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dzpenumbra · 1 year

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2/8/23

There's this unfortunate theme going on in my life that's rearing its head lately. "I thought I was doing really well, then I started noticing that I'm really not doing well." And I want to say I'm inflating it a bit? Like... okay... let me find a way to put this into words. That I'm doing much better and doing a lot worse at the same time? In different respects, you know? So, some stats went up and others went down? I hope that makes sense.

I think it's part of getting older, and fixating on specific things. Today's challenge has been... as with yesterday... overwhelm. And identifying what the overwhelm really is. And what specifically it is about. And what to do about it. You know, no big. It's just completely crippling my ability to accomplish tasks on a day-to-day basis. So... figured I'd get around to addressing it. <shrug>

On a quick side-note, my hip flexors are being absolute bitches. I am realizing, as I said earlier with the whole... losing stats thing... I have no idea how to fucking sit properly, and I think it completely ruined my body. I don't think it's irreversible, obviously, but like... the damage is pretty severe. I think it's gonna take some time. And I did an intense core workout today and I'm afraid I intuitively used my hip flexors when I shouldn't have. And it doesn't feel good at all. So... that would of course be another reason to go to yoga with a teacher. To get corrections on shit like that, so I can learn what it feels like to use neglected muscle groups. Because I'm just flat-out guessing right now, and I might be guessing wrong.

Okay, back to overwhelm. So... what happened today was... after yoga and all that, I started to do the one big life thing I really wanted to get done today. Email my old therapist and see if he would be willing to help me (at least consult) with the screening and managing ADHD thing. He and I have a history, he knows me very well. But ADHD never came up. So, I'm sure he'd have a unique perspective. I wrote like 4 paragraphs summing up the situation (and if you follow this blog, you know that 4 paragraphs for me is fuckin short) and then remembered that my current social worker dude messaged me back. I went over to read his message and... something in there... something just fucking overwhelmed the hell out of me. My brain just turned to noise and I couldn't fucking understand the words I was reading. Like it just switched to another language or something, and I just was getting really frustrated and like... repelled? Like I just really did not want to be reading it. I gathered very little from the message, like the first few sentences, then it was just like... another language or something.

Here's the fucked up part. I was on Reddit before all of this, reading posts on how peoples' experience with the non-stimulant ADHD meds I was told I could be prescribed went for people. And on my way off of reddit, I saw someone's post, a random one in some general subreddit about their salary in France and how they are upset that their salary is so low compared to equivalent American salaries with the same degree. And a French citizen working in America responded to them, in French. The first paragraph was entirely in French. I took like 3 years of French in high school, I actually really liked it. I was never fluent, I never had opportunity to practice it conversationally (despite my mom being a former French major with a degree, but, yeah...) so I never really got comfortable expressing my thoughts in French, but I got really damn good at reading it and understanding it when it was spoken. I tried my hand at reading it now, 20 years later. I couldn't just get it fluidly, I was very slow at reading, but there were only like one or two words that I couldn't really logically parse in the whole first paragraph. That was a really cool feeling, I felt like I still had it, you know? Then I go and read the message that my social worker sent to me in my goddamn native tongue and my brain scrambles and I can't understand it!

I think the juxtaposition of those two events helped me start to understand that something else was at play here. My big question is what? While talking with my mom later about it, my first conjecture was emotional overwhelm, but like... what was the emotion? Was there even emotion present? Stress, I guess? She seemed to immediately reject emotion being the reason that happened, from the data I presented. My next theory was a trauma response, which can manifest in similar ways. A blindsiding force that just... hits me with a wall of overwhelm to push me away from "dangerous" things and situations. This could be it, because the point where I started getting overwhelmed was around where he was talking about all the screening for controlled substances and all that shit, and that's a big vortex of past traumatic experiences for me. But I didn't feel the trauma response. So... there's a running theory that I was kinda brainstorming.

Maybe trauma and ADHD overwhelm are working hand-in-hand, which is making them a bit... indiscernible? So, like... if I go in to do the dishes and I get hit by this gigantic wave of overwhelm... it's not because I have a trauma response to dishes... I really don't, I've done them enough times to feel confident on that. But that inhibiting force that I have to brute-force or finesse through is right there, blockading me and incapacitating me. If I get a trauma response? I feel like that same overwhelm might be on the very front-lines of that experience. Meh, I'm second-guessing myself. I don't fucking know, honestly. Maybe this was just an example where both were present, and the traumatic response was more manageable, but the executive functioning overwhelm part was not.

The reason I connected those dots was because there's a big common thread there - emotions. My massive emotional responses. So the thing that really confused me today was like... I thought I was having a trauma response - because in the doctor's office I think it was definitely a major factor - but... I didn't feel the anxiety, the caution, the alertness, the lack of safety... like I just got dropped into the woods at night and I hear sticks cracking around me, but... in a more subtle way. Like that same feeling, but the volume on it turned down to like... a 4. I didn't get that when my social worker messaged me, I got... just like... frustration and ugghhh, like nails on a chalkboard or something. Which is definitely an emotion, right? But like... I don't know, is tedium an emotion or just... a thing? Like I felt like a toddler about to have a meltdown because they have to wait 5 minutes before their TV show comes on or something, and I was just like bouncing in my seat like... "ughhh come onnnn, why doesn't this make sense? Why is this stressful?"

So, that's been the big musing of the evening. I would say the dishes example is like... clear-cut ADHD overwhelm. The doctor's office, where I straight up drew a blank when the doctor asked me what my primary fucking medium was as an artist, was much more PTSD/anxiety dominant. And today... was probably a blend of a light PTSD trigger, but mostly ADHD overwhelm. So, what I'm getting at, is that the mix might be a major factor in why things are so goddamn difficult for me right now. Like... the solutions for PTSD and depression have been right in front of me, and I've had people getting deeply frustrated and even giving up because I was too overwhelmed by them to even try. I just kept insisting someone come with me to make that process easier to manage, which ADHD people call body-doubling. So, and this is really a hail mary at this point, I am guessing the reason that I get super overwhelmed by the prospect of going to do things alone (on most days) is an ADHD thing. Trauma reinforces the overwhelm and confirms it, depression drains me of the confidence to brute-force through the overwhelm. So, while I focused so damn hard on doing trauma work and managing all that, this underlying inner chaos has been pushing back against it the entire time. And, for some reason, I kept getting side-eyes from people as though I was like... rejecting easy solutions to fix my life. Like I was being picky, or being needy, or dramatic, or I wanted to be alone or unsuccessful. But really, the idea of going to the skatepark felt that overwhelming. The idea of going to a coffee shop and just sitting there felt that overwhelming.

The worst part, as I said earlier, I had a strategy to overcome that overwhelm. Companionship. A... side-quest, essentially. So... no matter what, whether it's overwhelming or hard or not, I came out of it with something.

It's so weird, to me this entire narrative makes perfect sense and yet to so many people I talk to it's like I'm speaking another language. If someone came up to me and invited me to go shopping with them, and I didn't even need anything, I would say yes. Even if they weren't good friends. Because the act of doing that is already a success. But if I were to just go shopping by myself? The stars have to fucking align. The right amount of confidence, right time of day, I have to know exactly what I'm getting, why I'm going, I need a plan, I need a timeframe. Already the brain tornado is going full-tilt and I haven't even decided whether I'm fucking going yet. I've been dealing with this for like... 15 years, at least. At this level of severity, at least.

So... what the fuck is that? Is that ADHD? From my understanding, it very likely is. So... picture this. Do you think I would be a shut-in if I didn't have so much trouble leaving my house for stuff like that? Do you think it'd be easier to work on social anxiety stuff if I didn't have that barrier? Do you think my depression would be as bad? Like... I have this running theory that the underlying overwhelm, focus and organization problem causes all the other problems to completely snowball out of control, it feeds them. But, if the underlying problems can be addressed... I feel like that could snowball the other mental health shit in the opposite direction, in a positive direction.

I don't know how to sum this up succinctly - obviously, I just wrote a fucking book here trying to make sense of it. But I think it makes a lot of sense why the help I was being offered in the past wasn't working. It's not a fault of the help at all, it's good advice. But I have to jump 15 hurdles before I even get to the help... and I could use some help with the hurdles, you know? Instead of like... judgement... that those hurdles even exist for me...

I have a splinter in my finger I keep poking at. I want it out! :(

Oh yeah, so last thing. So... I was looking at the medications that the doctor said she could prescribe. I have given this like 45 minutes total research, so please don't take this as gospel and correct me if I'm wrong... but the non-stimulant meds for ADHD seem to be... targeting different symptoms than the stimulant ones. It seems like the stimulant ones are --- you know what, after wikipedia-rabbit-holing a bit.... I'm just not going to weigh in on this. I'm skeptical. Because stimulant medications have been proven effective for fucking decades and these other new ones are literally labeled as "alternative treatments" and shit, off-label effects and all that, and I'm frankly really fucking tired of taking medications for the "side-effects" when god knows what else it's doing to my body. For fuck's sake, this psychiatrist had me on an anti-psychotic, Seroquel, for well over 2 years because the side-effect was... it made me super fucking sleepy. And I took it to help me sleep. Like... there's nothing else I could've taken? Do we know what else that medication could've been doing? I don't know, it's weird to me. It feels like how Coca Cola can be used as a cleaning fluid because it's corrosive or something, so just use Coke to clean your house! I don't know. I just... I have an aversion. I want to go with the tried and true medications, at least try them, and apparently I just don't get access to them because they think I'm going to sell them to college kids so they can study real hard and have stupid parties where they giggle and stay up all night. Totally. Totally going to get rid of my meds that are like... possibly the key to turning my entire life around... for like $5 a pop, so I can... spend that money on fucking what? Or what, I'm gonna take a double dose and feel really cool for a bit? Then not get a dose the next day because of that and have to deal with all the burdening shit I'm dealing with right now again? Like... I swear... people just don't understand this shit.

But if I want to even try the stimulants to see if they work, and I go to a doctor to procure them legally, rather than try them on the street... I will be piss tested. Not piss tested to monitor my usage of the medication, mind you. Piss tested to check for other drugs. None of which would be legal drugs. Well, one would be... the only one that would actually show up for me at any point, in fact the only substance I have in my life that even remotely works for me (and we have a very messy relationship) besides caffeine. THC. So if I get the stimulants, and I decide I want to try smoking before bed again, because it was the best sleep I had gotten in years... when I didn't freak out... And to see if the meds help with my racing thoughts and panic attacks and all that... If I smoke, I lose my meds. I go back to this. Even though it has been legal for recreational use since 2017. The logic here? I'm guessing by their logic... THC indicates drug abuse (somehow) and drug abuse means... more drug abuse. And more drug abuse means the stimulants. Right? So... um... wait, no... what? XD Here's the best part: cannabis isn't even biologically addictive. And I guarantee this piss test doesn't check for alcohol, which is like the most fucking abused substance since the dawn of time. So yeah, I'm still really pissed about that. It's like a handful of self-absorbed hedonists decided to binge on anesthesia, so now if you want to get put under for surgery, everyone needs to be screened for deviant behavior. Even grandma. It's fucking lazy, it's draconian, it punishes everyone for the wrongdoings of the few.

I met with my former friend from high school (don't even wanna call her former best friend anymore) last summer. She was homeless, she was getting high by the river the day before her court hearing for a case where she was caught as an accomplice smuggling fentanyl across state lines. She was in rehab, and was getting high by a river in a beautiful park. She has 5 kids. She told me about how she was making money by selling her Suboxone (a drug used to help with opiate withdrawal) to her ex boyfriend, likely so he could get high, maybe so he could sell it himself, I don't fucking know. She wasn't even trying to detox, and she had fucking kids she lost custody of because of the shit. And me? I detoxed off of benzos alone, unsupervised, three fucking times. And I was prescribed them every time. I had to check myself into a rehabilitation retreat to be safe in getting myself off of medications that doctors fucking put me on and wouldn't help me get off of. I quit cigarettes cold turkey after smoking for 18 years. I have used substances recreationally less than any person that I know who uses recreational substances. At the peak of my smoking weed this summer, I was smoking like... 2 hits before I went to bed. Like, I can't remember the last time I smoked an entire bowl, let alone a joint. These motherfuckers smoke 2g joints for breakfast. And I get lumped in with them. And I get lumped in with them.

It hurts. Real bad. And, at the end of the day, I just wanna say this out loud. To any of you out there buying these prescriptions - pain pills, benzos, stimulants, etc. - prescriptions that people fucking need to function, because they have constant pain problems, they have acute crippling panic/anxiety issues, they have attention functioning issues... To those of you faking these conditions so you can get high for a few hours, or so you can make some petty cash selling these drugs to kids? Go fuck yourself with a rusty rake.

Okay, that's out of my system. Yay. That was well overdue. I'm late for bed, bye.

Um... good vibes first. Yeah, need a vibe reset! XD

I finished my bracelet, finally. The hemp cord weave that I was going to use for the necklace? Yeah, I committed to the bracelet design, I made custom findings for it out of paper clips that I reshaped into rings and a clasp. It fits pretty nicely and the clasp came out looking really cool, really legit. It's really cool when you finally make something by hand that looks like you could find it in a nice store, you know? It's far from perfect, but it's a first try that is designed for me, so I'm happy with it!

Alright, that's better! Bed time.

#diary #journal #online journal #stream of thoughts #stream of consciousness

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p-bubblegum · 2 years

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Hello! How are you doing?

This is an ask for you to say all the strong feelings and thoughts you have about the gods of the riordanverse, wether it's in general or certain gods in particular, if you'd like to

Hey^^. I'm fine, thanks for asking!

Thank you for the ask too! Sorry for being a bit late.

(Sorry for any mistakes! English is not my first language and I'm a bit sleep deprived! )

So first of all I wanna say that I think that everything Luke said about the PJO gods was absolutely right! So were his ideas. They were just exected wrong.

Secondly, all of the gods in the riordanverse are awful. Their depiction goes from questionable at best to borderline disrespectful to the religion and all of their followers. Riordan's attitude doesn't help.

As for specific gods.

One of my biggest problem is with Artemis. First of all why show her like a 12 year old? Even if she was aro/ace (even though she is wildly known as wlw goddess) why not show her as a 20 something years old who is very very badass and very very aro/ace.

Also, I have a problem with the way she interacts with the girls she recruited. For example Bianca. The whole recruitment seemed awfully manipulating. Bianca was scared and just introduced to the Mythycal world, she didn't know her options or anyone really. Why ask her then? Or even if she asked why accept? The poor girl obviously was very confused. Let her actually think about it. At least to me that whole scene seemed very off especially with the fact that Artemis is a goddess famous for protecting woman.

The hunt switching sexualities is so shitty. It actually makes me vomit. And why are they shown like little girls? Like spoiler alert but u can be in fact ace and an adult

Both Zeus and Hera are awful depiction of the actual Gods and I hate that with my whole heart. Their characters and the way they interact with children, especially Zeus' children is just no. Like they punished Thalia for bullshit after she blindly believed them all her life and with one of the most cruel things too. Neither of them helped Jason even though he is connected to both of them. Like fuck but they totally deserve to be overthrown in the Riordanverse.

I wish we had seen Mr.D not like this old drunk. Like yeah he probably was sad bc of his punishment, but 100+ years in that form and moping around seems much. Wish we could have seen him being this really young athletic guy who loved having fun with the older kids and probably scared the shit out of the younger ones. Like this big brother who everyone is annoyed by, but he lets them have parties and snuck a joint or two and some alcohol so it's all fine. He also can get very scary, very fast though, like he'd probably can turn someone who is pushing his limit into a dolphin in few minutes. If they were important Chiron would make him turn the person back, so he doesn't get punished more. He also would make sure that the kids have proper therapy or at least some sort of one that isn't smack a dummy with your sword. He may have some followers in Camp.

I hate Aphrodite so much. She seemed so off the entire first series and in HOO where she basically glamorized the American Civil War in front of two WOC is just so wrong on so many levels. Like wtf was R*ck thinking while writing this? Actually what the heck was he thinking during the whole the American Civil War was just a war between Romans and Greeks?

Hermes is just... Hermes. He visited Percy multiple times, but couldn't come in Camp or on the streets to help/guide Luke and tell him he is proud for like 2 minutes? Travis and Connor have 2 years difference which means that he visited their mom twice and probably took care of Travis as a toddler bc of that, but he couldn't come to May's house to see if his son is okay and has at the very least something proper to eat. Not to mention that he has multiple kids, excluding Travis and Connor, which are younger than Luke which means that while his 'favorite' kid was almost dying, he was hooking up with someone. He, also came to Luke to basically say he shouldn't have come to his own home and lowkey tell him he is disappointed, as if the kid had any other choice while Thalia was hurt. And the way he refused to take accountability for the fact that his past actions had consequences and just blamed Annabeth? Ugh... can he stop being such stereotypical asshole? I really wish we had seen Thalia just screaming at his face for that.

For anyone disagreeing on this matter, I don't take critism. I can absolutely talk and discuss the other gods and can admit I'm wrong, but not him.

I don't like Poseidon. This is just an opinion and a bit of a self projecting. Nothing else really.

I can't think of anything else right now. So this is it! Thank you for reading my rant ig

#pjo #percy jackson #percy jackson and the Olympians #pjo luke castellan #luke castellan #pjo luke #pjo thalia grace #pjo thalia #jason grace #hermes pjo #thalia pjo #pjo aphrodite #pjo hera #pjo zeus #pjo dionysus #pjo poseidon #pjo artemis

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guigz1-coldwar · 3 years

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'Joint Operation': New chapter for "Redemption in a Spirit in a Cold War" is out!

"Joint Operation"

"I'm proud to be who I am..."

Chapter Summary: After making plans about their next moves against Perseus in London, Yirina & Park are now awaiting for John Price to arrive in Century House to get it started...

Link of the Picrew here!

To read it on AO3, click here!

Words : +3500

Taglist : @snowgoldwaylon , @clxudtea , @efingart

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Once that we have agreed on what to do in the parking lot, it was time for us four to get back to our respective offices, now having to not talk of any things that could help the CIA to stop Perseus before us, it was our hard work and we ain't going to let the Americans get the upper hand and stop Perseus we could. Maybe that we're on the same side of the war but here, it's different. It's just going to be us, the MI6...and now, adding to that, the Special Air Service...Captain John Price and his men.

When we came back to our office, the first thing that Park did was to get on the line with Hereford and reach out to Price, asking for his help, and thankfully, we didn't even have to tell any important details to him that he was already agreeing to come with his men but because of some things on his side, he would be only able to come near the end of the afternoon, causing us to get along with it and wait for him and the SAS to arrive in London, Park having to precise that they needed 'the necessary tools for work'.

Now, it was the beginning of a 'normal day' for us: back to our offices and going to work, knowing that now, people were listening to us. We didn't work for the first part of the day until noon as we start to search for every bug that the CIA got, finding some in the lamps, on some drawers, and of course, inside our phones and all of this search by faking a discussion or staying silent, a feeling fo disgust when a hidden bug was found, knowing that we weren't secure in here.

The rest of the day went pretty well: having lunch with Zasha & Portnova in their office and after that, analyzing what's the MI6 got from Peter's apartment and what we saw made our day: Peter had suspicions of the location of where the Perseus members are hiding and it as all pointing out to Canary's Wharf...Lukas Ritter's tracker managing to give us the benefit of the doubt and that's what we were seeing in that detail when the estimated time for Price to arrive was here.

"Should be here soon for me," I said, checking up my watch on my left wrist as I was with Park at her desk, focusing actually on the construction site map of Canary's Wharf. "What do you think about it?" I asked her, who was sitting on her chair with me just behind her.

"I don't know, he said that there were some problems to deal with before getting here," She replied, telling me the same thing she did when she hang out after that phone call.

"At least, we know that he's coming," I muttered, putting my hands on the desk at a few centimeters from the map and the few pen that we were using to write things that we couldn't say loudly.

"Of course," Park alleged as her right hand moves towards one of the pens and a piece of paper to write on it. "How much do you think they could be?" She wrote that pretty quick on that paper, tapping with her pen two times below the sentence.

"Uhm..." I mumbled, grabbing her pen in her hand to write. "Estimated for me? At least 20 to 30," I replied with my writing just right under her sentence. "How many men Price has?" I added to it.

"Enough," Park responded by talking, using a low tone to say it. "Don't worry, we're maybe lower in numbers but the SAS knows how to make the job done," She continued, turning her head towards me. "You know that well," She smiled at me, meaning it.

"Of course," I breathed before I moved softly for a little kiss on her lips but I couldn't know if it was something like that or because I wanted it since our last kiss in the car. "Thanks," I whispered after the kiss, seeing her lips going for a smile, and then, two knocks at our door...

"Who is this?" Park asked, putting herself well on her seat to face the door but the only response we see was the door opening to reveal Portnova with behind them, a man with a dark blue beanie and a large vest on the same color...him, Price.

"Oh, Portnova, good to see you," I exclaimed, happy to see her here and talking a bit loud to make myself heard by the CIA through the bugs.

"Hey, there's John Price from the SAS behind me, he came to see us first," Portnova spoke up, pointing behind her with her left thumb, Price making a sign with his head to say hello, Park doing the same with me to him. "You told us that you wanted to see him so here he is," He said, moving aside to let Price walk in front to enter the room, taking off his beanie.

"Good to see you, Helen," Price grinned at Park, moving next to the chairs in front of her desk and putting his hands on the backrest of one of them.

"Me too, John," She muttered in a low voice, her eyes looking at her right eye with her thumb touching the ring finger.

"Well, I'm leaving you three for now on," Portnova said but then, she moves to my desk to grab a piece of paper & a pen to write something, me going closer to see what she was going to write on it. "Zed is already in the underground parking with Price's men, you'll join us soon," That's what I could see on it after she finished writing, winking at me before she left the office, closing the door behind her.

"So, you know why I ask you to come?" Park started, having her both hands joined together as I got back next to her with the piece of paper in my hands. "Thanks," She said when I gave her the paper, taking a look at quickly.

"Yes, you said that Stone was back and that Perseus was in town," Price replied, staying up behind that chair, maybe thinking that our presence in here will be short. "That you needed support,"

"I do, we do," Park clarified, putting aside the paper before looking back at him. "We both know that we have to work again together for that case and we need you & your men," She clarified, quickly followed by a nod from Price.

"Helen, the SAS is always going to have your back, count on that," He affirmed with a sure tone in his voice, meaning it by a lot as his eyes drifted towards the map that was on the desk, just in front of Park.

"If you want, we can talk about how we can proceed," I told him, scratching the left side of my jaw with my right hand.

"Of course, well..." Price started to say as Park immediately got her hands back on the same pen and another piece of paper to write something else. "My men are waiting for us in the underground parking," He pointed out behind him before looking at the paper Park was showing him.

"CIA listening, tell that you're here to install a temporary HQ in here," Park's writing was looking rather quick but still good looking, showing the note pretty clear to Price

"We're been thinking of installing an HQ in Century House for our ops in town," Price bought it instantly, knowing that she was saying the truth along with me and our gestures. "Maybe that you want to give instructions to them," He advised.

"That's a good idea, John," Park approved of it, her voice sounding like it was going to be better to talk in the parking than talking about here. "Let's go then," She ordered with enthusiasm as she got up from her seat and grab her jacket on its backrest.

I followed the same procedure as her by going back to my desk and grab what I needed: my jacket & my M1911 while Park took with her, the map of the construction site in Canary's Wharf, and of course, her pistol, and then, we were ready to go out of the office, me & Park taking the lead and gesturing to Price that we couldn't talk in here and the hallways before we arrived inside the elevator, the only place with the underground parking that we could talk freely without been heard but instead, we stayed quiet.

Our mouths were kept shut inside the elevator while it was going down to the parking and when we stepped out, the first thing that caught up my eyes was two vans parked near the same car that I & Park used earlier this day with some men around them, talking to each other and hearing the little sound of the elevator's doors opening up caused every looks to be put on us, giving me a sort of little pressure to be observed by those people even if I know that those guys are friendly.

"Finally, we can talk freely, I think," I sighed as we all three start walking towards the car that was having Zasha & Portnova near it, staying on their side alone and away for the moment from Price's men.

"Why the CIA's listening to you?" Price asked by curiosity behind us.

"Because they don't like us, John," Park replied in a clear voice, already taking out the wrapped map from her jacket, making a sign with her at Zasha & Portnova. "For them, we're useful to have what they need...we don't want that, not after what they're doing with us," She added as we arrived near the car, Park unwrapping the map over the car's hood.

"So, this is their hideout?" Zasha demanded as they didn't know about the actual layout of the construction site, we only saw that minutes before Price arrives here.

"Two entrances, multiples covers, and for them, an exit in the Tube," I explained, looking at everything that was put around circles and seemed important by me & Park. "A perfect place to hide for Perseus," I added.

"What about the tracker that you put on Lukas?" Portnova questioned me, crossing her arms.

"Unfortunately, it stopped emitting 30 minutes ago," Park answered at my place to her, not even letting move my lips to speak. "Either they found out about it or they have something blocking it to emit," She theorized as I was in charge of keeping an eye on the tracking device that got off as she said 30 minutes ago.

"A jammer?" Price mumbled, his left hand below his chin and adopting a thinking attitude. "It could be possible but now, they're going to think that's something off," He presumed, me & Park nodding at him about that. "And that's where we all coming," He added as he got his hands over the map. "What's your plan, Helen?" He demanded, looking at her.

"To start, I think that we should get two teams striking the entrances," She started, moving her fingers on the map to point to the two entrances she mentioned. "The one at that warehouse should be the first one to go on with discretion," She suggested as she looks at everyone to see our reaction to that. "And then, we launch the attack, stealth isn't and can't be used during a large part of the operation,"

"Two teams, two entrances, it should work perfectly," Price speculated, his eyes looking at the map as if he was analyzing it for a better opinion on it. "The only problem is that we have to react quickly to eliminate that group before they could use the Tube," He said, his fingers over the side of the map that was getting inside a part of the metro.

"I'm sure that we can do it," I proclaimed like that, getting a bit enthusiastic to get Perseus out of London.

"I'm sure too," Zasha joined in with me in my statement. "Your men, sir, are very good elements, we can do it quickly," They complimented, their eyes drifting to look at the group of people in SAS uniforms near the first van that was near us.

"Thank you, Smirnov," Price thanked them, giving them a nod to that compliment. "Now, we should organize to see who is doing what," He declared, crossing his arms as Portnova suddenly decide to go away from us without any words, walking to get leaned on a pole that was almost 10 meters from us.

"Well...Uhm...I think that I want to volunteer to be with the group going first," I said, raising my left hand to that, wondering inside of me why I did this.

"I'm in too," Zasha joined me in raising their hand, making my eyes go wide for a bit. "What about you, Park?" They demanded towards her who was thinking by looking at the map.

"I'll choose, don't worry," She simply replied, not moving her head away from the map. "If you wish, I'll talk about the details with Price alone," She stated.

"As you wish, Park," I told her, making a lovely tap over her left shoulder before we decide along with Zasha to leave Park & Price alone but Zasha quickly left me to join the group they were looking at before as for me, I needed to see Portnova.

She was all alone, leaned on that pole, arms crossed and looking away from everyone. When she first walk away from the group, no one wondering why she left except me, I wanted to know why she was like that...was she thinking about something bad? Perseus was now aware that she was alive following the assassination attempt at the University of London and since, I was sometimes able to see that she wasn't looking well & secure to be around, surely because we were having a big target on our backs...something that needed to be erased...

"Portnova?" I called out with a low voice as I approach her in a slow walk.

"Yes?" She muttered, her eyes looking down at her feet.

"Are you alright?" I demanded, arriving right next to her at least 1 meter from her. "I saw you leaving the group seconds ago and...I'm worried," I clarified myself in case, even joining my hands together, looking like a shy girl.

"I wish I could say yes and I don't want to say no," She responded, turning softly her head at me, her face seeming neutral for me. "I know that I shouldn't be like that but it's hard to believe that...even with every try, Perseus is always here," He sniffed.

"I know, it's hard," I joined her on that thought.

"I want to live a perfect life with Zasha, having them with me while the two of us are working at our respective workplace: me as a teacher, them...I'm not sure if they want to stay a cryptographer but..." She stopped herself for a few seconds to take a deep breath. "Not having a feeling to been watched, listened and threatened by someone," She resumed in a lower voice, sounding neutral for me.

"That's what you told me...three years ago," I exclaimed, crossing my arms as I had flashes in my head showing me my memory with her near the Moskova. "You were scared, I had a memory with you last night...a meeting near the Moskova, away from the city," I explained

"So, you remember that day..." She whispered with a little grin at me. "I'm still scared about this...since that day," She said, her voice sounding broken as she pass her hands below her eyes. "No, I'm not crying here...not at all," She defended herself despite that tears were visible on her face, hiding them with her hands.

"It's okay, you can cry, we all do that one day," I confided with the truth on that subject, everyone can be having a bad moment...crying is normal. "Listen, I'm still sorry about...the three years that passed with....you alone, I'll make sure...we'll make sure that Perseus will be destroyed," I commented, giving my apologies about that situation she faced alone...even if I already told them.

"I know, thank you," She grinned at me

"No...thank you for...being a great friend, Portnova," I thanked her back as she was meaning a lot as a friend for me, along with Zasha, adding a friendly tap over her right shoulder to fully mean it entirely.

"Well, thanks," She whispered, still smiling at me while I did it too as her eyes suddenly got focused behind me. "Seems that Zed is talking to their friends," She stated, making me turn around to look and see Zasha talking with three people: someone with a sort of mohawk haircut...like Freya, a man with a black hood on and a white skull as a decal, and then, a man with a helmet and a black hood too.

"I didn't know that they were friends with them," I confessed as Portnova move away from the pole she was leaned on to join me at my side.

"They told me that after Price showed up," She explained, crossing her arms as we were looking at the group. "I think they are Soap, Ghost &...Roach," She revealed to me, her voice getting a bit sounding confused at the end. "What the hell kind of a name is Roach?" She asked me.

"Don't know but...why don't we join Zasha to talk with them?" I proposed to her and it's without any hesitation from me & her that we decide to join the group, observing that Zasha was the one to talk mainly in it.

"Hi, miss Grigoriev," The mohawk guy spoke first with a Scottish accent as he was sitting on the back of the van, the back doors widely as the inside was looking like an armory...he's Soap. "And...you must be Zasha's wife, I presume?" He demanded, pointing out at Portnova.

"That's correct," Portnova replied with a smile as Soap offered his hand to her.

"John 'Soap' Mactavish, call me simply Soap," He presented himself as he & Portnova shook hands before they withdraw from each other. "Here's our Ghost," He pointed at the man with a black hood and a white skull decal.

"Pleasure to meet you both," The man said, surprising me with the voice he used, feeling it very deeper and...unusual.

"And here's Roach," Soap finished, his hand pointing towards the man with a helmet and the hood, leaned against one of the backdoors of the van.

"Hi, misses..." The man waved at us, sounding rather shy in his voice and we waved back at him.

"They are my friends," Zasha told me, their hands joining together and they were sounding a bit unsure to tell it actually, their gestures looking like a shy person. "We...I met and talk with them during & after our mission in Cuba,"

"A pretty good sniper, they told us that you're the woman that formed them in it," Soap exclaimed, addressing himself towards me.

"The kid has a good heart, same for you as I heard," Ghost added, crossing his arms as he looked at me through his black hood.

"Well, Zasha is my best friend for years...almost 9 years to be honest," I admitted as Zasha was looking at me with a smile, giving me some hope as I was like opening myself to those guys. "I'm doing my best as I can,"

"You...you did good," Roach implored, getting Soap & Ghost eyes on him.

"Of course, that's good, we're doing the same thing with you," Soap told him as he joined his hands together over his legs.

"Everyone," Then, we all heard Price's voice calling us out and getting our attention on him & Park who was standing next to him. "As you could know, we're fighting Perseus again and today, we have a chance to bring them down in London and maybe in England if we can," He started, his hands around his waist.

"Perseus' agents are hiding in a construction site in Canary's Wharf and we think that they could leave tonight, we're striking them today," Park spoke up, making her voice loud & clear for everyone who was now gathered to see them as for us, we didn't move at all from our spot.

"There will be two teams: one led by me & Park while the other will be led by Grigoriev," He announced, making my eyes goes wide at this. "Soap, Ghost, Roach, Griffin & Wallcroft, you'll be with her, the others, with me & Park," He continued as my jaw was dropped discreetly at this but not because I was going to led a SAS team. "Prepare your equipment, we'll be leaving soon," He ordered clearly, causing everyone to split up.

"Park," I called her as I walk towards her. "You...you're not coming in the same team with me?" I demanded, wondering why...just why...

"Don't worry, Yiri," She started with a little smile at me. "It's just for the beginning, the attack will get us back, don't worry about it, and like the SAS say..." She advised me, stopping in her words before pulling me in for a quick kiss on the lips before she looked back at me, a face that wanted to me stay calm and not worry about this...

"Stay frosty!"

#cod bocw #cod cold war #cod black ops cold war #cod cw #call of duty cold war #cod #call of duty #cod bell #black ops cold war #fem!bell #yirina grigoriev #helen park #bell x park

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picturejasper20 · 4 years

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Animation and LGBT+ representantion

I need animation fans,specially western fans to read this, please it's very important.

Lately i have been seeing this a lot of misinformation about animation, one common trend is that the people who work on these shows "are lazy" and "don't want to write LGBT+ characters".

Here's the thing: writting LGBT characters in animated children's media it's very difficult and hard. There are many restrictions about what you can or can't write.

It's not that the people who work behind these shows are cowards or don't want to make real LGBT representation. Many want to, but it depends on the restrictions they are given by their superiors.

Examples:

Adventure time

Marceline and Bubblegum (video from 2014):

"In the video you can see Olsen also made a point to ask Ward if the couple would be visible on the show or in the upcoming book. Unfortunately, not so much."

Olson: "And I said, 'Are they going to do it on the show at all, or can we say anything about it in the book?" And he's like, 'I don't know about the book, but in some countries where the show airs, it's sort of illegal.' So that's why they're not putting it in the show."

Here's she explains they that they couldn't be very explicit about Marceline's and Bubblegum's relationship because of these restrictions (they latter could though).

Avatar: Legend of Korra

Korra and Asami (from one of the creators of the show)

"As we wrote Book 1, before the audience had ever laid eyes on Korra and Asami, it was an idea I would kick around the writers’ room. At first we didn’t give it much weight, not because we think same-sex relationships are a joke, but because we never assumed it was something we would ever get away with depicting on an animated show for a kids network in this day and age, or at least in 2010."

"The more Korra and Asami’s relationship progressed, the more the idea of a romance between them organically blossomed for us. However, we still operated under this notion, another “unwritten rule,” that we would not be allowed to depict that in our show."

"We approached the network and while they were supportive there was a limit to how far we could go with it, as just about every article I read accurately deduced."

Gravity falls

"Hirsch confirms that though he attempted to push for LGBT+ characters in Gravity Falls, Disney executives prevented him from including explicitly gay characters."

Alex confirming this on his twitter:

https://mobile.twitter.com/_AlexHirsch/status/1292328558921003009?s=20

"Back when I made GF Disney FORBADE me from any explicit LGBTQ+ rep. Apparently “happiest place on earth” meant “straightest”"

In 2012 the Disney censor note on this image (refering to The owl house) would have been: “inappropriate for channel, please revise, call to discuss” (to avoid a paper trail)

The owl house

Luz and Amity

Dana Terrace talking about how it was difficult for her to write LGBT characters in her show:

"In dev I was very open about my intention to put queer kids in the main cast. I'm a horrible liar so sneaking it in would've been hard haha. When we were greenlit I was told by certain Disney leadership that I could NOT represent any form of bi or gay relationship on the Channel."

I'm bi! I want to write a bi character, dammit! Luckily my stubbornness paid off and now I am VERY supported by current Disney leadership.

Steven universe

Ruby and Sapphire (talking about the LGTB+ wedding in Reunited):

That took years of work because of sensitivities around LGBT+ content in programs aimed at children, which often have to work for a global market, said Sugar, 32, who is bisexual.

"We are held to standards of extremely bigoted countries. It took several years of fighting internally to get the wedding to happen," she told the Thomson Reuters Foundation by phone.

"So much bigotry is based on the idea that (LGBT+ content) is something inherently adult, which is entirely false."

"Sugar recalled the frustration of not being able to be open about her personal experiences in the early years of her career before she made her sexuality public."

“As I’m writing about this, as I’m pitching this, I’m also getting a lot of pushback,” Sugar said. “This was not considered acceptable material for children at the time. … [But] who is speaking to a generation of children about why they deserve to exist? About how they deserve to exist? I wanted to be able to do that.”

"While working on “Jail Break” in 2014, “it became clear to the network that I was incorporating LGBTQIA+ characters and themes into the show,” Sugar said. She was told that there was a chance the show could be canceled if authorities in conservative countries noticed and objected to those themes."

"Sugar tells EW it has been “extremely difficult” for her to earn this kind of visibility on Steven Universe, but acknowledges that large strides have been made. “When we started doing this in 2011, it was impossible and it has become possible over the last many years of working really hard to do this,” she explains."

"Yeah. Every time we would cover this ground, it would be a conversation. I think part of the challenge is that this show was an international show. We would be getting notes not just from the US but also from Europe, from around the world about what we could and couldn’t show, and they would be different notes from different countries."

"There was a point at which it was brought to my attention that the studio… I was brought up to a meeting where they [the studio] said, “We know that you’re doing this, and we support that you’re doing this… We don’t want to be giving notes on this, but we have to give notes on this” and it was all very difficult to navigate. Ultimately, I said, “If this is going to cost me my show that’s fine because this is a huge injustice and I need to be able to represent myself and my team through this show and anything less would be unfair to my audience.”

I could add tons of examples about this... but here's my point and it's something a lot of people need to understand: It's difficult to put LGTB+ characters in animated children media. There are certain limitations, restrictions, many times the creators cannot be very explicit about it for many reasons.

So next time you want call creators who want to write LGTB+ characters in their shows "lazy" or "queerbaiting" reconsider the fact that they are actually taking a risk by writing LGTB+ characters and they don't have all the control in their show. They can't always make their characters say "I'm gay" or "I'm bisexual" because of these restrictions. Of course, some are given more freedom than others.

If you don't like how the characters are written or a show.. that's completely fine. But reconsider that corporations have control over the creators on what they can and can't do and that it only ends up hurting their cartoons.

I would really like for people to know about this, since there's this misconception going around that animators don't really care about this. But in reality they do. And i think this it's very important thing to know when it comes to talking about animation.

#Western animation #animation #Steven universe #Gravity falls #The owl house #Adventure time #Avatar legend of korra #LOK #Representation #LGBT #LGBT representation #Interviews #Animation industry #Homophobia #transphobia

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judgement-free-sideblog · 5 years

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Ghosts from the rain forest

Summary: A simple rescue mission will bring him back to a place full of nightmares, and maybe this time he could find redemption. Situated in 1975, 2 years after the events of Skull Island.

James Conrad x Reader

Warnings: Violence, blood, wounds, mentions of war, cursing, implied smut, angst.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 2: Hilmi

Even when you were more than happy in the jungle in the middle of nowhere, and not having to deal with people, you couldn't deny that Bandar Seri Begawan was in fact a beautiful place, and the market of Tamu Kianggeh was always nice to walk through.

You have chose to take one more day in the city before your medicine shipment arrived tonight, and see the city some more, you even had chosen to dress up different and use one of the many dresses you bought but never use, it was nice to play the tourist for a change, even when the last time you were there you end up picking up a fight with some vendors and being stubborn enough that they end up humorously calling you Himli, that means peaceful or polite.

That's when you saw him, trying to buy some fruit from one of those sketchy vendors you have a love/hate relationship with, he was to put it on one word stunning, his dark blonde hair, perfect baby blue eyes, or maybe was the shirt he was wearing that make them bright that much, and the afternoon shadow over a perfectly sharp jawline. American maybe, after they left the country alone three years ago they have been popping up everywhere as tourists.

"That's a lot of money for a simple piece of fruit" He said to the vendor in a perfect British accent.

"Liying to tourists again Zikri?" You said in an authoritarian voice approaching them "You really are a menace"

"Ah Himli" He said part annoyed part happy to see you. "One can no longer make a decent way of living because you have to come and criticize me"

"Ten ringgits for a mango is decent?" The man said and you loved Zikri's shocked face.

"There there Prince Charming" You said winking at him "I'll buy your mangoes, just stay away from this man" you gave Zikri the 20 rn, and give the two pieces of fruit to the stranger. "Consider it a welcome to the island gift."

"Thank you, Himli was it?" He smiled at you with what of course was a perfect smile and you forgot to tell him your actual name "James Conrad" He offered you his hand.

"I prefer prince charming" You smiled back at him and shake the hand he offered you. "Aren't you a little far from your island?"

"A little, not as much as you, are you american?"

"From birth maybe, but haven't been there in ages, is way better here" You said honestly. "First time?"

"I have been before, actually, but it was not that great then, although 'm quite enjoying my visit so far this time" he gave you a look that you haven't recieved in a long time, a more than welcome look by the way.

"Do you want a beer?" You said to him and point to a near bar that you like, it was 5:00 pm and you have time until 10:00 at least, to pick up the cargo, "Do British play darts?"

"I'm better at pool, but sure let's go" he said and you walked him to the bar.

A couple of beers later and a lot of bad jokes next to the pool table and you were already cursing yourself because you have to go back to the middle of nowhere the next morning, and he was going to stay there with al his beautiful self alone.

A couple minutes later he was teaching you how to play, and the electricity that run through your back when he hold you in his arms was enough to make you lost touch with reality. By the time your mind tried to wake you up, you were already kissing against his hotel door, and by that time there was not much else to do, apart from opening the door and let your burning clothes fall to the ground and follow the pure instinct that was driving you.

"James we are ready" a young man voice said from the other side of the door hours later and make you wake up from the sheets you were covered with.

"Thanks Slivko, I'll be out in a minute" James said and make a shh sing to you with his long perfect finger.

"What time is it?" You said quietly, smiling at him and the sweet puppy eyes he have trying to make you stay in bed.

"Hey Reg, what time is it?" He asked the boy on the other side.

"Almost nine man, we are waiting, I'll be at the lobby."

"Fuck" you said standing up and quickly taking up your clothes "I'm so sorry, but I have to leave, this was... amazing. Thank you"

"You have nothing to thank for, if anything you have become my single happiest memory from this place" He said with dark shadow crossing his eyes and you were dying to ask what he mean but your seller was a dick and you had to flee.

"If you are still here tomorrow I promise you I'll give you a couple more happy memories" you kissed him one more time and walked out of his window, thankfully his room was on the ground.

You ran as fast as you could to put on work clothes, something your seller would respect and not that ridiculous dress. Noah was neither a good nor a bad man, he only followed an strictly business ethic, and for a man who robbed big hospitals to sell medicine and vaccines in the black market he was quite picky about punctuality and respecting previous arrangements, maybe it was just a British thing, you would have to ask James later. You smiled thinking on how well that have gone down, it have been quite some time since you feel like a normal woman, able to have a little romantic afternoon with a handsome man, he was definitely a nice change from the mercenaries you usually hang around.

This was definitely not what you have planned out of your life, you could still remember the you from ten year ago, that who believed she was helping shape the world into a better place by making cultivation practices more efficient, it was a dumb dream now, with all the devastation humanity had caused, especially with all the damage your government had created by using their precious Orange Agent, that's what have finally driven you apart from the big man, the idea that some day one of your creations could end up killing and damaging innocent people. You have seen personally the mutations and illness those substances could produce, and how men only following orders caused that damage without any remorse, that kind of men you truly hate, if there was anything that you couldn't tolerate in this world was soldiers, all of them pretending to be heroes when they were only glorified murderers...

You shake those thoughts out of your head and took the money for Noah in a bag, and walked into the night to the peers. Like always you wanted to be there before he and his man arrived.

"Always a pleasure making business with you Y/N" Noah said counting out the money "And as always my boys are ready to help you carry this precious cargo to its destination" He always made those fake ceremonious remarks that you didn't like. The boys as he called them were already packing the medicine into your truck and would scort you back to Borneo the next morning.

"You are a life saver" you smiled at him as fake as he did.

"Boss we found a rat" one of his man said suddenly appearing from behind one of the many containers that were at the peers, he was using a large gun to push a young looking man towards you, with his hands behind his head.

"What? Who is this little shit?" Noah said suddenly losing his charm "Y/N what are you playing here?" He took you rather harsh from the wrist and start shaking you.

"I haven't see him in my life" You said honestly, trying to make sense out of that bizarre situation. "You are hurting me Noah what the hell?"

"Well then he is just some nasty nobody, kill him" He said to his man, still not letting you go, and you were about to scream him to stop when an angry voice talked from the shadows behind you.

"I wouldn't to that if I were you, we have you surrounded so let the boy and Dr. Y/L/N go" you turned around in shock immediately when you recognize his voice.

"Captain Conrad?" Noah's voice sounded terrified and he let you go immediately and signaled his man to release the boy and then he turned at you total panic "You bring bloody SAS on me Y/N?"

"What? Of course not, wait what do you mean SAS?" You said looking confused at both men, James had come closer to help the young guy.

"Y/N? I thought your name was Hilmi" Now it was Conrad's turn to look confused.

"Would someone explain what the fuck is happening here?" The guy, Slivko was it? Said as confused as you.

"I don't bloody know, but I know this, I'm leaving, boys let the nice Dr. take care of her medicine alone." The five men with the cargo let the boxes on the ground and start walking towards their own vehicle "Please don't call me again" He said looking at you one last time. "Captain" he made one solemn bow to James and almost run out of there.

"What? No, Noah please wait!" But he was already away. "What the fuck is going on?" You turned angry to face Conrad "Did you have any idea of what you just did? And how in hell you knew I would be here? Captain" you said putting a lot of hate in the last word.

"Beg your pardon? How was I supposed to know that you were buying drugs from a bloody mercenary?!" Why the fuck was he angry? He was not going to stay waiting for medicine for a month "And by the way Doctor" Oh very mature Conrad "I thought your name was Hilmi"

"Oh excuse me, your majesty for not going around giving my profession and full name everywhere I go" Then the realization hit you like a lightning "How did you know I was here? You work for that annoying man from DC right?" Oh you were absolutely furious now. "I don't go peacefully when Mr Houston snap his fingers and he send a militar party to get me back, is that it? What if I said no? Are you going to put a gun on my head and force me to walk??"

"I work with Brooks Houston that's true" He started making his voice soft trying to de escalate the situation making you more mad. "But I believe we can found a way you can come back with us"

"Well is settle then" you said sweetening your voice too. "Reg was it?" You said at the boy that still looked pretty confused "Lift with your knees son, some of those boxes are heavy" you pay him on the back and then look back at Conrad "Tell the rest of your men if they are actually surrounding us that we leave at 5" He was about to say something but you were not going to allow it "If I have to come back to America at least I'm going to finish my work first, one month tops, is all I'm saying" He nodded angrily and made sing in the air with his hand and suddenly another 4 men appear and started loading the truck.

You walk away from them back to your hotel furious about the situation, of course he was not really interested in you, he was being paid to lure you back home, how could you be so stupid? You got in the shower and turned on the hot water so you could wash away his touch from your skin, this whole day was a mistake, one you would never make again.

#james conrad #james conrad imagine #james conrad x you #james conrad x reader #captain james conrad #captain james conrad x reader #captain james conrad x you #kong skull island fanfiction #reg slivko #Brooks Houston #tom hiddleston #angst #frenemies

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17percentgrey-blog · 3 years

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A bit about me and the bike(s)

Ok. So... here's the deal. About spring of 2007 (or so) while my classmates and I were anticipating our Senior year of college and dreaming about how we would spend all the money we were going to make (ahem), we got on the topic of what vehicle(s) we were going to purchase. A bunch of guys wanted old vintage muscle cars, some guys wanted big trucks, some wanted newer sports cars, a few of us wanted motorcycles.

Many hours over multiple days were spend finding pictures of our respectively "perfect" vehicles. Emails were sent with stats and links and more discussions were had about the merits of the varying styles, makes, models, performance, and coloring. During my searching I was asked about Harley-Davidson. Now I wasn't really much of a Harley guy. I am not a fan of the "big dresser" motorcycles out there and at the time I felt the Sportsters were just about as interesting with the way they were styled. But none-the-less I was goaded into at least checking out the HD website.

I wasn't really that impressed.

At first.

Until I noticed a link on the nav bar that said Buell...

I started poking around on that part of the site and was shocked to find (no sh*t) a selection of American made actual sports bikes.

(Ok, ok, ok... we can debate the finer points of "American Made" vs "American Assembled" and all the "What percentage of that thing is really 'American'?" and "Most things are made in China no matter what the tag say!" and on and on... But I'm not going to debate it here. Designed and Assembled, is American Made enough for this story.)

They actually had a look that seemed to be interesting (to me). And not a Super Sport, full tuck, 150 MPH everywhere you go, look, but a sporty but comfortable, nimble, look.

Well... As our Senior year started and we all got reeaaalllly busy with school work. Our pipe dreams faded and, by the time we graduated and entered the work force, no one was talking about getting one of those vehicles that we had drooled over.

It wouldn't be until two years later that I would be reminded by one of my cousins about that gradution gift I was going to buy for myself. I kind of laughed it off, however, the seed was re-sewn.

I would toss around the idea of getting a motorcycle with some of my friends and they would say something to the effect of, "Oh! You're getting a Harley". To which I replied, "Nope. I want something a little more sporty, but not a rocket."

Well, at some point, my memory caught up to me and I remembered those bikes that I saw on the Harley website (all those years ago). So in 2010, I searched for that Buell that sparked my interest. I thought, "Maybe the newer models are even cooler than what I remember".

Then one day I was talking with a friends husband (who was much more into motorcycles than I had been) and he mentioned that Harley was dropping the Buell line.

(queue record scratching to a stop)

I was kinda crushed.

For a few reasons.

Mainly though, I thought it was a shame that the American sport bike was going away. (Once again, and there is no accounting for taste here, but I still thought that those beefy Harleys being the only representation of American motorcycles seemed sad, and a little like "Really America, we don't want fun and sleek? Do we only want a car on two wheels?" Seriously some Harleys weigh more than my first car [a Geo Metro].)

I decided not to purchase a Buell for fear of having to maintain a mechanical device on my own. In hind site, I should have realized that seven years of guaranteed service/parts should be plenty for me to get my head wrapped around all that I would need to do to maintain a bike, but that's 20/20, and I didn't.

Looking around the Harley website at the Buells I noticed they really didn't look much different from a few years earlyser, but they still looked good!

(sigh)

Onward.

I did eventually decide on a motorcycle and it was (cough) a XL1200N Harley-Davidson Nightster. (>.<)

With all the smack I was talking earlier, how could I have purchased a Harley.

Weeeeeelllll... My first bike was a sexy bike. (As seen below.)

I was tagging along with my friend while he looked on one of those "car on two wheel models". I kind of fell in love with it on the showroom floor. But whatever. I loved it and it gave me many good miles.

I did end up selling it just after I purchased my next bike. I think I only regret getting rid of a perfectly working motorcycle. And that looking back at picture it was a dead sexy looking bike.

Fast forward to the spring of 2019. I was poking around looking at motorcycles (as you do) and I found this.

A 2004 XB12S Buell Lightning. Mmmmmm tasty! It was litterally the same style I was planning on purchasing so many years earlier. It came up for the right price on (a popular website whom I will not mention here) and I couldn't resist.

Now, you see, I felt comfortable working on things (in a limited capacity). Years had gone by with me owning a motorcycle and I had done some middling upgrades on the Nightster, so I felt confident I could tackle things as they came up with the Buell.

After taking it for a test drive and not finding anything standing out that would put me off. I made it mine!

Oof-Ba-Boof is this thing great. It isn't the fastest. It isn't the most powerful. I'm not going to quote a bunch of specs (that is what the internet is for :) but sufficed to say it is everything I wanted in a motorcycle the first time I saw one. Zippy, nimbly, and looks amazing.

"Ok but how did you end up with a XB12X Ulysses then?" you ask.

There had been plans to drive up to Alaska (starting just after I bought the Lightning), camping all the way, on motorcycles with a couple of friends. It was planned for the summer of 2021. Obviously there was a little bit of a damper put on that trip (for the future generations that may, for some reason, be viewing this just look up 2020 Covid, and you will see what I mean). I had been looking for a bike to make that trip. You know to start a small collection of motorcycles. One for each occasion. But since it didn't look like we were going to be able to make the trip I put the purchase of a "touring" bike on hold.

But... Finding that I had time to kill, getting a bike ready to be the best camping bike it can be, seemed like a fun project. So I changed my search to something a little less shiney and ready and more into a project.

Since I was looking why not get a Buell ;) I had found the XB12X, not far from where I live. It was a smoking good price (which means) it was in rough shape when I picked it up. The clutch was all but burned up. The headlighs didn't work. The previous owner (not besmirching the guy) had tried to do some custom wiring and kinda messed some things up. It needed new fork seals. A bunch of the bolts were stripped and or cross-threaded (you know... basically a Harley). But it had promise. The engine was working great and ... The frame wasn't bent.....

I did say project.

Anyhoo. That really brings us here. The plan is to get this thing not just going, but upgraded to be a rocking, camping ready, sexy looking, up for anything kind of motorcycle.

#sportster #buellmotorcycle

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ekisverenfirmalar-blog · 4 years

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Oprah Couldn't Decide Where To Sit At The Royal Wedding

Firstly, you need to develop a strong constitution and mission. The reason why these are important is because while many businesses fail, some succeed and they require a lot of commitment and personal sacrifice. You have to ask yourself if you’re passionate about your mission enough to dedicate at least five years of your life to it. To teach our kids to be tough and with each blow life delivers to knock us down, we need to get up, dust ourselves off and pick up where we left off.

Secondly, learn how to hire and recruit properly. As someone who loves helping people, and at worst – a ‘rescuing type’ – this has stumped me along the way. I focused too much on serving people’s needs and wants – or hiring roles that I was comfortable with such as non-technical ones instead of more software engineers. The key is to identify the core Business needs and hire around these in a ‘jobs to be done’ framework.

[bs-quote quote=”Success is neither magical nor mysterious. Success is the natural consequence of consistently applying the basic fundamentals.” style=”style-19″ align=”left” author_name=”Jim Rohn” author_job=”American Entrepreneur” author_avatar=”http://www.evdeekisfikirlerim.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/people-magazine-quote-avatar.png”]

Finally, become great at both operating and growing your business. Operations is important because it keeps your business running well, and marketing is important because well, growth is everything in a startup. In the first few years, depending on the type of business you have, I’d say it should be a mix of 20% operations and 80% growth. That a business journey can also be a spiritual journey. I’m someone who is interested in personal transformation as well as professional development – and didn’t think I would get much of this through building businesses. I have wanted to spend a few months in India exploring myself and the world for as long as I can remember.

Thinking big and small: I can be thinking two years down the track while managing a project’s daily to do list. A dreamer and doer so to speak. This is super useful when starting businesses as it combines a visionary with someone who is practical and focused, so you can get achieve a fair bit with one just person.

I love sleep. I need sleep. It’s hard to talk about sleep when there may be parents reading this but I definitely love a solid eight hours. I usually get to bed by 11.30pm and wake around 7.30am. I then spend 30 minutes working from bed and replying to emails, which goes against every zen or productivity guru’s advice.

One thing I’ve been exploring lately is redefining what success actually means. Recently, in Silicon Valley, we’ve seen many unicorn startups grow to the point where their ethics, culture and community relations break. I want to see more examples of companies that are growing but also having a positive impact on the planet. I’m over the growth-at-all-costs way. Women CEOs and female founders are particularly well placed to lead this change. I also think it’s a great time for business, government and technology to come together and focus on solving real issues. If I could have any superpower, it would be the power of flight. But I can’t. So I have to fly in a plane like a regular human being and sadly, that costs money! But it doesn’t always have to burn a hole in your pocket. Here are five of the best ways to find cheap flights.

Devote 80% of your energy to the most important 20% of your activities. Remember that you can’t be everywhere, know everyone, and do everything. And avoid multitasking: it can cost you 40% efficiency. Remember the last time you had a brilliant idea at 2 a.m., but it sounded sort of ridiculous when you woke up the next morning? To reject popular thinking you must be OK with feeling uncomfortable. Also remember When you’re strategic, you reduce your margin of error. Simply having vague ideas of where you are and what you want to accomplish will get you no where. The keys to being strategic: 1. break the issue down, 2. ask why the problem needs to be solved, 3. identify the key issues, 4. review your resources, 5. put the right people in place. Henry Ford once said, “Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into smaller parts.” Try new routes to work, meet new people, read books you might even consider boring. The key is exposure to new ideas and ways of life.

Oprah Couldn't Decide Where To Sit At The Royal Wedding

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kivirciksacbakimi · 5 years

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Oprah Couldn't Decide Where To Sit At The Royal Wedding

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[bs-quote quote=”Success is neither magical nor mysterious. Success is the natural consequence of consistently applying the basic fundamentals.” style=”style-19″ align=”left” author_name=”Jim Rohn” author_job=”American Entrepreneur” author_avatar=”https://kivirciksac.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/people-magazine-quote-avatar.png”]

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Oprah Couldn't Decide Where To Sit At The Royal Wedding

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kivirciksacbakimi · 5 years

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Oprah Couldn't Decide Where To Sit At The Royal Wedding

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[bs-quote quote=”Success is neither magical nor mysterious. Success is the natural consequence of consistently applying the basic fundamentals.” style=”style-19″ align=”left” author_name=”Jim Rohn” author_job=”American Entrepreneur” author_avatar=”https://kivirciksac.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/people-magazine-quote-avatar.png”]

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Oprah Couldn't Decide Where To Sit At The Royal Wedding

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kivirciksacbakimi · 5 years

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Oprah Couldn't Decide Where To Sit At The Royal Wedding

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[bs-quote quote=”Success is neither magical nor mysterious. Success is the natural consequence of consistently applying the basic fundamentals.” style=”style-19″ align=”left” author_name=”Jim Rohn” author_job=”American Entrepreneur” author_avatar=”https://kivirciksac.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/people-magazine-quote-avatar.png”]

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Oprah Couldn't Decide Where To Sit At The Royal Wedding

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