#His Obsession really latched on hard- almost like he wasn’t able to fulfill it & it was driving him mad | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

haikyuu-scenarios-box · 4 years

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Haikyuu Horrors — Week 1 🔪

Wendigo — Kuroo Tetsurou x GenderNeutral!Reader

Next week: Demon — DemonKing!Oikawa Tooru x FallenAngel!Reader A/N: lowkey dedicating this to @kageyama-tho and @normiewrites bc i love their blogs and they said they love horror stories fuck me up im so excited to write next week’s scenario The setting is in the Ashio Copper Mine and I had to make a couple of changes for the sake of the story. Although the mine’s been abandoned since 1973, tours are still carried out to this day and it’s a popular tourist spot. I’ve diverged from that (and some of the geography) and made it so that the mine’s been closed completely since 1973, including the public. TW: character deaths, gore, blood, mentions of cannibalism and murder this is a wendigo scenario what did u expect Word count: 3,617

UNDER THE CUT

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January 9th, 2018. 12:47:32 AM Ashio, Nikko, Tochigi Prefecture The Kuroos Cabin

They both lived beneath a sky forsaken by the sun.

The threat of fractures haunted their bones, the undertones of their skin had been drained and exhaustion circled their eyes.

They both lived beneath a blinding white, their irises forever glazed.

Steam rose up from the latte that sat near the map of Nikko. [Y/n] had only taken a couple of sips of the coffee, finding the flavour disgustingly sugary. There was no element of surprise there, though - after all, it came from power in a packet. Superficial scratches ran along the desk, worn down from the never-ending notes and diagrams that [y/n]’s pens drew.

‘It’s almost one in the morning.’

‘Oh, Tetsurou,’ [y/n] approached Kuroo, wrapping their arms around his waist, ‘How come you’re up?’

‘I was asleep until I heard the kettle boiling,’ he chuckled, his fingers combing through their hair. Agony sank into Kuroo’s chest as several strands came out. He ensured that they ate three healthy meals a day, remained hydrated and spent time outdoors, but inadequate sleep takes a great toll on any body.

‘The coffee tasted awful, so it wasn’t even worth waking you up for,’ they said sheepishly, ‘sorry.’

When it came to [y/n]’s insistence on tagging along with Kuroo during his trips to Nikko, he possessed an immeasurable dislike. The steady decline in [y/n]’s health induced a sickening anxiety within him, causing numerous arguments that all led to his failure in persuasion. [Y/n] always prevailed, ending up with him in their expensive two-story cabin in Ashio, drinking that godawful packet coffee throughout the night.

Kuroo grabbed both of [y/n]’s hands, placing a kiss on each knuckle. ‘Come to bed,’ he coaxed, leading them out of the study.

‘I can’t,’ [y/n] pulled away, ‘I’ve got a new lead and I’ll lose my train of thought if I leave it for the morning.’

A long, dejected sigh left Kuroo’s lips. Their marriage of three years was fulfilling and filled with immense joy, there was not a speck of doubt about that fact. It was that obsession of theirs that caused concrete to pour into his lungs. For the entire year, it’d non-existent – it only emerged during those winter trips. It was almost a ritualistic occurrence that was triggered by lingering trauma.

‘It’s been six years, [y/n],’ he said with sorrow, immense grief overwhelming him.

‘And I’ll work on this case for another six if that’s needed,’ [y/n] returned to their desk, eyeing the blueprint taped to the wall above it. It was entirely taped with maps of nearby areas, newspaper clippings from 2012, head shots of the volleyball team they managed in high school - everything that they believed would assist them.

‘Look at this,’ [y/n] turned their laptop towards him, showing him a list of names on an excel spreadsheet.

‘Since when did you become so tech-savvy?’ Kuroo grinned slyly.

‘Firstly, excel isn’t tech-savvy,’ they scoffed, ‘Secondly, don’t change the topic,’ they demanded. ‘I made a list of everyone who disappeared from the area over the past six years.’

Kuroo leaned into the screen, his pupils drifting down the list.

‘And?’

[Y/n] pointed to the column titled “disappearance”, ‘Ever since the winter of 2014, the year they closed the investigation, a bunch of people would vanish within days of each other. All of them had no familial connections and barely any relationships, so there’s never been any pressure on the police to find them.’

Their lips pressed against the ceramic cup, taking a sip of their now-lukewarm coffee. ‘I’m glad neither of us have gotten snatched so far,’ they laughed nervously.

‘Probably because we’re not a socially inept,’ Kuroo chuckled, burying his face into the crook of their neck. He grabbed their shoulders tenderly, turning them around. ‘They’re dead, [y/n],’ Kuroo said with a soft voice. He placed his hands on their cheeks, the pad of his thumbs stroking their cheekbones. ‘They got lost during the snowstorm that day and died of hypothermia.’

‘No, they didn’t!’ they yanked his grip off them.

‘For fuck’s sake, [y/n]!’ Kuroo exploded, yelling in frustration, ‘The case was solved years ago! You’re losing sleep and ruining your health for nothing!’

‘You’re so full of shit!’ they fumed, ‘I know you don’t believe that because you were obsessed with this case too, remember?! But unlike you, I didn’t stop caring about what happened to our friends!’

‘I didn’t stop caring, I just moved on!’ Kuroo stepped towards into them, driving them to walk backwards until their back pressed against the wall. ‘Every year, you insistent on coming with me and I let you. I try so damn hard to make sure that you don’t return to your obsession, but you do it the moment I fall asleep.’

[Y/n] cowered under Kuroo’s intense gaze; his eyebrows knitted as air hissed between his teeth.

‘You’re never coming back here ever again,’ Kuroo walked away, prepared to slam the door shut, ‘we’re leaving in the morning.’

‘The mines, Tetsurou!’

The muscles within Kuroo’s shoulders suddenly relaxed, his posture slumping. ‘The Ashio Copper Mines that'd been abandoned since 1973...’ [y/n] began, ‘the police never even considered checking them.’

He finally looked at them, donning a smile riddled with misery.

‘Do... do you really want to know what happened?’

‘Of course I do! Don’t you dare tell me that you found out and kept it from me,’ [y/n] said with disgust.

‘If you were the one who found out first, I would’ve been furious if you didn’t keep it from me,’ Kuroo picked up their snow jackets from the clothes rack, 'let’s go.’

__________

‘How are we meant to get in? The adit’s sealed,’ [y/n] rubbed their gloved hands together furiously, vapour drifting out of their mouth.

‘Not fully,’ Kuroo walked over to the slabs of wood that covered the left edge of the adit. He placed a hand against them, his brain vividly recalling his first venture inside. The images pulsated within his eyes, almost liquefying them within their sockets.

Kuroo began to move the wood, each one sinking into the snow as he discarded them.

‘It’s a really small gap, but I think we’ll be able to squeeze through. Come,’ he ushered.

Although the glacial breeze no longer pricked into [y/n]’s exposed skin, the place somehow intensified their cold-induced numbness; as though fungus began to bloom from their pores. They believed that their unease was caused by the dark, but it continued to plague their muscles even after Kuroo flicked on the flashlight.

‘Hey, it’s alright,’ Kuroo put his arm around them, ‘there’s nothing threatening our wellbeing down here.’

‘Except for the rocks above us that may tumble down at any moment,’ [y/n] shuddered, ‘where exactly are we going? I-it’s still pretty dark.’

‘I want to show you what I found,’ Kuroo held them even closer, ‘Don’t worry, there’s no skeletons,’ he smirked.

‘This is not the time to joke around!’

A shriek erupted deep within the mines, the sudden spike in their blood pressure inducing a shiver into every vertebrae.

‘W-what on earth was that?’ [y/n] wheezed, breaking away from Kuroo. They frantically looked around, but their vision was limited to what the flashlight exposed. A droplet of water fell onto their scalp from the rusty beams above, causing them to gasp and jump backwards into Kuroo.

‘Calm down,’ he cooed, holding [y/n]’s hand. ‘It’s been abandoned for over a decade and everything’s breaking down. Odd noises aren’t unusual.’

[Y/n] nodded with a gulp, their saliva soothing their dry throat.

‘That elevator though’—Kuroo pointed the flashlight to his left, revealing a cage elevator—‘didn’t break down much. It worked fine the last time I was here.’

‘The last time?’ [y/n] scoffed playfully, ‘You’ve been going on spooky adventures without me?’ they asked sarcastically.

'Can’t comfort you every time you get startled,’ he snickered. He led them into the elevator and pulled the latch, the coils creaking as it took them upwards.

Their arm was tightly looping around his, horrified at the possibility that they’d get separated.

‘The wendigo’—Kuroo grunted as he slid open the cage-like door of the elevator—‘is a mythological creature that comes from Algonquian folklore.’

Logs of moldy wood were hammered into the walls over the rocks underneath, the spotlights mounted on them burnt out years ago. Several mine trolleys ran along the railway, ores of copper overflowing. The soles of Kuroo’s shoes created a crunch as he walked onto the pebbles covering the ground.

‘Tetsurou,’ they said with a stern voice, ‘when I said that this isn’t the time to joke around, I meant it.’

‘What, you’re not into Native American culture?’ Kuroo teased.

‘I’m not into you trying to scare me even more.’

‘[Y/n]…’ Kuroo placed his forehead against theirs, giving it a slow and gentle kiss, ‘... you have to trust that I’m telling you all this for a reason.’

[Y/n] held Kuroo’s hand in silent agreement, continuing to follow his lead.

‘The Algonquian people believe that when a human starves long enough, the wendigo spirit will begin to possess them, driving them to have thoughts of cannibalism.’

A screech almost entirely pierced through [y/n]’s eardrums, a high-pitched ringing flourishing within their ears. The hairs along their body pointed upwards as their lower lip quivered.

‘Humans who find themselves in such a situation usually succumb out of survival. But even then, they’re not excused from the sin they committed. Their fate to transform into a wendigo, a man-eating monster, is sealed. That is their punishment.’

Another screech, this time leading to the sensation of an ice pick digging within [y/n]’s ears.

‘What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck!’ [y/n] looked at Kuroo with fury and repulsion, ‘Y-you’re so damn casual about t-th-that story! And those sounds!’—they waved their hands around, attempting to come up with an appropriate description—‘Those a-aren’t things b-b-breaking down, o-or a person that could be here, b-because it’s so—’

Multiple shrieks, shaking and swirling within the aged walls.

‘Monstrous?’ Kuroo turned around to face them, the hazel of his eyes seemingly green. ‘Our friends were trapped in the mines for weeks, [y/n]. They were starving.’

‘I really don’t like that you’re implying that our friends ate each other. And I don’t like that you’re narrating some campfire story while doing so,’ [y/n] backed away from him, ‘we’re leaving. We’re leaving right now.’

Kuroo completely neglected their demand, immediately clasping his hand around their wrist and dragging them forwards.

‘Let go!’ [y/n] dug their heels into the ground, clawing at his fingers, ‘Dammit, Tetsurou, let go of me!’

They’d known him since their first years at Nekoma. Well over a decade had passed since then, yet there was never a single occasion where force was an element of Kuroo’s touch. As a matter of fact, the delicacy and tenderness of his touches were a sharp contrast to the roughness of his callouses - that was the kind of man [y/n] developed an intense love for. Not the man that was forcibly dragging them somewhere they didn’t wish to be.

‘A wendigo never dies from starvation and its hunger is insatiable... that’s the whole point of the curse,’ Kuroo dismissed their pleas. He finally stopped in front of a row of small wooden planks, propped into a muddy patch of soil. ‘But when I found them during that winter in 2014, I made a vow to keep them well-fed. That list of missing persons you showed me? That was the menu.’

‘You fucking kidnapped people and threw them in here?!’ the next shriek led a burst within [y/n]’s ear canal to suddenly erupt, their own scream merging with the animalistic ones echoing within the mines. [Y/n] pressed their hands firmly against their ears, palms warm with the blood that slowly poured out.

‘I killed them beforehand so they wouldn’t suffer.’

Their face was raw from the negative temperature of the night, their tears scorching it as they trailed down. Kuroo wrapped [y/n] within his arms, holding them tightly into his chest. It did not induce the slightest amount of comfort, though. Kuroo’s embrace was foreign, alarming and unspeakably nauseating.

The white paint on the wooden sticks was almost entirely chipped away, age having worn them down. [Y/n] kneeled in front of them when they caught glance of the letters scratched into them, blinking rapidly to lessen the clouding of their vision.

Inuoka. Kai. Shibayama. Taketora.

A cassette of the team devouring the intestines of those four played inside [y/n]’s mind, as though their body was taunting them. Bile rose up their stomach, burning the delicate membranes of their throat and mouth as they spat it out.

‘W-who the fuck even are you?!’ they aggressively pushed Kuroo away, ‘You’re not the man I married! I d-didn’t marry a fucking murderer!’

‘You’d rather they starve again?’ he asked in disbelief.

‘You just said that those things don’t die from starvation!’

The next screech prompted Kuroo to stand up and face away from them, appearing to be waiting for something. ‘It’s not fair that we’re alive and happy, [y/n]. We both have to die just as horribly,’ he said in an uncharacteristically calm manner. If [y/n] hadn’t known any better, they would have believed that he was a deaf man that was completely unaware of the monstrous wails. ‘That is the punishment for our sin.’

‘What fucking sin? There’s no sin! Please, Tetsurou, this is all just survivor’s guilt—’

The muscles of their tongue tensed at the sight. The creature was no shorter than twelve feet, its legs thrice the length of its arms. Its pale, wrinkled and sickly grey skin was tightly taut against its bones due to severe emaciation; its abnormal skeleton on the verge of breaking through. No hair was to be found on its body - only frost.

Its claws, the size of battle swords, sunk themselves into Kuroo’s head with ease; as though it were a needle gliding through a pin cushion. It placed its gaunt, sunken face in front of Kuroo’s, releasing a high-pitched scream that throbbed within [y/n]’s damaged ears. The short strings of decayed tendons that hung from shank-like teeth flew away from its mouth, some dropping to the ground.

[Y/n]’s pupils drifted towards the rocky ceiling of the mine, spotting several more wendigos screaming in hunger. The sound of flesh tearing caught their attention, leading them to look at Kuroo once more.

The wendigo pulled his head upwards. [Y/n] watched every vein within his neck tear until his head was completely severed from his torso, splashes of ruby painting their face and dyeing their clothes. The vocal cords within their larynx were paralysed - even though the scent of rotten mince from their husband’s blood clung onto the hairs within their nostril, [y/n] found themselves incapable of making a single sound. Kuroo wasn’t capable of doing so either while he was ripped apart, the blood filling his upper body making him gurgle instead of scream.

What distressed them even further was the wendigo’s sunken eyes. Its murky, faded golden eyes.

‘... Kenma?’

The wendigos that lunged in [y/n]’s direction immediately snapped them out of their shock, prompting them to grab the flashlight. Sheer horror powered their legs to run to the elevator nearby; they possessed no desire to turn around and see how many there were exactly, especially when considering that that would slow their movements.

Splinters and cuts embedded themselves into [y/n]’s fingers as they pushed large barrels, tumbled trolleys, rocks — anything and everything — in the wendigos’ way while they ran. Under normal circumstances, [y/n]’s strength to do such things would have been non-existent, but their heart beat fast enough for adrenaline to seep into every cell. Fear was a fuel to pushing the body well beyond its limits.

Although [y/n] was relying on the unstable light they wavered around, the elevator began to enter their view. They extended their right hand out, prepared to close the metal door once they got in. Their brain was floating, their vision was hazing and their organs were collapsing.

The unanticipated piercing of large, pointed teeth into [y/n]’s shoulder was what led them to finally scream. The wendigo was a creature of the winter, yet its bite was agonisingly hot. They could fully feel its humerus, rib cage, vertebrae — its entire skeleton — pressed against them while it lifted them off the ground.

The wendigo was then suddenly ripped away from [y/n], Kenma — or rather, what used to be Kenma — having jumped at it. The pull tore several of [y/n]’s tendons, their nails digging into their shoulder to ease the throbbing sting.

With that singular brush of a four-leaf clover, [y/n] made it to the elevator at last. They found no time to apply pressure to their wound, dropping the flashlight and slamming the door shut. One of the wendigos gnawed at the bars, leading [y/n] to pull the latch frantically. It was significantly taller than the others - around fifteen feet. If it weren’t for its door, it would have easily grabbed [y/n]’s head and crushed it, giving them an end identical to Kuroo’s.

[Y/n]’s head spun with a ruthless migraine, anxiety deepening while the wendigo refused to let go of its grip on the elevator while it ascended. They were unsure if it was their sole aim of escaping, or the trauma they’d gained from watching their husband’s severed head rolling towards them, but an intense rage engulfed them. They began to relentlessly and repeatedly slam the soles of their shoes against the wendigo’s claws.

It screeched with a fury and pain, eventually letting go. When the elevator reached a halt, [y/n] realised that the adit was now close.

[Y/n]’s brain began to shut down as they continued to run, following the white emitting from the small gap they entered from. The howls of those wendigos — their friends — reached a crescendo, blending into a singular note. They wondered how frequently they must have screamed as humans, desperate to suppress their hunger and restrain the wendigo spirit. Their survival relied on renouncing their humanity completely. Yaku, Fukunaga, Teshiro, Lev - they all succumbed, feasting upon the flesh of their teammates. All [y/n] could do was hope that they weren’t devoured alive.

The truth of Kuroo’s last words regarding them tormented [y/n] - “they’re not excused from the sin they committed. Their fate to transform into a wendigo, a man-eating monster, is sealed. That is their punishment.”

When [y/n] finally squeezed themselves through the gap, they immediately barricaded it with the discarded planks of wood and nearby rocks. Their skin was encased with a filthy, blackened sheen of melted ice. It was a disgusting contrast to Kuroo’s blood on them; jelly-like, thick and sticky. Their own blood, on the other hand, warmed their bruised, sweaty body while it gushed out of their shoulder. It all made [y/n] reek of rust and mold.

A loud, poignant wail left their cracked, bleeding lips, collapsing on all-fours as they sunk into the snow. Crimson and mahogany wept into the ground, tainting the white that stung their knees and palms. [Y/n]’s nostrils narrowed with mucous, dripping into their mouth and leaving a salty taste against their tongue. Tears tickled the tip of their nose as they fell and melted their way through the snow, the proof of their grief vanishing as quickly as it was born.

For a moment, they wondered if they’d sinned too.

__________

December 26th, 2018. 04:38:05 PM Ashio, Nikko, Tochigi Prefecture Ashio Copper Mine

Years’ worth of wendigo-related research and observations, all hidden away in the cut outs Kuroo made within complex chemistry textbooks.

[Y/n] quietly chuckled to themselves as they dragged the ice sled up the short mountain, amused by their past naivety. Those hollowed books all rested on the large bookshelf in the living room, yet they never bothered to even read the titles. Not until after Kuroo was decapitated, that is.

One of Kuroo’s hidden possessions included a comprehensive map of the Ashio region. When [y/n] sat down and analysed it the first time they found it, their loneliness for him surged. They were encouraged by others to return to the dating scene once they’d recovered, but they knew they’d never do so. [Y/n] wasn’t lonely for company - they were lonely for Kuroo.

Having reached the large hole situated above the Ashio Copper Mine, [y/n] kneeled beside the ice sled. In one of Kuroo’s diaries, he specified the only way he keep them well fed. There was a hole situated above the mountain housing the mine, deep enough to guarantee that no wendigo could climb up and emerge. That was where he dropped the bodies.

Several items were strapped onto the sled - a snowboard, a helmet and a thermally insulated box. However, they were mere props. They proved to be highly effective tools of disguise, attracting no suspicion whatsoever while they made their way from the town to the isolated mines. Those who passed by [y/n] never viewed the duffle bag as an object of interest. What menacing thing could there be in the bag of an individual clad in snowboard attire? Goggles? An extra pair of gloves? Bindings?

How extraordinarily slim was the probability that a corpse would be present?

Unzipping the duffle bag, [y/n] eyed the bloodied dent within the man’s temple. Kuroo specified that some Algonquians believed that the human remained trapped within the wendigo’s icy heart, but [y/n]’s always rejected that theory. The wendigo that was once Kenma tore its childhood friend in half, then proceeded to guzzle down his muscles and slurp on his pulsating arteries.

There was no human in there.

But [y/n] finally understood the sin Kuroo referred to - it was the sin of escaping the ghastly demise their friends met. For committing that, they were rewarded with an equally violent death, or the punishment of ensuring that the wendigos remained fed when they awoke from hibernation every winter.

Some may say that that was not the case. That [y/n]’s statement that there was no sin — only survivor’s guilt — was correct. It was far too late for [y/n] to speculate on such matters, though.

[Y/n] huffed as they dragged the body out and rolled it into the hole. Numerous revolting crunches echoed while its skeleton shattered, limbs at grotesque angles due to the obliteration of its joints.

When screeches bounced against the walls of the mines, they realised that they lived beneath a sky forsaken by the sun.

Fractures began to settle within their bones, their complexion had been drained and exhaustion cursed their eyes with an itchy dryness.

They realised that they lived beneath a blinding white, their irises forever glazed.

#it's 2 in the goddamn morning ya'll better give me feedback on this :^((#haikyuu horrors #kuroo tetsurou #kuroo tetsuro x reader #scenario #writing #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu #haikyuu fandom #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu scenarios #tw: blood #tw: gore #tw: murder #tw: cannibalism #tw: character death #gender neutral reader

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mysteli · 6 years

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Immortal (Kamilah X MC)

A/N: Heya! So here is my first fic for Kamliah X MC. Don’t know why it took me so long to write something for them but I finally had an idea. It’s thanks to @brightpinkpeppercorn that this sparked so thanks. It’s hella angsty and it’s a real AU where MC end up as a vampire but it changes a lot. Enjoy! And grab your tissues.

For the Choices September Challenge. Little late but the theme is Lies.

Warning: ANGST

Tagging @choices-september-challenge

PERMA TAG LIST: @brightpinkpeppercorn @cocomaxley@hopefulmoonobject@alesana45@jellybean-marshmellow@mymandrake@regrettingnathan@dobie2112@princesstopgun@mechaspirit@skyila@mind-reader1 @xo-endlessmayhem-xo@sakaily @justboredtrash@regina-and-happiness@flyawayblue56@annekebbphotography@endlessly-searching-for-you@reginasayeed@zigortega4life@christopher-powell@eileendannie@alesana45@diamondoasis @speedyoperarascalparty @liam-rhys @idonthaveachoice @gayyyyyy69 @forgottenl0v3r @choicesfanboy@carlieg20 @skydoesntblue @fanfictionreccomendations

This fic: @riseandshinelittleblossom@therocksofmay @ilovekamilahsayeed @tephy24 @queerchoicesblog @gavryllo @shanonfernandes @kinda-iconic @satansangellover

Masterlist

Just like that. Elena was gone. Disappearing once that beam of crimson red burnt her eyes. They lit up with hunger and a lost desire, painfully similar to the way Kamilah was brought to life. Truth is, watching it is so much worse than experiencing it. Sure, you feel pain in a transition but you love it because it satisfies you. It drives you. It helps you. It excite you. It thrills you. But it still starved you.

All Kamilah did was blink and Elena is now but a bare breath of air disappearing into the night. Adrian knew this was a risk when he allowed for her to be turned but it still hurts to watch her go so suddenly. Worst part is... she’s gone searching. Looking for something, anything, to eat. Something to feast open. Something to kill.

Hating to admit it, Kamilah was forced to feel like this and experience this back when she was first turned. The entire time was a nightmare but it was so amazingly fulfilling at the same time. It shouldn’t be but it is and Elena is about to experience it first hand. If only she wasn’t but she is because she’ll willingly allow the desire to find her and it will push her to do things she’s never thought to do. Never even dared to do.

No matter what, Elena has no control. She has certainty if she’ll be able to hold back and resist any sort of temptation. Undead and she had no choice but to either be buried or be brought back. Resurrection is a funny thing and the humans never thought it existed. Elena could have died if she wanted to but Kamilah couldn’t stand the thought of losing Elena so soon. In one thousand years, Kamilah has never experienced something like this. Something good. Something new. Something amazingly different. That is so wrong but so right at the same time.

Love for a human. Kamilah has experienced it before but it’s never ever been like this. Hell, she ain’t even a human anymore. Elena is on the run and she’s out there. Starving. Drowning. So clueless it almost hurts to even think about it. It’s like she’s hallucinating all the time and like the energy has taken over her mind and turned her into... a vampire.

It wasn’t supposed to be this way. Whatever happened Elena would have ended up alive or dead. But never undead. That was in nobody’s plan. This wasn’t supposed to end like this. With Elena feasting for anything, her only instinct to destroy. All their strength and might would have gone into making sure Elena didn’t end up as a vampire.

Hell, Kamilah remembers a faint prediction from Jax earlier. Before they left for the final battle, Jax asked Kamilah a critical question.

The deafening words echo in Kamilah’s ears and mind a million times and more. “...What if Elena dies tonight?”

That’s it. That’s the only thing she heard from then and it’s painful. It’s just plain painful. Stabbing at Kamliah’s heart and making her ache. She tried so hard to not believe it and dismiss the idea completely, only focusing on what could go right and moving away from what could go wrong. But constantly, her mind would always drift back to those words. His words. That Elena could die.

And all she managed to say back was... “Then we worry about that choice if it comes.”

Those words were stupid because they never really had a choice. It all just kind of happened. Like it was an instinct or something. None could take it. She’s a damn vampire now and that’s too damn scary. Too damn terrifying. Too damn impossible.

Elena is sweet. Innocent. Pure. Positive. Beautiful. Generous. Kind. Just everything you’d want in perfection. Eyes of a deep green now ruined with that sickening shade of crimson that now bleeds from her corneas. Skin of olive now so much paler than before. It’s not even the transition that’s doing that to her. It’s the fucking pain.

Kamilah can’t take it. She just can’t take it. Too much worrying. Too much uncertainty. Too much cluelessness. Where the hell is she? If only she knew.

Kamliah searches her surroundings, rarely shaken by the catastrophic events of the previous battle. Her dark eyes are wide with fear and she can’t help but feel like the vulnerable one for once. Kamilah has always been able to maintain her strength, even when she’s at her weakest. She’s always had to sustain her tough side and make sure there’s always a fight inside of her. Sophistication is key to her character. But now... something is different. Elena is gone in the blink of an eye and now everything feels... hopeless.

Adrian slowly approaches Kamilah and she can easily sense the cautiousness of his footsteps. He knows how easy she is to tick off and how her temper can rise when she’s lost someone. But she really doesn’t wanna believe that she’s lost Elena, all because they’re the same now. Bloodsuckers.

Kamilah is aware of his presence but she doesn’t face him, keeping her gaze fixated on the colossal sphere of stone that always classifies as a full moon. Adrian tries to smile but he can’t manage it. His movements strain and he tenses up. Clearly, he’s just as pained as Kamilah is right now.

“Kamilah...”

“Don’t,” Kamliah interrupts him, keeping her hands locked together and resting at the front and her jaw clenches when Elena enters her mind once more. “Don’t say anything.”

Adrian runs a hand through his dusty brown hair and sighs heavily. “We just have to accept this.”

“Accept what? That she’s gone? Elena is a fighter and she won’t rest until she has found her control and trust me, she will.” Kamliah snaps, swerving around and pointing sharply at Adrian. He puts his hands up in the air as a surrender.

“...And what will she do then? You think she’ll come back. She’s different now. Undead. We can’t protect her.” Adrian sighs as he speaks, an obvious strain picking at his throat.

Kamliah just eyes him incredulously. “Are you fucking kidding me? All our rules and laws and you still wanna give up on her!”

“We can’t help her if we can’t find her!” Adrian snaps and in a flash, his hands latch around Kamliah’s neck and slam her into a nearby tree, the rough bark stabbing against her skin like a hundred bullets all at once. She screams in agony before her expression goes blank and she stares Adrian dead in the eye.

He matches her intimidation but not daring to show emotion. His pale eyes narrow slightly and he keeps a steady grasp on Kamliah’s shoulder.

“I don’t want it to be like this but it is.” He admits, inhaling and exhaling sharply and not daring to take his gaze of Kamliah.

“Elena wouldn’t rest if it was you.” Kamliah counters, raising an eyebrow at Adrian and her nose twitching with an undeniable tension.

“That’s the difference between rules and loyalty.” Adrian whispers in return.

Kamliah didn’t like that statement. In yet another flash, a split second and Kamilah and Adrian have switched places, him being latched against the bark and her pointing a steak at his throat.

“Really, Kamliah? A death threat? To your oldest friend?”

“I have older.” She responds, her eyes narrowing with purpose.

Adrian keeps his expression serious, raising his hands as a defence. “You can’t save Elena. There’s too much killer in her now.”

“...Why does that sound like something you’d never say?” Kamilah questions, noticing how forced his words seem.

“Sometimes war is a wake up call.” Adrian whispers in response, easing the steak out of Kamliah’s hand and dropping it on the floor. He slips past her and glances back at Kamlilah before he goes in the other direction. “It’s better if we grieve for those who are lost instead of grieving over someone who can’t be saved.”

Kamliah arches her eyebrows in a solemn manor. “What the hell makes you think I’m grieving?”

Adrian folds his arms and raises his eyebrows. “Because you love Elena.”

Later, Kamilah sits in the cabin alone, aware that everyone else was working things out with the Clan. She just couldn’t face them, even if they asked for her and Elena. Adrian would be the one to break the news and let them know that Elena has been... lost.

No longer present is what Adrian likes to refer to the situation as. Something sudden and unprepared for. Sometimes Adrian can be way too professional. Way too put together and way too obsessed with hiding the truth. He wants everything to be right and not have anything be out of place or unbalanced. He’s so excessive sometimes with how fate works and he can’t afford to let anything fall apart.

Kamilah decided to stay behind and she hasn’t accomplished much since she decided to. Her mind has been infected with unwanted thoughts of Elena and all she wants is to have her back. Elena was slowly becoming a key part of Kamilah’s life and for a moment she felt like she... was falling in love.

Hell, maybe she’s in love.

Kamilah paces back and forth in the cabin on heavy feet, a frustration building up in her veins and she clenches her fists from all the agony wracking her pain. She doesn’t wanna feel this way. She just wants to believe Adrian when he says that this is over. Elena is over. Gone. Ran away. Hopeless.

But she can’t. She can’t fucking do it. Because she loves her. That’s right, she fucking fell in love with a human. Something she never thought she’d experience before. The thought of love. Not just passion and desire. Actual love. Something real.

Kamilah remains shaken and strained, like a silent ghost wandering around aimlessly for an answer that will never come from. Elena will never return. Who knows what life she lives now? Who she’s killed? How vampire life is treating her? Who knows? She could be dead for all we know.

Kamilah yawns dramatically and prepares to fall asleep until she feels a gentle, familiar tap on her shoulder. Slightly stunned, she swerves around, unsure who the hell this could be. Eh, it’s probably Adrian coming to check on her or give her news on the what’s happening with the Clan and what they think of the situation.

However, her breath catches in her throat when she realises who it is.

Elena.

For a moment, Kamilah just stays silent, the rock in her throat stopping her from saying anything. Elena is there. She’s really there. Unless Kamilah is just hallucinating. Right. This could all be a fucking mind game. Who knew the world could be that cruel?

Without even thinking, Kamilah drags Elena into powerful kiss. Undeniable passion immediately fills the air and a fire they’ve never experienced before. This is more enough to tell Kamilah that’s its real. Elena is there. She’s well and truly there. This is no takeout. It’s not a mind game or a pathetic hallucination. It’s real. Truly real. It’s all happening.

It’s almost magic. The way their lips move hastily against one another’s. The way their hands snake over each other’s bodies and caress every inch of each figure. They don’t wanna miss out on anything. They wanna remember the way their touch feels on one another. They wanna remember the passionate taste of each other’s lips and the way love really feels. They wanna know if it’s any different now that Elena is a vampire.

Maybe more rough but nothing should change.

Reluctantly, Kamilah pulls away, aware that they should probably before jumping into anything. She takes the time to familiarise herself with Elena’s appearance, knowing it wouldn’t be too different but something is bound to change. Elena’s ombré waves remain the same and they dangle gracefully at the front. Her lime green eyes are more faded than before - less light in them - and they constantly switch between crimson and emerald. Her pale skin is more defined now and less drastic and pasty than before.

She looks truly undead. Like she should but Kamilah can’t seem to get used to it.

Kamilah is still stunned and can’t find any words until Elena grasps her hand comfortingly. Tears slowly rise in her eyes and she sighs. “You’re... real.” Is all she manages to say and to Elena... it’s enough.

“I’m real. And I’m a... vampire.” Elena finally admits it to herself out loud and her breath catches in her throat.

Kamilah swiftly cups Elena’s cheek, caressing her face with her thumbs. “Don’t think about that. Don’t think about it.”

“But I have to.” Elena corrects.

“No you don’t. It doesn’t matter.” Kamilah counters.

Elena shakes off Kamilah’s hands and takes a step back, feeling the need to compose herself. “It does matter. So much.” She states, facepalming hard and keeping her voice as a mere whisper. “I can’t be the person I was because everything feels like a lie. Everything I know is a lie. My past is a lie. My future is a lie...”

“Why is a future a lie if you know you have it... forever?” Kamilah questions, tangling her fingers in Elena’s hair and desperate to stay in touch.

“That’s the point, Kamilah. I know I have it. There’s no uncertainty. Why... why did I do this? Why couldn’t I have just... died?” Elena asks, almost not afraid to say it due to the lack of emotion lurking in her eyes. It almost frightened Kamilah and caused her to feel guilt like no other.

“Don’t say that. Don’t you dare say that. Death is never an option for humans but when you’re like this... like you are now...” Kamilah pauses, speaking in between sobs and sniffs. “...you have a choice. You have immortality.”

Elena closes her eyes and releases a heavy sigh, almost collapsing into Kamilah but refusing to fall into the arms of the woman she care to escape. “I didn’t come here to reunite with you.”

Kamilah almost freezes, stiffening from Elena’s sudden words. “Then... what did you come here for? If not me.” Kamilah actually dares to ask and regrets it almost immediately.

Elena swallows hard. “I... I don’t want immortality. But if I have to have it... I can’t have it here with you.” She confesses and Kamilah instantly shakes with fear, clasping instinctively onto Elena’s wrist, aware that she could leave at any moment.

“Why? Why now? All because you have all the power in the world. Everything you could have wanted. Everything anyone could have wanted. Who would throw all that away?”

Elena doesn’t even need to think about it. She knows what the hell she wants and Kamilah just seems like an obstacle now. “What about all the normalities? The things l’ll miss out on. I’ll never be able to have a kid of my own... I’ll never be able to eat without thinking of blood... I’ll never be able to... have the normal life that I wanted with you.” Elena pauses as if she’s waiting for Kamilah to respond in some way. But Kamilah barely manages to open her mouth and still, no words come out. So she continues. “...Before I was worried I was just gonna become one of your passengers. Someone who dies on you and I didn’t wanna be that person who hurt you. But then I thought about all the good things. The things that made me so happy to be with you. The things I loved more than anything. And I focused on them. So I could keep up with the idea that you and I made sense. But then... this happened and all I can think... is I can’t focus on the positives anymore. Because it’s me doing this and it’s me who is missing out on a life. All because I fell in love with... you.”

Elena finally finished talking and Kamilah goes still again. Paralysed. Frozen in time. Like a statue. None of this seems to make sense or the point that Elena is trying to make. She really wants to let go of all this just because of missing out on what really matters. When you say it like that, it sounds clearer but it still isn’t right.

Kamilah finally summons up the courage to speak after a long, unbearable moment of tense silence. “...You’re serious? You wanna let this go because of fear?”

Elena raises her eyebrows in disbelief. “Fear? No this is about uncertainty and what the hell am I supposed to do if I lose you. That’s the point... I won’t. Because you’re immortal and I’m... now as well, which means we know we have forever while everyone else just has to say the rest of their lives.”

“That doesn’t mean anything. You’re just being paranoid now. Lets focus on giving you control and letting you get rid of the temptation.” Kamilah suggests, a weak smile forming on her lips but it dies from Elena’s next response.

“Oh my god. Enough about the temptation and the control and the hunger and all the lessons. Like it’s too damn much. I hate it. I hate it. I just don’t wanna be...” Elena trails off, afraid to say her next words judging by the boiling anger on Kamilah’s face.

“Go on... say it.” Kamilah dares her.

Elena sighs deeply. “I... I don’t wanna be a vampire. I’d rather die.” And that’s when the most catastrophic thing happens.

That’s when Elena pulls out a steak from behind her back.

Kamilah’s dark eyes immediately widen with shock and fear. Her mind goes wild with a frightened feeling and she shakes uncontrollably and she notices the petrified expression crossing Elena’s face, as she points the steak towards her barely beating heart.

She locks eyes with Kamilah and frowns. “I haven’t ate anything. No blood. No nothing. Thought I could starve but it doesn’t end it. It just makes it worse. Turns out this is the only way and... my only choice.” Elena admits, acting as calm as possible but obvious tears continue to spill from her eyes.

Kamilah takes a wary step closer, sobs pooling from her own eyes. “I’m begging you, Lena. Don’t do this. Please. I... I can’t live without you.” She pleads and pleads but nothing seems to work. Elena only seems to become more certain with her decision.

“Like you said, death isn’t an option. It’s a choice.” Elena repeats the words of Kamilah and it only adds to the pain. Guilt tears at her heart strings and she runs her hands hastily through her hair, not sure what to do or how to fix this.

“Stay with me... please.”

Elena shakes her head in denial. “It’s too late...” Elena trails off, her eyes glancing down at the steak aimed at her heart and it only seems to hit her with realisation that this is really the end. “...I love you, Kamilah Sayeed.”

Kamilah just sniffs hard, her hands and knees trembling and she can’t believe she’s really watching one of her many loves go... again.

“...I love you too, Lena.”

And that’s the last thing said before Elena plunges the steak inside her heart and one blink is all it takes for all that’s left of her to be... ash.

#choices september challenge #angst #fan fiction #bloodbound #kamilah x mc #kamilah sayeed #playchoices #choices bb #choices fan fiction #sort of long post

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zoilathemom-blog · 6 years

Text

stuff i wish i knew

Dakota was not planned. In fact, Zach and me were very much mending ourselves back together when we found out I was pregnant. We intended to have a baby at some point, but Winter 2018 was not penciled into our agenda. When we got the news there was no question. We were doing this, we’d made it 10 years at that point and had survived a 6 month separation, we could handle anything. And let me tell you, we really can handle anything.

Thank goodness we trusted our path because we are so in love with our little human. Dakota is a blessing, the perfect combination of us both and I am so excited for our life as Dakota’s parents. BUT I’d be a lying fool and a faker if I pretended my pregnancy wasn’t riddled with what ifs, doubts and confusion. Even more so, being a mother is terrifying - I’m constantly wondering if I’m fucking up. And the truth is, I probably am. But also, that’s OK.

My time as a pregnant woman was quite isolating. You see, we moved to LA in November of 2015 and hadn’t quite solidified a community here. I always imagined this time in my life would be filled with family and my best girl friends. It wasn’t. So I did what women do best, I adapted. With constant check-ins on my “Mothers.” chat - a group chat of 3 amazing girlfriends who are moms, advice from my mother and a lot of reading, I made it to motherhood. But that was just the beginning, there is still so much for me to learn. Motherhood is like getting to the top of a 5 mile high mountain only to find that the peak is still 15 miles up. Or like that scene in Titanic when they discover the iceberg has a side that juts out and the sailor screams “it’s got a head!” That’s motherhood. Always another step on a constant learning curve. BUT, the reward, the reward is so damn good. The first time Koda smiled a non gas triggered smile? I DIED!!!! Dying just thinking about him. Hold up, now I need to run into his nursery and check that he’s breathing....

OK, back now :)

So, in the spirit of sisterhood and the belief that real talk is the only talk that should exist, I’ve asked for advice. I asked for advice from some of the most amazing moms I know (please take or leave what you’d like - none of this is fact!). I asked them to share what they wish they had known or anything they feel is relevant for first time moms. This will be an ongoing document that I hope mothers will use and share, far and wide. Being a mom is hard. It is scary. It is also incredibly exciting & fulfilling. It is all the damn things and you don’t have to go through it alone. But if you are feeling alone (been there!!), I am here and so is this mama tribe.

On Support:

“Find plenty of moms who have been through it already and cry on their shoulders.” - Marti Cuevas; Mama to Martin Carle, 39 and me :)

“My advice is to reach out to other moms, either friends w kids or try to make some. Talking out weird questions or just being able to relate is so key.” -Kristina; Mama to Isabel, 8 Months

“Ask for what you need. Your partner or anyone around you for that matter cannot read your mind. Be vocal and direct.” - Zoila; Mama to Dakota, 3 Months

On Post Partum Bodies:

“I wanted to lose the baby weight right away, in my head, but it wasn’t until my son was 18 months that I felt my post-C-section body was ready and able. Everyone said breast feeding will make the weight drop on it’s own; well not for my P.C.O.S.-ridden reproductive system. My advice to first-time moms is to not succumb to the pressure of obsessing over baby weight loss. Follow your heart, mind and body on your post-partum journey back to your pre-pregnancy jeans.” - Rachel Muniz-Strauss; Mama to Donovan, 3 + one on the way.

On Self-Care:

“Don’t put undue pressure on yourself! We do that so much and it serves no one. You are a fabulous mama.” - Sadye; Mama to Rafi, 2

“New moms should do ONE thing a day. Like if it’s going to the store or a doctors appointment or whatever. One thing! Healing after labor and delivery or a cesarean birth takes time emotionally, physically, and spiritually! Over exertion is no bueno when dealing with a baby and a partner who is also struggling to find his or her place in the new family unit as well as probably recovering from the birth!” - Scotlan; Mama to Clementine, 11 Months

“BREATHE: things are going to get super hectic and really noisy. You will get hit with a poop explosion, loud crying and screaming, dinner burning on the stove, phone ringing, your partner asking "hey did you do the laundry yet?", while you have been holding your pee in for the last 3 hours cause you've been running around the house like a chicken without a head trying to do it all...You start to panic...but DON'T! JUST BREATHE and don't cram it all in at once...this is a recipe for ANXIETY. Yes you are a super hero and a bionic woman but you can't do everything at once. So stop for a minute and breathe, even if you have to lock yourself in the bathroom for 10 minutes...let the baby cry, let hubby figure it out and BREATHE...in through your nose and out through your mouth and tell yourself "I GOT THIS"..then go out there and conquer each thing one by one with a huge smile on your face... I know it's so simple but trust me it will save you a world of anxiety” - Byata; Mama to Luca, 6, London, 5 & Lucky, 11 Months

ACCEPT HELP. While being a new mom is certainly a sensory awakener, and a super cool and interesting experience that you wanna soak up all to yourself, you MUST accept help, especially from those with some wisdom and experience, and if someone whom you trust offers to watch the baby while you shower or nap, ACCEPT! - Cashley; Mama to Jacob 14, Nicky 11, Sophia 2

“SLEEP: every mom I have ever received advice from tried to sell me this little bit of information and guess what...I did not buy it! A sleep deprived mama is an unhappy, unhealthy, and uncomfortable mama. When that baby is sleeping, lay your ass down and close your eyes. Being rested allows you to be productive and allows you to be happy and healthy. When you are sleep deprived you make poor food choices (typically lots of sugar to keep you awake) which lead to a poor mood...and when mama is in a bad mood, everyone suffers! So try and sleep...the laundry will wait, the dishes will wait, the dinner will wait, your partner will wait, the whole world will wait for you to wake up!” - Byata; Mama to Luca, 6, London, 5 & Lucky, 11 Months

On “The Way Things Are Done:”

“I would advise not to share with others the name choice for your child. I feel that it should be between you and your partner (if there is one) as you are the parents, and deserve 100% creative control, if I may, in naming your child. I’ve found that when sharing my top name choices, the opinions of others really Jaded me (since when?!) BUT, while I love the names I gave my kids, I wish I had been more private on that aspect.” - Cashley; Mama to Jacob 14, Nicky 11, Sophia 2

“Breastfeeding is INCREDIBLY hard. If it does not come naturally to you, rest easy knowing you are not a mutant who can’t provide for their child. Almost every woman struggles with some aspect of breastfeeding. It doesn’t really start to feel normal until after the 3rd month. Don’t beat yourself up. Also, if you don’t want to breastfeed, that is your choice too and NO ONE has the right to shame you for it.” - Zoila; Mama to Dakota, 3 Months

“Your choice for Feeding source.. I 100% think should be kept as personal as possible. We all go into this mom thing with an idea of what we want to do, or not, but often times as I now know, things don’t go according to plan with regards to really anything, but especially nursing... lactation issues, latching or lack thereof, allergies, your schedule…. , or formula feeding may just be your personal preference... so regarding nursing vs formula, I found it best to keep mum. Everyone has an opinion, but do what your maternal instinct tells you.” - Cashley; Mama to Jacob 14, Nicky 11, Sophia 2

“Be patient with trial and error. Things that might work for your best friend might not work with your family. Flexibility and letting go of the idea that parenting should “look” a certain way” - Scotlan; Mama to Clementine, 11 Months

“SOMETIME'S LET THE BABY CRY: babies are designed to cry! It actually helps strengthen their vocal chords. I remember with baby # 1 I would be on the toilet while he was napping and I would hear him wake up and cry his little heart out and I would get up without finishing my business; run, trip, fall just to get to him as quickly as possible and help stop him from crying! No need for all that...take care of your shit mama! (NO PUN INTENDED) That baby won't brake. That baby will be fine! A few extra bouts of crying won't change anything. Yes it sounds painful and you want nothing more than to nurture your baby and protect it...but a little crying is OK...I promise.” - Byata; Mama to Luca, 6, London, 5 & Lucky, 11 Months

Tricks & Products That Save Lives:

“BABY WEARING: is a game changer! I can't begin to tell you how much this practice works. Especially for my super busy super moms who like to multi task...when you wear that baby in an Ergo or a MOBY Wrap (two of my faves), you can do anything you need to around the house, at the store, or outside...that baby is happy to be snuggled up against you, and you're happy that you can knock out a few birds with one stone. Your hands are free to type, clean dishes, make dinner, talk on the phone, fold laundry, speed walk, etc...(all in standing posItion - which is great for your back anyways!) I literally pull a 4 hour work shift out of the house just by wearing my baby. He's happy and I am getting shit done!!! - Byata; Mama to Luca, 6, London, 5 & Lucky, 11 Months

#motherhood #advice #momlife #moms #newmoms #newborn #mothers #mom life

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