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elvenbeard · 1 year

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Get to know me

I've been tagged in three separate memes with that title by @timaeusterrored and @katsigian, thanks a lot for thinking of me! :D For brevity's and simplicity's sake I'm just gonna throw all of them together in one post ~ Won't be tagging anyone in particular, but if you read this and feel inclined to share some stuff about yourself, pick and choose from the questions listed here and feel free to tag me in your posts! :D

Favorite color: Purple, Turquoise, and Black

Relationship: single

Currently reading: when I'm not re-reading my own stuff for editing purposes, I currently just really enjoy reading everyone's Cyberpunk drabbles and OC lore posts because I live for that stuff! for having been a very bookish kid I don't really read much anymore admittedly D:

Last song Played: "A Dialogue In B Flat Minor" by In Flames (it's on my V playlist and a very Vince and Johnny song to me XD)

Song Stuck in my Head: "Gloves" by Saint Punk (I'm obsessed with it because it fits Vince so much and I'm working on something inspired by it)

Last Movie: oooof... I think it was "The Shawshank Redemption", I was recently in the mood of rewatching some 90s classics while drawing!

Last series: If youtube series count, I'm currently rewatching Buzzfeed Unsolved: True Crime for the 11th or so time XD I've loved true crime stuff for as long as I can remember and BFU is also just really nice as background noise for when I'm working on something for a few hours at a time. Looking forward to diving into Mystery Files xD (the last "actual" series I watched before that was "Better Call Saul", rewatched it from start to finish in English for the first time xD)

Sweet, spicy, or savory: ooohhh hmmm.... dammit, I guess I'm too much of a sweet-tooth to not pick sweet xD

Favourite Food: Pizza with lots of different cheeses

Craving: to quit my dayjob, because objectively, it would just be really fucking funny to do. We're chronically understaffed and simultaneously also being forbidden overtime to catch up on the backlog, so it's just extremely exhausting at the moment.

Tea or coffee: Coffee, but tea is nice too :3

Dream Trip: everywhere... but my top 3 are Japan, Iceland, and Canada. I'd love to go to Japan during cherry blossom season, spend one week in all the big cities and another more on the countryside, going hiking, looking at temples, forests, and spending a day or two at a ryokan with onsen. Iceland I'd also like to see as much of as possible, I'd actually love to do a guided tour on horseback across the country xD And honestly, same for Canada (without the horses though), also a trip across the country visiting all kinds of sights and cities along the way would be awesome.

Last Thing I Googled: 2023 Conventions Germany

Currently working on: the final stages of my new Kerry x V drawing, editing some VP shoots, writing Vince's background lore fic (6 chapters done, about 6 more to go!), started writing a post-canon fic (but only have a few paragraphs), and my ongoing Cyberpunk 2077 Let's Play videos XD cause I always wanted to make a full Let's Play like that and given my current obsession it works. Looming on the horizon are also some short comics and ideas for mods and even more VP!

Are you named after Anyone?

After an OC of mine, if we go with Elven as the name I'm predominantly using atm XD Long story short, but "Elvenbeard" was an elf OC I once cosplayed as and who got his name from a friend of mine during a very long and funny train ride to the convention we were headed to. Good times XD

2. When was the last time you cried?

A couple of days ago. I think it was a mix of stress and having too many feels about Kerry xD

3. Do you have kids?

Nope, and don't want any. Unless pets count.

4. Do you use Sarcasm a lot?

I would never do such a thing.

5. What Sports do you play/ have you played?

None xD I was the short fat kid that got relentlessly bullied by my PE teacher for years which completed ruined any interest in sports I might have ever developed.

6. What's the first thing you notice about other people?

Honestly... I think I've gotten quite good at picking up people's vibes first. Picked up a very bad "stay-far-away-from-them" vibe from someone a couple of days ago, and when I met them again a little while later one of the first things out of their mouth is transphobic bullshit. I (sadly) felt rather validated with my first impression.

7. Eye Colour?

Hazel.

8. Scary Movies or Happy Endings?

Both can be good! I don't like overly gory movies or stuff that relies heavily on jump scares, but a scary film with a good story and some unexpected twists I really like (some of my faves being "Hush" and "The Conjuring"). I'm also a sucker for Happy Endings though. Best thing overall? Angst with a Happy Ending.

9. Any Special Talents?

Does hyperfocus count as a special talent these days? XD

10. Where were you born?

Somewhere in rural Germany.

11. What are your hobbies?

Yes... Drawing, writing, sewing, crafting, cosplay, gaming... and the newest addition: virtual photography!

12. Do you have any pets?

Yess, a cat!

13. How tall are you?

160cm/ 5'2 - smol and full of rage

14. Fave Subject in School?

Art, History, and English as a secondary language

15. Dream Job?

Creating things that make people happy and being able to live off of it ooooor anything that allows me to finance that kinda "maker of all kinds of things" lifestyle I'm dreaming of. Ideally, if I have to keep a dayjob, I'd like one that only takes place in the timespan of Monday to Thursday, or Tuesday to Friday, and doesn't start at 5.30 in the morning, but at 9 or 10. Or just generally the option of home office would be nice. I don't wanna be rich, but I'd like to have financial security for myself and my cat, enough time to do my silly little arts and crafts, and travel somewhere cool once a year or so.

#personal stuff

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kayla-crazy-stuffs · 1 year

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you want some random questions? well, too bad, you're going to get some anyway :D /nfta

*ahem*

are you left-handed or right-handed?

apple juice or orange juice?

favorite au of yours?

have you listened to heathers: the musical? if no, why not? :'(

gut-wrenching angst or tooth-rotting fluff?

do you think found-family sbi fics are overrated? (correct answer: no /hj)

what got you into g/t?

who was the first dsmp cc you watched?

writing or art/drawing?

traditional or digital art?

if you could fix one thing about your blog, what would it be? why?

favorite broadway song? (if you listen to it!)

how'd you come up with your name?

what's your favorite dsmp era?

do you think your writing has improved since the first fic you've posted?

what's your favorite non g/t dsmp fic? link it! :D

what's your favorite color?

soft drink of choice?

would you rather write one long fic, or break it up into chapters?

if you were on your phone for 6 hours, would you be more likely to spend that time on twitch or on youtube?

t!tommy & g!wilbur, or t!wilbur & g!tommy?

pro-vore or anti-vore?

what song do you think'll be #1 on your spotify wrapped?

do you find that if you read a fic with a certain writing style, that you'll adapt that writing style, then change it again when you finish another fic?

shaniac, coward, or boogara? (if you haven't seen bfu, do you believe in ghosts?

last but not least, what color is the top of your chrome page? (if you use chrome!)

Okay, I'll answer them

I'm right-handed

Apple juice, I really dislike orange juice...

I can't really choose but if I have to choose one, it will be Tiny mer au

No, I haven't. I didn't even know what was that :') (Literally I have searched it on Google)

If I can't get the hurt/comfort, I prefer the fluff

I'll be honest.... I don't know :')

Tumbelina (1994) and Tinker Bell :)

Dream, literally, the first one was Dream

Art/drawing

I have to choose againg :(? Digital art (I like both though)

I don't know :)

Jigsaw puzzle (Mafumafu)

I thought about a name that I would like having online and added crazy, because of how crazy I am sometimes lol and stuffs, because I would post a lot of stuff :)

I don't have a favorite one

Yeah, I think :)

Hehe... This one :)

All type of blue

Coca-Cola UwU

Break it up into chapters

YouTube

t!Tommy & g!Wilbur

pro-vore

必殺のコマンド/そらまふうらさか

Huh?

I kinda do believe in them

Blue :)

#kayla answers #ask #random questions #brick a doodle do

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notsogreatpotoo · 20 days

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8, 17 and 19 for the ask game :)

Watcher ask game for reference

8: do you own any merch?

short answer: no :[

long answer: I wish I could afford it, especially the pride merch bc that would be the best thing ever, but I'm trying to be debt free by the end of college and that's not easy. I want to be able to buy stuff that makes me feel happy and combats my dysphoria (which is even more important bc it's safer to be closeted rn), but I make do with little things or things I can make myself in order to set myself up for transitioning later on.

17: what's your favorite thing about the fandom?

this is a hard one because my answer is kind of vague, but escapism? back when I first discovered bfu as an older teenager, I had to watch it at low volume at night bc I didn't own headphones and my parents would've killed me for watching something with that many swears. (not literally, but I've sworn exactly once in front of my parents and I was grounded and not allowed to contact my friends for an entire summer.) but even though I was scared about getting caught, it was amazing to watch shane and ryan develop such a strong friendship and trust each other with their fears. and now watcher has built an amazing online community that allows me a lot of release from my offline life. idk if that makes sense?

19: do you make content?

sometimes? I don't think I've posted any of it, but maybe I should? I don't generally do as much for the watcher fandom as I do for some of the other fandoms I'm in because I do recognize that shane and ryan are real people who could very possibly see it and that makes me nervous as hell, but in general I'm a writer and a traditional artist. When it comes to art, I like sketching/doodling and painting the most. And for writing, I do have a WIP fanfic from the perspective of a recently deceased ghost who was a watcher fan in life that maybe I should try and work on? I also like to embroider and I was thinking about doing a watcher patch when I have literally any time at all.

Thank you so much for the ask my beloved mutual!!! :]

#ask!!!#ask game #watcher

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poppals · 3 years

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i just want to quietly and personally thank shane noodle man madej for extending every little kindness towards lonely queer hearts like mine this season

from very explicitly writing "gay oars" into into their PH song in the xmas special so there can be no confusion

to calling the mailbox (after many strange jokes about shane making love to and potentially impregnating said mailbox?) a 'he' like nbd

to saying we were "all doing" bisexuality and to "love everybody" in weird wonderful world

to calling out his own "heteronormative bullshit" on occassion and taking responsibility for oversights born of privilege while promising to learn and resist staying silent in regards to tough issues, engendering my trust

to carrying through and loudly defending human rights and encouraging direct action when it is incredibly risky to do so as the founder of a fledgling media company

to presenting a soft weird version of masculinity that is unafraid of being kind and caring and rejecting competition and physical prowess/intimidation, and replacing it with playfulness, curiosity, an appreciation for the small things, a passion for creativity and community, a comfort in being true to yourself... refreshing for someone like myself, who is slowly accepting a transmasc identity and wanted to see a version of masculinity that wasn't toxic

and honestly much more. i've only been watching bfu and watcher since like january, and i've already compiled too many examples to list in a gd tumblr text post haha. i just. i really appreciate it.

#personal #shane madej

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not-theonlydreamer · 2 years

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Can't believe tumblr just deleted all I wrote 😔✋

So what I wanted to say was: I think there are probably plenty of people looking at your blog as long as you keep posting but most of them just stay invisible for one reason or another. And I also live for making sweet comments like that and like knowing I made other people blush or smile and if it's just for a second.

I also can't say that I wouldn't be charged guilty of writing real person fiction lol never read or watched buzzfeed unsolved though, I have only heard about it (any episodes to recommend?) but I am always up for trying something new- who knows.

Also OF COURSE I will let you know what I think about your stories when I get to read them. How can I not? I, as a fellow writer can say, that I love getting comments and every single one that I get is precious

- 🌕🔭 (I kinda feel like this is appropriate)

Thank you so much! And I appreciate you not judging me for writing RPF lol. I had a feeling you were an author because of how you write, that's why I assumed you knew me from ao3 :)

Yes! I recommend the first BFU episode with Shane and the goatman's bridge episode. The boys have amazing chemistry and it's a great balance of horror and comedy. It's not necessary for you to watch BFU to understand my fic, since it's pretty different from the show, but there are a lot of BFU references. Basically, it's Monsters Inc. except with demons. Have you heard about the fan theory that Shane is secretly a demon, and the reason they don't get much ghost evidence is because the ghosts are afraid of him? It makes a surprising amount of sense.

Here's the links!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mx8JkGHaGUI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XEZfGlyLQnA

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allhailthesanders · 4 years

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Haha I’m Feeling Hella Anxious Right Now, So Let’s Do A Watcher Weekly Commentary

I know this is the second commentary in a week, but I am tiny bit of mess right now and my body is tight with ~anxiety~ so I’m going to do it anyway. You know become a source a comfort for me so yay?✨ Anyway here’s the rundown for this shit show I watch a Watcher Weekly episode and write down my stream of consciousness commentary (it makes more sense if you watch along) then I rate the episode (All the episodes deserve at least a 10 though). I include quotes and timestamps and most importantly ~my opinions~ and maybe a few jokes here and there. It’s not that deep so let’s get it started!!!

Previous Episode: WW #04 First Episode

WW #05:Homemade Q+A (ft. Musical Guest - AJ Rafael)

Starting off with this episode strong we have Shane being confused

Oh! look all the boys all have their legs crossed

And Ryan’s Lakers jersey 🥺

Y’all I used to watch AJ Rafael’s videos RELIGIOUSLY especially his piano/ Disney song challenges. Yo I’m both such a Disney nerd and a music nerd

Then Ryan’s radio DJ impression at @0:33-0:44

beautiful! immaculate! i’ve never heard anything as good as this!

it’s been a looooooooooong week, but they have a logo up on the wall!

yo I miss the office so so much 🥺

WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THE BOY’S HAIR EVERY WEEK! that is the law

i’m sorry the vibes of this commentary is... something else. BUT I can’t change that and I will not change it.

Ryan’s hair this week is... questionable???

I love Shane’s beanie. It looks nice on him (this is getting weird)

I also love the fact that the Watcher hat doesn't fit Shane’s melon of a head

“It’s like a thimble on top of a watermelon”- Shane’s words not mine

I love how Ryan relating their seating arrangement to couple’s counseling then Steven immediately choking on his drink

Ryan being the aggressive therapist trying to solve Shane and Steven’s friendship "problems

“You know that phrase I’m not going to say it right. Umm. You don’t shit while you eat. Is that right?!”- Steven Lim 2020 @2:38-2:45

Me: 👁👄👁 Shane: *chokes* Ryan: Jim Halperts into the camera

Hanging out with Shane is = Shitting ~ now that we’ve found the root of the problem 😂😂😂

@3:00- 3:11 a very iconic moment but it is also very BFU vibes

Shane is a documentarian. That’s the tweet.

Oh boy here you go! Let me preface this moment. I cry like once every month and a half and when I watched this part of the Watcher Weekly for the first time I definitely shed a few tears

And I’m not a sport person I only play field hockey, so I don’t turn into a literal circle. But Kobe’s death affected me in a way I didn’t think it would. and now I’m rambling.

Ryan’s memorial story like it’s both so touching yet so heartbreaking

I-. yo I don’t want to cry right now! I’m trying to do my eyeshadow!!!

“to see him get knocked down and not get back up. it’s like watching superman die”

Since tomorrow is not guaranteed I just want to say to all my mutuals and anyone who reads this. I love you guys so much and this community has made me so happy over quarantine. So thank you so much for just being here. I appreciate all of you 💕💜💖💙❣💞💖

I’m going to stop this sappiness or I will cry and honestly I don’t want to

“I appreciate this hand on my shoulder”- Steven Lim 2020

I love how Ryan is now getting irritated by Steven saying this and Steven definitely knows this

@7:25- 7:43 omg they’re all hugging and side hugging 🥺

And Ryan’s super aggressive “YOU JUST WATCH SHANE” that immediately turned into “wait actually you deserve a hug too”

Then Shane’s surprised “THERE’S A HAND ON MY SHOULDER!”

OOH! Since this commentary is freakishly long here’s a question for y’all who are still here

What is your dream Top 5 Beatdown Episode????

Hugh Jonner??? Is this the new Beetlejuice? If Shane says his name three times his joke would be recognized.

@11:08 TiMe To PuT oN oUr QuEsTiOn CaPs🥴

Hi TONY!!! psst! he’s the director of homemade 😂

Tony does look like he’s going to drop some fire bars

I love how Homemade is almost like the grown-up version of Worth-It

“She worked you like homework” - Yeah Steven drop those bars. it took him way too long to come up with that

Steven Lim ~ Watcher’s Party Boy

I love how Top 5 Beatdown came after the gorgeous show that Homemade is

Top 5 Beatdown was filmed in front of a live studio audience in Ryan’s dirty living room

Photo op @15:40 “I’m Steven Lim and I drag out those ‘dotes”

Ooh! a second question: What is your dream Homemade episode?

A musical guest brought to you by the UPS guy

Almost went on a rant about the USPS and how we need it but this post is getting too long 🙃

Gordon Ramsey is proud of Steven

Gordon Ramsey is so nice in British TV at least compared to the US

Homemade Sherri Madej loves it so you should too

“this comes from john THICC”- Ryan Bergara 2020

@21:36-21:56 Ryan is playing the keys grooving along until... the DIPLOCOCCUS is mentioned

Oh TheDiplococcus and your paragraph long threats

Is the Diplococcus is British??

Oh! Two photo ops in one video! @23:41 “Hi I’m Ryan Bergara and I’m a pothead”

Yo the camera work at this last part

DUde I love AJ’s voice

yo why is this so catchy?? am I about to add this to my playlist?

is Steven the new lofi-girl

also why is he so tall in this shot? How tall is he?

Ryan’s little for Kobe almost got me but I love that’s how they decided to end the episode

This episode almost gave me emotional whiplash (is that the right word?) but at the same time was super comforting. I really enjoy when the boys and in this case Ryan feel comfortable enough to show their emotions. Like you can tell that Ryan is barely holding yet still puts on a smile and gives this Watcher Weekly his all. I just really appreciate it. Like you can tell how much Kobe has shaped his life. Idk what I’m saying but I think you get what I’m saying. Anyway this episode 420 thimbles on watermelons out of 10.

#Watcher #watcher entertainment #watcher weekly #shane madej #ryan bergara #steven lim #homemade #haha this took almost 2 hours haha #but it was fun but I do need to head to bed #usermarylan #ryanberga #long post sorry y'all #the vibes here are also ~wild~#sorry I was such a downer in this one #i hope yall are doing well #love you guys so so much #oh there was a lot of choking in this episode #so boys learn how to drink liquids😂😂😂#I should not be the one talking I choke on my food at LEAST once per meal

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tinsley-goldsworth · 4 years

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the magic of technology

summary: crowley helps aziraphale figure out how technology works and of course, feelings are involved (Week 6 of my 30 week writing prompt challenge: tech support)

Wc: 1124

read on ao3!

To say that Crowley and Aziraphale had been around for a long time was an understatement. They had been around since the beginning of everything, as in since Adam and Eve were wandering around in the garden. They had been around long enough to have seen and interacted with dinosaurs. They had been around to watch empires built on hope and peace crumble into violence and chaos. They had been around to watch Christopher Columbus “discover” America and watched as the world continued to grow in diversity and experience.

The angel and demon’s purposes were the same: to make sure Armageddon would run smoothly. But while they were watching over Earth, two events happened. The first was that they both grew emotionally attached to Earth and all the stupid little beings it housed. Aziraphale was more obviously attached to all Earthly things but Crowley kept his feelings to himself so he seemed like he didn’t really care much for the Earth.

But when Armageddon began to approach, Crowley realized that he actually quite liked Earth. While Aziraphale was obsessed with sushi and books, Crowley loved the music and popsicles and if Armageddon was going to destroy his favorite objects, Crowley wasn’t so enthusiastic about it anymore.

The second event that occurred while the angel and demon were on the planet was that they both became attached to each other. Not physically, of course, but rather through an unspoken bond that could be considered a friendship, or even more if you looked into it more carefully. Somewhere between all the wars between countries and civilizations built, Crowley and Aziraphale fell in love.

If one of them spoke about his feelings directly, then everything would be easier. They wouldn’t have to make lies about why they were constantly appearing in each other’s lives, even though they didn’t have to, and somehow, they both were oblivious that their passionate love was requited. Somehow, even though they went on many adventures that could be interpreted as dates, they still didn’t confess their love to each other.

Through everything they had been through together, they had never gone through anything as confusing as the creation of the iPhone. When Steve Jobs first introduced the iPhone, everybody knew it would be a big deal but nobody expected it to blow up like it did.

Crowley began seeing more humans walking around with their heads lowered, staring at a rectangular, glowing device in their hands and he decided to look into it. After discovering that these new devices were called “iPhones”, Crowley decided that he wanted to get one for himself to try out and see why everybody loved it so much. So, he got himself an iPhone and Crowley being Crowley, figured out how it worked pretty quickly. And as a result, he also got hooked on playing games like Angry Birds on his phone all day.

One day, Aziraphale and Crowley agreed to meet up at a park bench to discuss Armageddon and because Crowley arrived early, he sat on the park bench, his finger nimbly swiping across the screen as he played Angry Birds. When Aziraphale saw Crowley’s new device, he was confused.

“What on Earth is that?”

Crowley looked up from his game and showed Aziraphale his screen, a questioning look forming on his face. Aziraphale could feel the curiosity burning behind Crowley’s sunglass as Crowley asked, “You’ve never seen an iPhone before?”

“I don’t think so? That looks nothing like a telephone,” Aziraphale commented, sitting down next to Crowley and staring at the iPhone screen as Crowley proceeded to finish the Angry Birds level he was playing.

“It’s called an iPhone. It’s like a telephone without permanent wires and more things. You can call and text people. You can take photos and play games and watch funny videos,” Crowley explained, exiting out of the Angry Birds app to show Aziraphale all the apps he downloaded. “See? All these apps are really useful and entertaining.”

“Hm, that looks interesting. Actually, now that you’ve explained it, I would like to try having one. You’ve tempted me once again.”

Crowley grinned at Azriaphale’s remark and tucked his phone away. “I can help you with that. Meet me here next week and I’ll have one for you.”

And just as Crowley promised, he had gotten an iPhone for Aziraphale by the next week. When Aziraphale walked to the park bench, Crowley handed him his new iPhone and Aziraphale examined the phone in awe. He let out a little yelp of surprise when he pressed the home button, causing the screen to light up and Crowley smiled at the angel’s reaction.

“So, show me how to use this iPhone,” Aziraphale carefully handed the phone over to Crowley, who unlocked it and began showing Aziraphale the features of the iPhone.

First, Crowley showed Aziraphale how to call and added him as Aziraphale’s first contact. Then, he downloaded a few apps on Aziraphale’s phone, specifically YouTube. As Crowley scrolled through the many videos available to watch for free on YouTube, Aziraphale’s eyes went wide with wonder at the gamut of videos available for streaming.

But the biggest discovery was texting. When Crowley went to the messages app, Aziraphale looked confused and asked, “What’s texting?”

“It’s like leaving a written voicemail. You can write messages and have conversations. See, you can send me a text,” Crowley demonstrates by typing a message into Aziraphale’s phone and sending it to his contact before holding up his phone to show that he received the message. Aziraphale seemed mystified by texting and as he held his iPhone, he looked down at it with an expression of amazement, clearly stunned by how much a tiny piece of metal could hold.

Just as Crowley predicted, Aziraphale also got hooked pretty quickly. He was sending multiple texts to Crowley every day and with each message, his typing was more coherent (his first few messages were awkwardly written “hleof chrksilye” and “o mEatn heElio cttolwy”).

Crowley got used to Aziraphale’s good morning and good night messages and somehow managed to fall more in love with the angel than he had before. Then, one fateful day, Aziraphale sent a text after asking Crowley to meet him at the bookshop that read “Thanks! I love you very much <3”.

When Crowley first read the message, his cheeks burned red and he typed back, “Is this some sort of joke?”

He anxiously waited for Aziraphale to text back and Aziraphale replied, “Of course not! I even searched up how to do a heart emoticon for you.”

This caused Crowley to grin like a giant idiot and his cold heart fluttered to life with affection as he answered Aziraphale’s text with, “Good. I love you too <3.”

this is my first official good omens fic! this blog will still be bfu-centric but i will occasionally post some good omens fics here :)

#fics #good omens tv #good omens fanfiction #the ineffable husbands #good omens #aziraphale #crowley #good omens aziraphale #good omens crowley #crowley good omens #fanfiction #fluff #aziraphale x crowley #crowley x aziraphale #sam's 30 week prompt challenge

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ladyofthelake13 · 4 years

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liking things is weird

like, I’m kind of afraid of making actual posts about things I like here because of The Discourse, but my mind place has been in a tizzy.

1. over the weekend I tripped and fell, when I looked around me I was watching animatics of the Hamilton musical

2. seeing a Battle of Yorktown animatic with APH fanart inserted sent me back on my Hetalia bullshit

3. after not being able to find any fanfic that I wanted to read (my pairings are not the fandom ones for the most part) I started revisiting the fevered writings of a madwoman I made in my Hetalia heyday (barely started WIP all of them)

4. I remembered Achievement Haunter season 2 coming out so I binged all the episodes and the season premiere

5. now I’m plotting out a Hetalia BFU/Achievement Haunter AU and I don’t know how to stop myself.

who knows what i’ll be doing next week, because I sure don’t.

#fandom stuff #not gonna put these in the fandom tags #i just wanted to express my bewilderment

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levyfiles · 5 years

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Yo, we are spreading some positivity around and I wanted to say that your blog is one of my favorites that inspired me to do mine in the first place. Your fics are top notch! From all of them, which one is your favorite and can you tell us a bit behind the scenes stuff of it?

Sorry about the delay in this reply! I think your blog is great and I’m so happy you messaged me or I might not have found your fantastic content and it always makes me all starry-eyed and soft to learn that this blog I often come back to and have so much fun with has inspired others to have the same sort of fun. I’m always a fan of seeing the spread of positivity and a community that always needs a little now and then.

(Granted I have a long and daunting selection of asks to get to in my inbox right now and find myself finally making time for them so please do bear with me).

I had a notion that the fic I was currently working on might be done before I answered this and since it's my favourite one right now it was hard not to vomit up some meta about it but it’s pushing 12K as we speak and I’m having a bit of editing crises with my complete 60K one. Basically I’m pushing myself through a bit of self-prescribed writer’s therapy right now with the projects I’m working on and while it’s doing me a lot of mental good, public results are taking their time. What I hope is that it’s really worth the wait.

Having said all that, I gotta give the title to Ihidaya. It’s because I started working on the fic when inspiration hit and the sheer shock that I was actually inspired to write for a whole new fandom I’d never read a single thing from made me start this very blog. Ir’s strange to be talking about this now since it’s just a month after the anniversary of when I made my first post here and only a few days since the anniversary of when I posted chapter 1

The premise hit last year while my sister and I got to talking about demon!Shane headcanons. Neither one of us had ever really bothered checking the tumblr tag because I’d started watching bfu back when the Tupac and Biggie Smalls episode first aired and it was just this casual little weekly ritual for Fridays before I slept for work. I started to notice the demon!Shane headcanon arise in the comments and mentions in the episodes I was enamoured. I think I made a joke one day while watching an episode with my sister that it’d be pretty damn hilarious if Ryan tried an exorcism and the demon in Shane flew out and the guy left behind was a complete stranger. We talked about the behaviorisms of a guy that has had a demon in him from a young age and what that could mean about who he had become as an adult. Logistics got away from me (they always do) and I was suddenly breaking out the research. There has always been a saturation of biblical lore when it came to demons in nearly every medium so I wanted to try something a little different and my gilfriend in high school going into college was from Jordan and she used to talk my ear off about witchcraft in Syria and pre-Christian invasion stories and best of all, syriac mysticism. I would listen to that shit for hours and I still would and I’ve still retained a deep fascination with it. Just the idea of what we consider demons now once being considered gods and maybe they were such a deep part of the earth’s composition that some of them were only comprised of smoke and ash. This gave birth to Smoke Monster Madej as I’ve affectionately labeled him.

I also intended for That Scene in chapter 3 to happen at the Buzzfeed offices but, if you’ve read it, I think we can agree that really wouldn’t have worked out the way it did.

#shyan fic #fic meta #shyanpositivity

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hotdadlicense · 5 years

Photo

ahh for my dearest zhenya @fapfapfashion lover! heres that bfu post i said id make for you like monnnnnths ago i PROMISE i never forgot! just :(:( life. but anyway this was FUN i love youuuu! disclaimer: im not rly in the fandom this is all stuff i see through like just some friends reblogging stuff every now and again and whenever i go to the tag to find stuff sometimes but ANWAY I HOPE its semi coherent <3<3<3 love YOU.

OKAY I FEEL LIKE i said YEH ILL MAKE YOU A MASTERPOST FUCK YEAH but now im like hmmm making a buzzfeed unsolved masterpost is.......not that much cos its like? all there on their youtube channels like its not like music or stuff where theres yknow albums! singles! unreleased songs! special live performances! music videos! documentaries! band info! like its all over on buzzfeed multiplayer youtube and buzzfeed unsolved network youtube but whatever i can ramble about dumb shit and link some stuff so ayeee.

heres the links to the actual videos:

SUPERNATURAL

+ season one // two // three // four // five

+ supernatural: postmortem

TRUE CRIME

season one // two // three // four

+ true crime: postmortem

all eps in order (including postmortem)

personal favs

a vid that bab @chantillystars linked me and i watch it every time im feelin not fresh so i can smile

someone elses better done video round up master post! op ur incredible

now under the cut cos i realy did ramble :(

okay so THE HOSTS!

RYAN BERGARA (insta//twitter)

the fucking creator and inventer of bfu its his baby and im so proud of him and how far its come <3

when the season finale of the latest supernatural premiered it trended at number 1 over the fucking new lion king trailer and he got emo on twitter and insta about it and i cried a lil bit

fucking loves sports basketball or whatever themeparks popcorn and paddington bear

not scared enough of ghosts to not sleep in a haunted house but is scared enough that he absolutely will scream the whole entire time that he is in said haunted house

first ghost encounter was on the queen mary when he was a teenager. the ghost knocked his toothpaste of the shelf and he freaked. and now he has shat his pants at every bump in the night since. icon!

works his ass for to produce mass amounts of content for us like its fucking insane? all up there are like 9 seasons of bfu plus post-mortems and its only been going since 2014?? plus everything else hes got happening??

rly sweet and funny but like in a frat boi kinda way but like. a frat boi you could trust?

SHANE MADEJ (insta//twitter)

wasnt actually the original cohost!

(BRENT was the orignal host but had to beg out a couple episodes in cos he was juggling too many commitments so which fair!)

ryan and shane were desk partners and longtime buzzfeed pals that ? if i remember correctly? interned together back when they first started?

ryan turned to shane one day and was like ‘yo, wanna cohost this show with me?’ and shane was like 'sure.’ and honestly trying to picture it now without shane?? okay ryan and shane just bounce off each other so well theyre like a dream team. god bless them being desk buddies and work pals.

shanes a freak

does not believe in ghosts spirits orbs and all things that go bump in the night like he seems to genuinely want to but like. science and his big ass brain wont let him.

very smart! can rly work a patterned floral shirt! or plaid! kinda gives a dad vibe in glasses but then he talks and its like okay please never supervise a child!

v into history! so much so that he has his own lil show on buzzfeed aka:

RUINING HISTORY

stars him along with ryan and sara (his beautiful and smart and talented gf who also works at buzzfeed <3) with some other ever changing cohosts

hes also responsible for The Hot Dog Saga aka THE HOTDAGA and i know there are people that adore it but! in their own words! id rather walk into the sea.

ryan, too, hates the hotdaga and i feel like this was? about the hotdaga after shane sung something fuck if i remmebr

RYAN + SHANE

these gifs are from the ?second ep? i saw of them honestly it rly sums up the ryan/shane dynamic i guess

but like. the way ryan looks and laughs whenever shane says something mildly funny? hearteyes mutherfucker

above when i said shanes a freak? yeah.

ryan letting shane live as long as he has? true friendship

whenever theyre at the lil desk in their lil basement talking cases shane just talks shit and ryan just lets him and i fucking love them

the LAST FRAME

oh one time they lucked out with a hotel that had a jacuzzi tub <3

yknow what? this was actually kinda sweet. like yeh bitch

shane madej: nations greatest tragedy.

i can hear this in my head just looking at these gifs and it makes me laugh everytime and thats BAD cos a child fucking died

shanes a freak pt.2

OH SHIT one time in postmortem they joked that brent was coming back and shane was leaving and fuck? they had to actually address that it was a joke fUCK

its not all shittalking and screaming there really is some fond and happy shit too

bfu most recognisable and iconic line.

shanes hottest pick up lines when hes on site

the comments on the video for this ep about this part are fucking hilarious please read when you watch that ep

okay its common knowledge that shanes a demon which ill tlak about in a sec but THIS SCENE RIGHT HERE? ryans the fucking demon. like the way hes just standing there, hands clasped behind his back, giving shane (whos acting like a CHILD) that Look? demon bout to kill the dumbass chillin at a haunted house on halloween. come to collet a soul or 10. magical!

OKAY SO SHANE TALKS SOME BIG GAME IN THE EPS but HIS love for ryan will always melt my heart like HE LOVES and cares about ryan so much and supports buzzfeed unsolved so much and whenever things get dumb on social media shanes ready to call it out and make a post or just like. praise ryan (like he rightfully deserves) and yeah im emo about it anyway hes shane being cute part one and heres shane REALLY FUCKING going all out (!!!!!!!!!!.meme)i LOVE him also being cute part two

‘id walk into the sea.’

shanes a freak pt.3

ryan: “Are ghosts real?” shane: *this dumb face*

NERDS

i laughed for like 10 minutes the first time i watched this part thankyou shane

THEM LAUGHING TILL THEY CRIED ABOUT SOMEONE THAT DIED PLAYING THE PIANO

a real insight to shanes mind

ryan really puts up with this

shane got a bowlcut once just for funsies like okay youre no joba but good job i guess

TROPES/ICONIC MEMES/WAHTEVER:

shanes a demon

+ free real estate.meme

+ the office.meme

+ he aint right

+ JALDSHFK FUCK

+ ryan acknowledging that shane is a demon thankyou

+ like the good thing about having a guest fill in on the few times shanes been away has been ryan always being like okay so the demons not here so lets just acknowledge That

goatsman bridge

+ the video that started all this aka the one you reblogged hehhehe

+ what a fucking JOKE

+ an absolute JOKE

+ bridge owner fuck OFF

+ ksdjhfgjhsdkj.meme

sallie house

+ shane was insufferable this episode i fell in love for real how did ryan LIVE

+ like imagine trying to feel your heart beating while fucking shanes over there doing That

+ rock n roll buckaroo

+ swell has become apart of my daily vocal i hate

bobby mack

+ ‘hey there demons. its me, ya boi.’

+ ‘and frankly i dont believe in you, so i feel like im writing a letter to santa claus right now.’

+ tweet.meme

+ overall a great ep

+ can shane calm the fuck down okay i need ryan to make it out of this SAFELY and ALIVE

father thomas

+ ryans FACE also shane being that annoying sibling to ur parents

+ father thomas really went into this thinking he could help these boys to be fair shane was taking notes. ryan was just? dying inside

+ freak

+ imagine being like a 70 yr old priest hearing some dudes walking into ur congregation and overhearing ‘jesus said chill.’

bigfoot

+ ryan does not rly believe in bigfoot but shane does so like you win some you lose some

+ in the least shippy way possible this epsiode is ultimate soft gays going on a hike

+ like its just such a sweet domestic ep

+ <3

+ just happy babbey

#probably missing a lot and theres a lot of sources missing cos....... i dont have a bfu blog so none of my shits correctly tagged #like nivks is ORGANISED cos its dedicated but...... i only have one bfy tag oops #but HOPE U LIKE IT AND ITS LIKE a little bit informative #buzzfeed unsolved #bfu

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ghostiesfiles · 5 years

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Idiosyncrasies

I don’t usually post non-bfu content, but I wrote a thing and don’t know where else to put it so...

There are a lot of ways I could start this story. I could start it as many do, with the beginning. But it seems unfair to classify a single moment as “the beginning” when so much has happened in our past. I could start with the end, but that begs the question… what is the end? Is it now? Me writing this, my neon lights taunting me with hearts and a simple four-letter word on repeat? Is it me reading this out loud to myself? Is it me reading it to you, my lost lover? Or you, my patient, present audience?

I could start with how we got to that moment, but, truth be told, some of the details escape me. I know I wore yellow, I know my lips tasted like buttered popcorn, but I can’t recall if those details applied to the day in question, or the one before. It’s all a blur as time ticks on.

You’ll have to forgive me, it happened two years ago. I’m sure you wore maroon that day, you were habitual. You are. Besides, that’s just as good a guess as to say you’re drinking Pepsi now… You’re probably drinking Pepsi now.

But if I am to tell it as I remember it… I’d start with the setting. The lighting, the time, the view.

I remember it was dark, it was late. I had turned off the lights, I wanted to go to sleep. But you… You were mad… at me, of course.

I wasn’t being “honest” with you.

For the record, I was, I have always been honest with you – upon reflection that statement in itself isn’t honest, but we’ll push past that for now…

I was honest then. I just didn’t tell you things that I wasn’t sure of…

Such as how I wanted to move on. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to move on! I wasn’t going to tell you something if I didn’t know it to be true yet!

Before I can continue, there are a few things one must know in order to understand what I am about to say.

First, Fairy lights, also known as rice lights, are delicate lights that today’s “trendy teens” frequently use to decorate their rooms. I wouldn’t go as so far as to say I’m trendy, but I do appreciate the aesthetics of rooms, outfits, and life… so, I have fairy lights in my room. They don’t provide much light, but they play a key role in the setting of my story. Or at least what I remember of it.

Second, I don’t fall in love easily. When I say that, adults typically have one reaction. You’re a child, why would you? Well, you’re right. I am. Despite this, I have a job with a newspaper company, I’ve had many adults in my life say that I am quite mature for my age–which, thank you, I suppose, but I feel as though we glorify growing up to the point that children no longer appreciate “being young,” so, pick your poison–and I’m an obsessive realist. I don’t believe in soul mates, I don't think that I’m going to end up with anyone I have or will date in high school, probably not even college. These points are important because of fact three.

I’ve been in love once before. I’ll spare the details because the only thing that matters about this fact is that… I know what being in love feels like, and despite my overwhelming realism mentioned in fact two, I have, in the past, been swept up in that feeling.

This past love is not you, my Pepsi drinker, but their influence is notable for the way it impacted me. And with me, you, maroon. I know it wasn’t fair, but to me, regardless of the fact you were a few years older, you were naive. You had never been in love before. So when you pulled me close, months before this story even took place, and foolishly whispered those three little words I didn’t swoon, I tensed.

It was dark, late, like I said. My fairy lights twinkled in two strands over my head, the only thing illuminating the room, discounting my phone’s bright screen. I sat, cross-legged, staring at my reflection in the vanity mirror opposite my bed.

My hair was silver and short at the time, an undercut that you were particularly taken with. A small man-bun, as the teens call it, atop my head.

The evening would’ve been fine, picturesque, almost, but you were mad! And nothing I could text you would solve that fact, so in a futile attempt to ease your temper, I said: “you can be mad at me, but you have to call.”

So you did.

Many times when I’ve written about you in the past, I toyed with the idea that I liked your presence because I knew how to tame you. Awful, I know. I’m not as manipulative as such an idea makes me seem, but I know how you tick! I still know what to say to make you bitter, or hurt, or happy, or flustered…

I knew that the second you were on the phone your nerves would be soothed, and they were! You said so yourself, “I can’t be mad when I talk to you!” And my dearest maroon, I once again say, how naive to think I’m the reason you calm?

I’m sure you just heard yourself out loud because, really, it was foolish to be upset over something like this, and that embarrassment must have quenched your anger. That’s what I calculated for, at least.

A good friend of mine had stepped out of line, that’s how we got into this mess, they had told you I was fawning over some gorgeous dame or dazzling lad, and neither were true because despite my wistful, moonstruck ways… I was nothing more than confused.

I didn’t know what I wanted.

Yet, you accused me of lying, of hiding my feelings, but, maroon, we were no longer lovers and I had an obligation to tell you nothing.

That fact still remains, and although the things I hide now are different–more akin to dreams of you, and memories that suffocate me, and words I wish I could say–you held no right to be upset.

I watched the yellow haze swash over my skin from those delicate lights. My eyes twinkling with a bitter sadness.

You had ended things with me if you dare recall, but the mere idea that I was moving on had boiled your blood.

I know it’s not fair to write that line, it wasn’t that simple. I had been distant in the last weeks of our relationship, and you were troubled by conflicting thoughts. Moreover, you weren’t mad at me, per se, but at the fact that you had messed up. You were upset that I hadn’t seen your advances more clearly when our separation was early enough to be easily fixable, and that you hadn’t made them more apparent.

But I saw no point in lounging around and waiting for you. You were the one in love, or so you said, and you ended it.

So, if you would give it all away that fast, how could you have known? How could you have known what it feels like!?

At some point, after you were thoroughly calmed, you breathed out, “I’m sorry. I love you.”

I responded, meeting my own gaze in the mirror, with a stoic, “I don’t believe you.”

I wish I remembered more of what you said, I wish I remembered how you reacted. I just know you asked what I meant, and I repeated “I don’t believe you. I don’t believe you’re in love with me.”

Every time I recall that moment I am met with a cold realization that I acted just as the adults I hold in contempt. Just as the ones I am forced to appeal to, the ones I present my piles of evidence to, the ones who I view as calloused and pretentious.

Who are they to tell me I never loved?

Who was I to tell you the same?

No matter, you presented your evidence… and it’s a case that haunts me to this day.

I don’t remember how you began, but I remember these words, “You always make me happy. I can’t help but smile when I’m with you. I just… I love everything about you…” And you began to list, literally list reasons why you loved me.

And I, once again, wish I could remember more, if not for my own peace of mind then for this story, but this is the one thing I can never forget….

“I love,” you laughed, “I love how every time you put your hair up… you always have to keep two strands down, framing your face.”

Why would you notice that?

Why would it matter?

Why would you care?

You have holes in your shoes. You run your hand, always the right, through your hair when you're thinking. You sing when you don’t know what to say. You have three main stages of laughter, you have the mumble laugh, a subtle exhale through the nose. You have the huffing laugh, you stick your tongue between your teeth ever so slightly. And you have the full-bellied laugh, you’ll toss back your head and your eyes will light up with glee.

The thing is, we notice details about the people we love. We notice their idiosyncrasies. You noticed mine. It was so small, it was so subtle. I never thought anyone would notice…. but you did.

You saw me. And I cried. It was 3 in the morning, I was exhausted and I was loved. And I cried because, my dearest maroon man, you deserve the world a million times over.

You deserve more than anyone can offer you, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I cast even a shadow of a doubt on how you felt. I’m sorry that I was so distant. I’m sorry that I’ve been distant many times over.

I’m sorry that I was filled with disbelief and scorn.

I’m sorry that now, two years later, when the timing is wrong, my heart says its right.

I’m sorry. You don’t deserve that, so once again… while I’m confused and unsure, I’ll hold the truth from you.

This time, though, it won’t end in a phone call. The fairy lights won’t catch my tears. My gaze won’t be met in a mirror. My hair won’t cross your mind. Bitterness won’t fall from your tongue. Nothing will fall from mine. My hand won’t cover my mouth to mask the sound because no one will be listening.

And no one will be crying, my tears were all shed long ago… for a boy who I could not love soon enough.

#not bfu #dolly #dolly writes #memoir #heartbreak #lovestruck #story #short story #poetry

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wheezingghost · 6 years

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tag game

rules: tag 10 followers you want to know better

tagged by: @ghost-proof-babyy (thank you Nina!!)

tagging: let’s see, @fbrboys, @thotdagas, @smolboogara, @tryingmybesttobeaesthetic, @boogara-guitara, @ghoulingwheeze, @aroaceshadowstar, @just-another-boogara, @ghostly-ghost, and @thatbeingwheezed (none of ya’ll have to do it if you don’t want to and blease tag me if you do I’d love to read them!!)

Name: Evan

Star sign: Gemini

Height: 5′7″

Middle name: Rae :o (yes I know that’s more of a feminine name we love being trans)

Put your music on shuffle. What are the first 4 songs to pop up?

(all the songs I have saved on this are panic! at the disco and fall out boy so if that gives you an idea of what I listen to)

‘hallelujah’- panic! at the disco

‘roaring 20s’- panic! at the disco (this one’s a bop it’s one of my favorites of this album)

‘london beckoned songs about money written by machines’- panic! at the disco

‘high hopes’- panic! at the disco (ya’ll oh my god the video for this came out today and I’ve watched it like three times and I just got home from school)

Grab the closest book to you and turn to page 23. What’s line 17?

“...fountain!” Dork Diaries: Tales from a Not-So-Talented Pop Star (I had to be right next to a bookshelf writing this, didn’t I)

Ever had a poem or song written about you?

nope

When was the last time you played air guitar?

I don’t know lahfhdahfjl

Who is your celebrity crush?

like I’m really on the aro and ace spectrums so I don’t get crushes but Brendon Urie is an amazing person and musician (have you heard his vocal range)

What’s a sound you hate, and one you love?

Do you believe in ghosts?

one of my two big posts was looking for fellow Boogaras so, yes

How about aliens?

yes

Do you drive?

not old enough yet, maybe next year if I learn to not be lost all the time haha

If so have you ever crashed?

can’t crash if you can’t drive

What was the last book you read?

‘leah on the offbeat’- Becky Albertalli

Do you like the smell of gasoline?

it’s okay, I guess

What was the last movie you saw?

I’m just gonna add ‘in theaters’ to this and say ‘Incredibles 2′

Do you have any obsessions right now?

panic! at the disco,, and bfu (honestly my entire life is going from one obsession to the next is that normal)

Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

nah

In a relationship?

that’s a good question. I don’t know anymore??

#tag game #.txt #other #edit:my first person didn't tag correctly

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beaniegara · 6 years

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11 Questions

tagged both by @yaboybergara and @ricky-goldsworth which is great because that gives me 22 questions mwahhahaha thank you folks!! <3

RULES

1. always post the rules

2. answer the questions given by the person who tagged you

3. write 11 questions of your own

4. tag 11 people you want to get to know better (or however many you want)

now, see, I don’t know what to ask........ so I’m gonna be a little shit and tag folks to pick 11 of these 22 questions and answer them too. nini and gray pls don’t sue me for reusing your questions, thank fdgkfndgfdsk I’m tagging @kaylotta, @queerunsolved, @haunted-gays, @thatmademadej, and @i-am-ghost-proof-baby <3 if yall wanna do it, of course. no pressure.

this is incredibly long (and uncomfortably honest). let’s go lesbians let’s go

first, nini’s questions:

1. How many pets have you had in your life?

one. I’ve always wanted them but my mom and I have always lived in tiny apartments and had no way to care for a pet so it wasn’t until I was 17 that we adopted a kitten!! his name was merlin and he was the laziest, moodiest lil ball of fluff I’ve ever met. I.. had to give him away a year later because we moved to a place even smaller that wouldn’t allow pets so long story short I’m scarred for life and don’t think I can ever take any more pets without feeling guilty to my bone

this is merlin btw I love him with all my heart and he now lives in a farm. as far as I know anyway.. :(

2. Do you believe in destiny? Why?

mmm interesting question. weird, metaphysical theories aside, I don’t believe anything is set in stone per se, but I do believe that some things are just... meant to be? in a way? for example, you can’t tell me ryan and shane weren’t meant to be friends and find each other in such an unlikely place as they did. one of my mottos, completely stripped from context because it’s from a rather pretentious tv show, is “the universe is rarely so lazy”. meaning that good things happen for a reason, and that you trailed that path for that to happen. yknow what I’m saying? I can’t really explain this without writing a 10 page essay because that’s just how my gemini ass thinks

3. If you could chose one person on the great beyond, would you take the chance to talk to them?

you mean someone who has passed away? oh yeah, I would talk to my grandmother. she was raising me and died when she was 4 and that changed not only my entirely life but our whole extended family dynamic... so many questions.

4. From all your hobbies, which one would you love to make a living of?

oh man, writing. I’ve been dreaming of being a writer ever since I was 9 or something. never panned out but that would certainly be the dream. if I could work with videos, subtitling, tv shows, cinema etc that would also be dope as hell!

5. What’s your favorite color palette to wear?

fkgjfsdgiusfdksd I have no fashion sense whatsoever, idk? I do like to wear dark clothes (because weight..) and reds (because pale).

6. What’s your opinion on queerbaiting?

I don’t have the time for it. for starters, it’s something that usually comes from people with very poor writing skills that can’t come up with plots interesting enough to keep viewers/readers hooked in. that already says something. no offense to anyone who is a fan of shows like these, but when it’s mostly written by white men I just don’t have any high hopes for it. you can ask flavs what my reaction was like when I realized the character I had headcanon’ed as wlw in hannibal was actually a wlw. I couldn’t believe it, because what???? since when does that happen, especially in a show run by a white man??? kjdfghsjgd

I think this is part of a bigger conversation but my point is, don’t fall for it. I know it’s all part of the fight for representation, asking big names to produce big shows with lgbtq+ characters in it and so on, but for the love of god, watch something else too!!!! let GOT rot and die!!!!!!!!! look up different, smaller, cheaper shows, that’s where you find lgbtq+ content creators!!!!!! there’s so many wlw webseries out there, you wouldn’t believe it. you have a choice. don’t give any more of your time and love and word-of-mouth to shows/movies that clearly have no interest in being more diverse. they don’t deserve you.

and that’s not to say any of it is on us. quite on the contrary, they’re using us. but aside from calling out their bullshit, we do have a chance to boost lgbtq+ content creators. don’t let them fool you into thinking they’re doing you any favors, or that they’re our last chance so we should be paying attention to what they’re doing/saying. fuck them!!!! you can’t queerbait me because I don’t trust you or give you the chance to do it. and you can shove your very straight, very white shows where the sun doesn’t shine, @ hollywood.

7. Is there a language you would love to speak?

french and korean, mostly. I can understand a little bit of both, but I really wish I was fluent :( oh, will to live and learn, where art thou...

8. Do you have, like, a dream so wild you think it’s impossible?

kjgnsfdkjhjjs having enough money to support myself and my mother??? I don’t have any big, wild dreams, I think. just.......... living comfortably would be a+

9. How many AUs of your own life do you have in your head?

oh man. I keep thinking about living somewhere in idk iceland or scotland just like... tending goats or something. that’s the most comfortable version of myself I can think of.

I also like to imagine if I could handle being a film director, because that sounds like fun. maybe a screenwriter? anything creative in films, really.

there’s also the unattainable dream of having a wife and idk maybe adopting a kid? and we’d just. support each other. and love each other. and that’s just. I. [cries]

I like to think how things would be if I were actually hot and not socially awkward.. I’d be someone completely different, basically lol

10. If you were to meet your younger self, do you think they would think you cool or not?

oh god, younger me would hate present me D: I had such high hopes for myself, I had lots of dreams lol never in a million years did I think I’d be where I am today...

11. Not a question, but please add something postive about yourself, something that you love about you.

IDJFSSIODUGSDFKGDSJ IT’S LIKE YOU KNEW I’D BE A NEGATIVE FUCK, NINI. I................................ I like that I have an easy time with languages? or with classes in general. I like to learn from people, I’m just really unmotivated to leave the house lol

now onto gray’s q’s:

1. What’s your favourite music video of all time?

straight-up impossible questions right out of the gate huh I SEE YOU, GRAY. I SEE YOU kjdfgjfsdhgkdsjfs

I’ll have to go with a few,

“prototype” by viktoria modesta is just GORGEOUS. I can’t get over this video & song and it’s been years.

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“jackpot” by block b looks creepy as shit but the context makes it such a clever yet fun video. take into account that these guys were screwed over by the kpop company that created the group, and that the lyrics talk about hitting jackpot in an industry that’s savage to say the least. to me this video is a visual representation of what a dangerous trap entertainment companies are in the kpop industry, and it also ties in with the groups’ story of being made into dolls by a company and then telling them to fuck off in the end lol

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“treat me like your mother” by the dead weather. I don’t know why I just love it. (cw: gun violence)

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“emperor’s new clothes” by panic! at the disco. I MEAN, LOOK AT IT.

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“manyo maash” by puer kim. I just love the aesthetic?

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honorable mention: “tick tick boom” by the hives because that’s a banger. ba dum tssss.

2. What’s a favourite memory of yours?

I have plenty of good memories, thank god. I think one of my favorites is just hanging out with my friends in 2008-9; one of their older brothers was driving us around town, we were listening to the white stripes at full volume, singing along, all sitting pressed up close together in his shitty car. man, my teenage years would’ve been fantastic if I had stayed there with them!!

3. Do you play video games? If so, which one’s your favourite?

I DO!!! I mean, not as much as I’d like because a) no money to spare on games/consoles, and b) I suck at basically everything. but I’m obsessed with paladins these days, and I’m also a big fan of LOTRO. I like horror games--mostly the resident evil and silent hill type--and fps. I grew up playing some tomb raider, medal of honor, resident evil... oh, those were the days.

4. How did you first get into [your fandom of choice]?

with bfu it was that kind of thing where I’d see a meme or two cross my dash and it was always this ridiculous screenshot, or those “that’s it, that’s the show” kinda things with dozens of thousands of notes... until one day I was incredibly anxious, and I needed to watch something or I’d never finish the assignments I had for college. so I just thought “oh hey I should check out that unsolved thing people like so much, it’s buzzfeed so it’s probably good bg noise to work with” lol and it did work, and I did finish my assignments, and that means that I first watched the show barely paying any attention to it because I was busy doing something else. but ryan’s and shane’s voices helped me relax and to this day they still help a lot with my anxiety, to the point that I need to keep coming back every minute or so during episodes because I get distracted just listening to their voices and not absorbing a word lol

5. How did you first get into fandom in general?

uhh.. well, I was a big “pottermaniac” (that’s how I called it) since I was 9, but that was before I realized fandom was a Thing on the internet too. I remember when I was maybe 10 or 11, I entered a chatroom (god, those were wild) just in time to see someone saying in all caps HARRY POTTER IS GREAT AND YOU’RE ALL DUMB FOR NOT SEEING IT or something fkdsjgfdugfsdk and it was this girl using the nickname fawkes. she was older than me, I think that 15 or something, and we exchanged addresses (!!! how am I alive!!!) and were pen pals for a while. but it took me so fucking long to actually find the fandom online that I think my first brush with it was with the arctic monkeys forum I found online in 2008, where I mistakenly said I liked “the muse” and people laughed at me so I never went back to it lol then in 2010 I found out about kpop and that’s when I really dived head-first into fandom life. took me long enough (tbf I was very against the notion of being a “fan” because I was an idiot).

6. What’s at the top of your bucket list?

great fucking question. no idea. I guess.. traveling overseas? if we’re talking wild, distant things. but closer to my reality, getting a job that pays me at least the minimum wage disjgdfgkfsdk #fuckinternships

7. What’s something not many people know about you?

I love dancing and miss it like hell.

8. What’s your favourite medium for storytelling - movie, book, television, musical, comic, internet video, video game, something else? Why that medium?

ohhhhhhh this is an interesting question. as much as I love writing, and think that’s one of the best things we humans have ever come up with, I do love.. musicals? not necessarily theater--although that’s great and I’d sell my soul to see chicago live--but I love the idea of telling stories through music. I really wish we could bring back the custom of telling stories orally, and through music, and that we could as society agree that collective singing is beautiful and should be reintroduced in our day-to-day lives. sure listening to (1) artist singing is great but hAVE YOU TRIED SINGING ALONG DURING A CONCERT WHERE EVERYONE ELSE IS SINGING TOO? best fucking feeling in the world.

we had two bands in brazil, in different periods of time, that were so incredibly famous they’re still cornerstones in our music history. one was legião urbana, some folk-ey rock band that had a couple of songs telling these really long stories that I LOVE with all my heart. faroeste caboclo is our bohemian rhapsody, most people my age or older know the lyrics to it. and mamonas assassinas was this comical (?) rock band that sang dumb, fun songs that usually told stories too and that was the best. I miss that kinda thing.

9. What’s your favourite food?

red meat, mainly churrasco. but I also can’t live without chocolate milk AND the whopper. capitalism has me by the stomach.

10. Do you have a joke to share?

fjgfsdgskfdgfsk I don’t.. it’s been so long since I last tried telling a joke, I don’t think I know any?

11. What song/artist helped you through your struggles?

pitty has been a big part of my life for some 14-odd years now. “be ok” by ingrid michaelson and “starlight” by muse were my anthems when depression hit hard during my teenage years. the white stripes has also been a constant, with gems like “blue orchid” and “a martyr for my love for you” turning into sort of theme songs for certain parts of my life. choi sam helped me through college. and even though they were a huge disappointment to the point that I stopped listening to them altogether, block b gave me a good 4 or 5 years of distraction from life.

#not bfu #long post #txt #i hope to god the read more works #bc this is long as shitfuck

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