#I DONT KNOW ANYMORE I NEED ANSWERS

[grahamcore]

so would hannibal eat turkey on thanksgiving or would it still be people meat

#and if so how the hell would he disguise it as a turkey?? because his other dishes are just ambiguous and fancy but a turkey is a turkey. #genuinely asking because on the one hand i imagine he’d be as festive as a middle aged suburban white woman for the holidays #but then i’m not sure if that’s actually true? in my soul i feel that it is but he’s lithuanian so does he observe every american holiday? #like my heart is telling me hannibal would go all out for the holidays just because he’s gaudy by nature but does that extend to thanksgivin #and if it does then how does that mesh with his cannibalistic tendencies? #i feel like thanksgiving is actually the perfect holiday for him because it’s literally an excuse to have people over just to eat with them #but that brings me back to the initial problem of disguising human meat as a turkey??? everyone knows what a turkey looks like #a heart could as easily belong to a human as it could to a cow but a turkey is a fucking turkey #unless he makes some fucked up human meat origami turkey which… going by the human heart in the cathedral he probably could #so either that or he just sucks it up and eats nonhuman meat for a day?? but would he even do that??? #I DONT KNOW ANYMORE I NEED ANSWERS #hannibal #hannibal nbc #hannigram

[youssefguedira]

for the first kiss prompts: "you kissed me first" "I definitely didn't" 😊

"You kissed me first."

"I definitely didn't."

They've had this debate more times than either of them can remember. It comes up about every few decades or so. The way Joe tells it, Nicky had kissed him first, in the kitchen of their tiny apartment in Cairo, after he'd finally decided loving him in silence was more than he could bear and told Nicolò everything, not looking him in the eye even once. There had been silence for a while, and then Nicolò had stepped forward to close the distance between them in one stride, lifted Yusuf's chin, and kissed him.

The way Nicky tells it is only slightly different: he maintains, and has for over nine hundred years, that even if he was the one to step forward first, Yusuf was the one who kissed him, his hand on the back of Nicolò's neck to hold him in place, fingers tangling into his hair.

The truth, and they both know it, even if they pretend to disagree, is that neither of them know for sure exactly who moved first anymore. They may be immortal, but their minds are still the same as anyone else's: they forget things, after a while.

(What really happened, though and the reason they can't agree on what exactly happened, was this: neither one of them leaned in. They moved at the same time, drawn together as if it were inevitable that things would happen, like this. Nicolò might call it destiny. Yusuf, a long while later, might call it something like magnetism.)

"It was definitely you," Joe responds. Nicky can hear the smile in Joe's voice before he sees it, looking down to where his head is resting against Nicky's shoulder. "I remember it like it were yesterday."

"No, you don't," Nicky says, fond. It would have bothered him, a few centuries ago, that he couldn't clearly remember what he considered then to be the most important moment of his life. He's made his peace with it, though.

Besides, there's no worth in being lost in the past. He knows that well enough.

Joe hums, tilts his head inwards to kiss the curve Nicky's shoulder. "We got here in the end, anyway."

"We did," Nicky echoes, and then kisses him properly.

(first kiss prompts)

#neon writes #the old guard #kaysanova #neon answers #anonymous #thank you for the prompt anon this was fun! #didnt realise how much i missed writing one off prompt fills so uh. if anyone has anymore #again i can't promise all of them will be filled or that ill respond quickly due to The Horrors but!! #i dont know How i feel about the end but it needed An end #userlyde #userlinax

[boxwinebaddie]

omg, so re: a sad sweet anon in my box who was worried that i divorced the boys forever; they're FINE, baby!!!! i promise </3333 it was just a really bad, fucked up month and they're Fine after that (unless i create some other problems, but for now i will spare you)

BUT THEY ARE FINE, MY LOVE!!! SWEARSIES!!!!

i promise you that that on the night jerseykyle gets in that nasty bar fight defending ravenstan's honor (in his absence) against a band of idiot incel transphobes and shows up on their old apartment door step all broken and bloodied before he gets reluctantly tended to and patched up by punk rock nurse ravenstan via several hello kitty bandids...at the end of that exchange, they get back together. c':

kyle also says i love you. <3333

it's kind of a lot for me to speed run entire scenes because they take so long, but just for you, petal, i'm gonna try and get you the sparknotes on the ravesey reunion asap. and please know that as emotional compensation, in lieu of the jersey can't say i love you ask that i was never able to finish/threw into other answers...

i will instead be writing you...

the jersey CAN say i love you ask!!!!! eeee!!!

it's very cute; i'm excited about it.

tldr; ravesey is fine, i'm sorry for scaring you. :'c i promise!!!! i am a hurt comfort writer even though no one believes me!!!! i'm just so much better at the hurt part than the comfort, but i'll comfort you!!

so please hold darlings, and rest easy knowing that.

-mean nasty evil sea witch neen

#nina speaks #oh my god i promise i didnt permanently break them up #i kno its hard to tell bc of all the hurt but IF I HURT THE BOYS ILLL ALWAYS FIX THEM THERES ALWAYS A HAPPY ENDING #like i will never leave them broken or sad or miserable #i know i ended pep like that bc i couldnt finish writing it but it ends very happy and the boys start dating i promise #i am going to start spoiling it to you via voice message soon #i'm sorry for hurting them so often i just like...i am not good at fluff im a crazy dramatic bisexual girlie its too mundane for me #i need action and drama and hell like thats where i like to live which i'm so sorry if yall are sick to death of me #its just the most fun for me to write im sorry ill fix em #also ravenstans hair post them back together is pink bc the red slowly starts washing out and he looks SOOOO CUTE #I LOVE YOU PINK HAIR RAVEN LITERALLY SO CUTE JERSEY CALLED HIM PEPTO ABYSMAL BUT #HES BEING A HATER HE THINKS ITS CUTE #kuromi emo boy king #but guys guys guys i would never leave the boys broken i would neve rleave you with no hope never ever EVER #there is always a light at the end of the tunnel for as much as you hurt i will always heal you im sorry ily ily ily #i got asked to post the drama post makeout mv fight dialogue but i dont want to stress yall out anymore so ill wait #idk why this genuinely created concern for me but i want yall to know that i am like not torturing the boys endlessly and write hurt/comfor #its just hard to task manage all my asks and...anyways ill try to answer some nice asks so we can breathe easy

[esaari]

🦇🐺.

#oc #kit #idk what this pose is #i dont know how to draw him anymore lol ugh #i hope the kit enthusiasts like this one #very unhappy thinkin abt disappearing into the woods and also deleting my socials and my server #feel very lonely very forgotten very easily discarded as always #sometimes i wonder if anyone would notice if i just disappeared now cus in my experience the answer is no #i like venting in tags sorry about that lol i think we've reached that time of night i should be sleeping instead of having thoughts #preemptively saying no one needs to send me nice messages about this lets just pretend we dont see it #tomorrow is another day hopefully a better one #good night folks stay secksee

[johanthefriskiestofbits]

oooooo please tell me (who knows nothing on the subject) about orv swap au

hehehe. hehehehehehe. hehehehehehehhehehehhheheheh <- guy who is so normal

the premise of orv swap au (name has yet to be finalized) is this: what if kdj and yjh swapped narrative positions (reader <-> character) but very little else? what if a video game player enters a time loop to save his favorite character from dying over and over again and also to end the apocalypse?

admittedly it's not super fleshed out yet (a lot of the changes this premise would introduce are still not hammered out yet) but here are some points under the cut (novel spoilers ahead!)

orv swap au starts with pro gamer yjh who feels :/ abt his job, but hey, it pays the bills. despite (or maybe because of) his relative popularity as a pro gamer and networking with the agency/sponsors/people to impress, he's kind of isolated in a way that's detrimental, a facade of someone he's not whenever he's on camera

something to play around with is the idea of agency? maybe this yjh doesn't feel like he has any and has his hands tied between the lifestyle and being under public scrutiny and not having enough of a support system to leave everything behind. maybe he doesn't know what else he would even do. maybe he's aimless and drifting with nothing to hold on to.

his favorite video game is what i've been thinking of as World's Hardest To Play Indie Game (not based on difficulty but just on the experience of consuming it) a boring, exposition heavy, player-hostile, poorly designed, slightly buggy mess of a barely-playable game: twsa, a game that was not finished upon release and experiences with sporadic updates every now and then.

the ending tree to this game is so convoluted its insane. also theres no save states so if you die (very likely) u restart babeyyy.

twsa (video game) does have multiple endings, all of which happen when kdj, your main character, dies. some are farther into the apocolypse than others, some paths require meta knowledge of future events or character actions or items or whatever. the "true ending" is either analogous to the original 1863: kdj makes it to the end at the cost of everyone he loves, or hsy's modified 1863: kdj makes himself enemy of the scenario to secure a way out for the kimcom remnants.

there's branches on the choices tree where everyone dies and everything sucks and is bad forever and theres choices to make where kdj gets to make a family and they don't really get to settle down but they can get pretty close to it among the ruins of the apocalypse. through all his testing, yjh finds that these endings are nice but peter out - to get to the end of the apocalypse yjh has to claw his way there inch by painful inch, through betrayal and sacrifice, and he still cant fully get past it

i originally wanted to finagle a yoohankim 3 way swap but i couldn't figure it out. swap aus are a lot easier to work with when they're even numbers, at least to me, so this au features a ysa who is a video game company employee by day and by night she really has become god this time (and also a terrible indie dev). and this is how jungdoksang can still win !!!!

also yjh's coworker from Real Life hsy :) i haven't decided if she's like an employee for the same agency, or if she's someone else in the gaming circles that yjh interacts with sometimes (in my heart theyre in like some sort of discord server together), or something like that but she's around. whatever she does she is twitter cancelled for something. to me.

the only other character swaps are lsk and yma. yma is yjh's estranged sister (in broad strokes there's a vague bad parent situation going on here) (they used to be close until they drifted apart and slowly started hating each other [there is an abyss between them that neither of them can bridge]) (he feels that she betrayed him and threw him under the bus so he left [maybe he gets kicked out]) (she feels that he abandoned her to whatever situation they have going on [he didn't even try to take her with him]) and he has to find her when the apocalypse starts. yjh older sibling to yma gives us a whole different little dynamic to explore from kdj ysk (there's different levels of responsibility and guilt and blame when you're talking siblings that are soooooo interesting to me. sorry that i see any set of siblings and immediately try to figure out how to make them worse)

lsk is kdj's mom who appeared into existence at some point with kdj and they were both just adults. that's weird isn't it. oh well. i guess she can become a transcendent later too for funsies

everyone else stays in the same configuration of Real Person vs Character to me this is a very important aspect

this point has no precedent with the swap, nothing particular that would change to cause this, but it would be so funny if lgy was a little gamer boy who is an avid yjh hater. hates that guy. shows up to competitions to boo him. tunes into yjh's silent no-mic speedrunning streams to mald in chat but yjh +mods don't ban him bc its kinda funny.

anyways the apocalypse starts when yjh and his coworker/fellow gamer hsy are on a train to twitchcon and lgy is also there (also headed to twitchcon) and he brings bugs because he likes them but also to sabotage yjh specifically. its just funny if this happened. you understand

instead of having reader-related skills and abilities, yjh's skills are video game player based! he gets flavor text insight on people, location, and items, things like that. notably, he has the ability to reset, to bring himself back to the beginning of the apocalypse

orv swap proper follows yjh as the Player of the Game (Consumer of the Narrative) who lives hundred of lifetimes in this ruined-world-become-reality "replaying" [read: time looping through] the game to reshape it to save his fave character from self implosion (kdj with no dissociation is very prone to dying. all the time.). to revisit the idea of playing with yjh and the idea of agency, of creation, the only way to get past the apocalypse is to go off the beaten path, to choose options that weren't even there in the game. when in space, at his darkest point, yjh becomes a writer. in this story, at his darkest point, he has to become a creator too

please do not ask me how the epilogues go i dont know how the epilogues go (i don't want to throw yjh back into a train for milennia after he Just went through a thousand resets so i'm sending kdj for that but i havent fully planned how or why)

anyways, hope that helps!!! :)

#orv au #orvswap #i think i will main tag this. just the one tag tho. poorly planned au be upon ye. #orv #orv spoilers #<- for blacklists! #i only realized after creating this au that this is just how p//mmm goes except its videogame themed and hater lgy is there lol #anyways wheres that post that says time loops are about tragedy and theyre about saying i will make this right #and secret third thing time loops are about love #also each individual dynamic for the creater-player-character triangle in this is so interesting to me to explore like #you have the new kdj-yjh one (mostly similar tbh. was the crux of the au after all) which is a fun space to play in #but then you have a brand new kdj-ysa one to work with which is !!!! a writer and her character. a creator and her creation #and then you have ysa-yjh as the creator and her audience of 1!!!!!!! where is yjh that he needs to be saved? how does ysa answer that call #to love to the point of creation.... to tear the world asunder..... to create the worlds most unplayable rpg....... #lets meet again in another life. ysa reaches out toward yjh but cant reach him before she wakes up. cant quite tell him its not his fault #and Dont Even get me Started on yoo sister dynamics ill go insane #because theyre siblings but for a while (and def at the beginning of the story) it hurts to be around each other (its a betrayal #its a pang in your chest its a you were supposed to protect me and you were supposed to love me and i dont even know you anymore) #but also the swap means the 4th wall eats yma and leaves yjh begging for her back ('dont you hate her?' 'shes my little sister' #which is neither agreement nor denial but also both at once) #its ya boi #tango mango #anyways thanks for the ask im very normal about the ask

[flamboyant-king]

That sure sounds like something bad is going to happen to these teens just doing their homework.

#this is old but i never posted it #the context is we were playing with that character ai thing in april and i was trying to see if the thing could properly answer math #it could not because not even the equation for a parabola was correct #(so at the end of the story we had was eli crying about not know what a parabola is) #but what happened in the story is theyre parallel studying in liam&charlie's apartment when they hear screaming and police sirens #they look out the window and then look up and they see a man on the opposite apartment complex standing on the edge of the roof #drama ensues and charlie and joey have an extended interaction that makes me want them to be friends rather than acquainances thru eli #but that whole ordeal was not canon but it does open the door to my mind. so that ai shenanigans wasnt all negative #i dont touch the thing anymore tho. but i did find this pic again and remembered...i need to draw these kids more #and they are my kids now. i made them in high school so they were my peers but now they are my children #oc stuff #find eli #joey #charles #eli #also char and joey were able to talk the man down or at least distract him enough until EMTs were able to bring him down

[milkweedman]

[image description: an ask by @arbrehoux​ that says “Hi! I’m just getting into spinning, and I wanted to ask how to finish off the yarn once you’ve spun all you want. I’ve tried googling it, but every website I look at skips straight from the actual spinning to soaking. I’m using a drop spindle, if that’s relevant.” end image description]

soaking usually IS the way to finish yarn ! i'll give you the best step by step i can though (and for future reference, this applies to pretty much every single spinning method, so you can do this with yarns spun on a spinning wheel, a supported spindle, a drop spindle, a navajo spindle, a charkha wheel, or whatever else you might encounter. it's all yarn, so it can all be finished the same way.)

step 0: if you plan on plying your yarn, do it before finishing. you don't need to finish singles if you plan to ply them. finishing relaxes the yarn, so if you finish a singles and then ply it, it will end up being somewhat limp unless you overply it (which makes yarn less elastic and more rough) but if you spun a singles and want it to remain a singles, never to be plied, then you can certainly finish it as a singles.

step 1: remove the yarn from your spindle (or bobbin, or whatever it is on) and wrap it around something as it comes off. a niddy noddy is great for this, but not necessary. you can wrap your yarn around a big hardcover book or the back of a chair, or whatever. when taking yarn off a drop spindle, i usually just toss the spindle on the ground and let it roll around as I wind the yarn off. if you’re worried about it catching on something, put the drop spindle in a box or mixing bowl instead and let it roll around in there.

[image description: a somewhat blurry closeup of a tattooed man’s hands. in his right hand he’s holding a hardcover book. in his left he’s wrapping yarn around the book lengthwise. a red line has been drawn in to show the path of the yarn as he winds. end image description]

step 2: tie your yarn off. you can use the messy looking ends of the yarn if you wish, or another piece of yarn or string. just tie a simple knot around the hank. you want at least two knots, but if you're really worried about it tangling, you can do more. the purpose of tying your yarn off is to stop it from tangling in the next steps, to make it easier to work with when you wind it into a ball or cake later, and to keep it looking tidy.

[image description: a closeup of the yarn on the book from the previous image. a knot has been tied around all the strands of yarn on that side. there is a red arrow pointing to the knot. end image description]

step 2.5: if you want to know your yardage or meterage, this is the time to do so. first, count how many strands you have. second, measure how many inches or centimeters it takes to span the entire length of the book (so, front, back, and the width of both the top and bottom). In this case I think it was 8 strands and 24 inches for the whole book. that means the whole yarn is 192 inches (8x24=192) and the yardage is 5.3 (192/36=5.3). same steps if it’s centimeters and meters, of course. also, if you’re thinking “wow, I have to measure whatever i’m winding my yarn on every time ? that sounds annoying”, then you’re seeing why niddy noddys are so helpful and you should get or make one. my niddy noddy takes 2 yards to span it, meaning whenever i wind yarn on, after counting it i can just multiply my result by 2 and know how many yards i have (if i have 100 strands and i know each strand spans 2 yards, that means my whole skein is 200 yards. so much simpler.)

step 3: soak your yarn. or just get it wet. i usually run my yarn under the tap for a few seconds to make sure it is fully wet, but you can also put it in a bowl with some water and make sure it's fully submerged. leave it there for a few minutes.

step 3.5: if your yarn isn't very soft and you want it to be softer, you can add conditioner (just like, the normal stuff you use for your hair) to the bowl before you put the yarn in to soak. if you're softening it this way, leave it in the bowl of water for at least an hour, or even overnight. when you take it out, rinse it briefly. this step is only necessary if you want your yarn softer.

step 4 (optional): go outside and snap your yarn like a whip a few times. this evens out twist and flicks a lot of the water off, so it will dry faster too. if your yarn has some spots that are really undertwisted or overtwisted or both, this is a good way to help reduce that and make more evenly plied.

step 5: let your yarn dry completely. in the summer i hang my yarn over the clothesline, and in the winter i usually put it over a heating vent. doesn't matter how you do it. remember that wool in particular can feel dry even when it has a fair amount of water in it, so don't grab it the second it feels dry--give it a while longer to actually dry.

you should notice that your yarn looks different now that it's dry. if it's wool, it's likely puffed up some (to varying degrees depending on the breed of animal it came from, as well as whether it was roving or a batt or a rolag or whatever else, and also depending on how you spun it. it's a cool thing to pay attention to.)

step 6: skein your yarn. pick up the hank and drape it over your thumb or hand or whatever. the vast majority of yarns will twist a little in one direction when you do this, from residual twist. some yarns will twist a lot, others only barely. note the direction that it twists in--to the left or to the right. put your other thumb at the other end of the hank, and start twisting one thumb in the opposite direction that your hank twisted in. i usually twist with one thumb until i can't easily twist it anymore, and then twist with the other thumb. your nice loop should now look kind of like a piece of rope, with your thumbs still hooked into each end.

[image description: the first image shows the yarn hooked over each thumb, with two twists in the middle. the second image shows that same yarn, which now has so much twist it looks like rope. his thumbs are still hooked into each end. end image description]

you now want to find the center point of your ‘rope’ and fold it there. your ‘rope’ should kind of snap into place, looking like a much larger version of a 2 ply yarn. it’s nice and stable like this, and can be transported or stored easily (plus it’s pretty !). the last step is to take one of the loops you had your thumb in and push it through the other loop. this stops it from unraveling.

btw: the reason we twist it the opposite direction that it wants to turn is the same reason we ply in the opposite direction that we spin. if you spin Z and ply Z your yarn isn’t going to be structurally sound, and it’ll look pretty bad, too. when it comes to skeining you’re not adding any structural stability to the actual yarn, but the looks still matter--if your Z plied yarn is twisted Z while skeining, your skein will be limp and lifeless and not very pretty. if it’s twisted S, it’ll be nice and balanced and neat looking. it’s purely an aesthetics thing, but it also only takes half a second to figure out, so why not do it ?

and you’re done ! your yarn is now finished and skeined, and you know the yardage/meterage. you can label it with all relevant info if you want (for example: 4 ounces shetland roving, 2 ply, 350 yards, light worsted weight, finished august 2022, spun on a wheel)

#sorry this isnt an ask anymore #i somehow corrupted the original post by adding images and then saving it as a draft to work on later #idk... tumblr. #anyway those pictures are from a little video i made that im now somewhat too embarassed to post #although if this doesn't make sense and seeing it in video form would be helpful lmk and ill just link it anyway #it has to be a youtube video bc its too big to post on tumblr normally even after trying to condense it so #anyway sorry this took a while to answer ! it's hard to put most fiber instructions into words #spinning #handspun yarn #drop spindle #tutorial #also im not gonna go into shrinkage bc honestly i like to pretend it isn't a thing so that it doesnt mess up my yardage measuring #but if it immediately pops off the book/niddy noddy/whatever and looks way smaller that means your yarn is definitely shorter #than the actual yardage. calculating how long it really is while still using the same tools is rly hard #so i dont bother. you can minimize shrinkage by wrapping very loosely and not pulling on the yarn or putting it #under any tension as you wind. thats what i do with yarns when i really NEED to know the actual yardage #such as for a specific project or if i want to sell it #anyway yeah !

[seedlessmuffins]

.

#i think ive been burnt out for awhile #like exhausted nothing makes me happy anymore burnt out #i know i need to work to be able to afford things but it is so much and my job is so draining in every way #i feel guilty because i was late to work today i slept through my alarm #but it is because im so stressed all the time my body just doesnt respond anymore #ive worked like 8-13 hour days every day for the past two months and at this point im tired #i dont know if i can do this anymore but genuinely if i dont i will not be able to afford school next year #its a struggle #and then i feel guilty not answering texts or asks even though i love getting them and reading them #because i legitimately dont have the energy to reply #its also why ive been a bit less active but i dont have the energy for it #it makes me feel guilty which makes me feel worse and just sends me deeper into the spiral #it will get better but im not at the positivity place yet #it will get better but right now it fucking sucks and i am absolutely bone deep exhausted and tired of waking up #im in an ok place but i just need to be taken out of time for a bit #k.

[bitchesgate3]

mizora fans are the only safe side of the fandom for me

#from most safe to less safe #mizora tag i can enjoy evil woman and the occasional hate post #but she deserves that and it doesnt overrrun the tag #m*nthara tag is ok but some fans see her as more evil and more masc than i see her as #weird to me - cant relate #love Lae but the shadowzel hatef*cking ruined my engagement with other fans of hers #mystra tag i instafollow mystra-defenders #instablock mystra haters #literally on sight #because i read the whole post in the tag and i deserve compensation #mystra aint on the same level as c*zador #shes a pompous bitch who withholds blessings not a fcking p*mp/ tr*fficker #love shadowh*art but shes disrespected constantly and stripped of personality in the fandom to be: the woman #i dont follow the tags of the male characters anymore because the amount people will woobify them is legit unsafe #man puts a bomb in his chest because he couldnt take no for an answer #but people want to say “poor baby girl” the fuck? #man is just stupid and a tad scary #honestly sexy but i would be mystra 2.0 if i got with him #larian woobified ast*rion by removing the nuance on whether or not he deserved redemption #fandom performatively “likes” w*ll only when someone makes a big enough stink about him #i feel bad for actual fans because they love something that isnt actually there #his writing literally removes all agency for him #larian infantalized a grown ass black man to constantly be humiliated and removed the rightful anger he had in EA #i need people to admit that the writing is bad and IS racist and enables people to be racist in being dismissive with him #sometimes i do dip into the ast*rion tag tho because those artists know how to draw s*x with women #like those girlies have had s*x before and know what they want and they are so right for it #the wlw art in this fandom has no idea how s*x works #or its so male gazey and prnified it legit makes me squeemish

[zemnarihah]

vibrating w anger rn bc the missionaries just came and banged on my door literally 3 times. like long loud knocking with waiting time in between. FUCK OFF

#i need to get a sign bc theyre in this complex all the time... but idk if they even pay attention to that #but i was so mad bc its like. this is a tiny two bedroom apartment i know youre not knocking this much bc you thought i didnt hear it the #first time. its because you are trying to annoy me into answering. so fucking rude like i am trying to be nice by NOT answering since i #really dont have the ability to be patient about someone trying to pester me into entertaining the church anymore... like it really is #better that i didnt answer bc i wouldve been mean and it wouldnt fucking help anything but i keeeeep like going over in my head what i want #to say to them. yk if it happens again or whatever... but its so pointless honestly like its not going to make them stop. who cares. #maybe ill try and put up like a no proselytizing sign and see if that does anything.

[monty-glasses-roxy]

I have two thoughts that are bouncing around in my head right now

1. The problem with me inventing horsies is that I want them all to have feathers but that's fucking boring but I the feathers are neat but it's boring but-

2. Oh my god. Oh my god. There is not a single fundamental fact Roxy has believed that has been right. Not a single fucking thing. Her life is a god damn lie. Tries to clear up one identity problem and ends up with another two. She feels like this is the identity crisis hydra. Is there a way to win here? Is there anything else that's been a lie this whole time? Is she even still Roxy anymore? She's going through some things...

But at least her horsie has feathers I guess

#lmao her horsie does have feathers a lot of them do #it fits her horsie very well though #roxy finding this horsie and fucking screaming at her for answers she's going through it so bad #fucking 'roxy... im sorry im so so sorry-' like fucking 'sorry? you're sorry?! i dont know who i am anymore and you're SORRY?!' #MY GUYS SHE'S STRUGGLIN #everyone scrambling to tell her the truth before she finds out and freddy trying to buy time by asking cassie to keep her busy... #and THAT'S how she fucking finds out cause the pair of them found the truth themselves #when they wouldn't have if they weren't all trying to buy time #like!!! yike!!! zoinks even!!! what a fucking situation!!! #the only ones exempt are the minis and dj even chica who was built AFTER all of this fucking knows #hell on earth for roxy man... i don't even know how to resolve this yet but god damn #she's so upset and so angry and so confused and she keeps thinking things will get better the more she knows #but now she feels fucking ROBBED and more confused than ever #she needs a hug okay??? so badly #she finds the horsies and they're just as confused btw. so is barney the duck... and the minis... #horsies make her smile though. they're just so fucking weird and she feels like the whole herd has collectively decided to dote on her #and be goofy little shits for her. she's struggling to learn their names and literally anything but #she made a joke to poppet the mini about teaching them to roll over and freddy's appeared out of nowhere to roll over for her like :D #i made base ideas for freddy and monty's horsies last night btw #of the two i like freddy's the most for one specific thing he does that makes me laugh lmao #he's like a forklift :)

[seraphim-soulmate]

so how do I reconcile with just having big baby loser brain that decided I'd be mentally ill and perpetually stuck suffering instead of having just dealt with my shit in a more normal way? or is there some neuroscience that can explains that I don't have a cringefail brain but it's actually something else??

i mean. it's shame. shame I feel for struggling with things i consider i shouldn't struggle with, which i guess is kinda stupid bcs when i take a step back i realize it's understandable that im struggling with certain things ive lived through. being stuck in them doesn't entirely make sense, but I'm willing to accept that my past shaped me. not to mention that I'm also somehow kind of constantly going through really hard situations on top of also dealing with my past? but it also all (mental illness and emotional sensitivity, I mean) started with something, and my early childhood was my parents getting divorced.

but I consider that banal, plenty of parents get divorced and it doesn't mean their kid suffers from treatment-resistant depression and ptsd. I guess divorce is so normalized now that i don't consider it a valid thing to be traumatized over, at least not to the extent to which ive experienced symptoms. but I was separated from one parent, always missing one or the other, without any explanation that could make sense to a child's brain about why any of this happened and why i have to suffer because of it. can I get rid of the shame by validating the struggles I went through? would that make me feel better about having been disabled by my life experiences?

#personal #me #mental health #i don't mean this as an insult to other people who also struggle with the same shit i struggle with #its just rn im in quite an awful state and its a question that keeps replaying #but writing this out did make me realize how cruel it is to think this of myself ig #it doesnt make the thought any less extant though. #like is it that my brain and biology were structured this way? did i have a predisposition and then life events made me develop like thi #this* #its also possible its autism. but i don't know enough to know how to cope with that either. #from what I've gathered it means i actually have a genetic difference that made me more vulnerable to emotional difficulties? #i dont know what the point of finding out the answer to this is either. i guess to justify why its okay for me to be like this. #because so far it doesn't seem right. it doesnt make sense that i have this many mental issues. #maybe my expectations are unrealistic. #idk my psych at some point said i have these things in place so i wouldnt just fully lose my mind. #and i thought id gotten to a place where i didnt need dissociation as a coping tool anymore #but then more things that are super overwhelming keep happening in my life #and chronic pain plus sensory issues arent things that make you want to be present in your body either tbf

[bixiaoshi]

.

#if i don't get this out of my system i may explode lmao #but man the fact that im not a uni student anymore is getting more and more real with each passing day n the fact that i have to start #searching for a job is getting more and more real each day and it's giving such huge amount of anxiety bcs im scared abt what's to come #i'm terrified of getting a job i hate. i'm terrified of losing my life in something that drains me. i'm terrified of getting stuch where #i am. of seeing my life pass and not accomplishing what i want. of everything i've dreamed of stays as that. a dream. #i'm terrified of being stuck in this country. in this city. bcs all i wanna do is leave but i dont have the means to do it!!!!!! #i dont have the money. my mom doesn't have the money and im scared. terrified of dedicating my life to working for it to be all pointless #i wanna travel n i wanna leave n i wanna land a job that i like!!!!!!!!!!!! #i don't think i'm fit for capitalism bcs routine bores me. bcs i don't want to lose my life in a job i hate #but then again i don't rlly have a dream job. i have smth i want to do but it doesn't rlly allign with my degree #and i'm scared!!!! of not being able to accomplish it!!!!!!!!! i'm so terrified of never doing what i want!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #i'm terrified of staying here bcs it's easier and less scary. i don't want to live a life of it is what it is!!!!!!!! #but everything at this point overwhelms me and idk where to start!!!!!!! idk what to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and i feel so silly by #asking other ppl bcs they don't have the answer n i hate it. bcs i need an answer i need to know im gonna be okay #life is unexpected n that alone makes me dread it. bcs i don't have full control of what's to come #sure i can do things to get me where i want to be but it's not 100% guaranteed it will happen the way i want it to #like. i dropped out of a major i thought i wanted n loved. i got a degree in smth that isn #isn't rlly a passion of mine #i dread the unexpected. i dread not having full control. i dread not knowing stuff #i dread things going out of plan n sure i do have a life plan #but i'm terrified of it just being a life plan #peace n love on planet earth #jo.txt

[k0kichiimagines]

i hate writing cvs and teachers r useless at help i love them and i appreciate it but "i have no skills to put on my cv what should i put" - "aww no everyone has skills just think of something"

#SAME WITH REFERENCES #like i dont know people #it reminds me of when i tried to ask for another way to do a piece of homework because you needed to ask multiple people things #and my teacher refused to believe that i truly did not have a single friend to ask #and then finally went ok but said to ask other kids in my class #ma'am i had a panic attack after texting someone a simple message i truly cannot physically do that without passing out #i did not do the homework i couldnt be bothered to make up answers #so much of psychology was that though lol i just had to make up friends and answers #thats so humiliating to admit actually #see i used to be so sad that i didnt have friends but im not rlly anymore / srs #i havent had friends in years let alone close friends #i decided to stop trying it only ever results in stress for me lol #i dont even knkw what to talk about #like people dont rlly care about ur goals or interests or sharing theres or hobbies like what do we even do #its more lonely to have friends then not i think #and it does suck being alone but you get used to it even if ur extroverted and drained like me LMAO #its not like im anti social i just dont put myself out there #i want to live in a city apartment and fill it with pretty things #and learn an instrument #and get a pet #it's 2am im rambling im tired LMAO

[misspickman]

cassierose for the ship ask game !!

Ship It

What made you ship it? i liked them in tt03, which you know, is truly a feat considering how terribly that comic treats both of them. but their dynamic (angry homoeroticism) managed to be compelling still

What are your favorite things about the ship? i enjoy girl antagonism from time to time. i know were all sick of the trope that teen girls all hate each others guts but considering cassie has a pretty good relationship with all the other girls on her team(s) its fun to see her just go ugh i hate this one. this one can go. theyre just fun and bitchy and i think they should hatefuck about it. but beside that theres also so much potential there ! i think you know, if anyone writing that comic actually cared about cassie or rose or about their character development, it would have been interesting to see their relationship change over time instead of getting one issue where cassie implicitly calls rose family while protecting her, and then the next one she immediately she calls her a manipulative psychopath for no good reason bc they cant figure out how to make the team interesting without having some wildly antagonistic relationship that doesnt make sense if u think about it for a few seconds. theyre never going to be besties but it would have been nice to see them go from blind hate to an uneasy truce; they dont like each other but they do, unfortunately, care about each other, and lets see where we go from that. + itd be interesting to dig into cassies hypocrisy when it comes to hating rose

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship? i guess its that i would like them to grow past mindlessly despising each other ? this is not me criticizing anyone but i feel like a lot of takes on cassierose ive seen are that they should stay in the hatefucking no mushy business❌❌❌phase which is definitely fair and true to how they are in tt03. but i do have some issues with the way they were written in tt03 (particularly cassie) and would like to see their dynamic progress from that (see rant above)

#i guess the reason im personally more interested in them sort of working through it is bc cassie doesnt have. a good reason for hating rose #i dont think its ooc but a lot of it Is supposed to be bc shes either jealous of her bc of tim (??)or thinks rose sucks bc she killed peopl #which is. she was drugged and manipulated and i think most teen titans in the superhero business should be able to handle #that sort of a not black and white situation #and idk. be more understanding. i know rose isnt super nice but maybe calling her a manipulative bitch constantly isnt the way to go #theres fun antagonism and theres cassie being just needlessly awful to her (that convo she and tim have about rose) #and i do think theyll always be bitchy to each other but i would like to imagine cassie is more considerate than this #and would eventually recognize she was occasionally just being shitty ! it would make for an interesting story ! alas #i think cassierose going from hating each others guts as teens to adult coworkers who dont really hate each other anymore #bc theyve been through so much shit together #but need to keep up the appearances of hating each other bc god forbid they admit to being kind of friends. that would be fun. to me<3 #ask #thank you. so sorry this got so long #youve given me an excuse to rant about cassierose so this is what u get<3 #sorry that the question was what i like about the ship and i just bitched about how it could be better #i guess the answer is im intrigued by the potential. also i love lesbians

[raspberrysmoon]

for the Hatchetfield asks: 💙 and 🙃

favorite tgwdlm character: ALICE. I AM INSANE OVER HER I NAMED MYSELF AFTER HER I LOVE HER SHES MY BBG SHES MY EVERYTHING I ADORE HER YOULL NEVER UNDERSTAND THE JOY I FEEL WHEN I REMEMBER SHE EXISTS AND IS A CHARACTER WITH A WHOLE NMT EPISODE ABOUT HER WHERE I CAN JUST SEE HER. i have no reasoning for this. i just adore her. shes so silly. not your seed made me cry. its my favorite song from the musical. its the bane of my existence. the way mariah delivers every single line makes me scream. "yes it is. its all your fault" WHAT IF I CRY????? "im fucking seventeen" WHAT IF THATS THE THING THAT BROKE ME???? WHAT IF I AM SOBBING???? "i dont think i oughta..." BABY GIRL I WILL DESTROY EVERY ATOM OF WEED IN THE WORLD FOR YOU SAY THE WORD. ILL HUNT IT DOWN. HUNT THE PLANT TO EXTINCTION ???? DO YOY WANT ME TO KILL THAT GUY FOR YOU???? I WOULD. and i am so so so normal abouy her 👍

favorite nmt episode: if we count hey, melissa! then ueah its hey melissa, but if not provably yellow jacket or abstinence camp?

#alice answers asks !! #<- see i told you im crazy about her #i need to go write about her asap #as you can tell i am normal about alice woodward #youd think watcherworld would be my favorite nmt ep but i just really dont like the place of watcherworld #praying for more development on it some day bc its not ??? that fun ?? to me ? like its cool in concept but its really not fleshed out? im #not scared of it like i feel like i should be? yk? and it just feels very low stakes to me #i dont know what im saying anymore #i love rambling in the tags 👍 #double rant today ‼️‼️‼️‼️