall a lot less trusted than he deserves #but i just dont think its qTubbo in the one in this instance who is being unreasonably mistrusting of qCellbit #also im not even mentioning how he doesn't trust almost ANYONE on this island but thats very nuanced and complicated so I'll stay quiet #woe's ranting

[rapidhighway]

K I've been thinking about this for like a week now. Ignoring any immortal headcanons if you have them. Knuckles knows he's not going to be able to guard the Master Emerald forever and that probably troubles him, but, if he was dying do you think he'd ask Sonic to guard it? He's the person with a unique connection to Chaos and the Chaos Emeralds and he's basically chosen one the most specialest guy, and one of the few people Knuckles could trust with that duty.

Of course I think Sonic would say no. I think he'd never be able to do that and he wouldn't want to.

#lmao i think even if Knuckles was on his fucking deathbed Sonic would say no #like sure he's got a sense of duty but guarding the me would be absolute hell for him #and he's never really acknowledged if he even gets just how important Knuckles' job is #sure he gets some of it but he doesn't really care that much beyond knuckles cares deeply for SOME reason #and im not saying that as something negative i actually think good for him you know #bad for knux cause he'd be fucking tormented by that #it also makes me think about the conflict people like to write between them in forces fanfics #where knuckles didn't take care of tails enough and sonic gets pissed at him i think this is a great parallel #like i know a kid and a big magic rock aren't objectively the same thing but if you think about how it much it matters to knuckles #especially that it matters to him more than that too because it's literally his entire life #not giving the ME and knuckles' duty the acknowledgement it deserves is like saying he's wasted his life for nothing #ouough okay #sorry im in such knuckles angst mood rn pl if you have thoughts respond idk if im imagining all of this correctly gnjhgcsddgu #gimme some fuckin drama

[beheworthy]

i love that everyone who interacts with me turns out to be a jane hater

it makes me even happier that she's the love of his life so everyone can stay mad :)

#'i only care abt him' is this why you make everything that should be abt his gf abt his brother #'she doesn't deserve him' yes he should f you instead #fandom negativity #thor #thor odinson #jane foster #thor x jane #marvel #text

[doodlebloo]

Sometimes c!Tubbo does deserve neg like he's not perfect he's fucked up a lot. But c!Tubbo neg is never like "c!Tubbo's refusal to be open and honest abt his feelings isn't only harmful to him it also hurts his relationships and causes people to hurt him unintentionally" it's always like "c!Tubbo exiled c!Tommy because he wanted power!!" or something

#doodle.txt #do u get what i mean. i encourage cTubbo crit but there are things he deserves criticism for and things he doesn't #c!tubbo crit #c!tubbo neg #c!tubbo critical #discourse

[bumblingbabooshka]

‘tis i, nonbinary transfem tuvok enthusiast and recently i’ve been pondering the dynamic between her and transmasc b’elanna torres…. i love thinking of them having long conversations together about gender and cultural histories and their life paths and mental issues (real)

also tuvok’s quote of “there is nothing wrong in choosing to live” would be such an emotional statement to tell b’elanna who canonically has depression (they just like me fr). anyways these are my thoughts today take care my friend!! <3

I don't personally see Tuvok as being a positive person for B'Elanna to talk to about much of anything personal without like, some sort of change to how they interact with one another since I think he'd both intentionally and unintentionally antagonize her BUT I can absolutely see them looking at each other and feeling the gender envy even before they know what that particular sensation is. Knowing B'Elanna I bet she'd worry she has some kind of weird crush on him hehehe~ Someone starts a group for queer members of the crew to meet but it seems like more of a dating thing and they're all human and no one else is trans so B'Elanna leaves and runs into Tuvok and is like "Oh! I didn't see you in there." because it's common knowledge by this point that Tuvok's trans but Tuvok just does that 'obviously.' look and goes "...No." so B'Elanna leaves her alone but they happen to run into each other next week and the week after and it eventually becomes an unofficial thing and it's a real rollercoaster. It's a real russian roulette of what kind of a time you're gonna have - sometimes it ends in a fight and sometimes it ends in the most insightful realization you'll ever have. Such is life on Voyager... Thank you so much and I hope you have a wonderful day too~!!

#I see many people cite that episode where he taught her meditation as them getting along but I think he 1000% failed to be helpful at all #and mainly just reluctantly and impatiently taught her how to meditate while sort of insulting her - B'Elanna taking his lessons to heart #is really all on her v_v #Tuvok isn't exactly the kindest person in the world ... yet he cares about people. Complicated man v_v He'll stay up for two weeks straight #trying to rescue you and then make a crack at how he thinks Klingons are barbaric ... honestly I'd say B'Elanna should yell at him but I #think he'd just go 'ah...my point proven. v_v' BUT I DO. THINK THEY'RE SUCH AN INTERESTING POTENTIAL PAIR?? #Not romantically - I mean pair of characters together bc they have SO MANY SIMILARITIES !!!! It's INSANE!!! #they truly deserved a character development 'getting closer' episode #honestly maybe this gender thing would do it...hehe maybe they'd finally have to talk it out bc they're the only other person o nthe ship #who'd understand....the power of being trans~!! #I hope this doesn't come off as negative - I liked this ask and I like Tuvok <3 #+ comforting things don't have to be in line with canon...nor is my interpretation of canon the be all end all #+ transmasc B'Elanna...embrace your short king swag <3<3 #this post is half inspired by my friend inviting me to join my school's GSA in middle school and me saying yeah absolutely! #then running away when their back was turned v_v SORRY #I really do hope this doesn't come off negative or rude - I don't want people thinking I'm gonna be rude if they share their thoughts #and headcanons with me =_= but I have trouble with tone... #Q&A #anon

[blindedguilt]

//Was thinking about posting this on my alt, but since I figure I've spoken about this frequently enough on this blog and it's THE dedicated Leonard Space™️... //I'm throwing up and crying thinking about how leonard had never gotten to experience romantic or sexual attraction (or will ever GET to experience those things, unrequited or not) without complete dread and self-blame and guilt and how that must have been growing up with the hope and expectations of "Being in love must be so nice, I hope I'll be able feel that one day" and not ONLY having that hope gradually dwindle as he grew into the "expected marriageable age" watching those around him go on with their lives and attain those things in a way that seems so natural but is so foreign to him and the absolute sadness of the point the notion of "attraction" and "falling in love" turned to complete and abject horror and disgust when he realises that this is what his mind has decided is "Normal" for him, and all possibilities and aspirations he may have had of a child, teen, young adult, etc. up to that point of even the bare minimum is now a complete impossibility. //how it fully sets in he'll never experience love. never find his own family or someone to be interested in and care about in such a way or even feel attraction without that weight attached.... like idc, actual relationships are one thing but if ANYTHING you should at least be able to know the joy of falling in love if even for a SECOND without any strings (Disgust, guilt, self-hate, etc.) attached!!!! guys!!!!!!! //HE'S WAY TOO KIND AND GENTLE AND HANDSOME AND CARING AND HUMBLE AND A GENTLEMAN AND HANDSOME AND HIS VOICE IS WAY TOO SEXY FOR THIS SHIT, HE DOESN'T DESERVE THIS!!!!! LET HIM LOVE!!!!!!! HE'S SHOWN TO HAVE SO MUCH TO GIVE IN SO MANY DIFFERENT WAYS (Parental, familial, just being an empathetic person towards his "enemies" in general) AND YET HE DIES HAVING NEVER KNOWN IT...... WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO HIM........... ouuugughhh.........

#||ooc|| #||relevant|| #{/having feelings about leonard again someone kiss him or beat him up with a lead pipe rlly quickly how do we process this.....} #{/there's just something about leonards SPECIFIC iteration of the 'beyond help' and 'guy who doesn't deserve this gets the worst of it'} #{/tropes that REALLY hurts in how he deserves it the LEAST and is so UTTERLY beyond hope ur like 'idek how i can make this better'} #{/the more i think about it the more insane 1.3 is to me in the idea that in its own completely fucked up degenerate way} #{/leonard may have been the only one of that group to have a POSITIVE bend to his character and how he carries himself} #{/where arioch; caim; furiae; etc. are either made more negative or are the same but with different context} #{/and the reason for that is is that is takes away the strongest thing that makes leonard so compelling and GUT-WRENCHING as a character:} #{/that caring demeanour is still TECHNICALLY there on the surface; but beneath that this leonard just let himself go COMPLETELY} #{/by becoming what would be the absolute NIGHTMARE of DOD1 Leonard and tossing the morals connected with his guilt out the window} #{/he's 'fixed' himself mentally; and no longer is completely miserable and wracked with guilt (perhaps grief!! but thats another thing)} #{/BECAUSE HE'S CONVINCED HIMSELF HE HAS NOTHING TO BE GUILTY ABOUT ANYMORE} #{/i guess to sum it up nicely} #{/the only way for leonard; who's tried his best to love and care for SO many people; to be happy with himself} #{/is to hurt other people. specifically the most vulnerable he fought more than anything to protect} #{/otherwise; his only solution to be happy with himself - or at least; no longer suffering - is to DIE} #{/just..... oooooogh........ *curls up into a little ball and explodes*} #{/i miss him.... i wanna write him again..... i want to put him into a situation he can feel at peace and Normal....}

[magentagalaxies]

i really want to start making a table collecting statistics on the audience demographics i'll perform my aubrey material for (like what generation most of the audience is, whether i'm performing in a predominantly queer space, etc.) and how well the jokes land bc like. i need to collect more data points before i can properly present my findings but the results so far have been fascinating

#again i do not have enough performance experiences to make any definitive claims about who ''aubery's audience'' is #but i find it funny that any time i show my aubrey material one-on-one to a queer gen z person #they're always like ''i love it but straight people will definitely hate it or not get it'' #and i get the inclination to be like. ''i like this thing so people like me will like this thing'' #and cishet society seems so polarized w/r/t queer topics it's like. the assumption makes sense #however. whenever i've done an aubrey performance in front of an audience that's predominantly queer and gen z #i've actually received a primarily negative response!! and somehow straight people have never given me shit for my aubrey material #(''well straight allys don't count'' i told some of my aubrey jokes to a joe rogan dudebro and he enjoyed them) #(which yeah maybe could be a mark against my comedy but i like to think i opened his mind a bit at the very least) #i really want to test my aubrey monologues in front of a primarily gen x/boomer audience #bc so far i only have actual performance experience in front of gen z or millennials #and the older people i've told jokes to individually or shown videos of my stuff have really liked it #luckily paul has said a goal for when i'm in town this summer is to get me to perform my aubrey stuff in as many different places as possib #for both queer audiences and non-queer audiences so i can gauge reactions since i don't want to be confined to one demographic #so i'll get a lot of data points this summer #@ paul get me a performing slot at senior citizen pride lmao these are my people #(shoutout to paul going ''jess stop collecting the old homos!'' last time i was in town) #(and when i imitated him and was like ''old gay men are not your pokemon!'' bellini was like ''ok but they may be your audience'') #also one data point i really want to see the variation on is how my one specific joke plays in these different demographics #bc i have a joke that like. it's literally not even about AIDS and doesn't punch down at all #i literally say ''if you're gay and over the age of 50 you could violate the geneva convention and i'd still be like support our troops'' #like obviously being like ''you have been through hell so i will let you get away with literal war crimes you deserve ultimate immunity'' #BUT. in the line right before the quote i use the phrase ''AIDS generation'' not as a derogatory term but being like. #this horrible thing impacted the entire generation y'know? and bellini and scott and their friends call themselves that it's just the term #but when i said the phrase ''AIDS generation'' in front of my gen z audience i heard gasps and felt like they all hated me #and when i did the same line in front of millennials it wasn't quite as striking but their eyes did widen #like i was suddenly an ''edgy comedian''. but like this is a part of our history and it does inform the story i'm telling #the story i'm telling is comedic but it's grounded in this real world context #and i'm like. @ the audience who was offended: when was the last time any of y'all spoke to a gay man over the age of 50 #bc bellini loves that section of the monologue and was offended that people would even take offense to that phrase

[katyspersonal]

3 for Aldrich, Aldia, Willem & Laurence

9 for Maria

11 for Micolash & Aldrich

24 for Laurence

(Asks from this ( x ) meme)

3) What first drew you to this character?

As for Aldrich, I vaguely recall finding out that he checks the traits I like the most? He was one of the characters I've learned about through fandom and not on my own, and I think this ancient meme about summarises it:

Also:

@val-of-the-north SHUDDUP you're basically so horny for Laurence/Logarius/Snatchers that you can't even picture them in your mind in any way but being naked!!!!!!! *casts the stone back at u*

With Laurence, like with Mico, it was the very first glance at the character in Youtube compilation with boss themes and concept art image. I did not know the lore yet, but the design and the music made me imagine Laurence as sort of aged, sagely librarian. I could not imagine back then that his boss fight would be him being a "helpless abhorrent little mewmew" as kids call it! Heck, I thought he'd have dialogue despite the monster form x) In a way, my first impression was not wrong, with the cut content of him actually talking even in a beast form, and implication of him being a son of Cainhurst cut content librarian NPC! I have intuition for cut content before having information, hahaha!

I have nothing to say about Willem. It might be a memory gap thing, but I swear at some point I feel I was turned off and then booted back up with liking this character already installed in my system x) As for Aldia.... ugh for fuck's sake... yeah, it was this legend:

I was absolutely floored by this stupid vid even without knowing any context, but I also instantly liked this character. I didn't even know his name yet, but the voice acting and long yapping about philosophy already pulled me in XD (Also unironically, this video is precisely how I give relationship advice fhfhdds)

9) Does this character remind you of anyone you know? Does that affect how you see them?

Yeah, I know this person. I know them very well. I know them more than anyone else. Someone who was misguided (by their destructive influence mentor figure, by their own foolishness and past history, or combination of both, who can tell anymore?) into committing awful things, then despaired over their sins and attempted redemption but also failed in some way? This person is me. At some point I've found myself in front of horrible truth about my past life and personality, and knew I was guilty and sullied forever. That it was over for me as a human being, but that didn't matter, and I could only keep people safe by locking myself away and trying to serve something better.

......annnnd it took a few years of more informed people to (metaphorically) shake me and slap my face into lucidity, explaining to me that I've fallen for the "BPD demonization" that was going far beyond than my individual failure as a friend, and we are always accused of abuse and causing irreversible harm when the worst we do is being emotionally overbearing. I kept losing trust to those friends, telling them that they were enablers who tried to gaslight me into thinking I was not 'that much of a monster', until it was other people with BPD who 'shook me and slapped my face into lucidity'. xd Nonetheless, even though now I know the truth about how society treats BPDs, I remember the feeling of being so monstrous and harmful that I was not even allowed to "touch" people with my dirty hands, how my reality used to be. So, I could write Maria going through this effortlessly, especially considering what she did was more plain and tangible!

In fact... thank you for asking me about this, because I kept wondering why I had such frequent dreams about being Maria, and why the Maria in my dreams acts like abused child that took back control against Gehrman despite my portrayal of the guy being so different. And now the puzzle is solved! That part of me still lives inside, it seems.

11) How did you “fall in love” with this character?

Already answered this for Micolash here: ( x )! As for Aldrich, it was through properly analysing the bigger picture and context of his actions. I've figured that his madness was, in fact, being informed on what was far too ahead of everyone else around him! He, like the rest of the cast, is trapped in the rotting, doomed world in which the only choices are 1) "die with dignity" or 2) commit something unthinkable from moral standpoint for a chance to escape. And will morality of the rotting world will matter in the new world anyways? Won't it all be left behind and be forgiven?

The guy also tried to take everyone else he could with him, like sort of a fucked up Noah's Arc! I can tell that they reused the concept with Rykard, at least, I am glad they know what works xD I'd say that the sadism he experienced upon eating people was either result of insanity (he understood a thing no one should understand), or still didn't exclude the bigger purpose (egotistically revelling in how holy he is helping everyone and doing what no one else dared, which would be like my Laurence). In any case, I have the strongest respect to the courage it takes to transcend the bonds of morality and compassion in order to to greater good. Being burdened with the knowledge of how the world really works, and choosing to push through instead of still being bound... This is why I also like Fauxsefka; learning how this world works, she chose to turn people into Kin so they can't ever become beasts. I am weak for this trope, you don't understand.

24) Do you ever dream about this character? If so, describe a dream you once had about them.

Laurence appears in my dreams only in two contexts: 1) Micolaurence or 2) dreams about finding secret files in Bloodborne that reveal his canonical appearance before beasthood! I can tell the latter comes from my everlasting unsatisfaction with my design for him, because I love it but it doesn't feel "fitting" and I can't identify why!

The former, I think, fandom rubbing onto me x) In two of these dreams, I was Laurence. In other two, I was Micolash. In one of Laurence dreams it was mutual, in the second one I was in love unrequited. In one of Micolash dreams, it was mutual, and in another it was not.. Basically, my dreams allows me to experience this ship from every possible angle. o_o Waiting for more I guess fhhdfsfd

______________

Thank you for asking! And.. without exaggeration, you've just done quite a psychological work on me by just asking the right thing. I need to think about that, hahaha

#bloodborne #dark souls 3 #aldrich devourer of gods #laurence the first vicar #soulsborne #ask replies #personal #memories #dreams #honestly I remember Maria in my dreams hiding in the closet like an abused bullied child.. that big strong woman reduced to this #and I finally know why it was this way #I'd rather not sully Gehrman with something as dirty as my stepdad of course he deserves so much more and he is his own man #I just don't like the approach of turning characters with their own stories and personality into vessels for my trauma #it feels like frenzied flame: you got infected by it and you have unending need to spread it. to scorch the world in your pain. #I don't think this approach would help my healing but instead make me feel worse by nourishing the trauma #I am keeping it sealed away from the world forever now </3 #see this is why it hurts me so much when gehrman haters accuse me of being insensitive to people that want to project their negative- #-experiences with men and misogyny onto him even if that means twisting the actual story and character. I do have a reason to do it myself #I just choose not to because I personally dislike the idea of making fandomry about myself more and about source material less #I don't want to bring the pain and horrors inside me into something that doesn't have them. some things can stay clean! #the passive aggression between canon worshippers and fanon enforcers is something that cannot be avoided in the fandoms #and I disapprove of the lie about 100% peace and mutual respect between the 'camps'. we will never FULLY like each other #each thinks their approach is more productive for the community. and that's fine!

[full-postal-house]

in my heart of hearts movie!dude is the most functional out of all the dudes.

like. yeah okay he goes postal in the movie but to be FAIR. he was having god's worst day unwillingly so if like. in my head he's very much the "he asked for no pickles!" guy in the house it makes sense

funnily enough even though he's living with multiple other versions of himself he's like. he really does just like routine and he was able to find a job at the local grocery store as the inventory control specialist and is just. he's actually able to be normal. it's fucking great for him! he is happy and normal and functional and he ain't got a bitch in his ear tellin him to eat shit all the time

now don't get me wrong. he's still a fuckin' dude if you push him too far on the wrong day god help you if you do but like. he is genuinely pleasant and doing his best and funnily enough the other dudes respect that (especially p4!dude he's like. the surrogate dad but that's a post for another time lol) it just makes sense.

he cooks! he cleans! he makes meatloaf on wednesdays and picks up pizza on fridays and does his best to keep the house clean. asks p2!dude to smoke crack outside because he can't get the smell out of the upholstery and makes sure there's plenty of whole milk in the fridge (and skim for nottem because he is allerigic to the whole <- again, post for another time) that won't go bad on him because he now has the fucking money to makes sure the milk never goes bad it's great! and the best part? he's fucking appreciated. they care about him! he gets just a liiiittle bit of gratitude and it's made this whole 'being alive' thing like. worth it. the dudes are so nice to him they're like. siblings he's never had he's having a great time-

like yeah okay he still has like. moments n stuff but it is far from as bad as it was when he was fucking stuck in fucking paradise. it's good for him! it's. it's a good place for him to be.

tl;dr: they gave movie!dude a purpose n now he's thriving <3

#postal #postal movie #postal dude #postal movie dude #he is so fuckign. important to me #he means so much to me #p4!dude is like. the surrogate father of the house #they're all like brothers essentially #'cept for shtoper n nottem they're more like. accepted roommates than anythign else #they live there (/posi for shtoper; /neg for nottem) #they keep nottem around so he doesn't go on another fucking cringe ass rampage #they're so mean to him ngl #it's deserved though he's fuckin cringe #fought-the-world-and-won

[backtochicago]

maybe that duck finally realized that running a minecraft server with a massive fanbase including performative chronical online fans and functioning it as a brand business paying salaries to the employees are never as easy as what he thought and only collecting leasons from following someone shadow footprints will never make you realize how risky it is until you are in their shoes.

#like do i feel bad when he almost had a mental breakdown right in a livestream ? not really but soft of #but at the same time do i feel he doesn't deserve all of those oppression ? no #he made his own bed he legitimately invited himself into this mess which could have prevented in the first place #he was the one cutting the relationship with the rest of his former friends #he was the one hiring all of the mod volunteers he was the one making those “ there is no war in ba sing se ” rules #he was the one functioning this Minecraft server as a business company not a passion project #he was the one building up this fanbase - the oppressed fans willingly doxxing and threatening ccs and other fans #he cannot pull out ' i barely caught up anything ' when it comes to paying salaries to other mods #because he made the damn principles applied to every mods how tf he can forget ? #not to mention he (used to) study laws ?? commercial laws ???? #and when he fucking cried and talking about wilbur and sobbed about he was no longer in the server #yet none of supporting statements toward to shelby were made like okay bro im sure being a blind-eyed man must be tough for you last year #like what he even expected ? this is what happened if you silenced your voices and permitted your fucking fandom swept all of its issues #either he need to change or the damn server will go down to the pit hole #/neg

[echoofawind]

My Mother-In-Law is a bitch, and it's not going to get better.

#Family is important to my partner so I'm trying #we are going and showing up #it's wretched though #every single thing out of her mouth is negative #she invents slights and then yells about them #she's always the victim #she blames everyone else for her problems #I'm never going to forgive her for not even trying to go to her son's wedding #hate me all she wants. i don't care. #but my partner? he doesn't deserve that. his been there for her for decades. He's been her shoulder to cry on. #he's been the best son out of the three. she made it to the other two sons weddings. #she decided that we didn't want her to come (100% not true. we asked her to come many times and had all the support lined up) #and then held it against us. #She needs to grow up

[cicadaland]

Just because of that one guy so many of my feelings about things have changed. Also I'm not in any anythings with him it's literally just been one on one the whole time. It's crazy to think about our weird circumstances. am I just going to be messaging him good morning and good night every day for the rest of my life????

#bloggy #I don't know why I feel so negatively about him all of a sudden. he doesn't deserve it. he's a sweetheart and is very kind